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Reading My College Essay That Got Me Into Stanford!
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all right hey everyone and welcome to my
YouTube channel I'm here with my dear
friend Dia we're currently in Delhi dear
friend Dia in Delhi Dia do you want to
introduce yourself really good yeah I'm
via I'm a Stanford sophomore I'm
studying English and computer science
and yeah we're in Delhi because Miriam's
visiting me yeah and we're having so
much fun exploring everything yeah and
so we thought oh this is Dia's idea
actually to share our common apps with
you all and let you all know how we got
into Stanford what we wrote about why we
wrote about it and hopefully this can
help you guys just get into the colleges
of your dreams get into Stanford yeah
yeah anything you want to add no that's
good cool so we're just going to go into
it uh I'll start I'll read my personal
statement which is like the main thing
also by the way I haven't read this
since I wrote it like four years ago so
yeah there's that too it took me a while
to find this this thing I've lived in a
world of no where masculinity is
lionized is an androcentricity is
normalized being a 17 year old data
scientist who earned six figures is
unorthodox in the ultra-orthodox
fundamentalist Upstate New York Jewish
Community I grew up in very wordy
there is a normative for all girls to
strive to be subservient wives and birth
mothers women shouldn't put themselves
before men working wearing pants playing
sports singing or joining math leagues
are some examples of no's women are
barred from engaging with anyone outside
our compound using Google is Unthinkable
using electricity on Saturday is
unimaginable this is the norm for all
fundamentalists ultra-orthodox communities
communities
in 2016 my mother broke feet by
liberating herself she liberated me
it's been a year since I moved to
Silicon Valley it is a Saturday evening
and Olivia and I are having dinner at
Coho I met Olivia at make School summer
Academy an eight-week app development
summer program in San Francisco
she is now Stanford freshman who loves
the Cardinal yes and spirit this year we
are developing the Cardinal impact app
to assist freshmen moving around campus
this app will increase positive
engagements between freshmen and
upperclassmen we have made quick
progress on our app
Olivia Muses is about the challenges of
being women uh being women in technology
and this moment I realized that I am out
on a Saturday night wearing comfortable
pants using electricity and coding I
have broken every Rule and no one
rebukes me sure all women face
challenges in our society but I feel
like nothing can stop me when I compare
my life now to the days when I had to
work secretly at my brother's computer
teaching myself to code against the
rules of my household
Cardinal impact is the 13th app I have
created since the age of 13. but tonight
feels so different from the days I wrote
my first app I don't have words to
explain this to Olivia I simply say I am
allowed to freely create with technology
and it's magical
Olivia asks what drives you a reflect
back on the no world of my childhood and
I think about the difference one yes can
make when my brother shomo got his first
computer I was only nine years old but
he allowed me to Tinker with it I
alleviated my intellectual curiosity by
watching countless how-to videos on
YouTube and learning how to break dance
making photo collages and apps
Shalom gave me my moonshot my gateway to
the outside world it was my brother's
yes that kindled my passion to design
and create Tech that works for everyone
in ninth grade I sought to bring a new
sense of community to Terrace High I
wrote my first line of code when I
decided to build the attires app which
allowed students and administration to
share announcements schedules and photos
after a few months of learning app
development I submitted the app and
though it took three tries a Terrace was
accepted into the App Store making me a
proud published 13 year old iOS
Developer Against All Odds
Olivia nudges me out of my contemplative
State and says okay time to make sure
the kernel app is good working order
before 2018. I laugh and Google a quote
from Jane lanthrop Stanford about the
inaugural Stanford class which I read
aloud to Olivia there's only one failure
for you and that is not to be true to
the best you know it will take some time
to custom yourself to your new
surroundings surroundings consequently
we are desirous that you will be
tolerant until all Machinery is in good
working order
and with that Olivia and I get to work yeah
yeah
thank you so actually it's very funny
because our essays are completely
different which I think is good that
we're both sharing our common apps with you
you
um so you can see like different kinds
of ways that work so I'll like dig into
it a little bit and then you can read
your yeah personal statement so the
format for mine was I was trying to
share my life story without just saying
my life story you know like there's a
lot of essays that say I grew up in this
community it really sucked I found my
way out blah blah blah and I did that
but what I did also to make it more
engaging is I tied my story into a scene
and the scene was me and Olivia sitting
in a coffee shop Coho and to look at
that on a deeper level why Coho so I
chose Coho because I wanted to get into
Stanford and Coho is a cafe on Stanford
so I tried as much as I can to tie in
things that Stanford specifically was
looking for so I mentioned Coho saying I
was at I was at Stanford I quoted by the
end uh one of the like the Stanford Jane
lanthrop Stanford the wife of the
founder of Stanford so I tried as much
as I can to bring in Stanford specific
words and ways of thinking and places to
show like I am committed to this school
because that's where I wanted to go and
then another thing is that Stanford is
very into intellectual curiosity that's
like their thing they're super into like
we want people who are intellectually
curious or intellectual Vitality is that
what it is intellectual vitality and so
I mentioned in my essay I say
um I alleviated my intellectual
curiosity so like I mentioned the main
thing that they look for as a Stanford
student yeah yeah and so I tried as much
as I can to include specifically what my
University was looking for so my
recommendation is to do that too do your
research get quotes from the founder of
Columbia if you want to go to Columbia
you know like see exactly what they're
looking for and get and tie that into
your essay and then the other main point
is to make it a scene or a story and not
just like
spitting out events but kind of tying
everything together in some sort of
story and that was the hardest part I
would say to do for this essay was
finding that story
all right how did you choose which story
to pick because like you start with your
Orthodox Jewish community and then you
talk about
Olivia unlike this one specific app yeah
I did he pick it because it has the word
cardinal in it so yes that's another
great example is that like Cardinal
impact was actually an app I literally
made for Stanford okay so like
everything in this personal statement is
my dedication and commitment to this
University through my story so like
that's what I was talking and I wanted
to show the admissions office that like
I want to go here you know and that's
why I chose that app is because it's
about an app I was creating four
Stanford students uh and so that's why I
chose that app and then
choosing this specific story was also
really difficult I actually wrote this
is like my 70th version of this essay
you know I had so many versions in this
other version that I wrote for a long
time it was about this time that I
walked in through a door that I wasn't
supposed to walk in through it was like
the gates computer science building when
I was in the student at Stanford and I
became friends with the professor and
that helped me get into Stanford too but
like I wanted to write about that story
of like just walking into doors and what
that represents and the idea of like
uncertainty being comfortable with
uncomfortable and how I live my life
through walking through doors that I'm
not supposed to be walking through and
like so there's many stories that you
can pick I would try to find a story
that really represents who you are and I
ended up going with this just because I
managed to tie everything in well yeah
um but it took a lot of time to get to
this specific story yeah and I like how
you talk about not just like your
intellectual experiences like yes you're
making apps but that's also like the
bigger story about it of like you being
a woman and dad can you being like
previously ultra-orthodox Jewish and I
like that you don't focus on just like
one of those things like you found a way
to like bring both your personal
experiences and then your professional
experiences and do one cohesive thing
did you apply as like a CS major I
applied at symbolic systems oh okay yeah
that's why I did yeah symbolic systems
is like cs plus
philosophy and stuff at Stanford yeah um
so but I actually did not end up
majoring in that so DMI yeah
so yeah I think that's pretty much it
that's like all the right I think yeah
and then another thing is like powerful
first sentence I've worked like my butt
off on the first sentence I would say
you want to start off strong it's like a
first impression you know you want to
like hook them it's a hook because we
learned this in school I never learned
this in school guys all right but I know
now it's called the hook in a paper but
but yeah so like have a really strong
hook like get that first sentence in
really powerful because it makes a big
difference then the other thing that I'd
say is that a lot of people don't like
to brag and like my second sentence is
that I earned six figures as an engineer
that's like major bragging you know like
not you know I was just dragging my butt
off but you have to you have to not just
rag but like make sure there's a story
behind it right so like say what you
achieved and then how you achieved it
that's something that I got I thought
was helpful so show off what you got
font it in a way that isn't too fonty
yeah to try to find that challenge
um but I think that's pretty much it
those are the main points I also noticed
you had like
so many people like give you feedback
and I thought like I also had so many
people like other Stanford students like
mentors like write it yourself but
definitely like get other eyes on it
yeah you can yeah I think I had like 10
people give me feedback throughout all
this and have them like I create a whole
like rubric of like rating certain
paragraphs and like
super intense guys super intense but the
thing is if you want something you have
to work hard for it you know like this
paper didn't write itself like I worked
my butt off and you have to work you
have to work really hard if you want to
write a good paper
um yeah that's like my my last piece of
advice is just work hard on it if you
want it to be good put the time in start
early if you can yeah you start early I
started thinking about it like a year in
advance you actually said you like
started writing it yeah I started
writing in two years in advance like
that's crazy but I wanted it you know
and if you want something you have to
make it you have to work hard so I'm not
embarrassed to say that I spent
thousands like hundreds of hours on this
like you should know that like all right
I think that's good for this yeah Tia do
you want to share yours and this this is
great because it's also so different
than mine yeah and I applied as uh
English and digital Humanities major
um but I I'm also like very interested
in feminist literature and feminist
studies and my common app is like a
personal feminist experience related to
my family but I also like tried to bring
in some like literary references to like
because I can't see um
um
this is the 12th draft so
I rewrote it so many times and it's
called girl with curious hair part two I
titled it and it starts I would feel a
bang of jealousy every time I looked at
my mother's perfectly arched eyebrows
and her hairless porcelain face her
manicured fingers manufactured perfection
perfection
while I have inherited my mother's
features when I was younger I'd always
felt like a rough replica a sloppy copy
instead of her smooth skin I have tiny
black Blades of grass growing adopt me
as if I were a forest my fair arms are
Downy fluffy my side girls wispy and ethereal
ethereal
my upper lip carries a delicate mustache
I could remove it of course applying hot wax
wax
tearing myself by The Roots but I don't
want to
after many many years I've finally
started loving my fuzzy self no longer
judging myself from being different from
my mother Aunt cousins
and now apparently I love me too much
I am her suit
an aberration in a smooth and
unblemished female line
a fuzzy beach in a world of clean smooth apples
apples
in India this is moderately transgressive
transgressive
what does that say about me
I am deliberate stubborn determined
people have called me difficult my
father says I'm original
but how did my natural body become
politicized to the point of being called
this problem goes beyond just me
I see my own stories reflected in the
young women surrounding me
like my little sister Nana
when she started going to middle school
I knew she'd have the same questions I
once had and I was right
one night she came to me before bedtime
troubled about her own flourishing girl stash
stash
nobody else seems to have one no TV
characters no aunts or cousins not even
our own mother people at school asked
her questions about it and she was
teased it made it made her feel othered abnormal
abnormal
I saw myself reflected in her these were
her questions but also mine
I bristled unsure of my place
I didn't want to overwrite myself upon
her compelling her to inherit in
ideology in a manner that runs counter
to what that very ideology stands for
so I dreaded cautiously guiding her to
find her own way
I must ask I began starting a difficult
conversation about hair
Joyce feminism
I let my sister Trace her fingers over
my Downy lip
feeling a tickle
it must ache right she asked wondering
about the mysteries of depilation
we talked all night
the next morning she proudly announced
to her classmates that her big sister
had a mustache too
and since I thought my mustache was
beautiful she'd decided that hers was too
too
hearing this made me laugh but I was proud
proud as
as
I had become for my little sister the
representation I'd always wanted when I
was younger
a strange sort of heirloom
heirloom to trace her Roots back to
and maybe my mustache is beautiful
because of this newfound purpose
maybe its utility lies expressly in its uniqueness
uniqueness
if it makes my sister feel less alone
what could be more beautiful than that
fantine's happy vanity gombeing with a
broken comb her silky hair and Les
miserabs Rapunzel's long magical locks
Medusa's defining snake Bridge
little woman's Joe crying after having
sold her head throughout literature hair
has been an important part of a woman's
identity but mostly only when we talk
about the hair on our heads
for me it extends beyond that
my body hair makes me feel more open
Connected To Nature free
even father it makes me feel like a link
between my mother and my sister
between what they believe and who they are
are
my mother chooses to shave thread
appellate my sister and I keep our
frida-esque appearance carrying on a
legacy is good but two peachy canes
breaking out of our smooth Apple
inherited inheritances makes me feel
even better
so freaking amazing
mic drop oh
all right do you want to start off yeah so
so [Music]
[Music]
um I think like I I really wanted to
talk about feminism and I had a lot of
like different experiences that I could
have talked about but I focused on this
because a common app is just like 650
words and so if you talk about too many
things then you won't be able to really
go deep into one thing and so I focused
on body image and
um within that I focused on body hair
and my relationship with my body hair
and societal expectations and my
relationship with my family and all of
that like arrows out of me talking about
my relationship with body hairs I think
this topic worked because it was
something like it was a symbol I could
use to talk about broader issues that I
was passionate about and also tell a
personal story about my family which
is important because like most other
parts of my application like even all my
supplements were more about my
intellectual interests and obviously
like my transcript my sad scores they're
all like
those things were like proof that I was
smart enough I didn't want to talk about
all of that in my common app specifically
specifically
and that's interesting too because my
grades weren't perfect you know and so I
needed to talk about that more than you
because of that I think like how hard I
worked to get what I did because I had
to prove my in my intelligence yeah so I
think that's interesting too that's an
interesting point depending on what your
transcripts look like yeah
and most of it is like it's a very
personal story but only towards the end
like I have a lot of literary references
I talk about Frida kahlo's painting
Frida color is like an artist who may uh
was famous for herself portraits and she
also was known for having a unibrow and
a mustache and being beautiful and
having her own definition of beauty and
so she's someone who I always looked up
to I still have her poster in my room and
and
um the last paragraph brings in
a lot of books like Little Women
Rapunzel my name is Rob what major did
you apply with I applied
um do I actually applied different wages
to different schools for some reason
like I kind of just like randomly picked
because I wasn't super sure but to
Stanford I did English and digital
Humanities okay I think so I think the
way you wrote is very like with applying
with an English major you want to prove
that you can write yeah and this proves
that you can write you know like it's a
very literary it's the way you your play
on words your ability to start a
sentence with and make it work like
that's like difficult you know like if
usually when people do that it doesn't
sound good but you had this very special
flow that was kind of like a stream of
thought a little bit in this essay and
it shows that you can write well I think
which is like another thing depending on
what major you're applying with to think
about like the structure you have the
essay but because you applied with an
English major I think the format like
shows that and you said that your that
your Storyteller also you know like so
this shows that you can tell a story so
yeah I think like the pressure was even
higher for me because I'd want a lot of
creative writing Awards and if I
couldn't write a good essay then that
would just like negate all my
achievements in my head like for these
admissions officers
so I I worked so hard like and by the
end of it I honestly feel like I this is
not my favorite thing I've written
because like you said it kind of makes
me anxious too like I know how much
effort I put into every single word right
right
right I was thinking today earlier that
I don't like reading this paper like
because of how much stress and anxiety
this causes us and I'm sure it will
cause you to if you're writing your own
paper and that's okay you know it's okay
to be stressed it's like you're gonna
write it you're gonna work hard on it
and then you're gonna submit it and it's
over you know we all go through it and
so yeah I think another thing you did
too is also like tell a story and so I
think that's something that we shared in
common with our papers is tell ourselves
through a story you know so yeah it's
another thing and I think like the
Common Thread throughout my application
um like my identity is like I am a
creative writer like I'm interested in
English but also like specifically
women's studies and so I wanted that to
be like a lot of my essays I talk about
feminism I talk about books in a lot of
my essays like and I feel like I wanted
to be sure that I curated like a
specific like I highlighted specific
parts of my identity so that
I could represent myself in a cohesive
way so that like an admissions officer
would have like a memorable view of me
because like when I was applying I asked
one of my seniors in high school who
goes to Stanford now about what they
knew about the application process and
she told me that the way it works is
that they read your
like the first reader like your Regional
admissions officer reads your entire
application and then based on that they
have like a five minute pitch to all the
main admissions officers so they not
everyone who decides sees your actual
like only one person reads your file and
then if they like it then they make a
about you and Pitch you to people
so like you want to make sure that
you're thinking about what your pitch is
going to be based on what you're
representing in your application yeah I
think another like General piece of
advice for like writing practices is to
think about who you are what you care
about and what you've done you know like
these are like the three pillars of what
a successful essay is and what in all
the different supplements and everything
what to like think about and so then I
would literally like create a document
who am I what do I care about what have
I done and just write it for house for
as long it could be super long like you
know like 20 it doesn't matter just like
write that stream out yeah and then find
a story that encapsulates all three
parts of your identity and that can be a
place where you start you know I think
literally like my first draft if you
just go down you see like the first
draft is like
really like just a stream of
Consciousness about all of who I am and
then based on that I like edit it
further and further and further and then
narrowed in on like one story that I
wanted to tell about my sister coming to
me and
um me like being able to help my sister
come to terms with how she wanted to be
feminine and what femininity meant to
her but that was after like
all these other drafts where I talked
about so many other things also like I
narrowed it down from there yeah so if
you're struggling to write that first
sentence start with that who am I what
do I care about what have I done write
it out start there that's a great way to
start find this and then another another
document what is my school looking for
write it all out they're looking for
intellectual Vitality you know whatever
it is and then tie that in you know find
a store that ties it all in and boom you
have your personal statement so that's
like a good formula to get going and I
hope you enjoyed this video and I hope
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