"The Letters of Bernard Thorne" is a narrative-driven game that explores the profound impact of trauma, loss, and memory through the fragmented experiences of its protagonist, Bernard Thorne, a Vietnam War veteran grappling with PTSD and the consequences of his past actions.
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Welcome everybody to a game called The
Letters of Bernard Thorne. That might
mean nothing to you, but this is made by
the people who made Love Sam. And that
was one of the most amazing things I've
ever played on my YouTube channel. If
you want a feeling for what you're about
to get into, either go back and watch
that one now or watch it afterwards if
you want more stuff from these people.
Uh, but that game blew me away. So, I
was very excited when I found out that
they had a new game out. So, let's check
it out. I I don't know anything about
it. I like going into these ones.
>> Dad, it's Andrew.
>> Welcome back home.
>> I'm sorry I had to send Kate to pick you
up from the hospital. I I wanted to
drive you home myself, but it's my
24-hour shift today, so I need to be at
the station.
I'll be there tomorrow morning as soon
as work is over and uh from then on
we'll be officially moving in with you
whether you like it or not. So in the
meantime, let your daughter-in-law take
good care of you, okay? And that
please stay safe. Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa. Okay.
Oh, from okay. So, just from that little
intro and beginning, I'm assuming I'm a
man who is suffering from dementia or
Alzheimer's. Um, I actually don't know
what the difference is between those. I
just think they go hand in hand. So,
this is a good chance for me to educate
myself, but I'm assuming we're reading
his letters
going over his life or something like that.
that.
He dissolved my pill first.
Water soluble pain pill. Okay, maybe
not. Siri used to give me two of these.
Okay, I literally just took soluble
painkillers right before this video. I
Okay.
Hold to move the wheelchair. Release to
sit down.
Whoa. Okay,
>> Bernard, it's Kate. Uh, hope you had a
good sleep again. I'm sorry I had to
leave you alone for the night. I really
wanted to cancel today's night shift,
but changing the schedule is almost
impossible here. Anyway, I'm leaving
this voicemail to give you some updates.
First, I finished charging the door
remote. It's on the wardrobe next to
your bedroom door. And um come to think
of it, it may be a bit high for you, so
you might have to stand a bit to get it.
Sorry. Anyway, second, your new tablet
arrived. It's being charged in Andrew's
old room. He'll be there in just a few
hours. So, why don't you set it up while
you wait for him? And that's it. I'll
see you this afternoon. Okay. Bye. >> Okay.
>> Okay.
Got my sick ass wheelchair going on.
My old tablet. It broke when I fell down
Okay. Well, maybe I'm wrong about the
Alzheimer's dementia thing. Maybe it's
actually he was taking painkillers and
Okay, here we go. Diagnosis. Uh, patient
Bernard Thornne 73. Minor bruises from
falling downstairs. Sign of minor memory
loss possibly caused by concussion.
Above nominal amount of codine detected
in circulatory system.
Okay. Oh, we're in 2014.
Patient fell down the stairs along with
his electric wheelchair backward. Oof.
Though signs of physical trauma are
minor, there's a possibility of slight
memory loss. Patients blood tests show a
moderate amount of codine. So it is
highly advised to reduce patients pain
medication dosage and look out for
overdose symptoms such as shallow
breathing and hallucinations.
Okay. Can I stand? Not enough space to
stand up.
Whoa. Whoa.
Okay. So I can't stand for very long.
It controls the electric door openers
attached to the doors.
All right. How do I use it?
This looks like the house at the start
Bernard or Bernard. I don't know how
people would pronounce that. I would say
Bernard. Bernard. Your new tablet is
being charged in Andrew's old room. I
even kept the room bright for you. So,
all you need to do is just go in and
grab it, Kate. Okay.
Something's blocking this door.
Okay. Well, that's just unfortunate now,
This is a considerable amount of effort
for you.
I have to go up the attic. Oh my god. Am
No, I can't. I need more pain medication
to climb this. No, you don't. Bro, I
don't even know if the the pills I took
>> Dad, it's Andrew. Oh,
>> Bernard, it's Kate.
>> Dad, Andrew.
>> Okay, maybe I can go around it. It
didn't seem like I could. Oh, I can. Legend.
Legend.
>> Need light. Too dark. Need light. No,
no, no. Jesus Christ. Okay.
Important notice from Andrew Ginsup
Thorne. Do not turn off the second floor
corridor and the bathroom lights. Also,
Okay, the bathroom lights are on.
Sarah's memo. Dear Andrew, it's been a
real pleasure working as your father's
caregiver for all these years. I'm so
relieved that he is okay, and I agreed
that you and your family made the right
call to move into his house to look
after him. I already told you all that
you need to know, but I'm leaving this
memo just in case. I put the pain
medications in the first floor guest
room. You can find them in the drawer.
Your father's usual dosage is 2 in the
morning and two after dinner since the
doctor told you to tone it down. Make it
one tablet instead of two. He sleeps
around 8:00 p.m. and wakes up around
4:00 a.m. Jeez, though. He usually stays
in his room until the sun comes up
because of his nicaphobia. Fear of the
dark, I guess. I never knew what that
was called. Just keep some of the lights
in the second floor on so he can use the
bathroom. I hope Bernard recovers soon,
although I have nothing to worry about
now that he is under loving care of his
family. Yeah, even though I'm all alone
Okay. First floor guest room.
Is that the one next to this?
Okay. Okay. Okay. Sorry,
Kate. It's Andrew. Signal is too weak
here. So, I'm going to leave postit
around the house if there's anything I
need you to know. You could do the same
if there's anything I need to know
tomorrow. Brings me back to when we were
in high school. Haha, fine. But you're
Your mother's sewing machine is still
working. Do you think Bernard would mind
if I practice with it? I've always
wanted to make something cute for Timmy
This get me to my tablet.
Andrew used this in high school. Must
have fallen when the door closed. Yeah,
sorry this room is still a mess. Timmy
specifically said he will unpack his
stuff by himself after returning from
his camping trip. Don't worry, your
grandson may be stubborn, but he's a boy
of his words.
Okay, so Timmy's my grandson.
House map. Oh,
my new room, which is the room we're in
now, aka dad's old room. I was just in
Okay, house is settling. Uh, we have a
guest room downstairs, storage room,
new tablet, baby. Kate ordered for me. I
can use it as a flashlight. Ah, I see.
So, now we can go into this other room. Oops.
Oops.
This is cool so far. Pretty unique
Let it write. Letter to Andrew. Dear
Andrew, I am sorry I took so much away
from you. I write this letter and the
letters after this, not in the hope of
gaining your forgiveness, but to tell
you how much I love you and your mother.
To me, she was and still is the most
beautiful and kindest person I've ever
known. Your mother always had this
calming presence that made you forget
about the bad things happening around
you. If she told you that everything is
okay, you would believe her without a
single drop of doubt. I can still
remember the time I was under your
mother's care in Vietnam. She was a
nursing officer who was part of the
first South Korean medical team that
came to help the US in the war. When I
got taken to the Korean field hospital
after my injury due to a chain of
events, your mother, being the only
staff who could speak in English,
volunteered to be my caretaker. She
could have just sent me to a US
hospital, but she was concerned with the
idea of moving me around in my
condition. As such, your mother always
thought of others first, even in a
foreign land where death loomed over
everyone, including her.
Electrical contractor's license. Bernard
Thorne, owner of Thorn Electrical. Oh,
Then what?
Look for pain pills in the first floor
guest. This is such a cool way of doing
a game like this.
You can see the map,
letters, documents.
Okay. So, does this count as the second
Some places call the ground floor the
first floor and then some places don't.
So, I'm always confused as to which
people go by. Kate said I might have
broken it during the fall. I can fix it
with the nipper in my study. Okay.
Okay.
I use a nippers all the time for Warhammer.
Warhammer.
Wait, in my study.
Grandpa's study. Oh, that's the room I
was just in.
Okay.
Look at the pouch in your left to take
Then yes and yes.
okay. Wires exposed. I need to empty my
hand to tight.
Uh, no. Put it away. How do There you go.
Cuz he's an electrician, bro. He still
Holy [ __ ]
Hello, my name is Bernard. I'm here
because my son read a brochure about the
Mind Foundation's famous group grief
counseling and won't leave me alone
until I give it a shot. Well, it has
been a while since I lost my wife, and
maybe it is time I tried a different
approach to moving on. So, yeah,
The wooden ramp at the front door was in
horrible condition, so I had to throw it
away. I'll get you a new one on the way
back from work. Where do you go to get a
Okay. Uh, first floor guest room. So,
I'm at the bottom of the stairs. So,
it's that one next to me that I can't
I'll get the light on. Bernard, don't
There you go.
Sorry.
Kate's moving plan. 28th of the 4th.
Andrew, move our stuff to Bernard's
place and settle in. Timmy, start
three-day school camp. Me 60 to2 day
medical workshop at Houston Hudson
Hotel. 24-hour shift till the next
morning. Bring Bernard home from
hospital after workshop. 60 to 12-hour
night shift.
Oh, go to
thought it said 60. It looks like a six,
doesn't it? Go to two-day medical
workshop and go to 12-hour night shift
at 11 p.m. Kill me now. After Timmy
returns from school camp, have a big
Simon's Park family picnic Sunday, April 6th.
All righty.
Oh, I thought there was like a void there.
Look at me whizzing around in my little
wheelchair. I'm [ __ ] killing it right now.
now.
Uh, disability benefits questionnaire.
Important. The Department of Veterans
Affairs will not pay for or reimburse
any expenses or costs incurred in the
process of completing and or submitting
this form. Note the physician. Your
patient is applying to the US Department
of Veterans Affairs for disability
benefits. VA will consider the
information you provide to this on this
questionnaire as part of their
evaluation in processing the veterans
cla Oh god, so sorry. Uh patient veteran
info Bern Bernard Thorne 1941
mortar explosion damaged the patient's
right side of the body, especially his
right hand. Yeah, I saw a bunch of scars
on his hand. It suffered serious nerve
damage that paralyzed its little and
ring finger and reduced the rest of the
finger's mobility to 30%.
That's why he had his hand cupped when
I uh met Nin during the Vietnam War. She
was a nursing officer from South Korea
and I was a yoku who had no idea what he
was doing.
Uh between the two of us, she was the
Andrew bought a gadget. Maybe there's a manual.
We're okay. We're okay.
You're doing great, Bernard. It's
difficult, but you're accomplishing
stuff. At least the bathroom lights are
still working. And this house is old.
Nice big house, though.
Any lights in here? Shouldn't
you keep all the lights on like all the
time if he has a chronic fear of the dark?
dark?
[ __ ] I didn't know anything would happen.
Oh, I had my flashlight. So, I thought
Okay, Bernard,
we're going to try this again. I'm going
to try and do this faster. I don't know
if there's actually a light switch
anywhere here. There should be, right?
right?
Okay, made it. We made it, Bernard. We
made it. Legends.
Sarah's memo. First floor. I forgot to
mention, I checked again, but I assure
you there's no sign of Bernard taking
more medications than he's supposed to.
I understand you you were worried about
your father's blood test result, but I'm
already aware that people in his
condition sometimes get too reliant on
pain relievers. This is why I keep them
hidden and check their numbers every
day, including your fathers. That is why
I really don't understand how Bernard
could show symptoms of overdose. If
anything, he wasn't getting enough
medication. For the past few weeks, he
seemed more uncomfortable than usual. He
kept telling me that he's fine, but you
know how stubborn your father can be
when it comes to asking for help. I hope
you and Kay can get through him get
through to him somehow because with the
lower dosage he will definitely need
more care. Anyway, I put the pill bottle
in the guest room where you will be
staying in. You can hide it somewhere
more secure if you want. Okay, in the
guest room. But if there's anything you
need, feel free to ask me at any time.
Your father has been more than my
patient for all these years and it would
be my pleasure for him to remain as such.
such. Um,
Um,
do these things connect to each other then?
then?
Or is that a light?
Oh, I need to go back. The pills are in
Need to get this door working. If I want
to reach the guest room, maybe I should
I finally got the smart lights we talked
about. I installed them around the
house, but they can still they still
need to be synced manually with the new
tablet. You could do that for me when it
arrives. I would if the tablet arrived
on time. It arrived while I was taking a
quick nap before my night shift. I have
to head out now, so I'll get I'll do it
if I still have energy tomorrow. Can I
Smart light manual. Okay. Okay. How to
sync your smart light with your smart
device. Download the
Oh, the grass is moving outside. I
thought there was somebody there.
Download the Lum Menus 5 app to your
smart device. L menus is actually pretty
smart device. Bring your smart device
close to an active smart light. The apps
popup window will appear in your smart
So, these are the letters of Bernard
Thorne I've heard so much about. You're
always a smart lad who could learn
anything so quickly. It is one of your
many characteristics that reminds me of
your mother. In Vietnam, I asked her how
she learned to speak English. She told
me she just made friends with the
nursing officers from the nearby US
field hospital, which is quite amazing
considering her deployment was just less
than two years ago. That is kind of
crazy that some people can just be
immersed in a place with a different
language and you just pick it up. Isn't
that crazy that humans are able to do that?
that?
Thirsty for knowledge, she said she
wanted to write in English, too. I told
her it would naturally improve just by
reading a lot. But considering the
circumstances, finding suitable reading
material was difficult. After some
thought, I promised to write her letters
after my departure so she could use them
for studying. Few days later, I was sent
to the US hospital where I was soon
given a medical discharge and went back
to Sunny Ridge where I immediately got
to keeping my promise. Come to think of
it, writing those letters was more for
myself than for her. There were scars I
brought back home from the war, the kind
that keeps you awake at night. For some
reason, writing to your mother was the
only thing that helped me cope with
living with them. That's why I kept on
writing, even if there weren't any replies.
replies. Oh,
What? I can use my tablet to turn this
on. Oh. Oh, I see. I have to sink it in
the middle.
You got it.
Okay. Let's go back and do this one.
>> Vietnam wasn't the first war men had to
experience. When she was little, a war
broke out in Korea and tore her family apart.
apart.
When she grew up, she enlisted as a
nursing officer, as if under an oath. An
oath to spare others from the same
tragedy that struck her family.
Okay, I'm going to have to look up
because I the Vietnam War is one of
those things that I hear so much about,
but being Irish, it's like all my all my
knowledge about it is like through
movies, so I don't actually know when it happened.
happened.
1955 to 1975.
Um, and the Korean War was 1950, okay,
to 1953.
Okay, so I still need to go to the
breaker room. I'm assuming that's this
room. It has to be cuz I can't go
Okay, how do I Hold on. I need to back
ah
looks like it's out of power. Maybe I
should check the breaker box. Oh god.
Oh, that's a tricky one.
Oh, careful, Bernard. Don't overdo it. Jesus.
Jesus.
I can't reach the guest room unless I
replace it with the spare in the
kitchen. Fix the breaker box with the
spare breaker switch in the kitchen.
Okay, now I can go back.
[ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] Damn. Sorry.
Sorry. I should have turned. I thought I
could just back out and then go out the
door that way, but
Oh,
Hope so. Yes.
Yes.
Oh, what is this?
Kitchen light switch.
It's not working. Okay.
Uh, Amanda, the kitchen light isn't
working again. I really hope it's not
the chewed off wire this time.
I need to fix me a breaker box. Oh,
Please don't touch this. Timmy wants me
to fix his toy before he gets back, but
I think I'm just making it worse. I'm
going to need Dad to show me some of his
magic. And you were doing this on the
I mean I do all my stuff on the dining
table. I paint my miniatures on the
dining table and I have rubbed off some
of the varnish of that table in the
resulting havoc of doing that. Okay,
Okay,
so I still need to be in there. Fix the
breaker box with the spare breaker
switch in the kitchen. Oh, wait. That
was the one over there. Look for pain
pills in the first floor guest room.
Oops. Okay.
Okay.
Calming a PTSD attack. Techniques to
calm a PTSD attack. PTSD attack. Take a
deep breath. Practice deep breathing can
help you combat anxiety. Distract
yourself. Activities such as doing
chores or reading books can help keep
your mind off strong emotions.
Mindfulness. Be in touch with the
moment. Be aware of what is happening
around you. Seek social support. Being a
part of a social group led by a
professional can greatly reduce PTSD
attacks. Okay, so we scribbled all those
out and had different ones. Turn on all
the lights. Make room as bright as
possible. Don't look away from its face.
It gets worse when you look away from
its face. There's no escape. It always
comes back. Oh man. One of his hallucinations.
hallucinations.
Okay. So, don't look away from its face.
Is that something I'm going to have to do?
What I get? Plastic basket filled with
random objects, including a screwdriver. Okay.
our family photo taken at the town
carnival a few days before the accident. Oh,
but he's not in it. Okay, I can't read that.
So, the screwdriver was for this switch
over here, right?
I'm getting nervous because I haven't
had anything like spooky happen in a while.
while.
All right, I need to take it out.
How do I Huh?
Hold on. I need to go back and check. I
thought I brought all of that stuff out
Oh. Oh, I put it down there.
I see. I did not see that. That's what
You always hear about that how like
Fourth of July is horrible for people
M16
letter to Min. Dear Minyong Lee, I hope
everything is well. I am Bernard Thorne,
the American soldier you took care of.
I'm writing this letter to keep my
promise of helping you with your
English. So sweet. I'm back in Sunny
Ridge. Nothing has changed here,
although I can't say the same about
myself. The wounds on my body are mostly
healed, and I can walk just fine like
before, but my right hand shows little
to no improvement. My little finger and
ring finger still refuse to move from
its curled up state, and the other three
fingers can only stretch just enough to
hold an egg. I'm just glad that I can
still use a pen so I can write to you.
And you still have fantastic
handwriting. I consider myself to be one
of the lucky ones, though. Many of the
soldier I saw in your field hospital
were in far worse conditions than I was.
Some were carried in with their limbs
dangling from their bodies like a broken
branch hanging by its bark. It makes me
shudder to think that my right arm would
have suffered the same fate if I were a
little closer to the explosion. I heard
on the news that they are moving further
north, which means there will be more
people that I that need you. I hope that
you will stay strong and most
importantly, stay safe. Until I write
again, Bernard Thorne, PS. Please do not
bother yourself with writing back. I
know you are not yet comfortable with
writing in English and barely have the
time to do it anyway.
>> Jeez. As for me, I was drafted into
Vietnam when I was 24 in a foreign land
where half the country wanted me dead.
Keeping my sanity was a a difficult
task, but thanks to my squadmates, I was
>> Man, the Vietnam War
so grueling. Just chewed up people.
Okay. Look at its face. Look at its
face. Look at its face.
No. I told myself I wouldn't look at its face.
did I [ __ ] that up? What am I supposed
I have to get a bang on that.
Don't look at its face. Don't look at
its face.
[ __ ] hell. That's very Love, Sam.
That painting on the wall.
JESUS. WAIT, DID I HAVE TO LOOK AT ITS
FACE? He told me not to look at its face
that it got worse.
Do it faster. Do it faster.
[ __ ] man.
Okay, so there should be a spare
Sarah's letter. Welcome back. Oh, dear
Bernard, welcome back. I feared the
worst when I found out in the when I
found you on the floor that morning. It
is truly a miracle that your injuries
are not serious. But I heard you still
have trouble remembering some things. I
also heard reminiscing about your I also
heard reminiscing about your past can
stimulate other parts of your memory.
So, let me try that on you. Do you
remember two years ago when you were
returning from your regular checkup? You
said you needed to use the bathroom, so
we stopped by my house since it was
nearby. Somehow, I forgot about your
nicaphobia and told you to use the one
with a broken light. When you found out
about it, you volunteered to take a
look. And you fixing it would be a
cakewalk for you, but I declined. My
husband George was supposed to get it
fixed years ago. It will be done before
you return from the market, he said the
day he finally decided to get to it.
When I got back home, he was still in
front of the bathroom on the floor
clenching his chest. Oh no. I told you
everything. how I never got over the
fact that George was gone and how I
tried to keep him in my life by leaving
his work unfinished. You turned your
eyes to the dark bathroom and said,
"Dwelling in the past will only turn
George's memory into something sad." I
could tell you were also talking about
yourself because of the sadness in your
eyes. I got you the tools you needed,
and in less than half an hour, the light
turned on. I cried. I'd forgotten how
bright it was. Perhaps I pointed you to
that bathroom because I knew you would
help me find peace. You have that kind
of power over people, Bernard. And it's
something you should never forget. Oh
man, that's so sweet and sad at the same time.
I got you your favorite dessert for your
troubles. Check the freezer. Gasp. Mint
chocolate ice cream cake. You really
know how to woo a lady, Mr. Thorn. Oh,
that sounds [ __ ] tasty.
Man, I said something scary hadn't
happened in a while and then the
All right, that smart light doesn't work.
Okay.
Oh, I'm too slow. I'm too slow.
I'm definitely too slow.
I spent too long trying to figure out
Dear Minyong Lee, I went to a
physician's office today to get the
diagnosis I need to apply for veteran
benefits. Turns out the initial
diagnosis in Vietnam was correct. My
right hand nerves are damaged beyond
recovery. I guess my days of helping my
father at his auto repair shop is truly
over. But my hand is not only is not the
only problem I've been having. I used to
consider myself as not so sensitive, but
nowadays even little things like cries
of children can get on my nerves.
possibly because I haven't been sleeping
well for the past few days. I considered
telling the doctor about this, but I
doubt the Department of Veteran Affairs
will accept not sleeping well and being
annoyed by children as medical
conditions, so I kept my mouth shut. I
mean, not sleeping is one of the worst
things that can happen to a person.
Afterwards, I went to the VA office to
hand in the diagnosis. There were others
waiting their turn. I sat next to a man
in a wheelchair with both of his legs
missing. He told me he was also in
Vietnam as a pilot for a C133.
He said he lost his legs when he got
shot down by an enemy surfaceto-air
missile. Luckily, he landed near a field
a friendly a frightly a friendly outpost
and got rescued in time. He was about to
ask about my story, but it was cut short
when the receptionist called his name. I
was very much relieved because my
problems were nothing compared to what
he had to live with. I felt ashamed. I
remembered all the soldiers in your
field hospital who suffered injuries
that will forever change their lives. I
wish that all those men can find peace
back home. You should never really think
about it that way, though. Trauma is
trauma. I went to therapy. I mean, I've
been going to therapy for years now, but
I went a few years ago. And in one of
the earlier sessions, we talked about
stuff that I was going through and stuff
that I had lived with and stuff that I
went through as a kid and the things I
had seen and a lot of stuff I had
glossed over and tried to just I was
like, well, a lot of people have rough upbringings.
upbringings.
Um, so I didn't think what I went
through was anything like special or
unique. turns out very special, very
unique and very troubling. So, it was
worth dealing with and getting to the
bottom of and talking about. And
obviously, it takes a lot of work. But
other stuff had happened to me even
during my YouTube career where I got
traumatized by certain things. And I'm
not going to go into it now because it's
mine and I don't want to talk about it,
but it was one of those things where I
was like, "This happened to me, but this
other thing happened to somebody else,
so I shouldn't feel too bad about my
thing." Um, and my therapist, obviously,
very good at her job, was talking about
how like whatever's traumatizing you, no
matter if you think it's something that
shouldn't traumatize you or shouldn't be
causing you stress and PTSD,
that doesn't matter. Your brain doesn't
know the difference. Your brain doesn't
know somebody else has a worse, nor does
that matter. They're also going through
a version of it. Whether uh it's worse
or better or whatever, it doesn't
matter. It's it's all trauma. It's all
stress. It's all stuff you have to deal with.
with.
>> Our squad leader, Vernon, took good care
of it.
with a a guy who
>> they're missing their arms of
>> dry stock so we could hand them out to
uh those who were about to have
he gave us all the strength to
So, is the monster like a Frankenstein's
monster where it's bits and pieces of
other people's bodies, like the stuff
that he all saw all merged into like one creature?
Oh [ __ ] I'm walking.
Like this is just horrible.
I can't imagine what it's like to go
through something like that. And people
are going through it right now in the
Okay, what do we have to do now? Look
for pain pills in the first floor guest
Oh, where does this door lead?
I installed some smart lights down in
the basement, too. You know, just in
case we need a party room. You're
already thinking of inviting your
co-workers, aren't you? I don't know.
Does this house really have enough power
for your man cave?
Okay, we won't go down there.
Uh oh. Uhoh. Uhoh.
Uhoh.
Hold on, Bernard. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I don't know where to go in here.
It's too steep. I need to ramp up some
kind. I don't think I should be out here.
here.
That's cool. That's clever. That's smart.
I moved the meds to the garage. They're
on the corner shelf, so don't let dad
see it. But Sarah said Bernard didn't
take any extra pills from her stash. I
know you're worried, but it seems like
[ __ ] Um,
Um,
guest room living room. I don't know
where the garage is. Basement area.
That wouldn't really make sense, would it?
Hold up. Backing up. Watch out.
Family picture of Andrew, Kate, and
little Timmy. Cute.
Cute.
Are these actual people from that the
game developers know or is this just
like stock photo?
HE CAN'T BE DOING that to poor Bernard.
Dear Minyong Lee, it is 3:00 a.m. now.
I'm writing this letter to distract
myself from thinking about the nightmare
that woke me up. It's the same nightmare
that has been keeping me awake since I
came back, and it's getting more
frequent as time goes by. In my dream,
I'm back in the jungle, surrounded by
darkness. I'm staring at something
that's lurking in the dark, and it is
staring back. It is a face. A face with
nothing on it but a hole. I want to look
away from it, but I can't. If I try to
ignore it, it will come closer and
closer until it's so close that I can't
ignore it anymore. I know whose face it
is. Belongs to Sergeant Vernon, my
former squad leader. He was a good man
everyone relied on. He always kept his
cool in the fiercest
I feel like I've never I haven't seen
the word fiercest written down in a
while. Fiercest battles and knew how to
lighten up the mood in the worst
situations. But one night Charlie's
ambush Charlie's ambushed us using
darkness as cover. The ground shook with
mortar barrage and the sky turned red
with flares. At one point I started to
think I was in hell. That's when I
couldn't take it anymore and collapsed
on the ground. Vernon tried to get me
back up on my feet. He died in the
process. My nightmares are his way of
reminding me that he died because of my
cowardice. Sometimes I can feel his gaze
even when I'm awake, mostly at night
when the darkness reminds me of the
night he died. Once it happens, trying
not to think about it will only make it
worse. A punishment for trying to run
away from what I did. Forgive me for
sharing something so morbid, but you're
the only person I can talk to about
this. I'll try to write about something
more light-hearted next time. Jeez.
Well, I guess now we know what it is.
>> Wait,
>> should I get up? Oh,
>> now shoot.
So, hide when you get mortar fire. Got it.
Jeez. Is this really what you had to go through?
Thorn. Thorn. Get up, Thor, or we all die.
die.
>> Oh, [ __ ]
Was that the explosion that I was near that?
that?
The sergeant's death devastated our
squad's morale, and I was the cause.
Since his death, his face, his
hollow face followed everywhere I go,
staring at me, haunting me, making sure
I never forget what I did to him.
>> Yeah, it's not your fault. But
I mean, anybody that's gone through
something like that, imagine telling
them that. It's like, well, I'm still
haunted by it. Telling me it's not my
fault. It's not going to do anything,
but it's not your fault.
door opener, smart tablet, or that
emergency necklace that got lost. You
gave me so many things ever since you
moved out of this house to live with
Kate. You also got me that portable ram
saying I could go anywhere on my own
with it. Please forgive me, but I put it
down in the basement boiler room because
like many of your gifts, it was a
reminder of how I also tried to fill my
absence the same way. After your
mother's passing, work was the only way
I could think of to save our family. I
spent most of the day outside going on
visits or working at the office.
Fortunately, the business grew, but so
did distance between us. I tried to fill
it with things that you probably didn't
even need, like the that Walkman or Game
Boy. But deep down, I knew that gap
wasn't caused by work. It existed
because I was afraid to face you after
taking away your mother from you. I'm
truly thankful that despite everything,
you grew up to be a fine young man on
your own, even starting your own family
with your high school sweetheart. Please
learn from my mistakes. Always be there
for your loved ones. The time you spend
with each other is the only thing that's
worth anything. Wow.
>> Oh god.
>> Then one night, flares lit up the dark
again, followed by another mortar
barrage. All I could do was cower in my foxhole.
foxhole.
Suddenly, through all the chaos, I heard
a scream of pain coming from afar.
I tried hard to ignore it, but the
harder I tried, it it felt like if I
didn't do anything, if that scream had
stopped, it would come back as another
hollowed out thing.
Before I even realized it, I was running
around like a madman, searching for the
It's the scream of mortars.
Oh, not that scream.
When I reached that man, there was blood
everywhere and his screams had long
stopped. I was too late. Nonetheless, I
decided to carry his dead body. It was a
stupid decision, but at that moment, all
I could think of was bringing his body
somewhere safe so it doesn't get torn
apart by mortar fire. His family
deserved to have him back with his face
still recognizable.
Well, there I was, risking my life for a
dead man as if it was going to redeem my mistake.
mistake.
>> I mean, you say you were a coward, but I don't
don't
>> damn joke.
It's okay. It's okay.
She was actually speaking Korean.
Letter to Andrew. I've seen your mother
mad only once. It was after returning
from the town festival just a few days
before she died. Do you remember the one
where I got a panic attack from a little
fireworks show? After we put you to bed,
I told her how sorry I was for ruining a
perfect family night. She gave me a warm
hug, saying that I didn't ruin anything.
That's when I got too comfortable and
jokingly said she must be regretting
marrying a wimp by now. Then she quietly
but fiercely told me to never say that
again. With our 14th anniversary coming
up in just a few days, I didn't want to
upset her even further, so I apologized
and went to bed. Don't get me wrong, I
never doubted your mother's love for me,
but I also know that she had her own
scars. She lost her father in battle
during the Korea War, and her mother
died working her mother died working day
and night trying to raise three children
on her own. The experience of having her
family torn apart by war made her
sympathetic to those affected by it.
That's why she came to the US in the
Okay. In the basement. Sure nothing
wrong can go I'm sure nothing can go
wrong down here.
When I regained consciousness, I was
greeted by a soothing voice with an
unfamiliar accent telling me everything
was okay.
Okay, these smart lights are great. If
only they were a bit brighter, so you
Turns out the trenches I stumbled into
were Korean. I should have been taken to
a US field hospital, but because of all
the mayhem and the condition I was in,
they had no choice but to take me to one
of their own. The one Min was stationed at.
Vietnam War and PTSD. Vietnam War
veterans were especially prone to
suffering from PTSD due to various
factors. Soldiers lacked resting time
between battles. There was not much
public support for their war and its
participants. Veterans were not aware of
their own PTSD symptoms since it wasn't
officially recognized as a mental health
condition until 1980. That is so crazy
to me. 10 years before I was born, PTSD
wasn't recognized 5 years after the end
Okay, definitely going to have to come
>> I think so. I think that was probably uh
a light source. Yeah.
Yeah.
>> As the only American in the field
hospital, I naturally became the talk
among the Korean. Min was especially
curious. She asked me how I even got to
the Korean side of the battlefield.
I couldn't dare tell her I was trying to say
>> what?
Wait. I didn't have enough time to do
anything there. Oh,
there. [ __ ]
How is I check the subbreaker?
Who? Why is the room completely different?
I thought I was staring over obstacles
to try and like see a monster, but maybe
it's actually just to see where I'm going.
going.
I can figure this out.
There isn't that many places to go.
The breaker box is over here in this
What are you doing here? I'm looking for
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Dear Minyong Lee, I was running some
errands at the market today. A child was
throwing a tantrum to his mother. Maybe
because she wouldn't buy him what he
wanted. His whining was making me feel
uneasy again, so I tried to pass by
quickly. That's when the boy started
wailing. Mama. All of a sudden, I
couldn't breathe as if something had
stuck in my windpipe, I felt my lungs
struggle to pump in air. But all I did
was all it did was make me make gasping sound. All it did was make gasping
sound. All it did was make gasping sounds come out of my mouth. My skin
sounds come out of my mouth. My skin felt ice cold, and yet beneath it felt
felt ice cold, and yet beneath it felt as if I was on fire. At that moment, I
as if I was on fire. At that moment, I remembered the day I heard a similar cry
remembered the day I heard a similar cry in the jungles of Vietnam. It was right
in the jungles of Vietnam. It was right after we fended off an attack. It was
after we fended off an attack. It was their sixth probe attack. See that sixth
their sixth probe attack. See that sixth looks like the G from before. It was
looks like the G from before. It was their sixth probe attack only that day.
their sixth probe attack only that day. We were already on edge since Sergeant
We were already on edge since Sergeant Vernon's death and one of the newbies
Vernon's death and one of the newbies finally lost it and chased after the
finally lost it and chased after the fleeing enemies. Tried to grab him but
fleeing enemies. Tried to grab him but was too slow. Soon we heard an
was too slow. Soon we heard an explosion. We rushed to the private. Uh
explosion. We rushed to the private. Uh he was on the ground alive. He tried to
he was on the ground alive. He tried to get up but soon realized he couldn't
get up but soon realized he couldn't because both of his legs were missing. I
because both of his legs were missing. I do not know which struck him first, the
do not know which struck him first, the pain or the horror. Either way, he
pain or the horror. Either way, he started screaming, "Mama, mama!" like a
started screaming, "Mama, mama!" like a child who fell down and scraped his
child who fell down and scraped his knee. But his mama wasn't there to stop
knee. But his mama wasn't there to stop his son's bleeding. And she and he died
his son's bleeding. And she and he died even before the medic arrived.
even before the medic arrived. Uh, as he died, his lifeless eyes turned
Uh, as he died, his lifeless eyes turned towards me wide open. I remembered
towards me wide open. I remembered Sergeant Vernon's face, or lack thereof,
Sergeant Vernon's face, or lack thereof, by this by what it seems. Back at the
by this by what it seems. Back at the market, as my mind slowly returned to
market, as my mind slowly returned to reality, I looked around the busy
reality, I looked around the busy street. Everything was the same. Even
street. Everything was the same. Even the boy and his mother were gone. No one
the boy and his mother were gone. No one noticed my distress. Life went on. And
noticed my distress. Life went on. And hopefully I can too. Man, it must be so
hopefully I can too. Man, it must be so difficult
difficult where everything
where everything in life is just normal again for
in life is just normal again for everybody
everybody except you. Don't make that sound.
Oh god, that sound. The backing up sound.
God, that's scary. Oh, beep beep beep. I see.
Oh, beep beep beep. I see. So everything I do has to be in the
So everything I do has to be in the forward direction.
Oh god. Oh god. Is that enough time to do anything?
Yep. Yep. Yep. Find the pills. Go up the attic.
attic. I can't. I don't have a ramp.
Okay. Okay. Oh my god.
Oh my god. >> We talked a lot about our lives before
>> We talked a lot about our lives before Vietnam. Our conversations helped me
Vietnam. Our conversations helped me stay distracted from the things I'd seen
stay distracted from the things I'd seen and done. When I got discharged, I
and done. When I got discharged, I started writing letters to her. It was
started writing letters to her. It was the only thing keeping my mind from
the only thing keeping my mind from being dragged back into the jungle.
>> It's very light for its size and extremely durable. Okay,
extremely durable. Okay, get out of here. Look for pills in the
get out of here. Look for pills in the garage. You [ __ ] got it.
I'm just going. I'm just going. No time to think. No time to think about
to think. No time to think about anything.
anything. We are out of here.
Oh Jesus. That might be too close.
No, you can't follow me. You don't have a ramp.
Smart light. Think smartly detected. Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, dear Minyong Lee, I have
yeah. Okay. Oh, dear Minyong Lee, I have decided to pursue a career as an
decided to pursue a career as an electrician. Turns out my claw-like hand
electrician. Turns out my claw-like hand is still useful for working with wires
is still useful for working with wires and small objects. I enrolled in an
and small objects. I enrolled in an electrical program at the local
electrical program at the local community college today, but my father
community college today, but my father is still disappointed that his boy won't
is still disappointed that his boy won't be taking over his business. I can't
be taking over his business. I can't blame him. He has been a mechanic all
blame him. He has been a mechanic all his life and takes great pride in his
his life and takes great pride in his trade. Electrician is a pretty great
trade. Electrician is a pretty great trade to have. He even has an inspection
trade to have. He even has an inspection pit set up at our home garage. Still, he
pit set up at our home garage. Still, he is very supportive of my decision and
is very supportive of my decision and says he will even help me open my own
says he will even help me open my own business one day. It will be a difficult
business one day. It will be a difficult journey, especially with all the voices
journey, especially with all the voices that keep telling me that I do not
that keep telling me that I do not deserve a second chance. But I'm slowly
deserve a second chance. But I'm slowly moving forward using our story as an
moving forward using our story as an inspiration. The story of how you became
inspiration. The story of how you became a nursing officer to fight the very
a nursing officer to fight the very thing that destroyed your family. Though
thing that destroyed your family. Though I cannot see myself doing something so
I cannot see myself doing something so noble. The least I can do is start
noble. The least I can do is start contributing to the community and keep
contributing to the community and keep my parents from worrying. I know I've
my parents from worrying. I know I've written so much about the things that
written so much about the things that are best kept to myself, but strangely I
are best kept to myself, but strangely I feel no regret or embarrassment.
feel no regret or embarrassment. Instead, my heart feels lighter with
Instead, my heart feels lighter with every word I write down. I do not know
every word I write down. I do not know if my letters are actually helping you
if my letters are actually helping you with your English or if you're even
with your English or if you're even reading them, but they are definitely
reading them, but they are definitely helping me. I may not be able to
helping me. I may not be able to completely put the past behind me, but
completely put the past behind me, but life goes on one heavy step at a time.
life goes on one heavy step at a time. Yeah, it's good to journal things. It's
Yeah, it's good to journal things. It's good to write it down.
Oh [ __ ] Oh [ __ ]
Okay. Okay. How do I get past him? I know it
Okay. How do I get past him? I know it says don't make that sound, but
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. I can't turn around fast enough.
Maybe he'll move that way. That's so [ __ ] creepy.
Oh, light. Light. I didn't see that.
I didn't see that. Oh, I really thought I was going to have
Oh, I really thought I was going to have to like make a beep beep beep, but then
to like make a beep beep beep, but then like distract him and send him somewhere
like distract him and send him somewhere else.
Oh my god, I ran out of time. I need to get off the ramp to retrieve it. Oh god.
Oh my god, that's so scary.
Okay, I'm going to trigger the light this time when I'm turned around
or at least closer to being turned around.
around. Go, go, go.
Holy [ __ ] Holy [ __ ]
Holy [ __ ] I'm sorry, brother.
I'm sorry, brother. I'm sorry for what happened to you. What
I'm sorry for what happened to you. What happened to all of us? It shouldn't have
happened to all of us? It shouldn't have happened.
Stay indoors and secure all doors and windows. Beware of hazards from the
windows. Beware of hazards from the flood waters if caught outside during a
flood waters if caught outside during a storm. In case of vehicle breakdown,
storm. In case of vehicle breakdown, illuminate your location to alert other
illuminate your location to alert other drivers.
Who am I kidding? Of course, he's going to be here. Of course he's going to be
to be here. Of course he's going to be here.
here. Okay, I'm just going to take the really
Okay, I'm just going to take the really slow turn around. There you go.
cuz I'm thinking I make a beep beep somewhere. He comes running and then I
somewhere. He comes running and then I escape.
maybe that attracts him over there. Yes. Yes. Yes. Do we still need the
Yes. Yes. Yes. Do we still need the ramp? I'm bringing it.
I don't come in every week, mostly about how broken I had become.
how broken I had become. >> It wasn't the proudest thing I've done,
>> It wasn't the proudest thing I've done, >> but it helped me return to my normal
>> but it helped me return to my normal life.
life. Then one day, I heard the doorbell ring.
Then one day, I heard the doorbell ring. >> Wait, I can't turn around.
>> Wait, I can't turn around. >> I went to answer yet. I thought I was
>> I went to answer yet. I thought I was dreaming.
dreaming. It was men.
wait. How do I do this? I can't turn here.
I was going to say, is there a way that I can get down there
I can get down there without the ramp, but I can't. I can't
without the ramp, but I can't. I can't turn in here either. Wait. So, if I put
turn in here either. Wait. So, if I put it down and then reverse back.
it down and then reverse back. There we go.
There we go. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.
Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. All right. All right. The light.
All right. All right. The light. >> Can you imagine?
>> Can you imagine? >> I complained so much about how miserable
>> I complained so much about how miserable I was that she flew 5,000 miles to visit
I was that she flew 5,000 miles to visit me.
me. I really couldn't stand watching people
I really couldn't stand watching people suffer from this ugly thing you called
suffer from this ugly thing you called for.
for. But uh in the end she also became
But uh in the end she also became casualty.
One killed and one injured in cliffside car crash. Last night a couple were
car crash. Last night a couple were involved in a car crash on a cliffside
involved in a car crash on a cliffside road that killed the passenger Miny
road that killed the passenger Miny Young Thorne and seriously injured the
Young Thorne and seriously injured the driver Burner Thornne. The Thorns were
driver Burner Thornne. The Thorns were driving back from their 14th anniversary
driving back from their 14th anniversary dinner during a storm that hit the west
dinner during a storm that hit the west coast area. No.
It takes so much strength of character to still like be here as a person after
to still like be here as a person after stuff like that.
stuff like that. I became a wreck after the accident. Now
I became a wreck after the accident. Now unable to even walk properly, I spent
unable to even walk properly, I spent most of the day in the house drowning in
most of the day in the house drowning in self-hate. However, you never stopped
self-hate. However, you never stopped saying goodbye to me as you left for
saying goodbye to me as you left for school. You would even tell me about
school. You would even tell me about your day, even though your father was
your day, even though your father was giving you nothing but disappointment.
giving you nothing but disappointment. Seeing you recover from the tragedy I
Seeing you recover from the tragedy I caused was the only thing that gave me
caused was the only thing that gave me the strength to wake up in the morning.
the strength to wake up in the morning. Then one late night, I was passing by
Then one late night, I was passing by your room and heard a muffled sound
your room and heard a muffled sound coming from behind the door. It didn't
coming from behind the door. It didn't take long to realize that it was the
take long to realize that it was the sound of crying into your pillow. At
sound of crying into your pillow. At that moment, my heart shattered once
that moment, my heart shattered once more. Not only did I take away your
more. Not only did I take away your mother, I had taken away your right to
mother, I had taken away your right to grieve. I showed you weakness and forced
grieve. I showed you weakness and forced you to share my burden by pretending
you to share my burden by pretending everything was okay. No father should be
everything was okay. No father should be a burden to his son. I reopened my
a burden to his son. I reopened my business. I got my van modified so I can
business. I got my van modified so I can bring my wheelchair to my calls. If I
bring my wheelchair to my calls. If I had to stand, I stood. Nothing a bottle
had to stand, I stood. Nothing a bottle of painkillers couldn't solve. I had to
of painkillers couldn't solve. I had to repay for the strength you had showed
repay for the strength you had showed for me.
Oh, now your son's going to take care of you.
I won't be Andrew's burden. No rest for a sinner.
Oh [ __ ] Oh [ __ ] Okay.
Wait, three things. Okay, I have to do something in this environment.
Fuse box. The fuse is missing. There must be a spare in my van. Oh [ __ ]
must be a spare in my van. Oh [ __ ] that's the other side.
