David Goggins Will Change Your Life | Rich Roll Podcast | Rich Roll

all right let's do it let's do it man

man [ __ ] gaga yes that is like the

refrain without the audiobook man

Skolnick popping in with just like after

I mean I thought I knew this story right

and I know a lot of it

right uh there's just so much more there

man so much more man unbelievable

it's all surface man I only had an hour

to talk to people in a podcast yeah I

get the surface version of the the book

goes deep dark into the sewer yeah tells

you everything it's an incredible

accomplishment it's such an unbelievable

document it's gonna inspire and catalyze

a lot of growth and a lot of people man

so first off like congratulations on

getting this thing done

thank you a small thing no sir and

what's amazing about it before we even

get into the content of it is that you

made this decision to self publish this

book yes sir right now it's out like

number two or number three on Amazon of

all books all right all right that just

doesn't happen with a self-published

book and you've been able to do this

without any mainstream media whatsoever

like I did a google search this morning

I wanted to see any hits that you had

like in the last week or in the last day

right you're not on The Today Show

you're not you didn't do any of that

this is all self propelled DIY and to go

from you know that place to the very top

like selling the number of books that

you're selling like right out of the

gate is just insane right there's got to

be a lot of people in publishing looking

at that going what is going on here well

that's been the story of my life I I see

something that's that's quite off quite

not the same and that's what I go for

I've just that this book is exactly who

I am as a person exactly the way I did

this book is Howard um my almost my

entire life as I see what is not the

norm what's impossible with we know what

all the theorists say you shouldn't be

doing this

that's the wrong way to go and I'm like

hmm let me see if I can pull this [ __ ]

off yeah over here maybe second pull

this [ __ ] off was that part of the the

challenge the decision I mean I it seems

to me that the decision is

self-published was generated more by a

desire to really you know own your story

that was that's it 100% it's there was

no driven message with me trying to

prove people wrong or whatever it was a

hundred percent by me wanting to own my

life there's a lot of people I know that

that I speak with right now that have

nice book deals out there and the people

who buy their book we are a publishing

house they can't even talk some of this

stuff you know in like like an speaking

engagements you know I'm like what you

can't even talk your story and some of

these like no like I got to make sure

that they're they're aware of it and I'm

like nah man I want to own a hundred

percent of the suffering I went through

in my life I don't anybody telling me I

gotta you can't say this I would lose my

[ __ ] but you I suffered this this badly

and you you can [ __ ] tell me I can't

say this they're been all kind of

problems with that one so I made sure

that I wanted to own all of can't hurt

me and own all of my own life story so

that's what it really is all about well

you really have ownership not only of

your own story but your ability to tell

it right and you know as as somebody

who's like a member of the ultra

community you know I remember and I

think we talked about this last time you

kind of disappeared for a couple years

there around like I don't know what it

was like 2009-2010 that wasn't 13 you've

had like a website in a blog that would

get updated once in a while and I would

check in and try to see what you were up

to and you just went totally dark ghost

man yeah and I didn't know about the

heart stuff there was something about

like oh there's a hell thing that you're

dealing with right and I thought oh this

guy's just disappeared right but you

were that was the recruiting era right

where you were just on the road telling

her story and putting in the reps right

on how to tell your story so it was the

recruiting error for me when I started

becoming like the the Navy SEALs needed

more blacks in in the SEAL Teams and

that's what we don't understand I like

you know why is it become a recruiter in

the SEAL Teams

I was one of the few black guys you know

and I already done bad water

so I got a little bit you know small bit

of notoriety for doing bad water and so

the Navy SEALs like oh my god you know

like we could use this guy to try to get

the the 1% of the African Americans and

Navy SEALs up to maybe 2% and so I hit

the road start doing that but also hey

I'm not a big guy on social media so I

was actually happy to kind of pull away

from it you know I'm just not big on

that stuff even today I'm just not a big

fan of it man I'm a big introvert I get

a lot of my strength from being

introverted and I'm going out there and

doing what I do is very all this is very

difficult for me man oh yeah it's funny

when you say you're introverted because

you're so good

you know when it comes to sharing your

story and it's so compelling and you

know there's a lot of people out there

like quote their quote unquote like

influencers are like wow like this guy's

got I know what do you have like six

hundred thousand-plus on Instagram yeah

yeah and for somebody who's you're

averse to it you don't like it you hate

it you only post once in a while you

don't really advertise what you're doing

at all but your own this huge following

of people who are super interested in

what you're doing well I think it's

important to do things you don't like

and I am I was very ashamed in my life

story for a long time

IIIi didn't want to go out and tell

anybody [ __ ] about me so that's why I

had to people I you know I create one

david Goggins and one Goggins right and

I didn't want people to know that I had

all these issues but after a while

people start to give you these different

tag lines you know like you're

superhuman you're amazing they start my

[ __ ] don't know anything about me man

I'm this insecure kid I started

realizing there's a lot of people out

here who are going through a lot of

problems that I once tapped into you

know I had a whole bunch of issues

growing up and you know I I felt

compelled to this you know what you got

to start sharing this stuff man cuz

people see where you're at today they

see where you're at today they they see

the man you are they this this hard

rock-hard human being show these people

where you come from right as people as possible

possible

it's funny when you're reading the

like once you get into the later

chapters like six seven or eight you

know all the way to the end you start to

forget chapters one and two that's right

you start thinking this guy is a

superhuman and then you got to remind

yourself like oh man look where he came

from right I actually do it in the

audiobook in the audiobook well while

Adam is reading we have a moment where

we stop because I like six or seven you

know six seven eight where I start doing

all these crazy feats and start going

way beyond human limits for myself and I

tell people why are you hearing this I

know you guys have already forgotten

about how I came up

don't forget the torture I endured

mentally and physically in my own mind

going through all this [ __ ] so no don't

ever forget that so people forget that

so quickly when they get to that seven

eight nine ten chapters so this is yeah

the we should just mention the audio

book I mean the book is amazing but the

audio book is the next level and part of

that is because you guys kind of broke

the paradigm here you made this somewhat

risky decision to have Adam read most of

the book and we can get into the reasons

behind that which I think are well considered

considered

but then after each chapter you and Adam

break it down podcast style like

informally where you just freestyle on

write that chapter was all about and

that just brings brings it to life in

like this Technicolor way which makes it

just such a compelling experience well

everything I do I try to do my very best

and now that I'm out here trying to

share this story with people I want to

be so real so [ __ ] authentic to the

point where it was embarrassing to me

and as I was writing some stuff and I

was giving it to Adam and we were going

back and forth and like man I'll talk to

my fiancee do I really want people to

[ __ ] know this about me but that's

the power and that's the strength you

can summon to be that vulnerable because

that's how people are gonna be able to

emotionally connect exactly when they

look at what you've done in bad water

and all the buds and all that kind of

stuff it becomes difficult for people to

relate to that

right when you have the strength and the

fortitude to share those parts of your

life that do embarrass you or provoke

shame and you that's the that's the like

that's the real [ __ ] I had to show

people I was human

you know people didn't think I was human

they thought I came from outer space man

from some spacecraft and [ __ ] and landed

down here and formed Goggins from the

rocks and the soil of the earth not know

how it is man so I said yeah I'm gonna

I'm gonna share a secret with you all

well in one of the recaps you tell Adam

writing this book was the hardest thing

you've ever done and as somebody who's

done a lot of hard [ __ ] that was a

surprising thing to hear well looking in

the mirror at yourself because I did a

really good job by creating this guy in

now so I could just go by and just live

by this guy here this Who I am do you

think of it as like this because you

refer to yourself in the third person

all this it's like this character that

you're trying to aspire to be that

distinct from you like you you create

this like division how does that work

it's a big division because I do not

talk to people like I see where I'm at

today but I know where I come from and

it's kind of hard to almost separate

that I'm almost not in a way I'm kissing

my own ass but I'm amazed at what a

human being can actually do so I start

talking myself in the third person it

strictly because I know that I literally

made this human being out of out of just

like a whole bunch of scraps mm-hmm and

I wasn't you know I wasn't a mechanic I

wasn't a carpenter so I don't know how

to do anything you know I wasn't trained

and how to build a human being from

nothing you know like my mom didn't

train me my dad didn't train me life in

the training well life blood trail yeah

life did train me correction and I

started putting this scrap metal

together like I want what's the flux

that happened you know the first shot I

do is all [ __ ] up and after I start

learning more and more and more through

pain and suffering start learning normal

just learning so much about stuff before

I knew it man I've built this beautiful

card I'm like how the [ __ ] did I do that

and I knew hunting it and I know how to

do it because I have all the tools do

all the failure I went through trying to

build this person who's Goggins mm-hmm

yeah and that was something I came

across loud and clear which is it's not

like you develop this toolbox and then

everything worked out

no no there's so many ups and downs and

highs and lows you're constantly getting

knocked down again a lot of home depot

shopping from that tool box brother yeah

and I think the real gift that's built

into this whole thing is how you reframe

vulnerability like we tend to think of

vulnerability as a weakness or you know

somebody who's soft and and you embody

it in a completely different structure

to show people that it is it is strength

like if you want to be hard and you want

to be strong

vulnerability and open-mindedness are

the keys to that Kingdom as you said it

perfectly they're the one thing that

made me who I am today

is being vulnerable it's breaking myself

down to the absolute rock bottom and

being able to tell people who I am and

that's how I fixed it literally you know

looks at my in the eyes you know what

man I have a whole bunch of character

problems character flaws I've lied about

this I've cheated here I'm insecure here

this isn't the real me I lied to you

about that I wanted your acceptance in

life all those things happen but the

thing about is that we get judged so

quickly about who we are we don't know

we don't go to the to where it happened

you know life created this person me

life life created me to be this [ __ ]

up person that was back in the day and I

had to realize man that's okay man it's

not my fault now I can go back and fix

this [ __ ] though mm-hmm so a lot of this

isn't your fault while you do some

things you do while you feel the way you

feel but no one's coming back to save

your ass you have to go back to where

this [ __ ] start it wherever that place

is for everybody and have the courage to

go back there and start fixing what

broke you mm-hmm and that's and that's

why I was like hey I'm [ __ ] up I will

go back and fix this stuff you got to be

honest with yourself

I was it percent where you're at I was a

percent on like that oh is ugly yeah it

was funny about is that as you're trying

to fix yourself and dig yourself out of

this deep hole that life Society and you

helped you helped also those people who

you saw down there in that hole who are

there with you who your friends and

people who you counted on because you

the people in the same situation that

you're in in life those people becomes

your friends and second you try to get

out of that situation become better

those people are in that in that grave

and that dozen is yanking at your heels

man say go get no come on back here

[ __ ] yeah you make it make me

feel like [ __ ] right you getting out of

this hole who the [ __ ] do you think you

are so I get it all the time now

people would constantly remind me of who

I used to be back in the day and they

always come out of the Woodworks man

versus man still happening you know what

when you come from a small small town

and you come from place that a lot of

people don't want to come out of it and

get out of it and all you want to do is

become somebody when you have the small

town mentality real mentality you've got

to be able to get out and let your mind

see open-mindedness because a small town

what it does to you is it closes your

mind completely closed your mind not everybody

everybody

this isn't everybody a lot of people you

have to be able to go out there and

create open mindedness you need space

you need space to see the world like a

lot of racism a lot of a lot of

ignorance in the world it comes from

people not being out and seeing other

things seeing other people seeing all

kind of [ __ ] but that's what we judged

so harshly because our minds are so

closed to the reality of of life period

have you been back to Brazil I went back

to Brazil a couple of times and I have

nothing wrong with Brazil because once

again you can't with another thing about

growth is you can't hold on Hey

mm you can't want to hate and see once

you take a different step so I didn't

take a step out of my life because like

what you're not once you're in that hell

that's all you see is what's in front of

you when I stepped out of it I saw

Brazil very differently there were a lot

of great people in Brazil some the best

people I knew were from Brazil but when

you're in hell all you see is a little

patch in front of you of the kids that

are calling you [ __ ] other people that

spray-painted [ __ ] we're gonna kill

you on your car people put that [ __ ] in

your locker people put a [ __ ] on your on

your notebook in Spanish class that's

all you see you didn't see that my god a

lot of people [ __ ] like me here so

once you take a step back and see the

reality of the true ignorance that

you're dealing with from a small group

of people that

you get growth because you know I went

through a phrase in the book I talk

about man I was all about you know I was

all about black and only black when I

was a junior in high school college so

beat down I was the most ignorant I've

ever been in my [ __ ] life when I went

there I totally took everything all the

hurt all the pain this put it in one

[ __ ] filter

I gotta find people who look just like

me it just like me to find acceptance

that one you were doing the crazy

haircuts that's the crazy watch the

Malcolm X video every damn night now at

home is [ __ ] yeah so the last time you

were here we kind of recap your your

story chronologically and I don't want

to I don't want to spend a lot of time

on that but there's a lot of new people

listening so I think it's worthwhile to

kind of you know catch people up on

exactly who is David Goggins and and you

know where you were where you were where

you came from what you endured and how

you arrived at this place is there a way

to do that concisely I can do it pretty

quick I guess you know I was born in

Buffalo my dad was uh almost getting

drinks on bars and he was a very

insecure guy he was an alcoholic he used

to get women for favors so my dad I'm

not seen as a pimp

I always he's a pimp that's how I look

at it my mom said the proper way to say

this is that your dad used to get women

and he would exchange women for favors

so there you go that's pretty much

refused a pimp right he's a [ __ ] pimp

so basically um that's that's my dad he

was he was a guy that didn't care much

about anything but himself but he was

kind of a baller all right new OJ

Simpson big-time knew all the Buffalo

Bills him and Rick James her best

friend's mom so he had two

different-sized it was decided everybody

saw which was the side of its major - so

damn cool man

he's awesome and we lived on Paradise

Road the second that door was shut in

that house it was game on the real him

would come out it was a perfect Jekyll

and Hyde so when you're born into that

at a young kids and like you're getting

beat for no reason you know like you

know I'm not weapons or weapons man but

this guy would beat you for no reason

just because he was drugs because he saw

you do whatever

it's like kind of like an IKE turner

character I turn it probably on on

steroids right so that that's we was and

he was he was a perfect person for

psychological warfare the the beatings

were horrible but the mind torture was

the worst he got so deep in my head as a

young kid and that really [ __ ] up your

foundation you know when when you're

born man there's some there's some

sensitive years in there man

where your brain starts to develop and

it starts to give you self-esteem

courage confidence all those things and

my dad was stripping that away from

everybody and when you see your mom the

worst thing to do is when you see your

mom getting beat senseless at a young

kid that [ __ ] scars you permanently I

mean she was like a prisoner she's the

best time and what you guys had to do to

escape and get away from him is like insane

insane

so she was 19 when she went there and

she was an innocent 19 year old and she

came from a great family and she met

this man and totally just um it just it

was it was brutal it was it was very

sadistic the way the way she was

tortured by him in the way my brother

myself were and that year and that broke

me my brother up my brother loved my

father a lot he saw something very

different than I saw cousin Aaron my mom

and I would get beat my brother I'm not

calling him a coward by any means he

handled it very different than I did he

would go in his room he didn't want to

see the beatings I would protect my

mother so in that I saw a lot more the

violence I was trying to protect her in

me trying to protect her I really got

beat mm-hmm so when you're constantly in

that battle and that struggle and your

brother's going in a different room

because he didn't want any part of this

[ __ ] he hated it and he loved family you

know he loved his family and I became

the person like a man I'm not about it

and you had to shoulder the

responsibility this this idea within you

that you were responsible for making

sure that your mom would be safe and

that was hard for it you're okay because

we moved to that small town of Brazil

Janna I hadn't learned this ability I

was stuttering I was battling so much

[ __ ] that I'd never even told my mom

about because I because she was battling

her own demons so at eight years old I'm

looking for comfort

I'm like hey don't bother your mama's

[ __ ] you another man in the house and I

also become real protective of my mother

at a young age so I said whatever you're

going through man you're on your [ __ ]

home you're not gonna not gonna tell

your mom [ __ ] and she didn't find out

later through the school systems and

through me failing in through me you

know all these issues I went through she

found out a lot but you know I kept as

my self gift from her man and that

really was a hard task for me to to

raise yourself mentally when you're

already in the deepest darkest dungeon

of all time and I think that's where I

started really creating myself I had to

really start creating a certain pattern

a certain process a certain kind of

indestructible toolbox to handle my life

well you were on this trajectory to

nowhere pretty quick but the the kind of

inciting incident that starts to shift

your trajectory is is this Air Force guy

that comes in your life right like you

developing this obsession with the

military right and then you meet this

dude who survived that parachuting right

nuts matter shooting gone very wrong and

I become obsessed with this guy and that

in I mean correct me if I'm wrong but

that seems like the first sort of

glimmer of hope that you might find your

way and it different and it different

you know so now like I talked about a

lot it was it started off with the rocky

Rambo movies right so it was kinda like

my father it's not coming up but then my

fine met this got him Scott Guerin this

guy that felt you know hit a parachute

accident a guy crashed through his

parachute and he fell 13,000 feet pretty

much to his death because his his

parachute collapsed and he was you know

he felt 120 miles an hour to the ground

I mean in picture in the book it's

disgusting right

and so he hit the ground and I met him a

couple years later at this see a piece

of Air Patrol camp and I'm sitting there

and no kid was like amazed by him you

know I was like okay this is a great

story I'm a kid let's go

I'm sinner he comes out and I was amazed

by Rambo like at a you know I got a oh

my god this is the real RAM he came out

he had you know he got his throat cut

open did you know to open up his airway

so so I saw he got traked and

I saw all these different things like my

gun he came out talking all like Clint

Eastwood shared a story is all hardcore

and I started following this guy but he

know I've fallen so for a week long he

did push-ups and flutter kicks and I was

like man that is too real Rambo why do

you think it connected with you and not

with the other kids like what was it

inside of you that was you know

obviously searching for somebody like

that I was looking for strength my

entire life I was I didn't have any I

was a I was a really weak kid my dad

beat the living [ __ ] out of me and took

every I was strong as a young kid but me

protecting my mom for so many years in

that house my dad made me very afraid

because he beat the [ __ ] out of me every

time without mmm so in that I want every

man wants courage every man was strength

at least this one does so I found it in

every way possible if I would see a

strong guys like okay maybe he could

teach me so he didn't know anything

about me so time went on I left school

you know oh and then this guy was in my

mind we had zero money man like we at

one time within the $7 month place

government subsidized apartments not

reliving like a torrent our place

tonight yeah at this time I searched I

went on a $500 phone bill and back then

dude and having no money my mom wanted

to kill me I was in search of Scott

Garrett yeah no Google no good I don't

know there's a randomly calling up Basin

Air Force bases man calling Air Force

bases man hey do you know what Scott

guarantee me I'm like who's Scott gear

I'm like he's a pair of rescue me what

because you know parents mean they know

there's not a lot of them so I started

getting okay there's a PJ base here a

pair rescue base here so I started

tracking down pair rescue bases finally

Key West Florida

he's a scuba instructor down there Key

West Florida I leave a like a message he

calls back he gets ahold of my mom I'm

like I cannot believe this guy call me

back my first question to him was hey

man can I come stay with you for a week

he's like who the [ __ ] are you man he

knows the [ __ ] it was the guy let me

come stay with him for a week and that

was you were senior in high school I was

a I was a junior in high school it was

in my junior year pretty much

it's pretty amazing that he that he was

open to that he was open to it I think

he said about four words to me in the

entire week we we PT together and I need

to hear a word from him he you know he

didn't talk a lot he was an instructor I

would I would go to school or to scuba

school with him he would instruct I sit

on the couch for 10 hours sit in the

lounge on the [ __ ] couch for 10 hours

he come back pick me up we go for a run

you go home we ate fish every [ __ ]

day could we had to go out in the ocean

I don't you know like that guy go

lobster hunting I hate the [ __ ] water

I'm scared to death but this guy went in

so I'm going in and I left there was

just one big thing that's what I want to

be hmm I want to be a guy like that yeah

this this desire within you to find like

a strong positive male you know role

model right life I was looking hard man

yeah but it wasn't easy getting into

getting you know following that path for

you know it was a it was a hardest thing

within my life being a peer rescue man

trying to be a peer rescue man there was

a lot of things I don't know about and

not having a mentor and I haven't you

know Scott was there he really wasn't

you know I met him for a week I saw

maybe a couple times and I started

bucking the [ __ ] off him he was a busy

guy had a family so I was back on my own

and I did the best I could and trying to

be a pair risk and I finally passed the

ASVAB test after you know taking it

several times and you know when you

cheat your whole life in high school in

elementary school had about fourth grade

reading level so I talk about that a lot

in the book and I had to learn so much

school in six months and that's when I

really developed my work ethic people

think it's from running and everything

no it's not from seals not from running

it was from the countless hours teaching

myself how to [ __ ] read and write you

know we you know I had a tutor for one

hour one hour every single week is all

we could afford so for six months I saw

a two to one hour a week all the rest

was on me my mom was working three jobs

she was never home I said there's a

[ __ ] table I'm like I have to get in

the military that became mine so this is

the whole book is really about mindset

oh the whole game and I and I would

agree that people look at you

they want to talk about bad water and

all these races that you've done you

know eight 100 milers and eight weeks

and all this insanity right but really

this is all a product of hardening your

mind calcining your mind to use your

phrase and throughout the book what what

really you know makes it stand out is

that there are lessons throughout like

this is a book in which it would be easy

to think that david Goggins is the hero

but the reader is the hero which is why

you made this decision that's what we're

talking about earlier to have Adam read

it because you wanted the reader to see

themselves in this own journey and you

have these chapters or after every

chapter you have these challenges and

takeaways for for people to you know use

to change their own mindset but even

woven into the narrative you're breaking

away from the story to say look this is

what you got to do this is what I did

this is how you do it right and the

first one of these really is the

accountability mirror right which still

use but what I didn't realize was that

you developed that when you were like a

junior in high school you started doing

that yeah but it's not like oh I did the

accountability mirror and then

everything started working out for me no

I was like it was a it was a fix at all

no it was just it was a starting point

to start holding myself accountable and

how that came to be man my mom got a

letter from school and this is when I

had to reveal myself and all my secrets

the the secret came out man I wasn't

going to school that I had I had flunked

most of my classes I had my report card

in there for everybody to see one of

them and it was reveals enough than that

yeah it was not your pro taught thanks a

lot Richard preciate it

so yeah you put it in there I put it in

there maybe he'll talk about it right

now um it was uh it was it yes and very

very embarrassed report card and she was

like what is this and this was like she

didn't see any report cards in my life

and at this time she was frustrated not

with me well you and dr. that other

report card right how doctors so much

crap but she didn't really see that one

huh but I dotted all my report cards and

did some had to reveal myself and she

was like you know what man you

you

you're gonna flunk out no that was a

conversation no mic hey we gotta do some

[ __ ] you know you gotta fail she had her

own demons her own problems that's why I

went to the into the bathroom and I was

like my god do you like this is a harsh

reality your mom is like you're done

mm-hmm how about you are on your own and

the ass fat was really the first real

challenge where you tried to show up for

something a hundred percent right

that was my first quarto and and what I

love about the book is you know there's

the grand huge challenges and

accomplishments but what I find most

inspiring are just the small little

things like these little details like

when you're when you've left that test

and then you're in the car and then you

go back in yes it's like things like

that that really touched me that was my

that was actually trying to be navy snow

as the day I was a different test right

yeah so that was a that was a very

emotional moment for me and I'm actually

there right now in my head talking to

you I remember that moment like it was

yesterday my I was a fat guy trying to

be a Navy SEAL now and my life had come

to this crossroad so I'm like man you

have to go right and no one was going

right everybody was going let them let

you have to go right and to know that

pain and suffering I was about to endure

by going right the amount of

accountability and failure I'll get the

witness and suffer by myself alone on

this journey it was daunting so when I

finally got to the ASVAB test and I was

taking for my very last time to get into

the SEAL Teams or to try to even try out

they were supposed to tell me my score

and I went back out to my car that took

I was on some computer tests and I know

I used computer I was wigging out about

that [ __ ] because the first time I took

it was like something like notebook we

opened a scantron sheet and you bubble

it in with a number-two pencil and [ __ ]

you turn in

I saw a computer and I was like oh [ __ ]

with this [ __ ] with it oh my god like

it's on the computer so I wigged out

there and I had to get a 50 on

mechanical comprehension and I just like

the third time you taking the test right

this is my second time so I took it

three times for the Air Force and twice

for the neighborhood so this is my

second time for the Navy and they're

like hey this is it man you know you're done

done

you're too old you have a limited amount

of time to lose 106 pounds and you take

his ass Bab again there's so many things

that's crunched down my head and so when

I took the test I knew I had a good

enough score to get in the Navy but to

be a seal had to score high on

mechanical comprehension of 50 so the

first time I got a 44 on mechanical

comprehension so I'm sitting there and I

take the test and I hit Send sentiment

is out in outer space somewhere and but

I knew it popped up at the

administrators desk and he's not

supposed to tell me [ __ ] he tells you

sit down take your test and you leave I

walked out got my car or I was walking

around the car whatever doesn't I got

going to find out man so I went in I

literally sat there everybody's taking

their test now I'm begging this guy he's

tell me I can't tell you [ __ ] it's

against government is guess rules

everything he opened it up it was okay man

man

he said you got a 65 I said no man I

know I got him a chemical comprehension

and he scroll the page down it was

exactly a 50 and I literally like what

came through my body

cuz it's easy to talk about now to you

but no one knew at the time and energy I

put into getting that 50 right it was

pretty amazing yeah I mean what is that

what did that represent for you like the

opportunity for a new life to finally it

was in an opportunity for a new life but

the thing about it is I'm trying to be a

Navy SEAL

at this time I'm still tours and some of

my pounds they have more weight to lose

so think about this I put everything on

David Goggins to be a Navy SEAL it's

like going to the crap table with with

your last thousand dollars you say no

what I'm gonna put everything on this

[ __ ] mile on black and hopefully I

live now I'm broke I put my whole life a

guy that was scared the [ __ ] water a

guy that could [ __ ] tongs I've had a

reader right on being one of the hardest

[ __ ] on the plat think about

that [ __ ] a guy that came from nothing I

put my whole life and I'm gonna go out

here and put everything on David [ __ ]

guys to be a Navy SEAL not to go be a

[ __ ] you know Boy Scout or some [ __ ]

Navy SEAL and III look at that and I did

all this [ __ ] just to get the

opportunity to succeed that's what

that's what people don't [ __ ]

understand man if people see that the

end result I remember that guy say my

god man I can't believe what the [ __ ]

I've just done I put everything ruin

relationships ruin this ruin that put

everything on fact I have to become

someone in this world or I'm no good for anybody

anybody

weird and where does that come from that

where did that compulsion that drive it

comes from a disgusting place of not

being fulfilled in your life of afraid

of dying having never accomplished

anything that's the fear that some

people run away from that people don't

want to face when you have a real fear

of dying and being just another person

that I live to pay the bills I made a

thousand dollars a month this is my life

I spray for cockroaches man if if that

makes you feel good that's great it

didn't make me feel good I wanted to the

first time my life after 26 years as 24

25 wherever I was I wanted to feel good

about myself and that was that was a

ticket yeah I mean you have this huge

reservoir this capacity to leverage pain

and circumstance to drive change within

yourself right to be able to not be a

victim but to look at pain as your

friend as a catalyst for growth and I

think there's a lot of people out there

look if you're in a enough pain that's

gonna move the needle for you there's a

lot of people out there that are in just

enough pain where they're willing to

just settle for what they have because

they're not in enough pain to change and

the fear of change outweighs the pain of

their daily existence you know the one

gift I have with all that being said

what you just said there is I have the

ability to see the end before the

beginning even begins and what that

means is I know that to get to the very

end I can see it right now

so before with the buds and I lose all

[ __ ] away

I saw myself walking across the [ __ ]

stage at 191 [ __ ] pounds guys I had

to get to get into the door I saw myself

six months a year later whatever's gonna

take me to do I saw myself walking

across that stage getting that [ __ ]

certificate of graduation from buds and

I was able to be there at 300 [ __ ]

pounds and that feeling that I was

nowhere near that [ __ ] feeling I was

able to put myself there a million times

every [ __ ] day and that feeling of

like my god that is gonna feel [ __ ]

amazing that's what made me suffer

that's what allowed the pain to be

realistic this is worth it I want to

feel for this [ __ ] next 18 months

every 18 [ __ ] months to find becoming

a v6 if I maybe you know just get

through but 18 months six months took me

18 that's what woke me up every [ __ ]

morning was I'm gonna put myself through

this much [ __ ] pain and suffering for

a few seconds so it is a few seconds of

joy it's so [ __ ] worth it man and so

people don't get so I'm able to put

myself at the finish line you know I

have no finish line but at the finish

line of an event before I even start the

[ __ ] to say how are you gonna

fill it into this well visualization is

one of the challenges and part of that

is not just visualizing success or

living in the reality of achieving what

you're setting out to achieve but also

visualizing how you're going to navigate

all the obstacles that are gonna get

thrown in your path right visualizing

this is my biggest tool of life that's

why I've been able to put myself in

Coldwater put myself in a hundred mile

race millions of times before I've done

it and I'm able to go through the race

and see I'm gonna feel at Mile 50 almost

to the almost to the exact Zac feeling

right so when it comes up it's no

surprise no surprise I've already done

this in many times and that's the one

thing I practice in practice and

practice and practice overnight but also

the most important thing is I practiced

that feeling of accomplishment I'm gonna

have my sauce and done with the crazy

thing about the ass fast

is that in addition to having to pass

this test

and get that 50 you also had to lose a

hundred pounds and like what like 30

days or some creature it was less than

three months right okay three months so

but you compartmentalize these two tasks

and say look the first thing I got to do

is I got to pass this test right because

the weight doesn't matter if I don't get

that 50 and you shelves or put off

losing the weight to focus on the

academic end of it until you you know

completed that hurdle and then you

looked at the weight stuff I'm like that

now that I've done yeah it's like being

focused on one thing at a time I have to

be very present in everything I do like

right now I'm with which role I'm not

thinking about [ __ ] but rich role and

with the fuss coming out of your mouth

right now that's what that's what gives

me a huge advantage in life especially

today in this day and age with so much

[ __ ] going so fast and everybody wants

to keep everything going everything up

and everything I want to be the grace

you know the greatest multitask of all

time not me if I put my hundred percent

into what's in front of me I will

destroy it if I'm out here just

multitasking this [ __ ] I'm gonna

half-ass everything I do so that's it is

the most important thing the world of me

is being focused at the task at hand and

it's getting harder and harder to do

that because there are so many

distractions and it's so easily - it's

so easy to distract yourself yes you

don't ever have to be bored again with

these things in our pockets

no but the one thing I'm most scared of

in the world is losing losing touch with

the the best thing in the world is is

your mind your mindset how you can

picture yourself how you can focus how

you can drive how you can put yourself

in so many situations get out of it

because those headphones were listening

to those those phones that that we

googled to find information there's so

many situations in my life where that's

just not gonna help me it's not gonna

help me and you're able to just turn

that off so fast because I know please

help me none of that stuff is ever help

me mm-hmm

none that stuff Sarah helped me would

has helped me has been me alone getting

my [ __ ] together and being accountable

for who I'm not and who I want to be

stolen has helped me so you get in you

you get the opportunity

to become a Navy Seal and then you end

up going through buds three times it's

like yeah Merry Christmas got lucky man

unbelievable and the stories of what

that entailed are like so vivid man

unbelievable well I was uh I was very

fortunate to go through three times and

not in this a distich way in a life

changing growing way I found out so much

about myself through going through that

training three times and I went through

the hardest part of the training three

times you know after the first so first

phase is a crucible man and that's where

I was at for three times I spent most of

my time and buds in first phase and the

hell week in the hell weeks and being in

that grind and in that grind I got time

to examine myself I caught the live

autopsy and also examine other people

because I was really good about putting

people way above me because I was I

wasn't [ __ ] I was never nobody so for me

to be on the same stage as these great

wannabe Navy SEALs and bus train like my

god you guys are amazing I actually got

here with you all thank you so much for

allowing me into play but as I was there

for so long I got a really good chance

to sit back cuz now the cold waters its

water now it smaller code anymore your

mind starts to change they said get in

the water most people think about it for you

you

it became my life so I started learning

that if you try to change your mindset

versus it being like oh my god this sucks

sucks

I became a professional blood student so

I wasn't gonna leave until I graduated

so I started realizing if this is my

home this is what I am

I had to always reset the bar I had to

reset my new norm there always had to be

a new norm so one thing we don't do is

we don't have a new norm my new norm is

you get up every [ __ ] morning at 4

o'clock and you suffer

this is your new norm that became my new

[ __ ] life most people want to get out

of it I said no I [ __ ] this is

your new life this is who you are you

your new norm is you wake up and you

suffer and I started realizing if that's

my mentality

this should ain't hard anymore

your [ __ ] new normals you wake up

you're getting the [ __ ] cold water

you get a beer - the shit's [ __ ] done

whenever they say you're out you get out

so my new norm so I I do that now today

my new norm now is if I'm doing a toys

in my run your new norm now man is you

[ __ ] or doing two hundred [ __ ]

miles the Roger that mentality that's it

man so at what point during this buds

experience do the instructors start to

take notice of you in a in a way that

separates you from the pack there's a

SBG or these guys that are like they're

starting to go hey man this this this

this dudes cut a little bit differently

SBG noticed it he noticed it in my

second how weak because I really and

this is no lie I'm very open about my

life spoken about this I really started

to enjoy the fact of seeing what the

human mind was capable of and seeing

that what is so horrendous there's so

much joy and glory in this [ __ ] and when

you see other alpha males I can you know

SBG in the book he's all he was one of

the hardest hardest guys in the SEAL

Teams he's looking at you like the [ __ ]

is wrong with you you know like you know

like well they start testing you like

they're like let's play this out right

and there's that story where he makes

you swim Wednesday night and that [ __ ]

me up because I like my knee was you

know it was broken it was it was [ __ ]

up bad it's Wednesday of hell week and

all the boat crews have passed the surf

zone and I just got a tour it all shot

my knee cuz I'm not gonna I'm let's go

ma'am we're going and it's [ __ ] like

it's real late at night and it was

[ __ ] raining and the class has passed

the surf zone and I'm still not big fan

the [ __ ] of water the ocean is very

unforgiving and I had this big life

jacket on and SPG's okay follow me man

sorry running a mile down to the boat

cruise rat I'll pass the surf zone I'm

thinking hey we could wait for him to

come on in he goes hey man get AK in

like you [ __ ] him like put on my hat and

said go out and [ __ ] get him and I

was on my own there was no like there

like swim buddies like it so I can buzz

you for swim buddy yeah and when he said

that to me I said are you in my mom see

this [ __ ] is joking he's got me

Joe commit it's what he must have been

thinking like I'm gonna break this guy

like this is gonna be the moment I think

that's what it was but but we're now

we're you know we're pretty tight now

and he said now that wasn't at all

he said you one of the only people in my

tenure act as a buds instructor that

were ever done that with he said I knew

a person like you would have found this

a challenge and I had to dig deep

because I didn't look at him and say hey

man I'm not doing that [ __ ] even though

I think I could it because there's no

swim buddy you know you don't go out

there Wednesday night after like 80

hours of hell week and you're like

seeing stars and [ __ ] like I'm like I'm

during the day time you see him boasting

are out there I'm here to loosen it all

over the place he sent me out there I

was like okay this is my time to show

him the best [ __ ] in the world

that it's on so I got my [ __ ] man I went

out there and did it and it was a it was

a iid tell it well on the book but it

was a it was a moment that I started

realizing I'm starting to separate

myself now yeah so there's two kind of

themes that emerge from that one is this

idea of taking souls all right this this

this sense that hey I came from nothing

and I'm here amongst the best and then

starting to realize like hey these

people are human right how can I get my

tactical advantage right and you explore

this idea of taking souls which which

essentially is going places no one else

is willing to go track with their heads

I see right yet to get like the upper

hand on that on everybody else when you

grow up weak and you start to master

your mind because my whole thing is

whenever I'm whenever I'm weakest

something wherever I'm scared of

something I master it I was a weak mom

you know a weak-minded person so I

mastered my mind and it mastered in my

mind I mastered the human mind and I

realized why I'm no longer just people

why I don't like to put people in a

pedestal cuz we're all [ __ ] up around

way we all have demons some people hide

them better than other people so I know

we all have them but I mean knowing that

under the most alpha males are very

fragile very fragile they never want to

see another person harder than them

especially in that coming round you go

attach the Eagle altar is strong Eagle

will [ __ ] you up every time

ego is serious so if I can hurt your ego

I got you so by me having such a fragile

ego growing up all this was my event I

was doing a live autopsy on how [ __ ]

up I was I was like hey this [ __ ] me up

I bet it [ __ ] other people up too so I

started using all these different tools

and tactics to get in the structures

heads and taking souls that's what

happened man

we were Wednesday freezing [ __ ] cold

everybody's jackhammer and everybody's

everybody wants to you know everybody's

just want to get through it now

jackhammer ins when you just can't stop

[ __ ] you can't stop shivering you know

you're sitting there this uncontrol be

jackhammering and the instructors take

great pride in watching you suffer they

do we're you know in in a sick way it's

kind of funny you know you know you were

there once as a student now your

instructor but I knew how would I be

thinking if I was in this truck I would

love seeing this sadistic [ __ ] go on but

what went out what wouldn't I like to

see I would hate to see some guys just

looking like this is just another

[ __ ] day on the [ __ ] beach and go

[ __ ] yourself I would hate to see that

so as I don't want to think like that

when they did it they were harder they

were harder yeah everybody's hoarse I

see know what man

it's time you all I can't fight you

you guys can [ __ ] me up all day long

that's your job and I love your job I

love what you guys are doing you guys

making us better but now I want to take

the tactical advantage I'm gonna start

[ __ ] with you so I got my boat crew

Bill Brown I had Chris Kyle on my boat

crew American sniper had a couple of

hardcore [ __ ] and everybody

right now is kind of like in their own

world let's just get through this man I

can't wait til Friday so we can graduate

how we can get going I said let's go

ahead and have some fun I said we're

gonna start [ __ ] with these guys so the

evolution here was we Scott dude with

Matt check you know we're stripped down

to nothing and they're checking us out

making sure we're good you know check in

front of Mon you're checking for [ __ ]

up knees my knees all jacked up but they

give me shots and [ __ ] and I was like

the boat crew leader of boat crew tuned

so I'm gonna front the boat and I tell

our guys this we're going to do the boat

like on our heads salt was we're

supposed to lift the boats up above her

head sorry God dude but when your this week

week

in this fragile this tired their boats

heavy so there's a thing you can do when

you do boat presses so you can get the

boat like this toss it up toss it up and

catch it and that shows like you're

jacked up so everybody's holding the

boat and they're shaking and both

starting to come down their head and all

the boat crews are all lined up and

they're [ __ ] up and I'm looking at

that and I turn around my book I said

guys it's time to [ __ ] take some

Souls anybody what the [ __ ] you talking about

about

I said she always [ __ ] instructors

out here on their [ __ ] jackets and

freakin coffee and laughing a smile and

[ __ ] I want their [ __ ] faces to go

straight up [ __ ] numb so we're gonna

do this we're gonna start boat pressing

this [ __ ] just take my leaf

trust me you'll get energy from it we

start throwing this boat up in the

[ __ ] air cache the toilet for kiss

and without yelling can't her [ __ ]

boat crew - we're yelling our [ __ ]

ass off and we doing it and they make a

stop like what the [ __ ] let me stop I

look at these instructors and their

faces literally look like someone like

just like took their sold-out Cod no

other mines were like they were thinking

about themselves like what the [ __ ] just

happy man I know me almost I could've

done that how they doing it so the rest

of time going through hell week it was

like we just you know we owned it right

boat crew - we won every single race we

were just dominating and it was uh it

was a strong boat crew and that's we're

taking Souls is uh there's a few taking

soil stories but that's one of them yeah

and and part of that is learning how to

be a leader like when you're dealing

with these alpha males and these huge

egos there's this tendency to just try

to outshine the next guy right you tell

an example there's another guy who kind

of proceeds along that path right and he

realizes very quickly that he's not

gonna make it because he doesn't know

how to build camaraderie with the other

guys right right

talk about mr. Dobbs he's a good friend

of mine still to this day and he went

into that place man and I knew where he

was going isn't my throat hell week and

I knew Sean real well but I knew he was

real arrogant he had a serious

shipowners so like I do I still do I got

that controlled every now and then it

got me in a lot of trouble sometimes

but I knew he had it I knew that chip on

your shirt not being controlled it will

it will get you [ __ ] up and it cost

him a lot going through buds and I saw

the look I saw the look because I once

had to look and I was going through

prayer rescue school and something got

so hard and your mind can't process the

hardness you don't know the the the the

right tools to get through something

hard because you've never been

challenged before I could tell he was a

superhuman that nothing ever challenged

them but I knew because I'd been through

hell week a couple of times I knew

[ __ ] don't don't underestimate

that [ __ ] it will it will find a [ __ ]

demon and will bring out some

insecurities in you and it did and I it

was like maybe 30 hours in the hell week

or something like that I'm looking over

at him and I smiled at him we're we're

standing just like this in line and he's

getting his med check and doctors

looking at him and talked it happened

just to be beautiful timing and I'm

sitting there I'm getting meth checked

and I'm looking at him and his eye says

he's a thousand-yard still looking right

through me he's getting mad checked and

I'm looking at him and before this

happened I told him I said don't

underestimate this [ __ ] man he

was I can't ever see myself quitting

[ __ ] Goggins I go watch out I go watch

out I got this [ __ ] we'll get in

your head I go the end is a long way

away so we're sitting there I - I and he

didn't see me I'm right in front of him

and I could tell you thinking he has

that quitting mind starting up now look

at him I go I told you [ __ ] I

told you [ __ ] and next thing I

knew man a car pulls up and he he rolled

out rings a bell he rings to Bill any

quits but uh it was he's a great human

being hard [ __ ] it it doesn't

make you you know when you quit

something like that man it's a huge

lesson learned that I can't go into

anything thinking that there's nothing

that's not going to get in my way you

gotta be prepared for all those

obstacles right well on this theme of

the reader being the hero here like what

is the what is the takeaway on stealing Souls

Souls

thing because that's that's one of the

challenges well

there's tons of takeaways with that one

man it's about finding energy and

strength when you have none like a lot

of times in life like that situation

right there man it's the worst time of

your life there's energy all around us

that we think that we have to have asked

to come externally a lot of times we

have like a TV in front of us watch

somebody listen to a podcast listen to a

great music a lot of times in life is

[ __ ] quiet and those are the times

when you want to run and hide you got to

be able to find energy you got to make

up games makeup tricks makeup whatever

you can to get to the next evolution of

life so taking souls is just another way

it's not about hurting the person you're

against it's about finding the tactical

advantage in every situation you [ __ ]

physically can to get to the next you're

trying to inch further to the goal line

and you don't want to what is that goal

line the goal lines whatever it is for

you for me I want to get through hell

week now I won't get the help with a you

know with my head up high being strong

I don't know what the goal is for

everybody my goal has been very

different for most people but you're

trying to find energy and strength to

stay in the fight

to continue on until you get that second

wind the second win is coming whenever

the second win maybe for you it's coming

but what happens is we get so stressed

out that the end is so far away that we

just can't find another foothold another handhold

handhold

so we jump off the cliff from each fall

there's another one you got to find it

so taking soil is one way to do it

hmm well as you as you progress through

this this journey that you're on and

you're winning these victories along the

way this idea kind of comes comes upon

you which is this drive to be uncommon

amongst the uncommon right you you

mentioned about a few moments earlier

that you started distancing yourself

even from the seals themselves like okay

I've done this I've distinguished myself

amongst these guys like now what's the

next challenge how can I push myself

harder like who

who you know what are the other

circumstances I can put myself in to be

the hardest [ __ ] on planet Earth

which was kind of the driving impulse

Ryder needs all of this right right so

elaborate on that a little bit so for me

that's why I want to become a Navy SEAL

I wanted people to push me outside of my

comfort zone every day you know and I

thought this was gonna be the absolute

best platform to do that these guys the

stories I heard after buds it just gets

harder and I didn't see it that way

because buds is just to become the sea

that's right like my god I can't imagine

what the [ __ ] gonna happen

but what happens to a lot of people not

everybody can't speak figure out not

everybody buds breaks people down to the

point where you don't want to be broken

down again like that to me that was

exactly the exact starting point for my

journey in life that was a starting

point for me for a lot of people it's

the finish line and I didn't see it that

way for me so that's where I started

becoming uncommon among common people is

where I started realizing that you put

people in a pedestal that you shouldn't

that you you got to get in there

yourself and examine people serious

really about yourself so once I got in

there real I say these are this normal people

people

yeah there are a lot better than some

they're able to get to I know a lot of

people who get through Navy SEAL

training but you know there's a lot of

mystique behind behind all that stuff

and as you talk to go through and you

start to break it open a little bit you

know a lot of horror guys but you know I

want it more I want it more and this

this is your strength in certain

respects it's a superpower that you have

but it's also your Achilles heel

big time big time I talk about in the

book a lot - one thing that hurt me a

lot was I thought everybody weren't the

same thing I wanted and everybody wants

the same thing you [ __ ] won everybody

wants to give it four o'clock in the

morning and beat herself and find more

about themselves and she liked that and

I thought the seals did well through it

oh yeah yeah I thought the seal was

death but that's what you know because

every book you read that's what that's

what everybody does so I always hook

line and sinker so that mentality that I

had it kind of put a bad taste off you

know once I realized it not everybody

was like this in the community

and I was like you know what man so then

I started having chips on my shoulder I

had my own little thing I was doing with

a couple guys working out i mon Dieu mon

little thing and when you start doing

that stuff and you start to drive

yourself away from people you know and I

was already different as it was you know

even if I didn't do that I already came

in being very different like I tell

people I was a part of the Navy SEAL

Teams I wonder part of the Brotherhood

right it's not going out and partying

I'm not going out no that's not me I've

never been me though like if I was in

the college if I wasn't a Bigfoot I

couldn't be part of a fraternity man I

would never join a fraternity ever I'm

like a [ __ ] you all Matt got my own [ __ ]

going on over here man

go [ __ ] yourself that's me I don't like

fraternities so just me when you join

the SEAL Teams you're joining a big

fraternity so I was already asked out so

then when you're asked out not wanting

to hang out I wasn't a dick I do [ __ ]

[ __ ]

that's me so I I grew up wanting friends

at a young age and once you get

self-esteem is so you know who you are I

was comfortable you don't liking me but

I'm not hanging out and they need to get

to another step further with this being

hard mentality of if you guys aren't

doing what I'm doing you guys aren't

[ __ ] so I did a lot of things that push

people the wrong way that rub people the

wrong way and in that we're being in the fraternity

fraternity

it's like a big soap opera it's like the

[ __ ] guiding light and you know

people start not liking you for certain

reasons people know who the [ __ ] you are

rumor mills start happening then I have

two heart surgeries people think I don't

want to [ __ ] deploy overseas

well gah girls don't want to fight he

wants to run but I'm not gonna say a two

heart surgeries I couldn't even go fight

so this a lot of things happened and within that it's life yeah so it

within that it's life yeah so it ultimately that hurt your military

ultimately that hurt your military career it didn't hurt it didn't no meet

career it didn't hurt it didn't no meet me looking back on it it I was who I

me looking back on it it I was who I wanted to be I was who I wanted to be so

wanted to be I was who I wanted to be so hurting it I don't think hurting it is

hurting it I don't think hurting it is being an Air Force

being an Air Force what do you see as being a ranger you

what do you see as being a ranger you know my goals were finding the baddest

know my goals were finding the baddest me on the planet working with the

me on the planet working with the baddest guys on the planet and the heart

baddest guys on the planet and the heart surgery's hurt me a little bit but what

surgery's hurt me a little bit but what I realized is I've got a lot of growth

I realized is I've got a lot of growth from examining people you know my my

from examining people you know my my insecurities their insecurities my

insecurities their insecurities my military career was absolutely stellar

military career was absolutely stellar you know not many people have pulled off

you know not many people have pulled off honor man everywhere I went and done the

honor man everywhere I went and done the things I've done

things I've done I didn't deploy as much as I wanted to

I didn't deploy as much as I wanted to yeah I went to Iraq stuff like that but

yeah I went to Iraq stuff like that but I wanted to play a lot more with with

I wanted to play a lot more with with the heart services keeping out of

the heart services keeping out of training for four years that hurt me a

training for four years that hurt me a lot but all in all there's not many

lot but all in all there's not many people who've done some of the things

people who've done some of the things I've done right so not satisfied with

I've done right so not satisfied with just being in the Navy SEALs you decide

just being in the Navy SEALs you decide you want to go to Army Ranger School yes

you want to go to Army Ranger School yes sir and you go and do that yeah and you

sir and you go and do that yeah and you distinguish yourself there so you know

distinguish yourself there so you know when the dust settles you've done Air

when the dust settles you've done Air Force

Force what does it call the tak tak PE air

what does it call the tak tak PE air control party uh

control party uh Navy SEALs buds and then and then Army

Navy SEALs buds and then and then Army Ranger Ranger Delta selection twice

Ranger Ranger Delta selection twice right exactly so what how did that play

right exactly so what how did that play out ultimately so it does selection I

out ultimately so it does selection I went the first time when I was it so

went the first time when I was it so with both time as a Navy SEAL which is

with both time as a Navy SEAL which is very found upon because we have our own

very found upon because we have our own little group there yeah you know DEVGRU

little group there yeah you know DEVGRU so how that even came to be was after my

so how that even came to be was after my second platoon where me and my guys

second platoon where me and my guys didn't get along you know we had a great

didn't get along you know we had a great deployment but we can't get along bottom

deployment but we can't get along bottom line once again it's how life is when

line once again it's how life is when you come back in a fraternity like that

you come back in a fraternity like that rumor mill flat you know goes around and

rumor mill flat you know goes around and maybe Goggins has a badass who don't

maybe Goggins has a badass who don't work with him whatever whatever so I

work with him whatever whatever so I didn't get my orders to go to dev group

didn't get my orders to go to dev group I actually screamed for DEVGRU didn't

I actually screamed for DEVGRU didn't get picked up or I got picked up to go

get picked up or I got picked up to go to the screening process I pass the

to the screening process I pass the screening process was going to Green

screening process was going to Green Team a lot of these [ __ ] things than

Team a lot of these [ __ ] things than we knows about but anyway I didn't get

we knows about but anyway I didn't get my orders to go to dev group so I said

my orders to go to dev group so I said you know what it's a good time to go try

you know what it's a good time to go try out for deputy prefer for Delta Force so

out for deputy prefer for Delta Force so I went there got messed up you know I

I went there got messed up you know I fell down a mountain my lady trapped in

fell down a mountain my lady trapped in Mountain or in some rocks broke my ankle

Mountain or in some rocks broke my ankle mathematical real bad then I had the

mathematical real bad then I had the heart surgeries then I went back to

heart surgeries then I went back to Delta and I was getting ready to get to

Delta and I was getting ready to get to the very last day and what happened

the very last day and what happened there was I was getting real happy I'm

there was I was getting real happy I'm gonna be a delta guy this is the [ __ ] I

gonna be a delta guy this is the [ __ ] I can't believe I'm back in the game and

can't believe I'm back in the game and once you let your mind get unfocused you

once you let your mind get unfocused you get lost out in the woods and out there

get lost out in the woods and out there going through Delta selection it's a lot

going through Delta selection it's a lot of land navigation and if you're not

of land navigation and if you're not paying attention to that map and compass

paying attention to that map and compass and it was my last day before the 40

and it was my last day before the 40 mile er and the 40 mile I was like a big

mile er and the 40 mile I was like a big the big last thing you do and I was

the big last thing you do and I was gonna [ __ ] that 40 mile or up right but

gonna [ __ ] that 40 mile or up right but I was your game that's my game man and

I was your game that's my game man and very one thing you're gonna be a man now

very one thing you're gonna be a man now you put you know you put weight on my

you put you know you put weight on my back and go man I won't hurt you and I

back and go man I won't hurt you and I got literally I was about two hours

got literally I was about two hours ahead of time and I was just going

ahead of time and I was just going through thinking man I'm [ __ ] done

through thinking man I'm [ __ ] done I made this [ __ ] I'm gonna go back in it

I made this [ __ ] I'm gonna go back in it doing my [ __ ] I'm going back out the

doing my [ __ ] I'm going back out the fight man we know with an elite group a

fight man we know with an elite group a Tier one asset I was so stoked my mind

Tier one asset I was so stoked my mind got drifting away and I got lost and I

got drifting away and I got lost and I found myself lost

found myself lost I got a reorient you know I got [ __ ]

I got a reorient you know I got [ __ ] back on track and I went to I thought my

back on track and I went to I thought my last point was I saw another student I

last point was I saw another student I said hey man we only got five points

said hey man we only got five points there's no money we got six and I was

there's no money we got six and I was like 45 minutes from drop dead and I

like 45 minutes from drop dead and I made it by one minute you make about one

made it by one minute you make about one minute after making it about two hours

minute after making it about two hours every day I was getting there two hours

every day I was getting there two hours early every day I don't know what the

early every day I don't know what the standard is at Delta they don't tell you

standard is at Delta they don't tell you [ __ ] and there's two vehicles you get

[ __ ] and there's two vehicles you get into man one vehicle goes to another

into man one vehicle goes to another campground meaning you're still here and

campground meaning you're still here and the other vehicle goes uh goes to some

the other vehicle goes uh goes to some speed bumps back to your racks and

speed bumps back to your racks and you're getting a [ __ ] airplane I went

you're getting a [ __ ] airplane I went that vehicle yeah that was it how many

that vehicle yeah that was it how many soldiers are there though that have gone

soldiers are there though that have gone through all of those programs I can say

through all of those programs I can say honestly I'm the only one you're the

honestly I'm the only one you're the only one for a hundred percent fact I

only one for a hundred percent fact I know for a fact for a fact and I haven't

know for a fact for a fact and I haven't googled it looked at I know there's

googled it looked at I know there's nobody in the world who's willing

nobody in the world who's willing to say let me scream for delta force

to say let me scream for delta force twice let me go to Army Ranger school as

twice let me go to Army Ranger school as a Navy SEAL let me go to Navy SEAL let

a Navy SEAL let me go to Navy SEAL let me go be in three whole weeks let me go

me go be in three whole weeks let me go to Air Force so my military career was

to Air Force so my military career was phenomenal there's uh there's a classic

phenomenal there's uh there's a classic quote look I think it's as I recall I

quote look I think it's as I recall I think it's when you decided you want to

think it's when you decided you want to go to Army Ranger School and one of your

go to Army Ranger School and one of your guys say Goggins you're the kind of guy

guys say Goggins you're the kind of guy who would like to be a POWs just to see

who would like to be a POWs just to see if you could [ __ ] do it

if you could [ __ ] do it he was my oh I see my I actually still

he was my oh I see my I actually still talked him today of my first Platoon I

talked him today of my first Platoon I really respect the guy off a lot what's

really respect the guy off a lot what's like a pop his name by honors permission

like a pop his name by honors permission right now - he was a great leader

right now - he was a great leader because he understood me as a good

because he understood me as a good leader you have to understand everybody

leader you have to understand everybody that works with you he understood the

that works with you he understood the uniqueness that is me and I'm a very

uniqueness that is me and I'm a very different person you got to have a you

different person you got to have a you got to be a real [ __ ] man to

got to be a real [ __ ] man to understand David Goggins and I give him

understand David Goggins and I give him a lot of credit for this let me be me

a lot of credit for this let me be me and I and you know he went to that into

and I and you know he went to that into a DEVGRU but he said that before Ranger

a DEVGRU but he said that before Ranger school cuz I put a chit in a chit is a

school cuz I put a chit in a chit is a special request [ __ ] I put seven special

special request [ __ ] I put seven special request shits in to go to Ranger School

request shits in to go to Ranger School as a new guy in in the SEAL Teams it's

as a new guy in in the SEAL Teams it's like why the [ __ ] are you trying to go

like why the [ __ ] are you trying to go to Ranger School man as a seal and back

to Ranger School man as a seal and back then they were sending some Navy SEALs

then they were sending some Navy SEALs there for punishment you know they send

there for punishment you know they send a few there and I was going because I

a few there and I was going because I was like begging to go I'm like there's

was like begging to go I'm like there's another challenge out there that sucks

another challenge out there that sucks that people don't want to go to that I

that people don't want to go to that I can grow from that can see some more on

can grow from that can see some more on common [ __ ] out there that want

common [ __ ] out there that want to get hard and get after it and I

to get hard and get after it and I always found out one thing when you're

always found out one thing when you're in training that's what you find how

in training that's what you find how people really are I found the best out

people really are I found the best out of people in training that's why I love

of people in training that's why I love buzz that's why I love Ranger school

buzz that's why I love Ranger school because but once you get out training

because but once you get out training very few people keep that same mentality

very few people keep that same mentality it's like hey oh thank God I'm done with

it's like hey oh thank God I'm done with it that's why I always love going back

it that's why I always love going back to scratch mm-hmm yeah and the cool

to scratch mm-hmm yeah and the cool thing about Ranger school is you show up

thing about Ranger school is you show up and they strip you of all of everything

and they strip you of all of everything so you don't know who anybody is

so you don't know who anybody is Frank is there any of that kind of [ __ ]

Frank is there any of that kind of [ __ ] no there's no right now and they

no there's no right now and they purchase presumed that you must have

purchase presumed that you must have gotten in trouble right that's the only

gotten in trouble right that's the only reason you'd be there right so tell me

reason you'd be there right so tell me tell that story about so their words so

tell that story about so their words so before I showed up to Ranger school man

before I showed up to Ranger school man there were a couple of Navy SEALs got

there were a couple of Navy SEALs got sent there for punishment reasons and a

sent there for punishment reasons and a couple of them quit you know like not

couple of them quit you know like not because it was too hard I imagine

because it was too hard I imagine probably cuz you don't [ __ ] you I'm not

probably cuz you don't [ __ ] you I'm not gonna be here for punishment I'm gonna

gonna be here for punishment I'm gonna get my ass kicked again with you Navy

get my ass kicked again with you Navy SEAL training so it just came with the

SEAL training so it just came with the attitude of being there so a couple said

attitude of being there so a couple said I'm out so that gave some of the seals a

I'm out so that gave some of the seals a bad reputation that Ranger school and

bad reputation that Ranger school and then I show up I show up and I'm like

then I show up I show up and I'm like yeah I want to be here next I was just

yeah I want to be here next I was just another guy that got in trouble not

another guy that got in trouble not knowing that I begged to come here and I

knowing that I begged to come here and I beg to get beat on for 69 days and

beg to get beat on for 69 days and starve and lose 56 pounds like I lost so

starve and lose 56 pounds like I lost so it's like day three and they have you

it's like day three and they have you know an army guy raw strip to rank on

know an army guy raw strip to rank on this David you know I'm this Goggins and

this David you know I'm this Goggins and whoever this is just your name I mean

whoever this is just your name I mean you could be a [ __ ] major you could

you could be a [ __ ] major you could be a general and you're just Thomas

be a general and you're just Thomas that's all the [ __ ] you are I mean they

that's all the [ __ ] you are I mean they don't care so I'm hiding out I got my

don't care so I'm hiding out I got my little Navy name tag on so they can tell

little Navy name tag on so they can tell him a navy guy I'm a little Navy hat you

him a navy guy I'm a little Navy hat you know say so you know I'm a Navy guy I

know say so you know I'm a Navy guy I stand out and once it's not many black

stand out and once it's not many black guys in Ranger School so I'm in the back

guys in Ranger School so I'm in the back hiding out and they tell the you know

hiding out and they tell the you know they tell the guy come up here you know

they tell the guy come up here you know you know you're the first sergeant in

you know you're the first sergeant in the First Sergeant usually Ranger creed

the First Sergeant usually Ranger creed so the guy goes up there and he goes uh

so the guy goes up there and he goes uh he [ __ ] it up and then go hey they look

he [ __ ] it up and then go hey they look right at me I know for a fact

right at me I know for a fact oh we seen him back there where the hell

oh we seen him back there where the hell economy doesn't know this [ __ ] I was

economy doesn't know this [ __ ] I was like [ __ ] I've been studying

like [ __ ] I've been studying this range of Cree for a year this what

this range of Cree for a year this what I'm saying in my head I get there man

I'm saying in my head I get there man recognizing that volunteer as a ranger

recognizing that volunteer as a ranger foolin has my chosen profession I was

foolin has my chosen profession I was never told STIs

never told STIs our hospital arrangement see what you're

our hospital arrangement see what you're done I went on it nas in fact there is

done I went on it nas in fact there is more at least he's like what the [ __ ]

more at least he's like what the [ __ ] somebody had said the whole [ __ ]

somebody had said the whole [ __ ] range of Creed next thing I knew you say

range of Creed next thing I knew you say you knew first sergeant that's a [ __ ]

you knew first sergeant that's a [ __ ] now not only am I going through one of

now not only am I going through one of the best leadership school if you have

the best leadership school if you have to be dialed in all day long when I'm

to be dialed in all day long when I'm not out in the field getting graded I'm

not out in the field getting graded I'm now in garrison having to be in charge

now in garrison having to be in charge of all these

of all these [ __ ] guys in Bravo platoon so Bravo

[ __ ] guys in Bravo platoon so Bravo Company sounds like guys it was a I was

Company sounds like guys it was a I was always had to be on the whole time Roger

always had to be on the whole time Roger that Roger dad sounds like [ __ ] man I

that Roger dad sounds like [ __ ] man I guess I'm in charge now the whole time

guess I'm in charge now the whole time but I never got fired you know most guys

but I never got fired you know most guys going through that you know you get

going through that you know you get fired that's what led me to you know

fired that's what led me to you know getting the the honor man award right

getting the the honor man award right one of the things you don't talk a lot

one of the things you don't talk a lot about is your deployments mm-hmm you

about is your deployments mm-hmm you talk about that experience in Malaysia a

talk about that experience in Malaysia a little bit only briefly in the book so

little bit only briefly in the book so I'm just wondering what the rationale

I'm just wondering what the rationale behind like are you not allowed to do

behind like are you not allowed to do you just think that it wasn't relevant

you just think that it wasn't relevant to the story we're trying to tell well

to the story we're trying to tell well the thing about it is is uh I deployed I

the thing about it is is uh I deployed I fought in combat stuff like that first

fought in combat stuff like that first of all it's hard to relate to that

of all it's hard to relate to that second of all I to get all kind of

second of all I to get all kind of [ __ ] approvals from people to get

[ __ ] approvals from people to get that in the book and talk about it and I

that in the book and talk about it and I want to go through that process of hey

want to go through that process of hey can I put you know what I did in Iraq in

can I put you know what I did in Iraq in the book and stuff like that in the book

the book and stuff like that in the book and I want my book to relate to people

and I want my book to relate to people you know there's enough Navy SEAL books

you know there's enough Navy SEAL books out there talking about you know running

out there talking about you know running gun and shooting them up stuff like that

gun and shooting them up stuff like that that's never been I don't want to be

that's never been I don't want to be known as a Navy SEAL you know I talk a

known as a Navy SEAL you know I talk a lot you know people want to ask me about

lot you know people want to ask me about it you know Navy said that was a snippet

it you know Navy said that was a snippet of my life you know I was a snippet of

of my life you know I was a snippet of my life and I want to be known as

my life and I want to be known as somebody much more than that who did a

somebody much more than that who did a lot more than that so my book is about

lot more than that so my book is about helping people and I can't help people

helping people and I can't help people through well I didn't combat mm-hmm I

through well I didn't combat mm-hmm I can help people by what I went through

can help people by what I went through in life life itself and I went out to I

in life life itself and I went out to I mean it was it was intentional to make

mean it was it was intentional to make this book about how can these stories

this book about how can these stories resonate and help people and you know it

resonate and help people and you know it wasn't like a let me kiss my own ass so

wasn't like a let me kiss my own ass so that's why I had to go there and do that

that's why I had to go there and do that so it was it was a that's why yeah

so it was it was a that's why yeah well there's a you know the cover image

well there's a you know the cover image of the book is you in military uniform

of the book is you in military uniform and there are a lot of those other kind

and there are a lot of those other kind of books out there you know Chris Kyle

of books out there you know Chris Kyle and I know you you you're tight with the

and I know you you you're tight with the luttrell brothers those have been huge

luttrell brothers those have been huge books and they become movies and

books and they become movies and cultural you know very culturally

cultural you know very culturally relevant and northing what is that I'm

relevant and northing what is that I'm not

not war hero yeah I'm not I'm not I'm not

war hero yeah I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not a war hero man like you know

I'm not a war hero man like you know there's a lot of heroes out there and I

there's a lot of heroes out there and I don't have a great story to tell you

don't have a great story to tell you about war what is the climate though

about war what is the climate though when you're in the seals and then

when you're in the seals and then somebody writes a book like my sense was

somebody writes a book like my sense was always that that was kind of frowned

always that that was kind of frowned upon it is found upon this to a lot of

upon it is found upon this to a lot of things are frowned upon the SEAL Teams a

things are frowned upon the SEAL Teams a lot of things are you know that's that's

lot of things are you know that's that's one of them

one of them I don't care what you do you know it's

I don't care what you do you know it's your life and I'm not about judging

your life and I'm not about judging people for that but a lot of a lot of

people for that but a lot of a lot of seals don't like anybody going out doing

seals don't like anybody going out doing anything like that and I don't know if

anything like that and I don't know if it's a lot of jealousy or whatever I

it's a lot of jealousy or whatever I don't care but it is it is found upon

don't care but it is it is found upon for some people do that but I guarantee

for some people do that but I guarantee you some of those guys if they did some

you some of those guys if they did some cool [ __ ] you know a lot of us don't do

cool [ __ ] you know a lot of us don't do cool [ __ ] yeah a lot of us he cometh not

cool [ __ ] yeah a lot of us he cometh not a lot of cool [ __ ] so there really isn't

a lot of cool [ __ ] so there really isn't about it's not it's not some

about it's not it's not some vainglorious snow I'm where you're in

vainglorious snow I'm where you're in bad always telling crazy war stories no

bad always telling crazy war stories no it's not that at all it have to tell so

it's not that at all it have to tell so reader is the hero and and another one

reader is the hero and and another one of the themes that I want to kind of

of the themes that I want to kind of explore with you is this idea of of

explore with you is this idea of of being the only right I'm just like a

being the only right I'm just like a recurring thing in your story right so

recurring thing in your story right so being the only and I actually talked

being the only and I actually talked about with Adam I came up with with the

about with Adam I came up with with the only there's a lot of onlys out there I

only there's a lot of onlys out there I was the only black in lot of situations

was the only black in lot of situations and the only in about of color there's a

and the only in about of color there's a lot of you know there's gays lesbians

lot of you know there's gays lesbians there's people who are white people who

there's people who are white people who just feel like they're not wanted in

just feel like they're not wanted in society that's the only the only is

society that's the only the only is feeling like you're not accepted in any

feeling like you're not accepted in any society that you're in doesn't matter

society that you're in doesn't matter what color creed race gender doesn't

what color creed race gender doesn't matter it's just that you are in this

matter it's just that you are in this situation where you feel like you're

situation where you feel like you're being judged you might be being judged

being judged you might be being judged you feel awkward it's an awkward feeling

you feel awkward it's an awkward feeling when you walk in a room and you're like

when you walk in a room and you're like oh my god like I'm the only and that

oh my god like I'm the only and that comes with a lot of people and that's

comes with a lot of people and that's where the only really came from because

where the only really came from because I don't want to make like a black

I don't want to make like a black situation I want it to be I want this

situation I want it to be I want this this is about people you are you

this is about people you are you hero you are the hero of this book so I

hero you are the hero of this book so I wanted to be what's a word that can make

wanted to be what's a word that can make people feel like this resonates with me

people feel like this resonates with me that's only you know it's not about it

that's only you know it's not about it was about black about white or about

was about black about white or about about being Jewish or Christian or

about being Jewish or Christian or whatever so that's where it comes from

whatever so that's where it comes from man it's about ownership of a lot of

man it's about ownership of a lot of people feel like no one understands what

people feel like no one understands what the [ __ ] I'm going through right now and

the [ __ ] I'm going through right now and that's the only right and that seems to

that's the only right and that seems to be something that you you use you

be something that you you use you leverage to to get stronger

leverage to to get stronger oh yes the only is a very powerful thing

oh yes the only is a very powerful thing for me and there's a lot of times my

for me and there's a lot of times my life that I chose the only on purpose on

life that I chose the only on purpose on purpose just to see how I will come out

purpose just to see how I will come out the other end of it and in the midst of

the other end of it and in the midst of all of that how do I say this

for somebody that's listening to this or they're reading your book and they do

they're reading your book and they do feel apart from they feel alone perhaps

feel apart from they feel alone perhaps they have that victim mentality right

they have that victim mentality right they're just the world's against me I

they're just the world's against me I can't catch a break every time I try to

can't catch a break every time I try to do this this happens it's some narrative

do this this happens it's some narrative that they're spinning about their life

that they're spinning about their life right like what's the first step out of

right like what's the first step out of that well like I've said a million times

that well like I've said a million times before the most important conversation

before the most important conversation is the one you have with yourself you

is the one you have with yourself you wake up with it you walk around with it

wake up with it you walk around with it you go to bed with it eventually you act

you go to bed with it eventually you act on it

on it sometimes you act on it good sometimes

sometimes you act on it good sometimes bad you got to change the internal

bad you got to change the internal dialog that person in your head that's

dialog that person in your head that's talking that [ __ ] to you until you

talking that [ __ ] to you until you change the internal dialogue in your

change the internal dialogue in your head until you callus over the victims

head until you callus over the victims mentality that the world is out to get

mentality that the world is out to get you because of you are the only you got

you because of you are the only you got changed that [ __ ] man yeah but you don't

changed that [ __ ] man yeah but you don't understand my life David yeah I do

understand my life David yeah I do that's the thing about it and that's why

that's the thing about it and that's why I can talk about but yeah I get you're

I can talk about but yeah I get you're saying a lot of folks don't under I get

saying a lot of folks don't under I get that mentality I once had that mentality

that mentality I once had that mentality that no one understands what the [ __ ]

that no one understands what the [ __ ] I'm going through and if you keep that

I'm going through and if you keep that mentality you're gonna stay in the same

mentality you're gonna stay in the same exact spot that you're in that no one

exact spot that you're in that no one understands me there's a whole there's

understands me there's a whole there's millions of people why do you think a

millions of people why do you think a book that I saw published you know is

book that I saw published you know is doing so well

doing so well with the story that's so [ __ ] up

with the story that's so [ __ ] up people Ike I'll never forget what I went

people Ike I'll never forget what I went to a publishing house like who's gonna

to a publishing house like who's gonna resonate with this story no one's gonna

resonate with this story no one's gonna buy this book I'm like are you not in

buy this book I'm like are you not in the world are you not in society you're

the world are you not in society you're never alone everybody's going through

never alone everybody's going through [ __ ] so when people get this mentality

[ __ ] so when people get this mentality of like you understand me you can throw

of like you understand me you can throw a [ __ ] rock to someone that can

a [ __ ] rock to someone that can understand you if they're willing to

understand you if they're willing to break themselves down and stop hiding a

break themselves down and stop hiding a lot of people understand you mm but you

lot of people understand you mm but you got to stop hiding and that's why I tell

got to stop hiding and that's why I tell people a lot of people are going through

people a lot of people are going through [ __ ] they just hide better than you did

[ __ ] they just hide better than you did that's all they did

that's all they did it was hiding better yeah it's easy you

it was hiding better yeah it's easy you know it's easy even even after you've

know it's easy even even after you've accomplished something to not rest on

accomplished something to not rest on your laurels or take a breath like

your laurels or take a breath like you're somebody who's constantly

you're somebody who's constantly constantly moving forward I'd sell it

constantly moving forward I'd sell it but I think one thing that gets lost in

but I think one thing that gets lost in your story is that you are pretty good

your story is that you are pretty good about celebrating the victories along

about celebrating the victories along the way and celebrating yourself I talk

the way and celebrating yourself I talk about with my fiancee every single day I

about with my fiancee every single day I talked about with her two hours today I

talked about with her two hours today I said we are [ __ ] grinding so hard

said we are [ __ ] grinding so hard that we are losing the vantage point of

that we are losing the vantage point of what we have accomplished today we got

what we have accomplished today we got podcast podcast interview flying do this

podcast podcast interview flying do this do that I like to stop stop it's just me

do that I like to stop stop it's just me and you

and you and this mom-and-pop thing that we that

and this mom-and-pop thing that we that we're doing look at what the [ __ ] this

we're doing look at what the [ __ ] this book is that right now it's crazy look

book is that right now it's crazy look how many people were touching shut shut

how many people were touching shut shut up and this [ __ ] think for a second

up and this [ __ ] think for a second that's the stop cuz all we did was talk

that's the stop cuz all we did was talk about this and this really I don't know

about this and this really I don't know enjoy this for a second let's we have to

enjoy this for a second let's we have to take time and rule out what the [ __ ]

take time and rule out what the [ __ ] we've accomplished that's an evolution

we've accomplished that's an evolution for you man huge huge different David

for you man huge huge different David Goggins and even from a couple years ago

Goggins and even from a couple years ago huge because you have to where's all

huge because you have to where's all about I'm gonna keep on grinding that's

about I'm gonna keep on grinding that's not what I'm saying what I'm saying

not what I'm saying what I'm saying though is you have to respect what

though is you have to respect what you've done

you've done take a second not live in it not sit

take a second not live in it not sit around and say I'm good

around and say I'm good sit back and say let me look at the

sit back and say let me look at the vantage point now that I'm at we win

vantage point now that I'm at we win that's why you reset the vantage point

that's why you reset the vantage point get the tactical advantage if you get

get the tactical advantage if you get the tactical advantage too quick

the tactical advantage too quick and start fighting you gotta take a

and start fighting you gotta take a second to take observation that where

second to take observation that where I'm at what have I done I'm on the right

I'm at what have I done I'm on the right spot I'm obviously in the right spot

spot I'm obviously in the right spot right now now we can go back to fighting

right now now we can go back to fighting mm-hmm so that's what we're doing right

mm-hmm so that's what we're doing right now and how did you how did you arrive

now and how did you how did you arrive at that epiphany because I would imagine

at that epiphany because I would imagine there's a different version of you that

there's a different version of you that wouldn't allow yourself to be that

wouldn't allow yourself to be that indulgent it's called you find peace I

indulgent it's called you find peace I never found peace until I got real sick

never found peace until I got real sick and you find peace by clarity and

and you find peace by clarity and there's no clarity when there's noise

there's no clarity when there's noise there's always a schedule in front of

there's always a schedule in front of you to keep grinding at it so my

you to keep grinding at it so my schedule is always there I'm still alive

schedule is always there I'm still alive and I'm still alive I'm gonna grind it

and I'm still alive I'm gonna grind it so I'm dead but in that grinding

so I'm dead but in that grinding schedule you have to have a point in

schedule you have to have a point in there where it's okay at 12 o'clock

there where it's okay at 12 o'clock reset the tactical advantage and look

reset the tactical advantage and look and see where you're at at this new

and see where you're at at this new vantage point stop for a second and

vantage point stop for a second and survey the field because when I was

survey the field because when I was doing well that this big long schedule

doing well that this big long schedule and in this schedule there was no take

and in this schedule there was no take up second see what the [ __ ] you've

up second see what the [ __ ] you've accomplished if I did all that [ __ ] in

accomplished if I did all that [ __ ] in the military after I got on ER man at

the military after I got on ER man at Ranger School and I was a top leader

Ranger School and I was a top leader amongst 300 people when I got back to

amongst 300 people when I got back to that second platoon if I'd taken the

that second platoon if I'd taken the vantage point and said okay my god man

vantage point and said okay my god man you've really grown as a leader I would

you've really grown as a leader I would have attacked the situation that 2nd

have attacked the situation that 2nd platoon was differently when I was like

platoon was differently when I was like oh you guys it's [ __ ] you guys are

oh you guys it's [ __ ] you guys are gonna work out this [ __ ] hard you

gonna work out this [ __ ] hard you ain't you ain't hard like this I want to

ain't you ain't hard like this I want to learn I want to take a step back it's ok

learn I want to take a step back it's ok hang on a second man you learned a lot

hang on a second man you learned a lot that's the tactical advantage you gotta

that's the tactical advantage you gotta take that vantage point and take a

take that vantage point and take a second to breathe and say you learned a

second to breathe and say you learned a lot but when you learn a lot if you just

lot but when you learn a lot if you just go back into the fight you never apply

go back into the fight you never apply what you learn you get that certificate

what you learn you get that certificate of graduation and go get it

of graduation and go get it remember what you learn and use it and

remember what you learn and use it and that's about taking that one second out

that's about taking that one second out get on top of that mountain top looking

get on top of that mountain top looking down so ok how would I have held this

down so ok how would I have held this years ago Wow I would really [ __ ] that

years ago Wow I would really [ __ ] that up this time let's not [ __ ] it up again

up this time let's not [ __ ] it up again right so that that occurred not during

right so that that occurred not during the heart surgeries but afterwards when

the heart surgeries but afterwards when your body was broken and you got into

your body was broken and you got into the stretching broken yeah it was a big

the stretching broken yeah it was a big it's like when you go into my gives you

it's like when you go into my gives you a knot and they tie a lot versus a ton

a knot and they tie a lot versus a ton of knot to tie a lot and they say hey

of knot to tie a lot and they say hey can you undo this that was the inside of

can you undo this that was the inside of my body mm-hmm but it forced you to stop

my body mm-hmm but it forced you to stop it made me stop yeah yeah I can no

it made me stop yeah yeah I can no longer because otherwise you wouldn't

longer because otherwise you wouldn't you wouldn't have stopped I would never

you wouldn't have stopped I would never realize I realize now no yeah I've been

realize I realize now no yeah I've been goals isn't bluffing right okay man we

goals isn't bluffing right okay man we got a bench you because you need to

got a bench you because you need to reflect the body would do that the body

reflect the body would do that the body would do that the body will say hey man

would do that the body will say hey man you've done a good job now we're [ __ ]

you've done a good job now we're [ __ ] done and my body said you're done right

done and my body said you're done right so you you have the heart surgeries you

so you you have the heart surgeries you make this return to ultras ameen dude

make this return to ultras ameen dude we've been talking for like an hour and

we've been talking for like an hour and a half we haven't even talked about any

a half we haven't even talked about any adult stuff but you know we talked about

adult stuff but you know we talked about that last time man you go out you're

that last time man you go out you're crushing it and all these races then you

crushing it and all these races then you have the heart situation you have two

have the heart situation you have two heart surgeries then you're back at it

heart surgeries then you're back at it again and then you hit this wall like

again and then you hit this wall like you you describe this classic

you you describe this classic overtraining situation where you got

overtraining situation where you got back at it and you were training

back at it and you were training SuperDuper hard and then you showed up

SuperDuper hard and then you showed up and you were just flat right yeah I

and you were just flat right yeah I thought it gain and weight overnight my

thought it gain and weight overnight my thyroid my endocrine system starts yeah

thyroid my endocrine system starts yeah [ __ ] just shutting down left and

[ __ ] just shutting down left and right I'm surprised it took that long

right I'm surprised it took that long for you to have and like a severe

for you to have and like a severe overtraining episode and yeah it was a

overtraining episode and yeah it was a severe you know it was probably

severe you know it was probably overtraining mixed in with a lot of [ __ ]

overtraining mixed in with a lot of [ __ ] you know the body was whacked it was

you know the body was whacked it was whack man and it just said you're done

whack man and it just said you're done go ahead hang up your shoes lay in the

go ahead hang up your shoes lay in the bed it's time to die and how long did

bed it's time to die and how long did that go on for it went on about five

that go on for it went on about five years five years yeah so wait what

years five years yeah so wait what period of times us so you're looking at

period of times us so you're looking at it was bad water so before bad water

it was bad water so before bad water 2013 is when it started actually walked

2013 is when it started actually walked a hundred miles of that race to finish

a hundred miles of that race to finish it that was the way I was crewing Dean

it that was the way I was crewing Dean that year yeah you were right on our

that year yeah you were right on our heels like most of the day and if I was

heels like most of the day and if I was I walked that whole thing was on Dean

I walked that whole thing was on Dean he was walking line sales Soho was not a

he was walking line sales Soho was not a good year for I walked that almost whole

good year for I walked that almost whole race I was cramping up so bad look like

race I was cramping up so bad look like an alien was in my quads they were just

an alien was in my quads they were just doing this weird thing I was hydrating

doing this weird thing I was hydrating salt like what the hell's going on my

salt like what the hell's going on my body start shutting down then and then I

body start shutting down then and then I had like a period of time I was like my

had like a period of time I was like my god feeling my best and I crushed this

god feeling my best and I crushed this way it's called frozen otter and I was

way it's called frozen otter and I was like my god man I'm back no I wasn't it

like my god man I'm back no I wasn't it was just my body saying we got one more

was just my body saying we got one more in this man before we give it up so 2013

in this man before we give it up so 2013 is when it really started hitting hard

is when it really started hitting hard man it went off enough all the things

man it went off enough all the things that you had to process that was

that you had to process that was probably one of the hardest being told

probably one of the hardest being told you have to stop it was one of my

you have to stop it was one of my hardest but I have to be honest with you

hardest but I have to be honest with you it was the most eye-opening refreshing

it was the most eye-opening refreshing time my entire life it was like it

time my entire life it was like it really made me reset and it like what it

really made me reset and it like what it said to me was all right man we still

said to me was all right man we still gotta find 100% mm-hmm

gotta find 100% mm-hmm you can't run you can't work out so

you can't run you can't work out so that's why I went to school and I became

that's why I went to school and I became a medic you know stuff like that with

a medic you know stuff like that with you know I started doing awesome

you know I started doing awesome I literally reset so I'm always in

I literally reset so I'm always in constant pursuit of my hundred percent

constant pursuit of my hundred percent whatever that is if I can't run anymore

whatever that is if I can't run anymore I'm gonna see what else I can do so it I

I'm gonna see what else I can do so it I was real proud of how I handled that my

was real proud of how I handled that my whole life got stripped from me and I

whole life got stripped from me and I was at like 20 years in the military and

was at like 20 years in the military and that my life was getting stripped man

that my life was getting stripped man and I couldn't run I couldn't work out

and I couldn't run I couldn't work out country [ __ ] anymore and I didn't lose

country [ __ ] anymore and I didn't lose my [ __ ] all that train I'd gone through

my [ __ ] all that train I'd gone through mental training I'd gone through I was

mental training I'd gone through I was able to utilize it to find a lot of

able to utilize it to find a lot of peace in myself a lot of joy and a lot

peace in myself a lot of joy and a lot of self fulfillment mm-hmm and it was uh

of self fulfillment mm-hmm and it was uh it was actually uh not the best time

it was actually uh not the best time yeah well my favorite chapter in the

yeah well my favorite chapter in the entire book is the final chapter chapter

entire book is the final chapter chapter well I mean I was just so because one of

well I mean I was just so because one of the things I've always sort of thought

the things I've always sort of thought about you or been concerned about with

about you or been concerned about with you is like is this guy gonna just go to

you is like is this guy gonna just go to his grave grinding and just angry and

his grave grinding and just angry and resentful avenging you know against the

resentful avenging you know against the world or is he going to be able to find

world or is he going to be able to find peace

peace gonna be able to be content is he going

gonna be able to be content is he going to be able to find a way

to be able to find a way - - you know find the joy and the

- - you know find the joy and the gratitude for these experiences or are

gratitude for these experiences or are you just going to be fighting all the

you just going to be fighting all the way to the end man and you found that

way to the end man and you found that right like I was so happy you don't like

right like I was so happy you don't like read that yeah I found it but what's

read that yeah I found it but what's great about it is I found it like I

great about it is I found it like I still tap into it yeah do is it was

still tap into it yeah do is it was there a moment of thinking like if I if

there a moment of thinking like if I if I allow myself to experience joy and

I allow myself to experience joy and gratitude that I'm not gonna be able to

gratitude that I'm not gonna be able to be as hard that I'm gonna lose that edge

be as hard that I'm gonna lose that edge that distinguishes me no that's not at

that distinguishes me no that's not at all what it was was um I never felt that

all what it was was um I never felt that my entire life

my entire life you're almost taught that [ __ ] when

you're almost taught that [ __ ] when you're born in a happy home and and

you're born in a happy home and and you're born around happy [ __ ] it kind of

you're born around happy [ __ ] it kind of comes out I never I don't laugh my dad

comes out I never I don't laugh my dad beat the laughter out of me when when

beat the laughter out of me when when you can't read and write and you're

you can't read and write and you're trying to hide out in classes and please

trying to hide out in classes and please don't call on me and [ __ ] and you're

don't call on me and [ __ ] and you're [ __ ] all scared of [ __ ] everywhere

[ __ ] all scared of [ __ ] everywhere you go you're nervous and you're being

you go you're nervous and you're being and you're panicked and you're

and you're panicked and you're stuttering and you know your whole life

stuttering and you know your whole life is that [ __ ] there's not joy in that

is that [ __ ] there's not joy in that [ __ ] that becomes who you are no matter

[ __ ] that becomes who you are no matter how much you change you're scarred so

how much you change you're scarred so people like my god man you never smile

people like my god man you never smile never do this it's my life it's my life

never do this it's my life it's my life so you got to teach yourself how to read

so you got to teach yourself how to read and write and also [ __ ] smile and say

and write and also [ __ ] smile and say it's okay

it's okay a lot of things aren't like you know man

a lot of things aren't like you know man why don't you do this like I don't judge

why don't you do this like I don't judge people that's why I don't judge the

people that's why I don't judge the people man you want smart looks so hard

people man you want smart looks so hard like this read my book and don't forget

like this read my book and don't forget where I came from it's who you are

where I came from it's who you are you have to undo that [ __ ] and no one

you have to undo that [ __ ] and no one came down and trained me on how to be

came down and trained me on how to be happy how to find peace how do this now

happy how to find peace how do this now that's why I'm so glad I found it

that's why I'm so glad I found it through suffering

through suffering the greater the suffer the greater the

the greater the suffer the greater the peace I've found but you have to reflect

peace I've found but you have to reflect on where you came from from the dungeon

on where you came from from the dungeon of Hell that I came from how to reflect

of Hell that I came from how to reflect on that [ __ ] to find final peace and be

on that [ __ ] to find final peace and be able to say WOW [ __ ] if you die

able to say WOW [ __ ] if you die in this bed at 40 years old I'm the

in this bed at 40 years old I'm the happiest [ __ ] in the world

happiest [ __ ] in the world because I did it I piss people off along

because I did it I piss people off along the way some people don't like me Merry

the way some people don't like me Merry Christmas whatever

Christmas whatever but you can finally look in the [ __ ]

but you can finally look in the [ __ ] mirror and you can cuss on damn rich

mirror and you can cuss on damn rich roll [ __ ] and don't care what they say

roll [ __ ] and don't care what they say about you be happy with it

about you be happy with it the non-judgmental part is a lesson that

the non-judgmental part is a lesson that you have to learn the hard way too right

you have to learn the hard way too right big time yeah big time

big time yeah big time I used to hate people not liking me when

I used to hate people not liking me when the hardest thing in the world for me at

the hardest thing in the world for me at a young age was my god I swore to fit in

a young age was my god I swore to fit in I want to fit in I want you to like me

I want to fit in I want you to like me so that's a horrible [ __ ] place to be

so that's a horrible [ __ ] place to be in life because you lose yourself when

in life because you lose yourself when you want to fit in with people so badly

you want to fit in with people so badly normal [ __ ] people know better than

normal [ __ ] people know better than you you do whatever you can to fit in

you you do whatever you can to fit in that's a bad place to be you lose

that's a bad place to be you lose yourself and trying to create a

yourself and trying to create a character that other people will accept

character that other people will accept and the that's what I found a lot of joy

and the that's what I found a lot of joy man this is guy this is me I'm speaking

man this is guy this is me I'm speaking the third personal [ __ ] up I got some

the third personal [ __ ] up I got some [ __ ] going on still working on myself

[ __ ] going on still working on myself take it or leave you don't like me take

take it or leave you don't like me take a number and get in line man and it does

a number and get in line man and it does that involve like a spiritual

that involve like a spiritual perspective like what does that look

perspective like what does that look like for you I am a even though people

like for you I am a even though people may not believe it for that cus mrs.

may not believe it for that cus mrs. hilarious

hilarious I believe in God big time I've had this

I believe in God big time I've had this voice in my head since I was a young kid

voice in my head since I was a young kid so what trained me was that voice and

so what trained me was that voice and I'm not gonna go God on you right now I

I'm not gonna go God on you right now I don't care if people believe in God or

don't care if people believe in God or not that's not my place I'm not here to

not that's not my place I'm not here to judge you you have your own life and

judge you you have your own life and your own things to deal with this voice

your own things to deal with this voice in my head

in my head guided me to a spot where I'm at today

guided me to a spot where I'm at today and if you don't believe that you're

and if you don't believe that you're here for a reason

here for a reason your life will seriously hurt and I

your life will seriously hurt and I started looking at my life and all this

started looking at my life and all this [ __ ] I went through as God put me some

[ __ ] I went through as God put me some God whatever you believe in put me here

God whatever you believe in put me here to go through this and now I see all the

to go through this and now I see all the hundreds of thousands of lives I'm

hundreds of thousands of lives I'm changing by the hell I went through

changing by the hell I went through there's a lot of power in that so my

there's a lot of power in that so my purpose as I started going through this

purpose as I started going through this journey instead of looking like woe is

journey instead of looking like woe is me god man why the [ __ ] man why I so

me god man why the [ __ ] man why I so looking at what's the perfect training

looking at what's the perfect training ground you knew exactly what you were

ground you knew exactly what you were doing you know exactly what the [ __ ] you

doing you know exactly what the [ __ ] you were doing obviously you put me in every

were doing obviously you put me in every situation possible to tell a story that

situation possible to tell a story that needs to be told

needs to be told yeah looking back it's like every domino

yeah looking back it's like every domino is lined up perfectly to create the

is lined up perfectly to create the person that I'm sitting across from

person that I'm sitting across from right now and also you took advantage

right now and also you took advantage you leveraged all of those opportunities

you leveraged all of those opportunities to be that best version of yourself

to be that best version of yourself mm-hmm I did as afraid of that I mean it

mm-hmm I did as afraid of that I mean it was a very scary scary road a guy who

was a very scary scary road a guy who was afraid of a lot of things to then

was afraid of a lot of things to then find power and fear to find power and

find power and fear to find power and overcoming fear and to get time out

overcoming fear and to get time out today where there's very few things I'm

today where there's very few things I'm really afraid of because I know how to

really afraid of because I know how to control it

control it I know how to manage it I'm not to work

I know how to manage it I'm not to work it to my advantage now it's something

it to my advantage now it's something else man so I really challenge people to

else man so I really challenge people to really do a live autopsy on your brain

really do a live autopsy on your brain and the reason why I talk on my

and the reason why I talk on my childhood so much in this cuz I don't

childhood so much in this cuz I don't want you to put a title on me because

want you to put a title on me because once you title me as a freak you now put

once you title me as a freak you now put yourself in a position where you can be

yourself in a position where you can be very comfortable in saying it's just not

very comfortable in saying it's just not possible for me yeah that's so important

possible for me yeah that's so important because you have done so many crazy

because you have done so many crazy things it's very easy to just say well

things it's very easy to just say well he's a crazy outlier that's it that's it

he's a crazy outlier that's it that's it he's that guy he's that special guy nope

he's that guy he's that special guy nope and that's the thing that makes me so

and that's the thing that makes me so pissed off in this world man

pissed off in this world man the one thing that only thing gets me

the one thing that only thing gets me mad nowadays is that so many people die

mad nowadays is that so many people die with untapped potential because they

with untapped potential because they think that someone else is [ __ ]

think that someone else is [ __ ] better than them and they were born you

better than them and they were born you know not with the greatest tools you

know not with the greatest tools you don't need [ __ ] you need the ability to

don't need [ __ ] you need the ability to [ __ ] grind your ass into a fine

[ __ ] grind your ass into a fine [ __ ] powder in that fine powder find

[ __ ] powder in that fine powder find a way to build that [ __ ] back up

a way to build that [ __ ] back up repeatedly that's possible yeah for you

repeatedly that's possible yeah for you what I love is that you go out on these

what I love is that you go out on these crazy training excursions and it's just

crazy training excursions and it's just pair of running shoes and shorts along

pair of running shoes and shorts along is it man you don't have any crazy gear

is it man you don't have any crazy gear nope I'm a sponsored [ __ ] or

nope I'm a sponsored [ __ ] or anything like that no it's just at its

anything like that no it's just at its most purest form I found a lot in that

most purest form I found a lot in that man always it has to be pure man like I

man always it has to be pure man like I don't want people like the reason I'll

don't want people like the reason I'll post a post what you're doing today

post a post what you're doing today no no man this is my time how much you

no no man this is my time how much you [ __ ] know I'm doing today

[ __ ] know I'm doing today this is this is my time this is my

this is this is my time this is my growth factor but I think it creates a

growth factor but I think it creates a lot of demand because when you do drop

lot of demand because when you do drop that bomb once a week or whatever it's

that bomb once a week or whatever it's like she'll look at it I'll be like damn

like she'll look at it I'll be like damn and that like an hour ago

and that like an hour ago hey man unless you mine know what's

hey man unless you mine know what's going on in haha

going on in haha you know it says it's all about giving

you know it says it's all about giving back in training uh-huh but I'm still

back in training uh-huh but I'm still learning I'm still learning I'm not Yoda

learning I'm still learning I'm not Yoda yet what do you what do you still need

yet what do you what do you still need to learn and what are you still afraid

to learn and what are you still afraid of honestly my biggest fear to this day

of honestly my biggest fear to this day is and I say a lot and I say a lot and

is and I say a lot and I say a lot and it's it's going to heaven and being

it's it's going to heaven and being judged by God and you know God has I

judged by God and you know God has I believe that God has this knows

believe that God has this knows everything about you from time you're

everything about you from time you're born when you're gonna be born when

born when you're gonna be born when you're gonna die when you to graduate

you're gonna die when you to graduate buzz whatever's going to happen - he

buzz whatever's going to happen - he knows all this [ __ ] some people never do

knows all this [ __ ] some people never do what God knows you're capable of doing

what God knows you're capable of doing because you keep you know we have

because you keep you know we have choices my biggest fear in life was to

choices my biggest fear in life was to was to get to heaven and God look at me

was to get to heaven and God look at me as I'm being judged and I was some fat

as I'm being judged and I was some fat 300-pound guy like I used to be that

300-pound guy like I used to be that still spray for cockroach it was a car

still spray for cockroach it was a car you know that's that's okay it's what

you know that's that's okay it's what you want to do I didn't wanna do that

you want to do I didn't wanna do that and I made a thousand dollars you know a

and I made a thousand dollars you know a month I got to heaven and God laid out

month I got to heaven and God laid out this chart in front of me and they said

this chart in front of me and they said hey man look at this chart and had my

hey man look at this chart and had my name on top and all this amazing [ __ ]

name on top and all this amazing [ __ ] and I'm like that's not that's not me

and I'm like that's not that's not me man he goes that's who you were supposed

man he goes that's who you were supposed to be my biggest fear in life is that

to be my biggest fear in life is that one day if I ever get judged by

one day if I ever get judged by something someone some some energy force

something someone some some energy force that go up there and I failed the

that go up there and I failed the mission whatever would ever force up

mission whatever would ever force up there thought I was to be some badass

there thought I was to be some badass and I went up there under achieved you

and I went up there under achieved you know I want that force up there that

know I want that force up there that knows everything to be writing as I'm

knows everything to be writing as I'm living and saying I had no [ __ ] idea

living and saying I had no [ __ ] idea he even had this in him so I want to

he even had this in him so I want to just be the best I [ __ ] can and a lot

just be the best I [ __ ] can and a lot people say that I truly mean that and

people say that I truly mean that and what is it that you have to learn

what is it that you have to learn i stuff learned me you know I I still

i stuff learned me you know I I still feel there's you know there's there's

feel there's you know there's there's times where as a human being I'm a human

times where as a human being I'm a human and you you still fall back in these in

and you you still fall back in these in these ruts of life where you think that

these ruts of life where you think that you had a permanent fix cuz I'd done all

you had a permanent fix cuz I'd done all that nothing's a permanent fix man

that nothing's a permanent fix man that's why I grind every day because

that's why I grind every day because nothing is permanent are you training

nothing is permanent are you training for anything right now I'm signed up for

for anything right now I'm signed up for the hurt 100 oh you actually got in it

the hurt 100 oh you actually got in it and my schedule is so [ __ ] packed but

and my schedule is so [ __ ] packed but I'm hoping I have like literally a

I'm hoping I have like literally a one-day literally I can go out to run

one-day literally I can go out to run the race and fly back ah so I - that one

the race and fly back ah so I - that one is a race it is I think the 17th or 18th

is a race it is I think the 17th or 18th or 19th it's in that it is that weekend

or 19th it's in that it is that weekend right in there that's a rare return to a

right in there that's a rare return to a race I mean other than bad water

race I mean other than bad water I've been there three times already yeah

I've been there three times already yeah oh you don't hurt three times on oh you

oh you don't hurt three times on oh you have okay yeah I've done three times and

have okay yeah I've done three times and I haven't done a hundred mile race since

I haven't done a hundred mile race since that bad water 2013 I've done I've done

that bad water 2013 I've done I've done several ultras but 200 mile distant you

several ultras but 200 mile distant you know my bias wasn't just not there it's

know my bias wasn't just not there it's there now but now my schedule is so busy

there now but now my schedule is so busy but I said it's almost time man right

but I said it's almost time man right but I feel like bad waters your [ __ ] it

but I feel like bad waters your [ __ ] it is the one that stands out amongst

is the one that stands out amongst everything as the thing you're always

everything as the thing you're always trying to master it it was funny about

trying to master it it was funny about that I'm just now getting to a point now

that I'm just now getting to a point now where I'm being I'm gonna be real

where I'm being I'm gonna be real dangerous nice to meet you out there

dangerous nice to meet you out there well listen man you're 43 now right 43

well listen man you're 43 now right 43 your prime I am you know this is this

your prime I am you know this is this the problem my life is my problem ultra

the problem my life is my problem ultra life

life 43 it was my best year was it yeah I

43 it was my best year was it yeah I mean it's your your radon uncoil man I

mean it's your your radon uncoil man I think I I believe so I don't want to the

think I I believe so I don't want to the biggest challenge for you now is that

biggest challenge for you now is that your life is so big and that's the thing

your life is so big and that's the thing that I used to be this underground know

that I used to be this underground know and the monk is what gave me my strength

and the monk is what gave me my strength I was underground much quiet so much

I was underground much quiet so much quiet in my life I saw all the noise out

quiet in my life I saw all the noise out you're that guy in the corner with the

you're that guy in the corner with the hoodie on that's me man yeah

hoodie on that's me man yeah that's me that's mirus dangerous

that's me that's mirus dangerous [ __ ] try to man

so so we can expect another bad water appearance oh for sure yeah for sure

appearance oh for sure yeah for sure that is that that

that is that that this will not end this will not end

this will not end this will not end without that [ __ ] right there

without that [ __ ] right there yeah well I want to I want to pivot a

yeah well I want to I want to pivot a little bit and talk about the takeaways

little bit and talk about the takeaways here for for the reader I mean we talked

here for for the reader I mean we talked about the accountability mirror a little

about the accountability mirror a little bit we talked about visualization and

bit we talked about visualization and taking souls but let's talk a little bit

taking souls but let's talk a little bit about how journaling has been

about how journaling has been instrumental in this journey that you've

instrumental in this journey that you've been on yeah so basically I've been

been on yeah so basically I've been journaling now for several years and I

journaling now for several years and I should have bought my journal with me

should have bought my journal with me man I mean I have several of them had

man I mean I have several of them had these little green military notebooks

these little green military notebooks that I've kept actually put a couple in

that I've kept actually put a couple in the in the book they're coming right out

the in the book they're coming right out but I write down my day and what I do is

but I write down my day and what I do is I go back and study that day like

I go back and study that day like sometimes I might I might get sick I

sometimes I might I might get sick I might be over trained I might gain a

might be over trained I might gain a couple pounds here I might feel it

couple pounds here I might feel it whatever that and then I it's like my

whatever that and then I it's like my accountability journal of what I'm doing

accountability journal of what I'm doing with my life physical mental I had

with my life physical mental I had eating journal all this [ __ ] and helped

eating journal all this [ __ ] and helped me go back to once again study I'm a lab

me go back to once again study I'm a lab rat and I study myself I'm like not

rat and I study myself I'm like not feeling [ __ ] up I go okay what I do

feeling [ __ ] up I go okay what I do last week and usually I can find out

last week and usually I can find out where I messed up last week you know how

where I messed up last week you know how much time travel I want some sleep and

much time travel I want some sleep and how much I'm doing all this stuff and

how much I'm doing all this stuff and and through journaling man you can

and through journaling man you can really figure out so much about where

really figure out so much about where you're messing up in life and what you

you're messing up in life and what you need to fix about yourself taking

need to fix about yourself taking constant inventory costing honest about

constant inventory costing honest about that and that's thing about you cannot

that and that's thing about you cannot put [ __ ] in there yeah it's gotta be

put [ __ ] in there yeah it's gotta be a real a real journal about hey today I

a real a real journal about hey today I messed up here today I should have been

messed up here today I should have been a better person here and not just saying

a better person here and not just saying it but actually trying to fix it

it but actually trying to fix it tomorrow do you extend that

tomorrow do you extend that accountability to including like

accountability to including like bringing in like a close circle of

bringing in like a close circle of friends and mentors so they know what's

friends and mentors so they know what's going on or are you just accountable to

going on or are you just accountable to yourself like if somebody's looking at

yourself like if somebody's looking at this and saying well I could do that but

this and saying well I could do that but how do you feel about letting others in

how do you feel about letting others in on your goals and and and having like

on your goals and and and having like external pressure to hold you

external pressure to hold you accountable no there's no external

accountable no there's no external pressure that's that's we don't need it

pressure that's that's we don't need it no you don't I mean but I think other

no you don't I mean but I think other people oh yeah oh yeah

people oh yeah oh yeah it no it's important to have circles

it no it's important to have circles it's important to have like like I

it's important to have like like I talked about man like like that big

talked about man like like that big rabbit hole of bad people that you want

rabbit hole of bad people that you want to get away from like if you're a drunk

to get away from like if you're a drunk you want to stop drinking you gotta get

you want to stop drinking you gotta get away from those people you want to build

away from those people you want to build this nucleus around you of people who

this nucleus around you of people who are saying it's not okay to sleep in

are saying it's not okay to sleep in today

today we gotta get after it hey let me see

we gotta get after it hey let me see your journal you're supposed to be

your journal you're supposed to be running five miles they only ran three

running five miles they only ran three you got to have those people some people

you got to have those people some people need those people hmm

need those people hmm and it's important but you want to get

and it's important but you want to get to the point in your life it's real

to the point in your life it's real important that you hold yourself

important that you hold yourself accountable and those people start to

accountable and those people start to fade away because you now got it you

fade away because you now got it you want to be that person cuz they're not

want to be that person cuz they're not always gonna be there to hold your hand

always gonna be there to hold your hand mm-hmm talk to me about the cookie jar

mm-hmm talk to me about the cookie jar one of the most powerful weapons I have

one of the most powerful weapons I have man as a cookie jar and in times of need

man as a cookie jar and in times of need even the hardest person forgets how

even the hardest person forgets how badass they are so I've been through a

badass they are so I've been through a lot of [ __ ] in my life when you're going

lot of [ __ ] in my life when you're going through a hard time right now you forget

through a hard time right now you forget all the hardship you when doored

all the hardship you when doored so the cookie jar is a reminder that oh

so the cookie jar is a reminder that oh I can get through this hard time right

I can get through this hard time right now but you got to take a second or two

now but you got to take a second or two to reach into the mental cookie jar

to reach into the mental cookie jar let's say it's a fortune cookie

let's say it's a fortune cookie but in my mind my mom is about these

but in my mind my mom is about these cookies knowing the cookie jar and

cookies knowing the cookie jar and there's an Oreo chips or whatever that's

there's an Oreo chips or whatever that's why got the cookie jar from but you got

why got the cookie jar from but you got to open up and say okay man I was in

to open up and say okay man I was in three Hill weeks and I got through two

three Hill weeks and I got through two of them you know I was in Ranger school

of them you know I was in Ranger school I I endured being called [ __ ] I saw

I I endured being called [ __ ] I saw these beatings I you know my mom

these beatings I you know my mom soon-to-be husband got got murdered I

soon-to-be husband got got murdered I saw all these I saw a little kid hair

saw all these I saw a little kid hair get read about all these things aren't

get read about all these things aren't do it alone I had to remind myself of

do it alone I had to remind myself of the strength and the power that I have

the strength and the power that I have that it's in me it's just a reminder of

that it's in me it's just a reminder of how badass you are

how badass you are in hard times because you know we just

in hard times because you know we just forget that that bad time consumes our

forget that that bad time consumes our mind and we forget who we are

mind and we forget who we are torching complacency you have to do that

torching complacency you have to do that every day man a lot of us are very you

every day man a lot of us are very you become complacent you become very

become complacent you become very civilized in life

civilized in life you know the worst thing that can happen

you know the worst thing that can happen to a person you become civilized you get

to a person you become civilized you get to that point where you believe that

to that point where you believe that you've arrived were you my god man I'm

you've arrived were you my god man I'm up there near Michelle Obama on my book

up there near Michelle Obama on my book I've done it man mm-hmm

I've done it man mm-hmm I'm good you can coast I can't I'm good

I'm good you can coast I can't I'm good enough to do her I got played your man

enough to do her I got played your man cards to [ __ ] do out to be a wildland

cards to [ __ ] do out to be a wildland firefighter man I retire for the milk I

firefighter man I retire for the milk I think I could go out there and dig fire

think I could go out there and dig fire line for three miles on 43 mouths done

line for three miles on 43 mouths done it you should just be flying first class

it you should just be flying first class everywhere every blue in speech isn't

everywhere every blue in speech isn't getting paid crazy caffeine in a hotel

getting paid crazy caffeine in a hotel kickin it man and that's exactly when

kickin it man and that's exactly when it's over that mindset right there to

it's over that mindset right there to meet his death I'm not saying you can go

meet his death I'm not saying you can go as hard as you did when you were 20 or

as hard as you did when you were 20 or not 43 but there's a new bar that you

not 43 but there's a new bar that you must always set in your life and once

must always set in your life and once you become complacent and you become

you become complacent and you become civilized you've arrived you no good for

civilized you've arrived you no good for anybody and how do you keep that bar

anybody and how do you keep that bar high when most challenges now I would

high when most challenges now I would imagine seem trivial compared to what

imagine seem trivial compared to what you've endured they are I go back to the

you've endured they are I go back to the sewer in the sewers at $7 a month place

sewer in the sewers at $7 a month place I once lived in as a young kid so even

I once lived in as a young kid so even though mentally mentally mentally and I

though mentally mentally mentally and I always talked about it I'll talk about

always talked about it I'll talk about I'm always paying rent and that $7 month

I'm always paying rent and that $7 month place where I grew up in that nasty

place where I grew up in that nasty little place I grew up in I remember it

little place I grew up in I remember it I remember like it was yesterday and I'm

I remember like it was yesterday and I'm glad I do I never want to forget the

glad I do I never want to forget the dungeon of where I come from even though

dungeon of where I come from even though it's real spooky and scary and there's

it's real spooky and scary and there's no lights on in there there's cobwebs

no lights on in there there's cobwebs and some creepy [ __ ] in there

and some creepy [ __ ] in there some demons all those [ __ ] in

some demons all those [ __ ] in there made me dragons may be Who I am

there made me dragons may be Who I am today that's where the strength came

today that's where the strength came from you got to go back to the beginning

from you got to go back to the beginning to to the fundamentals of life to the

to to the fundamentals of life to the very fundamentals that we're all like

very fundamentals that we're all like playing basketball you gotta go back to

playing basketball you gotta go back to the fundamentals you just know you can't

the fundamentals you just know you can't always just stay up here you got to go

always just stay up here you got to go back to scratch that's a that challenge

back to scratch that's a that challenge becomes staying in tune with that that's

becomes staying in tune with that that's right you know what I mean because

right you know what I mean because life's getting better and easier for you

life's getting better and easier for you and bigger and there's more demands on

and bigger and there's more demands on your time and like people are throwing

your time and like people are throwing really

really cool fun shitty yeah I'm always asked my

cool fun shitty yeah I'm always asked my fiance my conversation on a weekly basis

fiance my conversation on a weekly basis is I cannot get away from who the [ __ ] I

is I cannot get away from who the [ __ ] I am Who I am

am Who I am is who I'm proud of I'm very proud of

is who I'm proud of I'm very proud of the hard-working calloused hands

the hard-working calloused hands calloused mine human being that I

calloused mine human being that I literally made this person with a lot of

literally made this person with a lot of help from above a lot of guidance from

help from above a lot of guidance from saying you're gonna go left and you

saying you're gonna go left and you should go right that horrible voice that

should go right that horrible voice that wouldn't let me get away from myself and

wouldn't let me get away from myself and hide forever I listen to it I listen to

hide forever I listen to it I listen to it and the only way you can set the

it and the only way you can set the example is you have to always be willing

example is you have to always be willing to work

to work I don't follow people who talk about

I don't follow people who talk about what they used to do in life look if

what they used to do in life look if [ __ ] what you used to do I don't care

[ __ ] what you used to do I don't care that you know you used to be the best

that you know you used to be the best mother I don't care what are you doing

mother I don't care what are you doing today you may not be that person now but

today you may not be that person now but what are you still doing - trying to

what are you still doing - trying to excel in life and a lot of people now

excel in life and a lot of people now are talking I hear so much talk I don't

are talking I hear so much talk I don't hear a lot of work I hear like people

hear a lot of work I hear like people telling you what you should be doing how

telling you what you should be doing how you should be doing it how you should be

you should be doing it how you should be [ __ ] living and I look at them and

[ __ ] living and I look at them and you're fat you're out of shape you look

you're fat you're out of shape you look like [ __ ] but you're telling a

like [ __ ] but you're telling a [ __ ] how to live no man I won't

[ __ ] how to live no man I won't listen to you there's so many people

listen to you there's so many people speak in this [ __ ] and that's what

speak in this [ __ ] and that's what bothered me a lot in the military

bothered me a lot in the military there's a lot of people talking [ __ ] I

there's a lot of people talking [ __ ] I don't see the real suffering behind it

don't see the real suffering behind it behind what you're saying

behind what you're saying everybody said man you talk with

everybody said man you talk with someone's past because it's a real

someone's past because it's a real [ __ ] place it sucks to get in the

[ __ ] place it sucks to get in the morning something it was raining like

morning something it was raining like cats and dogs I don't get my shoes on go

cats and dogs I don't get my shoes on go run but guess what I got my [ __ ] on the

run but guess what I got my [ __ ] on the rain yeah got that mother bigquery's

rain yeah got that mother bigquery's like is the vision that's coming into my

like is the vision that's coming into my mind is like is Jake LaMotta at the end

mind is like is Jake LaMotta at the end of raging ball when he's all fat and

of raging ball when he's all fat and he's staring himself in in his own lack

he's staring himself in in his own lack of accountability mirror right right

of accountability mirror right right like drunk and talking about the good

like drunk and talking about the good old days right there are no good old

old days right there are no good old days man no no good old days you got ya

days man no no good old days you got ya go back and use it for strength man but

go back and use it for strength man but it's where you at now I think the most

it's where you at now I think the most one of the most empowering

one of the most empowering takeaways challenges that you pose in

takeaways challenges that you pose in the book

the book is the schedule that in thing man

is the schedule that in thing man because the biggest thing that I hear

because the biggest thing that I hear and I know you must hear constantly

and I know you must hear constantly every single day is like can't I don't

every single day is like can't I don't have time man you don't know my life I

have time man you don't know my life I got this I got that I got this it's just

got this I got that I got this it's just it's not gonna happen for me right which

it's not gonna happen for me right which you don't have is you haven't

you don't have is you haven't prioritized your life correctly we all

prioritized your life correctly we all have time we all have time what you've

have time we all have time what you've done wrong is that you you didn't

done wrong is that you you didn't prioritize yourself you didn't put eyes

prioritize yourself you didn't put eyes that look [ __ ] I gotta get up

that look [ __ ] I gotta get up and win this war today against myself I

and win this war today against myself I need you look better I need you feel

need you look better I need you feel better to eat better I need to

better to eat better I need to prioritize time or I gotta run a hundred

prioritize time or I gotta run a hundred miles on broken feet or you got do

miles on broken feet or you got do whatever it is that's it that's it man

whatever it is that's it that's it man there's a lot of growth from that [ __ ] I

there's a lot of growth from that [ __ ] I like this idea of you know doing taking

like this idea of you know doing taking this inventory tool and applying it to

this inventory tool and applying it to how you're spending your time throughout

how you're spending your time throughout the day you know I talk about this a lot

the day you know I talk about this a lot and you went into detail in this

and you went into detail in this challenge about look man if you if you

challenge about look man if you if you actually write down how you're spending

actually write down how you're spending your time throughout the day over a

your time throughout the day over a seven day period you're gonna mean it's

seven day period you're gonna mean it's crazy cuz I thought I was being pretty

crazy cuz I thought I was being pretty efficient with my time and I've done

efficient with my time and I've done this and it's just amazing how much time

this and it's just amazing how much time is wasted that you're not even

is wasted that you're not even consciously aware of unreal how much

consciously aware of unreal how much time you waste during the day and most

time you waste during the day and most of it is on these [ __ ] computers

of it is on these [ __ ] computers phones you know instagramming back and

phones you know instagramming back and forth whatever the hook eCollege [ __ ]

forth whatever the hook eCollege [ __ ] nowadays tweeting and texting the [ __ ]

nowadays tweeting and texting the [ __ ] we waste so much time on our little

we waste so much time on our little gadgets it's unreal every time but we

gadgets it's unreal every time but we have no time if you really think you

have no time if you really think you have to take your day and write write

have to take your day and write write down this one day everything you do

down this one day everything you do write that down and you like my god I am

write that down and you like my god I am wasting so much time on frivolous

wasting so much time on frivolous [ __ ] not funny I mean it will it

[ __ ] not funny I mean it will it doesn't infuriate you it should because

doesn't infuriate you it should because there's so much time I can't get it in

there's so much time I can't get it in look at your schedule just wasted seven

look at your schedule just wasted seven hours today on [ __ ] I mean you'll

hours today on [ __ ] I mean you'll have an hour a day to try to get

have an hour a day to try to get something in for yourself

something in for yourself I guarantee everybody can find an hour

I guarantee everybody can find an hour then it becomes about willingness yeah

then it becomes about willingness yeah because no just there's harder they're

because no just there's harder they're not willing to get up that early to you

not willing to get up that early to you know make those sacrifices required so

know make those sacrifices required so it's a function of how badly do you want

it's a function of how badly do you want to change your life and what are you

to change your life and what are you willing to endure

willing to endure to craft that life that you aspire to

to craft that life that you aspire to have or do you just want to talk about

have or do you just want to talk about it yeah I mean it's [ __ ] miserable it

it yeah I mean it's [ __ ] miserable it is miserable

is miserable I mean to get up every day or five days

I mean to get up every day or five days a week whatever when it's snowing Shani

a week whatever when it's snowing Shani not not shiny not not comfortable and to

not not shiny not not comfortable and to go into gym and workout when you don't

go into gym and workout when you don't want to go to gym it is not fun well and

want to go to gym it is not fun well and we're in a culture that that is driving

we're in a culture that that is driving everybody towards this idea that

everybody towards this idea that happiness is purchased through luxury

happiness is purchased through luxury comfort and ease how true that could not

comfort and ease how true that could not be you know more different from that

be you know more different from that reality that if you want to find peace

reality that if you want to find peace with yourself self understanding self

with yourself self understanding self knowledge self esteem all of these

knowledge self esteem all of these things are going to be found only

things are going to be found only through sacrifice getting uncomfortable

through sacrifice getting uncomfortable reevaluating what your normal is and and

reevaluating what your normal is and and putting yourself in situations that you

putting yourself in situations that you don't want to [ __ ] do yes and we want

don't want to [ __ ] do yes and we want it very fast if you don't see results in

it very fast if you don't see results in the first two days or the first week I'm

the first two days or the first week I'm done that's the mentality of most people

done that's the mentality of most people their struggle is too real we're not

their struggle is too real we're not patient we like in the world where you

patient we like in the world where you can google the best restaurants around

can google the best restaurants around me right now no one is patient and for

me right now no one is patient and for you to lose weight for you to stop drink

you to lose weight for you to stop drink if you where the hell you're going

if you where the hell you're going through it takes a lot of patience a lot

through it takes a lot of patience a lot of time and a lot of pitfalls a lot of

of time and a lot of pitfalls a lot of plateaus you can hit so many [ __ ]

plateaus you can hit so many [ __ ] plateaus if you don't know how to get

plateaus if you don't know how to get around that plateau it's not gonna

around that plateau it's not gonna happen fast mm-hmm yeah everybody wants

happen fast mm-hmm yeah everybody wants the hack yeah everybody must there is no

the hack yeah everybody must there is no hack man

hack man there's no hack what do you think is the

there's no hack what do you think is the biggest stumbling block that most people

biggest stumbling block that most people face with this kind of journey honestly

face with this kind of journey honestly is they have the well with me mentality

is they have the well with me mentality it's too hard life isn't fair these

it's too hard life isn't fair these things in life are not easy for me you

things in life are not easy for me you you you look to your left you look to

you you look to your left you look to your right and you start to judge

your right and you start to judge yourself off other people like if you're

yourself off other people like if you're a female she's skinny she doesn't work

a female she's skinny she doesn't work out as hard as I do and everything

out as hard as I do and everything starts to corrupt your mind you start to

starts to corrupt your mind you start to look around too much other people what

look around too much other people what they're doing and that starts to corrupt

they're doing and that starts to corrupt your own dialogue we are judging

your own dialogue we are judging ourselves against too many [ __ ]

ourselves against too many [ __ ] people you have to judge yourself

people you have to judge yourself against yourself and that's the one

against yourself and that's the one thing I started learning this in the

thing I started learning this in the race against me and rich roll this

race against me and rich roll this racing is David Goggins and David

racing is David Goggins and David Goggins alone if once you can silence

Goggins alone if once you can silence all that [ __ ] all the outside

all that [ __ ] all the outside interference and things that are

interference and things that are attracting your mind to everything you

attracting your mind to everything you can then start to grow and realize and

can then start to grow and realize and I'm stressed out for no reason this is a

I'm stressed out for no reason this is a whole little race there's no little time

whole little race there's no little time line and this time we run it I think

line and this time we run it I think that so many people are so disconnected

that so many people are so disconnected from themselves they're operating on

from themselves they're operating on autopilot they're reacting to their

autopilot they're reacting to their environment that even when given the

environment that even when given the opportunity to set a goal for themselves

opportunity to set a goal for themselves they generally don't set the right goal

they generally don't set the right goal right because they don't know what the

right because they don't know what the [ __ ] they're doing because they don't

[ __ ] they're doing because they don't even know who they are fundamentally

even know who they are fundamentally that's the big thing man and that's why

that's the big thing man and that's why it was important for me to finally

it was important for me to finally realize stop being all this fake people

realize stop being all this fake people I used to be stop being afraid there was

I used to be stop being afraid there was no growth until I cut myself down to

no growth until I cut myself down to nothing to the person I really was the

nothing to the person I really was the real human being and once I found out

real human being and once I found out who I really was

who I really was that's when I started growing I was

that's when I started growing I was trying to build on top of a lied

trying to build on top of a lied fucked-up foundation you can't build a

fucked-up foundation you can't build a house in the [ __ ] up foundation so I

house in the [ __ ] up foundation so I had to get down to the actual mineral

had to get down to the actual mineral soil of who I was naturally you can

soil of who I was naturally you can start real growth and what is the role

start real growth and what is the role that suffering plays in that or the

that suffering plays in that or the willingness to suffer it starts to peel

willingness to suffer it starts to peel all those layers away all those

all those layers away all those artificial layers away if you're willing

artificial layers away if you're willing to suffer and suffer and go back in the

to suffer and suffer and go back in the grind that internal dialog you have with

grind that internal dialog you have with yourself when you're in misery and

yourself when you're in misery and you're uncomfortable it's a real scary

you're uncomfortable it's a real scary unfiltered no lying dialogue between you

unfiltered no lying dialogue between you and yourself and people know exactly

and yourself and people know exactly what the [ __ ] I'm talking about when

what the [ __ ] I'm talking about when you're in a bad spot in life and your

you're in a bad spot in life and your mind is saying all kind of [ __ ] that's

mind is saying all kind of [ __ ] that's who you really are that's too real you

who you really are that's too real you know Rocky Balboa moments going on up

know Rocky Balboa moments going on up there like hey you know it's around 14

there like hey you know it's around 14 that's come on we got this no

that's come on we got this no like [ __ ] this I'm out here man it's

like [ __ ] this I'm out here man it's crazy that's where the growth happens

crazy that's where the growth happens when you're able to stay in that moment

when you're able to stay in that moment and talk to yourself talking yourself

and talk to yourself talking yourself back into the suck of wherever you're

back into the suck of wherever you're going through and you started stripping

going through and you started stripping those layers away but as you're

those layers away but as you're stripping those layers away you're

stripping those layers away you're building calluses over top of [ __ ] in

building calluses over top of [ __ ] in your mind that's where the growth starts

your mind that's where the growth starts to happen is when you have to force

to happen is when you have to force yourself to stay in it

yourself to stay in it you can't you can't leave it that's why

you can't you can't leave it that's why ultras are such a great vehicle for self

ultras are such a great vehicle for self exploration and that's why you see all

exploration and that's why you see all of these cultures over the millennia

of these cultures over the millennia that you talk about in your book who use

that you talk about in your book who use running as a means of self exploration

running as a means of self exploration and a path to enlightenment because you

and a path to enlightenment because you can't [ __ ] yourself when you're

can't [ __ ] yourself when you're getting it strips you down to who you

getting it strips you down to who you are and you could you are confronted

are and you could you are confronted with the truth of yourself and your

with the truth of yourself and your reality and you're forced to wrestle

reality and you're forced to wrestle with that yes in a way where there's no

with that yes in a way where there's no escape hatch you know like that first

escape hatch you know like that first hundred mile race I've talked about

hundred mile race I've talked about several times where I lost all yeah all

several times where I lost all yeah all every still the hardest physical thing

every still the hardest physical thing you've ever done right yes physically

you've ever done right yes physically mentally because like you just said I

mentally because like you just said I was unprepared for that race no training

was unprepared for that race no training just recap it like zero training there

just recap it like zero training there were 300 miles so that you could impress

were 300 miles so that you could impress Chris Kaufman it's too hard to get in

Chris Kaufman it's too hard to get in the bad water pretty much right and what

the bad water pretty much right and what about impressing that guy fighting me

about impressing that guy fighting me well you needed him to sign I need you

well you needed him to sign I need you to sign off on it and it was like three

to sign off on it and it was like three days later I'm in a hundred mile race no

days later I'm in a hundred mile race no train at all and when you do that it is

train at all and when you do that it is stupid but what it does if you're not

stupid but what it does if you're not gonna quit it like you just talked about

gonna quit it like you just talked about it breaks you down to nothing

it breaks you down to nothing you are suffering so badly mentally and

you are suffering so badly mentally and physically that all of these demons are

physically that all of these demons are coming up and you trying to find answers

coming up and you trying to find answers and you're trying to find answers it it

and you're trying to find answers it it was like live in 19 hours it's like five

was like live in 19 hours it's like five years I put in two 19 hours of highs and

years I put in two 19 hours of highs and lows and pitfalls and and and seeing the

lows and pitfalls and and and seeing the Sun come up and it was like my god I

Sun come up and it was like my god I live five years in 19 hours it was

live five years in 19 hours it was unbelievable

unbelievable it was unbelievable so do you find

it was unbelievable so do you find yourself chasing that now with every

yourself chasing that now with every ultra challenge no because

ultra challenge no because once you realize what you get from ultra

once you realize what you get from ultra which you get from life I can apply that

which you get from life I can apply that now just by sitting here with you

now just by sitting here with you you know those tools now I don't need to

you know those tools now I don't need to go out even though I still do it and go

go out even though I still do it and go out and Hammer the hammering part is

out and Hammer the hammering part is like you know it's like a purging of the

like you know it's like a purging of the soul you go out there and hammer out

soul you go out there and hammer out there you got to do that everyone's

there you got to do that everyone's wrong you got a hammer man you gotta ya

wrong you got a hammer man you gotta ya get after it but now I figured out so

get after it but now I figured out so many different ways and so many

many different ways and so many different tools through all of the

different tools through all of the journeys I've been through through just

journeys I've been through through just growing up man just just be mature you

growing up man just just be mature you know just just being really mature and

know just just being really mature and now holding on hey you know really

now holding on hey you know really really just letting all that [ __ ] go man

really just letting all that [ __ ] go man and it starting from scratch and let's

and it starting from scratch and let's go let's go for how do you let it go I

go let's go for how do you let it go I don't think enough about people that

don't think enough about people that have let that have wronged me or

have let that have wronged me or situations that have wronged me because

situations that have wronged me because once you've ER once you've come to a

once you've ER once you've come to a place where you are really happy with

place where you are really happy with who you are in life no one [ __ ] with

who you are in life no one [ __ ] with you anymore even though they're [ __ ]

you anymore even though they're [ __ ] with you it doesn't [ __ ] what it doesn't

with you it doesn't [ __ ] what it doesn't [ __ ] with you you know like all these

[ __ ] with you you know like all these eyes would be so hurt by everything in

eyes would be so hurt by everything in the military and if someone did

the military and if someone did Somerset's I'm like man I've overcome so

Somerset's I'm like man I've overcome so much [ __ ] there's not like I'm this in

much [ __ ] there's not like I'm this in the really good headspace right now my

the really good headspace right now my headspace I own it a lot of people own

headspace I own it a lot of people own other people's headspace I owe my own

other people's headspace I owe my own [ __ ] now what do you mean oh no like

[ __ ] now what do you mean oh no like that they're just all caught up and what

that they're just all caught up and what other people think about them and

other people think about them and running all these narratives and that's

running all these narratives and that's right there they're more caught up in

right there they're more caught up in what other people think about them then

what other people think about them then how you feel about your own personal

how you feel about your own personal self so a lot of people have their brain

self so a lot of people have their brain in their mind on rent too whole bunch of

in their mind on rent too whole bunch of [ __ ] in world I am paying rent

[ __ ] in world I am paying rent on my own [ __ ] I finally put an ounce

on my own [ __ ] I finally put an ounce downpayment on it and I'm making

downpayment on it and I'm making payments everyday going day on my own

payments everyday going day on my own [ __ ] brain so you own you don't

[ __ ] brain so you own you don't [ __ ] control that [ __ ] anymore man I

[ __ ] control that [ __ ] anymore man I got it so walk me through a day in the

got it so walk me through a day in the life what's it look like right now well

life what's it look like right now well I mean it's got to be crazy right now I

I mean it's got to be crazy right now I leave here and I fly out to Oregon and

leave here and I fly out to Oregon and I'll be an organ with Cameron Haynes

I'll be an organ with Cameron Haynes we'll be getting after for a few days a

we'll be getting after for a few days a lot more podcast lot more interviews but

lot more podcast lot more interviews but every day

every day every morning I get up I still get my

every morning I get up I still get my run in every morning how do you

run in every morning how do you structure the training the training is

structure the training the training is basically structured off of my schedule

basically structured off of my schedule so look at my schedule yeah that's okay

so look at my schedule yeah that's okay Jennifer would we have today we have

Jennifer would we have today we have this at 7 o'clock in the morning Roger

this at 7 o'clock in the morning Roger that that means I gotta be up by 4

that that means I gotta be up by 4 o'clock in the morning to run that's how

o'clock in the morning to run that's how it works that's how all my [ __ ] works

it works that's how all my [ __ ] works so she lays out the schedule of events

so she lays out the schedule of events to out you just you just set it two

to out you just you just set it two hours earlier she says it could take an

hours earlier she says it could take an hour to get to rich rolls let's say we

hour to get to rich rolls let's say we were at 7 o'clock today in the morning

were at 7 o'clock today in the morning it takes an hour to get to rich rolls

it takes an hour to get to rich rolls with no traffic ok that's that's

with no traffic ok that's that's blocking an hour 15 for rich roll okay

blocking an hour 15 for rich roll okay we got that good morning tom I'm gonna

we got that good morning tom I'm gonna run 7 miles this morning I need 52:34

run 7 miles this morning I need 52:34 that Roger that put in [ __ ] shower shave

that Roger that put in [ __ ] shower shave add that in so the schedule dictates but

add that in so the schedule dictates but I have all the [ __ ] back right so that

I have all the [ __ ] back right so that means getting up at 1:30 trust me

means getting up at 1:30 trust me Roger that I've done that several times

Roger that I've done that several times yeah several how much sleep do you

yeah several how much sleep do you usually get I like getting 7 to 8 hours

usually get I like getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep nowadays I can do that but

of sleep nowadays I can do that but there's times where the schedule says

there's times where the schedule says hey man you're getting three hours and

hey man you're getting three hours and if that's the case right Merry Christmas

if that's the case right Merry Christmas one of the things I felt that that maybe

one of the things I felt that that maybe Joe Rogan didn't quite grasp was why you

Joe Rogan didn't quite grasp was why you would go out and become this wildland

would go out and become this wildland fire from this stage in your life right

fire from this stage in your life right yeah yeah yeah I'm looking at face like

yeah yeah yeah I'm looking at face like what the [ __ ] that's once again going

what the [ __ ] that's once again going back to the roots going back to Who I am

back to the roots going back to Who I am who how I became Who I am today and it

who how I became Who I am today and it comes back from hard work it comes back

comes back from hard work it comes back from having that very minimalistic

from having that very minimalistic mindset and when you're out there man

mindset and when you're out there man and you're 43 and I've accomplished a

and you're 43 and I've accomplished a lot of [ __ ] you got there with some 20

lot of [ __ ] you got there with some 20 year old kids and you're nobody again

year old kids and you're nobody again being nobody there's a lot of power and

being nobody there's a lot of power and being nobody there's a lot of power from

being nobody there's a lot of power from going to scratch again and going back

going to scratch again and going back out there picking up a Pulaski and just

out there picking up a Pulaski and just digging fireline you're just another guy

digging fireline you're just another guy on the line digging a fire line and no

on the line digging a fire line and no one you know there's no

one you know there's no text message there's no my god David can

text message there's no my god David can you sign my book

you sign my book no I [ __ ] get your ass out there

no I [ __ ] get your ass out there it's like being in Army Ranger School I

it's like being in Army Ranger School I do where all the titles are removed

do where all the titles are removed removed that's executives man and I take

removed that's executives man and I take a I've always lived that lifestyle I

a I've always lived that lifestyle I always talk about living day one week

always talk about living day one week one I started day one week one of buds

one I started day one week one of buds so many [ __ ] times and when you hear

so many [ __ ] times and when you hear that your heart is crumbling [ __ ] they

that your heart is crumbling [ __ ] they want week one again man I could go

want week one again man I could go through all that [ __ ] again like I said

through all that [ __ ] again like I said it became my new norm and I found so

it became my new norm and I found so much growth in that day one week one

much growth in that day one week one mentality but what I did wrong I tried

mentality but what I did wrong I tried to put that mentality on a lot of people

to put that mentality on a lot of people and they don't want it yeah what do you

and they don't want it yeah what do you think people most misunderstand about

think people most misunderstand about your story I'm not happy um what the

your story I'm not happy um what the biggest thing is they say look at his

biggest thing is they say look at his eyes

eyes look at his eyes man have you seen his

look at his eyes man have you seen his eyes says he has demons in his eyes like

eyes says he has demons in his eyes like someone happy I'm like there's a lot of

someone happy I'm like there's a lot of projection you know and I see something

projection you know and I see something to see I think that the biggest thing is

to see I think that the biggest thing is I'm not happy I'm not I'm not fulfilled

I'm not happy I'm not I'm not fulfilled you know all this [ __ ]

you know all this [ __ ] they're so missing the point man what

they're so missing the point man what they see in me is a very focused driven

they see in me is a very focused driven human being who found a buried [ __ ]

human being who found a buried [ __ ] treasure within himself

treasure within himself now many people found it so the jury I'm

now many people found it so the jury I'm on is very different than most people as

on is very different than most people as well judge people I say that many times

well judge people I say that many times I don't judge people I'm judged a lot

I don't judge people I'm judged a lot about how I look my eyes might not smile

about how I look my eyes might not smile all the time not laughing not joking and

all the time not laughing not joking and that's the big I'm a funny [ __ ]

that's the big I'm a funny [ __ ] big-time but guess what

big-time but guess what right now it's easy to be happy it's

right now it's easy to be happy it's easy to smile those are the good times -

easy to smile those are the good times - good times

good times hmm those times don't need to be trained

hmm those times don't need to be trained you know how to train myself for good

you know how to train myself for good times those times for most people don't

times those times for most people don't need be trained when I'm trying to give

need be trained when I'm trying to give you all is the misery of sometimes we go

you all is the misery of sometimes we go through in life those are times we might

through in life those are times we might want to [ __ ] talk about we want to

want to [ __ ] talk about we want to skip forward to peace that's this

skip forward to peace that's this [ __ ] [ __ ] all this that's a skip all

[ __ ] [ __ ] all this that's a skip all this pain and suffering and misery of

this pain and suffering and misery of real life let's

real life let's it's covered over nice big blanket and

it's covered over nice big blanket and that's fine piece no sorry it's not

that's fine piece no sorry it's not possible

possible got go into that [ __ ] hellhole of

got go into that [ __ ] hellhole of life that you have that [ __ ] you up and

life that you have that [ __ ] you up and fix it and that's what I'm here to do

fix it and that's what I'm here to do you gotta go to war with yourself before

you gotta go to war with yourself before there's peace that's what I say in the

there's peace that's what I say in the bush you say in the book you must go to

bush you say in the book you must go to war yourself before you find peace so

war yourself before you find peace so I'm trying to give you tools on how to

I'm trying to give you tools on how to do that and I'm not gonna sit and smile

do that and I'm not gonna sit and smile and be happy about it it's a hard

and be happy about it it's a hard journey it's a real journey it's a it's

journey it's a real journey it's a it's a journey that's gonna take you way

a journey that's gonna take you way outside of being comfortable you'd be

outside of being comfortable you'd be very very uncomfortable what we're

very very uncomfortable what we're what's what we're here to do very I mean

what's what we're here to do very I mean I love that we'll see that I love that

I love that we'll see that I love that story that you tell about you know

story that you tell about you know showing up at the pearly gates and

showing up at the pearly gates and wanting to be evaluated based upon your

wanting to be evaluated based upon your potential that's right I mean I believe

potential that's right I mean I believe we're here to grow and progress and

we're here to grow and progress and evolve and if you're not committed to

evolve and if you're not committed to that journey then I think you're missing

that journey then I think you're missing the beauty of life and that doesn't mean

the beauty of life and that doesn't mean it's easy cuz of [ __ ] ain't it is the

it's easy cuz of [ __ ] ain't it is the Warriors path truly how'd you percent

Warriors path truly how'd you percent but if you don't acclimate to

but if you don't acclimate to challenging yourself and facing

challenging yourself and facing obstacles and becoming better on a

obstacles and becoming better on a consistent daily basis then what the

consistent daily basis then what the [ __ ] are you doing I was it and

[ __ ] are you doing I was it and sometimes you have to put the obstacle

sometimes you have to put the obstacle in front of you that's why I went to be

in front of you that's why I went to be right so now life's good and easy so you

right so now life's good and easy so you have to create that's alright cuz I have

have to create that's alright cuz I have no office anymore man life is good so

no office anymore man life is good so I'm gonna go up to Montana or Wyoming or

I'm gonna go up to Montana or Wyoming or what's right you go to let go I go to

what's right you go to let go I go to Montana I said here's my obstacle so

Montana I said here's my obstacle so what your life gets easy and everything

what your life gets easy and everything is great it's time to go online and go

is great it's time to go online and go with some obstacles to put like two

with some obstacles to put like two [ __ ] five you and when you look back

[ __ ] five you and when you look back on your childhood and you think about

on your childhood and you think about your dad do you find peace with that do

your dad do you find peace with that do you find gratitude

you find gratitude 100% man for me to start this journey

100% man for me to start this journey that had to start how to go back to

that had to start how to go back to where it started from

where it started from and I I came from that man that man is a

and I I came from that man that man is a part of me I had to accept that had

part of me I had to accept that had accept that a lot of my insecurities by

accept that a lot of my insecurities by that man beaten

that man beaten why that man beat my mom why that man

why that man beat my mom why that man got in my head her bus said he had a

got in my head her bus said he had a [ __ ] up life I had to study him and I

[ __ ] up life I had to study him and I had to realize I had to find peace with

had to realize I had to find peace with all that I had to realize that what he

all that I had to realize that what he did like he hated me mm-hmm

did like he hated me mm-hmm he hate himself and so once you start to

he hate himself and so once you start to grow up and like I say take a different

grow up and like I say take a different vantage point I had to forgive that man

vantage point I had to forgive that man even though I didn't say sorry he never

even though I didn't say sorry he never said sorry we had our last conversation

said sorry we had our last conversation at 22 years old and he died about four

at 22 years old and he died about four or five years ago cause last time I

or five years ago cause last time I talked about 22 years old but he was

talked about 22 years old but he was able to see you become successful from a

able to see you become successful from a distance I think it hurt him I think it

distance I think it hurt him I think it hurt him because he saw me become a man

hurt him because he saw me become a man a man that he was very proud of and he'd

a man that he was very proud of and he'd had much to do with it but once again I

had much to do with it but once again I didn't hate him for he was the fuel

didn't hate him for he was the fuel beneath it all he was a lot of fuel man

beneath it all he was a lot of fuel man but once but I will say this anger was

but once but I will say this anger was never my fuel a lot of people think that

never my fuel a lot of people think that I would think that would be maybe a big

I would think that would be maybe a big misconception about it is it's easy to

misconception about it is it's easy to look at you and that guy's that guy is

look at you and that guy's that guy is lit up and resentment even back in the

lit up and resentment even back in the day so I gotta say I've never seen this

day so I gotta say I've never seen this before I was actually telling my fiancee

before I was actually telling my fiancee this the other day people think anger

this the other day people think anger with my [ __ ] fuel just so yeah anger

with my [ __ ] fuel just so yeah anger can be a fuel anger got me to look into

can be a fuel anger got me to look into things to become better I want to show

things to become better I want to show him but I'll tell you one thing when

him but I'll tell you one thing when you're suffering and your [ __ ] at the

you're suffering and your [ __ ] at the wit's end and you want to [ __ ] quit

wit's end and you want to [ __ ] quit that anger is gone brother

that anger is gone brother well it's also not a sustainable fuel

well it's also not a sustainable fuel lowers your mind is thinking about let's

lowers your mind is thinking about let's get the [ __ ] out of here so I realized

get the [ __ ] out of here so I realized this anger ain't [ __ ] I didn't think

this anger ain't [ __ ] I didn't think about my dad beat me up I need my kids

about my dad beat me up I need my kids coming [ __ ] I think about yeah [ __ ] I

coming [ __ ] I think about yeah [ __ ] I thought my man this [ __ ] water is

thought my man this [ __ ] water is cold as balls now get the [ __ ] out of

cold as balls now get the [ __ ] out of here so I realized anger was no fuel for

here so I realized anger was no fuel for me it may have got me to say I want to

me it may have got me to say I want to be somebody anger got me caught up in

be somebody anger got me caught up in some serious ego chips man yeah and on

some serious ego chips man yeah and on the subject of sustainable fuel sources

the subject of sustainable fuel sources motivations not your favorite motivation

motivations not your favorite motivation is just this Goggins he's so motivation

is just this Goggins he's so motivation motive

motive I'm so inspired and motivation has

I'm so inspired and motivation has killed a man is this killing liking all

killed a man is this killing liking all these fires that happen here in

these fires that happen here in California man so so tragic what

California man so so tragic what happened out here but those fires start

happened out here but those fires start by a little motivation and this if I'm

by a little motivation and this if I'm looking at mass like a like a little

looking at mass like a like a little spark starts these big fires it was so

spark starts these big fires it was so crazy that's why I look at motivation

crazy that's why I look at motivation motivations just a spark but those

motivations just a spark but those little sparks and something light comes

little sparks and something light comes by real quick with some water that fires

by real quick with some water that fires doubt this out but if you come by and

doubt this out but if you come by and that little fire no one touches it and

that little fire no one touches it and that little fire which is motivation

that little fire which is motivation which is kindling and that kindling

which is kindling and that kindling grows off - like they call it when our

grows off - like they call it when our fuels - our fuels 10 our fuels $10,000

fuels - our fuels 10 our fuels $10,000 fuels you want that thing to ball over

fuels you want that thing to ball over and catch a nice big log let's go burn a

and catch a nice big log let's go burn a long time and that big loss starts

long time and that big loss starts catching everything on fire this is your

catching everything on fire this is your soul so motivation a lot of times can be

soul so motivation a lot of times can be [ __ ] just put some water on it puts

[ __ ] just put some water on it puts it out that motivation is to turn into

it out that motivation is to turn into Drive passion obsession - what you want

Drive passion obsession - what you want to become and once they come obsession

to become and once they come obsession or driven it's a [ __ ] Inferno so now

or driven it's a [ __ ] Inferno so now you got calling tons of fire fires and

you got calling tons of fire fires and call them for help for here calling for

call them for help for here calling for help from there and they're not putting

help from there and they're not putting that [ __ ] out don't they can take that

that [ __ ] out don't they can take that thing out it's gotta burn itself out but

thing out it's gotta burn itself out but obsession is self generated you can feel

obsession is self generated you can feel another person to become obsessed though

another person to become obsessed though that has to you know be something that

that has to you know be something that is cultivated deep deep inside yourself

is cultivated deep deep inside yourself deep and most people never experience

deep and most people never experience what it's like to be obsessed and I

what it's like to be obsessed and I think we put a negative label we oh yeah

think we put a negative label we oh yeah on obsession oh yeah he's obsessed no

on obsession oh yeah he's obsessed no it's to me it's a it's a dead gone it's

it's to me it's a it's a dead gone it's a it's a compliment it's a compliment

a it's a compliment it's a compliment mad to be and a lot of times it can [ __ ]

mad to be and a lot of times it can [ __ ] you up it can ruin your life you could

you up it can ruin your life you could be upset but I'll tell you one thing if

be upset but I'll tell you one thing if you want to be great want to be bashed

you want to be great want to be bashed [ __ ] ever at what you do you

[ __ ] ever at what you do you could be misunderstood by everybody

could be misunderstood by everybody because you're gonna be so [ __ ]

because you're gonna be so [ __ ] obsessed and so driven to get there

obsessed and so driven to get there that's what it takes that's the trip

that's what it takes that's the trip takes every second of your [ __ ] life

takes every second of your [ __ ] life if anybody says balance yeah balance is

if anybody says balance yeah balance is important for a lot of [ __ ] people it

important for a lot of [ __ ] people it is but if you want to [ __ ] go to that

is but if you want to [ __ ] go to that edge

edge people do not like you don't understand

people do not like you don't understand you question everything you [ __ ] do

you question everything you [ __ ] do you you've arrived when you are

you you've arrived when you are misunderstood to the point where [ __ ]

misunderstood to the point where [ __ ] people think you're psycho and you're

people think you're psycho and you're nuts and you're this and that why are

nuts and you're this and that why are you in the [ __ ] gym at one o'clock in

you in the [ __ ] gym at one o'clock in the [ __ ] morning you've got through

the [ __ ] morning you've got through doing an OP for [ __ ] 13 14 hours at

doing an OP for [ __ ] 13 14 hours at the Ranger school man

the Ranger school man at the gym what's wrong you will never

at the gym what's wrong you will never understand what is wrong with me and

understand what is wrong with me and that's why I'm so [ __ ] glad you don't

that's why I'm so [ __ ] glad you don't cuz I'm in the right [ __ ] spot when

cuz I'm in the right [ __ ] spot when people don't understand you anymore

people don't understand you anymore you're in that spot of obsession and

you're in that spot of obsession and drive where people have quit the [ __ ] is

drive where people have quit the [ __ ] is wrong with this guy I want to talk to

wrong with this guy I want to talk to you man cuz you're not gonna get it I'm

you man cuz you're not gonna get it I'm not gonna get it

not gonna get it boom I want you to get it yeah don't

boom I want you to get it yeah don't want you to get it yeah that's powerful

want you to get it yeah that's powerful man alright well we got to land the ship

man alright well we got to land the ship but I want to leave people with a couple

but I want to leave people with a couple thoughts this is gonna go up on New

thoughts this is gonna go up on New Year's Day it's the time of year where

Year's Day it's the time of year where everyone's thinking about what they want

everyone's thinking about what they want their 2009 to look like 2019 to look

their 2009 to look like 2019 to look like they should have been thinking

like they should have been thinking about that a long time ago it's the way

about that a long time ago it's the way it works for most people so let's let's

it works for most people so let's let's leave people let's let's get them you

leave people let's let's get them you know set on a good trajectory with a

know set on a good trajectory with a couple things to think about and execute

couple things to think about and execute on as I like lead into January how's

on as I like lead into January how's that man so I bought my set yeah that's

that man so I bought my set yeah that's it man you have to change the dialogue

it man you have to change the dialogue with in your head and one thing I

with in your head and one thing I guarantee you there's some stat out

guarantee you there's some stat out there about January 1 all that kindling

there about January 1 all that kindling that you started or that motivation

that you started or that motivation usually burn out by about 10 to 12 days

usually burn out by about 10 to 12 days later so I see how far you can take that

later so I see how far you can take that [ __ ] I see if you can get a [ __ ]

[ __ ] I see if you can get a [ __ ] there's a challenge from Goggins do you

there's a challenge from Goggins do you usually is 10 to 12 days man people

usually is 10 to 12 days man people always coming man hey I want to work out

always coming man hey I want to work out program I no longer give them anymore

program I no longer give them anymore cuz you go waste my [ __ ] time good I

cuz you go waste my [ __ ] time good I know most people out there once that

know most people out there once that [ __ ] one alarm clock goes off the

[ __ ] one alarm clock goes off the wrong time of the day I'm not going to

wrong time of the day I'm not going to the gym right or they get the workout

the gym right or they get the workout program but then they're like hey they

program but then they're like hey they hit you up again what kind of watch do I

hit you up again what kind of watch do I need to guess right let's not use as

need to guess right let's not use as much just keep coming every

much just keep coming every he goes by without anything going on

he goes by without anything going on keep coming go to the store buy a pair

keep coming go to the store buy a pair of shoes and Merry Christmas have fun

of shoes and Merry Christmas have fun with that [ __ ]

with that [ __ ] call me after you lose some [ __ ]

call me after you lose some [ __ ] weight running your ass in the dirt and

weight running your ass in the dirt and then we'll work on some other [ __ ] right

then we'll work on some other [ __ ] right now get your base on there you go man

now get your base on there you go man all right cool pleasure and an honor my

all right cool pleasure and an honor my friend thank you so much for having me

friend thank you so much for having me on again rich I appreciate you missus

on again rich I appreciate you missus this is amazing

this is amazing I cannot recommend this book more highly

I cannot recommend this book more highly can't hurt me get the audiobook get the

can't hurt me get the audiobook get the hardcover it's available right wherever

hardcover it's available right wherever you buy books I'll put a link in the

you buy books I'll put a link in the show notes to it as well

show notes to it as well this book will [ __ ] change your life

this book will [ __ ] change your life I promise you man and I'm no stranger to

I promise you man and I'm no stranger to these kind of narratives and I thought

these kind of narratives and I thought like I said at the outset of this that I

like I said at the outset of this that I knew the story I did not know the story

knew the story I did not know the story and I was profoundly impacted by it and

and I was profoundly impacted by it and also just so great that that our mutual

also just so great that that our mutual friend Adam is part of this he's a man's

friend Adam is part of this he's a man's man he did a great job of capturing your

man he did a great job of capturing your voice and I know this was you know a

voice and I know this was you know a long journey with the two of you guys

long journey with the two of you guys but it came out on top I went through a

but it came out on top I went through a lot of Ghost Rider's now I didn't come a

lot of Ghost Rider's now I didn't come a ghost right that's the wrong word Ghost

ghost right that's the wrong word Ghost Writer server see that's why the so

Writer server see that's why the so called ghost right was hand in hand

called ghost right was hand in hand right beside me doing the audiobook so

right beside me doing the audiobook so you know he sees a lot morning ghost

you know he sees a lot morning ghost right he was a guy that captured a very

right he was a guy that captured a very [ __ ] up life and he captured that [ __ ]

[ __ ] up life and he captured that [ __ ] just right together we captured some

just right together we captured some good [ __ ] so it's it's a good read yeah

good [ __ ] so it's it's a good read yeah it's gonna be awesome man all right dude

it's gonna be awesome man all right dude until next time Roger Roger that

until next time Roger Roger that [Music]

you [Music]

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