0:05 so next we're going to talk about
0:07 belonging and inclusion and as I
0:09 mentioned earlier it's our second core
0:12 need but it's so tightly wound with
0:13 survival that they really kind of come
0:15 in together and that's because if you
0:17 think back to our ancestors and that we
0:20 were first tribal species we knew that
0:23 living with others was really important
0:25 for our survival in fact if we were
0:27 ousted from the tribe our chances of
0:30 dying increased dramatically so entire
0:33 parts of our biology are dedicated to
0:35 how we engage with others and how we
0:38 belong in groups and belonging is a core
0:41 need it's a core human need that we all
0:44 have but belonging is not fitting in
0:46 there's actually a difference and I
0:48 always love the research by Dr bernee
0:50 Brown in her book daring greatly she
0:53 says fitting in is the greatest barrier
0:56 to belonging fitting in is assessing
0:58 situations and groups of people then
1:00 twisting yourself into a human pretzel
1:02 in order to get them to let you hang out
1:05 with them belonging is something else
1:07 entirely it's showing up and letting
1:10 yourself be seen and known as you really
1:13 are belonging is true for people all
1:16 around the world so let's take a look at
1:19 what goes on in our brains around the
1:21 process of belonging it's actually a
1:23 four-phase process and the thing I want
1:25 you to know first is that our brains are
1:28 actually lazy they're going to take the
1:30 shortest route they can and spend the
1:32 least amount of energy and when we're
1:34 engaging with groups this actually can
1:36 be a detriment to us so first is face
1:39 perception and this happens so quickly
1:41 it's subconscious it happens in 200
1:43 milliseconds and there's three parts of
1:45 the brain they're activated here it's
1:47 the fusiform face area the aspal face
1:51 area and the superior sulcus and also
1:53 individual neurons what scientists have
1:55 found is that individual neurons are
1:57 actually scanning for maybe an eyebrow
1:59 area or the shape of the mouth and they
2:01 can actually hear them firing as we
2:04 recognize faces and these parts of the
2:06 brain are going to be more active if we
2:08 know the person because memory is also getting
2:09 getting
2:12 activated the second phase that we go
2:14 into is that we scan for danger so what
2:16 we're doing here and the the the parts
2:18 involved are the amydala and the insula
2:20 is that we're looking for signs of
2:22 emotions and intent so as this person is
2:24 coming toward us are they coming at me
2:27 with harm in their eyes or are they
2:29 looking friendly or neutral what's going on
2:30 on
2:33 and so in that millisecond we categorize
2:35 someone as Friend or Foe or at least
2:37 neutral or Foe because again that
2:39 increases our chance of survival if we
2:42 identify that early on so the third
2:46 phase is about sorting for me and we so
2:48 this is the medial prefrontal cortex and
2:50 what it helps us distinguish is when we
2:53 engage with another am I part of just me
2:55 or am I part of a group are we in the
2:57 same group together so is it just Brit
3:00 or is it Brit part of a team so you're
3:01 kind of sorting for this individual
3:03 versus Collective self and the other
3:05 part that we do here is is this my
3:08 in-group or my outgroup so our brains do
3:09 that all the time sociologists have
3:11 talked about it for a long time but we
3:12 actually can see a difference
3:15 neurologically in the brain as we do
3:17 this and this is where our sense of we
3:20 comes from which is hey I'm part of this
3:21 group so now when I see someone who's
3:22 part of my team I kind of just feel
3:24 differently around them than if they're
3:26 just another kind of neutral person in
3:29 my life and then finally the fourth
3:33 phase is we assess for US versus them
3:37 our brain can hold us and them but this
3:39 Us Versus Them is a different kind of
3:40 sort and there's actually different
3:42 neural signatures when we're in
3:44 competition with another group so what's
3:46 interesting is when we're in an Us
3:48 Versus Them relationship here's what
3:50 happens in our brain when I see someone
3:53 who's part of my group or my team or my
3:56 community my brain will light up when a
3:58 member of my team has a success I'll get
4:01 a reward in my my brain in addition my
4:04 capacity for empathy is greater my
4:06 likelihood of forgiving them is greater
4:09 even if they do me harm and we're much
4:10 more likely to engage in Acts of
4:12 altruism for people we see as part of
4:16 our us but if we've been cast in an Us
4:18 Versus Them relationship with someone
4:20 else what happens in our brains when
4:23 someone on the other group fails I
4:25 actually get a reward for their failure
4:28 you feel good when they fail in addition
4:30 we are much more likely to engage in
4:33 hostility judgment and deration of
4:36 others so setting people up in an Us
4:38 Versus Them relationship is very
4:40 powerful and you want to be very careful
4:42 about how you do that at work I know a
4:44 lot of times managers thinks that
4:46 pitting teams against each other
4:49 motivates them you know it we'll work in
4:51 the short term but the problem here is
4:53 that our brain once we categorize
4:56 someone as the them it doesn't really
4:58 shift from that so if you reorg the
5:00 teams later and you want them to get
5:01 along and work nicely with each other
5:02 it's really difficult for them to do
5:05 that biologically so pay attention to
5:07 these four phases because this is how we
5:10 create belonging in our interactions
