This discussion centers on the transition from adolescence to adulthood, exploring the evolving dynamics within a family as young adults navigate college, independence, and future aspirations, while parents reflect on their upbringing and the values instilled.
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today on doctrina official we have
something very special as you can see
we've got the whole gang coming together
for one or maybe two episodes and you'll
see and you'll tell me what comes of
that but we want to welcome you guys
back to the channel and see how was your
happy New Year it was good what' you do
anything fun I met my friends no nice
and how about you yeah about the same
just met a lot of friends for years so I
was in New to you know I slept early
this year it was a big year in 24 and
I'm looking forward to a 25 so I need to
get my beauty rest I need more of that
than you probably fair enough yeah how
about you guys what did you do for your
new year I had a rest we were with you that's
that's
the I think what we want to do with this
episode is kind of bring together a lot
of different themes and kind of see how
our family matches with your family
because my guess is we can bring out a
few things so let's start with the boys
how is college life I know I have a a
senior who's about to graduate and a
sophomore who's going into a second
semester aren tell us a little bit about
how college life is it's good um we're
kind of getting the wrapping up stages
so taking my last couple of major
classes I also added my music production
minor finally uh which has been very
good I've gotten a lot of great
opportunities to work with a great
faculty um taking more part also coming
out of college in the clubs and other
experiences where you get to meet new
people yeah it's good I can't believe
it's already over FW by can we I mean
we're kind of amazed that the four years
just flew by and um from where you
started to where you came the picture
story is great but the r in personal
story is even great when did you feel
like an adult during that when did you
go from boy to man uh my moments but I
mean it's not something I always feel
like maybe sometimes there's things I
have to take care of that in my personal
life you know things that are adult
responsibilities other times I still
feel like a kid uh and the older I get
the more I realize that you kind of feel
like a kid at whatever age you are and
does it matter that now Mom and Dad and
anyone else is telling you or not
telling you what to
do see you think that and then you come
home and no matter what age you are the
moment you're back with your parents
you'll feel like a kid again yes that's
true no matter what your age you are I
don't want
well said well said my friend no matter
what you are we still get told what to
do and no matter what age you are used
get used to it's part of being a family
member how about you Ryan uh I'm just
about to head in the second semester of
my second year so it's been pretty good
definitely flying by very fast a lot
faster than than you know school like
even primary or High School used to go
so I mean it's not surprising that's
like the kind of consensus from everyone
but uh it's just really busy but I think
you know I'm having fun doing busy work
so and and have you kind of more over
found where you want to go what you want
to do or is it still a puzzle a bit of a
puzzle but I think I'm starting to exact
it now so I think I had a decent idea
kind of coming into college um at the
very least knowing that like stem was
kind of the calling I'd found but um I
think the exact field in terms of what
problems I want to solve is still kind
of a mystery to me so you know just
trying to do whatever I can to game more
exposure and what are your thoughts on
this adult child mix when did you go
from teenage I think I'm still a child I
I yeah no but I mean I don't know I I
think you always like run into someone
and you'll talk to them and meet them
and you're just like you'll just be left
thinking like wow I really am just like
a child still um even people my age I
know like are doing have taken on like a
lot more
responsibility um or had to take on a
lot more responsibility than I have so
in a lot of ways I don't think I've
necessarily yet become an adult I think
I'm kind of just getting there so see
slow and steady and one thing after the
next after the next I would say you're
cooking now you're living in both living
in your own Apartments how is that it's
good so tell me what life is like out of
the dorms into the apartments last time
we spoke I think one of you was in a
dorm the other one had gone to the
apartment now you're both in apartments
and that too in a foreign city I grew up
there and now you're exactly forign I
mean we've been to La a number of
times but not on your own right uh yeah
that's fair mean that though it's not
like for the time not really s roommates
and like living with Brothers the sameir
things you would get from M and has it
been good to have the two of you
together yeah very good we see each
other pretty often I think we raised
them together they were in the same room
despite having a big house yeah and that
and uh you guys were generous with each
other sometimes you C on each other's
those but yeah but the usual stuff I
would say we're better we're better than
a lot of siblings I would say we tend
not to fight that much work out together
you guys meet up and you go and meet
your cousins a lot of times because
everybody's in California and in and
around La so do you think having family
around like your grandparents around
does that give you a sense of security
yeah I think it's it's nice you wouldn't
feel like you're that far away from home
um and it makes everything familiar and
I think it's a little less of that
uncertainty of being in a new place
because it doesn't feel that new so so
let me ask you something is there
anything along the journey that you
would have told your younger self to
expect or to change yeah I would say for
college um kind of put a wrench and
everything but
each phase each year means a lot there's
a lot of different things that happen
socially I think we are really kids when
we come in and we're still kind of kids
when we come out but we grow a lot as
people over those couple of years and I
think we have these different phases of
figuring out who we are who um We Vibe
with who we kind of gel with what we
kind of love to do and it's not
something that stops I think it's a
lifelong journey but I would tell myself
to take priorities seriously I think
prioritize these things and it's not
something that you want to slip by you I
think you don't realize just how
important some of the things are like
your friends or the time that you spend
with people or the way that you not just
prioritize academics but prioritize you
know your friends your
family yeah agree it's well said and
what do you think about the family
values we instilled because in spite of
our background right you guys are very
grounded and I've heard this from many
people but most of all from me and Mom
that we never raised you with a spoon in
your mouth a silver spoon or you know
you I'd argue at some point there yeah
we we grew up in a very different
environment to a lot of the people I've
met um definitely we've had much a much
easier time than I would say the average
person so whether or not like we're
grounding people I think that's I I
would never like say it myself I would
just hope that people would perceive I
guess perceive mean that way or rather I
I end up behaving that way and people
kind of uh their opinions of me reflect
that I think you guys were protected
more yeah definitely you always were
very careful about where you went what
you did who you were with you know um
but once you were on your own things
must have changed for you because you
don't have that yeah but I think all
sudden in the US it's like it's very
different I mean here it's not like a
huge difference I think regardless of
where we go what we do I think me and
Arin are usually
much less visible I guess it's not as if
like I think very most of the time I
think people just see me as some like
random kid just like we have more
freedom a lot and um I think going back
to the grounded thing it's I think it's
really about just understanding the
value of things not taking things for
granted and knowing that maybe what you
have is what comes from your privilege
versus what you know that kind of stuff
what you take what you value I think
there's also like a a certain
criticality I guess you could say I
don't think that's the correct word for
it but I guess the idea of just like
scrutinizing the decisions or things
that we see I think often times I'll run
into people who I would say are not as
grounded and part of the reason for that
I think is because they don't
necessarily critically think about the
actions they're taking um they kind of
just do whatever um don't really think
about like really what's going on so in
that sense like if you really do
evaluate like the things you do I think
in both larger Scopes and even scopes on
like the scale of yourself then I think
eventually it'll lead you to decisions
that are more or less like better um
more grounded so to speak so it's very
deep for a young man both you two have a
huge amount of uh maturity now let me
ask you something what do you think the future
future
holds that's a broad question but I'm
saying things are changing
dramatically and the the real question
is we've talked about it before
you're about to graduate and start
something interesting and um you still
have a couple of years you're trying to
work your way around figure out where
you want to try but you know so let's
back up one St when we talk about your
being grounded you're not entitled to
the extent that you're respectful to
everyone you treat everyone as peers and
you never ever judge right that's my
observation now let me turn it over to
the big kids mom and dad you've come
back to India but you spent some time
with them in La which must have been a
tree yes I'm saying now with college
having him in the same city how is that
wonderful I try for the day they call
and I hear one word out of their mouth I
my only request I always have is they
call me once we just to say hello right
that's all I I want what's going on in
your life what you can tell me share
with me but is it nice to have them in
the same city both in the same town
nothing like it and the other cousins
are not there exactly I have five three
are out of town and you are two right
now and and what have you noticed in
them growing up because you've seen the
journey both of you have he was so
protective of Ryan I mean I cannot
believe right from the birth I was there
for both the
births my brother my
no matter where he went you were
protecting him and what about
now I haven't seen them that close now
together to see do you even I think it
goes both ways because they were very
protective but he was looking each
others I remember when Ain got pushed on
on the
football that was just two and a half
remember that and he just stood in front
of that boy who had pushed you and said
that you cannot treat my brother like
that do you know who I am you know who
he is he's my
brother it was amazing to see that I
think I'm going to be honest I don't
really remember that never known you do
I remember that D see that's the thing
parents parents can say whatever they
want about you when you were young and
you kind of just have to agree cuz you
don't have many memory so you can't
really say it's like a baited question
there right yeah and I could make it up
and you'd never know better I literally
would never know I think know one of the
thing that happened was initially when
came there to Los Angeles to USC he used
to come more often because he was
adjusting to the environment and all the
condition and it was it's pleasure
always to see them and he used to come
every week almost which was good every
weekend he was there as the days go by
as the days went by then he gets used
to the environment he he develops
friendships there and we observed that
that affected and then he's
coming I I think there was a backstory
there he learned how to use the washing
machines and the
DM so he Grand his
laundry in your remember you were like
eight rooms in the first year I know we
also our laundry machine was like messed
up it was pretty bad this time it was
like leaking it Tri the fire alarm
wasn't good that was a tough year I
remember no it was a great year such a
good time love how
you no this is what I admire took it
with a grain of but recently when Ryan
came there he also came first there for
the washing ma initially not for the
washing machine not for washing it
changed from the change from the D to
the apartment yeah and then he had to
prepare all the yeah remember your
partner was from San Diego yeah and he
would go back home yeah and you were
there left alone whereas he has sun right
right
no a roommate yeah I have a roommate but
you have a roommate that's there too he
doesn't go out every weekend to his
parents no so that's why you comfor so
so here's the next question with that
for you guys now you're faced with a
situation where you're on your own
and I've heard from both of you guys you
want to do startups in India eventually
although you're taking a job at a
high-tech and trying to hone your skills
and get better at them and we don't know
you know because you love it there and
you love building and we'll see what
happens with that but the question is
how do you think your life changed when
you went to the US you guys no
family no nuclear structure right you
always have nowadays phones of Plenty
you know FaceTime you know video apps
all that but distances are large right
so how do you keep in touch with your
family and how do you how do you put
that as U something which is core well I
mean I'm not usually the one to reach
out I will say I'm not that kind of
person um I don't often reach out to too
many people unless it's like some kind
of occasion or something thing um or if
I really needed to ask something
urgently but um yeah whenever you guys
call I mean phones are really a way of
uh bringing the distance between people
so um yeah yeah earlier on I would say I
was you we right my spent my last two
years of high SCH so I was locked at
home with you guys which was actually
very good um but after that it's like
you know you're a kid you want your
freedom you want to be independent
whatever you think Independence is so
then in that time I wouldn't make as
much of an effort and I think not
forgotten the value but more
so you are so excited for all the new
things that you wrap yourself up in that
and now I find myself taking that effort
calling home because I miss home I miss
home and now that I'll be having my job
I know that my ability to come back home
will be very limited and so I really
cherish the time that I get back here um
the phones make it easy are on the
opposite side of the planet and um the
fact we can still talk to each other in
real time is you know it's that is
interesting if you really think about it
it's crazy 20 years ago 30 years ago it
would have been
what advantage of having your cousins
your grandparents oh yeah family is all
around something very urgent no
definitely I never felt so far away from
family like that and what about you
we've had to raise two boys you're like
outnumbered in the home even Carmelo is
a boy right how do that change your
perspective four I'm surrounded by four
men how does that change your
perspective on how you do things I mean
child raising is child raising but boys
have their own set of it takes a whole
village to raise a child and that's
exactly what happened with both our kids
because uh my parents used to live with
us my other parents used to always help
us out whenever I need any help I was
working here they used to come and they
used to to be with you guys for 4 months
at a stretch so I know that the values
that my mom and dad gave me the values
that they have given their kids are
values that you're getting you know and
that is what made you who you
are like and it was our
pleasure all the love all the positive
things that you know you have to be
grounded you have to respect everyone
you have to work sincerely whatever you
do do it to the best of your abilities I
I think that's what you have taught your
kids my parents taught me and I know
that those are the values you've got so
for me when you are adults and you're
out there in the world I know that we
have at least given you the tools that
you will make the right choice you know
and I have that trust in both of you y
and so um for me that was a biggest thing
thing
that uh I felt that we did right in
reason and so even for these guys do you
think you'll stay there or do you think
at some point you may work out here in
my life I will be back here okay how
about you that's a good question I I
still have some time before I graduate
so I still have to like I said I still
have to figure out what really I'm going
to it depends on what you get to in your
life which is better to work here or
better to work there if you're working
same thing two places and you have a
better life here and then you decide
tell me something and another Mark Twain
ISM where he said it's amazing how
little my dad knew when I went to
college and how much he learned by the
time I got back I don't think the father
changed I think the son learned what was
right and what was not right and then
coming back he recognized it but what
are the learnings that you guys have had
that you bring back to us that you've
seen in a different
world I think exposure you meet a lot of
different people from a lot of different
backgrounds who want to do a lot of
different things and you get exposed to
different ideologies you get exposed to
different ways of thinking and it kind
of helps you hone down what it is that
you believe in and what it is that you
believe truly matters and I think it's
there usually that a lot of people
discover they're more traditional or you
know the values that they get from their
family that they become more certain of
them they realize that that's who they are
are
um andate what you have oh I mean of
course I would say don't be afraid of
failures yes that's a big one too I
don't let that ever be
you fail you move on you do it again yes
I fail but tell me about failure it's a
teacher teaching point when you fail
it's a teaching point it teaches you
something about you about how you're
going to deal with it because that's
what makes you who you are yeah and
handling failure with Grace I think
coming back to what you were saying
finding that than giving at your all but
also not being discouraged when you fail
right not being ready to give it up just
because of one small obstacle in way so
so I even wrote something on my social
media profile I said we need to rename
it and we need to look at our successes
and our learnings rather than calling it
successes failure although sometimes
failing does suck it hurts yeah no
question it hurts everyone if fil it
doesn't do well of course it hurts but
you can't bow in that and you can't say
okay that's the end of the world you
just got to get up and say I'm going to
do a better job than does that mean I
should be doing more failure to learn
more that's not failure should not be
something you're that's doing more
learnings many people have said it
they've said that if you're not failing
you're not trying hard enough right
because the bottom line is that failure
comes when your systems are at their
Edge and if you're not pushing that
envelope hard enough it ain't going to
happen right and so certainly in my
realm with with startups and with you
know the family office and some of the
other things doing but even in heart
surgery we had to push and to the Limit
right if I'm racing to the Limit right
yeah and people like 300 computations
per second well come on our
supercomputers do that like in
milliseconds now but the kind of
decision Tera flops so 100% but
basically nobody's working to
everybody's working to be successful but
life can throw throw curve balls at you
and how you you manage to catch those
and and own it you know is what so so
rapid fire let start from left to right
any thoughts for the new
year looking for a prosperous and happy New
New
Year okay and what are the Pearls of
Wisdom you learned from this talk from
this dialogue I think you get
perspective it's good to hear the
different perspectives of different
Generations it's nice to have all of us
in the same place talking about these
things I think you add a little bit of
structure and you touch upon things that
you might not otherwise have come up you
know it's you had to say to the average
immigrant family what would you take
from this one um appreciate how
different your lives are I appreciate
the differences and what the people
before you had to do the things they had
to do to get you to where you are very
nice how about you Ryan I mean I don't
think I can really add on to that idea
those are pretty much all the different
same things I would say but you have a
journey and you saw their Journey my
joury yeah no it's definitely been
interesting to see kind of how times
times ideas and just Lifestyles have
changed over time I think it's very hard
for me to say anything to like the
average person because like very clearly
I've lived a life that's not very
average in like terms of where I come
from what I've like had access to and
kind of the luxury I've had of not
having to take on like a lot of
responsibilities I mean even coming to
college like laundry was something I
still didn't really know necessarily how
to do so that's kind of it's a little
bit embarrassing and I think like those
kind of selfcare things are definitely
something that is part of like you know
becoming an adult and transitioning into
being own yeah but that's just like did
did my episodes help on that by the way
I this is a plug for my episodes
obviously uh I me the thing is I don't
get the ingredients most Indian parents
don't I I just don't get the ingredients
for I don't know where you
find all of those oh yeah yeah no that
helps um definitely learning to cook
with you like even when we were younger
helps like eggs especially I think was
probably one of the few things that I
didn't even encourage people to go watch
uh sure yeah go watch cooking videos
yeah sure I guess you I guess you could
go watch I have to make this thing a
little fun and I have to tell a story
about Ryan we had this um uh Nanny you
were looking for and she was very pretty
red haired you know very sweet girl and
uh she had just come home we liked her
and we said Okay and she started and she
was a living Den so Denver uh she was
living and um in the morning I just woke
up and I heard these noises downstairs
and Ryan you must have been around 3
years old so when we stepped down maybe
two and a half also we stepped down and
Ryan was standing there with the nanny
she was he was teaching how to cook the
eggs the way he likes them so say now
you crack the egg now you put a little
milk in it and then you you know stir it
and then you put it on the so so
yeah you remember he doesn't remember no
but you there is interest because you
saw Dad and how he loves cooking and I
think that love so that was an impact
which we saw too that they would
FaceTime us and show us or when when you
cooked us a whole dinner that night yeah
yeah and remember that I do yeah so he
started cooking at 9:30 and we had
dinner at 10:30 that night a whole
dinner like with salad and this and that
and you guys are lged so you were asleep
you just woke up for the food and went
back to
sleep true but I would say that's one
Learning lesson for everyone that
whatever you do whatever you find as a
family that you do together some people
play sports some people watch movies
some people have like fancy meals some
people have simple homecooked F food I
think that's something that kind of
bonded us and so that ladies and
gentlemen is the last thought and and uh
would love to hear what your thoughts
are in the comments below and as always
like subscribe and share if you think
we're giving you value and if we're
creating something because I would like
to see what you guys do in your own
homes look we are you know unusual in
many regards Ryan says it everyone says
it but at the same time we're very
grounded and we're very simple and I
think these guys are certainly
reflections of that but I suspect all of
the kids that I've met in our friends
group groups and in our families and we
had people over last night all of them
have turned out to be amazing and I
think they watch you growing up and what
you do and how you behave as a parent
and emulate that to some degree and so
everything you do not what you
necessarily teach is what matters to
them and so beware you know everything
you're doing will come back to haunt you
they say grandkids are the grandparents
greatest Revenge whatever the whatever
the parents criticize their parents on
doing the grandkids will come back but
there you have it thanks for joining us
as always and we appreciate all of your
kind words and everything you've given
back to us on the channel and let us
know if we're hitting on the right
topics and uh we'll see you in the next one
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