This content analyzes an MBA application essay from an admitted Harvard Business School candidate, highlighting how a personal health challenge fueled a business-minded vision to address healthcare disparities, particularly for women and marginalized communities.
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Hi everyone. I'm Liza Wheel, founder of
Gate House Admissions. And I'm Jeremy
Shawn, founder of NBA Mission. And today
we're reviewing an application essay
from an NBA applicant who was admitted
to Harvard Business School. If you want
to follow along, use the link below to
download a free copy of our book of
successful HBS application essays. Today
we're looking at Megan's businessminded
essay. So let's take a look. Just before
starting middle school, I stopped
hearing intermittently. Turns out I had
an oral related autoimmune disease. When
the doctor advised me to consider taking
the school year off, I refused. While
juggling doctor appointments,
experimental treatments, and school
accommodations, I was often told I
couldn't do the same things as my peers.
That everything had limitations. But
that just fueled me more. Years later, I
started my career on Wall Street.
Perceived limitations be darned. I
thrived in banking's intensity. As I
mastered financial modeling, I also
learned to turn my self- advocacy
outwards on the businesses around me. A
longtime fan of Oddity, a sister and
brother founded beauty health tech
company with cult-like loyalty, I pushed
my MD to start covering the company,
securing Platinum Bank, a key advisory
role for the company's future capital
needs. Especially exciting was
collaborating with Audit's CPO on an
event for International Women's Day,
which included networking, shopping, and
a fireside chat. Supporting a female
co-founded business was rewarding, but
it's been at Private Equity Co. where my
vision for the future has crystallized.
Helping Healthwise, a vitamin and
supplements brand, evolve via social
media marketing from a sleepy clinical
product into a trending direct to
consumer brand, revealed the blossoming
market for consumers wanting more
control over their health. As a young
woman, I've long been dismissed in
doctor appointments with remarks like,
"Maybe it's anxiety and you look
healthy, nothing is wrong." I'm
determined to shift this paradigm by
creating solutions that equalize health
outcomes. By leveraging my expertise in
health and consumer investing, I aim to
help entrepreneurs redefine how women
and marginalized communities perceive
and engage with their healthcare. My
long-term goal is to establish a fem
health tech venture that challenges
paternalistic dynamics and empowers
individuals with the knowledge and tools
to advocate for themselves. All right,
Jeremy, you start. What is something
that stood out to you? Well, for
starters, I think this is an essay
that's just incredibly clean and easy to
follow. The essay does the work because
the story does the work. the the writer
creates all of the necessary linkages
quite easily for the reader to follow
and isn't there's no drama because she's
she's she's lived it she doesn't need to
say you know I had an oral related
disease my heart pounded I thought what
am I going to do with my life and that
moment I determined that I had to become
a self advocate it's just she just we
understand it's very credible that that
was a inflection point we can and and
and that she could become her own
advocate after that and and that's
because she tells it to us in sort of
actually in a more plain way that makes
it more credible. The the lack of the
lack of of of drama is is effective for
her. So I think I think that's really
wonderful. You know, I looked I was like
trying to look for a for a sophisticated
word. I the closest I came is
paternalistic. That came at the very
end. It's perfectly fine to use that
appropriate word. I'm just saying she
wasn't the the whole essay wasn't uh you
know it wasn't over wrought. It was just
it was just very straightforward because
what people don't realize is that you
know the person who's reading this may
have read a stack of those that day and
they don't have time to start sifting
through and dealing with they just they
want to absorb quickly. They want the
information and so I think this is one
where you can quickly quickly absorb
that and um and move through the essay
quite well. Um so you I've got a few
more thoughts. I'm happy to let you
chime in as well. Of course. Yeah. I
think one thing that's interesting is
that her goals, you really believe them
because they have this personal
connection to where she started fighting
this autoimmune disease. But I think
sometimes people think they need that
personal connection. It started from
childhood as you were saying this kind
of overroought started from childhood. I
knew exactly what I wanted to do. And so
I think the takeaway here is not you
have to have some personal connection.
if you do take advantage of it. And I
think she does a really nice job of of
folding in her her childhood and how
that affected her and how that, you
know, sort of being dismissed even when
she was in junior high, high school, how
that really gave her drive and gave her
a vision of what she might ultimately
do. But it's one of those things I I
caution people from reading this and
say, "Oh, I have to trace my goals back
to my childhood." But at the same time,
it's awfully nice this, as you said,
it's very believable because she lived
it. She lived this experience and it
clearly has affected her. Right. And you
mentioned the word I there's two things
you maybe think about that, but you
mentioned the word dismissed. I mean,
she kind of talks again like like about
being dismissed in doctor's offices like
she sort of, you know, brings it back
full circle that, you know, sort of
being overlooked. Like it's not just
advocacy is important. It's like, you
know, uh, as I say in literature, wound
and want, you know, like there's it's
driven by something within her. Um and
the other thing is you know you
mentioned again about kind of having
something um grounded in in childhood.
Now it's not totally critical to have
that seminal moment in childhood. Um I
remember talking to the director of
admissions from Harvard years ago and
former director of admissions and she
said to me kind of rofully and jokingly
because she had a a nice sense of humor.
She said you wouldn't believe how many
grandparents I've admitted to Harvard.
You know because and what she meant by
that is people start with their
grandparents. My grandfather always said
to me dot dot dot and um and you don't
need to do that. It for a lot of people
who struggle to write I think you know
it it's it's an easy anchor to to to
anchor in some sort of childhood
experience. Um I don't think this was
clearly like a a very formative
experience and so it made sense for this
person but you're right you definitely
don't have to. The other thing is she
also made it's only it's only 300 words
whatever it is. So, so she she made
quick le quick leaps and and skipped
over a huge part. It doesn't need to be
a full biographical statement. It's
like, okay, here we are in um you know,
in this somewhat traumatic experience in
childhood and then next we're in a
financial services company. Yeah. And
that's okay like and and and aware of
other entrepreneur of entrepreneurs out
there that we admire and like you can
make these leaps because and and I don't
think the reader felt those leaps. I
think the transitions were extremely
thoughtful and smooth and that's
something I when I read it the first
time I was like wow that that first
transition between paragraphs we we we
lose a lot of time but we we're not
confused as a we that we don't need that
time we're not confused as a reader
we're actually following entirely and
and so it was again very nicely
constructed in that regard and I mean
that is the challenge of these really
short essays you have to be ruthless
about what stays in and what gets out
and are you connecting the dots for the
reader? And I think Megan did a really
nice job of doing that here. The other
thing I I you know, just one final note,
I do like how she brought in her work
experience very specifically calling out
some companies that she worked with and
the things that really started to for
her it was almost like an epiphany. She
started to understand how her her
experience in a doctor's office could
could relate to what she's experienced
in consumer and whether it's this
brother sister founded company or um
working with healthc care or you know
vitamin supplements sort of like we
could see her own aha moments as she
figured out oh this is my path this is
what I'm going to you know going to do
with my life right like we believe her
and it's credible and and the reason why
I know we believe her is because there
was no point when I read that where I
this doesn't seem plausible. It wasn't
that I thought like yes, all the puzzle
pieces make sense. This is what makes
sense for her. She's going to do this.
It's more just like again easy to absorb
because it just made sense via the
information that she had provided and
this narrative that she had created and
she seems quite capable of of of doing
these things. People feel like they have
to have certain goals or their goals
have to have a certain weight or a a
certain kind of you know social force to
actually connect. like they they can't
just say like well this is actually what
I want what I want to do. I'm
intellectually curious about this area.
I feel like I can make my impact in this
area and that can actually okay
occasionally be good enough and and yes
she's she's interested in health but
she's also interested in health you know
beauty and and other things and and
that's fine. That's fine. It's just it's
just where she wants to be and we
believe it. Yeah. Exactly. Great. Stay
tuned for our next video in the series
where we'll look at Megan's leadership
focused essay and be sure to download
her book. It's linked below for more
examples of real essays from real HBS admits.
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