0:02 Hi everyone. I'm Liza Wheel, founder of
0:04 Gate House Admissions. And I'm Jeremy
0:06 Shawn, founder of NBA Mission. And today
0:08 we're reviewing an application essay
0:11 from an NBA applicant who was admitted
0:13 to Harvard Business School. If you want
0:15 to follow along, use the link below to
0:17 download a free copy of our book of
0:20 successful HBS application essays. Today
0:23 we're looking at Megan's businessminded
0:26 essay. So let's take a look. Just before
0:28 starting middle school, I stopped
0:29 hearing intermittently. Turns out I had
0:32 an oral related autoimmune disease. When
0:33 the doctor advised me to consider taking
0:35 the school year off, I refused. While
0:37 juggling doctor appointments,
0:38 experimental treatments, and school
0:40 accommodations, I was often told I
0:42 couldn't do the same things as my peers.
0:43 That everything had limitations. But
0:45 that just fueled me more. Years later, I
0:47 started my career on Wall Street.
0:48 Perceived limitations be darned. I
0:51 thrived in banking's intensity. As I
0:52 mastered financial modeling, I also
0:54 learned to turn my self- advocacy
0:56 outwards on the businesses around me. A
0:58 longtime fan of Oddity, a sister and
0:59 brother founded beauty health tech
1:01 company with cult-like loyalty, I pushed
1:03 my MD to start covering the company,
1:05 securing Platinum Bank, a key advisory
1:07 role for the company's future capital
1:08 needs. Especially exciting was
1:10 collaborating with Audit's CPO on an
1:12 event for International Women's Day,
1:14 which included networking, shopping, and
1:16 a fireside chat. Supporting a female
1:17 co-founded business was rewarding, but
1:19 it's been at Private Equity Co. where my
1:21 vision for the future has crystallized.
1:22 Helping Healthwise, a vitamin and
1:24 supplements brand, evolve via social
1:26 media marketing from a sleepy clinical
1:28 product into a trending direct to
1:30 consumer brand, revealed the blossoming
1:32 market for consumers wanting more
1:33 control over their health. As a young
1:35 woman, I've long been dismissed in
1:36 doctor appointments with remarks like,
1:38 "Maybe it's anxiety and you look
1:40 healthy, nothing is wrong." I'm
1:42 determined to shift this paradigm by
1:43 creating solutions that equalize health
1:45 outcomes. By leveraging my expertise in
1:47 health and consumer investing, I aim to
1:49 help entrepreneurs redefine how women
1:51 and marginalized communities perceive
1:53 and engage with their healthcare. My
1:54 long-term goal is to establish a fem
1:56 health tech venture that challenges
1:58 paternalistic dynamics and empowers
1:59 individuals with the knowledge and tools
2:02 to advocate for themselves. All right,
2:04 Jeremy, you start. What is something
2:05 that stood out to you? Well, for
2:08 starters, I think this is an essay
2:10 that's just incredibly clean and easy to
2:12 follow. The essay does the work because
2:15 the story does the work. the the writer
2:17 creates all of the necessary linkages
2:19 quite easily for the reader to follow
2:22 and isn't there's no drama because she's
2:24 she's she's lived it she doesn't need to
2:27 say you know I had an oral related
2:30 disease my heart pounded I thought what
2:32 am I going to do with my life and that
2:33 moment I determined that I had to become
2:35 a self advocate it's just she just we
2:38 understand it's very credible that that
2:40 was a inflection point we can and and
2:42 and that she could become her own
2:44 advocate after that and and that's
2:46 because she tells it to us in sort of
2:48 actually in a more plain way that makes
2:50 it more credible. The the lack of the
2:53 lack of of of drama is is effective for
2:54 her. So I think I think that's really
2:56 wonderful. You know, I looked I was like
2:57 trying to look for a for a sophisticated
2:58 word. I the closest I came is
3:00 paternalistic. That came at the very
3:02 end. It's perfectly fine to use that
3:04 appropriate word. I'm just saying she
3:08 wasn't the the whole essay wasn't uh you
3:09 know it wasn't over wrought. It was just
3:12 it was just very straightforward because
3:13 what people don't realize is that you
3:15 know the person who's reading this may
3:17 have read a stack of those that day and
3:19 they don't have time to start sifting
3:21 through and dealing with they just they
3:22 want to absorb quickly. They want the
3:25 information and so I think this is one
3:28 where you can quickly quickly absorb
3:30 that and um and move through the essay
3:34 quite well. Um so you I've got a few
3:35 more thoughts. I'm happy to let you
3:36 chime in as well. Of course. Yeah. I
3:38 think one thing that's interesting is
3:40 that her goals, you really believe them
3:41 because they have this personal
3:43 connection to where she started fighting
3:45 this autoimmune disease. But I think
3:47 sometimes people think they need that
3:49 personal connection. It started from
3:51 childhood as you were saying this kind
3:53 of overroought started from childhood. I
3:55 knew exactly what I wanted to do. And so
3:57 I think the takeaway here is not you
3:59 have to have some personal connection.
4:01 if you do take advantage of it. And I
4:04 think she does a really nice job of of
4:07 folding in her her childhood and how
4:10 that affected her and how that, you
4:12 know, sort of being dismissed even when
4:14 she was in junior high, high school, how
4:16 that really gave her drive and gave her
4:18 a vision of what she might ultimately
4:21 do. But it's one of those things I I
4:22 caution people from reading this and
4:24 say, "Oh, I have to trace my goals back
4:27 to my childhood." But at the same time,
4:29 it's awfully nice this, as you said,
4:30 it's very believable because she lived
4:32 it. She lived this experience and it
4:33 clearly has affected her. Right. And you
4:35 mentioned the word I there's two things
4:36 you maybe think about that, but you
4:37 mentioned the word dismissed. I mean,
4:38 she kind of talks again like like about
4:40 being dismissed in doctor's offices like
4:42 she sort of, you know, brings it back
4:43 full circle that, you know, sort of
4:45 being overlooked. Like it's not just
4:46 advocacy is important. It's like, you
4:49 know, uh, as I say in literature, wound
4:51 and want, you know, like there's it's
4:54 driven by something within her. Um and
4:55 the other thing is you know you
4:57 mentioned again about kind of having
5:00 something um grounded in in childhood.
5:02 Now it's not totally critical to have
5:05 that seminal moment in childhood. Um I
5:06 remember talking to the director of
5:08 admissions from Harvard years ago and
5:10 former director of admissions and she
5:12 said to me kind of rofully and jokingly
5:15 because she had a a nice sense of humor.
5:16 She said you wouldn't believe how many
5:18 grandparents I've admitted to Harvard.
5:19 You know because and what she meant by
5:20 that is people start with their
5:23 grandparents. My grandfather always said
5:26 to me dot dot dot and um and you don't
5:28 need to do that. It for a lot of people
5:31 who struggle to write I think you know
5:34 it it's it's an easy anchor to to to
5:36 anchor in some sort of childhood
5:38 experience. Um I don't think this was
5:40 clearly like a a very formative
5:42 experience and so it made sense for this
5:44 person but you're right you definitely
5:46 don't have to. The other thing is she
5:49 also made it's only it's only 300 words
5:51 whatever it is. So, so she she made
5:53 quick le quick leaps and and skipped
5:55 over a huge part. It doesn't need to be
5:57 a full biographical statement. It's
6:00 like, okay, here we are in um you know,
6:02 in this somewhat traumatic experience in
6:04 childhood and then next we're in a
6:05 financial services company. Yeah. And
6:09 that's okay like and and and aware of
6:11 other entrepreneur of entrepreneurs out
6:12 there that we admire and like you can
6:15 make these leaps because and and I don't
6:16 think the reader felt those leaps. I
6:19 think the transitions were extremely
6:20 thoughtful and smooth and that's
6:22 something I when I read it the first
6:24 time I was like wow that that first
6:27 transition between paragraphs we we we
6:29 lose a lot of time but we we're not
6:32 confused as a we that we don't need that
6:34 time we're not confused as a reader
6:35 we're actually following entirely and
6:38 and so it was again very nicely
6:40 constructed in that regard and I mean
6:41 that is the challenge of these really
6:44 short essays you have to be ruthless
6:46 about what stays in and what gets out
6:48 and are you connecting the dots for the
6:49 reader? And I think Megan did a really
6:51 nice job of doing that here. The other
6:53 thing I I you know, just one final note,
6:56 I do like how she brought in her work
6:58 experience very specifically calling out
7:00 some companies that she worked with and
7:03 the things that really started to for
7:05 her it was almost like an epiphany. She
7:08 started to understand how her her
7:11 experience in a doctor's office could
7:13 could relate to what she's experienced
7:15 in consumer and whether it's this
7:18 brother sister founded company or um
7:19 working with healthc care or you know
7:22 vitamin supplements sort of like we
7:24 could see her own aha moments as she
7:26 figured out oh this is my path this is
7:28 what I'm going to you know going to do
7:30 with my life right like we believe her
7:32 and it's credible and and the reason why
7:33 I know we believe her is because there
7:35 was no point when I read that where I
7:36 this doesn't seem plausible. It wasn't
7:38 that I thought like yes, all the puzzle
7:39 pieces make sense. This is what makes
7:41 sense for her. She's going to do this.
7:44 It's more just like again easy to absorb
7:46 because it just made sense via the
7:47 information that she had provided and
7:49 this narrative that she had created and
7:52 she seems quite capable of of of doing
7:54 these things. People feel like they have
7:56 to have certain goals or their goals
7:59 have to have a certain weight or a a
8:02 certain kind of you know social force to
8:04 actually connect. like they they can't
8:05 just say like well this is actually what
8:06 I want what I want to do. I'm
8:07 intellectually curious about this area.
8:09 I feel like I can make my impact in this
8:11 area and that can actually okay
8:14 occasionally be good enough and and yes
8:15 she's she's interested in health but
8:17 she's also interested in health you know
8:19 beauty and and other things and and
8:20 that's fine. That's fine. It's just it's
8:22 just where she wants to be and we
8:24 believe it. Yeah. Exactly. Great. Stay
8:26 tuned for our next video in the series
8:28 where we'll look at Megan's leadership
8:30 focused essay and be sure to download
8:31 her book. It's linked below for more
8:34 examples of real essays from real HBS admits.
