Constant busyness and overworking can be an unconscious coping mechanism to avoid deeper emotional discomfort, fear, or a lack of self-worth, particularly for high achievers.
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do you ever find yourself constantly
busy even when you don't need to be what
if this constant business isn't just
about getting things done but about
avoiding something deeper in this
episode we'll explore how overworking
and constant productivity can be an
unconscious form of avoidance why it
feels so rewarding and addictive and
Behavior welcome to cly coping my name
is tati Garcia and I'm a licensed
therapist and Coach specializing in
helping High Achievers overcome anxiety
burnout and overwhelm if this topic
interests you then please like subscribe
and hit the notification Bell so you be
notified every time I release a new
episode thank you so much for tuning in
constantly being productive and
overworking can be an unconscious form
of avoidance especially in somebody who
is high achieving overachieving or high
performing I like to refer to it as the
overs so these types of individuals will
often overwork over prepare overthink
over you name it because there is this
constant drive and especially in the
types of individuals that I specialize
in supporting who are those who are
struggling with what's known as high
functioning anxiety and so those are
individuals who appear High achieving
and successful on the outside but on the
inside they are struggling with anxiety
and this intense fear of failure and
fear of judgment or negative
consequences that is often propelling
them forward into doing more so there's
this worry often about dropping the ball
or if I don't prepare enough then things
are going to go wrong or I'm going to be
seen as incompetent or people are going
to judge me negatively so it's this fear
and worry and guilt that are often
driving this kind of endless behavior of
overdoing things and this often results
in a lack of self-care and and a lack of
just being able to relax and allow
yourself to actually enjoy your life but
there's this constant feeling that you
need to be productive and doing more and
this also ties into the fact that often
times these types of individuals will
attach their
selfworth or how worthy or valuable they
think they are as a human to how much
they are getting done so if you feel as
though you need to accomplish more or
check more things on your list in order
to feel like you're good enough or in
order to avoid this feeling of I'm a
lazy person then you could be stuck in
this cycle of just constantly doing
producing performing achieving and not
allowing yourself to actually rest
recharge take a step back and do what we
all need to do as humans and by the way
if you're somebody who is curious about
high functioning anxiety you're not sure
whether or not you have it I have a free
quiz that you can take to help you
identify whether or not you have high
functioning anxiety along with the next
steps that you can take to help you to
manage and overcome it you can take this
quiz by going to HFA
quiz.com and here's the thing about
being productive and constantly busy and
overworking is that it can create this
temporary sense of accomplishment like
it feels good to check things off of
your list and it feels good to get
things off of your plate however this is
often shortlived and then it follows
with oh now there's more on my list that
I need to do or let me just get these
next few things done and then I'll be
able to relax and it kind of turns into
this endless cycle that you find that
you may never get the time to relax
because there's always going to be more
and you're not necessarily relishing in
and celebrating the accomplishments that
you are engaging in and here's the thing
when you're staying busy it can actually
help to distract you from confronting
your uncomfortable thoughts or emotions
maybe underneath when you find and this
is something that I find a lot of
clients that I help when they actually
do sit down to relax there is this inner
critic that comes up like oh you should
be doing more or what's wrong with you
or you're not good enough and so staying
busy helps you to avoid confronting
those thoughts which can be really
uncomfortable and disconcerting and it
also can be the underlying emotions of
the guilt or the worry or the feeling
down and being hard on yourself that can
be underneath this product ity that
you're kind of just covering up with
these accomplishments of checking things
off a list so I touched on this a little
bit but what are you really avoiding
when you're in this place of constant
productivity it's often times fear
anxiety guilt or any other uncomfortable
emotions that are under the surface
here's the thing we many of us I know
that I wasn't growing up weren't taught
the skills in order to manage our
emotions in order to process and work
through things and this is an essential
skill of Being Human because emotions
are something that are inescapable we
can't just avoid them and say I don't
want to feel this way and brush it under
the rug and then have there be no
consequences our emotions are something
that need to be recognized and worked
through otherwise if they're not they're
going to continue unconsciously
affecting our behaviors our thoughts our
urges and everything else throughout the
day without you even recognizing it and
that's when you get stuck in this place
of autopilot and just continue to do
things because you're being driven by
your emotions without you even
recognizing it so increasing your
emotional awareness and intelligence is
a huge and impactful skill especially if
you're somebody who wants to actually
choose what you're doing in your life
who doesn't want to be driven by these
constant urges that might have been
conditioned in childhood or past
experiences but are no longer helpful or
beneficial for you so it could be the
fear of failure the fear of judgment
from others the fear of not meeting
expectations and when you're staying
busy you're avoiding this you're kind of
keeping this at Bay because you're
covering it up with a Band-Aid in the
sense that all right I'm accomplishing
more I'm getting things done that means
I'm not lazy that means I'm not going to
fail that means that people aren't going
to judge me negatively but in reality
you are continually judging yourself
negatively you are continually in this
place where you're feeling fearful and
anxious and that's going to continue
under the surface until eventually it
boils over and just becomes too much and
you have to take a step back and you
have to turn off the on switch and
actually explore and recognize what is
going on under the surface and these
potential underlying causes could be the
harsh inner critic I mentioned this
before so maybe you have internalized
this voice of being really hard on
yourself and putting a lot of pressure
on yourself and saying that you're not
allowed to take a break you constantly
have to be busy you're a bad person if
you don't check these things off the
list whatever it is that your mind is
telling you these are things that we
often internalize from parents
caregivers teachers coaches anybody
especially in your earlier life
experiences that we can kind of take on
these voices and use them as ways of
motivating ourselves when in reality
they just make us feel worse maybe it's
past trauma that you've experienced that
is also under the surface that hasn't
been truly processed or resolved and if
it's something that you're avoiding
wanting to talk about or think about
that is often a sign even more that it
could be affecting you in your daytoday
and when it can be beneficial to get the
support of a therapist to help you
process and work through that trauma
even if it's something that happened
decades ago or long time ago it can
still be affecting you in the present
and negatively impacting your ability to
function and to take proper care of
yourself or maybe you're avoiding the
things that happen outside of work maybe
it's stress in your relationship or your
family or your friendships or the things
that you have to confront when you're
not being busy when you're not working
especially if you're somebody who is
staying late at work and constantly
doing chores to avoid and this might not
be a conscious thing but maybe
unconsciously avoid interactions with
your partner or family members or
friends then this could be a potential
sign that maybe there's something like
some sort of stress or difficulty that
you could be avoiding by continuing to
stay busy this could also be Financial
stress whether it is the stress of I
don't have enough money so I need to
keep working and this endless pressure
to keep doing more or maybe it's on the
other side of things where you are
somebody who is actually making a lot of
money and you feel guilt for making this
amount of money and so you feel like you
need to work more in order to justify
making this additional amount of money
maybe you're also somebody who is
struggling with low self-worth and
because of that you feel as though you
need to prove yourself by doing more
work or by getting more things done
prove that you are a productive person
or prove that you are a qualified or
competent enough person and this is
driving your desire to constantly be
doing more pushing yourself harder or
maybe it's some combination of multiple
things and I'm sure there's things that
I missed if you find that maybe there's
something else that could be driving
this desire to constantly be busy then
this can be something for you to journal
on and reflect on what happens when I
stop or slow down what happens when I'm
not checking things off of a list and
that's kind of the next step is
recognizing the pattern asking yourself
do I feel anxious when I'm not working
do I feel guilty when I'm not working or
what emotions come up when you try to
take a break or what happened if you
took a break and let go of your to-do
list what does your mind come up with
and I'm asking it in this way because
often times our Minds can exaggerate the
negative consequences that occur
especially when it's coming from a place
of fear and anxiety so asking yourself
personally what will happen if I stop or
slow down or if I let go of constantly
doing and constantly being productive
and this can give you Clues as to what
is driving that within you and once you
have recognized this pattern then you
can you know journaling is a great first
step and this can help you to become
more aware of what's underneath them
that if you're looking for more
one-on-one support and guidance this is
something that I help my clients with
you can learn more by clicking on the
link in the description to work with me
and learn more about my coaching and
therapy services or you can meet with a
therapist in your local area but I
encourage you to start by just creating
small pockets and moments of Stillness
in your day so maybe it's just taking
out 5 minutes to rest without doing work
without the pressure of the list on you
and just doing something that you
genuinely enjoy that maybe you wish you
had more time to do but you don't
because you're constantly in this place
of productivity and taking 5 minutes is
a simple thing that we can do maybe you
want to set an alarm for that during
your day and as you gradually ramp up
and maybe adding more and more of these
small breaks and the important part is
when you are taking these breaks
noticing all right how do I feel am I
putting pressure on myself what's going
on here and it's not about judging this
or criticizing yourself for this because
that's just going to create more
negativity that you're placing on top of
yourself it's about being aware of it
non-judgmentally and compassionately so
that you can recognize the pattern
recognize what is at the root and then
address it and so if it is
self-criticism and this is the next step
where you are addressing the underlying
causes so if it's self-criticism
practicing and learning the skills of
self-compassion noticing that critic
when it comes up this is something that
I dealt with a lot in the past still
comes up from time to time where there's
this guilt of okay I'm taking a day off
or maybe I had something on my calendar
and I'm really not feeling up to it and
if I were working for somebody else in
the past I would have taken a personal
day but now that I'm self-employed it
feels like this is hanging over me and
so I'm being hard on myself like I
should be working or I should be doing
more what's wrong with you you're so lazy
lazy
all of those criticisms that come up
even though I know and I don't
consciously agree with these thoughts
it's about recognizing for me what tends
to come up so that I can notice it and
acknowledge it and then say all right I
know that you're trying to help me get
things done but I don't need you and
it's okay for me to relax and I need to
do this in order to return and do even
better work once I do rest and recharge
this can also look like increasing your
emotional awareness starting to label
name and then actually work through your
emotions notice what they feel like what
are they trying to tell you what's under
the surface there also working through
trauma this can be really important to
get the support of a qualified
trauma-informed therapist to help you to
work through anything that could still
be influencing you in the present and
let's see if it's relationship stress
Financial stress really facing those
things head on not just continuing to
avoid them and brush them under the rug
but maybe that looks like like having
conversations or making plans or doing
the numbers with finances and
recognizing that okay I'm maybe I felt
like this stress and this pressure to
continue to work and do more but when I
do the numbers I'm okay and I'm making
it and I don't need to put this pressure
on myself cuz it's not making me any
more money it's just causing me more
stress so kind of addressing what is it
for you that is getting you in this
place and how can you address that
specific underlying cause and
recognizing above all that productivity
is not a measure of your worth you do
not need to do things you do not need to
check things off a list to be a good
person to be a good enough person to be
a valuable or worthy person you are
worthy exactly as you are so I encourage
you to start to bring this awareness to
your own life if you're somebody who is
in this place of constant productivity
and overworking if you're interested in
learning more about high functioning
anxiety don't forget about that free
quiz at HFA quiz.com and remember it is
okay to slow down and real growth often
comes from addressing the emotions that
we'd rather avoid it can feel
uncomfortable and difficult in the
moment but this is a process of healing
and working through things so that you
can grow even stronger in the end if you
have any comments questions or thoughts
for the podcast you can submit them to
more confident from within you can check
out these episodes here thank you so
much for tuning in today until next time
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