The speaker recounts a challenging academic semester marked by a near-fatal car accident, significant teaching load, and progress on their PhD research, while also reflecting on personal growth and academic challenges.
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2025 is almost over.
I submitted final grades about two days ago,
ago, maybe.
maybe.
Oh, it doesn't matter when when I did
it. Uh, this semester was
I mean, I don't think I made a single
video this semester.
The last video I made,
I don't even remember. I think it was
what did I do something about PhD and
MIT and AC/DC
There was a video that was to be
published to the channel but I deleted
it. I had it unlisted.
Uh so uh
uh
okay. So, I guess uh viewer discretion
is advised for this part. It's not very
a pleasant topic.
But shortly after that video was
uploaded to YouTube, I um
went on vacation and then one week
later, we were driving back home from vacation.
vacation.
We being me and a party went together.
We were driving back home and we
encountered a drunk driver on the road
and a drunk driver hit our car at pretty
high speed
and the car we were driving was my car
and it ended up completely destroying
the car and almost killing all of us inside.
inside.
And so that was kind of like it you
would think that uh it would be more
traumainducing than it was. But
I think because we were all walking away
without any serious injuries, we were
bruised up, don't get me wrong. The car
did flip upside down, our car,
but um
not as PTSD inducing as you might think. Um,
I mean pretty much like the next day
like I was sore but I wasn't having like
And then I made a YouTube So that was
what the YouTube video was about. I'm
not I'm kind of disheveled at the
moment. It's like 11:00 p.m. So, my
story is getting not as
in order as I'd like to usually tell
stories, but
I made a video about it. I uploaded it
to YouTube. I had it unlisted and I just
felt weird about the whole thing. So,
So,
I deleted the video. It was never made
public, so no one watched it.
And pretty much after that upload, you know,
know,
you think about like how much you put
yourself out there on YouTube for people
to see. I bet if I went back in time and
saw like my first video on this channel
about like the type of math and my whole
philosophy of how grades are made and
all this stuff, I'd probably cringe to
death. But that was that that was kind
of the whole point of the channel to
begin with was to see how you grow and
change over the course of a PhD program,
let alone like survive a terrible car
accident. And that was my car. That was
my car was destroyed. I I lost my car.
My car was good. I had a good car. So,
but the fact that none of us died was
probably, you know, was like, okay,
well, I missed the car, but I would have missed
missed
I would have missed the others had
something bad happened to them. So,
So,
that's where I've been, I guess. Like, I
mean, that was back in the summer
when that happened and then like the
whole fall semester happened. And
basically the only thing I did this
semester, well I did three things. Two
of those things was teach a class. I had
to take I had to teach two classes this
semester, which is one more than I
normally teach. I only usually teach
one. And you might think, oh, two
classes, boohoo. But two classes, you
know, some of these classes are very
homework heavy, in-class activity heavy.
And you know that adds up like when you
have a bunch of stuff to do every week.
When you have a bunch of stuff to do
every week and grade it just it
overwhelms you like a given week there
may be like literally like 120 papers to
grade. But those were two of the three
things. The other the third thing was
write my paper. So I wrote a paper. I
did novel research. I had a result that
is mine and I finished it. more or see I
I'm already saying more or less and
that's already kind of open up the doors
like did you actually finish the damn
paper I gave it to my advisor he is out
of the country right now he tells me
that he's going to read it like line by
line word for word and just start
tearing it apart which you know I I I
don't care he can do that I mean he's
supposed to do that like I'm not going
to be I do worry about whenever I write
something and I send it to him because
they have like these guys, they 100%
have the highest expectations. You
really don't want to write something stupid.
stupid.
Some of them will straight up say to
your face like, "You should be ashamed
of yourself." Like, like seriously, no
joke, you should be ashamed of yourself
for writing 2 plus 2 equals fish or
something. I mean, we would never do
that, but you get what I mean.
So there's there is pressure to make
sure everything's good. And I think that
what I sent him is
there. I did make one mistake. I for
like I know I'm not I don't have the
paper in front of me and I'm not going
to show it on the channel because it's
sensitive material.
Um and it's not published yet. But
basically I had a vector and then I had
a linear transformation and I said that
the norm since the norm of the vector
had was one its image vector I'm not
saying this right you have a vector v
you have a linear transformation T the
norm of V is one and then I said the
norm of TV is equal to one but I
actually don't know that so in my paper
I I can normalize it so that's norm is
one but it doesn't matter
This was generally the idea. So it was
something like that. I'm like, "Oh, I
no, no, no. I I know the I know the
image has doesn't necessarily have to
have norm one. It's definitely not norm
zero, but whatever. That's the that's
beside the point." Um,
Um, so
so
that's what I did. I taught two classes.
I wrote my paper.
It need the the last bit of the of the
main lema that I that that's mine still
needs to be polished, but it's it still
works. I know it works. We I I've talked
to enough people. It works. I know what
to do. It's just I'm having trouble
writing it in the best way possible.
Which reminds me of a, believe it or
not, I think it was a tweet. It was a
tweet that like made its round on social
media, but it resonated with me. I kind
of wish I saved it. Most time tweets are
stupid. you shouldn't read them. But
this one I thought was good. It was from
some academic
and he said, uh,
"Your thesis or PhD or whatever your
result, your result, um, I'm going to
butcher this.
Your result doesn't have to be perfect."
Okay, let's just say dissertation. Your
dissertation doesn't have to be perfect.
It just has to be done.
Like, get it done. Don't worry about
saying it the best way possible. just
make sure that it's done and it's
correct and just let it be. Like let
people poke and prod at it later.
They're like, "You could have said this
better." I'm like, "I don't care. You
write the paper if it bothers you that
much. I know it's right. I know it's
done. Let's be in
whatever. Whatever.
It's done." So anyway, like I know what
I'm going to do. So the paper's
basically done and we know what we're
going to do next with it. What we're
going to do next is we're going to gener
we're going to do two things. The first
thing is that the paper was written in
two dimensions and we're going to
generalize into n dimensions. Shouldn't
be too hard.
The second case
potentially is also just as easy, but
I'm just not seeing something and it's
really bugging me. And I'm going to talk
about why it's bugging me later. But
what it is is we're studying convex bodies.
bodies.
Don't worry about what a convex body is
here. Um
I don't know. Picture a circle. You know
what a circle looks like. Um so
so
if we call it we call this or a convex
body an origin symmetric convex body if
the set is equal to the negative of that
set. I mean what I mean is like it's
it's uh symmetric with respect to the
origin in the in uklitian space.
So my result requires origin symmetry of
the convex body that I'm studying. But
we believe and I believe like I showed
this to other people they believe it too
in the department people smarter than me
that you don't need origin symmetry and
you can get the same result. So it's
more general than that which is good. So
we can go into higher dimensions and we
can remove origin symmetry entirely out
of the out of the problem. And basically
that is my PhD. I want to tell you what
what it is. The thing that I did and I
say I but it's really a we because I
mean no one no one does something
completely by themsel. I mean a few
people can do that but the average
normal person has like a network and
they stand you've heard that old saying
like we stand on the shoulders of
giants. I am standing literal on literal
giants shoulders. So, I can't I feel
guilty when I say I have this result.
But here's the way I like to think of
it. They're the generals and I am boots
on the ground the soldier. I'm the one
out there
catching shrapnel. Scrap metal scrap.
I'm not What am I trying to say? I am
the soldier on the front lines. I'm in
the trenches following orders.
Or at least that's what I like to tell myself.
myself.
But, um,
that's that's the plan.
Next semester, I don't teach. I'm I
believe I'm an assistant or something
because they they gave me two classes to
teach this semester. They're going to go
easy on me next next time around. Um,
and then hopefully I I'll get more
research done. We're about to I'm about
probably work more on
work more on my um my paper. I haven't
touched my paper since well I I touched
it a little bit since I I mailed it to
my emailed it to my adviser and it and I
still can't get away from it and I still
need to work on it.
Um but I've been distracted for like the
past week with grading and final exams
and whatnot.
I want to tell you about a student. Um,
the story's not bad. This the story has
a happy ending. Um, so
so
on one day, the week before finals week,
I had an exam in a class and a student
did not show up and take it. And I
thought that was kind of weird because
this student has pretty good attendance.
So, I thought, "Huh, that's weird." And
then, uh, the next week was finals week
and she's there. I'm like, "Huh, okay."
She I guess she didn't give up. So, but
she didn't take the test from last week,
so it's a zero in the grade book. I
mean, I don't know what else score to
get. And she didn't say anything or and
didn't email me or do anything. So, I'm
like, "Okay, it's it's her score. She
can do with what she wants." So, I give
the final exam, take the final exam
home. I start grading it. And then I'm
going through it and, you know, putting
stuff in grade books and figuring
weights out and making sure that, you
know, I'm following the syllabus and
doing all this administrative. I don't
know if administrator is the right word,
but you know what I mean. When it's all
said and done, I submit the final
grades. And I kid you not, like like the
second after I submit final grades, I go
to my email to see if I got the receipt
that says you submitted final grades.
and she's in my email and she goes,
"Hey, why did I get a zero on that one exam?"
And I'm like, "Uh, cuz you didn't take
it." I didn't say that. I just said I
had to be, you know, polite and say,
"Um, I didn't say um but I said uh
I just I just told her like, "Are you
sure you took it? I'll look through my
pile again, but I'm pretty sure you
didn't take it." And then she emailed me
back and she confirmed. She's like, cuz
I thought maybe I lost it or something
and I was paranoid like, "Oh crap, did I
lose a student's test?" And she emailed
me back and said, "Yeah, I didn't take
the test. Is there anything I can do to
to boost my grade?" I'm like, "I
submitted final grades already, man."
But I I am way too kind. So, I emailed her.
her.
This is like Saturday at at 11:30 p.m. I
think I emailed her and said
like, "Okay, meet me in my office on
Monday because because final grades are
due Tuesday."
And she emails me back and says, "I
can't come in on Monday. It's not going
to work." And I'm like, "Okay,
meet me in my office Sunday, I guess."
And but by the way, that's like Sunday
morning I get that email. So she's like,
"So I'm telling her like, "Meet me in 3
hours in my in my office." And it's like
snowing horrible outside. Like there's
like deep snow outside. Be careful or
else you're gonna fall and eat on
the on the sidewalk.
So we get out there and I go to my
office. She comes to my office and then
she takes the test and I'm like, "Okay,
whatever." And she does well in the test
and I give her her good grade. and to
say thank you for,
you know, letting me to thank me for let
for doing this favor for her. She got me
a Starbucks card for 25 bucks, which was
awfully nice. I just wish I went to
Starbucks. I've never been to Starbucks
ever. Maybe I should go to just so that
so that maybe I'll start. Maybe maybe
they have good stuff at Starbucks. I
know they make coffee and whatnot. I
don't drink coffee if that's the reason
Um, and then that was it. That was
pretty much the end of the semester.
Paper writing and grading and helping
students out.
I had a really fun time this semester.
This is probably I usually teach this
one specific class.
Um, since joining the PhD program, they
usually give me this one class. This is
like the fourth time I've taught it. And
a lot of people, the grad students
complain about it like they don't like
the class, but I love it. I really like
the class because the students are fun.
They talk to you more. I don't like it
when the students don't talk to me.
I It's more fun to to talk with students.
students.
So, at the risk of uh rambling on for
another five minutes or so, I'll I'll
I'll tell you this. I I recently
discovered a YouTube channel called
Coding Jesus. Perhaps you've heard of him.
him.
Um, I've been binging his videos and mo
and I don't really understand any of
that computer science stuff. I wish I
did and I wish I had passion for
computer science because I think it
would be very useful for someone like me
to have. Uh, but it's just it's it was
always hard for me to get into. There's
so much lingo and you have to get
through the lingo and I never know where
to start. But whatever. So the reason
I'm watching coding Jesus is because a
lot of people will call in they have
like they're like in their fourth year
of computer science program and he asks
them like basic questions about
computers like what's the difference
between a vector and an array and a lot
of them like are they get stumped on
these basic questions. Um,
Um,
so I found it fascinating because I
think he also talks a lot about the
interview process. And the interview
process is something that I don't have
too much experience in. I've I've been
kind of lucky that well, when I say
lucky, I mean I've been in school
forever. They just kind of look and see
like, okay, this guy's a good student.
We'll we'll take him on.
Or at least that that was the experience
at my current university. So,
So,
so, so, so, so, so I I what was I
telling the story? Oh, he he was uh
interviewing a guy and sometimes they
give like test prep questions or or or
these uh a lot of people call in asking
one of like what should I do to prepare
for an interview if I want to be a
quant, which I guess is short for
quantitative analyst. Apparently, these
are like the top paying math jobs. So
naturally that's going to catch my
attention like what are the what is this
quantitative analyst type deal jobs and
can I do it and the short answer is no
maybe not right now but I mean let's not
even talk about that. So
there was one guy on the channel and he
asked him a question about it was like a
basic math problem and the problem was
this. Uh suppose you have two scenarios
to choose from and in the one scenario
you flip a coin a thousand times and if
it comes up heads you win a dollar and
if it comes up tails you lose a dollar.
And that's and then scenario two is you
flip the coin once but you if it comes
up heads you win a thousand and if it
comes up tails you lose a thousand. And
the question is is which of these two is better
better
or more desirable. And the answer is the
first one. You want to flip it a
thousand times. Um but the guy in the
interview kind of fumbled it. And but
but but but you know I was fascinated
with this problem because it's in the
world of probability theory and you know
I I I called my dad and I told him about
it and we we talked about it together
and so I took this same problem and I
went in one day to my class and there's
this one class and of my two classes the
one talks to me all the time and the
second one doesn't talk to me at all.
So, I went to the class that doesn't
talk to me at all. And right before, you
know, class started, I I looked at him
and I'm like, "Okay, guys, uh, listen to
this math problem." And I explain the
coin flip problem to and then like,
"Okay, what do you guys think?" And it's
like silence. I'm like, "Okay, think
about it for like 30 seconds while I
prepare for class and then tell me what
your think thinking is." And so I start
prepping and blah blah blah. and I do
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