the [ __ ] up? How do I have to talk? How
do I have to dress? What kind of content
do I have to make? And eventually, I
remember there was one day where I
realized nothing about the situation
needed to change. Everything about my
perspective about it did. And I just
need to accept that the price of fame,
the price of enjoyment, the price of
success is being criticized. It is just
the downside of the upside. And so what
I've realized now is that the more that
I do things the way I want to, the more
criticism I get and the happier I get.
What I learned through that whole
process is that applause doesn't mean
you're right. Criticism doesn't mean
you're wrong. Ultimately, the only
judgment that matters is yours measured
against whatever it is that you've
chosen to stand for. Number four is you
want to choose your values. Okay? True
clarity comes from intentionally
deciding what you stand for. Values
aren't put upon you, they're chosen by
you. So, I'll give you guys an example.
I when I started making content, and
even to this day, I have this guy who is
a relentless hater of me online. And
it's one thing if you're a relentless
hater, but he actually has a following
and he's quite known in the space, but
he just left and right would just take
shots at me. I have never once responded
to the guy. I've never talked to him. I
pretend I don't even know who he is. But
every time I read his comments, it's
like completely trying to dismantle me
as a person. And what I realized over
time is that when I zoomed out, I was
like, he's not wrong. I'm not wrong. We
have different values. What he values,
right, is he thinks that I work too
hard. I don't have a good relationship.
I don't take care of myself. And what I
could do is I could just provide proof
of all those things, right? That's what
a lot of people do is they say, "Let me
show you. I actually do all these things
you're saying." Or I could say,
"Understood. So you have different
values than me. You don't value working
long hours. You don't value resilience.
You don't value the discipline the same
way I do. That's okay." Right? And for
him, he has a business that makes a
small amount of money, but he gets to
live his life however he wants. And so
when I look at him and I feel icky, it's
because I feel like I don't support your
values where you won't sacrifice for the
greater good. Right? I don't respect
that. I don't value that. Right? that's
not one of my values. And so it actually
just came down to we have completely
different values in life. I value
working hard, sacrificing to do good for
a greater group of people. He values
health, relationships, connection, and
not sacrificing as much. Both work and
both are okay. And in that moment, it
was probably just a sign that maybe he
wasn't aware of that and he wasn't able
to regulate his own emotions because in
those moments when he said, "Hey, you
know, you're too intense. This is too
much sacrifice. You're too hard
charging. you're not feminine enough.
Those weren't value statements. Those
are preferences that he has, right? And
so he's basically saying, I don't know
how to handle the fact that I am not
comfortable with her intensity, her
discipline, her competitiveness, and so
I'm going to take my discomfort and put
it on you because it doesn't align with
my values. I don't understand. As I'm
reading what this guy's writing about
me, I don't need to ignore all of it. I
also don't need to consider all of it,
but I do want to filter through my
values. I think that's the most
important distinction because when I was
reading what he was saying, I was like,
there's some points here. The question
is, is it aligned with my values? Now,
if somebody were to come to me and they
were to criticize me for something that
is a value of mine, like they were to
say like, you're not honest. That would
hurt. I'd be like, was I not honest in
that moment? Because honesty is like my
number one value. That would feel
terrible. But if they're going to come
to me and be like, you're not soft
enough and you don't spend enough time
doing fun hobbies. I'd be like, yes, no,
I don't. You are correct, sir. Right.
Let's move on. Number five is that your
values are a filter. So when you receive
praise or you receive criticism, don't
ask yourself, "Oh, do they like it? Are
people going to like this?" Instead,
ask, "Is this aligned with the values
that I stand for?" And that is the
question that will set you free and make
all this worth it. You use your values
as a filter for every reaction. I'll
give you an example. I made a video a
couple months ago and it was a skit. And
I thought it was going to be fun. I
thought it would be fun to try some
skits for content. And I really like the
idea and so I did a skit. I thought it
was funny and it got like, I don't know,
20 million views or something. And I had
a couple people come to me and they were
like, "Hey, so I don't know about these
skits." And I was like, "What about the
skits?" And they were like, "Well, you
don't want to become famous for like
these skits." And I was like, "Well,
why?" And they were like, "Well, it just
seems too silly. It's like not your
brand." And I was like, "I actually
think it's exactly my brand. Like I am
very intense and also I can be very
funny. What the?" Then I put it through
my filter and I said, "Well, what's my
number one value?" Right? If I'm using
my values as a filter, honesty. I
honestly thought it was a hilarious
video. I honestly act like that many
times and I honestly enjoyed making it.
And so I felt like it was actually a
better representation of me to start
doing things like that, to lean into the
things I like than it would to not do
it. And so I asked myself that a lot
when people bring to me their opinions,
their preferences. I just filter them
through my values, right? It's one of
the first things that I do when I'm
thinking about where do I spend my time?
How do I spend my life? I say, "Am I
doing this or do I want to do this
because it aligns with my values or
because it avoids judgment from
somebody?" In the past, I did not have
good answers to that question because I
didn't even know my values. And the
second thing is that I realized that I
did a lot of things just to avoid that
judgment. Like that person bringing up
that video. I did things because of
that, not because of my values. And so
what I live by now is this. Values are
not feelings. Values are decisions. You
don't find them out of nowhere under a
rock and you don't feel them. You don't
feel them. you pick them intentionally
and I think it's hard because a lot of
people inherit their values from maybe
maybe it's your parents maybe it's
religion maybe it's Instagram or Tik Tok
I don't know but then they're like why
does this feel terrible and off track
and like I don't like my life and it's
because they didn't consciously choose
their values but when you consciously
choose your values and you act in
alignment with them your life gets so
much simpler now I wouldn't say it gets
easier because I think sometimes it gets
harder but it does get simpler now why
does it get simpler one you stop chasing
applause you are not looking to get
applause pause from other people. You
are looking to live your life in
alignment with those values. So, at the
end of the day, every day, you feel good
about yourself when you're laying in
bed. The second thing is that you stop
running from criticism. You recognize
that part of the equation is a
trade-off. When you have really strong
values, you will likely be strongly
criticized. And you actually understand
that sometimes being criticized is a
good thing because it means that you're
living your life so potently, living out
your values that people that don't with
your values and don't align with your
values and don't have the same ones are
going to run the opposite direction,
scream from the hills how crazy you are.
And then you just get to do what's
aligned with your values and you. You
get to do the stuff that makes you
happy. You get to do the stuff that lets
you live your life in a way that feels
good to you and that's aligned with the
decisions that you want to make to be
the person you want to be. At the end of
the day, you get to choose your values.
And because of those values, you can use
those as a filter to criticism. And I
think that that's where real confidence
and freedom comes from because a lot of
people ask me, "How do I get over
criticism? How do I deal with all these
people judging me?" And the truth is,
you don't. It happens. You just anchor
so deeply in your values that it makes
all the criticism worth it. And so the
reality is this. If you don't anchor
your identity somewhere solid, somewhere
that cannot be defeated by what people
say about you, whether it's good or bad,
you will just drift into becoming a
reflection of the preferences and
desires of other people. And honestly, I
don't think there is any worse place to
be than one where you are literally a
ghost of yourself that exists because of
what other people want out of you. So,
if you define your values, you ignore
everything else, you can be the person
you want to be. If you like this video,
make sure to subscribe to my channel
because I love sharing all these mindset shifts.
Click on any text or timestamp to jump to that moment in the video
Share:
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
One-Click Copy125+ LanguagesSearch ContentJump to Timestamps
Paste YouTube URL
Enter any YouTube video link to get the full transcript
Transcript Extraction Form
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
Get Our Chrome Extension
Get transcripts instantly without leaving YouTube. Install our Chrome extension for one-click access to any video's transcript directly on the watch page.
Chrome Extension