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How to Break the Habit of Low Self-Confidence - Tony Robbins (4K)

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it feels a little bit like a curse I

think have driven people to have high

expectations how can people who are

always very hard on themselves learn to

build up their self-esteem a little bit

more I don't know if self-esteem is the

answer you know I think um I don't think

it's bad to be hard on yourself as long

as you also celebrate when the victories

happen but you know so many people will

tell you I have poor self-esteem because

when I was a kid people said this to me

and that to me it's convenient that we

remember those things and not the

positive things that also obviously but

I think it's more important is to

realize that self-esteem is earned it's

only earned by you with yourself you're

not going to get self-esteem because

everybody Praises you you someone can

tell your whole life that you're

brilliant you're a genius you're

beautiful you're handsome and you not

believe it someone can tell you you're

you know you're a piece of crap and

you're never going to become anything

and there's a party you can say I'll

show you as many people have and then

they develop drive out of it right so

it's really self-esteem comes from doing

incredibly difficult things where you

know you pushed yourself it's not virtue

signaling it's not telling people about

it it's what you know inside your soul

is true and the more you do things that

are incredibly difficult and especially

things that are meaningful meaning

they're not just about yourself the

higher that esteem would be I think the

most important thing for self-esteem is

to find something you care about more

than yourself because as long as you're

in your own head the nature of the mind

is reductionism right good bad right

wrong all those types of things of

course life is much more many different

Hues than that and so when you find

something you care about whether it's

your kids or whether whether it's

something your job your career whether

it's a mission you have it's something

you want to bring to the world nonprofit

it doesn't matter what it is if you find

something you care about more than you

you won't be thinking about yourself all

the time and all your [ __ ]

self-esteem [ __ ] just goes out the

window I mean it's just when I hear it

it's just so Mambi pambi BS you can have

crappy self-esteem and achieve a hell of

a lot now the real question is what do

you want and I think there's if you want

an extraordinary life which my

definition that is life on your terms

like what's my idea it might be

different than yours completely some

people it's three beautiful children a

white picket fence some people it's

building a multi-billion Dollar business

somebody else it's writing poetry right

so instead of looking for somebody else

it's like okay what do you really want

from your life and aligning yourself

with moving forward towards what you

really want and I think if you can do

that in a way that also you feel serving

others simultaneously there's a there's

a sense of meaning in life that can't be

replaced by self-esteem or praise or

compliments or being nice to yourself

and I don't think it's bad to be tough

on yourself I'm pretty tough on myself

I'll be honest with you but I also I'm

much better at celebrating now and I

also realize being overly tough on

yourself usually comes by making you

know comparisons that don't make sense I

remember um I remember I just was

walking by and I saw I was walking he a

picture that reminded me of something

which was uh years ago I was in Atlanta

Georgia I was in my early 20s like 23 24

25 and I was doing a seminar and those

days there weren't 15 20,000 people it

was 125 people I remember because it was

the biggest seminar i' done I thought it

was so exciting and I give my heart and

soul and you know going 12 13 hours a

day and on the third day the rooms were

so small then I'd go by and look in

everybody's eyes I gave everybody a

flower I just I look it back now seems

silly but it was really just I wanted to

make that connection I want to make sure

that they had made that shift I was like

so obsessive about making a true

transformation happen and earlier in the

day I got a phone call from a friend of

mine who said the boss Bru spring he was

the biggest star in the world in those

days I loved him and he's four blocks

from you he's at you know the Atlanta

Stadium there with the Hawks play you

got just finish early and come over and

and you got to take it in it was

Christmas time he said it's going to be

incredible I said I'd love to come but I

said I just can't do that that's if I

said if I finish somehow in time it all

happens he's still on stage you know

I'll call you and see what's going on so

I finished the seminar I don't know how

long AG was almost 11 o'clock at night

but you know Bruce usually does

especially in Christmas like three

encores and so my buddy calls me and

says get your butt over here he's doing

a second Encore I think he might even do

three if you get here get over here see

the end so I sprinted the four or five

blocks to get in got in stadium couldn't

find my buddy but I got up into some

high seats and I'm looking down and it

was back when Clarence was still there

and you know just the the drive and the

energy was incredible the crowd was so

engaged and he doing Christmas songs and

he ends was you know Born to Run you

know and I'm like I'm so into it and

about 34 way through the song I got

depressed I'm like what the hell and

what it was was I was like [ __ ] what I'm

doing doesn't matter this guy's got

15,000 people here I got 125 for three

days I me I'm not making any difference

at all and I was like and I and I

literally was were walking out and

people born around I was pissy inside

myself you know like but I was feeling

so great before this but not making this

comparison and of course you're never

fair you're you're comparing to some

else's life that has a totally different

path a totally different experience we

all develop in different stages and

different things we all want different

things but uh what was ironic though the

reason I tell you the story is it was

like four years later and there I am in

that stadium and I'm not doing this

crappy little two and a half hour

concert right I'm doing 12 hours and the

crowd's going crazy and I just like I no

just like you know it was humorous you

know you get to look back and say you

know you judge yourself too soon and I

could tell you a dozen stories like that

with me so I was so hard on myself but

eventually you wake up and say it's good

to be strong with yourself but beating

yourself up just lowers your energy and

when your energy gets lower you produce

less right you don't have and you don't

have the same level of joy you don't

have the the impact that you want to

have nor do you have the excitement that

you really want to have so I look at it

um I look at it as something that it's

worth earning your own self-esteem but

it's really not the secret the secret is

find something else you obsess about

more than yourself and you'll have a

level of energy that will compel you

over the long term it's that tension

that this interesting tension between

balancing ambition and gratitude yes and

uh you know this fear that well if I Pat

myself on the back too much right what

if that stops the drive you know it's

coming from this place of fear this fear

of not being enough this fear of failure

I'm going to continue to disprove it and

I I don't want to give I don't want to

let up because that's the only fuel that

I know yeah well you know I'm I'm going

to be 65 in a few weeks I have a little

perspective on this it doesn't mean it's

the right perspective but I think when I

began I began with a fuel which was like

I'm going to show them you know my I was

I had four fathers growing up it's

pretty rough background my mom was a

very intense character a huge part of

who I am I owe to her because she

challenged me so strongly I became a

practical psychologist to deal with

things really loving woman but when she

mixed alcohol with prescription drugs

she was very violent and I had to

protect my younger brother younger

sister so you know I had these

experiences early on that were so

painful and then she picked my fourth

father out of the house she's fairly

powerful woman he went back East he was

the one who I loved the most and then

she chased me out of the house with a

knife on Christmas Eve and I know she

wasn't going to kill me but I wasn't

going back in that place you know and I

remember coming out in the beginning it

was it was anger that drove me you know

I'm just going to show you type of thing

but that fuel doesn't last and then the

next fuel that people tally use is I got

to succeed but there's a little fear

underneath that that's driving them

which is like what if I don't versus a

knowing you know it's like one of my

original mentors Jim ran used to have

this phrase used to said you know Tony

don't worry about it if you give your

all every day your gifts will make room

for you and it's like having a

knowingness that things were are going

to be fine and then there's the next

level which is you start to know who you

are and you're not trying to prove it to

yourself or other people and it's just

you just want to help you just want to

do things and so now you it's a

difference between what I would call

Push motivation and pull right push is

UN make this happen and it takes

tremendous willpower and I know you have

plenty of willpower I do as well but

there's a limit to willpower but there's

no limit to pull pull is when there's

something magnificent that you want to

serve something that you're you got an

obsession for to create or to do or make

happen and that doesn't it you know you

don't lose that energy you don't lose

those components and you're able to

laugh and enjoy along the way as opposed

to Oh by my God you know if I don't keep

doing this and I used to believe that

too it's like I got to so intense every

moment um and then my wife's been a huge

help in that also you know you know when

I remember I met her I was like I'm a

serious mofo I want to change the world

I work 20 hour days on stuff I want to

laugh more some days I wish I hadn't

said that to her she's so crazy but

she's one of the great gifts of my life

and I surround myself with so many

brilliant and funny people that uh my

life has uh you know the joy and the

achievement I think that's a a balance a

lot of people are trying to play with as

well this they like to take things

seriously they care about their work

they're Earnest right earnestness being

The Bravery to take your emotions

seriously yes and this can end up

sapping the fun and the play out of life

yes uh so you want to be treated like a

serious person like an operator like

someone that's here to actually do

things and make a dent in the world but

you also realize after a while that if

you're doing it

so tightly it creates this sort of

brittle fragility around whatever you're

doing and when you look back you have

this series of miserable successes that

you kind of gritted your teeth through

and you go well okay I got the outcome

that I wanted but really what's the

outcome I'm trying to achieve well it's

an enjoyable emotional state yes what

I'm trying to do is feel good in the

moment as myself and so yeah winning

achieving the thing Financial Freedom

the business all of that stuff is a

reliable route toward getting you that

but there's a much more direct route

which is to enjoy the thing so there is

another tension here I think between

seriousness of pursuit and joy and ease

in the moment and finding the balance

between those two is something I think a

lot of people uh struggle with that's

true it's an art it's chemistry right

and you you don't get it right in the

beginning and you know it takes time and

you have to have the intention to want

both I I remember when I met my trainer

Billy years ago one of my dearest

friends and um he's he's brilliant and

he said what do you really want out of

your training he goes because what I

find is I don't you know I don't know

why you even need me go you know you no

one needs to push you I got to push you

back I got to stop you from going that

hard he goes I I said no I'm not looking

for motivation I said I want to be

specific I want to produce very precise

results but I said at this point I think

I've been working out like a crazy

person I suppress my oxygen I do you saw

what I do it's just ridiculous I have a

biohacker right I have to be I got to go

on stage and do 12 to 13 hours and hold

13 14 15 20,000 people's attention for 4

days right when they won't sit for a

three-hour movie somebody spent $300

million on you know it takes a level of

energy I'm not just standing there

talking I'm running up the side I'm

doing these things so I said I I don't

want to give up any of that I need that

power in me to be able to produce but I

said I want to have fun he says what

does that look like and I said well I

don't know I think you know when I was a

kid I used to play rocket ball I said

maybe for the aerobic instead of just

running maybe you know do something

that's fun to do and he goes That's

great let's do it so we called around no

ret ball courts anywhere but squash do

you play Squash yep yeah so you can

appreciate squash is awesome and it's

more strategic and have a lot better

exercise than you know Rec is so I got

into playing squash and it was like wow

it added a whole another dimension and

then that led to you know you know at

this stage if I go someplace and I'm

going to be kind which I want to be you

know it's not a 20- minute drive and 20

minute back it's 20 minutes you know in

and out I'm sure you know pictures and

you know just connecting with people and

taking care of them and so man I don't

have time for this so that's how this

happened down here it's like I just

imagine there's a racket B cut some my

near us or a squash cut right squash

brilant so I was like you know I came

here and so we're going to build this

but it's just like so I built this whole

place for fun I mean if you came here I

you probably came by slide I assume I

yeah my first delivery to a podcast by

via slide and gravity yes correct so

when we come to build this place you

know the I said you know I the GU saying

to me you got 25,000 square feet you've

used up all the space you know where are

you going to do this I said down here

and he goes what do you mean down here I

said below the surface he goes no no no

the ocean's here the inter coastal's

here you're below the water table I said

well have you ever been to scrips

oceanography you know you ever been to

you know you know the Atlantis Hotel he

said yeah I said that's what we're going

to do he's like oh it can't be done you

know I said what do you mean it can't be

done other people have done it he goes

well you never get approved I said the

mayor here we're good friends I'm sure

people in community like it we'll get

approved and so it leads to a place of

fun we're sitting in the place of fun

you know we've got 7,000 square F feet

below the surface no one knows it's here

it's below the water we built like a

submarine around the outside of this and

so we got squash courts and my bowling

alley and all the stuff my kids and my

grandkids and it's the play area so I

think it's also important to have

environments that call out the play and

environments that are convenient to pull

out the play you know you can live by

the ocean used to live on the hill in

delmare California and almost never went

to the beach except when friends came I

want to take them there when you live on

a beach I'm on the beach every day you

know it's there so it's like you can

engineer your life to have more

happiness but I think the real challenge

is thinking so hardly about being taken

seriously just represents your fears

right it's

like I think Spiritual Development when

people talk about spiritual not

religious development Spiritual

Development is the level of comfort you

can have with just being your real self

and I think um that's not an easy task

because we all are trying to be

something but we already are the

something we're trying to be that

doesn't mean you can't be better but

it's like accepting and appreciating

what you really are and instead of

projecting you know something else takes

a lot of pain out of your body takes a

lot of energy out it gets a lot of fears

to just disappear and I don't have an

easy path for that I think it's the

hero's journey you know what is it your

life is ordinary and everything seems

fine and then something hits you and

it's the Call to Adventure it doesn't

feel like a call it feels like somebody

in your family's got cancer it feels

like you know Co and somebody shut down

your business you know or you know some

issue that's happening in your

relationship with your kids but if you

take the call and you go on the journey

you're going to meet some new friends

you're going to find some new mentors

you're going to you know you're going to

battle with internal things within you

and external things but if you keep

going you're going to eventually slay

your dragons and you come out the hero

of your own life and you have something

to share that isn't [ __ ] it's not

something you read somewhere it's

something you've lived and everybody can

feel you've lived it because it's a

different level of of ownership you know

and then by the way as soon as you do

that it happens again you know you're

called on another Journey you have a new

new level of challenge that you need to

go on you just never ends but it's it

makes life really really beautiful one

of the things that I've been hearing you

talk about a lot recently that seems to

tie into this is the difference in life

between when you focus on things that

are wrong and when you focus on things

that are right and I think a lot of

people have managed to achieve quite a

bit of success by avoiding pitfalls you

know you present them with something

they can say well that's wrong and

that's going to be an issue and we need

to make sure that that's sorted there

but as you've said the things that you

focus on seem to appear more frequently

in your life and if you have

if you've Justified to yourself and if

you've built up

this habit this uh stack of evidence

that it's useful for me to focus on

where potential pitfalls may be and make

sure that I can avoid them but I don't

want to do it in my personal life it's

you don't you you've developed this

pattern and that is now going to be

ported over into everything so when your

partner comes through the door and does

something that pisses you off the first

thing that you don't think is I'm so

grateful to have her she's so she's so

wonderful think about all of the things

it's like she [ __ ] left the makeup's

out on the counter again and she didn't

clean up to such and such um so just dig

into that uh difference between focusing

on what's right versus focusing on

what's wrong when it comes to your

trajectory in life I think it's

important uh to realize wherever focus

goes energy flows it's corny but it's

true right um in fact maybe an easier

way of saying it is uh we don't

experience life none of us do we

experience the life we focus on so in

any moment what's wrong is always

available so is what's right so it's not

about being positive it's about being

intelligent right you know when you're

in a totally negative State and you the

world's going to end and there are

people like believing that in the next

12 years you know the entire

environment's going to collapse and they

won't have a child um you know you got

to look at the impact of what you're

believing and you got to look at and say

you know where's my focus going there's

I can always be upset about something I

can always find something to be joyous

or at least grateful for which leads to

Joy and I think it's having the learning

to discipline your disappointments you

know not allow them to grow and to move

on and to use whatever life is giving

you but to me it's like I think there's

uh three decisions that people make

every moment of their life now I'm not

saying they make them consciously if you

make them unconsciously you have the

same patterns over and over again and

usually they're not good ones right

sometimes they're good but not usually

um and I learned these really because I

had an experience when I was 11 years

old I had I was my forefather and he got

fired and we had no money and no food we

were always poor but I mean we wouldn't

have starved we had saltine crackers and

and peanut butter right but when

everybody else around you is having a

big Thanksgiving dinner uh it was pretty

depressing and my mom and dad were um

saying things to each other that once

you say them you can't take them back

and I have a younger brother five years

younger and a younger sister seven years

younger so I felt like the parent almost

I'm trying to protect them I'm only 11

years old and what changed my life is

this bang on the door I go open the door

and there's this guy big guy with

groceries in both hands and he had a pot

on the ground with an uncooked

turkey and he looks at me and says is

your father here and I'm like just one

moment I'm was like this to me was like

Christmas right this is the greatest

thing it's going to stop the fighting

it's going to be incredible so I go to

my father and I say you know Dad Dad

there somebody at the door for you and

he's yelling at my mom through the

closed door that she slammed on him and

and he goes you answer I said I did it's

for you he goes who is it I said I don't

know they said they got to talk to you

right and I have this level of

excitement like little boy excitement

like this is going to be the greatest

thing and my dad opens the door and I'll

never forget the look on his face he got

angry which shocked me and he said to

the man we don't accept charity for the

guy even said anything he went to slam

the door and the guy had leaned in

slightly so it hit his shoulder and it

bounced off of him which made my dad

even matter and then he said uh he goes

sir sir I'm just the delivery guy you

know somebody knows you're having a

tough time everyone has a tough time and

they just want you to have a great

Thanksgiving with your family my father

says we don't accept charity he goes to

slam it again but I think because he

leaned in his foot came in now now it

hit his foot and bounced open again just

like now I got fear running to my body

because I know my father right and uh

and my father looks at him and the guy

looks at him and says something I

thought my father's gonna punch him in

the face he and he didn't do it mean he

was had a softness in his face and he

said sir he saw me and he said don't

make your family s suffer because your

ego and the veins of my father's side of

his neck were like this he's beat red I

thought for sure he was going to punch

the guy and then all of a sudden his

shoulders dropped like defeated he took

the groceries he slammed them on the

ground slammed the door didn't even pick

up a turkey and didn't say thank you or

anything and shortly after that he left

our family which to me at the time was

the worst experience of my life I

thought and um and so I was kind of

obsessed with I'm trying to figure out

why why and I didn't figure it out for a

couple of years I had versions of it in

my head but now I use it in my life

every day so I submit it to your viewers

as well these are the three decisions

that I think everyone makes every moment

first you're doing it right now what are

you going to focus on you're going to be

focusing on my story I'm telling you you

can be focusing on the next question

you're going to ask you can be focusing

on how your stomach feels if you've not

eaten there's a million things you could

focus on literally but we don't

experience life we experience the part

of life we focus focus on and so the

bottom line is I know my father and I

had a different experience cuz we had

different focuses that I was focused on

it was food you know what a concept this

is cool he was focused on that he had

not taken care of his family and I know

that because you know he said it about

20 times under his breath and my mother

echoed it of course um the second

decision though the minute you focus on

something your brain has to decide what

is it mean and meaning is what creates

emotion and emotion is where your life

is right and so the quality of your life

is the quality of your emotions if you

got a billion dollars in every day

you're pissed off and angry your life's

quality is called pissed off and angry

if you got three beautiful children a

husband or wife you love but you worry

all the time your life is worry you know

so his focus and then his meaning that

was the worst part the meaning he gave

it was that he was worthless and didn't

belong here and that usually leads to

the third decision which is what are you

going to do and like if you think if the

meaning is something happens you say

this person is dissing me you know

disrespecting me or is this person

challenging me or is this person

coaching me or is this person loving me

if you think they're dissing you you're

going to have a very different emotional

reaction than if you think they're

coaching you or loving you and then of

course that's going to change what

decision you make because if you're

anger you're going to make a different

decision than if you're playful or

generous or whatever the case may be so

those three decisions control our lives

but so your viewers or listeners I'd

give them an opportunity to take a look

at it because there's some patterns that

you can make some simple patterns and

change your whole life of focus so the

first one is and I'd ask you two

questions for you one Chris is what do

you think most people's answer to this

question is and the other is what's

yours if you're ready ready to play all

right for it's real simple we all have a

pattern of focusing on what we have and

at times on What's

Missing which one do you think most

people spend more time focusing on what

they have or what's missing what's

missing what do you focus more what's

missing yes it isn't something that

comes the focus on What's Missing is not

something that comes with someone who is

a failure it comes very much with people

who are very successful and the question

then becomes if you're always focused on

missing how can you sustain

happiness you're in a permanent place of

La that's correct so scarcity is there

so you'll have drive right to keep

staying on the hamster wheel of

achievement but you're not going to see

much fulfillment not in a sustainable

way it's impossible it has nothing to do

with you or me right it's just software

and we got a soul we're not software but

you run your software so often you start

thinking your mind is you versus my mind

is a tool that I'm going to use or if I

don't use it it's going to use me so the

majority of people do that and by the

way during covid that number exploded

because so many things were taken from

people they were constantly focused on

What's Missing and that produces nothing

but pain a quick aside did you know that

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question and I think I know your answer

to this one which do you tend to focus

on more which do you think most people

focus on more what they can control or

what they can't control and then which

one do you focus more on uh I think most

people would probably focus on what they can't

can't

control I'm an even balance I would say

between the two I'm working quite hard

to try I was going to say you strive

it's part of you know your philosophy

right to focus on what you can control

right so that's a part of the stoicism

philosophy of stoicism right so but most

people you're absolutely right now in my

seminars it's different because I got 15

20,000 people ask that question and the

VA vast majority of them say they're

focused on What's Missing but the vast

majority of them say they do focus on

what they can control that's why they

came why would they spend their money

and time they want to take control of

their business or their body or their

relationship what the case may be so

they have a different belief structure

if you have both of those out of whack

you got some real challenges most people

have at least one out of whack which

creates stress and then the third one in

the there's many more than these but

just quickly for the people at home and

I'm asking them to do this for

themselves if they want to where do you

tend to focus more your past your

present or your future we all spend all

three but where do you spend more of

your time what do you think most people

do where do you H I guess most people

just not the present perhaps dreams for

the future uh for me I would say mostly

in the future as well yeah and that's

where most Achievers live me Doo um I

have to discipline myself not to do that

because what makes you an achiever is

anticipation you've learned by a long

time anticipation is power as I'm

listening I'm watching you you're

anticipating you're processing right

dopamine's a hell of a drug yeah yes it

does and it gives you a sense of control

and there you know also if you don't

anticipate it's like taking a playing a

video game against the child now you're

a different generation so you might kick

the child's ass I don't know but my

generation I didn't play any video games

so if a child you know is your your

nephew or your niece or your or your

grandson granddaughter or your son or

daughter and you give them a gift let's

say of a playing a video game you give

him a new video game for Christmas or

the birthday what's the first thing oh

come play with me pops come play with me

Uncle come play no no no I don't I don't

do those things oh let me show you it's

so easy boom boom bo boom boom boom

three shots boom boom they're they're

going great so some party be funny says

I'll show this little bastard something

here I'll go ahead and do this thing

here all right fine give me this thing

but you should know you're being set up

when the kid says something to you like

you go first right and so you go and you

go Bo boom boom boom and you're dead in

four seconds right the kid goes not bad

not bad for the first time right and

then they

take and 45 minutes later you get your

second turn right now you're really

pissed maybe you make it two minutes the

kid goes for another 45 why does the kid

win every time is it because they're

smarter faster younger no it's because

they' played this game before they can

anticipate the first bad guys here the

second bad guys here you're in reaction

they're anticipating so it has

tremendous power so it's addictive when

you learn to anticipate and and it's

also a great skill set for business for

life and so forth I always tell people

you're running a business you're always

running two businesses the business

you're in and the business you're

becoming if you only focus on the

business you're in someone's going to

replace you if you only focus on what

you're going to become you're going to

have the cash flow to be able to get to

that place right so it's a very similar

situation inside of where we are so for

each of

us most of us who are Achievers tend to

focus on the future but all the joy is

in the present right you can have some

anticipation the future and be exciting

about you can most people stress comes

from either the past or the future the

majority of people spend a lot of time

in the past right and the problem is you

can't change it and and you can use it

as a reference to Me Maybe for you I

don't know I I project you've probably

come a long way in your life as my guess

from love Island to you know modern

wisdom that's quite a journey you tell

me about I I can't believe that you did

that bit of research that was the thing

that you dredged up but yes yeah yeah

yeah the the typical trajectory from

love Island to this podcast yeah yeah

difficult so there's been some growth in

your psychology your spirit your soul to

say the least right so the contrast of

remembering where you were and who

you've become is probably a beautiful

thing but if you use it that way but

most people go back and they ruminate

about the past or they ruminate about a

future that they can't control and the

present's there so the goal is ideal is

fuel an ideal fuel is the combination of

the two present it gives you that

centered grounding and anticipation for

the future they build to bounce back and

forth is the ideal for people so I give

you an example to wrap this up um do you

know anybody who has I asked this when I

have an audience you know giant audience

how many of you will say know somebody

who takes anti-depressants and they're

still depressed yes yes 90% of the room

will raise their hand how's that

possible because first of all two years

ago they did meta studies on the cover

of Newsweek and it said ssris do not

work sugar pills work as well as ssris

dancing dancing to music was

effective some huge margin yeah you

rather study we're still giving to

everybody doesn't make any sense should

be salsa classes it's

just but it's just you think of the

insanity of that of us continue to do

what doesn't make any sense so I think

you know your question is really focus

bringing it back to the focus I think if

we make the right decisions the first

one is what we're going to focus on and

that's just a habit you change anything

take that person why is that person

depressed still cuz all that drug does

is numb you MH and numbing doesn't deal

with the issue what's the real issue

you're constantly focused on What's

Missing versus what you have you're

focused on what you can't control and

there's two worlds right the external

world the internal world we can't

control the external world we can

influence it we can't control it if you

think you're in control you have deep

illusion I went to Mexico recently you

and I were talking off the air and I

discovered I couldn't even fully control

my bows it's not something I want to

talk about but it's like all the

willpower in the world doesn't mean

squat no pun intended right so it's the

part we can control is what's going on

inside of us and that we can control

what we focus on we can control the

meaning we can decide the meaning we're

the meaning makers and we can decide

what to do and when we to make those

three decisions we're in control of our

life and all the anxiety and [ __ ]

tends to go away especially if we're

trying to do that to serve something

more than ourselves not like you're so

unselfish you're not going to succeed

because you can't serve something more

than yourself and not benefit right so

it's like it's not like you're

sacrificing you know the people that

play that game it's not a sacrifice it's

like philanthropy you know I hear people

talk about well philanthropy well a

friend of mine the other day was on an

airplane and somebody was reading I just

had my book you had triggered me was

life force and person was really into it

and he said hey what are you he's known

me for 45 years and he says what do you

think of that book oh it's incredible

the stem cells and this you can't

believe the breakthroughs and I don't

know why we didn't know about this and

blah blah blah what do you think of the

author oh he seems like a really good

guy and he donated all the profits to

feed people course he goes coursey's

totally Rich so I mean I mean it's easy

when you're rich right and my buddy

turns to him and he said well what if I

told you that I knew him since he was 17

years old 45 years ago and that I

remember when he had $20 to his name and

there was a guy in the street and he

gave him 10 bucks and told me that the

time to give is when you don't have it

and he said and I watched him build that

all the way up there he taught me that

if you don't give a dime out of a dollar

you're not going to give a 100 million

out of a billion right and it's like

people look at things and they make

their Focus something like oh I'm

sacrificing or I'm going to do

philanthropy cuz you know I'm I'm rich

no you do philanthropy because it's a

source of kindness and love philanthropy

can be your attention philanthropy can

be your time philanthropy can be a buck

five bucks philanthropy you're in line

with people in Starbucks and you you

know I remember doing this research I

couldn't believe it if you buy five

people who you don't know their coffee

you get a biochemical change that has a

more lasting impact than most things you

could purchase for yourself and so

including large purchases so it's like

it's intelligent selfishness is the

truth you can't possibly do good and not

feel good when you want some self-esteem

do something worthwhile Beyond just

yourself the reflective glow of doing

thing something for everybody else is uh

yeah it's an odd it it kind of makes it

difficult to be selfless when you

actually thinking that way like the most

selfish thing you can do is to be self

there is truly nothing that is

particularly selfless right in that way

yeah just dig in a little more for me

I'm really interested in in framing in

how important framing is around being a

little bit more positive in our lives

and um that second step I understand

changing what you focus on we've spoken

a lot on the podcast about mindfulness

about meditation about the mindfulness

Gap about controlling where you place

your attention about the reticular

activating system all this sort of stuff

I think the Second Step the story that

you tell yourself about what you're

looking at even if you've started to

control I'm going to begin to focus a

little bit more closely that framing the

story that you tell yourself is a place

an awful lot of people get stuck so what

what do you rely on when it comes to

that what do I rely on what do you mean

by that in terms of a strategy how is it

that you try to tell yourself the best

framing the best perspective the best

meaning that you can well I think um you

know there when you think about framing

I look at framing as three three I I

call Pre Framing reframing and defr

framing most people are familiar with

reframing reframing is you came up with

a meaning and it's not so good and so

now you're going to change it or you

want to do it with someone else you're

going to influence someone they have

this negative frame and you're going to

pre-framed to make it simple um pref

framing is telling somebody getting

someone to focus on something knowing in

advance what you're going to focus on

and giving it a meaning in advance

before it happens that's a lot easier

than after it's happened because after

it's happened you have a meaning locked

in to some extent especially if it's

something that's painful right so I'll

give you a simplistic examp example I

remember one day I went and um I lived

in San Diego California and I have a

helicopter and I was flying up to LA and

I love flying and that morning I got out

and there had a couple cars to choose

from and I chose this little Corvette I

had in those days wind in my hair I'm

going to have fun I drive I fly La I did

this TV show and land on the roof it was

so much fun I didn't have to go to the

airport and flew back and I was just

like in Euphoria having a blast you know

it was actually Bill Maher when he used

to do his program up in LA and um and

then I got in the car you know and it's

getting dark and I'm driving and and

sure enough oh I'm I'm I'm incorrect

about thing the last minute I traded out

the car that's right my wife needed the

car so I traded out for uh the BMW 750

ilil why does that matter so I'm driving

home the helicopter ride that's not

dangerous I'm on the road you know long

winding road from the airport to the

main freeway area and I come to the

stoplight and I'm I'm on the phone

chatting as I'm waiting and on the

speaker phone and all of a sudden I see

these lights are coming really fast and

really fast and so then it gets so fast

I was like oh my God is this guy going

to break and before I could finish

thinking the thought at 65 miles an hour

that got hit s me from behind he fell

asleep at the wheel right so I can

remember everything in slow motion you

know in those days they had to you know

your tape deck in there and it went

flying past my head in slow motion and I

mean everything changes when you're in

that kind of an experience I'm sure if

you've ever experienced you know what I

mean and and all I remember is waking up

and the fire people people extracting me

out of the other side of of the the the

car and they're like want to take me to

the hospital I was like no I'll see my

chiropract in the morning and then I

woke up next morning I couldn't move it

was pretty rough but the reason I tell

you the story is eventually I got well

and I need to go buy another car well I

never had the criteria before of

safety but that car oh everybody told me

that car saved your life that car

literally you know if wasn't the

Corvette it would have been just as well

it wasn't the Corvette yeah not just as

well I wouldn't be here if it was the

Corvette wind in your hair but your

head's on the top

exactly right so why I tell you that so

I go looking for a car so I thought you

know this BMW that was a damn good car

but I want another sports car I'm going

to get another 750 I but let me go to

sports carard tol that Corvette you know

I want something that's dirty and so

forth so the guy took me what it was 325

eyes whatever they were call in those

days I forget what it was you know stick

shift and I he said yeah now he got me

in the car and he said now before we go

out I want to tell you I'm going to take

you on this winding road It's amazing

And you know this's the ultimate driving

machine he said it's not like your 750

you're 750 you don't feel the damn thing

he goes when you get in this car and you

shift into it he goes we drop into

you'll feel the wheels catch into it and

grab it he said you'll see this is the

ultimate car so what's he doing he's

pre- framing me cuz we're going to go

through a construction area that's all

beat up right so we go in the

construction area and at 750 I wouldn't

have felt anything right just boom

smoother but it and and it's bouncing

around and even though I know what he

just did my B's like yeah it is really

digging in you know if he tried to tell

me after I'd done that I would have

that's a piece of crab car because he

pre-framed me so I pre-frame myself and

the way I do what I call priming you're

familiar with the principle of priming

right so most of us think we're having

our own thoughts most of our thoughts

have been primed by the environment so

an example would be um they did a study

at Harvard where they took um four

actors two men two women they had him

rehears doing the exact same

presentation and you'd be in a mall or

coffee shop or something and they'd walk

up to you and they had a coffee in their

hand and they go could could you hold

this for me for a second and then they

look down they don't wait for you to say

yes and 90 8% of people take the coffee

and they take out their phone did

something they say thank you so much and

that's the whole interaction but they

rehearse the same facial expressions the

same movements everybody's the same they

go out and they do this one variable

half the people they gave them hot

coffee half the other people they gave iced

iced

coffee 15 minutes later somebody comes

spy with a little little checkboard here

and they go excuse me I have $20 here

there's no scam here we have this really

important study under a tight timeline

would you give us one minute of your

time for for $20 you just read these

three paragraphs of the story and answer

these two questions they read the story

and then the question is what's how

would you describe the main character of

the story how would you

describe well interestingly the people

that given hot coffee 81% said the

person was warm and genuine the people

given ice coffee said the person was

cold and uncaring and it's the exact

same story the exact same ratio 81

versus 80% just give you an ID all they

did was 15 minutes earlier have

something that framed them as you would

say right so it happens all the time it

happens you know if they did a study

where they took IBM and they took apple

and they did a little creativity test

for someone and they did two things

they'd have them look at the IBM logo

and then take the test or the Apple logo

and then they did their commercials and

a commercial for apple back in those

days uh it was think differently right

22% higher score if they looked at

either the Apple logo or the commercial

on the exact same test no other criteria

difference to give you an idea so you

can you can test so many things in this

area so I get up every morning and my

first discipline you know I'm not a

meditator per se um I don't I don't know

anybody good at not having any thoughts

um but I thought I want to Prime myself

that's my goal so I do a a breathing

pattern like a you know Breath of Fire

type of thing to change my physiology

for just two minutes and then I do three

things and I do it for just 10 minutes

because my view is if you don't have 10

minutes for your life you don't have a

life and I want to I want to Prime

myself so whatever comes into this world

I have the best chance of handling it

really well and I and I'm training my

nervous system what's the emotion I want

to train gratitude why we all know the

two emotions that destroy your

relationship your business your life

it's fear and anger those are the two

extremes you can't be grateful and

fearful simultaneously you can't be

angry and grateful simultaneously so

what I do is I start my day I make those

changes and I close my eyes or I look

out at the water and I think of three

things that I'm grateful for for just a

minute each but I don't think of it like

over there like if you ever been on a

roller coaster and I ask you what it's

like some people remembered it over

there now I remember it like I'm in the

front seat going over the Ed because

then you get the authentic biochemical

changes so I'm there and I do two strong

things and usually one simple thing like

the wind in my hair or my daughter's

smile or something of that nature so I

don't just get wired for unbelievable

things but that that primes that nervous

system and then the second thing I do is

I take three minutes and it's kind of

like a blessing or prayer for the people

around me for the people I love I start

close they send it out there and there's

been a lot of studies I'm sure you've

read that Dolly llama and others have

done on compassion for strangers what it

does to your brain and so I do it every

day and then the last three minutes I

call three to thrive where I focus for a

minute each on something I really want

to make happen but I don't sit there and

pray for it hope for it it's like I give

thanks for it as it's done I see it as

done I experience it as done I wire my

reticular activating system I can speak

in shorthand to you about this so now

it's going to notice anything that

relates to that but it has a joyous

feeling to it as well and I'm done in 10

minutes and I'm ready to rock and roll

so you know I do my cold plunge and I

you know I do the parts of my normal

daily ritual but that one I do and then

I'll have like uh 60 seconds you know of

of Joy or 60 seconds of piece that I'll

do in the middle of the day and I'll

just think of one of those things if I

want to reactivate it but that

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slod wisdom but then I also have certain

beliefs we all have beliefs that

pre-frame you or not and one of the core

beliefs I developed over the years was

just that I think everything happens for

a reason I think there's a higher

purpose I think it's my job to find it

uh I think that life happens for us not

to us but it's our job to figure it out

a lot of times it feel like something's

happening to me so I I give an example

it's like not being fed as a child you

know I've fed um well 10 years ago I

decided I've been feeding people my

whole life since I was 17 two people

four eight I've build up a couple

million people a year my Foundation fed

two million I fed two million and then I

was writing this book money Master the

game and I'm interviewing R Doo and Carl

icon and Warren Buffett and you know all

these multi-billionaires

and Congress had just cut uh food stamps

which they call the snap program Now by

$6 billion it means every family would

have to give up a week's worth of food

unless people like you and I showed up

so I called my team and I said how many

people had fed in my lifetime and they

said 42 million and I was like wow I

didn't I was thrilled it wasn't the

number I knew and I said what if I did

that in a year what if I had as much as

I done in my whole life in a year 50

million and what if I did what if I did

a 100 million year what if I did 100

million a year for 10 years and did a

billion meals and I did it in eight

years with partnership through feeding

America and it's like when you do that

when you when you produce a result that

seemed impossible then what's next gets

even bigger and even more available

right it just expands you're pre-framed

to be able to do even more versus

reframe and so so now because of the war

in the Ukraine most people don't realize

it's the Bread Basket for Africa so

there's about 11 Nations that on the

virt of famine you'll never hear about

it in the news no one cares um and then

you need fertilizer 50% of the world

Supply World food supply comes

fertilizer the WF doesn't want you to

use it because the environment but you

need it and it's in Russia and it's been

cut off so I talked to Dr to Governor

DAV David Beasley who head of the world

food program brilliant guy actually MBS

put us together one day he said you two

are feeding the most people I know I w't

put you together and I said how big is

the problem and he said Tony normally

you'd be in a position where you know

maybe there's you know 8 million people

that are in the verge of starvation he

goes this year it's 350 million and he

goes and no one's doing anything about

it and I said so why don't we how many

meals would we need over the next 10

years to make the transition till we get

sustainability he said you need 10 years

I said where would it be and said I

don't know Tony maybe 50 60 70 billion

meals I said let's do a 100 billion meal

challenge over the next 10 years I said

I did a billion I wasn't a billionaire

when I started I said you you're going

to get blessed by doing these things I'm

sure find 99 other people somewhere in

the world to do this and when I went to

do it I I was shocked because I had

prefried myself this would be easy right

and I went to somebody without

mentioning names who's a brilliant

philanthropist and a beautiful man who

helped me when I did my billion meals

and um and he said well Tony how much is

that going to cost I said well it cost

me about 100 million bucks over 10 years

you know you're doing you're doing a 100

million meals a year for 10 years and

this guy's worth about20 billion doar

and he said to me that's beyond my pay

grade and I so I had to kind of

re-evaluate but because I kept pre

framing myself this is a must this is

not a should it's not a reframing job um

I just came up with a different plan and

I'm really proud to tell you we did 30

billion meals we just announced in our

first two years and we're on track this

year to be at 60 billion and what seemed

like an absolutely impossible task is

there there is another skill besides pre

Framing and reframing Def framing defr

framing is when you destroy the frame of

reference so in business you know one of

the things you have to know is like I

believe it's it's my privilege to serve

people but I also believe it's their

privilege to be able to learn and it's

not an ego thing it's just like it's a

mutual privilege meaning I got to earn

the right to be able to serve you and

you got to be a reasonable person for me

you want to serve you too and I made a

change in one of my events is like 20

years ago and um and one of things I did

is it was a 14-day program and the world

changed and so we brought it down to 10

days I think it was 12 days to 14 in

those days and I had some open days with

some stretches and things it was a very

intensive program but um I was like I I

need to make it tighter so people can

commit the time and come and I figured

out how I'm going to add even more value

how I'm going to make this even more

useful so I did and there's this one

woman who went crazy and she started

attacking me and called my offices up

and said I want my money back and I'm

going to tell everybody else Tony

Robbins is screwing us and everything

else and my team was all freaked out and

I said no no no no I said fire her I

said what I said fire her as a customer

I said you call her because it's not her

first event she knows how incredible

things are she wouldn't be coming to

this 14-day event 12 Day event I said if

she's going to say that first of all I'm

happy to give her money back we have

money back guarantee on everything so I

give her money back and say we want to

give her money back but want you to know

you can never come to an event again

because you're no longer one of our

customers because you know better you

know Tony always adds 10 times the value

right long story short this lady starts

fighting to stay on they my staff

couldn't believe it right cuz he defamed

it you took away the frame of reference

you destroyed it m right I said no no no

you don't understand no I have a right

to come no you don't you know I have to

earn your respect I got to deliver for

you you got to deliver for me too you're

not you're not a customer anymore and

you can't come here the lady it was in

Hawaii she flew to Hawaii and demanded

to see me is the program's going to

start you have to let me in this program

right I said if you want to get make a

public apology for what you've done I

said that'd be acceptable to me I said

but you knew better you just did this to

get attention and I said so

I'm I bought back your seat and I told

you to send us any of your friends that

want their seats back I said we need the

seats we really did right and so that

was the end of it and my it gave a

lesson to everybody on my team and I

tried to teach it to business owners

like not everybody's your customer I'm

not the right person for everybody I

doubt you're the right person for

everybody we have unique Styles or

approaches and and so we're not here to

try to please everybody we're here to

try and serve the people that are really

interested in being served so pre-frame

reframe and deframe as frames or

references but I think preframe is the

most valuable and if somebody wants to

learn to do the the priming you can go

to tonyrobbins.com

uh priming there's no charge for it and

there's a video I'll guide you through

it if you want to try it one of my

friends used to work in a retail store

and he observed one of his bosses do

something that was kind of interesting

with the def framing thing so somebody

had come up and there'd been some sort

of an issue I think with the way that uh

one of the members of staff had given

them clothes that they were trying on

something something had occurred but the

customer was completely at fault it was

all them and they came over to the

supervisor and said this is a problem

and this is I need to speak to the

manager and the manager immediately one

uped and said tell me exactly who did

this I'm going to get them fired on the

spot and this person

immediately completely flipped what they

were thinking and he turned to my friend

afterward and he said only one person's

boat that's great I love it I love it

too breaks the pattern exactly and

that's all it really is Right changing

the frame is breaking the pattern corre

but easier to break the pattern before

it starts yes much easier and then by

the way it becomes you train your

nervous your neurons you're training

your nervous system to think that way

it's the ruthless thing about habits

right the the Matthew principle of to

those who have more more will be given

to those who have less more will be

taken yes true and uh yeah the you know

you've worked with how many people have

you serviced in person now do you know

well I think in Live Events we've had um

I think it's 15 million people total

because you know I've done these big

ones like you know where I do a million

people at a time now some of these

events it's insane so books Live Events

iners online audio courses what have you

come to understand about the things that

can be achieved from people in a group

context that maybe can't be achieved

through self-directed

learning I would I think anything can be

done anything can be done by

self-directed learning personally I just

think it's accelerates when you create

an environment where maximizes so you

know low energy you get I have a frame

you may disagree with this massively uh

you get in your head you're dead um I I

think when I say you have to have the

head and heart connected right it's like

why don't people transform because

they're they're in their head about it

they're thinking it through they think

if I understand this then it'll just

happen it's absurd um you know if you're

good at something you've trained it into

yourself you know I'm fortunate enough

to own several sports teams or pieces of

sports teams and I've have you know

Championship drinks all these Sports you

know I wanted to be an athlete so I

relived it in a different way but you

know the Golden State Warriors are one

of the ones I have a piece of and I've

got a chance to work with them their

Championship Seasons work with the

players it's been totally fun but you

look at somebody like Steph Curry and

you see this guy you know shoot the ball

from almost half court chomping on the

side of his thing and he turns he

doesn't even look he turns around and

just waves because he knows it's in

already and it's Swish and the crowd

goes crazy and people look at that and

go he's he he's un he is he's

unbelievable he unbelievable he's the

greatest three-point shooter in history

there's no one like him but what they

don't pay attention to is that isn't

like a little

gift right he shoots 500 shots every

single day never less than that seven

days a week for more than 15 years the

15year professional career he's been

doing it since before he was in college

his dad really trained him so think of

that 3500 shots a week 168,000 shots in

a year 2.52 million shots in his 15year

no you know NBA career so he can make

3600 shots not even one tenth of

1% I tell people you get rewarded in

public for what you practice in private

your training of your nervous system to

do things is what really matters most

and you can't just be in your head so I

believe to answer your question you know

the reason I still do events is that an

event provides first of all immersion

you can learn a language a little bit at

a time and you know you ask most people

unless they live in a place where they

have to use the language and they

learned another language in in high

school and college they don't speak

anymore they don't remember 10 words but

if you wanted to learn Italian and you

had the time and money I just drop you

in Italy drop you in Rome and pick you

up four months later there's zero

question you're going to speak in

Italian because you're seeing it feeling

it breathing and doing it so that's why

I do 12 hours a Time 4 days and people

think it sounds insane but it's only

insane if you're not enjoying it and

people love it even be to get dragged

there because we engage all their senses

not just their head and so when all your

needs are being met simultaneously time

flies it's like a minute can feel like

an eternity when you don't like what's

going on hours fly by when you're really

having great experience so I believe the

environment where we produce that much

energy produces it now when Co happened

give you a good

example suddenly I'm used to doing

stadiums all over the world and the

first one I get is a phone call from

Gavin Newsome's office in California I'm

about to do a program in San San Jose

San Francisco for 14,000 people and his

office calls and says we're really sorry

you can put a 100 people in the stadium

like we got 14,000 people that's not

possible so my whole thing is okay screw

that we're going to Vegas they'll never

shut down Vegas 10 days outside of a

Vegas after moving 14,000 people to go

there they shut down Vegas so I'm like

screw it we'll go to Texas own country

the governor says he won't melt he's not

going to bend you know I I got a friend

in Houston has a big church there 14,000

people perfect we rent the place two

weeks out they shut down there I'll do

it in movie theaters 1,400 movie

theaters will will do this where um you

know we'll put 10 people in every movie

theater that was what they limited us to

but they'll have a big screen they'll

have great sound and they'll have some

interaction we're going to make this

work they shut down the movie theaters

so I built the studio and I did

something I wouldn't have done anything

without necessity which was like I need

to reach people where they are right now

cuz I don't know how long they're going

to be stuck at home this goes Way Beyond

business I got plenty of companies

plenty of money but it's like how do I

serve in this time and so it's like okay

I'm gonna I'm going to do a seminar

where there's no money involved because

what's in the way Money travel because

mostly people us fly to another country

to see me that kind of thing and and

even time I want to give them immersion

but not enough that it's overwhelming to

them and so I I set at this program

we're to do three days three and a half

hours 3 hours each day kind of like

going to a movie but one that changes

your life and let's invite people from

all over the world and the first one we

had 383,000 people for instead of 15 or

20,000 people for a seminar and then the

second one was 600 then next so last

year was almost one and a half million

people and I'm doing one again this year

and I'm super excited about it's one of

the reason I want to do your podcast I

want get the word out because I you have

a lot of young men in your audience that

are looking to create a meaningful life

take things to another level and they

may not know if this is worthwhile or

not but they can come and they can do it

from wherever they are they can do it

from their office or home they can do it

with a friend um there's no charge for

it it's not partially free it's totally

free but the stories and examples that

come out of it when people get an

environment like that I give an example

of just fun one because I saw him the

other day there a gentleman um named

Matt who never would have made it to one

of my seminars why he's in bed he weighs

over 700 lb he's on oxygen he can't

leave the bed to even go to the bathroom

he does it through tubes right doctor

says he'll never be off oxygen as long

as he lives but we're using zoom and so

I'm interacting with people live all

over the Earth and then the one thing I

asked for is I don't ask for money but I

ask you to do an assignment each night

and put it on Facebook and then I'm up

all night watching all these because

it's so compelling to see how people's

lives are changing so I saw this guy so

I brought him on the next day he's in

the bed he's watching on the screen cuz

it's free and he doesn't have to go

anywhere he can do it might as well make

use of it he got so inspired he says I

want to get out of this bed doctor says

I can't do this I said well let's chunk

it you know what are the first steps

first we got to get some upper body

strength and I said what do you got

nearby and he had like this like thing

you hang coats on so I said we're going

to start with that right so he's in bed

doing this little thing and I said I'll

tell you what we're going to do I said

you're going to sit down you look for

the timeline but I said if you can get

this done in the next four months where

you can get out of bed go to the

bathroom make it into a car I said I'll

fly you to my event we'll walk on fire

together we'll have this experience he's

lost now over 300 lbs 3 25 was latest

number he's inspired everybody in the

community that's there he drives a car

now he fell in love with a lady and so I

sent him my resort in Fiji so he can go

celebrate and everything else he's got a

completely different life he would have

never done that in a million years so

it's my way of saying yes I can bring

the event to you which I didn't believe

before you know I didn't believe I could

do that but now we'll start at 10:00

a.m. let's say in Florida here uh to do

let's say a 4-day seminar that I'm going

to do and we have people from 193

countries participating and we got

30,000 people instead of 10 or 15 or

20,000 and it's already midnight in at

Sydney Australia and I go 13 hours so

they're going to be up from Midnight to

1: in the afternoon for 4 and we lose 3%

of the people so I found that that

environment can can work as well because

we've learned how to you know when

people go to a ball game and they get

shown on the screen we know how to keep

everybody so engaged but I also get to

see them Chris in their home how they

live you know I get to see them with

their dog and with their kid I watch the

sunrise and set while I'm still speaking

and what their level of focus is and

where they go and I can call them and

say John what are you doing right there

I don't know the person's name in a live

seminar right the guy jumps up you know

and I have these giant screens I built

this 50 foot high building with 20 foot

high LED screens 67 highest resolution

of the world I can see every pimple

every move every everything on you so

that environment is more powerful to me

than just self-directed but some people

are self-directed they say screw you I

don't need that [ __ ] and I do it on my

own I believe that too so a book or a

tape or something is there but I find it

accelerates The Experience massively

because it's also it's like going to you

know a a game and there's a thousand

people in the audience or there's you

know 50,000 I mean there's emotions are

contagious you know somebody yawns oh

don't do that you start to yawn right

you know or somebody laughs and you

start to laugh so I love using that

dynamic as an accelerator before we get

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wisdom what does your pre-event ritual look like you talk a

pre-event ritual look like you talk a lot about energy about energy levels and

lot about energy about energy levels and I'm fascinated by how you get yourself

I'm fascinated by how you get yourself into the space where you can deliver I'm

into the space where you can deliver I'm aware that you need to do the

aware that you need to do the conditioning actually need to have the

conditioning actually need to have the sort of base level of fitness and stuff

sort of base level of fitness and stuff like that least yes but uh the priming

like that least yes but uh the priming period in the buildup to going to do one

period in the buildup to going to do one of these things can you take me through

of these things can you take me through what that looks like well um couple days

what that looks like well um couple days in advance you I'm about to do a sixday

in advance you I'm about to do a sixday program right now for business owners

program right now for business owners small of the world um I start to I I

small of the world um I start to I I start to J down my notes of what are

start to J down my notes of what are some of the things I'm most passionate

some of the things I'm most passionate about beliefs I have right now that are

about beliefs I have right now that are are currently alive in me you know I

are currently alive in me you know I have 114 companies now it's pretty wild

have 114 companies now it's pretty wild we do $9 billion in business I have no

we do $9 billion in business I have no business background I learned just learn

business background I learned just learn from brilliant people and I learn the

from brilliant people and I learn the patterns you know that make things work

patterns you know that make things work so I think what are the most important

so I think what are the most important ones on learning experiencing now that I

ones on learning experiencing now that I want to bring I review what I know

want to bring I review what I know fundamentally people need to know in

fundamentally people need to know in those areas then I start reading

those areas then I start reading different articles and start loading

different articles and start loading myself up with some other entrepreneurs

myself up with some other entrepreneurs recent thoughts and then and then I'm

recent thoughts and then and then I'm doing all my physical training of course

doing all my physical training of course which is very very intense right so that

which is very very intense right so that I'm ready to go 12 hours a day 13 hours

I'm ready to go 12 hours a day 13 hours a day on stage and then the morning of I

a day on stage and then the morning of I do my priming and then I have um that's

do my priming and then I have um that's the same process that we spoke about

the same process that we spoke about before just 10 10 minutes with a little

before just 10 10 minutes with a little bit of Copeland gathy stuff after yeah

bit of Copeland gathy stuff after yeah all that and then and then what I do is

all that and then and then what I do is I I get up I have a little mind map of

I I get up I have a little mind map of of what you know my outcomes I'm not

of what you know my outcomes I'm not driven like a script I have certain

driven like a script I have certain fundamentals that you you learn to speak

fundamentals that you you learn to speak and they you speak them well and you

and they you speak them well and you know the impact it's going to have but

know the impact it's going to have but they're all like deposits in the Bank of

they're all like deposits in the Bank of your life so that when something comes

your life so that when something comes up you can pull from those but then

up you can pull from those but then there's all the things that happen

there's all the things that happen spontaneously that make it fun so I'll

spontaneously that make it fun so I'll lay out what I think the sequence of

lay out what I think the sequence of what I'm going to do is and then you get

what I'm going to do is and then you get in the room and you feel people and that

in the room and you feel people and that all changes but my last thing that I do

all changes but my last thing that I do is quite honestly just a prayer it's

is quite honestly just a prayer it's like Use Me Lord I make this physical

like Use Me Lord I make this physical ritual of I shift my body pretty

ritual of I shift my body pretty radically and I go into this state use

radically and I go into this state use me and then I get up on stage and and

me and then I get up on stage and and then I have this plan and plan goes out

then I have this plan and plan goes out the window you know I often work till 2

the window you know I often work till 2 in the morning with my team laying out

in the morning with my team laying out what we're going to do and they all now

what we're going to do and they all now they all know that's just entertainment

they all know that's just entertainment but I'll use a lot of it but maybe not

but I'll use a lot of it but maybe not in that syntax because I I feel it and

in that syntax because I I feel it and also that's makes it art I'd be bored

also that's makes it art I'd be bored out of my mind it was exactly the same

out of my mind it was exactly the same every single it's this balance between

every single it's this balance between uh control and being in the moment you

uh control and being in the moment you were saying before about one of the

were saying before about one of the things that people want is this sense of

things that people want is this sense of control and if I can plan very

control and if I can plan very effectively in advance if I know all of

effectively in advance if I know all of the different ways that this could go

the different ways that this could go the different permutations and if this

the different permutations and if this happens then I'm going to do that and if

happens then I'm going to do that and if that happens then I'm going to do this

that happens then I'm going to do this and then never really happens that way

and then never really happens that way it it doesn't at all and I think that

it it doesn't at all and I think that that's it awakens your nervous system I

that's it awakens your nervous system I think to prepare like I could get up

think to prepare like I could get up there at this point with my pinky and

there at this point with my pinky and not prepare at all but when people ask

not prepare at all but when people ask my wife what's something about Tony that

my wife what's something about Tony that nobody understands and it's like nobody

nobody understands and it's like nobody understands how intensely he prepared CU

understands how intensely he prepared CU I absorb and like I read people's forms

I absorb and like I read people's forms a thousand of them you know I'm crazy

a thousand of them you know I'm crazy you know because I know I'm not going to

you know because I know I'm not going to remember their name and everything else

remember their name and everything else but I'll remember the pattern and when

but I'll remember the pattern and when the pattern shows up with somebody I'll

the pattern shows up with somebody I'll know that pattern is an important

know that pattern is an important pattern for multiple people in the room

pattern for multiple people in the room and I'll address it in a different way

and I'll address it in a different way each time but it makes it art when it's

each time but it makes it art when it's different um but you know my wife is a

different um but you know my wife is a different approach I admire her approach

different approach I admire her approach I trust in God after I've done all the

I trust in God after I've done all the work she just trusts in God and gets up

work she just trusts in God and gets up and does it I feel if I work my ass off

and does it I feel if I work my ass off now I've done my part part okay now come

now I've done my part part okay now come through me let's do this and and it

through me let's do this and and it tends to flow I love that reframe I've

tends to flow I love that reframe I've never heard anybody use it before uh

never heard anybody use it before uh I've heard someone say uh life happens

I've heard someone say uh life happens to me or I happen to life but life

to me or I happen to life but life happens for me yes is not to me yeah is

happens for me yes is not to me yeah is a wonderful reframe yeah really believe

a wonderful reframe yeah really believe it but you got to dig for it it's not

it but you got to dig for it it's not it's not easy it's got to be earned

it's not easy it's got to be earned right like wishing for confidence

right like wishing for confidence without competence is just illusion you

without competence is just illusion you have no evidence to say that you can do

have no evidence to say that you can do this thing and uh I know maybe your wife

this thing and uh I know maybe your wife sufficiently naturally talented uh Slash

sufficiently naturally talented uh Slash she's being she's channeling something

she's being she's channeling something else I'm not sure some combination of

else I'm not sure some combination of the two you mentioned before about some

the two you mentioned before about some of the challenges from childhood it

of the challenges from childhood it seems to me like you have a lot of

seems to me like you have a lot of forgiving to do or overcoming to do from

forgiving to do or overcoming to do from childhood difficult things situations

childhood difficult things situations that you've been through how can people

that you've been through how can people learn to better let go of their past in

learn to better let go of their past in that way I'm aware we've talked about

that way I'm aware we've talked about the chip on the shoulder can be a good

the chip on the shoulder can be a good fuel but it's kind of toxic when used

fuel but it's kind of toxic when used for for a longer term uh a lot of people

for for a longer term uh a lot of people spend their time in the past ruminating

spend their time in the past ruminating yeah what is a better way to let go of

yeah what is a better way to let go of the things that you think were unfair

the things that you think were unfair maybe you don't get to have closure

maybe you don't get to have closure about them maybe you don't get to have

about them maybe you don't get to have that final conversation with that Bully

that final conversation with that Bully from school or your parent or carer or

from school or your parent or carer or whatever that didn't treat you in the

whatever that didn't treat you in the way that you wanted how would you say

way that you wanted how would you say people should let go of the past more

people should let go of the past more effectively if you want freedom if you

effectively if you want freedom if you value Freedom you can't possibly have it

value Freedom you can't possibly have it as long as you play the victim role and

as long as you play the victim role and even if you were physically victimized

even if you were physically victimized and you know my mom I don't look at it

and you know my mom I don't look at it that way she she was physically uh

that way she she was physically uh intense and you could call abusive I I

intense and you could call abusive I I prefer not to use that language because

prefer not to use that language because that also puts in that place I never

that also puts in that place I never even told anybody about that experience

even told anybody about that experience until maybe 15 years ago I was now in

until maybe 15 years ago I was now in New York and I was with this group of

New York and I was with this group of young African-American and some Hispanic

young African-American and some Hispanic kids all had single mothers all from

kids all had single mothers all from really troubled backgrounds and I

really troubled backgrounds and I started talking to them about various

started talking to them about various things and I trying to get across that

things and I trying to get across that biography is not Destiny and I was

biography is not Destiny and I was giving different examples of people but

giving different examples of people but I could just see them I could just mind

I could just see them I could just mind read look at this big tall white guy and

read look at this big tall white guy and he's wealthy and easy for him right so I

he's wealthy and easy for him right so I told him everything things I never told

told him everything things I never told to anybody and every single one of them

to anybody and every single one of them was crying their eyes out I was crying

was crying their eyes out I was crying too um but then I got them to see that

too um but then I got them to see that like none of that none of that is makes

like none of that none of that is makes you who you are none of that controls

you who you are none of that controls where you are in your life I was like I

where you are in your life I was like I If my mom had been the mother I'd hop

If my mom had been the mother I'd hop she'd be I would not be the man I'm

she'd be I would not be the man I'm proud to be so and she did many

proud to be so and she did many beautiful things but you know if I was a

beautiful things but you know if I was a well-fed kid would I be providing 30

well-fed kid would I be providing 30 billion meals for people would I work

billion meals for people would I work this hard to feed feed people that I'll

this hard to feed feed people that I'll never meet and never know and will never

never meet and never know and will never say thank you to me I'm not looking for

say thank you to me I'm not looking for it no I mean I'd love to believe I do

it no I mean I'd love to believe I do I'm a good person you're a good person

I'm a good person you're a good person but I wouldn't have had that hunger

but I wouldn't have had that hunger without that so that's where that belief

without that so that's where that belief comes from that's like life has been

comes from that's like life has been happening for me I I don't know I don't

happening for me I I don't know I don't know if you can relate to this in my bed

know if you can relate to this in my bed as you could and maybe your viewers are

as you could and maybe your viewers are listening can it's like have you ever

listening can it's like have you ever had something happen in your life that

had something happen in your life that was horrible I mean it was painful you'd

was horrible I mean it was painful you'd never want to go through it again in a

never want to go through it again in a million years you wouldn't want anybody

million years you wouldn't want anybody else to go through it that you care

else to go through it that you care about but after five or 10 years you

about but after five or 10 years you look back and you say I never want to go

look back and you say I never want to go through it again but now I see the

through it again but now I see the wisdom in it it's like it's like it made

wisdom in it it's like it's like it made me care so much more it made me so much

me care so much more it made me so much stronger it made something in me more I

stronger it made something in me more I mean I'm sure you can relate that can't

mean I'm sure you can relate that can't you yeah for sure I mean the world in

you yeah for sure I mean the world in which something happens to you when you

which something happens to you when you were younger so for me uh School wasn't

were younger so for me uh School wasn't that fun quite heavily bullied quite

that fun quite heavily bullied quite alone quite isolated and at the time you

alone quite isolated and at the time you kind of just get through it you don't

kind of just get through it you don't really realize it's just life right

really realize it's just life right that's just childhood to you the what is

that's just childhood to you the what is water to the fish question and then you

water to the fish question and then you grow up a little bit you kind of realize

grow up a little bit you kind of realize H that that probably wasn't so good that

H that that probably wasn't so good that probably wasn't so healthy and then you

probably wasn't so healthy and then you learn a little bit more about yourself

learn a little bit more about yourself and you start to realize well look at

and you start to realize well look at all of the ways that I've had to

all of the ways that I've had to compensate for that look at all of the

compensate for that look at all of the ways that it's held me back look at all

ways that it's held me back look at all of the beliefs that I have about myself

of the beliefs that I have about myself and and God I if only if only that

and and God I if only if only that hadn't happened then I would be here or

hadn't happened then I would be here or I would be there then you realize well

I would be there then you realize well the light side of all of that dark stuff

the light side of all of that dark stuff is usually the stuff that I'm most proud

is usually the stuff that I'm most proud of myself for yes so the fact that you

of myself for yes so the fact that you were maybe a little bit alone in

were maybe a little bit alone in childhood means that you're very

childhood means that you're very self-sufficient when you're an adult or

self-sufficient when you're an adult or the fact that you didn't have anybody to

the fact that you didn't have anybody to support you means that you have no

support you means that you have no concern about working on your own and

concern about working on your own and continuing to take a bet on yourself so

continuing to take a bet on yourself so on and so forth so you end up having

on and so forth so you end up having this really strange Loop where you go

this really strange Loop where you go from

from unconscious incompetence in that you've

unconscious incompetence in that you've somehow been uh through something that

somehow been uh through something that you really hate to this sort of

you really hate to this sort of awareness of how it's held you back to

awareness of how it's held you back to this awareness of How It's propelled you

this awareness of How It's propelled you and then you have to get to this really

and then you have to get to this really difficult place which is okay so this is

difficult place which is okay so this is a thing that I kind of wish hadn't

a thing that I kind of wish hadn't happened and yet I'm grateful that it

happened and yet I'm grateful that it did and it's a it's like a you know the

did and it's a it's like a you know the idea of quantum superpositions it's like

idea of quantum superpositions it's like it's like a psychological superposition

it's like a psychological superposition that you need to hold in your hand at

that you need to hold in your hand at the same time you can't collapse it down

the same time you can't collapse it down into one you need to hold both of these

into one you need to hold both of these things it's like yeah that's [ __ ] like

things it's like yeah that's [ __ ] like that shouldn't have happened I'm like I

that shouldn't have happened I'm like I really wish that that and had you have

really wish that that and had you have been able to see you had you at 36 have

been able to see you had you at 36 have been able to see you at 12 You' have

been able to see you at 12 You' have picked them up and given them a hug and

picked them up and given them a hug and said I believe in you and and you don't

said I believe in you and and you don't deserve

deserve this but it needs to happen to you if

this but it needs to happen to you if you're going to become the sort of

you're going to become the sort of person I don't hold them separate yep I

person I don't hold them separate yep I put them together and when you put them

put them together and when you put them together all you have left is the truth

together all you have left is the truth and the truth is it had a higher purpose

and the truth is it had a higher purpose it was meant to be

it was meant to be now I I don't believe like everything's

now I I don't believe like everything's meant to be I think situations are meant

meant to be I think situations are meant to be and then it's our job to choose

to be and then it's our job to choose how we're going to use them or be used

how we're going to use them or be used by them right I think that's the

by them right I think that's the difference but I think I don't I don't

difference but I think I don't I don't there's nothing to forgive I know

there's nothing to forgive I know there's nothing like people say this but

there's nothing like people say this but you have so much to forgive F that

you have so much to forgive F that forgive there's nothing to forgive I

forgive there's nothing to forgive I mean it's like if I get to a deeper

mean it's like if I get to a deeper truth a deeper spiritual truth A Soulful

truth a deeper spiritual truth A Soulful truth it's all like Soul contracts like

truth it's all like Soul contracts like so we're all here for something more

so we're all here for something more than ourselves and it's not Until you

than ourselves and it's not Until you realize that that you stop the childhood

realize that that you stop the childhood thing of I need to forgive people or I

thing of I need to forgive people or I need to you know maybe you want to think

need to you know maybe you want to think about what you want one of the people to

about what you want one of the people to you want them to forgive you for you

you want them to forgive you for you know or you can make an apology because

know or you can make an apology because we all screw up we all do stupid things

we all screw up we all do stupid things we all do things we're not proud of at

we all do things we're not proud of at different times the secret is do you do

different times the secret is do you do something about it or do you just

something about it or do you just ruminate or beat yourself up or pretend

ruminate or beat yourself up or pretend it isn't there well that balance is

it isn't there well that balance is really really difficult you between

really really difficult you between turning pain into motivation

turning pain into motivation and recognizing that it's there so

and recognizing that it's there so you're not denying that it's there but

you're not denying that it's there but you're also not wallowing in it but

you're also not wallowing in it but you're also not just using it as the

you're also not just using it as the only pain but you're also realizing that

only pain but you're also realizing that you've had to alchemize it transcend and

you've had to alchemize it transcend and include it in Willian language you know

include it in Willian language you know there it's again it's a delicate balance

there it's again it's a delicate balance and I think that this is there's a few

and I think that this is there's a few things in life and the older that I've

things in life and the older that I've got the older I've got 36 um the the

got the older I've got 36 um the the more the more I've kind of realized that

more the more I've kind of realized that a lot of a lot of realizations just come

a lot of a lot of realizations just come along for the ride as a byproduct of

along for the ride as a byproduct of getting older and we can do a lot of the

getting older and we can do a lot of the things we can read the book we can go to

things we can read the book we can go to the seminars we can attend the online

the seminars we can attend the online events and we can expedite some of these

events and we can expedite some of these realizations but there's some insights

realizations but there's some insights that are just hard one by time some some

that are just hard one by time some some of that's true with I think you're right

of that's true with I think you're right about that but I also think it can be

about that but I also think it can be accelerated by who you spend time with

accelerated by who you spend time with I've had the great privilege of having

I've had the great privilege of having some great mentors they're all 18 to 20

some great mentors they're all 18 to 20 years my seniors so you know some I knew

years my seniors so you know some I knew when I was you know 20 and they were 40

when I was you know 20 and they were 40 and now they're 80 and you know 82 83 84

and now they're 80 and you know 82 83 84 and I'm going to be 65 holding on to the

and I'm going to be 65 holding on to the coattails in their we

coattails in their we no but I mean because they giving me a a

no but I mean because they giving me a a look at the pathway of life you know

look at the pathway of life you know we're not all the Same by any stretch

we're not all the Same by any stretch but there's certain fundamental things

but there's certain fundamental things you go through I remember some of them

you go through I remember some of them were telling me things you know like

were telling me things you know like when you're 40 you're going to think

when you're 40 you're going to think this reveal this I was like you know

this reveal this I was like you know read between the L you know you're full

read between the L you know you're full of it you know what you're talking about

of it you know what you're talking about but there were certain things that they

but there were certain things that they turned out to be really true so some of

turned out to be really true so some of those you experience but then once

those you experience but then once you've experienced enough of them you

you've experienced enough of them you don't have to wait to experience

don't have to wait to experience everything you can start to project wait

everything you can start to project wait a second here there's some real deeper

a second here there's some real deeper truth here yeah and one of those I think

truth here yeah and one of those I think is it's not hard i' I'd invite you to

is it's not hard i' I'd invite you to consider you don't have to hold both the

consider you don't have to hold both the holding both is like the piece of being

holding both is like the piece of being afraid that if I really enjoy myself I

afraid that if I really enjoy myself I won't have the same level of Drive once

won't have the same level of Drive once you're a [ __ ] achiever you're just G

you're a [ __ ] achiever you're just G to you're the drive is never going to

to you're the drive is never going to leave you it's just a matter of now you

leave you it's just a matter of now you can do it more elegantly if you choose

can do it more elegantly if you choose to agreed you know yeah there's a

to agreed you know yeah there's a cumbersomeness to doing it when you grip

cumbersomeness to doing it when you grip very tightly and uh yeah this ease and

very tightly and uh yeah this ease and Grace thing uh finding more joy finding

Grace thing uh finding more joy finding more fun uh learning to let go that's

more fun uh learning to let go that's something that I'm really really ESS by

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wisdom and modern wisdom a checkout I'm interested you mentioned there about

interested you mentioned there about your um the amount of work that you put

your um the amount of work that you put in reading these forms the preparation

in reading these forms the preparation that you do for all of these different

that you do for all of these different events and and you know even with the

events and and you know even with the alchemy that you've done letting go of

alchemy that you've done letting go of things from your past and the way that

things from your past and the way that you've turned it into a version of you

you've turned it into a version of you that you're incredibly proud of I'm

that you're incredibly proud of I'm interested in how much peace you have in

interested in how much peace you have in life whether you would say that you are

life whether you would say that you are the how often you're able to access

the how often you're able to access peace with all of the things going on I

peace with all of the things going on I I I was the most peaceful most happy

I I was the most peaceful most happy stage of My Life by far um I look at

stage of My Life by far um I look at things in terms of Seasons I remember in

things in terms of Seasons I remember in early 90s I interviewed I don't know if

early 90s I interviewed I don't know if you've read the fourth turning did you

you've read the fourth turning did you read that book by chance no oh my gosh

read that book by chance no oh my gosh please read it I think you'll find it

please read it I think you'll find it really valuable I was working I was

really valuable I was working I was coaching uh President Clinton in those

coaching uh President Clinton in those days I also coached grid I was on both

days I also coached grid I was on both sides of the aisle because I'm an

sides of the aisle because I'm an independent right so I want to help both

independent right so I want to help both sides so I left Lally president and he

sides so I left Lally president and he had this book and um I was reading the

had this book and um I was reading the it was a big thick book it's uh what's

it was a big thick book it's uh what's the other one they have it's it's

the other one they have it's it's basically 500 years of American history

basically 500 years of American history anglo-american history and um and it was

anglo-american history and um and it was written by the same guys who wrote the

written by the same guys who wrote the fourth turning and I asked him about it

fourth turning and I asked him about it and he told me a little bit about the

and he told me a little bit about the patterns of Generations how the work go

patterns of Generations how the work go fascinating how it shapes history I go

fascinating how it shapes history I go to Gingrich who's a historian and the

to Gingrich who's a historian and the same book is there and so I grabbed the

same book is there and so I grabbed the book and then and then the fourth Turney

book and then and then the fourth Turney came out a little bit after that it was

came out a little bit after that it was of those throwaway books you know I to

of those throwaway books you know I to Discount I love those books you know

Discount I love those books you know because they're contrarian and I picked

because they're contrarian and I picked it up it wasn't popular and I read it

it up it wasn't popular and I read it and it it's a book that basically

and it it's a book that basically describes that uh history has patterns

describes that uh history has patterns and Seasons to it just like everything

and Seasons to it just like everything has Seasons so I look at it this way

has Seasons so I look at it this way maybe a simple way to explain it is I I

maybe a simple way to explain it is I I have five kids and five grandkids I have

have five kids and five grandkids I have a 50-year-old daughter and I have four

a 50-year-old daughter and I have four year about to be four-year-old daughter

year about to be four-year-old daughter in a couple months so I have quite an

in a couple months so I have quite an extreme uh group and I think about my

extreme uh group and I think about my youngest daughter or my grandkids uh

youngest daughter or my grandkids uh even for my kids but most of them are

even for my kids but most of them are adults now and I think like the world is

adults now and I think like the world is changing so much you know nano

changing so much you know nano technology obviously algorithms AI all

technology obviously algorithms AI all the things that are coming

the things that are coming robotics the change we're at the base of

robotics the change we're at the base of unbelievable transformation we're going

unbelievable transformation we're going to see more change in the next 5 to 10

to see more change in the next 5 to 10 years than in the history of humanity

years than in the history of humanity and that's not an exaggeration well

and that's not an exaggeration well there's going to be a huge number of

there's going to be a huge number of jobs that are disrupted from that and

jobs that are disrupted from that and listen you know 200 years ago 85% of

listen you know 200 years ago 85% of America was a farmer you know

America was a farmer you know now it's 4% and we feed the whole world

now it's 4% and we feed the whole world because of Technology but that happened

because of Technology but that happened over a long period of time we're going

over a long period of time we're going to see changes like self-driving cars

to see changes like self-driving cars there's several cities where they're

there's several cities where they're operating right now right Ubers and so

operating right now right Ubers and so forth how long is it going to take

forth how long is it going to take before every truck at every taxi will be

before every truck at every taxi will be there well that means every Uber driver

there well that means every Uber driver every Taxi Driver who's going to who's

every Taxi Driver who's going to who's going to hire a truck driver who can

going to hire a truck driver who can work eight hours a day you got to pay

work eight hours a day you got to pay for the healthcare and they

for the healthcare and they complain crash sometimes and crash when

complain crash sometimes and crash when you're can to have a 24-hour day that

you're can to have a 24-hour day that better insurance and you get to

better insurance and you get to depreciate the asset I mean these jobs

depreciate the asset I mean these jobs are going away that's 8 million jobs in

are going away that's 8 million jobs in America that's as many jobs as we lost

America that's as many jobs as we lost in 2008 when the crash was happened so

in 2008 when the crash was happened so and no one's preparing for it so I'm

and no one's preparing for it so I'm remember talking to Obama about it it's

remember talking to Obama about it it's like you know you this is coming you

like you know you this is coming you know he goes well Tony you know I said

know he goes well Tony you know I said is anybody got got a plan are we going

is anybody got got a plan are we going to educate these people this is going to

to educate these people this is going to social disruption right he says well

social disruption right he says well we've talked about you know you know um

we've talked about you know you know um you know the the payments what's it

you know the the payments what's it called Ubi um and I said yeah but the

called Ubi um and I said yeah but the Ubi it'll never be enough money because

Ubi it'll never be enough money because once they adjust to it'll be more and

once they adjust to it'll be more and Ubi doesn't give anybody meaning it was

Ubi doesn't give anybody meaning it was a fascinating couple of studies that you

a fascinating couple of studies that you probably caught that came out in the

probably caught that came out in the last six months about that it's really

last six months about that it's really not good the outcomes are really really

not good the outcomes are really really you could predict that well you don't

you could predict that well you don't have to brilliant scientist to figure

have to brilliant scientist to figure that right it's like inition would have

that right it's like inition would have taught you that yeah but the point is

taught you that yeah but the point is they said what's being done he goes well

they said what's being done he goes well we think it's going to take a lot longer

we think it's going to take a lot longer it'll be fine I it's not so how do you

it'll be fine I it's not so how do you arm yourself or your kids for a world of

arm yourself or your kids for a world of such change you have to learn rapidly

such change you have to learn rapidly and so you need three skills you need

and so you need three skills you need skill number one to be able to really

skill number one to be able to really recognize patterns you're very good at

recognize patterns you're very good at that I'm not throwing you know stuff

that I'm not throwing you know stuff your way I watched a couple things

your way I watched a couple things you're doing and um you do your homework

you're doing and um you do your homework and you you recognize patterns you

and you you recognize patterns you utilize them you recognize them in

utilize them you recognize them in yourself as one Mak I respect even more

yourself as one Mak I respect even more and you use that to improve yourself

and you use that to improve yourself right but when people are fearful when

right but when people are fearful when they have anxiety it's almost always

they have anxiety it's almost always because they don't recognize the

because they don't recognize the patterns that are happening

patterns that are happening because if you recognize the patterns

because if you recognize the patterns things are very predictable what looks

things are very predictable what looks like chaos is you just because it's not

like chaos is you just because it's not been a pattern you've seen before like

been a pattern you've seen before like if you look at history as an example

if you look at history as an example he's like this has never happened you

he's like this has never happened you know you heard people talk about we've

know you heard people talk about we've never been this divided as a country in

never been this divided as a country in all this stuff it's such [ __ ] and

all this stuff it's such [ __ ] and what a civil war what's that there was a

what a civil war what's that there was a civil war yeah there was a civil war but

civil war yeah there was a civil war but you there's a little sheet I brought

you there's a little sheet I brought down is it do you have that little sheet

down is it do you have that little sheet can I borrow this I just read you this

can I borrow this I just read you this because I thought it's entertaining I I

because I thought it's entertaining I I showed this in an event the other day

showed this in an event the other day this is two placers from photograph of

this is two placers from photograph of them or or reconstruction of them from

them or or reconstruction of them from Thomas from John Adams versus Thomas

Thomas from John Adams versus Thomas Jefferson they're running for president

Jefferson they're running for president right so let's see how divided they were

right so let's see how divided they were placard this placard says if you elect

placard this placard says if you elect Thomas Jefferson murder robbery rape

Thomas Jefferson murder robbery rape incest and adultery will be practiced

incest and adultery will be practiced throughout the land are you prepared to

throughout the land are you prepared to see your dwellings in Flames your female

see your dwellings in Flames your female chassid violated or your children ring

chassid violated or your children ring on the Pike this is what Adams wrote

on the Pike this is what Adams wrote about Jefferson it makes like Trump's

about Jefferson it makes like Trump's Hitler sound pretty pretty kind you

Hitler sound pretty pretty kind you almost John Adams says or excuse me

almost John Adams says or excuse me Jefferson says about John Adams in the

Jefferson says about John Adams in the placard it says JN Adams is busy

placard it says JN Adams is busy importing Mistresses from Europe or

importing Mistresses from Europe or trying to marry one of his sons to the

trying to marry one of his sons to the daughter of King George he's a hideous

daughter of King George he's a hideous hermod dial character with neither the

hermod dial character with neither the force or firmness of a man or nor the

force or firmness of a man or nor the gentleness and Sensibility of a woman

gentleness and Sensibility of a woman these are our founding fathers right so

these are our founding fathers right so it's like you're so full of [ __ ] like

it's like you're so full of [ __ ] like when you say this has never happened

when you say this has never happened before you you it hasn't happened in

before you you it hasn't happened in your lifetime because the cycle if you

your lifetime because the cycle if you study a thousand years of Roman history

study a thousand years of Roman history which I've done 500 years of

which I've done 500 years of anglo-american History there's patterns

anglo-american History there's patterns that happen about every roughly 20 years

that happen about every roughly 20 years and the patterns are predictable so

and the patterns are predictable so think about this this is why you want to

think about this this is why you want to learn this if you can recognize patterns

learn this if you can recognize patterns the fear disappears second skill use the

the fear disappears second skill use the pattern when you know what the pattern

pattern when you know what the pattern is and you use it now you have Mastery

is and you use it now you have Mastery of something now you can do better than

of something now you can do better than most people in that area so you know I

most people in that area so you know I interview all these people the best

interview all these people the best investors in the world they're all

investors in the world they're all different but I recognize the patterns

different but I recognize the patterns that are in common and when I'm done my

that are in common and when I'm done my billionaire clients love it and the

billionaire clients love it and the average person can learn from it because

average person can learn from it because the patterns are fundamental right you

the patterns are fundamental right you you you if I want to learn the piano in

you you if I want to learn the piano in the beginning I have to learn probably

the beginning I have to learn probably somebody else's patterns that have

somebody else's patterns that have figured it out that's how I learn but if

figured it out that's how I learn but if I use those patterns over and over again

I use those patterns over and over again I'll eventually get to I can into the

I'll eventually get to I can into the third skill which pattern creation now

third skill which pattern creation now you have an amazing life now you're not

you have an amazing life now you're not manag in your circumstances you're the

manag in your circumstances you're the creator of your life but you have to

creator of your life but you have to first recognize them so you're not in

first recognize them so you're not in fear and then here's an example when did

fear and then here's an example when did Humanity transform from a fearful place

Humanity transform from a fearful place as its primary base where we were hunter

as its primary base where we were hunter gatherers right where literally you had

gatherers right where literally you had to move from place to place and you

to move from place to place and you didn't know if you're going to eat or

didn't know if you're going to eat or survive what changed that to be live in

survive what changed that to be live in a community and grow a community a City

a community and grow a community a City a state a country one pattern

a state a country one pattern recognition seasons

recognition seasons the day that we figured out that if I do

the day that we figured out that if I do the right thing at the wrong time I get

the right thing at the wrong time I get nothing but if I plan it this specific

nothing but if I plan it this specific time in the spring and if I know I got

time in the spring and if I know I got to protect it during the hot

to protect it during the hot summer I'm going to reap in the fall and

summer I'm going to reap in the fall and if I hang on to some of that I'll make

if I hang on to some of that I'll make it through the next winter that changed

it through the next winter that changed Humanity completely one recognition and

Humanity completely one recognition and most of us don't have that recognition

most of us don't have that recognition of the season so here's a season for you

of the season so here's a season for you and your audience to consider what

and your audience to consider what season are you in right now cuz human

season are you in right now cuz human life has four seasons if we want to call

life has four seasons if we want to call it that as as an oversimplification 0 to

it that as as an oversimplification 0 to 21 is Springtime what do you know about

21 is Springtime what do you know about Springtime is it hard to grow during

Springtime is it hard to grow during Springtime things grow automatically in

Springtime things grow automatically in springtime if you start a business in

springtime if you start a business in springtime you're going to think you're

springtime you're going to think you're the business genius no you're just in

the business genius no you're just in springtime everybody's optimistic things

springtime everybody's optimistic things grow easily goes goes goes it's an

grow easily goes goes goes it's an overall theme it lasts about 17 to 20

overall theme it lasts about 17 to 20 years on average and then we exhaust

years on average and then we exhaust that emotion it's like even good

that emotion it's like even good emotions get exhausted do you ever smile

emotions get exhausted do you ever smile so much your face hurt right so it's

so much your face hurt right so it's like you need variety so then we go into

like you need variety so then we go into a different season we go into the summer

a different season we go into the summer which tests you it's hard it's more

which tests you it's hard it's more difficult and then if you make it

difficult and then if you make it through that time you get to reap and if

through that time you get to reap and if you make it through that time you get to

you make it through that time you get to be tested again so it's always you know

be tested again so it's always you know we get easy times and tough times why is

we get easy times and tough times why is that important well 0 to 21 is your

that important well 0 to 21 is your Springtime some of us had to go work at

Springtime some of us had to go work at seven or eight years old but we're still

seven or eight years old but we're still protected if there's a War you didn't go

protected if there's a War you didn't go to war right you someone fed you most of

to war right you someone fed you most of the time you someone you're primarily

the time you someone you're primarily being being poured into education

being being poured into education information so it's a pretty easy time

information so it's a pretty easy time then you go 21 22 to 42 that's your

then you go 21 22 to 42 that's your summer that's your testing period And I

summer that's your testing period And I think that's the period that you're

think that's the period that you're coming to the you know the end of and

coming to the you know the end of and that testing period by the way all the

that testing period by the way all the all the studies show it's the most

all the studies show it's the most unhappy time in most people's life

unhappy time in most people's life because you start out feeling you're

because you start out feeling you're Invincible right you learned all the

Invincible right you learned all the stuff and you're like you I don't know

stuff and you're like you I don't know if I believe all this crap I was taught

if I believe all this crap I was taught I'm going to go I'm going to do this

I'm going to go I'm going to do this myself I'm going to be president United

myself I'm going to be president United States a multi-billionaire and have a

States a multi-billionaire and have a 100 relationship simultaneously and

100 relationship simultaneously and everyone's going to be happy and you

everyone's going to be happy and you believe this [ __ ] right then by the time

believe this [ __ ] right then by the time you're 35 you're like oh [ __ ] man one

you're 35 you're like oh [ __ ] man one relationship I have a hard time with and

relationship I have a hard time with and oh my God I got divorced or oh my God

oh my God I got divorced or oh my God I'm not presid and oh you so you're not

I'm not presid and oh you so you're not so Invincible it humbles you but it also

so Invincible it humbles you but it also makes you grow cuz that stage of Summer

makes you grow cuz that stage of Summer you're basically the soldier of society

you're basically the soldier of society in fact if we go to war that's who goes

in fact if we go to war that's who goes to war 22 to 42 a little bit younger you

to war 22 to 42 a little bit younger you get the frame and then if you're in

get the frame and then if you're in business you're the soldier but if

business you're the soldier but if you're growing in those first two

you're growing in those first two seasons then you're going to enter your

seasons then you're going to enter your power phase and your power phase is

power phase and your power phase is basically 43 to 63 and again some people

basically 43 to 63 and again some people get there at 36 some people get there at

get there at 36 some people get there at some of time but you get the range and

some of time but you get the range and in that range it's like you can do more

in that range it's like you can do more with your pinky and get it done then I'm

with your pinky and get it done then I'm sure you've experienced this in your

sure you've experienced this in your life M too then when I work 22 hours a

life M too then when I work 22 hours a day not still work 22 hours a day but

day not still work 22 hours a day but now I've run 114 companies not two you

now I've run 114 companies not two you know and um and I can do 9 billion not

know and um and I can do 9 billion not 100 million you know it's just it's a

100 million you know it's just it's a different game and so and it's and it's

different game and so and it's and it's very rewarding and it's when you really

very rewarding and it's when you really enter your power as a person if you

enter your power as a person if you worked hard in the spring and the summer

worked hard in the spring and the summer then you reap in the fall if you didn't

then you reap in the fall if you didn't You Weep in the fall right then

You Weep in the fall right then eventually I can tell you this CU I'm

eventually I can tell you this CU I'm there now and I never would have

there now and I never would have believed it so I want to plant the seed

believed it so I want to plant the seed the possibility and my friends I'm going

the possibility and my friends I'm going to say out there who are also young men

to say out there who are also young men I think that's mostly your audience what

I think that's mostly your audience what I can see who are driven and hungry and

I can see who are driven and hungry and want to be their best selves and don't

want to be their best selves and don't want to settle

want to settle um that stage is the winter time is

um that stage is the winter time is basically say 63 64 to 84 to 104 to 120

basically say 63 64 to 84 to 104 to 120 if you have that privilege of living

if you have that privilege of living that long the oldest living humans and

that long the oldest living humans and it's a stage where it is incredibly

it's a stage where it is incredibly peaceful if you've done the job in the

peaceful if you've done the job in the beginning because you know who you are

beginning because you know who you are you're no longer trying to prove it to

you're no longer trying to prove it to yourself you're no longer Hanging On To

yourself you're no longer Hanging On To The Duality you described earlier and

The Duality you described earlier and and you don't give a [ __ ] it's like you

and you don't give a [ __ ] it's like you know it's like Aristotle said you know

know it's like Aristotle said you know how do you not be criticized say nothing

how do you not be criticized say nothing do nothing be nothing right and you're

do nothing be nothing right and you're like f that right you know I know who

like f that right you know I know who the hell I am and it's like I'd love to

the hell I am and it's like I'd love to serve everybody it's not going to be

serve everybody it's not going to be right for everybody I'm totally fine but

right for everybody I'm totally fine but you're not trying to prove it all you

you're not trying to prove it all you really want to do a serve so I used to

really want to do a serve so I used to have these giant mission statements

have these giant mission statements change the world all these things and I

change the world all these things and I do all those things but now it's like my

do all those things but now it's like my mission statement is how can I help you

mission statement is how can I help you know and I get calls every day of my

know and I get calls every day of my life somebody's got cancer or tumors or

life somebody's got cancer or tumors or whatever because you know I've got so

whatever because you know I've got so much expertise in they because I've

much expertise in they because I've interviewed the best on Earth 150 of

interviewed the best on Earth 150 of them or someone comes to me with a

them or someone comes to me with a business thing or it's something a

business thing or it's something a relationship and or it's an athlete and

relationship and or it's an athlete and so along with what I do formally and

so along with what I do formally and when all do with my businesses I have

when all do with my businesses I have all this that's happening and then I

all this that's happening and then I have my family and my you know you have

have my family and my you know you have friendships that are 40 years old 45

friendships that are 40 years old 45 years old people you've done business

years old people you've done business with for 30 years

with for 30 years if you've done it right and you love

if you've done it right and you love them and they love you so when you love

them and they love you so when you love at that stage you love you know you love

at that stage you love you know you love who you're with you love what you get to

who you're with you love what you get to do you start to actually love yourself a

do you start to actually love yourself a little bit and and when to say love

little bit and and when to say love yourself meaning like you're kinder to

yourself meaning like you're kinder to yourself because it's like you're not in

yourself because it's like you're not in that game of still trying to prove it so

that game of still trying to prove it so if I could magically take that stage and

if I could magically take that stage and bring it to someone in their 20s I would

bring it to someone in their 20s I would do so so what I try to do instead is

do so so what I try to do instead is paint them a picture of what the path

paint them a picture of what the path might look like and that they being an

might look like and that they being an overachiever could anticipate the next

overachiever could anticipate the next PATH and maybe perhaps spend less time

PATH and maybe perhaps spend less time in the struggling phase if they know

in the struggling phase if they know what's coming anticipation as opposed to

what's coming anticipation as opposed to reaction in that area Tony you're

reaction in that area Tony you're awesome I appreciate you man where

awesome I appreciate you man where should people go they want to keep up to

should people go they want to keep up to date with the events that you've got

date with the events that you've got coming up and yes and everything else

coming up and yes and everything else well there's an event coming up that I

well there's an event coming up that I do once a year I told you about when Co

do once a year I told you about when Co happened and I created this new way of

happened and I created this new way of doing what we do we still do Live Events

doing what we do we still do Live Events obviously but once a year I now do that

obviously but once a year I now do that for free I do it for three days so I'm

for free I do it for three days so I'm doing my next one January 30th 30 1st

doing my next one January 30th 30 1st and February 1st it's uh about 3 hours a

and February 1st it's uh about 3 hours a day so like I said think of it like

day so like I said think of it like going to a movie for you know once a day

going to a movie for you know once a day for three days but it's your life and

for three days but it's your life and instead of making New Year's resolutions

instead of making New Year's resolutions that no one follows through on it's

that no one follows through on it's really about creating a path and a plan

really about creating a path and a plan and some of that transformation we're

and some of that transformation we're talking about and it's really powerful

talking about and it's really powerful so there's no charge it's not partially

so there's no charge it's not partially free it's free so you can go to time

free it's free so you can go to time toise uh summit.com time to rum.com get

toise uh summit.com time to rum.com get yourself enrolled if you do it at the

yourself enrolled if you do it at the office you can do it with some friends

office you can do it with some friends or at home and it's just I'd love to be

or at home and it's just I'd love to be able to serve them and see what happens

able to serve them and see what happens and if they want to know about other

and if they want to know about other seminars and things we're on social

seminars and things we're on social media under Tony Robbins or

media under Tony Robbins or tonyrobbins.com he yeah Tony you're

tonyrobbins.com he yeah Tony you're great thank you so much for today M

great thank you so much for today M let's do this again soon I look forward

let's do this again soon I look forward to it thank you very much what's

to it thank you very much what's happening people thank you very much for

happening people thank you very much for tuning in if you enjoyed that

tuning in if you enjoyed that conversation with Tony you love my chat

conversation with Tony you love my chat with the one and only Matthew mccon

with the one and only Matthew mccon which is available just

which is available just here hurry up come on

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YouTube Transcript:How to Break the Habit of Low Self-Confidence - Tony Robbins (4K)

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How to Break the Habit of Low Self-Confidence - Tony Robbins (4K)