YouTube Transcript:
How To Know He's Open To Falling in Love (Relationship Advice & Dating Advice)
Skip watching entire videos - get the full transcript, search for keywords, and copy with one click.
Share:
Video Transcript
View:
Have you ever wondered to yourself if a
man is actually open to the idea and
possibility of falling in love? Isn't it
frustrating trying to figure out if he
truly is emotionally available or if
he's emotionally unavailable? Well, what
if I told you there are real measurable
signs to tell for sure if that man is
open to falling in love? Which is
exactly why on today's show, we're going
to be discussing how to know he's open
to falling in love. That way you don't
get stuck wasting your valuable time and
energy on a man who was never going to
choose you in the first place. Uh for
point number one we have value. Now in
order to explain this point I drew out
for all of you beautiful people a
diamond ring. So we're going to imagine
here we have a diamond ring. Okay 4
karat diamond ring. So I'll put here
4k 4k diamond ring. Okay. And I don't
even know if that's how you say carrots.
Right. We'll say 4C.
Forcy 4karat diamond ring we have here
and I want to ask start this by asking
you a question. Okay, let's say we have
this 4 karat diamond ring here. I want
each of you to tell me what do you think
the value of this diamond ring is. Just
speak on what you think u it's worth in
your own eyes. Whatever you feel the
worth is whether you feel the worth is
$20, $10, $2,000, $200,000. What do you
feel like a 4karat diamond ring? Natural
diamond. Okay. Not the lab grown stuff
that was mine through the earth, through
the way that it earth uh the earth was
created, right? A natural diamond. What
do you think that that is truly worth in
your eyes? I want each one of you to
spit out a number of what you think uh
this diamond is worth. I seen someone
say this is really worth
$5,000, right? Okay. What else? What was
someone else? Um okay, I see $200,000.
Right. Someone
said I see someone say $10,000. Okay.
10,000. Oops. Yeah.
10,000. All right. Uh I see someone say
50K. Oh yeah. We'll put 50K
here. Uh let's see. Someone says
priceless. Okay. Well, I'll put that
here, too.
Priceless. All right. So, the reason
that I want to draw this out here and
give you guys some numbers, okay, fun
little numbers, right? And there's a
very important concept to kind of
understand here. When I gave you guys
this 4 karat diamond ring and I asked
all of you to price it, you're all going
to place a particular value on the
diamond ring based on how important or
valuable a diamond ring is to you. And
the value that you tie to a diamond ring
will be of a bunch of different factors
of maybe your experience with rings. Um
maybe you know how shiny or uh nice
diamonds are to you or how unvaluable or
useless and pretentious diamonds are to
you. This could be a factor of your
friendships. This could be a factor of
your family members. Um it could be uh
things that you've seen from your mother
and father. Right? All of these things
culminate to what your uh thinking of
the real value of this 4 karat diamond
ring is. Which is why I can give you the
same ring and everyone has a different
value placed on that ring. Okay? So the
reason that I say this is because when
you start dating a man in order to
understand if he's open to the idea of
love, you have to see what value he
places on being in a relationship number
one and being with a woman number two.
is going to sound kind of weird because
when you go out on a date, you're
thinking to yourself, well, if I'm on
this date, doesn't it mean that he
values relationships? No, not
necessarily. And if you're on a date
with a man, it also doesn't mean
necessarily that he values women and
what women will bring to the table in
terms of being in a relationship, right?
Because sometimes you might go out on a
date with a guy and in the process of
getting to know him and talking to him,
he might actually be on a date with you
and see marriage and see relationships
and see, you know, just having a
girlfriend overall as a nuisance. Oh,
you got to do this and I've seen my
other uh guy friendss have to go through
so much being in a relationship and I've
seen these horror stories of marriage
and I just don't know if marriage is for
me. I'm telling you, you get a guy to
yap enough, right? guys love yapping.
They will spill their inner secrets of
how they feel towards relationships and
towards women. And then when you get
that information, you need to be
gauging, does this man see value in
women and see value in relationships and
see value in the maybe intangible things
that a woman will bring to a
relationship and how she'll bring value
to that uh relationship or that man so
to speak, right? Or does he not see that
value? Because some men won't. And the
men who are going to be open to falling
in love will speak on that value that
they see in having a good woman in their
life. Right? Obviously having a bad
woman, the same thing like having a bad
man will only bring you bad things. But
having a good woman in his life should
be something that he can speak towards
and something that he seems to be
excited for of the possibilities of and
wants to attract into his life. Okay.
You're going to notice a very important
theme as we discuss here. certain
things. When a m man is in a particular
mind state and mind frame, he will speak
on relationships and partners and his
own life in a very particular way.
That's very unique to a man who's open
and ready and primed to fall in love.
Vice versa, men who are not there, they
will speak in the opposite way. So,
we're kind of going to discuss both as
we go along here. Are we guys are we all
on the same page so far? Okay. Right.
Uh, someone said, "So, what do we ask
him to find the answer?" All you need to
do when you're asking him these
questions and you're having a
conversation with him is ask him, "Well,
what do you think uh a woman brings to a
relationship?" Like, "What do you think
is the value in having a woman in your
life, right?" And just let him speak
honestly on what he thinks women bring
to a relationship. What he thinks the
value is in having a woman versus being
single. You can even ask him, right?
What are the benefits, the pros, and the
cons you think of being single versus
being in a relationship? and let him
speak honestly about what he thinks that
is. Um, also you got to make sure when
he's speaking honestly, you're not
judging in your facial expressions and
in your body language because the crazy
part about it is you'll be shocked. You
will go on some first and second dates
with men. You'll ask them these type of
questions and they'll start talking and
you'll be like, "I can't believe you're
actually saying this out loud. You're
actually telling me this and you're on a
date with me. Don't you realize how much
of a red flag that is?" You have to make
sure that you're inviting. Oh, that's
Wow, that's very interesting. that
that's an interesting point of view and
let him just keep telling you and
telling you and being honest about uh
how he feels. Okay, let's hop into our
point number two.
Okay, value so important.
Okay. So, for point number two here,
something that I really want all of you
to be thinking about and paying
attention to as well. And
um I just encountered this uh the other
day when I was helping a woman.
Okay, let's do this like
this. So, we'll draw the man up here
with his large egg
head. And uh we're going to draw some
things underneath him.
Okay. So, we'll have here some smaller
characters.
and you'll see why all of these smaller
characters
exist. Okay, we'll also have one
here. Yeah, we'll see.
And this one's going to be
scary. All
right.
Okay.
So, let's uh do this like this. For
point number two, we have attachments.
When you meet a guy, super duper
important. If you're trying to gauge if
a guy is emotionally available or
emotionally unavailable, you have to be
understanding what attachments does he
have in his life. Now, there's a very
easy thing to kind of spot as a red
flag, and that is, well, does he have an
attachment still to his ex-girlfriend or
one of his ex-girlfriends? I.e., does he
still see her at work? Uh, i.e., are
they still in the same type of friend
group? Or, uh, do they just hang out
one-on-one because they're now
transitioning into being best friends?
Right? That's an attachment that
definitely if you notice is happening
and you notice this guy still has
feelings or some sort of connection to
his ex-girlfriend, then you definitely
want to be avoiding those type of men
like the plague because that guy is not
going to be possibly able to be open to
the idea of falling in love if he still
has love and is in love with one of his
ex-girlfriends. Sounds very simple in
theory, but a lot of times when you come
on your first couple of dates, you're
assuming, I met this guy on Hinge. Oh,
he had a good vibe. whatever the case
may be that because we're on this date,
that means he's ready to actually be in
a relationship. Remember, that's not
always necessarily the case. So, anytime
you get on a first date, you have to be
asking these questions and inquiring
about these things to have an
understanding of, okay, not just are you
on this date, but are you actually open
and emotionally available to being in a
relationship and falling in love with
someone? Ex-girlfriend is something to
look out for. Now, in a lesser sense,
you might be thinking, well, why is the
brother on here? He doesn't have a
romantic relationship with his brother.
Why would he be on here? See, brothers,
whether we call them big bros or we can
even just call them brothers from
another mother, someone that he might
look up to or really care about this
guy's opinion, these type of attachments
can also hold him back from ever being
able to fall in love. Because,
understand this very important point.
Whoever this big bro is, whoever this
guy that's in his inner circle that's
always in his hear about ear about
things, if that guy, like in our last
point, doesn't see the value in women
and having a woman in a man's life and
the value that a woman will bring to a
relationship, right? If he's very much
in the mindset that women are disposable
and they're useless and they can't bring
any value to a relationship, he's going
to be in your man's ear all the time
about that same concept and idea. So,
it's going to make it that much harder
for him to open himself up to connection
or love or even just building any sort
of relationship with you when this guy
who's really close to him and really
attached to him is constantly telling
him, "Don't do that. You don't need that
in my your life. It's not going to bring
you any value. You're not going to find
happiness that way." And of course, he's
not going to be living that life either.
So, the example he's going to be setting
for your man is going to be the complete
opposite example of what you need in
order for you guys to have a successful
relationship. Okay. Now, the number
three is the scariest
one. This is the scariest attachment
that a man can have that will definitely
lead to the downfall of any
relationship. And you might be
wondering, why is it the mom and why is
she the scariest even scarier than the
ex-girlfriend? Because trust me, rest
assured, ex-girlfriends can be bad in
terms of the things they might say or
the way they might deter a man from
being in a relationship. But moms are
100 times worse because you can't get
rid of them. And you're never going to
have the oneup of saying, "I know more
about you. I've known you for longer. I
understand you better. I care for you
more." You're never going to be able to
say any of that. So mom, if mom is of
the belief that no one is good enough
for her son, if mom is of the belief
that no woman in his life brings enough
value to actually be worth being in his
life over her, trust me, there will be
no chance that this man will ever be
able to fall in love. Even if he wanted
to, even if he met you and he was like,
"Oh my gosh, mom, this is the girl of my
dreams." Trust me. Trust me. When
mothers are determined, they will
discourage, right? their son from being
in a relationship. It doesn't matter how
amazing you are, it doesn't matter if
you're the queen of England, it doesn't
matter if you're Princess Diana. If she
has made up her mind that you are not
good enough for him, she will convince
him until she's blue in the face, that
he should not fall in love with you,
it's a bad idea, you're not the right
woman for him, all of that stuff. So,
the reason I say this is because when
you go out on your dates, you need to be
paying attention one to a his
relationship with his mom by asking
questions, of course, and then number
two, you need to also be gauging with
these
ex-girlfriends, did they struggle or
thrive when it came to your mom. Uh, I
had a woman that I was helping the other
day and she was essentially telling me a
story about how one of the reasons her
last relationship basically fell apart.
She was dating a guy for seven years and
the reason her relationship fell apart
was because the mom became such an issue
that she could no longer stand being in
a relationship with that guy because he
would never stand up to his mom about,
you know, things that she was saying
towards her. So, you have to understand
if you're asking questions, let's say
you're on a date with the guy and you're
asking, okay, so what are some of the
things, you know, in terms of your mom's
relationship with your ex-girlfriends,
have they been good? Have they been bad?
has it been difficult for you? And if
you're starting to hear rhetoric about
like, oh, you know, my mom and my
ex-girlfriend didn't really get along or
there was a lot of friction or if you
start hearing in the sense that like
that was one of the main reasons that
they broke up, that is one of those
moms, okay? you're dealing with a man
that has one of those moms and has one
of those relationships and attachments
to his mom where his mom can actually
break up uh him and another woman even
if he likes the woman, even if he wants
to be in a relationship with the woman,
right? And so you can actually meet a
man who technically is emotionally
available, but because of his attachment
to his mom, he becomes emotionally
unavailable because she makes it
impossible for him to have a successful
long-term relationship. Are we all on
the same page so far? Right? Does that
make sense?
Um, uh, someone asked Tom,
uh, he rarely introduces girls to his
mom. His mom wants him to focus on his
education before getting into a
relationship. So, this is an example of
one of those moms, right? If she's of
the belief that her son should not be
exploring relationships, what do you
think she's going to do? She's going to
discourage him from exploring
relationships, it's going to make it
that much harder for him to ever get
into a relationship. So, you can
effectively have an emotionally
unavailable man because of how
much power his mom holds in his mind, in
his heart, in his spirit, um, and how
much power her opinion holds. Does that
make sense to all of you?
Okay. Princess says, "What if he doesn't
say much? Then you got to get him
talking." You got to get these guys
yapping. The only way to get real
information, chat, is to get guys
yapping. number one, and then to be
observing of their actions, right? If
you can't uh and and we have shows on
how to get guys yapping and and asking
questions and to get them to open up to
you more, um which we can have a whole
show on on exactly how to get each
individual guy to open up or in general,
right? But, uh that's what you have to
do in any scenario if you're going to
get information and get knowledge on a
man. You have to get him to open up. And
every man is capable of opening up.
Okay? Uh, don't ever think that men
aren't capable of opening up because of
something you heard on a TV show or
something like that. Okay, let's hop
into point number
three. All
right, this one's a fun point. It was
fun to draw at least. We'll see how well
you guys can internalize it when I
try. All
right, let's do it like this.
Uh, okay. How am I going to do this? So,
we'll do
this. And
uh, it's going to look weird when I dry
chat, but don't you worry, we going to
get there.
Okay, perfect. Perfect. This is not bad.
This is not bad. Not bad. All
right.
Perfect. All right. So, I labeled them
because I knew it would be a little bit
confusing. Okay. So for point number
three, we're going to discuss vision,
specifically his vision of the future.
Okay? So I drew a crystal ball here
because the crystal ball is supposed to
symbolize like looking into the future.
Because when you sit down with a man on
these very first dates, you want to be
gauging and looking into this crystal
ball. What is your vision of the future?
Now, the mistake that a lot of people
make is asking very simple questions
that most men are referred to are
prepared for, I should say. Like, what
are you looking for? Okay, that's a
common one that if you're a serial
dater, you probably ask on all of your
first dates. But the problem is men are
prepared for that question and they know
how to answer that question in a way
that sounds good. Now, what's better for
you to do when you go out on your dates
is ask men in general, what is your
vision for the future for yourself? What
are some of the things you want to be
doing? The places you want to go, the
places you want to live. What does that
vision consist of? Because in that
question, you're looking into the
crystal ball and then you're getting a
clearer picture of what his desired
future is. Now, let me explain something
to you from my own personal experience
with myself and with my own guy friendss
of the different types of ways they will
express this. I have some guy friendss
that because their vision of their
future is so self-focused on just having
fun, going out, doing what they want to
do, and they really don't want a
relationship or interested in a
relationship. They will answer this
question with answers that all pertain
to themselves. Oh, I want to go to
Dubai. Oh, I want to buy a Lamborghini.
Oh, I want to go here. I want to try
this. I want to live in Miami. Whatever
the case may be, right? everything will
be selffocused. Right now, the friends
that I have that are guys that are
really, really keen on being in a
relationship, they answer that question
with things about themselves, but they
always implement, I want to find a good
woman. I want to find a woman that we
can build a good solid relationship with
each other that I can trust. She trusts
me and we have a long lasting
connection. I have friends on both ends
of the spectrum. So, I know firsthand
that men will be capable of describing
their version of the future, their
vision for themselves. They will
implement a good woman into that vision
if they actually are looking for that
versus the men who aren't really keen on
that. It's not one of their focuses. As
soon as you ask them about themselves,
they will not implement a woman into
that picture there. So you have to be
very very relaxed when you ask these
general questions and not try to steer
him in any one direction. You have to
approach whenever you're inquiring about
this or whenever you're on the topic of
what is your vision for the future. Do
not say oh what is your vision of the
future as it relates to being in a
relationship with me? What is your
vision of a future as it relates to
having a girlfriend that looks just like
me? Okay? You have to just ask the
question in a vague sense and let his
mind go where it goes. naturally the men
who have that on the front of their mind
because with every human being there
will be things that are on the front of
your mind and there will be things that
are on the back burner. So what I mean
by that is if being with a good woman as
a man is on the front of your mind
meaning one of your top top priorities
it'll be one of the first things you
mention when you talk about your vision
of the future. Whereas if being in a
relationship is on the back burner you
have a lot of other stuff you want to do
before you do that. It's one of the last
things if you ever even mention it that
you're going to mention because it's low
on the priority list. Okay, let's hop
into point number
four. Looking into the crystal ball. All
right. Got to look into people's crystal
balls. No. Uh I won't say it. Don't say
it. Yeah, you got to look into the
crystal ball. All right. Point number
This is point number four here.
Okay, Chad. I'm having a great day.
Chad, I don't lie to you. I could be on
here for 5 hours. No, I kept. I kept. I
couldn't be on here for 5 hours. I lied.
I lied. I lied to you. But I could be on
here for a long time. I feel good today.
Chad chat if we chat. Yes, chat. I feel
good today. All right, let's hop into
this point here. I'm going to draw out a
timeline and uh we'll discuss this.
Um, and then we'll do so we'll have
four like there. And then we'll have one
there as well. Okay. So, this is our
what our timeline's going to look
like. And you'll see why I'm drawing
this like this.
Okay.
So, all right. So for point number four,
we're going to discuss the career
because make no mistake about it, you
have to be very keen and aware where is
that man's career when you guys are
exploring a romantic relationship. Let
me break this down in an example with
you and I'm going to implement this
timeline so you understand what I mean.
See, you might meet a guy and let's just
say for the sake of example that he is
at the entry level of his job and let's
say he works as a software engineer and
he's starting off with an entry-level
job as a software engineer. Now, you ask
him where his career is at currently and
where he wants his career to be in the
future and he tells you, "Yeah, you
know, I love software engineering. It's
not like I'm going to ever leave the
field. I just envision myself down the
line being you know a director or being
in the seauite starting my own software
engineering company or business. Okay.
Now the reason I want you to pay very
close attention to this even though I
know some of the things he might be
explaining might be boring to you.
You're like Thompson I don't care about
software engineers. I don't know nothing
about that life. What I want you to be
paying attention to is how close or or
how far away is he from his desired
career path and what will be the changes
required to get to that desired
destination or desired outcome. Let me
give you an example. see in the uh
engineer who wants to just get to a
director or a sea suite level in his his
same career path right now you're
understanding okay there isn't going to
be a drastic change in his lifestyle at
which we're going to talk about in a
little bit as time goes on because when
he becomes a manager his life's not
going to change that much he's just
going to have a little bit more
responsibility when he's a director a
little bit more responsibility and yeah
when he's a seuite maybe he's running a
business or uh maybe he just has even
that much more responsibility and more
subordinates, but he's doing essentially
the same thing and he just is becoming
an expert in that field. Now, if you
meet a man who his desired career path
is drastically different from where he
is now, now this is a man who is not
open to falling in love. Let me explain
to you why. Let's say in this example,
right, instead of having a software
engineer, let's say you have a guy who
wants to become a rapper, okay? And this
is his desired career path. Oh, I I make
rap music and I'm telling you I'm going
to be the next Low Baby. I'm going to be
the next Drake. I'm going to be the next
whatever. Okay. And because this is his
desired career path, he has a lot of
work to do. Let's just say it like that.
And now, um, instead of him working as a
rapper currently, in order to pay the
bills, he is a cashier, okay, at some
grocery store. Nothing against cashiers.
Now, he works as a cashier at a random
grocery store, but his desired career
path, right, his end goal is not to just
be a head of the cashier store or to own
or sorry, a grocery store or to own a
grocery store business. It's in a whole
different field. Now, you might be
wondering, well, how does this make him
open or not open to love? See, you have
to understand if a man is going to go
through some drastic changes in the next
couple of years, that man will be so
focused on whatever it is he's doing and
all the transitions and the changes that
will be taking place in his life that I
promise you, I'm telling you, this is a
man, I'm just going to be honest with
you, he will put love and a relationship
on the back burner to chase that dream.
And what you'll find is you end up
getting neglected and left behind
because all of the things and the energy
that is required for for him to go from
cashier to successful rapper is going to
take up so much of his time and energy
he won't have any left over for you. I'm
not saying you can't be with the man
become before he becomes rich and
famous. But what I am saying is you'll
be making a mistake being there before
the transition period. If that makes any
sense, right? at least if he was already
uh being able to live off of his music
and then saying, "I just want to be more
successful." Now, you're dealing with a
man who isn't going to have drastic
change in his life in the next year or
so. As opposed to being with a man who's
going from cashier to rapper in one
year, you're going to be dating
basically a whole different person in
one year. And that amount of time,
effort, and energy, and consistency
required to even get to that point is
going to be a lot. And it's going to
make it very difficult for love to even
be in the equation. I'll just be super
honest with you, right? You want a man
who's pursuing something, but you just
don't want him in a place where so many
things are changing that you don't even
know what your relationship will look
like in a couple of years or a couple of
months because he's going from one place
in his life to a completely different
area and you literally can't even gauge
what your relationship or who you'll be
to him at that point. You understand
what I'm saying, right? Okay. Uh,
someone says, "Uh, would you ever make a
video
on people who want a woman who want to
wait until marriage? I watch your videos
and they're so helpful, but I don't want
to rush
physical." I would definitely make a
video for women who want to wait until
marriage, but what would be the video?
What would the video be about? Because
if I make a video on waiting till
marriage,
then don't you just wait till marriage?
Like, how would you like what? There is
no physical intimacy. If you're waiting
till marriage, then you're just waiting
till marriage, right? Unless there's
something specific that you wanted to to
know about waiting till marriage, maybe.
All right, let's hop into point number
five. Point number
five.
Okay, so for point number five here,
make sure. Okay, we good. We good on the
we on the screen. Just want to make sure
we good. All right. Point number five
here. Um, it's going to sound similar at
first, but I'm going to explain a
different aspect of this.
Okay? And you'll see exactly what I mean
when I start explaining this. Okay? Um,
all
right.
Oops.
Okay. Try it down here.
All
righty. So, we'll go like this and like
that. Lot of artistic skills required
for this job. Chuck. Uh, all right. So,
we'll put here
easy and we'll put
here
harder. Okay.
So, I want to kind of help you guys
visualize something so we can all be on
the same page. Number five is lifestyle.
See, you have to come to a sobering
reality whenever it comes to dating men
and realizing who will even be prepared
to fall in love and who things will be a
lot harder to get to that point with.
Let me give you an example of what I
mean by that. Let's say you're dating a
guy who is working currently. His
current lifestyle is that he works as a
bartender at a couple of local clubs.
So, his weekends are basically not free
because Friday, Saturday, let's say
Sunday as well, and a Tuesday, and a
Thursday, he's working at a bartender at
a local club. Right now, you might think
to yourself, okay, what's necessarily
wrong with that? Being a bartender in
itself is not necessarily meaning that
he's a bad person. But the reality of it
is it will be harder to have a
successful relationship with that type
of man. One, it'll also be harder to
have a man who is open to falling in
love who is in that particular
lifestyle. Why? Because you have to
think about what does the lifestyle
actually consist of and is that
conducive which just means like in
alignment with being able to have
successful relationships. So for
example, the bartender who's working at
a bar is going to be doing what exactly?
He's going to be working late nights out
till 3 4 a.m. He's going to have to talk
to girls. He's going to have to flirt
with girls and guys for tips. Okay? And
he's probably, let's say if he's a a
bartender or let's say if he's a club
promoter, he's going to have to be uh
chitchatting with them, DMing them, you
know what I mean, getting their numbers
so that they want to consistently come
back to the club and spend money, right?
All of these things make it that much
harder to have a successful relationship
with a man. It also makes it harder that
lifestyle makes it harder to say, "Okay,
I'm ready to fall in love now." Because
the reality of it is, and we're going to
talk about this as well in a little bit,
is that if you're in a relationship and
you're a bartender, you're going to have
to do extra extra extra work in terms of
sacrificing certain things or not doing
certain things or being very careful in
certain areas because it's a lot harder
to have a successful relationship as a
bartender than it is as someone who
works a nineto-ive corporate job, right?
because now your schedule is off and the
things that you're supposed to do for
work are actually uh very much not in
alignment with what most people would be
comfortable with if they were in a
relationship. So, it kind of ends up
working against you. So, you have to be
asking yourself when you meet a guy um
and asking him when you meet him, what
is his current lifestyle like? What are
the things that he has to do on a
day-to-day basis? What are his
responsibilities? And you have to be
honest with yourself. do those
responsibilities and does that lifestyle
make it harder or easier to have a
successful relationship? Because that's
also going to tell you whether this man,
right, is actually open or not open to
falling in love. Because if a guy is
working till 4:00 a.m. and he has to
flirt with girls all the time, uh, get
their numbers and be nice and, you know,
not talk about his girlfriend because he
doesn't want to disappoint any of his
clients, well, now all of a sudden, we
have a problem because truthfully and
honestly, he can say he's open to
falling in love, but he's not really
open to falling in love if he feels like
being in love and being in a
relationship is going to hinder his
success as a bartender. Are we on the
same page here? Right. So, it just
doesn't apply to bartenders. It can be
any sort of career path in which in
which you're like, "Oh, that's not going
to be easy for us to have a successful
relationship and you're doing that line
of work. So, you can use your creative
thinking to think of what different
lines of work that could possibly be or
what type of alternative lifestyles that
could possibly be." Okay? Tell me in the
chat, can you think of some career paths
or lifestyles that would not be
conducive to relationship success? Let
me know in the chat if there's any that
you can uh that you can think of that
wouldn't be wouldn't make a relationship
successful if uh you met a guy. Let's
hop into point number six, I believe.
Right. This is point number
six. All
right. Okay.
Oh, perfect. Love this one. Love this
one. So, we'll draw you on. I drew your
head kind of deformed there. We'll hide
it with your
hair. Okay, you're
here. And we going to put this guy down
here. Make his eyes real big.
And each one of
you are going to have your own
bubble. Okay? And I'll explain why in a
second. So,
okay. For point number six, we're going
to be discussing sacrifice.
It's very important that when you start
dating a guy, you get a very clear
understanding of whether or not he
understands the sacrifice necessary to
be in a successful relationship and the
fact that he is open to sacrificing for
a relationship and for the betterment
and success of the relationship. Okay.
The reason I say this is because if you
guys are going to be in a relationship,
you guys get the benefit of having each
other. So, there's a bonus to that. But
in the process of that, you're both
going to have to give up some things in
order to get to that point, right? So,
maybe both of you aren't going to be
able to come or stay out till 4:00 a.m.
anymore. Okay? Maybe now you guys are
going to have to update each
other all the time when you guys are out
and about, right? You're not just going
to be able to go out whenever you want.
You're not just going to be able to do
whatever you want whenever you want all
the time, right? There's a little bit of
sacrifice in that sense, right? Your
ability to just up and go,
right, is limited. Now, these are
another one of the things that you're
going to have to sacrifice because
you're not just going to be able to uh
live wherever you want or just say I
just feel like going out to uh some
other place and be there for the next 6
months. Right? Also, uh in terms of the
places you go, right? So, we can put
here up and
go even things like the places you go
each of you go is going to be limited.
For example, now when you're in a
relationship, if you love the strip
club, you're probably going to have to
sacrifice your love of the strip club as
a guy because now you have a happy,
healthy relationship, and your woman
probably don't want you up in the strip
club with a whole bunch of strippers
throwing money on them, right? So, these
are some of the things that, you know,
people are going to have to sacrifice
whenever they get into a relationship.
It's not just going to be all about what
you want all the time, but you have to
make sure hopefully you're ready for
that. But also, the guy that you're with
is also ready for that mentally. That is
a mental state. Okay, I'm going to say
it again. That is a mental state. You're
not going to fight it. You're not going
to convince him of it. You're not here
to persuade him at all. You're here to
understand what is his mental state and
approach to that idea. And you'll get
that when you start flowing. And see
this is why questions are so important,
observation is so important, but like
doing deeper listening is also so
important. Don't just listen to the
words someone is saying, listen to the
context of those words and listen to the
deeper meaning of those words. Right? So
for example, right, if a guy is talking
in the process of him having a date with
you and talking about his life, he's
like, "Oh, well yeah, you know, I just,
you know, I don't get this idea of, you
know, when women will want to be so
controlling. They want to know where
you're at. They want to share locations.
They want to do this. They want to do
that. It's like, bro, like sometimes you
just want to go out with the boys. You
just want to be free. Like I don't
always want to have to be checking in or
telling somewhere where I'm at. Like I
just want to be able to enjoy life, not
thinking about this, not on my phone
texting this and texting that. So these
are the type of things. Listen to them,
but listen to them on a deeper level
because being in a relationship is
sacrificing some of that freedom. Not in
a bad way. you're just trading in some
of that freedom to have the other
person. But that understanding has to be
on both parties. So if he feels like h
trading in my freedom to be in a
relationship, disgusting. I would never
sacrifice any of that. If that is his
approach and that is his uh state of
being as it relates to relationships,
that man's not going to be open to
falling in love. Despite what he might
say to you, that's the deeper meaning
about what he's actually saying. Because
any real relationship worth having is
going to require some sacrifice on both
of your parts. So both people have to go
into that relationship if he truly is
open to falling in love with the
understanding that yes, I'm going to
have to compromise some things. Yes, I'm
not going to get my way all the time.
Yes, sometimes I'm going to have to hear
someone else's uh perspective, hear
someone else's opinion, and even if I
don't agree with them, I'm going to have
to factor that into my decision-m. If
both people aren't ready for that,
you're never going to have a successful
relationship. Are we all on the same
page? We all on the same page, right?
Okay. All right. Let's hop into point
number. Uh, someone says, "Sounds like
he wants to be single." Yeah. But see,
you have to be listening for that. You
have to be listening for that. I'm And
I'm telling you, chat, you might be
thinking, you might be thinking, "Well,
why would a guy come on a date?" And the
guys won't go on dates and be talking
like that. They do. They do. Trust me.
I've helped hundreds of women. Guys will
come on. You you could meet a guy from a
dating app. You could be talking to a
guy you met on Hinge and you be
thinking, "Oh, I I met a guy on Hinge,
so he's definitely ready to date. He
definitely is ready to sacrifice." Not
necessarily. You be shocked. You could
meet guys on Hinge, Bumble, Tinder,
anywhere, and you go on a date with them
and you realize they're not in no
position uh to be ready to sacrifice or
even be in a relationship in general.
It's uh very strange in the way it
sounds, but trust me, it does happen a
lot a lot more than you think.
Okay.
Okay. Let's discuss our point numbers.
Point number seven, right? 8 n 10. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. All righty.
We have your man up here. And uh we're
going to draw more men. Oh, his head's
so big in this one. More men underneath
him. More men. Lots of
men. Okay. So, this
is we'll say
BFF1. I drew his head so small.
BFF2 and then we'll draw
BFF number three. He got a long
torso. Okay, so something to take note
of. Number seven, his friendships. I
touched on this a little bit earlier
when I was talking about attachments.
Now, you have to have to have to when
you are dating a guy, you do not
determine whether or not he's open to
falling in love until you get a very
clear understanding of the lifestyle his
friends are living and the rhetoric that
his friends friends speak with and what
they're all about. Because these guys,
these BFFs of his will tell you a lot
about where his mind state is at, the
value he sees in women or being in a
relationship and whether that is even
something that would be important.
Excuse me. Excuse me. Uh whether that is
something that would even be important
to him or a priority for him. Okay? Very
important to understand that as you're
dating
guys, you do not
want you do not want to go out with a
guy, start dating him thinking that he's
open to falling in love only to realize
that all his best friends do is
discourage him from being in a happy,
healthy relationship. Why? Because they
don't see the point in it. and all of
them are living a lifestyle of being
single bachelors just having fun doing
their own thing. It sounds very simple
in theory, but it's it's so hard to
apply when you're on that date with that
guy because even if you learn later on
that all of his friends are living the
single bachelor lifestyle, you want to
believe that your guy is the one guy
that has just changed and evolved and is
ready for something different. But my my
thing that I will give you is that I
don't want you to make that mistake
because majority of the time it will be
a mistake if his other guy friendss
right when you meet them and sit down
with them don't speak themselves about
how they're ready for a relationship or
desire that for themselves as well then
trust me your man is most likely not
going to be on that same page. And this
is you might be thinking this isn't
information you get. This is information
you can get when you're asking even the
friends questions when you finally meet
them or sit down with them or even when
you're asking him questions about his
friends. You can extract that
information from them, right? In terms
of hey, you know, uh what is your friend
like? What is Josh like? What is James
like? Tell me about them. What do they
do for work? How do they live their
lives? Oh, you know, if you see on his
face and he's talking about his friend
Josh and he's like, "Oh, Josh, he's uh
he's a wild boy. He uh he takes trips to
Dubai. He be out here having fun and
this and that. And this is where I want
you to come in, step in and be like a
best friend in the sense where you say,
"Oh, what? Josh is crazy like that."
Because you want to come across as, "Oh,
I'm not judging Josh." Right? And I'm
not making any sort of connection
between what Josh does and what you do.
So let see this is where guys slip up a
lot. They get so open with talking about
their best friends because they love
their boys, right? and they're so
connected with their boys, but they make
the mistake of feeling like, "Oh, I'm
not incriminating myself if I tell you
about what my boy's doing. If I tell you
about how he's going out to Dubai and
going out to Miami and he's smashing
this girl and smashing that girl and if
I'm on FaceTime with him and you're
hearing about this, you don't know the
girl. So, what does it matter, right?
He's thinking it's not incriminating
towards him, but what you should be
doing is making the connection and
saying,
"Aha." So, none of you guys are really
focused on building long-term
relationships. None of you guys really
even desire that for yourselves, right?
At least nobody in this friend group
that I've seen. So, now you can have a
better understanding that, oh, if he's
trying to convince me of that, it's more
than likely a facade number one. And
what's really happening is this guy
isn't really open to relationships. this
is really just like his game to get me
to play along because that's probably
what he thinks that I want to hear.
Because I'm telling you this as a guy
and as a man who's also helped hunches a
woman, more likely than not, if his
friends are all on one page, he is on
that same page. The likelihood that
you're going to meet a guy who's on a
drastically different page than all of
his BFFs is slim to basically none.
Okay? So that we're all on the same page
here. All right? Does that make sense?
Okay, let's hop into point number eight.
Point number eight. Point number eight.
Point number
eight. It's a beautiful day outside. I
might go outside for a walk after this,
even though it's going to be evening for
me. All right, let's hop into the next
point. Why did I draw like that?
[Music]
Okay. I was going to
do Okay, let's do this like
this. We'll do this like this.
So, we're going to draw a guy here. And
then we're going to have a a statement
here, which you guys will laugh at this
statement. Okay. And uh then we're going
to we're going to draw some bullet
points here. All right. So you'll see
how this is going to work here.
So I'll even put
here so we're all on the same page.
Okay. So, for point number eight, we
have promises. Uh, now we have a pretty
funny statement here for me to kind of
give you guys an example of what I mean
because I hear this all the time. I
actually don't drink. I quit drinking
like 2 and a half years ago. So, this is
a statement whenever I meet people and I
tell them I don't drink. They're always
like, "Oh, I'm I'm quitting next year.
Oh, 2025 is the last year I'm going to
drink." Okay, I hear that all the time.
So, let's imagine hypothetically you
meet a guy and he at the beginning of
your talking stage makes the statement
to you that he wants to quit drinking.
That's one of the things that he's
making a promise to himself. He's done
doing. It's ruining his life. It's
ruining his friendships, his
relationships, all that other stuff. And
he wants to get rid of drinking in his
life. Okay. So, day one of no drinking,
let's say he actually takes no
drinks. All right. But come day 30,
there are a couple of parties here and
there. And, you know, it's very hard to
go out and really be sober when everyone
else is getting drunk and having fun.
So, it gets a little bit uncomfortable.
Uh, you know, going out with friends
that are are drinking and you're not
drinking. So, rather than just no drinks
at all on day 30, he's just, you know,
having a couple of coolers with the
boys, you know what I mean? and he's
he's kicking it back, keeping it light,
maybe even a glass of wine, but nothing
that's too crazy. He's not going crazy.
He's not getting blackout. But by the
time we get to day 60, now he's taking
shots, right? And one shot leads to
another shot. Now he's having mixed
drinks, right? And just that fast, he's
having beers as well. I know the guys
love beers. I've never been a beer fan,
right? But let's just say, right, by the
time we get to day 60, he's basically
right back to where he started on day
zero in drinking again. It's just now
he's talking about, yeah, you know, I'm
going to try and drink less. So instead
of me being blackout drunk, I'm just
going to get proper drunk and not be
blackout. And then by the time, let's
say we get to day 90, he's back to
square one. So why do I say this? And
why do I want you to pay attention to
this? Because if a man is breaking
promises with himself, rest assured, he
will break promises with you. Now, how
does that relate to a man being open to
falling in love or not? See, when a guy
is ready and primed to fall in love,
he's also primed and ready to like be
reliable and be responsible to someone
else outside of himself. So, when you're
keeping promises to yourself, you're
being reliable and responsible to you.
But if he can't be reliable and
responsible to himself, how can he
possibly have that preparation and be
ready to be reliable and responsible to
you? Because he's going to have to make
you promises. He's going to have to keep
those promises and he's going to have to
be consistent uh with those promises as
it relates to your relationship and the
way that he treats you and the affection
that he gives you and the consistency
and energy that he puts towards you. And
if he's not doing that, then he's
breaking those promises. Once again,
it's a mind state. It's a state of mind,
a state of being that you have to be
into before you can actually be primed
to step into a relationship and be
successful in that relationship. If men,
if a man cannot keep his promises to
himself with something as simple as,
hey, I want to quit drinking or at least
I just want to stop drinking or cut back
on it, whatever the case may be, then
he's definitely not going to be primed
or in the mental state to do that with
you, right? It's him we're talking about
and he can't even do that. So very very
important when you're thinking about
being with a man and paying paying
attention to his lifestyle um paying
attention to the promises he keeps to
himself or breaks with himself will be
very very very important. Okay. If he
doesn't think he has a drinking problem
then whatever. Okay.
Whatever. Some people they just never
they never think they have a problem.
They always think they can stop
whenever. That's the number one thing I
I love. um I think is uh is funny when I
hear from people um because I've been
there, you know, I've been there too
where uh you think to yourself, "Oh
yeah, I can stop any day. I just don't
want to stop any of those days, but if I
wanted to, I could." Okay. Okay. You got
it, bro. You got it. You got it. Number
eight. What is that? Number eight.
That's number nine. I'm tripping. I'm
tripping. This one's going to sound very
This one's going to sound very manly,
masculine. Okay. Uh, all
right. We'll do this like this for the
visual. So, let me draw this out and
we'll have some discussion about
this. Okay.
Very important for point number nine,
work ethic. Now, it sounds very
masculine and manly when I'm saying it
like this. You need as a woman, okay,
observe that guy's work
ethic. If you notice that his approach
to being at work, he's very lazy, okay?
And he really doesn't want to do work at
work. whatever his job is, he's always
talking about, "Oh, I hate going to my
job. I just I never want to do any of
the work. I just I get so sick of being
at work." Right? And he also talks
about, and this is going to sound very
strange, but I'm going to talk about
this because he is so lazy at work and
he hates doing all of this work at work.
He always is trying to cut corners.
What's an example of cutting corners?
Oh, yeah. So, uh, basically, uh, when
I'm at work, uh, if I choose to work in
the cereal aisle at the grocery store,
nobody usually comes in that aisle for a
long period of time. So, I usually just
walk back and forth there to waste time
and I'm on my phone. Uh, because I know
that's the best way for me to avoid
having to go and do actual work. So, I
always hit the serial aisle first so
that I have to do the least amount of
work at work. Right? This approach might
sound like, "Oh my god, he's finessing
like, haha, I got to finesse her." It's
it's actually a very bad thing, right?
Let me also describe to you something
else. Okay, let's say he's also say
cutting corners is one thing, but let's
say he's also cheating the job.
An example of cheating the job could be
maybe he found some sort of glitch or a
way that he could clock in and make his
hour seem like he worked more hours than
he's been working. And this is
information that he's sharing with you
so that he can get paid maybe an extra
hour or an extra 30 minutes or he's
figured out a way to finesse it so that
when uh he can leave early but it
doesn't actually clock him out until a
certain amount of time so that he can
get paid what he needs to get paid.
Right? Cheating the job. So these are
examples of things that when you hear
this, this relates to his work ethic. So
let me put this properly, right? These
are the type of things that when you
hear this, these things relate to his
work ethic. And when you get an
understanding that his work ethic is
like this very lazy, cutting corners,
cheating their job, this man is not open
to being in a relationship or to falling
in love. Now you might be thinking, how
do those two things connect? while they
connect. Because you have to
understand, if a guy is ready for a
relationship, truthfully ready for a
relationship, he should have the
understanding that that relationship is
going to require massaging, is going to
require effort, is going to require
consistency. That should be the mind
frame and state of being. I say it
again, that he goes into a relationship
understanding he has to be prepared for.
The problem with that is if his already
existing work ethic is
this, this is the same work ethic he
will bring to a relationship. All right,
I know all of you guys are looking for
signs. All of you guys want him to just
tell you exactly how he feels, exactly
what he wants, and you don't want
anything to be a mystery, right? But the
reality of it is you can get that
information. It just comes in a
different format. So, if you want to
know what his level of work ethic or
consistency will be with you, ask him
about his work ethic or consistency on
the job. If he's in this mode, the
laziness, always cutting corners, always
cheating the job, how do you think he's
going to do the relationship? The exact
same way. And the men who are focused on
cutting corners and cheating the job
will not be open to love because they
don't want to do or sacrifice or do the
work that love will require to actually
be successful. Right? Because being in
love, falling in love, and having a
loving relationship takes a lot of
effort, takes a lot of days where it
sucks, takes some days to that require
discipline that aren't the most amazing
to eventually get the on the other side,
right? But if someone has very little to
no work ethic, that process is going to
be very painful, very hard, and you
won't be able to work with that guy.
Does that make sense? All right, let's
hop into our 10th
point. Point number 10. We all on the
same page. Are we all following? Okay. I
hope I haven't lost any of
you. Hope
not. Hopefully not. Point number
10.
Okay. Now with this
one. Wow. I drew his head super deformed
in that one.
And then we're going to have you
here. I drew you kind of funky,
too. And we'll do like
this.
Okay. So, for point number 10, we're
going to discuss love, but love
specifically as it relates to what that
guy thinks love is about and what his
desire for a loving romantic
relationship will be. What I mean by
that is, let's say you you go out with a
guy and you start asking him, well, what
do you think a romantic relationship
should consist of? What is your ideal
romantic relationship? What are the
character traits of it? Where do you
guys go? What do you do? What does it
feel like? What does it sound like? How
do you talk to each other? All of those
things. When you're having this
conversation with him, right, you need
to be listening back. How does he
actually describe love? And what does he
want to extract from the experience of
being in love? Okay. So, for example,
let's say this guy says, "Oh, I want you
or my girlfriend to basically be like a
guy, right? I want her to watch
football.
I want us to play video
games for
example. Okay. Um I want you know us to
not get too
deep and really and truly just only have
fun. Keep it light.
Okay. So, I'm not saying that any one of
these things are bad things to want in a
relationship, but listen to the overall
sentiment here. Someone says he wants a
BF. Okay. Precisely. So, you guys are
learning, right? When you're soaking in
knowledge, soak it in in its totality in
the sense that like ask yourself, what
is he really asking for here? Is his
version of love to actually be with the
woman? because his expectation of a
woman is really to be more like a guy.
Not that there's anything wrong with you
taking some interest of some of his
interests, but if he's so focused on
your relationship resembling his
friendship with his guy friendss, that
guy's not ready for an actual
relationship. Because when you're a man
and you're looking for a woman, your
explanation in the way that love will
make you feel, the things it'll do to
you, and the way your relationship
dynamic will be should not resemble a
relationship with a guy. Because yes,
your girlfriend or your wife should be
your best friend, but she's not supposed
to be one of your guy friendss, if that
makes any sense. And vice versa for you
as well. So, you have to ask yourself
when you're asking him, you have to ask
yourself, how is he actually describing
his version of love? And is that in line
with what I think love should be or what
makes sense to me? Or am I hearing
things that really don't sound like
someone who's ready for love sounds more
like someone who's ready to just be have
another guy around? Because if he wants
you to just resemble one of his guys,
well, you're not really going to be
successful having a long-term serious
relationship. Because love is not having
a guy friend, okay? Love is having a
best friend, but your best friend is
going to not have the same character
traits as you, not have the same
physical character traits, not going to
process information the same, not going
to understand or talk about things the
same as you. And that should should be
should be if a man is open to falling in
love should be something that he
embraces as a man. I'm a man. There's
certain ways I'll go about things.
There's certain things I'm good at,
certain things I'm not so good at.
You're a woman. There will be certain
things that you will think and feel
certain things that you'll be amazing
at. Certain things you're not going to
be so good at. But when we come
together, that's when we're really like
the ultra ultimate ultimate team. Okay?
And that should be I feel his expression
of love in a way that will actually be
congruent to you guys actually having a
successful relationship where he feels
like you're actually meant to be
different and not the same as him and
your relationship isn't meant to
resemble a relationship that in his life
that already exists like one with his
mother or one with his brother or one
with his guy friendss. Does that make
sense to all of you so far? Okay. Do you
guys have any questions about the was it
10? Yeah, the 10 that we uh just
discussed here. If you guys have any
questions, we can go over any one of
these points
here. I will do my best. Damn, that
water was good. What the hell? I will do
my best to answer any questions that you
guys have here. Alfie Baby says, "Uh,
that was my ex." See, see, we're all
It's It's good to realize things that
way we can um we can all grow for the
future. Uh uh someone says she's not
your homeboy. I have told a man this. I
am not your homeboy. Precisely. Now, I
will say you do want to be make a guy
feel comfortable enough to talk to you
like he would like discuss information
openly and freely. Um you know, like he
would be feel comfortable with his own
boys to discuss information. You want
that element, but you don't want him to
actually see you as one of the homeboys
in the sense of like the way that he
treats you or that to be the expectation
of your relationship that you're his
homeboy, right? there's a certain level
of respect uh way you'll speak to your
your girlfriend or your wife that you
wouldn't speak to her uh speak to a guy
friend that way or you wouldn't um speak
to her that way as opposed to one of
your guys right there's boundaries with
everything. Um someone says what if we
don't fit so much in those uh gender
roles and enjoy to doing some of those
things uh to Thomasson. That's fine. I'm
not saying it's if it's bad if you enjoy
playing video games or watching
football. That's not in itself a bad
thing. But the thing that I want you to
be looking for in terms of when you're
hearing a guy describe to you what he
thinks love is, what he thinks a
relationship consists of, um, and what's
the most important parts of it, you want
to be hearing uh, what is important to
him, where he puts emphasis on, and if
that actually sounds like a relationship
or a friendship, because it's it sounds
very weird, and I I know it does, but
some guys, they're they're actually more
looking for a friend, like an actual
like friend to just get along with than
they are looking for a romantic partner.
Right? So you have to in process of you
asking questions and observing and
listening, you have to be extracting is
this guy really looking for a romantic
partner or just looking for a friend?
Because you can do all these things with
the casual friend. But the reality of it
is there's an extra part of a romantic
relationship that is also very valuable
and important that if a guy's open to
falling in love, those will be the
places that he puts the most emphasis on
because he's looking for a romantic
relationship first. And obviously that
person, he wants to be uh his best
friend as well. But the most important
part of that is the romantic
relationship part, not the just having a
casual friend part. Does that does that
make sense? Does that make sense? Am I
explaining that
correctly? Okay. Right. It's not just
about uh gender roles in that sense. Um
let me see
here. Uh we have to keep dating our men,
ladies. I mean, yeah, we do. We do. We
do. It's it's it's okay. It's okay.
We'll all we'll all uh we'll all get
there gradually. Uh someone says, "What
happens if a man Let me see here. What
happens if a man keeps calling a woman
masculine?" What do you mean what
happens? You're not going to explode or
anything. Nothing. I don't think
anything anything bad happens. You think
something bad happens? I don't think
anything happens.
Um, LP Baby says, "What if he told me he
doesn't care what his mom thinks or feel
feels about me? Should I believe him?"
Uh, well, I'll say this. You have you
observed that that guy is close with his
mom. Let's just say hypothetically he
you he actually doesn't speak to his mom
and he basically, you know, his mom's
not in his life whatsoever, then that is
believable. But if he's saying that he
doesn't care what his mom thinks or
feels and every weekend he's going over
to have a fiesta with his mom, come on.
That's not like we're not that's not
congruent with that doesn't make any
sense. Because if he's close with his
mom and then he's saying she he doesn't
care what she thinks, it's a lie.
Because when you spend a lot of time
with someone and you know uh you know if
you're valuing your mother and you care
about her and you feel empathy for her
because obviously she's your mom then
it's going to be very difficult to see
her express unhappiness with the girl
that you're dating and not have that
affect you in some way shape or form. So
that's why I say you you got to be
careful of what guys will say in that
sense because it's not always uh true.
Okay? Right. Um LP baby says uh he
doesn't care about her opinion because
he claims it's his decision. Moms tend
to love me though. Well, yeah, sure.
That that can be he can say that in a
perfect world, but if he's close with
his mom, he's going to care what his mom
thinks. Don't let guys fool you, okay?
Unless he a guy is not close with his
mom, he will care what his mom thinks of
his woman. Okay? To 100%. So, we can't
live in a pipe dream. That's not
realistic. Okay? Uh and he'll start
looking for reasons to validate his mom.
Big Bev says precisely. It's also you
have to understand the um subconscious
psychological effect that uh it will
play on you when someone whose opinion
you value is telling you they think a
certain thing about you. So for example,
even if you're thinking that oh he says
he doesn't care what his mom thinks and
he's not going to make a decision based
on his mom. if he's close with his mom
and for long enough his mom is
constantly saying she's not this, she's
not good at that, you won't like her
because of this, she sucks at that. It's
going to be bad because of this, it's
going to be bad because of that. That is
going to seep. It's going to saturate
into his brain. This is the way I
describe it. And as it's saturating into
his brain, that will start to become uh
biases that he starts to look for
confirmations for as you know, you guys
are having your relationship. So, if she
says, "Oh, uh that girl is bad news. uh
she is, you know, one of those little
sneaky hoike girls, whatever the case
may be. Even though he might not believe
that, as that's saturating in his brain,
now when you start doing certain things,
you start saying certain things, he's
going to be thinking back to what his
mom says. So now you see how that can
kind of snowball out of control after a
while. So you got to be very careful
with when guys say, "I don't care about
my mom, what my mom thinks," because
they do, and it will subconsciously
saturate in their brain whatever she is
consistently saying. Okay. Um, Pink
Barbie doll says, "I told him we're not
compatible and he made an offer of, "Can
we be friends?" Absolutely not.
Absolutely not. Pink Barbie doll, if
you're new here or you haven't seen, you
know, the other shows where I discuss
this, you should never be transitioning
a guy that you started off trying to be
romantic with into a friendship. It
doesn't work like that because that will
mean by definition your friendship with
that guy is inappropriate because it was
never truthfully about friendship. is
just about not working out in a romantic
relationship. Because the reality of it
is if you told your new boyfriend that,
hey, by the way, one of my good friends
I once tried to date, uh, it just didn't
work out between us, he would most
likely feel uncomfortable with you being
and being around that guy because the
relationship or the friendship would be
inappropriate. So, if you're able to
acknowledge that in that sense the
friendship is inappropriate, why bother
wasting your time and energy on a
friendship that you can't even keep? Do
you understand what I'm saying? Like, if
you get into a if you find a new guy
that's actually the guy you want to be
with, you're not even going to end up
being able to keep that friendship. So,
why waste more time uh on a situation
that is inevitably inevitably going to
end? Why not just build up your
friendships that you can keep when you
get your new partner? Do you understand
what I'm saying? Like, set yourself up
for success. Don't set yourself up for
failure in that sense. Okay. Someone
says you can't stay friends if you
already slept with him. I even think if
you already tried dating him is no
friendship there. Like don't fool
yourself. Like you tried to go on a
date, you tried to be romantic, even if
it wasn't physical romance, it didn't
work out. You move forward and you let
your platonic friendships carry forward,
but you leave those dead romantic
connections in the past. like you have
to really be that cutthroat with it
because then when you you have to also
be thinking about your future, right?
When you finally get to meet the man of
your dreams, you don't want to have any
of this extra baggage or any of these
extra weird connections or or things
that could make that guy think to
himself, "Oh, maybe she's not who I
want." Right? You want to be preparing
yourself to also be in a position of
leverage and to be successful that when
you meet the man of your dreams, you're
also the woman of his dreams. Because
the same way you wouldn't want to meet a
man who has like an ex-wife in his life
or a girlfriend that he's still seeing
and basically has in his life and all
this other stuff, right? Those type of
that that type of baggage would be
things that you'd say, "Oh, you were the
guy I was looking for until I realized
A, B, and C about you." you wouldn't
want that. So, we need to rid you of
that so that we can prepare you for
meeting that guy and then you're also
the girl of his dreams as well without
any of that extra uh baggage, right? Um
Melinda says, oh, someone electric field
says, "Choose me or keep it moving." I
like that. Uh Melinda says, "I asked a
guy if he is attracted to me via text
and he hasn't responded, but he read it.
Should I assume he isn't or is he
playing games?" Assume he's not
attracted to you. Um and you have your
answer. Also, a little bit of advice,
Melinda, and for anyone else who's ever
curious, uh the last thing I think you
should ever be doing when you're uh
dating a guy is being too on the nose
and asking direct questions like that.
So, what I mean by that is like if a guy
is going on dates with you consistently,
you you don't need to ask if he likes
you. If a guy is consistently messaging
you all the time, you like you don't
need to ask him what it is. let guys
play out their feelings and because guys
they they're not as good at describing
what they feel on the inside even though
I'm on the show, right? Guys aren't good
at that. They're good at being able to
show you that through their actions
towards you. So if they're able to be
consistent with you, take that as your
answer. If they're always trying to talk
to you, always trying to hang out with
you, take that as your answer. The more
on the nose you are with men sometimes,
honestly, the the worse it becomes. It's
better for you to just observe their
actions and be listening in terms of
with context and implications to
understand how he really feels. Okay.
Right. Um
uh someone says it makes it look like
you have no confidence in yourself.
Their their actions will show precisely.
Right. You don't you don't want to come
across that way. Right. Uh someone says
yes we have lost the art of subtlety.
It's killing romance as a whole. That's
why I say and I know I know for some of
you it makes it feel like playing a game
but it's not. People are just more
interesting when they don't put
everything out there. The people in your
life that are like the I want to tell
you everything I feel and I think right
in one moment and lay it all out there.
Truthfully and honestly, you might think
I like that because it makes me easy. It
makes it easy for me to categorize you
and know what you think and feel. But
the reality of it is you don't respond
to that in the sense that you are the
least attracted to the people who are
the most upfront with you about
everything they feel and they think.
Those people are not a mystery to you.
You don't spend any time thinking about
that. And actually, all of you are a
great example of that because majority
of you guys that are in my show and
watch my show on a regular basis aren't
even unattractive women. Most of you are
attractive women who are capable of
attracting multiple multiple men. So,
your problem is not in attracting men.
It's just that the men that really
really want you, you don't want them.
And the men that don't want you, those
are the men that everything always seems
to go wrong. So, this is a perfect
example of the fact that like the men
that you don't want are most likely the
men always, "Oh my god, I love you so
much. Oh my god, you're the best thing
since sliced bread. Oh my god, I worship
the ground that you walk on. You're like
a goddess. I've never seen anyone who
looks." And you're so uninterested.
You're so turned off. You're not like,
it's cool because when you get it,
you're like, "Cool. I get how you feel
and I know you like me a lot." So, you
don't question anything. But in the
process of you not questioning any
anything, there's no mystery. Um there's
no nuance. there's no subtlety. So then
it just becomes very boring, right? So
think about that and how you respond to
those guys that actually give you that
and why you respond that way. So then we
have to kind of reverse that for you so
that you don't come across that way to
the guys that you actually like. Cuz
when you actually like a guy, now you're
thinking about how to spill all your
secrets. Now you're thinking about how
to do everything in one night and how to
be his girlfriend on day zero. Like all
this stuff that will just make you super
repulsive to guys. Very repulsive. Okay?
It's it's it's very nasty on on both
ends. All right, let's hop into our next
segment of the show. By the way, for
those of you who have a personal
question for me, feel free to ask your
personal question by going into the link
in my bio if you're watching on Tik Tok
or the link in my description if you're
watching on YouTube. Click where it says
private relationship advice and you can
ask me a personal question there. Um,
I'll respond to you with a voice
message. You'll know it's my voice cuz
I'm on the show, okay? It's really me.
Um, and uh, also for those of you
watching on TikTok, you can find the
show as well on my YouTube channel. go
over to uh the link in my bio and then
you can find my YouTube channel that way
and then you'll see me live there as
well. So, it'll be easy to follow along
with everything that we do um and the
stream there as well. If you missed any
of the points, you'll be able to rewind
for a reaction segment. Oh boy.
Okay, that's a that's a lot of um that's
a that's a lot of bombs. Um so actually
think there's actually something very
interesting to learn and observe in this
um in that this same idea of taking in
the context of what is being said here.
Not just like hearing it, but like
really taking in what's being said here
and asking yourself like does this even
make sense or is congruent to a real
healthy relationship and then being
honest with yourself in the answer of
like no it doesn't is the way to go
about it. Now I would love for this same
process exactly what she's processing
here I want you to be processing in your
actual in-person dates. So, for example,
uh she's thinking, okay, this guy is
working as a bartender. Like we kind of
talked about today, career and
lifestyle. What is the career and the
lifestyle going to be of a guy who's a
bartender? I'm assuming he doesn't want
to be a bartender forever. So, what's
going to happen when he transitions into
not being a bartender? Where is his life
going to go? Where is he going to live?
Right? Um the other things, figuring out
my dating goals. So, if you go out on a
date with a guy and you have a
conversation with him and you start to
get that sense that he's figuring things
out, figuring out his dating goals,
figuring out where he wants to live,
figuring out what he wants to be doing,
all of those things will have you
saying, "Oh, well, this is not congruent
to us being in a romantic relationship
because all this figuring out you're
going to have to do that's going to
require a lot of time and energy. Time
and energy that I don't have to waste
because you're still deciding whether or
not you actually are looking for
something for real. For real." So, same
thing she did here. I want you doing on
your inerson dates as well. Oops. Let me
do girls who are I'm feeling so bad for
the girls who are no the girls and the
fiances who are 2025 and 2026 brides.
I'm feeling bad for the whole family.
Okay, at this point because in today's
day and time, every aspect of a wedding
is so outrageously expensive. My friend
reached out to a well-known makeup
artist just to see like what the pricing
would be. I'm not saying that, you know,
if you provide a good service and you're
well known, you're viral, whatever, you
shouldn't charge high rates, make people
pay for your travel accommodations, that
kind of thing. But these makeup artists
and other vendors and venues are
charging people. Literally, what you
could put like, it's not even a down
payment for a house. You could buy the
whole [ __ ] house. So, her typical day
rate is $25,000 starting out each travel
day, guys. That's just travel. It gets
worse. Glam for the wedding day,
$50
$50,000. Right off the rip, we're
spending
$125,000. And we haven't even gotten to
like travel accommodations or anything.
The hotel has to be pre-approved.
It has you have to pay for the
transportation for the makeup artist and
their assistant. That's just the base
rate. This is just so shocking to me.
So, Chad, let me ask you a question. Um,
as a woman, just give me your honest
honest answer. Do you feel like when you
do get married it has to be a big
wedding or you're okay with it being
small or you want it to be like
mediumsiz like family and close friends
only or you are okay with it being so
small to the point where you guys just
go to like a small church and get
married and only you guys are there like
what be honest with you what works for
you or if it's no wedding that's also
fine as well. I'm very curious like um
where each one of you are at. Okay. Um,
someone says, "No, absolutely not a big
wedding." No wedding. Hena says, "Uh,
small. I'm Nigerian, so it will be big."
Okay. Um, I see Scotty says, "Small. As
long as he doesn't have money left to
cheat, I'm
good." Okay. Okay. I'm really thinking
the courthouse, family, and a few
friends. A big wedding for me. Okay. I
had a medium-sized wedding. Regrets. Why
do you regret having a medium-sized
wedding? You think it should have been
smaller or bigger? Which one? Uh small
wedding elopement.
Okay. Size doesn't matter. Very small. I
don't think uh never mind. Never mind.
Uh I want it to be elegant, extravagant,
but only about me and my husband. Uh I
just want to alope big wedding. Okay. I
have a big family. It seems like most
people go medium to small. It seems like
there's a limited amount of people that
want super big cuz I do know weddings
are very expensive. I I met a woman the
other day. She was uh saying that she
was like her wedding was definitely
going to be easily like in the $100,000
range. I was just like, damn, that guy
really loves you vibes, I guess. Okay,
so boom. A couple months ago, I was
talking to this guy, and mind you, let
me let me tell you a little something
about this guy, okay? I literally never
share any of my lore on here, but so be
it. Let's do it today. Okay, so he's
liked me since my freshman year in
college and um a couple things happened
and I thought he was cute um but we
ended up never getting together um
because my friends didn't like him. So I
was like my friends don't like you,
you're chocked, but it was kind of like
for a petty reason. Then I stopped being
friends um I stopped being friends with
those girls and um like earlier this
year we had um reunited and I was like,
"Oh my god, he's so cute." And so, um, I
think he still had a He wasn't cute
before
when school crush on me after all this
time. So, I kind of just hit him up, um,
and we started hanging out, right? We
hung out and it started to like get
romantic because he had feelings for me
and I thought he was cute and I started
to like him and so we started hanging
out like damn near every day and he was
just asking me um if we could hang out
all the time. I was always over at his
place and it was kind of getting serious
and I was like, damn, like I might end
up dating this [ __ ] like dang. And so
here I am starting to fall for the
[ __ ] Mind you, he's liked me for like
a year. Like literally a year and
everything's going smooth. Like I'm even
telling my friends. I'm even posting him
on my spam. I was cooked. Like I was
cooked. And then um spring break comes
where I'm the most free in my life. And
I'm trying to hang out with him and then
all of a sudden he's acting like he's
cool off of me and I'm just like am I
tripping? Am I tripping? Like we were
just okay. And so he's acting like he's
cool off at me. And so I'm just like,
"Huh?" Like, "I should tell him. Like I
should just be like I feel like he's the
princess and I'm chasing him. Like I'm
I'm his night and shining armor." And I
was like, "That's just not going to
happen. That's not how I fly." So I sent
him a little um text message. Mind you,
I'm literally a D1 avoidant. I'm a D1
avoidant. Like for me to not even ghost
him was was already taking so much of my
strength. And so I respectfully instead
of ghosting him texting him and I was
just like I feel like like I don't know
if I'm wrong, like correct me if I'm
wrong. I feel like I've been putting in
so much effort to see you and you kind
of don't want to be with me and you just
been making all these excuses instead of
wanting to hang out with me. Like what's
going on? And I kind of just asked for
an explanation. And I was kind of like,
I'm not going to chase you. So, I'm just
really going to take a step. It's always
a mistake. It's I'm I'm not laughing at
her. I'm laughing because I I know I
know your therapist will tell you open
and honest communication is the best way
to go about everything. But you with men
you just can't like especially at the
beginning when you're not yet
established boyfriend you just cannot
you can't you have to let men be and
decide for themselves whether they want
to talk to you or not. You have to you
have to whenever you ask for the
explanation you're not even going to get
a good one or the truth. All right? Or
you're just going to hear something
that's going to upset you even more. And
it's just even when you do ask for the
explanation they're never even going to
make the actual change. So it it the
outcome is horrible regardless. You're
better off just letting him reach out if
he's ready to reach out. And if the time
passes where you're just like it's been
damn near over two weeks and he hasn't
said a word to me, then you know for
sure if he reaches out after that is
completely done and you're never going
back to talk to him ever again. So it's
not just about like oh ghosting the
person, but when you feel like you need
to do that I need explanation text.
Don't do it. Step back um and you can
figure out what's going on. And he
literally just said okay. He said,
"Okay." And that was his entire response
to me saying that I felt never it never
works with guys. I was chasing him. And
so after that, I was like, "You must not
like me, and I'm I'm going to go I'm
going to go my own way. Like, yes, I
really do like you, but I'm going to I'm
going to separate myself away from this
because I just don't I like why would I
stay here? Like, you don't want to be
with me." And it kind of did hurt my
feelings and my ego a little bit cuz I
was just like, damn. Like, so this is
where a lot of women will spiral out of
control. I don't know if she's going to
say anything more than this, but uh a
lot of women will spiral out of control
here because then when they get that
okay, now they want to press for answers
because the truth is you stop instead
you you go from chasing the guy to
chasing answers. But the feeling is the
same. So when you ask for that
explanation and you send that text, you
want an answer that makes sense, that
will give make you feel good. When he
tells you okay, it's not good enough. So
now you're someone just said it's crash
out time. So now your crash out becomes
centered around the fact you want an
answer. You want a real answer. So
instead of just okay, okay, whatever. If
that's where you're at with it,
whatever. Then sometimes, you know, when
you get into that mode, you can start
saying, nope, I want you to explain to
me. You better tell me this, and why the
f would you do that? And now you start
freaking out. You go crazier, and now
you just dig yourself a deeper hole. Did
you not like my personality? Like, was I
too much? Like, and I it just left me
with a lot of questions unanswered. And
so I was just like, "Dang, like chasing
chasing answers." Like I said, like I
was sad about it for a couple days, but
then I was just like, "He's just a man."
And I moved on. And then I was kind of
like still butt hurt. So I texted his
friend and I was like, "He will ru the
day. He will ru the day. Trust me, he
will ru the day that sees him." And I
always say that because you will ru the
day. Like I don't know. And so I kind of
never texted him after that. And then I
saw him at a ru the day just means
regret the day. Chat. That's uh I think
she's Nigerian. That's why she's saying
like that party. And he tried talking to
me. He literally tried pulling me away
at this party and I was like are you
mad? Like are you insane? I was like I
was like what is doing you? Like what is
actually doing you? And so I obviously
was like [ __ ] no at the party and I just
didn't talk to him and I didn't hear
from him from for like weeks after that
and then all of a sudden I no cuz I had
removed him from all my social media
too. Removed him as a follower and I
unfollowed him and then a couple weeks
later he replies to my replies to my
story and says I'm ruining the day. I
just miss you so much. And I was like, I
told you you would ruin the day. Like, I
don't know.
Like, wait, wait, wait a
second. She Oh, wait, wait, wait. I I
feel like I'm seeing something that
she's not seeing here, unless she's
going to say it. Cuz I don't believe she
told that guy he will ru the day. Did
she say that to him? Why is he repeating
back a catchphrase that she told one of
her
friends? Am I the only one? Okay, hold
on. Let me Let's Okay, let's insane. I
was like, she told his friend. Okay,
okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm like, why is
that guy too moved him as a follower and
I unfollowed him? And then a couple
weeks later, he replies to my replies to
my story and says, I'm ruining the day.
I just miss you so much. And I was like,
I told you you would ruin the day. Like,
I don't know. Like, you really did miss
out on a on a genuine kind-hearted girl.
like and
I'll be I'll be honest that probably
stem from she probably posted a picture
where she looked bad as f and he was
like damn I'd love to smash again. That
that probably is where that stem from.
I'm going to be real with you. If this
is story is going how she's describing
it because I'm trying to put myself in
the mind of him and why he would send
that message. I'm fine as [ __ ] Like
you're I'm so sorry. You did miss out
and you you you're going to ruin the day
for the rest of your life. And so he
said that he he missed me and I still
had a soft spot for him a little bit,
but I texted him
cook back and I was like, "Get a load of
this guy." And he left me on scene and I
was just like, "Okay." And then I was
just I still wanted to hear his side. So
I kind of like texted him on um iMessage
a few hours later. Yo, this is so
cooked. Why would you do
this? Oh my god. I
It's so disappointing when the message
starts off and you're like, "Okay, you
you start off the message the Sorry, I'm
glitching." She starts off the video and
you're like, "Okay, you know, everyone
messes up." So, you're thinking, "Okay,
the mistake doesn't go too far. Probably
a guy playing a little couple of games
and then you, you know, you came to your
senses and then you moved on." But it's
like I understand why I exist now. I I
understand the purpose I'm supposed to
serve because when you're in it, it's
it's it's it's very hard to pull
yourself out of. And when you're chasing
like she's chasing answers now and
chasing the guy and it's just like you
just can't because she's saying, "Oh,
you'll ru the day." And you're thinking,
"Yes, you know, he'll ru the day for
sure." You're standing up for yourself,
self-respect. And then it's like but you
know so he messaged me and I I was I was
like you know I was like whatever we
maybe if we we'll have one conversation
and he still left and I was just kind of
like um I know I said get a little this
guy but like if you want to talk or just
explain yourself I'm always down to
listen cuz
If you're going to play the mean card,
when a guy comes back, you have to like
stick to the mean card. And if he
doesn't respond to the mean card, you
just have to you have to exit that that
you have to exit there. If you're going
to play the welcome back card or you
know what I mean, let's see what you
have to say card, then you have to play
that card from the beginning. The
problem here, I'm going into some stuff
that's going to sound very um abstract.
The problem here, she tried to play the
mean card first, thinking that his
response would be like almost like,
"Please, please, please, I beg. I beg. I
beg. I want to be with you again." But
she kind of took a misstep here. She
played the mean card, and his response
was like, "Whatever. I don't care that
that much." And then she was like, "Oh,
f. Like, I I don't want to play the mean
card so that you don't respond. I want
to play the mean card so that like you
beg more, but you're not responding to
the mean card, so now I'm going to play
the like, oh, just casually welcoming
you back. Let's see what you have to say
card." But then when you go from the
mean card to the welcome you back, let's
see what you have to say card and you
take off some of that meanness, it kind
of makes it look like you're like, "Oh,
uh, actually I was playing, but like I
still want you back." You know what I
mean? You have to kind of choose one cuz
at least if you choose one of those
stances, it can make you seem more
serious. It seems a little bit uns quite
a lot of bit unserious when he does the
comeback. You play the mean card and
then you go from the mean card to
playing the yeah, you know, my bad for
saying that thing. That was mean. I just
actually wanted to hear you out and it
just is not it doesn't give the effect
that I know she want is trying to give.
Okay. I'm mature like I'm mature and no
response. But see if you're going to be
that I'm mature then you have to do that
from the beginning and then if he
doesn't bite on that then it's whatever.
Just like okay I'm going to dead leave
this where it's at. Um and I just went
on with my life. I went on with my life
and I'm chilling. I'm chilling. Um jump
skip to now. I I have a new new guy in
my life. He's He's so sweet. He's so
adorable. He's so everything. Don't mind
my Yeah. And my hair. Like, it's
actually looking crazy right now. But
he's genuinely so genuine and so sweet
and he's such a cutie patootie and tell
me I was headed to class today and I get
a text message from the guy. He's
talking about some, oh, I never usually
explain myself, but I feel like I had to
explain myself. Like he was basically
like, oh my, like people like you
deserve the world and I know I can't
give that to you. Um, and so that's why
I stopped talking to you. Like I just
couldn't give you. And I'm just like I'm
just like, "Oh, you literally could have
said that. You literally could have said
that and spared me all that." All don't
tell me you replied now, though, after
you say, "Don't don't don't poop on
him." And then tell me you replied now,
cuz that's be a no response.
That freaking trauma and emotional
turmoil for like the two days that I had
it. Like Like men are so like I don't
understand them. like you really you
really could have left me alone. But
it's okay. Like sometimes silence really
is the best answer and like you got to
let people go because it doesn't matter.
It really what they do doesn't really
reflect on to you. I realize that that's
just him. Okay, good thing. I don't
think she responded. Okay, better not. I
was going to lose my mind. I wish that I
had a child with him so that there's an
excuse for us to stay in contact and
still have a relationship even though we
broke up. I wish that we had a
child to
get I wish that I had a child with him
so that there's an excuse for us to stay
in contact and still have a relationship
even though we broke up. I wish that we
had a
child together.
I I
I can't believe you I I actually can't
believe you posted
this. I I I actually have no words. I I
can't believe you actually posted
this. Why would you post this online?
I I I I I I I I I I don't
understand. Like I almost want to start
crying. Like I don't Why would you post
this
online? Can someone explain where we
have to watch I can't believe
this. I I can't believe this. We have to
watch this again.
I wish that I had a child with him so
that there's an excuse for us to stay in
contact and still have a relationship
even though we broke up. I wish that we
had a
child
together. I I'm not going to judge. You
know, we've all been in some dark places
as it relates to a relationship, but
being having a child with someone is is
never going to be the answer
to having some sort of connection to
that person. In fact, it'll it you'll go
from
like sometimes I feel like as human
beings, it's very easy for us to lose
perspective on things because we only
think about our hardships
um and our downfalls and those are the
most important biggest things in the
world to us and we stop being able to
realize how our life is good in other
ways even though in some ways it's sad.
For example, like all of you that have
ever been through a breakup realize it's
actually a blessing to be able to just
walk away scot-free from a relationship
with like yeah, you have some pain in
your heart and some heartache, but like
you don't owe any money to the man. Your
money's not tied to the guy. You can go
and have your own your job. You can live
in your own place. Like you don't have a
child with the person. Like imagine cuz
some of us lose perspective on this and
some of the people in the players club
have been through this. But like imagine
like going through the most horrible
intense crazy breakup of your life and
then you still have to on an ongoing
basis see that person because you share
a child with that person. like it's it's
not it's not as fun as you're imagining
because like that pain is just that much
harder to work through because you're
having to see that same person that
caused you all that pain all the time.
Not to mention you're also the the even
more horrible part. Imagine having to
see that person that caused you all that
pain, then get in a relationship with
the new girl and you have to like meet
the new girl, be cordial with the new
girl. You have to like let your actual
your your child, the thing that came out
of you that you held in your womb for
nine months, you have to eventually let
her spend time with that
child, the girl that you probably loathe
and hate because now your man that
caused you so much pain is
now buddy. Like sometimes we got to we
got to gain some perspective on how good
our life is. just being able to walk
away scot-free from a from a
relationship or from a breakup because
that's not the way. And I get it, you
know, she's going through things. I
don't understand why she would post this
though. I get it. You know, we all think
some things that are a little bit
irrational. Posting this is wow. Because
if he sees this, he's rock hard because
he's going to be like, "Wow, I have so
much power. Oh my gosh, I'm the most
amazing thing since sliced bread." And
it's like, why why do you want to give
him that? What? We've all been there.
I'm not going to judge her. I just don't
Why post it though? Why post it? Why
post it? Share it with your friends or
something. Why post it, though?
For the guys you actually like, ladies,
it's worth giving him the keys to the
Kia, aka letting him drive this [ __ ]
ship because you ain't going to drive it
anyway. And you want a guy to plan and
coordinate. Yes, you do. But give him
the [ __ ] keys. That means showing him
interest enough to where he feels like,
"Oh, she is interested. She does like
me. She stands out. She's unique. and I
like her. Well, you're not going to
stand out for showing interest in a in a
guy. So, we have to be clear on that,
right? Um, obviously, if you show him
that you're interested, you can do that.
It shouldn't be all the time, and it
shouldn't be extreme, and it should only
come in person on your inerson dates.
That's those are all my qualifications.
And it should not be on the nose. So, I
think you're so attractive. I want to
date you so bad. You're the best thing
since sliced bread. You're so handsome.
None of that, okay? It should be through
your body language, through your
gestures, um your facial expressions,
right? The way that you make him feel.
It should not be on the nose. Okay. Her.
I'm going to do it now. She her language
makes me want to. That sounds lovely.
Well, I look forward to you taking me
out. I love
Ty. That sounds great. Would love
that. I look forward to the next time
you take me out.
Those are good. I actually don't mind
those. Those are good little gestures um
to just throw in there every now and
again. You don't need to overdo them. Um
but good little things to throw in
there. Now, if you feel like you're
doing them as a way to actually get him
to take you out because you feel like
he's not doing that, then we're talking
about something, excuse me, a little bit
different. Those are keys to the Kia
talk. And those are powerful talks
because just like in this world we live
in now of dating culture and dating
apps, he has options to figure out where
am I going to put my money and
time. Who likes me enough that makes me
want to spend my time and money on
taking them out. And for the guys that
you like, that's worth doing. That's how
you land the ace. That's how you get the
hole in. Pause. You get the point.
That's how you start to land it because
other ones that he's used to will ghost
and sass it up and whatever they'll
treat him like whatever. I'm g tell you.
So, but you have to um I got to have a
show with Benny and um what's the other
guy's name? Nico from the dating
academy. They'd be good to have good to
debate. Um you got to have uh after you
throw there what he's discussing here is
like feelers. You throw out a feeler but
then you have to see how he responds to
the feeler. So, for example, if you say,
"I look forward to the next time you're
going to take me out," or whatever the
case may be, right? You throw that out
there, but then you have to see, well,
how does he respond to that? Does he
respond to that by saying, "Let's go out
to a sushi's plate on place on
Thursday." Or does he respond to that
saying, "Yeah, me too, lol." And then he
never texts you again about going out
together ever again, right? That's not
the right response that we're looking
for. So, anytime you're throwing out
feelers of showing a little bit of
interest or just seeing what he does
with that, you have to like be observant
and not be throwing out too much that
he's never even responding to anything
in in the proper way. Right. Right now,
for the ones you actually like, give him
the keys to the KIA. Here's my number in
case you ever want to take me out.
Here's my number. No. See, Benny got
that. You don't give no guys your number
unless they inquire about your number.
Okay? You're not You cannot do that. You
do not give a
Is it? It must be the romance movies and
the romcoms and like No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no. Do not be offering your
number until a guy inquires about that.
You, you do not do that. That is one of
those things where it feels good as a
guy to get a girl offering her number to
you, but the way he will actually
respond to that is not in the way that's
most beneficial to you. If I'm going to
give you lessons that will be most
beneficial to you, the benefit will come
from him inquiring about your number. It
seems like very trivial and very, you
know, just unimportant to be like, who
cares who asked for the number first or
who gives who number? It matters because
when you go into your relationship later
on and the relationship has started by
him inquiring about you, by him asking
you out, by him approaching you, you can
then there's a level of subconscious
accountability that you can hold him to
because you didn't ask for this. He
asked for your number. He came and
sought you out. He came and whatever the
case may be. So when you say, "I don't
like this. I don't like how this is
going. I don't like what you're doing
here. I don't like what you're doing
there." Right? He's more obligated to
make an adjustment because it is about
your happiness because he's the one that
approached you. As opposed to if you're
being the aggressor now, when you say,
"I don't like this. I don't like that.
This doesn't work for me." His answer
can be, "Well, I didn't even want this
relationship in the first place. This
was you giving me your number. This was
you telling me how much you want to go
out with me. You plan and organize the
date. I just said okay with everything.
So, the fact that you don't like some
stuff, who cares? It's not my fault." We
look forward to I look forward to you
taking me out. Yes, I do love Chinese.
These things are giving keys to the kia
letting him know mama interested in papa
plans. But you got to ditch the keys.
You act like you're the one driving the
Kia. Get in. You ain't going to do it
anyway. You ain't even pulling up. Yeah.
But if you're not driving the Kia,
that's fine. But then you also don't be
giving out your number if he's not
inquiring about it. So it goes I think
it goes all the way around. You can't
you can't The approach is the most
important part. You can't start off the
approach giving the impression that
you're going to be doing the driving by
offering your number to a guy who hasn't
inquired about your number. Right? If
anything, my truthfully honest advice.
Even when he does ask for the number,
play around with it. Dangle it in front
of him. Right? Don't let him just feel
like, "Oh, you could just have my
number. I'm so eager to give you my
number." You be h, you know, I don't
really give out my number like that. You
know, I don't know you. You could be Ted
Bundy. Make a little jokey joke. You
know, let him work a little bit. Let him
sweat. sometimes be so afraid to make a
guy sweat because you think he's running
away, right? Guys are programmed to
like, okay, let me see how I can get let
me see if I can convince her. Let me see
if I can, you know, do some finagle and
finagling. Let me see if I can, you know
what I mean? Like, persuade her. They're
they're wired to do that. So, like, let
them play that role. If you really want
the guy to approach you the right way,
if you want a man to never leave you
alone, like to literally be obsessed
with you, just be mean to them. I don't
know who told y'all that we had to be
nice to men, but men like to be treated
like [ __ ] okay? And men don't like
women that are I wouldn't say treated
like poop, but I get what she's saying.
Passively nice to them. Like men who
know they're not deserving of a kind
woman, but the woman is kind. That it
comes off as fake, right? So my ex, he's
like really like a lot of women like him
and he has a really good personality. A
lot of women be after him and a lot of
women be like, "Why are you so mean to
him?" cuz like literally I be like, "You
ugly fat motherfucker." You know, like
it's okay. I she she going too far with
it. You know, every waking breath that I
woke up, I was mean to him. And we would
hang out every day and we like we we had
a good time with one another. People be
like, you know, like what the [ __ ] And
it's like he didn't deserve for me to be
nice to him. He liked me to be around
him cuz I wasn't fake. If he did
something that I didn't like, I would
say it. It wasn't no being nice. I don't
care. I never cared about being his
peace. I would tell him, "Bitch, I would
never be your peace. You think I care
about making you happy and being
peaceful with you? I don't give a [ __ ]
Don't [ __ ] with me if you don't like my
personality. Don't [ __ ] with me if you
don't like the way I treating you."
Literally, that's just what it was. I
never cared, you know? So, it used to be
so many women like, "Oh, you know," and
I used to be like, "Fuck him. [ __ ] him."
You know, like, "Fuck him." And and we
still would have a good time with one
another. You don't have to be a fake
[ __ ] to be a [ __ ] to be around. like,
okay, there's a balance there. Someone
in the Someone in the comments of the
video said, "Resalts may vary." Results
definitely may vary because this might
work on some guys, but not not all guys.
You don't want to come across overly
like aggressive. I think there's a
balance there. And there's there's truth
to what she's saying, though, in the
sense that like being mean to guys, one
humbles them, helps you see that you're
not worshiping them or putting them on
cuz guys don't respond well to worship
from women. Okay? Men are more wired to
be able to worship their woman. it works
better, but they're not. So, if they're
getting woripped by a woman, it just
their ego goes through the roof. They
can't they can't really handle that. But
there is a balance there where you don't
want to be overly mean to a guy to the
point where you're calling him an ugly
fat mfer. I don't think that you're
going to I don't think I I think that if
you're in a place where you and your guy
kind of speak to each other like that,
you lose the romantic element of a
relationship. And if a guy is still
around you in that capacity and that's
how you guys talk to each other, then it
becomes more of like we're friends and
homies as opposed to we're in a romantic
relationship because I think on both
sides there's certain boundaries or
things that like like ways that you
wouldn't talk to your partner because
it's just inappropriate for them being
your partner. Whereas with your girls,
you might, you know, talk crazy to them
and say stuff to them that like it's
just because they're your girls and your
relationship is different with them,
right? So, I'm a proponent of like
respect on both sides. Like I think that
there's certain things that you just in
respect to your partner, you don't talk
to them that way, whether it's you're a
girl or you're a guy. And I and I think
that's very important for the romantic
element of the relationship. I think if
you lose that element, then it starts to
become like we're like buddies, which is
not the same thing as being romantic
with each other. But that's just my
opinion. Maybe for her, well, it didn't
work because that's her ex. But like
maybe in her overall relationships, it
works better for her to be able to call
her boyfriend and mf her and be talking
crazy to to him like that cuz but for
me, I I don't think that most guys would
would have that be their ideal type of
relationship. So definitely results may
vary um in that sense. Lie to these men
on your first date. They do not need to
know all your business. All they need to
know is that your ex treated you like a
queen and spoiled you. All they need to
know is that you are only used to the
best and nothing less. Don't be out here
telling them about no baby daddy drama.
Don't be out here telling them about no
financial problems that Well, if you
have a baby daddy, don't lie about
having a baby daddy. So, let's
preference that that you having. That's
none of their business. Don't be telling
them about your sex life. You are
celibate. Okay? And if you ain't got no
kids, you ain't never had sex. you still
once again. This is an extreme that I
don't advise, but let's go. A virgin cuz
it ain't no proof. They need to earn
that information. Period. A lot of these
men make up a whole life if you want to
create a whole fantasy world for
yourself. Y'all think I'm playing, but
I'm dead serious. These people don't
need to know your business. All they
need to know is that you are a pretty
princess and all you used to is princess
treatment. Cuz I know a lot of times us
women get with these men and we
overshare. thinking that it's like
bringing us closer to the guy or
something. But
no, no more of
[Music]
that. It's time to take control, ladies.
Remember, he is auditioning for you.
Okay? You are doing the choosing. So,
let him do all the talking so you can
decide if he makes the cut or not.
Is he going to say period? Period. Yeah.
Okay. Uh, here's the thing.
I would not feel like a responsible
adult, man, advising any of you to lie.
So, you guys won't hear me say go on
your dates and lie.
Now, what I will say is you can go on
your dates and be
very particular about the places in
which you shine light on. Because if you
go on your date and you start trauma
dumping about how your ex treated you
like garbage, this guy used you as a
doormat, this guy cheated on you a
million times, and all this other stuff,
right? You start to shine a light on
yourself that it's like, oh, everyone in
my life has been treating me so badly.
Uh, but vice versa, if you make the
conscious decision that in the stories
that I curate, I'm going to shine the
light on myself of like the good things
that men have done for me, the way that
they have put in work for me and all
that stuff. You don't have to say, "I'm
still in love with my ex," but just say,
"Even regardless of our relationship,
there was a lot of good stuff he did for
me here and there, and he worked so hard
for this and that, and whatever the case
may be." That is a way to give the
perception and perspective of, oh, she's
used to a certain type of treatment from
men. It's just about understanding,
okay, I'm picking this story, I'm
picking that story, I'm picking this
story, I'm picking that story. these are
the stories that I'm going to choose to
share as opposed to the opposite sense
because it's a lot easier to kind of go
on your date and trauma dump and be
negative because those are the things
that rile you up the most. So those are
the things to easily talk about on your
date and then you end up handpicking all
the stories that are like he treated me
garbage like this, garbage like that. I
was a doormat here, I was a doormat
there. So then you end up having the
opposite effect. But I would never
advise you to lie. I'm not sure.
It's just I I I have too much of a moral
compass to feel like I can advise you
guys to lie because then once you start
because she's talking about lie about
your baby daddy, lie about this, lie
about that. When you start stacking up
the lies, what happens if hypothetically
like this works if you're dating a guy
once or twice a week and then you never
see him again. But then what happens
when you start building your
relationship with that guy and then
you're building off of a foundation of
your complete lies and then you start
talking about other aspects of your life
or you start having to like connect lies
to truths in a way that doesn't make
sense and then your lies get caught up.
Now, you might risk actually being with
the guy. And then once he realizes that
you've been lying about foundational
elements of your past, now he's like,
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I once wanted
to be in a relationship with you, but
now that I'm realizing you lied about so
much, I don't want you anymore. Then you
just shot yourself in the foot because
you lost out on a great guy because you
spent all this time lying um about your
past and who you've been." Nothing wrong
with going through things. Nothing wrong
with working on yourself. Nothing wrong
with like going through situations as
well. But then if you want to shine a
different light, you shine the light of
like even despite certain situations
that I've been through, I grew past
that. I learned from that. I became a
better person because of that. And then
the new person that I became after those
experiences is night and day difference
to the person I was before. So if you
got cheated on, you got walked all over,
you you were a doormat to a guy, like
even in your explanation of that, even
in the way you talk about that, you
don't talk about it as, "Oh, I'm a
victim." You talk about it as, "Oh, that
was a lesson that I learned. That was
knowledge that I gained about myself and
my relationships and what I want and and
I grew from that and I became a better
person because of that uh and because of
that experience." That's how you shine a
light of I'm not a victim, right? Like
I'm a victor. I go through experiences
just like anyone else. I go through
things just like anyone else. But as I
become a better version, there are
things that I will never allow again.
And the self-respect I have for myself
and the standards I hold myself to and
the people around me too, I would never
allow my ex to treat me like that or be
in my life or have conversation with me
or whatever the case may be. And when
you speak like that, that is what gives
you the perception of, oh, she really is
a goddess. She really is a princess. And
you don't even have to lie in that
version as opposed to just saying stuff
stuff that's untrue. and then you have
to start figuring out which lie is which
and then you get caught up. It's it's
just a big mess. I don't advise that.
Okay, let's hop into our next segment of
the day. For those of you who are OG
Players Club members, you know exactly
what's coming up. It's a special time.
It's an amazing time and it's a time
where you're going to laugh and uh
you're definitely you might cry as well.
Okay. Uh don't look at your
clock. Don't look at your watch.
Don't look at your phone. Don't look
nowhere else in your entire
home. Should I do it loud or quiet,
chat? Which one should I do? If you
don't know the time, I'm going to tell
you the
time. Are you ready?
[Music]
Score
time.
Yeah. Okay, chat. Enough silliness.
Let's hop into our Discord segment of
the show. Uh, for those of you who don't
know what that was all about, I'll
explain this to you. Discord time is
where all the amazing members of our
players club discord community get an
opportunity to ask me a question about
their relationship or their
situationship and I answer it live on
the show. Now, I'll explain to you the
different ways in which we uh kind of do
this here so you can understand the
different ways in which you can send in
a question to me. Why is it doing that
like that? Um, let me see here. Yeah,
there we go. The different ways you can
send a question into me. Okay, so the
first way is to submit your question
into our relationship advice free form.
The way that you uh access this is by
going into the link in my bio if you're
watching this on Tik Tok or the link in
my description if you're watching this
on YouTube. Click where it
says players club discord and then
you'll be able to drop your question
into our free section here. Now the free
section is a first come first ser is
that about poop? Oh, sketchy poop. Um
the first uh the free section here is a
first come first- serve server. So, or
forum I should say. So, when you ask
your question, it does take me a while
to get to your question. Probably like a
couple of shows. Uh, well, I shouldn't
say more than a couple, like a couple of
weeks. U just because of the nature of
me only being one person. And obviously,
there's going to be a lot of questions
that people ask on um a regular basis.
So, if you want to ask your question,
you want to skip the line of people
because you don't feel like waiting for
me to finally get to your question,
there's also our premium relationship
advice forum, um, which is you're
allowed to access and skip the line of
people by going to the link in my bio on
Tik Tok or in my description on YouTube.
You click where it says private or not
private, um, players club or Discord
relationship uh, um, having a glitch.
You click where it says premium Discord
relationship advice. And then when you
click that, it'll prompt you to donate
to the show. And then it'll also ask you
for the title of your Discord username
and the title of your question. That way
when you drop your question in and I get
a notification and you when you send in
your donation, I'll know that that's
you. I'll know that that's your
question. And then I'll be able to put
it all together um and make sure that if
you're in this section that it's because
you're supposed to be in this section.
Um, for those of you who want to send me
a question, but you don't want your
information to be read out on the show,
you also have another way of submitting
to me a question, which is through our
private relationship advice hotline.
This is uh links available in the
discord here. It's also available in the
link in my description on YouTube and in
uh on uh the link in my bio on Tik Tok.
You click where it says private
relationship advice. You can send me in
a personalized private message as many
paragraphs and details as you want and
then I respond with a voice message. I'm
a little bit behind on them because I've
had a I always tell you guys I get like
a
large wave of people all at once and so
then it takes me a while to respond to
them but um don't worry this week I'm
catching up on all of them and even um
for today as well I'm going to be
catching up on all of them. So shouldn't
take me more than a few days to be all
caught up. All right let's hop into our
first premium question here. Uh, which
comes from just a little
bit. Okay, just a little bit. Uh, all
right. So, we start off here. Knowing
better versus doing better. Hi,
Thomasson. I'm 21 and I still live with
my mom. This is a tragic situation for
me, so I don't blame you for stretching
and getting triggered. Okay. Um, I'm
black, but I schooled in white
communities from 8th grade to high
school. I graduated in 2022, but my mom
decided to move back to the hood to live
with her man. I've accomplished a lot
since. I always knew what I wanted to be
in life, a model/creative in the life I
wanted to live, where I want to travel,
and where I'll settle down. I've been
working since I was 16. Uh, my work
ethic was super excessive then, but now
I have nothing to show for this.
What? You have nothing to show for all
the work you've been doing?
Okay. Uh, I am dead broke. It's not
because of my circumstances. It's
because of me. Okay. Uh, I grew up being
told
no to a lot of things not to imply
entitlement. Uh, and as a result, I feel
as if my discipline has plummeted since
I gained financial independence. Okay.
My work ethic and spending habits are
treacherous. I've made at least 90k
since uh bo like I said that uh I always
try to convince myself to lock in and
focus on the goals uh I would like to
reach but my emotions and
responsibilities always talk oops I
missed my place please talk uh me into
being lazy at this moment it's very
difficult for me to balance finances
family relationships platonic
relationships romantic relationships
bills health um and a work schedule all
at once My family always notices when I
distance myself and assumes uh that I'm
negative and don't love them, which
starts an arg oops which starts
arguments in my household because it's
not true. In addition, I have the
hardest times making it past my
probationary
period. What? What happened? What did
you do? Uh no matter how hard how hard I
try, I can't force myself to do things I
don't want to. That includes not always
following my work schedule, splurging on
food and hobbies when I can't afford it,
and not following through with overtime
shifts that I pick up when I was in an
ambitious mood. This hinders my quality
of life and mental health because I wake
up and go to bed think looking on social
media at all my real friends and even
mutuals that are in happy relationships.
First of all, they're not as happy as
you're imagining because you're watching
them through the lens of the highlights
of their life. So you're comparing your
boring and mundane life to highlights of
theirs. So their happiness is not as
amazing as you think it is. Just FYI. So
just let's get that straight. And have
their lives together. They also have a
lot of stuff they're figuring out.
There's plenty of people on social media
that look like they have everything
together. And behind closed doors,
they're a mess, okay? So keep that in
mind as well. Everyone goes through
things, not just you. And find it hard
to trust what my therapist said.
Everyone is going through things. It is
not just you cannot feel like in your
world you're the only person going
through things or that tragedy is
striking cuz trust me the same people
you're looking up to always feel
themselves lost at certain points as
well. Everyone. Okay. I've acknowledged
I have a huge problem which is step
number one to evolving. Yeah, I agree. I
haven't had a kiss, a touch, or any
intimacy in years. How old are you
again? Um 21. Okay, you have more
priorities at this point.
um or intimacy in years, toys only. I'm
ready to be in a structured lasting
relationship and not be roommates with
my mom forever. My wish list is set in
stone. Um but I know I have to be what I
want to attract. I was just going to say
that I know better. I desire better. And
the lifestyle I have requires better. I
have a hard time doing what it takes to
get better. Like that's your issue. My
goal is to achieve structure in my life
so that I can have peace of mind instead
of always being in survival mode. And I
know that takes discipline, but I'm
stuck between you only live once, buy
what you want, work uh to live, not live
to work, and control your life before it
life takes control of you. You need to
be wealthy. You need to be the wealthy,
hardworking superwoman you look look up
to mindset. Okay, I'll explain to you
why this can be a trap. This is less
relevant
uh than everything else. But I also gave
my VC card to a microwave man at 18. It
took a microwave man, for those of few
who are new here, just means a guy who
wants things quick, easy, and fast. The
type of guy you'll meet on a dating app,
and the same day he meets you on a
dating app, he wants to go over to your
house, sleep with you, and then never
speak to you again. Microwave, man. Uh
it took the spark I had like the the
spark that you had like within you uh to
say the least which I feel is another
reason for my stagnation. I've talked to
my therapist about these things as well
as my financial adviser. You have a
financial adviser? Okay. Uh my therapist
feels that I don't give myself enough
credit and that I am too hard on myself.
I agree to an extent. Oops. But I feel
like if I was truly hard on myself, I'd
know how to truly save myself and be
closer to where I want to be. My father
is in his mid-40s, unemployed due to
heart failure from cigarettes and
drinking chronically. The only thing he
has accomplished is buying a house next
to his dad. The life my parents have is
not what I want for me. Whatever you
think I need to hear in order to get
myself together will be greatly
appreciated. Thanks, Thomasson. Okay,
I'll give you the exact number one thing
that you need to do and focus on. And
I'll make this very simple for you. All
I want you to focus on doing is
planning. That's all the key to your
success is to plan. See, what you're
describing here is a lack of strong
willpower.
So what's happening is when you get into
situations where you're thinking about
should I spend money right now? Should I
not? Should I do this thing or should I
not? Right? You're always making
decisions from your survival mode but in
an emotional state. So you're allowing
your emotions to drive your actions. But
the problem is your emotions are
naturally leading you to be in a place
of laziness, to be in a place of
stagnation like you mentioned. Um, and
to basically not get to where you want
to go, right? Not not having financial
freedom, all that bad stuff. Because
you're allowing yourself to only think
about crossing that bridge when you get
to that point. And then you allow your
emotion to take over and decide for you
what decision or what road to take. At
that point, what you need to start doing
in terms of your planning is saying
before I get to that decision, I will
already decide the choice I will make
and I will have a contingency plan for
what to do in the scenario that I feel
emotional to the point I want to do this
or I want to do that instead. Let me
give you a perfect example of that.
Right? So rather than saying okay I want
to uh you know save money and then one
day you're like I want to save money. I
have no money. I need I need to pay off
this debt. And then the next day you're
like, "Oh my god, look at this beautiful
hat or look at these these beautiful
jeans I want to buy. They're $100 or
they're $200 and I want to buy them so
badly, but I have no money, but I feel
like I really need these and I want to
be a boss babe and I want to live that
lifestyle, so I buy them." This is why
you're in a cycle, right, of un lack of
success because you're constantly living
in that I'm making the decision in the
moment and I'm debating with myself in
the moment. Whereas, if you say, "Okay,
I want to be able to enjoy life, but I
also want to make sure that I'm saving
enough money that I don't have nothing
left over or I need to pay back my
debt." Let's say you you sit down and
you say, "For the month, like there are
financial budgeting apps that you can
get and you can say for the month on the
low low low low end, if I work barely
any shifts, I will receive this amount
of money. And after I pay my rent, after
I pay a realistic amount that I'll pay
for my food, not the fake amount, oh,
I'll basically eat scraps. Okay, the way
I enjoy eating food, how much am I
realistically going to spend? And then
my transportation. After that, what am I
left with? From there, a certain amount
of that will be saved and a certain
amount of that will be allocated. Okay,
literally allocated to I will go and
have fun with this money. which means
you buy whatever clothes you want to
buy, whatever perfumes you want to buy,
whatever heels and bags you want to buy,
you spend that money on those things and
then within that month or let's say you
get paid every two weeks, right? That
money once it runs out, it's gone. So if
you want to save it to spend it on one
big purchase, you can save it if you
want and you'll know exactly how much
you'll have in one month or two months.
But outside of that, you don't spend
that money on anything else. When you
plan, you might be thinking, "How is
that going to help me?" when you plan,
you take yourself out of making the
decision in an emotional state because
money becomes very um you start to not
feel its uh I guess we can say impact
when it's just numbers on a screen. But
if you can plan out and say, "Okay, for
this month I only have $500 of fund
money. So I already bought a dress that
was $200 last week and I only have $300
left of fund money. So I can afford
this. But then if I pay $250 for this
other item, I'm not going to have much
money left of my fund money. So then you
have a very clear understanding of like
I'm not going to make a decision in an
emotional state. My fund money is
allocated for fun. And if I run out of
fund money, there is no more fun. So if
I want to prolong my fund for one big
moment at the end of the month, I can do
that. But then I have to be a little bit
frugal at the beginning of the month or
the other weeks. Whereas if I want to
spread it uh across four months or sorry
across four months across four weeks and
say I want to have $100 worth of fun uh
across these four weeks then I can do
that but I have to make sure I stick to
that. I also this is why you plan in
every aspect. I also am going to make
sure that when I'm planning with my
friends the things that we'll do and the
places that we'll go I allocate
understanding hey where are the likely
places that we might go this month? What
are the things that they're discussing?
Are they discussing going out for
mimosas and brunch on Sunday? Okay. How
much is that going to cost me
realistically? Like when I go to mimosas
and brunch, do I like to get all the
bottomless mimosas and then get a a
pizza and then get a burger and then
enjoy myself and it cost you $100? Okay.
So then I'mma plan that coming this
month, at least one day out of the out
of the one week out of the month, I'm
going to allocate part of my budget to
going out, enjoying myself, and getting
mimosas. Okay? Right? So, the reason I
say all this is because that planning
will put you in less of a survival mode
because you won't be having to debate
with yourself of what you should or
shouldn't do in the moment. You'll
already have a plan in place of what
you're allowed to do and what is
crossing the limit. And then you'll be
able to say, I already had this
conversation with myself at the
beginning of the month. So, this will
work or this won't work. And then the
decision actually becomes a lot easier.
So rather than kind of like feeling like
you're fighting from behind, you'll feel
like you're getting ahead of things and
you anticipate how you're going to feel
or what you're going to think in that
moment and then you're able to make a
decision for yourself before you even
get to that point. So planning is you're
going to be your superpower. So plan
your months out, plan your hangouts with
yourself out, plan the places you're
going to go with your friends out well
in advance, and be a planning superstar.
That will help you start getting to the
place that you uh your outcome, your
desired outcome that you want to be in.
Okay. Um, I believe that was the only
Yeah, that was the only premium
question. Okay. So, let's go to the free
section
here and let's uh read out some of these
uh questions here. Okay. I'm going to
start off
uh let's see
here.
Um I'm going to start off with a
different one. I know LPB is coming. I'm
going to start off
with another one and then we'll go to a
one from LP baby. Uh, someone says, "Is
it okay to ask Chat GBT for relationship
advice? I've heard people using Chat GBT
as their therapist, lol. So, wondered if
I could work the same for relationship
advice. I use chat GP2 chat GBT as well
for um like different like I use it for
like tax advice and business advice and
like an assistant to organize my notes.
Uh but I wouldn't advise you to use chat
GBT for relationship advice only because
chat GBT will be void of the experience
of a human being with emotions from the
standpoint of chat GPT might be able to
spit out to you okay if this guy is not
messaging me back what should I do and
it'll be able to give you some options
but void of the context and
understanding of like the natural
thought process of what human beings
will go through when they're thinking of
things or when they're going through a
situation it'll probably be giving you
more idealistic scenarios and answers
that don't really work for someone with
real human emotions. For example, if
you're going through a situation where a
guy that you've been dating for 5 years
all of a sudden is pulling away from
you, it's not as simple as like, oh,
just have a conversation with him or oh,
just let it go. Just, you know, um,
forget about it or just, you know what I
mean? like uh ghost him, whatever the
case may, whatever the you know like the
scenario is, you kind of have to be more
particular. And so like for example,
when people ask me questions, the
context of their relationship status,
how long they've been with the guy,
their experiences, and also my
understanding of what is realistic and
what's not. Because saying, "Yeah, uh
ghost the guy or leave the guy alone who
you dated for 5 years and has been like
pulling away from you." Yeah, cool.
Sure. Sounds good in a movie script. But
in reality, you're not going to be able
to do that because you're not just going
to be able to say, "Five years,
whatever, I don't care anymore." We have
to figure out a solution for you that
works in the context of a relationship
that you're actually in with an
understanding of like you have
attachment to a person. So, you can't
just act like a robot, right? That's one
of the things that um I've noticed
obviously chat GBT is void of um in
terms of being able to understand like
human nuance and how certain situations
the answer might be a little bit
different because for you uh the the
idealistic scenario is not really
possible because of like your own
natural feelings towards the situation
or attachment or maybe you share
children or whatever the the case may be
in terms of your nuance. I'd more advise
you to ask a real person. Uh, you can
ask me, you can ask I'm sure there's
other relationship advisors that will
also give um their own version of like
uh answers if you ask them private
questions. It's just chat GBT can have
you acting like a robot and just
repeating things back and paring them
without having a true understanding of
like why you're even doing it. You know
what I mean? Um, okay. Let's uh do an LP
baby one. Okay. Um, oh, all right. So,
this one says, "Uh, hi Tommy. Uh, may
you please speak on how to differentiate
between having strong boundaries and
having walls to prevent hurt from people
in
relationships. Sorry, I'm just trying to
read. Having walls to prevent hurt from
people. Oh, like for your for like
people hurting you. Um, having strong
boundaries is not a bad thing at all. I
don't think there's any reason that you
have to compromise your boundaries.
should go into any relationship or
situationship with your strong um held
boundaries. Now, having walls up to help
prevent yourself from getting hurt can
be something that works against you from
the standpoint of like if you don't
allow yourself to get close to people,
then how are you supposed to get close
to them? Um, but at the same time, you
have to also ask yourself why is it that
you have walls up? Is it because of past
experiences that you've had in other
relationships? In which case, you then
shouldn't be dating. you should be
healing from those other relationships
to the point where you feel like when
you go out on a date, you don't have
like some sort of preconceived notion of
like, oh my gosh, like this person's
going to cheat on me or this person's
going to hurt me. If you're going into a
talking stage or a date with someone who
you don't know and you're already having
in your mind, "This person's going to
cheat on me or this person's going to do
me wrong," then you're not healed yet
from your previous relationship and you
need to do some time healing from that
before we get into your new relationship
because you shouldn't be um projecting
your old feelings for someone else onto
a new person who has never done anything
to you and never hurt you. Not that you
should be naive, but like that shouldn't
be your preconceived idea of who they
are. If that's the case, then why are
you there? uh how to determine whether a
man wants to do the work within himself
and heal versus whether he is using me
um slash a woman to distract himself.
You simply ask the questions um as
you're on the date with the man. If
you're hearing um when he's talking, you
have to let men speak about what they
feel in an honest way. So, for example,
if you ask a guy how he feels about his
ex and his relationship with her, and
you're hearing about him speak about her
in a way that sounds very much like he
would be open to the idea of being in a
relationship with her still, then you're
talking to a guy who is most likely
using you as a distraction from that as
opposed to there's nothing wrong with
you have to understand nuance. When a
guy comes on a date with you and he
speaks about, hey, you know, my ex was
good. We had some good times together.
Um, it's not like there wasn't love
between us and all that other stuff.
However, our relationship has run its
course and it's definitely very much
over and I definitely don't have any
interest in going back there. That's
where you say, "Oh, okay. You're not
trying to like use me as a placeholder
to distract yourself because you
secretly want to be with her." Whereas,
if a guy's talking about his previous
relationship and then he's talking about
it in a way that actually sounds like he
wants to still be with her or the door
is open, right? When you're listening to
the things that he's saying, the door is
open. then that should be something that
you find concerning. I asked because I
feel like we are all a work in progress
and there's always room for improvement.
And I would like to know tips on how to
differentiate between a man's intentions
because I aim to date uh potential slash
I I don't aim sorry to date potential/
project men. Sure. I want to be
reasonable of course because knowing we
are all growing. Um yes, I agree 100%.
Um, I don't think that you should be
dating project men in the sense that
like men that need a whole bunch of work
and changes to be made to just be
serviceable as a man in a relationship.
Uh, but at the same
time there's a balance. uh and we
actually kind of discussed the bal one
of the aspects of the balance here on
today's show where there's a difference
between saying okay in my career even I
want to be I'm a software engineer on an
entry level now I want to be in the
seauite soon uh that's not something
that is changed to the point where it's
so drastic you can't even function in a
relationship that way whereas being with
a man who's like I'm a cashier right now
and I want to be a rapper that's
completely two totally different worlds
or he's saying I'm a cashier right now
and I want to figure out some totally
different alternative career path at
some point in my life soon. That's a man
that I would probably advise you to shy
away from because the amount of effort
and energy and excuse me work he's going
to need to put into transitioning
himself from the place he's at now to
the new place he wants to be in, that
should be his sole focus. Um, and so
when you meet guys who are in that sort
of like they need to take that large
transition, um, you're better off just
like letting them work on their
transition and then if they're ready for
a relationship after that, then they can
come back to you and be in a
relationship with you. Nothing wrong
with the man having a plan, but I just
know that when guys are going through
that large transition like that, a lot
of things can change in his mind, change
in his approach, change in the way he
treats you. So, you're better off not
wasting uh your time that way. Uh, okay.
I hope that answers all of your
questions. Let's hop into our next uh
question here. Let me see. Oops. Yep.
Yep. Yep. Uh, okay. Uh, okay. This one
comes from
Lotus. Hypocrisy. Okay. Um,
hypocrisy. Hey, Tommy, you've talked
about withdrawing from men when they
cross our boundaries or do something
that makes us feel a type of way, etc.
by removing access, not replying to
texts and calls. However, one of my
personal boundaries uh is about silent
treatment. Uh it is one of my biggest
triggers and is it is important to me to
be with someone who can communicate
their feelings even when
they are negative towards me. Even if
it's just a quick something you did
upset me, but I'm not ready to talk
about it yet. My question is, if the
person I'm seeing behaves in a way where
I have to withdraw, how can I set the
boundary with silent treatment and not
come across as hypocritical? Silent
treatment is different because
withdrawing is just getting on with your
life and waiting for him to approach you
the way that meets your expectations.
And if he does, great. Uh, speak to him.
Silent treatment is ignoring them even
if they're treating you right. No, I
don't advise. Why would you be giving
him the silent treatment if he's
treating you right? So, at least with
withdrawing, you can still give them
another chance. I think with
withdrawing, you can be polite. Just
don't be generous with your love. Silent
treatment is deadly. Okay. Uh oh, sorry,
that was that was your answer. Sorry,
that was uh someone else's answer. Uh
so, Lotus, for you, in terms
of silent treatment and withdrawing. I
agree actually with what Tam said.
There's a difference between those two.
Um, when you're withdrawing from
someone, one, you have to understand men
like, yes, we kind of treat men like
they're a little bit dumb, but they're
smart enough to understand if they do
you wrong, like they know when something
is off. And like, if they really spent
their time and energy thinking about
what has transpired, majority of the
time, they're able to understand, okay,
I must I said something wrong here or I
did something wrong here or that was
inappropriate of me. So, you have to
give them a little bit more credit in
that sense. Uh, number two, as it
relates to withdrawing, I'm specifically
also referring to withdrawing from men.
Uh, when you're in the dating process,
you have to show them that they're going
to have to use their critical thinking
skills and inquire about, hey, are you
upset? Is there something wrong? Um, I
want to try and fix it. You have to turn
their fixer brain on because I know
lotus in a perfect world, men, you would
be able to communicate with anyone. Hey,
I feel this. I'm communicating this with
you. This is how I want. This is what
I'm feeling. this was not working for me
and men would just change and adjust and
do what you need. The problem is I know
from my own experience in helping women
um and this is one of the things that
chat GBT won't be able to give you the
perspective on is that men won't
actually respond to you coming out and
overexlaining oh well these are my
feelings about this and I'm just trying
to be open and honest like my therapist
said and tell you everything that I'm
feeling and communicate with you my
boundaries and communicate what I'm
feeling here and communicating what's
upsetting me here because most of the
time men will respond with like we we
watched in our reaction segment uh with
like an okay or or they won't even
respond at all or they'll just continue
doing the same thing they've been doing.
Because what you need to do is you need
to give men the space to come to you,
inquire about what's wrong, inquire
about, hey, I've noticed you've pulled
away from me. I've noticed you're not
giving me the same amount of attention
as before. Because it's going to sound
very funny, but men are like attention
[ __ ] in the sense that the only time
they really take to heed that something
is wrong in their relationship is when
you withdraw your energy as a woman.
They always joke about like not joke.
They always say, "Oh, men are energy
vampires." They feel when you're giving
them energy. They're you're giving them
your focus. You're giving them your
time. And it feels good to them. It
energizes them. It lifts them up. So
when you stop doing that, that's when
they're like, "Oh my gosh, something is
wrong." Right? I'll give you a perfect
example, Lotus, so you can understand
how a man's brain works. If me and my
guy friendss are sitting at a table and
one of my guys starts talking to all of
us about, "Bro, what my girl last night,
bro, I went out. I was at till 3:00 a.m.
My girl's tripping. Calls me 30 times
texting me, where the f are you at? You
better come home right now. I better
you. If you don't come home right this
second calling me. She started driving
around. She I I kid you not. I literally
was outside in the parking lot. I see
her pull out, you know, she's driving
past in the car and she's like, "You
mfer." She's cursing me out, bro. It was
crazy. You want to know what we're going
to do as guy? We're going to laugh.
We're going to say, "Oh, bro, she crazy
as hell." We're going to dab him up
because even though he's describing a
bad scenario, the way we actually take
that information is your girl loves you.
Like she's all over you. Like you got
her in the bag. You're dame crazy. Like
you putting it down on her. She pulling
up to the club, texting you, calling you
30 times. She all over you. She got to
get up, man. She She might be She might
be going crazy for you and we're going
to dab him up. Whereas, if we're sitting
at a round table and let's say we're
having a conversation and one of the
guys is like, "Yeah, so by the way, um,
my girl, she like she doesn't say
nothing to me no more. Like I was out
till 3:00 a.m. She didn't say a word.
Like even I asked her. I'm like, "Are
you mad or something?" She was like,
"No." She just went on with her day.
Like she didn't mention it. She didn't
call me out on it. Like and the past
like couple of weekends, I've been going
out till 4:00 or 5 a.m. She doesn't even
ask about me. She doesn't even ask when
I've gotten home. Nothing. You know,
want to know what we're all all of us
boys are going to sit at the table?
We're going to look at him like like a
dog just died. We're we're going to be
like, "Oh my god. Oh my I'm so sorry,
bro. I'm so sorry, bro." We're all going
to say, "Your girl is either cheating on
you currently or she's like completely
gone. Like you've lost her already."
Because us men, we the way we uh
contextualize information, when you
withdraw, we see it as something is
wrong. something very very very very
very bad is wrong. Whereas when you're
giving all that energy, when you're
overexplaining, oh my feelings this, my
feelings that, we're like, oh, typical
woman. We don't we don't think a change
needs to be made because we don't
actually contextualize that as something
is wrong. We don't contextualize that as
I need to take action because something
needs to change. My woman is not on my
body anymore. Why is she not on my body?
Is she on someone else's body? Is
someone else taking up her mind, taking
up her crazy? Right? It's concerning for
us. So this is why I say I say all that
to say with men withdrawing is the
answer because that's when they actually
can contextualize something is wrong and
I need to make a change and I need to
take some action. Whereas when you
overexlain to men who are not inquiring
about it, you and inquiring about the
problem that is existing within you and
trying to fix or or make a change for
that or take action for that, then you
end up in a situation where you're
overexplaining yourself to a man who
either doesn't care or is not in a
mental state prepared to take action on
your problem or your issue and is just
going to continue doing what he wants to
do. Are we following? Right. Um, so just
I hope that visual helped you guys
understand like how men kind of uh
process that information. Uh, okay. So
this one comes from Tam. So Tam just
didn't answer, but this is a question
from Tam. Uh, all right. Tam says,
"Talking my sorry, taking my time in a
talking
stage." Okay. Uh, all right. I am 29 was
seeing a 29year-old man. So I can be
very sparse in the beginning of talking
stages. I like to take my time and talk
to the guy when I feel like it. Okay. Uh
but I feel like but I feel a lot of
pressure sometimes when they say stuff
about you're not talking to
me. No, don't let your don't don't don't
let your anxiety put put you in a bad
place or I have this thing in the back
of my head that I'm ghosting them and
it's a bad thing, but I actually feel
the most comfortable like that. What
should my mindset be about this? Because
as soon as he pointed it out, I caved
and immediately started feeling bad.
then started overcompensating and things
just went bad between me and him. To add
to this, my mom often says that I need
to give more, but I think it's giving
too much. My mom is also single, had a
terrible relationship with my dad, is a
pickme and so I don't really want to
take her advice. Lol. Uh, good
observation, Tam. So, here's the thing.
Never
ever I I I've talked about this before.
So in certain aspects you have to
understand men don't actually understand
what they really want. They understand
what makes their life easy. They don't
understand what they actually respond to
in a way that's advantageous and
beneficial to you. Let me explain what I
mean in an example. For example, a guy
will say, "I want you to text me back in
20 seconds. I don't want there to even
be a millisecond of time between when I
message you and when you respond to me."
Okay, that sounds like he knows what he
wants. He doesn't actually. What he
knows is how to ask for something that
makes his life easier. So, you messaging
him 24/7 all the time, 30 seconds after
he messages you makes his life life
easier because he never has to spend any
time thinking about what you're doing,
where you are, um how you're spending
your time, or why you're not talking to
him. So, it's very painless. It's a
painless experience for him to have you
in his life in that capacity. Similar
for you as a woman to have a guy who
will lay out exactly how he feels about
you, how much he wants you, and tell you
all day how in love with you he is to
24/7. It sounds like a dream because it
makes your life easy where you don't
have to play a guessing game. But in
reality, you won't respond well to that
because you won't be very attracted to
that type of guy. Same thing for you.
When you give the guy what he wants,
you're not actually giving him what he
really wants. You're giving him what
makes his life easier. But you're not
realizing in the process of giving him
that thing, he won't respond well to
that. Because when he finally gets that
from you, now he has no time to like sit
back and and have some anxiety towards
you. Have some anxiety towards like what
is she doing with her time? Where is she
right now? Who is she hanging out with?
I'm a little bit nervous that I might
lose her. It's giving me a little bit of
anxiety. I want to check in. I want to
see her now. I feel like I miss her a
little bit. Right? Sometimes, you know,
some of the easiest concepts um in
general can be the hardest to grasp for
relationships when you're in them. You
realize like for men and for anyone in
general, you cannot miss someone who
you're actively with or around or
speaking
to. I'm going say it again. You can't
miss someone who you're actively with,
around, or speaking to. So if you think
about even that concept, like a guy
missing you, literally by definition,
you cannot be around in any capacity for
a guy to properly miss you. If you are
around in any capacity, he literally
cannot miss you. You can't be present in
his life and then he misses you. So part
of a man and his wiring to desire a
woman and long for a woman and like be
totally head over heels obsessed with a
woman. Think about like the medieval
times where a man would meet a woman at
a land far far away and then he's
writing her all these letters. Oh my
beautiful darling. You were when my eyes
bestowed upon you. You were just the
most beautiful princess in all the land.
and I will ride on 17 horses for 44
nights just to be able to see the
shimmer in your eyes once again. All of
that is coming from his longing and his
missing her, not being able to have her
again, but he's not going to be writing
those same loving notes when he's next
to her. Not because like he doesn't care
about her the same, but the element of
missing someone is because they are not
present. So, you have to remember that
as well for yourself, Tam, is that even
though men are asking for those things,
they will not end up responding
positively to you always being around
because then you'll take their ability
to miss you and long for you away. Which
is why I always say you want to be
making sure that you have, it's going to
sound very toxic, but you give them a
little bit of a roller coaster of
emotions where when you're away, they
get to long for you. They get to miss
you. They get to have desire for you and
anticipation for the next time they see
you. Then when they're with you, that's
when you focus on bringing that energy,
bringing that interest, making him feel
like he's important. Where he's like, oh
my god, I love this vibe. Then you cut
it short and then your date is only 2
hours long. And then he leaves the date
feeling like, "Oh my god, that was so
intoxicating. I need that again in very
quick succession." But then because
you're not going to be giving him too
much of yourself when you're away from
him again, he goes back to longing you.
He goes back to missing you. He goes
back to anticipating the next time he
sees you. And then you just keep him on
that cycle over and over and over again.
And then eventually it builds up to the
point where he's now progressing the
relationship because of that longing and
then that the fact that when he finally
sees you, he gets that burst of like,
"Oh my gosh, this is amazing." So you
kind of have to It sounds like a game,
but that's really what attraction is
about. Like you have to understand how
to go through the es and flows, right?
If someone is always happy, they won't
be able to understand what happiness
even is because they happiness becomes
their baseline. The only way to
understand what happiness is is to
actually have misery and to have sadness
because then you can actually contrast
the two. Same thing with men and in your
relationships, right? So, you have to be
thinking about that contrast and not
just always giving men what they want
because sometimes they'll ask for what's
easiest for them, not what actually will
serve you in terms of uh his desire and
attraction towards you. Okay. Uh, all
right chat, that is the show for today.
Um, for those of you who want to ask me
a question, you can either do that
through our free section for through our
private section or through our premium
section. Um, and I'll answer your
question that way. Like I said, I'm
going to get to a bunch of our premium
qu no private questions uh here right
after this show. For those of you who
are watching me and you want to follow
me on Instagram as well, my Instagram is
just uh my
name_tub on uh if you're watching this
on TikTok, it's up on the left there.
It's also in my bio as well. I'm
definitely going to start posting more
on Instagram. I am posting uh more on uh
Snapchat. They wanted me to become a
Snapchat creator. So, I'm going to be
posting my relationship stuff and um
personal stuff on Snapchat as well. Uh
so, you guys can um my Snapchat's there
for you guys if you guys want to follow
it as well. Um for those of you who are
wanting to rewatch the show because you
missed some parts or you came late, um
you can also go over to my YouTube
channel. For those of you on Tik Tok, uh
it's Thompson just T O M I S I N. You go
into the uh YouTube section in the live
section of my YouTube channel and uh
you'll be able to see this live stream
and all the other live streams I've done
since the beginning of time. So that
we'll uh you'll be able to follow along
with all the conversation and jokes that
everyone is uh been telling in the uh
chat there. Okay, does that make sense?
I'm here every Monday and Thursday. So
I'll be here again on Thursday. And uh
until we meet again uh on Thursday at
400 p.m. Eastern Standard Time cuz I'm
supposed to be here on time. I should be
here on time. Hopefully I'm here on
time. Uh thank you Nicole Cotm also who
donated the show and thank you to anyone
who donated in the uh uh Tik Tok chat.
Uh so until we meet again
on Thursday, I bid you adu uh revenenti
a vista adios bounty ciao salam
bonvoyat and I'll see you again on
Thursday at 400 pm. I love you all so so
so so much. Okay.
Click on any text or timestamp to jump to that moment in the video
Share:
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
One-Click Copy125+ LanguagesSearch ContentJump to Timestamps
Paste YouTube URL
Enter any YouTube video link to get the full transcript
Transcript Extraction Form
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
Get Our Chrome Extension
Get transcripts instantly without leaving YouTube. Install our Chrome extension for one-click access to any video's transcript directly on the watch page.
Works with YouTube, Coursera, Udemy and more educational platforms
Get Instant Transcripts: Just Edit the Domain in Your Address Bar!
YouTube
←
→
↻
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc
YoutubeToText
←
→
↻
https://youtubetotext.net/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc