0:01 hello there and welcome back to the
0:04 closet historian and back to my long
0:06 ongoing series and yet
0:08 i didn't really make many of them here
0:10 in 2021 sign hustling now of course i
0:12 had made some goals
0:14 last year and for 2021 and so i went
0:16 back and watched my own video to see how
0:18 i did on those and i took some notes
0:20 here so we can go through them
0:22 relatively quickly here so in 2021 i
0:24 wanted to sew less and my goal was to
0:26 sew 30 things or less
0:28 and i did not actually sew 30 things or
0:29 less but i did sew less than i did in
0:33 2020 because in 2020 i made 60 something
0:36 garments and in 2021 i only made 40
0:37 something garments i think it was like
0:39 42 or something like that total um if
0:40 we're not counting hats and things like
0:42 that mostly just garments so i did
0:44 manage to make fewer items this last
0:46 year but the reason i made that goal was
0:50 to hopefully sew less and write more which
0:51 which
0:53 didn't happen i sold less but
0:54 but
0:56 it didn't exactly translate into more
0:58 time spent writing so
1:00 we'll get to it
1:02 um i also wanted to
1:06 try and be on a fabric low buy which
1:09 sure i did want to have a big closet
1:11 clear out which i did so i have two
1:13 videos actually here i will link to one
1:16 of them in a card of me clearing out
1:17 like going through everything that i had
1:19 in my closet everything i've made in the
1:22 last decade or purchased thrifted
1:24 anything like that um so i went through
1:25 my entire closet and tried to clean out
1:27 as best i could i did i think i cut out
1:30 around 40 i really cut down um so that
1:32 was good and then i had a big sale over
1:34 on etsy of a lot of things and i still
1:36 do need to restock my etsy shop again
1:37 now that
1:38 i have a few things to throw in there
1:40 from being out thrifting this past year
1:41 but i do need to kind of go through my
1:43 closet again and just grab any of the
1:44 stragglers that hung around for another
1:46 year but i haven't worn them or like
1:48 haven't thought about wearing them so i
1:49 do need to throw a few more things into
1:51 my shop from my closet just because i
1:53 didn't reach for them not that that
1:54 means a lot in years where we're not
1:56 allowed to leave the house but i just
1:57 didn't even like dream about wearing
1:59 them and that means it's time for them
2:01 to go now my next goal was to get
2:03 vaccinated uh at the time when i made
2:05 that goal i don't think they had like
2:07 announced the vaccines but it was eons
2:08 away that people my age group would be
2:10 able to get them and i did of course get
2:12 vaccinated back in june and then again
2:14 this last month i got my booster so i'm feeling
2:15 feeling
2:18 vaccinated i again uh for those of you
2:20 who don't know love medical science huge
2:22 fan of medicine and science in general
2:24 so i'm ready to have any job that they
2:26 want to give me honestly over there so
2:29 um you know i i like to be too immune as
2:30 much to as much as possible honestly
2:33 moving forward now i wanted to develop
2:36 a better relationship with instagram
2:38 which i think i did okay for a little while
2:39 while
2:41 uh but i'm basically back where i was i
2:43 still have that little timer thing that
2:44 you can turn on your phone where it says
2:46 like you only get 15 minutes on
2:48 instagram and then you have to get off
2:50 so i guess since i ignore that now what
2:52 i should try to do is get back to
2:53 actually only
2:55 allowing myself that 15 minutes on
2:57 instagram each day
2:58 we'll see we'll see if it gets added to
3:01 the goals video this year but uh i would
3:03 say i did a little bit better for like
3:05 the first six months of the year
3:07 and then i just fell back into my old
3:08 patterns of spending too much time on
3:11 instagram honestly next up i had
3:12 a very
3:14 specific numerical reading goal
3:17 to read 25 books in 2021
3:19 and uh
3:22 i read three books in 2021 so nearly
3:25 nearly hit it um not at all i packed so many
3:26 many
3:29 and like shorter books to go when i went
3:31 on my trip i packed so many books to
3:32 read and every night i was absolutely
3:34 exhausted and didn't read like a single
3:36 page of any of those books i took those
3:38 books on a grand tour of the western
3:40 united states with me but i didn't read
3:44 a single one of them so uh you know
3:46 three books is better than zero books
3:48 but i think we can do better on that
3:49 next year
3:50 but next up on my list i do have another
3:52 goal that i was able to meet and that
3:55 was to pay off my private student loan
3:57 so like many people in the united states
4:00 especially i had multiple loans
4:02 to get me through college uh including
4:04 federal loans which are taken from the
4:06 government and then also private loans
4:09 which are taken from a bank um and
4:10 who do i trust more banks or government
4:12 i don't really know honestly but i
4:15 decided i would try my darndest in the
4:17 last year now that i had a full-time job
4:19 uh with some stability thanks to patreon
4:22 thank you um that i would try and pay
4:23 off my private loan so i could not have
4:25 that debt hanging over me anymore that
4:27 one particular debt at least and i was
4:29 able to do that in the beginning of
4:31 november i paid off my private student loan
4:32 loan
4:35 and it felt weird and good and it feels
4:37 strange to not have that one particular
4:39 bill each month now um and it's nice to
4:41 not have that debt hanging over me as i
4:44 enter into 22 2022 here
4:45 um but
4:48 i do still have my federal loans which
4:50 are twice what that loan was so there's
4:51 not really
4:52 i mean
4:54 to meet my other goals i can't really
4:56 pay off that one in a lump sum anytime
4:59 soon um but we'll see what happens with
5:02 federal loans here in the united states
5:04 am i allowed to have hope
5:06 let's not let's not get into it it's two
5:08 and then another goal i had despite
5:09 trying to save money to pay off that
5:11 loan was to make another big silk
5:13 costume in 2021 and i did of course
5:16 i make a cotton costume the carmine gown
5:18 and then also the mandragora gown um of
5:20 course mandragora isn't completely
5:21 finished but it still counts the day
5:24 bodice version i constructed it in 2021
5:26 and i'll finish the beating on it in
5:29 2020 2022. yeah yeah that counts and
5:32 then my stretch goals for 2021 were or
5:33 like my sillier goals were to take
5:35 french classes possibly
5:37 and i haven't done that yet i really
5:39 should uh but at the same time my
5:41 introvert tendencies just really went
5:43 out on signing up to leave the house i
5:45 just i'm not the best and then i had a
5:47 goal to go on a road trip which of
5:49 course i did you all know this i can put a
5:50 a
5:51 card up to the playlist of videos that i
5:53 made while i was on the road this past
5:55 fall visiting several states and several
5:57 national parks and pretending to be a
5:59 nature person and turns out nature is
6:02 quite nice as long as you don't let your
6:04 hacky boots destroy you which i did on
6:05 day one but
6:07 i digress and then i had a sillier goal to
6:08 to
6:09 get dressed up for dinner to wear a
6:11 fancy outfit for dinner and i actually
6:13 did do that in vegas i wore a beaded
6:15 evening gown to dinner by myself so i
6:17 had a very fancy dinner for one and i
6:19 still think about the pistachio ice
6:21 cream with hot fudge
6:23 and that really nice martini
6:25 but uh you know can't be having fancy
6:26 dinners in vegas all the time now can we
6:28 and then lastly my other silly goal was
6:30 to get a new tattoo in the last year but
6:31 with all the cancellations that happened
6:33 with tattoo artists from the pandemic
6:36 and the ongoing situation
6:38 and tattoo shops getting closed down all
6:40 the time everyone is booked out until
6:43 like 20 30 so i don't know when or if
6:45 this can happen but i'd like it to maybe
6:47 sometime in the future but of course my
6:50 biggest goal of all for 2021 was to
6:51 spend more time writing
6:53 writing
6:54 and uh
6:56 to really prioritize it but to
6:59 prioritize writing is to prioritize my own
7:00 own
7:03 sanity mental health self uh and
7:06 prioritizing myself above my work
7:09 like my the work that you all see is not
7:10 easy for me to do the first six months
7:12 of this last year i did better
7:14 about giving myself dedicated time in my
7:16 schedule taking time off for my other
7:18 work to do writing
7:19 alone and just like focus on that for a
7:21 few days but
7:23 the second half of this year
7:25 i completely failed to make time for
7:28 writing and in that sense failed to make time
7:29 time
7:31 for myself it is what
7:33 refuels me the most what
7:34 what
7:36 makes me the most ex like when i'm
7:38 writing is the time when i feel most
7:40 excited to be
7:43 alive a person um and to
7:44 to
7:46 i it's kind of like i've been chugging
7:47 along as best i can
7:49 especially like since i haven't done any
7:52 writing since before i left my trip so
7:54 this past summer since summer
7:55 and i just
7:56 haven't allowed myself the time to
7:58 refuel like that so
8:00 it's a long time to kind of be like okay
8:01 just another week just another week just
8:02 in the week and then i'll be able to do
8:05 some writing and i never quite
8:07 got ahead enough to be able to make the
8:09 time um so
8:11 that's a problem and uh
8:13 reoccurring or rather a consistent one
8:15 if you're not new around here
8:16 new year
8:17 say me
8:19 and working on writing is in some ways
8:22 how i work through my own uh stuff
8:23 stuff
8:25 like my characters deal with different
8:27 things than i do but my insecurities
8:30 leak into theirs my own mind leaks into
8:32 my art which now that i mention it aloud
8:34 doesn't sound so unusual so when i don't
8:36 make time for the most personal of my
8:39 mediums put things down on the page
8:41 the tank of words in my brain begins to overfill
8:42 overfill
8:44 i've got to get that text out somewhere
8:46 or it starts to spill between my neurons
8:48 in unfortunate ways
8:50 and speaking of neurons and things that
8:51 kept me from getting as much writing
8:53 done as i would have liked in the last
8:55 two years a warning i am about to talk a
8:57 tiny bit about being a human who
8:59 menstruates but i finally started
9:02 tracking my worst days of darker anxiety slash
9:03 slash
9:05 the sads i noticed a pattern and the
9:07 pattern was that even though my personal
9:09 cycle is wackadoodle and can't decide if
9:12 it wants to be 28 days or 35 i have my
9:14 most depressed days in the week before
9:15 my period
9:17 now i'm not talking i get a bit more
9:19 peeved than usual i'm
9:21 talking i cry myself to sleep for three
9:22 days in a row and the dark lying
9:24 thoughts get to whisper to me non-stop
9:26 for several days kind of cold creeping
9:29 sadness nobody know times i liken it to
9:32 like a creeping lack of levity a slow
9:34 unsudden strangulation that only once my
9:36 stupid body relents and overnight gives
9:38 me my chemicals back is released and i
9:40 can breathe again so clearly that i
9:42 immediately now notice the sharp and
9:44 distinct difference in may last year i
9:47 had some extra bleak insomniatastic
9:49 nights and decided to go to the doctor
9:50 to see if they agreed i may be
9:53 struggling with something called pmdd
9:55 pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder and my
9:57 doctor agreed i did and i started
9:58 medication that day
10:01 pmdd is caused by a drop in serotonin
10:03 due to changing levels of progesterone
10:05 turns out when your chemicals are not
10:07 doing what they usually do your brain
10:08 can start lying to you
10:11 very rude so i've been trying a low dose
10:13 of ssris this last year and it has
10:15 absolutely helped i mentioned all this
10:17 because of having four to five super
10:19 dark days a month sounds familiar but
10:20 otherwise your mental health is pretty
10:22 manageable and may be worth tracking
10:24 such things and looking into it because
10:26 you deserve better than to be super sad
10:28 like that and
10:29 so do i really
10:32 so 2021 was harder for me personally
10:36 than 2020 was even just because although
10:40 2020 involved a lot of change and fear
10:41 fear
10:43 2021 my
10:44 brain started fighting me a little bit
10:47 more and it really i don't know
10:50 you know i i i don't think this is a
10:52 uh clinical way of really describing
10:54 this kind of thing but like for me i definitely
10:55 definitely notice
10:56 notice
10:59 when it's those few days of the month
11:02 that are my worst days i can feel
11:03 i'm like i notice a shift and then i
11:04 think oh
11:06 this is chemical
11:08 and i feel really lucky in that that i
11:11 can tell that this extra
11:13 darkness this extra sadness is coming
11:15 from somewhere and that it isn't me it
11:18 feels it still feels separate from me in
11:19 a way that i wasn't able to recognize
11:21 before but now that i know
11:24 like tracking everything and like really
11:26 identifying the source of the issue has
11:28 really helped me even on my days where
11:30 i'm still feeling lower
11:32 know that it's not me and that it will
11:34 go away and it will change and just
11:38 knowing that is super helpful um but
11:40 i didn't know that until i went to the
11:43 doctor in like june i think is when i
11:44 like late may early june is when i went
11:46 and got
11:48 help for pmdd
11:51 but before that i just spent a week each month
11:52 month
11:55 in a darker place and that adds up you
11:57 know um it's time that i need it back
11:59 and i'm on my way to getting there i
12:01 still do think that i perhaps need to adjust
12:02 adjust
12:05 my dosage of my current medication or
12:07 could you know really get into the
12:09 nitty-gritty of
12:12 how i want to treat this i suppose but
12:14 just knowing that it's
12:15 like knowing it has a name i guess has
12:17 helped but then of course i also did
12:20 lose my cat cleo this last year um and
12:22 she's been my buddy since i was
12:25 13. um i of course didn't always live
12:27 here at home so i wasn't always with her
12:29 but since i've been living back here at
12:30 home for the last
12:32 eight years or so however long ever
12:33 since i've been uh graduated from
12:35 college and moved back home
12:36 she has we've been like inseparable and
12:38 she sit on my lap with me every night
12:40 for hours on end and she would follow me
12:41 around the house and so it's been very
12:43 strange to
12:46 be without her of course and um i
12:46 i
12:49 miss her and i want my buddy back but
12:50 just not possible you know
12:52 so that was another
12:54 it was hard to have her be sick and then
12:55 it was hard to have her be sick while i
12:57 was on my trip and then lose her while i
13:00 was away i finally you know
13:02 i finally was in the place financially
13:05 that i could go on a trip again i was
13:06 finally in a place with my work where i
13:09 felt i had worked enough beforehand to
13:11 kind of store up some videos to post
13:12 while i was gone
13:14 um so that i wouldn't be a huge break on
13:15 the channel while i was gone so i was
13:18 finally in a good place i was vaccinated
13:19 to be able to go on a trip again leave
13:20 the house
13:22 and like do something like that for
13:24 myself again and then
13:26 fate really
13:28 decided to kick me um and my cat ended
13:31 up you know getting super sick
13:33 weeks before i left and then
13:35 gone while i was gone so um
13:36 um
13:38 it was
13:40 i i i really was looking forward to that
13:42 trip and of course
13:44 it changed the tenor of the whole thing
13:46 because while i was gone at the start i
13:48 was stressed that she wouldn't be there
13:50 when i got back and halfway through the
13:51 trip i found out that she wouldn't be
13:53 there when i got back and
13:55 so that trip did not was not everything
13:56 i had hoped it would be of course
14:00 because of that loss i when looking back
14:01 on 2021
14:04 i think i did the best i could
14:06 with the year that we were all given or
14:07 like that i was given and i've been of course
14:08 course
14:10 absolutely so lucky during this pandemic
14:13 that i worked from home that i have been
14:16 safe that my family have been safe um
14:18 i'm incredibly lucky
14:20 like beyond lucky and i feel like i've
14:22 really come out of it well so it's hard to
14:23 to
14:25 get down on what i didn't accomplish in
14:26 this last couple of years because i've
14:28 just been so privileged and lucky
14:32 throughout them but i
14:33 really have to
14:37 fix the way i prioritize writing
14:39 and i i need an entirely new strategy
14:42 because i say this every year and yet i
14:43 do not
14:45 i never actually managed to make it my
14:47 top priority work
14:49 my other work always
14:52 i always put it before my writing and
14:54 in order for writing to become
14:57 my other career
14:59 for it to become more than a side hustle
15:03 a side side side hustle i have to rejig reconfigure
15:04 reconfigure
15:06 how i
15:08 work on anything so i'm going to think
15:11 about how i'm going to do that and look
15:14 at my schedule and my to-do's and my
15:16 unofficial job descriptions
15:19 and figure out where i'm going to make
15:22 the shifts so that writing can become my
15:23 top priority
15:24 and everything else my
15:28 second uh so yeah i'll work on that and
15:30 i'll get back to you very shortly with
15:33 my goals for 2022. thank you as always
15:35 for listening to me ramble on about myself
15:36 myself
15:38 uh it's very kind of you to put up with
15:39 me in these side hustling videos thank
15:41 you so much for your support here on the
15:43 channel and i will see you again here
15:44 real soon
15:47 bye an absolutely huge thank you to
15:52 rhonda che beatrice lacey nancy anna
15:55 brianne carol michelle
15:58 margaret rachamus lin
16:02 ellen myrna karina lillitt swingularity
16:04 tracy denise
16:08 fern samantha eloquent silence michaela
16:13 kelly audra alice margot rachel
16:14 tom renee
16:16 amy and maria
16:18 you have made my dreams a reality and
16:20 there's no way i can thank you enough
16:22 thank you to all of my patrons and to
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