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4 AM we're going to twitchcon baby [Music]
oh this is supposed to be like plastic
that's what people do when they're
camping they [ __ ] out of the [ __ ]
sack of water so I'm going to twitchcon
to review my experience it's taking
place down in San Diego the plan was to
just drive down this way but uh oh
there's a car crash looks like I have to
go all the way around and then camp out
in this sick desert so I get to San
Diego that way to you know to review
twitchconz Michael why do you own a
salvage title run down piece of [ __ ]
pickup truck from the city of Los Angeles
Angeles
um because it's Swag first of all five
times cheaper than a normal truck and
the most important I make too much trash
at my house I put it in this truck and
then put on a high Vis vest and drive
around the place where I live until I
find places with dumpsters and dump the
trash and people just assume that I work
for the County of Los Angeles and No
One's Gonna bother you you have a high
Vis jacket and the white truck with the
light on top so [ __ ] where are we going
to twitchcon we're going to uh we're
going to twitchcon
piss number one
well this is a fun quirky story conflict
I came back from pissing and the truck
was doing some pissing of its own I
think it's leaking coolant not really a
car person but I want to say that the
coolant thing should have coolant inside
of it some water in there just to give
me two and mechanic store water is cold
sometimes so that's pretty much coolant yep
up hmm
hmm [Music]
[Music]
luckily it didn't matter because the
engine was so hot that in the five
minutes it took me to drive to the store
it already burned away all the water so
you know Small Miracles back to driving
to the desert and it was actually a
really nice drive it was blue skies good
day made the perfect place for the truck
to overheat on the side of the road
that's not good I'm sure that's bad I'm
sure that's a bad thing okay no no
mmm good so good this coolant pipe was
leaking everywhere how do we fix that I
don't know cool yeah so I just took it
off so I just took it off and put it
back on and hoped it'll work I might
need a funnel
yeah that's pretty good ah [ __ ] we're
driving for a while and then we'll open
going to the desert but now you're
probably wondering why are you really
going to the desert and honestly I had
to get to twitchcon I don't need an
ulterior motive to do any of this
anyways my ulterior motive is because of
nystat no not that nice that his brother
van neistat he has a YouTube channel and
his videos are pretty [ __ ] weird but
they're also really good and he has this
one video called should I get a
motorcycle and I thought hey I should
get a motorcycle and now I have a
motorcycle and I thought it would be
really fun to ride around this desert
and that's it it's just for fun not
everything has to be a [ __ ] life
lesson anyway we're here yes this is
when I came all this way for God yes
bathroom I need a map I meant like a one
that's pretty easy right now I am here
and I am trying to get to here
[ __ ] God
well let's turn right onto the road that
it wants me to go on to and
it's a pretty epic truck but I don't
think it can do sand or can they ah no I
would definitely get stuck okay I can't
park here so I'm gonna go up this road
and find a place to park this is the
closest thing that set it out of Road
and this doesn't look like a road it
really doesn't look like what the [ __ ]
is that what is that it's just rocks
and so I spent the next hour looking
around the desert for a campsite it kind
of feels like I'm playing Borderlands
but nothing's funny hey dude listen up
don't die in the desert I think this is
good it's a campground I don't see a
single other person at this point I just
wanted to ride around anywhere because
half the day was gone so I took the bike
down using these wooden steps that I
made because I have minion legs and then
now I know I look professional but this
is actually my first time going into the
desert believe it or not so it's a
learning experience for us all more more
just me mostly me because I was there
and here's something I learned science
is really hard ah
I also learned that I was lost realistically
realistically
so I got on the dirt trail and I had
eventually I pressed on didn't figure
out where I was just got tired of
looking in the map I knew it was the
right direction after a while because
the terrain started looking like this oh
my God it's all [ __ ] rocks oh my God
it's all [ __ ] sad but with no other
choice I just kept going and doing
desert things like climbing rocks and screaming
screaming
you know desert things speaking of
desert things [Music]
[Music]
I was gonna say I'm a sand Whisperer oh
what the [ __ ] no if
you look like I have no idea what I'm
doing and that's because I don't I
[ __ ] suck at this the sun is way
harder to ride in than I thought it
would be but hey it's fun I think oh [ __ ]
that's what I get that's what I get [ __ ]
the bikes on my leg oh God I'm gonna
have to cut it off
I think I can get out of this I'm gonna
turn around
hey oh I was feeling pretty silly after
that crash so I stopped here to eat and
all right [ __ ] this and then immediately
turn around because I'm an hour and a
half away from my campsite and the sun
was getting pretty low and then for my
next trick I got the bike stuck it's
actually so stuck that it stands up on
its own so [Music]
[Music]
a few hundred years from now huh it's
gonna be sad well I was trying to get it
out I noticed this on my phone it's a
emergency dust storm alert for the area
you know pullover visibility zero don't
die on all that that sucks it's said to
pull over but I'm not on a road so I'm
pretty sure it doesn't apply to me
anyways I got the bike on stuck and I
was on my way oh
oh
baby yeah you know it wasn't the longest
Adventure ever but I had a lot of fun I
gotta see some cool stuff and it's about
time that I headed back so that I could
why always when I celebrate
oh oh
no oh [ __ ] oh no this is the dust storm
oh my [ __ ] god
[ __ ] okay I'm gonna get the [ __ ] out of here
here
[ __ ] this
who could have seen this coming no one
no one could have seen this coming but
there's another problem this area is
called a wash it's where water flows out
of the hills when it rains the water
Cuts these paths in the ground and they
go all over the place it doesn't look
that confusing from up here this is a
Google Earth picture that I cropped to
hide the watermark but when you're on
the ground and it's dark and there's
[ __ ] sand in the air it's way harder
to see where you're going so at some
point I went the wrong way I don't know
where but I went the wrong way and the
trail started looking less and less and
worse I discovered that sand isn't
really sand but tasty little rocks that
you can breathe and eat yummy woman in
my Widow tummy they taste so good
what the [ __ ] but it was getting pretty
hard to breathe I'm gonna put a [ __ ]
dust mask on by dust mask I mean a shirt
so I had to stop and wrap a t-shirt
around my face so I wouldn't breathe any
more yummy rocks okay get the [ __ ] out
of here
this way I think
and yeah I think I found it that looks
like the trail but not for long that
doesn't look anything like the [ __ ]
Trail oh there it is but I feel like
this scary music's gonna come back I
couldn't find the [ __ ] Trail okay
this one I was on just ended I didn't
even turn around this time just kept
going towards where I thought the road
was which is definitely not what you're
supposed to do in this situation I'm not
sure what you are supposed to do but
it's definitely not this and I had no
idea where I was I was just riding
around hoping to find something which
makes this next part really boring so
I'm gonna put some Minecraft parkour
video on the screen to keep your
attention look at that a Subway Surfers
oh and I'll go to Reddit and read the
top post of today am I the [ __ ] for
kicking my dog in the head and then I'll
post it on Tick Tock and then I'll post
that on YouTube sorts and then I'll post
that short talk on my Instagram oh wow
is that the road God
what happened is I saw these power lines
way off in the distance and those are
usually near civilization so I just went
towards them until I found the road and
then I was free [Music]
foreign
I think for dinner tonight I will make
scrambled eggs and spam look at how good
this looks it's like fried rice [Music]
[Music]
good night [Music]
good morning I had a nightmare that
someone was walking around my tent at
night so I'm probably gonna have to
deduct points from twitchcon for that
but other than that it was pretty good
and uh let's all get packed up and we'll
head to twitchcon [Music]
[Music]
not much happened on the 100 mile drive
from the desert to San Diego I had a lot
of time to think about how fun it had
been so far and how I wished I could
have stayed a little bit longer but as I
rolled into town I was overcome with
optimism you see I lost track of why I
came down to San Diego in the first
place and so I was excited to finally
get started on my review of twitchcon
4 out of ten it's all right [Music]
[Music]
thank you [Music]
[Music] foreign
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