0:06 [Music] hi
0:07 hi
0:09 my name is tais gibson and i'm the
0:10 co-owner and creator of the personal
0:12 development school
0:13 this is your daily breakthrough video
0:15 and in this video i want to talk to you
0:17 a little bit about dismissive avoidance
0:19 and even fearful avoidance for that
0:20 matter but with a large focus on
0:21 dismissal avoidance
0:24 and um understanding like
0:26 how they show their feelings how to know
0:28 like what they're feeling
0:29 how to understand their internal
0:31 experience of feelings
0:33 when it comes to relationships and
0:35 romance okay
0:37 so before i dive into all of this um
0:39 we're still doing a sale to support our
0:40 community right now there's a coupon
0:41 code for 25
0:43 off membership bundles i'll put it in
0:45 the description box below as well as
0:48 a card on this video um and the coupon
0:49 code is with you
0:52 all one word um to join the all access
0:53 membership so it's like all the courses
0:55 all the webinars ongoing for live
0:58 webinars a week our community um
1:01 our our discord channel um all these
1:02 different things that we're offering
1:03 inside of the school there's like so
1:05 many things i could name now because we keep
1:05 keep
1:08 growing everything um a collaboration collection
1:08 collection
1:10 courses from other individuals that are
1:11 coming and all these different exciting things
1:12 things
1:15 so um let's talk about this specifically
1:17 so one thing that i really want to get across
1:17 across
1:18 in this video is that every single
1:21 person is giving and receiving
1:25 love through um
1:27 like themselves through who they are but
1:30 it's in competition with their fears and
1:31 their beliefs about what love is and
1:32 what it means
1:34 so it's like the interest and the
1:37 attraction they feel in competition
1:40 with um what fears they have about
1:42 romance about relationships about
1:43 connection about you
1:46 about men women whatever stories they
1:48 are carrying at a subconscious level
1:51 because of pre-programming due to past
1:52 experiences that have imprinted the
1:54 subconscious mind
1:55 and those things are basically in
1:57 competition and so that's what i want
1:58 you to recognize
2:01 okay so often for the dismissive
2:02 avoidance what we'll see is this
2:04 misavoidance can be very interested in
2:06 people and they can experience a lot of
2:08 infatuation truly though from the
2:09 outside perspective it might look otherwise
2:10 otherwise
2:12 they can experience a tremendous amount
2:14 of infatuation but
2:16 if somebody is interested in you a 9 out
2:17 of 10 but their fears about relationships
2:18 relationships
2:22 and vulnerability and commitment and
2:25 emotional safety and sharing and
2:26 all these different things if those
2:29 fears are accumulating because of all
2:30 the painful
2:32 imprints of past experiences to become
2:33 like a negative eight
2:35 then even if they like you as a positive
2:38 nine or interested positive nine
2:40 you are seeing it come across and you
2:41 are experiencing
2:42 the relationship as if the person sort
2:44 of likes you like a one out of ten
2:47 nine minus eight right so so that's what
2:49 i want everybody to be
2:51 aware of there's like a net output and
2:52 that's what you see
2:54 that's what you experience in a
2:56 relationship and so
3:00 it's really important that if you notice
3:02 that okay maybe somebody's expressed a
3:03 lot of feelings and relationships and
3:05 this is the same for fearful avoidance
3:06 so it tends to take place in a separate
3:08 form like around
3:09 a fear of more extreme commitment i'll
3:12 put that in the next video
3:13 um and and i'll talk to you a little bit
3:15 about that but um
3:17 for for dismissives like as soon as
3:20 their they enter past the dating base
3:21 they start to get into the honeymoon phase
3:21 phase
3:24 that's when we'll start to see um and
3:25 especially in the power struggle phase
3:27 that's when we'll start to really see
3:29 um the fears that they have the programs
3:30 coming up so you can think of like the
3:32 dating and honeymoon phase
3:33 as being characterized by having like
3:35 elevated first of all dating base like
3:36 there just aren't fears because there
3:38 isn't commitment and seriousness yet
3:40 the moment there is then it's considered
3:41 the honeymoon phase
3:43 when in that phase or there are usually
3:45 elevated neural chemicals of oxytocin
3:47 phenylethylalamine like
3:49 things that basically are acting to a
3:51 certain degree like alcohol right like
3:53 lowering inhibitions
3:55 um making you show up as your sort of
3:57 more fearless vulnerable selves
4:00 and then when that neurochemistry starts
4:01 to sort of when there's a
4:03 an adaptability because humans are very
4:05 adaptable and eventually they get used
4:06 to those feelings and experiences and
4:09 the neurochemistry sort of dies down a
4:10 little bit to a
4:13 to a or as a result then what you see
4:16 is all of the fears starting to show up
4:17 and you can think of it almost as like
4:19 somebody who
4:20 seems like they have liquid courage from
4:22 drinking and then
4:23 the alcohol wears off and all of a
4:26 sudden their inhibitions start showing up
4:26 up
4:28 and that's kind of like the experience
4:29 of a dismissive avoidance as they go
4:31 through the different stages of a relationship
4:32 relationship
4:34 and so what you want to recognize is
4:36 that what you're often experiencing is
4:37 that person
4:40 um you know being interested but then that's
4:41 that's
4:43 that those needs that they're and they
4:44 have from you and from the relationship
4:46 those needs are in competition with
4:47 their fears
4:48 and it's almost like an equation like
4:50 you can be like needs or attraction
4:52 whatever you want to call it
4:55 minus fears equals the the net output of
4:58 demonstrated interest in a relationship
5:00 and so it's really important that you if
5:01 you are the dismissive avoidant first
5:03 recognize that
5:05 and ask yourself like what is what does
5:07 it cost me to live like this what does
5:08 it cost me to want things but never
5:10 fully give myself permission
5:12 to do the necessary work that it takes
5:14 in order to get those things fully in
5:15 order to experience
5:17 love fully connection fully in order to
5:19 feel like i can set my boundaries
5:22 as a dismissive avoidance so that i can
5:24 be somebody who you know
5:26 advocates for my time alone and needs
5:28 some of that but also
5:30 um can communicate fearlessly so that i
5:33 can give and receive in relationships
5:35 and feel like this isn't just i'm not
5:36 allowed to have needs it's unsafe to
5:38 have needs from others
5:39 it's not appropriate i don't want to
5:41 rely on anybody and then feel like you
5:42 go into relationships and you can only
5:44 meet the other person's needs because
5:46 you refuse to allow yourself to get your
5:46 needs met
5:48 then there's no equal exchange then
5:50 relationships eventually become tiring
5:52 exhausted so it's really important to
5:54 recognize that
5:56 first and foremost okay if you're the
5:58 partner of a dismissive avoidant and
6:00 you're getting like a net two or net
6:03 three or whatever output from the
6:04 attraction minus
6:07 the um the attraction minus the
6:10 fears then um you have to ask yourself
6:12 too is this fair for me like is this
6:14 output okay and if if not then i have to
6:16 communicate what i need
6:17 you know i need you to work on this i
6:19 need you to change this i need you to
6:20 show up in this way
6:21 this is really important to me are you
6:22 willing to do the work and that actually helps
6:23 helps
6:25 somebody who is dismissive avoiding
6:27 because they get to see and assess
6:28 what's alive inside of them so either
6:30 way like communication with self if you
6:31 are the da
6:34 or communication to the da must happen
6:36 in order for transformation to occur
6:37 otherwise both people are just going to
6:39 become resentful and the relationship's
6:41 not going to work anyways quite honestly
6:43 so this stuff becomes solved when
6:46 communicated about and then worked on
6:49 and if you're the dismissive and you're
6:51 like how do i do the work
6:53 um well first of all we have like intense
6:54 intense
6:56 next level sort of um dismissal avoiding
6:58 courses inside of the school that are
6:58 going to teach you all about
7:00 reprogramming all the necessary steps workbooks
7:01 workbooks
7:03 everything but if you're sitting here
7:04 and you're like okay i'm not going to
7:05 join the school yet
7:08 um what do i start by doing you want to know
7:08 know
7:11 what that stuff is what are my fears we
7:13 can't just say we have a fear that
7:14 doesn't help us with anything we have to isolate
7:16 isolate
7:19 my fears are about relationships about
7:21 commitment about men or women or
7:23 vulnerability like usually in
7:25 for da's it's it's under one of those
7:26 main categories
7:27 and you want to be able to go like these
7:29 are the fears and then you have to work
7:31 to reprogram those fears and that can be
7:32 done through repeated
7:34 opposing action that you would normally
7:36 take and basically a form of exposure
7:37 work you would do
7:39 that can be done through repetition and
7:41 emotion by telling yourself a new story
7:43 about like if you believe for example
7:45 all people will leave so there's no
7:47 point in being vulnerable
7:49 then you know you might really buy into
7:50 that story you might interact with the
7:52 world through that lens through that framework
7:53 framework
7:55 but that's not everybody's reality and
7:57 that does not have to be your reality
7:58 that only becomes your reality when you
8:00 automatically believe that
8:02 and so your actions follow that then you
8:04 don't fully invest in relationships and
8:05 you don't open up
8:07 and then you get to a point where the
8:08 relationship becomes rocky because
8:10 people notice or see that
8:13 and then all of a sudden the
8:15 relationships are less likely to work
8:16 out or maybe then there's fighting and
8:18 chaos and it doesn't feel good and you
8:20 leave and so
8:21 you have to recognize if there's fears
8:23 that you have every fear that we carry
8:25 at a subconscious level is on its way
8:27 for any attachment style in any
8:29 individual it's on its way to becoming a
8:30 self-fulfilling prophecy so we have to
8:32 isolate those fears do reprogramming
8:34 work around them and give ourselves full permission
8:35 permission
8:38 um to live lives we want to live to go
8:39 in the direction of what we want to
8:41 create and to feel safe and empowered to
8:42 do so
8:44 so i hope that all makes sense um i
8:45 thought it was a really important topic
8:46 for today it comes out a lot
8:48 comes up a lot in the webinars inside
8:50 the school and
8:52 i just want to give some time to chat
8:53 about it so thank you so much for
8:55 watching thank you for being here
8:57 please like share and subscribe if
8:58 you're getting a lot of value out of
8:59 this channel and i will see you in the
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