YouTube Transcript:
How programmers flex on each other

many years ago in a story I just made up
I was architecting some highly scalable
infrastructure when a staff engineer
walked into my cubicle and said hey
buddy that's a cute vs code theme you've
got there oh thanks it's a synthwave
with power mode enable before I could
explain more though he cut me off and
said you see that bug on line 234 right
I said no that's impossible sir we have
100 test coverage on this code well I'm
gonna pull it up in neovim on my Arch
desktop and uh I'll send you a PR for
that five minutes later I get a
notification and slack that the pr came
through all tests are passing with 469
lines of code removed and just one
commit message that read optimize sub
optimal code I then looked out the
window and saw him driving away in his
Tesla it was at that moment that I
realized I had been flexed upon if
you're a programmer who's feeling down
one of the best ways to boost your ego
is to flex on other Developers for
programmers there's only two states of
being imposter syndrome or superiority
complex in today's video you'll learn
how to become the best programmer the
world has ever seen in your own mind by
looking at 10 practical ways to flex on
your friends and colleagues first up
we've got the complexity Flex the
world's greatest programmer once said in
idiot admire's complexity a genius
admires Simplicity luckily most people
are not Geniuses think of how stupid the
average person is and then realize half
of them are stupider than that so what
you can do is take something simple like
a perfectly functional JavaScript
function then add typescript to it while
preaching the virtues of end-to-end type
safety from there refactor it into an
abstract Factory Singleton adapter
decorator proxy and when nobody
understands that just tell them they've
never seen clean code before and should
have read the gang of forbuck making
them think you're some kind of
programming God the CTO who doesn't know
how to code will be so impressed that
you'll get a huge raise and that brings
us to the money Flex the amount of money
you make is exactly tied to the amount
of value that you bring to the world the
level one money Flex is the junior
developer making 50k a year who shows
off to his old colleagues at Arby's who
are only making 45k a year the dude in
the cubicle next to him though did a
better job negotiating a salary and
makes 225k a year that dude's got a
cousin though who works at Netflix who
flexes on him for making 900k a year
that dude's landlord though was was one
of the first engineers at Uber who has a
net worth of 25 mil who now flexes on
social media about being a genius
technology investor but then he gets
flexed on by the billionaire crypto bro
who made all his money by rug pulling
all the level 1 flexors the circle of
life is truly beautiful if you subscribe
to the link in this post I may get a
commission I'm not quite a billionaire
yet so the way I like to flex is by
owning YouTube premium as a lazy
developer I'm obsessed with optimizing
my time and by owning premium I don't
have to watch ads on any YouTube videos
and I can download all the JavaScript
tutorials I want to watch offline when I
travel on top of that it provides access
to YouTube music so I can listen to Huey
Lewis in the news on repeat while I code
which actually saves me money because I
don't need to pay for other music
streaming services what's really awesome
though is that YouTube has allowed me to
offer you one month of YouTube premium
for free I've actually been paying for
it myself for years and it's well worth
it if you value your time but another
great way to demonstrate your Superior
value is with the bimflex when you use
Vim it elevates you to a higher plane of
Consciousness where you can look down
upon the poor lost Souls using tools
like vs code IntelliJ and emacs if
you're the real deal you won't even have
a mouse at your computer now normally
this is the point where I should make a
joke about not being able to exit Vim
but I've never really understood those
jokes because I don't even know how to
exit vs code but an even more potent
Flex is your operating system if you
want to tell people you're rich go with
a Macintosh and combine it with the
Apple Vision Pro to also tell people
that you're a clown real developers
though use Linux you can impress most
people by simply using Ubuntu but if you
really want to impress people you should
pay a bunch of money to IBM to use red
hat Enterprise Linux that's pretty
bowler but eventually you'll find
yourself alone at a urinal a man will
walk in he'll turn his head and look at
you then say these three words I use
Arch by the way you'll immediately feel
smaller like your distro is just not as
well endowed as you thought not to worry
though you're just getting flexed on by
someone who doesn't have a life who can
spend countless hours configuring their
OS everybody knows that the ultimate
distro is Windows because that tells
people that you actually have a life and
maybe even a girlfriend outside of
programming but nothing says I don't
have a life better than the GitHub Flex
if you don't have a GitHub commit
history that looks like this then you're
not a real programmer and you don't care
about open source and your profile
should have enough Awards and badges on
it to make you look like a North Korean
General you can achieve these badges by
flexing on other open source projects
the chainsaw PR Flex is a great way to
show the world that you're the top G of
JavaScript what you want to do is find
new small projects from Young
enthusiastic developers then Fork their
code and remove every line possible
while making sure that all the tests
still pass then send a vague pull
request explaining how you cleaned up
the code to use best practices if you
did it properly the project will soon be
abandoned because no programmer can face
that amount of flexing we're losing them
we're losing he's dying now that one is
kind of hard to pull off if you're a
terrible programmer but that shouldn't
hold you back from flexing anyway
there's an old saying that goes
something like those who can't code
become influencers but what you do is
pay your eight dollars to post on X
formerly known as Twitter then make
outrageous hot takes that nobody could
possibly agree with if you give advice
that so egregiously bad you might even
get a reply from Elon Musk himself which
you can then Flex about on your YouTube
channel and yes that is a real tweet
Elon and I are pretty much best friends
at this point now you should never take
technical advice from someone on Twitter
or YouTube but instead only take it
advice from people who Flex their past
experience if you've ever worked at a
Fan Company it gives you the privilege
to start every sentence with as an
ex-facebook engineer I recommend that
you make X bad decision working at a fan
company is like being in a special club
that everyone wants to get into even
though some people say they don't want
to because their moral compass is too
well calibrated but in reality they're
just hating because they didn't grind on
Lee code enough if I ever got a job at
Fang I would tattoo it on my forehead if
you're not in the club though another
way to flex as a web developer is with
your domains my GoDaddy account is more
valuable than my Robinhood account
domains aren't just for failed side
projects they're Investments that you'll
one day hand down to your grandkids like
best Dash SEO Dash backlink-tool.net is
a valuable asset that any developer
would love to get their hands on the
ultimate Flex a programmer can do though
is learn to farm the programmer who
blows up his computer and joins the
Amish is Invincible to all the flexes
we've looked at throughout this video as
he milks his cow and tends to his crops
his identity is no longer tied to these
superficial things like code quality
GitHub Stars likes followers and even
money as he looks at the spiderweb
reflecting the sun it reminds him of a
silicon ship he recognizes the inherent
intelligence that permeates all of
nature its beauty is so overwhelming
that he begins to cry in that moment
he's connected to all the people that
lived and died before him soon enough
he'll be dead and forgotten just like
them the complete insignificance of his
own existence is both terrifying and
liberating and it was at that moment
that he realized that the spider was
just flexing on him