YouTube Transcript:
How Dismissive Avoidant People Experience Romantic Feelings | Dismissive Avoidant Attachment
Skip watching entire videos - get the full transcript, search for keywords, and copy with one click.
Share:
Video Transcript
View:
[Music] hi
hi
my name is tais gibson and i'm the
co-owner and creator of the personal
development school
this is your daily breakthrough video
and in this video i want to talk to you
a little bit about dismissive avoidance
and even fearful avoidance for that
matter but with a large focus on
dismissal avoidance
and um understanding like
how they show their feelings how to know
like what they're feeling
how to understand their internal
experience of feelings
when it comes to relationships and
romance okay
so before i dive into all of this um
we're still doing a sale to support our
community right now there's a coupon
code for 25
off membership bundles i'll put it in
the description box below as well as
a card on this video um and the coupon
code is with you
all one word um to join the all access
membership so it's like all the courses
all the webinars ongoing for live
webinars a week our community um
our our discord channel um all these
different things that we're offering
inside of the school there's like so
many things i could name now because we keep
keep
growing everything um a collaboration collection
collection
courses from other individuals that are
coming and all these different exciting things
things
so um let's talk about this specifically
so one thing that i really want to get across
across
in this video is that every single
person is giving and receiving
love through um
like themselves through who they are but
it's in competition with their fears and
their beliefs about what love is and
what it means
so it's like the interest and the
attraction they feel in competition
with um what fears they have about
romance about relationships about
connection about you
about men women whatever stories they
are carrying at a subconscious level
because of pre-programming due to past
experiences that have imprinted the
subconscious mind
and those things are basically in
competition and so that's what i want
you to recognize
okay so often for the dismissive
avoidance what we'll see is this
misavoidance can be very interested in
people and they can experience a lot of
infatuation truly though from the
outside perspective it might look otherwise
otherwise
they can experience a tremendous amount
of infatuation but
if somebody is interested in you a 9 out
of 10 but their fears about relationships
relationships
and vulnerability and commitment and
emotional safety and sharing and
all these different things if those
fears are accumulating because of all
the painful
imprints of past experiences to become
like a negative eight
then even if they like you as a positive
nine or interested positive nine
you are seeing it come across and you
are experiencing
the relationship as if the person sort
of likes you like a one out of ten
nine minus eight right so so that's what
i want everybody to be
aware of there's like a net output and
that's what you see
that's what you experience in a
relationship and so
it's really important that if you notice
that okay maybe somebody's expressed a
lot of feelings and relationships and
this is the same for fearful avoidance
so it tends to take place in a separate
form like around
a fear of more extreme commitment i'll
put that in the next video
um and and i'll talk to you a little bit
about that but um
for for dismissives like as soon as
their they enter past the dating base
they start to get into the honeymoon phase
phase
that's when we'll start to see um and
especially in the power struggle phase
that's when we'll start to really see
um the fears that they have the programs
coming up so you can think of like the
dating and honeymoon phase
as being characterized by having like
elevated first of all dating base like
there just aren't fears because there
isn't commitment and seriousness yet
the moment there is then it's considered
the honeymoon phase
when in that phase or there are usually
elevated neural chemicals of oxytocin
phenylethylalamine like
things that basically are acting to a
certain degree like alcohol right like
lowering inhibitions
um making you show up as your sort of
more fearless vulnerable selves
and then when that neurochemistry starts
to sort of when there's a
an adaptability because humans are very
adaptable and eventually they get used
to those feelings and experiences and
the neurochemistry sort of dies down a
little bit to a
to a or as a result then what you see
is all of the fears starting to show up
and you can think of it almost as like
somebody who
seems like they have liquid courage from
drinking and then
the alcohol wears off and all of a
sudden their inhibitions start showing up
up
and that's kind of like the experience
of a dismissive avoidance as they go
through the different stages of a relationship
relationship
and so what you want to recognize is
that what you're often experiencing is
that person
um you know being interested but then that's
that's
that those needs that they're and they
have from you and from the relationship
those needs are in competition with
their fears
and it's almost like an equation like
you can be like needs or attraction
whatever you want to call it
minus fears equals the the net output of
demonstrated interest in a relationship
and so it's really important that you if
you are the dismissive avoidant first
recognize that
and ask yourself like what is what does
it cost me to live like this what does
it cost me to want things but never
fully give myself permission
to do the necessary work that it takes
in order to get those things fully in
order to experience
love fully connection fully in order to
feel like i can set my boundaries
as a dismissive avoidance so that i can
be somebody who you know
advocates for my time alone and needs
some of that but also
um can communicate fearlessly so that i
can give and receive in relationships
and feel like this isn't just i'm not
allowed to have needs it's unsafe to
have needs from others
it's not appropriate i don't want to
rely on anybody and then feel like you
go into relationships and you can only
meet the other person's needs because
you refuse to allow yourself to get your
needs met
then there's no equal exchange then
relationships eventually become tiring
exhausted so it's really important to
recognize that
first and foremost okay if you're the
partner of a dismissive avoidant and
you're getting like a net two or net
three or whatever output from the
attraction minus
the um the attraction minus the
fears then um you have to ask yourself
too is this fair for me like is this
output okay and if if not then i have to
communicate what i need
you know i need you to work on this i
need you to change this i need you to
show up in this way
this is really important to me are you
willing to do the work and that actually helps
helps
somebody who is dismissive avoiding
because they get to see and assess
what's alive inside of them so either
way like communication with self if you
are the da
or communication to the da must happen
in order for transformation to occur
otherwise both people are just going to
become resentful and the relationship's
not going to work anyways quite honestly
so this stuff becomes solved when
communicated about and then worked on
and if you're the dismissive and you're
like how do i do the work
um well first of all we have like intense
intense
next level sort of um dismissal avoiding
courses inside of the school that are
going to teach you all about
reprogramming all the necessary steps workbooks
workbooks
everything but if you're sitting here
and you're like okay i'm not going to
join the school yet
um what do i start by doing you want to know
know
what that stuff is what are my fears we
can't just say we have a fear that
doesn't help us with anything we have to isolate
isolate
my fears are about relationships about
commitment about men or women or
vulnerability like usually in
for da's it's it's under one of those
main categories
and you want to be able to go like these
are the fears and then you have to work
to reprogram those fears and that can be
done through repeated
opposing action that you would normally
take and basically a form of exposure
work you would do
that can be done through repetition and
emotion by telling yourself a new story
about like if you believe for example
all people will leave so there's no
point in being vulnerable
then you know you might really buy into
that story you might interact with the
world through that lens through that framework
framework
but that's not everybody's reality and
that does not have to be your reality
that only becomes your reality when you
automatically believe that
and so your actions follow that then you
don't fully invest in relationships and
you don't open up
and then you get to a point where the
relationship becomes rocky because
people notice or see that
and then all of a sudden the
relationships are less likely to work
out or maybe then there's fighting and
chaos and it doesn't feel good and you
leave and so
you have to recognize if there's fears
that you have every fear that we carry
at a subconscious level is on its way
for any attachment style in any
individual it's on its way to becoming a
self-fulfilling prophecy so we have to
isolate those fears do reprogramming
work around them and give ourselves full permission
permission
um to live lives we want to live to go
in the direction of what we want to
create and to feel safe and empowered to
do so
so i hope that all makes sense um i
thought it was a really important topic
for today it comes out a lot
comes up a lot in the webinars inside
the school and
i just want to give some time to chat
about it so thank you so much for
watching thank you for being here
please like share and subscribe if
you're getting a lot of value out of
this channel and i will see you in the
Click on any text or timestamp to jump to that moment in the video
Share:
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
One-Click Copy125+ LanguagesSearch ContentJump to Timestamps
Paste YouTube URL
Enter any YouTube video link to get the full transcript
Transcript Extraction Form
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
Get Our Chrome Extension
Get transcripts instantly without leaving YouTube. Install our Chrome extension for one-click access to any video's transcript directly on the watch page.
Works with YouTube, Coursera, Udemy and more educational platforms
Get Instant Transcripts: Just Edit the Domain in Your Address Bar!
YouTube
←
→
↻
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc
YoutubeToText
←
→
↻
https://youtubetotext.net/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc