This HBS application essay review highlights how a candidate's deeply personal and meticulously researched genealogy project demonstrates exceptional curiosity, resilience, and a profound ability to connect with others, making him a compelling applicant.
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Hi, I'm Jeremy Shinwald, founder of MB Admission,
Admission,
>> and I'm Liza Wheel, founder of Gate
House Admissions,
>> and we're back with our series of HBS
application essay reviews. We've already
looked at Brian's businessminded and
leadership focused essays. So, now let's
turn to his growthoriented essay. If you
want to follow along, use the link below
to download a free copy of our book of
sample essays from successful HBS
admits. Let's dive in.
Genealogy has always fascinated me. So I
used an unexpected medical convolescence
to investigate my ancestors European
origins and American assimilation.
Relying on database subscriptions,
family troves, and interviews with
distant relatives, I traced the life
stories of over 700 relatives, spending
230 years, eight generations, seven
countries, and six states. I learned
that my earliest immigrant ancestors
were furniture retailers, tile
manufacturers, textile laborers, and
fruit farmers. I also unearthed a
world-renowned architect and a
prohibition era bootleger. The
discoveries that affected me most though
were the show experiences of dozens of
relatives, including 13 murdered in
concentration camps and 20 who escaped
to America via my assimilated
greatgrandfather Sigreed's sponsorship.
I often recall an indelible portrait of
my relative Maryanne, a spitting image
of my cousin Sadi. She perished as a
16-year-old at Awitz. Like any
worthwhile investigation, this project
required resilience. I navigated a dozen
obstacles for every insight I uncovered.
My parents and girlfriend chided me for
sustaining banking hours on a personal
project, particularly amidst a health
crisis. Ultimately, I published and
distributed two 50page toms for each
side of my family, including annotated
trees, life stories, galleries, and
vital records. I was proud of these
lasting resources, but the greatest
reward came after a presentation to my
ordinarily stoic grandfather. Choked
with emotion, he bestowed on me his
great-grandfather's Mir Shawn pipe as a
token of his gratitude. In that moment,
I fully appreciated the sacrifices
connecting the book's immigrants, my
beloved elders, and my generation. Okay,
Liza, take it away.
>> I mean, wow, this is a really, really
powerful story. I I just I happen to
love the personal stories. I get
goosebumps when I read that because
there's so much
>> specificity. I I say this a lot. you're
you're connecting with the reader when
the reader can see what you're doing and
can and and can imagine things that um
that you were going through. It it just
establishes this bridge. And that's how
I felt reading this, you know, the the
bootleger, the 700 uh people that he
researched, the the multiple different
countries. Um he's he also I I love that
he infuses a little bit of of humor in
here and a really really um profound
topic where he talks about his family
teasing him for working hours which we
can all imagine you know he was spending
every we have no doubt if he's producing
two 50page volumes he's spending a lot
of time but I he he brings so many very
specific details in here that it it's
just it it feels like it must have been
such a tremendous gift for the rest of
his family. How how wonderful.
>> Yeah. And I think I think you know again
like I agree bringing the personal in
can really really be powerful. But you
know he's not saying like I was
interested in genealogy and I traced our
family history and I found like two or
three relatives that I hadn't 700 relatives
relatives
two 250 page books. He's he's he's
fighting all these different
personalities and and and and it's clear
that like yes, there's there's there's
an altruistic piece where it's like it's
for his family, it's for his history,
but he's also like you say banking
hours. He's compulsive about this and
like you know he in a good and nice way,
you know, and this is someone if you
know if you want to have someone in your
class, you want to have someone who can
like who can really really like not just
commit themselves to a project but like
but almost almost ignore almost ignore
that a project exists. just be just to
be I mean the word curiosity is an area
to be totally captivated captivated by
curiosity and so I think that you know
as people look at this a lot of people
worry like is my is my curiosity and is
my growth story enough well you know is
there another again like my test is
always like is there another person
there might be another person who traced
their family history and found something
interesting but like you know there
could be two people in the pool like
that but like not at this level the odds
of there being another person out there
who's doing this level of work and and
and producing um material that is going
to really have a significant emotional
impact on people.
>> I I I don't think so. This is a story
this individual owns in a in a way that
no one else can. And I also think that
it's a really good foil to yes his other
essays which are maybe a little more
serious or sort of maybe maybe are are
kind of a little more a conventional but
kind of you know
>> middle of the road let's let's say you
know at with an emotional tenor. Um,
this is one where we really see him, we
really see his spirit come alive. Like,
yeah, he's he's committed to to the
environment and and he had, you know, an
idealistic um bent to him when he was
young, but like we're we're getting this
sense of him now as someone who's really
alive and passionate about things
>> and about his family, you know? So,
you're exactly right. we to give that
much time to helping teach everyone and
connect everyone in his family and give
them something give everybody something.
I think that's like we just see it
wasn't just for him and and I also he
alludes to him doing this when he was um
you know experiencing a health crisis of
his own and so it was sort of to save
him or give him something to do to keep
his mind fresh but to turn it in a way
that as you said it's definitely was
exploring his curiosity but in a way
that you know again must have just been
a tremendous gift for his grandparents
for his parents for his family as well.
It's really it's a really positive and
empowering note to end these three
essays on.
>> Yeah. I we want someone who, you know,
I'm saying we I'm speaking on behalf the
admissions committee. We want someone
who can just be taken by a passion and
just pursue it doggedly like not
>> not financially and not you know not for
the glory but just like we want to know
that there's someone in this one of the
people we're we're accepting in this
class are really just driven by
passions. And I I I I see that in this
individual. So I I really feel like this
this lit up his whole his whole essay suite.
suite.
>> Exactly. 100%.
>> Yeah. So we now have a a pretty
comprehensive review of Brian, another
one of our HBS admits. Follow the series
for more reviews of real essays from
real HBS admits. And be sure to download
our book link below for dozens more
sample essays from successful HBS
applicants. Thanks so much for joining us.
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