0:02 hey hi everybody my name is Jerry wise
0:05 and today I want to talk about
0:09 narcissistic adult children the Betrayal
0:12 and deep pain they cause I want to
0:14 mention that I'm not talking about adult
0:15 children of
0:20 narcissist but children who are adults
0:21 who are
0:23 narcissistic those are who I want to
0:26 talk about today and I'm going to talk
0:28 about the causes of narcissism later in
0:31 this video I hope you watch and I'll
0:33 give you some information on how
0:37 narcissists are created so narcissistic
0:40 adult children can betray and cause
0:44 disillusionment and deep pain in various
0:46 ways and here's some of the common
0:50 behaviors and actions that contribute to
0:53 these feelings children who are
0:56 narcissists behave with emotional
1:00 manipulation narcissistic adult children
1:04 use guilt fear or emotional blackmail to
1:08 control their parents they Fain affection
1:09 affection
1:13 concern just to get what they want only
1:17 to withdraw once they get what they want
1:20 children who are narcissists behave with
1:23 a lack of empathy narcissistic adult
1:25 children show little to no concern for
1:29 their parents' feelings often dismissing
1:32 or invalid Val ating their emotions they
1:35 systematically ignore their parents'
1:39 needs struggles focusing solely on their own
1:39 own
1:42 desires and I don't know how many people
1:45 I have talked to who are parents who
1:48 have had adult children who are
1:52 narcissistic or NPD how meanly and how
1:54 selfishly they have treated their
1:58 parents and they expect everything and
2:01 give nothing and are not
2:03 appreciative and feel entitled to
2:06 everything and anything children who are
2:09 narcissists behave with broken
2:12 promises narcissistic adult children
2:15 frequently make commitments or promises
2:18 to their parents that they fail to keep
2:20 they lead parents to believe they will
2:24 change or improve only to continue their
2:27 harmful behaviors and they do not abide
2:30 by boundaries so all so because of the
2:32 broken promises they'll you know they'll
2:34 say hey I only want you to do this or
2:36 you can borrow the car but only for this
2:40 reason they will always most commonly
2:42 have their own
2:45 justification for uh busting those
2:48 boundaries if they're children who are
2:51 adults who are narcissists children who
2:54 are narcissists behave with exploitation
2:57 narcissistic adult children take
2:59 advantage of their parents and they take
3:00 ADV Advantage particularly of their
3:03 parents' generosity whether financially
3:07 or emotionally and without reciprocation
3:09 they'll take advantage of money or
3:13 emotions but not give it back they use
3:15 their parents' resources such as money
3:18 and time without considering their parents'
3:20 parents'
3:22 well-being how many times in stories
3:25 have I heard uh this in talking with
3:28 clients and family members children who
3:33 are narcissists behave in a way that is
3:36 dishonest narcissistic adult children
3:40 lie about their actions intentions
3:42 circumstances to manipulate or to
3:45 deceive their parents they conceal
3:48 important information or make false
3:51 accusations to shift blame children who
3:56 are narcissists behave with blaming and
3:59 criticizing narcissistic adult children
4:02 constantly blame parents for their own
4:05 problems or failures leading to feelings
4:07 of guilt and
4:09 inadequacy they harshly criticize
4:11 parents for perceived
4:14 shortcomings often undermining their
4:15 confidence and
4:18 self-esteem and parents get beat down or
4:22 worn down by narcissistic children now
4:25 before you talk about and there are many
4:27 who have I've heard from who said oh
4:30 well there there are no narcissists IC
4:32 children without narcissistic parents
4:35 I'm going to talk about that at the end
4:38 so hold on and and watch to the end and
4:40 I'll I'll explain what I mean by that
4:43 and why that isn't true in many
4:46 instances children who are narcissists
4:49 behave with a lack of gratitude
4:51 narcissistic adult children show little
4:55 to no appreciation for the sacrifices
4:57 and their efforts of their parents made
5:00 throughout their lives they act entitled
5:03 to their parents support and resources
5:06 without expressing gratitude or
5:08 acknowledgement children who are
5:11 narcissists behave with unrealistic
5:14 demands narcissistic adult children
5:17 expect parents to cater to their needs
5:20 and desires without consideration for
5:23 their parents' own lives and limitations
5:25 and I've known many children who have
5:30 run through their parents or retirement
5:33 uh their parents' finances uh because of
5:35 their own selfishness and the parents
5:38 have felt obligated to do that they
5:40 pressure parents to make significant
5:44 sacrifices or changes in their lives to
5:47 accommodate the child's
5:50 wishes or maybe even hey uh Mom and Dad
5:53 you need to move here so you can take so
5:55 you can see your
5:57 grandchildren which many times can mean
5:59 so you can take care of the
6:01 grandchildren children sell your home at
6:04 a loss buy this home near us at a profit
6:05 for the
6:08 seller so that you can take care of our
6:10 children or your
6:11 grandchildren I've heard of those
6:14 instances children who are narcissists
6:18 behave with ignoring guidance and misplacing
6:19 misplacing
6:23 blame narcissistic adult children
6:27 disregard parental advice parental help
6:30 leading to repeated mistakes
6:33 and then shift the blame to the parents
6:37 children who are narcissists behave with
6:40 public embarrassment narcissistic adult
6:44 children engage in behavior that
6:47 publicly discredits or humiliates their
6:51 parents whether intentionally or through
6:53 neglect they share private family
6:57 matters or conflicts with others
6:59 damaging the parents reputation and
7:02 sense of privacy that happens quite
7:06 frequently so I mentioned I was going to
7:09 talk about how narcissistic children are
7:12 created we are still learning more about
7:16 narcissism and how it develops because
7:19 narcissism is a personality
7:22 disorder and so many I know who am I
7:26 have talked to are of the belief that if
7:28 you become a narcissist then your
7:30 parents were narcissist
7:32 and you are abused and mistreated and
7:35 then you become a narcissist yourself
7:39 there are narcissists in which I believe
7:42 they had their Beginnings in that very
7:45 way however that's not the only way and
7:47 the only factor involved in becoming
7:50 narcissistic there are genetics genetics
7:53 play a big part in personality
7:56 disorders Early Childhood experiences
8:00 like rejection trauma abuse excessive
8:02 praise or overindulgence or being
8:06 spoiled and again that can lead to Ego
8:09 fragility and things like that which is
8:11 what we commonly think of maybe how a
8:15 narcissist is developed parenting style
8:18 also you know being a helicopter parent
8:20 may lead children to expect the same
8:21 treatment they receive from their
8:26 parents culture is a part and can add to
8:28 uh and be a factor in personality
8:31 disorders and then lastly
8:34 neurobiology the connection between
8:37 brain and behavior and thinking may also
8:40 play a role in that Dynamic so it's
8:43 there is no simple answer and always
8:47 accurate answer as to why someone is a
8:50 narcissist I also believe that there are
8:54 transmission of family issues and
8:56 psychology that comes down through the
8:58 generations as well can you have
9:01 grandparents parents who are narcissists
9:05 children who are not and then uh have
9:09 grandchildren who become narcissists yes
9:11 and those who believe that there's only
9:16 one way to create a narcissist remember
9:18 there's a lot of people who experience
9:21 those same Dynamics and don't become
9:23 narcissists how does that prove our
9:28 theory if abuse rejection shaming if
9:31 that's our only means of knowing uh how
9:34 someone becomes a narcissist what about
9:36 all the people who experienced that
9:39 severely growing up and did not become
9:42 and and possess a narcissistic
9:45 personality disorder so we need to think more
9:46 more
9:48 generally and I have been working and
9:51 I've worked with parents many of them
9:55 over my 45 years who have had
9:57 narcissistic uh children they weren't
10:00 perfect parents but they were good
10:04 parents and did not show signs of
10:07 NPD so you know and and many people say
10:09 oh well they're just lying to you or
10:11 they're just fooling you well if you
10:15 work with them you know for three years
10:17 it it's kind of hard to hide that for
10:20 three years I believe so what do we do
10:22 what are some self-differentiation tips
10:26 I can offer to you if you have children
10:29 who are narcissistic don't change them
10:32 them for you and don't change you for
10:37 them second you can learn more about
10:40 narcissism so you can have a better idea
10:44 of how to comport yourself or what needs
10:47 you have boundaries Etc that are
10:49 important in dealing with someone even
10:51 if they are your child and they are
10:54 narcissistic focus on reducing your
10:59 guilt shame and self-blame parents are
11:02 overwhelmed with those feelings when
11:06 they have a child uh who is
11:11 narcissistic often an NPD child will
11:13 cause the parents many times to second
11:17 guess their parenting and going well
11:20 maybe I was maybe their childhood wasn't
11:22 what I remember though they were the
11:25 adults I mean they remembered in more of
11:28 an adult way than the child I've also
11:32 known of many uh narcissistic children to
11:33 to
11:37 falsely uh accuse parents of abuse
11:40 sexual abuse physical abuse and and in
11:44 checking a wide variety of folks and
11:47 people I I find no evidence of that at
11:51 all or even even a hint of that now that
11:53 doesn't mean the parents were perfect in
11:55 any way and they will take
11:58 responsibility for uh their own
12:01 parenting but many times uh there are
12:04 usually false claims that come with
12:07 narcissistic children we want to shift
12:10 the responsibility to them from us as
12:14 parents to let them grow up even if it
12:19 is painful a narcissist changes when the
12:22 consequences are high enough and again
12:25 they may not change at all but if the
12:28 consequences are high enough even a
12:31 narcissist will begin to have some uh
12:34 self focus and go well maybe I don't
12:37 want to experience that so we want to
12:40 shift the responsibility to them to make
12:43 their own life and to suffer their own
12:46 consequences I would strongly recommend
12:49 you get a coach or therapist for support
12:51 I really think that would help you in
12:54 sorting through these things and also
12:57 seeing if there's any daylight to
12:59 helping or preserving the relationship
13:02 ship I hope that you'll learn more about
13:04 being self- differentiated to the
13:07 program I have the road to self I really
13:09 think that can be helpful I also have
13:11 training free training 84 minute
13:13 training free doesn't cost you anything
13:16 you're welcome to participate in that
13:19 the links are below I hope you'll
13:22 subscribe like comment on this video and
13:24 again I I really hope you have a great
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