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Psychopaths Will Fail This EVERY Time! 4 Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist or Psychopath… | Lisa Bilyeu | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: Psychopaths Will Fail This EVERY Time! 4 Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist or Psychopath…
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This content explores the deceptive nature of individuals with psychopathic, narcissistic, and Machiavellian traits, highlighting their manipulative tactics, the difficulty in identifying them, and the psychological impact on their victims, while also touching upon the importance of intuition as a defense mechanism.
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Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths
don't look dangerous until it's too
late. So, I pulled the most shocking,
the most secret, the most eye-opening
facts from the world's top FBI
profilers, psychologists, and criminal
experts. They're exposing the red flags
and manipulation tactics, and they're
going to teach you right now how to make
sure you can spot them, too. Let's get
into it. There was a case of a woman
called Vicky Silas who sadly plummeted
from a plane. She had a parachute on.
She was a parachute instructor. She had
just had her second baby and her husband
encouraged her to do another jump. And
her husband, for all intents purposes,
he looked like he ticked every box of
being a pillar of the community when you
see him in military dress and so on.
Well, he encourages her to take this
jump, which she does, but the parachute
doesn't open and nor does her reserve.
It had been sabotaged and she plummets
4,000 ft. And Lisa, whoever was looking
out for her that day, it's incredible
because she survived. >> What?
>> What?
>> She survived. 4,000 foot drop.
>> How do you survive that?
>> I mean, they all felt they were going to
find her and need a body bag, right? But
she was still alive and they rushed her
to hospital and she survived.
And when the uh chief instructor at
Nether Raven airfield examined the
parachute, right, this is one in a
billion billion of two shoots not
opening. One you can understand but your
reserve. So he took the whole shoot
apart and saw it had been sabotaged
calls the police.
>> The police
suspect the husband Emil Silas who had
encouraged her to do this jump and they
start to investigate him. But Victoria
is having none of it. And what they find
is when they look at his phones, he's
been not just dating many other women,
but seeing sex workers. His sole
preoccupation is with sex. Not work, but
sex. And he's not just cheated, he's run
up financial debt. Um he's done so many
terrible things. And they believe that
he is responsible. and they find out
from one of her friends who was a doctor
who called them who said their
relationship is really problematic. I'm
really worried. She's my best friend. I
shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm
so worried I'm going to tell you what's
going on in this relationship. Which she
does. And she said, "If Emil Sullas was
anywhere near that parachute before
Victoria jumped, you have to look at
him." And that's what they did. and they
found out that he had taken the
parachute into the toilet with their
toddler and was in there for five
minutes before her jump. So that when
they speak to Victoria, she just
couldn't believe it. But she said,
"Well, I suppose I should probably tell
you about the gas leak." And the officer
said, "What gas leak?" So she then says,
"Oh, a week ago, the gas valve under the
sink had been opened." And I text a
meal. I said, you know, did you did you
touch the gas valve under the sink? He
said, did you turn can you turn the
stove on?
>> Test it by turning the stove on. She
didn't do that. Thank goodness.
But that was the second followup. And
that's when they decide when she tells
them that she's going to they're going
to go and arrest him. And when they tell
her they're going to arrest him, her
world fell apart. She couldn't handle
it. And she protested on his side. She
defended him. Such was the coercive
control and the manipulation. But Emil
Silios whenever he met women, he was the
best at everything. And if you start to
look at their history, you see that
actually their experience, their
qualifications, it doesn't match to the
talk. But there's that kernel of truth,
i.e. he was in the British Army. He was
a sergeant. And there he is in his
military dress with his shiny shoes and
you would never suspect that he was a
psychopath. But it took a female
detective whose instinct about him for
six hours he talked at her with misogyny
and the way he talked about women and
about Victoria. He was going to leave
her. He doubted baby number two was even
his. He questioned the paternity. And
this female detectives listening to him
and is just thinking this guy, we've
really got to look at him.
>> You know what's fascinating? I mean,
thank you for sharing that. That's
utterly heartbreaking. One thing you
actually said is it took a woman police
officer to trust her gut and recognize
it. But what's sad is the wife didn't
trust her gut. The fact that he turned
on the gas and was like, "Oh, just
switch it on to see if it works." That
wasn't enough of a sign for her.
>> Well, you see, I think it was. And
Victoria I've always been very
interested in because when it went to
trial, she sabotaged the trial. She said
that she was the one who sabotaged her
own parachute. So the question is why
would someone why would she do that
right when there were two attempts on
her life. So I was always very
interested and I always am in
victimology. And what it really talked
to with with Victoria is that the
betrayal trauma was so great. She just
could not accept that this man who she
had this fairy tale wedding with and
she'd been married before. She wanted
this happy ending. The betrayal trauma
was so catastrophic. She couldn't deal
with it. But she knew. She knew deep
down because otherwise why would she say
to the police, "Oh, I suppose I should
tell you about the gas valve." She
offered that up.
>> Right? So you look for the clues in
amongst things where when someone's
being gaslit uh by an expert
manipulator, they don't know which way
is up, but their gut, they normally have
a sense deep down. So when they say
something like that and then they're
angry with the police for pursuing it,
they're telling you really that yes,
they've been gaslit, they've been
manipulated, but they cannot deal with
that betrayal trauma. And often with
with victims, particularly of
psychopaths and coercive controllers,
they may well defend that person. And
again, the reason being is because the
love, the attachment, the emotional
attachment and investment is so great.
and they want the person to go back to
who they were when they first met them.
And they will say, "I just want him to
go back to who he was when I first met
him, Laura." And I'll say, "Well, tell
me about that." And they say, "Those
first six months, Laura, they were
incredible." And then they start to
describe the too good to be true, the
perfect. And they may have been with
him. I had one lady who was with this
guy for 10 years, and for the first six
months, he was that, but for the rest of
the time, he abused her in every way.
And she really thought that that first
six months that was him versus
the nine years of his behavior because
there are good times too as well
peppered in that nine years, right? And
the offender will leverage those things.
So going back to Victoria Silia, she
still even saw him after the first trial
failed because they did go to a second
trial. She even went to go and see him
and he started doing the head work
again, trying to manipulate, trying to
get back in. and she was the one that
really swayed the jury because she's
also an incredible woman. I mean, she's
very smart, very well put together,
smart, eloquent. You know, we're not
talking about women who are uh naive or
silly. We're talking about women who've
got their [ __ ] together, quite frankly,
but they believe in the power of love.
They believe in what they're being sold
and they don't believe someone could be
so diabolical, Lisa. And unfortunately
with my work I know they can be so
diabolical but they can mask it very
well too.
>> Wow. So is he um would you diagnose him
as a psychopath? >> Absolutely.
>> Absolutely.
>> Coming up
>> psychopaths they'll they what they'll do
is they'll study people's behavior as
they grow older and here's what happens.
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So psychopaths, they'll they what
they'll do is they'll study people's
behavior as they grow older. And here's
what happens. They realize with going
through school and hanging out with
people that something's different about
them. They'll go, "Something's not right
here. I don't know what's right." And
it'll happen something like this. This
is this is a sort of a takeoff on on Dr.
Robert Hair's uh story about this. For
example, if you lived in Nashville, you
might live downtown because that's where
the action is. And you you as a
psychopath, you decide on Saturday
night, I'm gonna have sweet and sour
chicken for supper. That's what I'm
gonna have. So, you'll go outside and
you'll walk down the street and you'll
see some lights down there. You see like
an ambulance and some police cars. And
the closer you get, you see the cops
standing around and there there's a a
woman there on the ground is kneeling,
crying over this little child who's been
run over and the child isn't alive
anymore. And you look at that and you
think some importance happening here.
You know, you look at it for a minute and
and
I'm gonna get it's going to be sweet and
sour chicken. That's what I'm going to
get for Chinese sweet and sour chicken.
I'm going to get two egg rolls and
you'll go get that and you'll come back
home and you'll pass that again. You'll
eat your Chinese food. Then you'll be
thinking, "What was that lady doing?
I've seen that a thousand times.
That look on her face. I don't do that."
and you go in the bathroom and start
rehearsing what that looks like when
you're crying and they start copying and
learning from other people how to behave
like other people and they will do
things in front of you once they learn
how to do these things to make give you
the impression you've seen them cry
about this and when it can cross your
mind something might be wrong with me
that I might might be a psychopath um so
you'll see things like that they learn
from other people that's why people say
well they can be re rehabilitated
they've stopped doing that because they
were teaching them how to be normal and
they'd go out in the wild and start
doing crazy stuff again. So, you really
have to um when you're dealing with
someone you think might be a psychopath,
watch them. One thing when when um a
firecracker goes off or the light bursts
or somebody drops something, do they go
like this or they go like this?
>> Like a lot. >> Really?
>> Really? >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> So, you can't scare a psychopath like if
I jumped out in >> No.
>> No.
>> Whoa. So, okay. Take away. This is so
powerful. I didn't know this.
Watch them when they don't realize that
you're watching them. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Because that's where you will start to see
see
>> those little things. They'll pop right
out to you. Go, that's odd. And you'll
see as they track. There's a thing
people talk about all the time. The
psychopathic stare is this. If you and I
were in a bar and you're across the way
and then you look over at me and I'm
looking at you like this,
it would be odd for me to keep looking
at you. If I didn't look away and want
you busted me looking at you, if I
didn't go, oh, like that and I just kept
looking that what looks like a blank
stare because it doesn't I don't have
the feelings for it to bother me to be
creepy to know that I shouldn't keep
looking at her. That's creepy. That's
one thing. It's subtle. It's one of
those things you got to be used to
seeing. But when they don't look away
like that, that's one thing to that you
can say something's not right here. If
you see them doing that, looking at
people with a blank stare and you see
that person look at them and they keep
looking at them,
>> that might be something to look for as well.
well.
>> So there are researchers out there who
were looking at these maybe even at the
nature, not evil is a strong word, but
like really bad, cruel, mean, difficult
personality styles. And what they found
was originally the theory was called the
dark triad and it was conf um it was
made up of narcissism, psychopathy and
something called mchavelianism which is
really being exploitative and willing to
use other people for your own advantage. Right?
Right?
And what the researchers found is that
these things hang together. people that
these traits kind of all hang together
and you result in a person who is
unempathic, cold, callous, calculating,
often superficially very intelligent and
charming, um willing to make a
relationship with someone and then sort
of use them and for whatever they need
them and then sort of abandon them,
right? The researchers then expanded
that theory a little further to
something called the dark tetrd. So they
kept the psychopathy, the narcissism and
the mchavelianism and they added
something called sadism to the mix. So
the intentional the intentional
infliction of harm on someone and kind
of it feels good to harm someone. So
it's dark. It's dark. That's why it's
called the dark dead trap. So when these
traits hang together, we see a when we
talk about malignant narcissism, it
tends to be more of that like really
almost intentionally harmful, revenge
seeeking, um manipulative and cruel,
um and yet charming and all that stuff.
Um there's that famous story of Dirty
John and it was a um it was an LA Times
um series. It was when podcasts were
just beginning. Everyone was hooked.
Hooked. And it was basically the story
of a woman um uh Deborah Newell who met
a she was in her 50s. She met a guy
charming, charismatic, handsome,
everything she wanted to be. And you
know, she's totally into him. And um red
flags everywhere. Her kids didn't like
her kids were adults. Her kids didn't
like him. But still, they move in
together. Within two months, it was very
clear something terrible, terrible about
this guy and manipulative and awful and
dangerous. The whole story and so within
two months, she was already having to
live on the lamp. She was having to like
move every 3 days. She knew how harmful
he was. Um, and then the whole story
culminates in that he um he knew that
some of her family members were
naysaying him. So, he was going to try
to kill he's going to try to kill her
daughter, Tara. And um Terara killed
him. Terra in self-defense. But that guy
um John Mi, the man she was in a
relationship with, was a perfect example
of a dark tetrad.
>> And so just it was evil all the way down
and yet charming, charismatic,
attractive, she felt special, she felt
seen. I mean, enough so that she
obviously pulled him into life. And the
challenge with the whole story was there
was a real tendency to want to depict
Deborah as foolish. But really the story
to me was this is how the manipuliveness
if you didn't know what this was, how
easy it was. And back in 2017, that was
only six years ago. We weren't talking
about narcissism the way we are now. I
had I think my first book had already
just come out, but
>> it still was sort of a a small hoofbeat
in this whole conversation. But that's
probably one of the more classical
examples of a dark tetrad person who
we've sort of heard about. And then
since then there have been a lot others
have come up in the media. Prisons are
full of dark tetrad folks and a but a
lot of them are out out and about. We
know that dark triad people are
successful business people. Um they can
actually succeed quite brilliantly in
the world because they're willing to use
people. They're very manipulative. They
don't care. They'll make big risky
decisions because they're not afraid. So
it's it's complicated and it is dark.
And I believe I hope someday they expand
that dark tetrad theory one step further
with a dark pentagon pentad whatever you
call it and bring paranoia into the mix
because people who are like that are
they're very suspicious. They think
everyone's out to get them. They feel
like there's a target on their back. And
that that chronic suspiciousness means
they're very provocative and reactive
like what are you what are you looking
at me for? You better watch out. I know
you got it in for me. And they're just
and they'll kind of start going at
people that way. So I I do think
paranoia is in that mix too.
>> Yeah. So it's dark. This is this is
>> some people get into relationships like
this again. Dirty John was a great
example of that. But um but there's you
know people will say when I first met
this person they were charming. They
were this. They were that. But the
cracks on this will start showing pretty
early. You know, and these are
relationships we often term as
coercively controlling relationships
characterized by fear and menace and a
isolation and stealing of a person's
freedoms. So we're we see this in
domestically violent relationships all
the time. Yeah.
>> And so the four sides then tetrad must
be like the
>> the hardest and I mean like Yeah. What
does that
>> what does that actually result to then?
The person that has the most epic
control. It's a person who is menacing,
isolating. Oh, the ultimate control.
Absolutely the ultimate control. They
don't they have absolutely no care that
they're harming somebody else. Even with
that level, at the dark chat, you're not
seeing as much of the shame and the insecurity.
insecurity. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> I think the dangerous thing with
psychopathy is that they know that
people want you to be this sort of warm
back and forth. So, John, he was very
charming initially. really seemed like
he was listening to her problems and he
cared about her. So they know how to put
on a show. They they are able to figure
out what it is people want and give them
that thing to draw them close. That's
the makavelianism.
>> And then the the sadenism you say. Yeah.
The sadism. Um how does that result then
if you don't mind?
>> They will say terrible things to people
unapologetically. They'll do hurtful
things. They will um
hit them, harm them, steal from them.
They'll get off, but they'll also get
off on it. Like they'll um say something
cruel to someone and watch that person
get devastated and almost feel gratified
by it. They will watch someone fail. Um
their whole business fall apart or their
relationship fall apart and they'll be
like, you know, karma's [ __ ] kind of
thing. Like they'll be very it's very
dismissive of other people's pain. And
one would argue that they may even want
to um uh be the one who's creating that
pain for another person. Would um serial
killers then kind of go under this?
>> Yeah, I would say a lot of serial
killers probably are dark tetride. Yeah.
>> Yeah. Coming up,
>> your intuition is nothing more than your
subconscious doing all the calculations
for you at an incredibly rapid speed.
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>> Your intuition is nothing more than your
subconscious doing all the calculations
for you at an incredibly rapid speed.
And that means your subconscious is at
least 200 million times faster than your
conscious mind. And if you listen to it,
it gives you warnings like the hair
standing up on your arms or the back of
your neck or a weird feeling in your
gut. And those things are warning
systems, right? So Gavin Debecker in his
book talks about the nurse who gets off
at 3:00 a.m. every night and then goes
to her car in the parking garage. And
this night as she's about to put the key
into the lock to open her car,
she gets the hair on the back of her
neck, stands up. And so instead she puts
the keys in between her fingers and
turns around just as this guy's about to
jump on her. She punches him in the eye
with the keys. He goes down. She gets in
the car, gets away. Now, what she didn't
realize is as she was walking there,
she's thinking, "H, I'm just so tired. I
just want to get home and get to bed."
She's not thinking about the fact that
her shoes crunched on some very light
glass. That light glass was the light
bulb that was above her car that the bad
guy broke so that he would be able to
hide in darkness. Now, she didn't
consciously think of it, but her
subconscious says, "Where's that light
bulb? Where's that glass from?" The
light bulb above is out. Why is that
out? It's never been out before. Who
broke it? Probably a bad guy. You need
to turn around. So, that's what
happened. And that's it's really
important because it is our it is our
own internal safety system. It's our
alarm system. And it's not just, you
know, women's intuition, something that
you laugh off. It's actually an
incredibly important and valuable tool.
and it is how women have survived the centuries.
centuries.
>> If you enjoyed that, then make sure that
you click right here to catch the full episode.
episode.
>> The art of manipulation is someone
making you do things and you don't even
realize you're doing it. When someone's
being gaslit by an expert manipulator,
they don't know which way is up. They
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