The discussion highlights a growing crisis among young men in Western societies, characterized by declining educational attainment, employment, mental health issues, and social isolation, leading to broader societal implications for humanity's future.
Mind Map
Click to expand
Click to explore the full interactive mind map • Zoom, pan, and navigate
this is a critical conversation around
truly the future of humanity but we
don't like to talk about this this
report is absolutely shocking this is a
crisis and young men are struggling so I
sat down with two leading voices on
societal issues to discuss the rise of
millions of lonely addicted men and the
most important question is how do we fix
this so let's start with this graph it
shows that young women are now out
earning young men it is true we have
given women so many tools to achieve but
now boys are being left behind and the
number of males aged 16 to 24 who are
not in education employment has
increased by staggering 40% and the data
I've seen is that when the woman in the
relationship starts making more money
they become twice as likely to get
divorced because traditionally women
seek Partners who have more economic or
social status than they do and emotional
intelligence is the new currency in
dating but these guys were raised not to
be emotionally intelligent but to be a
provider that a lack of male involvement
in kids lives is a big factor leading to
this and once they lose a male role
model they become much more likely to
engage in criminal activity and so we
are just creating a lot of these angry
young single men who are saying well
this is rigged against me we actually
asked some of audience to write in and
this guy Jeffrey wrote in and said my
entire life I have never felt like I was
good enough like I could never earn my
place in society it's devastating but
something that's controversial I got
push back on I think the secret weapon
for men that they don't Leverage is to I
want to hear a woman's perspective on it
this has always blown my mind a little
bit 53% of you that listen to the show
regularly haven't yet subscribed to the
show so could I ask you for a favor
before we start if you like the show and
you like what we do here and you want to
support us the free simple way that you
can do just that is by hitting the
Subscribe button and my commitment to
you is if you do that then I'll do
everything in my power me and my team to
make sure that this show is better for
you every single week we'll listen to
your feedback we'll find the guest that
you want me to speak to and we'll
continue to do what we do thank you so much
much [Music]
[Music] Lost
Lost
Boys in March 2025 the center of social
justice released this report which is
sent a couple of shock waves across the
UK especially across the media and just
to give you a little bit of a sort of
preface and some context on what this
report says at the start of the report
Andy cook who's the CEO of the report
says we listen to those working on the
front line the teachers the youth
workers the Charities and the parents
who day in day out see the of young
people and in recent years they've been
telling us the same thing something is
going on with our boys and because of
this they wrote this report called The
Lost Boys which looks at all of the the
different facets of why young men are
struggling and in this report they say
boys are struggling in education they're
more likely to take their own lives
they're finding it more difficult to
find stable work and far too often
they're cour in crime the numbers don't
lie something has shifted and we cannot
ignore it any longer it's not just about
about and youate or online influences
these are symptoms not the cause the
deeper truth is that too many boys are
growing up without the guidance
discipline and purpose they need to
survive and there's some frankly
horrific graphs which actually sent the
CEO of my company A lady called Georgie
um into quite an emotional state she she
texted me and told me she was crying
look looking at some of these graphs
which we'll talk about today but this is
a subject that I know both of you know
very very well so I'm Keen to get into
exactly why this is happening and what
we can do about it but the preface this
discussion to understand where you both
come from and the perspective you have
Logan who are you yes and what do you do
I'm a behavioral scientist term dating
coach so that means that I take all the
lessons from the field of Behavioral
Science how we make decisions and then I
apply them to the field of relationship
science which is how love works and so
I'm really passionate about this topic
because for a long time I've found that
wherever I go people say oh I know all
these great single women do you know any
great single guys and I just thought oh
okay maybe that's always been happening
but when I actually dug into the data I
saw that we are truly in a dating crisis
right now and there is a huge mating gap
between the type of men that women are
looking for and the type of men that are
available this is a critical
conversation around truly the future of
humanity because marriage rates are down
that means birth rates are down and so
this conversation is extremely
important and what sort of reference
points do you Drew up on because you've
got some sort of unique access to data
right right so I work at hinge for the
last five years and so I accessed to
tons of data there around how daters are
dating now how daters are dating
differently what sets successful daters
apart and then I also have conducted my
own research for this conversation so I
sent out a survey to thousands of my
newsletter subscribers and people were
very excited to talk about this and I've
conducted a lot of new research that
I'll be sharing for the first time on
this topic um so I make my living at
data and trying to come up with insights
I spent most of my career looking at
data to try and make add shareholder
value and then I have the luxury now
focusing on things I'm really interested
in and I just sort of stumbled upon data
about it reflects that the cohort that
is ascended fastest globally is women
and this is a wonderful thing and a huge
Collective Victory and the group that
has fallen furthest fastest is men in
Western markets and the data was just so
overwhelming and also I was close to
being one of these men I didn't have a
lot of economic or romantic um prospects
when I was a young man but there were
programs and an environment where I
could be successful and I worry that
some of the Temptations of Technology
the economic
Trends uh had they
been where they are now then I could
have very easily ended up as statistic
so I just sort of relate to these
problems I'm Keen to understand from
your perspectives
what do you think like the first Domino
that falls in a young man's life or a
young boy's life that causes the
outcomes we're talking about today like
what is where is the first place to
start so the research I've looked at in
Richard Reeves from the American insute
of boys in medicine good research here
the the point of
failure if you reverse engineered issues
to is when a boy loses a male role model
and that is in the US we have the second
most single family uh parent homes
behind Sweden and what's interesting is
that in single parent homes girls
actually have similar outcomes similar
rates of High School attendance income
rates of self harm boys once they lose a
male role model become much more likely
to be incarcerated engage in criminal
activity harm themselves it ends up that
while being physically stronger boys are
emotionally and mentally much weaker so
the loss of a male role model is I would
argue kind of the first point of failure
that predicts that a kid aort is going
to struggle and that has impacts on
Family Court economic policy and just
general in our general zeis in our society
society
where men need to step up if we want
better men we need to be better men we
need to step into that void another one
that Richard Reeves talks about is that
there's not enough men in the education
system so I believe when Tim Waltz was a
teacher one out of three teachers in his
school was a man but now it's like 24%
and so where do kids spend most of their
time in school and who's teaching them
mostly not men and it's and you think
well women can be fantastic teachers and
it's true but after school programs not
as many coaches that t typically are M
male not as much compensation so they
don't get rewarded for being coaches and
if you just think about it logically who
ises a teacher Champion a teacher
Champion is someone that reminds them of
themselves when they were a kid so and
also just look at the there's incredible
bias I would argue against males in
school a boy is twice as likely to be
suspended on a behavior adjusted basis
twice as likely to be suspended for the
exact same infraction is a girl five
times as likely if it's a black boy and
so and once you're suspended twice it
probably means you're not going to
college in addition look at the
behaviors we promote in school sit still
be a pleaser be organized raise your
hand you basically just described a girl
and so and also quite frankly a lot of
the jobs that require tertiary education
attainment there's more women now in law
school and medical school and quite
frankly good for them they're just
better at that they're better students
they deserve to make more money they
deserve it but the reality is it has
huge ramifications when we no longer
have wood Auto or metal shop they've
gone away right so those used to be a
past to do some middle- class jobs
they've been replaced by computer
science and so what are the paths for
the two-thirds of males that aren't
going to end up with a traditional
liberal arts college degree right and
just to add a few more stats to that so
we know that 70% of valid tans in the US
are female and women are much more
likely to be in the top 10% of their
class but then on the SAT men and women
or young men and women earn the same
scores so there's definitely something
happening in schools that is
prioritizing the female experience or
that women are better at that we
definitely want to celebrate the success
of women I think the changes that have
happened over the last 50 years are
incredible and I feel like I'm a
beneficiary of that and so is my
daughter if you look at all of the books
that my daughter was given when she was
born they're about great women in
history you can be anything dream big
little one and so I feel like we have
given women so many tools to achieve and
in many ways those have been manifested
but now boys are being left behind and
so this isn't a zero some game I was
nervous about coming on here because I
thought people would say she's a male
apologist she doesn't see how much women
are still struggling I think everyone is
struggling I think life is hard but
what's happening right now is we need to
have empathy for young men and we need
to bring them up because this isn't just
a problem about young men men and
patriarchy doesn't just hurt women a lot
of people think about the patriarchy as
something that prizes men and hurts
women but when there's a very narrow
definition of men everyone is hurt by
that and that's all the research that
I've done is over and over seeing women
feel like they are not enough good men
to date and men feel like they're being
held to a ridiculous standard of holding
both sides of the coin being feminine and
and
masculine it turns out as you were
speaking I was looking at the stats
around fatherless homes and it turns out
that there has been a significant
increase in the amount of young boys
being raised without a father present
about 25% live without a biological step
or adoptive father according to the
National Fatherhood Initiative in the US
has the world's highest rate of children
living in a single parent household and
92% of the time that's with the mother
alone and in 1968 only 11% of children
lived without lived with only their
mother compared to 21% in 2020 so that's
doubled in the last 50 odd
years which is pretty pretty staggering
and then obviously the consequence of
that as Scott described is that
individuals from farther absent homes
were 300% more likely to carry drugs to
carry guns to deal drugs um and all of
and there's this huge plethora of mental
health consequences if you don't have a
father in the home I mean what do we do
about that and like where are the
fathers yeah where are the role where
are they
going well it's it's complicated
there's there's male abandonment there's
just no getting around it but also going
back to Family Court sometimes the
courts in the finan you know our economy
make it difficult for a man to stay
involved in the kids's lives and
also um you know family courts getting
better at saying all right the kids I
mean just a personal anecdote I uh have
a friend who recently has gone through
divorce two daughters very much wants to
be involved in their lives they're 13
and 15 year old girl and quite frankly
dad's there on the weekends and they got
their own thing going on and they don't
necessarily make dad a priority and
dad's not around for what I call the
garbage time and that is what I found
with my boys is the moments of
serendipity and connection happen
randomly when you're taking them to
school when you're out in the back you
know jumping around or playing whatever
it is these garbage moments and when
you're not in the household for whatever
reason there's just there isn't that
much garbage time and I think slowly but
surely they lose sometimes connection
with their kid there's also there's
something weird going on I'm curious
Logan if youve got date on this but you
have a one-year-old daughter right
you're G to be amazed when my 14y old
boy had a Halloween party and the boys
are like cute they're dopes they're boys
there's some 14-y old girls who look
like they could be the junior senator
from Pennsylvania they're 5'1 they're
articulate hello Mr Galloway how are you
with a love home the boys are like I
don't know and and biologically girls
mature faster their prefrontal cortex is
18 months ahead of a boys an
18-year-old girl or woman is competing
against a 16 and a half year old when
she's competing against an 18yearold and
they're even finding that it's getting
worse that women or girls are starting
to menstruate earlier and boys testicles
are descending later so the Gap in
maturity biological Gap they think might
even be growing and they don't know if
it's p
pesticides but when I meet my uh eighth
graders colleagues there's a huge
difference between yeah between us
between the boys and the girls and
Richard's one of Richard's suggestions
is that we red shirt boys that we hold
them a year back that boys start
kindergarten at 6 whereas girls start at
five so the research in the UK shows
that 70% of girls are ready to start
school at age five but many fewer boys
boys are capable of starting at that age
in terms of Readiness and so if you were
to hold boys back then they might be on
more equal playing field for those
critical moments of four to five of 13
to 14 where the brains really develop at
a different
stage I want to talk about that sort of
Early Education experience and how it
can be adapted but also just like if the
environment of the classroom is right
for boys as we were talking about the
point about fathers at listeners as well
I found this graph which is also pretty
shocking and it it goes into what you
something you said Scott it basically
shows that the absence of a father on a
boy causes depressive symptoms but the
absence of a father on a young girl
doesn't cause the same depressive
symptoms which means that the absence of
a father for a boy drastically increases
their chance of being depressed whereas
if for a girl it doesn't there's a lot
of other graphs that look like that in
terms of women and young girls are just
actually a lot more resilient in
childhood so if you are in foster care
as a young woman you have less negative
outcomes than young men and so there's
this theory in parenting of is your a
child an orchid or a dandelion and so
the Orchid really needs very particular
situations to grow they need a certain
amount of light they need to be watered
in a particular way and they'll thrive
in some situations and they will not
thrive in others whereas a dandelion can
really survive in many situations and so
women young girls tend to be more
dandelion in childhood and so that's why
when you have a boy and a girl both in
negative situations the boy is more
negatively impacted boys are just weaker
there's a crazy stat I read that two uh
15-year-olds a boy and a girl both
sexually molested and to be clear
they're equally heinous crimes but the
boy who's sexually molested is six to 10
times more likely to kill himself later
in life it ends up that boys are just less
less
resilient do you think there's somehow
more of a stigma there like I wonder why
that's talk about it uncomfortable feel
there's inia there's a lack I mean I
think just until a few years ago the
social incentives were to never speak
about it right I was on lwis house
podcast and he just openly said I was
sexually abused as a child and it was so
shocking for me wow to hear this big
handsome guy yeah I don't think he would
have said it 10 or 20 years ago I think
people would have assumed that it was
his fault it made him less of a man so I
I think a lot of that has hopefully
gotten better but we just have to
acknowledge boys
mentally and emotionally are weaker than
girls Lewis H didn't admit that until a
couple of years ago is that right so
he's lived with that his whole life and
wow it wasn't until he was I think
having dysfunction his relationships and
a few other things had happened that he
decided he wanted to say it publicly for
the first time which again feeds into
your point we actually um asked some of
our audience to write in and one of the
people that wrote in was a teacher in a
primary SL preschool and she said to me
she was an Anon teacher in Germany she
says every year it seems like more and
more children always boys have this new
energy to destroy the classroom dynamics
these boys almost always have two things
in common a lack of boundaries at home
an unsupervised unlimited access to all
kinds of content on the internet EG porn
their perception of what is okay and
what is Right becomes completely
distorted I have tried so many things
and every year it's becoming an even
young boys in school so one proposal is
to delay education for boys put them in
education later is the classroom itself
a problem like they're sitting in school
listening to someone speak at you
someone proposed to me on this podcast
before that boys need more sort of
practical play and the classroom isn't
designed for that I wasn't sure if that
was well in in single sex boy school
they end up with double the amount of
recess ton and that is they they have I
I equate boys to dogs a happy dog is a
tired dog and if it's not tired if it
doesn't get to run it's going to cause
trouble and I feel the same way about
boys so in these schools where they
decide what's best for the boys there's
usually more exercise and more free play
and more rough housing co-ed schools and
you're also seeing I think with boys I
mean there's just
we by even acknowledging that men play a
critical Ro role in boys' lives a few
years ago that was seen as sexist what
you mean what you're saying moms can't
do this and I can just tell you there
are certain moments when my partner
needs me to weigh in I don't know if
it's the depth of my voice my physical
size the way they relate to me the fact
that I'm not you need
Dad or that's what I found especially
with boys they need almost like that
that that not physical
intimidation but it's almost like they
begin tuning out their mom over time I
mean they're incredibly close to their
mother that looked to her for n ing when
they really have a problem I find the go
to Mom but they will constantly test the
boundaries constantly and I think a lot
of a lot of single mothers quite frankly
with boys just can't keep a lid on that
kid they can't control the kid so and I
think you're finding at schools when
there's no male kind of I don't know
involvement or that that I don't know
what I'll call physical presence and
then you add on this dopa
uh machine that they get used to
squeezing a dopa bag a hundred times a
day as they need it and then you take
the dopa bag away they're just more
prone to emotional outbursts I'm curious
if you've done any research around why
that is that emotional Outburst more
common among boys than girls I haven't
done that research but I am imagining
that there's moms out there that are
raising Boys on their own and they might
be like yes it is hard but what do I do
right and so for that boy who isn't
taught a lot of guys in school and isn't
in the Boy Scouts which doesn't exist
anymore or doesn't have Big Brothers Big
Sisters like what does that Mom do so
with that you talk brought a Boy Scouts
in America there's there's Scouts for
America and it can be boys and girls
right but Girl Scouts have their own
single sex but boy scouts aren't allowed
to have their own single sex so the
question is all right you know what do
you do and I think that we need a
societal zeist that says immediately if
there's no longer a male involved we
have to get other men involved and
acknowledge that that's not being sexist
that that's you know that that's
important that you get men involved and
I think so I came from a single parent
household raised in by a single
immigrant mother who lived and died a
secretary light of my life as soon as my
dad was gone and then he had to move
away for work she got other men involved
in my life and I had wonderful men
involved in my life I had a stock Brer
neighbor down the hall came in with his
girlfriend and said you want to go hor
horseback riding you take me horseback
riding I don't don't know if men would
be comfortable doing that uh in today's
age so getting men involved in their
lives after school programs Boy Scouts I
had a lot of wonderful men I used to go
camping you know and there were men
everywhere involved in my life and I I
worri that a lot of those institutions
yeah and also there's a reticence and a
hesitance for men to get involved in a
boy's life that isn't theirs for fear
they're going to be perceived as
something's wrong with them I was
thinking that so if we have less men in
the home raising the children and then
we go to school and the stat says that
72% of teachers in middle school are
women as well there's no men at school
either it's no wonder that boys are
struggling so severely at such a young
early early age for so many reasons
because one would assume that they're being
being
socialized in the same way as
girls I'm seeing I've got a mother at
home don't have a father I've got women
at school don't have male teachers I
mean that's a controversial thing to say
I'm sure it used to be but I think
people are waking up a little bit now we
need more male teachers there's more
there's more female fighter pilots per
capita the male kindergarten teachers
there's just there's an absence there
are some boys not some there are
millions of boys in America whose first
male role model is a prison guard and
there just no men in their lives after
school programs being cancelled no women
very very few men K through 12 dad's not
around there are there are Community
there are literally communities you read
articles about it where it's like where
are the men yeah that's so I'm trying to
figure out where are
they online doesn't look like they're in
work they're not in college the reality
is they're just AR for a lot of reasons
a host of reasons male a lack of male
involvement in kids lives is a big big
factor leading this there are other
factors there's socioeconomic factors
there's biological factors there's a
lack of vocational training there's
Outsourcing of many of the jobs that
made a a man's path to the middle class
viable you want to talk about the UK a
big problem is a lack of growth yeah
there's just not there's not a lot of
income opportunities for a young man
who's not exceptional and what we've
seen in the US is essentially if you
look at our economic policies and
college it's never been better to be
remarkable like if you're in the top 10%
if you're high school class you're going
to make more money than the top 10% did
102 30 if you end up at Google you're
you're going to make a kid at Google
who's amazing computer science the can
make millions of dollars by the time the
30 but I can prove to every one of us
mathematically that 99% of our children
are not in the top 1% and our economic
policies have basically said that school
and college is meant to identify a super
class of 1centers that we're going to
try and turn into billionaires instead
of figuring out the infrastructure in
the programs to ensure the bottom 90
have a shot of being at the top 10 and
one of the staff is just
around uh College acceptance when I
applied to UCLA the acceptance rate was
76% now it's 9% I was unremarkable for
whatever reason prefrontal cortex single
mother whatever you want to call it but
back then they had the mission and the
charge to let in unremarkable kids and
that's no longer the case because
America's superpowers are optimism and
we all believe our kids in that top 1%
and the reality is they're not or people
think I like an economy where you can
make a billion dollars because that's
going to be me one day so they have
ignored the fact that we are crowding
more and more prosperity and opportunity
into the remarkable and I for me it
comes down to what is what do we want in
America in UK do we want a super class
of billionaires or do we want a society
in an operating system that gives
unremarkable people a shot of being in
the top
10% uh it's become win or take all and
we have purposely created a set of
Economic and education policies that
Crow a massive amount of prosperity into
the top 1% and we have opted for it
because we believe we have a shot at
being in that top 1% I love that because
I think the winner takes all applies to
a lot of different things so I bet the
top 10% of Americans now are healthier
than they've ever been while the rest of
the country has never been healthy best
healthare in the world if you're in the
top 10% yeah or in marriages the top
marriages today are the best marriages
of all time yet we have declining
marriage rates so we're nearing the
lowest rate of marriage that we've ever
had in American history so most people
are or fewer people are getting married
but if you're you know two college
graduates who get married in your 30s
you might have an even stronger Bond
than people in the past but that is a
small group at the top marriages become
a luxury item yeah if you're in the top
Quintel of income earning households
you're you're 75% get married if you're
in the bottom quintile only 25 if you're
in the lower quintile of income in men
only one in four chance of getting
married and this has huge impact on our
society because we know that married
people are healthier they're wealthier
they live longer when couples are
married they actually have lower rates
of child poverty and so this has huge
implications for our society if we're
having fewer marriages especially when
you think about having fewer
babies I am I want to get into dating
and and marriage and love on all those
things I one of the things that really
shocked me as I Was preparing for this
conversation was this graph MH because
this isn't the narrative that we hear
can you both see this one this is the
reverse gender gap oh yeah gender pay
Gap graph and it shows that young women
and out out earning young men that's not
what I heard in terms of like if I log
onto social media we've been trying to
fight the gender pay Gap but to see that
young men are now falling behind both in
education both in unemployment young men
face higher unemployment nearly twice
the rate of women looking at the early
developmental stats this graph was
horrifying I like actually couldn't
believe that was true
that young young boys are struggling so
much in education but then to see also
that it's reflected in so that graph
shows that boys age 16 to 24 are making
10% Less in full-time employment than
women and so it is true that we're
seeing a reverse income graph but what
we do need to talk about is even when
women make more in their 20s that
changes around age 30 they have kids
when they have kids right it's like this
meteorite hits and there's this huge
burden placed on women and I think
that's a big part of the conversation
that we'll talk about when we talk about
dating is women still feel like they
have to have you know do all the
household chores and raise the kids but
suddenly they have to earn a full-time
income too and so so many of the gender
roles are changing and so yes that graph
is true we have seen since 2020 that
there's a shift but I don't want to just
say oh women are making more in
perpetuity because as soon as there's
kids involved they pay the price you
know you said that women feel the need
to then also earn a career and those
things where did that come from well
there's this idea of hypergamy so
traditionally women seek Partners who
have more economic or social status than
they do and for most of human history
this worked because men had the
resources and so there was sort of this
Arrangement where women could often
marry someone who is more educated or
earned more but over the last 50 years
that's really changed and so what I'm
seeing in my work working one-on-one
with women is that when they say that
there aren't enough good guys to go
around that's actually true so we now
have this huge mating Gap where we have
these high- performing High earning
women that have done the work and gone
to therapy and work out and they're
ready for their great partner but
they're not able to find enough guys who
are available and If this is a problem
now with the women I work with in their
30s we are going to be facing a much
more severe crisis 10 15 years from now
so currently 60% of college enrollment
is women but soon it's going to be for
every two women that graduate it'll be
one man so that means half of those
women will not have a guy who graduated
from college and so this is a crisis
because these women are saying okay if
you cannot be the provider then you need
to be offering more emotional
intelligence is the new currency in
dating but these guys were raised not to
be emotionally intelligent not to give
emotional support but to be a provider
and so they've been chasing this lion
I'm going to hunt for this Lion of being
a provider but suddenly they're told you
need to hunt for a tiger which is
emotional intelligence they don't have
the skills to do that and so women have
raised the bar in terms of what they
need from men while men are continuously falling
falling
behind yeah there's there's a lot there
there's some Nuance around the pay thing
so the data I've seen is that women
under the age of 30 in urban areas are
now making more money but to your point
the moment they have kids where
Corporate America has really failed is
it hasn't figured out out a way to
maintain a woman's professional
trajectory once she decides to deploy
her ovaries and have kits and there's
some data saying okay two-thirds of
divorce can be reverse engineered to the
man starting to make less money if if
when the woman in the relationship
starts making more money they become
twice as likely to get divorced three
times as likely to use ED drugs because
the guy loses a sense of purpose and
self-esteem what gets lost in that data
is the reality is if a woman is stepping
up and stepping into the economic void
and being more econom
ially uh being a greater economic
contributor then logically it would make
sense that men need to step up
logistically and I think what a lot of
women are saying is like okay I'm not
getting anything I'm not you're no
longer a provider and by the way you
haven't filled that void you hadn't made
up the Delta so there's some there's
some nuan around it what what also I
think is important to say is that if
women are better students and showing
the discipline and the skills to go to
college in an information economy and
making more money
then okay good on them just as for
whatever reason men made more money
maybe it wasn't fair but you know it's
not a crime against humanity if women
have the skills to make more money what
happens though is the second order
effects that you're talking about and
that is we don't like to talk about this
75% of women say that economic viability
is hugely important in a may only 25% of
men for men it's not a criteria for
women it is and Chris Williamson of the
modern wisdom podcast he has has this
great Stat or it calls out the high
heels effect and that is 50% of women
say they won't date a man shorter than
them I'm curious what you think but I
think it's more like 80% I think it's
embarrassing thing to say because just
instinctively women feel like they'll be
vulnerable during gestation and they
want someone they think physically could
protect them I just think it's hardwired
into them even if they don't know it
women metaphorically are getting taller
every year and women made horizontally
and up and Men horizontally and down and
when the pool of horizontal and up keep
shrinking they just have so this notion
a ton of great women where are the men
or there's no men there's a lot of men
just not men they'd want to date right
and then you speedball it with the guys
who are in the top 10% can engage in
Porsche polygamy they can get a date
every goddamn night which does not
encourage long-term or very good
behavior so the guys they all want are
not incented to enter into long-term
relationships and the bottom half of men
are literally shut out of the mating
market and we always kind of we always
kind of and this goes to your bwick kind
of portray men as the Predators and the
idiots and the they just got their act
together there's something strange going
on in that is online dating when a woman
a woman can go out with a guy a high
status male and I'll put forward this
thesis and I want you to respond to it
she can have sex with him which gives
her the impression that's her weight
class for a relationship but he's not
interested in a relation ship and then
she basically decides the bottom 90 are
no longer in her weight class and you
can't tell a woman to lower expectations
but the reality is and what the data
I've seen on dating apps is that all of
the women want the same few guys and
they shut out the rest yeah okay so
there's a few things I'll respond to
there so one going back to the income
graph I want to just call out that yes
right now in a few Urban markets women
are making more than men so women in DC
in New York under 30 are making more
than men on average but in most
situations men are still making more
than women but we're talking about a
projection going back to the dating
research so yes it's exactly as you
described what we have right now is
there's fewer and fewer men that are
hypergamous mates for women so if
there's a much smaller pool of guys then
what you have is you have a bunch of
women competing for the same men and
then a bunch of guys getting ignored but
what I also see is that those top guys
are having a hard time deciding so I
feel like in my coaching practice as a
dating coach I'm working with a lot of
women who say what do I do I've changed
my profile the way you said I should I
took your class but I still feel like
there's just not enough great guys and
then I work with these CEO men who are
having such a hard time choosing and so
I think we really have this exacerbated
problem where so many women are
competing for the same men and then a
bunch of guys are getting ignored and
then what ends up happening is where do
those guys go and they go online that's
what you see they go to porn they go to
porn or they go to Reddit I mean I love
Reddit but they're really going to some
of these redpilled communities and so
what you're seeing now is just men
really opting out of society so when you
go back to that Stat one in seven young
men in the UK is neat not an employment
education or training they have just
opted out and as Scott says there's
nothing scarier than a single man a
young single man and so we are just
creating a lot of these angry young
single men who are saying well this is
rigged against me and so that's why I am
worried about the rise of people like
Andrew Tate and if we wonder where are
the dads where are the men well men are
finding these father figures but they're
finding them online and they're not the
father figures that I would choose for
the majority of men and so I'm really
worried about this because I feel like
women are saying guys you need to step
up because I can provide and I don't
need from you and guys are not prepared
to rise to the occasion what what are
women looking for he Scott talked about
height yeah so I would say you know I
work at hinge but I do think that apps
have perpetuated this issue around
height because if you can set your
height filter to something then you
might set it higher and then it's as if
you have the dating app is a club and
you're literally having bouncers that
prevent a bunch of guys from even
getting into the club so many women in
the US set their height filters at 6
feet but but only 14% of men in the US
are six feet or taller so what happens
to the other 86% of men and women are
saying where's my guy it's like well you
he's not even showing up on your app and
so a huge thing that I push women to do
is to change their height filters and
just say there is nothing that proves
that you're going to have a successful
long-term relationship if the guy is
higher I'm married to a short King I
love it I feel like I really found this
Gem and I think that so many women are
missing out on great potential partners
because of things like height Scott's
Point as well about they will date one
of the men in the top 10% yeah sleep
with him potentially and then that kind
of adjusts their standards and they
expect all other men to meet that
standard but there isn't just there
isn't enough men to meet that standard
is that I haven't specifically heard
that I mean there is a lot of evidence
around a sort of mating that people sort
of have an internal sense of how
attractive they are and that they end up
with someone similar to that but aort of
mating is different than hypergamy which
is really this idea as Scott said that
women tend to date horizontally and up
and men date horizontally and down so if
you have two-thirds of women who are
college grads and onethird of college
grads who are men and some of them are
going to date women without college
degrees you truly do have this dating
crisis where there's just not enough men
to meet this hypergamous mating again
you can't tell women to lower their
expectations but this is the reality
when you ask a man if you could have a
woman who had 80% of everything you
wanted 75% say yeah I'm on board when
you say to a woman a man has 80% of what
you want 75% say that's that's not
enough but if you but but even look at
the media right right right what does
the media tell a woman to do he's out
but he didn't open your door he's not
nice to his parent you walk walk right
out on that man like it's literally
every piece of media is you don't need
him you're a strong independent woman
pull the rip cord you're out and
it is the the the basic kind of
communication around this is you are a
strong independent powerful woman that
is wonderful and quite frankly you don't
need the imperfect man and uh they're
just not they're just not connecting I
read that on Tinder a man of average
attractiveness has to swipe right 200
times to get one coffee and then four of
those five coffees will ghost him
they will they will decide they don't
want to meet him or they won't show up
that means a guy of average
attractiveness has to swipe right a
thousand times to get one coffee now
what does that tell that guy women don't
value me women make me feel rejected and
then they go online and they meet they
see these misogynists telling them it's
not your fault and these men become much
more prone to misogynistic content much
more prone to nationalistic content
blaming other people for the lack of
Economic Opportunity they start
sequestering from society I worry that
we are literally evolving a new species
of asexual asocial male and if a man by
the age of 30 hasn't either lived with
someone or married someone there's a one
in three chance he's going to have a
substance abuse problem wow in addition
it goes so much deeper than that
because if they don't develop the
skills you know the reason romantic
comedies are 2 hours and not 15 minutes
is this [ __ ] is hard like finding an
attractive intelligent woman generally
speaking 75% of people who've been
married longer than 30 years say in the
beginning one was much more interested
than the other and it was almost always
the man women are women are much
choosier the basic the basis of
evolution is seed trying to get
everywhere men and women to playing a
much finer filter to to select the
strongest smartest and fastest speed so
men need an environment to demonstrate
excellence and you hear these woman talk
about he was kind he was good at work I
like the way he smelled he was funny
where do men demonstrate Excellence when
they're not going to college they're not
going into an office because of remote
work where do they have they're not
going to church they're not going to
Temple where does a woman have the
opportunity to fall in love other than
these Baseline metrics and you were talking
talking
about women say you've seen these Tik
toks over $100,000 that's not
unreasonable and over 6 feet that's 2.2%
of the male
population so where where do they fall
in love where can a man demonstrate
Excellence it used to be go to Temple
seven single women seven single men and
they kind of pair it off and worked it
out and online dating similar to online
e-commerce online rentals it's created a
winner take most if not all environment
and it's it's basically been amazing for
attractive guys attractive wealthy guys
tall wealthy guys it's been amazing for
them for all the other guys it's been a
disaster and it's been made it mildly
shittier for every woman it it is the
digitization of mating I believe has
been a disaster it's been bad for women
it's been disastrous for
men I want to talk about how the genders
seem to be separating in a lot of
important ways we know from research
around political affiliation that women
are now on average 30% more liberal than
men so they are definitely experiencing
political polarization then for the
first time in history more men are
attending church than and women and when
I started this research I really came at
it from this point of is it just me or
there not as many eligible guys but when
I dug into this I found that both
genders really feel misunderstood and so
I asked men and women who has more power
in relationships so equal amounts men
and women said oh we have the same
amount of power 42% of that but then
what was so interesting is that 46% of
men said women have more power and 46%
of women said men have more power so
there's this huge feeling of oh the
other gender has all of this power and
when I spoke to people I want to tell
you about three dating paradoxes that I
saw so the first dating Paradox for men
is this idea that now that women are
providers and do not need a man to take
care of them financially they really
want guys to step up with emotional
support but here's the Paradox they were
not raised and they don't know how to
give that emotional support or emotional
availability so we know women even if
they have the same number of friends as
guys the women are talking to their
friends much more often women speak to
their kids even starting at a very young
age they use more emotional language
with their daughters and their sons so
constantly we have this feeling where
we're asking men to do something when
they don't have the skills I was talking
to my friend David and he said women are
in graduate school when it comes to
emotional conversations and guys are in
third grade the other part of the
Paradox is that women are asking men to
be more emotionally open
but then they get shamed when they do
that so we have this great quote from
ber Brown where she says we beg guys to
open up we beg them to let us in and
then when they do we can't stomach it
and I heard that over and over in my
research there's this quote where a guy
says a woman would rather see me die on
the White Horse than fall off of it and
so there's this sense that I have to be
perfect I have to be the masculine and
The Feminine but I don't have the skills
to do that and women say that they want
these guys to be Emo but as soon as they
show emotionality it can freak those
women out so one guy that I spoke to for
this said I went on a few dates with
this woman at some point I told her that
my mom had had a suicide attempt and the
next day she texted me and said I'm
sorry I can't see you I cannot process
your emotional trauma for you and so
guys are getting a lot of mixed messages
we want you to be feminine we want you
to support us but when you do it freaks
us out and so we don't want that and
digging into the research and I want to
look into this more I think it's that a
lot of women want emotional support they
want you to support them in their
emotional Journeys but they're not as
ready to have you open up in your
emotional Journey can I put forward a
thesis and I want you to respond to it
because I haven't done the
research in marketing we call it
consumer dissonance what people say they
want yeah and then what they actually
buy and what women say they want is an
emotionally in touch man and what they
want is a masculine man and that they
will articulate what they want in a man
and includes being more emotionally
available and then they want to have sex
with a traditional masculine man and
what I hear from a lot of and this is
anecdotal evidence and it's pulse
marketing and you tell me what the data
says but there's just so many single
women in my age group and there's L it
feels like there's literally no men in
my age group as bad as it is for people
in their 20s and 30s trying being a
woman in your 50s trying to date right
and they tell me the same thing these
are liberal Progressive educated women
they say by the way I like a manly man
yeah and they say it under their breath
so there's what
supposedly is stated around I need more
emotional availability someone's touch
with their
feelings but what the research shows is
they want a guy with facial hair who's
the who's still women are still very
attracted to traditional masculine
attributes yeah I mean I think we're
just in such a hard moment because you
have women who are saying I don't want
to date a guy who earns less than me and
you might think okay well the data
hasn't caught up with the dating if more
women are in higher education and more
women are earning more then maybe you're
going to be the one who earns more in
your relationship but what they feel
like is projecting out I'm going to end
up doing most of the housework most of
the child care I might as well get a guy
that can contribute financially so they
don't want to change their expectations
around that and so I think we truly are
in a moment where women are being asked
to do more masculine things and men are
being asked to do more feminine things
and I think a lot of that is progress
but it also seems to be creating a lot
of confusion in the dating
world yeah it's sort of was just
thinking I coach a lot of young men and
occasionally women ask me for dating
advice and you coach it sounds like a
lot of both and what I first thing I say
to men is I asked them like would you
want to have sex with
you all right are you in shape what do
you look like naked are you do you have
a plan you don't have to be rich now but
do you have a plan right uh have you do
you have you found means of being
confident can you demonstrate kindness
and Excellence across anything and the
the only advice I give women is second
coffee and that is maybe it wasn't great
I mean if you don't like the guy and
you're just like turned off fine but if
it was just okay maybe give it a second
coffee I have a chapter in my book
called make the second date the default
yeah and it's really because I feel like
I won the lottery with my husband but he
is somebody that takes longer to open up
and he's this lowb bur we met in college
we met again s years later then we were
friends for a year and I feel like he's
this incredible partner husband father
but I don't know that if we'd met just
randomly on the first date that I would
have gone on the second date and so I
think people really do need to train
themselves to look for these slow burs
Logan Scott said something there about
what he thinks women want which is these
sort of traditional masculine features
is this what you see in the data what's
hard is I think Scott's right about what
people say they want versus like so
stated versus preferences so according
to the research that I did women are
saying the number one thing that they're
looking for is kindness and compassion
that's also what men are saying that
they're looking for so in many ways this
is great people are looking for the same
things but I just feel like there's
these huge disconnects now where people
don't feel like they can get what they
want men are saying they want kindness
and compassion that was I made them say
what are all the things that you care
about and then what is the number one
thing that you care about and kindness
and compassion was first for both of
them the stuff I've seen or the stuff
I've read is that for women and I talked
to men about this number one is they
have to Signal resources and we don't
like to say it out loud and by the way
it doesn't necessarily mean you have to
have a Range Rover and a panel right now
but you have a plan right you you have
your [ __ ] together you go home at
midnight when everyone's partying
because you have to be up for work you
work out which shows a level of
discipline and that you can commit to
something you're in school you've got a
good job this person is going to have
resour resources and I don't think
that's changed a whole lot I think a
man's ability to to Signal future
resources has gone down I'm not sure
it's become any less of a criteria
number two is intellect and it's very
instinctual because if you make good
decisions for the tribe your kids are
more likely to survive someone who's
smart is more likely to take care of
your Offspring than someone who's stupid
what's interesting and I love this is
the fastest way to communicate intellect
is humor and I joke I joke this is bad
but I say this is my impression of a
woman I'm laughing I'm laughing I'm
naked and that is I've always thought if
a guy can make a woman laugh she will
she will date him and then the third
thing and this is where guys screw up
this is what I tell a guy's secret
weapon is it's kindness women want to
see that you are a good person you you
treat service staff well you're good to
your parents you have manners you treat
people well even with no reciprocal
expectation because they know that a
kind person if and when she's vulnerable
and needs help and maybe isn't bringing
as much to the table for certain periods
of time that that this is a kind man and
you know sure you want to do your best
to Signal resources and have a plan sure
maybe you're smart maybe you aren't
there's not a lot you can do there but
the secret weapon I think for men that
they don't leverage and I do think it's
a practice is to demonstrate kindness
and we don't talk about that enough as
men it's like well okay and it's little
things have good manners be thoughtful
follow up with people and I I think that
anyways those are the three things that
I have read women want uh in men okay
there's so much there so one one is I do
think we need a new definition for
modern masculinity or mature masculinity
or evolved masculinity and I think that
that's why this moment feels so painful
is that we don't have it because I agree
with you I don't think women are saying
I want a feminine man I think they want
a modern masculine man and so that means
somebody who is decisive and can provide
but also somebody who's able to
communicate with them emotionally and so
one of the suggestions that I came here
today to talk about is this idea of
men's groups so about a year ago my
friend David claven who happens to be a
world-class magician came to my husband
and said I'm going to form this men's
group and so it's about six or seven men
and they meet together monthly and and
they have served they they have formed
this Council of peers so every month
that they get together every guy sits
down with Post-it notes and says the two
issues that are most pressing for him so
first of all I think that that's a great
way of doing it because it's actually
that time to say what am I struggling
with I think many people in their lives
maybe especially men don't sit there and
saying what's top of mine for me so guys
get the quiet time to do that then they
go around in a circle and whoever has
the most pressing issue they get to take
their time and some men might say know
these are top of mind for me but it's
not a priority I'll give the time to
someone else and each month they talk
about what's going on for them they hold
each other accountable so month three
they might say hey David you've been
talking about that for the last three
months are you going to actually do
anything about it and I love that these
men have a masculine space to actually
go through what's going on for them
because maybe they have wives and
girlfriends they can go to maybe they
don't but I think it's a different type
of advice that you get from a council of
trusted peers and I really do think that
men's groups could change a lot of these
issues because I can sit here and say
everybody should be in therapy guess
what therapy is really expensive and
many insurance companies will not
provide it or there's a huge waiting
list and so if we just sit around for
all these guys to go to therapy that's
not going to happen but men's groups are
a way that men can lead each other they
can provide this tribe of peers and I
have just seen so many changes in this
group so David told me his story where
he had a lot of anger about his mom's
debilitating illness and he wasn't
really experiencing it and it was coming
out as anger at his mom but he wasn't
conscious of that but by getting the
anger out in a safe place with men the
only place where he felt like he could
truly be angry he was able to get over
it and to actually treat his mom with a
lot more empathy or my husband has gone
to the group and talked about ego stuff
at work or how hard the transition to
becoming a parent has been and I feel
like the men in this group have grown so
much over the 12 months that it's been
happening that I just paid for my
brother-in-law to be in a men's group
and I want there to be tons of men's
groups because I really feel like this
isn't an issue that a therapist or a mom
or I can really solve I think men need
to be solving this problem within
themselves where you said is really
powerful because if you walk down the
hallway at Stern there's golden seeds
Venture cap women and Venture Capital
black women's Consulting Club there
there are women's
supporters there's nothing for men and
these groups are really wonderful man
talks is one that I've been looking at
where they've said let's get together
and just be supportive of each other and
it's and it's a fairly new phenomenon I
think people are afraid of men Gathering
because traditionally bad things have
happened in that right there I mean
gangs I'm just thinking of like many
situations in which like if once there's
a TIY torch I want there to be some
women there right like so there's a
reason why people have been fearful of
this or it's like when the whole world
was was a men's group a men's club you
didn't need to have Men's Clubs but I
think in this moment this is a really
powerful organic Grassroots way for men
to change so I imagine that you have
group chats with men that are your peers
that you go to for advice and I feel
like there's men out there that don't
have that and we are meant to make
decisions by getting advice from other
people I personally have a board of
directors that in my life when I'm going
to make a big decision I meet with them
so when I took my last job when I
decided to move all these different
things I meet with my board of directors
and I say what am I not seeing what are
my blind spots and they've given me a
lot of good and hard advice and I think
we all need to be building our own board
of directors and for men that might be
this men's group do you mind if I pause
this conversation for a moment I want to
talk about our show sponsor today which
is Shopify I've always believed that the
biggest cost in business isn't failure
it's the time you waste trying to make
decisions time spent hesitating
overthinking or waiting for the right
moment when I started my first company
at 20 years old I had no experience and
no money what I did have was an idea and
the willingness to move fast and that
made all the difference if you've been
thinking about starting your own
business Shopify makes this entire
process so much easier with thousands of
customizable templates you don't need
coding or design skills you just need a
willingness to start Shopify connects
all your sales channels from your
website to social media and it handles
the backend payments shipping and tax es
to so that you can stay focused on
moving forward and growing your business
if you're ready to start visit
shopify.com Bartlet and sign up for a
one pound per month trial period That's shopify.com
shopify.com
Bartlet it is hard as a as a young man
to um share how you feel with other
young men even if they like your best
friends it's so much easier just to
roast each other yeah like my my group
chat with my guys yeah is probably a
little bit more advanced in in terms of
emotional openness but most of it is
just like a war zone well like izing
each other attacking each other but
that's kind of our way of showing love
and then you'll have once every two
weeks someone will be going through
something so like one of my friends now
he they' just found out that there's a
complication with the pregnancy and the
tone shifts and we all become supportive
but my girlfriend tells me how rare that
is that we have this space where we'll
we'll talk about our emotions and how
we're feeling and we'll swi switch from
like trying to kill each other in the
most like funny way to being really
really emotionally supportive a lot of
men don't have that well so funny you
said that because my husband's really
funny and so are some of the other guys
in the group and they actually had to
talk about how they needed to be less
funny because the F the humor was
becoming a distraction and somebody
brought up you know in their own male
way like I think that sometimes we're
about to go deep and then someone makes
a joke and even though that joke was
really good we don't go back to where we
were and we don't go as deep so they
actually work on being less funny in
that group but look at the work that you
do you sit for hours a week and you
learn and you ask people questions and
you're working on yourself I'm not
surprised that you have a group of peers
that you can go to for that but I would
wager that the average man doesn't have
that and I feel like there are going to
be so many women who are listening and
watching this and they're like I want
that for my husband what is the
evolutionary basis for this this is what
I was thinking the whole time I was like
did we lose the man's group at some
point in our past and is that why we're
adding it back into our lives like what
was what used to do this job before so
what I've heard and I think evolutionary
biology you always have to take certain
things with a grain of salt because
people can kind of explain away any with
it but it's that a lot of times men were
sitting next to each other and they were
having these conversations on the
Savannah and that's often why like guys
prefer to do activities side by side and
not facing each other and so you had men
who were in conversation with their
peers or you know and outside and
outside hey heard you getting divorced
right right or it's like you know why
it's so good to have conversations in
the car I feel like you had a lot of men
that were in groups at church you had
men who were in The Elks Club you had
veterans that were meeting we actually
feel like this is a time where much
fewer men are getting together and this
is all of the amazing research that's
happening now around loneliness is that
the average young guy is spending many
fewer hours a week with their peers face
to face so even though a guy might be
catching up with his friend playing
video games I just don't think that
that's the same thing and so I feel like
we need this in-person time with our
friends to develop these relationships
and instead we have people on Tik Tok
people on Twitch watching other people
live their lives you brought up two
interesting thing you when is your your
your friend group I have a similar group
same eight gu eight guys I live with my
freshman here at UCLA for 30 or 40 years
we've been kind of Constant Contact
email now on
WhatsApp when your friend had something
bad happen to him I think for a long
time men have waited and show empathy
for each other what none of my male
friends have ever done their friend
group would say is I I've never heard
one of my male friends go I'm depressed
I'm I'm just super [ __ ] lonely and
depressed you just don't hear that from
Men I'm struggling with anger I'm I have
I'm all of a sudden I have a rectile
dysfunction you would just I've never
heard one of my male friends when their
mom dies or they get divorced we weigh
in with a lot of empathy but you never
hear them really open up because men are
worried that if we display weakness
another man might kill us
and take our [ __ ] from us or the women
aren't going to want to have sex with us
so there's still I think a huge
inability for men to proactively talk
about how they're really feeling and
then you talked about a board of
directors a great Board of Directors for
a man in his 20s unfortunately not
unfortunately is a girlfriend yeah and
I'll just use personal
experience I had a great girlfriend when
I was 24 and she basically said to me if
you don't stop getting high every night
I'm going Toop stop having sex with you
that was very motivating for me I really liked being with a
liked being with a partner without the guardrails of a
partner without the guardrails of a romantic relationship I think men are
romantic relationship I think men are just I want to say lost but women create
just I want to say lost but women create more social connections outside of a
more social connections outside of a romantic relationship and sometimes that
romantic relationship and sometimes that absence of a romantic relationship they
absence of a romantic relationship they pour that energy into friendships and
pour that energy into friendships and their professional life whereas Men
their professional life whereas Men start pouring it into video games and
start pouring it into video games and rdit in porn so the fact that only one
rdit in porn so the fact that only one in three men in America under the age of
in three men in America under the age of 30 has a girlfriend and two and three
30 has a girlfriend and two and three women has a boyfriend you think well
women has a boyfriend you think well that's mathematically impossible it's
that's mathematically impossible it's not because women are dating older
not because women are dating older because they want more economically and
because they want more economically and emotionally viable men if I hadn't been
emotionally viable men if I hadn't been in relationships that were great
in relationships that were great guardrails for me in terms of my own
guardrails for me in terms of my own behavior my own
behavior my own ambition I men need without the prospect
ambition I men need without the prospect or the existence of a romantic
or the existence of a romantic relationship men have worse outcomes
relationship men have worse outcomes than women who don't have and it it is
than women who don't have and it it is what I'm do you agree with what I'm
what I'm do you agree with what I'm saying does the research bear that
saying does the research bear that out you know it's interesting because
out you know it's interesting because part of me where my head goes is like
part of me where my head goes is like are you asking women to do the emotional
are you asking women to do the emotional labor of raising men and when you phrase
labor of raising men and when you phrase it like that it sounds really negative
it like that it sounds really negative but from anecdotal experience from my
but from anecdotal experience from my own life you know I've been with my
own life you know I've been with my husband for 10 years I think we both
husband for 10 years I think we both really shaped each other but like even
really shaped each other but like even yesterday he texted me and he's like I'm
yesterday he texted me and he's like I'm going to get an Uber instead of renting
going to get an Uber instead of renting a car at the airport you've taught me
a car at the airport you've taught me how to be such a Savvy traveler like
how to be such a Savvy traveler like that's a small example but but it's like
that's a small example but but it's like you really do influence each other and I
you really do influence each other and I think that I think sometimes about my
think that I think sometimes about my single friends and how they go to bed at
single friends and how they go to bed at night and they don't have a person next
night and they don't have a person next to them to give them advice and to
to them to give them advice and to listen to them talk about their day and
listen to them talk about their day and I think that when we're in long-term
I think that when we're in long-term relationships there's an element of
relationships there's an element of raising each other and building memories
raising each other and building memories together and making each other better
together and making each other better and having that investment equals three
and having that investment equals three right and that's why I just all these
right and that's why I just all these women that come to me and all these men
women that come to me and all these men that are looking for love that want
that are looking for love that want relationships and something is happening
relationships and something is happening right now where the Gap just seems to be
right now where the Gap just seems to be widening and these relationships aren't
widening and these relationships aren't happening and this is even true in
happening and this is even true in teenage relationship so it used to be
teenage relationship so it used to be that for Baby Boomers and Gen X three4
that for Baby Boomers and Gen X three4 of men had had a relationship in their
of men had had a relationship in their teen years and now it's under 50% and so
teen years and now it's under 50% and so if you start building your relational
if you start building your relational skills at an early age then you get
skills at an early age then you get better and better at dating over time
better and better at dating over time but if as you said by the time you're 30
but if as you said by the time you're 30 you haven't been in a relationship
you haven't been in a relationship that's seen as a red flag to a lot of
that's seen as a red flag to a lot of people
people and so I think we have a problem now but
and so I think we have a problem now but I'm really projecting that we're going
I'm really projecting that we're going to have a much greater problem in the
to have a much greater problem in the future I think a real enemy of
future I think a real enemy of relationships and mating for people in
relationships and mating for people in their 20s that we haven't talked a lot
their 20s that we haven't talked a lot about I had Dr Anna lmy from Stanford on
about I had Dr Anna lmy from Stanford on my pod talking about addiction and
my pod talking about addiction and something we're just starting to come to
something we're just starting to come to grips with and as I read more about it I
grips with and as I read more about it I think porn is really let's talk about
think porn is really let's talk about porn well personal experience I used to
porn well personal experience I used to to go on Camp the only reason I
to go on Camp the only reason I graduated from UCLA I graduated with a
graduated from UCLA I graduated with a 2.27 GPA if I graduated with a 1.97 I
2.27 GPA if I graduated with a 1.97 I wouldn't
wouldn't graduated not an not the only motivator
graduated not an not the only motivator but a real motivator for me was the
but a real motivator for me was the prospect of meeting someone I I could go
prospect of meeting someone I I could go on to campus and there might be a chance
on to campus and there might be a chance I'd meet friends be social and possibly
I'd meet friends be social and possibly meet a potential romantic partner it was
meet a potential romantic partner it was very motivating and if I'd had porn on
very motivating and if I'd had porn on this right and on my screen always
this right and on my screen always available I'm not sure I would gone on
available I'm not sure I would gone on campus I I just would have spent a lot
campus I I just would have spent a lot more time at home and unfortunately the
more time at home and unfortunately the deepest pocketed most talented companies
deepest pocketed most talented companies in the world are trying to convince
in the world are trying to convince young people that they can have a
young people that they can have a reasonable fact simile of life on a
reasonable fact simile of life on a screen with an algorithm and what I say
screen with an algorithm and what I say to young men I coaches it I'm not going
to young men I coaches it I'm not going to tell you not to consume porn but try
to tell you not to consume porn but try to modulate it because I think that fire
to modulate it because I think that fire of wanting to meet someone and wanting
of wanting to meet someone and wanting to demonstrate excellence and being
to demonstrate excellence and being having perseverance and enduring
having perseverance and enduring rejection getting your [ __ ] together and
rejection getting your [ __ ] together and dressing well and smelling nice and
dressing well and smelling nice and showering for God's sakes that Mojo that
showering for God's sakes that Mojo that desire is incredibly important for
desire is incredibly important for society and we're taking young men's
society and we're taking young men's Mojo Away With frictionless Open Access
Mojo Away With frictionless Open Access ond demand porn have you seen these noof
ond demand porn have you seen these noof fap communities yeah have you seen this
fap communities yeah have you seen this yes okay so I was listening to this
yes okay so I was listening to this episode of Modern William with Chris
episode of Modern William with Chris Williamson and he was interviewing Hamza
Williamson and he was interviewing Hamza who was self-identifying as a former
who was self-identifying as a former redpilled person and he was talking
redpilled person and he was talking about how much it changed his life to
about how much it changed his life to try to enter the noof fap Community
try to enter the noof fap Community which means no masturbation and so I do
which means no masturbation and so I do think that porn is a huge problem my
think that porn is a huge problem my first job out of college was running the
first job out of college was running the porn pod for Google so what this meant
porn pod for Google so what this meant was that we would sell ads for the porn
was that we would sell ads for the porn advertisers this team does not exist
advertisers this team does not exist anymore this was a long time ago um my
anymore this was a long time ago um my parents were like I sent you to Harvard
parents were like I sent you to Harvard and now you're selling ads for
and now you're selling ads for pornography
pornography but when I look back I'm like what was I
but when I look back I'm like what was I perpetuating because I feel like there's
perpetuating because I feel like there's just so many problems with what
just so many problems with what technology is doing in terms of
technology is doing in terms of replacing human connection so let's just
replacing human connection so let's just project out chat PT is already amazing
project out chat PT is already amazing I'm currently in my Google feed getting
I'm currently in my Google feed getting ads for replica and the ads say get your
ads for replica and the ads say get your perfect AI boyfriend always there for
perfect AI boyfriend always there for you yeah so you think about the fact
you yeah so you think about the fact that real life relationships are messy I
that real life relationships are messy I tell my husband on a weekly basis please
tell my husband on a weekly basis please throw contact lens in the garbage and
throw contact lens in the garbage and every week we have a disagreement about
every week we have a disagreement about that well guess what your online
that well guess what your online girlfriend she doesn't nag you she
girlfriend she doesn't nag you she doesn't tell you to pick up your socks
doesn't tell you to pick up your socks she only tells you how great you are and
she only tells you how great you are and always tells you you know that you're
always tells you you know that you're doing the right thing and how was your
doing the right thing and how was your day then you insert sex robots Okay so
day then you insert sex robots Okay so you have your emotional needs met you
you have your emotional needs met you have your sexual needs met maybe you're
have your sexual needs met maybe you're watching porn while engaging with your
watching porn while engaging with your sex robots why would you want to go
sex robots why would you want to go through the very challenging potential
through the very challenging potential rejection of real life relationships and
rejection of real life relationships and I feel like if all these things come to
I feel like if all these things come to pass which it seems very likely that
pass which it seems very likely that they will we are truly in a crisis
they will we are truly in a crisis moment when it comes to birth rate and
moment when it comes to birth rate and future generations and it impacts them
future generations and it impacts them it'll impact the economy because the
it'll impact the economy because the skills you have to develop to be
skills you have to develop to be successful in The Mating Market are life
successful in The Mating Market are life skills you have to be able to endure
skills you have to be able to endure rejection you have to have a sense of
rejection you have to have a sense of humor you have to be able to read the
humor you have to be able to read the room show me a guy who's good in a bar
room show me a guy who's good in a bar I'll show you a guy who probably be good
I'll show you a guy who probably be good in a boardroom and the skills you have
in a boardroom and the skills you have to develop as a young man if you want a
to develop as a young man if you want a romantic and a sexual relationship pay
romantic and a sexual relationship pay dividends the rest of your life and if
dividends the rest of your life and if you don't develop those skills I think
you don't develop those skills I think it impacts your life across a bunch of
it impacts your life across a bunch of Dimensions this is something I'm worried
Dimensions this is something I'm worried about for genz in general so I did a ton
about for genz in general so I did a ton of research with post-pandemic genz
of research with post-pandemic genz daters men and women in the UK and
daters men and women in the UK and United States and such a big theme that
United States and such a big theme that came out of it was that they don't have
came out of it was that they don't have rejection resilience and I think that we
rejection resilience and I think that we hear this in many aspects of life so
hear this in many aspects of life so someone that I'm close to he's the
someone that I'm close to he's the former dean of brown he's a professor
former dean of brown he's a professor there and he was talking about how it
there and he was talking about how it used to be that his office hours were
used to be that his office hours were empty and that's when he could do his
empty and that's when he could do his reading or play solitire but now
reading or play solitire but now students come basically saying tell me
students come basically saying tell me exactly what's going to be on the test
exactly what's going to be on the test tell me exactly what to write in my
tell me exactly what to write in my paper because they are not willing to
paper because they are not willing to fail I have friends who are managers at
fail I have friends who are managers at Google and they give somebody feedback
Google and they give somebody feedback in a Google doc and the person is crying
in a Google doc and the person is crying because they take that as extreme
because they take that as extreme rejection and so if you don't have the
rejection and so if you don't have the resilience built up fail then you are
resilience built up fail then you are not going to take risks and everything
not going to take risks and everything in life worth having is worth taking a
in life worth having is worth taking a risk for and so I feel that I have my
risk for and so I feel that I have my dream job nobody messaged me on LinkedIn
dream job nobody messaged me on LinkedIn and said hey Logan do you want to study
and said hey Logan do you want to study dating and relationships no I invented
dating and relationships no I invented this job and now I get to have it and
this job and now I get to have it and same thing is true with relationships
same thing is true with relationships it's not about waiting for the perfect
it's not about waiting for the perfect person to show up it's about becoming a
person to show up it's about becoming a great person who somebody else chooses
great person who somebody else chooses and going after what you want I want to
and going after what you want I want to talk about all of this and it
talk about all of this and it specifically offer some solutions to the
specifically offer some solutions to the young to the parents to the boys to the
young to the parents to the boys to the teens to the men that are listening we
teens to the men that are listening we had a young man actually write in on
had a young man actually write in on this subject and he said I've suffered
this subject and he said I've suffered with crippling loneliness and so I've
with crippling loneliness and so I've spent over $1,000 hiring women online
spent over $1,000 hiring women online just to talk to me and to keep me
just to talk to me and to keep me company on top of that I've spent
company on top of that I've spent several ,000 more engaging in other
several ,000 more engaging in other business with them after doing this for
business with them after doing this for nearly a year now I still feel
nearly a year now I still feel incredibly unfulfilled and on the
incredibly unfulfilled and on the subject of porn 30% of internet traffic
subject of porn 30% of internet traffic is now related to porn with about 80% of
is now related to porn with about 80% of that porn traffic coming from men and
that porn traffic coming from men and 20% coming from women I actually had a
20% coming from women I actually had a conversation on this podcast before
conversation on this podcast before about porn and funly enough the top
about porn and funly enough the top comment was by the way us women what get
comment was by the way us women what get porn addicted to because it was a bit of
porn addicted to because it was a bit of a blind spot to me but I think that's
a blind spot to me but I think that's something that's worth
something that's worth acknowledging and the stats are
acknowledging and the stats are staggering in terms of how higher porn
staggering in terms of how higher porn consumption correlates to higher
consumption correlates to higher probabilities of
probabilities of depression what you do about it like on
depression what you do about it like on an individual level I get it try not to
an individual level I get it try not to watch porn but I mean that doesn't seem
watch porn but I mean that doesn't seem like incredibly great advice because if
like incredibly great advice because if you're lonely you're not getting laid no
you're lonely you're not getting laid no one wants to date you for all the
one wants to date you for all the reasons we've talked about today
reasons we've talked about today restraint seems to be a pretty
shitty solution give this one to okay so I coach young men I take two to three on
I coach young men I take two to three on at any time and I don't know if this is
at any time and I don't know if this is the right way but it's my way I'm like
the right way but it's my way I'm like you got to lean into your advantage when
you got to lean into your advantage when you're our age you have more you have
you're our age you have more you have Capital you have more money than time
Capital you have more money than time they have Capital they have a lot of
they have Capital they have a lot of time and I asked them to unlock their
time and I asked them to unlock their screen and I say to them I gamble with
screen and I say to them I gamble with options I gamble at my age I still
options I gamble at my age I still gamble I I preach about lowcost index
gamble I I preach about lowcost index funds and I buy call options that makes
funds and I buy call options that makes no [ __ ] sense it's gambling but I
no [ __ ] sense it's gambling but I know it I watch porn I try and modulate
know it I watch porn I try and modulate my use so I can put the majority of my
my use so I can put the majority of my sexual energy into my partner but I
sexual energy into my partner but I watch porn because I want them to not
watch porn because I want them to not feel like I'm going to judge them they
feel like I'm going to judge them they unlock their phone and I say we're going
unlock their phone and I say we're going to find 8 to 12 hours a week of time of
to find 8 to 12 hours a week of time of capital and we're going to reinvest that
capital and we're going to reinvest that capital and higher Roi Investments it is
capital and higher Roi Investments it is so easy to find 8 to 12 hours it can
so easy to find 8 to 12 hours it can sometimes find seven hours or 15 hours
sometimes find seven hours or 15 hours just in tick talk you look at screen
just in tick talk you look at screen time I look at screen time and I say all
time I look at screen time and I say all right come with through with me we're
right come with through with me we're going to find eight to 12 hours and then
going to find eight to 12 hours and then we're going to reinvest that capital in
we're going to reinvest that capital in three Investments one we're going to
three Investments one we're going to start working out and getting fit you're
start working out and getting fit you're going to work out three times a week
going to work out three times a week with weights you should be able the the
with weights you should be able the the human mail form is spectacular you
human mail form is spectacular you should be able to walk in in any room
should be able to walk in in any room under the age of 30 if you're a man and
under the age of 30 if you're a man and know that if [ __ ] got real you could
know that if [ __ ] got real you could kill and eat everybody or outrun them I
kill and eat everybody or outrun them I need you to be strong you're going to be
need you to be strong you're going to be more mentally healthy you're going to be
more mentally healthy you're going to be kinder look at the people who break up
kinder look at the people who break up fights at bars they're big strong men
fights at bars they're big strong men look at the people who defend their
look at the people who defend their country you want to be strong as a man
country you want to be strong as a man it feels [ __ ] amazing testosterone
it feels [ __ ] amazing testosterone your your bone structure your muscle
your your bone structure your muscle mass it's amazing lean into that we're
mass it's amazing lean into that we're going to get strong two you got to start
going to get strong two you got to start making
making money and the kids are you know to be
money and the kids are you know to be honest the kids I'm coaching are really
honest the kids I'm coaching are really struggling these are kids at home at the
struggling these are kids at home at the age of 23 with their mom not getting
age of 23 with their mom not getting along with their mom nothing going on if
along with their mom nothing going on if you have a phone you can make money I
you have a phone you can make money I don't care if it's lift Tas ret because
don't care if it's lift Tas ret because you get a taste for the Flesh and the
you get a taste for the Flesh and the the way to start making a lot of money
the way to start making a lot of money is to start making a little bit of money
is to start making a little bit of money because you start to figure out the
because you start to figure out the economy how could I make more money
economy how could I make more money maybe at some point could I buy a car
maybe at some point could I buy a car and hire a driver to be an Uber you know
and hire a driver to be an Uber you know what what is the way
what what is the way you know could I get a certification in
you know could I get a certification in in Plum you start figuring out and you
in Plum you start figuring out and you start getting your GRE gland get going
start getting your GRE gland get going oh my God it's a have money I can go out
oh my God it's a have money I can go out I can go to a concert it gets those
I can go to a concert it gets those greed Gins going and then the third
greed Gins going and then the third thing we're going to do is we're going
thing we're going to do is we're going to put ourselves in a company of
to put ourselves in a company of strangers in the agency of something
strangers in the agency of something bigger than ourselves twice a week
bigger than ourselves twice a week church group softball league
church group softball league nonprofit chair whatever it is and then
nonprofit chair whatever it is and then 3A and this is I've just started doing
3A and this is I've just started doing this I've believe done it two times and
this I've believe done it two times and it's an exercise and I say and it goes
it's an exercise and I say and it goes to your I think no is the way to success
to your I think no is the way to success show me someone who's successful I'm
show me someone who's successful I'm going to show you a [ __ ] ton of NOS I've
going to show you a [ __ ] ton of NOS I've been re I ran for sophomore junior
been re I ran for sophomore junior senior class president lost all three
senior class president lost all three times decided to run for senior class
times decided to run for senior class president lost I applied to 38 jobs I
president lost I applied to 38 jobs I got one offer nine schools rejected by
got one offer nine schools rejected by seven I mean I just my whole life has
seven I mean I just my whole life has been about no and that's why I'm
been about no and that's why I'm successful is I was always able to
successful is I was always able to endure it so I say to them this is what
endure it so I say to them this is what I want you to do I need you to go up to
I want you to do I need you to go up to a stranger at wherever we're doing
a stranger at wherever we're doing church group Rider Club Riders club
church group Rider Club Riders club whatever it might be online educa not
whatever it might be online educa not online excuse me education continuing
online excuse me education continuing education and you're gonna ask them out
education and you're gonna ask them out for coffee it's a friend hey what are
for coffee it's a friend hey what are you doing you want to watch the game do
you doing you want to watch the game do you want to watch the Liverpool game
you want to watch the Liverpool game this weekend let's go to a bar if it's a
this weekend let's go to a bar if it's a woman you might have new trctor to Hey
woman you might have new trctor to Hey try and get a wrap going would you like
try and get a wrap going would you like to have coffee and here's the goal the
to have coffee and here's the goal the goal is no and we're going to celebrate
goal is no and we're going to celebrate now CU you're going to call me and I'm
now CU you're going to call me and I'm going to say did you ask someone out for
going to say did you ask someone out for coffee or to a bar and most likely
coffee or to a bar and most likely they'll said no it'll be polite but'll
they'll said no it'll be polite but'll come excuse and then I'm going to ask
come excuse and then I'm going to ask you if you're okay and you're going to
you if you're okay and you're going to say yes and that's the victory it's
say yes and that's the victory it's interesting because if you go on Tik Tok
interesting because if you go on Tik Tok or if you go on X you'll find a lot of
or if you go on X you'll find a lot of videos of women filming themselves as a
videos of women filming themselves as a guy inappropriately came and made a
guy inappropriately came and made a gesture to them and then like publicly
gesture to them and then like publicly shaming them on the Internet it's very
shaming them on the Internet it's very popular to do in the gym yeah they set
popular to do in the gym yeah they set up a phone they're working out a guy
up a phone they're working out a guy comes over and asks if they need help
comes over and asks if they need help with the weights it then goes viral
with the weights it then goes viral online because that guy was being
online because that guy was being inappropriate like you shouldn't so like
inappropriate like you shouldn't so like as a guy it's quite complicated to know
as a guy it's quite complicated to know how and where you can roll up without
how and where you can roll up without being filmed and going viral I know so
being filmed and going viral I know so we we talked about the first dating
we we talked about the first dating Paradox which is just the idea that
Paradox which is just the idea that women now need more from men and are
women now need more from men and are raising the bar because they can be
raising the bar because they can be providers on their own but men weren't
providers on their own but men weren't taught how to do that and they're
taught how to do that and they're sometimes shame for it so I think the
sometimes shame for it so I think the second big dating Paradox is that men
second big dating Paradox is that men are expected to lead and to approach but
are expected to lead and to approach but I truly feel like in a post me too era
I truly feel like in a post me too era it's much more confusing and so so many
it's much more confusing and so so many people say to me I don't want to meet on
people say to me I don't want to meet on an app not romantic I want to meet in
an app not romantic I want to meet in real life but I'm not finding that
real life but I'm not finding that people are meeting in real life because
people are meeting in real life because people are afraid to approach each other
people are afraid to approach each other I think one is being afraid of being
I think one is being afraid of being called creepy but the other one which is
called creepy but the other one which is what you're talking about is that this
what you're talking about is that this culture of making tick toks or going
culture of making tick toks or going online with this dater attainment to
online with this dater attainment to talk about how this person approached
talk about how this person approached you or how inappropriate that was and so
you or how inappropriate that was and so I feel like there's a lot of women
I feel like there's a lot of women waiting for men to approach them but
waiting for men to approach them but then shaming The Men Who do I think one
then shaming The Men Who do I think one of the solutions there is we should
of the solutions there is we should allow people to shoot their shot in a
allow people to shoot their shot in a non- creepy way can I just say something
non- creepy way can I just say something to that if the guy rolls up and he's 6'4
to that if the guy rolls up and he's 6'4 and he's you know gorgeous it's fine it
and he's you know gorgeous it's fine it seems the difference between creepy and
seems the difference between creepy and romantic is the perceived attractiveness
romantic is the perceived attractiveness of the person making the Overture I
of the person making the Overture I think that that is true if you are super
think that that is true if you are super hot it's less lik to be perceived as
hot it's less lik to be perceived as creepy but you have all these people
creepy but you have all these people that are saying I want to be approached
that are saying I want to be approached and they're not being approached and so
and they're not being approached and so there was this rise of run clubs last
there was this rise of run clubs last summer right everyone said the new
summer right everyone said the new dating app is the Run Club I ask
dating app is the Run Club I ask everywhere I go have you met someone at
everywhere I go have you met someone at a run Club no people are not really
a run Club no people are not really meeting there so since 2017 the number
meeting there so since 2017 the number one way that people are meeting is
one way that people are meeting is online Hing just setting up a date every
online Hing just setting up a date every two seconds this is where the dating is
two seconds this is where the dating is happening if people want more things to
happening if people want more things to happen offline they actually have to
happen offline they actually have to approach each other and I'm just not
approach each other and I'm just not seeing that happen but my understanding
seeing that happen but my understanding is the majority of women still expect
is the majority of women still expect the man to take the initiative
the man to take the initiative absolutely
absolutely and this is one of the most frightening
and this is one of the most frightening stats I've seen
stats I've seen according to Pew more than 50% of men
according to Pew more than 50% of men between the ages of 18 and 24 have never
between the ages of 18 and 24 have never asked a woman out in
asked a woman out in person
person and I just find that
and I just find that so just upsetting and rattling because
so just upsetting and rattling because that means they're either not asking
that means they're either not asking people out or they're asking them out
people out or they're asking them out online where quite frankly they can't
online where quite frankly they can't demonstrate any sense of excellence and
demonstrate any sense of excellence and I think the beautiful thing about human
I think the beautiful thing about human sexuality is sometimes you don't even
sexuality is sometimes you don't even know why you're attracted to someone you
know why you're attracted to someone you like the way they smell you find out
like the way they smell you find out they're funny and that happens in person
they're funny and that happens in person but we need one more third spaces more
but we need one more third spaces more places people can meet and also I I
places people can meet and also I I actually think it would be helpful to
actually think it would be helpful to have in the senior of high school a
have in the senior of high school a class called adulting where amongst
class called adulting where amongst other things you teach them about the
other things you teach them about the interest rate on a credit card you know
interest rate on a credit card you know little things my my kid can do integers
little things my my kid can do integers and he doesn't understand the interest
and he doesn't understand the interest rate on his credit card and also quite
rate on his credit card and also quite frankly I think young men need guidance
frankly I think young men need guidance around how to express romantic interest
around how to express romantic interest while making the other person feel safe
while making the other person feel safe and also that if you express romantic
and also that if you express romantic interest and ask someone out for coffee
interest and ask someone out for coffee and they say no you're both going to be
and they say no you're both going to be fine you haven't committed a crime
fine you haven't committed a crime against humanity as long as you're
against humanity as long as you're respectful and you don't make the person
respectful and you don't make the person feel uncomfortable but men aren't even
feel uncomfortable but men aren't even asking women out everything you're
asking women out everything you're saying is what I'm seeing so I was
saying is what I'm seeing so I was talking to this incredible 16-year-old
talking to this incredible 16-year-old girl who built this AI chat bot called
girl who built this AI chat bot called ask L and she's taken all the
ask L and she's taken all the relationship science research that she's
relationship science research that she's seen and she's trained this chatbot and
seen and she's trained this chatbot and she's trying to help teens get safe and
she's trying to help teens get safe and empowered dating advice and I asked her
empowered dating advice and I asked her what is the number one question that
what is the number one question that you're getting and it's how to ask
you're getting and it's how to ask someone out and so I think people are
someone out and so I think people are really struggling it's not that teens in
really struggling it's not that teens in all of human history had the secret it's
all of human history had the secret it's that they were willing to do it and fail
that they were willing to do it and fail and now we're just not seeing that and
and now we're just not seeing that and so I think that we have glossed over the
so I think that we have glossed over the pandemic it was this really traumatic
pandemic it was this really traumatic time really scary stuff happened and we
time really scary stuff happened and we don't want to talk about it but people
don't want to talk about it but people that came of age during the pandemic
that came of age during the pandemic their social skills are worse they
their social skills are worse they missed out on critical moments of
missed out on critical moments of becoming a human and we are seeing that
becoming a human and we are seeing that in the workplace all these things about
in the workplace all these things about gen Z gen Alpha that came from something
gen Z gen Alpha that came from something it came from parenting it came from
it came from parenting it came from digital addiction it came from the
digital addiction it came from the pandemic and online learning and I think
pandemic and online learning and I think that if you do not have the social
that if you do not have the social skills to approach someone and ask them
skills to approach someone and ask them out there just will be literally fewer
out there just will be literally fewer couples I want to throw a Molotov
couples I want to throw a Molotov cocktail into this and something that's
cocktail into this and something that's controversial I've got push back on I
controversial I've got push back on I think one of the enemies of mating is
think one of the enemies of mating is that there's to little drinking
that there's to little drinking if you look at um Millennials they spent
if you look at um Millennials they spent $30 billion on alcohol genz it's crashed
$30 billion on alcohol genz it's crashed to two billion Peter ATA and Andrew
to two billion Peter ATA and Andrew huberman have declared war on drinking I
huberman have declared war on drinking I think young people need to drink more go
think young people need to drink more go out and make a series of bad decisions
out and make a series of bad decisions and might pay off I don't see
and might pay off I don't see drunkenness I see togetherness and I
drunkenness I see togetherness and I don't know how it was for you and your
don't know how it was for you and your relationship when I think of the
relationship when I think of the majority of great friendships I have and
majority of great friendships I have and the Romantic opportunities I've had not
the Romantic opportunities I've had not always but often alcohol played a role
always but often alcohol played a role and I worry that with a lack of going
and I worry that with a lack of going out being out of the house and also a
out being out of the house and also a lack of drinking that we've taken away a
lack of drinking that we've taken away a social lubricant that breaks down some
social lubricant that breaks down some of the walls and some of the initial
of the walls and some of the initial awkwardness and entry into a potential
awkwardness and entry into a potential romantic relationship I think some of
romantic relationship I think some of the increase in Being Sober Sober
the increase in Being Sober Sober curious comes from interest in being
curious comes from interest in being healthy so we hear from Jen Z I don't
healthy so we hear from Jen Z I don't want to have anxiety the next day they
want to have anxiety the next day they are much less expensive yeah they are
are much less expensive yeah they are much less like leita Millennials to feel
much less like leita Millennials to feel like there's a two drink drink minimum
like there's a two drink drink minimum for dates but in general we seeing less
for dates but in general we seeing less risk- taking behavior from gen Z they
risk- taking behavior from gen Z they are getting their licenses far later if
are getting their licenses far later if at all they are losing their virginity
at all they are losing their virginity much later if at all and so I feel like
much later if at all and so I feel like there's this rise of or there's this
there's this rise of or there's this decrease in risk-taking Behavior which
decrease in risk-taking Behavior which in some ways is great you know fewer
in some ways is great you know fewer kids dying in car crashes and people
kids dying in car crashes and people being responsible but I just feel like
being responsible but I just feel like people are having people are missing out
people are having people are missing out on the experience to make mistakes as a
on the experience to make mistakes as a young person and I think when I think
young person and I think when I think back to my college experience if there
back to my college experience if there had been cameras that have high quality
had been cameras that have high quality video on them at all times I would have
video on them at all times I would have lived a very different college
lived a very different college experience I am so grateful that
experience I am so grateful that Instagram was not there when I was in
Instagram was not there when I was in college and so if you live in a
college and so if you live in a surveillance culture where at any moment
surveillance culture where at any moment somebody is snapping the room and they
somebody is snapping the room and they could see what you're doing you're going
could see what you're doing you're going to take fewer risks and I just feel like
to take fewer risks and I just feel like there's this entire culture of people
there's this entire culture of people being very safe and part of dating part
being very safe and part of dating part of mating is making mistakes taking
of mating is making mistakes taking risks and failing so what do we do about
risks and failing so what do we do about it Logan speaking Scott gave a really
it Logan speaking Scott gave a really good um sort of advice for the young man
good um sort of advice for the young man or the young person who's trying to
or the young person who's trying to increase their mating value their dating
increase their mating value their dating value if I'm a what advice would you
value if I'm a what advice would you give to a young man about how to be
give to a young man about how to be attractive because there's going to be a
attractive because there's going to be a lot of young men listening right now I
lot of young men listening right now I imagine from the stats all I love what
imagine from the stats all I love what Scott said in terms of his advice and I
Scott said in terms of his advice and I feel like it's one of those things where
feel like it's one of those things where the secret to happiness or the secret to
the secret to happiness or the secret to success is simple but hard so it's not
success is simple but hard so it's not like there's infinite things you need to
like there's infinite things you need to do it's actually quite a simple plan but
do it's actually quite a simple plan but it's quite hard to execute on it a few
it's quite hard to execute on it a few things that I would add so one is I have
things that I would add so one is I have this friend Sam par he started the
this friend Sam par he started the hustle he started the podcast my first
hustle he started the podcast my first million one thing that he did to make
million one thing that he did to make himself more attractive as a mate was he
himself more attractive as a mate was he would develop these passions and really
would develop these passions and really talk about them on dates because he
talk about them on dates because he found that women were really drawn to
found that women were really drawn to the fact that he was pursuing other
the fact that he was pursuing other activities so he got really into Denim
activities so he got really into Denim and he would talk about these denim
and he would talk about these denim meets that that he would go to and he
meets that that he would go to and he found that women were really drawn to
found that women were really drawn to that he's very into the growth mindset
that he's very into the growth mindset and working on himself he felt like that
and working on himself he felt like that was something that women were so drawn
was something that women were so drawn to how he was growing because if you
to how he was growing because if you think about the projections well when he
think about the projections well when he met my friend Sarah he wasn't making any
met my friend Sarah he wasn't making any money she was making a lot more than him
money she was making a lot more than him but she could see that he had a great
but she could see that he had a great path ahead of him because he was
path ahead of him because he was constantly working and improving himself
constantly working and improving himself the other thing I would tell men is
the other thing I would tell men is through my research I found that men
through my research I found that men think I need to be perfect I need to be
think I need to be perfect I need to be six feet tall look women are not
six feet tall look women are not expecting you to fly them to the Moon
expecting you to fly them to the Moon they want effort remember the name of
they want effort remember the name of their best friend text them when they
their best friend text them when they had a hard meeting and say how did it go
had a hard meeting and say how did it go plan a thoughtful date and so I think
plan a thoughtful date and so I think that you have men over here saying if
that you have men over here saying if I'm not six feet tall I don't have a
I'm not six feet tall I don't have a chance so why participate anyway and
chance so why participate anyway and then you have women saying in some ways
then you have women saying in some ways I just want you to be an effortful nice
I just want you to be an effortful nice person and I'm not even getting that and
person and I'm not even getting that and so I think that for men they can
so I think that for men they can actually get much farther than they
actually get much farther than they think and be better than 90% of men by
think and be better than 90% of men by doing some of these bare minimum things
doing some of these bare minimum things that other men aren't doing so I have
that other men aren't doing so I have this question that I ask in my book
this question that I ask in my book which is when you're deciding if you
which is when you're deciding if you should break up with someone if your
should break up with someone if your partner were a piece of clothing in your
partner were a piece of clothing in your closet what would they be in my is it my
closet what would they be in my is it my clothes or her clothes my clothes oh
clothes or her clothes my clothes oh okay and it really has to be gut
okay and it really has to be gut reaction so Scott if you thought of one
reaction so Scott if you thought of one I want to hear
I want to hear it I thought of like a black silk shirt
it I thought of like a black silk shirt and that's probably because that's where
and that's probably because that's where we spend quality time together is when
we spend quality time together is when I'm wearing a black silk shirt special
I'm wearing a black silk shirt special occasions date night restaurant um make
occasions date night restaurant um make an effort um do you feel good in it yeah
an effort um do you feel good in it yeah of course I feel my best in it yeah and
of course I feel my best in it yeah and do you have one for your wife brunella
do you have one for your wife brunella Cinelli Kashmir v-x sweater makes me
Cinelli Kashmir v-x sweater makes me look fantastic makes me better and it's
look fantastic makes me better and it's beautiful yes and mine for my husband
beautiful yes and mine for my husband would be this awesome orange robe that I
would be this awesome orange robe that I have that represents being at home I
have that represents being at home I love the orange color that's really
love the orange color that's really bright and it represents our family time
bright and it represents our family time so I've asked this question to I feel
so I've asked this question to I feel shamed I feel like mine was so
shamed I feel like mine was so superficial no yours was great cashmir V
superficial no yours was great cashmir V I think your answer family orange I feel
I think your answer family orange I feel so shamed no no no I think your answer
so shamed no no no I think your answer is wonderful and I actually in general
is wonderful and I actually in general find that outer wear answers are very
find that outer wear answers are very strong because it means that you feel
strong because it means that you feel warm around them it's you at your best
warm around them it's you at your best this your I feel [ __ ] fabulous I
this your I feel [ __ ] fabulous I don't that's all that matters your
don't that's all that matters your answer was great the answers that worry
answer was great the answers that worry me are something like a wool sweater
me are something like a wool sweater that feels good but then it's so I take
that feels good but then it's so I take it off the ratty shirt that I wear to
it off the ratty shirt that I wear to the gym these are real answers I've
the gym these are real answers I've gotten point is for years I've been
gotten point is for years I've been asking people this question well now I
asking people this question well now I want to ask people the question of if
want to ask people the question of if you were a piece of clothing in your
you were a piece of clothing in your closet what would you be and I feel like
closet what would you be and I feel like we spend so much time saying I'm looking
we spend so much time saying I'm looking for this in a partner this is the
for this in a partner this is the checklist well look in the mirror do you
checklist well look in the mirror do you have those traits and so for somebody
have those traits and so for somebody who says I'm a ratty sweatshirt and it's
who says I'm a ratty sweatshirt and it's not the thing that I would choose to
not the thing that I would choose to wear well then work on yourself and so I
wear well then work on yourself and so I feel like there's a lot of feelings of
feel like there's a lot of feelings of I'm going to relation shop I'm going to
I'm going to relation shop I'm going to look for a partner the way I look for
look for a partner the way I look for Bluetooth headphones well a lot of that
Bluetooth headphones well a lot of that is about breaking people down into these
is about breaking people down into these parts and I feel like we should spend
parts and I feel like we should spend less time thinking about the checklist
less time thinking about the checklist for our partner and more time thinking
for our partner and more time thinking about who am I and am I somebody who
about who am I and am I somebody who would be
would be chosen we've talked a lot about how
chosen we've talked a lot about how young men are struggling which
young men are struggling which demographic of women do you find
demographic of women do you find struggle the most as it relates to
struggle the most as it relates to mating and dating so I work with a lot
mating and dating so I work with a lot of very successful women and that's also
of very successful women and that's also because I'm expensive to work with and
because I'm expensive to work with and that's who my clients are but I have a
that's who my clients are but I have a newsletter where I hear from 85,000
newsletter where I hear from 85,000 people and so what I'm hearing is that a
people and so what I'm hearing is that a lot of women are saying men are
lot of women are saying men are intimidated by the amount of money that
intimidated by the amount of money that I make they say that they're not going
I make they say that they're not going to be but the more successful I become
to be but the more successful I become the more threatened they are I'm just
the more threatened they are I'm just talking to tons of women personal
talking to tons of women personal friends I I feel like at my house on one
friends I I feel like at my house on one side of me and then two sides over are
side of me and then two sides over are women who are having babies they call it
women who are having babies they call it like single mother by choice where they
like single mother by choice where they literally were just like I can't find a
literally were just like I can't find a man and I want to become a mom so I'm
man and I want to become a mom so I'm going to do it by myself and so I feel
going to do it by myself and so I feel like there are just all these great
like there are just all these great women who are saying Logan I'm following
women who are saying Logan I'm following your advice I'm putting myself out there
your advice I'm putting myself out there I do all these things but they're just
I do all these things but they're just not finding Partners do you find that
not finding Partners do you find that the more successful a woman becomes the
the more successful a woman becomes the more difficult it becomes for her to
more difficult it becomes for her to find a man that will not feel
find a man that will not feel emasculated by her success I don't think
emasculated by her success I don't think that there's an exact correlation
that there's an exact correlation because it really depends who the guy is
because it really depends who the guy is there are guys out there who are like
there are guys out there who are like let's be a power couple but I feel like
let's be a power couple but I feel like there are women who just feel like
there are women who just feel like there's not enough good guys for them
there's not enough good guys for them and I'm curious what you think about
and I'm curious what you think about this but I live in the Bay Area I'm
this but I live in the Bay Area I'm seeing so much polyamory and I think
seeing so much polyamory and I think polyamory is interesting I'm Pro polyam
polyamory is interesting I'm Pro polyam I like the fact that people are thinking
I like the fact that people are thinking about relationship structures in a new
about relationship structures in a new way 50% of marriag is end in divorce
way 50% of marriag is end in divorce obviously our one size fits all
obviously our one size fits all approached marriage isn't working but
approached marriage isn't working but I'm also wondering
I'm also wondering well let me tell you the story I went to
well let me tell you the story I went to this dating event and the dating event
this dating event and the dating event had five single women who were great and
had five single women who were great and their friends were hyping them up and
their friends were hyping them up and then there was two guys and they were
then there was two guys and they were both polyamorous and so I wonder if
both polyamorous and so I wonder if you're a guy who feels like there's not
you're a guy who feels like there's not that many good guys why should I have to
that many good guys why should I have to choose I feel like that's a trend that
choose I feel like that's a trend that I'm worried about pors of polygamy if
I'm worried about pors of polygamy if it's never been better to be a very
it's never been better to be a very attractive male but you have so much
attractive male but you have so much opportunity it does not and sent good
opportunity it does not and sent good behavior or long-term relationships and
behavior or long-term relationships and I work with these guys and you might
I work with these guys and you might think that they're the happiest people
think that they're the happiest people in the world they are having sex they
in the world they are having sex they are getting a lot of attention but
are getting a lot of attention but they're suffering from decision
they're suffering from decision paralysis and these are some of the guys
paralysis and these are some of the guys that hit 40 42 and they haven't gotten
that hit 40 42 and they haven't gotten married they don't have kids and they
married they don't have kids and they sort of are like why would I ever settle
sort of are like why would I ever settle down if I don't have to or I'm going to
down if I don't have to or I'm going to wait as long as possible but they don't
wait as long as possible but they don't understand the opportunity cost which is
understand the opportunity cost which is building a life with someone having kids
building a life with someone having kids every year year that you wait to have
every year year that you wait to have kids is a year that your kids will be
kids is a year that your kids will be alive without you and so I really feel
alive without you and so I really feel like these people in the top percentage
like these people in the top percentage yes they're having a much easier time
yes they're having a much easier time but they also have problems because
but they also have problems because they're having decision paralysis and
they're having decision paralysis and they're not settling down but I I would
they're not settling down but I I would just I think the reality though on the
just I think the reality though on the ground is that if you're a
ground is that if you're a High um status male you think age is on
High um status male you think age is on your side and it is and because the
your side and it is and because the reality is the bi the math is just
reality is the bi the math is just unfair to women it is because if you're
unfair to women it is because if you're a 30-year-old male making really good
a 30-year-old male making really good money and it you know relative like just
money and it you know relative like just not
not unattractive at
unattractive at 40 you're going to be even sexier your
40 you're going to be even sexier your sexual currency goes up I do think that
sexual currency goes up I do think that there's a point where it starts to go
there's a point where it starts to go down and I've seen that with my coaching
down and I've seen that with my coaching clients and part of that is just how the
clients and part of that is just how the dating apps work that if you are an
dating apps work that if you are an attractive woman and you set your age
attractive woman and you set your age maximum at 40 I do see that those men
maximum at 40 I do see that those men see diminishing returns after that age
see diminishing returns after that age well especially if they haven't ever
well especially if they haven't ever been in a long-term relationship seen as
been in a long-term relationship seen as a clear red
a clear red flag if you're looking to take the next
flag if you're looking to take the next step in your Tech Career you'll want to
step in your Tech Career you'll want to hear about our sponsor Inuit I've always
hear about our sponsor Inuit I've always believed that if you want to do your
believed that if you want to do your best work you have to put yourself in
best work you have to put yourself in the right environment you want to work
the right environment you want to work with the best you want to work with the
with the best you want to work with the best technologists who are leading
best technologists who are leading Innovation with data and Ai and this is
Innovation with data and Ai and this is what you can expect into it they're
what you can expect into it they're growing their Tech careers building an
growing their Tech careers building an AI driven expert platform that connects
AI driven expert platform that connects people to all the money they deserve The
people to all the money they deserve The Cutting Edge Tech they are developing in
Cutting Edge Tech they are developing in products like Turbo Tax Credit Karma
products like Turbo Tax Credit Karma QuickBooks and MailChimp are helping
QuickBooks and MailChimp are helping around a 100 million customers and
around a 100 million customers and businesses put more money in their
businesses put more money in their Pockets having a mission-driven culture
Pockets having a mission-driven culture is something I really align with because
is something I really align with because it's all about solving complex customer
it's all about solving complex customer problems with rapid experimentation to
problems with rapid experimentation to move faster quite similar to the culture
move faster quite similar to the culture I want to Foster at my companies if this
I want to Foster at my companies if this sounds like you and you want to grow
sounds like you and you want to grow your Tech Career working alongside the
your Tech Career working alongside the best check out intuit.com SL careers
best check out intuit.com SL careers they also offer hybrid work and a very
they also offer hybrid work and a very inclusive culture with offices in
inclusive culture with offices in Atlanta New York San Diego the Bay Area
Atlanta New York San Diego the Bay Area Toronto and around the world head over
Toronto and around the world head over to in nit t/c careers to explore their
to in nit t/c careers to explore their opportunities no matter where I am in
opportunities no matter where I am in the world it seems like everyone is
the world it seems like everyone is drinking matcha and there's a good
drinking matcha and there's a good chance that that matcha you're drinking
chance that that matcha you're drinking is made by a company that I've invested
is made by a company that I've invested more than seven figures in who are a
more than seven figures in who are a sponsor of this podcast called perfect
sponsor of this podcast called perfect Ted because they're the brand used
Ted because they're the brand used globally by caf like blank Street Coffee
globally by caf like blank Street Coffee and Joe in the juice and many many more
and Joe in the juice and many many more not only can you get perfect de match in
not only can you get perfect de match in cafes but you can now also make it at
cafes but you can now also make it at home much cheaper in seconds using our
home much cheaper in seconds using our flavored matcha powders that I have here
flavored matcha powders that I have here in front of me perfect Ted matcha is
in front of me perfect Ted matcha is ceremonial grade and soured from Japan
ceremonial grade and soured from Japan it is smooth it is naturally sweet not
it is smooth it is naturally sweet not like those bitter grassy matches that I
like those bitter grassy matches that I tried before perfect Ted and if you are
tried before perfect Ted and if you are one of those people that have told
one of those people that have told yourself you don't like matcha it's
yourself you don't like matcha it's probably because you haven't tried our
probably because you haven't tried our perfect Ted matcha and you can find
perfect Ted matcha and you can find perfect Ted match in the UK in Tesco
perfect Ted match in the UK in Tesco Sainsbury's Holland and Barett and in
Sainsbury's Holland and Barett and in waitrose or Albert Hine if you're in the
waitrose or Albert Hine if you're in the Netherlands and on Amazon in the USA or
Netherlands and on Amazon in the USA or get the full range online at perfect.com
get the full range online at perfect.com where you can get 40% off your first
where you can get 40% off your first order with code Steven
order with code Steven 40 what role does feminism and the rise
40 what role does feminism and the rise of feminism play in all of this because
of feminism play in all of this because I've had people on my podcast I think
I've had people on my podcast I think actually our last episode we published
actually our last episode we published was a lady who's a child psychologist
was a lady who's a child psychologist she's been that way for three decad ades
she's been that way for three decad ades and she came on and said that the
and she came on and said that the feminist movement has let men and women
feminist movement has let men and women down in some ways there's been great
down in some ways there's been great upsides but there's also been a cost and
upsides but there's also been a cost and one of the things she was really big on
one of the things she was really big on which I thought would be extremely
which I thought would be extremely controversial it turns out it wasn't in
controversial it turns out it wasn't in the comment section is that she believes
the comment section is that she believes women should be there for the first two
women should be there for the first two years of a child's life and I was like I
years of a child's life and I was like I questioned her on that I was like and
questioned her on that I was like and then I looked at the stats and I looked
then I looked at the stats and I looked at the research and she basically makes
at the research and she basically makes the case that because the the mother is
the case that because the the mother is producing certain hormones so I searched
producing certain hormones so I searched and it was true we fact checked that
and it was true we fact checked that episode
episode and then beyond there the the the man
and then beyond there the the the man her father brings out another set of
her father brings out another set of hormones in the in the young child which
hormones in the in the young child which are about play and adventure and all
are about play and adventure and all these kinds of things so she makes the
these kinds of things so she makes the case that we've kind of lied to women
case that we've kind of lied to women and we've told them that they can have
and we've told them that they can have it all they can have an incredible
it all they can have an incredible career they can also be incredible
career they can also be incredible mothers and um she says that in her
mothers and um she says that in her office she often sees mothers coming in
office she often sees mothers coming in saying that they're 39 years old they're
saying that they're 39 years old they're struggling they're trying to do IVF they
struggling they're trying to do IVF they feel like they were lied to throwing all
feel like they were lied to throwing all of that out there I'm going to quote
of that out there I'm going to quote Scott to Scott which is you can have it
Scott to Scott which is you can have it all just not at the same time yeah I
all just not at the same time yeah I don't you know it's we can talk about
don't you know it's we can talk about what is the best hormone balance and
what is the best hormone balance and brings out the best in kids and then
brings out the best in kids and then there's the real world and my partner
there's the real world and my partner was working at Goldman Sachs with two
was working at Goldman Sachs with two babies and getting up at 5: in the
babies and getting up at 5: in the morning and it was hell for her and at
morning and it was hell for her and at the same time and I you know at the same
the same time and I you know at the same time I was struggling with trying to get
time I was struggling with trying to get economic traction because my whole
economic traction because my whole identity as a man I'm not proud of this
identity as a man I'm not proud of this has been defined by money so is mine I
has been defined by money so is mine I don't think men say this enough like
don't think men say this enough like yeah of I I thought this was really
yeah of I I thought this was really weird cuz I'm we're we're in Austin
weird cuz I'm we're we're in Austin right now and my team put me up in a
right now and my team put me up in a hotel and it's just like a normal Hotel
hotel and it's just like a normal Hotel I'm like so I don't give a [ __ ] my
I'm like so I don't give a [ __ ] my girlfriend comes to town tonight
girlfriend comes to town tonight immediately my brain goes oh my God we
immediately my brain goes oh my God we need to move into a better Hotel Airbnb
need to move into a better Hotel Airbnb because my girlfriend I've been with her
because my girlfriend I've been with her for seven years she doesn't give off H
for seven years she doesn't give off H yeah she doesn't care about material
yeah she doesn't care about material things she doesn't have a Louis Vuitton
things she doesn't have a Louis Vuitton anything she's a breath work she's a
anything she's a breath work she's a yogi right but there's still this part
yogi right but there's still this part of me even at this stage where I'm like
of me even at this stage where I'm like convinced she's not going anywhere where
convinced she's not going anywhere where I constantly think
I constantly think about I need to be successful I need to
about I need to be successful I need to have money I need to demonstrate
have money I need to demonstrate strength or she won't like me it's so
strength or she won't like me it's so it's so weird because it's not true like
it's so weird because it's not true like objectively I know it's not true but
objectively I know it's not true but it's in me I don't know I think it's
it's in me I don't know I think it's mostly true what do you mean I think in
mostly true what do you mean I think in a capitalist Society the health care of
a capitalist Society the health care of your children the opportunities your
your children the opportunities your children have your ability to provide
children have your ability to provide your ability to take care of your
your ability to take care of your parents unfortunately in our society is
parents unfortunately in our society is so tightly correlated to money yeah that
so tightly correlated to money yeah that I I think at the end of the day
I I think at the end of the day masculinity kind of comes down to
masculinity kind of comes down to provider protector and procreator and I
provider protector and procreator and I think every young man should take at
think every young man should take at least start with the notion they're
least start with the notion they're going to be the economic provider and by
going to be the economic provider and by the way that might mean getting out of
the way that might mean getting out of the way and being more supportive of
the way and being more supportive of your partner who happens to be better at
your partner who happens to be better at the whole money thing than you that's
the whole money thing than you that's part of masculinity too but a good place
part of masculinity too but a good place to start is to assume in a capital
to start is to assume in a capital society that you're just you have a
society that you're just you have a responsibility to be economically viable
responsibility to be economically viable and every piece of incentive in our
and every piece of incentive in our society I remember in the 70s when I was
society I remember in the 70s when I was in grade school our principal was a cool
in grade school our principal was a cool guy he wore cool jackets and he had
guy he wore cool jackets and he had great hair and he smelled Aqua Velva and
great hair and he smelled Aqua Velva and he drove a 240Z you could be a High
he drove a 240Z you could be a High character handsome interesting cool guy
character handsome interesting cool guy into karate or whatever now I just think
into karate or whatever now I just think it's all about the
it's all about the Benjamins I just it is so our society
Benjamins I just it is so our society democracy your rights your sexual
democracy your rights your sexual attractiveness as a man I don't care
attractiveness as a man I don't care what yeah write me an article about how
what yeah write me an article about how men just need to be emotionally
men just need to be emotionally available [ __ ] it's it's so
available [ __ ] it's it's so disappointingly about money in my view
disappointingly about money in my view all the incentives telling young men and
all the incentives telling young men and so they go to these get-rich quick
so they go to these get-rich quick schemes if they can make money they feel
schemes if they can make money they feel they feel like losers but what you're
they feel like losers but what you're feeling quite frankly is common sense
feeling quite frankly is common sense from every signal that if for some
from every signal that if for some reason it doesn't work out with your
reason it doesn't work out with your mate your selection set of mates how
mate your selection set of mates how interesting you are to other men your
interesting you are to other men your opportunities your rights your democracy
opportunities your rights your democracy is going to be based on your ability to
is going to be based on your ability to be economically powerful it's not the
be economically powerful it's not the way the world should be but it is the
way the world should be but it is the way the world is and when I say to young
way the world is and when I say to young men is there's just no getting around it
men is there's just no getting around it you have to be economically viable would
you have to be economically viable would you say the same thing to women or would
you say the same thing to women or would you say there's no getting around it you
you say there's no getting around it you have to be hot no I think women I think
have to be hot no I think women I think women
women unfortunately so this is base analysis
unfortunately so this is base analysis women men get turned on with their eyes
women men get turned on with their eyes it's more important for a woman to be
it's more important for a woman to be aesthetically attractive than a man we
aesthetically attractive than a man we men women get turned on with their ears
men women get turned on with their ears that's the way I would describe it I
that's the way I would describe it I think women economic Liberation and
think women economic Liberation and Independence is Paramount you know the
Independence is Paramount you know the thing that was the hardest thing in my
thing that was the hardest thing in my life growing up you know whatever trauma
life growing up you know whatever trauma I had was not having wasn't not having a
I had was not having wasn't not having a dad in my life it was that me and my mom
dad in my life it was that me and my mom didn't any [ __ ] money and it was
didn't any [ __ ] money and it was humiliating for us it was very hard on
humiliating for us it was very hard on her it was emotionally very trying on
her it was emotionally very trying on her because she felt like she was
her because she felt like she was failing as a mother so I think women
failing as a mother so I think women Absolut women making a lot of money is a
Absolut women making a lot of money is a collective victory of our society it is
collective victory of our society it is hugely important and wonderful we should
hugely important and wonderful we should do nothing to get in the way of that
do nothing to get in the way of that that doesn't in any way though obviate
that doesn't in any way though obviate the fact that a man's opportunity sexual
the fact that a man's opportunity sexual currency and place in our society
currency and place in our society is almost going to have an R of one
is almost going to have an R of one regardless of how many subscriptions to
regardless of how many subscriptions to the Atlantic or the New York Times you
the Atlantic or the New York Times you have if his economic viability and I
have if his economic viability and I just don't I think it's gotten worse I I
just don't I think it's gotten worse I I don't think it's got you used to be able
don't think it's got you used to be able to if you were a High character kind of
to if you were a High character kind of cool interesting nice guy who was a
cool interesting nice guy who was a principal at a junior high school you
principal at a junior high school you had sexual currency now I think you can
had sexual currency now I think you can be a [ __ ] [ __ ] but if you've sold
be a [ __ ] [ __ ] but if you've sold $10 million in DOA coin you can get laid
$10 million in DOA coin you can get laid and and it's just getting worse because
and and it's just getting worse because our capitalist economy is providing so
our capitalist economy is providing so many advantages solely based on money
many advantages solely based on money and it sends the wrong signal but I just
and it sends the wrong signal but I just tell I just tell dudes you have to be
tell I just tell dudes you have to be economically viable and some of that is
economically viable and some of that is just having discipline around saving
just having discipline around saving money and showing that you have your
money and showing that you have your active maybe you don't make a lot of
active maybe you don't make a lot of money but I'm responsible I'll be a good
money but I'm responsible I'll be a good mate I'll be a good partner maybe you're
mate I'll be a good partner maybe you're making more money to me but I'll bring
making more money to me but I'll bring discipline you know I I I know how to
discipline you know I I I know how to fix [ __ ] I I can be a good
fix [ __ ] I I can be a good but one of the things I really am
but one of the things I really am worried about in America is just
worried about in America is just everything has become About the
everything has become About the Benjamins character is being squeezed
Benjamins character is being squeezed out by
out by money God that sounded
money God that sounded awful I want to ask you have you ever
awful I want to ask you have you ever felt what Scott describes have you ever
felt what Scott describes have you ever felt that your sort of sense of
felt that your sort of sense of selfworth equates to how much money you
selfworth equates to how much money you have because I felt that I don't think I
have because I felt that I don't think I as much have money equals identity and
as much have money equals identity and selfworth but I do think for many people
selfworth but I do think for many people there's a sense that money equals
there's a sense that money equals security and so we're all chasing that
security and so we're all chasing that dollar which is security but I think for
dollar which is security but I think for men it's much stronger I don't relate to
men it's much stronger I don't relate to what you're talking about yeah so this
what you're talking about yeah so this is I've never actually asked a woman
is I've never actually asked a woman this before but um it's the number one
this before but um it's the number one topic of conversation in my group chat
topic of conversation in my group chat with my boys is how much are we working
with my boys is how much are we working Saturday and Sunday to make more money
Saturday and Sunday to make more money make ourselves more successful and then
make ourselves more successful and then one of my friends who's not in my group
one of my friends who's not in my group chat but one of my extended friends went
chat but one of my extended friends went through financial hard hardship
through financial hard hardship and um he's in the leadup to starting a
and um he's in the leadup to starting a family Etc and he went through a moment
family Etc and he went through a moment where he was going to be declared
where he was going to be declared bankrupt and he was
bankrupt and he was inconsolably um depressed his partner
inconsolably um depressed his partner was fine she was kind of like you know
was fine she was kind of like you know we'll get through this but he as it was
we'll get through this but he as it was like his he actually said to me he goes
like his he actually said to me he goes I've never quote I've never felt more
I've never quote I've never felt more worthless and that's something that I've
worthless and that's something that I've heard echoed by many men who go you know
heard echoed by many men who go you know go through sort of economic uh Financial
go through sort of economic uh Financial roller coasters and that was actually
roller coasters and that was actually one of the stats in that report the boys
one of the stats in that report the boys reporter Richard Reeves talks about this
reporter Richard Reeves talks about this I think that's actually where it comes
I think that's actually where it comes from so Richard Reeves says that the
from so Richard Reeves says that the number one cause of death for young men
number one cause of death for young men under 15 is suicide and that men in
under 15 is suicide and that men in general the things that they describe in
general the things that they describe in their notes when they commit suicide are
their notes when they commit suicide are these
these words worthless and useless and so if
words worthless and useless and so if men feel like their identity and their
men feel like their identity and their value and their worth comes from money
value and their worth comes from money when they don't have money or they can't
when they don't have money or they can't be a provider and they're sort of on the
be a provider and they're sort of on the edge of Society then they're literally
edge of Society then they're literally opting out sometimes with their
opting out sometimes with their lives okay I want to take the
lives okay I want to take the metaphorical iPad and ask you guys some
metaphorical iPad and ask you guys some questions because I feel like I've kind
questions because I feel like I've kind of said what I want to say about this
of said what I want to say about this topic but I'm sure there are just
topic but I'm sure there are just millions of people that look up to both
millions of people that look up to both of you as symbols of masculinity Scott
of you as symbols of masculinity Scott this is true right moms talk to you all
this is true right moms talk to you all the time and say how can I help my son
the time and say how can I help my son and so like there's things that I want
and so like there's things that I want to know because this topic is the thing
to know because this topic is the thing I'm most passionate about I want to
I'm most passionate about I want to spend the next five years really helping
spend the next five years really helping with this problem and the mating Gap but
with this problem and the mating Gap but I don't know that men will listen to me
I don't know that men will listen to me but they will listen to you so I want to
but they will listen to you so I want to learn from you so if you could teach a
learn from you so if you could teach a dating boot camp to all guys and even
dating boot camp to all guys and even talk about what you would have them
talk about what you would have them unlearn what are some of those
unlearn what are some of those messages I would dating boot camp yeah
messages I would dating boot camp yeah um or being a human boot camp let's just
um or being a human boot camp let's just extend we have module one comedy oo
extend we have module one comedy oo because the only thing that got me laid
because the only thing that got me laid when I was broke was I was like slightly
when I was broke was I was like slightly funny sometimes yeah I could be broken
funny sometimes yeah I could be broken impr this could be just this yeah keep
impr this could be just this yeah keep going um something around confidence
going um something around confidence which is just standing I noticed that
which is just standing I noticed that posture correlates to dating success so
posture correlates to dating success so I'd have men learn to to stand up
I'd have men learn to to stand up straight and to control their posture
straight and to control their posture and take up more space and I mean that
and take up more space and I mean that in the nicest possible way which is
in the nicest possible way which is don't be shriveled so like stand up
don't be shriveled so like stand up standing up straight which is obviously
standing up straight which is obviously one of the things that going to the gym
one of the things that going to the gym does it kind of pulls you out a little
does it kind of pulls you out a little bit as well typical um but going out of
bit as well typical um but going out of fashion male manners
fashion male manners open up the door I still open up the
open up the door I still open up the door for my girlfriend every single day
door for my girlfriend every single day even though apparently they went through
even though apparently they went through a phase where that was seen as like not
a phase where that was seen as like not okay to do but I've always taken great
okay to do but I've always taken great pride in it and funnily enough opening
pride in it and funnily enough opening up the door for my partner makes me feel
up the door for my partner makes me feel good I'm like doing it for selfish
good I'm like doing it for selfish reasons it makes me feel like a man it
reasons it makes me feel like a man it makes me feel strong also like when a
makes me feel strong also like when a bus comes I love the fact that I put my
bus comes I love the fact that I put my hand across my girlfriend that for me
hand across my girlfriend that for me makes me feel like a man I love that
makes me feel like a man I love that when we cross a road I'm the one that's
when we cross a road I'm the one that's looking out I love that I stand on the
looking out I love that I stand on the the roads side of the pavement Etc so I
the roads side of the pavement Etc so I teach men these kind of behaviors and
teach men these kind of behaviors and definitely going to the gym and then as
definitely going to the gym and then as Scott said like entrepreneurship or
Scott said like entrepreneurship or making some money that would be Central
making some money that would be Central to my boot C I'll give you one
to my boot C I'll give you one more it would be conflict resolution and
more it would be conflict resolution and this goes to like the emotional empathy
this goes to like the emotional empathy point one thing that I struggle with or
point one thing that I struggle with or at least I struggled with until my
at least I struggled with until my girlfriend coached me and I did this
girlfriend coached me and I did this podcast so many times that I learned
podcast so many times that I learned some lessons is just how to deal with
some lessons is just how to deal with conflict um when when the spiring
conflict um when when the spiring partner is a woman because men in
partner is a woman because men in Conflict we have a certain way typically
Conflict we have a certain way typically but learning the skill of hearing and
but learning the skill of hearing and understanding your partner and which is
understanding your partner and which is very difficult and like listen this
very difficult and like listen this might just be me I find it incredibly
might just be me I find it incredibly difficult to sit and to listen to my
difficult to sit and to listen to my partner for 90 minutes when she tells me
partner for 90 minutes when she tells me indirectly all the things I did wrong
indirectly all the things I did wrong I've had to learn the skill of doing
I've had to learn the skill of doing that and I I sat here with someone who's
that and I I sat here with someone who's a psychologist and said um she they they
a psychologist and said um she they they said to me if you're a man you have to
said to me if you're a man you have to learn the skill of sitting down for n 90
learn the skill of sitting down for n 90 minutes a week and letting your partner
minutes a week and letting your partner tell you everything that they're feeling
tell you everything that they're feeling and going through with my boys we don't
and going through with my boys we don't do that when we go on holiday it is
do that when we go on holiday it is total silence we what we're eating
total silence we what we're eating [ __ ] Pringles and watching the game
[ __ ] Pringles and watching the game when but when I'm with my partner and
when but when I'm with my partner and I'm sure when she's with her friends
I'm sure when she's with her friends it's talking so I I always I I've
it's talking so I I always I I've developed the skill now of just like
developed the skill now of just like sitting and listening and then sometimes
sitting and listening and then sometimes I take notes and then sometimes I repeat
I take notes and then sometimes I repeat back to her what she just said to me and
back to her what she just said to me and this is totally alien to me and it hurts
this is totally alien to me and it hurts when I do it it like hurts and I find it
when I do it it like hurts and I find it so uncomfortable
so uncomfortable like I find it really really
like I find it really really uncomfortable to do that even though
uncomfortable to do that even though this is something you spend hours a week
this is something you spend hours a week doing for 100% it's so unnatural to me
doing for 100% it's so unnatural to me but you've worked on it I've worked on
but you've worked on it I've worked on it yeah I did it like three days ago my
it yeah I did it like three days ago my girlfriend said I was traveling around
girlfriend said I was traveling around the world we were in I don't even know
the world we were in I don't even know what country we're in she goes I I've
what country we're in she goes I I've got some things I want to talk about um
got some things I want to talk about um can we put some time in the calendar do
can we put some time in the calendar do you have 60 minutes I'm I've gone off
you have 60 minutes I'm I've gone off stage in Sweden I put in 60 minutes into
stage in Sweden I put in 60 minutes into my calendar she video calls me and she
my calendar she video calls me and she talks to me for about 45 minutes I don't
talks to me for about 45 minutes I don't have anything to say I'm so and I just
have anything to say I'm so and I just sit there and listen and in between the
sit there and listen and in between the lines it's like things I could do better
lines it's like things I could do better she's she's not blaming me or anything
she's she's not blaming me or anything but it's it's hard for me my boys would
but it's it's hard for me my boys would never do that our friendship isn't
never do that our friendship isn't contingent on those things so that's
contingent on those things so that's what I would say I love that like I
what I would say I love that like I don't know if that you relate to that
don't know if that you relate to that but I think about this a lot with my
but I think about this a lot with my boys and I think kind of the three legs
boys and I think kind of the three legs of the stool are provider I'm probably
of the stool are provider I'm probably over focused on the economics that
over focused on the economics that doesn't necess mean making a lot of
doesn't necess mean making a lot of money but at least being disciplined and
money but at least being disciplined and responsible about it developing skills
responsible about it developing skills certific having a plan right be don't be
certific having a plan right be don't be the guy ordering a bottle of Grey Goose
the guy ordering a bottle of Grey Goose at 2 in the morning like I'm going home
at 2 in the morning like I'm going home because I got to get up you know I have
because I got to get up you know I have I have a
I have a plan
plan and you know I have a vision for how I'm
and you know I have a vision for how I'm going to be a good provider a protector
going to be a good provider a protector good manners your default system is
good manners your default system is protection you you constantly talk speak
protection you you constantly talk speak well of people behind their backs you
well of people behind their backs you hear someone being critical of someone
hear someone being critical of someone else your
else your inclination is to defend them you don't
inclination is to defend them you don't demonize special interest groups your
demonize special interest groups your default setting if somebody needs help
default setting if somebody needs help anywhere or is being threatened it just
anywhere or is being threatened it just it's so heartbreaking to me that women
it's so heartbreaking to me that women feel unsafe when they see men when they
feel unsafe when they see men when they see a group of men coming down the
see a group of men coming down the street survey show women are inclined to
street survey show women are inclined to cross the street and it just feels like
cross the street and it just feels like from an early age men need to be taught
from an early age men need to be taught anyone smaller anyone more vulnerable
anyone smaller anyone more vulnerable than you anyone in a special interest
than you anyone in a special interest group you're def fault is protection
group you're def fault is protection that's what men do think about
that's what men do think about masculinity a soldier a cop a fireman
masculinity a soldier a cop a fireman what do they do at the end of the day
what do they do at the end of the day they protect that is your default
they protect that is your default operating system as a move to protection
operating system as a move to protection and then
and then procreator I think you should want to
procreator I think you should want to have sex I think you should be willing
have sex I think you should be willing to take risks I tell my boys I did this
to take risks I tell my boys I did this for a while they can't get back in the
for a while they can't get back in the house unless they talk to a
house unless they talk to a stranger and my oldest no problem hey
stranger and my oldest no problem hey what's going on what my youngest not as
what's going on what my youngest not as easy just go up and pet their dog I
easy just go up and pet their dog I think there are so many men out there
think there are so many men out there that have no willingness or ability to
that have no willingness or ability to open
open to you know to just say hi where are you
to you know to just say hi where are you from to just open and to want a romantic
from to just open and to want a romantic relationship is a wonderful thing
relationship is a wonderful thing there's nothing wrong with that modulate
there's nothing wrong with that modulate your porn
your porn decide ask yourself would you want to
decide ask yourself would you want to have sex with you get strong get fit get
have sex with you get strong get fit get get your act together smell nice groom
get your act together smell nice groom if you can't dress well find someone who
if you can't dress well find someone who can dress you and initiate contact and
can dress you and initiate contact and want to have a relationship with someone
want to have a relationship with someone that's a wonderful thing that Mojo is
that's a wonderful thing that Mojo is the the most purposeful wonderful thing
the the most purposeful wonderful thing in my life is that I'm raising two
in my life is that I'm raising two patriotic decent men and it started with
patriotic decent men and it started with me really wanting to have sex with this
me really wanting to have sex with this woman I saw at the pool at the Raleigh
woman I saw at the pool at the Raleigh Hotel right and I know that sounds crass
Hotel right and I know that sounds crass it's like I looked at her and thought I
it's like I looked at her and thought I am really attracted to this woman so I'm
am really attracted to this woman so I'm going to take a risk in the middle of
going to take a risk in the middle of the day without the benefit of alcohol
the day without the benefit of alcohol I'm going to walk up and introduce
I'm going to walk up and introduce myself to her and another guy and woman
myself to her and another guy and woman she was with hey where are you guys from
she was with hey where are you guys from and then 18 months later our first son
and then 18 months later our first son was born middle named Raleigh after the
was born middle named Raleigh after the hotel take risks be want to have meeting
hotel take risks be want to have meeting opportunity
opportunity you're a provider your default system is
you're a provider your default system is a protector and there's nothing wrong
a protector and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a
with wanting to be a procreator I love everything you said
procreator I love everything you said and then one thing was going through my
and then one thing was going through my head as you said it was it feels really
head as you said it was it feels really sad that in this moment at time we have
sad that in this moment at time we have to tell people to become procreators
to tell people to become procreators don't you feel like there's something
don't you feel like there's something sick in our society if that has to be
sick in our society if that has to be taught evolutionarily all of our
taught evolutionarily all of our software is towards procreation like
software is towards procreation like that is we are wired yet people are so
that is we are wired yet people are so sick from the food that they eat from
sick from the food that they eat from all the medications that people are on
all the medications that people are on from all the pornography from all the
from all the pornography from all the technology that you literally have to
technology that you literally have to teach your sons the importance of
teach your sons the importance of procreation and that's why I'm here and
procreation and that's why I'm here and that's why I'm really freaked out by all
that's why I'm really freaked out by all of this stuff because we are at a point
of this stuff because we are at a point in society where in South Korea of a
in society where in South Korea of a hundred people of childbearing age they
hundred people of childbearing age they are going to produce 12 grandchildren
are going to produce 12 grandchildren based on a seven birth rate and the fact
based on a seven birth rate and the fact that you talk about the PE of
that you talk about the PE of procreation like I'm so worried about
procreation like I'm so worried about our society it's 60% of 4 of 30y olds 40
our society it's 60% of 4 of 30y olds 40 years ago used to have a kid now it's
years ago used to have a kid now it's 27% so when I was on the plane on the
27% so when I was on the plane on the way here I told this woman who was
way here I told this woman who was sitting next to me what I was going to
sitting next to me what I was going to be talking about and her gut reaction
be talking about and her gut reaction was oh why do we have to worry about
was oh why do we have to worry about that women are doing better than men
that women are doing better than men like great let us do that for the first
like great let us do that for the first time in history like her gut reaction
time in history like her gut reaction was why is this a problem I then I
was why is this a problem I then I started telling her these stats around
started telling her these stats around lowest um marriage rate near we're
lowest um marriage rate near we're approaching the lowest marriage rate in
approaching the lowest marriage rate in US history the birth rate has gone down
US history the birth rate has gone down 20% in 20 years and she didn't know
20% in 20 years and she didn't know these numbers and I feel like people are
these numbers and I feel like people are afraid to talk about this topic because
afraid to talk about this topic because they think it's a zero sum game where
they think it's a zero sum game where when men lose women win and vice versa
when men lose women win and vice versa but right now we're all losing there's
but right now we're all losing there's huge economic impact too because it used
huge economic impact too because it used to be 12 people working age to support
to be 12 people working age to support every senior now it's 3 to one if we
every senior now it's 3 to one if we don't have kids we're going to go into
don't have kids we're going to go into economic decline yeah South Korea is
economic decline yeah South Korea is replacing its Nursery schools with its
replacing its Nursery schools with its nursing homes like they are the anti-
nursing homes like they are the anti- example for us and I think people need
example for us and I think people need to be paying attention by 2050 about 40%
to be paying attention by 2050 about 40% of the population will be senior
of the population will be senior citizens in the labor force could have
citizens in the labor force could have hared within the next 40 years the bank
hared within the next 40 years the bank of Korea warns that if current trends
of Korea warns that if current trends persist the Korean economy could begin
persist the Korean economy could begin Contracting in 10 years
Contracting in 10 years time and this presents a national
time and this presents a national service risk as the country relies on
service risk as the country relies on its conscripted military this will fall
its conscripted military this will fall by hundreds and hundreds of thousands of
by hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people by 2025 the half oh my gosh could
people by 2025 the half oh my gosh could fall from 250,000 troops to 125,000
fall from 250,000 troops to 125,000 troops politics is the last thing I
troops politics is the last thing I wanted to talk about and how this sort
wanted to talk about and how this sort of intertwines with um everything we've
of intertwines with um everything we've talked about today obviously Trump is
talked about today obviously Trump is now in power and um as we saw in the
now in power and um as we saw in the data and it was touched on earlier on
data and it was touched on earlier on young men have become more right leing
young men have become more right leing and more conservative than ever
and more conservative than ever before the left hasn't necessarily
before the left hasn't necessarily offered the best Best vision of
offered the best Best vision of masculinity the young men is something
masculinity the young men is something Scots talked about previously I was
Scots talked about previously I was wondering I think this morning in the
wondering I think this morning in the hotel I was wondering I was like how are
hotel I was wondering I was like how are how is the left going to get men
how is the left going to get men back is that possible because the vision
back is that possible because the vision of masculinity this is something Scotts
of masculinity this is something Scotts talked about that the left portrays is
talked about that the left portrays is not doesn't seem to be in line with all
not doesn't seem to be in line with all the things we've just described that we
the things we've just described that we feel intuitively as men the things we
feel intuitively as men the things we think are important like economic
think are important like economic viability being strong you know all
viability being strong you know all that's SK goovers
that's SK goovers well on the right they've
well on the right they've conflated masculinity with coarseness
conflated masculinity with coarseness and cruelty the two kind of Role
and cruelty the two kind of Role Models you know president Trump who in
Models you know president Trump who in my opinion
my opinion demonstrates a lack of Grace and a lack
demonstrates a lack of Grace and a lack of empathy and a lack of kindness and
of empathy and a lack of kindness and Elon Musk is concurrently being sued by
Elon Musk is concurrently being sued by two women for sole
two women for sole custody of their their kid because he
custody of their their kid because he hasn't seen the kid I mean is that those
hasn't seen the kid I mean is that those are the role models we want for young
are the role models we want for young men and on the left their vision of
men and on the left their vision of masculinity is act more like a woman I
masculinity is act more like a woman I don't think that's helpful either I went
don't think that's helpful either I went to the Democratic National
to the Democratic National Convention and there was a parade of
Convention and there was a parade of special interest groups everyone was
special interest groups everyone was represented except for the group that
represented except for the group that needs the most representation right now
needs the most representation right now in my view and that is young men if you
in my view and that is young men if you go to the DNC website they list 16
go to the DNC website they list 16 special interest groups and they say who
special interest groups and they say who we serve they call it out who we
we serve they call it out who we serve Asian Pacific Islanders seniors
serve Asian Pacific Islanders seniors the disabled
the disabled immigrants black Americans and I added
immigrants black Americans and I added it up it's 74% of the US population and
it up it's 74% of the US population and when you say you're actively advocating
when you say you're actively advocating for
for 74% you're not advocating for the 74%
74% you're not advocating for the 74% you're discriminating against the 26%
you're discriminating against the 26% and who are the 26% young men is this a
and who are the 26% young men is this a consequence of Dei I think that's part
consequence of Dei I think that's part of it I think there's been so many
of it I think there's been so many groups that have been discriminated
groups that have been discriminated against and the the way I would just
against and the the way I would just Loosely describe the Democratic party is
Loosely describe the Democratic party is we have the right ideas and then we just
we have the right ideas and then we just take it to too far you know there were
take it to too far you know there were women have gotten a raw deal so they
women have gotten a raw deal so they need Advantage you know gays have been
need Advantage you know gays have been persecuted people non-whites have had
persecuted people non-whites have had there were 12 black people in 60 years
there were 12 black people in 60 years ago in Princeton Harvard and Yale
ago in Princeton Harvard and Yale combined that was a problem this year
combined that was a problem this year more than 60% of Harvard's Freshman
more than 60% of Harvard's Freshman Class identify as non-white so I think
Class identify as non-white so I think we got to get out of identity politics
we got to get out of identity politics but the notion I I this this it largely
but the notion I I this this it largely came from the left this notion of toxic
came from the left this notion of toxic masculinity there's no such thing
masculinity there's no such thing because there's violence there's people
because there's violence there's people are criminals there's people who are
are criminals there's people who are unkind that means they're not masculine
unkind that means they're not masculine masculinity is being a protector a
masculinity is being a protector a provider a procreator and the Democratic
provider a procreator and the Democratic party seems to believe that leaning into
party seems to believe that leaning into anything around your advantage of being
anything around your advantage of being male in terms of your strength your
male in terms of your strength your kindness you're wanting to procreate
kindness you're wanting to procreate you're initiating sexual contact or sex
you're initiating sexual contact or sex romantic interest
romantic interest is somehow a threat and somehow toxic I
is somehow a threat and somehow toxic I just think they've sent absolutely the
just think they've sent absolutely the right wrong signal and into that void
right wrong signal and into that void has stepped basically thinly veiled
has stepped basically thinly veiled misogyny that is just so ugly you know
misogyny that is just so ugly you know the the the and and he Trump flew right
the the the and and he Trump flew right into it the reason Trump won this
into it the reason Trump won this election in my view is the groups that
election in my view is the groups that pivoted hardest from Blue to Red 2020 to
pivoted hardest from Blue to Red 2020 to 2024 were Latinos were sick of being
2024 were Latinos were sick of being categorized by their identity but
categorized by their identity but numbers two and three were people under
numbers two and three were people under the age of 30 especially males who are
the age of 30 especially males who are not doing very well and feel like Donald
not doing very well and feel like Donald Trump feels their pain and women age 45
Trump feels their pain and women age 45 to 64 and my thesis is that's their
to 64 and my thesis is that's their mothers because if your son isn't doing
mothers because if your son isn't doing well you don't care about territorial
well you don't care about territorial sovereignty and Ukraine or transgender
sovereignty and Ukraine or transgender rights you just want to change my son
rights you just want to change my son isn't doing well those are the people
isn't doing well those are the people that whisper to me in the streets about
that whisper to me in the streets about these conversations it's the 40 to 55y
these conversations it's the 40 to 55y old mother who has a son who doesn't
old mother who has a son who doesn't feel like she can speak up but says to
feel like she can speak up but says to me privately that she's worried about
me privately that she's worried about her her kids and actually we had some y
her her kids and actually we had some y some mothers right in all of which
some mothers right in all of which wanted to stay Anonymous saying this
wanted to stay Anonymous saying this exact same thing they've got an
exact same thing they've got an 18-year-old son they're super concerned
18-year-old son they're super concerned they've got a 16-year-old son the son
they've got a 16-year-old son the son looks lost um as the stats show from the
looks lost um as the stats show from the report they're not leaving home in the
report they're not leaving home in the same way that women their daughters
same way that women their daughters leave home but they don't know what to
leave home but they don't know what to do about it so for those parents that
do about it so for those parents that are listening now we can't change
are listening now we can't change society
society um what would you recommend a parent of
um what would you recommend a parent of a young
a young boy does first thing is forgive yourself
boy does first thing is forgive yourself there's this
there's this natural part of a separation where and I
natural part of a separation where and I think this is true of girls but
think this is true of girls but especially boys where to make the
especially boys where to make the separation easier we don't get along
separation easier we don't get along with our parents in our senior year in
with our parents in our senior year in high school
high school and that doesn't mean your son doesn't
and that doesn't mean your son doesn't love you that doesn't mean your son's
love you that doesn't mean your son's not going to figure it out but to
not going to figure it out but to forgive yourself
forgive yourself there's but going back to more
there's but going back to more actionable things try and get male uh
actionable things try and get male uh try and get men involved in his
try and get men involved in his life um and then you know dumb stuff
life um and then you know dumb stuff like my mom made sure I was in Boy
like my mom made sure I was in Boy Scouts my mom when I got caught from the
Scouts my mom when I got caught from the high school basketball and football team
high school basketball and football team she enrolled me in City League so I
she enrolled me in City League so I could continue to play sports but it was
could continue to play sports but it was mostly she was ensured that I had men in
mostly she was ensured that I had men in my life and I think that was really
my life and I think that was really really important for me but I you know I
really important for me but I you know I would just say that I feel like I need
would just say that I feel like I need to coach men more like what I say to boy
to coach men more like what I say to boy one of the first thing I say to boys I
one of the first thing I say to boys I had lunch with and was never I had lunch
had lunch with and was never I had lunch with someone who's a fairly famous news
with someone who's a fairly famous news anchor and her son and I asked the mom
anchor and her son and I asked the mom to EXC they started going at it and I
to EXC they started going at it and I asked the mom to excuse herself and I
asked the mom to excuse herself and I said to the mom I'm like you realize
said to the mom I'm like you realize this is the only person in your life
this is the only person in your life ever that wants you to be more
ever that wants you to be more successful than you you just got to cut
successful than you you just got to cut this [ __ ] out this woman is not your
this [ __ ] out this woman is not your enemy
enemy because and I heard that and I was sh I
because and I heard that and I was sh I was a bit ashamed because I remember
was a bit ashamed because I remember like being such an [ __ ] to my mother
like being such an [ __ ] to my mother you know so I think but I think I could
you know so I think but I think I could say that to him because I could look him
say that to him because I could look him in the eyes and say what the [ __ ] you
in the eyes and say what the [ __ ] you doing so I just think that male
doing so I just think that male involvement for single
involvement for single mothers and I think men are really
mothers and I think men are really willing to get involved whether it's
willing to get involved whether it's someone down the street a coach your you
someone down the street a coach your you know a sibling your brother whatever it
know a sibling your brother whatever it is but I do think again the research
is but I do think again the research shows that the the the point of failure
shows that the the the point of failure is when a boy loses a male role model
is when a boy loses a male role model and also to forgive yourself being a
and also to forgive yourself being a single parent with a son I think that's
single parent with a son I think that's hard I just think it's hard Logan you've
hard I just think it's hard Logan you've got some questions I can see right pce
got some questions I can see right pce of paper I do have some questions for
of paper I do have some questions for Scott but I would love for you to answer
Scott but I would love for you to answer them too so one of them is what is
them too so one of them is what is something about being a man that you
something about being a man that you learned growing up that you have had to
learned growing up that you have had to unlearn
unlearn and I'm wondering specifically and how
and I'm wondering specifically and how you're raising your sons to avoid some
you're raising your sons to avoid some of those
of those things I think a
things I think a great proxy for masculinity and manhood
great proxy for masculinity and manhood is and Richard reev introduced me to
is and Richard reev introduced me to this I think it's so powerful and that a
this I think it's so powerful and that a surplus
surplus value it's not about a religious
value it's not about a religious ceremony it's not about having sex it's
ceremony it's not about having sex it's not about an age it's about getting to
not about an age it's about getting to the point of surplus
the point of surplus value you create more tax revenue than
value you create more tax revenue than you absorb I say to my boys your
you absorb I say to my boys your negative value look at all the resources
negative value look at all the resources going into look at all the love we love
going into look at all the love we love you so much more than you love us your
you so much more than you love us your teachers are spending all this time in
teachers are spending all this time in energy and you're giving you aren't
energy and you're giving you aren't giving anything back at some point that
giving anything back at some point that needs to Pivot so creating more tax
needs to Pivot so creating more tax revenue noticing people's life
revenue noticing people's life registering more complaints from other
registering more complaints from other people than you are complaining
people than you are complaining protecting people you know adding
protecting people you know adding Surplus value so you know these Notions
Surplus value so you know these Notions that
that and and I wasn't that guy I wanted more
and and I wasn't that guy I wanted more from everyone else than I was giving I
from everyone else than I was giving I was the guy that's when someone honked
was the guy that's when someone honked to me I was a guy that sped up and honk
to me I was a guy that sped up and honk back to restore the universe to its
back to restore the universe to its place if a Delta if a if a ticket
place if a Delta if a if a ticket counter agent at the airline counter was
counter agent at the airline counter was rude to me I needed to get back in their
rude to me I needed to get back in their face to restore Harmony to the universe
face to restore Harmony to the universe because I'm a [ __ ] baller and what
because I'm a [ __ ] baller and what you realize is being a man is
you realize is being a man is occasionally taking a hit right it's
occasionally taking a hit right it's having Surplus value it's noticing
having Surplus value it's noticing people's lives it's listening to
people's lives it's listening to complaints it's occasionally thinking
complaints it's occasionally thinking well maybe this person who com me off in
well maybe this person who com me off in traffic I don't know what's going on
traffic I don't know what's going on with them maybe their kid has diabetes
with them maybe their kid has diabetes maybe they're going through divorce it's
maybe they're going through divorce it's adding more value than you're taking and
adding more value than you're taking and until the age of like 40 I looked at
until the age of like 40 I looked at every relationship am I getting more out
every relationship am I getting more out of this than I'm giving and if I'm not
of this than I'm giving and if I'm not I'm out and what you realize is good
I'm out and what you realize is good business Partnerships you add as much or
business Partnerships you add as much or more value than your partners good
more value than your partners good relationships you witness the person's
relationships you witness the person's life you make them feel [ __ ] awesome
life you make them feel [ __ ] awesome if you leave this world a little bit in
if you leave this world a little bit in debt that's the whole point that's the
debt that's the whole point that's the whole point or a little bit the world's
whole point or a little bit the world's in debt to you that's the win and I used
in debt to you that's the win and I used to think as a young man that meant I
to think as a young man that meant I needed to exit the relationship I'm not
needed to exit the relationship I'm not getting more money or Services than I'm
getting more money or Services than I'm giving I'm not getting more kindness
giving I'm not getting more kindness than I'm not giving I'm not getting more
than I'm not giving I'm not getting more hot experiences with this romantic
hot experiences with this romantic partner than they're giving me I'm out
partner than they're giving me I'm out no it's the other way around being a man
no it's the other way around being a man is Surplus value yeah I've never thought
is Surplus value yeah I've never thought about that before but it's so true that
about that before but it's so true that like as a man you should aspire to be
like as a man you should aspire to be considered
considered generous and actually the first time
generous and actually the first time someone called me generous was like such
someone called me generous was like such an unbelievably wonderful compliment to
an unbelievably wonderful compliment to me because it means that people see you
me because it means that people see you as someone that's giving things but to
as someone that's giving things but to answer your question for me it was just
answer your question for me it was just um a willingness to express my emotions
um a willingness to express my emotions when I'm struggling that's like the
when I'm struggling that's like the that's always been the difficult thing
that's always been the difficult thing for me especially because of everything
for me especially because of everything I've said earlier about wanting to be
I've said earlier about wanting to be strong wanting to be a provider there
strong wanting to be a provider there are going to be moments where regardless
are going to be moments where regardless of how well you play the the game of
of how well you play the the game of life you're going to struggle and I did
life you're going to struggle and I did not have the tools I still really don't
not have the tools I still really don't have great tools for this but to turn to
have great tools for this but to turn to someone and say I'm really struggling
someone and say I'm really struggling with this and not to feel
with this and not to feel emasculated um and I would say that
emasculated um and I would say that because as a
because as a man pretty much the only person you have
man pretty much the only person you have in your life typically that you can turn
in your life typically that you can turn to is your your your your romantic
to is your your your your romantic partner that's also the last person you
partner that's also the last person you want to turn to and say you're
want to turn to and say you're struggling because again for me that
struggling because again for me that felt like I was being emasculated so I
felt like I was being emasculated so I remember the day very vividly when I was
remember the day very vividly when I was like 30 years old turning to my
like 30 years old turning to my girlfriend and like running the
girlfriend and like running the experiment of letting her know that I
experiment of letting her know that I was struggling with
was struggling with something and how difficult that was but
something and how difficult that was but the only reason I did it was because I
the only reason I did it was because I almost felt like I had no [ __ ] choice
almost felt like I had no [ __ ] choice I I'd like gotten to the point I was
I I'd like gotten to the point I was like I need to tell someone this and she
like I need to tell someone this and she was the the only person and I still
was the the only person and I still don't think I'd tell my my guy friends
don't think I'd tell my my guy friends everything I would tell them some things
everything I would tell them some things but I don't think I'd tell them
but I don't think I'd tell them everything and when I look at the stats
everything and when I look at the stats around mental health and depression
around mental health and depression which are absolutely horrific and some
which are absolutely horrific and some of these quotes that we had from some of
of these quotes that we had from some of the guys that wrote Into the show this
the guys that wrote Into the show this guy Liam said for me the biggest
guy Liam said for me the biggest challenge that young men face today is I
challenge that young men face today is I feel like I'm striving for meaning but I
feel like I'm striving for meaning but I can't find it anywhere I struggle to
can't find it anywhere I struggle to even sleep at night with some form of
even sleep at night with some form of substance because my brain is constantly
substance because my brain is constantly firing different scenarios at me that
firing different scenarios at me that I'm failing in my life when I am alone
I'm failing in my life when I am alone with my thoughts it's like having
with my thoughts it's like having never-ending lesson about how useless I
never-ending lesson about how useless I am and how I need to change everything
am and how I need to change everything in my life and the hardest part is I
in my life and the hardest part is I can't even tell anybody this because I
can't even tell anybody this because I would feel weak and then this guy
would feel weak and then this guy Jeffrey wrote in and said my entire life
Jeffrey wrote in and said my entire life I've never felt like I was good enough
I've never felt like I was good enough like I could never earn my place in
like I could never earn my place in society and even though I think I've
society and even though I think I've achieved some things by the age of 18 I
achieved some things by the age of 18 I still feel like deep inside I will never
still feel like deep inside I will never be enough and I'm still not enough and I
be enough and I'm still not enough and I can't tell
can't tell anybody and I think that's a problem
anybody and I think that's a problem that's quite unique to men it might be a
that's quite unique to men it might be a problem unique to my upbringing but I
problem unique to my upbringing but I just don't have the tools so when I look
just don't have the tools so when I look at the stats around depression and Men
at the stats around depression and Men killing themselves 75% of suicides in
killing themselves 75% of suicides in the UK are men and 75% of the worldwide
the UK are men and 75% of the worldwide are men and suicide as you said I think
are men and suicide as you said I think earlier as the leading cause of death
earlier as the leading cause of death amongst young men in 50 countries yeah
amongst young men in 50 countries yeah if you feel that meaningless and you
if you feel that meaningless and you feel that worthless and you don't have
feel that worthless and you don't have anyone to console about it to maybe tell
anyone to console about it to maybe tell you that you're wrong you know that's
you that you're wrong you know that's why when Scott said that you don't
why when Scott said that you don't necessarily buy the research that women
necessarily buy the research that women are looking for someone who's
are looking for someone who's emotionally intelligent fine then don't
emotionally intelligent fine then don't do it for your partner do it for
do it for your partner do it for yourself yeah I just saw the stand up
yourself yeah I just saw the stand up special by kumel nanani it's it'll I'm
special by kumel nanani it's it'll I'm sure it'll like come out on streaming
sure it'll like come out on streaming soon but the last 20 minutes was pretty
soon but the last 20 minutes was pretty incredible basically turned from like
incredible basically turned from like sort of silly standup into kind of like
sort of silly standup into kind of like his Ted talk so he told this amazing
his Ted talk so he told this amazing story about how one day he was speaking
story about how one day he was speaking to the press and he said I started to go
to the press and he said I started to go to therapy when there were a bunch of
to therapy when there were a bunch of bad reviews about my movie because I
bad reviews about my movie because I realized so much of my identity was tied
realized so much of my identity was tied up in external factors and this turned
up in external factors and this turned into headlines around the world that
into headlines around the world that said bad review land Kum nanian therapy
said bad review land Kum nanian therapy and he was really frustrated by this so
and he was really frustrated by this so in the standup special he took the five
in the standup special he took the five most popular things that people said
most popular things that people said criticizing him and he broke down each
criticizing him and he broke down each one so for example one of them was oh
one so for example one of them was oh boohoo poor you know super rich movie
boohoo poor you know super rich movie star feels sad about bad reviews we
star feels sad about bad reviews we should all feel sad for him and he's
should all feel sad for him and he's like no you don't have to feel sad for
like no you don't have to feel sad for me but I can feel sad for me and he went
me but I can feel sad for me and he went through all these things and he talked
through all these things and he talked about his therapy journey and how before
about his therapy journey and how before therapy he thought I just don't
therapy he thought I just don't experience negative emotions I don't
experience negative emotions I don't experience sadness and through therapy
experience sadness and through therapy he understood oh I experience sadness
he understood oh I experience sadness all the time but I don't allow myself to
all the time but I don't allow myself to feel it so it just comes out as anger so
feel it so it just comes out as anger so he told a story about talking to his dad
he told a story about talking to his dad on the phone his dad had just been in a
on the phone his dad had just been in a car accident but was fine and then he
car accident but was fine and then he helped his dad through that experience
helped his dad through that experience and then a few hours later he's like
and then a few hours later he's like where the [ __ ] is my Ninja Turtle
where the [ __ ] is my Ninja Turtle t-shirt and it's like he needed therapy
t-shirt and it's like he needed therapy to explain to him he's not upset about
to explain to him he's not upset about the T-shirt he's upset about his dad but
the T-shirt he's upset about his dad but I think that the fact that he you know
I think that the fact that he you know in his 40s or however old he is had to
in his 40s or however old he is had to learn that it makes me feel like
learn that it makes me feel like everyone needs to learn that if it's not
everyone needs to learn that if it's not for a romantic partner then it's for
for a romantic partner then it's for yourself because a life sucks if you
yourself because a life sucks if you can't cry you can't express emotions you
can't cry you can't express emotions you don't have people to talk to and so
don't have people to talk to and so forget about attracting a mate just not
forget about attracting a mate just not killing yourself just being a happier
killing yourself just being a happier person I think we just need more room
person I think we just need more room for men to express
emotions the first time I went to a therapist was when I was about about 30
therapist was when I was about about 30 30 1 and I put it off for so [ __ ]
30 1 and I put it off for so [ __ ] long for this reason because every part
long for this reason because every part of it made me feel like emasculated and
of it made me feel like emasculated and as a man you're like I know I can deal
as a man you're like I know I can deal with everything myself and I've got this
with everything myself and I've got this like like I said when the bus comes I
like like I said when the bus comes I put my hand in front of my girlfriend
put my hand in front of my girlfriend I'm always the protector so when you
I'm always the protector so when you find yourself in a position like these
find yourself in a position like these men who've written into the show where
men who've written into the show where you feel meaningless or you feel
you feel meaningless or you feel hopeless or there's some other challenge
hopeless or there's some other challenge in your life you think it's your job to
in your life you think it's your job to fix well I I thought it was like my job
fix well I I thought it was like my job to fix and also like maybe because I've
to fix and also like maybe because I've been a CEO since the age of of 18 I'm
been a CEO since the age of of 18 I'm always like holding for for everybody so
always like holding for for everybody so you learn to like keep a [ __ ]
you learn to like keep a [ __ ] straight face the business is on fire we
straight face the business is on fire we have no money to pay 170 people's wages
have no money to pay 170 people's wages and it's Friday and they're expecting
and it's Friday and they're expecting like you learn this skill of like
like you learn this skill of like numbness and that doesn't serve you when
numbness and that doesn't serve you when you're trying to resolve something and
you're trying to resolve something and this is why I think corn uh gambling
this is why I think corn uh gambling addiction become the Avenue because
addiction become the Avenue because there's not another Avenue to to sort of
there's not another Avenue to to sort of take pressure off the pressure valve
take pressure off the pressure valve so yeah difficult it's difficult the way
so yeah difficult it's difficult the way you the email you just read from that
you the email you just read from that young man I I've stopped and it sounds
young man I I've stopped and it sounds crash I can't handle the emails I get
crash I can't handle the emails I get anymore I'm getting so many emails from
anymore I'm getting so many emails from young men who are
young men who are just I mean you like you read an email
just I mean you like you read an email like that and you just like it's
like that and you just like it's devastating you know I haven't gotten
devastating you know I haven't gotten over the death of my father I'm living
over the death of my father I'm living alone I've become addicted to op I mean
alone I've become addicted to op I mean you just hear this [ __ ] like I know I
you just hear this [ __ ] like I know I have value to add I just can't figure it
have value to add I just can't figure it out or I mean just there's just so many
out or I mean just there's just so many of these men out there and I think a lot
of these men out there and I think a lot of it is I always looked to economics
of it is I always looked to economics I'm like we've got to figure out
I'm like we've got to figure out vocational programming I think we should
vocational programming I think we should have national service so people feel a
have national service so people feel a sense of identity and connection and
sense of identity and connection and purpose some of the lowest levels of
purpose some of the lowest levels of young adult depression are in Israel
young adult depression are in Israel despite all the existential threats
despite all the existential threats because they all serve in the IDF for
because they all serve in the IDF for two to three years I think we need more
two to three years I think we need more freshman seats at colleges I think we
freshman seats at colleges I think we need more third places where people uh I
need more third places where people uh I think a lot of it comes down to
think a lot of it comes down to economics and policy programs I think
economics and policy programs I think there's a lot we can do to help young
there's a lot we can do to help young men but in the US it's now 77% moving to
men but in the US it's now 77% moving to 80% suicides it's 4 to one if there was
80% suicides it's 4 to one if there was any special interest group you go into a
any special interest group you go into a Morgan America and five people di by
Morgan America and five people di by Suicide four men if that was any other
Suicide four men if that was any other special interest group versus the
special interest group versus the control group they'd weigh in with
control group they'd weigh in with programs but because of the enormous
programs but because of the enormous Advantage I registered and let's be
Advantage I registered and let's be honest it was enormous basically all
honest it was enormous basically all Prosperity In America which was
Prosperity In America which was unprecedented was crammed into 30% of
unprecedented was crammed into 30% of the population basically white males so
the population basically white males so we just had we had staggering
we just had we had staggering advantage and now 19-year-old males are
advantage and now 19-year-old males are paying the price for my advantage
paying the price for my advantage there's really a lack of empathy for
there's really a lack of empathy for them and what I do think is hopeful is
them and what I do think is hopeful is that
that s and women in society now realize that
s and women in society now realize that the
the country and women are not going to
country and women are not going to continue to flourish if men are flailing
continue to flourish if men are flailing and it finally feels like we're having a
and it finally feels like we're having a real program the governor Marilyn
real program the governor Marilyn Westmore has said that his Focus for his
Westmore has said that his Focus for his administration this is a governor of a
administration this is a governor of a state a liberal state is going to be on
state a liberal state is going to be on helping the state's young men I mean
helping the state's young men I mean that took such [ __ ] balls for him to
that took such [ __ ] balls for him to say that and you know what the populists
say that and you know what the populists received it well because on the ground
received it well because on the ground people are feeling it they're really
people are feeling it they're really feeling how much young men are
feeling how much young men are struggling so I'm actually quite hopeful
struggling so I'm actually quite hopeful that we've turned a corner in terms of
that we've turned a corner in terms of the dialogue because when I started
the dialogue because when I started talking about this four or five years
talking about this four or five years ago and right away oh you're massage
ago and right away oh you're massage your hair wasn't on fire when women were
your hair wasn't on fire when women were I mean just oh it was such there was
I mean just oh it was such there was such a gag reflex it has changed so
such a gag reflex it has changed so dramatically in the last four or five
dramatically in the last four or five years where do we send these guys
years where do we send these guys that's a great question and I wish I had
that's a great question and I wish I had a list of resources I'm trying to
a list of resources I'm trying to assemble it around all
assemble it around all right I mean I'm I'm involved with it
right I mean I'm I'm involved with it because it's difficult to discern
because it's difficult to discern between ordinary young adult or
between ordinary young adult or adolescent problems and when a kid's
adolescent problems and when a kid's suicidal I wish I had some sort of AI
suicidal I wish I had some sort of AI filter that would go this kid needs help
filter that would go this kid needs help right away like there here are some
right away like there here are some resources here are some men's groups you
resources here are some men's groups you know and I do a shitty job I can't talk
know and I do a shitty job I can't talk to all of them a couple of them I take
to all of them a couple of them I take the laser I say here's 500 bucks do
the laser I say here's 500 bucks do better help online therapy I'll pay for
better help online therapy I'll pay for your first four sessions yeah just be
your first four sessions yeah just be but I got to be honest I don't know I
but I got to be honest I don't know I mean I think we should put together this
mean I think we should put together this list of resources and I feel like there
list of resources and I feel like there are good guys out there I put Chris
are good guys out there I put Chris Williamson in this group I put both of
Williamson in this group I put both of you out there podcasts are how a lot of
you out there podcasts are how a lot of modern wisdom is being expressed right
modern wisdom is being expressed right now right you don't go to church you get
now right you don't go to church you get your sermon through your airpods so like
your sermon through your airpods so like who are the guys that are saying healthy
who are the guys that are saying healthy things and I feel like if we can fill
things and I feel like if we can fill their ears with the healthy messages of
their ears with the healthy messages of masculinity we are taking away the space
masculinity we are taking away the space and the attention from the people that
and the attention from the people that are really profiting from these negative
are really profiting from these negative messages I think you need a place to
messages I think you need a place to send the people who email you and I I I
send the people who email you and I I I appreciate the offer and we should do
appreciate the offer and we should do this but we should have a list that says
this but we should have a list that says all right what what are you struggling
all right what what are you struggling with and here are some here are some
with and here are some here are some resources or things you should think
resources or things you should think about but even what you both said to my
about but even what you both said to my answer or to my question around like
answer or to my question around like what's the Boot Camp or what would you
what's the Boot Camp or what would you tell guys like that's not a crazy list I
tell guys like that's not a crazy list I think it's like for a lot of these guys
think it's like for a lot of these guys to have you as sort of a ra male role
to have you as sort of a ra male role model of like go to the gym make money
model of like go to the gym make money be kind look out for others like I just
be kind look out for others like I just feel like that can be condensed into and
feel like that can be condensed into and maybe that's what your new book is but
maybe that's what your new book is but like truly I think people are looking
like truly I think people are looking for a script with the lack of religion
for a script with the lack of religion lack of institution we've lost all these
lack of institution we've lost all these scripts that tell people what to do
scripts that tell people what to do let's write a new
let's write a new script it's on you brother you're
script it's on you brother you're younger you got more tread on your you
younger you got more tread on your you you've got you look at all these cameras
you've got you look at all these cameras I'm I mean somebody's gonna watch this
I'm I mean somebody's gonna watch this and pull it together into all of your
and pull it together into all of your advice but I'm just saying I like the
advice but I'm just saying I like the idea of a collective it needs to get out
idea of a collective it needs to get out there because if you don't fill the
there because if you don't fill the space somebody else will and they
space somebody else will and they already are and it's not the messages
already are and it's not the messages that you want to have the next
that you want to have the next population the Next Generation having I
population the Next Generation having I agree we'll talk about this camera
agree we'll talk about this camera two man anything else you wanted to ask
two man anything else you wanted to ask us I know you see you're SC to her views
us I know you see you're SC to her views if you've got any other questions you
if you've got any other questions you wanted to ask no I'm just really glad
wanted to ask no I'm just really glad that we're having this conversation I
that we're having this conversation I feel like maybe I wouldn't have had this
feel like maybe I wouldn't have had this conversation a year ago I do think the
conversation a year ago I do think the tide is turning I think the title of the
tide is turning I think the title of the report as Lost Boys is very helpful and
report as Lost Boys is very helpful and I just want to end with the message that
I just want to end with the message that women don't have to do worse when men do
women don't have to do worse when men do better and vice versa and let's raise up
better and vice versa and let's raise up everyone so that we're all thriving
everyone so that we're all thriving and yeah let's help these Lost Boys And
and yeah let's help these Lost Boys And also help women any closing points when
also help women any closing points when it's smad Scott oh well just a message
it's smad Scott oh well just a message to young people in general The Arc of
to young people in general The Arc of Happiness is a smile and that is kind of
Happiness is a smile and that is kind of zero to 18 is prom football you know
zero to 18 is prom football you know making
making out it's generally pretty happy the
out it's generally pretty happy the least happy years for people are usually
least happy years for people are usually kind of 18 to
kind of 18 to 45 economic stress relationships are
45 economic stress relationships are hard you probably are someone you love a
hard you probably are someone you love a great deal gets sick and dies and if
great deal gets sick and dies and if you're struggling what I what I would
you're struggling what I what I would just say
just say is you know don't be afraid to reach out
is you know don't be afraid to reach out for help but also realize that if you're
for help but also realize that if you're not a member of Parliament and you don't
not a member of Parliament and you don't have a fragrance named after you it
have a fragrance named after you it doesn't mean you're failing and to
doesn't mean you're failing and to forgive yourself and to recognize that
forgive yourself and to recognize that those are tough years I you know when my
those are tough years I you know when my first kid was born I tell this story a
first kid was born I tell this story a lot it's supposed to be Angel singing
lot it's supposed to be Angel singing and bright lights I felt nothing but
and bright lights I felt nothing but shame I was 42 and I was broke I had put
shame I was 42 and I was broke I had put everything into my tech company great
everything into my tech company great financial recession came along I think I
financial recession came along I think I my account called me and said you're
my account called me and said you're worth a negative $2 million if we look
worth a negative $2 million if we look at your debts you're worth negative2
at your debts you're worth negative2 million and about that time my oldest
million and about that time my oldest son had the poor judgment to come
son had the poor judgment to come rotating out of my girlfriend and all I
rotating out of my girlfriend and all I felt with this kid was shame like I have
felt with this kid was shame like I have failed I failed myself and now I failed
failed I failed myself and now I failed on an entirely new dimension as a
on an entirely new dimension as a provider and a father that was the first
provider and a father that was the first thing I felt when my son was born and I
thing I felt when my son was born and I wrote about it and I can't tell you how
wrote about it and I can't tell you how many men I heard from that all I felt
many men I heard from that all I felt when I had my first kid or kids was a
when I had my first kid or kids was a sense of embarrassment and that I was
sense of embarrassment and that I was already failing that energy that you
already failing that energy that you felt at that moment did you Channel it
felt at that moment did you Channel it into something or were you tempted
into something or were you tempted nausea nausea I was in the delivery room
nausea nausea I was in the delivery room and they were more worried about me and
and they were more worried about me and they thought it was because I was
they thought it was because I was grossed out by birthing it was because I
grossed out by birthing it was because I was so ashamed I would just immediately
was so ashamed I would just immediately felt like oh my God how did I put myself
felt like oh my God how did I put myself in a position where I'm a terrible
in a position where I'm a terrible provider on day one I just felt a
provider on day one I just felt a tremendous amount of Shame and I think
tremendous amount of Shame and I think most people when you talk to them at
most people when you talk to them at some point have felt really down and
some point have felt really down and really like
really like embarrassed and I just don't think
embarrassed and I just don't think that's anything unusual and you you you
that's anything unusual and you you you want to you want to forgive give
want to you want to forgive give yourself you want to say to yourself I
yourself you want to say to yourself I can add value to a company I can make
can add value to a company I can make someone very happy you know and try and
someone very happy you know and try and surround yourself with people that make
surround yourself with people that make you feel good about yourself and every
you feel good about yourself and every day just little baby steps write some
day just little baby steps write some things down trying to exercise trying to
things down trying to exercise trying to eat well I can tell when I'm getting
eat well I can tell when I'm getting depressed and I have this method of
depressed and I have this method of getting out of it I call it scaffa scafa
getting out of it I call it scaffa scafa sweat it's like resets my operating
sweat it's like resets my operating system clean try and eat really well at
system clean try and eat really well at home abstinence and when I say absence
home abstinence and when I say absence abstinence from pot and alcohol both of
abstinence from pot and alcohol both of which I love and I'm really good at them
which I love and I'm really good at them they add value to my life but when I'm
they add value to my life but when I'm not feeling good I take them out of my
not feeling good I take them out of my life because whatever's going on with my
life because whatever's going on with my sensors I just don't want to mess with
sensors I just don't want to mess with them f is um family I find being around
them f is um family I find being around my boys is really important and then a
my boys is really important and then a is affection I find affection being
is affection I find affection being around even if it's my dogs laying on me
around even if it's my dogs laying on me or my boys I'll say to my boys let's
or my boys I'll say to my boys let's watch TV and my instinctively throw
watch TV and my instinctively throw their legs on mine not necessarily sex
their legs on mine not necessarily sex but affection with my partner those are
but affection with my partner those are the things that get me out of a dark
the things that get me out of a dark place so try and figure out if you can
place so try and figure out if you can what things help you get out of a dark
what things help you get out of a dark place but
place but recognize everyone struggles and I'm not
recognize everyone struggles and I'm not saying that you shouldn't reach out and
saying that you shouldn't reach out and find help but everything online is
find help but everything online is telling you you should be in a Gulf
telling you you should be in a Gulf Stream in parting in St Barts no that
Stream in parting in St Barts no that that's just not that's not the real
that's just not that's not the real world and try and build a support system
world and try and build a support system and also forgive yourself life is
and also forgive yourself life is happiness is a smile kind of 20 20 to 45
happiness is a smile kind of 20 20 to 45 is usually you know it's full of a lot
is usually you know it's full of a lot of Joy but it's also full of a lot of
of Joy but it's also full of a lot of you know oftentimes a lot of anxiety do
you know oftentimes a lot of anxiety do you go to therapy no have you ever been
you go to therapy no have you ever been I did my first marriage we went to
I did my first marriage we went to marriage counseling and after the first
marriage counseling and after the first session we decided to get divorced so
session we decided to get divorced so I'm a little traumatized by therapy yeah
I'm a little traumatized by therapy yeah he got right to it saved me real money
he got right to it saved me real money yeah oh Stephen I wanted to add one more
yeah oh Stephen I wanted to add one more thing I think an underappreciated
thing I think an underappreciated resource for men for building empathy is
resource for men for building empathy is reading fiction books so I'm in a book
reading fiction books so I'm in a book club I read fiction all the time fiction
club I read fiction all the time fiction builds a lot of empathy because you are
builds a lot of empathy because you are truly Inside the Mind of somebody else
truly Inside the Mind of somebody else for two or 300 pages when I talk to guys
for two or 300 pages when I talk to guys they so rarely read fiction do you read
they so rarely read fiction do you read any fiction none at all a lot of guys
any fiction none at all a lot of guys that I talk to they say oh I read
that I talk to they say oh I read non-fiction and there's so many lists
non-fiction and there's so many lists online of like the hundred non-fiction
online of like the hundred non-fiction books to get your MBA and it's like
books to get your MBA and it's like we're all reading so much non-fiction on
we're all reading so much non-fiction on our phone at all times read a book of
our phone at all times read a book of fiction get inside the head of somebody
fiction get inside the head of somebody else get inside the head of a woman I
else get inside the head of a woman I think that for zero dollars at the local
think that for zero dollars at the local library you can actually become a better
library you can actually become a better person do you know what's interesting
person do you know what's interesting there there's a reason why men read
there there's a reason why men read books about how to make money yeah
books about how to make money yeah because it goes back to everything we've
because it goes back to everything we've said if I said to my boys boys we're
said if I said to my boys boys we're gonna start reading fiction that that my
gonna start reading fiction that that my my friends read stuff that's going to
my friends read stuff that's going to help them build a business make money or
help them build a business make money or gain muscle mass yeah but can I convince
gain muscle mass yeah but can I convince what what if what if you're single and
what what if what if you're single and I'm going to say read this fiction and
I'm going to say read this fiction and you're going to get laid like why can't
you're going to get laid like why can't we just reframe and change the narrative
we just reframe and change the narrative on fiction we I mean I just feel like
on fiction we I mean I just feel like there's so many examples of times that I
there's so many examples of times that I haven't really known what's going on
haven't really known what's going on with the group and then I read a book
with the group and then I read a book about that group and I'm not an expert
about that group and I'm not an expert in them but I can think about them more
in them but I can think about them more and I just feel like look if you are not
and I just feel like look if you are not having success with women and you don't
having success with women and you don't have any women in your life read a
have any women in your life read a [ __ ] book by a woman just a quick
[ __ ] book by a woman just a quick anecdote when I was a senior in high
anecdote when I was a senior in high school and a freshman in college I
school and a freshman in college I remember thinking I'm strange I I'm I'm
remember thinking I'm strange I I'm I'm I remember feeling very insecure about
I remember feeling very insecure about my own psychological makeup and that
my own psychological makeup and that didn't help and then I read a bunch of
didn't help and then I read a bunch of John Irving novels the world according
John Irving novels the world according to GARP Cider House roles and the people
to GARP Cider House roles and the people in it were just so [ __ ] strange it
in it were just so [ __ ] strange it made me feel better about myself I'm
made me feel better about myself I'm like oh there's other weirdos out there
like oh there's other weirdos out there so what you say really resonates it made
so what you say really resonates it made me feel less self-conscious about how
me feel less self-conscious about how unusual I thought I was um so I it just
unusual I thought I was um so I it just dawned on me that that was a big help
dawned on me that that was a big help for me wow Tik Tok is not going to give
for me wow Tik Tok is not going to give you the empathy that spending 300 Pages
you the empathy that spending 300 Pages Inside the Mind of a person different
Inside the Mind of a person different from yourself will thank you both um for
from yourself will thank you both um for so many reasons Scott you're actually
so many reasons Scott you're actually writing a book at the moment which is
writing a book at the moment which is going to be published shortly we've
going to be published shortly we've talked about it a few times what is the
talked about it a few times what is the title of that book and what is it
title of that book and what is it about well I I've determined I don't
about well I I've determined I don't know how it is for you with books but
know how it is for you with books but basically your publisher does nothing
basically your publisher does nothing and then and then obsesses over the
and then and then obsesses over the title that's the value
title that's the value that is very true so I had it work it
that is very true so I had it work it was supposed to be originally about
was supposed to be originally about masculinity then I realized that I don't
masculinity then I realized that I don't have the skills of the domain expertise
have the skills of the domain expertise to summarize masculinity so I change it
to summarize masculinity so I change it to work in progress notes on becoming a
to work in progress notes on becoming a man and I just talk about stories that
man and I just talk about stories that I've written about about some of the
I've written about about some of the things we've talked about today and
things we've talked about today and trying to use masculinity as a code I
trying to use masculinity as a code I think everyone needs a code whether it's
think everyone needs a code whether it's the military the religion their family
the military the religion their family values and I think
values and I think masculinity can serve as a code if
masculinity can serve as a code if defined correctly for young men but it's
defined correctly for young men but it's just a series of like stories about
just a series of like stories about things I've gone through some of my many
things I've gone through some of my many ways I failed and what I learned about
ways I failed and what I learned about trying to become a man trying to be a
trying to become a man trying to be a good dad trying to be a good partner
good dad trying to be a good partner when is it published when is it gonna be
when is it published when is it gonna be published it'll be on the fall on the
published it'll be on the fall on the fall okay and Logan you have an
fall okay and Logan you have an incredible book which is I mean one of
incredible book which is I mean one of the I think the book on this subject
the I think the book on this subject matter called how to not dial alone the
matter called how to not dial alone the surprising science that will help you
surprising science that will help you find love and what does someone discover
find love and what does someone discover in that book well it's really about
in that book well it's really about understanding the blind spots that hold
understanding the blind spots that hold people back from Finding Love and then
people back from Finding Love and then making a plan to overcome them I'm going
making a plan to overcome them I'm going to link all of Scott's books and all of
to link all of Scott's books and all of Logan's book in the comments below for
Logan's book in the comments below for anybody to read I also wanted to say a
anybody to read I also wanted to say a huge thank you to the center of social
huge thank you to the center of social justice for making this report because
justice for making this report because it's again it's caused a huge
it's again it's caused a huge conversation in the UK and now around
conversation in the UK and now around the world around Lost Boys um we have a
the world around Lost Boys um we have a closing tradition on this podcast where
closing tradition on this podcast where the last guest leaves a question for the
the last guest leaves a question for the next guest not knowing who they're
next guest not knowing who they're leaving it for and the question I'm
leaving it for and the question I'm going to ask both of you
going to ask both of you is Logan what are you most scared
is Logan what are you most scared of I'm most scared of losing my
of I'm most scared of losing my husband because he has had a brush with
husband because he has had a brush with death he had very serious bone cancer I
death he had very serious bone cancer I feel like we've just been through such
feel like we've just been through such hard stuff with him medically that right
hard stuff with him medically that right now I'm here today with you he's
now I'm here today with you he's climbing I was just thinking you know
climbing I was just thinking you know what happens if something happens to him
what happens if something happens to him with climbing and we have a one-year-old
with climbing and we have a one-year-old daughter and so maybe the most obvious
daughter and so maybe the most obvious answer is something that happened to my
answer is something that happened to my daughter but for me is really something
daughter but for me is really something to happen to my
to happen to my husband SC what do you may SC of the way
husband SC what do you may SC of the way I took that was what of my most worried
I took that was what of my most worried about I'm really worried about an
about I'm really worried about an epidemic of
epidemic of loneliness um from a societal standpoint
loneliness um from a societal standpoint that people are starting to believe they
that people are starting to believe they can disengage from
can disengage from life and that leads to anxiety and
life and that leads to anxiety and depression and polarization that makes
depression and polarization that makes the world a less safe place personally
the world a less safe place personally my fear has always been the same I'm
my fear has always been the same I'm always worried that my kind of selfish
always worried that my kind of selfish instincts
instincts manifest in an ugly way and I end up
manifest in an ugly way and I end up alone and old you know that's
alone and old you know that's my that's my biggest fear that I end up
my that's my biggest fear that I end up dying under Bright Lights you know
dying under Bright Lights you know surrounded by strangers that's my
surrounded by strangers that's my biggest fear because your selfish
biggest fear because your selfish instincts manifest you do something
instincts manifest you do something wrong in your relationship or you [ __ ]
wrong in your relationship or you [ __ ] up your yeah just so my dad is not a
up your yeah just so my dad is not a very my dad ended up my dad's basically
very my dad ended up my dad's basically alone at 95 and some of his less some of
alone at 95 and some of his less some of his lower character quality attributes I
his lower character quality attributes I see in myself and that's a fear my fear
see in myself and that's a fear my fear is that you know end up dying surrounded
is that you know end up dying surrounded by strangers Steve do
yours the first thing that comes to mind is my something happening to my partner
is my something happening to my partner I just can't imagine I just see her as
I just can't imagine I just see her as this like perfect human being that was
this like perfect human being that was like this Angel so thinking I just can't
like this Angel so thinking I just can't imagine ever finding anybody comparable
imagine ever finding anybody comparable so something happening to her finding
so something happening to her finding out she was sick I think is the first
out she was sick I think is the first thing that comes to mind it comes to
thing that comes to mind it comes to mind actually but above any anything in
mind actually but above any anything in my life and then I do have a little bit
my life and then I do have a little bit of Scott's fear which he expressed there
of Scott's fear which he expressed there which is that I will make bad decisions
which is that I will make bad decisions based on I'm going to just say it just
based on I'm going to just say it just like the Temptation Of Life and that'll
like the Temptation Of Life and that'll Lead Me Up lead me to be a bad father
Lead Me Up lead me to be a bad father not be around for my kids not be able to
not be around for my kids not be able to be around for my kids and be
be around for my kids and be lonely and uh old and Rich
lonely and uh old and Rich and
and miserable it's like kind of a fear I've
miserable it's like kind of a fear I've always had it's interesting I said the
always had it's interesting I said the word temptation yeah because in the
word temptation yeah because in the world you know there's a lot of
world you know there's a lot of Temptation there is people don't talk
Temptation there is people don't talk about a
about a lot thank you skull thank you I want to
lot thank you skull thank you I want to say thank you to you in particular
say thank you to you in particular because you've been one of the leading
because you've been one of the leading voices in this fight that's a generous
voices in this fight that's a generous thing to say I appreciate that it's
thing to say I appreciate that it's absolutely not generous because it's
absolutely not generous because it's absolutely true when people think of
absolutely true when people think of this subject matter they think of you
this subject matter they think of you now and um you also stuck your neck out
now and um you also stuck your neck out and started speaking about this subject
and started speaking about this subject long before it was okay to speak about
long before it was okay to speak about the subject and you spoke about it in
the subject and you spoke about it in such an eloquent hilarious Wise Way that
such an eloquent hilarious Wise Way that both sides listened and I think you're
both sides listened and I think you're one of the key people on this subject
one of the key people on this subject matter who's even allowed these kind of
matter who's even allowed these kind of reports to exist because I'm actually
reports to exist because I'm actually not sure that if it wasn't for you um
not sure that if it wasn't for you um reports like this would exist I think
reports like this would exist I think you're wrong but I'll take it I think
you're wrong but I'll take it I think I'm absolutely right like I actually
I'm absolutely right like I actually think I'm right because the reach you've
think I'm right because the reach you've had on the subject matter is hundreds
had on the subject matter is hundreds and hundreds of millions of people
and hundreds of millions of people across the e clipse across the podcasts
across the e clipse across the podcasts you've done and like I said listen there
you've done and like I said listen there wasn't a lot of people saying it before
wasn't a lot of people saying it before you could say you've actually given
you could say you've actually given cover to a lot of people you've even
cover to a lot of people you've even given cover to me and it's because of
given cover to me and it's because of the the the wonderful science and art
the the the wonderful science and art that you um you deploy as it relates to
that you um you deploy as it relates to communication and
communication and Logan thank you as well because you've
Logan thank you as well because you've made the decision as well to lend your
made the decision as well to lend your voice to this subject matter which is
voice to this subject matter which is complicated and it's like problematic
complicated and it's like problematic and it's full of like landmines it feels
and it's full of like landmines it feels like but you're adding an incredibly
like but you're adding an incredibly important perspective when that comes
important perspective when that comes from tremendous resear
from tremendous resear live the experience and um you're a very
live the experience and um you're a very important I think individual in this in
important I think individual in this in this fight to to speak to speak and to
this fight to to speak to speak and to to sort of create a better world for our
to sort of create a better world for our young and Lost Boys thank you can I
young and Lost Boys thank you can I thank Scott too knock yourself out you
thank Scott too knock yourself out you know just to make you uncomfortable go
know just to make you uncomfortable go on okay yeah so as I've been talking to
on okay yeah so as I've been talking to people about my interest in this the
people about my interest in this the first thing they always say is oh the
first thing they always say is oh the stuff that Scott Galloway is talking
stuff that Scott Galloway is talking about and if you weren't talking about
about and if you weren't talking about it I don't think they would have anyone
it I don't think they would have anyone to point to I but I just just need to I
to point to I but I just just need to I feel like a plagiarist because the
feel like a plagiarist because the majority of my good data comes from
majority of my good data comes from Richard Reed I know that that's true but
Richard Reed I know that that's true but the point is you are the most effective
the point is you are the most effective Communicator in the world right now your
Communicator in the world right now your ability to turn stories and facts into
ability to turn stories and facts into persuasion is something that no one else
persuasion is something that no one else is doing so you're taking Richard's data
is doing so you're taking Richard's data and combining your lived experience and
and combining your lived experience and you're getting this message out there in
you're getting this message out there in a way that no one else is doing thank
a way that no one else is doing thank you that's generous thank you and no one
you that's generous thank you and no one else could reach both sides
else could reach both sides in such an effective way which I think
in such an effective way which I think is really important so again thank you
is really important so again thank you Scott thank you thank you for being so
Scott thank you thank you for being so generous of your time really appreciate
generous of your time really appreciate it we launched these conversation cards
it we launched these conversation cards and they sold out and we launched them
and they sold out and we launched them again and they sold out again we
again and they sold out again we launched them again and they sold out
launched them again and they sold out again because people love playing these
again because people love playing these with colleagues at work with friends at
with colleagues at work with friends at home and also with family and we've also
home and also with family and we've also got a big audience that Ed them as
got a big audience that Ed them as Journal prompts every single time a
Journal prompts every single time a guest comes on the dire of a CEO they
guest comes on the dire of a CEO they leave a question to the next guest in
leave a question to the next guest in the diary and I've sat here with some of
the diary and I've sat here with some of the most incredible people in the world
the most incredible people in the world and they've left all of these questions
and they've left all of these questions in the diary and I've ranked them from
in the diary and I've ranked them from one to three in terms of the depth one
one to three in terms of the depth one being a starter question and level three
being a starter question and level three if you look on the back here this is a
if you look on the back here this is a level three becomes a much deeper
level three becomes a much deeper question that builds even more
question that builds even more connection if you turn the cards over
connection if you turn the cards over and you scan that QR code you can see
and you scan that QR code you can see who answered the card and watch the
who answered the card and watch the video of them answering it in real time
video of them answering it in real time so if you would like to get your hands
so if you would like to get your hands on some of these conversation cards go
on some of these conversation cards go to the diary.com or look at the link in
to the diary.com or look at the link in the description below this has always
the description below this has always blown my mind a little bit 53% of you
blown my mind a little bit 53% of you that listen to the show regularly
that listen to the show regularly haven't yet subscribe to the show so
haven't yet subscribe to the show so could I ask you for a favor if you like
could I ask you for a favor if you like the show and you like what we do here
the show and you like what we do here and you want to support us the free
and you want to support us the free simple way that you can do just that is
simple way that you can do just that is by hitting the Subscribe button and my
by hitting the Subscribe button and my commitment to you is if you do that then
commitment to you is if you do that then I'll do everything in my power me and my
I'll do everything in my power me and my team to make sure that this show is
team to make sure that this show is better for you every single week we'll
better for you every single week we'll listen to your feedback we'll find the
listen to your feedback we'll find the guest that you want me to speak to and
guest that you want me to speak to and we'll continue to do what we do thank
we'll continue to do what we do thank you so much oh
you so much oh [Music]
Click on any text or timestamp to jump to that moment in the video
Share:
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
One-Click Copy125+ LanguagesSearch ContentJump to Timestamps
Paste YouTube URL
Enter any YouTube video link to get the full transcript
Transcript Extraction Form
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
Get Our Chrome Extension
Get transcripts instantly without leaving YouTube. Install our Chrome extension for one-click access to any video's transcript directly on the watch page.
