0:02 how did you prepare yourself to be a
0:06 Godly wife man I would have wish I'd
0:23 didn't welcome back to loving fearlessly
0:25 and we are talking about leaning into
0:26 principles for marriage that actually
0:28 work in other relationships as well
0:30 works with your single but we did really
0:33 focus it on marriage I love that so many
0:35 of you said if I could sit down with you
0:38 for an hour I would want to know
0:39 everything you can tell me about
0:42 marriage and so I sat down looked at the
0:43 list figured out what I could actually
0:45 answer there were certain things I can't
0:47 answer that figured out what I could
0:48 answer and wrote it down so we're going
0:51 to do another how did you prepare
0:55 yourself to be a Godly wife man I would
0:57 have wished I'd known this I actually
1:00 didn't I did not prepare myself myself
1:03 to be a Godly wife I got married I kind
1:05 of you know bought into the whole lie of
1:07 once you get married everything is a
1:09 happy and they lived happily ever after
1:12 and I played a lot of ketchup afterwards
1:14 I don't want to see you do that so I'm
1:16 going to talk to you about some things I
1:17 wish I would have done that I could have
1:19 done to prep first and foremost you're
1:20 going to hear me say over and over again
1:22 I wish I would have talked to an older
1:23 woman I wish I would have asked her
1:25 things everything you know a lot of
1:27 times young girls are scared to ask
1:30 older women about sex hey they know more
1:32 than you do about sex you can talk to
1:34 them about sex so I wish I would have
1:36 asked that I wish I would have had
1:37 somebody that I would have been brave
1:40 enough to say I like the marriage and
1:41 the life that you're building what are
1:43 some of the things that you would tell
1:46 me to do then I would make an honest
1:49 assessment of what I was bringing to the
1:51 table I think a lot of times we think
1:54 just being cute is enough just looking
1:56 good in Instagram it's enough I look
1:59 cute on your arm really is that how we
2:00 build a healthy americ marriage let's
2:03 talk about an honest assessment of what
2:05 we're bringing to the table I wish I
2:06 would have known Lisa all you're
2:08 bringing is a suntan that's basically
2:10 all you're bringing to the table here
2:13 again I did have a little bit of that
2:16 wakeup call and I began to lean in
2:19 assess my strengths have a an honest
2:22 opinion of my weaknesses and then lean
2:24 into building those things I remember I
2:27 sat down and I made a list of the kind
2:29 of mother I wanted to be the kind of
2:30 wife I want wanted to be the kind of
2:32 employee the kind of things I wanted to
2:35 do and as I wrote all these things down
2:36 I realized nobody was going to hand
2:38 those things to me I was going to have
2:40 to grow into them so what are you
2:42 bringing to the table what is your hope
2:44 for your family what skill sets do you
2:46 need to make if you're newly wed to grow
2:49 into that or if you're in another season
2:50 what skill sets what things do you need
2:52 to add into your life so you can grow
2:55 into that season then this is the
2:57 premium question the question I get
2:58 every how do you balance marriage
3:01 motherhood and and Ministry I decided I
3:04 would go ahead and put that in the
3:06 marriage section it may be kind of
3:08 touched on in the other ones but in the
3:11 marriage section how do I balance these
3:14 three things and if I had a dollar for
3:17 every time I'm asked this question I
3:20 could retire to balance something means
3:22 you actually need to separate them
3:25 separate marriage separate Ministry
3:27 separate motherhood if I'm going to be
3:30 balancing it has to all be separate that
3:35 doesn't work for me I am a mother I am a
3:39 minister and I am a wife these are all
3:42 roles I am simultaneously I'm never
3:45 going to stop being a mother once I've
3:47 had a child I will always be a mother
3:50 now I might be added in grandmother I
3:52 might be added in great grandmother I
3:54 got the grandmother thing not the great
3:57 grandmother yet I'll have an addition
3:59 but it isn't something that I'll ever
4:02 have taken away from me I will always be
4:04 a minister what it might look like later
4:08 in life might change I will always be a
4:10 wife even if I was widowed it would have
4:12 meant that I had the role of a wife and
4:14 I think too many times we try to
4:17 compartmentalize things and it becomes a
4:22 problem so it's much larger than who I
4:24 am is God's daughter that's the biggest
4:26 umbrella I have in my life this is the
4:29 largest one and as God's daughter I've
4:31 had the blessing of being married and
4:34 becoming a wife I've had the blessing of
4:36 having children and becoming a mother
4:38 I've had the blessing of being able to
4:42 be a minister of the Gospel so this is
4:44 the roles I play but my identity is
4:46 God's daughter and if you have that as
4:48 the bigger umbrella then everything just
4:51 kind of goes under that so I think with
4:53 Ministry the challenge is different than
4:55 like oh but I'm a doctor because we get
4:58 kind of muddied because when we
5:02 misbehave or we don't personally uphold
5:05 what we Minister it gets very confusing
5:07 it gets confusing for our children it
5:09 gets confusing for our spouse why are
5:12 you nice in the pulpit and mean whatever
5:15 so we have to say this is all together
5:17 if we see it as separate then our
5:20 Behavior becomes separate if we see it
5:22 as holistic and all together then we
5:25 don't have a problem with this so again
5:28 it's a it's a role it's not identity but
5:30 it isn't something that you ever
5:32 separate so what do I do as a minister
5:34 mother what do I do I remember my kids
5:35 would say Mom we're going to go in the
5:37 grocery store we're going to go straight
5:40 for the milk and we're going to leave I
5:41 don't want you to make eye contact with
5:44 anybody we will not have anybody crying
5:45 you are not going to hold hands with
5:48 anybody there'll be no deep meaningful
5:51 conversations you go in and you go out
5:54 and I tell them I can't do that my one
5:57 son Alec would say I will help you he
5:59 would walk behind me with his hand on my
6:01 neck and say look at the floor and trust
6:03 me that I am taking you to the right
6:06 aisle and i' be like Alex stop this why
6:08 because I have the role of a minister
6:10 when I'm grocery shopping I have the
6:13 role of a mother when I am grocery
6:16 shopping I have the role of a wife when
6:18 I am doing both of those things so don't
6:20 try to separate it and juggle them you
6:23 are all of that together and be holistic
6:24 with it and understand there's different
6:26 emphasis in different seasons but they
6:29 all work together then this person said
6:32 how can I be a good wife when I feel
6:36 like I don't measure up so as soon as I
6:40 heard this term measure up feels like
6:43 there's a presence of comparison there
6:47 is insecurity and possibly and again I'm
6:48 just saying this because I believe that
6:51 you guys have come to me jealousy like
6:53 there's somebody that's measuring up and
6:55 I'm not measuring up I I don't know
6:57 what's going on in your life but
6:59 comparison is not going going to help
7:01 you feel what you need to compare
7:04 yourself with is what kind of wife was I
7:06 last month what kind of wife was I last
7:08 week what kind of wife was I a year ago
7:10 every once in a while John and I will
7:14 sit down and say wow a year ago we
7:15 thought our marriage was good and this
7:17 is what it looked like and now it's even
7:20 better we try to celebrate in comparison
7:23 of growth not comparison of other people
7:25 but with our self we want to become the
7:28 best people that God created us to be so
7:30 we don't want to compare so there's
7:32 learning curves learning curves with
7:36 marriage I wish I could tell you that
7:37 this is everything you need to know and
7:38 this is what it's going to look like and
7:40 this is how it's going to happen I
7:41 remember when I was in elementary school
7:45 I used to be very fascinated by bees and
7:49 I was so wishing I was a bee because
7:53 bees are born knowing everything they
7:56 will ever have to know they have
7:58 imprinted on them every skill set they
8:02 will ever need and be somebody who had
8:04 challenges in school this was a hard
8:06 thing for me I think I just wish I was a
8:09 bee I just wish it was all in me I wish
8:11 it was all imprinted I wish I didn't
8:14 have to study and get tested guess what
8:17 we're not bees but everything that you
8:20 need is woven into the word of God and
8:22 everything that you need is woven into
8:25 this desire that you have to measure up
8:27 but you don't want to measure up to
8:29 other people you want to measure up to
8:32 who God is calling you forth to be and
8:34 he's not comparing you with me or with
8:37 anybody else he's just pulling you forth
8:39 according to what you know and what you
8:42 can do so I want you just to lean away
8:45 from the comparison things we will all
8:48 make mistakes we will all make mistakes
8:50 the challenge comes what are you going
8:51 to do with your mistake are you going to
8:53 beat yourself up are you going to beat
8:55 your husband up are you going to learn
8:56 from your mistake are you going to
8:58 redeem your mistake and build a stronger
9:00 marriage in the the future see I
9:03 actually used to be terrified of making
9:07 mistakes I actually used to be scared of
9:09 taking risks and I actually know that I
9:11 can look back at my life and I'm a
9:14 pretty risky person and realize I missed
9:16 some opportunities because I was afraid
9:19 of making a mistake CU I didn't measure
9:22 up God's got your back you know if you
9:23 say I'm going to I'm going to lean into
9:25 this and I'm going to be the best wife I
9:27 can be again you're going to make
9:30 mistakes but having a perfect heart and
9:32 wanting to grow into that God's going to
9:34 honor that so we can learn more when we
9:36 make more mistakes when we know to do
9:40 better we do better so take the risk and
9:44 learn from it so um we're not suffered
9:47 wives we are not perfectly submitted
9:50 women but we are women who are perfectly
9:52 submitted to God and have perfect Hearts
9:54 so we're going to all make mistakes we
9:56 have imperfect husbands we're imperfect
9:59 women and we can grow um somebody said
10:01 what would John and I have done
10:04 differently so I know that I've already
10:06 mentioned it before but we would have
10:09 been much more careful with the things
10:12 we said about one another to friends we
10:14 sometimes cause friends if I talk to the
10:17 wife he talked to the husband caused our
10:19 friends to side wife side with me
10:20 husband side with John and then it made
10:22 it really awkward we would not have done
10:25 that with knowing it or not we ended up
10:27 dishonoring one another another thing we
10:29 would have known is to we had permission
10:32 to ask for help we got saved in the
10:34 early ' 80s and the ' 80s were a weird
10:36 time period where you had to act like
10:38 you knew everything even if you didn't
10:41 know everything we needed somebody to
10:44 say it's okay for you to ask for help
10:46 it's okay for you to ask for input it's
10:49 okay for you to ask for counsel I wish
10:51 that we would have known that we could
10:53 ask for help not just from anybody but
10:55 from the right people I think for too
10:56 long we kind of made it sound like in
10:58 the church you should just know
11:01 everything saying in in the spirit or in
11:04 the scripture and there were tools that
11:07 we needed to do relationship well that
11:09 weren't brought into the church early on
11:11 that I wish I could have known I could
11:13 have gone and said I need to know how to
11:16 do these relational tools pastors
11:18 sometimes have counseling background but
11:20 a lot of times they don't they don't get
11:22 all of that teaching when they're in
11:24 things so you have permission I just
11:25 want to say this to you you have
11:28 permission to go to the right people for
11:31 the right Council to get what you need
11:33 so I I wish I would have had that uh
11:36 another thing is um I wish we would have
11:40 spent more time with our family at home
11:42 I wish that we would have been a little
11:44 bit more intentional even at home we
11:46 were busy I wish we would have paused
11:49 and spent more time with our family at
11:52 home I also wish we would have done more
11:54 intentional vacation so what we kind of
11:57 did was hey I've got to preach here and
12:00 why don't we take all the kids and I'll
12:01 preach and we'll do a little vacation
12:04 and then we'll do preach on the end I
12:06 wish we would have said nope we're going
12:09 to only do vacation with our kids so we
12:11 can be fully invested in them and not
12:14 just kind of have the bonus Ministry
12:16 vacation in between because we were
12:19 always thinking about what you know we
12:22 had to do soon on the weekend I wish we
12:25 would have taken more risk on every
12:29 single level and made more time to enjoy
12:31 one another's company one of the things
12:32 I love doing with my husband more than
12:35 anything else is going for a walk I wish
12:37 I would have done that more so I'm going
12:39 to do it more in the future I'm not
12:41 going to be sad that I didn't do it in
12:43 the past but I'm going to do it more in
12:45 the future so I hope these are some
12:46 things that will help you think about
12:48 what you want to do differently in the
12:50 future rather than feel bad about it I
12:53 hope you understand none of us measure
12:55 up there's going to be that constant
12:57 accuser that's going to say you're not
12:58 good enough you're not good enough and
13:01 you just need to say I'm not good enough
13:03 but the grace of God and the love of God
13:05 and the word of God is transforming me
13:07 in every single day I'm growing in Grace
13:10 and strength and being transformed into
13:12 a woman who loves [Music]
13:24 [Music] fearlessly
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