This episode of "Call Her Daddy" features an interview with actress Lauren Graham, discussing her career, iconic roles like Lorelai Gilmore, and personal reflections on life, aging, and relationships.
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[Music]
what is up daddy gang it is your
Founding Father Alex Cooper with call her
her
daddy Lauren Graham welcome to call her
Daddy thank you so much I am such a fan
this is so epic and so fun and I think
that my fans the daddy gang are going to
freak out that we're in the same room
that's really really nice of you to say
thank you I'm excited too how are you
doing today um listen I was running a
little late um it's raining in
California which always freaks everybody
out and um but I am otherwise good no
everyone acts like we have to like all
stay home from work when it rains it's
like no one leave your house or none of
us also can drive apparently no everyone
gets very stressed out and it's hard to
but it also looks really pretty and you
know it makes the air feel
healthier true okay you live in LA what
is the most La thing about you and the
least La thing about you I live in LA
and New York I still have a place in New
York that I've had for a long time so
I'm I'm endlessly like asking that
question I think one extremely La thing
is to be really freaked out by like one
inch of rain yep and it is a thing to
like really have long conversations
about what freeway you took and why um
and uh and it's just very LA to be like
oh my gosh it's 70° I'm
freezing like that has become like now I
go to the east coast and I can't I don't
know how I ever lived there I feel the
same way my parents recently have been
like Alex shut the [ __ ] up you literally
grew up in Pennsylvania you went to
school in Boston you lived in New York
why are you cold it's like 60 something
degrees I'm like I need a I need like a
park up I think it changes your body to
live here I don't think it's our fault I
think that you just do become more of a
wimp I agree but like we're so fortunate
to have this weather like I want to stay
in it forever and then the least La
thing about you um I don't do yoga
I try I've tried I'll try again I just
can't people are like oh my God the yoga
I don't know why I'm making impressions
of my friends making them sound like
ding-dongs but like yeah I can't do I
don't I don't know it's so slow and it's
too slow I also can't do it I don't also
do hikes as often as I probably should
when everyone's like hiking but yoga I'm
the same way I'm like and Hot Yoga yeah
truly [ __ ] off right um okay when you
aren't working what is your favorite way
to spend an off day well I um really
have enjoyed because I worked for a big
chunk of the year and I'm I'm in kind of
a newish house that I haven't like
gotten I haven't gotten to spend a lot
of time there I really love doing very
little and my favorite thing about my
house is I put cuz the I put the coffee
machine where the bedrooms are on the
bedroom level so I get up I get get out
of bed I go Boop to the coffee maker I
get back in bed and I do like every New
York Times puzzle I'll read I'll like I
just the luxury of not having a 5:00
a.m. call time is just really a
wonderful you saying that just made me
realize like we're all doing it wrong
it's like why is my coffee machine on
another floor we obviously you played
historically like a character that was
obsessed with coffee what is your coffee
order it's well it's gotten it's it's
pretty it can be anything first of all
I'll drink coffee from the gas station I
don't care and and also I'll have like
really coffee with like a lot of you
know footnotes on it like can you and
also but the thing that I do around
holiday time so the coffee is just
coffee I like this vanilla creamer and
then I've started being this person
which is I have whipped cream in a can
and I put whipped cream on top of my
coffee and cinnamon it's the best thing
you've ever had and and I the whipped
cream was just like for holidays I was
like certainly no one can just have Whi
cream on their coffee that's just
decadent and then I just kept it from
Christmas it's so good no every time my
husband sees me he's like you're making
a milkshake that's not a coffee and I'm
like shut up watch yourself I'm having a
nice morning and he just drinks it black
and I'm like you're insane okay wait so
then was that like a huge part that you
just like randomly brought to lur like
did you or did was that already written
as the character it was all written it
was all there the coffee is I mean it's
in the first episode right she goes and
he's you know demands more coffee and
he's like you've had enough no that was
just there and um you know like it was
one of the many kind of
serendipitous aspects of that part and
that time and that character is like we
just shared a lot of traits okay I'm
going to move my coffee machine upstairs
I don't know how I'm doing it but I'm
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deposit before your acting career took
off you worked a lot of different jobs
can you share some of your favorite ones
I mean none of them they all they were
all on the you know it's hard to
do something in service of the thing you
want to do but you're not there yet um
but I didn't I didn't hate being a
waitress I I liked the I like anything
where you're moving and the time goes by
really quickly I liked being an
apprentice at Summer Stock even though
like during the day we had to like clean
the bathrooms and paint the fence and
stuff work the box office um but that
was just like we were all kind of in it
together it was like a fun Community um
I liked being a tutor I was a tutor for
the uh SATs and stuff oh my God yeah
wait that's a flex wait no Lauren that's
like who it was a little bit sure I mean
really the reason I got the job is
because I had a car in New York City I
and they were like oh we'll send her to
Far Rock away or whatever but I like
working with kids and and we weren't
even that far aart in age I was like
right out of grad school and I'm working
with like high school kids so so they
were all kind of okay I worked retail I
worked at Barney oh you did it all yeah
um okay let's talk about Gilmore Girls
okay I'm the biggest fan like I feel
like I go back and forth it depends
usually time of year I'm like it just is
end of September it's about to be
October boom hit it again and I just saw
that according to Netflix people spent
500 million hours watching the show in
23 like I'm like oh I'm a 100 million of
those hours um how does it feel to know
that this show is still just so loved it
feels really good and and also it's hard
to it's hard to comprehend it's like I
feel really lucky I feel like um honored
and um it's just kind of crazy I don't
cuz where does it go from here like how
many generations you know I feel like
though it will have like it has this
lasting power because the themes are so
relatable and the world that was built
is so genuine and safe feeling which I
think like depending on what's going on
in the world like for me like when I
need a show that's going to make me feel
good I'm turning it on and I think
especially the next couple years people
will be like replay replay go back to
episode one like I to me that may be
like everyone has a different experience
with it but like why do you think it
resonates with so many people everything
you just said I think it's a safe place
to visit and um you know it's
aspirational without
being sacaran I mean this motherdaughter
relationship's really fun and positive
but it has its bumps on the road but I
do think it's the writing as well which
is kind of meets you sorry meets you
wherever you are if you're young person
you might miss some of the references
and get some of the wit of It kind of as
you get older but I think there's a it's
almost to me and this is what it was
like performing it it has a musicality
to it it's it's almost theater in a way
I feel like how densely packed the
dialogue is but how kind of it takes you
along like a song does you know and and
so I think it's it's something in your
brain that like playing a song again
like you can kind of listen to it again
that's such an interesting way did it
feel like that when you were it's like
its own world essentially of what you
guys have created can you explain the
moment to me that you realized holy [ __ ]
this show is a hit it there was no
moment because it was a very slow burn
and continues to be like like you know I
remember driving I guess my window was
down or something I was at a stoplight
and like a a more trucky driver guy was
like go more girls and I was like
unlikely sir you're an unlikely but I
love it and so it there it was a really
slow burn that is the best where you're
like not the demographic I thought we
were hitting you can't believe how many
men are like I know it's uh you know
it's not for me or it's not designed for
me and I'm like it is for you you should
start a support group like you know there's
there's
um okay when when you got the script
initially what was your first impression
like now in hindsight of lorai like in
that moment do you
remember I was really struck by the
sense of humor in in the in the writing
and that it was because you have to
remember this was a we now have many
more dramedies than we did then and I
don't even know and and even when the
show started picking up Steve and
getting submitted for things there was
always a discussion every time of do we
submit it in comedy or do we submit it
in drama it doesn't really it is its own
kind of thing and but it's that tone
that I love the most and it did not
occur to me although it occurred to many
other people in my work life that she
was a mom like that wasn't the thing
that struck me that because a lot of
people then I was 30 I turned 32
on the pilot I think or right before um
and people were like don't play a mom
that's the end of your career like you
should you know play whatever
girlfriends you know until you can't do
that anymore or whatever you know it was
more like play the the play the
girlfriend and and I was like oh I don't
think of this Mom is not Mom can be so
many things you know and and I just
really I recognized the language like
like it was somebody speaking to to me I
was like I know that person well I love
how you brought it to life though
because even you Sayang that you're
right I guess someone could read on a
page and be like lur is a mom but I'm
like the way that she had this
youthfulness about her not even saying
yes like you're young as a woman at this
point and still but it's like the energy
you were bringing and her independence
and her own story lines were
so she was an individual and she was a
mother at the same time and I think
brought that to life and it was very
inspiring as a woman to watch that
character because her life didn't just
revolve around Rory even though it
revolved around bory and it felt very
refreshing to see a single mother who
had her own life and her career and her
struggles like it I loved it like I
loved watching two women of different
ages work together to this like common
goal of trying to find happiness with
each other and individually I loved it
too and I think the the aspect cuz you
could have just stopped at the premise
being oh she had her as a teenager but
it it was also there for allowed for
them to have a more truly pure
relationship except for when you know
somebody needed to to put their foot
down and we did it for each other in a
way and you buy it I think because
that's the whole thing of the show
they're friends who are also mother and
daughter their mother and daughter who
are also friends and it's beautiful yeah
in what what ways did you relate to lur
and like how does that work in a script
where you're slowly learning more about
the character and you're learning about
yourself like what was the through line
for you I'm trying to think now there
was one in particular in the maybe first
or second season where I was like are
they are they just like stealing from my
life like and it was probably in I mean
of course there are so besides I was not
a mom but many parallels of
like dating uh
career you know setbacks dealing with
parents I mean it's just all
relatable um it it is the wonderful
evolution in television where the more
the writer gets to know you I mean
you're always playing hopefully the best
thing you can get in especially a TV
show that's going to go on is you want
to be the voice of the creator of the
show you want to be that character who
um you know is them speaking through you
kind of that's where you get the most
juicy kind of material
um but also as they get to know you they
start writing for you even more and
that's really fun fun and scary where
you're like we no you just heard me
gossiping over here how is that in the
script this week get away from me I've
like sat with actors sometimes were like
I had to like stop talking about my
personal life cuz it in the script and
I'm like no [ __ ] you always hear that
about like sex in the city and friends
and stuff yeah I I felt that Less on
Parenthood where which I I loved that
character I loved that show too but I
would get frustrated on her behalf
sometimes I'd be like what can she not
have a win like what I mean she did have
wins and and and had you know such a
beautiful relationship to her that
family too but Sarah Braverman sah Sarah
no Sarah needed more wins than lur yes
right different different okay what was
it like the first time that you met
Alexis AKA Rory Gilmore well it was it
was literally on our way to the table
read because they had waited for me
because I was on another show so by the
time they cast me they were ready to go
ready to shoot and we went to Canada and
I met Alexis in the lobby of the of the
of the hotel and we just always really
got along oh my God was really lucky
that is kind of incredible and also
hilarious of like this relationship that
we all feel like we grew up with whether
people wished they had that relationship
with their mom or they find similarities
or differences and it was like such a
heart string puller then it's like
you're like oh we quickly met and then
we got Off to the Races it worked what
do you remember of like those first few
scenes shooting with Alexis cuz like did
you feel the immediate chemistry were
you guys trying to figure out your Vibe
together no I mean I I think we did just
feel immediate chemistry you know we are
very different energies she is a Shyer
quieter person
which is perfect because I think if you
had two loud mes you'd not have a good
balance and I just really liked her and
I she just had like a lot of natural
ability okay I'm going to ask you some
rapid fire Gilmore Girl questions Stars
Hollow is so iconic obviously what was
your favorite place
there um not the town hall because it
was so hot in there always it was like
50 people um you know Luke's was always
fun the scenes in there were always fun
um it it always just had a lot of like
energy I used to get phone calls from
like my cousins who'd be like how many
times are you going around the Gazebo
like you've been like we would just walk
around the Gazebo a million times so you
know you just get such a sense memory of
all these places um my house was always
fun and the kitchen was always with good
scenes in the kitchen um it tended to be
you know in the house where like we'd
have some good watching TV sitting on
the couch with giant cheese puffs in
front of us so the best they were all
they were all really cozy the damn Town
Hall I'm dead um okay which castmate is
most like their character in real life
um Kelly well
no gosh everybody is and isn't you know
um like Kelly has that part of her but
she's warm she's she's you know Regal
but way warmer than than Emily who who
does who had warmth in there yes okay
what lur line is most often quoted back
to you I mean oi with the poodles
already I
guess that's good that's good okay
laurelai has some amazing outfits did
you ever use your own clothes from your
own closet I think I did I think that
that everybody loves an Irish girl
t-shirt that was my introduction to
Instagram yeah guys I'm haven't even
been on it a year yet really was really
waiting to just make sure it was going
to stick um I think that was mine and
occasionally but you know you're going
to work at 5: in the morning and like so
I wasn't I wasn't uh bringing in
anything good also like my clothes are
not her clothes are more fun than my
clothes are not fun fun so fun okay what
storyline was a little hard for you to
get behind there's a year when Alexis
and I are in a fight Rory and Laura are
in a fight for a long time and and we
would talk about it and Amy was like you
know you can't do a show for this long
and not have conflict but it I forget
even what the conflict was but it went
on for a while and that's the one that I
would hear from people that they didn't
they didn't like that I agree yeah which
of Rory's boyfriends do you think was
the best fit for her in the long run you
know you can't get me I won't be gotten
here or anywhere else I'll never say
they were all a good fit for her at the
time because they were a learning
experience oh oh my God
you're that's the right answer learn
from even the frogs know you're the
frogs um okay which of laur's Partners
did you like the best I mean Luke is the
right answer for sure yeah Luke yep um
okay you previously said you did not
date Scott Patterson obviously who plays
Luke in the show but you did date a
couple of the other guys on the set of
Gilmore Girls I know you're not going to
tell me I ask though was it anyone that
lurl ever dated
yes and dating is real big word for for
some of the
experiences but you know you're there 14
15 hours who else are you going to meet
no are you kidding me I love that for
you um okay quickly want to go through
some memorable scenes can you tell I'm a
fan um I'm like hold on I hope I
remember though I'm like wait just one
more time no actually it's good if you
don't like let's get through it okay I'm
going to give you a moment tell me what
you remember remember any behind the
scenes how you felt whatever it was okay
when lur and Rory get hit on by the same
guy at Luke Steiner first scene of the
pilot well that really was the scene
that was the hook of the show weirdly
or I had never seen that scene before in
anything and I thought like that's
really creative that's a great way to
introduce that these are you know people
who are close in age and um I I I did
sort of feel like that's the I can still
I can remember it really well um you
know it was one of the first scenes if
not the first scene we shot at Luke
Steiner I don't know I felt like that
that was a really fun the kid playing
the kid was really cute and Alexis was
like are you my new daddy like speaking
of call her daddy um and I don't know it
was just really fun it was like the hook
of the show it was amazing okay when lur
and Luke finally have their first kiss
when was that you guys are like on the
porch I think it was a season 4 finale
you guys are on the porch that early
season 4 you like pull away you're like
what are you doing and he's like would
you just shut up for a second and then
he goes in that's so hot I know it
remember oh it was so hot I like re was
like rewind rewind rewind cuz like the
build I love how you say that soon I'm
like I was waiting day one day one okay
when lorai starts dating Rory's teacher
well I think we've learned both from lur
and Sarah Braverman don't date your
teacher's kid I when I was getting
ready no I forgot about that I was like
Sarah and lur both dated doesn't work
out no it does not okay when Rory slept
with Dean after he got married she did
yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah no no I
remember I remember I remember I
remember I remember oh I mean there are
these things where yeah that was
bad that was very out of character for
her it was but sometimes you had to
switch it up okay when weekly dinners
with Richard and Emily were the price
for Rory going to Chilton I mean it's
tough because I don't want to wreck
anything for anybody I loved those
scenes they were a real bear to shoot
cuz somebody's eating here and
somebody's eating there somebody's
eating here you got to move the camera
all the way around and so they would
take a really long time and you'd sit in
front of that like fake fancy food and
you know but we we would just that was
also so key to the show to so you know
so we we loved them while they took a
long time I didn't even think about that
as like when you're in production like
you're like I'm which I guess could then
kind of in a positive way like add to
your annoyance like shut up mom and
you're like getting annoyed well and it
and it does it's it's an interesting
exercise in continuity because as you
know the hours tick
by what are what's your emotional level
where did your elbow go like so there
was a kind of you're right like
constraint in there or something that
like you had to keep doing this the same
exact way and yet keep it fresh which is
kind of indicative of how you were
actually supposed to be feeling while
you're shooting that scene so okay there
we go I used it in my work um okay you
talked about how you did not realize
that the SE season 7 finale was the end
of Gilmore Girls and I cannot imagine
emotionally just being like see you guys
tomorrow or see you guys next season and
then it ends like what was that last day
like for you it was really emotional we
had our wonderful director Le shallot
shemel who was like guys you know I'm
going to do a shot at the end that
mimics the shot that that is in the
pilot that sort of pulls away from
Luke's and we're like there in the diner
she's like in case this is it and the
whole year had been really emotional we
were very lost without as good writers
we had that we were kind of lost without
Amy and
Dan the show just didn't feel the same
we couldn't even it was like what it
should we try to stay should we to keep
going like it you know it's not up to
the actors so there were many many many
conversations and it just did feel like
you you want to be able to say goodbye
to something and we didn't get to do
that obviously the show came back for a
Revival but like when you did walk away
how did you feel knowing like wow the
Gilmore Girls era of my life is over
well it didn't happen until a few weeks
later there were still conversations
going on who knows how that decision
ultimately got made but I was at a
restaurant and the waiter came over and
was like your agent's on the phone which
was very dramatic and glamorous I was
like oh excuse me my agent's on the
phone and I went and picked up the phone
at the bar because I guess I don't know
what was going on with cell phones then
and or why he knew where I was or like
why I don't know any of it but and he
said it's over and I didn't know how to
feel and I didn't know you know later
different a couple different cast
members said you know you didn't call me
and I was like oh God I didn't wouldn't
even have thought it was my job or my
place to call anybody and tell them no
and that's what I think is like nice
though to hear cuz I think people would
be like what do you mean you didn't know
and you're like no I'm literally sitting
there and I didn't know um so you guys
come back for the Revival what was it
like playing lur again it just made me
so happy it's so um God it would just
made me so happy I I I was like on a
little Cloud the entire time I because
it was such an opportunity that you
don't get very often to do a not a do
over but like get to return to something
with people feeling enthusiastic and you
know it's going to be completed you know
it's not a pilot um it was just an
incredible opportunity and
I don't know everything about it was
just it was the most probably fun I've
had it work the show ended on a bit of a
cliffhanger do you the big I was like
wait what how are we wait do you think
that it could ever come back again I
think this is just my theory I do not
know I'm this is how much I'm
superstitious or in love with the show
is like there are questions I could
probably get an answer to that that I
have never asked like I never asked
because Amy said from the beginning she
knew what the final four words of the
show were she knew from the beginning
and she didn't get to do it in season 7
that it had to wait until like she knew
that was the the the those were the
final words I never asked her I didn't
even ask her when we were shooting that
episode of the of the show I don't think
I asked her until cuz it wasn't in the
script cuz it's what Mom I'm pregnant m
mom what I'm pregnant and she didn't put
it in the script because she didn't want
it to leak so she would she just told us
when we kind of got there and so it did
feel like a cliffhanger I think it was I
think maybe the thought was we would go
into another season
then but I have never asked and I don't
know why don't you ask because I don't
know because I'm scared I don't know I
because because I guess I feel like if
that didn't happen was that like I don't
know like I don't want to know I don't
want to see behind the curtain of like
did they not feel like doing it did
Netflix not feel like doing it did did
were we waiting what were they waiting
on there's just a little bit of movie
Magic that I would like to maintain
that's fair yeah do you have your
theories of who you think the father is
I do are you going to tell
me well there are two theories and and
either one I'll just speak as a producer
type now could could send the story
forward it could be the wook who she uh
fools around with in the in that
storyline it could be Logan and either
juicy either way it's juicy yeah that's
fair CU it's some it could be some one
night stand which then what does that do
to her relationship to the guy she's
maybe you know was going to go down that
path or it could
be could be him this is good te um okay
you obviously also starred in another
one of my favorite shows Parenthood I
can't tell you how many times I have
rewatched that show really oh my God
because that's what I was going to
wonder is is that a rewatch in the way
it's not in the same way but I don't
hear that as much the people rewatch it
different I have to really want a show
and I that I want to like dive into and
like feel something like I can't do that
when I'm like stressed with work and I'm
like all I'm like Gil girls when I I go
through it like every few years my mom
and I will be like are you starting it
again I'm starting it again you're
starting it oh well then I'm going to
start it again you playing episode one
tonight okay I'm playing and we like
live on opposite sides of the country so
I'm like go go and then we like gush
over it and it's the best um how would
you describe your relationship with that
mean
varied oh right yeah yeah um and um but
predominantly uh like just it was it was
the most easy filming experience which
you bond to some degree no matter what
but when something's easy and and and
you just have a lot of time to just sit
around and chitchat like that's just so
fun how lucky were we that we got to you
know make this show where it was a very
different way of working and it was a
much looser kind of um way of working
and they each have their Merit and they
each like belong to the kind of show it
is and I just love I just love everybody
truly and and you know in particular had
being child of mine adjacent like
incredible friendships that have that
have lasted and you know my friendship
with Dax I don't see him as much but
like there's just some really wonderful
people every scene was so much fun to do
um it was just really fun I was recently
with Dax and Kristen and I was like Dax
can you just give me like 20 minutes
just give me 20 minutes and Kristen I
apologized we need to talk about
Parenthood he's like ask me anything
let's go I'm going one by one I'm like
tell me this tell me because it's as a
fan that world that was built of that
family and the chaos and the beauty and
the pain and the fun like you can't help
but feel one parts of yourself and your
own family in it or two it really does
kind of take you out of your own
[ __ ] that you're dealing with and
you're like oh this family is [ __ ]
insane I love it like but you also want
to be a part of it and there was such
Pride I'll say amongst the cast
everybody in their own family unit
really had their own thing and their own
kind of language their own way they did
things and and you know so it was easy
when we would all get together to have
these sort
of organic conflicts and you know
ribbing and kind of fun and like it's a
really good group okay I know this is a
little broad but if you have anything
that comes to mind like looking back at
your time on that show is there any
memory or story or moment you can share
with us that really sticks with you to
this day when you like think back at
that time of your life I mean there's
there there is just a strange thing May
like it's like we are speaking some twin
language and there were many many scenes
with her almost to the degree that I was
like this must stop we cannot continue
I'd have a tiny little maybe tear in my
eye she be like no no don't do it don't
do it and like you know I think of like
when we're singing playing guitar and
stuff and like you know she improvised a
line one day where she said she said
hero and I'm pretty sure she just like
came up with that and like it's just a
weirdo kind of connection that you know
we're having right now oh my God L we're
both about to start crying if you're
listening to this we both have tears in
our eyes oh my I was wondering like how
much in Parenthood and in Gilmore Girls
are you kind of improvising certain more
girls never okay and Parenthood
sometimes and you
know but and both just have their Merit
call her daddy is brought to you by
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daddy in your early career the Press
would criticize you for being single and
not dating how did those comments back
then affect you oh God I
mean always feels weird to be asked and
many times I was lying because it such a strange
strange
um thing to talk about which I still
mainly don't talk about like something
that you don't know what's going to
happen I think some people are built for
it some people don't find it
personally vulnerable um and it was also
I have to say it it wasn't my focus at
the time so it felt strange like I'm a
working person and I'm I'm in a career
and like
I don't know this was odd would you
consider yourself a very private person
or would you just consider the career
that you're in to public yeah yeah I
think a little bit of both I also think
I have led in some ways you know an unconventional
unconventional
like certain there there is a age at
which most a lot of people do the same
thing there's an age at which a lot of
people get married there's an age at
which a lot of people have kids and then
there are there are people who just are
not on that timing and so I don't know
whether to be the spokesperson for that
or like apologetic about that or like I
don't know no I could see that being
annoying because what
I what I appreciate about what I do for
a living is I get to sit down with like
mostly incredible women I mostly
interview women and something that I
talked about recently with I forget who
I was just talking about this with which
was like
timelines and how we all have something
in our head growing up of like this is
my story like I and I was always the
person that was like I'm never getting
married I'm never getting married when I
met my now husband who I just recently
got married to I literally said to him
we will never get married and he was
like okay like chill and I was like it's
you can't change my mind I just want to
be really upfront about that and then
what changed your mind I
think because I recognized that when I
knew he earnestly meant it that he would
be with me for the rest of his life
without us signing a legal document
without me having a physical ring on my
finger all of that and it was months and
months of him never bringing it up and
he would even he would even say like my
partner like this that I saw the level
of respect that he had for what I had
initially wanted and then I went into
therapy and reeval valuated why was I so
intent on not wanting to get married and
I would consider myself a very like
strong independent woman who I've always
been career driven like I'm going to go
for this until the end and I'm going to
still be working then until someone rips
me out of the chair and I was always
worried that especially as a woman it
would threaten a man and I didn't think
I could do both and when I started to
have a partner that allowed me to do
that I was like [ __ ]
I think it's interesting because I did
not have a timeline and until like the
the I I I just didn't have a timeline I
I think a little bit growing up the way
I did with my mom not not that mothers
give this necessarily to people but now
I'm like obsessed with timeline in a in
a way I think is really positive because
I'm now at an age where I want to be
planning what else I would like in my
life I I want to be thinking really
actively about that I think I was mainly
in relationships where it didn't really
occur to me to say this is what I would
like this is not what I would not like I
thought that happened just organically
and it doesn't always and and like like
I love all the matchmaking shows um hard
hard left um I and I love them
because there's like it's you know we're
all working within a system right like
we're all learning the way a podcast
works the way a TV show works the what
we want to do next or how you create a
show or all that kind of stuff
everything has a system including being
a person on this planet including being
in a relationship including being in a
career and juggling that with like what
else you want to do and I don't know why
some fundamental
like being I don't know it whether it
was I just didn't think that you had to
say those things out loud and I think
like you're describing the process of
the two of you kind of what you did in
that in your relationship is you met
over a shared value and you didn't have
it at first maybe or you had a different
thought about it and then you grew and
changed and I'm sure he did too and
that's relationship and that's the one
thing you cannot predict when you go in
is are we going to grow and change and
have values that keep aligning
and um and and the only way you have
that is by talking about it being open
about it being honest about it and um
you know I think it's why again hard
left why so many housewife shows I love
this I love it why you see these things
you know you're watching in sort of
realish time or whatever degree we
believe it's real you can see things
crumble when people did people change
people change and you don't know and you
don't know no that's such a good point
of like when people are so perplexed by
like well how did it not work and how
and it's like oh I think it makes
complete sense every time something
doesn't work because either one person's
not growing with the other or they're
both growing in complete opposite
directions or they're the exact same and
life happens and you can't stay the same
if you're not like you know what I mean
it's like a pretty sad feeling when
things end but in my opinion when I look
back at previous relationships I had I
was never asking the questions and then
this was the first relationship I
actually was like oh I think I'm going
to be honest with him and see if he can
handle it because the men I dated prior
to him I knew I could never say that
because it wouldn't have worked for the
men that I was dating and I think I'd be
curious to know from you like I
struggled a lot of being a woman with a
career and really loving my career and
being confident in it and I know a lot
of women listening experiences like men
can be terrified and emasculated and
feel like how can I handle such like a
competent confident competent woman like
how how has that impacted you I just I I
tended in the earlier days
to I
dated maybe guys who were great but who
weren't as in their careers and I would
feel apologetic about that more than I
don't know so I would maybe Tamp my
thing down a little bit and not try to
comp not compete but like not I didn't
want them to feel bad kind of thing it
is it's really tricky um but I I will
say you know like I I think I was
supportive to one of my sisters when you
know she was dating her now husband I
was like ask for this that and this and
and it it's like the TV show thing if we
knew how to do it perfectly every
relationship would be perfect because
there's also giving something time to
grow and there's also you know um not
going in guns blazing like this is what
I want when you haven't established like
a foundation yet but that's so relatable
what you just said of like trying to not
intimidate the person you're with and I
do feel and I know this is like not
every statement is just like 100% but I
bet it's rare that a man is like trying
to dim his success to make the woman
feel comfortable that she's maybe not as
high up in her career of who they're
together but you sitting here I've done
it too where like I'm having such
success and the guy that I'm dating I'm
like oh my God he is going to actually
like he's not going to be able to you
just feel it you know they threshold and
you have to dim yourself down and you
don't come home and say holy [ __ ] I had
the best [ __ ] day at work cuz they're
like standing there like whoo whoa whoa
whoa whoo why are you shining so bright
and I'm over here feeling like a piece
of [ __ ] is another thing that I wouldn't
have thought like I don't feel that way
in in like I'm happy for my friend's
success and happy for my partner's
success and and but I get it I get it if
I get it especially in your 20s and 30s
and maybe even 40s when like you're
still trying to get to the thing you
wanted to get and it's hard when you
know you see somebody else shoot ahead
and and you it's not that you don't want
it for them you want it for yourself and
now I just I really want to have a good
day at work I'm like not I don't have
the whatever that drive was that I
really really that put me in all those
jobs and I didn't care I was going to
kill kill myself at work until I could
get to an audition until I could get
something like I think it's age
appropriate not to have that as much
anymore I I got beyond my wildest dreams
isn't that incredible that I can say
that I I I just thought I was going to
be like in a regional theater company in
Washington DC which still would be a
dream and I got this part that we're
here talking about like that is so
moving to me that I just kind of want to
just enjoy my days now you know of of
work and now I'm I'm more interested in
the Creative Vision about of something
or like you know I'm
want to direct my friend's book then
turn it into a movie like it's just I
want to be in Partnership that is in
every way that is um fun I think that's
an incredible place to get to because I
do think like that in a lot of people we
all feel it where you're like everyone's
got that thing individually that you're
like if I get this I know I work so hard
and I deserve it and I'm going to get it
and then once you get it then you're
like Okay now what's next and it's
beautiful thing to keep going and but
it's also it's a lot because then once
you get what you want you got to move
the needle and do you ever feel like
you're like when you were in that kind
of like race with yourself did you ever
feel like [ __ ] I need
to not slow down but did you ever feel
like people were like you did it like
you accomplished it like no I don't
think anyone gives it gives you that I
think you have to give it to yourself
like I remember I was dating some actor
and I was in a really busy time it was
maybe like second third year of Gilmore
Girls Where not only were the days
really busy but then weekends and doing
talk shows or whatever else was going on
at the time and I was like I just don't
I'm tired I don't want to do it and and
and his advice was
interesting and we were sort of peers he
was like don't you kind of have to write
ride this while it's happening you can't
step off this train because you hard to
get back on like go do the photo shoot
you don't feel like doing you know like
you now is that great advice I don't
know but it it it was when something's
going you that is an
opportunity it will come around again
probably but it there it there are times
when you're working harder than you want
to and
then you but it's like the relationship
thing you have to keep re-evaluating
does this feel good I have my friend
Jenny Han has this thing that I always
forget what the third one is it's
basically like am I doing this just for
fun am I doing this as maybe an act of
service or for you know as a some
somebody I want to help out is it worth
it and that can mean financially that
can mean it's going to help your career
that can mean you know but you don't
have to just say Yes um endlessly you
know when you're talking about like
reevaluating things like I agree and I
think that's great advice for people
listening of like you always have to be
like rechecking in with yourself and if
you are dating or you're in a
relationship um what is something that
you've realized that you're not willing
to compromise on I mean so many things
um it's it it is first of all I think in
the beginning something should be easy
it should not
be I don't know they going to
call like any of that kind of games sh I
think I think I have a great sense of
how I connect to
somebody physically intellectually humor
I really love a certain level of
like back and forth banter you know I
love like I know that and I think the
thing I know now better is also like how
are we going to live this life together
and it's interesting all my friends my
age some are still married for a long
time some have been in the dating
world the people who are the happiest
are doing what they want to do and being
really clear upfront like I you know I
have a friend who's like I don't really
think I'm going to get married again I
you know and I just want to be having
fun and out there and so I just think
and that is a gift of age if you let it
be which is you can just say what you
would like
of you can't love somebody
into being who you want them to be or
you know wanting this the same things
and I think not to put women in a
stereotype but I I think it it's easy to
be like if I just dot dot dot then he'll
dot dot dot it's and I
I don't think that works it definitely
doesn't call her Dy is brought to you by
whiteclaw I don't know who needs to hear
this but you are way too hot to be
spending the summer sitting inside and
just scrolling on your phone okay we are
getting those bikinis out of storage and
we are getting out of the group chat too
okay I want all of us to have fun this
summer and you know what goes perfect
with a seven UV index and yapping with
your girls a cold can of white claw okay
I'm just getting back from unwell spring
break in Miami and let me tell you there
is nothing more refreshing than a cool
crispy white claw by the pool you give
me a mango white claw and a lounge chair
I'm set for the day okay Daddy gang it
is officially white claw summer they've
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like to grab a variety pack so everyone
can have their favorite flavor from
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OG black cherry through and through I
cannot be stopped when I get one in my
hands it's time to celebrate the end of
hibernation season summer is around the
corner and it's time to get out and get
after it cheers to that okay Daddy gang
let's go find a guy with a boat and grab
a clo
pick up a pack from your local favorite
spot and grab Life by The Claw with your
favorite flavor this summer tell them
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drink responsibly hard Seltzer with
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Illinois we need your advice people
listening we can use your wisdom I'm
going to give you a scenario and you're
going to tell me what advice you would
give the person okay what is your advice
for someone who feels unfulfilled by
their job and wants to make a change but
is too nervous to start over well is
there something besides starting over
that can give you fulfillment that is a
project you have that is not dependent
on outside
validation I really as a writer have
gotten an incredible amount of um
satisfaction in just the practice of of
putting the these books
together you get better the more you do
something no matter what no matter what
like you don't have to be I just took up
tennis this year I'm terrible but I
practice and I get better and that is
such a basic thing that really because
of tennis really became new to to me and
and the writing is that too I just get
better with doing more and so job your 9
to5 or nobody works 9 to5 anymore but
um your job is one piece of you can it
can it can you give yourself something
else so that you know I mean it's
Hobbies it's you know travel it's
reading it's whatever else it's great
advice um what would you tell someone
who is struggling to connect with their
friends because they're all in different
life phases I really get that it's it
they they will end um I talked I've
talked about before when I finished
Gilmore girls and I was like anybody
who's who's up for dinner no one
everybody had children and while I was
gone like everybody was in a different
life phase that's what I mean I have
often been out of that step and I think
one thing is you have to meet your
friend where they are and like go over
to the house and play with the toddler
and like understand that you you don't
you guys don't have the same hours but
the the kids eventually go to
college I thought you were saying the
kids eventually go to sleep you're
like those [ __ ] are gone now well I
have like all my you know when I get to
go home my high school girlfriends are
like their kids are gone now and like
it's it's almost like it's what one of
the many many things I loved about the
Bridget Jones movie and books but this
most recent one is like she's back in
the dating scene because you know she
she for happy and sad reasons can be
it's it's always the same we're all you
know it it's like you keep meeting the
same challenges and and in life true
okay what would you say to someone who
feels like they put all of their focus
on their career and is now worried that
they're falling behind in their dating
life I mean there's really just no F the
only falling behind is in your mind you
know I used to I skipped a grade when I
was little and and for a long time I was
like I have an extra year there's no
such thing like I was like I have an
extra year before I'm the same age as
people who are a year ahead of me like
it that's there there is only what you
tell yourself and and you know if you've
seen any Nancy Meers movies you know
that there's people come around at
different ages but it is hard when
you're not with your peer group but yeah
can we talk about the essay that you
wrote for Time Magazine about aging and
you talk about how you found the humor
in aging as a woman which I thought was
such a unique beautiful take that I
loved reading um what inspired you to
write a piece like that I guess being
asked about aging like I'm I I was
talking about this today with my uh with some
people you and I are having this
experience we are having this
conversation we are different ages
someday when you are my age and you are
talking to someone who is now your age
you will not feel the difference as much
I think the younger person feels the
difference more than the older person I
am the same person I I think it's
psychotic the number of years I have
lived on this planet I'm like surely
that's a miscount surely that's wrong it
doesn't it genuinely does not feel that
way as opposed to when I was 30 I was
like I feel 30 like I I understood 40
this now is like I just don't accept it
and and that that's funny and the stuff
that because mainly I'm just living the
same life there are some things where
you go oh I fell and you know broke a
thing and like the recovery took a
little longer or whatever
so but I am amazed at the people I know
who who are giving into a sense of um
sadness about getting older or not
feeling the same way they did I meet
that by not in a brutal way but like I
fight that I fight the urge to be like
GH I just even don't even like when you
know friends are like GH well I'm so old
I can't remember that you know whatever
like it's I think it's just also my mom
passed at age 61 like I'm not that far
away from that like I don't want to be
living in
um in worry no I completely agree with
what you're saying and I had a
conversation recently with um Ellen
Pompeo and she and I were talking a
little bit about how women obviously
like were the ones that it's like oh
she's she's getting older and it's and
then you hit 30 and it's like oh right
oh and you're like what like I've never
felt better and from what I'm taking
from every woman I keep talking to is
holy [ __ ] 40s are the best oh my God and
if you had told me that in 20 I would
have been like wait 40's old and what
but it's like every person I'm talking
to it feels like women are just getting
better with age and it's what Society is
freaking women out about of like how you
look because of course that's the only
thing they think that we care about is
our [ __ ] looks and it's like how what
do you think is the best part of getting older
older
I uh wrote this in another essay which
is um
I know what I want and I'm grateful for
what I have
that is the best thing about it to me and and I and the fun you can make it
and and I and the fun you can make it fun if you plan what's next like as much
fun if you plan what's next like as much as you can you think about so that it
as you can you think about so that it doesn't because I think the you
doesn't because I think the you know I I went to the theater on Sunday
know I I went to the theater on Sunday here in Los Angeles which is unusual
here in Los Angeles which is unusual and 90% of the audience was older like
and 90% of the audience was older like way much much older which you don't see
way much much older which you don't see in LA and I just found it fascinating
in LA and I just found it fascinating like like what is that going to be like
like like what is that going to be like I I like to think about that I like to
I I like to think about that I like to plan for that I like to imagine what
plan for that I like to imagine what kind of that's a stylish lady in her
kind of that's a stylish lady in her perhaps 70s like what do how do I want
perhaps 70s like what do how do I want to approach that so that I'm not scared
to approach that so that I'm not scared by it I'm not freaked out by it and I'm
by it I'm not freaked out by it and I'm not depressed because it truly is all
not depressed because it truly is all the things people say of like you should
the things people say of like you should be so lucky to be in all those places
be so lucky to be in all those places and
and yeah and the how you look thing is like
yeah and the how you look thing is like I don't
I don't know it's so tired like it's how do you
know it's so tired like it's how do you think men and women
think men and women handle aging differently I've actually
handle aging differently I've actually heard from I think it's a vulnerable
heard from I think it's a vulnerable thing for guys too and there is like
thing for guys too and there is like popular opinion would say they have it
popular opinion would say they have it easier but I think it's it's if you
easier but I think it's it's if you identified as a beauty of either man or
identified as a beauty of either man or woman as as a younger person I think
woman as as a younger person I think it's the loss might be greater like my
it's the loss might be greater like my mom was a stunningly beautiful person
mom was a stunningly beautiful person who literally turned heads on the street
who literally turned heads on the street I did not grow up with that I'm not
I did not grow up with that I'm not saying whatever I I just didn't have
saying whatever I I just didn't have that identity that was not my thing so
that identity that was not my thing so it's not still still not my thing like
it's not still still not my thing like it's not I don't feel the loss of like
it's not I don't feel the loss of like that being treated that way and even in
that being treated that way and even in relationship I never like met someone
relationship I never like met someone across a crowded room I was friends with
across a crowded room I was friends with them or I worked with them or I it was
them or I worked with them or I it was organic like it was just I you know
organic like it was just I you know would fall for the person and they would
would fall for the person and they would fall for me and so I think that makes it
fall for me and so I think that makes it a little bit easier yeah why I wanted to
a little bit easier yeah why I wanted to bring this whole conversation though up
bring this whole conversation though up about aging and the different
about aging and the different Generations is obviously because of your
Generations is obviously because of your new show I think there's this like huge
new show I think there's this like huge conversation obviously about like gen Z
conversation obviously about like gen Z and it's like an
and it's like an interesting it's interesting like even
interesting it's interesting like even just like us talking about you even
just like us talking about you even saying like we're a different age like
saying like we're a different age like you take on the Z Suite like what Drew
you take on the Z Suite like what Drew you to this role cuz this is different
you to this role cuz this is different I'm so it's different that's the that
I'm so it's different that's the that was one of the main things I like I
was one of the main things I like I liked that this first of all it's comedy
liked that this first of all it's comedy I really this is how I would like
I really this is how I would like to spend my days now I feel that I
to spend my days now I feel that I cannot touch the beauty that is Gilmore
cannot touch the beauty that is Gilmore Girls I really love that dramedy
Girls I really love that dramedy Parenthood space I did start in half
Parenthood space I did start in half hour and it was so fun to just do
hour and it was so fun to just do something that was a little more big
something that was a little more big and
and and look at female bosses because it's a
and look at female bosses because it's a Trope of a kind and like that was there
Trope of a kind and like that was there but I was also like this is so relatable
but I was also like this is so relatable to anybody when the thing you have
to anybody when the thing you have worked for is taken away whether was
worked for is taken away whether was your fault or somebody else is coming up
your fault or somebody else is coming up behind you or like you
behind you or like you know or somebody's better at it that is
know or somebody's better at it that is just Evolution that's just being a human
just Evolution that's just being a human on this planet
on this planet like nothing lasts forever and and so
like nothing lasts forever and and so and then I love the showrunner you know
and then I love the showrunner you know now again like I said it's putting all
now again like I said it's putting all the pieces together I'm not just
the pieces together I'm not just responding to the part I'm responding to
responding to the part I'm responding to what's this experience going to be do I
what's this experience going to be do I get to have a say in creative ation and
get to have a say in creative ation and like and also that it was you know we're
like and also that it was you know we're the first scripted programming for to be
the first scripted programming for to be uh original scripted programming and I
uh original scripted programming and I was like that's fun and I just want to
was like that's fun and I just want to say probably the kids know but people
say probably the kids know but people still say to me oh I can't have another
still say to me oh I can't have another subscription it's free you just download
subscription it's free you just download it you um you know put your email in if
it you um you know put your email in if you want to save stuff but it's so easy
you want to save stuff but it's so easy the interface and it's and it's it's
the interface and it's and it's it's very um it doesn't cost you anything um
very um it doesn't cost you anything um I love that you're talking also about
I love that you're talking also about the character of like being good at
the character of like being good at something but then questioning if you're
something but then questioning if you're good at it because if you're getting
good at it because if you're getting replaced or What's happen like that's
replaced or What's happen like that's like again a conversation that one I
like again a conversation that one I love the point of a woman being at the
love the point of a woman being at the top because we still don't see that that
top because we still don't see that that often still how crazy and two though
often still how crazy and two though like being pushed out in a moment where
like being pushed out in a moment where you're probably also feeling like you're
you're probably also feeling like you're at your best like right when I feel like
at your best like right when I feel like you're starting to hit your stride is
you're starting to hit your stride is when they want to then replace the women
when they want to then replace the women with a younger woman which is such a
with a younger woman which is such a crazy [ __ ] concept because you're
crazy [ __ ] concept because you're like wait no I I just had to get wait
like wait no I I just had to get wait how am I already not in the conversation
how am I already not in the conversation anymore it endlessly and it's not just
anymore it endlessly and it's not just women it's we we are not to be real um
women it's we we are not to be real um esoteric we we will be replaced you and
esoteric we we will be replaced you and I will not be here
I will not be here forever
forever bye and that is that's how it goes and
bye and that is that's how it goes and so that's true in work in life I
so that's true in work in life I remember I did a pilot that didn't get
remember I did a pilot that didn't get picked up and the one of the younger
picked up and the one of the younger cast was like she was like so is this
cast was like she was like so is this going to get picked up and I was like oh
going to get picked up and I was like oh I have no idea you know and she's like
I have no idea you know and she's like what do you mean they don't tell you and
what do you mean they don't tell you and I'm like no they don't know nobody knows
I'm like no they don't know nobody knows and nobody tells me and she's like so
and nobody tells me and she's like so you could see her like things she was
you could see her like things she was like so this just keeps happening over
like so this just keeps happening over and over where like you do something and
and over where like you do something and then you see if it goes and then you
then you see if it goes and then you know you don't know how that's going to
know you don't know how that's going to turn out and I was like yeah like you
turn out and I was like yeah like you don't you don't get to a place where
don't you don't get to a place where it's just a slam dunk in in life in you
it's just a slam dunk in in life in you know relationship in work what do you
know relationship in work what do you hope people take away from the show
hope people take away from the show honestly I just hope they have a good
honestly I just hope they have a good time I mean I've seen it it is truly
time I mean I've seen it it is truly makes fun of everybody no one is woke or
makes fun of everybody no one is woke or doing a great job that's to me a fun
doing a great job that's to me a fun comedy if everyone's silly and I think
comedy if everyone's silly and I think there's something there that we haven't
there's something there that we haven't you know that that does sort of that is
you know that that does sort of that is in the Zeitgeist of like do kids know
in the Zeitgeist of like do kids know not kids but I call them the kids on the
not kids but I call them the kids on the the show I'm sure they're so irritated
the show I'm sure they're so irritated um I'm like where are the kids are the
um I'm like where are the kids are the kids coming to lunch um they're all like
kids coming to lunch um they're all like you know 29 years old um but
you know 29 years old um but so you know there there's something
so you know there there's something there because it we're living in various
there because it we're living in various kinds of times but on the one hand a
kinds of times but on the one hand a really expressive time where you know
really expressive time where you know people can bring themselves to uh work
people can bring themselves to uh work at least they do here and like I this
at least they do here and like I this character does not understand what
character does not understand what language they're speaking and I just
language they're speaking and I just think that's relatable no Lauren thank
think that's relatable no Lauren thank you so much for coming on this was a
you so much for coming on this was a pleasure sitting down with you you're so
pleasure sitting down with you you're so incredible you your life is so inspiring
incredible you your life is so inspiring and everything you've done and I feel
and everything you've done and I feel like whenever I get to sit down with
like whenever I get to sit down with someone that I have admired and been
someone that I have admired and been inspired by and I get to watch and then
inspired by and I get to watch and then I get to like get to know them as like a
I get to like get to know them as like a real human being it is why I do my job
real human being it is why I do my job like this is so fun for me and I just
like this is so fun for me and I just thank you for taking the time I know
thank you for taking the time I know you're busy woman thank you and I L this
you're busy woman thank you and I L this conversation and I I just loved being
conversation and I I just loved being asked these questions and and being
asked these questions and and being included in in this whatever this
included in in this whatever this journey is going to be for you so
journey is going to be for you so congratulations and thank you for
congratulations and thank you for inviting me
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