0:03 hey this is Leo for actualized.org and
0:06 in this video I want to talk about low
0:09 self-esteem in [Music]
0:18 [Music]
0:21 women all right let's talk about low
0:23 self-esteem especially low self-esteem
0:25 in women so I have another video that
0:27 I'm going to link down below it's called
0:30 self-esteem that's kind of my
0:32 fundamental introductory video about
0:33 what self-esteem is and I go into a lot
0:35 of depth there about the details of
0:37 self-esteem here I'm not going to do
0:39 that I'm more interested in the question
0:40 of why do women tend to have more
0:42 self-esteem issues than men do to me
0:44 that was curious and I started to look
0:45 into that and ask myself questions about
0:47 why this is and I want to share some of
0:49 my thoughts there with you so that you
0:51 can get more understanding if you're a
0:53 woman about where this is coming from
0:55 and maybe even if you're a man and you
0:56 have women in your life that have this
0:58 problem you can also understand where
1:00 they're coming from so to get this
1:02 discussion grounded we need to talk a
1:03 little bit about self-esteem I'm just
1:05 going to do a recap of the definition of
1:07 self-esteem self-esteem has two
1:09 components to it you've got
1:11 self-efficacy and self-respect
1:13 self-efficacy simply means that you have
1:16 the ability to think and direct your own
1:18 life so it's how much power do you feel
1:20 you have over the circumstances in your
1:22 life that's self-efficacy and
1:25 self-respect is believing that you have
1:26 inherent value in yourself and you have
1:29 a right to be happy so when you have
1:31 both these components working together
1:33 then you have high self-esteem if either
1:35 one of these components is
1:38 malfunctioning or both of them are
1:39 eroded then you have very low
1:41 self-esteem now what I tend to find is
1:43 that women struggle with self-esteem
1:45 more than men this is a generalization
1:47 this doesn't mean a woman can't have
1:49 high self-esteem this doesn't mean that
1:51 there aren't women who have much higher
1:52 self-esteem than men it's certainly the
1:55 case many men have self-esteem issues
1:57 but with women it tends to be more of a
2:00 problem and for them not only is it a
2:01 problem on the inside it tends to
2:03 manifest itself in a problem on the
2:06 outside in dysfunctional relationships
2:08 this tends to create a certain level of
2:10 codependency and it makes you an
2:13 unassertive doormat and then basically
2:15 men tend to come and walk all over you
2:17 so why is this happening if it's
2:19 happening to you how can we get an
2:20 understanding of why this is happening with
2:21 with
2:23 women well I think if you look at this
2:26 definition self-efficacy self-respect
2:27 the self-efficacy part especially this
2:29 is your ability to control and direct
2:32 life well how is that
2:34 developed well the way that's developed
2:36 in boys and in girls is a little bit
2:38 different so let's take a look at some
2:40 of the cultural underpinnings here I
2:42 think the culture has a lot to do with
2:45 why this uh this disparity exists so
2:48 when a boy is growing up in our culture
2:52 then he is told to do what as parents
2:55 they put him into sports and other
2:57 aggressive activities the boy is told
2:59 that he's going to have a career and a
3:00 business and he needs to make money and
3:02 he needs to provide for his future
3:05 family potentially and so the boy is
3:07 always taught to compete to fight that's
3:09 a very masculine type of energy right that
3:10 that
3:12 competitive competitive fighting that
3:15 men do with each other so that's going
3:16 on with the boys with the girls what's
3:19 happening well it's not quite the same
3:20 right they don't have those sorts of
3:21 pressures put on them it's more about
3:23 being nurturing and loving and being
3:25 girly and then putting that and
3:27 investing it into a relationship into a
3:28 family so women are more about
3:30 relationships and Families
3:31 not so much about going out there and
3:33 conquering the world although there are
3:35 many women that are good at that and so
3:37 um I'm in no way discouraging it or
3:38 saying that there's anything wrong with
3:41 it but that just tends to be the general
3:43 Trend right well what happens if you're
3:45 always exerting this masculine energy
3:46 and you're always out there kind of
3:48 pushing the boundaries of the world what
3:50 do you think happens to you well what
3:52 happens is that you encounter challenge
3:55 you encounter resistance and if you've
3:56 got this kind of motive to just like
3:58 bust bust bust bust through it then you
4:01 learn a lot and you learn fast this is
4:03 how rapid Learning Happens is you
4:05 immerse yourself you throw yourself into
4:06 a tough situation then you have to just
4:08 kind of struggle your way out this is
4:10 for example how a military boot camp
4:14 works right you take a grunt recruit who
4:16 knows nothing about the military has no
4:18 discipline you throw him into a couple
4:19 week boot camp and all of a sudden he
4:21 comes out like a real like a real
4:24 go-getter a real Soldier right uh and
4:25 why is this happening because he's put
4:27 under enormous enormous pressure and he
4:30 learns very very fast the is extremely
4:32 good at learning when it's under
4:34 pressure now the human being and the
4:37 human mind is is the opposite when it's
4:39 not under pressure he tends to kind of
4:41 doze off and be a little lazy and tends to
4:41 to
4:45 backslide and so here's what's going on
4:46 I think this is what's happening is that
4:47 with boys they're out there competing
4:49 all the time so they develop a very
4:50 strong sense of self-efficacy because
4:52 you know they're trying stuff they're
4:53 failing they're they're learning how the
4:56 world works and they get like a real uh
4:57 sense of ownership over the world they
4:58 feel like they have the World by the
5:01 balls with a woman it's not quite so
5:03 much I mean women do that on their own
5:06 terms and some women are out there doing
5:08 uh masculine type things and that will
5:10 build them self efficacy but then a lot
5:12 of women aren't doing that a lot of
5:15 women are playing second fiddle to
5:17 somebody else in their life whether it's
5:19 to their family or to the man in her
5:21 relationship and so she's she's always
5:22 playing second fiddle or taking the back
5:25 seat as it were um and he's the one
5:27 driving and so when this tends to happen
5:28 and it happens for a long periods of
5:30 time what happens is that your brain
5:32 literally starts to turn to Mush it
5:33 starts to kind of atrophy it's kind of
5:34 like muscles if you don't use your
5:37 muscles they atrophy and that's what's
5:41 happening and your self-efficacy erodes
5:42 because when you're not out there
5:43 challenging yourself and doing stuff if
5:45 you're sitting at home if you're locked
5:46 up if you're cooped up if you're not
5:48 really out there in the world living on
5:50 your Edge then you're like really in
5:52 your comfort zone and that tends to
5:54 build a very very big rut and as that
5:56 rut is building your self-efficacy is
5:58 eroding and eroding and eroding and you
5:59 feel like you can't really control the
6:02 world you feel like you become a victim
6:04 so that is I think that's like the
6:06 underlying thread here is that this is
6:08 what's going on I think also there are
6:10 some physiological differences right so
6:12 this is not just purely cultural
6:14 conditioning there's biological
6:16 differences so it's more natural for a
6:18 man to go out there and compete that's
6:20 masculine energy for a woman being in
6:21 relationships and being submissive
6:24 that's also more natural that's feminine
6:27 energy and uh and you can see how that
6:29 can lead to certain disadvantages I mean
6:31 guys have their own set of disadvantages
6:32 that they have I'm not talking about
6:34 that here I'll have other videos about
6:36 that here we're just focusing on women
6:39 so the the disadvantage with with being
6:41 uh with being very feminine like that
6:42 and being very submissive is that you
6:44 tend to take the back seat and you don't
6:45 have a lot of control you feel like
6:47 you're a victim in stuff if stuff isn't
6:49 going your way then you just tend to
6:51 tolerate it that tends to be your coping
6:53 strategy it's just like tolerate
6:54 tolerating and bearing it and just kind
6:56 of like suffering through it whereas a
6:58 man tends to like not put up with that
7:00 as much so part of that is the pH
7:03 physiology women are more compassionate
7:05 more nurturing and these are amazing
7:07 qualities but they also have some
7:10 disadvantages um there's also amazing
7:11 qualities that men have that also have
7:13 their own disadvantages so every
7:14 strength tends to have also kind of a
7:16 little weakness behind it it's like two
7:19 sides of the same coin and so for women
7:20 I think it's especially challenging
7:22 because they need to on the one hand
7:24 maintain their femininity that's
7:26 important to a woman a feminine woman
7:29 feels like her authentic self so that's important
7:29 important
7:31 but at the same time this femininity it
7:34 can't just be like this passive do
7:35 whatever you will with me I'm going to
7:37 be a doormat it needs to be more like
7:39 I'm still on my Edge I'm still doing my
7:41 own things but I'm doing them in a
7:43 feminine way you have to be as a woman
7:45 active and confident and out there
7:48 living your Edge but in a feminine way
7:50 do it in a way that feels natural to you
7:51 as a
7:54 woman not the way a man would but if you
7:56 do that then you will build up that
7:58 self-efficacy too you just need to be
7:59 constantly pushing yourself and
8:02 challenging yourself in your own ways
8:03 and that might be very different than
8:05 they would be for a man maybe for you
8:07 that's really like working on the family
8:10 working on the relationship um doing
8:12 whatever feminine things that you like
8:14 to do but like still pushing yourself in
8:18 those areas don't just become uh very
8:20 passive when you become very passive and
8:23 meek then that's what starts to make
8:26 that atrophy process happen and when
8:29 that's happening then that leads to all
8:31 sorts of problems most importantly it's
8:32 going to lead to dysfunctional
8:33 relationships it's going to create
8:35 codependency it's going to create the
8:37 cycle of bad relationships it's also
8:39 going to make you feel very powerless in
8:40 your life and that's not what we want
8:43 for you here at as.org it's all about
8:45 self-actualization and for women
8:47 self-actualization is equally as
8:49 important as it is for a man because
8:51 that's where those higher feelings you
8:53 know that's where those higher values of
8:55 yours are as a woman yours are just
8:56 going to be different than a man's and
8:58 that's all right but you got to make
8:59 sure that you're always always on the
9:02 edge always pushing your comfort zone always
9:04 always
9:07 growing that is what's the key all right
9:09 so this is Leo this is what I have to
9:10 say about women and low self-esteem I'm
9:13 going to be signing off go ahead and
9:15 post me your comments down below like
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