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Reviewing 2023 and Goals // SIDE HUSSELEN no.26

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hello there and welcome back to the

closet historian and back to my series

side hustling where I talk about the

behind the scenes of trying to become a

a YouTuber which has weirdly enough kind

of worked out so um I still can't

believe that and if you've watched this

series from the beginning thank you for

being here with me for a long time Andor

just watching my story from the start it

is still shocked me that I've reached

this point and it is only because of

patreon that I can continue doing what I

do so thank you so much to my patrons

this year I'm going to be doing things a

little bit differently normally at the

end of the year/ beginning of the year I

do a video covering how I did on my

goals for the year before and then

talking about my goals for the next year

but because things are rather

intertwined and overlapping I'm just

going to be making one video this year

and I'll cover it all within this one

episode and I did just want to make a

little note here at the start saying

this is just my personal review of my

own inser very like uh I get stuck in my

own head a lot review of 2023 uh my year

and I know that many people had a far

worse 2023 than me I know there's a lot

of Destruction and violence going on

worldwide that uh I am not NE I'm privy

to as an outsider as an observer and

just going through my own footage and

watching back what I had to say about my

2023 it just seems very silly and

trivial compared to the magnitude of the

things that most people have been facing

out there um this is just my little

personal recap of the last year and I

just wanted to have a good disclaimer

and say I understand that my problems

are very small my little frustrations

for the last year are very trivial

compared to what is going on in the

world and I think we all need to keep in

mind uh what's going on on a more global

scale because it's um we're I know I'm

very lucky to have a roof over my head

to be in a safe environment and I'm

never going to be taking that for

granted even if little things may

frustrate me I know I'm very lucky and

um so I just wanted to say that here at

the start before I start complaining as per

per usual

usual

look um I had a lot of goals last

year and uh you know there is one that I

completed with absolute certainty and

that is that I finished my sleeve so

yeah you know uh I got I got myself some

some flowers here as we know and I

recently put a nice Spanish Moon moth

and some other spider webs and stuff on

my arm so my arm is done that was one of

the sillier goals I had from last year

but turned out to be the most achievable

one and of course the hippopotamus in

the room is that my main goal for this

last year was to buy a house and as we

can see I'm in the same room as usual so

that didn't happen and really this is

very simply explained because while I

had been saving for a down payment and

was getting quite close to my goal I had

a little bit further to go and then I

was going to start looking at houses in

late spring uh summer of last year of

this last year and um what happened was

that then uh I got my tax

bill and some of my nice savings for my down

down

payment disappeared uh had to be sent to

the IRS now that makes me sound

incredibly irresponsible but I had been

paying my quarterly taxes I I hired like

a tax guy you know the last couple of

years because having a job like this one

I don't and I'm not like I'm no

accountant you know so having a job like

this where I'm self-employed and work

for myself as a YouTuber get paid mostly

through Google AKA YouTube and then of

course patreon I didn't know how I was

supposed to figure all of that out so I

hired a person who does taxes for their

job now they had me making estimated

quarterly payments in 2022 which I did

on time no problems there the problem

was that they miscalculated my what

those payments should be I I owed a lot more

than I like was hoping you know I was

hoping maybe if it was a little bit off

I would owe like 500

bucks add a zero uh to that situation at

least and then of course I ow more owed

more in uh state tax as well than we had

thought so I ended up having to make a

very Hefty bite out of my down payment

to pay off extra tax stuff that I didn't

know was going to be hitting me which

probably was something I could have

absorbed if I hadn't already planned my

trip to London as well so I I could kind

of afford one or the other but both were

going to happen so uh right before I

left for London in fact the morning I

was supposed to leave for London I got a

call from my tax person telling me that

I owed several thousand uh and that I

not only that I needed to make my first

quarterly payment for 2023 that same day

so I I owed a couple thousand dollars

for 2023 several, for 2022 and then you

know another like Grand to stay as well

so uh that all was happening I had to

pay all that off out of my down payment

fund basically out of my savings for the

house the day I was supposed to be

leaving for London then I went to the

airport sat there for like 5 hours my

flight got canceled and I had to come

home and come back a few hours later to

actually fly to London missing my first

night there which meant I also you know

to add insult to injury had paid for my

first night of my hotel in London for no

reason because I wasn't there

so I guess British Airways really owes

me a vacation sometime because they

really uh you know the tax thing was

already going to put a downer on the

whole trip but then having to miss my

flight my first day there really did not

help so was quite a start to my London

vacation this year which I did have an

amazing time um but it was tempered by

all of this happening right before I

left because a sizable chunk of my down

payment suddenly disappeared and went to

the IRS instead um but that also meant

that it my dream was not happening last

year and I would say that that put a

damper on my trip but really it put a kind

kind

of Shadow over my whole year in some

ways because it was you know my main

goal my thing I was most excited about

for 2023 was to buy a house and to move

and because I had this sizable chunk

come out of my down payment fund I knew

it just wasn't going to be possible if I

still wanted to put 20% down on a house

which is what something I really want to

do I'm not looking to buy a very

expensive house I feel like I've said

that before but at the same time I do

want to make a I don't want to get

myself in over my head and put too

little down in the house and have my

mortgage payments be really high

especially because uh being a YouTuber

feels very um you know like they could

pull the rug out from under you at any

time so it would scare me to have like a

very large mortgage payment so I want to

make sure that I have enough to put down

so that I don't have to get myself into

any sort of a sticky situation I dove

into 2023 thinking something was going

to happen getting really excited about

it and then quickly with one little

email everything got kind of taken away

very suddenly and I was in a very lucky

and privileg position a I have somewhere

to live that I don't have to pay for as

we know I living with my family so I

could keep of course living here this

last year and keep saving up for the

house once again kind of starting you

know two steps forward felt like three

steps back but it was really only a step

and a half I just had to save up that

onethird of my you know down payment

basically again um after having it

rudely ripped away from me and then of

course I had to make larger payments

this last year just because I don't want

this to happen to me again but at least

now I kind of am prepared mentally and

don't have a trip to Europe planned

around tax season so that if this were

to happen again at least I have some

sort of a uh you know Plan B going on

here so that I don't have my house dream

ripped away from me a second time and it

always really has been a dream and

something that has felt unachievable and

unbelievable so really it it's like it

was a surprise and a hit to have the

possibility that I'd be moving this last

year taken away but at the same time it

didn't feel that un like unusual because

I have been waiting for so long to be

out there independent on my own and in

my own space that uh waiting another

year I it felt like getting punched in

the gut but not that surprising in the

end I guess uh in some ways because I've

just been I feels like I've been waiting

for so so long what's another year so

yes if you've been wanting the official

update on why I keep talking about

moving and yet not moving or why I keep

talking about getting excited for house

hunting and yet haven't been house

hunting it's because I was supposed to

do this all last year and it got ripped

out from under me a little bit so uh you

know I'm only I'm only pretending to

know how to adult like most people so uh

you know I figured you you save up your

little nest egg or whatever it's called

and you you go out and you buy a house

but apparently even when you are lucky

enough to be able to do that it's just

not that easy I don't know I don't think

I was in the best head space this last

year after that happened I didn't really

get time to think about it because I

again had to get on a plane the same day

that this kind of happened and fell

apart and I had to pay this huge tax

bill and kind of come to terms to the

fact that meant I wasn't going to be

buying a house this last year all in the

same day while waiting to get on a plane

and because I had that trip planned I

really tried to make the most of being

there in London and trying to not let it

bring me down um so I was really just

pushing past not trying my best to not

think about it and still have a good

time while I was in London especially

because at that point the money was

spent you know the hotel was booked the

flights were booked everything that

money that I should not in the end have

spent had been spent so um and I do love

London it does refuel me in so many ways

so I tried to still let that be true

even though I had this major

disappointment right before I left and I

never really because I had to get back

into work right when I got back from

London and I have been making things

ever since and trying to keep the

channel um you know going obviously

because it's my job and uh obviously

it's where I find a lot of creative

fulfillment in my work that I do as well

um I haven't really slowed down a lot

this year other than when I've gotten

like sick or something or like been

forced to physically slow down um and I

still don't think I've really let myself

come to terms with the fact that I uh

wasn't going to be moving and I just

kind of just been pushing because I knew

it's just a little delay it's just a

little delay um a year seems like a big

delay now that I'm sitting here A year

later but the difference between right

here and where I was last year is last

year I still needed to save a little bit

more um and now I am in a place where

I'm going to start looking in the new

year so I'm going to be looking at towns

cities places on the east coast and

probably start going out to the east

coast and investigating like do I even

like Syracuse New York who knows do I

even like I don't know um is Springfield

Mass a nice place a lot of houses come

up in Springfield Massachusetts is it

nice anyone anyone nearby uh Springfield

Massachusetts how do we feel another

place that they seem to come up New

London Connecticut anyone been to New

London Connecticut let me know these are

my three top places right now of course

Albany is in the running or places near

Albany but it seems almost too big of a

city if you know what I mean uh so we'll

see so I could deal with my complicated

disappointment from things not working

out last year or I could just push on

and be pleased that they're going to

happen this next year again barring

Strokes of lightning but I really really

hope it happens for me this next year

because there's a lot I feel like for a

long time I've been waiting for my real

life to begin I know it's sounds silly

seeing as I'm 32 so I think I'm in the

middle of it but I I been waiting to

kind of put myself out there again I've

been waiting to like in the sense of

like I need to make some friends I need

to make some IRL people uh I need I

would love to have some sort of

community IRL um I of course I have

Community here online and it's really

nice to be able to connect with people

who have similar interestes me but I

don't have anyone in my life I only have

like one friend here locally in Denver

who I have a lot in common with and

she's busy too so you know it's hard

to get face to-face connection for me uh

I think I've been

isolated from people in general so much

just from I live in a very Suburban very

like levit towy sort of place where

there's not a lot of like arts and

culture going on in the like the town I

live in and the suburb of Denver that I

live in um and I spent so much time

working from home and kind of insular in

my work in my office and I I need I

think some people in my life uh or at

least I need to try it and I've been

kind of waiting to invest time uh

because it is an something that would

take time away from the other things I

need to get done uh in building a

community or inserting myself into a

community and hoping for the best uh

because I knew I was going to move and I

don't know where I'm going to move and

it seems silly to try and you know make

friends here right before I go

anywhere and it seems silly to try and

find a therapist here before I go

anywhere and

in general I've just been waiting until

I'm in my new place waiting for that

geographical cure before I really start

living again finally and I think I had a

goal to make less than 50 garments in

this last year and as I'm recording this

I actually don't know because I haven't

counted it up yet uh I'll put the total

of things I made this year here so

whether that's over or under 50 I don't

even know I anticipate it's probably

around that if not over um I once again

overworked myself this year I once again

did not get the kind of time to devote

to writing that I wanted to this year um

It's Not Unusual for me if you've been

here for a while you know that I don't

give myself enough time to work on my

other creative Pursuits mostly because I

love what I do when it comes to sewing

and creating and uh embellishing and

beating and all these other things I I

love doing it so it's hard to get to

stop um but I definitely notice when I

haven't uh extended myself into writing

uh because in some ways uh writing for

me is a big emotional Outlet because I

don't have a ton of people to talk to in

my life I don't have a therapist I don't

have a ton of people to communicate with

and so in some ways I kind of

communicate through and in with my

characters so when I haven't spent a lot

of time writing usually that means I've

just been bottling up and not really

feeling human emotions sometimes uh

because I just need to get things done

and I don't have time to be sad or

disappointed or uh Angry or whatever

like I don't really I feel like I'm

pretty even uh keeled but it's possibly

because I don't usually let myself feel

all the things so I kind of get that

gets poured into my writing more so and

so if I don't let myself write then I

kind of dip into like more of a gray

space which of course is not helped

really by pmdd which really is probably

the main cprit of any dips that I have

because of course every month that comes

for me um and then also I have a hard

time like if my you know writing break

that I finally scheduled in happens to

coincide with when my uh progesterone

and whatever serotonin is not at the

correct levels it makes it hard to write

because I

can't I'm not thinking at the level that

I want to be in some way so uh it's hard

to schedule in writing time in that way

so I think I probably have to think

about it differently and just have to

kind of pause other work when I'm in the

mood to write and then get it done when

I'm not in the mood to write um which is

less structured than I how I've always

done it but at this point just

understanding how my my brain and body

work and

how I guess my creativity es and flows

both in the sense of writing and in the

sense of the physical things I make

there has to be a different sort of

balance in place so new things probably

have to be trial uh in general in so

many ways I have everything I could ever

want because I have my dream job and

nothing can really top that or touch

that but the truth is I did not achieve

90% of my goals for 2023 but I do feel

like I'm in a good position to to

achieve those goals this next year

instead and what is one year what is one

more year stuck in your parents basement

when you're 32 so thank you for

listening to my rambling review of 2023

uh basically was I in the best headspace

no did I get to buy a house and move no

uh did I get less work done no not

really my work life balance is still as

messed up as it has always been but I

did get my sleeve finished so I guess

I'll just take what I can get out of

this last year and move forward and do

the best I can to um keep staying

positive about what's going to happen

for me going forward I know I'm in again

such a lucky and privileg privileged

position to be able to save for a house

even if it takes me longer than I

initially expected it's kind of silly to

think that you can save up for a house

in just a couple of years anyway but uh

because I'm looking to buy a cheap house

that helps um I'm definitely looking to

buy something that's way under the like

United States average and people keep

saying you know move to California move

to Oregon I'm like guys we're not we

can't do West Coast prices um we're

we're definitely in slightly middle of

Noy prices so I'll try and get as close

to a city as I can but we'll see so yes

I remain unset on where exactly I want

to move I don't really have a major

preference I've never been to any of

these places where these sorts of houses

I want come up I know the kind of house

I want I know the kind of project I want

I don't know where exactly I want to

live there are certain things I am

looking for there are certain things

that are non-negotiables for me I want

to live in a state where I feel like my

rights are somewhat protected compared

to others because in the United States

uh there are varying degrees of safety

forth being you know for example a

female identifying person and being a

LGBT plus person um being Ace and queer

like I am there are certain environments

where I just would not feel at all safe

uh or I feel like at least I would like

to even if you know are most areas in

the United States are quite purple um

but I would like to feel that at least

the government of the state I'm in would

back me up on having some rights so

there are states that I'm just not

looking at because I'm sure there are

nice Pockets I'm sure there are nice

places and nice houses there but I just

would not have an overall like tent

feeling of safety in a place where I

felt like um I could not like I wasn't

supported on a state level I guess and I

think there are also probably states

that I should be looking at for like who

has the best self-employment tax because

I'm a self-employed person in the sense

that I'm a YouTuber so I'm sure there

are some states where I'd be paying a

lot more and a lot less that M doesn't

really matter to as much I don't mind

paying taxes ironically uh in this video

where I talked about how having to pay

tax kind of ruined my year um I don't I

don't actually mind as long as I know

what's happening um and can like plan it

in advance it's just the surprise paying

several thousand dollars in taxes that I

don't like U some places have higher

property taxes and stuff too that's

something I'm looking at but it's not

like a main um factor in my decision-

making I'd rather just feel I'd rather

be like if I can you know wager it if I

could find my perfect situation and just

like have a house up here uh I would

love to be in a town like a smaller is

Town not like a tiny town but like a

smaller is town that still has a Target

outside of a bigger city like 25 30

minutes outside of a city that's kind of

how I am here in Denver I'm about 30 40

minutes outside of Denver so if I need

to go into Denver if I want to have you

know if I want to go see a ballet if I

want to go some of the different shops

that are downtown I can restaurants

downtown things like that but I'm still

not in a bustling big city myself and

obviously as I've been stuck in the like

modern BBs for a very long time this is

not the kind of environment I'm looking

for um so I would rather be like

downtown in a small town if that makes

any sense and that does tend to be where

the older homes are anyway so uh I'm

looking at houses that are built you

know before 1930 really uh I if I find

something that's like a really amazing

Revival I wouldn't you know I would

obviously make an exception but I'm

looking at Victorian Edwardian era

properties uh maybe dipping into the

1920s if something is spectacular again

but looking at older homes I want

something that already has the big stuff

done I don't want to be putting in a new

$20,000 roof that's just not in the

budget I can't really do you know maybe

we can update a furnace but I can't do a

whole new HVAC system kind of a thing uh

I'm perfectly happy to DIY to demo a

bathroom to refinish some floors that

kind of thing but I'm mostly looking for

cosmetic upgrades I'm not looking for a

boards like from the studs fixer I can't

do that budget wise and I can't do that

work-wise just because I have a lot of

work to do on my actual job here so

sometimes people will say have you seen

this bargain and it's like a $40,000

house usually if a Victorian is $440,000

it's because they know it needs $400,000

worth of work and sadly that it's just

not in my budget either MoneyWise or

TimeWise and luckily once I start kind

of going above my budget what's happened

is that the houses have been gutted so

it's like it'll be a gorgeous Victorian

on the outside and then someone has made

it a gray minimalist uh open floor plan

inside and has already done the

renovations and of course that is not

what I'm looking for I'm looking for a

place that still retains its original

character some woodwork inside some

quirky things inside um that I can work

with and either add to or modify to kind

of create my dream Gothic jewelbox and

of course DIY and decorating and turning

something into my dream space is

something I want to share with you so

hopefully that will be coming later in

the year once I am am in a new space and

kind of have settled a little bit um I

don't know how long that will take to

both find a place I like find a house I

like and then of course move across the

country move my cats across across the

country don't even know how I'm going to

do that if any of you have

recommendations for how to move your

pets across the country safely for

everyone let me know but essentially my

biggest goal for 2024 Remains the Same

as it was last year in

2023 not much has changed and I do know

that this is a huge goal and a huge

project and it's going to eat up a lot

of my time which is when I started

getting worried about how I was going to

keep up my schedule here on the channel

and on patreon I do make five videos a

month usually four here on the channel

um sometimes up to five here on the

channel and then I do an additional

video um a pattern Drafting and sewing

or just pattern drafting video over on

patreon every month so I do do five

videos a month which is you know no no

trouble at all usually for me but it

might be trouble when I'm flying back

and forth to the east coast traveling

moving who knows what so I was talking

about this with my patrons uh I do a

monthly podcast update over there on

patreon and I was talking about this

with my patrons a little bit talking

about uh how this was you know making me

stress stressed and then I had an idea

that I could maybe because I have on

patreon I've been doing patreon for

several years now I have lots of videos

built up from making another video every

month for the past couple of years now

so I have lots of video content over

there and I asked them if it would be

okay if I released some of those patreon

exclusive videos some of the older

videos from patreon here on the channel

to be able to keep content coming in new

stuff fresh stuff here on the channel

for all of you and then be able to keep

my sanity as well and luckily because my

patrons are extremely understanding and

kind people obviously since they support

me and are the reason I can keep doing

this job in general um they said that I

could release some of the older patreon

videos onto the channel so that is

what's going to be happening this year I

will be trying to keep this to like one

archive or patreon video every 5 to six

weeks or so maybe here on the channel uh

that's kind of my plan as of right now

of course if I don't have anything to

upload because I've been like stuck in

Connecticut all week or something then I

will probably releasing an additional

like patreon archive video for you all

um it's kind of a bummer for patrons

because they've already seen this stuff

but some people maybe haven't seen some

of the stuff from the start so we'll see

how it goes some videos are obviously

going to be me talking about like during

the voiceover I'll be talking about like

topical things for 2020 so hopefully you

can forgive me for that one but this

just seemed like a good solution for me

to be able to keep the content wheel of

turnning here for the algorithm here on

YouTube while still being able to keep

my sanity this year as I am house

hunting and of course the furnac has

come on and thank you as always so much

to my patrons in general because they

make my work and my life in this side

hustle now my main hustle possible uh on

you with YouTube alone again behind the

scenes there's no way I could do this as

a full-time job with just the YouTube

income because I don't do sponsorships

because I do try and keep ads to a

pretty much a minimum as I can um I

don't make a the majority of my income

is not made on YouTube itself through

Google AdSense or anything like that it

is um I am a fan supported Channel this

is this is like a PBS model I'm

supported by my patrons mainly they're

the reason I can keep doing this and I

can think about adding in even like more

projects in the future and think about

doing more things just like my very

favorite program of all the Antiques

Road Show I am brought to you by viewers

like you in summary the dream was

delayed and now hopefully it is still

happening uh stay tuned and we'll find

out if any of this actually happens this

year I'll try and update you more

throughout the year I was really bad

about sometimes you just don't want to

talk about yourself and your own little

frustrations like this because it does

seem so trivial so you know I didn't do

a lot of side hustling updates over this

last year because I was overworking

myself partially so I didn't have to

think about anything works really well

when you just keep your hands busy and

hopefully your brain can be thinking

about sequins or something instead of

all the stuff going on both in your own

life and outside of it um so sometimes I

overwork myself purposefully or like

subconsciously in a way um in order to

not have to think about things and in

some ways I think that's part of why I

didn't share as much behind the scenes

and personal stuff this year uh here on

the channel other than me rambling on

while I'm sewing stuff because we all

know I should be focusing on telling you

what I'm doing but sometimes I'm talking

about the most random stuff while trying

to insert a zipper thank you so much for

sticking with me throughout this video

and throughout this last year supporting

me here on the channel I really cannot

thank you enough for giving me a job I

didn't even know was possible I'm kind

of a fashion designer I'm kind of a

sewing teacher and that's all only

because you watch the videos you support

me here on the channel and you keep

showing up for me and I there's no way I

can truly really thank you for that so

thank you and in addition to that

archive content that'll be coming out

over the year I do have some really

exciting projects coming up too and very

exciting materials here to get started

using in the office I'm going to try my

best to keep my you know normal sort of

output for you all so as always I'll be

back with more sewing vintage fashion

costuming and crafting real soon so I'll

see you then bye and an additional huge

thank you to all of my conservator level

patrons Alice Alysia Amy Audra beatric

Brienne Chay Cheryl conetta Karina Dan

Denise Elizabeth Ellen eloquent silence

Emily Evelyn jamboni Carol Cara Lany

lilet Linda Lynn Hamilton Lynn Olen

Maggie Margaret Megan Mna Nancy Natalie

Nina rimus Rhonda sha Stephanie tabels

Thea Tom aola and Zara thank you so much

for your support over this last year and

thank you to all of my patrons and to

all of you who watch these videos and

keep not only my work alive and keep me

going here on the channel but also keep

my dreams alive and going and for that I

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