Emotional intelligence training is often ineffective because organizations fail to embed its principles into their culture, particularly by not role-modeling and rewarding it from leadership down.
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let's talk about emotional intelligence
so emotional intelligence is repeatedly
discussed in terms of coating work or
training or development work and a lot
of leadership development and coaching
is focused on the development of
emotional intelligence because emotional
intelligence allows us to relate better
to others to understand the emotions and
experiences of others but also to have a
better read on interpersonal dynamics
then if we we have lower emotional
intelligence so that's all the positives
there is lots of components to emotional
intelligence and there's lots available
on the internet to read into it but one
of the things that comes up again and
again is this notion of training people
to be more emotionally intelligent or
coaching them to be and I often step
back and from an OD background I would
think why do we need to train people to
be emotionally intelligent in this
organization and the reality is that we
learn how to shake hands by observing it
being role modeled we learn what's
appropriate saying what isn't
appropriate to say by observing other
people so if we're in an organization
and the emotional intelligence of the
employees seems low or is in be or is
being engaged at a low rate then it's
often a sign that emotional intelligence
isn't being role modeled or maybe isn't
being appreciated being valued or
rewarded so organizational cultures
reward what they value and it's not
necessarily an official rewarding system
but there is an unconscious reward and
appreciation for things that we value so
people who demonstrate skills that we
value we tend to give them positive
responses to that those skills or or
those and attributes with emotional
intelligence we often have to Train it
because in an organization where there
may be a commitment to you know
diversity and inclusion or there may be
a commitment to being people centric and
if we're training emotional intelligence
it means that there isn't strong enough
role modeling valuing validating and
appreciating of emotional intelligence
it to become the social norm and be
embedded in the culture so we aren't
bringing an expectation of emotional
intelligence to the interactions and so
it's not occurring but also nobody's
elevating to that level of interaction
and it might sound counterintuitive but
there are really good reasons why that
doesn't happen and I'm getting given a
reason that I see in a boardroom quite
frequently so a lot of think about a
particular organization that talks about
emotional intelligence and psychological
safety but when I enter the boardroom
for really important discussions and
each stakeholder at that table has to
fight to be heard and so if somebody was
using their emotional intelligence they
would be listening very carefully they
would be observing and that won't work
for their agenda if in that room the
only way you get heard is by pushing
your point because nobody else is
listening so in a room full of people if
one person is demonstrating emotional
intelligence but doesn't actually have a
seat of power then it's very hard for
emotional intelligence to be adopted
because it would risk other people's
needs and agendas not being met by the
culture that's happening in that moment
so a really good reason why
organizations don't integrate or adopt
emotional intelligence in their practice
as well is because there's an underlying
cultural context that actually prevents
emotional intelligence and psychological
safety and how we change that is really
simple we ensure that people in
positions of power to start with are
expected to perform at an emotional
intelligence level so they naturally
raise the bar by engaging with people in
a more emotionally intelligent way by
raising the bar then when they interact
with others they start to naturally role
model what they expect but they also
start to call it out
so because you're in a position of power
you can say I'm looking for everyone in
this meeting to really use they really
understand what the other person's point
of view is before expressing their own
so you can set a standard of engagement
when you're in a position of power which
can't always be done if you're coming in
with your peers
and there isn't a natural agreement of
emotionally intelligent interactions and
and so what can happen is somebody with
emotional intelligence can actually
become quite lost at the table it can
become quite invisible in the
interaction simply because the way that
we are heard and the ways of
communicating that we respect and the
things that we validate actually might
be other behaviors so it's really
important to think about that when we're
thinking about emotional intelligence
actually if we're training it why do we
need to train it what isn't being held
in the culture that supports it and the
simple ways of shifting that is always
the people in the seats of power to
shift it with the people that report in
to them or that require their leadership
skills it is really ineffective and I've
seen it again and again that's why a lot
of change models don't work is to come
into middle management and expect them
to develop emotional intelligence when
actually the people they report in to
have to use different skills to be heard
within the organisation
another example that I've seen is often
middle managers being sent into a
meeting to role model something or to
emphasize something or to come out with
a particular agenda being met for their
role to be considered successful in that
meeting but if that agenda is being
placed on them by the person they report
in to and then they go into that meeting
it may not be effective to be
emotionally intelligent in that meeting
and to use influencing skills because
that meetings culture might be doggy dog
or it might require and certain
qualities that are counterproductive to
emotional intelligence and so you might
be asking someone to be emotionally
intelligent but then giving them a task
that requires them not to be in this
interaction for them to have the outcome
you're looking for and so what we've got
to think about is what are the qualities
that we use when we're looking for a
particular outcomes and what is the way
that we do it because that way needs to
be emotionally intelligent from the top
down and the bottom up but it isn't
effective to come in to people and ask
them to perform in a way that is not
valued by the company because it just
won't stick
and that's where we see a big split in
what we say we do and what we actually
do and it's not intentional and it's not
even often conscious but when I come
into an organization it becomes evident
to me why some of the really good change
efforts aren't successful and they're
often not successful because then their
value system hasn't in great integrated
respecting it appreciating it valuing it
and rewarding it and those things need
to be integrated throughout the process
for any change to occur but definitely
for emotional intelligence to be adopted
it actually needs to be integrated
throughout our processes not just in our
mission statement not just in our you
know performance management but actually
in how we have difficult conversations
and in how we conduct ourselves in
meetings and even the simple structure
of has a meeting set up it can have a
big impact so I just want to say that
while emotional intelligence is
fundamental in a really psychologically
safe environment and in effective
working and in people centered processes
there are really good reasons they're
not happening and forcing training
doesn't necessarily result in
emotionally intelligent interactions so
we need both it's not one or the other
we need to think about it from a
strategic integrated point of view about
what do we really value how do we really
reward people and then on the other side
which is how do we help people know what
those skills are and how do we make it
safe for them to use those skills so
that those skills result in results
they're expected to provide in their
position some food for thought if you
have any thoughts or questions on it or
if you're struggling with some of these
in these pieces in your organization you
can always cut me an email to info at
Sheila Walsh comm and we can discuss how
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