Childhood emotional wounds, or traumas, create core beliefs (schemas) that unconsciously shape adult behavior and relationships, leading individuals to repeatedly seek out familiar, albeit painful, patterns.
Mind Map
Click to expand
Click to explore the full interactive mind map • Zoom, pan, and navigate
Emotional wounds in childhood and infancy, that is, our traumas.
Whether we realize it or not, it affects our day.
Even if you are 70 years old, the traumas you experienced in your infancy
affect your day. In any case, we do not do our best to make ourselves experience those traumas again and again
, even in our adulthood.
But how and why?
Details soon.
[Music]
Let's go to the beginning of the movie.
You are in a very comfortable, safe, warm place, this is a wonderful place.
All our needs are met.
This is your mother's belly.
Then all of a sudden this environment breaks down and you open your eyes to this world.
You have no idea where you are, who you are, what to do, what you are
. You have no idea about anything.
Then you see someone.
That's your mother or whoever cared for you.
You are trying to catch some clues by looking at his behavior towards you.
Who am I, do I exist?
Am I valuable?
am i strong You are trying to find the answers to all these questions from his behavior towards
you.
If he pays enough attention to you, then yes, I exist and I am a valuable person.
Because I deserve it.
You're starting to think that others are helping me, I deserve it.
It also
tells you that others are trustworthy, and that the outside world is trustworthy as well. Yes, others are reliable people too.
reliable in the outside world.
Because whenever I need someone, they come running and
you say that they meet my needs. Of course, these beliefs
continue to diverge or become stronger as your experiences diversify as you grow.
But let's see that things don't always go so well.
Sometimes you experience some distressing events and as a result of these events you
begin to establish some solid beliefs about yourself, the outside world, or others .
For example, I am worthless, I am inadequate, or others are unreliable.
The outside world is full of dangers.
Some basic beliefs, such as I am never safe, begin to emerge.
As a result of these events in childhood, these beliefs are actually
unrealistic beliefs
that you have developed with your limited child consciousness and that are often not very beneficial or even destructive .
But still you are very attached to these beliefs. Because these beliefs
offer you a framework of
what should be like in the unknown of the outside world .
You are so attached to these beliefs that you don't know what you would do without that belief. That's why, in our adulthood
, we continue to cling to
these beliefs, even if it hurts us, even if it is destructive .
It is very difficult for us to leave these beliefs.
While this belief is devastating, it is familiar and familiar and strangely makes
you feel at home.
Well, after all, what is always familiar to us, the known is safer
, and the unknown is dangerous.
That's why almost everyone experiences these negative patterns from
their childhood over and over again in their
adulthood without realizing it. Even if the reality around us, that is, the events that happen to us, is
different from the established belief in our mind, we
perceive that reality by distorting it to fit our belief. For example,
let's assume that we have developed the feelings and belief that
I am inadequate, I am worthless since childhood . We have this belief.
When our lover somehow does not call us or our boss does not prefer us for a job,
you interpret these events in a way that supports
this belief in our mind, even if the reason is different .
Look, he didn't choose me because I'm worthless, look, he didn't call me because I'm
inadequate. Actually, maybe the reason is different.
However, as I said, we either perceive the existing reality by distorting it or we
try to fit it into those patterns in our minds.
Likewise, it will make us feel worthless and inadequate. In other words, we
are almost drawn to the people and events that will support whatever the pattern in our mind is
. In other words, events or people that make us feel this way are much more attractive
to us, and we want to be with them. For example, a person with this belief
may have chosen
for himself a spouse or a friend who is constantly judging him.
In fact, what he is doing without realizing it is
to make him live that childhood belief and the emotion that that belief brings over and over again.
Yes, in the section so far,
I have briefly mentioned why we experience our childhood traumas in adulthood and see their effects in adulthood, and I have actually
talked
about schemas a little
. Well, let's come
to five of the signs
that our childhood traumas affect our day .
Sir, the first sign that you are experiencing the effects of your childhood traumas in adulthood
, are your "interest in people who will not be" relationships often platonic
or unstable?
Do you attract more towards people who wouldn't usually be like that?
Do you not like the others who are suitable for you?
What do I mean when I say won't be?
For example, I mean the person; This person may be married or already in a relationship
. This person may be a person far from you, may be in a different city, or may be in
a different country.
So, it may be someone you have little opportunity to meet in some way.
This person may be someone who works too hard or who
cannot spare time to have a healthy relationship due to hard work. This person may be a person from a different socio-economic,
cultural and material environment,
who has a very, very different world from yours . There may be someone who
states that he does not want a relationship from the very beginning, that is, he does not want a regular relationship,
or who acts cold, distant, indifferent, critical or even abusive towards you
. Do you usually find these types of people more attractive to you?
If you have had a childhood trauma, yes, these people are usually more
attractive to you. Even if you like a potential person who is suitable for you, when that person
starts to get close to you, when they start to show interest in you, you suddenly turn cold.
All of a sudden, he no longer seems attractive to you.
Therefore, it is difficult for you to have a relationship.
Even if you do have a relationship with someone, your partner is usually cold, distant,
uninterested, or unstable.
So one day he is behaving very well, the next day he is behaving away. This is usually because you did not have
a secure attachment relationship
with your mother or caregiver as a baby.
For example, your mother is with you, but she is not there.
So it is there but it is not.
Your mother or caregiver is meeting your physical needs, but
not enough to meet your emotional needs.
For example, he may be sick, he may be depressed.
He may not be able to spare time for you due to working too hard.
You may have been given a daycare center or given to a
caregiver at a very early stage before you are ready.
So your mother may have separated.
If there is a constant change of teachers in this kindergarten or if your caregiver is constantly
changing, if different people have given you care all the time, this may also
have caused a childhood wound in you.
Your mother may have passed away or abandoned you.
Your mother may have acted unbalanced towards you due to a problem she had.
For example, one day he is very friendly, the next he is cold and indifferent.
You may have lost your mother's attention
due to a recent sibling coming in, or perhaps a divorce etc.
Or, if there is a constant quarrel and an atmosphere of uneasiness at home, you may have experienced
a fear such as the separation of your mother or father, the breakup of your family, or losing your mother
. In fact, you are
sabotaging yourself
by being attracted to people you won't be or having relationships with people you won't be .
In this way, you make yourself feel that emotional deprivation from our childhood again and again
. This is the reason why you are alienated from someone who takes care of you.
Sir, another symptom is attachment and avoidance of serious relationships.
When you have a relationship with someone, when that person starts to get close to you, you somehow make up
various excuses and end the relationship.
Getting attached or having a serious relationship is like being trapped for you.
If this is the case, one of the reasons for
this may be a problem experienced in that basic secure attachment period,
especially with your mother or the person who cares for you in the first years of life .
Now we can think about it, my mother was a very sweet person.
No, it took care of all his needs too.
Look, your mother does not necessarily have to be a bad person or a person who does not care for you at work or treats you badly
.
Sometimes, even without realizing it, parents
can harm this basic secure attachment to our process.
By escaping from the relationship, we are actually sabotaging ourselves again, and we are
experiencing the feelings of deprivation and abandonment from childhood over and over again .
Sometimes the reason for this, namely avoiding serious relationships, avoiding attachment,
may be a coping mechanism or a defense mechanism
. If you have learned from the very early years of your childhood that you
cannot rely on others to meet your attachment needs,
then somehow you can develop a belief that I am self-sufficient
and you suppress your attachment needs, you reject them, and you ignore them.
Of course, in this case, the person may seem very self-confident and extremely independent from the outside,
but in fact, he or she is experiencing emotional deprivation inside.
Sir, another symptom is "Experiencing Serial Relationship", what does it mean to have serial intercourse?
So don't be in a constant relationship.
In order to be happy, you have to be in a relationship all the time.
One relationship ends, another begins, you can't stay unrelated.
Maybe every single relationship
you have is a new opportunity to prove that you are worthy of the love and affection that you did not get enough of during your childhood.
Who knows? And another sign.
"Fear of abandonment" and some behaviors shown by fear of abandonment.
Being alone and abandoned.
It is your biggest fear.
And somehow you are sure that it will find you eventually.
Therefore, when you have any relationship, you can overwhelm the other
party. You can be extremely jealous of him.
For example, you can expect a lot of attention from him.
The attention he shows may never be enough for you.
For example, he said to leave me alone for a while, for a while to get away from you for a while.
You can even perceive this as an abandonment and make decisions, and
you can experience those most intense emotions as if you were abandoned.
You so overwhelm the other party with the fear of abandonment that you will eventually be abandoned again
. In fact, this is again a self-sabotaging behavior. In
other words, you somehow force the other party to that point and in the end, you will be the victim
, that is, the one who is abandoned.
You are abandoned again, you are in a corner again, you are crying again, you are sad again,
but strangely, the feeling is safe and familiar.
Sir, the fifth sign that your childhood traumas are affecting your day is
self-confidence problems, "Low confidence or overconfidence".
What do I mean now?
When you say low self-esteem, you may really be feeling different from others
. Your self-esteem is often low and you hesitate to enter social situations
When you enter social environments, you often feel lonely, excluded, and
different from others.
There is always the thought that I am different from them, if you constantly compare yourself to others
, and in this comparison you are always lower, more flawed, worse
. You are very sensitive to what other people think of you.
So what would they think if I did this?
What will they say about me if I say this?
Situations like these are obsessively important to you.
Sometimes, the person
may appear to be overconfident in order to cope with this sense of low self-confidence or the feeling that I am different, I am more flawed than others.
In other words, he looks extremely arrogant, self-confident and self-confident from the outside.
However, he is dealing with the feelings that I just mentioned inside.
So what could be the reason for this?
The reason for this may be an injury we experienced in our childhood.
For example. In childhood, you may have been the object of ridicule of your peers due to any of your characteristics
, and indeed your peers may have excluded you.
You may have been humiliated, for example, your weight, height, physical characteristics, family, I don't
know, your lifestyle, you may really be excluded or humiliated for such reasons
. Another reason
may be that your family is indeed different from other families. In other words, when you look at the general families around you, your family
may be different. What do I mean by difference? It
can be a different socioeconomic level, a different education level, a different ethnic background
, a different lifestyle.
In other words, you may have grown up in a different family than others.
Or you may indeed be a different child compared to others.
What do I mean?
You have different interests.
You have a different view of the events around you.
So you are not like your peers.
When will we see this?
For example, we can see it in gifted children.
They often think differently from their peers.
We can see it in children with developmental delay.
They are also different from their peers or have
different interests in children with different sexual orientations in their childhood and
unfortunately these children often find themselves in these feelings. Isn't it strange how
our beliefs, which we formed with our limited consciousness in childhood and infancy,
almost turn into our destiny and we keep ourselves going through these situations again and again
? So is this destiny or can it not be changed?
Of course it can be changed.
The first step to change is to notice.
In these videos, our aim is to make this awareness live.
After realizing it, you can work with an expert clinical psychologist and get help from him, and you can
benefit from the videos I have prepared about schemas . Of
course, the indicator of the traumas we experienced in childhood, in adulthood, is
not only five.
I only mentioned five of them in this video, but of course there are many, many more elements
. If you are curious, you can watch my other videos about it.
I will place the links of these videos in the description and comment section.
If personal development and psychology are among your interests, you are in the right
place, we upload two brand new videos on these topics every week on this channel
. If you want to be aware of these videos, please subscribe now.
Turn on notification bells after subscribing, so you'll be
notified when new videos are uploaded.
Click on any text or timestamp to jump to that moment in the video
Share:
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
One-Click Copy125+ LanguagesSearch ContentJump to Timestamps
Paste YouTube URL
Enter any YouTube video link to get the full transcript
Transcript Extraction Form
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
Get Our Chrome Extension
Get transcripts instantly without leaving YouTube. Install our Chrome extension for one-click access to any video's transcript directly on the watch page.
