This content emphasizes that reclaiming control over one's time is achievable even amidst busy lives, by adopting intentional strategies to make space for desired activities and reduce overwhelm.
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You are a productive person. [music] You
are getting a lot done. People depend on
you. You are doing the things you
[music] have to do. I want you to make
time for the things you want to do.
Today, you and I are here with the very
wise, very practical, and very real
Laura [music] Vanderam. And we're
learning how to take control of our free
time. For so much of my life, whether it
was because I had a really stressful
[music] job or taking care of kids or
taking care of aging parents, I felt
like my entire life were things I have
[music] to do. There are certain phases
of life when things feel more crunched,
when they feel more intense, [music]
when the choices feel a little bit more
fraught. But I promise it is possible.
Even in the middle of a busy Tuesday,
[music] even when life seems chaotic, we
can enjoy ourselves. We can have moments
of fun. And not only that, I think
people deserve to have moments of fun.
I've seen people's lives transformed [music]
[music]
by finding an hour to do something that
they enjoy in the course of the week.
And it changes their narrative. [music]
My life is no longer out of my control
at the mercy of everyone else. I am the
kind of person who makes space for
things that are fun for me.
Next week is going to have its own
problems. [music] Uh, next month is
going to have its own crises. We need to
figure out strategies that allow us to
live a good life now. You start to feel
more empowered. You start feeling less
overwhelmed, right? Life starts feeling
more calm. [music] You feel like you are
making progress on your goals. And
that's a much better place to be
starting from.
>> Laura Vanderham, welcome to the Mel
Robbins podcast.
>> Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm I'm so
excited to be here.
>> So, here's how I want to start. I would
love to have you speak directly to the
person who's with us right now. somebody
who doesn't have a lot of time, but they
have made the time to learn from you.
What could you tell them is going to be
different about their life if they take
everything to heart that you're about to
share based on your research and your
expertise about time?
>> I am so happy you're here today. Anyone
listening to this show, I know you are a
productive person. You are getting a lot
done. People depend on you. You are
doing the things you have to do. I want
you to make time for the things you want
to do, right? I want everyone listening
to this to wake up in the morning
knowing there's something exciting and
wonderful waiting for you in the day.
That is what time management is about,
right? It's not about squeezing more in
that you have to do. It's about making
space for the good stuff. Laura, already
already
my mouth is on the floor.
you you said something so simple and I
want to make sure that you got it as you
were listening to Laura or watching this
right now. There's a big difference
between the things you have to do and
the things that you want to do. And for
so much of my life, whether it was
because I had a really stressful job,
and jobs always have a lot of have toss
or taking care of kids or taking care of
aging parents, I felt like my entire
life were things I have to do. You're
going to teach us that there is time
available to do things we want to do,
even though there's a lot we have to do.
I promise you, even if you have a lot
you have to do, and I know everyone does
these days, there is space for the
things you want to do. And not only
that, you deserve to have space for the
things you want to do. You are doing so
much for everyone. I promise there's
time for yourself as well.
>> Oh my god. Well, I can't wait to find
these little pockets of free time cuz I
can't wait to find them for people.
>> Well, it doesn't feel like you have any
free time. I mean, is that a common
thing that you've found when you're
researching these topics that people
feel like they have no free time? A lot
of people will say, "Yes, I have no free
time whatsoever." I can promise you, I
have studied thousands of people's
schedules. Everybody has some
discretionary time. Now, it may not be
as much time as you want. I totally
believe that. But there's a big
difference between not as much as I want
and none. When people say I have no free
time whatsoever, they mean I don't have
as much free time as I want. But when we
approach this question from I have some
free time, it's just not as much as I
want. Well, that suggests some good
questions right there. How can I scale
up my free time in the long run? You
know, how can I make good choices in the
limited time I do have so I feel most
rejuvenated? Okay, so that's the second
takeaway that I want to make sure that
you got because I just had a light bulb
moment there to quote Oprah where it is
easy to fall into that trap where you're
burnt out or you feel overwhelmed or you
have a never-ending to-do list and you
start to say to yourself, I have no free
time. I have no time. One takeaway
already is I don't have enough free
time. And simply that change
acknowledges that there is some
discretionary time to use your words
that we can reclaim for ourselves. And
that's a really that feels doable. And
so I'm glad we're starting there. Laura,
based on your research, what do you
think the most surprising thing that the
person who is with us right now needs to
know about time management?
>> Well, here's a number for you.
>> Okay. There are 168 hours in a week.
>> Does it with like total? >> Total.
>> Total.
>> Okay. So that includes sleeping.
>> Well, people say 24/7 all the time, >> right?
>> right?
>> Nobody ever multiplies it through. >> Okay,
>> Okay,
>> so if you multiply 24 * 7,
>> there are 168 hours in a week. >> Okay,
>> Okay,
>> and I think this is an important number
for people to know for a couple reasons.
I mean, one, a week is the cycle of life
as we actually live it. I mean, if I
look at you on a Tuesday, I look at you
on a Saturday, these days often look a
little bit different from people, but a
week encompasses both. And you know,
both are representative of our lives. So
we want to make sure we are looking at
all of them. But when we start with the
number 168 hours, just a few numbers to
think about with this. If you work 40
hours, so standard full-time job, okay?
If you sleep 8 hours a night, Yeah. So 8
* 7 is 56 hours per week. Okay. If you
subtract 40 and 56 from 168, we get 72
hours for other things. Okay? Now, that
doesn't mean that those 72 hours are
free and clear. Most of us have families
we are taking care of. We have community
responsibilities. We have housework. We
have all sorts of things we need to deal
with in those 72 hours. But 72 hours is
still a lot of time. And so when people
are looking at that, they say, "Well,
could I find
3 hours to read in the course of the
week? Could I find two hours to get
together with friends in the course of
72 hours? That starts to seem a little
bit more doable than if we're just
looking at a crunched Tuesday. I think a
lot of us are walking around with this
story that we are incredibly busy. We
have no time for anything. And I'm not
denying that anyone is busy. Um, but I
would question the narrative of having
no time for anything. And I think
sometimes looking from the perspective
of 168 hours can help us see that a
little bit better. It is a little
eyeopening because you're right. I often
when I think about, okay, do I have any
time or how much time do I have or what
am I doing with my time? I'll open up my
calendar and be like and then I'll look
at my to-do list and then I don't see
any time and then I panic about the
time. But what you're going to teach us
is let's just start with the basics that
after a full-time job and getting 8
hours of sleep, there's 72 hours. And
when you look at the fact that there's
72 hours, we're going to start to ask
ourselves, could I possibly find some
pockets of time in there where I could
be more intentional about how I'm using
it? that feels accessible to me because
one of the things that I was concerned
about even though I'm very familiar with
your work is time management can be a
very like bro thing like block your time
set the timer like get in these time
like all this kind of stuff well we all
do have 168 hours in a week but you are
correct I mean I'm in the weeds too I
work I have young kids still at home
>> you have five children and a puppy and a spouse
spouse
>> I have all those things but yeah we even
with all those things. We can still make
choices. Now, will somebody who has five
kids and a job have as much
discretionary time as one of these
perhaps productivity bros, if we want to
talk about them that way? No. But that
doesn't mean we have to completely admit defeat.
defeat.
>> We just need to be intentional about our
time and recognize that we can still
make some choices. I love that because
you're meeting us where we are and your
research and the in particular the nine
rules of time management that you're
going to walk us through help us even in
those moments to reclaim time. And so
let's turn to the nine rules that you
write in your amazing best-selling book,
Tranquility by Tuesday. And the first
rule of productivity, I love this one,
is give yourself a bedtime. Why is
giving yourself a bedtime a rule for productivity?
productivity?
>> Well, I know you are a big fan of
bedtimes, correct? You give yourself a bedtime.
bedtime.
>> Yes, I do. I do actually.
>> Yeah. And I think this is important for
everyone else because here's a paradox I
have noticed with sleep and from
studying thousands of people's schedules.
schedules.
Many people are getting enough sleep
from a quantitative perspective when you
look over the course of the week. So I
do these time diary projects. Sleep
experts tell us you know we need adults
need let's say 7 to 8 hours of sleep a
day. And I'd look at people's time logs
and they were generally getting
somewhere between 49 and 56 hours of
sleep over the course of the week.
Right? So that would put us in the seven
to eight hours per day category.
>> And yet people feel really tired.
[laughter] And so it's like, well, why
is everyone claiming to be so tired? >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> When they seem to be getting enough
sleep from a quantitative perspective.
So I'm puzzling this for a while. And
then I look at how much sleep people are
getting daytoday.
So there can be a vast difference in how
much sleep people are getting daytoday.
And I'm not just talking Tuesday versus
Saturday. I'm talking even Tuesday
versus Wednesday, okay?
>> In one of my time diary projects, I
looked at how much sleep people were
getting on Tuesday versus Wednesday. And
about a quarter of people had a 90minute
gap between how much sleep they got on
Tuesday really and how much they got on
Wednesday. And you can see how this
plays out. People are up late on one
night. Y
>> um they have to be up at the crack of
dawn for something and so it's been a
short night and then your body forces
you to make it up.
>> So they are crashing on the couch while
watching TV or they're sitting with
their four-year-old who's going to bed
and they're falling asleep on the floor
there or they're hitting Yeah.
>> they're hitting snooze four times in the
morning. You know that planned workout
in the morning isn't happening. Uh
they're getting up, you know, 2 minutes
before they need to be out the door. Um
so which night was typical? Well, they
both happened again, but [snorts] it's
disorderly sleep. So, most adults need
to wake up at set times in the morning
for work or family responsibilities,
right? People have been setting alarm
clocks since they're 12 years old. Since
that is the case, in order to get the
same amount of sleep every night, which
just feels so much better, right? We
don't want to be on this drop tower
carnival ride where you're going up and
down and up and down.
We need to figure out what time we need
to go to bed in order to get the same
amount of sleep every night. Got it? So,
this is just math, right? If you need 8
hours of sleep, if you need to wake up
at 6:00 a.m., then you need to be asleep
at 10:00 p.m. If you need 7 and 1/2
hours of sleep and you need to wake up
at 6:30 a.m., you need to be in bed
trying to go to sleep at 11:00 p.m.,
right? Yeah. Nothing to do with what
kind of person you are. Just a math
question. So, everyone needs a bedtime.
And the real pro tip of course and you
know this is you need to set some sort
of alarm for a little bit before right
before their bedtimes and this gives you
a chance to wind down, shut the house,
brush your teeth, say good night, get
into bed, feel all cozy. Um when people
did this so people followed this rule
>> and the rule is just simply give
yourself a bedtime.
>> Give yourself a bedtime.
>> Yeah. The proportion of people who said
they were getting enough sleep to handle
their responsibilities rose 25% over the
course of the study. Really? Yeah. And I
would tell you people weren't really
getting more sleep. Like I'm not saying
you have to devote more hours of your
life to sleep. It's just that it's more
orderly. You're not crashing one night
and making it up the next. You're
getting the same amount of sleep every
night. And that gives you so much more energy.
energy.
>> Well, and also you feel in control.
>> And is that part of it too that you're
choosing how to spend the time? So, it
gives you this sense that you're in
control of it.
>> Absolutely. Every one of these rules has
an obvious benefit. Like, go to bed on
time, you get enough sleep. That sounds great.
great.
>> But there's a deeper reason for it, too.
I mean, most of us understand that a day
has a beginning, >> right?
>> right?
>> But we're a little fuzzy around this
notion that each day has an end.
>> Okay, say that again cuz this is
actually really important because you're
right. It does start at a certain time.
And you don't often think about how
important it is to be intentional about,
well, when am I actually ending today?
>> Yes. And so having a time that you know
the day is ending allows you to make
more rational choices.
>> And when people do this, they often
realize sometimes the evening can be
quite long. Like if your bedtime is
10:30 or 11:00 p.m. and you get off work
at 5:30, well, we've got 5 hours to do
our various things. I mean, to be with
our family, do our chores, but maybe
have some discretionary time, too. But
then we have the sense of okay, here are
the five hours I can work with as
opposed to there is some vague ending to
the day that I have no idea what it is.
>> Well, the the the vague ending of the
day is whenever I get through the to-do
list, which is irrationally long and
most of it is not critically important
to me anyway or going to make me happy.
And so I can see how not having an end
to the day that you're intentional
around creates this nebulous thing
around time. Wow, that's pretty easy.
Just pick a bedtime. So if you already
pick a bedtime, cuz I this is one of
those areas of my life that when my life
is working, I actually get to bed very
early. And I'm the kind of person that
my rule is if I want 8 hours of sleep, I
need to be kind of in that bed around 9
hours, that give or take, right? And so
the math is pretty easy. It gives me an
end time. If you're somebody like me who
already kind of has a consistent
bedtime, how do you take this rule a
step further?
I'd love for people to develop a good
morning routine. Okay, now I will caveat
this that morning routines sometimes get
a bad reputation because if we're
talking about all the productivity bros,
they have these like three-hour morning
routines, right?
>> They don't have children.
>> They don't have children and like a
normal job that I can tell, right? So
you they're getting up and doing a
90minute workout and some sort of cold
plunge and
like 30 minutes of meditation. That's
great for them. Great for them. For
those of us with a normal life,
>> those of us with a normal life, we can
have more of a bite-sized morning
routine because mornings still are a
great time for getting stuff done.
Often, this is when people can have time
for themselves before everybody else
wants a piece of you, right?
>> So, this is great time for things that
life has a way of crowding out. But
again, it may not be a ton of time. So,
if you can even just get 20 minutes for
yourself in the morning, you can ask,
"Well, what would I like to do with it?"
And here's a real insight for people
that maybe they haven't considered. It
doesn't actually have to be the same
thing every day. So maybe three mornings
you write in a journal. Three mornings
you get up and do some sort of strength workout.
workout.
The seventh day you rest. But now you
have a morning routine. And it's
something that feels like you have taken
time for yourself at the beginning of
the day. And that victory can propel you
through to the rest of the day. You
know, one of the things that you write
about in your bestselling book,
Tranquility by Tuesday, is the fact that
bedtime is the adult version of sleeping
in as a kid. This luxury that we can
give to ourselves. We get more energy
when we get regular sleep.
>> Right. And one of the reasons people
stay up late is because they feel like
they didn't get enough free time. >> Yes.
>> Yes.
>> During the day. Yes.
>> That's classic revenge bedtime
procrastination. Like I did everything
for everyone else today. I didn't have
any time for me. Now the house is quiet.
Now my boss isn't pinging me. I can do
what I want. >> Yes.
>> Yes.
>> Right. So I'm going to sit here and
scroll and go for 3 hours.
>> I want everyone to have free time
elsewhere in your schedule. Right. And I
promise you it is possible. And when you
start making time for yourself elsewhere
during the day, when you have time for
your hobbies, when you have time for
your friends, when you have downtime,
you don't feel quite that same need to
procrastinate bedtime in order to claim
just a little bit of time for yourself.
Instead, you can view it as a gift to
yourself that you are giving your body
the sleep you need. Let me just make
sure I understand this because I think
this is really important.
You're saying that if we can find
pockets of time during the day where we
can insert a sense of control or find 30
minutes to relax or to take a walk or do
something that like brings you a little
bit of joy, right? You find that you
insert it during the day. When you get
to that moment at night where the house
is quiet, you're not going to have that
sense that you had no time to yourself
today. So, you're going to be less
likely to waste 3 hours doing nothing. >> Absolutely.
>> Absolutely.
>> Oh, I love this. So, you conducted a
time use study to get to these nine
rules of time management. Can you tell
me about the time use? What What does
time use study mean? What is that, Laura?
Laura?
>> Yeah. Well, a time use study is when you
look at how people spend their time. And
I've done a lot of projects looking at
people's time over the years. I found
you can't just ask people how they spend
their time. I mean, one of the first
problems is people don't know there are
168 hours in a week, right? So, if you
don't even know what the denominator is
on the fraction, you're just guessing at
the numerator for different things. I
mean, what proportion of my time do I
spend in the car? What proportion of my
time do I spend working? What proportion
of my time do I spend on housework or on
leisure activities? I don't know. If you
don't know what the denominator is in
the fraction, you are just guessing. And
so people will tell you all sorts of
stories about where their time goes
[snorts] and they are almost always
inaccurate. So you need to actually have
people keep track of their time um in a
little bit more granular way. So I've
done a lot of these over the years. But
the nine rules that I am talking about
today [snorts] came out of the
recognition from doing many of these
time diary studies and talking with
people about their time and people would
ask for advice. And yet I seem to be
telling people the same things over and
over again. And so I uh sort of honed
these down into a list of nine rules
that uh seemed to be universally applicable.
applicable.
But, you know, you don't want to just
tell somebody like this is what I think
you should do. If I'm going to give
somebody advice, I want to have at least
some sense that it actually works. So, I
recruited about 150 people to try out
these nine rules over the course of nine
weeks. They would learn a rule every week.
week.
>> I would measure them on various
dimensions. At the start of the week, at
the end of the week, at the start of the
nine weeks, at the end of the nine
weeks, see how it went. So, nine weeks,
nine rules, 150 people, all applying.
And what happened? The good news is they
felt better about their time. Their
general time satisfaction scores rose
16% over the course of 9 weeks. Um,
their satisfaction with how they spent
time yesterday rose 17% over the course
of the nine weeks. And maybe that
doesn't sound like a lot, but you know,
if somebody offered me like, "Hey,
Laura, you're going to feel 16% better."
Like, that sounds good to me. You know,
it's it's it's not nothing. Well, and
also it builds Yeah. on itself. Let's
move on to rule number two. Rule number
two is Oh, I love this one. Plan on
Fridays. What do you mean plan on Fridays?
Fridays?
>> The rule to plan on Fridays is really
two rules. And the first and most
important is to plan.
>> Plan what? What am I planning?
>> Everybody needs a designated weekly
planning time. >> Okay.
>> Okay.
>> Where they look forward to the next week
and ask both what needs to happen, but
also what they want to see happen. What
is most important to you professionally
and personally over the next week? When
roughly can it happen? What logistical
challenges need to be worked out for all
this to take place? >> Okay.
>> Okay.
>> Right. Everyone needs to follow this.
So, so just so I know what I'm doing cuz
I know the person listening is somebody
who's like, "Okay, tell me what to do.
>> Tell me what to do."
>> So, I am planning the week. So, I'm
looking ahead at the next week and I'm
asking myself two questions. What needs
to happen and what do I want to have happen?
happen?
>> Absolutely. You can ask yourself looking
forward to the next week, what is most
important to me? And I recommend people
look in three categories.
>> Okay. What are they? >> Career.
>> Career.
>> Okay. Relationships
and self. And so, you can make yourself
a threecategory list of your priorities
for the upcoming week. Now, I know
everyone listening to this is like,
"Well, work to-dos. I know what those
are over the next week. I've got my head
around that idea." You know, and and
probably you roughly know what's
important for you to do in in your work
over the next week.
>> Maybe. Maybe. But people like
relationships, self, what is this? But
we are people with complex lives. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> We have a lot going on. So, we also need
to ask what is most important to us for
relationships with family and friends.
You know, what am I what do I need to do
over the next week? What do I want to do
over the next week in that category?
>> And then self. What is most important or
meaningful to have happen over the next
week for your own personal spiritual,
mental, emotional, physical health? And
making a threecategory list as you are
planning your week does something really
good, which is that it is very hard to
make a three category list and leave one
of the categories blank. Oh, our brains
don't work that way. like I have to put
something in each of these categories,
right? There's a category. I have to
fill it in. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> And so that right there is going to
nudge you to have a more balanced life,
right? That you are going to set a
priority for your relationships. You
will set a priority for your own
personal self. And the sheer exercise of
doing that over time can make life feel
better. So, if I'm looking ahead at the
week and I'm asking myself, what is
important to me in career,
relationships, and self that I want to
make time for? What if you see a
schedule and you're like, I have no
time. Like, we're not doing that yet.
We're just asking ourselves, what is
actually important in these three
categories? Correct.
>> And there might be something that's
already on the calendar that is
important to you. Okay? And and
sometimes it's recasting something,
right? It's that you look forward to the
week and you are seeing that you are
meeting with someone at work who is a
new hireer that you would like to
mentor. You think she's a really awesome
person. You're excited about it. You can
see great things happening for her. When
you see that meeting coming up, that can
be a priority for you. You be like, "Oh,
I really want to focus during this
meeting and not just get through the
Jones proposal while we're talking
together. and we're going to talk about
what she sees herself doing and any
ideas I have for her um for doing that.
And that right there can elevate this
random meeting to something important
and you approach it with an entirely
different perspective.
>> I love that. Okay, so I I get the
planning. That's easy. But now what day
am I doing? You said Friday. >> Friday.
>> Friday.
>> Why Friday? If you already have a weekly
planning time that is working for you
and it is not Friday, don't let Laura
tell you to do anything differently,
right? I want people to do what works
for them. So, I know a lot of people
plan on Sundays. Some people plan on
Monday mornings. If it is working for
you, that is great.
>> Okay? But if you don't have a designated
weekly planning time or you've noticed
some trouble with the time that you do
have, here's the case for Fridays. >> Okay?
>> Okay?
>> Make it cuz I do it on Sundays and I'm
starting to realize maybe it's amping anxiety.
anxiety.
>> I don't You're a productive person, so
probably it's working for you. But
here's the upside of Friday.
>> I know. I think I might want to move to Fridays,
Fridays,
>> especially Friday afternoon. Most people
are not doing anything of consequence.
>> What are you saying to me right now?
>> You are sliding into the weekend.
>> I am. It's Friday afternoon. Why are we even
even
>> Why are we even here, right? Um and so
if you are just wasting that time,
counting the minutes until you can clock out,
out,
>> you may as well repurpose some of this
time for planning, right? You can take
what might have been wasted time and
turn it into some of your most
productive minutes of the week. Planning
on Friday means you can start Monday
morning knowing what you need to do.
People mostly have a a burst of energy
at the start of things versus at the end
of things. So, you'll be able to use all
of Monday.
>> I love that. If you find out in the
course of your planning that you need to
make an appointment somewhere or you
need to set up a meeting with someone,
>> you are much more likely to get them on
Friday afternoon versus Sunday, which
maybe people will take your calls on
Sunday, Mel, but a lot of people don't
have that. So,
>> no. You know what I end up doing, Laura?
Is I make a to-do list. >> Mhm.
>> Mhm.
>> And now I have to remember to do
something that I could have done Friday
afternoon while I was planning instead
of pretending to work from 3:00 to 5:00.
>> Absolutely. You're a genius.
>> Here's one last reason though. I think
this is even more important. >> Okay.
>> Okay.
>> Even people who love their jobs.
Sunday afternoon, Sunday evening, start
feeling a little bit of trepidation,
right? The Sunday scaries.
>> Why do we have that?
>> You know there is all this stuff waiting
for you on Monday morning. >> Uhhuh.
>> Uhhuh.
>> But you don't know how you're going to
deal with it.
>> Yeah. And so in the back of your brain,
you are working through all the
scenarios, working through your to-do
list, thinking about what am I going to
do when I get there. If you end work on
Friday afternoon with a plan for the
next week, you can actually relax and
enjoy your weekend. Uh, you just made
the case for planning on Friday
afternoons at 300 p.m. I am sold. I am
moving from Sundays to Fridays
immediately. I love this. It makes so
much sense. I especially love the fact
that you can knock things off the to-do
list by making calls and appointments
then well you can reach people. That is
so smart. And then you know the simple
things that you could do over the
weekend that set you up because you're
not panicking on Sunday because you're
leaving it to there. Oh my god, this is genius.
genius.
>> Wonderful. Hope it works for you. You'll
have to let me know.
>> I will def I'm certain it's going to
work for me. I don't even need to let
you know. I'm going to tell you right
now. It's already working, Laura. I'm
doing it. >> Excellent.
>> Excellent.
>> So, I have a couple questions because as
you were talking about the fact that you
have people
basically write down how they're
spending their time. I thought to
myself, you're right. I have no idea how
I spend my time. Like, if I were to try
to explain that to you, I would imagine
that I would get it completely wrong.
Like, if I thought about, well, how much
time do I spend on my phone? I'm always
shocked when I look at how much time
I've actually spent. How much time did
you spend working? How much I I I don't
even know.
>> What are some of the most surprising things
things
>> that you learned as a researcher looking
at people's documenting of their time?
Like what's the disconnect between what
we think we're doing and what people are
actually doing?
>> Well, the good news is people's lives
tend not to look as bad as they might
think they do. Um we have a tendency to
overestimate things we don't want to do
and we underestimate things we do want
to do.
>> So give me an example.
>> So many people overestimate how many
hours they are working. >> Really?
>> Really?
>> Yeah. And obviously if you're getting
paid by the hour, you know how many
hours you are working. But if you are
not getting paid by the hour, um there's
a little bit of a tendency to one up
everyone else over just how many hours
you are working. And perhaps you've
heard some of these conversations
particularly in people in intense
industries. Everyone's talking about
their 80our work weeks, right? Or very,
very few people actually work 80 hours a
week. It's usually quite a bit less. Um,
people tend to sleep more than they
actually think they do. Huh. Um, because
we have a tendency to view our worst
nights as typical. We're always looking
at that crunched Tuesday as opposed to
adding in the sleep that might happen
over the weekend or over a holiday or
something like that. And so people's
sleep over the course of a week tends to
be more than the mental picture.
>> Well, that's true because you think
about what just happened yesterday and
if you're time starved or crunched or
overwhelmed or stressed out like I am
cuz I didn't get through the to-do list
which was completely unrealistic and
then I overestimated how much I'm
working cuz I'm always thinking about
work but I might not actually be
working. What else did you find in these
studies that might be bad news?
Well, people have a trouble estimating
time in general. >> Okay.
>> Okay.
>> And the problem with that is either you
try and cram too much into a day
>> and it doesn't happen
>> because the rules of time are strictly
enforced and no one gets more than 24
hours in a day much as you might wish to
have more and biologically we can't be
awake for all those 24 hours either. Um,
so time estimation is hard in general
and and that's one of the reasons people
feel like they are constantly behind is
because they're overestimating what they
can get done in a day. I mean the good
news though is we tend to underestimate
what we can do in the long haul. So
that's uh good. But the here's here's a
positive thing. Okay. People often tell
themselves stories about their lives um
because we have narratives about our
time. So, one story I hear a lot um
particularly from women who work
full-time um is that I never see my family,
family,
>> right? Like, I'm working full-time,
therefore I'm never seeing my family.
It's right there in the name full-time, [snorts and laughter]
[snorts and laughter]
but there's 168 hours in a week. If
you're working 40, if you're working a
little more than 40, there are still
quite a few hours left over. People will
track their time and they are amazed at
how much time they are spending with
their families. I had one woman tell me,
"I used to feel guilt. I don't feel
guilt anymore." I'm like, "That's a good
reason to track your time." Did you have
any takeaway when you did these time
studies with everybody in terms of how
much free time or pockets of time there
actually was as a general rule that most
people were like, "Oh, wow. I've found
on average three hours every week or
something like that. Was there an
insight around the amount of time that
people found?
>> I believe most people can find about an
hour a day.
>> An hour a day. >> Mhm.
>> Mhm.
>> An hour a day.
>> An hour a day.
>> If you think about
>> like in in like in a compact hour or
like it is not, but but some of them
might be longer chunks than others.
There often are at least let's say 30
minutes before you go to bed at night.
Like if you've organized your life that
you can read for 30 minutes before you
go to bed. Um maybe it's that you use 15
minutes on a lunch break for something
that is enjoyable to you and you know 15
minutes to eat. Maybe it is a pocket of
15 minutes somewhere else. You know the
kids are distracted uh while you know at
the house and you can you can seize that
time for doing something you'd enjoy
instead of just scrolling around on your
phone. These little bits of time do add
up. And you know, we can when people
start using these chunks of time for
things that they enjoy.
>> Sometimes it lights a fire under them to
go find bigger chunks of time. You know,
you start reading a really good book in
20 minutes, you don't want to stop. In
20 minutes, you're like, "Well, let me
go see. Can I find an hour somewhere?"
And I Yes,
>> it's a good hunt. It might be a
challenging hunt depending on what time
of life you are in, but I think we can
make it work. Well, what I love about it
is you're starting to wake up to the
importance of how you spend your time.
And once you start protecting it and you
start filling it with things that you
enjoy, you mention a good book and we've
all had that experience where you're
reading a great book and you just want
to get back to it. You can see how that
starts to build. The positive things
that you're adding in make you want to
find more pockets of time to add in. So,
you might try that. If you're telling
yourself the story that I have no
control over my time whatsoever, no
discretionary time, pick up some sort
of, you know, got to find out what
happens book, start reading it and you
might start to see that there are a few
more minutes that you can decide what to
do with. And you know, if you're
listening and watching right now and you
have a recommendation for a page turner,
please put it in the comments below so
that we all have a running list that
we've crowdsourced of those books that
you just can't put down cuz that is the
perfect example of how when it matters
to you and you're present to it, you
will find the time.
>> I recall, I mean, it was something like
20 years ago now, but I was uh reading
the Da Vinci Code, which you know, well
known for being a page turner. And
somehow I found whatever it takes like
10 hours to read this book over the
course of like 3 days [laughter] and
it's like where did I have 10 hours of
free time? Somehow I had 10 hours of
free time. Uh your point though that
you're challenging us to really confront
in ourselves is you probably have 10
hours of free time in the next 3 days if
you got serious about finding it. >> Absolutely.
>> Absolutely.
>> And that's the point. The point is not
about the fact that you don't have a lot
of demands in your life. You're
acknowledging the challenge of living in
the modern world and the fact that the
person that's listening, myself, we have
big productive lives. We want to feel
engaged in our lives and we feel like we
have no time. You're here saying
actually you do. I want you to hunt for it.
it.
>> Yes. What I'm gathering for myself as I
listen to you, even though I'm very
familiar with your research, is my
narrative about my life and time is
about the things I have to do, which of
course sets you up to feel like you have
no power. And when you flip it and start
to go, okay, there are things I have to
do, but what is it that I would also
want to be doing this week? And how can
I find some time in this week in order
to fit some of it in? You start to feel
more empowered. >> Yes.
>> Yes.
>> This is so good, Laura. So good. You
feel much more empowered. And the good
news is it doesn't even have to be a lot
of time. I've seen people's lives
transformed by finding an hour to do
something that they enjoy in the course
of the week. And suddenly this becomes
something they are looking forward to.
And it changes their narrative. My life
is no longer out of my control at the
mercy of everyone else. I am the kind of
person who makes space for things that
are fun for me. And that's just a much
more empowering narrative. I love that.
It's true because if you have nothing to
look forward to and you're constantly
telling yourself that you have no time
and things are out of control and you're
pushing off the little things that
actually bring you a little bit of joy,
it would make a big difference to flip
this. And that's where these nine rules
come in. So rule number three is move by
300 p.m. What does that mean? So
physical activity, yes, is a known
energy booster, mood booster. Okay? And
one of my favorite studies ever. This
wasn't one of mine, um, but somebody
else did. They had people rate their
energy in the course of the day on a 1
to 10 point scale. And when people were
down at a three, so they were really
dragging, they had them go do a short
burst of physical activity. So I think
running up and down the stairs in your
office building for for 5 minutes or so.
>> Does it have to be cardio? Like could we
take a brisk walk?
>> Well, you could take a brisk walk.
Absolutely. I'm a big fan of a brisk walk.
walk.
>> You know, I'm anti-curio. [laughter]
For those of us that are anti moving
your body in some way that will will get
you get you a little bit of activity
there. So anyway, these people were
running up and down the stairs for for
five minutes.
>> I'm not doing that cuz my face is going
to be like a tomato.
>> We're going to get you outside walking
around for five minutes and had them
rate their energy afterwards. And
basically they were around a nine.
>> Wait, so you can go from like a three on
energy to a nine in just 5 minutes.
>> And you think this is crazy cuz like you
just ran up and down the stairs, right?
Shouldn't you be exhausted? But it turns
out that physical activity, short bursts
of at least before we have time to, you
know, completely be exhausted like a marathon,
marathon,
makes us have more energy. And even an
hour later, people were still rating
their energy level around a six. So
short bursts of physical activity boost
your mood, give you more energy. You
think about how much time and effort and
money people spend to make themselves
feel happier and more energetic. short
bursts of physical activity can do it
for free, right? And why 3M? Well, if
you do track your energy during the day,
many people in the morning, 8 a.m.,
they've had that first cup of coffee,
they can conquer the world, >> right?
>> right?
>> After lunch, you're not conquering the
world anymore. You're kind of taking a
nap at that point. You're
>> pretending to work.
>> You're pretending to work. 3 PM is when
people reach a low point uh in terms of
their measured energy levels during the
workday. So if you haven't moved by 3
PM, that is a very good time to get up,
go take that brisk walk outside. You
will come back actually able to focus
for the rest of the day. Um and and
hopefully get more done. Now, that's the
obvious reason to to to do this rule is
because physical activity is good,
right? Taking short breaks is good.
>> Well, and energy is good.
You also write in the book that quote
exercise doesn't take time it makes
time. What does that mean?
>> So the time you spend taking care of
yourself and doing things like
exercising, getting enough sleep within
reason, this time will be paid back to you
you
>> in terms of more energy.
>> Because when you have more energy, you
can get more done. I'm sure we've all
had the experience of a task taking us 2
hours instead of one because we were so
lethargic. Whereas if you tackled it at
a time of day when you had more energy,
you get through it. Um the people who
did that short burst of physical
activity, if you think about it, they
took five minutes to exercise,
>> right? But I am guessing they got more
done in 55 minutes where their energy
was north of a six than they would have
gotten done in an hour where their
energy was a three. >> [snorts]
>> [snorts]
>> Well, not only that, here's what I also
want to unpack that I'm realizing
because so much of your work and the way
that your research has you look at time
What I'm gathering from this that exercise
exercise
doesn't take time, it makes time. Is
that if you take it as fact, because
it's true, most of us have the
experience that by 3:00 basically the
gas tank is at zero. And when your
energy is low, you don't feel like doing
anything. And so you leave work feeling
low. And then you arrive home and you
feel like drained from work because your
energy is at a zero and you're still on
empty, which makes it more likely for
you to waste time on nonsense because
you have no energy to do things for
yourself that would actually make you
feel better. And so then you blame it on
work that work drained you. And so what
you're basically saying is no, no, no,
no, no. If you understand that moving
your body, yeah, it might take 5 minutes
to take a walk around the block, but I
always feel better after I do that in
between interviews on the podcast, for
example, and I do feel more energized.
And it's not just that I'm more
productive at work. I leave work feeling
like work is done and then I feel like I
have a little bit more time. Is that is
that also why this works?
>> Yes. when you can use that, you know,
the hours of 3 to 5 to actually get
things done. Well, you get more done.
You don't have as much leftover work.
When you were leaving work, you don't
feel the need to work longer because you
didn't get it done. Um, and it changes
the whole feel of your day. But this is
about being strategic about time, right?
The deeper reason for this rule is not
just because I think it's great for
people to go walk around the block for 5
to 10 minutes in the middle of the
afternoon, even though I think that will
be a life-changing habit if you build it
into your day.
>> It's because, you know, many of us spend
a lot of our days sitting
>> and you know, kind of going from meeting
to meeting or things like that.
>> Saying where can I put in a 5 to 10
minute break in my day requires you to
look at your day. It requires you to
think about when things are going to
happen and when you can take control of
a little bit of your time. It means you
look forward to the day and see, well,
when is my energy going to be low?
>> When can I proactively plan in a break?
And you become more like the general
surveying the battlefield, right? As
opposed to just the soldier marching
through it. You have more agency. And
that might seem silly for a 5 to 10
minute walk, but I promise that mindset
is helpful for everything. I don't think
that's silly at all because if you're
somebody who's a teacher or you work in
a hospital or you're a first responder
or you have a retail job
or like you run your own thing, I I
think a lot of us have this experience
that the second that you look at the
first work email or you walk into the
office or you start your work day, all
bets are off. You're in complete
reaction mode. And
when you're in reaction mode, just like
answering emails and running from one
thing to the next, you're not actually
present to your time or in control of
it. And that's very draining. What
you're basically saying is by simply
saying, "Okay, I'm going to find a 5 to
10 minute slot in my workday to get
outside or to do a couple squats or
anything. take a break for crying out
loud and get out of the chair and stand
up and walk around the floor of the
hospital for a minute. You're taking
control of your time and that gives you
a sense that you're not just at the
effect of everything around you. Is that
what you're saying?
>> Yes. And I know some people's jobs are
way more reactive than others, right?
You know, there are jobs where you don't
have a lot of control over what you are
doing minute for minute. But even if
you're in the sort of job where you know
you get two 10-minute breaks a day when
your manager tells you to go take your
break, you can still think, well, what
could I do during those two 10-minute
breaks that would be rejuvenating? Now,
maybe if you've been standing on your
feet, you know, you're chopping lumber
for a job or something like that that
you probably don't need to go take a
walk, but you can still think about what
would make me feel more energized. And
maybe it's reading a really good book
for 10 minutes or it's calling a friend
for 10 minutes as opposed to just
picking up our phone and scrolling
around. Well, I think that's the point
is that, and this is your overall point,
because we're not present to the 168
hours that we have every week and how
we're utilizing that time, we are not
protecting these pockets of time for
things that are important. And
therefore, we reflexively fill it with
nonsense by looking at our phone or
doing other things that we don't even remember.
remember.
>> When we think we have no time, we don't
ask what we'd like to do with our time.
Yes. But then when time does appear, we
do whatever is easiest, which tends to
be picking up the phone and scrolling
around. Whereas when you have the story
that I do have some time, I do have
these small chunks of time that I can
exercise discretion over, then you start
to ask, well, what would I like to do
with it? What would make me feel happy?
What would make me feel energized? What
would make me feel rejuvenated? And
that's just a much more powerful
question. I can give you a very simple
example of one change that I've made
that illustrates this point. I didn't
even realize it relates to your
research. When I'm standing in a line at
a grocery store, I use that time to
close my eyes and just practice the 4x4
by4 breathing. You know, you breathe in
4 seconds, hold it 4 seconds, breathe
out. It's and I don't reach for my
phone. And I cannot tell you the
difference that what seems dumb little
habit of learning how to stand in a line
and not distract myself and just be
present to my breathing. How much peace
that is brought into my life and how
even in that moment it's almost like
time expands.
And the old me would stand in a line and
get pissed off and frustrated and you
know I'd be let them let them let and
then I'd be looking at my phone
but realizing no no no this is a pocket
of time that you're talking about and if
I'm aware that it's a pocket of time and
that these small moments matter and what
I fill it with can either bring me joy
and peace or it can just be more
mindlessness and distraction.
you you do feel better and they add up.
I love it. My iPhone tells me on Sunday
morning how much time I have spent on it
in the course of the week and so it
sends me this note on Sunday morning of
how much time I have spent. It's a bit
of a, you know, moment of reckoning, I
guess. Um, but it's always higher than I
think it is. And it's because of moments
like that, right? That you're standing
in line at the grocery store or waiting
to pick up a kid somewhere. You're
waiting for a phone call to start. And
what do we do at that time? We pull out
our phones, start scrolling around.
Nothing happened on the phone that you
needed to look at. Even if something
important is happening, if it you could
have looked at it at a time when you
were able to deal with it, right? The
worst is you're getting some email that
actually is important and you're like,
"Well, I can't deal with it while I'm in
the line at the supermarket." So now,
not only am I uh still in line at the
supermarket, I'm feeling anxious about
the fact that I have this hot email here.
here. >> Yes.
>> Yes.
>> Uh so, you know, consciously using bits
of time for bits of joy will change your life.
life.
>> I agree with you. I really do. Your
fourth rule of productivity is three
times a week is a habit. What does that
mean? Three times a week is a habit.
>> So we think of our lives in days, but we
actually live our lives in weeks.
>> What do you mean? We talked about 168
hours is the cycle of life as we
actually live it.
>> Tuesday and Saturday both occur just as
often. Both have the same number of
hours. And yet when you look at people's
lives, they're often very different on
on those two days. But the reason we
need to think of our lives in terms of
weeks is it allows us to see that even
if things don't happen daily,
>> they can still be a regular part of our
lives. Well, this makes so much sense
because I am one of those people that
thinks in absolutes got to get to walk
in every day. Got to make sure like and
and if I miss a day or miss two days or
something happens now, it's no longer a thing.
thing.
>> People say to me, there are not enough
hours in the day to get to everything I
want to get to. >> Yes.
>> Yes.
>> And I totally agree. There are not
enough hours in the day to get to
absolutely everything you want to get
to. But we don't live our lives in days.
We live our lives in weeks. And by
looking at the whole of the week, we see
just how much space there is. So there's
many things that people say they would
like to do in their lives, they'd like
to have in their lives, they would like
to do more of in their lives and then
they feel discouraged because they get
to the end of the day and it didn't
happen, right? you know, and and but
when I have people look at their time
and look at their schedules and thinking
about these things that they want to do
more of, often times people have done
them once or twice in the course of the
week, it feels like they never do them
because they're looking at life in terms
of days. And so most days, if you were
doing something once or twice a week,
well, you didn't do it. So, you feel
like a failure. Like, oh, I'd like to
have family dinners, but we didn't do it
tonight, Tuesday night. So, I'm a
failure. I want to exercise more. and I
got to the end of this busy w Wednesday
Wednesday and I didn't exercise. I am a
failure. That is not a helpful
conversation to be having with yourself.
Here's the thing. If you're already
doing something once or twice a week, it
is pretty easy to get to three, you just
have to add one more time, maybe. So, if
you want to have family dinners, but
between your work schedule, the kids
activity schedules, you're not all
sitting down 6:00 p.m. Monday to Friday.
Nobody is unveiling a pot roast. Norman
Rockwell style, right? But you look at
your schedule and say, "Well, okay,
actually, we're mostly having pizza
together on Friday nights. You know,
we're often having pancakes together on
Sunday mornings." Now, all we need to do
is find one more time.
>> So, you look at the schedule for the
upcoming week. You see, hey, most of us
are going to be there on Tuesday night
after a certain time. Maybe if we hold
dinner till 7:30 on Tuesday, we can all
eat together. And now you are a family
that eats together regularly. Three
times a week is a habit. It happens
three times a week. It can be part of
your identity. And I think the reason I
came to this rule is one of the
occupational hazards of writing about
time management [laughter]
is that people want to tell you about
their great daily habits, right? You
know, they're like, "Oh, I tell you
about my great daily habit." I'm like,
"Okay, let's hear about your great daily
habit." And then people are telling me
about this and it turns out that they
usually do this habit Monday
[clears throat] through Friday but that
is not daily that is five times a week
right and you get dig a little bit
deeper and you know they're not doing it
on vacations they're not doing it on
holidays they're not so people are
telling themselves they have this daily
habit because it happens most of the
time Monday through Friday but I think
when we dig down we say you know that's
probably three or four times a week so
let's just start with the assump that
we're trying to get to three or four
times a week. Three times a week as a
habit. It's so much more doable. Can be
part of our identity. I love that. And
what I also love is that it builds with
the plan on Fridays cuz if you are
taking Friday afternoon to look ahead
and one of the things that brings you
joy is to have dinner with family or
friends and you can go, "Oh, okay. There
are two nights where this works. Where
can I find a third?" Now you're making
it a habit. And so these things build on
themselves. Very very cool. Rule number
five of your productivity rules is
create a backup slot. What what is it's
like a rain date for your life? Like
what what is that?
>> Rain dates are one of the most brilliant
scheduling inventions ever. If people
are invited to an outdoor event, say in
the summer, [snorts]
>> the existence of a rain date, the hosts
are acknowledging right there, that
there is much that can go predictably
wrong outside, right? It might rain, but
by setting a rain, you increase the
chances that the event happens even if
not when originally planned. And I think
there are a lot of things in life that
we want to get to, but life happens and
so we can't do it at the time we
originally planned. But that doesn't
mean we don't get to do it. We can
create a rain date for it, right? We can
create an example of how this works.
>> Well, let's say,
>> is this only with the big stuff?
>> Well, let's say you want to exercise
three times a week, right?
>> And you carve out time somehow. You
know, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday,
you're going to do it. Then what
happens? Tuesday, school nurse calls.
>> Yeah. Oh, yeah. Uh-huh.
>> And you have to go pick up your kid and
the entire schedule for the day is off,
right? You're like, "Well, I just can't
exercise three times a week." But what
if we set a backup slot for one of those
times? We're going to have time carved
out in our schedules on Tuesday,
Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday for a
workout. Now,
>> you don't have to do it.
>> You don't have to. Yeah. If the time is
open, it's open. You do something else
with it if you want. Right. But when one
of those slots is taken away from you, >> yeah,
>> yeah,
>> you still have time. We should get in
the habit of creating more open space in general
general
>> in our schedules because that way when
life happens,
there is a place for things to go. So if
you are, you know, have all these things
that need to happen on Tuesday at work
and again the school nurse calls, you
have to go pick up your kid. Where do
all those things go? Well, this is you
know people out the window or people
start borrowing time from the next week
but next week is going to have crises of
its own. >> Yes.
>> Yes.
>> Whereas if you have open time on Friday
let's say
>> the things that didn't happen Tuesday
can go Friday. You are still on track
you are not borrowing time from the next
week. And when you have open space and
things don't keep festering on the to-do
list because even when life happens, you
can get to the things that happened and
the things you want to do. You start
feeling less overwhelmed, right? Life
starts feeling more calm like when you
say you're going to do something in the
week, you know probably it will happen
because even if it can't happen at the
time I originally planned, I have a rain
date for it. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Right. And life starts feeling more
calm. you feel like you are making
progress on your goals and that's a much
better place to be starting from.
>> Rule number six is one big adventure,
one little adventure. What What does
that even mean? How do you do that?
>> So, as adults, a lot of our life starts
to feel pretty routine. You get up in
the morning, get everyone off to school
and work, collect everyone at the end of
the day, go through the, you know, cycle
of dinner or baths or homework, bed,
wake up in the morning, do it all over
again, right?
>> And you forgot laundry and scrolling.
We're going to put those in, too. But,
but, you know, days aren't really
distinguishable from another. And if if
too much of this stacks up,
>> there's nothing wrong with routines. I
mean, routines make good choices
automatic. So, I don't want to say that
there's a problem with routines, but
when too much of this sameness stacks
up, whole years can disappear into these
memory sink holes. You have no idea
where the time went. But here's the
thing. We don't say where did the time go
go
>> when we actually remember where the time went.
went.
>> Okay, hold on. You don't say where did
all the time go when you remember where
the time went.
>> And the reason we remember our time is
because we have created memories.
>> Okay. in our time. What creates
memories? Doing things that are novel or
intense. Okay. All right. So, this led
me to this rule. One big adventure, one
little adventure each week. So, each
week we are going to aim to do two
things that are a little out of the ordinary.
ordinary.
>> Okay. And so, this would go into your
Friday planning session.
>> Friday planning, we're going to say
looking forward to the next week. We're
going to do three times a week as a
habit. Where can I do things three times
a week? But also, where can I build in
one big adventure, one little adventure?
Okay. Now, before anyone complains, a
big adventure doesn't mean you have to
fly off to Italy. Though, if you do,
great. I mean, I'm I'm here for it.
That's wonderful. But I'm just talking
about a couple hours. Maybe half a
weekend day is a big adventure.
>> A little find that every week. A half a
weekend day.
>> We'll get to that.
>> Okay, Laura. [laughter] [gasps]
[gasps]
>> And a little adventure could be even
less. It can be less than an hour. So
doable on a lunch break, maybe a weekday
evening, just as long as it is something
out of the ordinary. >> Okay?
>> Okay?
>> And this is a cadence that is enough to
make the week feel different. You know,
this is the week that we went to the
beach and went on that ferris wheel. Okay?
Okay?
>> This is the week where we tried that new
gelato place. This is the week where I
went to visit my friend in the next town
over and we went to that used bookstore.
This is the week where the new colleague
and I walked around the block at lunch
together. Okay. All right. Those those
are the kind of adventures we're talking.
talking.
>> Now, it's not a week like any other.
>> It is a week with things that we remembered
remembered
>> because they were different.
>> And that can make time feel more rich
and full. You know, it's true because so
much of what you're doing in
these strategies is just getting us to
wake up and be aware that we do have
time and to look ahead and to be
intentional about what we're adding into
it. Because if we don't add in these
little pockets, whether it's family
dinners or for me the things that came
to mind is I need to go to a bookstore
and get a page turner so I have
something intentional to fill time with.
and there's a ice cream place that I
want to try that's near the studios that
I want to do one day this week. Uh cuz
that is something that I love. But that
when you
really start to do these in small and
big ways, you are reclaiming your time.
You are finding these pockets. And then
that has this ripple effect that because
you're now looking forward to something
this week, it shifts your mood and
energy around it. We want to always have
things that we are looking forward to.
And getting into this cadence where we
are planning in adventures, things that
you are genuinely looking forward to.
You're doing two a week. Well, think
about that. You've got a hundred things
you are looking forward to in the course
of the next year. You don't know what
all of them are yet, but how exciting.
It changes our perspective on ourselves.
We're not just marching through the day. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Doing everything we have to do.
>> We're the kind of people who do cool
stuff. How exciting is that? And I
notice you keep saying I'm the kind of
person who There is something big that's
shifting in the narrative and the story
you tell yourself because if the story
you tell yourself, which I did for most
of my life, I have no time. I'm behind.
I'm so stressed out. Like it's all for
everybody else. I don't
that leads you down one direction. And
all of these nine little rules actually
help you start telling a different
story, which is I'm the kind of person
that has a lot going on and I still make
time to do fun things. I'm the kind of
person who has a lot that I need to do,
but I still find time to take care of myself.
myself.
>> Once we have a story, >> yes,
>> yes,
>> we look for evidence to support it.
And so if your story is I have no time whatsoever,
whatsoever,
could you find a couple moments during
the day where you feel incredibly
crunched, where you feel overwhelmed,
where you feel behind? Absolutely.
>> All day long.
>> All day long. Anyone can find those
points of evidence. But if you have a
different story, I have a lot going on
and I have time that I can choose how to
spend it. Well, you start to see that 5
minutes in between phone calls
completely different. You start to see
the 15 minutes that you get home before
the rest of your family completely
differently. Now I have these pockets of
time that I can choose how to spend. I'm
the kind of person who makes great
choices with this time. So I feel
differently about my time in general.
>> Yeah. And I don't have to use it rushing
the laundry through because I can do
that when I'm distracted doing something
else. I can take these 15 minutes and go
for a walk or sit down on the back deck
or look by the window that's my favorite
window, the apartment, and just take a minute because that's what's going to
minute because that's what's going to make me feel good. Oh, I love how this
make me feel good. Oh, I love how this builds on each other. Rule number seven,
builds on each other. Rule number seven, take one night for you. What What is the
take one night for you. What What is the impact of carving out a night for you
impact of carving out a night for you going to do? I have to say this is the
going to do? I have to say this is the rule that I got the most push back from
rule that I got the most push back from uh with busy people because what I want
uh with busy people because what I want people to do is to take a couple hours a
people to do is to take a couple hours a week could be a weekday evening but the
week could be a weekday evening but the equivalent of a couple hours a week to
equivalent of a couple hours a week to do something that is not work that is
do something that is not work that is not caring for family members and that
not caring for family members and that is intrinsically enjoyable for you.
is intrinsically enjoyable for you. So we are talking some sort of hobby
So we are talking some sort of hobby more or less right. I sing in a choir.
more or less right. I sing in a choir. Other people might play musical
Other people might play musical instruments or you know play pickle ball
instruments or you know play pickle ball or anything like that. You can choose
or anything like that. You can choose whatever you want that is intrinsically
whatever you want that is intrinsically enjoyable to you. But I would really
enjoyable to you. But I would really like people to choose something that
like people to choose something that gets them out of the house at a certain
gets them out of the house at a certain time every week and that involves a
time every week and that involves a commitment to other people.
commitment to other people. >> Okay. Why? because that makes your fun
>> Okay. Why? because that makes your fun rise up the hierarchy in your schedule.
rise up the hierarchy in your schedule. So when I teach this rule to people,
So when I teach this rule to people, they're like, "Yes, I need more me time.
they're like, "Yes, I need more me time. I'm going to take more bubble baths."
I'm going to take more bubble baths." Like, okay, let's see how that how that
Like, okay, let's see how that how that plays out, right? Because, you know, you
plays out, right? Because, you know, you decide, I'm going to take a bubble bath
decide, I'm going to take a bubble bath at even if you give it a specific time,
at even if you give it a specific time, you say, "I'm going to take Wednesday
you say, "I'm going to take Wednesday night at 7 p.m. I'm gonna have a bubble
night at 7 p.m. I'm gonna have a bubble bath." What happens when work is running
bath." What happens when work is running late on Wednesday night?
late on Wednesday night? >> I'm doing work. You're doing work. What
>> I'm doing work. You're doing work. What happens when your kid wants you to drive
happens when your kid wants you to drive them to the mall at 7:00 p.m. on
them to the mall at 7:00 p.m. on Wednesday?
Wednesday? >> I'm driving them to the mall.
>> I'm driving them to the mall. >> You're driving them to the mall. Things
>> You're driving them to the mall. Things that can happen whenever tend to happen
that can happen whenever tend to happen never, right? Your bathtub isn't going
never, right? Your bathtub isn't going anywhere. So, you can always push it
anywhere. So, you can always push it forward. Whereas, if you decide that
forward. Whereas, if you decide that you're going to play in a string quartet
you're going to play in a string quartet and they meet at 7 p.m. on Wednesday and
and they meet at 7 p.m. on Wednesday and you don't show up,
you don't show up, they're a string trio. We have a problem
they're a string trio. We have a problem here, right?
here, right? >> Yes. So because of that, you will do a
>> Yes. So because of that, you will do a lot to make sure that you can be there
lot to make sure that you can be there at 7:00 p.m. on Wednesday. You have
at 7:00 p.m. on Wednesday. You have worked out with a colleague that when
worked out with a colleague that when work is running late on Wednesday, you
work is running late on Wednesday, you will have covered for your colleague on
will have covered for your colleague on Tuesday, so he covers for you on
Tuesday, so he covers for you on Wednesday. Yep. Right?
Wednesday. Yep. Right? >> The [snorts] kid who wants you to drive
>> The [snorts] kid who wants you to drive them to the mall knows not to ask at
them to the mall knows not to ask at 7:00 p.m. on Wednesday because the
7:00 p.m. on Wednesday because the answer is going to be no. Right? Because
answer is going to be no. Right? Because it is a commitment to other people, you
it is a commitment to other people, you will do it. And that way you are
will do it. And that way you are building this act of self-care into your
building this act of self-care into your life.
life. >> Um, what is the excuse that people give
>> Um, what is the excuse that people give you when they push back and are like, "A
you when they push back and are like, "A night for myself? I couldn't possibly do
night for myself? I couldn't possibly do that. How's the house going to run?
that. How's the house going to run? Who's going to take care of my like what
Who's going to take care of my like what do people say? Everything will fall
do people say? Everything will fall apart without me." That is what people
apart without me." That is what people are basically saying. And this comes
are basically saying. And this comes from different perspectives. Sometimes
from different perspectives. Sometimes it's arrogance in disguise, right? That
it's arrogance in disguise, right? That nothing can function without me. Just
nothing can function without me. Just you can't hire good people these days,
you can't hire good people these days, right? Like nobody can do anything what
right? Like nobody can do anything what I do at home. [snorts] But it also can
I do at home. [snorts] But it also can be fear, right? Like well, if I'm not
be fear, right? Like well, if I'm not necessary for absolutely everything at
necessary for absolutely everything at work, like, well, what's the point of
work, like, well, what's the point of me? They'll fire me tomorrow, right? Or
me? They'll fire me tomorrow, right? Or if I acknowledge that people in my
if I acknowledge that people in my household can function without me, maybe
household can function without me, maybe they do things a little bit differently,
they do things a little bit differently, but maybe they can function without me.
but maybe they can function without me. Then it feels like, well, what's the
Then it feels like, well, what's the point of me?
point of me? But everyone has intrinsic worth apart
But everyone has intrinsic worth apart from whatever you do. And I mean the
from whatever you do. And I mean the truth is Earth is not going to crash
truth is Earth is not going to crash into the sun if you take two hours to go
into the sun if you take two hours to go play in your pickle ball league. Right?
play in your pickle ball league. Right? For the vast majority of us, most things
For the vast majority of us, most things will not change if you take an hour or
will not change if you take an hour or two away to go do something for
two away to go do something for yourself. Now, I'm not promising that
yourself. Now, I'm not promising that all the dishes will get done in exactly
all the dishes will get done in exactly the way that you would have done them,
the way that you would have done them, but it won't be a crisis. the world will
but it won't be a crisis. the world will keep spinning
keep spinning >> and what will the person who's resistant
>> and what will the person who's resistant to going back to a religious service uh
to going back to a religious service uh you know like on a Wednesday night or
you know like on a Wednesday night or volunteering for hospice on a Thursday
volunteering for hospice on a Thursday what will happen in your life if you
what will happen in your life if you start to do this rule where you take one
start to do this rule where you take one night for yourself
night for yourself this will allow you to see that you are
this will allow you to see that you are not just a person
not just a person >> who works and has caregiving
>> who works and has caregiving responsibilities you are a person who
responsibilities you are a person who does awesome things in the world and
does awesome things in the world and this can totally transform people's
this can totally transform people's lives. We've talked about it how it
lives. We've talked about it how it doesn't take much time
doesn't take much time >> to make life feel entirely different.
>> to make life feel entirely different. One story I remember for this um a woman
One story I remember for this um a woman who learned this rule. She was, you
who learned this rule. She was, you know, very busy, full-time job, spouse
know, very busy, full-time job, spouse who worked, young kids. She decided to
who worked, young kids. She decided to start playing tennis on Tuesday night.
start playing tennis on Tuesday night. her husband had been encouraging her to
her husband had been encouraging her to find something she, you know, a hobby to
find something she, you know, a hobby to to be less stressed and all that. First
to be less stressed and all that. First time she comes home, her husband's like,
time she comes home, her husband's like, "You're glowing.
"You're glowing. You're glowing." All it took is a little
You're glowing." All it took is a little more than an hour on a Tuesday night and
more than an hour on a Tuesday night and it becomes like this tent post in the
it becomes like this tent post in the week. You build your life around that
week. You build your life around that that requirement that you be there
that requirement that you be there because it changes how you view
because it changes how you view yourself. I think a lot of us have had
yourself. I think a lot of us have had an experience where you sort of feel
an experience where you sort of feel like I don't even know who I am anymore.
like I don't even know who I am anymore. And
And everything you're teaching us to me
everything you're teaching us to me feels like a way to insert your spirit
feels like a way to insert your spirit back into the pockets of time that you
back into the pockets of time that you can find when you get intentional.
can find when you get intentional. because you're not going to be able to
because you're not going to be able to just take all 24 hours, but you can find
just take all 24 hours, but you can find 15 minutes, an hour here or there over
15 minutes, an hour here or there over the course of a week in order to start
the course of a week in order to start to feel like yourself again.
to feel like yourself again. >> Absolutely. And particularly when people
>> Absolutely. And particularly when people are in phases of life like you have lots
are in phases of life like you have lots of young kids.
of young kids. >> Yes.
>> Yes. >> Or you are caring for a family member
>> Or you are caring for a family member who has a complicated medical condition.
who has a complicated medical condition. I get it's not going to be easy
I get it's not going to be easy >> to take this time,
>> to take this time, >> but if you get support from the other
>> but if you get support from the other people in your life, I'm guessing you
people in your life, I'm guessing you can make it happen. You can trade off
can make it happen. You can trade off with your spouse. Like you offer to take
with your spouse. Like you offer to take Tuesday night, your spouse takes
Tuesday night, your spouse takes Wednesday night. Each of you gets one
Wednesday night. Each of you gets one night for you. If that is not in the
night for you. If that is not in the cards, maybe you trade off with a friend
cards, maybe you trade off with a friend or family member, right? Like your
or family member, right? Like your neighbor takes the kids on Tuesday and
neighbor takes the kids on Tuesday and you take the kids on Wednesday and each
you take the kids on Wednesday and each of you get a night off. And you know, I
of you get a night off. And you know, I have people push back with this again
have people push back with this again with things like, well, I'm caring for,
with things like, well, I'm caring for, you know, a family member who has this
you know, a family member who has this complicated medical condition. I can't
complicated medical condition. I can't just walk off. I'm well, I'm not saying
just walk off. I'm well, I'm not saying you can just walk off, right? We we do
you can just walk off, right? We we do need to figure out the logistics, but
need to figure out the logistics, but it's kind of scary to me if nobody else
it's kind of scary to me if nobody else can take care of this person, that's a
can take care of this person, that's a bad situation. Something could happen to
bad situation. Something could happen to you. We need backup systems in general.
you. We need backup systems in general. Yeah.
Yeah. >> To to make sure that uh people are are
>> To to make sure that uh people are are cared for. And and so if you have that
cared for. And and so if you have that mindset, I think you can figure out a
mindset, I think you can figure out a way to to take an hour for yourself and
way to to take an hour for yourself and it will it will change how you see time.
it will it will change how you see time. >> So tell me about rule number eight,
>> So tell me about rule number eight, which is give things less time.
which is give things less time. >> So many of us start to feel like we are
>> So many of us start to feel like we are carrying a huge mental load, right?
carrying a huge mental load, right? There's all the things we need to
There's all the things we need to remember to do and it's, you know, it
remember to do and it's, you know, it adds up. The more complicated a life you
adds up. The more complicated a life you have, the more things there are. And
have, the more things there are. And you'll be sitting there, you know,
you'll be sitting there, you know, trying to focus on some deep work
trying to focus on some deep work project. You're like, did I send in the
project. You're like, did I send in the permission slip? Did I, you know, answer
permission slip? Did I, you know, answer that uh invitation to the meeting on
that uh invitation to the meeting on Friday? Did I book the tickets for that
Friday? Did I book the tickets for that trip next week? You know, all these
trip next week? You know, all these things are in your brain.
things are in your brain. >> You just made me remember that I
>> You just made me remember that I >> all the things you didn't do today that
>> all the things you didn't do today that you're supposed to
you're supposed to >> say, "Oh my god, two weeks ago I donated
>> say, "Oh my god, two weeks ago I donated to the local library. I still have not
to the local library. I still have not filled out the form. Now I got to write
filled out the form. Now I got to write a note and tell [laughter] Chris." Okay.
a note and tell [laughter] Chris." Okay. Like I So, yes.
Like I So, yes. >> Yes. Yes. We're carrying this mental
>> Yes. Yes. We're carrying this mental load. And you know there's been many
load. And you know there's been many interesting things written about who
interesting things written about who carries what proportion of the mental
carries what proportion of the mental load and I I am I'm here for that but
load and I I am I'm here for that but this is not about that. This is about
this is not about that. This is about saying whatever proportion you are
saying whatever proportion you are carrying. You can minimize the mental
carrying. You can minimize the mental cost by batching these things.
cost by batching these things. >> So instead of just doing it when you
>> So instead of just doing it when you think of it you're working on a project
think of it you're working on a project you're like oh I need to send in that
you're like oh I need to send in that permission slip. just quick write it
permission slip. just quick write it down somewhere and get back right back
down somewhere and get back right back to what you were doing. And then do all
to what you were doing. And then do all these little tasks at a certain low
these little tasks at a certain low energy time, right? When it's not your
energy time, right? When it's not your prime time, maybe 400 p.m. in the
prime time, maybe 400 p.m. in the afternoon, take 30 minutes, plow through
afternoon, take 30 minutes, plow through all of them so you're protecting your
all of them so you're protecting your mental energy for the things that matter
mental energy for the things that matter and you're still getting them done.
and you're still getting them done. >> So, do you like have like a little
>> So, do you like have like a little notebook with you or a note card or how
notebook with you or a note card or how do you manage those little things?
do you manage those little things? >> I keep what I call a Friday punch list.
>> I keep what I call a Friday punch list. >> You keep a Friday punch list.
>> You keep a Friday punch list. >> A Friday punch list. So a punch list,
>> A Friday punch list. So a punch list, you know, you have a anyone had a huge
you know, you have a anyone had a huge home renovation project. At the end,
home renovation project. At the end, they have all these tiny little tasks
they have all these tiny little tasks that they That's a punch list, okay,
that they That's a punch list, okay, that the contractor has.
that the contractor has. >> It's not something you want to punch
>> It's not something you want to punch yourself because looking at it, but no,
yourself because looking at it, but no, it's a Friday punch list. And I put all
it's a Friday punch list. And I put all these little tasks that aren't
these little tasks that aren't immediately timesensitive, like they
immediately timesensitive, like they didn't have to get done right that
didn't have to get done right that second, but they do need to get done at
second, but they do need to get done at some point, you know, in the next week
some point, you know, in the next week or so. And then low energy time Friday,
or so. And then low energy time Friday, you know, planning the week, but I take
you know, planning the week, but I take a 30 minutes an hour and just try to
a 30 minutes an hour and just try to plow through as many of these things as
plow through as many of these things as possible. And this does two things. I
possible. And this does two things. I mean, one,
mean, one, >> it makes it take less time
>> it makes it take less time >> because when you are filling out three
>> because when you are filling out three permission forms at one point as opposed
permission forms at one point as opposed to, you know, here and there and
to, you know, here and there and everywhere and ordering four birthday
everywhere and ordering four birthday party presents at the same point, you
party presents at the same point, you just achieve economies of scale. All of
just achieve economies of scale. All of this takes less time. But here's the
this takes less time. But here's the thing. We often procrastinate other
thing. We often procrastinate other things we are doing, more difficult
things we are doing, more difficult things we are doing by getting these
things we are doing by getting these easy wins. Like I'll be working on a
easy wins. Like I'll be working on a project. It's it's not coming. I really
project. It's it's not coming. I really need to think about it. I'm like, or I
need to think about it. I'm like, or I could just order this birthday present.
could just order this birthday present. >> It needs to happen at some point. Yes,
>> It needs to happen at some point. Yes, >> maybe I'll just go do that and get the
>> maybe I'll just go do that and get the satisfaction of crossing it off my list.
satisfaction of crossing it off my list. And I get it. I love crossing things off
And I get it. I love crossing things off my list. Sometimes I add things to my
my list. Sometimes I add things to my to-do list just to cross them off. You
to-do list just to cross them off. You know, after I've even done them, I put
know, after I've even done them, I put them on the list just so I can cross
them on the list just so I can cross them off. You're sick. You're sick in
them off. You're sick. You're sick in the head.
the head. >> You've never done that. You've never
>> You've never done that. You've never done that either. [laughter]
done that either. [laughter] >> Well, I'm not that productive. That's
>> Well, I'm not that productive. That's why.
why. >> So,
>> So, you know, sometimes we want to deny
you know, sometimes we want to deny ourselves the quick easy hit. Yes. That
ourselves the quick easy hit. Yes. That quick victory so we can really wrestle
quick victory so we can really wrestle with the more difficult stuff and then,
with the more difficult stuff and then, you know, plow through all of it at some
you know, plow through all of it at some other point. Well, plus if I now go find
other point. Well, plus if I now go find the form for the library thing or I take
the form for the library thing or I take time to text it to Chris, my husband,
time to text it to Chris, my husband, and make it his problem, it takes me
and make it his problem, it takes me forever to get back to what I was doing.
forever to get back to what I was doing. And so, I can see how a punch list of
And so, I can see how a punch list of all these little things that you do at
all these little things that you do at that slot on Friday, couple things
that slot on Friday, couple things psychologically happen. I can see that
psychologically happen. I can see that when I give time to these things that
when I give time to these things that pop in my mind, I don't feel in control
pop in my mind, I don't feel in control of my time. But when I make a list and I
of my time. But when I make a list and I say, "Okay, this is important, but it's
say, "Okay, this is important, but it's not important right now." I now suddenly
not important right now." I now suddenly feel like I'm the kind of person who
feel like I'm the kind of person who uses Laura Vanderam's research and I am
uses Laura Vanderam's research and I am in control of my time because this is
in control of my time because this is not that important right now and I will
not that important right now and I will remember to do it in the slot that it's
remember to do it in the slot that it's designated. So I can see how it changes
designated. So I can see how it changes the way that you think about yourself.
the way that you think about yourself. Rule number nine, tell me about
Rule number nine, tell me about effortful
effortful before effortless.
before effortless. So there are two different kinds of fun.
So there are two different kinds of fun. Effortless fun is stuff that doesn't
Effortless fun is stuff that doesn't require you to plan ahead. You can do
require you to plan ahead. You can do whenever, however much time you want.
whenever, however much time you want. You don't have to coordinate with
You don't have to coordinate with anyone.
anyone. >> Give me an example. What is that?
>> Give me an example. What is that? >> Scrolling around on Instagram.
>> Scrolling around on Instagram. >> Oh god, [laughter] it's so true. Yes.
>> Oh god, [laughter] it's so true. Yes. >> So in
>> So in >> I don't have to plan to scroll on my
>> I don't have to plan to scroll on my phone.
phone. >> Instagram doesn't care what you are
>> Instagram doesn't care what you are wearing. You can do it for 2 minutes.
wearing. You can do it for 2 minutes. You can do it for 20 minutes. You can do
You can do it for 20 minutes. You can do it for two hours. Whereas effortful fun
it for two hours. Whereas effortful fun requires a little bit more effort,
requires a little bit more effort, right? So reading a book or calling a
right? So reading a book or calling a friend, doing a puzzle, doing a hobby.
friend, doing a puzzle, doing a hobby. >> And people always say, "Oh, I'd love to
>> And people always say, "Oh, I'd love to spend more time reading or talking with
spend more time reading or talking with friends or doing a hobby if only I had
friends or doing a hobby if only I had the time." And yet you look at the
the time." And yet you look at the screen time function on your phone. You
screen time function on your phone. You may be spending 3 hours a day on your
may be spending 3 hours a day on your phone. I don't I where did that time
phone. I don't I where did that time come from? Well, it came in little bits
come from? Well, it came in little bits of time and it came at very low energy
of time and it came at very low energy times
times >> and so it was easy and effortless and
>> and so it was easy and effortless and you did it.
you did it. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah. >> So, I'm not saying don't scroll around
>> So, I'm not saying don't scroll around on Instagram. We're both on Instagram. I
on Instagram. We're both on Instagram. I would love to have people there. Um, but
would love to have people there. Um, but challenge yourself
challenge yourself >> to do just a little bit of effort full
>> to do just a little bit of effort full fun before the effortless. So, if you're
fun before the effortless. So, if you're picking up your phone when you are
picking up your phone when you are standing in line in the grocery store
standing in line in the grocery store and you're not doing Mel's deep
and you're not doing Mel's deep breathing, if you are picking up your
breathing, if you are picking up your phone, put the Kindle app on your phone
phone, put the Kindle app on your phone and read an ebook
and read an ebook >> for 3 minutes. And then if you want to
>> for 3 minutes. And then if you want to stop and go on Instagram, great. Be my
stop and go on Instagram, great. Be my guest. But one of two things will
guest. But one of two things will happen. One of which is that you will
happen. One of which is that you will keep reading the book because it was a
keep reading the book because it was a good book and you want to see what
good book and you want to see what happens. I mean, effortful fun is fun.
happens. I mean, effortful fun is fun. It just takes a little bit of effort to
It just takes a little bit of effort to do. going. Yeah.
do. going. Yeah. >> Or you know, you will go do the
>> Or you know, you will go do the effortless fun, but then at least you
effortless fun, but then at least you got to do both.
got to do both. >> Yeah. I love that. Out of all of the
>> Yeah. I love that. Out of all of the rules that you talked about today,
rules that you talked about today, what
what do people resist doing the most and why?
do people resist doing the most and why? >> I really do think it is the rule about
>> I really do think it is the rule about taking one night for you.
taking one night for you. >> It does seem impossible. Like I'm just
>> It does seem impossible. Like I'm just going to say right now like one night a
going to say right now like one night a week, I don't know that I could find
week, I don't know that I could find that. I really I was telling myself that
that. I really I was telling myself that story and then a couple years ago um I I
story and then a couple years ago um I I used to sing in lots of choirs when I
used to sing in lots of choirs when I was younger and I decided I would like
was younger and I decided I would like to get back into it.
to get back into it. >> Okay. And I was tracking my time um and
>> Okay. And I was tracking my time um and I looked at my schedule and I saw that a
I looked at my schedule and I saw that a great many of my evenings were very
great many of my evenings were very nebulous. I mean it was half-heartedly
nebulous. I mean it was half-heartedly hanging out with the kids but also kind
hanging out with the kids but also kind of wishing they would sometimes leave me
of wishing they would sometimes leave me alone so I could do other things.
alone so I could do other things. Yeah, nothing much was happening. I was
Yeah, nothing much was happening. I was like, "Okay, could I do that with the
like, "Okay, could I do that with the kids six nights a week and one night I
kids six nights a week and one night I do something different?"
do something different?" >> So, I joined a choir meets 7:00 p.m. on
>> So, I joined a choir meets 7:00 p.m. on Thursday nights. There's nothing
Thursday nights. There's nothing flexible about being in a certain place
flexible about being in a certain place at 7:00 p.m. on Thursday nights. Um, so
at 7:00 p.m. on Thursday nights. Um, so it hasn't been easy, but I have
it hasn't been easy, but I have structured my life to make it happen.
structured my life to make it happen. And I think most people could do that.
And I think most people could do that. Maybe it's not a weekday evening. Maybe
Maybe it's not a weekday evening. Maybe it's an hour on a Saturday morning.
it's an hour on a Saturday morning. >> Yep. Yep. But it's sometime during the
>> Yep. Yep. But it's sometime during the course of the week for something. And if
course of the week for something. And if you don't believe me, you don't believe
you don't believe me, you don't believe me.
me. Just try it, okay, for a couple of
Just try it, okay, for a couple of weeks. And if Earth crashes into the
weeks. And if Earth crashes into the sun, I'm sorry. [laughter]
sun, I'm sorry. [laughter] I'm sorry. But I'm guessing you will
I'm sorry. But I'm guessing you will find out that life keeps functioning and
find out that life keeps functioning and then you can keep having your fun and
then you can keep having your fun and taking one night for you and life will
taking one night for you and life will feel different. I think life will not
feel different. I think life will not only keep functioning, I think you'll
only keep functioning, I think you'll start functioning in a much more
start functioning in a much more powerful and positive way. And that's
powerful and positive way. And that's the whole point of this because you
the whole point of this because you start to feel like you're reclaiming
start to feel like you're reclaiming your life. And I love the suggestion.
your life. And I love the suggestion. Maybe it's Sunday morning. Maybe it's
Maybe it's Sunday morning. Maybe it's Saturday morning. one of my family
Saturday morning. one of my family members started going back to church and
members started going back to church and her family does not go with her. She
her family does not go with her. She does not care. This is something she
does not care. This is something she does for herself
does for herself >> and it really has been a very big
>> and it really has been a very big positive thing in her life and it's one
positive thing in her life and it's one small thing that she does for herself.
small thing that she does for herself. Um, if you had to recommend one of the
Um, if you had to recommend one of the rules that is the most important one, if
rules that is the most important one, if you're only going to pick one, what do
you're only going to pick one, what do you think has the biggest bang for the
you think has the biggest bang for the buck that's easiest to imple? You know
buck that's easiest to imple? You know what I mean?
what I mean? >> I would say, oh boy, can I give two
>> I would say, oh boy, can I give two answers? Yes. Because giving a bed
answers? Yes. Because giving a bed giving yourself a bedtime is absolutely
giving yourself a bedtime is absolutely transformative. And even if you do
transformative. And even if you do nothing else, that will make you feel so
nothing else, that will make you feel so much more control of your time.
much more control of your time. >> Okay. Okay, then I think you'll just be
>> Okay. Okay, then I think you'll just be inspired to go do the other eight rules.
inspired to go do the other eight rules. So, [laughter]
So, [laughter] >> I believe you.
>> I believe you. >> We can start with giving ourselves a
>> We can start with giving ourselves a bedtime. But I think rule number two to
bedtime. But I think rule number two to plan on Fridays to have a designated
plan on Fridays to have a designated weekly planning time where you look
weekly planning time where you look forward to the next week and see what is
forward to the next week and see what is most important, what you would like to
most important, what you would like to see happen, what needs to happen, figure
see happen, what needs to happen, figure out your marching orders, figure out
out your marching orders, figure out what you are looking forward to. That
what you are looking forward to. That will make life feel so much more calm. M
will make life feel so much more calm. M because I feel like certain phases of
because I feel like certain phases of life, it's like you're canoeing down
life, it's like you're canoeing down this rapidly moving river.
this rapidly moving river. >> Yep.
>> Yep. >> And
>> And it's hard to know how to direct your
it's hard to know how to direct your canoe down there. And if you're just at
canoe down there. And if you're just at the mercy of the rapids, you're going to
the mercy of the rapids, you're going to be banged all over the place. But if you
be banged all over the place. But if you can [snorts] take just a little bit to
can [snorts] take just a little bit to get yourself over to the side in the
get yourself over to the side in the calm, in the shallows, and see what's
calm, in the shallows, and see what's coming up, then you can direct your
coming up, then you can direct your craft better. And that doesn't mean that
craft better. And that doesn't mean that those currents aren't there. It doesn't
those currents aren't there. It doesn't mean the rocks aren't there. But you see
mean the rocks aren't there. But you see them. You have thought about them. At
them. You have thought about them. At least the ones you can anticipate.
least the ones you can anticipate. You've thought about how you will deal
You've thought about how you will deal with them. And that makes a more
with them. And that makes a more productive life possible.
productive life possible. >> So cool. So Laura, if the person who's
>> So cool. So Laura, if the person who's listening
listening takes just one action from all of these
takes just one action from all of these simple yet powerful strategies that
simple yet powerful strategies that you've just taught us, what do you think
you've just taught us, what do you think the most important thing to do is?
the most important thing to do is? I think getting a sense of where the
I think getting a sense of where the time really goes is the first step
time really goes is the first step >> to making mindful choices about how to
>> to making mindful choices about how to spend it more in service of the life
spend it more in service of the life that you would like. And so I know it is
that you would like. And so I know it is not tremendously fun to track your time,
not tremendously fun to track your time, but maybe we can dangle the carrot out
but maybe we can dangle the carrot out there of saying, I bet you will be able
there of saying, I bet you will be able to find at least a little bit of time in
to find at least a little bit of time in your schedule for something you've been
your schedule for something you've been telling yourself you don't have time to
telling yourself you don't have time to do. And I would love to hear about the
do. And I would love to hear about the amazing and wonderful things that people
amazing and wonderful things that people do when they find even that 30 to 60
do when they find even that 30 to 60 minutes for some adventure that makes
minutes for some adventure that makes their life feel more wonderful. And so
their life feel more wonderful. And so I'm I'm excited to hear what comes out
I'm I'm excited to hear what comes out of that.
of that. >> I am too. I am too cuz I think something
>> I am too. I am too cuz I think something really awesome is going to come out of
really awesome is going to come out of that insight. Laura, what are your
that insight. Laura, what are your parting words?
>> I think knowing where the time goes allows us to make more intentional
allows us to make more intentional choices. And time is so precious, but it
choices. And time is so precious, but it is also plentiful, right? How [snorts]
is also plentiful, right? How [snorts] we spend our time is how we will spend
we spend our time is how we will spend our lives. And I know that time
our lives. And I know that time management gets this bad reputation. and
management gets this bad reputation. and it's about squeezing more in or about
it's about squeezing more in or about these these people, you know, have these
these these people, you know, have these elaborate routines that don't look like
elaborate routines that don't look like the rest of our lives. And that's fine
the rest of our lives. And that's fine for for them. But to me, time management
for for them. But to me, time management is about being a good steward of these
is about being a good steward of these hours that I happen to have
hours that I happen to have >> and I believe we can make life
>> and I believe we can make life wonderful.
wonderful. >> Well, I am so excited by everything that
>> Well, I am so excited by everything that you shared. I'm actually going to track
you shared. I'm actually going to track my time. All right.
my time. All right. >> And I will let you know what I discover.
>> And I will let you know what I discover. I'm afraid that I'm going to be
I'm afraid that I'm going to be confronted by the fact that I don't work
confronted by the fact that I don't work as much as I complain that I do.
as much as I complain that I do. >> Um, but I'm excited about
>> Um, but I'm excited about >> finding
>> finding time and getting more intentional about
time and getting more intentional about filling it with things that really
filling it with things that really matter. And I I cannot thank you enough
matter. And I I cannot thank you enough for making the time to come here to our
for making the time to come here to our studios in Boston, for all of the
studios in Boston, for all of the research that you've been doing that has
research that you've been doing that has had a huge impact on my life and the
had a huge impact on my life and the lives of millions of people around the
lives of millions of people around the world, and for spending the time with us
world, and for spending the time with us teaching us what we can do to take
teaching us what we can do to take control of it. So, thank you. Thank you.
control of it. So, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. >> Thank you so much for giving me this
>> Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity.
opportunity. >> My pleasure. And I also want to thank
>> My pleasure. And I also want to thank you. Thank you for finding the time and
you. Thank you for finding the time and making the time and spending it,
making the time and spending it, watching or listening to this
watching or listening to this conversation which will improve your
conversation which will improve your life. Laura is right. Your life is
life. Laura is right. Your life is determined by what you pour your time
determined by what you pour your time into. And I am certain that these
into. And I am certain that these strategies that you and I learned today
strategies that you and I learned today based on research will help you take
based on research will help you take your time back. And when you do that,
your time back. And when you do that, your life is going to get better. It's
your life is going to get better. It's going to feel like yours. And in case no
going to feel like yours. And in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be
one else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you that as your friend, I
sure to tell you that as your friend, I love you. I believe in you and I believe
love you. I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life.
in your ability to create a better life. All righty, I will be waiting for you in
All righty, I will be waiting for you in the very next episode. I'll welcome you
the very next episode. I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play. I'll see you
in the moment you hit play. I'll see you there. Thank you for watching all the
there. Thank you for watching all the way to the end. I'm so fired up that you
way to the end. I'm so fired up that you are here. I'm so fired up that you are
are here. I'm so fired up that you are sharing this with people. And I'll tell
sharing this with people. And I'll tell you one more thing that would [music]
you one more thing that would [music] make me very fired up. Hit subscribe.
make me very fired up. Hit subscribe. You know, my team just showed me this.
You know, my team just showed me this. 57% of you who watch this are not
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And it's a way that you can show us the same support that we're showing you.
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It's also a way to make sure that you don't miss a thing here on the Mel
don't miss a thing here on the Mel Robbins Podcast. How do you know if
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that. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. [music] Thank you for sharing this
[music] Thank you for sharing this episode. Thank you for your interest in
episode. Thank you for your interest in creating a better life for yourself. I
creating a better life for yourself. I love that for you. And I also think
love that for you. And I also think you're going to love this video. This is
you're going to love this video. This is the one I think you should watch next.
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And I'll be there to welcome you in the moment you hit play.
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