This discussion centers on the film "How I Live Now," highlighting its successful world premiere at Fantasia, the collaborative creative process, and the film's unique approach to depicting trauma and healing through a blend of cinematic artistry and emotional resonance.
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Thank you. Thank you so much for your
time, Marin. We are here to discuss uh
How I Live Now, which has uh had its
world premiere at at Fantasia. Um what
was the reaction like at the screening?
>> Uh the reaction was incredible. Um we
had a couple sold out screenings. I mean
really engaged. I mean pretty much the
whole audience stayed after for a Q&A
and yeah really engaging thoughtful
questions and you know when you
when you make a film like this it's just
so nerve-wracking to see how it will be
um uh how it will be received. I think
especially for for Julie because the
film is so personal to her. She really
wears her heart on her sleeve and just
sort of puts it out uh out into the
world. So
um but yeah, I think we all had a lot of
nerves about just showing it outside of
our creative bubble who have been
working on it for so long. And yeah,
just to see it accepted and understood
and appreciated by so many people,
including yourself, it just really meant
so much to us.
>> And in addition to being the
cinematographer, you were also one of
the one of the co-producers on the
project. You know, at what point did you
get involved and what was it about, you
know, Julie's story that that made you
want to, you know, get involved and help?
help?
>> Yeah. Well, I've been working with Julie
for wow like nine years, something like
that. Um, and
and we met. She she was executive
producer on a produc a film that I was
producing uh called Hidden Blueprints
directed by Jaye McKenzie
and and she she contacted me um with
something else and you know asked me to
produce it and that was the first film I
had ever produced and so I'm like sure
and he goes uh I need you to hire me a
DP and I'm like you know I'm a DP right?
Like I'm not even a producer. Um but so
that and and of course so Julie she's
like that's great you'll produce it and
you'll DP it. Um and uh so that was
that's how we work together on hard
work. But yeah, I think in terms of, you
know, I'm I'm a I'm a member of Julie's
production company and we've, you know,
so I was I was there when this was she
started developing it as a short, which
was thematically similar in some places,
but it was a very different story.
and it just kind of grew and grew and
grew and and blossomed into what it is
today. So, and Julie is incredibly open
and collaborative.
So, myself and a lot of um a lot of the
creatives and technicians around Julie
have just been like nurturing this film
for about five years now.
>> Wow. And so going back to, you know, to
your your beginnings, you know, what was
it about, you know, cameras and
cinematography that that made you want
to choose that as a career path?
Because, you know, the creative industry
is not an easy one.
>> No, it's not. Um, and yeah, I came to it
sort of late. I was interested in a lot
of things. I was actually really
interested in
like religious studies in high school
and I thought I was going to go to
college for that and I sort of found
the answers to the questions I was
personally looking for and a lot of my
interest in that dropped off and
yeah so I took uh in my last year of
high school I it was like one of the
first years ever that they offered a a
film making class. I don't think they
still offer it. And it really
sort of caught my imagination on fire. I
always liked
I I can't do the same thing every day. I
it just it doesn't maintain my interest. So
So
film was kind of perfect for me because
it's always different. There are always challenges.
challenges.
Um there there are always problems to
solve and
different ways to look at things. You're
working with different people. So I really
really
and you know I read I I would listen to
Verer Herzog and um and read Rebel
Without a Crew, Robert Rodriguez's book
and sort of dis demystified it to me
because I think a lot of filmmakers are
like oh I can I'm the only one who can
do this or you know so so I'm really
grateful to
um filmmakers
like that who really are unpretentious
about it and made you know a a kid in a
small country town believe that he could
be in the film industry and
and
and yeah and then I just found Amra and
it's just such a dynamic and beautiful
place and it's just such a great
marriage of technical and creative
>> and I think you once upon a time film
was king but then there has been this
kind of shift into uh into digital in
recent years. I think you know a lot of
that is down to you know to cost and
accessibility for you you can shoot a
you can shoot a film on your iPhone
these days you know u which means that
it kind of opens up the opportunities
for you know for new voices. Uh but you
know how I you know I I live here now is
um shot on a combination of 35 mil and
and 16 mil. You know how was how was it
you know getting to work with film and
do you kind of think that maybe you know
filmmakers are going back to that medium
because I know that there was also um I
think Foxy which also played at Fantasia
was was also shot on film and I think
there's a couple of others at the moment
you know do you think we might be
getting a little resurgence like you
know like vinyl and VHS are coming back.
Do you think that we are kind of going
back to to that era?
>> I think so. I think it's been beautiful
to see films resurgence in recent years
and we got a lot of support from Kodak
who are just really wonderful to work
with um and very supportive to
independent film and to address the cost
thing. It's just like I don't think I
love how Brady Corbet talks about it.
It's just like you you know there there
are so many costs that are justified
sometimes dubiously in film and the one
that is the first to be sacrificed is
the actual film that we're shooting on.
Digital is great. I love I love working
on digital and to to your point
its process or it it its role to
democratized film making is how I became
a filmmaker. So I'm I'm very grateful to
that. But I also think there's something
magical about film where you know the
the the photon bounces off your face and
goes through a lens and embeds itself in
celluloid and that was like real. you
have something art you have an artifact
that was there on the day and
I think that's important and I think
doing things for real is important and I
think at least what I tell myself maybe
it's naive but in this time of AI and
all of these fears about where what the
future for creatives is I do see a push
back from audience audiences that want
to see want to know something was really
done by real people and I think film is
a huge contra confirmation of that desire
desire
>> and what you know did it raise any sort
of challenges when it is you know sort
of a lower a lower budget indie indie
project and you know you're shooting on
35 mil and 16 mil I mean you like were
Lucy and Meline I know that you know
They've, you know, Meline especially has
done like more TV work and that I mean
that must have been a learning process
for them because obviously digital you
can do take and take and take and take
but film you know you're going to you're
going to run out of film if you go down
that route.
>> Yeah. I mean, I think a huge advantage is
is
Julie is such an incredibly visual
director and she really knows what she
wants. And I think that's one of the
best parts of working on film is it
really rewards intention
and it punishes indecision.
So I think
honestly like again like hard drives are
expensive, cameras, you know, digital
media is expensive. So I think in a lot
of ways if you're very intentional and
you and you have creative clarity and
you've budgeted your time wisely
film is very equivalent to the costs of
shooting digital. But if your
expectation is to do take and take and
take and figure it all out and edit,
then then yeah, I don't know if film is
necessarily the right choice. Um or if
you can afford that, then God bless you.
But um
sorry, could you could you ask the
question I or restate the question? I
got lost. It's just one you know like
you know what you know the experience
was like you know on set particularly I
guess you know with the actors because I
think obviously a lot of you know a lot
of actors these days are are used to
working in digital so you know
>> yeah I find a lot of actors really
appreciate it because I think film is
one of the only ways of shooting where
everyone is trying to get it on take one
and and I think that's really lost I
think with some productions you you
know, your your dolly grip might tune in
around take three, but the actor already
gave everything on takes one and two,
and then the focus kind of figures it
out on take five. And you know, then and
that that couldn't be less true for our
experience on I live here now. we,
you know, everybody was, we would
rehearse and everybody was really
pulling towards the same goal on take
one. So, I think um I can't I can't
speak uh for our actors, but I think
they did a phenomenal job and if they um
yeah, if there were was any um hesitance
around shooting on film, I certainly
didn't notice it. It's a lot like
theater, I think. You you really just
can be in the moment. There's actually a
few scenes in the movie where we just
loaded an 11minute magazine and just let
it run. And they were never there. They
they weren't scenes that were ever meant
to play as a oneshot. Of course, we get
into the edit and Julie's looking at it
and just like, what if we did? They're
beautiful performances.
Um the last scene in the movie um the
scene with um where um uh Rose is
reflecting on her experiences with her notebook.
notebook.
Uh we we ran an 11minute take and and it
tells a whole story and of course
ultimately it gets it gets cut up but
like those are some of the most powerful experiences
experiences
I've ever had as a DP. Uh my brilliant
camera operator uh who's an incredible
DP in her own right Castrali
you know was in tears after the take.
you know, we we we really would just
feel so connected
and and yeah, I think um Yeah. Yeah. So,
so we would just let a moment be true
and all all share in that and and
ultimately, you know, trust our our
incredible editors uh Ragav and Matias
uh to uh to to mold that into the story
line. But
>> the film has um >> sorry,
>> sorry,
>> sorry, go ahead. the the film has this
wonderful sort of like dreamlike, you
know, almost like fairy tale, you know,
quality to it. I was wondering if you
just sort of talk a little bit about,
you know, the the intentions, you know,
for the for the look and feel of the film.
film.
>> Yeah. Yeah. I'm so happy you said that.
I think fairy tale is such a great term
for that. Uh for for a lot of the mo move.
Yeah. the it's so interesting creating
something so uh
uh
metaphorical and symbolic and I think
Julie always had a very clear vision of
what the
film was and what the film was about and
what the symbolism meant and
just really trusted her department heads
to bring, you know, the the the film is
about trauma and healing at the at the
end of the day and I and she had very
specific ideas of that, but she also let
all of her collaborators bring their own
story and their own work. I know that,
you know, she has a great philosophy of
of of constructing things like 90 95% of
the way there, but then like letting not
being afraid to let it change and yield
and be malleable. I know when Lucy uh
Fry signed on to to play Rose, there was
a lot of development and you know Hannah
uh Rosson and Lucy Butler, our
production designers brought so much of
themselves and
on and on and on. But yeah, I think we
really wanted to create something
adjacent to reality and
This story is an externalization
of things that are internal like things
we experience, things that we learn. And
And
the the the question was always what are
how do we bleed between these these two
things? And how do we make something
really fantastic feel real? and how do
we make something real feel fantastic?
And yeah, it was just an incredible team
bringing all of their talents and their
own history. And there's the kitten.
>> There he is. It's going to behave.
>> Oh, orange cats. >> Yes.
>> Yes.
>> That makes more sense now. >> Yes.
>> Yes.
>> Yeah. It suddenly all clicks into place.
Um but yeah I mean it's the film is it's
a great Trojan horse because obviously
it has got you know this really powerful
message and you know he's exploring a
lot of really you know relevant you know
topics and and politics that are going
on and you know do you think that you
know wrapping it up within this more
fantastical world? You think that the
message is going to maybe hit home with
some more people perhaps more than if
they like sat down in front of a
documentary that was also analyzing like
a trauma and healing.
>> Yeah, I I think so. And uh I I believe
that that is an incredibly effective way
to discuss
human experiences.
We we under stand things through story
and and I think that's a huge problem
problem
in in general. It's just like you can
give people statistics and whatever but
like the the the brain is not wired to
understand them. We are wired to
understand story and and and and we oral traditions
traditions
um all sorts of storytelling
fairy tales are are how we pass lessons,
how we relate experiences.
And I love what Ed Lochman says, uh,
phenomenal DP works with Todd Haynes a
lot about melodrama is
if you let the audience know they're
being manipulated, then they're more
open to it. they they can sort of set
this aside and allow them allow themselves
themselves
to be in this world that is fantastic.
That is and and I and I love
writing that line as a cinematographer
the world should feel real. It has
rules. It has consistency and it and it
and it follows but it follows the
emotional reality, not the physical
reality. So you
you create something that feels real,
but if you were to look at it
objectively, it's just like, no, th this
is fantastic. This isn't realistic.
But I feel like that's e even with the most
most literal,
literal,
you know, naturalistic,
you know, family drama. There's always
an element of
of painting
that is going on. But it's, you know, I
think a lot of people point to very
stylistic references for that. But I
think of like Sheamus Maccgarvey's work
in Atonement where it's like Moonlight
doesn't have that much green in it. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
Like but but talk about like you know
it's we're not talking about Tim Burton
you know just like like it's atonement
is phenomenally grounded and historical and
and
beautiful but he still finds the places
to bend the physical reality in a way
that feels appropriate for the
characters and for the story.
Um, so, so I just I just love that.
>> And I guess sort of like my final
question to you, you know, for those
that missed I Live Here Now at Fantasia,
um, why should they be keeping an eye
out for more screenings? You know, why
should why do you hope that people like
come to this film?
>> Yeah. Well, um I think it's one I think
it's a film to be experienced in a
theater and I know we move more towards
home theaters and you know mobile and
all of these things but but I think
Julie really made a big screen movie
both with the work in in the visual but
also the sounds. Dean Hurley's
incredible sound design and uh so much
of that is important and yeah we uh
we're we have um our international or
European um premiere at Larno
um on the 9th and then we'll be in Edinburgh
Edinburgh
and have uh screenings coming up in
France. I'm not sure if those have been
announced yet, but so I'll leave that
vague, but um but yeah, yeah, have some
opportunities in France and I believe
we're we're looking at uh theatrical
next year, but but yeah, I I believe that
that it's
it's
it's a really powerful work of art that
Julie has created. And I feel like
from the reviews, from what we hear, uh,
from people talking to us after the
screenings, a lot of people have been
very moved by the film, which is
just really incredible to hear because
we we just made a film that moved us and
and we just wanted to to make something that
that
made sense to us, that was important to
us, and was
ultimately us all working together. I
mean, I think Julie just made a really
honest attempt at depicting what trauma
and healing and growth feels like.
And I think that's important to be shared.
shared.
>> Definitely. Well, thank you so much for
your time and best of luck with the uh
the future screenings and release.
>> Thank you so much, Cat. I really
appreciate you and um and everything uh
everything you've said about the film
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