0:01 There has been a huge decline in mental
0:03 health around the world, which is why
0:04 we're so committed to creating more
0:06 content than we ever have. Thanks for
0:08 being a part of our journey. Do you know
0:10 what it means to have a trauma bond with
0:11 someone? Most people would wrongly
0:13 assume that this means bonding with
0:15 someone over shared trauma, but actually
0:17 trauma bonding is a defining
0:19 characteristic of many toxic and abusive
0:22 relationships, and it's often the main
0:23 reason why we might find ourselves
0:26 [music] unable to leave them. A drama
0:28 bond refers to the deep emotional
0:29 attachment [music] one might feel
0:32 towards their abuser and it's more
0:33 likely to develop in those who have a
0:36 history of abuse, exploitation, or
0:38 emotional codependency in their past
0:40 relationships. Trauma bonds can easily
0:42 be mistaken for feelings of love and
0:44 commitment towards another person. So,
0:45 with [music] that said, here are some
0:48 signs to look out for that tell you if
0:50 it's not actually love that you're
0:52 experiencing, but a trauma bond. Number
0:55 one, the other person is outwardly
0:57 charming. Of course, if given the
0:59 choice, no one would willingly choose to
1:01 pursue a relationship with someone who
1:03 acts abusive towards them. The problem
1:06 is, however, that toxic relationships
1:08 don't start [music] out that way. And
1:09 it's usually only when you've already
1:11 experienced the abuse that you start to
1:14 realize something [music] is wrong. You
1:15 might develop a trauma bond with someone
1:18 if they are outwardly charming, sweet,
1:21 caring, and seem trustworthy to you. But
1:22 don't be fooled. There might be
1:24 something more sinister lurking beneath
1:27 it all. Number two, they are emotionally
1:29 unpredictable. You might be asking
1:31 yourself, why don't people just leave
1:33 the relationships once they realize that
1:36 it's unhealthy for them? But the trouble
1:38 is, it's a lot harder to spot trauma
1:40 bonding when it's up close [music] and
1:42 personal compared to if you just saw it
1:44 happening to someone else. This is
1:45 because abusive partners can often be
1:48 emotionally manipulative, too. They
1:50 might abuse you and devalue you only to
1:52 shower you with kindness, apologies, and
1:55 promises to change the next day. This
1:58 serves as positive reinforcement to make
1:59 you second guessess any thoughts you
2:01 might have of leaving them. Number
2:03 three, [music] they tend to take their
2:05 problems out on you. Think back to the
2:07 last time this partner, friend, or
2:09 family member heard some bad news or
2:11 encountered a problem. How do they
2:13 usually deal with it? Do they [music]
2:16 often lash out, take it out on you, even
2:19 when you've done nothing wrong? They
2:20 could be keeping you around as their
2:23 psychological punching bag, and you
2:25 deserve better than that. Number four,
2:28 they isolate you from your loved ones.
2:29 Some people might think it's sweet to
2:30 have someone who wants them all to
2:32 themselves and gets [music] jealous of
2:34 those you spend your time with. But
2:35 there's a difference between loving
2:37 someone so much you want them around all
2:40 the time and actively working to isolate
2:41 them from the other important
2:44 relationships in their lives. Does this
2:45 person get mad at you for spending time
2:48 with anyone who isn't them? Do they try
2:50 to control who you're with or ask you
2:51 [music] to distance yourself from your
2:53 friends and family? If the answer is
2:56 yes, then that's as clear a red flag as
3:00 any. Number five, you deny or minimize
3:03 their abusive [music] behavior. Now,
3:04 let's look at all the ways the trauma
3:07 bond might affect you and your behavior.
3:09 Often times, the most telling sign that
3:11 you're in a destructive relationship is
3:13 if you find yourself constantly trying
3:15 to deny or minimize the other person's
3:18 wrongdoings. We look past all their
3:20 mistreatment towards us and minimize the
3:23 abuse by saying things like, "Oh, it's
3:26 not that bad, really." Or, "I don't mind
3:28 it." Because in the moment, it's easier
3:30 for us to just brush it off instead of
3:33 confronting what might be a terrible,
3:35 harsh reality [music] that the person
3:38 you're with is abusing you. Number six,
3:41 you constantly make excuses for them.
3:42 The [music] moment you can no longer
3:44 deny or minimize what the other person
3:47 has done, and a family member or friend
3:49 says something like, "What they [music]
3:50 did to you is not okay. Don't let them
3:53 treat you like that." You're still most
3:54 likely going to try to make excuses for
3:57 them and come to their defense. At
3:58 times, you might even find yourself
4:00 feeling like you deserve their
4:02 mistreatment. Once you [music] start
4:04 thinking like this, that is a critical
4:07 sign that you are in a trauma bond and
4:10 not a loving relationship. Number seven,
4:12 you're becoming more and more
4:15 emotionally numb. Have you noticed
4:17 yourself feeling less and less lately?
4:19 Like you're detached and emotionally
4:22 numb. You [music] might be feeling this
4:23 way because subconsciously it's your
4:25 mind's way of coping with all of the
4:27 abuse that it's had to deal with from
4:29 the [music] person you're trauma bonded
4:33 to. You can't take any more pain, fear,
4:36 anger, or heartache. So instead, you
4:38 close yourself off from all of your
4:40 emotions. You're not as vibrant, [music]
4:42 talkative, or expressive as you used to
4:46 be, and they're the reason why. And
4:48 number eight, you're hiding aspects of
4:51 your relationship from others. Finally,
4:53 [music] but perhaps most importantly, if
4:55 you start to hide certain aspects of
4:58 your relationship from those around you,
4:59 then you know that there's definitely
5:02 something wrong. Because why else would
5:04 you actively try to cover up how bad
5:05 things [music] are getting between you
5:08 two? Loyalty towards an abusive
5:10 significant other is a hallmark of
5:13 trauma bonding. So, you might find
5:15 yourself [music] becoming defensive or
5:17 even angered by other people's attempts
5:18 to intervene in your relationship
5:21 [music] and help you. Do you relate to
5:23 any of the things we've mentioned here?
5:25 If you or anyone you know is trapped
5:27 [music] in a trauma bond with someone
5:30 abusive, don't hesitate to speak out and
5:32 seek professional help today. And if you
5:34 need to get in touch with authorities
5:36 who can help you, too. Did you find this
5:39 video valuable? Tell us in the comments
5:40 below. Please like and share it with
5:41 [music] friends that might find use in
5:43 this video, too. Make sure to subscribe
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5:48 references used are added in [music] the
5:50 description box below. Take care of
5:52 yourself. Thank you for watching. We're
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