0:02 as your adult child told you you're
0:05 toxic and they're not speaking to you
0:06 well in this video we're going to learn
0:10 three communication skills so that when
0:12 you do get to speak with them you'll
0:15 know how to do it hi I'm Marie Moore and
0:16 I'm a therapist and a wellness coach
0:18 let's get started [Music]
0:21 [Music]
0:24 so if your adult child has cut off from
0:26 you and they've told you you're toxic
0:29 chances are there's stuff that's gone on
0:33 the relationship has been strained with
0:34 maybe some
0:37 arguments yelling
0:41 criticisms frequent conflict and
0:45 escalated emotions so one of the things
0:48 that I hear from adult children often is
0:50 is that their parents are just not
0:54 acknowledging what has gone on now this
0:56 is difficult for the adult child and
0:57 it's very difficult for the parent
1:00 because there's this huge disconnect
1:04 with what the adult child says and what
1:07 the parent thinks happened in their
1:10 relationship but hang on to your seat
1:13 because if you're hoping to reconcile
1:16 with your adult child many of them are
1:20 saying I'm not going near my parents at
1:24 all unless I see some type of change so
1:27 how does that happen so one of the best
1:29 things you can do for yourself in
1:31 addition to the self-care that I'm
1:34 always talking about and watch my videos
1:37 on how to deal with estrangement one of
1:41 the best things is to learn effective
1:45 communication skills so first skill
1:49 validate so validation is a sincere
1:54 attempt to hear and then speak back in a
1:58 paraphrase what you have heard so this
2:04 requires an attempt to listen more than
2:06 you speak in fact if your adult child
2:09 hasn't spoken to you and they've told
2:13 you you're toxic chances are your
2:16 behaviors have been one of not really
2:21 listening and when you listen Maybe your
2:25 previous attempts were lined with a lot
2:28 of defensiveness or excuses so
2:32 validating is simply this you let your
2:36 adult child speak you listen and then
2:39 you paraphrase back what you've heard
2:43 you don't tell them oh but I did this
2:46 but I do that you just parrot back what
2:48 they heard you might want to say things
2:51 like that must have been very hard on
2:55 you or I hear you saying this and then
2:59 repeat back what you've heard or you
3:02 could say something like it sounds like
3:06 you were very hurt I can see why you
3:10 were very hurt angry disappointed
3:13 hopefully the exchange with your adult
3:17 child will be de-escalated to some
3:20 degree because your behavior will be
3:22 modeling doing such excellent
3:26 communication skills this takes some
3:27 practice and you're going to want to
3:29 watch my next video because we're going
3:32 to talk about how to get to the place
3:35 where you can effectively communicate
3:40 so the second communication skill is to
3:43 watch your body language so most of our
3:46 communication with others is done by our
3:49 body language if I was sitting here with
3:50 like this
3:55 with a look or a snark or some type of
3:57 expression that says I really don't
3:59 believe what you're saying or you're out
4:03 of your mind or I'm not receiving this
4:06 this is very close you want to watch
4:09 your body language sit in an open way
4:13 watch the way your expression is and
4:19 listen without any interruptions as well
4:23 as any again no defensiveness no excuses
4:27 the third thing that you want to do is
4:30 to watch your tone so this takes a lot
4:33 of practice as well you may be hearing
4:36 your adult child tell you things that
4:39 are very unpleasant and very hurtful for
4:42 you and of course you're hurt of course
4:44 you feel terrible if your adult child
4:46 doesn't want to speak to you and they've
4:48 told you you're toxic it doesn't feel
4:52 good however if you want to in any way
4:56 repair the relationship you will need to
5:00 learn some really good skills like these
5:02 you're going to want to validate you're
5:05 going to want to watch your body
5:07 language and the third one is you're
5:11 going to want to watch your tone how do
5:14 you speak back are you going to raise
5:17 your voice are you going to say things
5:21 in a nasty aggravated or unhappy manner
5:25 now it this is difficult because the
5:28 relationship is cut off naturally and
5:30 should you have opportunity to speak
5:32 with them you want to make the best of
5:36 it so in my next video we're going to be
5:39 talking about how to calm yourself down
5:42 how to get to a place please keep
5:45 yourself informed please take care of
5:49 yourself learn how to manage all of
5:53 these distressful emotions and honor
5:56 your well-being as well and for the
5:59 adult child if you're listening I'm
6:02 hoping that you are also in some type of
6:05 therapy getting support so that you can
6:08 get through this difficult time of your
6:10 life where you felt the need to have to
6:13 cut off from your parents don't forget
6:15 watch my next video hit the like
6:19 subscribe ring the bell and get my ebook
6:22 feeling heartbroken and alone see you in
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