How to COMMUNICATE With Your Estranged Adult Child When They've Said You're Toxic | Ep.65 | Marie Morin LMHC | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: How to COMMUNICATE With Your Estranged Adult Child When They've Said You're Toxic | Ep.65
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as your adult child told you you're
toxic and they're not speaking to you
well in this video we're going to learn
three communication skills so that when
you do get to speak with them you'll
know how to do it hi I'm Marie Moore and
I'm a therapist and a wellness coach
let's get started [Music]
[Music]
so if your adult child has cut off from
you and they've told you you're toxic
chances are there's stuff that's gone on
the relationship has been strained with
maybe some
arguments yelling
criticisms frequent conflict and
escalated emotions so one of the things
that I hear from adult children often is
is that their parents are just not
acknowledging what has gone on now this
is difficult for the adult child and
it's very difficult for the parent
because there's this huge disconnect
with what the adult child says and what
the parent thinks happened in their
relationship but hang on to your seat
because if you're hoping to reconcile
with your adult child many of them are
saying I'm not going near my parents at
all unless I see some type of change so
how does that happen so one of the best
things you can do for yourself in
addition to the self-care that I'm
always talking about and watch my videos
on how to deal with estrangement one of
the best things is to learn effective
communication skills so first skill
validate so validation is a sincere
attempt to hear and then speak back in a
paraphrase what you have heard so this
requires an attempt to listen more than
you speak in fact if your adult child
hasn't spoken to you and they've told
you you're toxic chances are your
behaviors have been one of not really
listening and when you listen Maybe your
previous attempts were lined with a lot
of defensiveness or excuses so
validating is simply this you let your
adult child speak you listen and then
you paraphrase back what you've heard
you don't tell them oh but I did this
but I do that you just parrot back what
they heard you might want to say things
like that must have been very hard on
you or I hear you saying this and then
repeat back what you've heard or you
could say something like it sounds like
you were very hurt I can see why you
were very hurt angry disappointed
hopefully the exchange with your adult
child will be de-escalated to some
degree because your behavior will be
modeling doing such excellent
communication skills this takes some
practice and you're going to want to
watch my next video because we're going
to talk about how to get to the place
where you can effectively communicate
so the second communication skill is to
watch your body language so most of our
communication with others is done by our
body language if I was sitting here with
like this
with a look or a snark or some type of
expression that says I really don't
believe what you're saying or you're out
of your mind or I'm not receiving this
this is very close you want to watch
your body language sit in an open way
watch the way your expression is and
listen without any interruptions as well
as any again no defensiveness no excuses
the third thing that you want to do is
to watch your tone so this takes a lot
of practice as well you may be hearing
your adult child tell you things that
are very unpleasant and very hurtful for
you and of course you're hurt of course
you feel terrible if your adult child
doesn't want to speak to you and they've
told you you're toxic it doesn't feel
good however if you want to in any way
repair the relationship you will need to
learn some really good skills like these
you're going to want to validate you're
going to want to watch your body
language and the third one is you're
going to want to watch your tone how do
you speak back are you going to raise
your voice are you going to say things
in a nasty aggravated or unhappy manner
now it this is difficult because the
relationship is cut off naturally and
should you have opportunity to speak
with them you want to make the best of
it so in my next video we're going to be
talking about how to calm yourself down
how to get to a place please keep
yourself informed please take care of
yourself learn how to manage all of
these distressful emotions and honor
your well-being as well and for the
adult child if you're listening I'm
hoping that you are also in some type of
therapy getting support so that you can
get through this difficult time of your
life where you felt the need to have to
cut off from your parents don't forget
watch my next video hit the like
subscribe ring the bell and get my ebook
feeling heartbroken and alone see you in
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