This presentation emphasizes the critical importance of emotional intelligence (EQ) in both professional and personal life, offering practical insights and tools for self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.
Mind Map
Click to expand
Click to explore the full interactive mind map • Zoom, pan, and navigate
good morning everyone how are you wasn't
that a great keynote we had this morning
she said several things that I am going
to Echo and also that I tell my coaching
clients when I talk to them about their
career so I'm very excited that you're
all here one of the things that I want
to do if it's all right with you I need
a way of kind to lassue you together
because some of my a couple of the
exercises I have I know that these
chairs don't turn into little circles
and so I may ask you in small groups of
like 15 or so to come up to these
monitors for one of the exercises that I
have with a piece of paper that you're
going to be able to down some of the
information okay and if you can see the
monitors from where you're sitting
that's fine I want to time the amount of
time that I'm going to give you for that
exercise and then a second exercise that
we're going to do I'm only going to give
you three minutes to do it so it's great
if you could and maybe this is a good
time to do it in the morning we can jump
up and turn around grab a few of our
friends and say boom boom boom boom boom
everybody everybody with me so that
means if you've got coffee in your hands
has to go on the floor probably and your
bagels or into the mouth and down in the
tummy as quick as [Music]
[Music]
possible okay so um good morning
everyone my name is marll Allen I am
absolutely ecstatic and proud to be a
third time visitor to the now conference
and I remember when Sid talked about
this conference with me four years ago
and I said oh yeah because not enough
organizations think about staff the
students The Faculty are all doing great
and often times the staff is Left Behind
so Bravo to UC Berkeley for this
initiative and Bravo to the chancellor
for funding it I have spoken about this
conference at other universities and
they think it's cool how can we do
something like that so do know that you
are Trailblazers in terms of the work
that's happening here for you as staff
members and I'm so honored to be a part
of it we have approximately an hour and
10 minutes to talk about a subject that
has been written about for years and
that is emotional intelligence how many
of you have ever heard the term
emotional intelligence or EQ as it's
called great great great and you know
that there is a difference between our
EQ and our IQ we're going to talk a
little bit about that I'm also going to
take you through as quickly as I can
some information to give you just a
couple of tips to help you with thinking
about your own emotional intelligence in
the work that you do here at the
University but also consider how you
might use it in your home life how you
might use it with family and friends
children dogs cats Etc I mean having a
good emotional quotient is very very
supportive and productive in almost
everything that we
do I'm I'm currently using it now for my
gardening and my golf it both suck a
little bit and so I'm really using it to
really think about my own inner feelings
and my emotions and how I can Channel
them to be a better golf player and then
also to make my Brussel sprouts grow
better than they're growing which is not
really good right now
okay just a quick thing about me I
manage a small management consulting
firm called Millennium career Advantage
we provide
leadership development organizational
learning and uh career and Executive
coaching we like to focus on
organizations that have not thought long
and hard about leadership development
and creating a pipeline for leaders but
also looking at emerging leaders and
those Diamonds in the Rough that people
aren't sure will ever be leaders so part
of it is the passion they may have but
also supporting those organizations with
the work that they need to get done in
order to stay viable so so I want to
show you this Iceberg model which has
been around for a long time how many of
you have seen something like this that
gives you an idea how we look at our own
emotions the things with us are that are
observable are the results that we have
the behaviors outcomes and habits that
we display everyone normally gets a
chance to see this and we do get to see
it in the workplace everyone agree okay
below the surface just like with an
iceberg we have the judgments that we
have about one another whether we like
someone's hair color eye color the
clothes they wear the degrees they have
the degrees they don't have we
also Channel our emotions in this area
and the things that we feel are often
times seen in this area and believe it
or not our values and our beliefs come
into this section below the surface I
did my undergraduate work here at uh UC
Berkeley proud UC Berkeley graduate in
cultural anthropology with a minor in
archaeology so clearly I was thinking
I'm going to go on a dig and find things
that are dead and fossilized and nobody
will care no emotions there but the
reality is at some point or another
values and beliefs come into play and
then lastly this whole area of what we
think how we think the things that we're
comfortable with thinking either about
ourselves or about others come into this
area the iceberg model is a really good
way for you to think about the things
that people see and know about you and
the things they don't see and still may
know about you
okay I want to do a quick
exercise if this group were smaller I'd
divide you into little groups and you
would begin to write down very very
quickly since we're so large if you've
got a piece of paper I'm going to give
you 3 minutes I want you to write down
any emotions or feelings that you might
have I'll give you a hint
anger I'll give you three minutes you're
going to jot down as many as you can and
then because there are so many of you
we'll do a shout out on your mark get set
go
okay how easy was was
that why was it
hard it's not normal for you to write
them down think about how I feel for you
to think about how you feel why else was
it that's the answer I was looking for
right there okay by the way it made it
easy for her not to have to write the
emotions but I bet she thought about something
something
okay those were hidden because she
didn't write them down okay why else was it
hard putting a name to an emotion by the
way whether it's a positive or A
negative putting a name to it is very
else that's right we generalize put them
in same kinds of groups and by the way
we may or may not have those own
emotions ourselves we believe we think
because nobody tells us we do have those
same emotions any other reasons why it
yes oo
yes finding enough descriptive words for
things like happy or happiness or the
positive emotions or feelings that we
might have tough call particularly
consciously okay any other reasons yeah
I think when other
people yes
so much easier to think of how feelings
emotions may impact or are part of other
people's makeup than our own makeup very
easy okay so shout out please the words
that you had let's listen and those of
you as you listen there may be some
similar words or the same words but what
we want to do is just ring the room with
the kinds of things that you were
thinking okay start we'll start on this
side of the room and I'll move to my
left what have we
got passion passion
passion
grief love frustration whim Whimsy oo
that's not on my list daren't
it thank you I'm going to add that what
else right in
here happy
overwhelmed anxious sad sad cheerful
cheerful irritated
depressed overwhelmed EXC I didn't hear
the one
behind excited I heard content
content that's a feeling some people
lazy think about it oh I'm content yeah
they're just lazy they don't like doing
their job okay love that one what else
elated disgusted don't forget things
like disgust and disgusted and I am
disgusted I will be disgusted I was
disgusted yesterday today and tomorrow
that's a good word because we like to
hang on some of those words okay what
else inspired inspired WR in here now
confident empathetic empathetic
surprised surprised connected connected
love jealousy love okay doubt doubt oh
what happens with doubt fear fear
happens with doubt and guess what fear
is one of those emotions okay what else
WR in here Delight Delight
Delight
worry resentment disappointment contempt
contempt amus amused
amused
grateful I'm watching my edge here disdain
disdain
aggressive aggressive ooh don't forget
aggressive by the way does aggressive
had a good connotation or a bad
connotation both it has both it depends
on who you are huh I want an aggressive
female I don't know why but I don't and
again those are my below the surface
feelings that I'm going to project out
to the people that I either work with
live with uh do uh volunteer work with
my churches mosques or synagogues okay
Bravo pride pride over here agreeable
agreeable B bored thank you bored's a
good word and guess what we can be bored
it's okay to be bored
bored
Wishful remind me sir Whimsy I've got to
get my pin out and add that to my list
yes Fier confused fierce
I did playful a little crazy a little
crazy okay so we won't go into the
medical terminology around a little
crazy we'll do that later all right what
else anything on this
side say it again angry angry yes
okay can't hear you peaceful thankful
thankful okay tranquil did I hear
tranquil yes
okay you guys came up with some very
very very good words trying to see if
there's anything did I hear
embarrassed okay did I hear
miserable did I hear
shy guil I heard guilty yep did I hear
rage it's an
emotion did I hear curious I think I did
did I hear Brave
Brave
okay I heard unhappy right did I hear surprised
surprised
okay did I hear shocked I did hear
joyful just looking on my list I heard
energetic I think okay see if there's
anything else on my
list yes I didn't hear hysterical
I didn't hear
hysterical is that not an emotion or a
feeling that we either have project on
others okay home work etc I think you
covered everything I thought someone
said cold I heard sad I heard angry of
Bad okay now why is it important for us
to look at this list why is it important
for you to verbalize what these feelings
are before you can acknowledge you need
to know you don't have to know
definitions per se but you need to know
that what other people are thinking and
listen you all came up with several
things so you're listening to your
colleagues say the kinds of things that
come into their mind even someone
without a
pencil okay why else is it
important why else yes affect our
Behavior it affects our Behavior where
everywhere everywhere okay by the way
um here's an example and I usually don't
lose my temper but there's a connection
for me with short tempered and
Technology short tempered and Technology
my husband and I spent last week in the
Dominican Republic at a destination
wedding it was phenomenal but when we
came back into the country the uh TSA
and all of the uh people that do your um
what is it the the that that no the
sheet you have to fill out when you come
back yeah Customs we used to have to
wait in a long line and you had this
nice young man or a nice G woman say
hello how are you they look at you and
look at your passport blah blah blah
that was great you had that human
heartbeat now they've replaced most of
those people with these
screens and kiosks that you're supposed
to stand in front and get a picture and
then you punch the buttons and you tell
them who you are and I lost it one the
last one that we were at the camera was a
a
skew so we kept doing
this someone had to come over and help
she used her iPhone to try and make the
light show on my husband and I for the
picture and only took her
picture okay now did I lose my
temper I'm a very nice humble warm
temper yes I
did just so you know and the the the
thing that was hard for me was that they
replaced what I thought was the known
with the unknown of Technology okay I
would have been better off standing in a
long line waiting to get someone smile
at me or smirk or see if it was really
me then to have this thing that the
camera wouldn't work now normally if I
had to deal with that at my
job I would get a reputation for
what short tempered but what
else not not flexible what
else impatient not good with technology
did I hear and guess what all of our
jobs are collected to technology
somewhere on my performance of Praise
Lord's going to
say she's resistant to
change and I was many years ago I had
filled out and created my resignation
letter because the company I was with
was going from one uh um software to the
next iteration of that software and I
said I'm not doing it there's nothing
wrong with this software it works
there's nothing wrong with it why are we
getting something new I didn't want
anything new guess what what I had to
pull that resignation letter my husband
said pull the letter it's going to be
okay but think about it if my reputation
on how I was dealing with
technology really continued to snowball
would I have had the opportunities were
heard from our keynote this morning no
no I'd have The Scarlet Letter here and
The Scarlet Letter here resistant to
change okay so think about the emotions
that we all have to to deal with and we
need to check ourselves that's what
reflection is for you check yourself
that's what bathroom stalls are for you
go into the bathroom with a little small
pillow if you've got one in your desk
and you scream and cry and curse into
the pillow then you come out arrange
yourself and go back to your work there
are ways to deal with it okay all right
now I've got a little quiz
and there are 10 monitors I'd like to
give you five minutes there's no right
or wrong on this quiz but the quiz is 14
questions see it's over two pages you'll
see this when you see the quiz online
because of course all of our PowerPoints
are going to be online but this is just
a little self assessment let me give you
an example on the first one I know what
psychological changes occur in myself
when I am emotionally stimulated
positive or negative I found that out in
the airport in Miami okay one means
never I never know two means I sometimes
know and three means I often know so if
you can see this from where you're
sitting great if not you can stand up
and turn around and look at the bigger
monitors behind you 5 minutes when
you're ready I'm going to shift it to
the next page so at least and these are
pretty easy you guys you're not sharing
these this is for you to think about for
yourself you're not sharing them and
when you see the PowerPoint you'll be
able to look a little more closely at
these when you see them online okay five
minutes is all I'm going to give you the
majority of you when you're ready I'm
going to switch the
slide okay we pretty much done how
difficult was
this yeah shaking head means wasn't
difficult okay were you as honest as you
could be yes why did I include a quiz like
like
else see how it rolls out yeah see how
it rolls out and by the way how do you
this okay I love that this young lady
says she believes that most of you who
came to this present today are probably
more emotionally aware than others that
didn't come but that doesn't me we're
doing a second session this afternoon so
I'm going to ask that question the
people in the morning said you guys are
clueless and that's why you went to the
other sessions first and decide to come
to this one last no I'm only
teasing think about it we tend to
impress upon others our own perception
of what they do well or not do well what
they think or don't think we impress
that and it doesn't mean that all of you
are more or less emotionally aware what
does it mean that you're here what does
it mean care about you care about it why
else curious you're curious about it
it's okay that you're not emotionally
aware I mean remember I I provide these
assessments for emotional intelligent I
coach people in emotional intelligence
would I tell them that I almost lost it
and wanted to kick a computer in the
Miami Airport I would never tell them
that true but I would never let
on okay so the reality is at any given
time we're all going to be that person
that I was at the Miami
Airport every single one of us yes my
question to my neighbor was is this at
work or at home no there's no is there a
such thing as at work or at home
absolutely not yes
when you say I want I build trust in a
home okay so this point that was made
and I'll try to repeat all the questions
and comments was is this at work or at
home because sometimes at home that's
your family and when we ask about the
building trust well you know that might
matter more at work than it does at home
help me how long can you live in the
house when there's no trust built hello
if the cat doesn't think you're going to
feed him or her at the right time
there's no trust I I already know that
from my cats okay there is no trust and
they know how to make you feel very bad
about it when you think of your
emotional intelligence you don't turn it
off or turn it on whether you're at
church or your MOS or synagogue or
whether you're in the workplace or at
home it's critical that we build trusted
loving relationships everywhere we are
clearly the love is a little bit
different at work than it is at home but
you're spending 80% of your time with
people that are in this room not your
family okay yes so what about the feeling
feeling
I know feel yeah so that's a little bit
different issue that question was what
about one of the challenges that she
believes is that your bosses don't want
to know how you feel we have that
feeling how many of us I can raise my
hand my boss when I was working in
Corporate America didn't really care
about what I thought and what my
feelings were why is that that bosses
don't care by the way that's our
perception that they don't care so let's
let's walk with that perception why
don't they care shout out it's about the
work why else way it feelings get in the
way I love that what else don't know
they don't know what else too busy say
it again too busy they're too busy okay
and by the way who says they're too
busy sometimes they do by the way a lot
of bosses don't always say they're too
busy they do act too busy they do let
you perceive that they're too busy and
sometimes they are too busy
perception but a boss's job is to make
sure that the employe employes a are
well taken care of B have the tools and
skills that they need to do the job
because ultimately it's our job as
employees to make our bosses look good
and therefore support what you heard
from the chancellor I loved his story
when he said you know summertime rolls
around gather up my stuff and I'm going
fishing didn't realize things still go
on because he had to think about the
staff that's left behind to do it okay
so reality bosses may or may not care
our perception
reality maybe they don't care but what's
our responsibility as far as that's
concerned I didn't hear
that take care of yourself that is one
thing but is there something that you
can do with the boss communicate your
needs communicate your needs thank you
very much M red sweater looks great with
that scarf too communicate your needs
because the boss may not know because
the boss doesn't
know if your plate is too full and
you're not continuing to get all the
work done and the boss gets angry and
breaks the plate that's not the boss's
fault entirely part of it is your fault
for not letting the boss know you know
what you got 50 things on my plate which
would you like me to take off so I can
be successful with the things that
matter most that's your responsibility
if the boss says I expect you to do it
all you are Superman you are Superwoman
then you're opportunity is to think
about what are my choices am I staying
or am I going life is too short and then
you die is it going to be in front of
the boss is it going to be on a desert island
island
somewhere okay that's partly your
responsibility all right love that
quiz to see what you can work on to see
some things you might want to work on
you know there was more questions in
this I took most of them off and had to
think about the ones that would be most
most important for you to think about
some of you in the room are saying yeah
yeah yeah I got it all under control
every single one of those things for me
was often often
often so I want to know which robot
Factory you came out of because the
reality is as humans we're going to
zigzag all over the map on all of those
things including how we build
relationships trust how we motivate
ourselves when we're on a project that
is absolutely killing us it's so boring
I heard boring over
here so you have a huge responsibility
in what your emotional intelligence
quotient looks like and yes it is okay
hopefully you'll go back to your
workplaces and talk about some of these
things maybe engage your boss or your
colleagues to talk a little bit about
emotional intelligence in your team
there's lots of resources online for
what you can do there's assessments like
Talent smart does a great assessment on
emotional intelligence that I use with
my clients the whole point is to get
them to think about where they are in
their emotional intelligence so that
they can work on things okay I saw a
I okay so the point the question was
when my daughter the the statement when
my daughter was young I used to
encourage her to control her emotions
and to and to own them angry don't yeah
so it's okay to be angry as long as you
don't hurt anyone I I um take a little
bit of exception at that because I would
have probably flipped it to something
more positive because kids are very very
intelligent my mom says a la don't hurt
anyone it's okay to be angry so
depending on what your definition is of
hurt anyone and her definition of hurt
anyone she's going to grow up with
making the choice on when she wants to
be angry as long as she doesn't do your
definition of hurt as opposed to her
definition of hurt kids are very smart
and they also learn by doing and Learn
by watching they watch their parents
they watch other adults by the way those
of you who are new in your career and
the new in career could be Millennials
or if you were out of the workforce for
years and years and came back do we have
some of you that are new in your career
notice I didn't say do we have any young
Millennials in the room no new in your
career is much better than saying you're
young and therefore quote you don't know
anything would you agree you appreciate
that for me don't you yeah yeah yeah
okay so for those of you that are young
in your career you're going to be
soaking in a lot of what's around you a
lot you did it in internships you did it
in summer jobs now you're in the real
world and you're mixed with Millennials
uh baby boomers um the the ex ex group
and everyone has a different style and
personality on how they manage emotions
and what's important to them as far as
disclosure of
emotions disclosure is a huge word when
it comes to emotional intelligence so
part of your opportunity is to learn
from the people above you and Below you
and to learn more with your own group as
well because you want to temper those
emotions whether they're positive or
negative you don't want to be seen as a
goody two Sho never get angry never get
upset never are a assertive which did
not come up in our words today as
opposed to aggressive you don't want the
reputation she lets people walk over her
you don't want the reputation he stands
his ground and would rather give you a
boot in the mouth than let you pass so
you want to be sensitive to what those
emotions are okay it's a good point but
again I I hope you will think about
balance okay good next
I put together just a real quick
definition for you of emotional
intelligence EQ and IQ and I think
what's important to think about here
with emotional
intelligence and I expect you to do some
research on this everyone and it's so
easy on Google by the way if you didn't
know Google was designed for someone
like me I'm an info nyfo I never get
enough information and I find something
on Google three days days later I'm
peeling back the onion looking at
everything that they say about that
topic okay and what I like about things
like emotional intelligence you can put
in a string of words emotional
intelligence in the military emotional
intelligence in Academia emotional
intelligence Trends in Corporate America
and find out what the heck is going on
how many of you were born and raised
here at UC Berkeley I've been here all
your career born and raised okay how
many of you have been in Corporate
America or not for profit and come to UC
Berkeley okay look at the number of
hands those of you who were born and
raised in this room are kind of sort of
in the
minority and part of your opportunity is
to learn from the others around you so
that you can give yourself choices about
what's going to be next for you whether
it's career whether it's like I did just
turn away completely from Corporate
America and go back into my own coaching
and and uh Consulting practice but you
want choices and you need to know how
you're going to leverage what your own
emotional intelligence looks like so
here's something that I really like
people with high EQ usually make great
leaders and team players because of
their ability to understand empathize
and connect with people around
them my husband played Semi-Pro baseball
and he used to tell me I used to say
gosh you know all the baseball players
really look like they like each other
and they get along so well Kumbaya and
The Dugout he said forget all that the manager
manager
says when you're out there between the
lines yes you are in love with everyone
you love everyone you do your job and
you're very supportive and respectful I
don't care what you do outside of those
lines in other words to build that team
the emotional intelligence has to be
high for them to win for those of you
who have never heard of the team that
won the uh NBA championship the golden
what's he golden go Golden State Warriors
Warriors
I mean just think about it they are in
love with one another they show it
they're selfless in terms of how their
work ethic has gotten them to where they
are but they also had to be aware of
what some of their shortcomings were
tone down the ego and let people work
with them on it both teammates and
coaches so the same thing happens with
us in our workplaces how many of you
have got colleagues in the workplace
that your opinion is
they don't know what they're doing how
did they get the
job okay I don't see any hands being
raised but I Heard lots of Giggles lots
of Giggles tells the
story okay now believe it or not they
think the exact same thing about
you yeah because that's the hidden that
we don't talk about it's easier to talk
about it out when we're on The Concourse
or never in the L's bathroom please
because everyone listens in the lady's
bathroom never in the men's bathroom
even if you've accidentally walked in
there like I have a couple of
times make sure that you consider that
the connections we're building with
people are all a part of our ability to
work well with others this is why a good
leader does not need to know the role
and the job of all of the people who
report to him or her they only need to
have the right people on the team and
they need to be able to motivate empathize
empathize
develop be the Rah coach for
everyone because then they follow
following is so much more important than
leading and you need to know why do
people follow if you have good emotional
intelligence they're going to by
contrast intelligence quoti IQ and a lot
of us have been traumatized by
traumatized I'll raise my hand all of us
have been traumatized at some point or
another by by the standardized test and
what they do is look at that that whole
area of an individual's intelligence
back in I made a note to myself to give
you used to determine academic abilities
and identify individuals with
off-the-chart intelligence or mental
capacities 1883 English statistician
Fran galton's paper on inquiries I I
love that I'm talking about this at the
University okay inquiries into human
faculty and its development that was the
first application that was then done by
Alfred Benet in 1905 testing school
children and their access in France for
emotional intelligence for those of you
who know the book emotional intelligence
and why it matters more than IQ by
Daniel Goldman the preeminent book on
the subject but he's written several
other books that connect to it so I and
Goldman is g o l e m an not gold but g o
l e m a n Goldman Daniel um I used it
quite a bit with my clients used it
quite a bit when I was at the Federal
Reserve Bank in San Francisco so it's an
important resource for you to think
about what the heck is this stuff we
talk about in terms of emotional
intelligence so what are these five
pillars of emotional intelligence you
hit on a couple of them because when I
asked you to do the quiz a few of you
did say okay empathy is one of them so
look at these areas and I'm just going
to give you a couple of quick things for
you to think about for selfawareness the
ability to recognize and understand your
moods your emotions and the drives as
well as their effect on others that's
self-awareness you need to know you know
thank goodness it wasn't a TSA officer
that I was really having trouble with in
the Miami Airport cuz I would have had
to call Sid and say hey they've got me a
little bit locked up I won't be there
next week okay because I would have let
my own emotions get away from me and not
have them under control okay Hallmarks
self-confidence realistic self
assessment I would never in a million
years have told you that story about the
Miami Airport if I wasn't okay with the
fact that I'm pretty confident I'm like
everyone else okay I lost it a little
did not yell or Scream by the way and
did not swear was just slightly passive
aggressive but I was okay other than
that okay what about
self-regulation self-regulation the
ability to control or
redirect impulses and moods so I sort of
kind of did that thank goodness my
husband was there had he not been there
I probably would not have done it as
well okay but I kind of red directed my
little bit of anger Hallmarks of people
who are good at self-regulation their
trustworthiness and integrity when
you're good at regulating people tend to
trust you more you're not going to panic
if the boat is
sinking not right away anyway
okay comfort with ambiguity also is a
Hallmark for people who are good in
self-regulation and then openness to
change I think we talked a little bit
about change you know the world is
changing look at UC Berkeley you've got
a centralized shared services a lot of
companies and organizations have gone to
that years and years and years ago
before the university but the good news
is you're moving in that direction and
in order to keep up everyone has to get on
board motivation self motivation these
three areas relate to ourselves okay a
passion to work for reasons that go go
beyond money and
Status we're not saying money doesn't
matter but there are reasons why we do
things that go beyond money and Status
my particular uh passion is with kids in
college success program so I am a
volunteer coach for um the first
graduate organization which is in San
Francisco works with kids who are the
first in their families to go to college
and then graduate college I'll also be
doing some work with the East Bay uh
college fund because I care about what
happens to these young people that just
need a little bit more redirection I do
it all pro bono pro bono because the
money and the status doesn't matter but
I believe I need to give away my gifts
and talents that's what my religion say
I give it away just give it away okay
now motivation strong drive to achieve
optimism even in the face of failure and
organizational commitment doesn't mean
organizational commitment quote to UC
Berkeley it could mean organizational
commitment to the mission of UC Berkeley
it may not be just your department okay
everybody with me so those three are
tied up in the emotional intelligence of
how we see ourselves but then there's
two more relating to others empathy the
ability to understand the emotional
makeup of other
people the word here is understand the
emotional makeup not pass judgment on
the emotional makeup of others everybody
with me okay it's a big difference
Hallmarks expertise in building and retaining
retaining
Talent cross-cultural
sensitivity service to clients and
customers it was many years after I left
Berkeley with my degree I stayed one
more year and did a year postgraduate
work with Professor Alan dundies who was
my rockar hero in folklore and um uh he
just knew I was going to go into the PHD
program in folklore marel yeah yeah yeah
but guess what no jobs in folklore no
jobs in archaeology no jobs in
anthropology I mean I just needed to
make minimum wage but I couldn't even
make that in those so I was ready to go
it was many years later that I went on
to do my Master's work at Dominican
University in San Rafel how many of you
know that small wonderful campus there
my degree is in political and economic
assessment of the Pacific basin and
shorten international business focus on
Asia okay China Japan India were my
passions one of the things I learned was
that I had to speak the language before
I went so I learned could read write and
speak 500 characters I thought I was
just the cats me out and it turns out
that 500 characters is about the amount
that a 5-year-old can
speak okay I was still proud but there
reality was from a crosscultural sense I
was out of my element living in Beijing
for 4 months there was no English at
that time written anywhere it was all my
hoodzpah the only thing I couldn't read
actually was the newspaper but nobody in
China could read the Chinese newspaper
it was just really difficult but what I
learned was there's motivations that are
different and empathetically I had to
think about what was different about
them than me and I found that out when I
tried to catch a butt
every day for a week what do we do here at
at
Bart what do we do at
Bart we line up we queue up politely I might
might
add okay unfortunately I brought my Bay
Area mentality with me and I queued up
as I watch people swarm past me and
knocked me out of the way in order to
get on the bus 3 hours later after I had
not caught any bus there were three
buses four buses five buses that had
passed I figured okay there's something
different someone back home will have to
forgive me because I'm going to have to
fight my way onto the bus or else I'm
never going to get anywhere and that's
exactly what I did once I got on the bus
I asked for forgiveness and but I felt
okay this is okay I had to learn the
cultural sensitivities and differences
for where I was living at the time
didn't mean I gave up anything I had but
let me tell you it made my stay there
very successful because I became one
with the people I was there respected
everything that was going on and learned
how to fight my way on the bus but that
was the empathy that I needed as opposed
to being the Ugly American people could
not tell that I was American even when I
opened my mouth my accent was so good
that they felt very comfortable that I
just looked weird I might have been
Chinese okay so it was a little bit
different but I always wanted to be in
service to others and that was part of
the work I did there because I worked
for their Management Institute for the
airline at the time that was my
internship so what about this last one
social skill or effective relationships
how many of you think you're pretty good
at building relationships inside and
outside of work okay pretty good all
right so here's this one Proficiency in
managing and building networks managing
and building networks or relationship
Networks and ability to find common
ground and build rapport this is the
biggest thing for me you don't have to
like what other people bring to the
table but you need to build some kind of
resp Rapport and respect what they bring
once you can do that you understand how
to build effective relationships and not
use or abuse those
relationships okay and then what are
some of the Hallmarks Effectiveness in leading
leading
change persuasiveness
and lastly expertise in building and
leading teams by the way you don't have
to be a manager or a supervisor or the
director of anything to be good at
building teams and building
Rapport everybody with me comments
questions I want to pay attention to our
time so that I don't um Miss some of the
things that are important that we want
to talk about okay so here's a few
things and when you get this on the
website you'll be able to spend a little
more time with this I want you to do me a
a
favor it doesn't help you if you've come
to this session or any of the others
that you'll go to today if you don't
pick two or three nuggets that speak to
you and then do something about them one
two after you do something about them or
as you decide to do something about them
speak to someone else about it I went to
this program I really liked it gosh I
found out Marvel's just like me she
hates all this technology I'm going to
do something about it blah blah blah
everybody with me can I get that
commitment from you okay so look at
these things that emotionally
intelligent people bring to the
workplace by the way the caveat here no
one walks on water just because they're
emotionally intelligent so take that out
of your mind because I don't want you to
use that as an excuse for not becoming
more emotionally intelligent okay you
can do it without walking on water they
can successfully manage difficult
situations not every difficult situation
but they they do a little better than
than the majority of us they can express
themselves clearly if you're not sure
what's going to come out of your mouth
or on paper or out of that
email okay step back take a deep breath
turn off the Bold turn off the Highlight
turn off the red color on the
email take a deep breath swallow and
rewrite that
email recommendation if you're not sure
because the frustration has been
mounting the this is for emails which I
use I use this little tip I write the
email and then I put it in
draft put it in my draft
folder take a look at it the next
morning the whole thing make sure
there's no typles do I still want Red
bold black what do I want if I need to I
rewrite the email I let my emotions just
superimpose on it but I don't send it I
need to be able to control everybody
with me okay
gain respect from others they know how
to Influence People by the way you don't
influence okay influence is a very
important skill and you all need to use
it learn it and use it listen well to
the concerns of others here's part of
the challenge and one of the questions
in the little quiz I gave you are you
able to use selft talk in order to
motivate you up or down around don't use
the negative selft talk when you're
trying to listen to the concerns of
others because you're not listening to
what those concerns are you're saying in
your head oh my goodness here we go
again can't believe all she does is
you're not listening and there might be
a clue a nugget there for you if you
would just listen to what it
is keep cool and can cope with anything under
under
pressure okay coping with things under
pressure is not easy deadlines are not
the most critical thing that we deal
with there are other things but your
ability to cope with things under
pressure becomes very important motivate
themselves to get things done this is
tougher but sometimes we have to
motivate ourselves if there's not enough
motivation or Direction in our Circle
okay I don't care if it's housekeeping
cooking Garden get better at golf get
better at you know uh line dancing I
don't care what it is
okay and then lastly know how to be
positive even in difficult
situations you're human it's okay to say
you know this is a tough situation for
me I don't know how I can be positive
however there is one little nugget we
still have three weeks to get the
project done it could be that small but
you need something to begin that
motivation with yourself and then with others
others [Music]
[Music]
Comfort where are you in that
list if you've got one of those things
going for you I'm a happy camper how
many of you have at least one of those
things going for you yay it's Friday the
day before weekend everyone should raise
their hand I have at least one of those
things going for me okay at least
one all right now this exercise I'm not
sure we're going to have enough time for
and of course I don't have 150 copies
and the the chairs don't turn around but
let me tell you what I had uh with these
and I think what you're going to have to
do is probably look at the uh exercise when
when
you when you look at it online let me
tell you what the um excuse me the gist
of this exercise was I took the five pillars
pillars
of well I took another organization took
the those five pillars and put them into
four pillars
self-awareness uh um self-awareness
social awareness which is the uh
building of relationships
self-management and relationship
management around them are each one of
these little things and in smaller
groups I give the exercise I break you
up into about 10 and I ask you how does
this show up at the office or how does
it show up at work so here's an example
you look at the relationship management
how would dealing with conflict show up
so you could say well in dealing with
conflict uh there could be a project
we're working on and one person thinks
it should go this way and another person
thinks it should go that way we have to
come into the middle just talking about
conflict as it relates to building
relationships all of a sudden gives you
a little bit more awareness of where
conflict can break
down whole teams
okay whole teams can get broken down by
not understanding or dealing
appropriately with conflict so here's
another one with social awareness what
happens when you're
working uh oh this is my favorite in
terms of etiquette here at usy Berkeley
and I think I heard our keynote mention
you know we have a culture here at
Berkeley how many of you believe that in
your own departments there's a culture
different than the others okay good
that's everyone what about an etiquette
in that department you do some things
before you do other things uh you don't
yell when people are on the phone
whatever that etiquette is so do we have
some kind of etiquette okay so this
particular question says so if I'm
looking at Social awareness what's the
etiquette that might come into play here
in my office okay so the whole point of
this and obviously when you pull down
the slides you can pull this off make it
bigger and you can use it in your
department use it at a a simple staff
meeting hey here's a couple of issues
that we've got why don't we see how we
can work them out that was the whole
point of this in smaller groups It's
really impactful impactful because
people begin to talk about things that
they didn't talk about before okay and
this is essentially what this does is
build dialogue for you that's
essentially what the point was and of
course I thought if I had only a few
people I'd divide you up into small
groups of 10 and we could look at
everything but that didn't work out for
this time but I do want to let you know
okay so here's some suggestions for
enhancing your own EQ again I'm going to
be really proud of all of you if you go
to the website you know what less that
talk in your groups about emotional
intelligence talk to your boss hey went
to a great session pull the slides down
or send them to your boss FYI would love
us to talk about this in our next staff
meeting here's some resources and I did
put some resources for you as well but I
think what's important for you to think
about is is there one or two things I
can do for myself even before I talk to
my boss or my co-workers about it okay
so for example be mindful of the choices
that you make in the workplace what's
this mean be mindful of the choices
what's that
mean what kinds of choices
choices
reaction yeah reactions to co-workers
reactions to another assignment from a
boss that you believe never does his or her
her
job okay and maybe your co-workers
believe it too
others what other choices do we make in
the workplace
I can't hear you being considerate of
our coworkers yeah being considerate of
our co-workers it is very easy to be
nasty and by the way usually feels
better than being
considerate tell the
better
okay be aware of your own emotions and
how they impact you and others in the
world workplace you and others so if
you're busy talking loud on your phone
or sending out those
really kind of negative emails or
slamming down your books or mumbling
under your breath that has an impact on your
your
co-workers and unfortunately it gives
you a reputation you may not want people
will disavow any knowledge of your
important skills because all they see in
front of them is the negative that you
think it's better to
portray on the other hand you can also
use it in a very positive sense to let
them see that you're a team player that
you really care that you want to help
your co-workers that you're going to go
out of your way to ask hey is there
anything I can do to help
you other suggestions learn to
understand the position of another
person from their perspective by
listening effectively and showing
empathy you know
you were once a new
employee how dare you treat the new
employee with less respect than you were
thinking you were going to get when you
were a new employee 10 15 20 30 40 years
ago how dare you how dare
you everybody with me new employees deserve
deserve
everything positively that you got 10 20
30 40 years ago why do I say that
because I've worked with employees that
have been in the workplace
when I was at Marriott I was there when
an employee who had been there 43 years
retired they literally had to kick him
out he wasn't going he was healthy he
was engaged I mean come on now do
something else go
fishing okay do a
garden but after 43 years he saw everything
everything
change and the same is true for um
people that I worked with at the Federal
Reserve Bank they came after high school
or after college and we're still there
30 35 40 they they they went through the
entire gamut of
Technology okay so it is critical that
you show empathy to the new employees
they are not there to take your job
necessarily but if you're not privy to
what's going on in terms of building the
capacity in the organization and if you
don't want to ask and if you rather just
complain about it shame on you has
nothing to do with newer
employees so it is critical that you
think about what can you do to support
learn to be very very supportive of
people that are in your orbit by the way
thank goodness for new employees I
learned a lot about technology and
therefore could pretend that I was
efficient that I was knowledgeable
intelligent that I was savvy
till I got a smartphone but then that's
when you sneak off you buy them lunch
and they give you all the knowledge they
have am I right am I right okay okay
that's called
humility put your ego aside and support
support
next manage the impact of your attitude
in the workplace this is both positive
and negative the positive part is just
because you came from a place where you
were the know-it-all in a positive sense
and you believe that you got hired here
because they think you're a know-it-all
and that therefore you're going to be
able to hold Court have people kiss the
ring as they file by be clear that is
not the real world that is not the real
world okay so I want you to think about
managing your impact your attitude
matters you don't want it all to be
negative you don't want people to walk
over you but you also need to learn from
others and it's okay to ask
if you're concerned about it and they
were at this session you can
say were you at the now conference did
you go to marll Allen's session do you
remember her saying that dot dot dot
well that's why I'm here talking to you
I'd like to get a little bit more
information about your perspective on
blah blah
blah okay I use that myself so I want
you to feel comfortable to use it as
well email me to let me know how how it
comes out okay and this last one is
really tough for us because we're human beings be open to feedback that could
beings be open to feedback that could build your EQ skills and impact your
build your EQ skills and impact your career
career Direction not everybody is in a job for
Direction not everybody is in a job for a career would you
a career would you agree some people are in a job like my
agree some people are in a job like my husband was to pay the bills but his
husband was to pay the bills but his passion was flying so it was a means to
passion was flying so it was a means to an end I work I get money I can fly he
an end I work I get money I can fly he didn't care about any of the politics
didn't care about any of the politics the drama none of it I work I get money
the drama none of it I work I get money I can fly well that wasn't me I worked
I can fly well that wasn't me I worked because I cared about what I did I did
because I cared about what I did I did continuing education I loved my career I
continuing education I loved my career I was passionate about building other
was passionate about building other people Etc we had two and therefore lots
people Etc we had two and therefore lots of conflict at home about his perception
of conflict at home about his perception of what work was and my perception of
of what work was and my perception of what career
what career was okay that's why it matters home or
was okay that's why it matters home or work whoever that's why it's both okay
work whoever that's why it's both okay so I expect you to consider from a
so I expect you to consider from a humility standpoint feedback is
humility standpoint feedback is important don't be a jerk and give
important don't be a jerk and give feedback in the middle of a crowd that's
feedback in the middle of a crowd that's negative or embarrassing or humiliating
negative or embarrassing or humiliating because that's not really feedback
because that's not really feedback that's hurtful
that's hurtful communication that's hurtful
communication that's hurtful communication so instead I want you to
communication so instead I want you to think about and by the way you should go
think about and by the way you should go out and encourage others to give you
out and encourage others to give you feedback one thing about Millennials is
feedback one thing about Millennials is and one of the trends that's been said
and one of the trends that's been said is that millennial want feedback more
is that millennial want feedback more than the
than the yearly uh performance appraisal give me
yearly uh performance appraisal give me a break those of us that have been
a break those of us that have been around to day or two we don't care if we
around to day or two we don't care if we even get it that yearly time because we
even get it that yearly time because we don't really like feedback so much and I
don't really like feedback so much and I don't care if you don't like the way I
don't care if you don't like the way I did the job
did the job before okay but one of the trends for
before okay but one of the trends for Millennials is give me the feedback am I
Millennials is give me the feedback am I on the right track do I need to do more
on the right track do I need to do more is there things you know tell me what to
is there things you know tell me what to do some people perceive that as they
do some people perceive that as they want the feedback so that they can get
want the feedback so that they can get more and more and more educated and then
more and more and more educated and then take your job that's your problem if you
take your job that's your problem if you have that insecurity that is not the new
have that insecurity that is not the new employees problem hello am I just
employees problem hello am I just hitting a little of those little dingy
hitting a little of those little dingy things yeah okay so it's important for
things yeah okay so it's important for you to seek feedback even from your new
you to seek feedback even from your new employee
employee colleagues ask them what they see what
colleagues ask them what they see what they think what are the things that they
they think what are the things that they think would make your department run
think would make your department run better partner with people in your
better partner with people in your organizations or across the organization
organizations or across the organization in order to build your EQ and to build
in order to build your EQ and to build more of that
more of that feedback any questions any concerns
feedback any questions any concerns about some of the things that I've said
about some of the things that I've said around the suggestions
around the suggestions yes kind weird
I if you could do your job I wouldn't be stepping in that's how I felt at the
stepping in that's how I felt at the time I don't want someone
time I don't want someone J okay but until someone said it to you
J okay but until someone said it to you and by the way her point was she's never
and by the way her point was she's never thought about taking someone else's job
thought about taking someone else's job although someone did say to her once I
although someone did say to her once I think you're trying to take my job I've
think you're trying to take my job I've never thought about it I you know I just
never thought about it I you know I just want to do my job blah blah blah guess
want to do my job blah blah blah guess what we're
what we're human and when we see that somebody is
human and when we see that somebody is getting a little bit more play on a
getting a little bit more play on a particular project or now we're going to
particular project or now we're going to have Vina lead us in this and everyone
have Vina lead us in this and everyone looks around and says who the heck is
looks around and says who the heck is Vina she's not been in our department
Vina she's not been in our department law how come they didn't give it to you
law how come they didn't give it to you or you how come they didn't give it to
or you how come they didn't give it to me so part of the challenge is we do not
me so part of the challenge is we do not do a good job but communicating what's
do a good job but communicating what's important to ourselves and to others and
important to ourselves and to others and you said something very telling I don't
you said something very telling I don't want your job I just stepped in because
want your job I just stepped in because it needed to be done it wasn't being
it needed to be done it wasn't being done any of those things okay but when
done any of those things okay but when one has to step in it's important to
one has to step in it's important to still communicate bosses need to
still communicate bosses need to communicate co-workers need to
communicate co-workers need to communicate if the perception is because
communicate if the perception is because you've been here 40 years you don't have
you've been here 40 years you don't have as much energy as a person who just
as much energy as a person who just started day before yesterday think Back
started day before yesterday think Back 40 years you had that energy so it's
40 years you had that energy so it's important to partner with the people who
important to partner with the people who have the energy so you can ride in on
have the energy so you can ride in on their coattails you have the expertise
their coattails you have the expertise they want it not to take your job but
they want it not to take your job but just to get up to speed
just to get up to speed quicker that's the reason and it's
quicker that's the reason and it's important if you are an elder States
important if you are an elder States person the ego can be really great when
person the ego can be really great when people are coming to you because you
people are coming to you because you have the institutional knowledge that's
have the institutional knowledge that's going to help them be
going to help them be successful everybody with me on that
successful everybody with me on that it's a tough call it's a tough call but
it's a tough call it's a tough call but you really want the opportunity to give
you really want the opportunity to give away some of your gifts and talents to
away some of your gifts and talents to others that are coming along with
others that are coming along with you okay it's a great Point thank you
you okay it's a great Point thank you for bringing it up
for bringing it up question I I
question I I heard question oh you know I can't see
heard question oh you know I can't see you because I've got two lights okay so
you because I've got two lights okay so what's the question um this is fantastic
what's the question um this is fantastic but I'm having a hard time not thinking
but I'm having a hard time not thinking that everybody else in my department
that everybody else in my department needs
[Laughter] to
to have to
have to [Music]
[Music] on and I know that's a distortion
on and I know that's a distortion yes I can help
yes I can help [Laughter]
[Laughter] you I can help you with that first of
you I can help you with that first of all it is not a distortion okay that's
all it is not a distortion okay that's first second of all you have choices
first second of all you have choices even with the people here's what I don't
even with the people here's what I don't want you to do I don't want you to go
want you to do I don't want you to go back to your departments including you
back to your departments including you young man and say dog Gana that was a
young man and say dog Gana that was a great session how come everyone else
great session how come everyone else wasn't
wasn't there it's not their problem that's your
there it's not their problem that's your problem and you have choices
problem and you have choices one bring it up in a staff meeting tell
one bring it up in a staff meeting tell them how great it was not the negative
them how great it was not the negative part of they all need it and you don't
part of they all need it and you don't okay but bring it up to a boss hey this
okay but bring it up to a boss hey this is something that we might use for one
is something that we might use for one of our Retreats just focus on emotional
of our Retreats just focus on emotional intelligence there's a wonderful
intelligence there's a wonderful assessment as I mentioned that I like to
assessment as I mentioned that I like to use on emotional intelligence and you
use on emotional intelligence and you get everybody on the same page and you
get everybody on the same page and you all talk about it and dialogue it
all talk about it and dialogue it because you're in a smaller group has
because you're in a smaller group has nothing to do with your years of
nothing to do with your years of experience has nothing to do with the
experience has nothing to do with the fact that you came from the outside in
fact that you came from the outside in your insecurities around where you are
your insecurities around where you are should not be superimposed on the people
should not be superimposed on the people around you that's number one number two
around you that's number one number two love that you said your emotional
love that you said your emotional intelligence is fine and yet the rest of
intelligence is fine and yet the rest of the people it sucks okay here's the
the people it sucks okay here's the reality the fact that you mention yours
reality the fact that you mention yours is fine and I'm worried about the rest
is fine and I'm worried about the rest of the people in my department says that
of the people in my department says that your perception of what they do in don't
your perception of what they do in don't bring to the table might be part of the
bring to the table might be part of the Judgment piece that was below the line
Judgment piece that was below the line on the on the on the um iceberg that I
on the on the on the um iceberg that I showed you okay so here's the good news
showed you okay so here's the good news you can start with a positive by
you can start with a positive by bringing up the subject let me just say
bringing up the subject let me just say if you're worried that everyone in your
if you're worried that everyone in your department is going to poo poo it and
department is going to poo poo it and say all I need to know how to do is the
say all I need to know how to do is the accounting or to do the it or to do the
accounting or to do the it or to do the math or to set all that aside because
math or to set all that aside because those technical skills I can buy those
those technical skills I can buy those skills anywhere cannot buy the emotional
skills anywhere cannot buy the emotional intelligence okay so you can start by
intelligence okay so you can start by being a little sneaky in a positive way
being a little sneaky in a positive way and bring it up in a staff meeting to
and bring it up in a staff meeting to your boss hey this is something that I
your boss hey this is something that I think will really help our team grow
think will really help our team grow it's a great team support assessment and
it's a great team support assessment and a great team support discussion as well
a great team support discussion as well does that help that's perfect okay good
does that help that's perfect okay good cuz when it's done I want an email
cuz when it's done I want an email saying hey lost my job but I feel much
saying hey lost my job but I feel much better about my emotional
better about my emotional intelligence thank you marll thank you I
intelligence thank you marll thank you I feel better about
feel better about [Laughter]
[Laughter] it I know that's not going to happen
it I know that's not going to happen though okay some real quick resources I
though okay some real quick resources I put for you here
put for you here not exhaustive I just put six things
not exhaustive I just put six things that I like okay right at the top is
that I like okay right at the top is emotional intelligence why it can matter
emotional intelligence why it can matter more than IQ by the way if you read
more than IQ by the way if you read Harvard Business Review which I get uh
Harvard Business Review which I get uh uh I'm I'm one of their executive
uh I'm I'm one of their executive members so I get online and I get the
members so I get online and I get the hard
hard copy just peruse all of the things that
copy just peruse all of the things that are out in the universe about topics
are out in the universe about topics that you think will help your team be a
that you think will help your team be a better team from an emotional
better team from an emotional intelligence standpoint okay and then I
intelligence standpoint okay and then I think it's really going to be helpful
think it's really going to be helpful that you share share these things with
that you share share these things with others by the way take it home
others by the way take it home please not that your kids are not
please not that your kids are not necessarily the apple of your eye and
necessarily the apple of your eye and they're so sweet and they're so darling
they're so sweet and they're so darling and all that no matter their age
and all that no matter their age everyone has issues with emotional
everyone has issues with emotional intelligence and there are things
intelligence and there are things written for kids on emotional
written for kids on emotional intelligence okay and the phenomena of
intelligence okay and the phenomena of bullying in our society by the way make
bullying in our society by the way make no mistake do not believe that bullying
no mistake do not believe that bullying is a US phenomena there dealing with it
is a US phenomena there dealing with it all over the world I have a colleague
all over the world I have a colleague who's a journalist in Japan and he's
who's a journalist in Japan and he's written several things on the um up the
written several things on the um up the the the total uproar of bullying in
the the total uproar of bullying in Japan and now with cyber bullying it's
Japan and now with cyber bullying it's even worse okay the negative side of
even worse okay the negative side of Technology as far as I'm
Technology as far as I'm concerned my contact information is here
concerned my contact information is here request if you link up to me on LinkedIn
request if you link up to me on LinkedIn you have to say marll you were
you have to say marll you were phenomenal you are the bomb I saw you at
phenomenal you are the bomb I saw you at the now conference then I'll hook up
the now conference then I'll hook up with
with you if you just say I want to be in your
you if you just say I want to be in your you know that little oneliner they give
you know that little oneliner they give you that's just the like a canned
you that's just the like a canned message I won't know who you are and I
message I won't know who you are and I get so many that I I have to decline
get so many that I I have to decline them so if you really want me to be in
them so if you really want me to be in your network then tell me where I met
your network then tell me where I met you so that that it'll make it easier
you so that that it'll make it easier for me okay okay you guys were super
for me okay okay you guys were super this was Fab did you get a couple of
this was Fab did you get a couple of tidbits to help okay Bravo thank you
Click on any text or timestamp to jump to that moment in the video
Share:
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
One-Click Copy125+ LanguagesSearch ContentJump to Timestamps
Paste YouTube URL
Enter any YouTube video link to get the full transcript
Transcript Extraction Form
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
Get Our Chrome Extension
Get transcripts instantly without leaving YouTube. Install our Chrome extension for one-click access to any video's transcript directly on the watch page.
