Confidence is not an innate trait but a skill that is actively built through courage, consistent action, and self-trust, rather than being a universal state or something bestowed upon individuals.
Mind Map
点击展开
点击探索完整互动思维导图
I received this DM on Instagram and it
said, "You appear so confident." I was
like, "Huh?"
Nobody's ever appreciating me for confidence.
confidence.
It's always, "Who do you think you are?"
Or even better, "Who gave you your
confidence?" People are genuinely
bewildered. They're like, "What?"
But what have I told you? Confidence
isn't something that you're given. It's
something that you build. Let's redefine
what confidence is. Confidence comes
from the Latin word confid which means
to trust. Do you trust yourself to rise
to the occasion? Do you trust yourself
to be competent, to be skillful in
whatever this thing is that you care
about? It's trust in oneself. And one
misconception that people have is that
if you're confident in one area of your
life, that means you're confident in
your whole life. is universal.
But confidence is contextual.
You say that someone is confident
because they are confident in an area
that you value.
For example, if it's public speaking,
let's use a podcast for example.
If you see someone, they're laidback,
they're chilled, you're like, "Wow, that
person is really confident." that person
that's doing a podcast may not be used
to doing live shows but they're
comfortable in that area of podcasting.
So we need to understand that you can be
confident in certain areas and less
confident in other areas. So confidence
is really about having the courage to
overcome your fears.
Do you trust yourself in that journey to
become the person that you want to
become? So let's talk about that journey
of becoming. How do you become confident
in the things that you wish to be? Well,
when I was a teenager, I sought
confidence in the things that I cared
about. These were FIFA, football, and education.
education.
And if you talk to me about any of those
things in my teenage years, I'll be
confident cuz I can back myself, right?
But I didn't understand what confidence
really meant because there was still a
bit of uneasy tension inside of me.
So when I finished GCES, I said to
myself, look, I've got my grades. Cool.
But there's so much more, right? I know
there's more to life than just the grades.
grades.
So GCSE results day. I get my results. I
go to the school. The teachers are like,
"Well done. Well done. Well done. You
got the highest grades in our year. Whatever.
Whatever.
Take a break."
If you watched the third episode of my
podcast series, you'll know I did not
take a break. I kept going. But what
exactly was I doing? I wasn't working. I
was just experimenting. I was trying new
things. I did my first public speaking
experience when I was 15. I went to my
old primary school and I talked to them
about my life at secondary school cuz I
felt that was the right thing to do. If
I didn't do it then I will regret it
later on in my life. And 5 years later
from 15 I'm now 20. I still hold that
same belief. If I don't do it now, I
will regret it. Trust your intuition. So
the lesson from my journey of confidence
is that action came before confidence.
You have to be bad at something [music]
to then build your competency and then
become confident in it. Right? When I
put this camera in front of me, damn,
that first time if you saw my overcoming
the camera video on TTB, you know, I was
talking about anxiety. I was talking
about all these things. I was just like,
"Wow, this is completely different.
How about I just stay doing what I'm
doing and doing what I know?" But I've
been on that journey for so long now and
it met an inflection point where I said,
"Look, something has to change." Let's
talk about that confidence competence
[music] loop. How does it work? I'm
going to talk from my experience, so it
won't be perfectly scientific, but
hopefully it resonates more and it will
allow you to be more actionable with
whatever advice you get from me. So,
number one is courage.
Commit to that thing that you're fearing
but you know you want to do. I'm going
to use example of networking events
because I think that's the best example
from my personal experience.
It's getting that first ticket to your
networking event and confirming that
you're going to go to it in two weeks
time. That's the courage bit. So, second
thing in that cycle is [music] exposure.
When you go to that networking event,
are you standing in the corner of the
room looking around like guys
guys
or are you actually going to people and
talking [music] to them? Because it's
one thing to sign up and go there. is
another thing to be present and involve
yourself inside of the event. So talk
[music] to people, people that are
slightly younger than you, people that
are the same age, people that are triple
your age,
right? That's the exposure part of the
cycle. And then you gain your
competence. Keep doing it over and over
again. [music] Keep going to networking
events. Keep talking to different
people. Keep doing it over and over
again. It won't be easy, but by the time
you know it, you're going to be a little
expert. You know what I mean? You'll be
all right. And then finally, you have
the confidence and the trust that comes
with it. If you know you can go to a
networking event and you can talk to
someone that's completely different to
you, different demographic, different
[music] age, whatever,
you'll be fine, right? And that's how
you build for confidence in going to
networking events. So the key idea here
is immersion. When you go to the
networking event, are you involving
yourself or are you just in the corner a
bit reserved, not really fulfilling the
promise that you made to yourself?
Because when you expose yourself, that's
the first little, you know, level that
you jump because anyone can sign up for
an event. Not everyone actually shows
up. You'll be surprised. You can have
100 people that sign up for an event.
maybe only 70 show up, 50 sometimes.
And that's to me that's crazy. When I
sign up for an event, I make sure to go.
So, immerse yourself. That is a method
to build your confidence. Another thing
that I want to pick up on is addressing
fear because
fear can just hold you back, right? Fear
tells you don't do this thing otherwise
this bad thing will happen. But you need
to understand that fear binds to
self-limiting beliefs.
If you believe that you're not good
enough to do something, fear will just
latch on to it. Be like, "Safe, safe,
I'll take that. Let me take that. Let me
tell you, yeah, you can't do it." You
know why? Because when you go on that
stage, you're going to trip and fall.
You're going to stutter. Everyone's
going to laugh. Not to say that it's self-inflicted.
