0:08 [Music]
0:10 Hi everyone, I'm Dr. Peter Serno. Thank
0:12 you for taking time to watch this video.
0:14 A little bit about me. If this is your
0:17 first time watching one of my videos, I
0:20 am a retired licensed psychotherapist. I
0:23 decided to retire my license in order to
0:25 focus more on education and writing. I
0:27 am also a continuing education
0:30 facilitator for therapists and other
0:31 licensed professionals and I have a
0:34 training coming up for professionals
0:36 through PESI in October. If anybody's
0:38 interested in taking a look at that, you
0:40 can find information on their website.
0:42 Throughout my career as a therapist, I
0:45 received specialized training in the
0:47 treatment and assessment of personality
0:50 disorders. I also received specialized
0:52 training in the treatment of abuse and
0:54 trauma. I've written two books on this
0:56 subject. One is the nature and nurture
0:59 of narcissism and the other is traumatic
1:01 cognitive dissonance. I was also
1:04 recently featured in a Hulu docue series
1:06 called Ted Bundy Dialogue with the
1:07 Devil. So, please check that out if
1:09 that's something that interests you.
1:11 Before we dive in, I want to say this.
1:13 Conversations about mental health can
1:15 get very intense. So, I ask that we keep
1:17 the comments section respectful. These
1:20 videos are for education and awareness,
1:22 not for personal attacks or stigmatizing
1:24 language. Today we are going to take an
1:27 in-depth look at dependent personality
1:29 disorder. This is one of the cluster C
1:31 personality disorders and those are
1:33 often referred to as the anxious and
1:36 fearful cluster. Dependent personality
1:38 disorder like all personality disorders
1:41 dramatically shapes someone's life. So
1:43 let's start with what defines dependent
1:46 personality disorder. At its core,
1:48 dependent personality disorder is
1:51 defined by excessive submissiveness due
1:54 to the inability to think and act
1:56 independently. Here's how people with
1:58 dependent personality disorder view the
1:59 world. They see themselves as
2:01 insufficient. They see others as
2:03 competent and powerful. They see the
2:05 world itself as overwhelming. And so,
2:07 they cope with this through
2:10 submissiveness. As far as diagnostic
2:12 guidelines go, these include difficulty
2:14 making decisions without constant
2:17 reassurance, allowing others to assume
2:19 responsibility for major areas of their
2:22 life, intense fear related to losing
2:24 approval, the inability to act
2:27 independently, clinging behaviors and
2:29 desperately seeking new relationships
2:32 when one ends. When it comes to
2:34 identity, individuals with dependent
2:36 personality disorder have a very weak
2:39 sense of agency and autonomy. They
2:42 depend heavily on others for identity
2:45 definition. Boundaries are compromised,
2:48 sometimes leading to inshment or even a
2:50 complete surrender of their identity to
2:53 a dominant person. They can be highly
2:55 motivated, but usually in service of
2:57 somebody else's goals, not their own.
3:00 Their authentic living gets sacrificed
3:01 in the process. For dependent
3:04 personalities, differences of opinion
3:06 can feel very dangerous. If someone
3:08 disagrees with them, they may interpret
3:11 that as disapproval or rejection. This
3:14 leads to conflict avoidance, even if it
3:16 means saying the opposite of what they
3:19 mean or even acting against their own
3:22 morals and values. In intimacy,
3:24 relationships often become inshed. They
3:27 may sacrifice themselves entirely for
3:29 the sake of the other person, even
3:31 tolerating abuse or mistreatment just to
3:34 keep the relationship intact. It's
3:35 important to note that this pattern does
3:38 not develop as the result of a single or
3:40 specific relationship in adulthood.
3:42 Personality disorders have an early
3:44 onset, usually noticeable in childhood
3:47 or adolescence, and they are enduring
3:50 and pervasive, not situational. A
3:52 reliable marker of dependent personality
3:55 disorder is that the person requires
3:57 somebody else to be in charge of the
3:59 major areas and decisions of their life.
4:02 This theme can sound like, "I can't take
4:04 care of myself. I need others to do it
4:08 for me." Or, "It is worth any price to
4:10 be cared for." Common behaviors include
4:14 regularly asking for advice, clinginess,
4:16 being overly agreeable, and avoiding
4:19 conflict at all costs. To others,
4:20 someone with dependent personality
4:23 disorder may come off as clingy,
4:25 wishy-washy, and sometimes the
4:27 desperation can be interpreted as
4:29 manipulative because they are so
4:31 insistent on being cared for. This can
4:34 often provoke irritation in people close
4:36 to them, and it also sometimes provokes
4:39 exploitation. The two excessive traits
4:42 that fuel dependent personalities are
4:45 submissiveness and separation
4:47 insecurity. What they desperately lack
4:48 is the ability to think and act
4:51 independently of others. Dependent
4:53 personality disorder isn't always
4:55 expressed in the same way. Various trait
4:58 configurations or subtype patterns can
5:00 help us understand its various
5:02 presentations. One example of this is
5:04 the disqued dependent. This individual
5:07 is constantly anxious about abandonment
5:09 and lonely unless they are near
5:10 supportive people. Then there is the
5:13 selfless dependent. This person gives up
5:15 identity and boundaries and attempts to
5:18 fully merge with others. The immature
5:21 dependent is incapable of assuming adult
5:23 responsibilities and they can be very
5:25 childlike in their behavior. The
5:28 accommodating dependent is compliant,
5:30 agreeable, they deny experiencing
5:32 negative feelings and they naturally
5:34 adopt an inferior role. Then we have the
5:37 ineffectual dependent. These individuals
5:40 are very unproductive. They avoid any
5:42 hassle in life and they simply refuse to
5:44 deal with difficulties. Though no longer
5:46 formally recognized in the DSM, there
5:49 used to be an appendix diagnosis known
5:52 as self-defeating personality disorder.
5:53 It's worth mentioning here because many
5:56 of its traits overlap with dependent
5:58 personality disorder, particularly
6:00 around submissiveness. So I'm going to
6:02 go over some of these patterns. We have
6:05 the virtuous masochist. This individual
6:07 takes on burdens like a martyr, sees
6:09 themselves as saintly and expects
6:12 gratitude for their big sacrifices. Then
6:14 we have the possessive masochist. They
6:17 have a desire to control others by
6:20 appearing indispensable. Basically, you
6:22 wouldn't be here without me and my
6:24 sacrifices. Then there's the self
6:27 undoing massochist. These individuals
6:30 literally find gratification in defeat.
6:33 They choose victimization and they feel
6:36 destined. but also willing to suffer.
6:38 And then finally, we have the oppressed
6:41 masochist. They use misery and guilt to
6:44 bind and control others while avoiding
6:47 direct self assertion. A quick note on
6:49 codependency because this comes up
6:51 often. I particularly don't like the
6:54 term one. It's not a formal diagnosis,
6:56 which is fine. It can be useful, but I
6:58 think codependency is often
7:00 misunderstood. Codependency originated
7:03 in Alcoholics Anonymous, describing
7:05 family members whose lives were shaped
7:08 around an addict's behavior. Today, it
7:11 more broadly refers to situations where
7:14 another person's dysfunction dictates
7:16 someone else's choices. But dependent
7:19 personality disorder is different. It's
7:22 not situational the way codependency is.
7:24 It's a diagnosible disorder that shows
7:26 up across contexts and across the
7:29 lifespan. When it comes to differential
7:31 diagnosis, borderline personality
7:33 disorder is often confused with
7:35 dependent personality disorder. But
7:37 here's the key distinction. According to
7:40 the research, in borderline personality
7:43 disorder, dependency is often hostile
7:46 and combative. In dependent personality
7:49 disorder, the dependency is submissive
7:51 and appeasing. Again, this distinction
7:53 isn't just theory. It's supported in the
7:55 research on how these disorders differ
7:57 from one another. So when we talk about
7:59 treatment goals for somebody who meets
8:01 the criteria for dependent personality
8:03 disorder, the treatment isn't about
8:05 removing dependency altogether. It's
8:08 about building or installing
8:11 independence and resilience. So some of
8:13 the goals would include reducing the
8:15 need for constant reassurance, building
8:17 skills for independent thinking,
8:19 developing healthier ways of managing
8:22 conflicts through assertiveness, and
8:24 staying consistent and loyal to one's
8:26 own needs and values. even when others
8:28 disagree. So in short, people with
8:31 dependent personality disorder come off
8:34 as clingy and may submit to caretaking
8:36 as well as express the constant need for
8:38 being taken care of. But with the right
8:39 treatment, they can move toward a life
8:42 of autonomy. If you found this helpful,
8:43 please remember to like the video and
8:46 subscribe to this channel. I share deep
8:48 dives into personality disorders,
8:50 pathological relationships, and the
8:52 science of human behavior. And again, I
8:53 would love to hear your thoughts, but
8:55 please make sure to keep the comments
8:57 respectful to me and to others. People
8:59 who watch these videos and leave
9:01 comments are real people with real
9:03 struggles. So, we need to maintain
9:05 respect. Thank you for watching. I'm Dr.
9:07 Peter Serno and I will see you in my
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