Narcissistic mothers inflict profound and pervasive damage on their children's physical, mental, and psychological well-being, driven by their own deep-seated emptiness and need for supply, often sabotaging their children's happiness and success to maintain control and self-image.
Mind Map
Click to expand
Click to explore the full interactive mind map • Zoom, pan, and navigate
When she is not around, people breathe a sigh of relief,
most of all their own children. Just
as a narcissistic mother takes a toll on her husband's
health, drop by
drop, she also negatively impacts the health of her children, especially when they are
living with her, on
their physical, mental, and psychological well-being.
Including many autoimmune diseases
or mental, psychological conditions such as
depression and anxiety, children of a narcissistic mother
can experience many offs. In
fact, I always say that if there
is only one choice, a parent will be narcissistic,
so any day the mother should not be narcissistic.
When a mother is narcissistic, her pain is
probably many times greater than that of a narcissistic father,
for reasons we all obviously
know. The role of a mother is
everywhere in life, every moment, every second,
especially when we are young, much more than the role of a father.
Similar dynamics exist. The
mother element of the universe, the
feminine energy, the nurturing role, is there in
every way. So when that foundation itself
is the poison of nurturing, then what will be our foundation in life?
This is a very
destructive and sabotage woman. She
not only wants to sabotage your career, she wants to
sabotage your independence, she wants to destroy your
good relationships, good marriages, good friendships
because anything good for you shows her in the mirror
that she is nothing.
Anything good with you means your independence, which is a
direct attack on her. She
sabotages everything - your peace, your mental sanity, your health. Just like she sabotages all
these things for a healthy partner, again,
again,
she should benefit from building you up, and if she
can't gain by building you up, then she will gain by tearing you down.
She has to gain anyway.
Narcissistic mothers do this a lot,
and the children of narcissistic mothers do
n't understand why their friendships or their
marriages suffer when their
narcissistic mothers are around. It's like
heaven under a mother's feet, and something similar.
Many things are taught and told in different words,
in different languages, in different religions, in
different cultures,
but one thing is certain that those who say such things must
not have encountered a narcissistic mother,
otherwise she would have
definitely put a big disclaimer along with this teaching - Not
Applicable for Narcissistic Mothers,
because if such a disclaimer had been put then
probably many
children of narcissistic mothers would not have spent more than half of their lives in the whole world,
searching for heaven
or thinking that if we do
not see that heaven then perhaps we must be lacking.
My name is Shach, I have an IF
Empath, so do not forget to like and also
share this content further.
I have directly observed narcissistic mothers many times
in my environment,
unfortunately in my extended
family, with people
whom I do not know, and also with one of my best
friends, about whom I
made a video a long time ago about how my
My friendship with a best friend was
ruined because of her mother. Well, this is the
role of narcissistic mothers. They do
n't come into your life to do anything good, to
fix anything, to make anything better. Wherever they come, they come
only to take, only to destroy, only to
wreak havoc. And they do this in many
forms and in many ways.
Today we will explore, obviously,
some of the top ways.
Many of you watching this will have
dealt with narcissistic mothers
or may still be dealing with them. So,
I hope that
after listening to all these traits, your understanding will increase.
If you were confused and doubtful, or were
gaslighting yourself, you
can end all that and make
a fresh start for your own healing. And you can also know
that you are not alone. There are
many people like you all over the world
who have faced this tragedy of what it is like to live a
life where your very foundation is
narcissistic. Because mothers are our
foundations, aren't they? So you will be able to know this and by
knowing this you will get hope, you will get
optimism that many people have
improved their lives, changed,
transformed after knowing that
yes, it was not their fault, they actually were
dealing with a narcissistic mother, whom to correct,
change, fix, heal or for
whom it is wrong to aspire for love, it is
not in their hands to do so, so well let's talk about
traits, obviously the
first trait is that there is absolute conditional
love, there is no such thing as unconditional love here,
although I always say that the
thing called unconditional love exists only
in story books, at least
I have not seen this thing in the human race, yes, in a
close way to it, we
can say that there are some types of love and in that there can be
mother's love, there can be parent's
love, romantic love which is a very high
vibrational pure love, that can also happen,
but still the definition of unconditional is that in which I There is an
element of God,
that love can only
come from God, I believe, so expecting that kind of love
from a narcissistic mother, or any kind of
actual love, is a far-fetched idea
because, like every narcissist, there is
only self-love here, and
that too is not self-love. Actually, it is
self-load because, as we know, there is nothing at the
core of a narcissist,
there is only emptiness. There is only a
black hole, so that black hole has to be filled throughout life
because if it is not filled, the
narcissist cannot exist. So,
what better supply is there than your own children?
Endless supply that can fill this deep
black hole of yours, and this is how a
narcissistic mother uses her
children. A narcissistic mother loves her children
only for her convenience.
Actually, there is no such
thing as love, what is love, that understanding, that wisdom, that
maturity, that actual feeling, that
experience, this woman does not have it in her.
For her, her children are just a medium for her. To fulfill the
lack within, the emptiness, the
extreme moods, to keep fulfilling them,
those children are
just a means, again and
again, to regulate one's moods, to somehow
fulfill what is not within oneself and will never come, to somehow
feel complete until the
next day until the next mood. This is the
reality of these children. When children are small, they do
n't understand it all, but as they
grow up, they begin to realize
that their lives are very different from many other
children like them.
Their home environment is very different.
Their mother is very different. Something is
wrong. When they are small, they don't understand
what is actually wrong,
where the mistake lies, and they start looking at themselves.
Obviously, a woman plays a huge role in the atmosphere of the entire home.
So, the
atmosphere of a home cannot be good with a narcissistic mother.
I have seen this atmosphere
in homes where there is an energy of extreme depression. It's
like negative, low-
vibration energy, from which you
feel like leaving. I also talked about this kind of energy
in the video about narcissistic wives. Well,
children of narcissistic mothers grow up in this kind of environment. And
if you're the child of a narcissistic mother,
breathe a sense of identification. If, as usual, your mother
's mood is moody, capricious, right or left, oily, or on the
verge, thinking that anything catastrophic can happen,
anything can make her angry, then you almost
look for a place to hide your head, trying to find a way to
distance yourself from her sight or
not do something that might trigger her,
because the entire burden falls on you.
This is the
almost daily reality of children of narcissistic mothers.
I also mentioned this in a video I made about my friend, about her
narcissistic mother. From a
very young age, my friend had the habit of being the one who would
go to the house, cook, and take
care of everything. And this was a
well-to-do family where there was
no dearth of money. Even during the time of exams,
when there were 11th and 12th exams, my
friend would often cook food at home
and then study for the exams, which we could
never have imagined. It was like
taken for granted that when there are exams,
obviously in every house the children prepare for the exams.
in their looks, their
physique, their way of speaking, their
talents, or any such
which is worth mentioning, worth enhancing,
which is
worth appreciating. If these mothers talk about those things
or praise those things, it is
only and only because of
how they feel, how they can feel,
how much fulfillment it brings to their image. If
their image is not fulfilled by your
achievement, by any of your qualities, then that
quality is your narcissistic nature.
Whatever is worth appreciating in you,
whatever is worthy of praise in the eyes of a mother, your
narcissistic mother should have a right over it. So,
in such a situation, it is obvious that a
narcissistic mother uses her children only for
her self-image, for her own supply, to
regulate herself, to fulfill her
agenda, to maintain her sense of self.
self.
For her, those children are nothing more than that.
She is extremely jealous and especially jealous of
her daughters - from her daughter's looks, her daughter's
career, her daughter's achievements, her
daughter's happy marriage, her daughter's
good friends, her daughter's good opportunities, her daughter's good
good
travel, she is jealous of everything about her daughter, from her
daughter's wisdom to anything.
This happens for sons too, but it is
more specific for daughters. She will
do anything to bring down her children in their own
eyes and in the eyes of others, so that they do not start climbing
so high, do not
spread so many wings that they get out of their mother's hands.
Narcissistic mothers are extremely
self-loaded, like all other narcissistic
personalities. This means they have a lot of self-
loathing deep inside. Even if this hatred is
disguised on the surface and they try to appear superior,
especially if she
is a grandiose narcissist mom, this
self-load consumes them from within. This is why
they repeatedly need their children to fill their vessel of
supply. This self-load is
obviously not hidden from their children.
Their children know very well how much emptiness there is inside, how much poison there is, how much bitterness there is, how much anger there is, how much spite there is.
This self-load is
reflected in the narcissistic mother's sarcasm towards
her children, in her sarcasm, in her
mocking, in her words, in her
full-blown criticism towards her
children. This is not the kind of mother who would
want her children to develop a healthy sense of self, a healthy self-
esteem, a healthy sense of self.
They should have healthy feelings and
think positively about themselves. Whatever they have should
be as healthy as it
gives the narcissistic mother the convenience of controlling them. Anything more or less than that does
not suit the narcissistic mother.
These children are used to the fact that the
narcissistic mother will tear
them apart. She
can say anything with her words and sarcasm, especially
in anger. I have heard
narcissistic mothers say such things to their children,
which I probably would
not like to say here because
many people would get angry after hearing them.
Narcissistic mothers
love attractive children, beautiful children,
children of all kinds, whom they can
show off, for whom they can get
praise. But they do
not like children at all who, because of any such qualities, consider themselves
themselves
superior or who feel very
confident or very good about themselves.
They always want to keep their children in self-doubt,
guilt, and self-load
because as we know, when a
person has all these things, their
Boundaries are weak, there is no self-love,
and when these things are not there, then
what happens is that the filter of people with narcissistic tendencies can be
good in your life, in your heart, in your mind, in your field,
their hold can be maintained well, a
person who is strong
in his energy, in
his self-love, in his boundaries, in
his wisdom, that person
acts as a repellent for the narcissist,
so a narcissistic mother does
not want to let her children become this repellent even by mistake, that is why
she fills them with feelings of self-doubt, self-load, and unworthiness at every stage of life, at
every stage of age, no matter
how much ability they have,
and this is the reality,
behind closed doors of this narcissistic mother who plays the role of a wonderful mother in front of everyone, she
treats her children very badly, the
degree of self-hatred that
a narcissistic mother is feeling on any given day,
and of course, this degree is quite high. It will
depend on
how your treatment is happening that day, what
you have to hear, what you have to
endure. Obviously, it goes
without saying that narcissistic mothers are
extremely abusive, verbally
verbally abusive
What better way can there be for
a narcissist to try to regulate his life,
his miserable life than this?
Perhaps this mother, as I said,
tries very hard to show a perfect picture,
but still I wish that at least there must be
some people in the family
who understand, who run away, who are intuitive, who
because they are close, can see what the
reality of life with these children actually is. This truth is not what
a narcissistic mother tries to show. In fact,
if there are people from outside
who have a lot of interaction, who are
not a direct part of the family, even
if they are wise, even if they are
a little intuitive, then such people can also gauge the
narcissistic mother or any other person. The
Truth About Narcissistic Personality I remember
a few years ago I went to my daughter's
school for a picnic.
Picnic Day was on the school lawns.
There I was watching a mother who was
sitting behind us. She was wearing a hood
and had brought her lunch. I think
her son must have been two or three minutes late.
When he arrived with his lunch,
I can't describe the
energy I was feeling. I felt so sorry
for that child because
nonstop that mother, who had come
with her child to celebrate a picnic on Picnic Day at lunchtime, was constantly
insulting the child, telling him repeatedly
that you don't value me. You must have brought
your lunch from home. He was eating his lunch, putting down his Great Noodles. I could
sense in his energy how humid he was
feeling and for him being
here at that time was
not a cause for joy if he had the choice. If he was given a chance,
he would have wished that the school picnic never happened
so that his mother doesn't get another opportunity to
humiliate him, to belittle him, to
put toxins on him. I felt so bad
for that boy and I felt so
helpless that I can understand
what kind of relationship this is, what kind of mother this is,
but I can't do anything for this child
and this is the next point that
narcissistic mothers do a lot of gut tripping and gaslighting, this is the reality of their entire life. In fact,
children of narcissistic mothers are subjected to so much gut
tripping by the time they grow up that by the time they
they
become proper so-called mature adults, when they
start their own household, their own life, even then
they cannot even imagine that
so many of their unhealthy habits
or relationship dynamics with their mother are actually coming out
through gut tripping,
they are coming out through gas lighting,
they are coming out through lies that
they have told themselves, which they themselves are subjected to.
They have believed it, and
their entire relationship is about convincing their mother and
keeping her happy, wondering what the
next news is, what new development in their life is
that they can share that will make their mother
happy, how can they make their mother happy,
how can they get her praise,
how can they get even a moment's affection from their mother,
this is their endeavor,
and in this cycle, there are many people
who ruin not only their relationships but also
their careers, wondering what's next,
what's better, and what better thing can we do to make
our mother happy, because
our mother thinks so badly about us,
or makes us feel as if we have
n't done anything in life, or we're worthless, or
we don't do anything for her, we haven't been able to do anything good, so
what else can we do,
how can we give her that feel-
good feeling, how can we show her that
we care, how can we show that we
too have this capability, because
throughout their lives, narcissistic mothers
keep demanding fuel from their children, and the
children don't realize that they
Wherever they are trying to please their mother again and again,
they are actually
becoming fuel because they are
not able to set boundaries, they are not able to understand the difference between
how much responsibility they actually have,
how much reasonable they have, where they are
okay, where they are doing healthy things
and where they are being ponies, where
abusive,
I have
discussed this in How to Deal with Toxic Narcissistic Parents,
so please watch that video as well,
if you haven't seen it, it has many
tips which tell you how to deal with narcissistic
parents, whether it is father or mother, how to heal them, how to
detach them,
especially as adults, and this is the kind of behavior
narcissistic parents offend
their children wherever they can,
wherever they can get away with it,
wherever they get the opportunity, obviously behind closed doors,
behind closed doors
they get a lot of opportunities, they do it,
but outside also, to show off to people
or whenever If they get a chance, they
cannot stop themselves from behaving like this
and of course narcissistic parents
also bet on their children, they
create such situations so that they get a deliberate
opportunity to bring their children down, to
create a wrong image about their children in their own eyes and in the eyes of others, and
among others, they
manipulate such circumstances so that
they get such an opportunity so that they
can show their children that
they have done something wrong or
how many flaws they have. For example, it may be that if there is a meeting at a place, then the parent
parent
knowingly goes to a spot where
he had not properly told the child that they have to
meet and the child is not able to reach there or the
child gets confused, then the parent
takes that opportunity and tells that look, you made me wait so much,
you do not value me, you are like this, you are like that,
I am so tired,
again to show the child that look, look how
responsible you are, I knew you will
not come on time or knowingly calls at such a time.
When they know the child can't call,
or they won't be free, or there's some other
problem, and then tell the child, "
Look, you didn't call, I know you would leave
me waiting. You won't call."
Any such deliberate
expectations, deliberate situations,
mind games,
where they know they'll get a chance to bring the
child down because the
child won't be able to fulfill them.
Narcissistic mothers can
even invent strange illnesses to control their children,
or even get their
children diagnosed with something like autism, or depression, or anything
like that. They may be
very interested in getting a diagnosis so
they can use it in two ways: one,
saying, "This child has all these
problems, that's why I'm having so much trouble.
Look, this child talks this way, that's why he has behavioral
behavioral
problems, that's why I have to deal with him this way."
Well, if we have to deal with it, then firstly
people obviously question the stability of the child
that the child is not stable,
obviously the mother must be having a problem, hence the
mother's control increases and the mother's
behaviour gets justified and secondly again the
victim plays a role in getting sympathy that
how many problems she has, oh God poor mother,
how difficult it is for her to deal with,
this is the diagnosis of her child, is this a
physical issue or is this a mental or
psychological one If there is an issue tomorrow, then it must be obviously very
difficult for him to deal with all this.
Narcissistic parents
do this in front of others also to create a different narrative which
which
is completely different from the actual narrative because narcissistic
mothers, especially if they are covert narcissistic
mothers, believe
in playing the victim a lot. Playing the victim is a
big way to
get the covert narcissist's A supply.
Playing the victim also gets them attention
and also easily completes their
manipulation plan of their
narcissistic A supply.
So narcissistic mothers
play the victim a lot with their children to show the world
that look how wrong my children are,
how wrong my daughter is or how she
treats me or how wrong my son is, how
worthless he is or look how my children
treat me or look
how sad I am, I do so much, what all I sacrifice
for them, yet
look what I have to do. In the end, it
depends on every age, what is the age of the children and
especially when the children start becoming adults,
when they start feeling independent,
as every human being needs, when they start
taking their own decisions, when they
try to fly by spreading their wings, the
most victim playing of the narcissistic mother
starts in some
way or the other because
without playing the victim she cannot create her narrative in front of the world,
so she has to show that
look, in this relationship, the upper
hand is of my children, look, I am a
poor woman, look, I did everything, look,
I am the embodiment of sacrifice, look, I did everything right, but this is what I got,
so that it can
create a wrong impression against the children, the fingers can be
pointed towards the children and actually
people have to fall on the truth which they should see, the actual truth which they should see,
obviously many times in this relationship, the
children do not have that much understanding, they themselves are
so traumatized throughout their
growing up. From the toxic journey that they do
not understand how to deal with this thing
or they are not able to understand what will be the
next mind game of their mother, what will be the
next strategy, whether to deal with people's
questions or
deal with the actual truth in our house, how to
bring our life back on track,
smelling evils, this is the specialty of every narcissist,
smear campaign and narcissistic mother
like every narcissistic personality does
not stop at all in running smear campaign against her own children, in fact she does it in abundance,
this is a part of her strategy, her
mind games and to
maintain her narcissistic supply,
part and parcel of a game,
spreading wrong things in backbites behind the backs of her own children, spreading half baked
rumours, assassinating their character,
tarnishing their reputation, all these
kinds of things can be done by narcissistic mothers,
in fact narcissistic mothers have
full capability that they can even
go to the friends of their adult children and She can
even go to their work place and
spread wrong things about them which can
affect their friendships and their career as well.
Obviously, in the smear campaign, she spoils many of your
relationships, not only
outside the house but also inside the house, with
many people who should have been close to you, with whom you should have had good
good relations,
relations,
she has spoiled your relationships with many people behind your back by
telling wrong information about you, by lying, by
spreading rumours or by circumstantially
creating such things where it appears to people that
you actually did something
wrong, we saw with our own eyes
that you were the one who spoke wrong, about which
I also mentioned, reactive abuse
is not towards your parents, so reactive abuse is
your stability, your mental
emotional psychological stability, to
put question marks on it so that people
feel that this person is not a good person, his
mental health is not good or he is a
bad minded person or he is He
's a greedy person, a selfish person. He does
n't even care about his parents. My husband had a
neighbor in the town where they lived
in India. Much later, I learned
that one of his neighbors, whose mother
he had known all his life, had lived nearby.
Growing up, I learned what
his mother had done to her son. She had
even gone to his office and
said a lot of things, and she had done many other things, due to which the
boy ultimately had to
leave his job and move
to another city. When my husband
husband
shared this and other related things, I suddenly had an
intuitive sense that no, it wasn't the boy
's fault; it was the mother who was narcissistic.
This sense is often
not obvious to people when a mother is
saying something wrong about her child.
Very few people will doubt it
or wonder why the mother would say something wrong. If what
she's saying must be true, a mother would
n't say anything about her child. The
same thing happens with an upper hand narcissistic mother; no
one doubts her; they do
n't have that much insight into people; that light bulb doesn't
light up. These children can't explain it to anyone outside in the world
because they themselves do
n't understand. They don't have that much understanding,
wisdom, or confidence,
or they feel guilty, or they
fear judgment, or they
fear losing relationships, so they can't tell their truth to anyone, wondering what
people will say, saying, "
You're speaking this way about your mother." Whatever is left, even if
they are able to do it, the narcissistic
narcissistic
mother has already made arrangements for it through her victim playing, her smear
campaign, her narrative, so that
if any child tries, the
other person will say, "Look, you should
do this now; your mother
told you this already; you're saying something wrong, son." It's
not like that, your mother has endured
all this, so she has already made arrangements,
what is called proofing,
all the proofing, that if you
try, you will be punished. No
one will believe you easily, and this is where the
next point comes in, which is
triangulation. This is to maintain control and manipulation
over her children
because she considers her children her property,
her lifelong property, her
lifelong supply. Her rule is that she has a right over you,
how will she let you go like this? So, to maintain this control, she
she
also plays the victim, does all sorts of things
with her children for this very purpose, and
also does triangulation. I have already talked about triangulation in
my Flying Monkeys video, so
if you don't know properly,
you can check that out. Here, the
triangulation that is done with the child can be done with
any other relative,
especially if there is another child of the same age, if there are
cousins in the family, or very
easily if there is a sibling. If a
narcissistic mother has more than one child,
two or three or more children, then
this triangulation becomes very easy for her.
She never wants a child to have such a
relationship with another child, with a sister or brother. It should be so strong, so
trusting, so sure that it
overpowers the narcissistic mother. If
they both unite, the
narcissistic mother loses control. And
what is the method of maintaining control?
We have known this since the beginning of time, the
divide and rule policy.
Narcissistic mothers adopt this policy
with their children as well, whether they keep a rift between their own two
children. As
they grow up, especially, they feel
insecure that they will get along
or become confident in each other. Or if
their children have
friends or cousins or any other grandmother, aunt, uncle,
anyone, then
wherever it may be, she
triangulates and spoils things. The
child does not even know what has happened. And
I have seen this with at least three narcissistic mothers. They
spoil the relationships of their children with each other. As they grow up, the
children themselves do not even realize
why their relationships with their siblings are so bad or if they are not bad at all.
Why is there a rift between you?
What is missing? What should have been a spontaneous affection?
Why is that not taken for granted?
Why is something missing? Like there
is a wall and the reason for this is the
narcissistic parent. A
big trait of a narcissistic mother is that
she is a
friendship and marriage breaker.
You will see this again repeatedly if you
look around you or even with yourself.
Never invite a narcissistic mother into your married
life or introduce her to your friends
too much. Narcissistic
mothers will definitely never be happy with your friendship and
your marriage, especially if you are in a happy
marriage because
she does not want to consider you as her supply. The
moment she feels that there is someone else in your life,
especially as a marriage partner, who is
complete and sufficient for you, with whom
you can build a new life, who will be
like a friend, philosopher, guide, confidante for you, who will take
care of you as a husband or
As a wife, if there is any such presence in your life
who can fulfill the lack of narcissistic mother,
can negate the need of narcissistic mother, then
for narcissistic mother this
is a matter of being very jealous and insecure because she does
not want to end her rules, for her you
are a supply, she cannot see you losing you. So
in such friendships, narcissistic mother either by telling you or by
telling other friends or by
telling your husband or wife or by
creating a fire between you in any way, by
making a small thing a big issue, by harassing you, by filling your ears, by doing
anything, breaks your marriage
slowly or
breaks it suddenly, it depends on
how much intelligence you have or
how much intelligence the other person has. Jealousy, spite, anger,
these are obviously traits
of narcissistic mother and due to this jealousy, she does all those
breakings, breaking of
friendships, breaking of marriages. Because
their supply will be lost if you leave,
or if you make a career outside,
you stand on your own feet, you become
independent, in any way,
whether through a relationship
or through work or
through your personality, this is something a narcissist
mother cannot digest at all. So, as
I said, she only wants your
progress to the extent that she has a right to it, she can
boast about it, she can get accolades, she can
show off, more than that, that
progress should not have any value for you.
Jealousy is inevitable. Any
flaw that you have, she will
aggravate it a lot, as usual, she will
criticize you a lot, she will destroy your
self-esteem, she will tear your heart into
pieces, but if
you have any quality, any good thing, then she will
definitely be jealous of it, as I said,
she will highlight it only to the extent that it
benefits her, where she is getting
accolades or people are talking about it. It is
your child, oh wow, you must have done something
where he is getting attention, he is
getting the highlight, but as soon as it happens
that the attention goes back to the person
who actually has those qualities, the
narcissistic mother does not like that at all
because deep inside the narcissistic
mother knows that she has nothing, she does not have
any actual qualities, she is an empty
vacant vessel, nothing good resides there, the
qualities which she tries to show are
false, superficial, those
things do not actually exist in her,
so when those things actually exist in someone,
like in her children,
she is very jealous of them, she makes them
feel that they do
not have all those things and
how can she feel the presence of all those things, by controlling the person who has those things inside her,
she is an attention seeker
and an energy
vampire, so if she can suck out your blood
for her own supply, then she will do that
too, so extremely toxic
negative energy and who will know better than you
if you are in someone As soon as the children of a narcissistic mother
enter her room or even from a
distance outside the room, if you sense it, then
your entire energy field shrinks and
you feel as if everything has changed.
This is the kind of energy this woman
spells in her entire house and
in the lives of her children. Narcissistic mothers are
expert drama creators. There is
drama all around them in their environment
because their needs
cannot be fulfilled without the supply they get from drama.
If the atmosphere of the house is good and everyone is
sitting peacefully for a few moments, then they do
not like that thing. If they are yearning from within, they are
not feeling complete, they have to
regulate themselves, then they will create a new issue,
they will create drama
in which everyone will have to forcibly evolve.
They are excessive attention hawkers and
extreme attention seekers.
They do not like it at all when someone is present
in any situation, on any special day, be it with you or you, or
or
in the middle of a conversation,
in any community or someone has come.
If, for any reason, the attention on any point in the topic is on you or on her children, then
by hook or by crook, she will bring the attention back to herself. She will either
cut you off, or she will start
talking herself, or she will silence you,
or as we know, she will
create some kind of drama, like a
special birthday, or an anniversary, as I
talked about in the video on narcissistic wives, she will make some excuse and create a
fight, or she will spoil
everyone's mood, so that the event becomes a waste,
everyone's energy at least gets spoiled,
so that the person for whom the event meant something, who was supposed to get
attention, who was supposed to get
happiness from it, all of that gets spoiled,
and the attention gets diverted back to the narcissistic mother through her behavior, she gets
fuel for the drama and toxins that have happened, she gets
attention, and actually, she
ruins the happiness of all the other people, their pride, whatever was connected to that moment. Mothers are
very intrusive, they vitiate your space and
your energy a lot,
they have no sense of boundaries, they do
not respect boundaries at all,
they do not even give you the right so that now that you have
grown up, you can establish your own boundaries,
they break your boundaries
again and again and provoke you to
express yourself on this matter
and again they get a reason for drama and
again they can guilt trip you and
play the victim, there is no such thing in
your life on which a narcissistic
mother does not want to assert her rights, from
how will you decorate your room, what will you decorate, which friend's
gift will you give, which bedsheet will be there, what will be the
design of the bed, which direction will the bed be facing,
which clothes will you wear, which
friend will you talk to, which friends are
not right for you, from this everything, a
narcissistic female controls everything,
even we had a charity competition
in college in which my friend also participated. She had done it
and I had gone to her house
for practice and she was
rehearsing and showing me her dance moves. There
too, the narcissistic mother came into the room
and after tucking the pallu of her saree into her petticoat in this way, she
she
stopped her and said, "Look, I will show you,
jerk your waist like this, do this step."
From this, you can imagine
how much need there is for intrusion, how much
insecurity there is,
how much control a narcissistic mother has.
She doesn't want to give you even two moments alone in your life. She
wants to put almost a seal on everything with anyone, saying, "
I can enter everywhere, this is my
area, this is how we do it, this is how we don't do it."
And if the child dares to
answer something directly, then
it becomes another excuse for drama and
gill tripping. As soon as the child starts
asserting their independence a little
or expresses a different opinion on something,
that mother starts acting up again.
She starts playing the victim again, gill
tripping again, drama again,
gaslighting again, all those games again to
show them their place, to bring
them back under her control and
manipulation. And this is the
next point of a narcissistic mother,
where you will relive this from a very
early age, maybe from adolescence or even before that,
or definitely in adulthood. So,
definitely, you are mothering, whether as a
son or a daughter, the mothering that you should have received,
which you never received, is
expected from you. You are trying to regulate your mother's moods.
If your mother
is angry, you are trying to please her.
Your mother behaves like a child, throws a tantrum, behaves childishly,
childishly,
makes unreasonable demands, has unreasonable mood swings,
like a small child goes to a candy store,
lies down there,
behaves like a child.
Your mother behaves like that, and you are mothering,
you are setting the scene. You are keeping everyone quiet,
you are doing emotional regulation, you are
also doing care taking and you are also making them happy,
you are doing mothering, so
you are trying to fulfill their emotional needs,
financial needs because a
narcissistic mother is very greedy, she will
want a lot of things, whether you are a girl or a boy,
if you are earning well, she will definitely
consider her right on your money, she is
not that kind of mother who will say that no son, it is
yours, you do it properly for yourself,
when we need it or whatever happens, then
we will say, she will make sure that she has a
right on your money and you should know this thing, then if
you do a little, after that
her need will not be fulfilled and she will make more demands,
after that some next
demand will come, she will get angry on some next thing,
you will be made to feel guilty on the next thing
directly or
indirectly through mood swings, so a
narcissistic mother is expert in all these mind strategies and you get tired, exhausted your whole
whole
life thinking how you can handle the gift You can
win extravagance with money and affection because
you still don't get it,
despite all this and the offers, you release it very late
and this is the next point also, the
narcissistic mother keeps your affection on hold,
she doesn't have that thing to
give but when she gives it, she
gives it in a very tried and tested way, in a very
convenient and well thought out way
where she feels she is benefiting, like she is in a
good mood or she wants to love bomb you again
or you are her supply, she wants to manipulate you, so the
narcissist mother is a symbol of what is truly conditional, so
what is affection, if she hugs you
or kisses you, you become aware of it,
gradually you don't feel affection or love in her, you
feel bad that she should not give it to you, she should stay
away from you physically because none of those
feelings exist within you, she is
not emotionally present for you
when you are in your emotionally weak moments.
Eventually, there come many such occasions
where we feel that our parents should
explain to us, give us wisdom on what to do,
give us emotional strength, so at such
times, your narcissistic parent is as good as
not being there, so you are
used to
solving your problems on your own, especially if you don't have
anyone else to share with in a healthy way or to
take support from, not just
affection, but a narcissistic mother,
like every narcissistic person, will withhold
important things from you, some important information,
or will
not tell you the whole story, or if she comes to know something important about
you, whether it's professional, like
someone calling or something else, she wo
n't share it with you, and will pretend later
that she forgot, or she does
n't remember, or it didn't happen, it happened at that time,
or if you ask questions, then she will
lash out at you and another drama will be created, so remember, just like any
narcissistic parent, you can't ask
anything. You cannot criticize, you
cannot say anything, you cannot express your displeasure
even on valid reasons. This is
not a healthy relationship where everyone
can express their views in a healthy manner. So, a
narcissistic mother will withhold important
things from you, will not tell you
or will tell you half a lie, half a truth mixed together, anything that will make
her feel that you will suffer some loss,
something good was going to happen but there will be some
loss in it, especially when there was no benefit in that benefit which could have been there,
or she was jealous. Something is happening or it makes
you inconvenient, you yearn for
something or you are troubled or restless
because she gets full fuel in that thing,
she enjoys it to the fullest, so just
like affection, she withholds even important information from
you, she withholds the truth from you, even
if she
knows the truth about someone that someone genuinely
loves you a lot or thinks good for you, then
she will withhold that thing from you
or will try to spoil that too,
Narcissistic moms
also play a lot of favorites,
if she has more than one child, if she has one
child then she will definitely compare him with
other children, with the neighbor's child
or with other children of her peer group
so that she can instill inferiority complex in the child in some way or the other, by making
comparisons, by
guilt tripping, she will lower the child's self-
esteem, even if there is nothing
good in the child, she will make up reasons to show him down so
that the child To ensure that the child's head does not get too
high that the narcissistic mother is
unable to get her fuel, she will
then make comparisons. If it is her own children, then
obviously the narcissistic mother is an
expert in creating golden child and escape quotes.
So the golden child will be a
son if it is a son,
but it can also be a daughter, depending again on what the
narcissistic mother feels from
whom, at what time or in the long term, in the
holistic picture, from whom will she get more satisfaction. I have already
explained in a video that both are the parents
' passions, victims and traumas,
whether it is a
golden child or a escape quote.
In such a situation, many times the children of a narcissistic mother turn out to be
toxic or they turn out to be
narcissistic because they have been
raised by a narcissistic mother. This is
not necessary, of course. I have made a video on the reasons due to which people
people
become narcissists. So according to that,
we We know that this happens, of course, and we
also see that this does not always happen, but there is a
tendency again that the child also turns out to be a
narcissist or toxic, at least the
relationships between brothers and sisters become toxic, and that too, the
mother, someone or the other starts acting like the mother's flying
monkeys, starts
acting like toxic enablers, and this is the
tendency of a narcissist mother too,
that she forces people to take sides in everything
because she is so emotionally
immature and so manipulative, so
toxic, this woman is, especially the degree
of narcissism she has, especially if she is a
very corrupt narcissist, then she
can use any trick, this one, to play games
in the family so that there is no peace,
no peace, she can use the children against
her husband, she
can use the husband against the children and she can
use everyone against each other at any
time, she will I want that
someone should listen to my side, my fly
monkey, to put forward my point, there should
definitely be someone to take my side, this is how
she manipulates people, this is how she brings up
her children as well, by
explaining and teaching this only, and even if there are
relations outside,
she spoils the relationships of her children, by
filling their minds with wrong things, by poisoning them, so that the
children can expect support later, those friends who were
actually genuine for them, that
mother has already
spoiled them, so there will be a stage
in life when their children feel that
they have spoiled everything because of this mother, there is no
relationship left, neither
with their brothers and sisters, nor with their family outside,
nor with anyone else, they are alone, they are
miserable, supported and all they have is a
toxic narcissistic mother whose love
for them was neither there before nor is there now, they have become that much
better, they feel that much miserable from
within, as much as their mother herself always was to the
child. She will only lift as much as she
feels is necessary for her game and after
lifting, she will drop it back down as soon as the child starts
feeling a little better.
And the reason behind this is that a narcissistic mother is
not at all happy with your happiness. Keep in
mind that whenever you are very happy or are feeling proud of something
or there is a
lot of happiness, there is joy within you or you are
feeling light, your narcissistic
mother will definitely take
action like that, which is like a pin in a balloon. Something or the other will definitely happen, almost
99% of the time, so that you fall back on the ground. Your
good mood, your feeling of happiness, will
diminish or completely shatter, or because of
some comment of hers or some other drama
creation of hers or some comparison or some other
way or the other, there will be a day when you feel
that nothing wrong can happen here right now.
Right now, you have done everything for your mother too,
she is also well evolved, everything will be
good, so be sure that
this woman will do something or the other, just to see
you deflated. How are you feeling so complete
because she never feels like this
herself. A narcissistic mother tries her best to ruin the relationship of her
children with each other and the children with their father.
Even where this relationship is good, she creates many such
reasons that there is
definitely misunderstanding, there is definitely bitness, there is
always some gossip or the energy of stress remains. There
can be many ways to
describe a narcissistic mother in a few sentences, but if one has to
use only one type of sentence then it would probably be how dare you be happy how dare you be successful how dare
you be peaceful how dare you be how dare
you be confident when I do
not feel any of these things inside me.
Well, these were some of the top traits of narcissistic
mothers. Apart from these, if there are any other traits
that you want to share specifically
on this forum, then
please do comment. This is a healthy
space where you can
learn about many people like you and express your own feelings.
In the battle, you can find encouragement in your own life's
journey of transformation
and you can find optimum. Also, keep in mind
that as I always say, the
energy of victimization is very good and
beautiful, but it
keeps you stuck. So, whether your past is
connected to a narcissistic parent, your
present is your own. It is an open
blank slate. Whatever you write, in whatever
direction you want to give, will happen. You always have this power.
And if you have children of your own, then the
biggest lesson you
can take from a narcissistic mother is what kind of
mothering not to do and what to do.
Actually, what are those needs of your children
which you know were not fulfilled by you,
but now you are so wise, so intuitive,
so empowered that you are
capable of taking care of all those needs of your children.
Learn to and start taking your power
Click on any text or timestamp to jump to that moment in the video
Share:
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
One-Click Copy125+ LanguagesSearch ContentJump to Timestamps
Paste YouTube URL
Enter any YouTube video link to get the full transcript
Transcript Extraction Form
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
Get Our Chrome Extension
Get transcripts instantly without leaving YouTube. Install our Chrome extension for one-click access to any video's transcript directly on the watch page.
