0:02 there's two ways to see the world some
0:05 people see the thing that they want and
0:07 some people see the thing that prevents
0:13 want there's there's a great story of
0:15 two two Lumberjacks where every morning
0:17 they start chopping wood at the same
0:18 time and every day they stop chopping
0:20 wood at the same time and every day one
0:22 of The Lumberjacks disappears for about
0:24 an hour in the middle of the day and
0:25 every day he chops more wood than the
0:27 other guy and this goes on for months
0:29 and eventually the one who works all day
0:31 he says I don't understand every day we
0:33 start at the same time every day we stop
0:36 at the same time every day you disappear
0:38 for about an hour in the middle of the
0:40 day and every day you chop more wood
0:42 than me where do you go for that hour
0:44 and the other Lumberjack looks up and
0:47 goes oh go home and sharpen my axe you
0:49 know that that if you if you if you take
0:51 an infinite mindset it's not about how
0:53 much you can get done each day it's how
0:54 much you can get done over the course of
0:56 a career over the course of a lifetime
0:59 and and you you got to take vacations
1:01 which means you turn off your email and
1:02 you turn off your phone and you do not
1:04 connect to the office you know go
1:06 sharpen your acts I have five little
1:09 rules that you can follow as you find
1:11 your spark and bring your spark to life
1:14 the first is to go after the things that
1:17 you want let me tell you a story so a
1:20 friend of mine and I we went for a run
1:22 in Central Park the road runners
1:24 organization uh on the weekends they
1:27 host races and it's very common at the
1:28 end of the race they'll have a sponsor
1:31 who will give away some something apples
1:33 or bagels or something and on this
1:34 particular day when we got to the end of
1:38 the run there were some free bagels and
1:41 they had picnic table set up and on one
1:43 side was a group of volunteers on the
1:45 table were boxes of bagels and on the
1:48 other side was a long line of Runners
1:50 waiting to get their free Bagel so I
1:52 said to my friend let's let's get a
1:54 bagel and he looked at me and
1:58 said ah the line's too long and I said
2:00 free bagel
2:04 and he said I don't want to wait in line
2:07 and I was like free
2:10 bagel and he says Nah let's it's too
2:12 long and that's when I realized that
2:15 there's two ways to see the world some
2:17 people see the thing that they want and
2:20 some people see the thing that prevents
2:21 them from getting the thing that they
2:24 want I could only see the bagels he
2:28 could only see the line and so I walked
2:30 up to the line
2:34 I leaned in between two people put my
2:36 hand in the box and pulled out two
2:39 bagels and no one got mad at me because
2:42 the rule is you can go after whatever
2:44 you want you just cannot deny anyone
2:47 else to go after whatever they want so
2:49 the point is is you don't have to wait
2:51 in line you don't have to do it the way
2:53 everybody else has done it you can do it
2:55 your way you can break the rules you
2:57 just can't get in the way of somebody
2:59 else getting what they want rule number
3:03 number two take care of each other the
3:06 United States Navy Seals are perhaps the
3:11 most elite Warriors in the world and one
3:14 of the seals was asked who makes it
3:17 through the selection process who is
3:22 able to become a seal and his answer was
3:25 I can't tell you the kind of person that
3:27 becomes a seal I can't tell you the kind
3:30 of person that makes it through buds but
3:32 I can tell you the kind of people who
3:35 don't become seals he says the guys that
3:37 show up with huge bulging muscles
3:39 covered in tattoos who want to prove to
3:42 the world how tough they are none of
3:45 them make it through he said the preing
3:47 leaders who like to delegate all their
3:50 responsibility and never do anything
3:53 themselves none of them make it through
3:55 he said the Star College athletes who've
3:57 never really been tested to the core of
4:01 their being none of of them make it
4:03 through he says some of the guys that
4:06 make it through are skinny and scrawny
4:08 he said some of the guys that make it
4:10 through you will see them shivering out of
4:12 of
4:16 fear he says however all the guys that
4:19 make it through when they find
4:22 themselves physically spent emotionally
4:25 spent when they have nothing left to
4:27 give physically or emotionally somehow
4:30 some way they are able to find the
4:34 energy to dig down deep inside
4:37 themselves to find the energy to help
4:41 the guy next to them they become seals
4:43 he said you want to be an elite Warrior
4:46 it's not about how tough you are it's
4:48 not about how smart you are it's not
4:50 about how fast you are if you want to be
4:52 an elite Warrior you better get really
4:55 really good at helping the person to the
4:56 left of you and helping the person to
4:59 the right of you cuz that's how people
5:02 advance in the world the world is too
5:03 dangerous and the world is too difficult
5:05 for you to think that you can do these
5:07 things alone if you find your spark I
5:09 commend you now who you going to ask for
5:11 help and when are you going to accept
5:14 help when it's offered learn that
5:17 skill learn by practicing helping each
5:20 other it'll be the single most valuable
5:23 thing you ever learn in your entire life
5:25 to accept help when it's offered and to
5:26 ask for it when you know that you can't
5:29 do it the amazing thing is when you
5:31 learn to ask for help you'll discover
5:32 that there are people all around you
5:34 who've always wanted to help you they
5:36 just didn't think you needed it because
5:37 you kept pretending that you had
5:39 everything under control and the minute
5:42 you say I don't know what I'm doing I'm
5:45 stuck I'm scared I don't think I can do
5:47 this you will find that lots of people
5:50 who love you will rush in and take care
5:53 of you but that'll only happen if you
5:55 learn to take care of them first lesson
5:59 three Nelson bandela is a particularly
6:01 special case study in the leadership
6:05 world because he is universally regarded
6:07 as a great leader you can take other
6:09 personalities and depending on the
6:10 nation you go to we have different
6:12 opinions about other personalities but
6:14 Nelson Mandela across the world is
6:17 universally regarded as a great leader
6:20 he was actually the son of a tribal
6:23 Chief and he was asked one
6:26 day how did you learn to be a great
6:29 leader and he responded that he would go
6:31 with his father father to tribal
6:34 meetings and he remembers two things
6:35 when his father would meet with other
6:40 Elders one they would always sit in a
6:45 circle and two his father was always the
6:48 last to speak you will be told your
6:49 whole life that you need to learn to
6:52 listen I would say that you need to
6:55 learn to be the last to speak I see it
6:57 in boardrooms every day of the week even
6:58 people who consider themselves good
7:00 leaders who may actually be decent
7:02 leaders will walk into a room and say
7:03 here's the problem here's what I think
7:05 but I'm interested in your opinion let's
7:08 go around the room it's too late the
7:10 skill to hold your opinions to yourself
7:12 until everyone has spoken does two
7:15 things one it gives everybody else the
7:18 feeling that they have been heard it g
7:21 gives everyone else the ability to feel
7:24 that they have contributed and two you
7:25 get the benefit of hearing what
7:27 everybody else has to think before you
7:30 render your opinion the skill is really
7:32 to keep your opinions to yourself if you
7:35 agree with somebody don't nod yes if you
7:39 disagree with somebody don't nod know
7:41 simply sit there take it all in and the
7:43 only thing you're allowed to do is ask
7:45 questions so that you can understand
7:47 what they mean and why they have the
7:49 opinion that they have you must
7:52 understand from where they are speaking
7:55 why they have the opinion they have not
7:59 just what they are saying and at the end
8:00 you will get your
8:05 turn it sounds easy it's not practice
8:07 being the last to speak that's what
8:12 Nelson Mandela did Lesson Four in the 18th
8:13 18th
8:17 century there was something that spread
8:18 across Europe and eventually made its
8:20 way to America called Perle
8:24 fever also known as the Black Death of
8:27 childbed basically what was happening is
8:30 women were giving birth
8:33 and they would die within 48 hours after
8:36 giving birth this black death of
8:38 childbirth was the ravage of Europe and
8:41 it got worse and worse and worse over
8:45 the course of over a century in some
8:49 hospitals it was as high as 70% of women
8:52 who gave birth who would die as a result
8:54 of giving birth but this was the
8:57 Renaissance this was the time of
8:59 empirical data and science and we had
9:02 thrown away things like tradition and
9:04 mysticism these were men of science
9:06 these were doctors and these doctors and
9:09 Men of science wanted to study and try
9:11 and find the reason for this black death
9:13 of childbed and so they got to work
9:16 studying and they would study the
9:19 corpses uh of the of the women who had
9:21 died and in the morning they would
9:23 conduct autopsies and then in the
9:24 afternoon they would go and deliver
9:27 babies and finish their rounds and it
9:30 wasn't until somewhere in the mid 1800s
9:34 that Dr Oliver Wendel Holmes realized
9:35 that all of these doctors who are
9:37 conducting autopsies in the morning
9:40 weren't washing their hands before they
9:42 delivered babies in the
9:45 afternoon and he pointed it out and said
9:48 guys you're the
9:51 problem and they ignored him and called
9:54 him crazy for 30
9:57 years until finally somebody realized
9:59 that if they simply washed their
10:02 hands it would go away and that's
10:05 exactly what happened when they started
10:06 sterilizing their instruments and
10:08 washing their hands the black death of childbed
10:10 childbed
10:14 disappeared the lesson here is sometimes
10:17 you're the problem and my point is is
10:20 take accountability for your actions you
10:22 can take all the credit in the world for
10:25 the things that you do right as long as
10:27 you also take responsibility for the
10:29 things you do wrong it must be a
10:31 balanced equation you don't get it one
10:33 way and not the other you get to take
10:37 credit when you also take accountability
10:39 I'll tell you a true story a few months
10:43 ago I stayed at the Four Seasons in Las
10:47 Vegas it is a wonderful hotel and the
10:49 reason it's a wonderful hotel is not
10:51 because of the fancy beds any hotel can
10:54 go and buy a fancy bed the reason it's a
10:56 wonderful hotel is because of the people
10:58 who work there if you walk past somebody
11:01 at the 4C and and they say hello to you
11:02 you get the feeling that they actually
11:04 wanted to say hello to you it's not that
11:05 somebody told them that you have to say
11:07 hello to all the customers say hello to
11:09 all the guests right you actually feel
11:12 that they care now in their Lobby they
11:16 have a coffee stand and I one afternoon
11:18 I went to buy a cup of coffee and there
11:19 was a barista by the name of Noah who
11:23 was serving me Noah was fantastic he was
11:26 friendly and fun and he was engaging
11:28 with me and I had so much fun buying a
11:29 cup of coffee I actually think I get
11:33 gave 100% tip right he was wonderful so
11:36 as is my nature I asked Noah do you like
11:38 your job and without skipping a beat
11:41 Noah says I love my job and so I
11:42 followed up I said what is it that the
11:45 Four Seasons is doing that would make
11:48 you say to me I love my job and without
11:51 skipping a beat Noah said throughout the
11:53 day managers will walk past me and ask
11:55 me how I'm doing if there's anything
11:58 that I need to do my job better he said
11:59 not just my manager
12:02 any manager and then he said something
12:06 magical he says I also work at Caesar's
12:09 Palace and Caesar at Caesar's Palace the
12:10 managers are trying to make sure we're
12:11 doing everything right they catch us
12:14 when we do things wrong he says when I
12:16 go to work there I like to keep my head
12:18 under the radar and just get through the
12:20 day so I can get my
12:22 paycheck he says here at the Four
12:27 Seasons I feel I can be myself so we in
12:28 leadership are always criticizing the
12:30 people we're always saying we got to get
12:31 the right people on the bus I've got to
12:33 fill my wrong my team I got to get the
12:35 right people but the reality is it's not
12:37 the people it's the
12:39 leadership if we create the right
12:42 environment we will get people like Noah
12:44 at the Four Seasons if we create the
12:46 wrong environment we will get people
12:50 like Noah at Caesar's Palace number five
12:54 my favorite one of all true story there
12:58 was a former under Secretary of Defense
13:00 who invited to give us speech at a large
13:02 conference about a thousand people and
13:04 he was standing on the stage with his
13:08 cup of coffee and a styrofoam cup and he
13:10 took a sip of his coffee and he smiled
13:12 and he looked down at the coffee and
13:14 then he went off script and he said you
13:17 know last year I spoke at this exact
13:20 same conference last year I was still
13:23 the under secretary and when I spoke
13:25 here last year they flew me here
13:27 business class and when I arrived at the
13:29 airport there was somebody somebody
13:31 waiting for me to take me to my hotel
13:33 and they took me to my hotel and they
13:34 had already checked me in and they just
13:36 took me up to my room and the next
13:38 morning I came downstairs and there was
13:40 someone waiting in the lobby to greet me
13:42 and they drove me to this here same
13:46 venue and handed me a copy cup of coffee
13:49 in a beautiful ceramic cup he says I'm
13:52 no longer the under secretary I flew
13:55 here coach I took a taxi to my hotel and
13:57 I checked myself in when I came down the
14:00 lobby this morning I took another taxi
14:03 to this venue I came in the front door
14:05 and found my way backstage and when I
14:08 asked someone do you have any coffee he
14:09 pointed to the coffee machine in the
14:12 corner and I poured myself a cup of
14:16 coffee into this here Styrofoam cup he
14:19 says the lesson is the ceramic cup was
14:22 never meant for me it was meant for the
14:26 position I held I deserve a styrofoam
14:31 cup remember this as you gain Fame as
14:34 you gain Fortune as you gain position
14:36 and seniority people will treat you
14:39 better they will hold doors open for you
14:41 they will get you a cup of tea and
14:43 coffee without you even asking they will
14:45 call you sir and ma'am and they will
14:47 give you stuff none of that stuff is
14:50 meant for you that stuff is meant for
14:52 the position you hold it is meant for
14:54 the level that you have achieved of
14:57 leader or success or whatever you want
15:00 to call it but you will will always
15:03 deserve a styrofoam
15:06 cup remember that remember that lesson
15:09 of humility and gratitude you can accept
15:11 all the free stuff you can accept all
15:14 the perks absolutely you can enjoy them
15:16 but just be grateful for them and know
15:18 that they're not for you we're asking
15:21 our youngest generation to work and
15:23 succeed and find themselves and build
15:26 their confidence and overcome their
15:28 addiction to technology and build strong
15:30 relationships at work we're asking to do
15:31 this and these are the environments
15:34 we've created we keep saying to them
15:36 you're the Future Leaders we're the
15:39 leaders now we're in
15:41 control what are we
15:45 doing this is what empathy means it
15:47 means if there's an entire generation
15:50 struggling maybe it's not them it's like
15:52 you know the only thing that I uh that
15:54 um the common factor in all my failed
15:58 relationships me same thing oh we just
16:00 can't get the right you know the right
16:02 performance out of our people maybe it's
16:06 you right it's not a generation it's not
16:09 them they're not difficult or hard to
16:10 understand they're human beings like the
16:13 rest of us trying to find their way
16:15 trying to work in a place where they
16:18 feel that someone cares about them as a
16:20 human being by the way that's what we
16:24 all want in other words it's not even
16:27 generational it's all of us this is the
16:29 practice of empathy that if we're
16:31 struggling to communicate to someone if
16:33 it's struggling to help someone be at
16:35 their natural best I'm tired of people
16:37 saying to me how do I get the best out
16:38 of my people really that's what you want
16:40 they're like a towel you just ring them
16:42 how can I get the most out of
16:45 them no how do I help my people be at
16:46 their natural
16:48 best right we're not asking these
16:50 questions we are not practicing empathy
16:52 we have to start by practicing empathy
16:54 and relate to what they may be going
16:55 through and it will profoundly change
16:57 the decisions we make it will profoundly
17:00 change the way we see the world we're
17:03 growing up in a Facebook Instagram World
17:04 in other words we're good at putting
17:06 filters on things we're good at showing
17:08 people that life is amazing even though
17:11 I'm depressed right and so everybody
17:13 sounds tough and everybody sounds like
17:14 they got it all figured out and the
17:16 reality is there's very little toughness
17:17 and most people don't have it figured
17:19 out and so when the more senior people
17:21 say well what should we do they sound
17:23 like this is what you got to do and they
17:25 have no clue so you have an entire
17:26 generation growing up with lower
17:28 self-esteem than previous generations
17:31 right we know that engagement with
17:34 social media and our cell phones
17:36 releases a chemical called dopamine
17:38 that's why when you get a text feels
17:40 good right it's why we count the likes
17:43 it's why we go back 10 times to see if
17:45 and if it's going if our my Instagram is
17:47 growing slower I did I do something
17:49 wrong do they not like me anymore right
17:51 the the trauma for young kids to be
17:54 unfriended right dopamine is the exact
17:56 same chemical that makes us feel good
17:58 when we smoke when we drink and when we
18:01 we gamble in other words it's highly
18:04 highly addictive that's basically what
18:05 happened you have an entire generation
18:07 that has access to an addictive
18:10 numbing chemical Cod dopamine through
18:11 social media and cell phones as they're
18:13 going through the high stress of
18:15 adolescence why is this important what's
18:16 happening is because we're allowing
18:18 unfettered access to these dopamine
18:21 producing devices and media basically
18:22 it's becoming hardwired and what we're
18:25 seeing is as they grow older they too
18:27 many kids don't know how to form deep
18:29 meaningful relationships
18:31 their words not mine they will admit
18:32 that many of their friendships are
18:35 superficial they will admit that their
18:36 friends that they don't count on their
18:38 friends they don't rely on their friends
18:40 they have fun with their friends but
18:41 they also know that their friends will
18:42 cancel on them if something better comes
18:44 along deep meaning for relationships is
18:46 not there because they never practice
18:48 the skill set and worse they don't have
18:49 the coping mechanisms to deal with
18:51 stress so when significant stress starts
18:53 to show up in their lives they're not
18:55 turning to a person they're turning to a
18:58 device they're turning to social media
18:59 they're turning to these things which
19:01 offer temporary relief I believe loving
19:03 your work is a right and not a privilege
19:06 I despise the fact I Lament The fact I
19:09 curse the fact that so few people get to
19:11 say I love my job as if they've won some
19:12 Lottery you know you go out with your
19:13 friends and somebody says I love my job
19:14 and everybody goes oh my God you're so
19:17 lucky right that to me is madness
19:20 everybody the vast majority should get
19:22 to wake up and say I love my job it is a
19:25 right it is a god-given right that we
19:27 should love where we work and we should
19:29 demand it we should demand that our
19:30 leaders provide an environment in which
19:32 we want to come where we want to care
19:34 about about each other where we feel
19:36 safe to express our vulnerabilities and
19:37 our fears and our concerns that we're
19:40 open to correction and discipline and
19:42 feedback that we're not defensive
19:43 because we know that it's being given to
19:45 help us improve and grow and we want to
19:48 improve and grow um and in turn we will
19:50 help others improve and grow because
19:53 when we feel safe when we
19:57 feel that our leaders care more about us
20:01 than a number they care more about our
20:05 lives and our confidence and our joy and
20:08 our skill set more than some short-term
20:10 gain that they care more about our
20:12 priorities than the priorities of some
20:14 disinterested external
20:16 constituency then we will respond in
20:17 kind and we will offer our blood and our
20:19 sweat and our tears and we will make
20:22 sacrifices of all kinds to see that our
20:24 leaders vision is Advanced and that this
20:26 company continues to thrive not for them
20:29 for ourselves it becomes deeply personal
20:30 and becomes something we love
20:32 contributing to I talk about it all the
20:35 time working hard for something we don't
20:38 care about is called stress working hard
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