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Dr Ravi Zacharias 18 funny stories Part 1 | Yovel Dhavid | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: Dr Ravi Zacharias 18 funny stories Part 1
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The content is a collection of humorous anecdotes and stories, primarily used to illustrate points about wit, intelligence, faith, and human nature, often with a religious or philosophical undertone.
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me a lot of funny stories I don't know
where this because he thinks I'm not
funny enough or whether he's just hoping
I will quote him one of these days and
so maybe I will compliment of the
stories he recently sent me he comes
from India lives in the UAE actually his
son goes here to moody he sent me this
story some time ago he said did you hear
of this Indian who was flying with
Einstein next to him you can already
tell the imagination is being stretched
so this Indian guy sitting next to
Einstein and Einstein says you know it's
a long flight why don't we have a
competition I'll ask you a question and
if you can't answer it you give me five
dollars then you can ask me a question
and if I can't answer it said Einstein
I'll pay you 500 dollars
Indian guy you know for this is a great
deal if I can answer it five if he can't
answer it 500 so it's all I'm Stein all
right you go first so Einstein said how
far is the moon from the earth and then
thought and thought he said you know
what I really don't have the exact
answer here's five dollars then he
looked at Einstein and said what goes up
a hill with three legs and comes down
with four and Einstein worked through
all of his knowledge of science couldn't
figure out what he was talking about put
his hand in his pocket and gave him $500
Einsteins turn again Einstein said
before I ask you my next question what
does go up the hill with three legs and
come down with four and the Indian put
his hand in his pocket and gave five dollars
[Applause]
so the moral of the story is never get
into a Q&A game with an Indian
especially money is involved one way or
the other they'll find it amen
the story is an old one but thankfully
all old stories have at least a handful
who have never heard of them it's a
stole of a man who was looking for a job
he was a man with bulging muscles and
out of work he was a bodybuilder by
training and he went into a zoo because
he'd seen an advertisement that said
wanted man to work at Zoo when he went
there to his utter horror he found out
that the only job they had opened for
him was somebody to play the part of a
monkey a lot of children were going to
be coming in the next few days and they
had run out of monkeys needed somebody
to impersonate one and since money was tight
tight
this man decided he would take the job
he had to arrive before sunrise get into
the outfit of a monkey slipping still in
the darkness there and get into his cage
finally the day dawned and children were
coming and all he had to do was
pensively face the floor look rather
adept at swinging between trees and eat
the peanuts and bananas whenever they
were fed to him now you can do that for
about eight or ten hours and after that
he became thoroughly exhausted the
bananas were getting the better of him
and as he was swinging from one tree to
another rather nauseated he slipped and
fell into the lion's den next door and
he shouted help help and the lion leaned
over and said if you don't shut up we'll
I'll tell you a little funny story
because the subject is a bit intense
a big daily humorous story talking about
languages and it says B will play off a
little bit of English language out here
but this fellow was being taught English
and he was from another language group
and so he was trying to use these
fanciful words so he turned to one of
his english-speaking friends and he said
you know problem I have with English is
that the meaning of the word so often is
so vague you'ii answer what you say so
the meaning is very vague you he said no
no no it's not thank youi it's vague he
said there you go every time I want to
use a new word my tummy gets twisted out
man said it's not telling you we get
stung he said maybe I can help you with
a grammatical error when we see a word
ending with ue the UE is silent so it's
not they do its day it's not telling you
we its tongue the other person okay okay
let's not argue about it [Applause]
Muhammad Ali was once flying on a plane
and Ali's name is not exactly synonymous
with humility and a great float like a
butterfly sting like a bee and the
greatest and so on and they hit some
moderate turbulence when the pilot tells
you it's moderate turbulence it's
getting close to the last rites mild
turbulence you can handle moderate
turbulence you better be worried about
and so they were all told to fasten
their seat belts everybody complied
except Ali the flight attendant went
over to him and said sir
would you please fasten your seat belt
he looked at her and said Superman don't
need no seat belt and she looked at him
and said and Superman don't need no
airplane either I had a classic story to
illustrate this the other day two
brothers who were real hooligans they
were evil men and one of them suddenly
died so the other goes up to the pastor
and says pastor I will pay you anything
you want if you will take the funeral of
my brother and when you are burying him
at his funeral refer to him as a saint
just call him a saint and anything you
want I will give to you so the pastor
pause for a moment and said all right
I'll do that and the day of the funeral
came the man was in the coffin and so on
and the posture began and then he
started the eulogy said the man you see
in the coffin was a hooligan he was a
liar he was an adulterer he was a rascal
he was a violator he did every
conceivable evil act you can think of
but compared to his brother he was a saint
before I read the scriptures for you I
want to tell you a little funny anecdote
here again if the gentleman is here you
can translate it into Spanish you
probably already have you know the story
of Sherlock Holmes and Watson on a
camping trip I'm sure you've heard it so
these boys on a camping trip and had
plenty of liquid refreshment and went
soundly asleep on this bright starry
night in the middle of the night Holmes
awakened and looked up into the night
sky and he dug his elbow into Watson's
ribs and he said what's and Watson wake
up what do you see
he looked up and he said stars and stars
and more stars he said what does that
tell you Watson
he said astronomically it tells me that
there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets
astrologically it tells me that Saturn
is in Leo or illogically it tells me
that it's about quarter to 3:00 in the morning
morning
meteorological it tells me that tomorrow
will probably be a beautiful day
theologically it tells me just a tiny
part of the Great Hall
why Holmes what does it tell you he says
what's a new idiot somebody has stolen
some of you may have heard the story
which is a little bit funny but it's
also a little bit odd it's about this
guy who a little boy who wanted to get
himself a bicycle but he did not know
how to pray so he started watching
Christian television so that he could
learn how to pray and one day he watched
a very high church program wrote down as
best as he could and that night he got
down on his knees and did his best to
pray in some highfalutin language
Almighty and eternal God if it is in
your vast infinite plan that I get
myself a bicycle may it be according to
your perfect will world without end amen
and he woke up the next morning and went
outside and there was no bicycle he was
very disturbed by this that his prayer
wasn't answered so he turned on the
television again and decided to watch
another Christian program that night he
got on his knees and he prayed thus dear
Jesus I declare my need for a bicycle
and I declare also that it be blue and
silver and demand that it be here
tomorrow morning by 5:30 because you
want your children to prosper quite a
bit and I need my bicycle thank you
amen he got up early next morning went
outside there was no bicycle how he is
really troubled he walked around the
house and the mother was watching him
she saw him go into her bedroom and he
saw a statue of Mary and he picked up
the statue of Mary put it under his arm
and disappeared into the woods in the
back he came back about 10 minutes later
with no statue under his arm the mother
wondered what had happened she saw him
going to the going to his own room got
on his knees
she put her ear to the door and she
overheard him praying dear Jesus if you
remember some time ago a few years ago I
was in Newark New York I just come back
from overseas I think it was somewhere
in Asia and there's a long 13 or 14 hour
haul and you get off whether you're in
the body or out of the body you cannot
tell you just show up and that I was
looking at the Marquee at the gate that
I was to leave from but it didn't say
Atlanta it said another city so I saw a
lady sitting at the corner there I said
excuse me ma'am is this flight going to
Atlanta and she said yes I said I'm
sorry because it said another city
that's fine so I walked over to get
myself a cup of coffee or something and
I heard the patter of feet behind me and
she stopped tapped me on the shoulder
she said excuse me are you Ravi Zacharias
Zacharias
I said I'm afraid so and answered a
question she said what a relief because
now I kid you not I'm not making up this
story I couldn't think up a story such
as that I didn't think you had questions
also all because I wanted to know
whether the flight out of that jet way
was heading to Atlanta that's a simple
question you know there's a bumper
sticker that was doing the rounds and
the 80s and then in in many parts of the
US which said on the back they will as
long as there are math tests there will
always be prayer in schools it's true
you can't ban a student from praying
when he's looking at a question paper in
an exam and he knows he's gonna flunk it
you better believe he's going to call
out to God in fact I don't know how many
of you know the name of Richard Dawkins
do you know the name of Richard Dawkins
that very noted atheist belligerent
atheist I want to tell you something
fascinating that happened and this is a
true story it happened a few months ago
he was on a radio program on the BBC
live and he was dialoguing with the one
of the ministers of st. Paul's Cathedral
and he was as usual the Dawkins just
very belligerent and hostile and verbose
and all that he does to criticize
believers and he said you know
Christians are basically very
unintelligent people he said if you want
to ask an average Christian even to name
the Gospels they won't know it they
don't know it and so the vicar just kept
listening and he said Richard you're
very erudite scientist and which is just
nodding you know he said your favorite
book is the Origin of Species right by
Darwin he said right he said Richard can
this happened live and Dawkins sewed oh
yeah yeah I know it's I know it's it's a
it's a much longer title than the
oranges species so The Vicar so go ahead
go ahead
name it for me I'm quoting this to you
now please forgive me this is the way it
went Richard Dawkins says the Origin of
[Music]
the ultimate proof of the sovereignty
and omnipotence of God is that it even
takes an atheist who doesn't believe in
him to call upon him to remind him of
the title of the book that helped him
deny him and the next morning's
newspaper said and I quote it's been a
it's this big rancher in Texas who is
talking to a small Indian farmer and
thought he'd really put it in
perspective and he said mr. Singh
how big is your farm and said you see
that lamppost stop there about 50 60
yards away and you see another um post
out there about 50 60 yards away that's
about how long my farm is how wide my
farm is the Dixon said you know what if
you were living in my ranch and you
drove and drove and drove and drove
about three hours later you would just
questions galore have you heard this one
Sam can you tell me the parable of the
Good Samaritan on your ordination exam
here yes sir I will sir once there was
this man traveling from Jerusalem to
Jericho and he fell among the thorns and
the thorns sprung up and choked him and
as he went on he didn't have no money
and he met the Queen of Sheba and she
gave him a thousand talents of gold and
a thousand changes of raiment and he got
into a chariot and drove furiously and
when he was driving under a big juniper
tree his hair got caught on the limb of
that tree and he hung there many days
and the Ravens brought him food to eat
and water to drink and he ate five
thousand loaves of bread and two fishes
one night when he was hanging there
asleep his wife Delilah come along and
cut off his head and he dropped and fell
on stony ground but he got up and went
on and it began to rain in the tree
forty days and forty nights and he hid
himself in a cave and he lived on
locusts and wild honey then he went on
till he met a servant said come take
supper at my house and he made an excuse
and said no I won't
I married a wife and I can't go and the
sermon went down to the highways and the
hedges and compelled him to come in
after supper he went on and come on down
to Jericho when he got there he looked
up and saw that gold Queen Jezebel
sitting down way
pie in a window and she laughed at him
and he said throw her down out there and
they threw her down out there
and he said throw her down again and
they threw her down again 70 times seven
and of the fragments they remain they
picked up twelve baskets full besides
women and children and they say blessed
are the peacemakers bie seee now whose
wife do you think she will be on that
Judgment Day that's brilliant
great story wrong context and you know
what I think the day is gonna come when
people won't even laugh at that story
because they won't know what's so funny
about it
they will not know enough of the
biblical narrative in order to see the
messed up context of what this creative
genius has done Richard Dawkins was
asked the question very plainly what he
thought about God you heard this it is
quoted in many books and David Aikman in
his book listen to this it's a mouthful
what do I think about God the God of the
Old Testament is arguably the most
unpleasant character in all fiction
jealous and proud of it a petty unjust
unforgiving control-freak a vindictive
bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser a
misogynistic homophobic racist
infanticidal genocidal Phyllis idle
pestilential megalomaniacal
sadomasochistic capriciously malevolent
bully I guess he doesn't like God this
intimate he's jealous petty unjust
unforgiving vindictive bloodthirsty
misogynistic homophobic infanticidal
genocidal Phyllis idle fester
pestilential megalomaniacal
sadomasochistic capriciously malevolent
bully now he's just finished telling us
that's the half of the point the other
half of the point is when you ask him
what he thinks of humanity he goes on to
say that he believes basically in the
goodness of humanity without God
watching over now I don't know if I'm
confused or he is if God doesn't exist
and all these descriptions apply who did
person is deluded when they believe
something contrary to all the evidence
who is deluded who wrote the Old
Testament if God didn't inspire the
words humanity that would be his answer
and who ordered all those things
humanity why on earth are you so big on
humanity and so small on God when
humanity manufactured the God that you
denied this Indian guy had just gone in
for an interview for a job they were
gonna get about five positions for about
500 who were applying for it as often
happens so he goes through the interview
and comes out and as he was walking out
the interviewers said don't repeat the
questions to anybody because the same
questions for everyone so he walks out
and of course one of the Indian guys
said okay if you don't want to tell me
the questions it is give me the answers
what were the answer so he said well the
first answer was when about the question
he was actually asked was when did India
gain its independence and his answer was
that many many things happened there
were several events that took place all
kinds of events and activities and so on
and then finally India got its
independence in 1947 so he gave them and
gave him the first answer
second question happened to be who is
the father of the nation and this fellow
told the interviewers you know it's not
fair to just name one person when so
many others are involved in this kind of thing
thing
why should I just pick one man so I'll
say there was several involved in this
rather impressed and said there our
third question for you is its corruption
a major problem in India and this
follows answer was that you know the
matter is on the study the Prime
Minister's committed a delegation to
study this and when the results are
about to be able to give you a most
certain answer for that so I said oh wow
that's pretty good so he gave this
fellow the three answers many things
took place a lot of activities and then
1947 it all came together who am I to
call one person father many were
enrolled and so on the matters being
studied by a prime minister committee
game the three answers so that walks in
and the interviewer is going through his
for me says you know this is not
complete what is your date of birth he
says actually many activities took place
long before a lot of things that went on
and on but it all finally came together
in 1947 what is your father's name
he says Who am I to pick one man are you
off your head are you crazy
said well the Primus has appointed a
committee to study the question and so I
just leave you with that and let's let's
meet afterwards hey Nathan we want to
chat with you you know you're the kind
of guy we come here for so afterwards
you know I live in a condominium where
there's so much of noise that sometimes
goes on and I phoned the property
manager and said you know when I write
even the sound of anything distracts me
and so she said play some music I said
what you know I was a lousy student
I hardly ever ate lunch because I never
did my homework and my teacher in the
third standard mrs. Nelson would make me
sit outside the tent at Delhi public
school during lunch and do my homework
because these are doing my homework I
was playing cricket the previous day
some months ago I was in a plane from
Dallas to Atlanta and there's an Indian
guy with all of his funny stuff you know
the high-tech stuff he's working on two
or three things at the same time he even
had something dangling from the window
to give us the flight paths I said this
guy's quite sophisticated all I can do
to press my blackberry buttons and my
computer to say undo undo undo so
finally he looked at me and he said
you're a reader I said yeah how do you
guess he said you're reading
and he looked at me and he said delay
hinder son say how are you from India I
said yes sir
I said you too he said yes I said where
were you were you from he asked me I
said I'm from Delhi I lived in Delhi to
Leicester and he said really where I
said sometimes I got a in a good
area so I just live in sunder Nagar I
said wow he said did you go to DPS now
public school I said yeah he said this
amazing I said yeah I went he said you
went to DPS I said yes he said were you
ever a student of mrs. Nelson third see
they sent the worst students to mrs.
Nelson and I qualified at the top of
that list her favorite line was topper
kaga poopa
in Hindi Atman you're gonna get a slap
on your face and I did and it was
unfortunate because nobody told me she
was a left-hander
so the first time I'm standing in front
of her not having done my homework I'm
watching that right hand you know I'm
going away in a way and away and Wow so
he says you were in mrs. Nelson's class
I said yes he said me too
and then he raised his hand and gave me
a high-five and said we made it we made it
huh this question is for both speakers
if the transformative power of Jesus
Christ is so great and it's the only way
to live an abundant life and to never
thirst again how come we do not see more
Christians living this transform
abundant spirit filled life that's a
if you would like to give me a name a
list of names and addresses of all the
hypocrites you know I will be happy to
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