0:01 today we'll go over how to handle it
0:02 when someone insults you we'll start
0:05 with a couple classic destroy comebacks
0:06 these are great at winning over an
0:08 audience and embarrassing the person who
0:10 insulted you be warned though they may
0:11 make the target of your comeback hate
0:13 you then we'll cover some friendlier
0:15 more charismatic responses so that you
0:16 can come away looking cool and confident
0:18 without making enemies first let's cover
0:20 possibly the most brutal comeback of all
0:22 the high status reframe rather than
0:24 responding to the insult you respond
0:25 that the person insulting you simply
0:27 isn't important enough to matter the
0:29 classic example of this is from mad men
0:30 when ginsburg is mad at don draper for
0:33 not using his idea what do i care i got
0:35 a million of them
0:37 a million good
0:43 i feel bad for you
0:45 i don't think about you at all
0:47 you may think this only works in fiction
0:48 but in the next clips you'll see it's
0:50 just as effective in real life the
0:52 ultimate high status reframe is that you
0:53 haven't even bothered to remember someone
0:54 someone
1:00 i've been doing this for 19 years yeah i
1:02 remember that day
1:05 that's how important you are of course
1:06 i remember doing letterman carnegie hall
1:08 and talking to you
1:11 i'm of the uh the younger generation so
1:14 i just wonder for all of you uh
1:19 hey tko's people when i knock people out
1:22 they don't move who
1:22 who
1:28 conor has his issues but we can't deny
1:30 fans love that comeback most people
1:32 would make the mistake of accepting the
1:33 frame of jeremy's insult they try to
1:35 debate who hits harder but when you use
1:37 a high status reframe you completely
1:38 dismantle an insult without even having
1:40 to address it there's another classic
1:42 destroy comeback that humiliates the
1:44 other person so they regret insulting
1:46 you and same as the first one the key is
1:48 don't try disputing the insult instead
1:50 accept the insult and use it against
1:51 them here's a quick example where
1:57 multiple colors yes
1:58 yes
2:01 every shade of your mom's lipstick
2:02 it's like that famous winston churchill
2:04 story where a woman tells him if you
2:06 were my husband i'd poison your tea and
2:08 he replies if you were my wife i'd drink
2:10 it here's one more example first for
2:12 context watch dennis leary try to insult
2:14 greg geraldo for being unable to rely on
2:16 quick wit this guy writes so many jokes
2:18 before the show it's not even funny it's
2:19 unbelievable that's kind of what we do
2:22 here dennis it's comedy right a gentle
2:24 comeback like that rarely dissuades a
2:26 bully so dennis leary insults greg a
2:28 second time watch how rather than
2:30 fighting the insult greg accepts it and
2:32 uses it to really burn leary you're the
2:34 guy in school that did all the homework
2:35 and then asked if there was any more
2:37 that needed to be done
2:38 that's a good point and if you had tried
2:39 a little comedy writing maybe your show
2:42 would still be on the air
2:44 there's two downsides to this kind of
2:46 comeback first they're very clever so it
2:47 can be hard to do and second while
2:49 you'll win over an audience you run the
2:50 risk of upsetting the person you're
2:52 firing back at you
2:54 you
2:56 there's another way to crush an insult
2:58 that can still make a crowd laugh and
3:00 avoid making enemies don't insult the
3:03 person insult the insult norm thanks for
3:05 dressing up sarah listen man uh
3:07 congratulations that's the 100th time
3:09 that joke's been done tonight
3:11 but i also want to tell you i have a if
3:13 it's something that's it's hard to fix
3:14 does it mean we shouldn't do anything
3:16 about it because you said oh i don't
3:17 know if we can change how people think
3:19 does that mean we shouldn't try i mean
3:20 first of all not a great impression but
3:22 beyond that
3:24 this can make someone look stupid for
3:25 insulting you without them feeling
3:27 personally attacked now if you don't
3:28 want to sink to the other person's level
3:30 and use an insult at all another option
3:32 you have is to draw a boundary for
3:34 example watch this woman insult jordan
3:36 peterson and listen to how he responds
3:38 so what is your advice beyond banal
3:40 comments like clean your room it's
3:42 actually rather difficult to answer a
3:45 question that ends with your comments
3:47 are banal politely one way to draw a
3:49 boundary is to simply call out the
3:51 insult as rude then you can invite the
3:53 other person to change their behavior i
3:54 would consider that more of an
3:56 opinionated personal and political
3:58 statement than actually a question so
4:00 why don't you try reformulating that so
4:02 that there's an actual question there if
4:04 you found the insult truly offensive you
4:06 can also draw a boundary by calling out
4:07 the insult and then shifting attention
4:09 away from the person to someone else
4:11 this is infuriating to bullies because
4:13 their behavior is often motivated by
4:15 wanting attention are you the fat guy in
4:16 hollywood still or
4:18 does everybody like look at you and
4:19 they're like oh wow you know this is
4:20 great now you're healthy
4:22 do you have any other questions that are
4:24 smart now let's talk about charismatic
4:26 replies if you aren't actually offended
4:27 by the insult because you can often use
4:29 a joking insult as a springboard for
4:31 witty banter that makes the other person
4:33 laugh an easy way to do this is the tit
4:35 for chat or eye for an eye method
4:36 basically when someone burns you you
4:38 burn them back in the same style i need
4:40 to watch this movie
4:51 i haven't seen the falcon oh no there
4:55 you'll notice in the tit for chat
4:57 examples the comeback often makes the
4:59 other person laugh since they started it
5:00 they don't really have a leg to stand on
5:02 when it comes to being upset at you the
5:04 only two risks are if you really take
5:06 the insult up a notch or if you know the
5:07 other person is sensitive tit for tat
5:09 comebacks can be so simple you can do
5:11 them almost without thinking watch in
5:12 this next clip how finn reacts to his
5:14 own burn he clearly didn't even mean to
5:17 say it out loud can you read this really cool
5:18 cool
5:25 in general the tit for tat method is a
5:26 good way to turn an insult into fun
5:28 banter within this framework there's a
5:30 good rule for specifically if someone
5:31 tries to insult your looks when you want
5:33 to make someone laugh try to conjure up
5:35 an absurd image in the person's mind
5:37 compare chuck's insult in this next clip
5:39 to kevin's your body ain't that good you
5:40 can just walk around without your shirt off
5:41 off
5:43 if we're ever going to talk about bodies
5:44 i want you not to be the one to bring
5:46 that conversation
5:47 all right if you don't get out of here
5:50 shaped like a beanbag that got that in
5:52 your body ain't that good isn't nearly
5:54 as funny as you're shaped like a bean
5:56 bag that got satin you may think kevin
5:57 is super quick-witted for that comeback
5:59 but that's actually an illusion he
6:01 creates by having a few specific go-to
6:03 insults he uses repeatedly
6:05 are we here are you actually going to do
6:07 some working out listen you don't just
6:09 get this no no you want to feel that no
6:12 it looks like a skinny bean bag
6:14 my body wants to get buff
6:16 but i don't want to scare my fans you
6:20 had the body of a dutch woman
6:23 kenny has the body of a dutch woman
6:25 now not every insult needs an insulting
6:26 comeback sometimes the most charismatic
6:28 thing you can do is show that you're
6:29 unaffected unlike what we've covered so
6:32 far this is incredibly easy to do and
6:33 makes you look likable and confident
6:35 with no risk of hurt feelings one way
6:37 you can do this is by answering
6:39 rhetorical questions literally so
6:40 someone is insulting you but you act
6:42 like they're just asking you a genuine
6:43 question here's a quick example you
6:45 recognize from the avengers movie big
6:46 man in a suit
6:49 armor take that off what are you genius
6:51 billionaire playboy philanthropist and
6:53 again this doesn't just work in fiction
6:55 listen to norm mcdonald in this next
6:56 clip notice how he's able to make
6:58 everyone laugh and make himself look
7:00 good without being rude to the
7:01 interviewer who insulted him you've
7:03 admitted that you're lazy i think you've
7:04 read six books in your life i've read
7:07 six six what kind of a woman would be
7:16 another easy way to show you're
7:18 unaffected by an insult if you can do it
7:20 genuinely is to simply laugh at the
7:22 insult it shows your confidence hasn't
7:24 been shaken at all by what they've said
7:25 you look like a mechanic from nordstrom
7:27 rack dude
7:30 that's the [ __ ] problem you're like
7:33 damn i didn't know uh nordstrom rack did
7:36 tires you know during our sex scene i
7:39 felt your dick rubbing into them okay
7:40 okay
7:42 chris evans isn't truth a great actor
7:44 but he plays captain america like he's a
7:48 big dumb hunker
7:49 as fun as the destroy comebacks from
7:51 earlier in this video are to watch
7:52 they're really only helpful if you're
7:54 trying to build an online audience in
7:55 your own life when it comes to insults
7:57 you want two things the confidence to
7:58 genuinely find humor in a tease so that
8:00 you can clap back with a smile or laugh
8:02 along with a joke or the confidence to
8:04 draw strong boundaries and potentially
8:06 cut people from your life who make it a
8:08 habit to try to genuinely insult you
8:09 when you come from that place of true
8:11 deep genuine confidence you don't need
8:14 to memorize any tips or tricks you'll
8:15 naturally handle being insulted in a way
8:18 that makes you look and feel great now
8:20 you might think building deep unshakable
8:21 confidence will take you a long time or
8:23 maybe you even think it's impossible for
8:24 you that you could never actually feel
8:26 that way but building confidence is way
8:28 easier than you think with the right
8:30 game plan you can become significantly
8:32 more confident in just a few weeks if
8:33 you want the fastest way i know to take
8:35 your confidence and charisma to the next
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8:38 charisma university rather than tell you
8:40 about the program myself here are a few
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8:50 it has helped me to unlock the
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8:53 i can go into any social situation and
8:55 crush it another member wrote i've
8:57 always been bad at expressing myself in
8:58 situations that weren't one-on-one in
9:00 conversations i'd find myself hesitant
9:02 to speak or i get caught in my head
9:05 after cu i am now way more confident in
9:06 saying what i think i feel much happier
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9:18 and lastly thank you so much for this
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9:40 screen now or in the description below
9:41 either way i hope you enjoyed this video
9:44 and i'll see you in the next one [Music]
9:55 [Music] you
