0:01 i want to talk a little bit about the
0:04 skill of reframing if communication is
0:06 the master skill of interpersonal
0:09 emotional intelligence reframing along
0:11 with mindfulness is in my opinion the
0:14 master skill of interpersonal emotional
0:16 intelligence it is the cognitive
0:23 in a very real sense gaining some
0:25 mastery over your framing of the world
0:28 will completely change your world let's
0:30 look at an example to illustrate how
0:33 powerful framing is you're in your car
0:35 you're driving in heavy traffic you're
0:37 desperately trying to get to your i
0:54 they were traveling too fast and so they
0:56 needed to slam on the brakes to avoid
0:58 hitting the car in front of them even
1:00 though you hit your brakes immediately
1:02 you still cannot stop in time to avoid
1:06 bumping it wasn't a massive crash but
1:07 you know from the crunching sound that
1:09 it's not going to be an easy fix
1:12 or a cheap one just up ahead the other
1:13 car pulls over
1:16 so you pull up behind it and turn off
1:18 your engine as you're undoing your seat
1:20 belt all you can think about is how
1:23 unbelievably stupid that person is just
1:24 work out in front of you like that and
1:27 then slam on the brakes unbelievable not
1:29 only will you now miss your pilates
1:30 class but you've also got an expensive
1:32 repair job on your hands and you're
1:34 probably gonna have to catch public
1:36 transport for at least the rest of the week
1:36 week
1:38 you could literally not
1:39 not
1:41 be more angry as you open your car door
1:43 and walk over to the other car you are
1:46 preparing to unload
1:49 your fury on this ignorant half-wit but
1:51 what you see
1:53 as you look in through the driver's
1:56 window doesn't meet your expectations
1:58 it's a young woman with tears streaming
2:00 down her face and a look of panic in her eyes
2:02 eyes
2:04 she's reaching back into the back seat
2:07 shoving an asthma puffer into a small
2:09 child's face
2:10 the child looks like he's having
2:12 terrible trouble breathing and his lips
2:14 are turning blue she turns to you at the window
2:15 window
2:17 and says i'm so sorry
2:19 he's having an asthma attack i need to
2:21 get him to hospital in the blink of an
2:24 eye your rage is gone and it's replaced
2:26 by compassion and the desire to help
2:28 your pilates class and your car suddenly
2:30 that all seems trivial now as you pull
2:32 out your phone and call an ambulance so
2:34 what's changed in a certain sense
2:37 nothing's changed so
2:39 how is it possible that literally in a
2:42 moment that driver has gone from someone
2:45 you couldn't be more angry at to someone
2:49 you desperately want to help well
2:50 you've been provided with new
2:52 information and
2:53 that information has caused you to
2:55 reframe your understanding of the driver's
2:56 driver's intentions
3:02 the process of reframing can apply to
3:04 more than just you know specific
3:06 situations it can apply to
3:08 to
3:10 it can apply to whole ways of seeing the
3:12 world it's a small change
3:20 if i wanted to make everything in the world
3:21 world
3:24 blue i could buy some blue paint and
3:26 just start painting everything blue the walls
3:27 walls
3:29 window the plants
3:31 my computer everything you could i could
3:33 just grab some blue paint and just paint
3:41 i could change my frames frames can work
3:44 against us or they can work for us so
3:47 it's essential that we're aware of them
3:48 and that we have them optimized for the
3:55 this is especially the case when it
3:57 comes to having difficult conversations
3:59 where it's so
4:02 natural to frame the other person's
4:05 position or their intentions
4:07 the worst possible lie and
4:09 while this can make us feel good and it
4:11 might even seem to justify the
4:13 frustration we might be harboring
4:16 towards that person it can also serve as
4:18 a real barrier to effective dialogue
4:20 and will therefore impair your ability
4:22 to achieve a good outcome with your
4:24 conversation over the next few videos we
4:26 are going to have a close look at the
4:28 way we frame some of the most important aspects
4:29 aspects
4:31 of difficult conversations we're going
4:34 to start by reframing how you think of
4:36 the conversation itself and then we'll
4:37 take a closer look at how we can
4:40 effectively reframe our conversation partner
4:41 partner
4:43 did you get that
4:45 there's your first clue
5:27 you have beans
5:29 is there anything that we can put into
5:31 the tacos that would make them nicer for
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