0:00 Have you ever wondered to yourself if a
0:02 man is actually open to the idea and
0:04 possibility of falling in love? Isn't it
0:07 frustrating trying to figure out if he
0:09 truly is emotionally available or if
0:12 he's emotionally unavailable? Well, what
0:14 if I told you there are real measurable
0:17 signs to tell for sure if that man is
0:20 open to falling in love? Which is
0:23 exactly why on today's show, we're going
0:25 to be discussing how to know he's open
0:27 to falling in love. That way you don't
0:30 get stuck wasting your valuable time and
0:33 energy on a man who was never going to
0:35 choose you in the first place. Uh for
0:37 point number one we have value. Now in
0:39 order to explain this point I drew out
0:41 for all of you beautiful people a
0:43 diamond ring. So we're going to imagine
0:45 here we have a diamond ring. Okay 4
0:48 karat diamond ring. So I'll put here
0:51 4k 4k diamond ring. Okay. And I don't
0:55 even know if that's how you say carrots.
0:57 Right. We'll say 4C.
1:01 Forcy 4karat diamond ring we have here
1:05 and I want to ask start this by asking
1:07 you a question. Okay, let's say we have
1:09 this 4 karat diamond ring here. I want
1:11 each of you to tell me what do you think
1:14 the value of this diamond ring is. Just
1:17 speak on what you think u it's worth in
1:20 your own eyes. Whatever you feel the
1:22 worth is whether you feel the worth is
1:23 $20, $10, $2,000, $200,000. What do you
1:28 feel like a 4karat diamond ring? Natural
1:31 diamond. Okay. Not the lab grown stuff
1:33 that was mine through the earth, through
1:35 the way that it earth uh the earth was
1:38 created, right? A natural diamond. What
1:40 do you think that that is truly worth in
1:42 your eyes? I want each one of you to
1:44 spit out a number of what you think uh
1:47 this diamond is worth. I seen someone
1:48 say this is really worth
1:50 $5,000, right? Okay. What else? What was
1:53 someone else? Um okay, I see $200,000.
1:57 Right. Someone
1:58 said I see someone say $10,000. Okay.
2:03 10,000. Oops. Yeah.
2:06 10,000. All right. Uh I see someone say
2:09 50K. Oh yeah. We'll put 50K
2:13 here. Uh let's see. Someone says
2:16 priceless. Okay. Well, I'll put that
2:18 here, too.
2:21 Priceless. All right. So, the reason
2:23 that I want to draw this out here and
2:25 give you guys some numbers, okay, fun
2:29 little numbers, right? And there's a
2:32 very important concept to kind of
2:35 understand here. When I gave you guys
2:37 this 4 karat diamond ring and I asked
2:40 all of you to price it, you're all going
2:42 to place a particular value on the
2:44 diamond ring based on how important or
2:48 valuable a diamond ring is to you. And
2:51 the value that you tie to a diamond ring
2:53 will be of a bunch of different factors
2:56 of maybe your experience with rings. Um
2:59 maybe you know how shiny or uh nice
3:02 diamonds are to you or how unvaluable or
3:05 useless and pretentious diamonds are to
3:08 you. This could be a factor of your
3:09 friendships. This could be a factor of
3:11 your family members. Um it could be uh
3:14 things that you've seen from your mother
3:15 and father. Right? All of these things
3:17 culminate to what your uh thinking of
3:20 the real value of this 4 karat diamond
3:22 ring is. Which is why I can give you the
3:24 same ring and everyone has a different
3:26 value placed on that ring. Okay? So the
3:28 reason that I say this is because when
3:30 you start dating a man in order to
3:32 understand if he's open to the idea of
3:34 love, you have to see what value he
3:37 places on being in a relationship number
3:39 one and being with a woman number two.
3:42 is going to sound kind of weird because
3:44 when you go out on a date, you're
3:45 thinking to yourself, well, if I'm on
3:47 this date, doesn't it mean that he
3:48 values relationships? No, not
3:50 necessarily. And if you're on a date
3:52 with a man, it also doesn't mean
3:54 necessarily that he values women and
3:56 what women will bring to the table in
3:58 terms of being in a relationship, right?
4:00 Because sometimes you might go out on a
4:02 date with a guy and in the process of
4:04 getting to know him and talking to him,
4:06 he might actually be on a date with you
4:09 and see marriage and see relationships
4:11 and see, you know, just having a
4:13 girlfriend overall as a nuisance. Oh,
4:15 you got to do this and I've seen my
4:17 other uh guy friendss have to go through
4:19 so much being in a relationship and I've
4:21 seen these horror stories of marriage
4:23 and I just don't know if marriage is for
4:24 me. I'm telling you, you get a guy to
4:26 yap enough, right? guys love yapping.
4:28 They will spill their inner secrets of
4:31 how they feel towards relationships and
4:34 towards women. And then when you get
4:36 that information, you need to be
4:37 gauging, does this man see value in
4:39 women and see value in relationships and
4:42 see value in the maybe intangible things
4:44 that a woman will bring to a
4:46 relationship and how she'll bring value
4:48 to that uh relationship or that man so
4:50 to speak, right? Or does he not see that
4:52 value? Because some men won't. And the
4:55 men who are going to be open to falling
4:57 in love will speak on that value that
5:00 they see in having a good woman in their
5:02 life. Right? Obviously having a bad
5:04 woman, the same thing like having a bad
5:06 man will only bring you bad things. But
5:08 having a good woman in his life should
5:10 be something that he can speak towards
5:12 and something that he seems to be
5:14 excited for of the possibilities of and
5:17 wants to attract into his life. Okay.
5:20 You're going to notice a very important
5:21 theme as we discuss here. certain
5:23 things. When a m man is in a particular
5:26 mind state and mind frame, he will speak
5:29 on relationships and partners and his
5:31 own life in a very particular way.
5:33 That's very unique to a man who's open
5:35 and ready and primed to fall in love.
5:37 Vice versa, men who are not there, they
5:40 will speak in the opposite way. So,
5:42 we're kind of going to discuss both as
5:43 we go along here. Are we guys are we all
5:45 on the same page so far? Okay. Right.
5:48 Uh, someone said, "So, what do we ask
5:50 him to find the answer?" All you need to
5:52 do when you're asking him these
5:53 questions and you're having a
5:54 conversation with him is ask him, "Well,
5:56 what do you think uh a woman brings to a
5:58 relationship?" Like, "What do you think
6:00 is the value in having a woman in your
6:02 life, right?" And just let him speak
6:05 honestly on what he thinks women bring
6:07 to a relationship. What he thinks the
6:09 value is in having a woman versus being
6:11 single. You can even ask him, right?
6:12 What are the benefits, the pros, and the
6:14 cons you think of being single versus
6:16 being in a relationship? and let him
6:18 speak honestly about what he thinks that
6:20 is. Um, also you got to make sure when
6:22 he's speaking honestly, you're not
6:24 judging in your facial expressions and
6:26 in your body language because the crazy
6:29 part about it is you'll be shocked. You
6:30 will go on some first and second dates
6:32 with men. You'll ask them these type of
6:34 questions and they'll start talking and
6:36 you'll be like, "I can't believe you're
6:37 actually saying this out loud. You're
6:38 actually telling me this and you're on a
6:40 date with me. Don't you realize how much
6:41 of a red flag that is?" You have to make
6:43 sure that you're inviting. Oh, that's
6:45 Wow, that's very interesting. that
6:47 that's an interesting point of view and
6:48 let him just keep telling you and
6:50 telling you and being honest about uh
6:51 how he feels. Okay, let's hop into our
6:54 point number two.
6:57 Okay, value so important.
7:03 Okay. So, for point number two here,
7:06 something that I really want all of you
7:09 to be thinking about and paying
7:10 attention to as well. And
7:13 um I just encountered this uh the other
7:16 day when I was helping a woman.
7:23 Okay, let's do this like
7:27 this. So, we'll draw the man up here
7:30 with his large egg
7:34 head. And uh we're going to draw some
7:36 things underneath him.
7:40 Okay. So, we'll have here some smaller
7:45 characters.
7:54 and you'll see why all of these smaller
7:57 characters
7:59 exist. Okay, we'll also have one
8:14 here. Yeah, we'll see.
8:23 And this one's going to be
8:26 scary. All
8:32 right.
8:35 Okay.
8:37 So, let's uh do this like this. For
8:40 point number two, we have attachments.
8:42 When you meet a guy, super duper
8:44 important. If you're trying to gauge if
8:46 a guy is emotionally available or
8:48 emotionally unavailable, you have to be
8:50 understanding what attachments does he
8:52 have in his life. Now, there's a very
8:54 easy thing to kind of spot as a red
8:56 flag, and that is, well, does he have an
8:58 attachment still to his ex-girlfriend or
9:00 one of his ex-girlfriends? I.e., does he
9:03 still see her at work? Uh, i.e., are
9:05 they still in the same type of friend
9:07 group? Or, uh, do they just hang out
9:09 one-on-one because they're now
9:10 transitioning into being best friends?
9:12 Right? That's an attachment that
9:14 definitely if you notice is happening
9:16 and you notice this guy still has
9:18 feelings or some sort of connection to
9:19 his ex-girlfriend, then you definitely
9:22 want to be avoiding those type of men
9:24 like the plague because that guy is not
9:26 going to be possibly able to be open to
9:28 the idea of falling in love if he still
9:30 has love and is in love with one of his
9:33 ex-girlfriends. Sounds very simple in
9:35 theory, but a lot of times when you come
9:37 on your first couple of dates, you're
9:38 assuming, I met this guy on Hinge. Oh,
9:41 he had a good vibe. whatever the case
9:42 may be that because we're on this date,
9:45 that means he's ready to actually be in
9:47 a relationship. Remember, that's not
9:49 always necessarily the case. So, anytime
9:51 you get on a first date, you have to be
9:54 asking these questions and inquiring
9:55 about these things to have an
9:57 understanding of, okay, not just are you
9:59 on this date, but are you actually open
10:01 and emotionally available to being in a
10:04 relationship and falling in love with
10:05 someone? Ex-girlfriend is something to
10:07 look out for. Now, in a lesser sense,
10:10 you might be thinking, well, why is the
10:11 brother on here? He doesn't have a
10:13 romantic relationship with his brother.
10:14 Why would he be on here? See, brothers,
10:17 whether we call them big bros or we can
10:19 even just call them brothers from
10:21 another mother, someone that he might
10:23 look up to or really care about this
10:25 guy's opinion, these type of attachments
10:27 can also hold him back from ever being
10:30 able to fall in love. Because,
10:32 understand this very important point.
10:34 Whoever this big bro is, whoever this
10:36 guy that's in his inner circle that's
10:37 always in his hear about ear about
10:39 things, if that guy, like in our last
10:41 point, doesn't see the value in women
10:43 and having a woman in a man's life and
10:45 the value that a woman will bring to a
10:47 relationship, right? If he's very much
10:49 in the mindset that women are disposable
10:51 and they're useless and they can't bring
10:53 any value to a relationship, he's going
10:55 to be in your man's ear all the time
10:57 about that same concept and idea. So,
11:00 it's going to make it that much harder
11:01 for him to open himself up to connection
11:04 or love or even just building any sort
11:07 of relationship with you when this guy
11:09 who's really close to him and really
11:11 attached to him is constantly telling
11:12 him, "Don't do that. You don't need that
11:14 in my your life. It's not going to bring
11:16 you any value. You're not going to find
11:18 happiness that way." And of course, he's
11:20 not going to be living that life either.
11:22 So, the example he's going to be setting
11:23 for your man is going to be the complete
11:25 opposite example of what you need in
11:27 order for you guys to have a successful
11:29 relationship. Okay. Now, the number
11:31 three is the scariest
11:32 one. This is the scariest attachment
11:35 that a man can have that will definitely
11:38 lead to the downfall of any
11:39 relationship. And you might be
11:40 wondering, why is it the mom and why is
11:43 she the scariest even scarier than the
11:45 ex-girlfriend? Because trust me, rest
11:48 assured, ex-girlfriends can be bad in
11:51 terms of the things they might say or
11:53 the way they might deter a man from
11:54 being in a relationship. But moms are
11:58 100 times worse because you can't get
12:01 rid of them. And you're never going to
12:03 have the oneup of saying, "I know more
12:05 about you. I've known you for longer. I
12:08 understand you better. I care for you
12:10 more." You're never going to be able to
12:11 say any of that. So mom, if mom is of
12:15 the belief that no one is good enough
12:17 for her son, if mom is of the belief
12:20 that no woman in his life brings enough
12:22 value to actually be worth being in his
12:24 life over her, trust me, there will be
12:27 no chance that this man will ever be
12:30 able to fall in love. Even if he wanted
12:32 to, even if he met you and he was like,
12:34 "Oh my gosh, mom, this is the girl of my
12:36 dreams." Trust me. Trust me. When
12:38 mothers are determined, they will
12:41 discourage, right? their son from being
12:44 in a relationship. It doesn't matter how
12:46 amazing you are, it doesn't matter if
12:48 you're the queen of England, it doesn't
12:49 matter if you're Princess Diana. If she
12:51 has made up her mind that you are not
12:53 good enough for him, she will convince
12:56 him until she's blue in the face, that
12:58 he should not fall in love with you,
13:00 it's a bad idea, you're not the right
13:01 woman for him, all of that stuff. So,
13:04 the reason I say this is because when
13:05 you go out on your dates, you need to be
13:07 paying attention one to a his
13:09 relationship with his mom by asking
13:10 questions, of course, and then number
13:12 two, you need to also be gauging with
13:14 these
13:15 ex-girlfriends, did they struggle or
13:18 thrive when it came to your mom. Uh, I
13:20 had a woman that I was helping the other
13:22 day and she was essentially telling me a
13:25 story about how one of the reasons her
13:27 last relationship basically fell apart.
13:29 She was dating a guy for seven years and
13:31 the reason her relationship fell apart
13:33 was because the mom became such an issue
13:36 that she could no longer stand being in
13:38 a relationship with that guy because he
13:41 would never stand up to his mom about,
13:43 you know, things that she was saying
13:44 towards her. So, you have to understand
13:47 if you're asking questions, let's say
13:49 you're on a date with the guy and you're
13:50 asking, okay, so what are some of the
13:52 things, you know, in terms of your mom's
13:54 relationship with your ex-girlfriends,
13:55 have they been good? Have they been bad?
13:57 has it been difficult for you? And if
13:59 you're starting to hear rhetoric about
14:00 like, oh, you know, my mom and my
14:03 ex-girlfriend didn't really get along or
14:05 there was a lot of friction or if you
14:07 start hearing in the sense that like
14:09 that was one of the main reasons that
14:11 they broke up, that is one of those
14:13 moms, okay? you're dealing with a man
14:15 that has one of those moms and has one
14:17 of those relationships and attachments
14:19 to his mom where his mom can actually
14:22 break up uh him and another woman even
14:25 if he likes the woman, even if he wants
14:27 to be in a relationship with the woman,
14:28 right? And so you can actually meet a
14:30 man who technically is emotionally
14:32 available, but because of his attachment
14:34 to his mom, he becomes emotionally
14:35 unavailable because she makes it
14:37 impossible for him to have a successful
14:39 long-term relationship. Are we all on
14:41 the same page so far? Right? Does that
14:43 make sense?
14:45 Um, uh, someone asked Tom,
14:49 uh, he rarely introduces girls to his
14:52 mom. His mom wants him to focus on his
14:54 education before getting into a
14:56 relationship. So, this is an example of
14:57 one of those moms, right? If she's of
14:59 the belief that her son should not be
15:01 exploring relationships, what do you
15:03 think she's going to do? She's going to
15:04 discourage him from exploring
15:05 relationships, it's going to make it
15:07 that much harder for him to ever get
15:09 into a relationship. So, you can
15:10 effectively have an emotionally
15:12 unavailable man because of how
15:14 much power his mom holds in his mind, in
15:18 his heart, in his spirit, um, and how
15:20 much power her opinion holds. Does that
15:22 make sense to all of you?
15:28 Okay. Princess says, "What if he doesn't
15:31 say much? Then you got to get him
15:33 talking." You got to get these guys
15:35 yapping. The only way to get real
15:37 information, chat, is to get guys
15:39 yapping. number one, and then to be
15:41 observing of their actions, right? If
15:43 you can't uh and and we have shows on
15:45 how to get guys yapping and and asking
15:47 questions and to get them to open up to
15:49 you more, um which we can have a whole
15:51 show on on exactly how to get each
15:53 individual guy to open up or in general,
15:56 right? But, uh that's what you have to
15:58 do in any scenario if you're going to
16:00 get information and get knowledge on a
16:02 man. You have to get him to open up. And
16:03 every man is capable of opening up.
16:06 Okay? Uh, don't ever think that men
16:08 aren't capable of opening up because of
16:10 something you heard on a TV show or
16:12 something like that. Okay, let's hop
16:13 into point number
16:16 three. All
16:22 right, this one's a fun point. It was
16:24 fun to draw at least. We'll see how well
16:27 you guys can internalize it when I
16:29 try. All
16:32 right, let's do it like this.
16:39 Uh, okay. How am I going to do this? So,
16:43 we'll do
16:49 this. And
16:51 uh, it's going to look weird when I dry
16:54 chat, but don't you worry, we going to
16:57 get there.
17:10 Okay, perfect. Perfect. This is not bad.
17:12 This is not bad. Not bad. All
17:14 right.
17:26 Perfect. All right. So, I labeled them
17:28 because I knew it would be a little bit
17:29 confusing. Okay. So for point number
17:31 three, we're going to discuss vision,
17:34 specifically his vision of the future.
17:37 Okay? So I drew a crystal ball here
17:39 because the crystal ball is supposed to
17:41 symbolize like looking into the future.
17:43 Because when you sit down with a man on
17:45 these very first dates, you want to be
17:47 gauging and looking into this crystal
17:49 ball. What is your vision of the future?
17:52 Now, the mistake that a lot of people
17:53 make is asking very simple questions
17:57 that most men are referred to are
17:59 prepared for, I should say. Like, what
18:01 are you looking for? Okay, that's a
18:02 common one that if you're a serial
18:04 dater, you probably ask on all of your
18:06 first dates. But the problem is men are
18:08 prepared for that question and they know
18:10 how to answer that question in a way
18:11 that sounds good. Now, what's better for
18:14 you to do when you go out on your dates
18:16 is ask men in general, what is your
18:18 vision for the future for yourself? What
18:21 are some of the things you want to be
18:23 doing? The places you want to go, the
18:25 places you want to live. What does that
18:27 vision consist of? Because in that
18:30 question, you're looking into the
18:31 crystal ball and then you're getting a
18:33 clearer picture of what his desired
18:36 future is. Now, let me explain something
18:38 to you from my own personal experience
18:40 with myself and with my own guy friendss
18:42 of the different types of ways they will
18:46 express this. I have some guy friendss
18:48 that because their vision of their
18:50 future is so self-focused on just having
18:53 fun, going out, doing what they want to
18:56 do, and they really don't want a
18:57 relationship or interested in a
18:58 relationship. They will answer this
19:00 question with answers that all pertain
19:02 to themselves. Oh, I want to go to
19:05 Dubai. Oh, I want to buy a Lamborghini.
19:08 Oh, I want to go here. I want to try
19:11 this. I want to live in Miami. Whatever
19:13 the case may be, right? everything will
19:15 be selffocused. Right now, the friends
19:18 that I have that are guys that are
19:20 really, really keen on being in a
19:21 relationship, they answer that question
19:23 with things about themselves, but they
19:25 always implement, I want to find a good
19:28 woman. I want to find a woman that we
19:31 can build a good solid relationship with
19:34 each other that I can trust. She trusts
19:36 me and we have a long lasting
19:38 connection. I have friends on both ends
19:40 of the spectrum. So, I know firsthand
19:43 that men will be capable of describing
19:45 their version of the future, their
19:47 vision for themselves. They will
19:49 implement a good woman into that vision
19:51 if they actually are looking for that
19:54 versus the men who aren't really keen on
19:56 that. It's not one of their focuses. As
19:58 soon as you ask them about themselves,
20:00 they will not implement a woman into
20:02 that picture there. So you have to be
20:04 very very relaxed when you ask these
20:08 general questions and not try to steer
20:10 him in any one direction. You have to
20:12 approach whenever you're inquiring about
20:15 this or whenever you're on the topic of
20:17 what is your vision for the future. Do
20:19 not say oh what is your vision of the
20:20 future as it relates to being in a
20:22 relationship with me? What is your
20:23 vision of a future as it relates to
20:25 having a girlfriend that looks just like
20:27 me? Okay? You have to just ask the
20:29 question in a vague sense and let his
20:31 mind go where it goes. naturally the men
20:34 who have that on the front of their mind
20:36 because with every human being there
20:37 will be things that are on the front of
20:39 your mind and there will be things that
20:40 are on the back burner. So what I mean
20:42 by that is if being with a good woman as
20:45 a man is on the front of your mind
20:47 meaning one of your top top priorities
20:49 it'll be one of the first things you
20:50 mention when you talk about your vision
20:52 of the future. Whereas if being in a
20:54 relationship is on the back burner you
20:56 have a lot of other stuff you want to do
20:57 before you do that. It's one of the last
20:59 things if you ever even mention it that
21:01 you're going to mention because it's low
21:02 on the priority list. Okay, let's hop
21:04 into point number
21:08 four. Looking into the crystal ball. All
21:12 right. Got to look into people's crystal
21:14 balls. No. Uh I won't say it. Don't say
21:18 it. Yeah, you got to look into the
21:20 crystal ball. All right. Point number
21:22 This is point number four here.
21:26 Okay, Chad. I'm having a great day.
21:28 Chad, I don't lie to you. I could be on
21:30 here for 5 hours. No, I kept. I kept. I
21:32 couldn't be on here for 5 hours. I lied.
21:34 I lied. I lied to you. But I could be on
21:37 here for a long time. I feel good today.
21:38 Chad chat if we chat. Yes, chat. I feel
21:41 good today. All right, let's hop into
21:44 this point here. I'm going to draw out a
21:48 timeline and uh we'll discuss this.
21:56 Um, and then we'll do so we'll have
22:00 four like there. And then we'll have one
22:03 there as well. Okay. So, this is our
22:05 what our timeline's going to look
22:10 like. And you'll see why I'm drawing
22:14 this like this.
22:22 Okay.
22:32 So, all right. So for point number four,
22:36 we're going to discuss the career
22:38 because make no mistake about it, you
22:41 have to be very keen and aware where is
22:44 that man's career when you guys are
22:48 exploring a romantic relationship. Let
22:50 me break this down in an example with
22:52 you and I'm going to implement this
22:54 timeline so you understand what I mean.
22:56 See, you might meet a guy and let's just
22:58 say for the sake of example that he is
23:01 at the entry level of his job and let's
23:04 say he works as a software engineer and
23:07 he's starting off with an entry-level
23:09 job as a software engineer. Now, you ask
23:12 him where his career is at currently and
23:14 where he wants his career to be in the
23:16 future and he tells you, "Yeah, you
23:18 know, I love software engineering. It's
23:20 not like I'm going to ever leave the
23:21 field. I just envision myself down the
23:23 line being you know a director or being
23:26 in the seauite starting my own software
23:28 engineering company or business. Okay.
23:31 Now the reason I want you to pay very
23:32 close attention to this even though I
23:34 know some of the things he might be
23:35 explaining might be boring to you.
23:36 You're like Thompson I don't care about
23:37 software engineers. I don't know nothing
23:38 about that life. What I want you to be
23:40 paying attention to is how close or or
23:42 how far away is he from his desired
23:45 career path and what will be the changes
23:48 required to get to that desired
23:50 destination or desired outcome. Let me
23:52 give you an example. see in the uh
23:55 engineer who wants to just get to a
23:58 director or a sea suite level in his his
24:00 same career path right now you're
24:03 understanding okay there isn't going to
24:05 be a drastic change in his lifestyle at
24:07 which we're going to talk about in a
24:08 little bit as time goes on because when
24:10 he becomes a manager his life's not
24:12 going to change that much he's just
24:13 going to have a little bit more
24:14 responsibility when he's a director a
24:16 little bit more responsibility and yeah
24:18 when he's a seuite maybe he's running a
24:19 business or uh maybe he just has even
24:22 that much more responsibility and more
24:23 subordinates, but he's doing essentially
24:25 the same thing and he just is becoming
24:27 an expert in that field. Now, if you
24:30 meet a man who his desired career path
24:33 is drastically different from where he
24:35 is now, now this is a man who is not
24:38 open to falling in love. Let me explain
24:40 to you why. Let's say in this example,
24:42 right, instead of having a software
24:44 engineer, let's say you have a guy who
24:46 wants to become a rapper, okay? And this
24:50 is his desired career path. Oh, I I make
24:52 rap music and I'm telling you I'm going
24:54 to be the next Low Baby. I'm going to be
24:55 the next Drake. I'm going to be the next
24:57 whatever. Okay. And because this is his
25:00 desired career path, he has a lot of
25:02 work to do. Let's just say it like that.
25:04 And now, um, instead of him working as a
25:07 rapper currently, in order to pay the
25:09 bills, he is a cashier, okay, at some
25:12 grocery store. Nothing against cashiers.
25:14 Now, he works as a cashier at a random
25:17 grocery store, but his desired career
25:19 path, right, his end goal is not to just
25:22 be a head of the cashier store or to own
25:25 or sorry, a grocery store or to own a
25:26 grocery store business. It's in a whole
25:29 different field. Now, you might be
25:31 wondering, well, how does this make him
25:32 open or not open to love? See, you have
25:34 to understand if a man is going to go
25:37 through some drastic changes in the next
25:40 couple of years, that man will be so
25:42 focused on whatever it is he's doing and
25:45 all the transitions and the changes that
25:46 will be taking place in his life that I
25:49 promise you, I'm telling you, this is a
25:50 man, I'm just going to be honest with
25:51 you, he will put love and a relationship
25:54 on the back burner to chase that dream.
25:56 And what you'll find is you end up
25:58 getting neglected and left behind
26:01 because all of the things and the energy
26:03 that is required for for him to go from
26:05 cashier to successful rapper is going to
26:08 take up so much of his time and energy
26:10 he won't have any left over for you. I'm
26:13 not saying you can't be with the man
26:14 become before he becomes rich and
26:16 famous. But what I am saying is you'll
26:18 be making a mistake being there before
26:21 the transition period. If that makes any
26:24 sense, right? at least if he was already
26:27 uh being able to live off of his music
26:29 and then saying, "I just want to be more
26:31 successful." Now, you're dealing with a
26:33 man who isn't going to have drastic
26:34 change in his life in the next year or
26:36 so. As opposed to being with a man who's
26:39 going from cashier to rapper in one
26:41 year, you're going to be dating
26:42 basically a whole different person in
26:44 one year. And that amount of time,
26:46 effort, and energy, and consistency
26:48 required to even get to that point is
26:50 going to be a lot. And it's going to
26:51 make it very difficult for love to even
26:53 be in the equation. I'll just be super
26:54 honest with you, right? You want a man
26:56 who's pursuing something, but you just
26:58 don't want him in a place where so many
27:00 things are changing that you don't even
27:01 know what your relationship will look
27:03 like in a couple of years or a couple of
27:05 months because he's going from one place
27:08 in his life to a completely different
27:10 area and you literally can't even gauge
27:12 what your relationship or who you'll be
27:13 to him at that point. You understand
27:15 what I'm saying, right? Okay. Uh,
27:18 someone says, "Uh, would you ever make a
27:20 video
27:21 on people who want a woman who want to
27:24 wait until marriage? I watch your videos
27:25 and they're so helpful, but I don't want
27:27 to rush
27:29 physical." I would definitely make a
27:32 video for women who want to wait until
27:34 marriage, but what would be the video?
27:35 What would the video be about? Because
27:38 if I make a video on waiting till
27:40 marriage,
27:41 then don't you just wait till marriage?
27:44 Like, how would you like what? There is
27:45 no physical intimacy. If you're waiting
27:46 till marriage, then you're just waiting
27:48 till marriage, right? Unless there's
27:50 something specific that you wanted to to
27:52 know about waiting till marriage, maybe.
27:55 All right, let's hop into point number
27:58 five. Point number
28:03 five.
28:06 Okay, so for point number five here,
28:09 make sure. Okay, we good. We good on the
28:12 we on the screen. Just want to make sure
28:15 we good. All right. Point number five
28:21 here. Um, it's going to sound similar at
28:26 first, but I'm going to explain a
28:29 different aspect of this.
28:31 Okay? And you'll see exactly what I mean
28:34 when I start explaining this. Okay? Um,
28:37 all
28:40 right.
29:00 Oops.
29:05 Okay. Try it down here.
29:11 All
29:12 righty. So, we'll go like this and like
29:19 that. Lot of artistic skills required
29:22 for this job. Chuck. Uh, all right. So,
29:25 we'll put here
29:28 easy and we'll put
29:30 here
29:34 harder. Okay.
29:40 So, I want to kind of help you guys
29:41 visualize something so we can all be on
29:44 the same page. Number five is lifestyle.
29:46 See, you have to come to a sobering
29:49 reality whenever it comes to dating men
29:52 and realizing who will even be prepared
29:55 to fall in love and who things will be a
29:58 lot harder to get to that point with.
30:01 Let me give you an example of what I
30:02 mean by that. Let's say you're dating a
30:05 guy who is working currently. His
30:07 current lifestyle is that he works as a
30:10 bartender at a couple of local clubs.
30:12 So, his weekends are basically not free
30:15 because Friday, Saturday, let's say
30:17 Sunday as well, and a Tuesday, and a
30:20 Thursday, he's working at a bartender at
30:22 a local club. Right now, you might think
30:27 to yourself, okay, what's necessarily
30:29 wrong with that? Being a bartender in
30:30 itself is not necessarily meaning that
30:33 he's a bad person. But the reality of it
30:35 is it will be harder to have a
30:37 successful relationship with that type
30:39 of man. One, it'll also be harder to
30:43 have a man who is open to falling in
30:45 love who is in that particular
30:47 lifestyle. Why? Because you have to
30:50 think about what does the lifestyle
30:52 actually consist of and is that
30:54 conducive which just means like in
30:56 alignment with being able to have
30:58 successful relationships. So for
31:00 example, the bartender who's working at
31:02 a bar is going to be doing what exactly?
31:04 He's going to be working late nights out
31:07 till 3 4 a.m. He's going to have to talk
31:10 to girls. He's going to have to flirt
31:12 with girls and guys for tips. Okay? And
31:14 he's probably, let's say if he's a a
31:16 bartender or let's say if he's a club
31:18 promoter, he's going to have to be uh
31:20 chitchatting with them, DMing them, you
31:22 know what I mean, getting their numbers
31:24 so that they want to consistently come
31:25 back to the club and spend money, right?
31:27 All of these things make it that much
31:29 harder to have a successful relationship
31:31 with a man. It also makes it harder that
31:34 lifestyle makes it harder to say, "Okay,
31:36 I'm ready to fall in love now." Because
31:38 the reality of it is, and we're going to
31:40 talk about this as well in a little bit,
31:42 is that if you're in a relationship and
31:44 you're a bartender, you're going to have
31:47 to do extra extra extra work in terms of
31:50 sacrificing certain things or not doing
31:52 certain things or being very careful in
31:54 certain areas because it's a lot harder
31:56 to have a successful relationship as a
31:58 bartender than it is as someone who
32:00 works a nineto-ive corporate job, right?
32:02 because now your schedule is off and the
32:05 things that you're supposed to do for
32:06 work are actually uh very much not in
32:10 alignment with what most people would be
32:11 comfortable with if they were in a
32:13 relationship. So, it kind of ends up
32:15 working against you. So, you have to be
32:17 asking yourself when you meet a guy um
32:19 and asking him when you meet him, what
32:21 is his current lifestyle like? What are
32:23 the things that he has to do on a
32:24 day-to-day basis? What are his
32:26 responsibilities? And you have to be
32:28 honest with yourself. do those
32:30 responsibilities and does that lifestyle
32:32 make it harder or easier to have a
32:34 successful relationship? Because that's
32:36 also going to tell you whether this man,
32:38 right, is actually open or not open to
32:42 falling in love. Because if a guy is
32:44 working till 4:00 a.m. and he has to
32:47 flirt with girls all the time, uh, get
32:49 their numbers and be nice and, you know,
32:52 not talk about his girlfriend because he
32:54 doesn't want to disappoint any of his
32:56 clients, well, now all of a sudden, we
32:58 have a problem because truthfully and
32:59 honestly, he can say he's open to
33:01 falling in love, but he's not really
33:03 open to falling in love if he feels like
33:05 being in love and being in a
33:07 relationship is going to hinder his
33:09 success as a bartender. Are we on the
33:11 same page here? Right. So, it just
33:13 doesn't apply to bartenders. It can be
33:14 any sort of career path in which in
33:16 which you're like, "Oh, that's not going
33:18 to be easy for us to have a successful
33:21 relationship and you're doing that line
33:23 of work. So, you can use your creative
33:25 thinking to think of what different
33:26 lines of work that could possibly be or
33:28 what type of alternative lifestyles that
33:31 could possibly be." Okay? Tell me in the
33:33 chat, can you think of some career paths
33:35 or lifestyles that would not be
33:38 conducive to relationship success? Let
33:40 me know in the chat if there's any that
33:42 you can uh that you can think of that
33:44 wouldn't be wouldn't make a relationship
33:47 successful if uh you met a guy. Let's
33:50 hop into point number six, I believe.
33:53 Right. This is point number
33:56 six. All
34:07 right. Okay.
34:14 Oh, perfect. Love this one. Love this
34:18 one. So, we'll draw you on. I drew your
34:21 head kind of deformed there. We'll hide
34:24 it with your
34:25 hair. Okay, you're
34:30 here. And we going to put this guy down
34:35 here. Make his eyes real big.
34:44 And each one of
34:45 you are going to have your own
34:49 bubble. Okay? And I'll explain why in a
34:55 second. So,
35:00 okay. For point number six, we're going
35:03 to be discussing sacrifice.
35:06 It's very important that when you start
35:09 dating a guy, you get a very clear
35:12 understanding of whether or not he
35:15 understands the sacrifice necessary to
35:18 be in a successful relationship and the
35:21 fact that he is open to sacrificing for
35:25 a relationship and for the betterment
35:27 and success of the relationship. Okay.
35:30 The reason I say this is because if you
35:32 guys are going to be in a relationship,
35:33 you guys get the benefit of having each
35:35 other. So, there's a bonus to that. But
35:38 in the process of that, you're both
35:40 going to have to give up some things in
35:43 order to get to that point, right? So,
35:45 maybe both of you aren't going to be
35:47 able to come or stay out till 4:00 a.m.
35:49 anymore. Okay? Maybe now you guys are
35:52 going to have to update each
35:55 other all the time when you guys are out
35:58 and about, right? You're not just going
36:00 to be able to go out whenever you want.
36:02 You're not just going to be able to do
36:04 whatever you want whenever you want all
36:06 the time, right? There's a little bit of
36:07 sacrifice in that sense, right? Your
36:09 ability to just up and go,
36:14 right, is limited. Now, these are
36:16 another one of the things that you're
36:17 going to have to sacrifice because
36:19 you're not just going to be able to uh
36:21 live wherever you want or just say I
36:23 just feel like going out to uh some
36:26 other place and be there for the next 6
36:28 months. Right? Also, uh in terms of the
36:31 places you go, right? So, we can put
36:34 here up and
36:37 go even things like the places you go
36:47 each of you go is going to be limited.
36:49 For example, now when you're in a
36:51 relationship, if you love the strip
36:53 club, you're probably going to have to
36:54 sacrifice your love of the strip club as
36:56 a guy because now you have a happy,
36:59 healthy relationship, and your woman
37:01 probably don't want you up in the strip
37:02 club with a whole bunch of strippers
37:04 throwing money on them, right? So, these
37:06 are some of the things that, you know,
37:08 people are going to have to sacrifice
37:09 whenever they get into a relationship.
37:10 It's not just going to be all about what
37:12 you want all the time, but you have to
37:14 make sure hopefully you're ready for
37:16 that. But also, the guy that you're with
37:18 is also ready for that mentally. That is
37:20 a mental state. Okay, I'm going to say
37:23 it again. That is a mental state. You're
37:26 not going to fight it. You're not going
37:27 to convince him of it. You're not here
37:28 to persuade him at all. You're here to
37:31 understand what is his mental state and
37:33 approach to that idea. And you'll get
37:35 that when you start flowing. And see
37:38 this is why questions are so important,
37:40 observation is so important, but like
37:42 doing deeper listening is also so
37:44 important. Don't just listen to the
37:46 words someone is saying, listen to the
37:48 context of those words and listen to the
37:50 deeper meaning of those words. Right? So
37:52 for example, right, if a guy is talking
37:54 in the process of him having a date with
37:56 you and talking about his life, he's
37:58 like, "Oh, well yeah, you know, I just,
38:01 you know, I don't get this idea of, you
38:03 know, when women will want to be so
38:04 controlling. They want to know where
38:06 you're at. They want to share locations.
38:08 They want to do this. They want to do
38:10 that. It's like, bro, like sometimes you
38:12 just want to go out with the boys. You
38:13 just want to be free. Like I don't
38:15 always want to have to be checking in or
38:17 telling somewhere where I'm at. Like I
38:19 just want to be able to enjoy life, not
38:21 thinking about this, not on my phone
38:23 texting this and texting that. So these
38:26 are the type of things. Listen to them,
38:27 but listen to them on a deeper level
38:30 because being in a relationship is
38:31 sacrificing some of that freedom. Not in
38:34 a bad way. you're just trading in some
38:36 of that freedom to have the other
38:38 person. But that understanding has to be
38:41 on both parties. So if he feels like h
38:45 trading in my freedom to be in a
38:47 relationship, disgusting. I would never
38:50 sacrifice any of that. If that is his
38:52 approach and that is his uh state of
38:54 being as it relates to relationships,
38:56 that man's not going to be open to
38:57 falling in love. Despite what he might
38:59 say to you, that's the deeper meaning
39:01 about what he's actually saying. Because
39:04 any real relationship worth having is
39:06 going to require some sacrifice on both
39:08 of your parts. So both people have to go
39:11 into that relationship if he truly is
39:13 open to falling in love with the
39:15 understanding that yes, I'm going to
39:17 have to compromise some things. Yes, I'm
39:19 not going to get my way all the time.
39:21 Yes, sometimes I'm going to have to hear
39:23 someone else's uh perspective, hear
39:25 someone else's opinion, and even if I
39:26 don't agree with them, I'm going to have
39:28 to factor that into my decision-m. If
39:31 both people aren't ready for that,
39:32 you're never going to have a successful
39:34 relationship. Are we all on the same
39:35 page? We all on the same page, right?
39:37 Okay. All right. Let's hop into point
39:39 number. Uh, someone says, "Sounds like
39:41 he wants to be single." Yeah. But see,
39:43 you have to be listening for that. You
39:45 have to be listening for that. I'm And
39:46 I'm telling you, chat, you might be
39:48 thinking, you might be thinking, "Well,
39:50 why would a guy come on a date?" And the
39:52 guys won't go on dates and be talking
39:53 like that. They do. They do. Trust me.
39:56 I've helped hundreds of women. Guys will
39:58 come on. You you could meet a guy from a
40:00 dating app. You could be talking to a
40:02 guy you met on Hinge and you be
40:04 thinking, "Oh, I I met a guy on Hinge,
40:06 so he's definitely ready to date. He
40:08 definitely is ready to sacrifice." Not
40:10 necessarily. You be shocked. You could
40:12 meet guys on Hinge, Bumble, Tinder,
40:14 anywhere, and you go on a date with them
40:17 and you realize they're not in no
40:18 position uh to be ready to sacrifice or
40:21 even be in a relationship in general.
40:22 It's uh very strange in the way it
40:24 sounds, but trust me, it does happen a
40:26 lot a lot more than you think.
40:31 Okay.
40:33 Okay. Let's discuss our point numbers.
40:35 Point number seven, right? 8 n 10. Okay.
40:38 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
40:40 Yeah. All righty.
40:48 We have your man up here. And uh we're
40:52 going to draw more men. Oh, his head's
40:53 so big in this one. More men underneath
40:56 him. More men. Lots of
41:02 men. Okay. So, this
41:04 is we'll say
41:09 BFF1. I drew his head so small.
41:21 BFF2 and then we'll draw
41:24 BFF number three. He got a long
41:30 torso. Okay, so something to take note
41:35 of. Number seven, his friendships. I
41:38 touched on this a little bit earlier
41:40 when I was talking about attachments.
41:42 Now, you have to have to have to when
41:45 you are dating a guy, you do not
41:48 determine whether or not he's open to
41:50 falling in love until you get a very
41:52 clear understanding of the lifestyle his
41:54 friends are living and the rhetoric that
41:56 his friends friends speak with and what
41:59 they're all about. Because these guys,
42:02 these BFFs of his will tell you a lot
42:05 about where his mind state is at, the
42:08 value he sees in women or being in a
42:10 relationship and whether that is even
42:12 something that would be important.
42:15 Excuse me. Excuse me. Uh whether that is
42:18 something that would even be important
42:19 to him or a priority for him. Okay? Very
42:22 important to understand that as you're
42:23 dating
42:27 guys, you do not
42:30 want you do not want to go out with a
42:33 guy, start dating him thinking that he's
42:35 open to falling in love only to realize
42:38 that all his best friends do is
42:41 discourage him from being in a happy,
42:43 healthy relationship. Why? Because they
42:45 don't see the point in it. and all of
42:47 them are living a lifestyle of being
42:49 single bachelors just having fun doing
42:51 their own thing. It sounds very simple
42:53 in theory, but it's it's so hard to
42:56 apply when you're on that date with that
42:58 guy because even if you learn later on
43:01 that all of his friends are living the
43:03 single bachelor lifestyle, you want to
43:05 believe that your guy is the one guy
43:07 that has just changed and evolved and is
43:09 ready for something different. But my my
43:12 thing that I will give you is that I
43:15 don't want you to make that mistake
43:17 because majority of the time it will be
43:18 a mistake if his other guy friendss
43:21 right when you meet them and sit down
43:23 with them don't speak themselves about
43:25 how they're ready for a relationship or
43:28 desire that for themselves as well then
43:30 trust me your man is most likely not
43:33 going to be on that same page. And this
43:34 is you might be thinking this isn't
43:36 information you get. This is information
43:37 you can get when you're asking even the
43:40 friends questions when you finally meet
43:42 them or sit down with them or even when
43:43 you're asking him questions about his
43:45 friends. You can extract that
43:47 information from them, right? In terms
43:49 of hey, you know, uh what is your friend
43:51 like? What is Josh like? What is James
43:54 like? Tell me about them. What do they
43:56 do for work? How do they live their
43:58 lives? Oh, you know, if you see on his
43:59 face and he's talking about his friend
44:01 Josh and he's like, "Oh, Josh, he's uh
44:04 he's a wild boy. He uh he takes trips to
44:07 Dubai. He be out here having fun and
44:10 this and that. And this is where I want
44:12 you to come in, step in and be like a
44:14 best friend in the sense where you say,
44:15 "Oh, what? Josh is crazy like that."
44:18 Because you want to come across as, "Oh,
44:19 I'm not judging Josh." Right? And I'm
44:21 not making any sort of connection
44:22 between what Josh does and what you do.
44:24 So let see this is where guys slip up a
44:27 lot. They get so open with talking about
44:30 their best friends because they love
44:32 their boys, right? and they're so
44:33 connected with their boys, but they make
44:35 the mistake of feeling like, "Oh, I'm
44:37 not incriminating myself if I tell you
44:39 about what my boy's doing. If I tell you
44:42 about how he's going out to Dubai and
44:44 going out to Miami and he's smashing
44:46 this girl and smashing that girl and if
44:48 I'm on FaceTime with him and you're
44:49 hearing about this, you don't know the
44:50 girl. So, what does it matter, right?
44:52 He's thinking it's not incriminating
44:53 towards him, but what you should be
44:56 doing is making the connection and
44:57 saying,
44:58 "Aha." So, none of you guys are really
45:01 focused on building long-term
45:03 relationships. None of you guys really
45:05 even desire that for yourselves, right?
45:08 At least nobody in this friend group
45:09 that I've seen. So, now you can have a
45:11 better understanding that, oh, if he's
45:13 trying to convince me of that, it's more
45:14 than likely a facade number one. And
45:17 what's really happening is this guy
45:18 isn't really open to relationships. this
45:20 is really just like his game to get me
45:22 to play along because that's probably
45:24 what he thinks that I want to hear.
45:26 Because I'm telling you this as a guy
45:27 and as a man who's also helped hunches a
45:29 woman, more likely than not, if his
45:31 friends are all on one page, he is on
45:34 that same page. The likelihood that
45:36 you're going to meet a guy who's on a
45:37 drastically different page than all of
45:39 his BFFs is slim to basically none.
45:42 Okay? So that we're all on the same page
45:44 here. All right? Does that make sense?
45:47 Okay, let's hop into point number eight.
45:51 Point number eight. Point number eight.
45:52 Point number
45:56 eight. It's a beautiful day outside. I
45:59 might go outside for a walk after this,
46:01 even though it's going to be evening for
46:02 me. All right, let's hop into the next
46:09 point. Why did I draw like that?
46:22 [Music]
46:26 Okay. I was going to
46:36 do Okay, let's do this like
46:39 this. We'll do this like this.
46:46 So, we're going to draw a guy here. And
46:49 then we're going to have a a statement
46:51 here, which you guys will laugh at this
47:09 statement. Okay. And uh then we're going
47:12 to we're going to draw some bullet
47:13 points here. All right. So you'll see
47:16 how this is going to work here.
47:22 So I'll even put
47:34 here so we're all on the same page.
47:37 Okay. So, for point number eight, we
47:39 have promises. Uh, now we have a pretty
47:42 funny statement here for me to kind of
47:44 give you guys an example of what I mean
47:46 because I hear this all the time. I
47:48 actually don't drink. I quit drinking
47:49 like 2 and a half years ago. So, this is
47:51 a statement whenever I meet people and I
47:53 tell them I don't drink. They're always
47:54 like, "Oh, I'm I'm quitting next year.
47:57 Oh, 2025 is the last year I'm going to
47:59 drink." Okay, I hear that all the time.
48:01 So, let's imagine hypothetically you
48:04 meet a guy and he at the beginning of
48:06 your talking stage makes the statement
48:08 to you that he wants to quit drinking.
48:10 That's one of the things that he's
48:12 making a promise to himself. He's done
48:14 doing. It's ruining his life. It's
48:15 ruining his friendships, his
48:17 relationships, all that other stuff. And
48:18 he wants to get rid of drinking in his
48:21 life. Okay. So, day one of no drinking,
48:24 let's say he actually takes no
48:27 drinks. All right. But come day 30,
48:31 there are a couple of parties here and
48:34 there. And, you know, it's very hard to
48:37 go out and really be sober when everyone
48:40 else is getting drunk and having fun.
48:42 So, it gets a little bit uncomfortable.
48:44 Uh, you know, going out with friends
48:46 that are are drinking and you're not
48:48 drinking. So, rather than just no drinks
48:51 at all on day 30, he's just, you know,
48:53 having a couple of coolers with the
48:56 boys, you know what I mean? and he's
48:58 he's kicking it back, keeping it light,
49:00 maybe even a glass of wine, but nothing
49:02 that's too crazy. He's not going crazy.
49:05 He's not getting blackout. But by the
49:07 time we get to day 60, now he's taking
49:10 shots, right? And one shot leads to
49:14 another shot. Now he's having mixed
49:16 drinks, right? And just that fast, he's
49:19 having beers as well. I know the guys
49:20 love beers. I've never been a beer fan,
49:22 right? But let's just say, right, by the
49:25 time we get to day 60, he's basically
49:27 right back to where he started on day
49:30 zero in drinking again. It's just now
49:33 he's talking about, yeah, you know, I'm
49:35 going to try and drink less. So instead
49:37 of me being blackout drunk, I'm just
49:39 going to get proper drunk and not be
49:42 blackout. And then by the time, let's
49:44 say we get to day 90, he's back to
49:46 square one. So why do I say this? And
49:48 why do I want you to pay attention to
49:50 this? Because if a man is breaking
49:52 promises with himself, rest assured, he
49:55 will break promises with you. Now, how
49:57 does that relate to a man being open to
49:59 falling in love or not? See, when a guy
50:01 is ready and primed to fall in love,
50:04 he's also primed and ready to like be
50:08 reliable and be responsible to someone
50:11 else outside of himself. So, when you're
50:15 keeping promises to yourself, you're
50:17 being reliable and responsible to you.
50:19 But if he can't be reliable and
50:21 responsible to himself, how can he
50:23 possibly have that preparation and be
50:26 ready to be reliable and responsible to
50:28 you? Because he's going to have to make
50:29 you promises. He's going to have to keep
50:31 those promises and he's going to have to
50:32 be consistent uh with those promises as
50:35 it relates to your relationship and the
50:37 way that he treats you and the affection
50:39 that he gives you and the consistency
50:40 and energy that he puts towards you. And
50:43 if he's not doing that, then he's
50:44 breaking those promises. Once again,
50:46 it's a mind state. It's a state of mind,
50:49 a state of being that you have to be
50:51 into before you can actually be primed
50:54 to step into a relationship and be
50:56 successful in that relationship. If men,
50:58 if a man cannot keep his promises to
51:01 himself with something as simple as,
51:02 hey, I want to quit drinking or at least
51:04 I just want to stop drinking or cut back
51:06 on it, whatever the case may be, then
51:08 he's definitely not going to be primed
51:09 or in the mental state to do that with
51:11 you, right? It's him we're talking about
51:12 and he can't even do that. So very very
51:15 important when you're thinking about
51:16 being with a man and paying paying
51:18 attention to his lifestyle um paying
51:20 attention to the promises he keeps to
51:22 himself or breaks with himself will be
51:24 very very very important. Okay. If he
51:26 doesn't think he has a drinking problem
51:28 then whatever. Okay.
51:30 Whatever. Some people they just never
51:32 they never think they have a problem.
51:33 They always think they can stop
51:35 whenever. That's the number one thing I
51:37 I love. um I think is uh is funny when I
51:40 hear from people um because I've been
51:42 there, you know, I've been there too
51:43 where uh you think to yourself, "Oh
51:45 yeah, I can stop any day. I just don't
51:47 want to stop any of those days, but if I
51:50 wanted to, I could." Okay. Okay. You got
51:54 it, bro. You got it. You got it. Number
51:56 eight. What is that? Number eight.
51:58 That's number nine. I'm tripping. I'm
52:04 tripping. This one's going to sound very
52:09 This one's going to sound very manly,
52:11 masculine. Okay. Uh, all
52:16 right. We'll do this like this for the
52:28 visual. So, let me draw this out and
52:31 we'll have some discussion about
52:35 this. Okay.
52:37 Very important for point number nine,
52:40 work ethic. Now, it sounds very
52:43 masculine and manly when I'm saying it
52:44 like this. You need as a woman, okay,
52:47 observe that guy's work
52:50 ethic. If you notice that his approach
52:53 to being at work, he's very lazy, okay?
52:59 And he really doesn't want to do work at
53:02 work. whatever his job is, he's always
53:04 talking about, "Oh, I hate going to my
53:06 job. I just I never want to do any of
53:09 the work. I just I get so sick of being
53:11 at work." Right? And he also talks
53:13 about, and this is going to sound very
53:15 strange, but I'm going to talk about
53:18 this because he is so lazy at work and
53:22 he hates doing all of this work at work.
53:25 He always is trying to cut corners.
53:27 What's an example of cutting corners?
53:29 Oh, yeah. So, uh, basically, uh, when
53:32 I'm at work, uh, if I choose to work in
53:36 the cereal aisle at the grocery store,
53:38 nobody usually comes in that aisle for a
53:40 long period of time. So, I usually just
53:43 walk back and forth there to waste time
53:45 and I'm on my phone. Uh, because I know
53:48 that's the best way for me to avoid
53:49 having to go and do actual work. So, I
53:52 always hit the serial aisle first so
53:54 that I have to do the least amount of
53:56 work at work. Right? This approach might
53:58 sound like, "Oh my god, he's finessing
54:00 like, haha, I got to finesse her." It's
54:02 it's actually a very bad thing, right?
54:03 Let me also describe to you something
54:06 else. Okay, let's say he's also say
54:10 cutting corners is one thing, but let's
54:12 say he's also cheating the job.
54:17 An example of cheating the job could be
54:19 maybe he found some sort of glitch or a
54:22 way that he could clock in and make his
54:24 hour seem like he worked more hours than
54:26 he's been working. And this is
54:27 information that he's sharing with you
54:29 so that he can get paid maybe an extra
54:31 hour or an extra 30 minutes or he's
54:33 figured out a way to finesse it so that
54:35 when uh he can leave early but it
54:37 doesn't actually clock him out until a
54:38 certain amount of time so that he can
54:39 get paid what he needs to get paid.
54:41 Right? Cheating the job. So these are
54:43 examples of things that when you hear
54:45 this, this relates to his work ethic. So
54:48 let me put this properly, right? These
54:50 are the type of things that when you
54:52 hear this, these things relate to his
54:53 work ethic. And when you get an
54:55 understanding that his work ethic is
54:57 like this very lazy, cutting corners,
54:59 cheating their job, this man is not open
55:01 to being in a relationship or to falling
55:04 in love. Now you might be thinking, how
55:05 do those two things connect? while they
55:07 connect. Because you have to
55:09 understand, if a guy is ready for a
55:13 relationship, truthfully ready for a
55:15 relationship, he should have the
55:17 understanding that that relationship is
55:19 going to require massaging, is going to
55:22 require effort, is going to require
55:24 consistency. That should be the mind
55:26 frame and state of being. I say it
55:28 again, that he goes into a relationship
55:32 understanding he has to be prepared for.
55:35 The problem with that is if his already
55:37 existing work ethic is
55:39 this, this is the same work ethic he
55:42 will bring to a relationship. All right,
55:45 I know all of you guys are looking for
55:46 signs. All of you guys want him to just
55:49 tell you exactly how he feels, exactly
55:51 what he wants, and you don't want
55:52 anything to be a mystery, right? But the
55:54 reality of it is you can get that
55:56 information. It just comes in a
55:57 different format. So, if you want to
56:00 know what his level of work ethic or
56:01 consistency will be with you, ask him
56:03 about his work ethic or consistency on
56:05 the job. If he's in this mode, the
56:08 laziness, always cutting corners, always
56:10 cheating the job, how do you think he's
56:12 going to do the relationship? The exact
56:14 same way. And the men who are focused on
56:16 cutting corners and cheating the job
56:18 will not be open to love because they
56:20 don't want to do or sacrifice or do the
56:23 work that love will require to actually
56:25 be successful. Right? Because being in
56:27 love, falling in love, and having a
56:29 loving relationship takes a lot of
56:31 effort, takes a lot of days where it
56:33 sucks, takes some days to that require
56:35 discipline that aren't the most amazing
56:37 to eventually get the on the other side,
56:40 right? But if someone has very little to
56:42 no work ethic, that process is going to
56:44 be very painful, very hard, and you
56:47 won't be able to work with that guy.
56:48 Does that make sense? All right, let's
56:49 hop into our 10th
56:52 point. Point number 10. We all on the
56:55 same page. Are we all following? Okay. I
56:58 hope I haven't lost any of
57:01 you. Hope
57:04 not. Hopefully not. Point number
57:13 10.
57:16 Okay. Now with this
57:19 one. Wow. I drew his head super deformed
57:22 in that one.
57:25 And then we're going to have you
57:27 here. I drew you kind of funky,
57:32 too. And we'll do like
57:36 this.
57:41 Okay. So, for point number 10, we're
57:45 going to discuss love, but love
57:47 specifically as it relates to what that
57:50 guy thinks love is about and what his
57:54 desire for a loving romantic
57:55 relationship will be. What I mean by
57:58 that is, let's say you you go out with a
58:00 guy and you start asking him, well, what
58:02 do you think a romantic relationship
58:04 should consist of? What is your ideal
58:07 romantic relationship? What are the
58:08 character traits of it? Where do you
58:10 guys go? What do you do? What does it
58:12 feel like? What does it sound like? How
58:14 do you talk to each other? All of those
58:15 things. When you're having this
58:17 conversation with him, right, you need
58:19 to be listening back. How does he
58:21 actually describe love? And what does he
58:24 want to extract from the experience of
58:26 being in love? Okay. So, for example,
58:29 let's say this guy says, "Oh, I want you
58:32 or my girlfriend to basically be like a
58:35 guy, right? I want her to watch
58:39 football.
58:43 I want us to play video
58:48 games for
58:50 example. Okay. Um I want you know us to
58:56 not get too
59:01 deep and really and truly just only have
59:07 fun. Keep it light.
59:13 Okay. So, I'm not saying that any one of
59:16 these things are bad things to want in a
59:19 relationship, but listen to the overall
59:22 sentiment here. Someone says he wants a
59:25 BF. Okay. Precisely. So, you guys are
59:27 learning, right? When you're soaking in
59:29 knowledge, soak it in in its totality in
59:31 the sense that like ask yourself, what
59:33 is he really asking for here? Is his
59:36 version of love to actually be with the
59:38 woman? because his expectation of a
59:41 woman is really to be more like a guy.
59:44 Not that there's anything wrong with you
59:46 taking some interest of some of his
59:48 interests, but if he's so focused on
59:50 your relationship resembling his
59:52 friendship with his guy friendss, that
59:54 guy's not ready for an actual
59:56 relationship. Because when you're a man
59:59 and you're looking for a woman, your
60:02 explanation in the way that love will
60:04 make you feel, the things it'll do to
60:06 you, and the way your relationship
60:07 dynamic will be should not resemble a
60:10 relationship with a guy. Because yes,
60:13 your girlfriend or your wife should be
60:16 your best friend, but she's not supposed
60:18 to be one of your guy friendss, if that
60:20 makes any sense. And vice versa for you
60:22 as well. So, you have to ask yourself
60:25 when you're asking him, you have to ask
60:27 yourself, how is he actually describing
60:29 his version of love? And is that in line
60:31 with what I think love should be or what
60:34 makes sense to me? Or am I hearing
60:36 things that really don't sound like
60:38 someone who's ready for love sounds more
60:40 like someone who's ready to just be have
60:42 another guy around? Because if he wants
60:44 you to just resemble one of his guys,
60:46 well, you're not really going to be
60:47 successful having a long-term serious
60:50 relationship. Because love is not having
60:53 a guy friend, okay? Love is having a
60:55 best friend, but your best friend is
60:57 going to not have the same character
60:59 traits as you, not have the same
61:00 physical character traits, not going to
61:02 process information the same, not going
61:04 to understand or talk about things the
61:06 same as you. And that should should be
61:08 should be if a man is open to falling in
61:10 love should be something that he
61:12 embraces as a man. I'm a man. There's
61:14 certain ways I'll go about things.
61:16 There's certain things I'm good at,
61:17 certain things I'm not so good at.
61:19 You're a woman. There will be certain
61:20 things that you will think and feel
61:23 certain things that you'll be amazing
61:24 at. Certain things you're not going to
61:25 be so good at. But when we come
61:27 together, that's when we're really like
61:29 the ultra ultimate ultimate team. Okay?
61:32 And that should be I feel his expression
61:34 of love in a way that will actually be
61:37 congruent to you guys actually having a
61:38 successful relationship where he feels
61:40 like you're actually meant to be
61:42 different and not the same as him and
61:44 your relationship isn't meant to
61:46 resemble a relationship that in his life
61:47 that already exists like one with his
61:49 mother or one with his brother or one
61:51 with his guy friendss. Does that make
61:53 sense to all of you so far? Okay. Do you
61:55 guys have any questions about the was it
61:56 10? Yeah, the 10 that we uh just
61:59 discussed here. If you guys have any
62:00 questions, we can go over any one of
62:03 these points
62:08 here. I will do my best. Damn, that
62:11 water was good. What the hell? I will do
62:14 my best to answer any questions that you
62:16 guys have here. Alfie Baby says, "Uh,
62:19 that was my ex." See, see, we're all
62:22 It's It's good to realize things that
62:24 way we can um we can all grow for the
62:27 future. Uh uh someone says she's not
62:29 your homeboy. I have told a man this. I
62:31 am not your homeboy. Precisely. Now, I
62:33 will say you do want to be make a guy
62:35 feel comfortable enough to talk to you
62:37 like he would like discuss information
62:39 openly and freely. Um you know, like he
62:41 would be feel comfortable with his own
62:43 boys to discuss information. You want
62:45 that element, but you don't want him to
62:47 actually see you as one of the homeboys
62:49 in the sense of like the way that he
62:50 treats you or that to be the expectation
62:52 of your relationship that you're his
62:54 homeboy, right? there's a certain level
62:56 of respect uh way you'll speak to your
62:58 your girlfriend or your wife that you
63:00 wouldn't speak to her uh speak to a guy
63:03 friend that way or you wouldn't um speak
63:07 to her that way as opposed to one of
63:08 your guys right there's boundaries with
63:10 everything. Um someone says what if we
63:12 don't fit so much in those uh gender
63:15 roles and enjoy to doing some of those
63:18 things uh to Thomasson. That's fine. I'm
63:20 not saying it's if it's bad if you enjoy
63:22 playing video games or watching
63:24 football. That's not in itself a bad
63:26 thing. But the thing that I want you to
63:28 be looking for in terms of when you're
63:30 hearing a guy describe to you what he
63:32 thinks love is, what he thinks a
63:34 relationship consists of, um, and what's
63:37 the most important parts of it, you want
63:39 to be hearing uh, what is important to
63:41 him, where he puts emphasis on, and if
63:44 that actually sounds like a relationship
63:46 or a friendship, because it's it sounds
63:48 very weird, and I I know it does, but
63:50 some guys, they're they're actually more
63:52 looking for a friend, like an actual
63:55 like friend to just get along with than
63:57 they are looking for a romantic partner.
64:00 Right? So you have to in process of you
64:02 asking questions and observing and
64:04 listening, you have to be extracting is
64:06 this guy really looking for a romantic
64:08 partner or just looking for a friend?
64:10 Because you can do all these things with
64:12 the casual friend. But the reality of it
64:14 is there's an extra part of a romantic
64:16 relationship that is also very valuable
64:18 and important that if a guy's open to
64:20 falling in love, those will be the
64:21 places that he puts the most emphasis on
64:23 because he's looking for a romantic
64:25 relationship first. And obviously that
64:27 person, he wants to be uh his best
64:29 friend as well. But the most important
64:30 part of that is the romantic
64:32 relationship part, not the just having a
64:34 casual friend part. Does that does that
64:36 make sense? Does that make sense? Am I
64:38 explaining that
64:39 correctly? Okay. Right. It's not just
64:41 about uh gender roles in that sense. Um
64:44 let me see
64:46 here. Uh we have to keep dating our men,
64:49 ladies. I mean, yeah, we do. We do. We
64:51 do. It's it's it's okay. It's okay.
64:52 We'll all we'll all uh we'll all get
64:54 there gradually. Uh someone says, "What
64:56 happens if a man Let me see here. What
64:58 happens if a man keeps calling a woman
65:00 masculine?" What do you mean what
65:02 happens? You're not going to explode or
65:04 anything. Nothing. I don't think
65:06 anything anything bad happens. You think
65:07 something bad happens? I don't think
65:08 anything happens.
65:10 Um, LP Baby says, "What if he told me he
65:15 doesn't care what his mom thinks or feel
65:18 feels about me? Should I believe him?"
65:21 Uh, well, I'll say this. You have you
65:24 observed that that guy is close with his
65:26 mom. Let's just say hypothetically he
65:29 you he actually doesn't speak to his mom
65:31 and he basically, you know, his mom's
65:34 not in his life whatsoever, then that is
65:37 believable. But if he's saying that he
65:39 doesn't care what his mom thinks or
65:40 feels and every weekend he's going over
65:42 to have a fiesta with his mom, come on.
65:45 That's not like we're not that's not
65:48 congruent with that doesn't make any
65:49 sense. Because if he's close with his
65:51 mom and then he's saying she he doesn't
65:53 care what she thinks, it's a lie.
65:55 Because when you spend a lot of time
65:56 with someone and you know uh you know if
65:59 you're valuing your mother and you care
66:02 about her and you feel empathy for her
66:05 because obviously she's your mom then
66:07 it's going to be very difficult to see
66:09 her express unhappiness with the girl
66:11 that you're dating and not have that
66:13 affect you in some way shape or form. So
66:16 that's why I say you you got to be
66:18 careful of what guys will say in that
66:20 sense because it's not always uh true.
66:22 Okay? Right. Um LP baby says uh he
66:26 doesn't care about her opinion because
66:27 he claims it's his decision. Moms tend
66:30 to love me though. Well, yeah, sure.
66:32 That that can be he can say that in a
66:34 perfect world, but if he's close with
66:36 his mom, he's going to care what his mom
66:38 thinks. Don't let guys fool you, okay?
66:40 Unless he a guy is not close with his
66:42 mom, he will care what his mom thinks of
66:44 his woman. Okay? To 100%. So, we can't
66:47 live in a pipe dream. That's not
66:48 realistic. Okay? Uh and he'll start
66:50 looking for reasons to validate his mom.
66:51 Big Bev says precisely. It's also you
66:54 have to understand the um subconscious
66:56 psychological effect that uh it will
66:59 play on you when someone whose opinion
67:02 you value is telling you they think a
67:05 certain thing about you. So for example,
67:08 even if you're thinking that oh he says
67:10 he doesn't care what his mom thinks and
67:12 he's not going to make a decision based
67:14 on his mom. if he's close with his mom
67:16 and for long enough his mom is
67:18 constantly saying she's not this, she's
67:20 not good at that, you won't like her
67:21 because of this, she sucks at that. It's
67:23 going to be bad because of this, it's
67:24 going to be bad because of that. That is
67:26 going to seep. It's going to saturate
67:27 into his brain. This is the way I
67:29 describe it. And as it's saturating into
67:30 his brain, that will start to become uh
67:33 biases that he starts to look for
67:35 confirmations for as you know, you guys
67:38 are having your relationship. So, if she
67:40 says, "Oh, uh that girl is bad news. uh
67:43 she is, you know, one of those little
67:46 sneaky hoike girls, whatever the case
67:49 may be. Even though he might not believe
67:51 that, as that's saturating in his brain,
67:53 now when you start doing certain things,
67:55 you start saying certain things, he's
67:56 going to be thinking back to what his
67:57 mom says. So now you see how that can
68:00 kind of snowball out of control after a
68:02 while. So you got to be very careful
68:03 with when guys say, "I don't care about
68:05 my mom, what my mom thinks," because
68:07 they do, and it will subconsciously
68:08 saturate in their brain whatever she is
68:10 consistently saying. Okay. Um, Pink
68:12 Barbie doll says, "I told him we're not
68:14 compatible and he made an offer of, "Can
68:17 we be friends?" Absolutely not.
68:18 Absolutely not. Pink Barbie doll, if
68:20 you're new here or you haven't seen, you
68:23 know, the other shows where I discuss
68:24 this, you should never be transitioning
68:26 a guy that you started off trying to be
68:29 romantic with into a friendship. It
68:31 doesn't work like that because that will
68:33 mean by definition your friendship with
68:35 that guy is inappropriate because it was
68:37 never truthfully about friendship. is
68:39 just about not working out in a romantic
68:41 relationship. Because the reality of it
68:43 is if you told your new boyfriend that,
68:47 hey, by the way, one of my good friends
68:49 I once tried to date, uh, it just didn't
68:51 work out between us, he would most
68:53 likely feel uncomfortable with you being
68:56 and being around that guy because the
68:58 relationship or the friendship would be
69:00 inappropriate. So, if you're able to
69:02 acknowledge that in that sense the
69:03 friendship is inappropriate, why bother
69:05 wasting your time and energy on a
69:07 friendship that you can't even keep? Do
69:09 you understand what I'm saying? Like, if
69:10 you get into a if you find a new guy
69:12 that's actually the guy you want to be
69:13 with, you're not even going to end up
69:15 being able to keep that friendship. So,
69:17 why waste more time uh on a situation
69:20 that is inevitably inevitably going to
69:21 end? Why not just build up your
69:23 friendships that you can keep when you
69:25 get your new partner? Do you understand
69:27 what I'm saying? Like, set yourself up
69:29 for success. Don't set yourself up for
69:31 failure in that sense. Okay. Someone
69:34 says you can't stay friends if you
69:35 already slept with him. I even think if
69:37 you already tried dating him is no
69:40 friendship there. Like don't fool
69:42 yourself. Like you tried to go on a
69:43 date, you tried to be romantic, even if
69:45 it wasn't physical romance, it didn't
69:47 work out. You move forward and you let
69:49 your platonic friendships carry forward,
69:51 but you leave those dead romantic
69:54 connections in the past. like you have
69:55 to really be that cutthroat with it
69:58 because then when you you have to also
70:00 be thinking about your future, right?
70:02 When you finally get to meet the man of
70:04 your dreams, you don't want to have any
70:06 of this extra baggage or any of these
70:08 extra weird connections or or things
70:11 that could make that guy think to
70:12 himself, "Oh, maybe she's not who I
70:15 want." Right? You want to be preparing
70:17 yourself to also be in a position of
70:20 leverage and to be successful that when
70:23 you meet the man of your dreams, you're
70:24 also the woman of his dreams. Because
70:27 the same way you wouldn't want to meet a
70:28 man who has like an ex-wife in his life
70:31 or a girlfriend that he's still seeing
70:33 and basically has in his life and all
70:35 this other stuff, right? Those type of
70:37 that that type of baggage would be
70:39 things that you'd say, "Oh, you were the
70:41 guy I was looking for until I realized
70:43 A, B, and C about you." you wouldn't
70:45 want that. So, we need to rid you of
70:46 that so that we can prepare you for
70:49 meeting that guy and then you're also
70:50 the girl of his dreams as well without
70:52 any of that extra uh baggage, right? Um
70:55 Melinda says, oh, someone electric field
70:57 says, "Choose me or keep it moving." I
70:58 like that. Uh Melinda says, "I asked a
71:00 guy if he is attracted to me via text
71:04 and he hasn't responded, but he read it.
71:06 Should I assume he isn't or is he
71:08 playing games?" Assume he's not
71:10 attracted to you. Um and you have your
71:12 answer. Also, a little bit of advice,
71:13 Melinda, and for anyone else who's ever
71:15 curious, uh the last thing I think you
71:17 should ever be doing when you're uh
71:19 dating a guy is being too on the nose
71:22 and asking direct questions like that.
71:24 So, what I mean by that is like if a guy
71:27 is going on dates with you consistently,
71:29 you you don't need to ask if he likes
71:31 you. If a guy is consistently messaging
71:34 you all the time, you like you don't
71:36 need to ask him what it is. let guys
71:37 play out their feelings and because guys
71:40 they they're not as good at describing
71:43 what they feel on the inside even though
71:44 I'm on the show, right? Guys aren't good
71:46 at that. They're good at being able to
71:48 show you that through their actions
71:50 towards you. So if they're able to be
71:51 consistent with you, take that as your
71:53 answer. If they're always trying to talk
71:55 to you, always trying to hang out with
71:56 you, take that as your answer. The more
71:58 on the nose you are with men sometimes,
72:00 honestly, the the worse it becomes. It's
72:02 better for you to just observe their
72:03 actions and be listening in terms of
72:06 with context and implications to
72:07 understand how he really feels. Okay.
72:10 Right. Um
72:13 uh someone says it makes it look like
72:14 you have no confidence in yourself.
72:16 Their their actions will show precisely.
72:18 Right. You don't you don't want to come
72:19 across that way. Right. Uh someone says
72:21 yes we have lost the art of subtlety.
72:23 It's killing romance as a whole. That's
72:25 why I say and I know I know for some of
72:26 you it makes it feel like playing a game
72:29 but it's not. People are just more
72:31 interesting when they don't put
72:32 everything out there. The people in your
72:34 life that are like the I want to tell
72:36 you everything I feel and I think right
72:38 in one moment and lay it all out there.
72:41 Truthfully and honestly, you might think
72:43 I like that because it makes me easy. It
72:44 makes it easy for me to categorize you
72:46 and know what you think and feel. But
72:48 the reality of it is you don't respond
72:49 to that in the sense that you are the
72:52 least attracted to the people who are
72:54 the most upfront with you about
72:55 everything they feel and they think.
72:57 Those people are not a mystery to you.
72:59 You don't spend any time thinking about
73:00 that. And actually, all of you are a
73:03 great example of that because majority
73:04 of you guys that are in my show and
73:06 watch my show on a regular basis aren't
73:09 even unattractive women. Most of you are
73:11 attractive women who are capable of
73:14 attracting multiple multiple men. So,
73:16 your problem is not in attracting men.
73:18 It's just that the men that really
73:20 really want you, you don't want them.
73:22 And the men that don't want you, those
73:24 are the men that everything always seems
73:26 to go wrong. So, this is a perfect
73:28 example of the fact that like the men
73:30 that you don't want are most likely the
73:32 men always, "Oh my god, I love you so
73:34 much. Oh my god, you're the best thing
73:36 since sliced bread. Oh my god, I worship
73:38 the ground that you walk on. You're like
73:39 a goddess. I've never seen anyone who
73:41 looks." And you're so uninterested.
73:43 You're so turned off. You're not like,
73:45 it's cool because when you get it,
73:46 you're like, "Cool. I get how you feel
73:48 and I know you like me a lot." So, you
73:50 don't question anything. But in the
73:51 process of you not questioning any
73:53 anything, there's no mystery. Um there's
73:55 no nuance. there's no subtlety. So then
73:57 it just becomes very boring, right? So
73:59 think about that and how you respond to
74:01 those guys that actually give you that
74:03 and why you respond that way. So then we
74:05 have to kind of reverse that for you so
74:07 that you don't come across that way to
74:08 the guys that you actually like. Cuz
74:10 when you actually like a guy, now you're
74:12 thinking about how to spill all your
74:13 secrets. Now you're thinking about how
74:15 to do everything in one night and how to
74:17 be his girlfriend on day zero. Like all
74:18 this stuff that will just make you super
74:20 repulsive to guys. Very repulsive. Okay?
74:23 It's it's it's very nasty on on both
74:25 ends. All right, let's hop into our next
74:27 segment of the show. By the way, for
74:28 those of you who have a personal
74:29 question for me, feel free to ask your
74:31 personal question by going into the link
74:33 in my bio if you're watching on Tik Tok
74:34 or the link in my description if you're
74:36 watching on YouTube. Click where it says
74:37 private relationship advice and you can
74:39 ask me a personal question there. Um,
74:41 I'll respond to you with a voice
74:42 message. You'll know it's my voice cuz
74:43 I'm on the show, okay? It's really me.
74:45 Um, and uh, also for those of you
74:48 watching on TikTok, you can find the
74:49 show as well on my YouTube channel. go
74:52 over to uh the link in my bio and then
74:54 you can find my YouTube channel that way
74:56 and then you'll see me live there as
74:57 well. So, it'll be easy to follow along
75:00 with everything that we do um and the
75:02 stream there as well. If you missed any
75:03 of the points, you'll be able to rewind
75:05 for a reaction segment. Oh boy.
75:22 Okay, that's a that's a lot of um that's
75:24 a that's a lot of bombs. Um so actually
75:27 think there's actually something very
75:28 interesting to learn and observe in this
75:31 um in that this same idea of taking in
75:36 the context of what is being said here.
75:38 Not just like hearing it, but like
75:40 really taking in what's being said here
75:42 and asking yourself like does this even
75:45 make sense or is congruent to a real
75:47 healthy relationship and then being
75:49 honest with yourself in the answer of
75:51 like no it doesn't is the way to go
75:53 about it. Now I would love for this same
75:55 process exactly what she's processing
75:57 here I want you to be processing in your
76:00 actual in-person dates. So, for example,
76:03 uh she's thinking, okay, this guy is
76:05 working as a bartender. Like we kind of
76:06 talked about today, career and
76:07 lifestyle. What is the career and the
76:09 lifestyle going to be of a guy who's a
76:11 bartender? I'm assuming he doesn't want
76:12 to be a bartender forever. So, what's
76:14 going to happen when he transitions into
76:16 not being a bartender? Where is his life
76:18 going to go? Where is he going to live?
76:19 Right? Um the other things, figuring out
76:21 my dating goals. So, if you go out on a
76:24 date with a guy and you have a
76:25 conversation with him and you start to
76:26 get that sense that he's figuring things
76:28 out, figuring out his dating goals,
76:30 figuring out where he wants to live,
76:31 figuring out what he wants to be doing,
76:33 all of those things will have you
76:34 saying, "Oh, well, this is not congruent
76:36 to us being in a romantic relationship
76:38 because all this figuring out you're
76:40 going to have to do that's going to
76:41 require a lot of time and energy. Time
76:42 and energy that I don't have to waste
76:45 because you're still deciding whether or
76:47 not you actually are looking for
76:48 something for real. For real." So, same
76:50 thing she did here. I want you doing on
76:52 your inerson dates as well. Oops. Let me
76:55 do girls who are I'm feeling so bad for
76:59 the girls who are no the girls and the
77:02 fiances who are 2025 and 2026 brides.
77:06 I'm feeling bad for the whole family.
77:08 Okay, at this point because in today's
77:10 day and time, every aspect of a wedding
77:13 is so outrageously expensive. My friend
77:17 reached out to a well-known makeup
77:18 artist just to see like what the pricing
77:20 would be. I'm not saying that, you know,
77:23 if you provide a good service and you're
77:24 well known, you're viral, whatever, you
77:26 shouldn't charge high rates, make people
77:28 pay for your travel accommodations, that
77:30 kind of thing. But these makeup artists
77:32 and other vendors and venues are
77:33 charging people. Literally, what you
77:36 could put like, it's not even a down
77:37 payment for a house. You could buy the
77:39 whole [ __ ] house. So, her typical day
77:42 rate is $25,000 starting out each travel
77:46 day, guys. That's just travel. It gets
77:50 worse. Glam for the wedding day,
77:53 $50
77:55 $50,000. Right off the rip, we're
77:58 spending
78:00 $125,000. And we haven't even gotten to
78:03 like travel accommodations or anything.
78:05 The hotel has to be pre-approved.
78:09 It has you have to pay for the
78:11 transportation for the makeup artist and
78:13 their assistant. That's just the base
78:15 rate. This is just so shocking to me.
78:18 So, Chad, let me ask you a question. Um,
78:20 as a woman, just give me your honest
78:22 honest answer. Do you feel like when you
78:25 do get married it has to be a big
78:27 wedding or you're okay with it being
78:29 small or you want it to be like
78:31 mediumsiz like family and close friends
78:34 only or you are okay with it being so
78:37 small to the point where you guys just
78:38 go to like a small church and get
78:40 married and only you guys are there like
78:42 what be honest with you what works for
78:44 you or if it's no wedding that's also
78:47 fine as well. I'm very curious like um
78:49 where each one of you are at. Okay. Um,
78:52 someone says, "No, absolutely not a big
78:54 wedding." No wedding. Hena says, "Uh,
78:56 small. I'm Nigerian, so it will be big."
78:59 Okay. Um, I see Scotty says, "Small. As
79:02 long as he doesn't have money left to
79:04 cheat, I'm
79:06 good." Okay. Okay. I'm really thinking
79:10 the courthouse, family, and a few
79:12 friends. A big wedding for me. Okay. I
79:14 had a medium-sized wedding. Regrets. Why
79:16 do you regret having a medium-sized
79:17 wedding? You think it should have been
79:19 smaller or bigger? Which one? Uh small
79:21 wedding elopement.
79:23 Okay. Size doesn't matter. Very small. I
79:26 don't think uh never mind. Never mind.
79:29 Uh I want it to be elegant, extravagant,
79:31 but only about me and my husband. Uh I
79:34 just want to alope big wedding. Okay. I
79:36 have a big family. It seems like most
79:38 people go medium to small. It seems like
79:40 there's a limited amount of people that
79:42 want super big cuz I do know weddings
79:43 are very expensive. I I met a woman the
79:45 other day. She was uh saying that she
79:47 was like her wedding was definitely
79:49 going to be easily like in the $100,000
79:51 range. I was just like, damn, that guy
79:53 really loves you vibes, I guess. Okay,
79:57 so boom. A couple months ago, I was
79:59 talking to this guy, and mind you, let
80:02 me let me tell you a little something
80:03 about this guy, okay? I literally never
80:05 share any of my lore on here, but so be
80:08 it. Let's do it today. Okay, so he's
80:10 liked me since my freshman year in
80:11 college and um a couple things happened
80:14 and I thought he was cute um but we
80:16 ended up never getting together um
80:18 because my friends didn't like him. So I
80:19 was like my friends don't like you,
80:21 you're chocked, but it was kind of like
80:22 for a petty reason. Then I stopped being
80:24 friends um I stopped being friends with
80:26 those girls and um like earlier this
80:28 year we had um reunited and I was like,
80:31 "Oh my god, he's so cute." And so, um, I
80:35 think he still had a He wasn't cute
80:36 before
80:38 when school crush on me after all this
80:40 time. So, I kind of just hit him up, um,
80:42 and we started hanging out, right? We
80:44 hung out and it started to like get
80:46 romantic because he had feelings for me
80:47 and I thought he was cute and I started
80:49 to like him and so we started hanging
80:51 out like damn near every day and he was
80:53 just asking me um if we could hang out
80:55 all the time. I was always over at his
80:57 place and it was kind of getting serious
80:59 and I was like, damn, like I might end
81:01 up dating this [ __ ] like dang. And so
81:03 here I am starting to fall for the
81:05 [ __ ] Mind you, he's liked me for like
81:07 a year. Like literally a year and
81:10 everything's going smooth. Like I'm even
81:11 telling my friends. I'm even posting him
81:13 on my spam. I was cooked. Like I was
81:16 cooked. And then um spring break comes
81:19 where I'm the most free in my life. And
81:21 I'm trying to hang out with him and then
81:23 all of a sudden he's acting like he's
81:24 cool off of me and I'm just like am I
81:26 tripping? Am I tripping? Like we were
81:28 just okay. And so he's acting like he's
81:30 cool off at me. And so I'm just like,
81:32 "Huh?" Like, "I should tell him. Like I
81:33 should just be like I feel like he's the
81:36 princess and I'm chasing him. Like I'm
81:37 I'm his night and shining armor." And I
81:39 was like, "That's just not going to
81:40 happen. That's not how I fly." So I sent
81:42 him a little um text message. Mind you,
81:44 I'm literally a D1 avoidant. I'm a D1
81:47 avoidant. Like for me to not even ghost
81:48 him was was already taking so much of my
81:51 strength. And so I respectfully instead
81:53 of ghosting him texting him and I was
81:54 just like I feel like like I don't know
81:57 if I'm wrong, like correct me if I'm
81:58 wrong. I feel like I've been putting in
81:59 so much effort to see you and you kind
82:01 of don't want to be with me and you just
82:03 been making all these excuses instead of
82:04 wanting to hang out with me. Like what's
82:06 going on? And I kind of just asked for
82:08 an explanation. And I was kind of like,
82:10 I'm not going to chase you. So, I'm just
82:11 really going to take a step. It's always
82:13 a mistake. It's I'm I'm not laughing at
82:15 her. I'm laughing because I I know I
82:18 know your therapist will tell you open
82:21 and honest communication is the best way
82:23 to go about everything. But you with men
82:26 you just can't like especially at the
82:28 beginning when you're not yet
82:30 established boyfriend you just cannot
82:32 you can't you have to let men be and
82:35 decide for themselves whether they want
82:37 to talk to you or not. You have to you
82:39 have to whenever you ask for the
82:41 explanation you're not even going to get
82:42 a good one or the truth. All right? Or
82:45 you're just going to hear something
82:45 that's going to upset you even more. And
82:47 it's just even when you do ask for the
82:49 explanation they're never even going to
82:51 make the actual change. So it it the
82:53 outcome is horrible regardless. You're
82:56 better off just letting him reach out if
82:58 he's ready to reach out. And if the time
82:59 passes where you're just like it's been
83:01 damn near over two weeks and he hasn't
83:02 said a word to me, then you know for
83:04 sure if he reaches out after that is
83:06 completely done and you're never going
83:07 back to talk to him ever again. So it's
83:09 not just about like oh ghosting the
83:10 person, but when you feel like you need
83:12 to do that I need explanation text.
83:14 Don't do it. Step back um and you can
83:18 figure out what's going on. And he
83:19 literally just said okay. He said,
83:22 "Okay." And that was his entire response
83:24 to me saying that I felt never it never
83:26 works with guys. I was chasing him. And
83:28 so after that, I was like, "You must not
83:30 like me, and I'm I'm going to go I'm
83:32 going to go my own way. Like, yes, I
83:33 really do like you, but I'm going to I'm
83:35 going to separate myself away from this
83:36 because I just don't I like why would I
83:39 stay here? Like, you don't want to be
83:40 with me." And it kind of did hurt my
83:42 feelings and my ego a little bit cuz I
83:44 was just like, damn. Like, so this is
83:45 where a lot of women will spiral out of
83:47 control. I don't know if she's going to
83:48 say anything more than this, but uh a
83:51 lot of women will spiral out of control
83:52 here because then when they get that
83:54 okay, now they want to press for answers
83:57 because the truth is you stop instead
83:59 you you go from chasing the guy to
84:01 chasing answers. But the feeling is the
84:04 same. So when you ask for that
84:06 explanation and you send that text, you
84:08 want an answer that makes sense, that
84:10 will give make you feel good. When he
84:12 tells you okay, it's not good enough. So
84:15 now you're someone just said it's crash
84:16 out time. So now your crash out becomes
84:18 centered around the fact you want an
84:20 answer. You want a real answer. So
84:22 instead of just okay, okay, whatever. If
84:24 that's where you're at with it,
84:24 whatever. Then sometimes, you know, when
84:27 you get into that mode, you can start
84:29 saying, nope, I want you to explain to
84:30 me. You better tell me this, and why the
84:32 f would you do that? And now you start
84:34 freaking out. You go crazier, and now
84:35 you just dig yourself a deeper hole. Did
84:37 you not like my personality? Like, was I
84:38 too much? Like, and I it just left me
84:40 with a lot of questions unanswered. And
84:43 so I was just like, "Dang, like chasing
84:45 chasing answers." Like I said, like I
84:46 was sad about it for a couple days, but
84:47 then I was just like, "He's just a man."
84:49 And I moved on. And then I was kind of
84:51 like still butt hurt. So I texted his
84:52 friend and I was like, "He will ru the
84:54 day. He will ru the day. Trust me, he
84:55 will ru the day that sees him." And I
84:57 always say that because you will ru the
84:59 day. Like I don't know. And so I kind of
85:00 never texted him after that. And then I
85:02 saw him at a ru the day just means
85:04 regret the day. Chat. That's uh I think
85:06 she's Nigerian. That's why she's saying
85:07 like that party. And he tried talking to
85:10 me. He literally tried pulling me away
85:12 at this party and I was like are you
85:13 mad? Like are you insane? I was like I
85:16 was like what is doing you? Like what is
85:17 actually doing you? And so I obviously
85:20 was like [ __ ] no at the party and I just
85:21 didn't talk to him and I didn't hear
85:23 from him from for like weeks after that
85:25 and then all of a sudden I no cuz I had
85:27 removed him from all my social media
85:29 too. Removed him as a follower and I
85:31 unfollowed him and then a couple weeks
85:33 later he replies to my replies to my
85:36 story and says I'm ruining the day. I
85:39 just miss you so much. And I was like, I
85:42 told you you would ruin the day. Like, I
85:43 don't know.
85:46 Like, wait, wait, wait a
85:48 second. She Oh, wait, wait, wait. I I
85:52 feel like I'm seeing something that
85:53 she's not seeing here, unless she's
85:55 going to say it. Cuz I don't believe she
85:57 told that guy he will ru the day. Did
85:59 she say that to him? Why is he repeating
86:02 back a catchphrase that she told one of
86:04 her
86:06 friends? Am I the only one? Okay, hold
86:08 on. Let me Let's Okay, let's insane. I
86:10 was like, she told his friend. Okay,
86:12 okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm like, why is
86:14 that guy too moved him as a follower and
86:17 I unfollowed him? And then a couple
86:20 weeks later, he replies to my replies to
86:22 my story and says, I'm ruining the day.
86:25 I just miss you so much. And I was like,
86:28 I told you you would ruin the day. Like,
86:29 I don't know. Like, you really did miss
86:31 out on a on a genuine kind-hearted girl.
86:33 like and
86:37 I'll be I'll be honest that probably
86:40 stem from she probably posted a picture
86:41 where she looked bad as f and he was
86:44 like damn I'd love to smash again. That
86:46 that probably is where that stem from.
86:48 I'm going to be real with you. If this
86:50 is story is going how she's describing
86:52 it because I'm trying to put myself in
86:53 the mind of him and why he would send
86:55 that message. I'm fine as [ __ ] Like
86:56 you're I'm so sorry. You did miss out
86:58 and you you you're going to ruin the day
87:00 for the rest of your life. And so he
87:02 said that he he missed me and I still
87:04 had a soft spot for him a little bit,
87:07 but I texted him
87:09 cook back and I was like, "Get a load of
87:11 this guy." And he left me on scene and I
87:14 was just like, "Okay." And then I was
87:15 just I still wanted to hear his side. So
87:18 I kind of like texted him on um iMessage
87:20 a few hours later. Yo, this is so
87:23 cooked. Why would you do
87:26 this? Oh my god. I
87:36 It's so disappointing when the message
87:38 starts off and you're like, "Okay, you
87:40 you start off the message the Sorry, I'm
87:43 glitching." She starts off the video and
87:45 you're like, "Okay, you know, everyone
87:47 messes up." So, you're thinking, "Okay,
87:48 the mistake doesn't go too far. Probably
87:50 a guy playing a little couple of games
87:52 and then you, you know, you came to your
87:53 senses and then you moved on." But it's
87:57 like I understand why I exist now. I I
88:01 understand the purpose I'm supposed to
88:02 serve because when you're in it, it's
88:04 it's it's it's very hard to pull
88:06 yourself out of. And when you're chasing
88:08 like she's chasing answers now and
88:09 chasing the guy and it's just like you
88:11 just can't because she's saying, "Oh,
88:14 you'll ru the day." And you're thinking,
88:15 "Yes, you know, he'll ru the day for
88:17 sure." You're standing up for yourself,
88:19 self-respect. And then it's like but you
88:21 know so he messaged me and I I was I was
88:23 like you know I was like whatever we
88:24 maybe if we we'll have one conversation
88:26 and he still left and I was just kind of
88:29 like um I know I said get a little this
88:31 guy but like if you want to talk or just
88:33 explain yourself I'm always down to
88:34 listen cuz
88:49 If you're going to play the mean card,
88:50 when a guy comes back, you have to like
88:53 stick to the mean card. And if he
88:54 doesn't respond to the mean card, you
88:56 just have to you have to exit that that
88:58 you have to exit there. If you're going
88:59 to play the welcome back card or you
89:01 know what I mean, let's see what you
89:02 have to say card, then you have to play
89:04 that card from the beginning. The
89:06 problem here, I'm going into some stuff
89:07 that's going to sound very um abstract.
89:10 The problem here, she tried to play the
89:12 mean card first, thinking that his
89:13 response would be like almost like,
89:15 "Please, please, please, I beg. I beg. I
89:17 beg. I want to be with you again." But
89:19 she kind of took a misstep here. She
89:21 played the mean card, and his response
89:22 was like, "Whatever. I don't care that
89:24 that much." And then she was like, "Oh,
89:26 f. Like, I I don't want to play the mean
89:29 card so that you don't respond. I want
89:30 to play the mean card so that like you
89:32 beg more, but you're not responding to
89:33 the mean card, so now I'm going to play
89:35 the like, oh, just casually welcoming
89:37 you back. Let's see what you have to say
89:38 card." But then when you go from the
89:40 mean card to the welcome you back, let's
89:42 see what you have to say card and you
89:44 take off some of that meanness, it kind
89:46 of makes it look like you're like, "Oh,
89:48 uh, actually I was playing, but like I
89:50 still want you back." You know what I
89:51 mean? You have to kind of choose one cuz
89:53 at least if you choose one of those
89:55 stances, it can make you seem more
89:57 serious. It seems a little bit uns quite
90:00 a lot of bit unserious when he does the
90:02 comeback. You play the mean card and
90:03 then you go from the mean card to
90:05 playing the yeah, you know, my bad for
90:06 saying that thing. That was mean. I just
90:08 actually wanted to hear you out and it
90:10 just is not it doesn't give the effect
90:12 that I know she want is trying to give.
90:15 Okay. I'm mature like I'm mature and no
90:19 response. But see if you're going to be
90:21 that I'm mature then you have to do that
90:22 from the beginning and then if he
90:24 doesn't bite on that then it's whatever.
90:26 Just like okay I'm going to dead leave
90:28 this where it's at. Um and I just went
90:30 on with my life. I went on with my life
90:32 and I'm chilling. I'm chilling. Um jump
90:34 skip to now. I I have a new new guy in
90:37 my life. He's He's so sweet. He's so
90:40 adorable. He's so everything. Don't mind
90:42 my Yeah. And my hair. Like, it's
90:44 actually looking crazy right now. But
90:46 he's genuinely so genuine and so sweet
90:49 and he's such a cutie patootie and tell
90:50 me I was headed to class today and I get
90:52 a text message from the guy. He's
90:54 talking about some, oh, I never usually
90:57 explain myself, but I feel like I had to
90:58 explain myself. Like he was basically
91:00 like, oh my, like people like you
91:02 deserve the world and I know I can't
91:04 give that to you. Um, and so that's why
91:06 I stopped talking to you. Like I just
91:08 couldn't give you. And I'm just like I'm
91:11 just like, "Oh, you literally could have
91:13 said that. You literally could have said
91:14 that and spared me all that." All don't
91:16 tell me you replied now, though, after
91:18 you say, "Don't don't don't poop on
91:20 him." And then tell me you replied now,
91:22 cuz that's be a no response.
91:25 That freaking trauma and emotional
91:27 turmoil for like the two days that I had
91:29 it. Like Like men are so like I don't
91:33 understand them. like you really you
91:35 really could have left me alone. But
91:37 it's okay. Like sometimes silence really
91:39 is the best answer and like you got to
91:40 let people go because it doesn't matter.
91:43 It really what they do doesn't really
91:45 reflect on to you. I realize that that's
91:47 just him. Okay, good thing. I don't
91:48 think she responded. Okay, better not. I
91:51 was going to lose my mind. I wish that I
91:53 had a child with him so that there's an
91:56 excuse for us to stay in contact and
92:00 still have a relationship even though we
92:02 broke up. I wish that we had a
92:04 child to
92:09 get I wish that I had a child with him
92:13 so that there's an excuse for us to stay
92:16 in contact and still have a relationship
92:19 even though we broke up. I wish that we
92:21 had a
92:22 child together.
92:36 I I
92:37 I can't believe you I I actually can't
92:40 believe you posted
92:42 this. I I I actually have no words. I I
92:47 can't believe you actually posted
92:50 this. Why would you post this online?
92:56 I I I I I I I I I I don't
93:00 understand. Like I almost want to start
93:02 crying. Like I don't Why would you post
93:04 this
93:11 online? Can someone explain where we
93:15 have to watch I can't believe
93:17 this. I I can't believe this. We have to
93:19 watch this again.
93:23 I wish that I had a child with him so
93:26 that there's an excuse for us to stay in
93:30 contact and still have a relationship
93:32 even though we broke up. I wish that we
93:34 had a
93:35 child
93:43 together. I I'm not going to judge. You
93:45 know, we've all been in some dark places
93:47 as it relates to a relationship, but
93:50 being having a child with someone is is
93:52 never going to be the answer
93:56 to having some sort of connection to
93:59 that person. In fact, it'll it you'll go
94:02 from
94:04 like sometimes I feel like as human
94:08 beings, it's very easy for us to lose
94:10 perspective on things because we only
94:14 think about our hardships
94:16 um and our downfalls and those are the
94:19 most important biggest things in the
94:20 world to us and we stop being able to
94:23 realize how our life is good in other
94:25 ways even though in some ways it's sad.
94:27 For example, like all of you that have
94:30 ever been through a breakup realize it's
94:32 actually a blessing to be able to just
94:35 walk away scot-free from a relationship
94:38 with like yeah, you have some pain in
94:41 your heart and some heartache, but like
94:43 you don't owe any money to the man. Your
94:45 money's not tied to the guy. You can go
94:47 and have your own your job. You can live
94:49 in your own place. Like you don't have a
94:52 child with the person. Like imagine cuz
94:55 some of us lose perspective on this and
94:56 some of the people in the players club
94:58 have been through this. But like imagine
95:00 like going through the most horrible
95:02 intense crazy breakup of your life and
95:05 then you still have to on an ongoing
95:07 basis see that person because you share
95:09 a child with that person. like it's it's
95:12 not it's not as fun as you're imagining
95:15 because like that pain is just that much
95:17 harder to work through because you're
95:19 having to see that same person that
95:21 caused you all that pain all the time.
95:23 Not to mention you're also the the even
95:26 more horrible part. Imagine having to
95:28 see that person that caused you all that
95:29 pain, then get in a relationship with
95:32 the new girl and you have to like meet
95:34 the new girl, be cordial with the new
95:37 girl. You have to like let your actual
95:39 your your child, the thing that came out
95:41 of you that you held in your womb for
95:44 nine months, you have to eventually let
95:46 her spend time with that
95:48 child, the girl that you probably loathe
95:50 and hate because now your man that
95:53 caused you so much pain is
95:55 now buddy. Like sometimes we got to we
95:58 got to gain some perspective on how good
96:00 our life is. just being able to walk
96:02 away scot-free from a from a
96:04 relationship or from a breakup because
96:06 that's not the way. And I get it, you
96:08 know, she's going through things. I
96:09 don't understand why she would post this
96:10 though. I get it. You know, we all think
96:12 some things that are a little bit
96:13 irrational. Posting this is wow. Because
96:17 if he sees this, he's rock hard because
96:20 he's going to be like, "Wow, I have so
96:21 much power. Oh my gosh, I'm the most
96:23 amazing thing since sliced bread." And
96:24 it's like, why why do you want to give
96:26 him that? What? We've all been there.
96:28 I'm not going to judge her. I just don't
96:29 Why post it though? Why post it? Why
96:32 post it? Share it with your friends or
96:34 something. Why post it, though?
96:38 For the guys you actually like, ladies,
96:40 it's worth giving him the keys to the
96:42 Kia, aka letting him drive this [ __ ]
96:45 ship because you ain't going to drive it
96:48 anyway. And you want a guy to plan and
96:50 coordinate. Yes, you do. But give him
96:51 the [ __ ] keys. That means showing him
96:53 interest enough to where he feels like,
96:55 "Oh, she is interested. She does like
96:56 me. She stands out. She's unique. and I
97:00 like her. Well, you're not going to
97:01 stand out for showing interest in a in a
97:03 guy. So, we have to be clear on that,
97:06 right? Um, obviously, if you show him
97:09 that you're interested, you can do that.
97:10 It shouldn't be all the time, and it
97:12 shouldn't be extreme, and it should only
97:14 come in person on your inerson dates.
97:16 That's those are all my qualifications.
97:18 And it should not be on the nose. So, I
97:20 think you're so attractive. I want to
97:22 date you so bad. You're the best thing
97:23 since sliced bread. You're so handsome.
97:25 None of that, okay? It should be through
97:27 your body language, through your
97:29 gestures, um your facial expressions,
97:31 right? The way that you make him feel.
97:33 It should not be on the nose. Okay. Her.
97:36 I'm going to do it now. She her language
97:37 makes me want to. That sounds lovely.
97:41 Well, I look forward to you taking me
97:42 out. I love
97:44 Ty. That sounds great. Would love
97:48 that. I look forward to the next time
97:50 you take me out.
97:54 Those are good. I actually don't mind
97:55 those. Those are good little gestures um
97:57 to just throw in there every now and
97:59 again. You don't need to overdo them. Um
98:01 but good little things to throw in
98:02 there. Now, if you feel like you're
98:04 doing them as a way to actually get him
98:06 to take you out because you feel like
98:07 he's not doing that, then we're talking
98:09 about something, excuse me, a little bit
98:11 different. Those are keys to the Kia
98:13 talk. And those are powerful talks
98:15 because just like in this world we live
98:17 in now of dating culture and dating
98:19 apps, he has options to figure out where
98:21 am I going to put my money and
98:24 time. Who likes me enough that makes me
98:27 want to spend my time and money on
98:29 taking them out. And for the guys that
98:31 you like, that's worth doing. That's how
98:34 you land the ace. That's how you get the
98:35 hole in. Pause. You get the point.
98:39 That's how you start to land it because
98:41 other ones that he's used to will ghost
98:43 and sass it up and whatever they'll
98:46 treat him like whatever. I'm g tell you.
98:48 So, but you have to um I got to have a
98:51 show with Benny and um what's the other
98:53 guy's name? Nico from the dating
98:56 academy. They'd be good to have good to
98:57 debate. Um you got to have uh after you
99:01 throw there what he's discussing here is
99:03 like feelers. You throw out a feeler but
99:05 then you have to see how he responds to
99:07 the feeler. So, for example, if you say,
99:08 "I look forward to the next time you're
99:10 going to take me out," or whatever the
99:11 case may be, right? You throw that out
99:13 there, but then you have to see, well,
99:15 how does he respond to that? Does he
99:16 respond to that by saying, "Let's go out
99:18 to a sushi's plate on place on
99:19 Thursday." Or does he respond to that
99:21 saying, "Yeah, me too, lol." And then he
99:23 never texts you again about going out
99:25 together ever again, right? That's not
99:27 the right response that we're looking
99:28 for. So, anytime you're throwing out
99:30 feelers of showing a little bit of
99:32 interest or just seeing what he does
99:33 with that, you have to like be observant
99:35 and not be throwing out too much that
99:38 he's never even responding to anything
99:39 in in the proper way. Right. Right now,
99:41 for the ones you actually like, give him
99:43 the keys to the KIA. Here's my number in
99:45 case you ever want to take me out.
99:46 Here's my number. No. See, Benny got
99:49 that. You don't give no guys your number
99:51 unless they inquire about your number.
99:54 Okay? You're not You cannot do that. You
99:56 do not give a
99:58 Is it? It must be the romance movies and
100:01 the romcoms and like No, no, no, no, no,
100:06 no, no, no. Do not be offering your
100:08 number until a guy inquires about that.
100:11 You, you do not do that. That is one of
100:13 those things where it feels good as a
100:16 guy to get a girl offering her number to
100:18 you, but the way he will actually
100:20 respond to that is not in the way that's
100:22 most beneficial to you. If I'm going to
100:24 give you lessons that will be most
100:25 beneficial to you, the benefit will come
100:28 from him inquiring about your number. It
100:30 seems like very trivial and very, you
100:32 know, just unimportant to be like, who
100:34 cares who asked for the number first or
100:35 who gives who number? It matters because
100:38 when you go into your relationship later
100:40 on and the relationship has started by
100:43 him inquiring about you, by him asking
100:45 you out, by him approaching you, you can
100:48 then there's a level of subconscious
100:50 accountability that you can hold him to
100:52 because you didn't ask for this. He
100:54 asked for your number. He came and
100:56 sought you out. He came and whatever the
100:58 case may be. So when you say, "I don't
101:00 like this. I don't like how this is
101:02 going. I don't like what you're doing
101:03 here. I don't like what you're doing
101:04 there." Right? He's more obligated to
101:06 make an adjustment because it is about
101:08 your happiness because he's the one that
101:09 approached you. As opposed to if you're
101:11 being the aggressor now, when you say,
101:13 "I don't like this. I don't like that.
101:15 This doesn't work for me." His answer
101:16 can be, "Well, I didn't even want this
101:17 relationship in the first place. This
101:19 was you giving me your number. This was
101:21 you telling me how much you want to go
101:22 out with me. You plan and organize the
101:24 date. I just said okay with everything.
101:26 So, the fact that you don't like some
101:27 stuff, who cares? It's not my fault." We
101:30 look forward to I look forward to you
101:32 taking me out. Yes, I do love Chinese.
101:34 These things are giving keys to the kia
101:36 letting him know mama interested in papa
101:41 plans. But you got to ditch the keys.
101:43 You act like you're the one driving the
101:44 Kia. Get in. You ain't going to do it
101:46 anyway. You ain't even pulling up. Yeah.
101:48 But if you're not driving the Kia,
101:49 that's fine. But then you also don't be
101:50 giving out your number if he's not
101:52 inquiring about it. So it goes I think
101:53 it goes all the way around. You can't
101:55 you can't The approach is the most
101:56 important part. You can't start off the
101:58 approach giving the impression that
101:59 you're going to be doing the driving by
102:00 offering your number to a guy who hasn't
102:02 inquired about your number. Right? If
102:04 anything, my truthfully honest advice.
102:06 Even when he does ask for the number,
102:08 play around with it. Dangle it in front
102:09 of him. Right? Don't let him just feel
102:10 like, "Oh, you could just have my
102:12 number. I'm so eager to give you my
102:13 number." You be h, you know, I don't
102:15 really give out my number like that. You
102:18 know, I don't know you. You could be Ted
102:19 Bundy. Make a little jokey joke. You
102:21 know, let him work a little bit. Let him
102:23 sweat. sometimes be so afraid to make a
102:25 guy sweat because you think he's running
102:26 away, right? Guys are programmed to
102:28 like, okay, let me see how I can get let
102:30 me see if I can convince her. Let me see
102:31 if I can, you know, do some finagle and
102:33 finagling. Let me see if I can, you know
102:35 what I mean? Like, persuade her. They're
102:37 they're wired to do that. So, like, let
102:39 them play that role. If you really want
102:41 the guy to approach you the right way,
102:42 if you want a man to never leave you
102:44 alone, like to literally be obsessed
102:46 with you, just be mean to them. I don't
102:48 know who told y'all that we had to be
102:50 nice to men, but men like to be treated
102:52 like [ __ ] okay? And men don't like
102:55 women that are I wouldn't say treated
102:56 like poop, but I get what she's saying.
102:59 Passively nice to them. Like men who
103:01 know they're not deserving of a kind
103:03 woman, but the woman is kind. That it
103:05 comes off as fake, right? So my ex, he's
103:08 like really like a lot of women like him
103:10 and he has a really good personality. A
103:12 lot of women be after him and a lot of
103:15 women be like, "Why are you so mean to
103:16 him?" cuz like literally I be like, "You
103:18 ugly fat motherfucker." You know, like
103:20 it's okay. I she she going too far with
103:21 it. You know, every waking breath that I
103:24 woke up, I was mean to him. And we would
103:27 hang out every day and we like we we had
103:29 a good time with one another. People be
103:31 like, you know, like what the [ __ ] And
103:33 it's like he didn't deserve for me to be
103:35 nice to him. He liked me to be around
103:37 him cuz I wasn't fake. If he did
103:39 something that I didn't like, I would
103:41 say it. It wasn't no being nice. I don't
103:43 care. I never cared about being his
103:45 peace. I would tell him, "Bitch, I would
103:48 never be your peace. You think I care
103:50 about making you happy and being
103:52 peaceful with you? I don't give a [ __ ]
103:54 Don't [ __ ] with me if you don't like my
103:56 personality. Don't [ __ ] with me if you
103:58 don't like the way I treating you."
103:59 Literally, that's just what it was. I
104:01 never cared, you know? So, it used to be
104:03 so many women like, "Oh, you know," and
104:05 I used to be like, "Fuck him. [ __ ] him."
104:08 You know, like, "Fuck him." And and we
104:10 still would have a good time with one
104:12 another. You don't have to be a fake
104:13 [ __ ] to be a [ __ ] to be around. like,
104:15 okay, there's a balance there. Someone
104:17 in the Someone in the comments of the
104:18 video said, "Resalts may vary." Results
104:20 definitely may vary because this might
104:22 work on some guys, but not not all guys.
104:25 You don't want to come across overly
104:27 like aggressive. I think there's a
104:29 balance there. And there's there's truth
104:30 to what she's saying, though, in the
104:32 sense that like being mean to guys, one
104:34 humbles them, helps you see that you're
104:36 not worshiping them or putting them on
104:38 cuz guys don't respond well to worship
104:40 from women. Okay? Men are more wired to
104:43 be able to worship their woman. it works
104:45 better, but they're not. So, if they're
104:47 getting woripped by a woman, it just
104:49 their ego goes through the roof. They
104:50 can't they can't really handle that. But
104:53 there is a balance there where you don't
104:54 want to be overly mean to a guy to the
104:56 point where you're calling him an ugly
104:59 fat mfer. I don't think that you're
105:01 going to I don't think I I think that if
105:04 you're in a place where you and your guy
105:08 kind of speak to each other like that,
105:09 you lose the romantic element of a
105:12 relationship. And if a guy is still
105:15 around you in that capacity and that's
105:17 how you guys talk to each other, then it
105:19 becomes more of like we're friends and
105:22 homies as opposed to we're in a romantic
105:25 relationship because I think on both
105:27 sides there's certain boundaries or
105:29 things that like like ways that you
105:32 wouldn't talk to your partner because
105:34 it's just inappropriate for them being
105:37 your partner. Whereas with your girls,
105:39 you might, you know, talk crazy to them
105:41 and say stuff to them that like it's
105:43 just because they're your girls and your
105:45 relationship is different with them,
105:46 right? So, I'm a proponent of like
105:48 respect on both sides. Like I think that
105:50 there's certain things that you just in
105:52 respect to your partner, you don't talk
105:53 to them that way, whether it's you're a
105:55 girl or you're a guy. And I and I think
105:57 that's very important for the romantic
105:58 element of the relationship. I think if
106:00 you lose that element, then it starts to
106:02 become like we're like buddies, which is
106:04 not the same thing as being romantic
106:06 with each other. But that's just my
106:07 opinion. Maybe for her, well, it didn't
106:10 work because that's her ex. But like
106:12 maybe in her overall relationships, it
106:14 works better for her to be able to call
106:16 her boyfriend and mf her and be talking
106:19 crazy to to him like that cuz but for
106:22 me, I I don't think that most guys would
106:24 would have that be their ideal type of
106:27 relationship. So definitely results may
106:29 vary um in that sense. Lie to these men
106:31 on your first date. They do not need to
106:33 know all your business. All they need to
106:35 know is that your ex treated you like a
106:37 queen and spoiled you. All they need to
106:39 know is that you are only used to the
106:41 best and nothing less. Don't be out here
106:43 telling them about no baby daddy drama.
106:46 Don't be out here telling them about no
106:48 financial problems that Well, if you
106:49 have a baby daddy, don't lie about
106:52 having a baby daddy. So, let's
106:54 preference that that you having. That's
106:55 none of their business. Don't be telling
106:58 them about your sex life. You are
106:59 celibate. Okay? And if you ain't got no
107:02 kids, you ain't never had sex. you still
107:05 once again. This is an extreme that I
107:06 don't advise, but let's go. A virgin cuz
107:08 it ain't no proof. They need to earn
107:10 that information. Period. A lot of these
107:13 men make up a whole life if you want to
107:15 create a whole fantasy world for
107:17 yourself. Y'all think I'm playing, but
107:19 I'm dead serious. These people don't
107:21 need to know your business. All they
107:23 need to know is that you are a pretty
107:25 princess and all you used to is princess
107:28 treatment. Cuz I know a lot of times us
107:30 women get with these men and we
107:32 overshare. thinking that it's like
107:34 bringing us closer to the guy or
107:36 something. But
107:37 no, no more of
107:40 [Music]
107:42 that. It's time to take control, ladies.
107:45 Remember, he is auditioning for you.
107:48 Okay? You are doing the choosing. So,
107:51 let him do all the talking so you can
107:53 decide if he makes the cut or not.
107:57 Is he going to say period? Period. Yeah.
107:59 Okay. Uh, here's the thing.
108:03 I would not feel like a responsible
108:06 adult, man, advising any of you to lie.
108:10 So, you guys won't hear me say go on
108:12 your dates and lie.
108:14 Now, what I will say is you can go on
108:16 your dates and be
108:19 very particular about the places in
108:22 which you shine light on. Because if you
108:25 go on your date and you start trauma
108:27 dumping about how your ex treated you
108:29 like garbage, this guy used you as a
108:31 doormat, this guy cheated on you a
108:33 million times, and all this other stuff,
108:34 right? You start to shine a light on
108:37 yourself that it's like, oh, everyone in
108:39 my life has been treating me so badly.
108:41 Uh, but vice versa, if you make the
108:44 conscious decision that in the stories
108:45 that I curate, I'm going to shine the
108:47 light on myself of like the good things
108:49 that men have done for me, the way that
108:51 they have put in work for me and all
108:52 that stuff. You don't have to say, "I'm
108:53 still in love with my ex," but just say,
108:55 "Even regardless of our relationship,
108:56 there was a lot of good stuff he did for
108:58 me here and there, and he worked so hard
109:00 for this and that, and whatever the case
109:02 may be." That is a way to give the
109:05 perception and perspective of, oh, she's
109:07 used to a certain type of treatment from
109:10 men. It's just about understanding,
109:12 okay, I'm picking this story, I'm
109:14 picking that story, I'm picking this
109:15 story, I'm picking that story. these are
109:17 the stories that I'm going to choose to
109:19 share as opposed to the opposite sense
109:21 because it's a lot easier to kind of go
109:23 on your date and trauma dump and be
109:24 negative because those are the things
109:26 that rile you up the most. So those are
109:27 the things to easily talk about on your
109:29 date and then you end up handpicking all
109:31 the stories that are like he treated me
109:32 garbage like this, garbage like that. I
109:34 was a doormat here, I was a doormat
109:36 there. So then you end up having the
109:38 opposite effect. But I would never
109:39 advise you to lie. I'm not sure.
109:43 It's just I I I have too much of a moral
109:45 compass to feel like I can advise you
109:47 guys to lie because then once you start
109:50 because she's talking about lie about
109:51 your baby daddy, lie about this, lie
109:52 about that. When you start stacking up
109:54 the lies, what happens if hypothetically
109:56 like this works if you're dating a guy
109:58 once or twice a week and then you never
110:00 see him again. But then what happens
110:02 when you start building your
110:04 relationship with that guy and then
110:06 you're building off of a foundation of
110:07 your complete lies and then you start
110:09 talking about other aspects of your life
110:12 or you start having to like connect lies
110:15 to truths in a way that doesn't make
110:17 sense and then your lies get caught up.
110:20 Now, you might risk actually being with
110:22 the guy. And then once he realizes that
110:24 you've been lying about foundational
110:26 elements of your past, now he's like,
110:28 "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I once wanted
110:30 to be in a relationship with you, but
110:32 now that I'm realizing you lied about so
110:33 much, I don't want you anymore. Then you
110:35 just shot yourself in the foot because
110:37 you lost out on a great guy because you
110:40 spent all this time lying um about your
110:43 past and who you've been." Nothing wrong
110:46 with going through things. Nothing wrong
110:48 with working on yourself. Nothing wrong
110:50 with like going through situations as
110:52 well. But then if you want to shine a
110:54 different light, you shine the light of
110:55 like even despite certain situations
110:58 that I've been through, I grew past
110:59 that. I learned from that. I became a
111:02 better person because of that. And then
111:04 the new person that I became after those
111:06 experiences is night and day difference
111:08 to the person I was before. So if you
111:10 got cheated on, you got walked all over,
111:12 you you were a doormat to a guy, like
111:14 even in your explanation of that, even
111:16 in the way you talk about that, you
111:18 don't talk about it as, "Oh, I'm a
111:20 victim." You talk about it as, "Oh, that
111:21 was a lesson that I learned. That was
111:23 knowledge that I gained about myself and
111:25 my relationships and what I want and and
111:27 I grew from that and I became a better
111:29 person because of that uh and because of
111:31 that experience." That's how you shine a
111:33 light of I'm not a victim, right? Like
111:35 I'm a victor. I go through experiences
111:38 just like anyone else. I go through
111:39 things just like anyone else. But as I
111:41 become a better version, there are
111:43 things that I will never allow again.
111:45 And the self-respect I have for myself
111:46 and the standards I hold myself to and
111:49 the people around me too, I would never
111:50 allow my ex to treat me like that or be
111:53 in my life or have conversation with me
111:55 or whatever the case may be. And when
111:57 you speak like that, that is what gives
111:59 you the perception of, oh, she really is
112:00 a goddess. She really is a princess. And
112:02 you don't even have to lie in that
112:04 version as opposed to just saying stuff
112:06 stuff that's untrue. and then you have
112:07 to start figuring out which lie is which
112:10 and then you get caught up. It's it's
112:11 just a big mess. I don't advise that.
112:13 Okay, let's hop into our next segment of
112:16 the day. For those of you who are OG
112:18 Players Club members, you know exactly
112:19 what's coming up. It's a special time.
112:22 It's an amazing time and it's a time
112:25 where you're going to laugh and uh
112:27 you're definitely you might cry as well.
112:29 Okay. Uh don't look at your
112:32 clock. Don't look at your watch.
112:38 Don't look at your phone. Don't look
112:40 nowhere else in your entire
112:43 home. Should I do it loud or quiet,
112:45 chat? Which one should I do? If you
112:47 don't know the time, I'm going to tell
112:50 you the
112:51 time. Are you ready?
113:18 [Music]
113:39 Score
113:44 time.
113:48 Yeah. Okay, chat. Enough silliness.
113:51 Let's hop into our Discord segment of
113:53 the show. Uh, for those of you who don't
113:55 know what that was all about, I'll
113:56 explain this to you. Discord time is
113:58 where all the amazing members of our
113:59 players club discord community get an
114:01 opportunity to ask me a question about
114:03 their relationship or their
114:05 situationship and I answer it live on
114:07 the show. Now, I'll explain to you the
114:09 different ways in which we uh kind of do
114:11 this here so you can understand the
114:13 different ways in which you can send in
114:15 a question to me. Why is it doing that
114:17 like that? Um, let me see here. Yeah,
114:19 there we go. The different ways you can
114:21 send a question into me. Okay, so the
114:23 first way is to submit your question
114:24 into our relationship advice free form.
114:27 The way that you uh access this is by
114:29 going into the link in my bio if you're
114:31 watching this on Tik Tok or the link in
114:32 my description if you're watching this
114:34 on YouTube. Click where it
114:36 says players club discord and then
114:38 you'll be able to drop your question
114:39 into our free section here. Now the free
114:42 section is a first come first ser is
114:43 that about poop? Oh, sketchy poop. Um
114:46 the first uh the free section here is a
114:49 first come first- serve server. So, or
114:51 forum I should say. So, when you ask
114:52 your question, it does take me a while
114:54 to get to your question. Probably like a
114:56 couple of shows. Uh, well, I shouldn't
114:58 say more than a couple, like a couple of
114:59 weeks. U just because of the nature of
115:01 me only being one person. And obviously,
115:03 there's going to be a lot of questions
115:04 that people ask on um a regular basis.
115:07 So, if you want to ask your question,
115:09 you want to skip the line of people
115:10 because you don't feel like waiting for
115:12 me to finally get to your question,
115:14 there's also our premium relationship
115:15 advice forum, um, which is you're
115:18 allowed to access and skip the line of
115:20 people by going to the link in my bio on
115:23 Tik Tok or in my description on YouTube.
115:26 You click where it says private or not
115:27 private, um, players club or Discord
115:30 relationship uh, um, having a glitch.
115:34 You click where it says premium Discord
115:35 relationship advice. And then when you
115:37 click that, it'll prompt you to donate
115:39 to the show. And then it'll also ask you
115:41 for the title of your Discord username
115:43 and the title of your question. That way
115:45 when you drop your question in and I get
115:47 a notification and you when you send in
115:49 your donation, I'll know that that's
115:50 you. I'll know that that's your
115:51 question. And then I'll be able to put
115:53 it all together um and make sure that if
115:55 you're in this section that it's because
115:56 you're supposed to be in this section.
115:58 Um, for those of you who want to send me
116:00 a question, but you don't want your
116:01 information to be read out on the show,
116:03 you also have another way of submitting
116:05 to me a question, which is through our
116:06 private relationship advice hotline.
116:09 This is uh links available in the
116:11 discord here. It's also available in the
116:13 link in my description on YouTube and in
116:16 uh on uh the link in my bio on Tik Tok.
116:19 You click where it says private
116:20 relationship advice. You can send me in
116:22 a personalized private message as many
116:25 paragraphs and details as you want and
116:27 then I respond with a voice message. I'm
116:29 a little bit behind on them because I've
116:30 had a I always tell you guys I get like
116:32 a
116:33 large wave of people all at once and so
116:36 then it takes me a while to respond to
116:38 them but um don't worry this week I'm
116:40 catching up on all of them and even um
116:42 for today as well I'm going to be
116:43 catching up on all of them. So shouldn't
116:45 take me more than a few days to be all
116:46 caught up. All right let's hop into our
116:48 first premium question here. Uh, which
116:51 comes from just a little
116:55 bit. Okay, just a little bit. Uh, all
116:58 right. So, we start off here. Knowing
117:00 better versus doing better. Hi,
117:01 Thomasson. I'm 21 and I still live with
117:04 my mom. This is a tragic situation for
117:06 me, so I don't blame you for stretching
117:08 and getting triggered. Okay. Um, I'm
117:10 black, but I schooled in white
117:12 communities from 8th grade to high
117:14 school. I graduated in 2022, but my mom
117:17 decided to move back to the hood to live
117:20 with her man. I've accomplished a lot
117:22 since. I always knew what I wanted to be
117:26 in life, a model/creative in the life I
117:28 wanted to live, where I want to travel,
117:30 and where I'll settle down. I've been
117:32 working since I was 16. Uh, my work
117:34 ethic was super excessive then, but now
117:37 I have nothing to show for this.
117:40 What? You have nothing to show for all
117:42 the work you've been doing?
117:46 Okay. Uh, I am dead broke. It's not
117:49 because of my circumstances. It's
117:50 because of me. Okay. Uh, I grew up being
117:54 told
117:55 no to a lot of things not to imply
117:59 entitlement. Uh, and as a result, I feel
118:02 as if my discipline has plummeted since
118:04 I gained financial independence. Okay.
118:06 My work ethic and spending habits are
118:09 treacherous. I've made at least 90k
118:12 since uh bo like I said that uh I always
118:15 try to convince myself to lock in and
118:17 focus on the goals uh I would like to
118:21 reach but my emotions and
118:23 responsibilities always talk oops I
118:25 missed my place please talk uh me into
118:27 being lazy at this moment it's very
118:30 difficult for me to balance finances
118:32 family relationships platonic
118:34 relationships romantic relationships
118:35 bills health um and a work schedule all
118:38 at once My family always notices when I
118:41 distance myself and assumes uh that I'm
118:44 negative and don't love them, which
118:46 starts an arg oops which starts
118:48 arguments in my household because it's
118:49 not true. In addition, I have the
118:51 hardest times making it past my
118:54 probationary
118:55 period. What? What happened? What did
118:58 you do? Uh no matter how hard how hard I
119:01 try, I can't force myself to do things I
119:03 don't want to. That includes not always
119:06 following my work schedule, splurging on
119:08 food and hobbies when I can't afford it,
119:11 and not following through with overtime
119:13 shifts that I pick up when I was in an
119:16 ambitious mood. This hinders my quality
119:18 of life and mental health because I wake
119:21 up and go to bed think looking on social
119:23 media at all my real friends and even
119:26 mutuals that are in happy relationships.
119:28 First of all, they're not as happy as
119:29 you're imagining because you're watching
119:30 them through the lens of the highlights
119:32 of their life. So you're comparing your
119:34 boring and mundane life to highlights of
119:36 theirs. So their happiness is not as
119:38 amazing as you think it is. Just FYI. So
119:41 just let's get that straight. And have
119:43 their lives together. They also have a
119:44 lot of stuff they're figuring out.
119:46 There's plenty of people on social media
119:47 that look like they have everything
119:48 together. And behind closed doors,
119:50 they're a mess, okay? So keep that in
119:52 mind as well. Everyone goes through
119:53 things, not just you. And find it hard
119:56 to trust what my therapist said.
119:58 Everyone is going through things. It is
119:59 not just you cannot feel like in your
120:02 world you're the only person going
120:04 through things or that tragedy is
120:05 striking cuz trust me the same people
120:07 you're looking up to always feel
120:10 themselves lost at certain points as
120:12 well. Everyone. Okay. I've acknowledged
120:14 I have a huge problem which is step
120:16 number one to evolving. Yeah, I agree. I
120:18 haven't had a kiss, a touch, or any
120:20 intimacy in years. How old are you
120:22 again? Um 21. Okay, you have more
120:25 priorities at this point.
120:27 um or intimacy in years, toys only. I'm
120:30 ready to be in a structured lasting
120:32 relationship and not be roommates with
120:34 my mom forever. My wish list is set in
120:37 stone. Um but I know I have to be what I
120:40 want to attract. I was just going to say
120:42 that I know better. I desire better. And
120:44 the lifestyle I have requires better. I
120:46 have a hard time doing what it takes to
120:48 get better. Like that's your issue. My
120:51 goal is to achieve structure in my life
120:53 so that I can have peace of mind instead
120:55 of always being in survival mode. And I
120:57 know that takes discipline, but I'm
120:59 stuck between you only live once, buy
121:02 what you want, work uh to live, not live
121:05 to work, and control your life before it
121:08 life takes control of you. You need to
121:10 be wealthy. You need to be the wealthy,
121:13 hardworking superwoman you look look up
121:15 to mindset. Okay, I'll explain to you
121:17 why this can be a trap. This is less
121:19 relevant
121:21 uh than everything else. But I also gave
121:24 my VC card to a microwave man at 18. It
121:28 took a microwave man, for those of few
121:30 who are new here, just means a guy who
121:31 wants things quick, easy, and fast. The
121:33 type of guy you'll meet on a dating app,
121:35 and the same day he meets you on a
121:36 dating app, he wants to go over to your
121:38 house, sleep with you, and then never
121:39 speak to you again. Microwave, man. Uh
121:41 it took the spark I had like the the
121:43 spark that you had like within you uh to
121:46 say the least which I feel is another
121:48 reason for my stagnation. I've talked to
121:51 my therapist about these things as well
121:52 as my financial adviser. You have a
121:54 financial adviser? Okay. Uh my therapist
121:56 feels that I don't give myself enough
121:59 credit and that I am too hard on myself.
122:01 I agree to an extent. Oops. But I feel
122:03 like if I was truly hard on myself, I'd
122:06 know how to truly save myself and be
122:10 closer to where I want to be. My father
122:12 is in his mid-40s, unemployed due to
122:14 heart failure from cigarettes and
122:17 drinking chronically. The only thing he
122:19 has accomplished is buying a house next
122:22 to his dad. The life my parents have is
122:25 not what I want for me. Whatever you
122:28 think I need to hear in order to get
122:29 myself together will be greatly
122:31 appreciated. Thanks, Thomasson. Okay,
122:33 I'll give you the exact number one thing
122:36 that you need to do and focus on. And
122:38 I'll make this very simple for you. All
122:40 I want you to focus on doing is
122:43 planning. That's all the key to your
122:47 success is to plan. See, what you're
122:50 describing here is a lack of strong
122:56 willpower.
122:58 So what's happening is when you get into
123:00 situations where you're thinking about
123:01 should I spend money right now? Should I
123:04 not? Should I do this thing or should I
123:07 not? Right? You're always making
123:09 decisions from your survival mode but in
123:12 an emotional state. So you're allowing
123:14 your emotions to drive your actions. But
123:17 the problem is your emotions are
123:18 naturally leading you to be in a place
123:20 of laziness, to be in a place of
123:22 stagnation like you mentioned. Um, and
123:25 to basically not get to where you want
123:26 to go, right? Not not having financial
123:28 freedom, all that bad stuff. Because
123:30 you're allowing yourself to only think
123:32 about crossing that bridge when you get
123:34 to that point. And then you allow your
123:36 emotion to take over and decide for you
123:38 what decision or what road to take. At
123:40 that point, what you need to start doing
123:43 in terms of your planning is saying
123:45 before I get to that decision, I will
123:48 already decide the choice I will make
123:50 and I will have a contingency plan for
123:53 what to do in the scenario that I feel
123:55 emotional to the point I want to do this
123:57 or I want to do that instead. Let me
123:58 give you a perfect example of that.
124:00 Right? So rather than saying okay I want
124:03 to uh you know save money and then one
124:06 day you're like I want to save money. I
124:08 have no money. I need I need to pay off
124:10 this debt. And then the next day you're
124:12 like, "Oh my god, look at this beautiful
124:13 hat or look at these these beautiful
124:15 jeans I want to buy. They're $100 or
124:17 they're $200 and I want to buy them so
124:19 badly, but I have no money, but I feel
124:21 like I really need these and I want to
124:22 be a boss babe and I want to live that
124:24 lifestyle, so I buy them." This is why
124:27 you're in a cycle, right, of un lack of
124:31 success because you're constantly living
124:32 in that I'm making the decision in the
124:34 moment and I'm debating with myself in
124:37 the moment. Whereas, if you say, "Okay,
124:40 I want to be able to enjoy life, but I
124:43 also want to make sure that I'm saving
124:45 enough money that I don't have nothing
124:46 left over or I need to pay back my
124:48 debt." Let's say you you sit down and
124:51 you say, "For the month, like there are
124:53 financial budgeting apps that you can
124:55 get and you can say for the month on the
124:57 low low low low end, if I work barely
125:00 any shifts, I will receive this amount
125:02 of money. And after I pay my rent, after
125:05 I pay a realistic amount that I'll pay
125:08 for my food, not the fake amount, oh,
125:10 I'll basically eat scraps. Okay, the way
125:12 I enjoy eating food, how much am I
125:14 realistically going to spend? And then
125:15 my transportation. After that, what am I
125:18 left with? From there, a certain amount
125:20 of that will be saved and a certain
125:22 amount of that will be allocated. Okay,
125:25 literally allocated to I will go and
125:28 have fun with this money. which means
125:29 you buy whatever clothes you want to
125:31 buy, whatever perfumes you want to buy,
125:33 whatever heels and bags you want to buy,
125:35 you spend that money on those things and
125:38 then within that month or let's say you
125:40 get paid every two weeks, right? That
125:42 money once it runs out, it's gone. So if
125:44 you want to save it to spend it on one
125:47 big purchase, you can save it if you
125:48 want and you'll know exactly how much
125:50 you'll have in one month or two months.
125:52 But outside of that, you don't spend
125:54 that money on anything else. When you
125:56 plan, you might be thinking, "How is
125:58 that going to help me?" when you plan,
125:59 you take yourself out of making the
126:01 decision in an emotional state because
126:03 money becomes very um you start to not
126:06 feel its uh I guess we can say impact
126:11 when it's just numbers on a screen. But
126:13 if you can plan out and say, "Okay, for
126:15 this month I only have $500 of fund
126:18 money. So I already bought a dress that
126:21 was $200 last week and I only have $300
126:24 left of fund money. So I can afford
126:27 this. But then if I pay $250 for this
126:30 other item, I'm not going to have much
126:32 money left of my fund money. So then you
126:34 have a very clear understanding of like
126:36 I'm not going to make a decision in an
126:38 emotional state. My fund money is
126:40 allocated for fun. And if I run out of
126:42 fund money, there is no more fun. So if
126:45 I want to prolong my fund for one big
126:47 moment at the end of the month, I can do
126:49 that. But then I have to be a little bit
126:51 frugal at the beginning of the month or
126:53 the other weeks. Whereas if I want to
126:55 spread it uh across four months or sorry
126:58 across four months across four weeks and
126:59 say I want to have $100 worth of fun uh
127:02 across these four weeks then I can do
127:04 that but I have to make sure I stick to
127:06 that. I also this is why you plan in
127:08 every aspect. I also am going to make
127:11 sure that when I'm planning with my
127:12 friends the things that we'll do and the
127:14 places that we'll go I allocate
127:17 understanding hey where are the likely
127:19 places that we might go this month? What
127:20 are the things that they're discussing?
127:22 Are they discussing going out for
127:23 mimosas and brunch on Sunday? Okay. How
127:25 much is that going to cost me
127:27 realistically? Like when I go to mimosas
127:29 and brunch, do I like to get all the
127:30 bottomless mimosas and then get a a
127:32 pizza and then get a burger and then
127:34 enjoy myself and it cost you $100? Okay.
127:37 So then I'mma plan that coming this
127:40 month, at least one day out of the out
127:41 of the one week out of the month, I'm
127:43 going to allocate part of my budget to
127:45 going out, enjoying myself, and getting
127:47 mimosas. Okay? Right? So, the reason I
127:49 say all this is because that planning
127:51 will put you in less of a survival mode
127:53 because you won't be having to debate
127:54 with yourself of what you should or
127:57 shouldn't do in the moment. You'll
127:58 already have a plan in place of what
128:00 you're allowed to do and what is
128:02 crossing the limit. And then you'll be
128:03 able to say, I already had this
128:06 conversation with myself at the
128:07 beginning of the month. So, this will
128:09 work or this won't work. And then the
128:12 decision actually becomes a lot easier.
128:14 So rather than kind of like feeling like
128:15 you're fighting from behind, you'll feel
128:17 like you're getting ahead of things and
128:19 you anticipate how you're going to feel
128:21 or what you're going to think in that
128:22 moment and then you're able to make a
128:24 decision for yourself before you even
128:26 get to that point. So planning is you're
128:28 going to be your superpower. So plan
128:30 your months out, plan your hangouts with
128:32 yourself out, plan the places you're
128:34 going to go with your friends out well
128:35 in advance, and be a planning superstar.
128:38 That will help you start getting to the
128:39 place that you uh your outcome, your
128:42 desired outcome that you want to be in.
128:43 Okay. Um, I believe that was the only
128:46 Yeah, that was the only premium
128:47 question. Okay. So, let's go to the free
128:49 section
128:50 here and let's uh read out some of these
128:53 uh questions here. Okay. I'm going to
128:56 start off
128:59 uh let's see
129:01 here.
129:03 Um I'm going to start off with a
129:07 different one. I know LPB is coming. I'm
129:09 going to start off
129:10 with another one and then we'll go to a
129:13 one from LP baby. Uh, someone says, "Is
129:16 it okay to ask Chat GBT for relationship
129:19 advice? I've heard people using Chat GBT
129:21 as their therapist, lol. So, wondered if
129:24 I could work the same for relationship
129:26 advice. I use chat GP2 chat GBT as well
129:31 for um like different like I use it for
129:35 like tax advice and business advice and
129:37 like an assistant to organize my notes.
129:40 Uh but I wouldn't advise you to use chat
129:42 GBT for relationship advice only because
129:46 chat GBT will be void of the experience
129:48 of a human being with emotions from the
129:50 standpoint of chat GPT might be able to
129:52 spit out to you okay if this guy is not
129:55 messaging me back what should I do and
129:57 it'll be able to give you some options
129:59 but void of the context and
130:01 understanding of like the natural
130:02 thought process of what human beings
130:04 will go through when they're thinking of
130:07 things or when they're going through a
130:08 situation it'll probably be giving you
130:10 more idealistic scenarios and answers
130:13 that don't really work for someone with
130:15 real human emotions. For example, if
130:18 you're going through a situation where a
130:21 guy that you've been dating for 5 years
130:24 all of a sudden is pulling away from
130:26 you, it's not as simple as like, oh,
130:28 just have a conversation with him or oh,
130:31 just let it go. Just, you know, um,
130:33 forget about it or just, you know what I
130:35 mean? like uh ghost him, whatever the
130:36 case may, whatever the you know like the
130:38 scenario is, you kind of have to be more
130:41 particular. And so like for example,
130:43 when people ask me questions, the
130:44 context of their relationship status,
130:46 how long they've been with the guy,
130:48 their experiences, and also my
130:50 understanding of what is realistic and
130:51 what's not. Because saying, "Yeah, uh
130:54 ghost the guy or leave the guy alone who
130:56 you dated for 5 years and has been like
130:58 pulling away from you." Yeah, cool.
131:00 Sure. Sounds good in a movie script. But
131:02 in reality, you're not going to be able
131:04 to do that because you're not just going
131:06 to be able to say, "Five years,
131:08 whatever, I don't care anymore." We have
131:10 to figure out a solution for you that
131:11 works in the context of a relationship
131:13 that you're actually in with an
131:15 understanding of like you have
131:16 attachment to a person. So, you can't
131:18 just act like a robot, right? That's one
131:20 of the things that um I've noticed
131:22 obviously chat GBT is void of um in
131:24 terms of being able to understand like
131:26 human nuance and how certain situations
131:29 the answer might be a little bit
131:30 different because for you uh the the
131:33 idealistic scenario is not really
131:35 possible because of like your own
131:37 natural feelings towards the situation
131:39 or attachment or maybe you share
131:41 children or whatever the the case may be
131:43 in terms of your nuance. I'd more advise
131:45 you to ask a real person. Uh, you can
131:48 ask me, you can ask I'm sure there's
131:49 other relationship advisors that will
131:51 also give um their own version of like
131:54 uh answers if you ask them private
131:55 questions. It's just chat GBT can have
131:57 you acting like a robot and just
132:00 repeating things back and paring them
132:02 without having a true understanding of
132:03 like why you're even doing it. You know
132:05 what I mean? Um, okay. Let's uh do an LP
132:09 baby one. Okay. Um, oh, all right. So,
132:12 this one says, "Uh, hi Tommy. Uh, may
132:15 you please speak on how to differentiate
132:16 between having strong boundaries and
132:18 having walls to prevent hurt from people
132:21 in
132:29 relationships. Sorry, I'm just trying to
132:31 read. Having walls to prevent hurt from
132:33 people. Oh, like for your for like
132:35 people hurting you. Um, having strong
132:38 boundaries is not a bad thing at all. I
132:40 don't think there's any reason that you
132:41 have to compromise your boundaries.
132:42 should go into any relationship or
132:44 situationship with your strong um held
132:47 boundaries. Now, having walls up to help
132:50 prevent yourself from getting hurt can
132:52 be something that works against you from
132:54 the standpoint of like if you don't
132:55 allow yourself to get close to people,
132:57 then how are you supposed to get close
132:58 to them? Um, but at the same time, you
133:01 have to also ask yourself why is it that
133:03 you have walls up? Is it because of past
133:05 experiences that you've had in other
133:06 relationships? In which case, you then
133:09 shouldn't be dating. you should be
133:10 healing from those other relationships
133:12 to the point where you feel like when
133:14 you go out on a date, you don't have
133:16 like some sort of preconceived notion of
133:17 like, oh my gosh, like this person's
133:19 going to cheat on me or this person's
133:21 going to hurt me. If you're going into a
133:23 talking stage or a date with someone who
133:25 you don't know and you're already having
133:26 in your mind, "This person's going to
133:28 cheat on me or this person's going to do
133:29 me wrong," then you're not healed yet
133:31 from your previous relationship and you
133:33 need to do some time healing from that
133:35 before we get into your new relationship
133:37 because you shouldn't be um projecting
133:39 your old feelings for someone else onto
133:41 a new person who has never done anything
133:43 to you and never hurt you. Not that you
133:45 should be naive, but like that shouldn't
133:47 be your preconceived idea of who they
133:48 are. If that's the case, then why are
133:50 you there? uh how to determine whether a
133:51 man wants to do the work within himself
133:53 and heal versus whether he is using me
133:57 um slash a woman to distract himself.
133:59 You simply ask the questions um as
134:02 you're on the date with the man. If
134:03 you're hearing um when he's talking, you
134:06 have to let men speak about what they
134:08 feel in an honest way. So, for example,
134:11 if you ask a guy how he feels about his
134:13 ex and his relationship with her, and
134:15 you're hearing about him speak about her
134:17 in a way that sounds very much like he
134:19 would be open to the idea of being in a
134:21 relationship with her still, then you're
134:23 talking to a guy who is most likely
134:25 using you as a distraction from that as
134:28 opposed to there's nothing wrong with
134:30 you have to understand nuance. When a
134:32 guy comes on a date with you and he
134:33 speaks about, hey, you know, my ex was
134:35 good. We had some good times together.
134:37 Um, it's not like there wasn't love
134:39 between us and all that other stuff.
134:41 However, our relationship has run its
134:43 course and it's definitely very much
134:44 over and I definitely don't have any
134:46 interest in going back there. That's
134:48 where you say, "Oh, okay. You're not
134:50 trying to like use me as a placeholder
134:52 to distract yourself because you
134:53 secretly want to be with her." Whereas,
134:55 if a guy's talking about his previous
134:57 relationship and then he's talking about
134:58 it in a way that actually sounds like he
135:00 wants to still be with her or the door
135:02 is open, right? When you're listening to
135:04 the things that he's saying, the door is
135:05 open. then that should be something that
135:07 you find concerning. I asked because I
135:09 feel like we are all a work in progress
135:11 and there's always room for improvement.
135:13 And I would like to know tips on how to
135:15 differentiate between a man's intentions
135:17 because I aim to date uh potential slash
135:20 I I don't aim sorry to date potential/
135:23 project men. Sure. I want to be
135:25 reasonable of course because knowing we
135:27 are all growing. Um yes, I agree 100%.
135:31 Um, I don't think that you should be
135:32 dating project men in the sense that
135:35 like men that need a whole bunch of work
135:38 and changes to be made to just be
135:40 serviceable as a man in a relationship.
135:43 Uh, but at the same
135:45 time there's a balance. uh and we
135:48 actually kind of discussed the bal one
135:49 of the aspects of the balance here on
135:51 today's show where there's a difference
135:53 between saying okay in my career even I
135:56 want to be I'm a software engineer on an
135:58 entry level now I want to be in the
136:00 seauite soon uh that's not something
136:03 that is changed to the point where it's
136:05 so drastic you can't even function in a
136:07 relationship that way whereas being with
136:09 a man who's like I'm a cashier right now
136:11 and I want to be a rapper that's
136:13 completely two totally different worlds
136:15 or he's saying I'm a cashier right now
136:17 and I want to figure out some totally
136:19 different alternative career path at
136:22 some point in my life soon. That's a man
136:24 that I would probably advise you to shy
136:26 away from because the amount of effort
136:29 and energy and excuse me work he's going
136:32 to need to put into transitioning
136:34 himself from the place he's at now to
136:36 the new place he wants to be in, that
136:38 should be his sole focus. Um, and so
136:40 when you meet guys who are in that sort
136:42 of like they need to take that large
136:44 transition, um, you're better off just
136:46 like letting them work on their
136:47 transition and then if they're ready for
136:48 a relationship after that, then they can
136:50 come back to you and be in a
136:52 relationship with you. Nothing wrong
136:53 with the man having a plan, but I just
136:55 know that when guys are going through
136:56 that large transition like that, a lot
136:58 of things can change in his mind, change
137:01 in his approach, change in the way he
137:02 treats you. So, you're better off not
137:04 wasting uh your time that way. Uh, okay.
137:06 I hope that answers all of your
137:09 questions. Let's hop into our next uh
137:12 question here. Let me see. Oops. Yep.
137:15 Yep. Yep. Uh, okay. Uh, okay. This one
137:20 comes from
137:21 Lotus. Hypocrisy. Okay. Um,
137:26 hypocrisy. Hey, Tommy, you've talked
137:28 about withdrawing from men when they
137:30 cross our boundaries or do something
137:31 that makes us feel a type of way, etc.
137:34 by removing access, not replying to
137:36 texts and calls. However, one of my
137:38 personal boundaries uh is about silent
137:41 treatment. Uh it is one of my biggest
137:43 triggers and is it is important to me to
137:45 be with someone who can communicate
137:46 their feelings even when
137:49 they are negative towards me. Even if
137:52 it's just a quick something you did
137:54 upset me, but I'm not ready to talk
137:57 about it yet. My question is, if the
137:59 person I'm seeing behaves in a way where
138:02 I have to withdraw, how can I set the
138:04 boundary with silent treatment and not
138:05 come across as hypocritical? Silent
138:07 treatment is different because
138:09 withdrawing is just getting on with your
138:11 life and waiting for him to approach you
138:15 the way that meets your expectations.
138:17 And if he does, great. Uh, speak to him.
138:20 Silent treatment is ignoring them even
138:22 if they're treating you right. No, I
138:24 don't advise. Why would you be giving
138:25 him the silent treatment if he's
138:26 treating you right? So, at least with
138:27 withdrawing, you can still give them
138:29 another chance. I think with
138:31 withdrawing, you can be polite. Just
138:32 don't be generous with your love. Silent
138:34 treatment is deadly. Okay. Uh oh, sorry,
138:36 that was that was your answer. Sorry,
138:38 that was uh someone else's answer. Uh
138:40 so, Lotus, for you, in terms
138:43 of silent treatment and withdrawing. I
138:47 agree actually with what Tam said.
138:49 There's a difference between those two.
138:51 Um, when you're withdrawing from
138:53 someone, one, you have to understand men
138:55 like, yes, we kind of treat men like
138:56 they're a little bit dumb, but they're
138:58 smart enough to understand if they do
138:59 you wrong, like they know when something
139:02 is off. And like, if they really spent
139:04 their time and energy thinking about
139:06 what has transpired, majority of the
139:07 time, they're able to understand, okay,
139:09 I must I said something wrong here or I
139:11 did something wrong here or that was
139:13 inappropriate of me. So, you have to
139:14 give them a little bit more credit in
139:15 that sense. Uh, number two, as it
139:17 relates to withdrawing, I'm specifically
139:20 also referring to withdrawing from men.
139:22 Uh, when you're in the dating process,
139:25 you have to show them that they're going
139:27 to have to use their critical thinking
139:28 skills and inquire about, hey, are you
139:31 upset? Is there something wrong? Um, I
139:33 want to try and fix it. You have to turn
139:35 their fixer brain on because I know
139:37 lotus in a perfect world, men, you would
139:40 be able to communicate with anyone. Hey,
139:42 I feel this. I'm communicating this with
139:44 you. This is how I want. This is what
139:45 I'm feeling. this was not working for me
139:46 and men would just change and adjust and
139:48 do what you need. The problem is I know
139:50 from my own experience in helping women
139:53 um and this is one of the things that
139:54 chat GBT won't be able to give you the
139:56 perspective on is that men won't
139:58 actually respond to you coming out and
140:01 overexlaining oh well these are my
140:03 feelings about this and I'm just trying
140:05 to be open and honest like my therapist
140:06 said and tell you everything that I'm
140:08 feeling and communicate with you my
140:09 boundaries and communicate what I'm
140:11 feeling here and communicating what's
140:12 upsetting me here because most of the
140:14 time men will respond with like we we
140:17 watched in our reaction segment uh with
140:19 like an okay or or they won't even
140:22 respond at all or they'll just continue
140:24 doing the same thing they've been doing.
140:26 Because what you need to do is you need
140:28 to give men the space to come to you,
140:30 inquire about what's wrong, inquire
140:32 about, hey, I've noticed you've pulled
140:34 away from me. I've noticed you're not
140:36 giving me the same amount of attention
140:37 as before. Because it's going to sound
140:39 very funny, but men are like attention
140:42 [ __ ] in the sense that the only time
140:44 they really take to heed that something
140:47 is wrong in their relationship is when
140:50 you withdraw your energy as a woman.
140:52 They always joke about like not joke.
140:54 They always say, "Oh, men are energy
140:55 vampires." They feel when you're giving
140:58 them energy. They're you're giving them
141:00 your focus. You're giving them your
141:02 time. And it feels good to them. It
141:04 energizes them. It lifts them up. So
141:06 when you stop doing that, that's when
141:08 they're like, "Oh my gosh, something is
141:10 wrong." Right? I'll give you a perfect
141:12 example, Lotus, so you can understand
141:14 how a man's brain works. If me and my
141:16 guy friendss are sitting at a table and
141:19 one of my guys starts talking to all of
141:21 us about, "Bro, what my girl last night,
141:26 bro, I went out. I was at till 3:00 a.m.
141:29 My girl's tripping. Calls me 30 times
141:33 texting me, where the f are you at? You
141:36 better come home right now. I better
141:38 you. If you don't come home right this
141:40 second calling me. She started driving
141:42 around. She I I kid you not. I literally
141:45 was outside in the parking lot. I see
141:47 her pull out, you know, she's driving
141:49 past in the car and she's like, "You
141:52 mfer." She's cursing me out, bro. It was
141:54 crazy. You want to know what we're going
141:56 to do as guy? We're going to laugh.
141:57 We're going to say, "Oh, bro, she crazy
141:59 as hell." We're going to dab him up
142:01 because even though he's describing a
142:03 bad scenario, the way we actually take
142:05 that information is your girl loves you.
142:09 Like she's all over you. Like you got
142:10 her in the bag. You're dame crazy. Like
142:12 you putting it down on her. She pulling
142:14 up to the club, texting you, calling you
142:17 30 times. She all over you. She got to
142:20 get up, man. She She might be She might
142:23 be going crazy for you and we're going
142:24 to dab him up. Whereas, if we're sitting
142:27 at a round table and let's say we're
142:29 having a conversation and one of the
142:30 guys is like, "Yeah, so by the way, um,
142:33 my girl, she like she doesn't say
142:35 nothing to me no more. Like I was out
142:37 till 3:00 a.m. She didn't say a word.
142:39 Like even I asked her. I'm like, "Are
142:41 you mad or something?" She was like,
142:42 "No." She just went on with her day.
142:44 Like she didn't mention it. She didn't
142:45 call me out on it. Like and the past
142:47 like couple of weekends, I've been going
142:48 out till 4:00 or 5 a.m. She doesn't even
142:51 ask about me. She doesn't even ask when
142:53 I've gotten home. Nothing. You know,
142:55 want to know what we're all all of us
142:56 boys are going to sit at the table?
142:58 We're going to look at him like like a
143:00 dog just died. We're we're going to be
143:02 like, "Oh my god. Oh my I'm so sorry,
143:04 bro. I'm so sorry, bro." We're all going
143:07 to say, "Your girl is either cheating on
143:09 you currently or she's like completely
143:12 gone. Like you've lost her already."
143:14 Because us men, we the way we uh
143:17 contextualize information, when you
143:19 withdraw, we see it as something is
143:21 wrong. something very very very very
143:23 very bad is wrong. Whereas when you're
143:25 giving all that energy, when you're
143:27 overexplaining, oh my feelings this, my
143:29 feelings that, we're like, oh, typical
143:30 woman. We don't we don't think a change
143:32 needs to be made because we don't
143:34 actually contextualize that as something
143:35 is wrong. We don't contextualize that as
143:38 I need to take action because something
143:40 needs to change. My woman is not on my
143:43 body anymore. Why is she not on my body?
143:46 Is she on someone else's body? Is
143:48 someone else taking up her mind, taking
143:49 up her crazy? Right? It's concerning for
143:51 us. So this is why I say I say all that
143:54 to say with men withdrawing is the
143:57 answer because that's when they actually
143:59 can contextualize something is wrong and
144:01 I need to make a change and I need to
144:03 take some action. Whereas when you
144:05 overexlain to men who are not inquiring
144:07 about it, you and inquiring about the
144:10 problem that is existing within you and
144:11 trying to fix or or make a change for
144:13 that or take action for that, then you
144:15 end up in a situation where you're
144:16 overexplaining yourself to a man who
144:18 either doesn't care or is not in a
144:20 mental state prepared to take action on
144:22 your problem or your issue and is just
144:24 going to continue doing what he wants to
144:25 do. Are we following? Right. Um, so just
144:30 I hope that visual helped you guys
144:31 understand like how men kind of uh
144:33 process that information. Uh, okay. So
144:36 this one comes from Tam. So Tam just
144:38 didn't answer, but this is a question
144:39 from Tam. Uh, all right. Tam says,
144:41 "Talking my sorry, taking my time in a
144:44 talking
144:46 stage." Okay. Uh, all right. I am 29 was
144:50 seeing a 29year-old man. So I can be
144:53 very sparse in the beginning of talking
144:56 stages. I like to take my time and talk
144:58 to the guy when I feel like it. Okay. Uh
145:00 but I feel like but I feel a lot of
145:03 pressure sometimes when they say stuff
145:05 about you're not talking to
145:07 me. No, don't let your don't don't don't
145:10 let your anxiety put put you in a bad
145:11 place or I have this thing in the back
145:13 of my head that I'm ghosting them and
145:16 it's a bad thing, but I actually feel
145:17 the most comfortable like that. What
145:19 should my mindset be about this? Because
145:22 as soon as he pointed it out, I caved
145:24 and immediately started feeling bad.
145:25 then started overcompensating and things
145:27 just went bad between me and him. To add
145:30 to this, my mom often says that I need
145:32 to give more, but I think it's giving
145:34 too much. My mom is also single, had a
145:37 terrible relationship with my dad, is a
145:39 pickme and so I don't really want to
145:41 take her advice. Lol. Uh, good
145:44 observation, Tam. So, here's the thing.
145:47 Never
145:48 ever I I I've talked about this before.
145:52 So in certain aspects you have to
145:54 understand men don't actually understand
145:56 what they really want. They understand
145:58 what makes their life easy. They don't
146:01 understand what they actually respond to
146:03 in a way that's advantageous and
146:05 beneficial to you. Let me explain what I
146:07 mean in an example. For example, a guy
146:10 will say, "I want you to text me back in
146:13 20 seconds. I don't want there to even
146:15 be a millisecond of time between when I
146:18 message you and when you respond to me."
146:20 Okay, that sounds like he knows what he
146:23 wants. He doesn't actually. What he
146:26 knows is how to ask for something that
146:27 makes his life easier. So, you messaging
146:30 him 24/7 all the time, 30 seconds after
146:33 he messages you makes his life life
146:35 easier because he never has to spend any
146:37 time thinking about what you're doing,
146:39 where you are, um how you're spending
146:41 your time, or why you're not talking to
146:42 him. So, it's very painless. It's a
146:45 painless experience for him to have you
146:47 in his life in that capacity. Similar
146:50 for you as a woman to have a guy who
146:53 will lay out exactly how he feels about
146:54 you, how much he wants you, and tell you
146:56 all day how in love with you he is to
146:58 24/7. It sounds like a dream because it
147:01 makes your life easy where you don't
147:02 have to play a guessing game. But in
147:04 reality, you won't respond well to that
147:06 because you won't be very attracted to
147:08 that type of guy. Same thing for you.
147:10 When you give the guy what he wants,
147:13 you're not actually giving him what he
147:14 really wants. You're giving him what
147:15 makes his life easier. But you're not
147:18 realizing in the process of giving him
147:19 that thing, he won't respond well to
147:22 that. Because when he finally gets that
147:24 from you, now he has no time to like sit
147:27 back and and have some anxiety towards
147:29 you. Have some anxiety towards like what
147:31 is she doing with her time? Where is she
147:33 right now? Who is she hanging out with?
147:36 I'm a little bit nervous that I might
147:37 lose her. It's giving me a little bit of
147:39 anxiety. I want to check in. I want to
147:41 see her now. I feel like I miss her a
147:43 little bit. Right? Sometimes, you know,
147:45 some of the easiest concepts um in
147:48 general can be the hardest to grasp for
147:50 relationships when you're in them. You
147:52 realize like for men and for anyone in
147:55 general, you cannot miss someone who
147:58 you're actively with or around or
148:00 speaking
148:02 to. I'm going say it again. You can't
148:05 miss someone who you're actively with,
148:07 around, or speaking to. So if you think
148:10 about even that concept, like a guy
148:13 missing you, literally by definition,
148:15 you cannot be around in any capacity for
148:18 a guy to properly miss you. If you are
148:20 around in any capacity, he literally
148:23 cannot miss you. You can't be present in
148:25 his life and then he misses you. So part
148:28 of a man and his wiring to desire a
148:32 woman and long for a woman and like be
148:34 totally head over heels obsessed with a
148:36 woman. Think about like the medieval
148:37 times where a man would meet a woman at
148:40 a land far far away and then he's
148:41 writing her all these letters. Oh my
148:43 beautiful darling. You were when my eyes
148:46 bestowed upon you. You were just the
148:48 most beautiful princess in all the land.
148:51 and I will ride on 17 horses for 44
148:54 nights just to be able to see the
148:56 shimmer in your eyes once again. All of
148:59 that is coming from his longing and his
149:02 missing her, not being able to have her
149:04 again, but he's not going to be writing
149:06 those same loving notes when he's next
149:08 to her. Not because like he doesn't care
149:11 about her the same, but the element of
149:12 missing someone is because they are not
149:14 present. So, you have to remember that
149:16 as well for yourself, Tam, is that even
149:18 though men are asking for those things,
149:20 they will not end up responding
149:21 positively to you always being around
149:24 because then you'll take their ability
149:25 to miss you and long for you away. Which
149:28 is why I always say you want to be
149:30 making sure that you have, it's going to
149:32 sound very toxic, but you give them a
149:34 little bit of a roller coaster of
149:36 emotions where when you're away, they
149:38 get to long for you. They get to miss
149:40 you. They get to have desire for you and
149:42 anticipation for the next time they see
149:44 you. Then when they're with you, that's
149:46 when you focus on bringing that energy,
149:48 bringing that interest, making him feel
149:50 like he's important. Where he's like, oh
149:52 my god, I love this vibe. Then you cut
149:54 it short and then your date is only 2
149:56 hours long. And then he leaves the date
149:58 feeling like, "Oh my god, that was so
150:00 intoxicating. I need that again in very
150:03 quick succession." But then because
150:05 you're not going to be giving him too
150:06 much of yourself when you're away from
150:07 him again, he goes back to longing you.
150:09 He goes back to missing you. He goes
150:11 back to anticipating the next time he
150:13 sees you. And then you just keep him on
150:15 that cycle over and over and over again.
150:18 And then eventually it builds up to the
150:20 point where he's now progressing the
150:21 relationship because of that longing and
150:24 then that the fact that when he finally
150:26 sees you, he gets that burst of like,
150:27 "Oh my gosh, this is amazing." So you
150:30 kind of have to It sounds like a game,
150:31 but that's really what attraction is
150:33 about. Like you have to understand how
150:34 to go through the es and flows, right?
150:36 If someone is always happy, they won't
150:38 be able to understand what happiness
150:40 even is because they happiness becomes
150:43 their baseline. The only way to
150:44 understand what happiness is is to
150:46 actually have misery and to have sadness
150:49 because then you can actually contrast
150:50 the two. Same thing with men and in your
150:52 relationships, right? So, you have to be
150:54 thinking about that contrast and not
150:56 just always giving men what they want
150:58 because sometimes they'll ask for what's
150:59 easiest for them, not what actually will
151:02 serve you in terms of uh his desire and
151:04 attraction towards you. Okay. Uh, all
151:06 right chat, that is the show for today.
151:09 Um, for those of you who want to ask me
151:10 a question, you can either do that
151:11 through our free section for through our
151:13 private section or through our premium
151:14 section. Um, and I'll answer your
151:16 question that way. Like I said, I'm
151:18 going to get to a bunch of our premium
151:19 qu no private questions uh here right
151:22 after this show. For those of you who
151:24 are watching me and you want to follow
151:26 me on Instagram as well, my Instagram is
151:28 just uh my
151:29 name_tub on uh if you're watching this
151:31 on TikTok, it's up on the left there.
151:33 It's also in my bio as well. I'm
151:36 definitely going to start posting more
151:37 on Instagram. I am posting uh more on uh
151:40 Snapchat. They wanted me to become a
151:42 Snapchat creator. So, I'm going to be
151:43 posting my relationship stuff and um
151:46 personal stuff on Snapchat as well. Uh
151:49 so, you guys can um my Snapchat's there
151:51 for you guys if you guys want to follow
151:52 it as well. Um for those of you who are
151:54 wanting to rewatch the show because you
151:56 missed some parts or you came late, um
151:58 you can also go over to my YouTube
152:00 channel. For those of you on Tik Tok, uh
152:02 it's Thompson just T O M I S I N. You go
152:04 into the uh YouTube section in the live
152:07 section of my YouTube channel and uh
152:09 you'll be able to see this live stream
152:10 and all the other live streams I've done
152:12 since the beginning of time. So that
152:13 we'll uh you'll be able to follow along
152:16 with all the conversation and jokes that
152:18 everyone is uh been telling in the uh
152:20 chat there. Okay, does that make sense?
152:22 I'm here every Monday and Thursday. So
152:25 I'll be here again on Thursday. And uh
152:28 until we meet again uh on Thursday at
152:31 400 p.m. Eastern Standard Time cuz I'm
152:33 supposed to be here on time. I should be
152:35 here on time. Hopefully I'm here on
152:36 time. Uh thank you Nicole Cotm also who
152:38 donated the show and thank you to anyone
152:40 who donated in the uh uh Tik Tok chat.
152:43 Uh so until we meet again
152:45 on Thursday, I bid you adu uh revenenti
152:50 a vista adios bounty ciao salam
152:58 bonvoyat and I'll see you again on
153:01 Thursday at 400 pm. I love you all so so
153:04 so so much. Okay.
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