The content explores the complex nature of human emotions, relationships, and personal growth, emphasizing that true healing and self-acceptance come from embracing imperfections and learning to carry experiences rather than forgetting them. It delves into the struggles of overthinking, self-doubt, the fear of not being enough, and the challenges of genuine connection.
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The crulest lie people tell is that time
heals everything. It sounds comforting.
It sounds hopeful. But it's not true.
Time doesn't erase certain people. It
doesn't make them disappear. It [music]
just teaches you how to live around the
space they left behind. There's always
that one person you never fully get
over. You don't think about them every
day. You're not stuck in the past. You
keep moving. You keep living. You date
again. You laugh again. You meet new
people who make you feel seen in [music]
different ways. And for a while, you
convince yourself you're okay. You tell
yourself you've moved on, but then
something small happens. [music] A song
plays, not even a sad one, just one you
used to listen to together. Or you see
someone with the same smile, the same
walk, same way of looking at the world.
Or you [music] pass a street where you
once held hands, once talked about the
future, once felt safe, and suddenly
it's like no time passed at [music] all.
You're right back there, back in the
memory, back in the feeling, back in the
loss. That's when you realize something
important. Healing isn't forgetting.
Healing [music] is carrying. Some people
leave fingerprints on your soul so deep
they never fade. No matter how far you
go, no matter how much distance you put
between you and them, no matter how many
new chapters you start, they stay not as
a constant ache, but as a quiet [music]
presence, they shape the way you love
now. The way you hesitate, the way you
secondguess opening up. They teach you
caution. They teach [music] you
restraint. They teach you how badly
things can hurt when you give your heart
without a [music] safety net. And
sometimes you hate that. You wish you
could love the same way again. fearless,
unprotected, [music]
allin. But maybe that's not something to
be ashamed of. Maybe it's proof. Proof
that [music] you were capable of loving
deeply with your whole chest without
holding back, without needing
guarantees. That kind of [music] love
changes you and not everyone gets to
experience it. So maybe the point was
never to erase them. Maybe the point was
never to forget. Maybe the point is to
learn how to carry them quietly. Not as
a ghost that haunts you, not as a wound
that bleeds every time you remember, but
as evidence. evidence that you lived,
that you [music] loved, that you felt
something real enough to leave a
permanent mark. Uh, some people aren't
meant to stay [music] forever, but they
stay with you in the way you love, in
the way you remember, and the way your
heart learned what was possible. And
that doesn't mean you're broken. It
means you were human. It feels like I'm
bothering you. And the worst part is I
can't tell if it's all in my head or if
[music] I'm finally seeing the truth for
what it is. I notice the little things,
the shorter replies, the dry and okays.
The way your tone shifts like you're
answering out [music] of obligation, not
interest. It's like my name used to mean
something to you and now it's just
another notification you swipe [music]
away without thinking twice. And I feel
it in the pauses, in the gaps between
our conversations, and how you don't ask
questions anymore. How you don't match
my energy the way you used to. It's
[music] like I'm slowly becoming someone
you tolerate instead of someone you
genuinely want in your life. I hate
admitting how much it affects me. How I
reread your messages trying to see if I
said something [music] wrong. How I
rewrite text after text just to make
sure I don't come off too much. [music]
How I check my phone way more than I
should, hoping maybe this time you'll
sound like you actually want to talk to
me again. And it messes with [music] my
head cuz I don't want to be a burden. I
don't want to be the person you sigh at
before you reply with [music] something
short and dry. But I care maybe more
than I should, maybe more than you ever
did. I keep reaching out even when
everything inside me says I shouldn't.
Not because I'm desperate for attention,
[music] but because I genuinely don't
want you to feel like I disappeared. I
don't want you thinking I stopped
[music] caring. I don't want to lose
someone who once felt impossible to
lose. But the truth is, silence scares
me. Silence feels [music] permanent.
Silence feels like you already made your
decision and just haven't said it out
loud. And I'm stuck here trying to
pretend I don't feel the distance
growing every single day. Maybe I'm
overthinking. I hope I am, but maybe I'm
not. Maybe I'm finally noticing the
signs I tried so hard to ignore. And
even then, even with all this anxiety,
all this confusion, all this fear of
being unwanted, [music] I still check on
you. I still message you. I still care
in a way that makes me feel stupid
sometimes. But the truth is simple. I
don't reach out to bother you. I reach
out because you matter to me in a way I
don't know how to hide. You were never
an inconvenience in my life. I just
hoped I wasn't one in yours. I just
wanted to matter to you, even a little,
even for a moment. Do you ever wonder if
you're actually loved? Like deep down,
you don't really believe you're enough
for anyone. You try to play it cool,
pretend you don't think about it. But
there's this quiet fear that never
leaves your chest. The fear that people
only love the version of you you work so
hard [music] to perform. Not the real
you, the messy you, the insecure you.
Sometimes I just want reassurance. Not
the kind you have to hint at or beg for.
Not the kind people give out of guilt. I
mean real reassurance. [music] The kind
that feels warm, steady, and consistent.
The kind that doesn't make you question
yourself every time someone takes
[music] a little longer to reply or
sounds a little different when they
talk. I just want someone who sees me
and doesn't look away. Someone who
doesn't love me only when it's
convenient, but even on the days I'm
quiet. The days I'm tired, the days I
feel unlovable. I imagine being held by
someone who means [music] something to
me. Not because I asked, but because
they noticed I needed it. Someone who
pulls me closer like they're afraid of
losing me, too. Someone who looks at
[music] me with that soft, gentle love
that makes you feel safe in ways you
didn't even know you needed. Someone who
whispers the words I've needed for
years. [music] You're enough. You're not
too much. You don't have to earn my
love. I'm here and I'm staying. And
honestly, that would mean everything.
Cuz I get tired of questioning my worth.
Tired of wondering if people only care
about me when I'm useful, [music] happy,
or easy to love. Tired of feeling like I
have to shrink myself just to [music] be
someone's barely. And all I want is to
matter to someone without having to
fight for it. to be loved without
conditions, without [music] performing,
without fear. To be loved exactly as I
am and finally believe it. What about my
feelings? It's crazy. I can show up for
everyone. I can listen, [music] support,
stay up late talking them through their
problems. Be the one who holds
everything together. But the second it's
my turn, everything goes silent. Like my
emotions suddenly don't matter as much.
Like I'm supposed [music] to be the
strong one all the time. The one who can
handle it. The one who never needs
anything back. Everyone sees the
protector, but no one sees the person
[music] breaking behind the sword. And
somewhere along the way, I became that
person, too. The one who says I'm fine,
even when I'm not. The one who smiles
[music] even when something in me is
falling apart. Not because I want to
hide it, but because explaining [music]
myself feels like a burden. Because I'm
scared that if I finally open up, people
will think I'm too much. And maybe
that's my fault. Maybe I taught everyone
that I'm the one who never needs help.
that I'm the one who always knows what
to do, that I can hold all their weight
without ever needing someone to carry
mine. But the truth is, even the strong
get tired, even the ones who never
complain, still hope someone will look
at them and say, "Are you okay?" Really
okay. It hurts when the same people
you've held up for years don't [music]
show up for you in the same way. Not
because you want them to solve your
problems, because you want to know your
feelings matter, too. Sometimes I don't
want advice. Sometimes I don't need a
solution. Sometimes I just want someone
[music] to sit with me and say, "I get
it. That sounds heavy. I'm here because
my feelings are real. They're valid. And
I'm finally learning that I don't need
someone else to give me permission to
[music] feel them. I don't have to
pretend to be unbreakable just because
I've been the strong one for so [music]
long. The person who's there for
everyone else deserves someone who will
check on them, too." I don't think
people understand how draining it is to
constantly replay every tiny
conversation in your head. Not for
[music] minutes, but for hours,
sometimes for days. like I'll send the
most harmless message. Something simple
like, okay, and before the text [music]
even delivers, my brain is already
spiraling. And was that too dry? Should
I have used a different word? Do they
think I'm annoyed? Did I come off cold?
Are they over there wondering what they
did wrong? Do they secretly hate me now?
And I'll sit there staring at my phone,
fighting every urge to send another
[music] message to explain myself, but
knowing that if I do, I'll just look
even more anxious, even more confusing,
even more like the version of myself I'm
always trying to hide. So instead, I
just sit with it. I let the anxiety chew
on me for [music] the rest of the day.
Let the moment repeat in my mind a
hundred times, replaying a two-cond
interaction like it was some [music]
life-changing event. And the worst part,
it's never actually about the text. It
never was. Becomes proof. Proof [music]
that I talk weird. Proof that I'm
awkward. Proof that people must get
tired of me. Proof that I'm [music]
somehow too much and not enough at the
same time. Because deep down I'm scared.
Scared of being misunderstood. Scared of
messing up something good. scared that
one wrong word is all it takes for
[music] someone to see the real me and
walk away. And it sucks because most
people don't think twice [music] about
messages. They text, they move on. They
don't overanalyze punctuation or tone or
emoji choice [music] or whether they're
okay sounded passive aggressive. But me,
I feel everything on full volume. I care
[music] deeply, maybe too deeply. And
that sensitivity, it makes life heavier
sometimes, but it also means my [music]
heart is real. It means I think before I
speak. It means I don't want to hurt
anyone. It means I actually care about
how people feel. Maybe that's not
something to hate about myself. Maybe
it's [music] okay to be someone who
feels a little too much. Even if it
makes the world overwhelming sometimes. [music]
[music]
Cuz even if my brain tries to convince
me otherwise, I'm not broken. I'm not
weird. I'm not a burden. I'm just human.
Human with a heart that works over time.
And that's not a [music] flaw. It's
proof I'm alive. Take me back to the
night we met. Because that was the last
time [music] everything felt untouched.
The last time my heart wasn't carrying
the weight of you. I replay it more than
I should. The way you smiled like you
had no idea what you were about to
become to me. The way time slowed down
for just a second, [music] almost like
the universe was whispering, "Pay
attention. This moment is going to
matter someday." And I swear I didn't
know it then. I didn't know how deeply
that night would root itself into my
memory. How it would become the bookmark
I keep flipping back to, even when I'm
trying so hard to move forward. Back
then, everything felt light, pure,
hopeful, [music] like life was finally
giving me something soft to hold on to.
I didn't know that softness would
[music] one day turn into something that
hurts to remember. Because now, now I'm
just learning to live with the ghost of
[music] you. You're not here. You're not
gone. You just exist in every place my
mind wanders [music] when it's tired. I
see you in strangers mannerisms, in
songs that randomly come on, in the
silence of my room when it's too late
[music] to pretend I'm okay. It's the
little things that get me. the way a
random memory will hit me out of
nowhere, like the universe is trying to
remind me of something I've been trying
[music] to forget. I'll hear a laugh
that sounds like yours or a phrase you
used to say, and suddenly I'm right back
in that moment, standing next to the
version of me who still had you. The
worst [music] part, I don't know how to
move on. Not really. People tell me time
heals, but all time has done is make the
memory sharper, clearer, more [music]
painful in a way I didn't expect. I
don't need forever with you. I don't
need a perfect ending. Sometimes I just
wish I could go back to the before.
[music] Before I knew what it felt like
to miss someone who was still alive,
just not mine. Before I learned how
heavy memories can feel when they become
the only place someone still [music]
exists. Take me back to the night we
met. Because that was the last time my
heart wasn't haunted by you. Why is
receiving love so hard? I give it so
easily, without thinking, without
hesitation. [music] But somehow it never
seems to find its way back to me. I
watch people love each other so [music]
effortlessly, laughing, holding hands,
belonging to one another, like it's the
most natural thing in the world. And I
can't help but wonder what that feels
like to be chosen, to be [music] wanted,
to be loved the way I love. Cuz somehow
I'm always the giver, the one who
listens, the one [music] who shows up,
the one who makes sure everyone else
feels cared for. I pour into people like
it's my purpose. But when it's my turn,
everyone suddenly forgets how to pour
back. And I tell myself it's fine. I
tell myself I don't need much. I
convince myself that being the strong
one or the understanding one is enough.
But deep down there's this quiet ache,
this tiny voice that whispers, "When is
it going to be my turn? When will
someone love me the way I love them?
When will someone choose me without
hesitation? I'm not asking for grand
gestures. [music] I'm not asking for
perfection. I just want to feel like I
matter to someone the same way I make
them matter to me. Because giving love
is easy. Receiving it, that's the part
that [music] feels almost impossible.
But still, I wait. I hope. I believe
that one day someone will see me, really
see me, and finally choose me the way
I've always chosen everyone else.
Sometimes you go through a bad stretch
in life and it hits you harder than you
expect. Not because of the sickness or
the isolation, but because it forces you
to sit with thoughts you've been
avoiding. And the scariest one is this.
If I disappeared today, would anything
I've done even matter? I don't mean it
in a dramatic way. I mean it in that
quiet, honest way you only hear when
life finally slows down. When the noise
stops? When you're alone with nothing
but your own mind, you start thinking
about your life, what you've done, what
you haven't done, what you promised
yourself you'd be by now, and suddenly
you realize you haven't moved as far as
you thought you would. You're older, but
not ahead. You've grown, but you're
still in the same place. It's like doing
all this work internally just to look
around and see nothing has changed
externally. And that's when that thought
creeps in. If I died today, my life
would amount to nothing. Not because you
don't matter to people. You do. People
would miss you. People would cry for
you. People would talk about the good
you brought into their life. But you,
you feel like you haven't left your mark
yet. Like you haven't done the one thing
you're meant to do. Like you're running
out of time to become the person you
always said you'd be. The truth is,
you're not lazy. You're not lost. You're
not failing. You're just in the middle
of becoming someone you haven't met yet.
And it's frustrating because becoming
them takes longer than you thought. But
your efforts still count. [music] Your
growth still counts. The small steps
still count. Everything you've done up
until now is laying the foundation for
the moment your life actually clicks.
You're not done. You're not too late.
Why does fitting in feel like a
full-time job? Like you got to work
twice as hard just [music] to be seen as
average. If you don't have the face
card, the perfect body, [music] the
clothes everybody else wears, the
confidence they were just born with. You
don't get treated the same. You get
pushed aside, overlooked, judged before
you even open your mouth. And the worst
part, it makes you start believing
something is wrong with you instead of
the world around you. Growing up, I
always felt like the odd one out. I
didn't look like the kids who got
[music] attention. I didn't have the
money or the style. I didn't have the
effortlessly cool aura that everyone
else seemed to have. I was [music] just
me. And apparently me was never enough
for anybody. All I wanted was to fit in.
Not to be popular, not to be the center
of attention, [music] just to be
accepted, just to have a friend group
that saw me instead of seeing what I
lacked. But instead, I got judged for
everything. How I looked, how I talked,
what I wore, what I didn't have, things
I couldn't even control. It's crazy how
people will look at you for 2 seconds
and decide your whole worth off those
two seconds. And it hurts because deep
down, all I ever wanted was for someone
to see me for who I actually am. [music]
Not for the face, not for the body, not
for the clothes, but for my heart, my
loyalty, my [music] intentions, my
personality. I'm tired of feeling like I
have to meet some criteria just to be
treated like a human. Tired of feeling
like I need to change myself [music]
just to be allowed in the room. One day
I hope the world stops judging people by
the outside. One day I hope just being
me is finally enough. But until then I'm
learning to [music] stop chasing
acceptance from people who never cared
to understand me in the first place.
Because not fitting into their world
doesn't mean I don't belong in my own.
This girl thinks [music] I don't care.
But the truth is, the mistakes I make
replay in my head 24/7, [music] like a
loop I can't escape. People think guys
just shrug things off, but honestly, we
feel everything. We just don't show it
the same. Every time I mess up, I don't
just feel [music] bad. I tear myself
apart, not physically, but mentally. I
call myself names. I convince myself I'm
a failure. I beat myself down harder
than anyone else ever could. [music] I
replay the situation over and over,
thinking, "Why did you say that? Why did
you act like that? You always ruin
everything." [music] And that voice,
it's brutal. Like my brain refuses to
let me move on. One mistake turns into a
whole story about how I'm not good
enough, how I'm never going to be
enough. She thinks I [music] don't care.
She thinks my silence means I'm
unbothered or that I'm ignoring her
feelings or that I don't take the
[music] situation seriously. But the
truth is, when I'm quiet is because
inside I'm drowning. I'm replaying every
second, every look, every word, trying
to figure out where I went wrong, trying
to figure out how to fix it, trying to
figure out why I can't just be better. I
think a lot of guys go through this. We
overthink everything. We analyze every
angle looking for the one thing we could
have done differently. We don't move
[music] on fast. We just hide it better.
And while I'm sitting there in my own
head, she thinks I don't care at all.
Like, [music] I just brushed it off.
Like, it meant nothing to me. But the
truth is, it meant everything. I'm quiet
because I care too much because I'm
afraid of making it worse because I
don't know how to explain the war going
on in my mind. [music] I know I messed
up. I know I did some dumb stuff. I know
I acted in ways I shouldn't have. I'm
not oblivious. I'm not heartless. I feel
every bit of it. But instead of saying
what's going on, I sit there beating
myself up, telling myself I should have
known better. Telling myself I shouldn't
have made that mistake. Telling myself
she [music] deserves someone better than
me. But if there's one thing I've
learned, it's this. You can't punish
yourself into becoming better. You can't
grow if you're too busy tearing yourself
down. And no relationship survives if
you only talk to yourself in your
[music] head instead of communicating
with the person you hurt. Yeah, own your
mistakes. Yeah, admit when you were
wrong. But don't live in your head
forever. Don't let one moment define who
you think you are. [music] If you messed
up, say it. If you care, show it. If you
want to do better, prove it. And if they
believe you, great. If they don't, keep
showing up. Your actions will speak long
before your explanations [music] do. But
stop destroying yourself. Stop replaying
the same scene like it decides your
entire worth. You're allowed to mess up.
You're allowed to learn. You're [music]
allowed to grow. That's what I'm trying
to remind myself now. I'm trying to take
the lesson without the self-hate. I'm
trying to be a better version of myself.
Not a perfect person, [music] just a
real one. And that's all any of us can
do. The worst pain is falling for
someone who isn't ready. Because it's
not rejection, [music] it's confusion.
They don't push you away, but they don't
pull you close enough either. You end up
stuck in this [music] space where
everything feels almost real, almost
mutual, almost love. They'll hold you
like they mean it one day and act like
they never felt a thing the next. Like
loving someone who keeps [music] their
heart behind a door they're too scared
to unlock, but too scared to shut
completely. [music] And you can feel it.
The way they care, the way they soften
around you, the way their voice changes
when they say your name. [music] There's
something there. You know it. They know
it. But every time it grows, they panic.
They retreat. They shut down. They build
walls around feelings you never asked
them to confess. And it hurts more than
a clean heartbreak ever could. Because
at least rejection gives you clarity, a
yes or a no. But this this gives you
hope. Tiny moments, small [music]
kindnesses, late night conversations
that make you think you might be the
exception. So you stay. You try to love
them gently, [music] carefully without
stepping on the landmines of their past.
You try to be patient. You try to be
safe. You try to prove you won't hurt
them the way someone else did. But the
truth is, no matter how good you are,
you [music] can't love someone into
being ready. Readiness isn't something
you can inspire. It's something they
have to choose. And people who aren't
ready will love you in pieces. [music]
The soft parts, the lonely parts, the
parts they're comfortable giving away.
But never enough to build a future with.
Never enough to meet you where you
stand. [music] And that's the part that
breaks you. Not losing them, but losing
the version of you that believed
patience would make them stay. You start
questioning yourself, wondering if you
weren't gentle enough or understanding
enough or lovable enough. But you were.
You are. You just offered a full heart
to someone who only knew how to give
half. Sometimes timing really does ruin
everything. Sometimes two people [music]
want the same thing, but one of them
still needs to learn how to feel safe in
their own skin before [music] they can
feel safe in your hands. And as painful
as it is, you can't fix that for them.
Love doesn't always mean stay. But I
can't keep breaking myself open for
someone who [music] can't open up at
all. I get jealous easily. I won't even
lie about it. And it's not because I
don't trust you. It's because when I
care about someone, I care a little too
much. When I love, I don't do it
halfway. I don't do kind of. I don't do
sometimes. I give all of me. And that's
why it scares me. Oh, yeah. When I see
you laughing with someone else or giving
attention that used to be mine, my chest
tightens. My mind starts [music]
running. My heart gets loud. It feels
like I'm watching myself lose something
I'm not ready to lose. It's not about
control. I don't want to own you. I
don't want to cage you. I just get
scared. Scared of being replaced. Scared
of not being enough. Scared that maybe
someone else will make you feel
something I can't. And that thought, it
eats at me more than I'll ever admit. I
know jealousy isn't cute. I know it
makes me look insecure. [music]
I try to hide it. I try to swallow it.
But sometimes it leaks through because I
feel things deeper than most people
realize. I overthink. I worry. I imagine
scenarios that never happened. And I
hate that about myself. But it's how I'm
wired. When I care, I care with my whole
chest. And honestly, if I get jealous,
it's only because you mean something to
me. Because your presence affects me.
Because the thought of losing you, that
hits harder than anything else in my
life. I don't want to be the jealous
type. I don't want to be the person who
gets scared every time someone else
makes you smile. I'm working on it. I
really am.
But I hope you understand that my
jealousy doesn't come [music] from anger.
anger.
It comes from love. Because when someone
matters to you this much, [music] it's
impossible not to feel scared of losing
them. Losing the person who was part of
your daily routine is a [music]
different kind of pain. Not just losing
them emotionally, but losing the version
of life that existed [music] with them
in it. Every morning felt automatic.
Wake up, grab your phone, text her good
morning without even thinking about it.
[music] Sometimes you'd FaceTime right
after. Sometimes you'd meet her at
school, walk together, laugh about
nothing, complain about everything. It
wasn't just love. It was habit. It was
comfort. It was routine. [music] And
when someone is woven into your day like
that, when they're built into the
structure of your life for months,
losing them doesn't just hurt. [music]
It's it disrupts everything. Especially
when that person was your best friend,
the one you called whenever something
went wrong, the one you didn't hesitate
to reach out [music] to. The moment a
problem entered your mind, you already
knew who you were calling. advice,
reassurance, [music] ideas. They were
your first option every time. And now
you still reach for your phone out of
instinct, only to remember you can't
call them anymore. You can't text them
like before. You can't talk it out the
way you used [music] to. That connection
is gone, and the silence feels heavier
than any argument ever did. Or maybe it
was your girlfriend. The person you did
everything with, the movies, the random
[music] food runs, the plans you assumed
would always include her, a new movie
comes out and [music] for a split
second, your brain says, "Let's go see
it together." Then reality hits. You
broke up. You're blocked. She's no
[music] longer accessible. Not online.
Not in real life. Not in the way she
used to be. And what nobody really talks
about is how your body remembers them,
too. Your body got used to that text
tone. [music] Every notification used to
feel like it might be her. Your heart
would jump without you even realizing
why. Now your phone buzzes and it's
[music] just a bill reminder or some
random notification that doesn't mean
anything. and you sit there staring at
your screen, realizing how much changed
when she was in your life and how empty
the routine feels [music] without her.
Your days don't flow the same anymore.
The structure is gone. The familiarity
is gone. [music] The person who anchored
so many moments is no longer there to
hold them together. And maybe the
hardest part of all is accepting that
you have to learn how to live life alone
again. Not because you want to, but
because the routine you built with them
no longer exists. I don't even know when
it became a problem. It started small.
curiosity, boredom, escape. And before I
knew it, it was a routine, something I
did without thinking, without meaning
to. I used to tell myself it wasn't a
big deal. Everyone does it. But then I
started noticing what it was doing to
me. It's like this pattern you can't
break. You tell yourself, "Just one more
time." And then you feel the guilt. That
voice that says, "Why can't you just
stop?" And it's weird because it's not
even about wanting it anymore. It's
about needing the stimulation,
needing to fill that space in your mind
that's too quiet. It's the easiest way
to escape reality. Even if it's for a
few minutes, but every time you come
back, it's like a little piece of you
disappears. I started realizing it was
changing how I looked at people, how I
looked at relationships. Real moments
started to feel dull. Conversations,
connection, all of it. Cuz when your
brain's used to constant [music] instant
pleasure, reality feels slow. I'd meet
someone amazing, but part of me would
still chase that digital high. Like real
intimacy couldn't compete. And that's
the scariest part. It teaches you that
fake connection is easier than real
ones. I think for a lot of people, it's
not about lust. It's about loneliness.
About needing something that feels
close, even if it's not real. Maybe
that's why it hit me so hard. I didn't
want pleasure. I s I wanted to feel
something. And when you have ADHD or
anxiety or whatever label you carry,
that dopamine hit becomes a shortcut, a
way to escape the chaos in your head.
But after enough years, you start
realizing what it's taken. Focus,
motivation, confidence, gone. Even
worse, the guilt becomes part of your
identity. You start to believe you'll
never be free from it. You start to look
at yourself like you're broken. And the
more shame you carry, the harder it
becomes to climb out. I hit a point
where I asked myself, "What if I
actually tried to stop? Not for a day,
not for a week, and but for good." The
first few days were brutal. The cravings
weren't just physical there. They were
emotional. You start to feel the
emptiness that the habit was covering
up. But little by little, I started to
notice small changes. My attention came
back. I started dreaming again. And
maybe the biggest thing, I started to
feel present. I still mess up sometimes.
[music] I'm not perfect, but I'm
learning that recovery isn't about being
flawless. It's about being aware. Aware
of what triggers you, aware of how you
talk to yourself, and aware that you're
not the only one fighting it. Because
this thing is real. It's powerful. And
it's everywhere. But it doesn't have to
define you. So yeah, I wish I could go
back and tell my younger self to never
hit play that first time, but I can't.
All I can do now is be honest about it
because honesty is the only way to take
the power [music] back. I'm not sharing
this for pity. I'm sharing it because
someone out there needs to know they're
not disgusting. They're not broken.
They're just stuck. And stuck doesn't
mean finished. It means there's still a
chance to start again. And I'm taking
that chance one day at a time. >> [music]
>> [music]
>> The worst combination you can be is a
clingy person who also overthinks
everything because your heart and your
mind are never on the same team. [music]
Your heart just wants closeness. It
wants to be next to them. Wants to hold
them, hug them, feel their presence,
fall asleep next to them, talk about
nothing, do everything together. You
don't want [music] space. You want
connection. But your mind, your mind
never shuts up. Your mind is constantly
running scenarios you never ask for.
What if I'm doing [music] too much? What
if I'm annoying her? What if she needs
space and I'm suffocating her? What if
she hasn't texted back cuz she's tired
of me? So, you're [music] stuck in this
loop where you want to be close, but
you're scared that wanting closeness is
the very thing that might push her away.
You want to text her, [music] but you
stare at the screen for 10 minutes
before sending it. You want to call her,
but you [music] stop yourself because
you don't want to seem needy. You want
to ask her to hang out, but you tell
yourself, "Nah, I already saw her
yesterday. Don't do too much." And
that's the part nobody talks about.
Being clingy doesn't mean you're
insecure. It doesn't mean you're weak.
It usually just means [music] you love
deeply. But when you overthink on top of
that, love starts to feel like walking
on eggshells. [music] Every little thing
becomes something you analyze. Her tone,
her response time, the way she said good
night, the way she didn't say it [music]
the same way she did before. And your
mind takes that tiny detail and turns it
into a full-blown story about how you're
about to lose her. So, you pull [music]
back, not because you want to, but
because you're scared. You start acting
less like yourself. You become quieter.
You stop being affectionate the way you
naturally are. [music] You stop saying
what you feel in the moment. And the
crazy part is the thing you're afraid of
becoming too much slowly turns into you
becoming too little. You convince
yourself distance is safer than
vulnerability. That silence is better
than risking rejection. [music]
That holding back is better than being
honest. But here's the truth you need to
hear. If she chose you knowing how you
are, then you being yourself is not the
problem. She didn't accidentally end up
with you. She saw [music] you. She
learned you. She felt your energy and
she still stayed. Every thought in your
head is not a fact. Just because your
mind says [music] something doesn't make
it true. Your mind is trying to protect
you from pain. But sometimes it protects
you so hard that it sabotages the very
thing you care about. Love isn't about
constantly shrinking yourself so someone
doesn't leave. Real love isn't built on
fear. If someone truly wants you,
[music] your affection won't scare them
away. Your presence won't be a burden.
Your desire to be close [music] won't be
too much. And if someone makes you feel
like it is, then the problem was never
your heart. You don't need to punish
yourself [music] for loving loudly. You
don't need to silence your feelings just
to seem cooler. You don't need to turn
cold to protect yourself. Sometimes the
bravest thing you can do as an
overthinker is trust that not every good
thing is about to disappear. Let
yourself love the way you love. Let
yourself be close. Let yourself feel.
Because the right person won't see your
clinginess as a flaw. They'll see it as
[music] care, as effort, as love. And
the moment you stop fighting who you
are, love stops feeling like a constant
battle [music] inside your head. You're
the least liked friend. And deep down
you feel it. You're in the group, but
somehow you're never really in it.
You're always the one left out of plans,
left out of [music] conversations, left
out of the moments everyone else seems
to get invited to. [music] And the worst
part, you don't even need to put your
phone on. Do not disturb because
nobody's calling you anyway. Nobody's
texting. Nobody's checking up on you.
Nobody's asking how your day was. You
could disappear for a week and they'd
only notice when they need [music]
something. You feel lonely even when
you're surrounded by people who claim to
be your friends. You sense [music] the
distance growing. You sense the energy
changing. Everyone else gets closer to
each other while you feel yourself
drifting further and further away. Your
confidence gone. It feels like you're
clinging to friendships [music] just to
avoid being completely alone. like
you're forcing conversations, forcing
yourself into spaces where nobody is
saving a seat for you anymore. You don't
get invited to the parties, the
hangouts, the late night calls, not even
the game nights online. You're always
the afterthought, if you're even a
thought at all. And it messes with
[music] your head. It makes you feel
like you're begging for the bare
minimum. Like you're trying so hard to
keep people who wouldn't even notice if
you stop [music] trying. The hardest
part about growing up is realizing how
rare real friends [music] actually are.
So many people out here are fake as
hell. Some people will act like they
love you, like they're for you. They've
all secretly resenting you, competing
with you, or only tolerating you because
you're convenient. Friendships [music]
fade. People grow apart, grow different,
grow distant. Not everything is meant to
last forever. And that's okay. What's
not okay is staying somewhere you feel
invisible. Staying somewhere you feel
like you have to scream just to be
heard. If people pull away, let them. If
they stop making space for you, create
your own. Because holding on to people
who don't value you only makes you
[music] lose yourself in the process.
You will find your people, your real
circle, the ones who make you feel seen
without trying, [music] the ones who
notice the silence in your voice, the
ones who actually want you around. But
before that, you've got to love yourself
first. You have to be okay with your own
company. So, you never settle [music]
for people who treat you like you're
replaceable. Because no one deserves to
feel like the forgotten friend. No one
deserves to feel like a [music] burden
in the spaces that are supposed to feel
safe. Step back from the people who keep
reminding you that you don't matter to
them. Let them go and trust that the
right people, the real ones, will
[music] find their way to you. In due
time, you'll finally find your crowd.
The one you never have to fight to be
part of. You know what hurts? Loving
someone you know you can't have. And
trying to act like it doesn't destroy
you a little more every day. It's a
strange kind [music] of heartbreak
because they never rejected you. They
never pushed you away. They never
promised you anything. But your heart
attached itself anyway, quietly, slowly,
[music] until suddenly everything
started to revolve around them. It's
like holding your breath underwater. At
[music] first it looks peaceful, but the
longer you stay, the more it starts to
ache in places you can't even describe.
You know you should come up for air. You
know staying hurts, [music] but for some
reason you'd rather drown than let go.
And you start pretending. Pretending
you're okay with being just friends.
[music] Pretending the little moments
don't matter as much as they do.
Pretending your heart doesn't drop when
they talk about someone else or when
they text you back just [music] a little
too casually. The kind of pain that
doesn't scream. It just sits in your
chest heavy and quiet because you can't
be mad at them. They [music] didn't
choose you, but they never asked you to
choose them either. And somehow that
hurts even more. You start questioning
yourself. Why wasn't I enough? What do
they want that I don't have? What am I
missing? And the truth is nothing.
There's nothing wrong with you. They
just weren't the person meant to see you
the way you deserved. [music] But still,
you stay. You care. You hold on to every
small moment like it means something.
You choose them even when you know you
shouldn't because letting go feels
impossible. and loving them, even
silently, still feels better than
pretending you don't feel anything
[music] at all. And maybe one day it
won't hurt like this. Maybe one day
you'll look back and realize you were
never asking for [music] too much. You
were just asking the wrong person. But
for now, yeah, loving someone you can't
have is its own kind of [music]
heartbreak, and it changes you in ways
you don't fully understand till it's
finally over. I've lived most of my life
feeling like every day was a battle. 19
years of habits that felt impossible to
break. When I first tried to quit, I
thought the secret was discipline. So, I
built calendars. I made charts. I told
myself that if I could just reach a
certain number, I'd finally be free. Day
1, day 10, day 30. I wrote those numbers
on my wall like trophies. But every time
I slipped, it felt like I'd burned the
whole house down. Because when that
number dropped back to zero, so did my
self-worth. I started realizing the
countdown was running my life more than
the addiction ever did. I'd wake up and
the first thing I'd think about was what
day [music] is it now? Not how I felt,
not whether I was proud of myself, just
the number. And that's when it hit me. I
wasn't chasing healing. I was chasing
distance [music] from the person I used
to be. But you can't heal by running
from yourself. You heal by sitting with
the mess, by listening, by choosing
better right now. One night, I ripped
the calendar down. The paper tore loud
in the quiet. I threw it in the trash,
sat on the floor, and whispered, "Today
is all I have. Today is enough." That
was the first honest thing I'd said to
myself in [music] years. When I stopped
keeping score, the days suddenly got
quieter. At first, that [music] silence
scared me. Without the calendar, I
didn't know if I was doing well or
failing. There was no number to measure
me anymore, just a mirror. And facing
yourself without numbers is hard. The
mornings were the hardest. That space
between waking up and deciding who
you'll be today, that's where every
battle begins. Before, I used to grab my
phone, open my tracker, and check if I'd
made it another day. Now I sit on the
edge of my bed and breathe. Some days I
talk to myself out loud. Okay, we're
still here. Let's start again. I learned
that presence doesn't mean everything
feels good.
just means you're brave enough to feel
whatever comes. When cravings hit, when
old thoughts crawl back, I stop asking,
"How long has it been?" and start
asking, "What can I do right now?" Maybe
it's a walk, maybe a call, maybe just
turning [music] off the light and
breathing through it. It's small, but
small keeps you alive. For the first few
months, I still slipped. But instead of
rewriting my count to zero, I just told
myself, "Today is not over yet." Because
a bad moment doesn't ruin a good day.
And a bad day doesn't erase a good week.
That mindset changed everything. I
started journaling again. Not pages of
[music] guilt, just observations.
What triggered me? What helped? [music]
When you write that stuff down, you
start seeing patterns. And patterns are
what you can actually change. Then came
something I hadn't felt in years. Time.
Real time. Not time measured in streaks
or resets, but mornings that actually
felt like mornings. Evenings that ended
without shame. I started cooking again.
Went on walks without my headphones. I
started to hear my own thoughts. And
[music] for once, they didn't sound like
punishment. People think recovery is a
straight climb, but it's more like
learning to walk again on shaky ground.
There's nothing glamorous about it. It's
quiet work, washing dishes, going to bed
early, saying no. But every one of those
moments is proof that you're still
fighting. And the funny thing is when I
stopped counting, I started noticing
things I'd ignored for years. The way
sunlight hit my walls in the morning,
the sound of rain on the roof, tiny
details I'd never cared about before.
When you live one day at a time, the
world starts [music] feeling brand new
because you finally notice it. When I
stopped living by numbers, I had to
figure out who I actually was. And for
so long, my whole identity was tied to
what I was running from. I wasn't me. I
was the person trying to quit. And when
that label disappears, there's a strange
emptiness left behind. I started asking
simple [music] questions. What do I even
like? What kind of person do I want to
be when I'm not fighting this thing? At
first, I had no clue. So, I
experimented. I read books again. I went
to coffee shops and sat quietly without
my phone. I relearned how to be bored
without destroying myself. The more I
filled my days with ordinary things, the
more distance I put between myself and
the old habit. Not because I was
counting, but because I was living. Self
forgiveness was the hardest part. Every
relapse echoed in my head like a
verdict. You'll never change, but shame
only keeps you stuck. Forgiveness lets
you move. So I started treating every
mistake like feedback instead of
failure. Each slip taught me something
about triggers, about stress, about
loneliness. Every lesson gave me another
small tool to stay present next time.
Slowly, I began to trust [music] myself
again. Not because I was perfect, but
because I kept showing up. I'd look back
at old journals and realize I didn't
quit this week. I handled it. That quiet
pride is what recovery actually feels
like. These days, I don't talk about how
many days it's been. If someone asks, I
just say, "I'm working on myself."
Because healing isn't a countdown. It's
a lifestyle. It's brushing your teeth,
going to work, laughing with someone,
and realizing halfway through the day
that you didn't think about the old
habit once. That's what freedom looks
like. Not fireworks, not milestones, [music]
[music]
just peace in the middle of an ordinary
day. So, if you're somewhere in that
cycle right now, staring at your own
calendar, feeling like you'll never
escape it. Take a deep breath and tear
the page. Today is enough. You don't
need to earn forgiveness.
You just need to practice living. Every
sunrise gives you another chance to
start again. You don't have to count the
days anymore. Just keep showing up for
this one. The funny thing about healing
is that you don't notice it happening.
It's quiet. It sneaks up on you in the
middle of a normal day. One morning
you'll wake up, make coffee, look out
the window, and realize you haven't
thought about the old habit in weeks.
You'll laugh, not because life suddenly
got easy, but because you finally
stopped fighting time. I used to think
recovery would feel like climbing a
mountain, some huge dramatic moment
where everything clicked. But it's more
like walking a long peaceful road.
Sometimes you stumble. Sometimes you sit
down and rest. But you keep moving
forward. One step, one breath, one
choice at a time. And maybe that's the
lesson hidden in all of this. That life
isn't about tracking perfection. It's
about collecting presents. All the
little ordinary moments you once
ignored, the smell of rain, the sound of
dishes, the way light spills across your
floor, those are the rewards you've been
chasing all along. If you're listening
to this and you're somewhere in the
middle of your own fight, remember this.
You don't owe anyone a number. You don't
have to prove how far you've come. You
just have to keep choosing to begin
because beginnings don't have an
expiration date. You can start again
right now, this second, [music] this
heartbeat. And if you fall, don't erase
the progress. The fact that you still
care enough to try again means you're
already healing. Every time you get back
up, you're writing a new story. You're
not counting the days anymore. You're
creating them. Take a deep breath. Look
around you. This is your life right
here, right now. Make this moment count.
I feel like every guy has that one girl
who broke his heart. And no matter how
much time [music] passes, no matter how
much healing he does, there's always
going to be a soft spot for her. You'll
never truly hate her. You'll never
completely erase her from your life. You
might [music] stop chasing her. You
might stop trying to prove yourself, but
the connection you had with her, that
never fully dies. Or maybe you just
never let it. And I don't know why this
happens, but a lot of the time when a
girl breaks your heart, she still wants
to [music] stay friends. Now, most guys
don't want that. Being friends with
someone who shattered you isn't easy.
It's confusing, but somehow there's
always that one girl where the rules
don't apply. No matter how much pain she
caused, no matter how much she hurt you,
intentionally or not, you still [music]
make room for her in your heart. When
she texts, you reply. Maybe not
instantly, but faster than you should.
[music] And sometimes, without realizing
it, you start putting her above
yourself. You're there for her problems,
her bad days, her heartbreaks, even when
you know deep down that if the roles
were reversed, she wouldn't do [music]
the same for you. And that's the part
that hurts the most because you're not
doing it because you're weak. You're
doing it because you loved her
genuinely. Because at one point, she
meant everything to you. A lot of the
time, it's that first [music] girl you
truly fell in love with. The first one
who made you feel seen, the first one
who felt like home. And letting her go
completely feels impossible. Sometimes
holding on to that connection feels
comforting. Sometimes it [music] feels
like self-destruction. So just
understand this. There's nothing wrong
with caring. There's nothing wrong with
loving deeply. But you [music] have to
recognize when that love is being taken
advantage of. Don't let the feelings you
still have for her or the bond you're
scared [music] to lose be the reason you
keep hurting yourself. Because the girl
who broke your heart should never be the
one who keeps breaking it. It's strange
how people don't really care about how
you're feeling [music] until you start
acting different. You can be struggling
quietly for weeks, even months, and
nobody notices. You still show up. You
still smile. You still say, "I'm good."
even when you're not. You laugh at jokes
you don't even hear. You hold
conversations while your mind is
somewhere [music] else entirely. You
keep being the strong one, the chill
one, the reliable one everyone counts
on. [music] And that becomes your role,
the person who's always fine, always
understanding, always there. But the
moment your energy shifts, the moment
you take longer to reply, the moment
[music] you stop forcing yourself to
show up the same way, now suddenly
everyone notices what's wrong. Why are
you acting different? But let's be
honest, you're not asking because they
care. They're asking because you [music]
stopped being convenient. Because you
stopped playing the part they were
comfortable with. What hurts the [music]
most is knowing you were hoping someone
would notice before it got to that
point. Before you had to pull back.
Before you had to protect yourself, but
they didn't. Because most people don't
listen to silence. They only react to
distance. They don't see you drowning
when you're still smiling. They only
care once you stop swimming for [music]
them. And that's when you realize the
truth. People don't miss you when you're
struggling. They miss you when you're
absence [music] disrupts their life. So
don't feel guilty for pulling back.
Don't apologize for choosing peace.
You're not cold. You're not acting
[music] funny. You're just tired. Tired
of being the one who checks in. Tired of
being strong for everyone else. Tired of
people only noticing your worth once you
stop giving them access to it. Let go of
the people who only want the best parts
of you. You really know you're in love
when being without that person actually
hurts. Not in a dramatic way and but in
a quiet lingering way, like something
feels off, like the day is missing a
[music] piece of itself. You feel this
constant longing for them. You start
counting the days, the hours, until you
finally get to see them again. And no
matter how many people you're around, no
one else can spark [music] the same
emotions they bring out of you. do so
effortlessly. And the crazy part is you
were never even this type of person. You
liked being alone. You preferred [music]
your own space. You didn't really enjoy
going out, making plans, or being around
people for too long. But with them, it's
different. For the first time, you
actually want to go outside. You want to
plan things. You want to explore,
experience new [music] places, do things
you never imagined yourself doing. Being
with them opens your eyes to parts of
life you ignored [music] before. They
pull you out of your shell without
forcing it. They make the world feel
bigger instead of overwhelming. And when
they're not around, it doesn't just feel
lonely. It's just it feels like you're
missing a side of yourself. You're the
calm one, the quiet one, [music] the
steady one. And she's the energetic one,
the spontaneous one, the chaos that
somehow fits perfectly into your piece.
She fills a gap you didn't even realize
was there. Not because you were
incomplete, but because she compliments
you in a way that feels natural, [music]
not forced. There's no games with her,
no confusion, no guessing how she feels.
Everything just feels um [music] right.
The chemistry isn't something you have
to explain. It just exists. The time you
used to protect for yourself is now
[music] the time you want to share with
her. And that alone says everything
because you never thought you'd let
someone [music] this close. You never
thought you'd want to share your space,
your routines, your silence. When you
realize all of that, when someone
becomes [music] both your comfort and
your excitement at the same time, that's
when you know, that's when you know
you're truly in love. No one really
talks about how long guys are willing to
wait for the one girl they truly want.
Months go by, sometimes even years. And
all it takes is one sentence, she said
one time, "Maybe one day. I'm just not
ready right now. I need time." And he
holds on to those words like they're a
promise, like they're proof that if he
just waits long enough, things will
eventually work out. So [music] he
waits. He waits quietly. He waits
patiently. He waits while pretending
he's okay even when he's not. Cuz when a
guy sees you in his future, when he's
certain about you, when his heart
already chose you, waiting feels [music]
easier than letting go. He tells
himself, "She just needs time. She's
healing. She'll come back when she's
ready." And sometimes, I don't even know
if that kind of waiting is beautiful or
if it's self-destructive. Because love
like that is rare. A man who's willing
to pause his own feelings, put his heart
on hold, and stay loyal to the idea of
you even when he doesn't know if you'll
ever choose him. [music] That's not
weakness. That's commitment. So, if you
have a man like that, a man who's
willing to wait for you while you figure
things out, you can't take that lightly.
Handle what you need to handle. Heal
what you need to heal. Take the time you
need, but don't keep them hanging if you
already know you're not coming back.
Because the [music] worst thing you can
do is let someone wait on hope when all
that's waiting for them is
disappointment. A lot of men won't walk
away. They'll sit there holding on by a
thread, telling themselves one more
month, one more sign, one more chance,
and they'll wait. Not because they're
desperate, but because they genuinely
care. So, if you can love him again, do
it fully. And if you can't tell him,
don't make him wait just to hurt him,
just to crush him, just to break a heart
that was only trying to love you, right?
I don't know when I got used to it. [music]
[music]
The silence, the empty bed, the same
pillow every night. And at first, I told
myself it didn't matter. That I didn't
need anyone. But lately, I've realized
that maybe it's not about needing
someone. It's about wanting to feel
human again. Every night, I grab that
same pillow. It's worn down now. Corners
faded, fabric soft from years of holding
on too tight. And every night, I tell
myself the same lie. It's fine. You're
fine. But it's not because that pillow
isn't comfort. It's proof of how long
I've been alone. I close my eyes and
pretend it's someone who loves me back.
Someone who sees me, knows me, chooses
me. And in that small moment, when the
world is quiet, [music] it almost feels
real. I imagine their heartbeat, their
warmth, their breathing against mine.
But then I open my eyes and it's gone.
Just a pillow, just emptiness. It's not
even about romance really. It's about
touch, about connection, about feeling
like you exist in someone else's world,
not just your own. When you've been
without that for so long, it messes with
your mind. You start to crave love the
same way you crave air. Not because it's
optional, but because you can't live
without it. I've gotten so used to doing
everything alone that I've started to
forget what together even feels like.
You build these walls, tell yourself
you're independent, but inside you're
just scared. Scared that if someone ever
got close enough, they'd see the truth.
That you're not as strong as you pretend
to be. Sometimes I wonder if love is
even meant for me. But then I see small
things. A couple laughing in a store, a
stranger holding someone's hand, or an
old man still opening the door for his
wife. [music] And for a second, I think
maybe love is still out there. Maybe
it's just waiting for the right time. I
don't think I'm broken. I just think I
got used to surviving instead of living.
And that pillow, it's my reminder, not
of sadness, but of something I'm still
holding [music] space for. Maybe one day
I'll replace it with someone who chooses
to stay. But until then, it's just me
trying to believe that loneliness isn't
permanent. And maybe, just maybe, the
first step to finding love is learning
to stop pretending I already have it.
There comes a point in your life where
you stop wanting to be loved by someone.
And it's not peace. It's not healing.
It's exhaustion.
It's the kind of tired that sits in your
chest. The kind you can't sleep off. The
kind that makes you say, "I'm fine being
alone." Even though every part of you
knows it's a lie, you don't stop
believing in love. You just get tired of
begging for it. Tired of explaining what
hurts. Tired of asking to be chosen in a
world where you always feel like
someone's second choice. You start
pretending you're okay on your own, but
really you're just tired of teaching
people how to love you, right? You were
the type of person who always saw the
good in everyone. You believed effort
could fix distance, that patience could
warm a cold heart, that loyalty
would bring loyalty back. But the wrong
people drained that out of you piece by
piece, day by day, [music] until love
stopped feeling like love and started
feeling like work. They made you feel
like love was something you had to earn,
like you had to prove your worth for the
bare minimum. And when you spend enough
time loving people who only meet you
halfway, you forget what it feels like
to [music] be met fully, to be
understood without explaining every
detail, to be cared for without begging.
So now when someone tries to love you,
you freeze. You question it. You
overthink it. You wait for the switch
for the moment they change because
that's what your past taught you. That
love comes with conditions. That it
doesn't last. That if someone stays,
they're just waiting for a reason to
leave. And the saddest part, deep down,
you [music] still want love. You still
crave connection. You still want someone
who chooses you. Even on your hardest
days, you just don't want to chase it
anymore. You don't want to lose yourself
trying to feel worthy of something that
should have come naturally. You didn't
stop wanting love. You just got tired of
searching for it in places that never
loved you back. And one day, someone is
going to show you what it feels like to
be chosen without asking, loved without
conditions, held without fear. You're
not too much. You're not hard to love.
You were just loving the wrong people.
Your heart isn't broken. It's just
waiting for the right place to call
[music] home. The reason why most
relationships don't work is because we
leave as soon as things get hard. The
moment arguments start happening, the
moment communication [music] feels off,
the moment it doesn't feel easy anymore,
we start telling ourselves, "Maybe
[music] this person isn't for me." Maybe
you're in that phase where you and your
partner can't stop arguing. Every little
thing turns into [music] a problem.
Every conversation feels tense. And
instead of asking, "How do we fix this?"
You start thinking, "Why is this even
happening?" Or maybe both of your lives
are just busy [music] right now. Work,
school, stress, responsibilities. You
barely have time for yourselves, let
alone for each other. And instead of
seeing that as a rough season, you start
seeing it as a sign that the
relationship is failing. But [music] the
truth is, hardship showing up in a
relationship isn't a sign that you
should walk away. It's not proof that
love isn't there. That's just not what
love actually is. You know, when you
truly [music] love someone, there are
going to be uncomfortable conversations,
uh, conversations about boundaries,
about things that hurt, about habits
that need to [music] change, about
things you don't like, and things they
don't like either. You're going to hear
things that don't feel good to hear, and
so will they. Love isn't avoiding those
moments. Love is being willing to sit in
them. Love is choosing to understand
instead of running away. Not always
going to be sunshine and happiness.
Hopefully, most of the time it is, but
there [music] will be dips. Moments
where you both feel misunderstood.
Moments where you question everything.
[music] moments where it feels easier to
leave than to stay and try. But love is
what you do in those moments. Love is
[music] choosing to fight for each
other, not against each other. Love is
getting through the rainstorm together
instead of leaving the moment it starts
pouring. Because real love isn't about
[music] never struggling. It's about
believing that the struggle isn't
stronger than what you have. And if you
can make it through the hard parts, if
you can keep choosing each other, even
when it's uncomfortable, that's when you
realize love was never about perfection.
It was about commitment. You ever notice
how rare it is to find people who just
let you be yourself? Like no judgment,
no weird looks, no pretending you're too
much or not enough. And they don't
flinch. They don't make you feel like
you need to tone it down or act a
certain way just to be accepted. They
just get you. And even if they don't,
they still let [music] you exist without
making you feel wrong for it. And
honestly, that kind of comfort is
everything because most of us grew up
feeling like we had to adjust ourselves [music]
[music]
depending on who we were around. Act
smaller here, act tougher there, be the
chill [music] one, the funny one, the
stable one, whatever made people like
us, whatever kept the peace. But it's
exhausting pretending. [music]
It's exhausting constantly checking
yourself just to make sure you're
acceptable. That's why people who make
you feel safe without you having to
explain [music] yourself, that's rare.
That's the kind of rare you don't
stumble on often. People who see the
parts of you you usually hide, the
awkwardness, the overthinking, the
random jokes, the quiet days, the loud
days, and they just accept it like it's
the most normal thing ever. People who
make you feel like you can finally
breathe. People who don't treat you like
you're too much or hard to love. People
who let you be real [music] instead of
perfect. And when you find someone like
that, someone who feels like home
instead of a performance, that's one of
the best feelings in the world. Because
deep [music] down, all any of us ever
want is to be seen, accepted, and loved
exactly as we are. Liking someone who
will never like you back. That's a
different kind of heartbreak. Cuz they
don't even have to reject you. They
don't have to be rude. They don't have
to break your heart on purpose. They
just don't see you like that. And
somehow that hurts worse. You could be
the funniest person they talk to. You
could be the one who listens, the one
who remembers every little detail they
ever mentioned. And still [music] you
stay stuck in that invisible box labeled
just a friend. And the worst part, you
start shrinking yourself without even
realizing it. You try to be low-key. You
try to convince yourself it's not that
[music] deep. You tell yourself you're
fine, but then your heart betrays you
because you still catch yourself smiling
when they finally text back. [music]
Your chest still tightens when they say
your name. Your heart still races just
because they walked into the same room.
And then just as [music] fast, it breaks
again when you remember they'll never
look at you the way you look at them. It
makes you question your worth. You start
asking yourself things you shouldn't
have to ask. What do they want that I
don't have? What am I missing? Why am I
never enough for the people I actually
[music] want? You start comparing
yourself to everyone else. People they
flirt with, people they talk about,
people they choose without hesitation.
You look at them and think, "Of [music]
course they want them. Why would they
ever want me?" But here's the truth you
keep forgetting. Their lack of interest
doesn't define your value. It doesn't
mean you're not attractive. It doesn't
mean you're not lovable. It doesn't mean
something is wrong with you. It just
means they weren't the one who was meant
to see you fully. Not everyone is meant
to recognize your heart, your softness,
your loyalty, [music] your depth. And
that's okay because one day someone is
going to love the exact version of you
that you've been toning down for the
wrong person. [music] Someone who won't
make you guess. Someone who won't make
you feel invisible. Someone who won't
choose everyone else over you when all
you ever wanted was to be chosen back.
[music] So yeah, it hurts right now. It
feels unfair. It feels personal. But
don't change yourself [music] trying to
be the type of person someone else might
want because the right person, the real
one, won't have to think twice about
choosing you. They'll see you exactly as
you are and love you without hesitation.
Let's switch places for a second. You
wait and I never show up. No
explanation, no closure, just distance
that [music] keeps growing. At first,
you tell yourself it's nothing. They're
busy. Life happens. You don't want to
seem dramatic, [music] so you wait a
little longer. Then a little longer than
that, you start checking your phone
without realizing it. Every vibration
feels like [music] it might be me. Every
hour that passes feels heavier than the
last, and [music] somehow you convince
yourself that hoping hurts less than
letting go. You replay old conversations
just to remind yourself it was real. You
reread messages that once [music] made
you feel chosen, even though now they
feel empty, like echoes of something
that died quietly. You wonder if you
said something wrong. If you ask for too
much. If being patient somehow turned
into being disposable. That's the part
no one talks [music] about. The waiting
doesn't just hurt and it changes you. It
makes you doubt your worth. It teaches
you to accept less than you deserve
because at least less [music] feels
better than nothing. I waited for you
like it was part of my routine. Morning,
night, every space in between. Waiting
for your name to light up my screen.
Waiting for proof that I still [music]
mattered to you. Waiting for effort you
never planned to give. And the hardest
truth, deep down, I think you already
knew you weren't coming back. You just
let me keep waiting anyway. So, if we
switch roles, maybe then you'd
understand the real heartbreak isn't
being left. It's being the one who
stayed. Holding space for someone who
had already decided to walk away.
Because loving someone who disappears
teaches you a pain no apology can undo.
And hoping [music] for someone who's
already gone slowly teaches you how to
break your own heart. They leave you on
delivered all day and then randomly hit
you with a what you doing in note at
night or suddenly they respond fast only
when it's late only when they're bored
only when there's nothing else going on
in their life. Understand [music] this
and people like that are not busy.
They're not overwhelmed. They're not
confused. They're choosing when you're
allowed to [music] exist to them. They
talk to you when it's convenient. They
reply when it benefits them. They never
fight to talk to you. They never make
time for you. They never communicate.
They never [music] say, "Hey, I'm busy
today, but I'll text you later." And
that tells you everything. Because if
you mattered to [music] them, really
mattered. Nothing would stop them from
reaching out. Not work, not stress, not
distractions, not distance. And that's
the truth you keep trying to avoid. They
answer fast [music] at night because
they're bored. They disappear during the
day cuz you're not a priority. They go
10, 12, [music] 14 hours without saying
a word and somehow still expect access
to you when it's convenient for them.
And what hurts the most is how much you
[music] excuse it. You tell yourself
they're busy. You tell yourself they'll
change. You tell yourself maybe tomorrow
will be different. But understand this.
People show you exactly who they are
through their patterns. If [music]
someone leaves you on delivered every
single day for weeks, for months, that
is not accidental. That's intentional.
At [music] some point, you have to stop
falling in love with the version of them
in your head and start paying attention
to the version they show you. [music]
Cuz if they wanted to talk to you, they
would. If they cared, they'd make it
obvious. If you mattered, you wouldn't
be confused. [music] So stop waiting for effort from someone who's comfortable
effort from someone who's comfortable giving you none. Believe people the
giving you none. Believe people the first time they show you who they are
first time they show you who they are because if [music] they wanted to, they
because if [music] they wanted to, they would. You're gorgeous, but that's
would. You're gorgeous, but that's honestly the least interesting thing
honestly the least interesting thing about you. Yeah, you're beautiful.
about you. Yeah, you're beautiful. Anyone with eyes can see that. [music]
Anyone with eyes can see that. [music] You walk into a room and people notice
You walk into a room and people notice without even trying. It's like your
without even trying. It's like your presence adjusts the whole atmosphere.
presence adjusts the whole atmosphere. Like the energy shifts just because you
Like the energy shifts just because you showed up. But the thing is, beauty is
showed up. But the thing is, beauty is the easiest thing to see. [music] It
the easiest thing to see. [music] It takes zero effort to point out someone's
takes zero effort to point out someone's face. what I see in you. That takes
face. what I see in you. That takes attention. That takes knowing you. And
attention. That takes knowing you. And that's the part that makes you
that's the part that makes you unforgettable. I notice the way your
unforgettable. I notice the way your eyes change when you talk about
eyes change when you talk about something you really care about. [music]
something you really care about. [music] Not just the sparkle, but the focus, the
Not just the sparkle, but the focus, the passion, the way your whole voice lifts.
passion, the way your whole voice lifts. It's like watching a flame catch, even
It's like watching a flame catch, even when you're trying to hide it. And maybe
when you're trying to hide it. And maybe you don't realize it, but that passion,
you don't realize it, but that passion, that's one of the most beautiful things
that's one of the most beautiful things about you. I notice your laugh. Not the
about you. I notice your laugh. Not the polite one you use when you're trying to
polite one you use when you're trying to be quiet, but the real one, the one that
be quiet, but the real one, the one that takes over your whole body. the one
takes over your whole body. the one [music] you try to cover cuz you're
[music] you try to cover cuz you're scared it's too loud, too much. But that
scared it's too loud, too much. But that laugh, it's the kind that makes people
laugh, it's the kind that makes people laugh just hearing it. It fills the room
laugh just hearing it. It fills the room in a way nothing else does. [music] And
in a way nothing else does. [music] And then there are the moments nobody else
then there are the moments nobody else sees. The way you fall silent when
sees. The way you fall silent when you're hurting. The way you try to hold
you're hurting. The way you try to hold yourself together because you don't want
yourself together because you don't want to bother anyone with your problems. You
to bother anyone with your problems. You carry your pain like it's something you
carry your pain like it's something you owe the world an apology for. Like you
owe the world an apology for. Like you have to be strong all [music] the time.
have to be strong all [music] the time. And somehow, even in your quietest
And somehow, even in your quietest moments, you still show up [music] for
moments, you still show up [music] for people with your full heart. That
people with your full heart. That strength, it's rare. The kind of beauty
strength, it's rare. The kind of beauty you can't put makeup on, can't fake,
you can't put makeup on, can't fake, can't recreate. But the way you care,
can't recreate. But the way you care, that leaves marks on the people lucky
that leaves marks on the people lucky enough to know you. Your beauty might
enough to know you. Your beauty might turn heads, but your soul, the way you
turn heads, but your soul, the way you love, the way you give, the way you
love, the way you give, the way you dream, that's what makes people stay,
dream, that's what makes people stay, that's what makes you unforgettable.
that's what makes you unforgettable. People think they know you because they
People think they know you because they see your face. But if they paid
see your face. But if they paid attention, really paid attention,
attention, really paid attention, [music] they'd realize your looks are
[music] they'd realize your looks are just the cover, not the story. You're
just the cover, not the story. You're gorgeous. Yeah, but honestly, that's the
gorgeous. Yeah, but honestly, that's the least extraordinary thing about you.
least extraordinary thing about you. Your real beauty exists in the parts of
Your real beauty exists in the parts of you the world never sees unless they
you the world never sees unless they earn it. And that's the part of you I
earn it. And that's the part of you I [music] never stopped being in awe of.
[music] never stopped being in awe of. You never really liked me, did you? Not
You never really liked me, did you? Not in the way I liked you. You like the
in the way I liked you. You like the idea of me, the convenience, the way I
idea of me, the convenience, the way I showed up when you were bored, lonely,
showed up when you were bored, lonely, or needed someone to fill the silence.
or needed someone to fill the silence. You liked [music] having someone who
You liked [music] having someone who replied fast, someone who cared deeply,
replied fast, someone who cared deeply, someone who never made you question
someone who never made you question where [music] they stood. You liked the
where [music] they stood. You liked the attention, the validation, the comfort
attention, the validation, the comfort of knowing someone was always there for
of knowing someone was always there for you, even when you weren't giving much
you, even when you weren't giving much back. But me, the real me, with
back. But me, the real me, with emotions, with needs, with expectations,
emotions, with needs, with expectations, that version of me was never what you
that version of me was never what you signed up for. [music] Because the
signed up for. [music] Because the moment I asked for effort, the moment I
moment I asked for effort, the moment I wanted consistency, the moment I needed
wanted consistency, the moment I needed reassurance instead of [music]
reassurance instead of [music] confusion, everything changed. That's
confusion, everything changed. That's when you started pulling away. Replies
when you started pulling away. Replies got shorter. Energy shifted. Affection
got shorter. Energy shifted. Affection turned into distance. And that's when it
turned into distance. And that's when it finally hit me. You were never in this
finally hit me. You were never in this for me. You [music] were in it for what
for me. You [music] were in it for what I could give you. The way I made you
I could give you. The way I made you feel important. The way I listened
feel important. The way I listened without interrupting. The way I stayed
without interrupting. The way I stayed even when I was hurting. The way I gave
even when I was hurting. The way I gave love freely without demanding it in
love freely without demanding it in return. [music] I was safe for you,
return. [music] I was safe for you, comfortable, predictable. But you never
comfortable, predictable. But you never planned on meeting me halfway. And what
planned on meeting me halfway. And what hurts the most is realizing that the
hurts the most is realizing that the person who gives the most usually ends
person who gives the most usually ends up being the one forgotten the fastest.
up being the one forgotten the fastest. I replay everything now. every
I replay everything now. every conversation, every moment, I ignored my
conversation, every moment, I ignored my gut. I see how I confused mixed signals
gut. I see how I confused mixed signals for love. How I mistook attention for
for love. How I mistook attention for intention. [music] How I kept telling
intention. [music] How I kept telling myself, "Maybe they're just scared.
myself, "Maybe they're just scared. Maybe they need time. Maybe one day
Maybe they need time. Maybe one day they'll choose me the way I chose them.
they'll choose me the way I chose them. [music] But wanting someone to choose
[music] But wanting someone to choose you shouldn't feel like begging. And
you shouldn't feel like begging. And love shouldn't feel like you're
love shouldn't feel like you're constantly proving your worth. I stayed
constantly proving your worth. I stayed longer than I should have because I
longer than I should have because I believed [music] in potential, because I
believed [music] in potential, because I saw what it could be. Because I love the
saw what it could be. Because I love the version of you that only existed when it
version of you that only existed when it was convenient for you. And that's the
was convenient for you. And that's the hardest truth [music] to accept that the
hardest truth [music] to accept that the connection felt real to me but optional
connection felt real to me but optional to you. Though now I'm done asking
to you. Though now I'm done asking questions I already know the answers to.
questions I already know the answers to. I'm done waiting for explanations
I'm done waiting for explanations [music] that will never come. Cuz
[music] that will never come. Cuz silence is an answer. Distance is an
silence is an answer. Distance is an answer. Effort or the lack of it is an
answer. Effort or the lack of it is an answer. You never really liked me. Not
answer. You never really liked me. Not enough to stay. Not enough to try.
enough to stay. Not enough to try. [music] Not enough to choose me when it
[music] Not enough to choose me when it mattered. And for the first time I'm not
mattered. And for the first time I'm not angry about it. I'm just learning how to
angry about it. I'm just learning how to let go of someone who only loved me when
let go of someone who only loved me when it was easy. I'm choosing myself now.
it was easy. I'm choosing myself now. even if it hurts, even if [music] it
even if it hurts, even if [music] it takes time, because I deserve more than
takes time, because I deserve more than being someone's option when I gave them
being someone's option when I gave them my everything. I've always been lonely.
my everything. I've always been lonely. Not the kind of lonely where you just
Not the kind of lonely where you just don't have plans for the weekend. I'm
don't have plans for the weekend. I'm talking about that quiet, heavy
talking about that quiet, heavy loneliness that follows you around
loneliness that follows you around everywhere in school, at home, in
everywhere in school, at home, in public. The kind that makes you feel
public. The kind that makes you feel invisible, even when people are all
invisible, even when people are all around you. I can't remember the last
around you. I can't remember the last time I got a text just to talk. Not
time I got a text just to talk. Not because someone needed something, just
because someone needed something, just because they wanted to hear from me. My
because they wanted to hear from me. My phone barely lights up anymore. And
phone barely lights up anymore. And honestly, I've stopped expecting it to.
honestly, I've stopped expecting it to. I used to think something was wrong with
I used to think something was wrong with me. That maybe I was too awkward, too
me. That maybe I was too awkward, too boring, too quiet. But the more I
boring, too quiet. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized
thought about it, the more I realized I've always been this way. I was a kid
I've always been this way. I was a kid who sat at the edge of the lunch table
who sat at the edge of the lunch table who blended in with the noise, but never
who blended in with the noise, but never really belonged to it. I remember
really belonged to it. I remember watching [music] groups of friends
watching [music] groups of friends laughing, sharing snacks, planning after
laughing, sharing snacks, planning after school hangouts, and thinking, "How do
school hangouts, and thinking, "How do they make it look so easy?" Because for
they make it look so easy?" Because for me, every conversation felt like an
me, every conversation felt like an audition. Every word I said was
audition. Every word I said was rehearsed. Every laugh felt forced. I
rehearsed. Every laugh felt forced. I wanted to be liked so badly that I
wanted to be liked so badly that I forgot how to just be. And the truth is,
forgot how to just be. And the truth is, I think people could sense that. They
I think people could sense that. They could tell I wasn't comfortable with
could tell I wasn't comfortable with myself. And when you don't love who you
myself. And when you don't love who you are, people pick up on it. So, they kept
are, people pick up on it. So, they kept their distance. And I blamed myself. I'd
their distance. And I blamed myself. I'd go home and replay every moment. Why did
go home and replay every moment. Why did I say that? Why did I sound so weird?
I say that? Why did I sound so weird? Why can't I just [music] act normal?
Why can't I just [music] act normal? That kind of thinking eats at you. It
That kind of thinking eats at you. It makes you feel smaller every single day.
makes you feel smaller every single day. And slowly, you start pulling away. You
And slowly, you start pulling away. You stop trying. You stop talking until one
stop trying. You stop talking until one day you realize you've built an entire
day you realize you've built an entire life around your loneliness. You
life around your loneliness. You convince yourself you're fine, that you
convince yourself you're fine, that you like being alone. You scroll through
like being alone. You scroll through social media, watch people post stories
social media, watch people post stories with their friends, and tell yourself
with their friends, and tell yourself you don't care, but you do. You care so
you don't care, but you do. You care so much that it hurts. You start wondering
much that it hurts. You start wondering if maybe people are just built
if maybe people are just built differently, some made for connection
differently, some made for connection and others made to sit quietly in the
and others made to sit quietly in the background. But then something strange
background. But then something strange happens. One day, you catch someone
happens. One day, you catch someone smiling at you in class or you share a
smiling at you in class or you share a laugh at work. And for just a second, it
laugh at work. And for just a second, it feels like the world remembers [music]
feels like the world remembers [music] you exist. That small moment, the tiny
you exist. That small moment, the tiny spark makes you realize how much you've
spark makes you realize how much you've been craving it because we all want to
been craving it because we all want to be seen. I remember being 15, sitting in
be seen. I remember being 15, sitting in my room at night, watching the light
my room at night, watching the light from my phone fade away after hours of
from my phone fade away after hours of silence. I told myself that no one
silence. I told myself that no one cared. But deep down, I just wanted one
cared. But deep down, I just wanted one message, one person to ask, "Are you
message, one person to ask, "Are you okay?" I used to hug my pillow and
okay?" I used to hug my pillow and pretend it was someone who actually
pretend it was someone who actually cared. It sounds [music] sad when you
cared. It sounds [music] sad when you say it out loud, but when you've gone
say it out loud, but when you've gone years feeling unseen, you start to make
years feeling unseen, you start to make up your own comfort. That kind of
up your own comfort. That kind of loneliness changes you. It makes you
loneliness changes you. It makes you overthink every friendship you've ever
overthink every friendship you've ever had. It makes you scared to reach out
had. It makes you scared to reach out because you don't want to be a burden.
because you don't want to be a burden. It makes you wonder if you're even worth
It makes you wonder if you're even worth knowing. But what I didn't realize back
knowing. But what I didn't realize back then is that connection isn't about
then is that connection isn't about being the funniest or the most
being the funniest or the most interesting or the loudest. It's about
interesting or the loudest. It's about being honest. People don't bond over
being honest. People don't bond over perfection. They bond over pain, over
perfection. They bond over pain, over shared silence, over the feeling of you,
shared silence, over the feeling of you, too. When I started opening up, really
too. When I started opening up, really opening up, people began to respond
opening up, people began to respond differently. When I told someone I felt
differently. When I told someone I felt lonely instead of laughing, they said,
lonely instead of laughing, they said, "Me, too." And that's when it clicked. I
"Me, too." And that's when it clicked. I wasn't the only one feeling this way.
wasn't the only one feeling this way. Everyone's lonely. Some people are just
Everyone's lonely. Some people are just better at hiding it. The truth is,
better at hiding it. The truth is, loneliness doesn't mean no one loves
loneliness doesn't mean no one loves you, just means you haven't found the
you, just means you haven't found the right people yet. The ones who
right people yet. The ones who understand that silence doesn't always
understand that silence doesn't always mean you're mad, that you don't always
mean you're mad, that you don't always have to talk. to feel connected. The
have to talk. to feel connected. The ones who stay when you disappear for a
ones who stay when you disappear for a while, who notice your absence without
while, who notice your absence without blaming you for it. I started finding
blaming you for it. I started finding people like that when I was around 18 or
people like that when I was around 18 or 19. It wasn't overnight. It took small
19. It wasn't overnight. It took small steps. Saying yes to an invite I'd
steps. Saying yes to an invite I'd normally decline, asking someone how
normally decline, asking someone how their day was and actually listening to
their day was and actually listening to the answer. I had to force myself into
the answer. I had to force myself into discomfort. But slowly, I realized
discomfort. But slowly, I realized something. People weren't avoiding me. I
something. People weren't avoiding me. I was avoiding them. I was so scared of
was avoiding them. I was so scared of rejection that I rejected everyone
rejection that I rejected everyone first. And when I stopped doing that,
first. And when I stopped doing that, and when I started showing up as myself,
and when I started showing up as myself, awkward pauses and all, people started
awkward pauses and all, people started to stay. It made me understand something
to stay. It made me understand something powerful. Being alone doesn't mean
powerful. Being alone doesn't mean you're unlovable. It [music] means
you're unlovable. It [music] means you're preparing. Because when you
you're preparing. Because when you finally do meet real people, the ones
finally do meet real people, the ones who actually listen, the ones who see
who actually listen, the ones who see you, you'll value them more than
you, you'll value them more than anything. You'll know what it's like to
anything. You'll know what it's like to miss connection. And that's what makes
miss connection. And that's what makes you treat it right when you finally have
you treat it right when you finally have it. Sometimes I still feel that
it. Sometimes I still feel that loneliness. I think everyone does. But I
loneliness. I think everyone does. But I don't fear it anymore because now I know
don't fear it anymore because now I know it's not permanent. It's just a reminder
it's not permanent. It's just a reminder that I that I care. People always leave.
that I that I care. People always leave. People always leave. That sentence has
People always leave. That sentence has lived in the back of my mind for as long
lived in the back of my mind for as long as I can remember. At first, it sounded
as I can remember. At first, it sounded dramatic. Something you'd say after a
dramatic. Something you'd say after a breakup. But the older I got, the more I
breakup. But the older I got, the more I realized it was just true. Friends
realized it was just true. Friends drift. Family changes. Love fades. No
drift. Family changes. Love fades. No one means to vanish. They just do. Life
one means to vanish. They just do. Life pulls them in new directions. and I'm
pulls them in new directions. and I'm left standing in the same place, holding
left standing in the same place, holding memories that feel heavier than they
memories that feel heavier than they should. It's strange how predictable it
should. It's strange how predictable it becomes. I meet someone new. We talk for
becomes. I meet someone new. We talk for hours, laugh until it hurts. And in the
hours, laugh until it hurts. And in the middle of that joy, I already feel the
middle of that joy, I already feel the ending, hiding behind it because I've
ending, hiding behind it because I've seen it too many times. The slow fade of
seen it too many times. The slow fade of texts, the excuses,
texts, the excuses, the quiet distance. And each time I
the quiet distance. And each time I pretend I'm fine, I tell myself I
pretend I'm fine, I tell myself I expected it, that I'm used to it, but it
expected it, that I'm used to it, but it still hits the same way. That small ache
still hits the same way. That small ache in the chest that whispers not again.
in the chest that whispers not again. For years, I thought the lesson was to
For years, I thought the lesson was to stop caring, to build walls, to act like
stop caring, to build walls, to act like nothing matters. But walls don't keep
nothing matters. But walls don't keep pain out. They keep everything out. And
pain out. They keep everything out. And soon, the silence inside those walls is
soon, the silence inside those walls is louder than the loss itself. You start
louder than the loss itself. You start to miss people who aren't even good for
to miss people who aren't even good for you just because emptiness feels worse
you just because emptiness feels worse than hurt. I used to think if I could
than hurt. I used to think if I could just be better, smarter, funnier,
just be better, smarter, funnier, calmer, people would stay. So, I tried
calmer, people would stay. So, I tried to fix everything about myself until
to fix everything about myself until there was nothing left that felt like
there was nothing left that felt like me. And even then, people still left.
me. And even then, people still left. That's when I learned. Sometimes it's
That's when I learned. Sometimes it's not about being enough. Sometimes it's
not about being enough. Sometimes it's just about timing,
just about timing, about life, about things you can't
about life, about things you can't control. No matter how tightly you hold
control. No matter how tightly you hold on, after a while, the leaving turns
on, after a while, the leaving turns into an echo in your head. Every time
into an echo in your head. Every time someone pulls away, you hear all the
someone pulls away, you hear all the others stacked behind them. You start
others stacked behind them. You start reading silence like a language,
reading silence like a language, one-word replies, delayed messages,
one-word replies, delayed messages, a softer [music] tone, and suddenly
a softer [music] tone, and suddenly you're analyzing every detail, trying to
you're analyzing every detail, trying to figure out the exact moment you lost
figure out the exact moment you lost them. That's the exhausting part, the
them. That's the exhausting part, the thinking. You replay conversations like
thinking. You replay conversations like old films. looking for signs you missed.
old films. looking for signs you missed. Maybe I talked too much. Maybe I didn't
Maybe I talked too much. Maybe I didn't say enough. Maybe I should have been
say enough. Maybe I should have been colder, funnier, stronger. It's endless.
colder, funnier, stronger. It's endless. And by the time you realize you're doing
And by the time you realize you're doing it again, the person is already gone and
it again, the person is already gone and you're the only one still talking. It's
you're the only one still talking. It's strange how the mind can turn love into
strange how the mind can turn love into homework. I used to believe if I could
homework. I used to believe if I could solve the equation, if I could find the
solve the equation, if I could find the pattern in why people leave, I could
pattern in why people leave, I could stop it from happening. But there isn't
stop it from happening. But there isn't a pattern. Just people living their
a pattern. Just people living their lives. And sometimes those lives don't
lives. And sometimes those lives don't line up with yours. That truth hurts.
line up with yours. That truth hurts. But it's also freeing. Because once you
But it's also freeing. Because once you stop blaming yourself, you start seeing
stop blaming yourself, you start seeing what was real in each connection. Not
what was real in each connection. Not the ending, but the moments that
the ending, but the moments that actually mattered. The laughter, the
actually mattered. The laughter, the shared silence, [music] the way
shared silence, [music] the way someone's presence could calm you even
someone's presence could calm you even when nothing was said. Those things
when nothing was said. Those things still [music] exist even if the person
still [music] exist even if the person doesn't anymore. and holding on to that
doesn't anymore. and holding on to that makes the world feel a little less
makes the world feel a little less empty. You learn to thank people in your
empty. You learn to thank people in your head for the small time they gave you.
head for the small time they gave you. You wish them well even when you never
You wish them well even when you never get closure. And somewhere in that quiet
get closure. And somewhere in that quiet gratitude, you start to breathe again.
gratitude, you start to breathe again. The quiet after someone leaves
The quiet after someone leaves is the loudest thing in the world. It
is the loudest thing in the world. It fills every corner of your day. the walk
fills every corner of your day. the walk to your room, the sound of your own
to your room, the sound of your own footsteps, [music]
footsteps, [music] the way your phone stays still when it
the way your phone stays still when it used to light up. You start to realize
used to light up. You start to realize how much of your life was built around
how much of your life was built around someone else's presence, their laughter,
someone else's presence, their laughter, their energy, their simple everyday
their energy, their simple everyday existence. And when that disappears, the
existence. And when that disappears, the silence [music] doesn't feel peaceful.
silence [music] doesn't feel peaceful. It feels like a void that swallows every
It feels like a void that swallows every thought you have. I used to lie awake
thought you have. I used to lie awake and scroll through old messages and not
and scroll through old messages and not to read them, but to prove to myself
to read them, but to prove to myself that it was real. that for a while
that it was real. that for a while someone chose to be there. And when I
someone chose to be there. And when I got tired of rereading memories, I'd
got tired of rereading memories, I'd start inventing conversations in my
start inventing conversations in my head, imagining what I'd say if I got
head, imagining what I'd say if I got one more chance, one more minute to fix
one more chance, one more minute to fix whatever I thought I'd ruined. That's
whatever I thought I'd ruined. That's what loneliness does. It turns
what loneliness does. It turns imagination into survival. You start
imagination into survival. You start pretending to be okay, smiling at
pretending to be okay, smiling at people, saying you're fine, because the
people, saying you're fine, because the truth is too heavy to drop on anyone
truth is too heavy to drop on anyone else. But even inside all that
else. But even inside all that emptiness, something quiet starts to
emptiness, something quiet starts to change. At first, you barely notice it.
change. At first, you barely notice it. It's in the mornings when you stop
It's in the mornings when you stop checking your phone right away. In the
checking your phone right away. In the evenings, when the silence starts to
evenings, when the silence starts to sound less sharp. In the moments where
sound less sharp. In the moments where you laugh without realizing it, healing
you laugh without realizing it, healing doesn't announce itself. [music] It just
doesn't announce itself. [music] It just starts showing up in the small gaps of
starts showing up in the small gaps of your day. There's a piece that grows out
your day. There's a piece that grows out of pain. Not because you forget it, but
of pain. Not because you forget it, but because you get tired of carrying the
because you get tired of carrying the weight of everything you can't fix. You
weight of everything you can't fix. You start letting go. Not all at once, but
start letting go. Not all at once, but one memory at a time until the egg turns
one memory at a time until the egg turns into something gentler. And you realize
into something gentler. And you realize maybe people are meant to leave. Maybe
maybe people are meant to leave. Maybe we're meant to cross paths, change each
we're meant to cross paths, change each other, and then move on. Maybe that's
other, and then move on. Maybe that's the point. To keep learning how to love
the point. To keep learning how to love without possession, to appreciate
without possession, to appreciate without expectation.
without expectation. You start to see that pain doesn't
You start to see that pain doesn't disappear. It just changes shape.
disappear. It just changes shape. Becomes quieter, softer, less of a
Becomes quieter, softer, less of a wound, more of a reminder.
wound, more of a reminder. You stop blaming yourself for the people
You stop blaming yourself for the people who walked away because deep down you
who walked away because deep down you realize they were never meant to stay
realize they were never meant to stay forever. Every person who leaves takes
forever. Every person who leaves takes something with them, but but they also
something with them, but but they also leave something behind. A lesson, a
leave something behind. A lesson, a moment, a shift in the way you see
moment, a shift in the way you see yourself. And maybe that's what growing
yourself. And maybe that's what growing up really is. Learning that goodbyes
up really is. Learning that goodbyes don't always mean endings.
don't always mean endings. Sometimes they mean beginnings you can't
Sometimes they mean beginnings you can't see yet. There's a strange kind of peace
see yet. There's a strange kind of peace and understanding that not everyone will
and understanding that not everyone will understand you. Not everyone will stay
understand you. Not everyone will stay long enough to see the parts of you that
long enough to see the parts of you that are worth loving. But the ones who do,
are worth loving. But the ones who do, they'll find you when you least expect
they'll find you when you least expect it. Not when you're searching. Not when
it. Not when you're searching. Not when you're begging the universe for it. But
you're begging the universe for it. But when you're quietly learning how to be
when you're quietly learning how to be okay alone. That's the part no one tells
okay alone. That's the part no one tells you about healing. It doesn't come from
you about healing. It doesn't come from someone else fixing you. It comes from
someone else fixing you. It comes from you realizing you never needed to be
you realizing you never needed to be fixed in the first [music] place. You
fixed in the first [music] place. You just needed to stop chasing people who
just needed to stop chasing people who were never meant to hold you. And even
were never meant to hold you. And even though I still think about the ones who
though I still think about the ones who left, I don't do it with bitterness
left, I don't do it with bitterness anymore. I do it with gratitude because
anymore. I do it with gratitude because they showed me how deeply I could care,
they showed me how deeply I could care, how much I could give, and how strong I
how much I could give, and how strong I could be when I had to let go. Maybe
could be when I had to let go. Maybe people always leave, but maybe that's
people always leave, but maybe that's what teaches us how to stay. To stay
what teaches us how to stay. To stay present, to stay open, to stay kind, to
present, to stay open, to stay kind, to stay hopeful that one day someone won't.
stay hopeful that one day someone won't. [music] And until that day comes, I'll
[music] And until that day comes, I'll keep learning to love my own company.
keep learning to love my own company. Cuz for the first time in a long time,
Cuz for the first time in a long time, being alone doesn't mean being empty. It
being alone doesn't mean being empty. It just means I finally made peace with my
just means I finally made peace with my own heart. I've suffered with
own heart. I've suffered with overthinking my entire life. And it's
overthinking my entire life. And it's not something that just goes away. It
not something that just goes away. It follows you quietly, endlessly, like a
follows you quietly, endlessly, like a voice that never shuts up. I've missed
voice that never shuts up. I've missed out on so much because of it. Trips I
out on so much because of it. Trips I could have taken, people I could have
could have taken, people I could have met, words I could have said. Every
met, words I could have said. Every decision turns into a battle. What if it
decision turns into a battle. What if it goes wrong? What if I regret it? What if
goes wrong? What if I regret it? What if I'm not enough? Those thoughts replay in
I'm not enough? Those thoughts replay in your head until they're louder than
your head until they're louder than reality. When I was younger, it started
reality. When I was younger, it started small. [music] I'd overthink little
small. [music] I'd overthink little things. Whether someone liked me,
things. Whether someone liked me, whether I said something wrong, whether
whether I said something wrong, whether I was good enough at anything. And as I
I was good enough at anything. And as I got older, those thoughts grew with me.
got older, those thoughts grew with me. They didn't stay in my head. They became
They didn't stay in my head. They became my entire world. I'd lose sleep
my entire world. I'd lose sleep replaying every mistake I thought I
replaying every mistake I thought I made. Every time someone looked at me a
made. Every time someone looked at me a certain way, my brain turned it into a
certain way, my brain turned it into a problem that didn't exist. Overthinking
problem that didn't exist. Overthinking isn't just mental. It's physical. It
isn't just mental. It's physical. It drains you. It steals the life out of
drains you. It steals the life out of simple moments. It makes peace feel
simple moments. It makes peace feel impossible. And the worst part, you know
impossible. And the worst part, you know you're doing it. You know it's
you're doing it. You know it's irrational, but you still can't stop.
irrational, but you still can't stop. It's like you're your own bully, your
It's like you're your own bully, your own jailer. I [music] tried
own jailer. I [music] tried distractions, music, scrolling, talking,
distractions, music, scrolling, talking, working, but nothing lasted. [music] The
working, but nothing lasted. [music] The silence always came back. The racing
silence always came back. The racing thoughts always found their way in.
thoughts always found their way in. Sometimes I wonder who I'd be if I
Sometimes I wonder who I'd be if I didn't overthink. Maybe I'd be more
didn't overthink. Maybe I'd be more confident. Maybe I'd take risks. Maybe
confident. Maybe I'd take risks. Maybe I'd live without constantly apologizing
I'd live without constantly apologizing for just existing. [music] But in a
for just existing. [music] But in a weird way, it's also the reason I care
weird way, it's also the reason I care so much. Overthinking means I care about
so much. Overthinking means I care about how I treat people. I care about the
how I treat people. I care about the impact I have. It means I'm aware,
impact I have. It means I'm aware, painfully aware of what I could do
painfully aware of what I could do better. It's a curse, but it's [music]
better. It's a curse, but it's [music] also a strange kind of blessing because
also a strange kind of blessing because it forces me to look deeper, to think
it forces me to look deeper, to think before I act, to [music] notice things
before I act, to [music] notice things that most people overlook. I guess what
that most people overlook. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm learning to
I'm trying to say is I'm learning to live with it. I'm learning that
live with it. I'm learning that overthinking doesn't have to define me.
overthinking doesn't have to define me. It's part of me, not all of me. And
It's part of me, not all of me. And maybe one day I'll stop replaying
maybe one day I'll stop replaying everything I've done wrong and start
everything I've done wrong and start imagining what could actually go right.
imagining what could actually go right. Sometimes I look in the mirror and it's
Sometimes I look in the mirror and it's like I'm staring at a stranger. The eyes
like I'm staring at a stranger. The eyes are mine, but the way they look back at
are mine, but the way they look back at me feels unfamiliar. tired, heavy,
me feels unfamiliar. tired, heavy, disappointed. I've spent years trying to
disappointed. I've spent years trying to fix the reflection instead of
fix the reflection instead of understanding it. Picking apart every
understanding it. Picking apart every detail, convincing myself that if I
detail, convincing myself that if I could just change enough things, maybe
could just change enough things, maybe I'd finally be okay. But the truth is,
I'd finally be okay. But the truth is, no matter what I fix on the outside,
no matter what I fix on the outside, that voice inside me always finds
that voice inside me always finds something new to hate. I don't even
something new to hate. I don't even remember the first time I started
remember the first time I started feeling this way. Maybe it wasn't one
feeling this way. Maybe it wasn't one moment. Maybe it was a thousand tiny
moment. Maybe it was a thousand tiny ones. Every comparison, every off-hand
ones. Every comparison, every off-hand comment, every time I failed at
comment, every time I failed at something and told myself, "See, you
something and told myself, "See, you can't do anything right. It's strange
can't do anything right. It's strange how those small thoughts become a
how those small thoughts become a habit." After a while, you don't even
habit." After a while, you don't even need anyone else to criticize you. You
need anyone else to criticize you. You do it yourself automatically, like
do it yourself automatically, like breathing,
breathing, describing the inner voice. Some
describing the inner voice. Some mornings, I wake up and before I even
mornings, I wake up and before I even check my phone, that voice is already
check my phone, that voice is already there. You're behind. You're not enough.
there. You're behind. You're not enough. You should be doing better. And I
You should be doing better. And I believe it because it sounds like me. I
believe it because it sounds like me. I try to distract myself like with work,
try to distract myself like with work, scrolling, music, noise, anything that
scrolling, music, noise, anything that keeps me from being alone with that
keeps me from being alone with that voice. But the silence always comes
voice. But the silence always comes back. And when it does, so does the
back. And when it does, so does the weight. People think loneliness is about
weight. People think loneliness is about being alone, but that's not really it.
being alone, but that's not really it. You can be surrounded by friends,
You can be surrounded by friends, laughing, talking, and still feel like
laughing, talking, and still feel like no one actually sees you. I've had those
no one actually sees you. I've had those moments on standing in a crowded room
moments on standing in a crowded room smiling, nodding, playing my part, while
smiling, nodding, playing my part, while inside I'm screaming for someone to
inside I'm screaming for someone to notice that I'm not okay, but no one
notice that I'm not okay, but no one ever does cuz I've gotten too good at
ever does cuz I've gotten too good at pretending. It's easier that way, right?
pretending. It's easier that way, right? If I act fine, I don't have to explain
If I act fine, I don't have to explain the storm inside my head. I've asked
the storm inside my head. I've asked myself a hundred times, why do I hate
myself a hundred times, why do I hate myself so much? And I think part of it
myself so much? And I think part of it comes from never feeling like I measure
comes from never feeling like I measure up to other people, to expectations, to
up to other people, to expectations, to the version of myself I thought I'd be
the version of myself I thought I'd be by now. Every mistake feels like proof
by now. Every mistake feels like proof that I'm broken. Every compliment feels
that I'm broken. Every compliment feels like a lie. I'll hear someone say,
like a lie. I'll hear someone say, "You're doing great." And my first
"You're doing great." And my first instinct is to argue with them. I've
instinct is to argue with them. I've realized it's not that I want to be
realized it's not that I want to be miserable. It's that misery became
miserable. It's that misery became familiar. and familiar can start to feel
familiar. and familiar can start to feel safe even when it's destroying you. But
safe even when it's destroying you. But there are moments, tiny [music] quiet
there are moments, tiny [music] quiet moments, that remind me happiness isn't
moments, that remind me happiness isn't gone forever. Like when I'm walking
gone forever. Like when I'm walking outside and the air feels just right, or
outside and the air feels just right, or when a song hits the exact emotion I
when a song hits the exact emotion I couldn't explain, or when someone texts
couldn't explain, or when someone texts me, not because they need something, but
me, not because they need something, but just to say hi. Those moments don't fix
just to say hi. Those moments don't fix everything, but they remind me that I'm
everything, but they remind me that I'm still here. that maybe beneath all the
still here. that maybe beneath all the noise, there's still a version of me
noise, there's still a version of me worth saving. For the longest time, I
worth saving. For the longest time, I thought happiness was this big event,
thought happiness was this big event, something you reach after you fix every
something you reach after you fix every flaw, after you accomplish every goal.
flaw, after you accomplish every goal. But I think it's smaller than that.
But I think it's smaller than that. Happiness is choosing to breathe when
Happiness is choosing to breathe when your brain tells you to give up. It's
your brain tells you to give up. It's forgiving yourself for not being
forgiving yourself for not being perfect. Is letting yourself feel proud
perfect. Is letting yourself feel proud for surviving things no one even knows
for surviving things no one even knows you went through. It's realizing you can
you went through. It's realizing you can still build a life even while carrying
still build a life even while carrying the parts of yourself that hurt. I
the parts of yourself that hurt. I started writing down one thing a day
started writing down one thing a day that didn't completely suck. Some days
that didn't completely suck. Some days it was something simple, like the way
it was something simple, like the way the sun came through the blinds or how
the sun came through the blinds or how the coffee actually tasted good for
the coffee actually tasted good for once. And over time, those little notes
once. And over time, those little notes started to add up. They didn't erase the
started to add up. They didn't erase the pain, but they made space for something
pain, but they made space for something else to exist beside [music] it. I
else to exist beside [music] it. I stopped trying to silence the negative
stopped trying to silence the negative voice and started talking back to it.
voice and started talking back to it. Yeah, maybe I failed today, but that
Yeah, maybe I failed today, but that doesn't mean I always will. Maybe I
doesn't mean I always will. Maybe I don't love myself yet. But I'm trying to
don't love myself yet. But I'm trying to understand me. There's this weird myth
understand me. There's this weird myth that self-love means you wake up one day
that self-love means you wake up one day and everything [music] feels perfect.
and everything [music] feels perfect. But I think real self-love is quieter.
But I think real self-love is quieter. It's showing up for yourself even when
It's showing up for yourself even when you still feel broken. It's cooking
you still feel broken. It's cooking dinner when you'd rather skip eating.
dinner when you'd rather skip eating. It's showering after 3 days of not
It's showering after 3 days of not caring. It's texting a friend back even
caring. It's texting a friend back even though your brain tells you not to
though your brain tells you not to bother. Those things sound small, but
bother. Those things sound small, but they're proof. Proof that you haven't
they're proof. Proof that you haven't given up on yourself. [music] I used to
given up on yourself. [music] I used to think happiness was about being free of
think happiness was about being free of pain. Now I think it's about finding
pain. Now I think it's about finding peace with it. Happiness isn't the loud
peace with it. Happiness isn't the loud moments. It's the quiet [music] ones.
moments. It's the quiet [music] ones. Sitting in your room, realizing that
Sitting in your room, realizing that maybe you're okay, even if you're not
maybe you're okay, even if you're not perfect. It's not about forcing
perfect. It's not about forcing positivity. It's about giving yourself
positivity. It's about giving yourself permission to feel everything and still
permission to feel everything and still move forward. Though, yeah, I still have
move forward. Though, yeah, I still have bad days. I still look in the mirror and
bad days. I still look in the mirror and struggle to see someone worth loving.
struggle to see someone worth loving. But I'm learning that hating myself
But I'm learning that hating myself doesn't protect me. It just keeps me
doesn't protect me. It just keeps me stuck. And even if I don't fully believe
stuck. And even if I don't fully believe it yet, I'm trying to accept that maybe
it yet, I'm trying to accept that maybe I deserve to feel okay.
I deserve to feel okay. I ruin everything good that happens in
I ruin everything good that happens in my life. I don't mean to. It just
my life. I don't mean to. It just happens. Every time something good shows
happens. Every time something good shows up, I convince myself it's temporary.
up, I convince myself it's temporary. So, I pull back. I distance myself. I
So, I pull back. I distance myself. I start overthinking every tiny thing
start overthinking every tiny thing until I destroy what was never broken. I
until I destroy what was never broken. I wish I could explain why I do it. Maybe
wish I could explain why I do it. Maybe it's fear. Maybe it's trauma. Maybe it's
it's fear. Maybe it's trauma. Maybe it's just years of believing I wasn't enough.
just years of believing I wasn't enough. Whatever it is, it's like my brain can't
Whatever it is, it's like my brain can't process peace. When things get calm, I
process peace. When things get calm, I start waiting for chaos. And when
start waiting for chaos. And when something feels right, I start searching
something feels right, I start searching for what's wrong. It's exhausting.
for what's wrong. It's exhausting. Living in constant defense mode against
Living in constant defense mode against happiness. When I was a kid, I'd get
happiness. When I was a kid, I'd get praised for something small. [music] And
praised for something small. [music] And instead of feeling proud, I'd feel
instead of feeling proud, I'd feel scared. Like any second someone would
scared. Like any second someone would take it away. And that's what
take it away. And that's what overthinking does to you. It trains your
overthinking does to you. It trains your brain to fear the good. So even as I got
brain to fear the good. So even as I got older, when people tried to love me,
older, when people tried to love me, when life tried to give me
when life tried to give me opportunities, I couldn't accept them.
opportunities, I couldn't accept them. I'd tell myself I wasn't ready, that I'd
I'd tell myself I wasn't ready, that I'd ruin it anyway. And every time I backed
ruin it anyway. And every time I backed away from something real, I felt that
away from something real, I felt that same sinking feeling in my chest.
same sinking feeling in my chest. [music] Regret. It's like watching
[music] Regret. It's like watching yourself throw away a version of life
yourself throw away a version of life you know you'll never get back.
you know you'll never get back. Sometimes I wonder what my life would
Sometimes I wonder what my life would look like if I stopped letting fear run
look like if I stopped letting fear run it. if I just took the chance, said yes
it. if I just took the chance, said yes more often, stopped expecting everything
more often, stopped expecting everything to fall apart. But when you've lived
to fall apart. But when you've lived your whole life thinking that way, it's
your whole life thinking that way, it's not easy to unlearn. I've tried to
not easy to unlearn. I've tried to change. I've read every quote that says
change. I've read every quote that says you can't hate yourself into healing.
you can't hate yourself into healing. But when you've spent years blaming
But when you've spent years blaming yourself, forgiveness doesn't come
yourself, forgiveness doesn't come naturally. You start believing that
naturally. You start believing that being broken is safer because at least
being broken is safer because at least you know what to expect. I ruin good
you know what to expect. I ruin good moments before they can turn bad. I push
moments before they can turn bad. I push people away before they can leave. I
people away before they can leave. I quit before I can fail. It's all about
quit before I can fail. It's all about control. I ruin things because I want to
control. I ruin things because I want to decide when they end, even if that means
decide when they end, even if that means destroying something beautiful. The
destroying something beautiful. The truth is, self-sabotage isn't about
truth is, self-sabotage isn't about weakness. It's about fear. Fear of
weakness. It's about fear. Fear of losing something, fear of not being
losing something, fear of not being enough, fear of being happy, and then
enough, fear of being happy, and then watching it disappear. But it's also a
watching it disappear. But it's also a habit, one you build after years of
habit, one you build after years of expecting the worst. What I'm learning
expecting the worst. What I'm learning now is that I can't keep punishing
now is that I can't keep punishing myself for every mistake I've made. I
myself for every mistake I've made. I can't heal by replaying the same regrets
can't heal by replaying the same regrets [music] over and over. Maybe the reason
[music] over and over. Maybe the reason I ruin things is because I don't trust
I ruin things is because I don't trust myself to handle something good. But how
myself to handle something good. But how can I ever learn to if I never let
can I ever learn to if I never let myself try? I'm starting to realize
myself try? I'm starting to realize something. Maybe ruining things isn't
something. Maybe ruining things isn't the problem anymore. Maybe it's [music]
the problem anymore. Maybe it's [music] time to stop seeing myself as the
time to stop seeing myself as the problem. Because deep down, I've always
problem. Because deep down, I've always been trying to protect myself, trying to
been trying to protect myself, trying to make sense of the chaos inside my head.
make sense of the chaos inside my head. I just went about it the wrong way. I
I just went about it the wrong way. I know I'll still mess up. I'll still
know I'll still mess up. I'll still overthink. I'll still have moments where
overthink. I'll still have moments where I walk away when I should have stayed.
I walk away when I should have stayed. But maybe next time I'll stay a little
But maybe next time I'll stay a little longer. Maybe next time I won't let fear
longer. Maybe next time I won't let fear make the choice for me. Because maybe,
make the choice for me. Because maybe, just maybe, I don't actually ruin
just maybe, I don't actually ruin everything. I just never learned how to
everything. I just never learned how to believe I deserved something worth
believe I deserved something worth keeping.
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