0:02 my guest today is Lauren Graham you know
0:03 Lauren from Gilmore Girls from
0:05 Parenthood from Zoe's extraordinary
0:07 playlist from the Mighty Ducks game
0:10 changers now on Disney plus and she's
0:12 here today to talk about her fourth book
0:14 Abba told you this already welcome
0:16 thank you
0:18 um so I first want to talk about
0:20 um kind of what prompted you to write
0:22 this story
0:24 um it's your fourth book it's some
0:25 stories that are really mostly I feel
0:28 like your earlier career
0:30 um kind of your story of making it not
0:32 the idea of making it but just like the
0:34 little moments that happened along the way
0:35 way
0:36 um so what for you wanted you to tell
0:38 this story now
0:42 um well we had this little pandemic and
0:45 um I needed to do something with my
0:48 brain and I have celiac disease so I
0:51 couldn't make sourdough bread so I
0:54 um it it was a function of having time
0:58 but it was also a function of of
1:01 um getting to a place in my life where
1:06 I've had dear friends for so long and
1:09 and family members who know all my key
1:11 stories of
1:15 or the stories I tell myself of how one
1:18 thing led to another and how I got here
1:20 and it doesn't even mainly have to do
1:22 with show business it's just the me
1:24 who's here today like here are the
1:27 building blocks of that and
1:29 um but I was particularly struck when I
1:31 discovered uh
1:33 which is in the book that the story of
1:35 my father had been telling me about the
1:40 day I was born had some complete Mis uh
1:42 information in it and
1:44 I was just
1:47 thinking thematically about memory and
1:49 time and our ideas about ourselves and
1:52 you know was this story
1:55 his version just because that's how he
1:58 remembered it or was the true version
2:00 the right version and
2:04 um and is it a good idea to be so tied
2:06 to our sense of ourselves in the past or
2:10 do you need to constantly rethink that
2:13 rethink how your past where where how it
2:15 made you
2:17 um and
2:19 having done another book of essays I
2:22 knew that where I wanted to start was I
2:24 I'd have an idea for a for a chapter
2:27 title and I knew vaguely kind of what
2:29 area I wanted it to cover
2:31 um so that's a little bit about where it
2:32 came from yeah
2:34 um I love that the pandemic has a time of
2:35 of
2:38 self-reflection actually doing the thing
2:41 I think was the most challenging part
2:43 um so it works and I started it and then
2:45 I went back to work on Mighty Ducks and
2:49 so it took me I've never met a deadline
2:51 and that that's not something I'm proud
2:57 it's you know it it was born in the
3:00 pandemic but it was or it was conceived
3:02 in the pandemic but it was born later it
3:05 had a long gestation period
3:07 um I I do love though when it you talk
3:10 about the real early days of of what
3:12 it's like attempting to be a working actress
3:13 actress
3:15 um a lot of that I thought was really
3:18 Universal for anyone who's a dreamer for
3:19 anyone who's envisioned a career for
3:21 themselves and then you actually get
3:23 there on the first day and it's it's a
3:25 lot different so I was wondering if you
3:28 could share some of that um with our
3:29 viewers so they can get a little bit of
3:31 a taste of like what you thought acting
3:33 was going to be like in New York and
3:34 then in LA and then like what it
3:35 actually was
3:38 oh gosh it's that's a hard one to to
3:40 narrow down I
3:42 I
3:46 one thing I'm struck by is how much
3:49 even though I had so much anxiety or so
3:50 much worry or so much you know working
3:53 all these jobs um
3:54 um
3:56 not I'm not getting to be an actor
3:58 except maybe in class or doing some sort
4:00 of like you know
4:04 uh amateur theater but when I first got
4:06 to Los Angeles in particular because
4:08 that's where I really started working I
4:09 made commercials in New York and I would
4:12 get little things little day or two on a
4:15 soap or something but once I got to La I
4:16 really started working and I can't
4:19 believe how much confidence I had it was
4:22 completely unwarranted and and actually
4:27 over time as I learned more I almost had
4:30 to recalibrate
4:32 what my sense of myself was because
4:36 especially in the late 90s in Los
4:38 Angeles everything was a half hour
4:41 um sitcom and those are just inherently
4:43 fun like it's doing like a theater you
4:45 have a live audience I'd have these
4:48 little fun parts and I'm getting to my
4:50 first job was on Third Rock From the Sun
4:53 with John Lithgow and Jane Curtin and I
4:55 was just like my I was so excited all
4:58 the time and I was living with my friend
5:00 Connie Britton and she was she was on
5:05 Ellen and uh the sitcom Ellen and um we
5:07 just were having so much fun and then it
5:09 got more complicated tell us a little
5:10 bit about like how you met her and then
5:12 how you ended up sharing an apartment
5:15 well this is also just blind I don't
5:17 even know we were in the same acting
5:19 class and win hanman's acting class in
5:21 New York which was a very just
5:23 incredible group of people and Wynn was
5:25 an incredible teacher
5:30 um and we were assigned to do uh a scene
5:33 lifted from or basically it was the
5:36 short story The JD Salinger short story
5:38 Uncle Wigley in Connecticut
5:39 um which is two women who don't know
5:41 each other that well getting drunk
5:42 together so naturally she came to my
5:45 house and we drank and tried to learn
5:48 lines and um so we just cut we kind of
5:51 became friendly and then she uh did this
5:52 movie Brothers McMullen which was
5:55 starting to do the festival circuit and
5:57 we we just didn't know anything and she
5:59 she was going to La and I had gotten a
6:01 pilot and I was going to La and she had
6:03 this house that we could sort of
6:06 illegally stay at and we just all
6:07 thought we just thought that was
6:09 fantastic and
6:11 um so we went to LA and we rented
6:15 horrible cars and we you know worked a
6:18 little and just had fun and um I think
6:23 both of us felt like that early Rush of
6:25 I'm getting to do what I hoped I got to
6:27 do it didn't matter how big the part was
6:29 didn't matter what the show was it was just
6:30 just
6:33 that was that first level of like all
6:35 our dreams have come true and then of
6:37 course you make new dreams once your
6:38 dreams have come true yeah and just like
6:40 the I I can imagine the adrenaline rush of
6:42 of
6:45 capturing some of that is is enough for
6:47 you to is enough for you to run on for
6:49 the next till the next thing
6:50 um by the way the adrenaline rush of
6:53 having cell phones which no one in New
6:54 York had you know you check your service
6:57 from the pay phone and we just I say it
6:59 in the book but we would just call each
7:01 other because we were the only people we
7:03 knew who had yeah and your managers like
7:06 that's it just the the connected folks
7:10 um I I love that you just from your
7:11 writing and the type of writer you are
7:14 your sense of humor comes through
7:16 um through really every story you tell
7:19 um even some of the dark stuff like it's
7:20 none of this book is really dark at all
7:22 but there are moments you talk about
7:24 some of the rejection you talk about
7:27 some of the um needing to have body
7:30 parts look a certain way to
7:32 really kind of fit in and feel like
7:33 you're getting
7:35 um seen for the right reasons
7:37 um and how that's tough
7:39 um do you like always maintain a sense
7:41 of humor through through Dark Times
7:42 through challenges
7:44 um or is this more your writing style
7:46 where you take like a step back and then
7:49 you kind of tell the stuff that is able
7:50 to be a little bit funny
7:54 I think luckily for me my actual voice
7:58 and my writing voice are quite aligned
8:02 um I I can only think in the way I would
8:03 say it
8:06 in a way and the way I
8:09 tell a story is usually through a lens
8:12 of isn't this insane and
8:15 um and finding I don't even know that
8:16 it's finding the humor I just think
8:20 that's how I've always been [Music]
8:20 [Music] um
8:22 um
8:26 and so I try to
8:30 speak I try to speak through my pen not
8:32 that I'm writing freehand um
8:33 um
8:36 but that's some things that uh I I
8:37 struggle with different things as a
8:39 writer I struggle with structure I
8:40 struggle with um
8:46 structure and plot I would mainly but
8:52 there it's natural sounds like you developed
8:53 developed
8:55 storytelling just through being around
8:57 your dad that that you mentioned that a
9:00 little bit in the beginning but um that
9:01 his stories were always something that was
9:02 was
9:04 a part of growing up I mean tell me a
9:06 story you know he would read to me at
9:09 bedtime but he was also as I say he had
9:12 his stories that are you know the
9:15 building blocks of his childhood that
9:18 you know he goes back to and
9:20 told to me and told to my brother and
9:23 sister and um but I would say I come
9:27 from a family of very dryly funny
9:29 storytellers and
9:32 um like on especially my dad's side of
9:33 the family I have a lot of cousins so I
9:35 spent a lot of time with growing up and
9:40 just the car stories alone could fill an
9:42 entire book of like the cars that broke down
9:43 down
9:46 uh the I mentioned this in the book we
9:48 lost a car once no one knew who had it
9:50 last and where it had died on the side
9:52 of the road or who towed it I mean it's
9:54 so I I come from a good family of
9:57 storytellers storytelling when you sort
9:59 of become famous and people want to hear
10:00 people want to hear from you you talk a
10:02 lot about late night shows
10:04 um I think one of the one of the ones I
10:05 remember the most is you talk about when
10:07 Gilmore Girls is gaining traction you're
10:08 getting you're getting booked on some of
10:10 these shows and then
10:13 you've learned that a lot of these
10:14 interview shows it's actually sort of rehearsed
10:15 rehearsed
10:18 um and somewhat exaggerated depending depending
10:19 depending um
10:20 um
10:22 and share a little bit about that I'll
10:24 let you can leave the details for for
10:26 readers but yeah just this idea that
10:28 like you arrive and you're here you're
10:30 here to finally share yourself as a
10:32 person as Beyond sort of the role and
10:35 then here's another role for you right
10:40 that was that was a another piece of uh
10:44 information that no one tells you is and
10:47 of course when you think about it
10:52 these shows you know are delineated by
10:55 commercial breaks and of course you want
10:58 a story that you know is completed
11:01 within that amount of time and sometimes
11:03 a tweak will help but what I didn't know
11:06 is some people would have their writers
11:07 you know if they were on a half hour
11:08 show or something they'd have their
11:11 writers kind of form their stories or
11:13 they'd tweaked the ending
11:19 um and I it it just caused me to
11:22 question what else was not totally
11:24 authentic you know
11:27 um and and where how how I felt about
11:29 was it more important to tell the real
11:31 story or was it more important to be
11:33 funny on a talk show or
11:37 could I because sometimes in in the
11:38 moments where you're supposed to be the
11:42 most real which is as yourself it feels
11:44 like a lie to change the story even if
11:46 it's for the impact and it I think I've
11:49 struggled with that over the years of
11:52 I'm very private and
11:54 if I'm going to tell something personal
11:57 how far do I go how
12:01 you know how much do I change I so I
12:02 still don't really have the answer but
12:04 I'm definitely asking the question you
12:06 are a writer and it writing seems to be
12:07 something that you will continue to do
12:10 and I am wondering if writing is a way
12:11 for you to cut through that and to
12:15 actually be yourself I think so and I
12:19 think that's why I before I really
12:24 thought I am also a writer and that's
12:25 something I'm going to take seriously
12:30 and do as a another kind of pursuit I
12:33 started asking when I'd get you know an
12:36 article in something can I write it can
12:38 it be a question and answer that they
12:39 send me the questions and I write them
12:42 down because I'm not always known of us
12:47 or as articulate off the cuff and I
12:49 I just wanted to
12:52 not look at something and go that's not
12:53 how I said it or that's not what I meant
12:55 or that feels
12:59 false and I think that um
13:00 um
13:03 Instinct led to what I'm sitting here
13:08 talking about today and it's not really
13:11 I'm not injured by you know a
13:13 misinterpretation necessarily I'd just
13:15 rather be the one if I'm going to be
13:18 wrong I'd rather be wrong myself I just
13:20 I want to be the one to tell the story I
13:22 guess you talk a lot about
13:26 um all kind of the the phases of what
13:30 wellness and and being camera ready men
13:31 over the years like kind of starting in
13:33 the 90s with to the point where
13:35 everyone's eating the same lunch to now
13:37 where it's like who's doing the thing
13:38 and what is actually what is the thing
13:40 and all that um
13:43 I loved how you did mention that these
13:45 Health camps are something that you you
13:47 have a fondness for a love-hate
13:48 relationship with
13:50 um and that it's mostly about letting
13:52 someone else have control
13:55 um so that in terms of that side of
13:57 things maybe just letting someone else
14:00 do it all and and doing the thing can
14:01 you talk a little bit about that and how
14:04 that's that's very different than
14:06 wanting to write the thing yeah I tell
14:08 the truth and just maybe just like
14:11 letting it ride and going to the camp
14:14 yeah well they're probably related to
14:16 one another which is
14:18 in in the um
14:25 it's all public private and
14:26 kind of what
14:28 what
14:31 it's me but then I'm the instrument too
14:35 so I'm playing a part but that part has
14:38 my arms and my note like it's it's the
14:42 part is my self which involves my face
14:46 and body and I of course always knew
14:48 that but um
14:54 it's it's it's just quite a thing to
14:56 wake up every day and think
14:58 you know
15:00 worry about you know get to work at six
15:02 in the morning and feel like
15:05 you're bloated from the sushi you ate
15:06 last night you know it's just like it's
15:09 always on your mind in terms of
15:12 um my what I do with in my personal life
15:16 affects my professional life and so
15:18 there's a
15:20 fatigue that can come with that that
15:22 yeah it just makes me want to like but I
15:24 had a trainer once who used to say I'm
15:25 not the dry cleaners you can't just drop
15:27 yourself off and like expect to be like
15:32 good as new you have to you know do move
15:35 to be responsible on your own too but I
15:37 don't know I guess it's a way of dealing
15:40 with whatever the pressure is that at
15:41 times I've just sort of thrown up my
15:43 hands I'm not always living in like oh
15:47 God what do I do about myself today but
15:50 it's there it's there in in this career and
15:52 and
15:54 um so it's just something to think about
15:57 and maybe dispose of or not think about
15:59 anymore or go to some hideous Health
16:02 Camp or I think it's just an ever
16:05 um you know it's an ever-present issue
16:07 it's just part of it and it's just part
16:09 of it it looks different maybe every few
16:11 years it changes
16:12 um yeah and I think some people have a
16:15 much easier time um
16:15 um
16:19 accepting that or you know um
16:20 um
16:23 I I don't know that everybody struggles
16:25 I mean there's plenty of you know
16:27 actresses who are those people you knew
16:28 in high school who were just like naturally
16:30 naturally
16:33 ridiculous looking and they don't you
16:34 know they don't have
16:36 to worry about it but um I don't know
16:37 it's just something to think about
16:43 I don't know well another part of your
16:45 career that you've you've opened up is
16:47 directing so I wanted to congratulate
16:49 you on directing your first TV episode
16:51 um of the Mighty Ducks
16:54 um it was out I think like last last
16:55 month right
16:58 um so I I wanted I loved your your
17:00 advice you give advice in the book about
17:02 stuff you learn from friends over over
17:05 the years of how to be a good director
17:07 um and I imagine a lot of it's different
17:10 than how to be a good actor but um tell
17:11 us a little bit about that experience
17:13 and why why you wanted to take that step
17:16 at this point in your career
17:21 I think once you uh once I luckily have
17:24 been doing this a while you just see the
17:26 whole you don't it's not even like oh
17:28 I'd like to do this different job it's
17:31 like I am doing this already in the day
17:33 I'm seeing
17:36 how we could do this scene more
17:38 efficiently I'm seeing in the eyes of
17:41 another actor what I think might
17:44 help the scene I'm I'm
17:49 I know because I've you know uh observed
17:53 what my what the crew does and how maybe
17:56 we could all be collaborating
18:00 in a different or or in a good way and
18:04 it is another aspect of storytelling
18:05 storytelling
18:09 but then you just get to be telling the
18:11 bigger piece and I think once you've
18:14 done any of these jobs which is why DPS
18:16 become directors first ads become
18:19 directors you know once you see the
18:22 whole it's hard not to
18:24 step into that even in your imagination
18:28 and and think I would like to do this and
18:30 and um
18:31 um
18:33 and I I'm also I think at a place
18:36 especially working with younger people I
18:38 just love them so much and I I I'm more
18:41 interested in their sorry in New York
18:45 City in their um day in their work in their
18:46 their
18:50 um growth I just am interested in
18:54 you know lifting them up to wherever
18:57 they want to go and um but
18:58 but
19:01 somebody said to me being an episodic
19:03 television director is like being
19:05 invited to somebody's house for dinner
19:08 but you're cooking dinner and you're
19:09 cooking it with only the ingredients
19:11 they already have like there are
19:13 limitations in in that work because
19:15 something has been established already
19:18 and you're you're there to serve that World
19:19 World
19:23 um which is fantastic but I
19:27 I and I I have enough careers but yeah
19:31 you know to see what it would be like to
19:33 direct a film as well because it's it's
19:36 just a different animal yeah
19:38 um it's a whole nother a whole bunch of
19:40 terms to learn for sure um
19:41 um
19:43 before I let you go I have to ask you a
19:44 Gilmore Girls question because I would
19:46 just be upset if I didn't um you
19:48 mentioned in the book that
19:49 um kind of the Gilmore Girls revisit on
19:52 Netflix was just the best happiest most
19:55 rewarding experience one of the most
19:57 happiest experiences of your career
20:00 um I think when the show when the
20:02 revisit came out it was really so much
20:03 talk about the fans and why this was
20:05 important for them but I would love to
20:07 hear why is it important for you
20:10 um as a person really why um revisiting
20:14 that those creators that character
20:21 because I got to go back to something
20:25 understanding how important it was to to
20:28 me and and to other people as well but I
20:30 don't know how many times you get to do
20:32 that you know there was the doing of it
20:35 which was a frenzy and a certain time
20:38 and you know just you don't have
20:44 perspective and it then to go back
20:47 because it has been appreciated because
20:52 there is a a desire for it like you know
20:54 because people
20:58 wanted more that's a totally that was
21:01 something I'd never had in that way you
21:03 know where
21:05 people were so excited we were so
21:09 excited and and we'd all kind of grown
21:12 and matured and it just felt like this
21:14 collaboration there was so much
21:18 gratitude in the air and I got to you
21:20 know have some of my friends play parts and
21:21 and um
21:22 um
21:25 it just it just was you know it was like
21:27 if you got to go to college again but
21:30 you know how to do it and you know you
21:31 know how important all your classes are
21:34 and you're like give me more tests like
21:36 you're just so you know in a different
21:40 mindset of like appreciation and it was
21:42 just mind-blowing
21:44 amazing it'll never never have it again
21:47 so it's just it's fantastic
21:50 um one quick last thing is
21:52 um readers a teaser for them you'll get
21:54 Lauren's recipe for orange marmalade in
21:55 the book
21:58 um is there you also reveal your master
22:01 class subscriber is there one master
22:04 class we all need to take what is memorable
22:05 memorable
22:07 um what's been your favorite
22:10 well two and they're very different
22:13 um Ron Howard on directing is fantastic
22:16 I what you find in I don't know how I'm
22:19 like a master in masterclass but not
22:22 surprisingly not not everyone who's
22:24 fantastic at something is also a
22:26 fantastic teacher it's just like it's
22:29 its own thing Ron Howard's directing is
22:32 so clear and so interesting and so
22:35 creative and so helpful and
22:37 um if he breaks down scenes it's
22:39 incredible and the other one I'm gonna
22:40 forget the guy's name but is hostage
22:44 negotiation which is fascinating and I
22:46 don't know how it applies to your real
22:48 life and I don't want to know but
22:51 um it was just like a really fascinating [Music]
22:52 [Music]
22:56 um study of the human mind I guess and
22:58 how this person has learned to get
23:01 people to do what he wanted them to do
23:03 sounds useful for all
23:05 um the book is called have I told you
23:06 this already
23:09 the author is Lauren Graham
23:10 um thank you so much for being on Salon
23:13 talks thank you it was really fun thank you
