0:08 [Music]
0:10 Hi everyone and thank you for taking
0:12 time to watch this video. I'm Dr. Peter
0:14 Serno and before we begin I want to be
0:16 clear. I am not speaking in pjoratives
0:19 or insults. I am a professional not a
0:21 lay commentator. I earned my doctorate
0:23 in psychology and earned my license as a
0:25 clinical practitioner. I've subsequently
0:27 retired my license to focus more on
0:29 education. But throughout my clinical
0:32 career, I received specialized training
0:34 from some of the world's top experts in
0:36 the field. And when I say expert, I am
0:38 not referring to pop psychology
0:40 celebrities. I mean the people who
0:42 conduct the research, the people who
0:45 wrote sections of diagnostic manuals and
0:47 the people who treated these individuals
0:49 in clinical and forensic settings. Like
0:52 any medical specialist, an oncologist
0:54 talking about cancer, or a cardiologist
0:55 talking about heart disease,
0:58 professionals like myself have the right
1:00 and the responsibility to speak openly
1:02 about what we've studied and what we've
1:05 witnessed. A quick caution, I welcome
1:08 thoughtful, collaborative discussion,
1:10 including disagreements, but it's always
1:12 obvious when a comment thread is working
1:15 well and then one or two people's anger
1:17 and reactivity hijacks it. those
1:19 comments stick out like a sore thumb.
1:21 So, I'm kindly asking that anyone who
1:23 leaves comments, please be respectful to
1:25 everybody that's involved in the comment
1:27 thread. It's really important to be able
1:29 to have these discussions to get the
1:31 right information out there without
1:33 constantly having to worry about being
1:36 harassed, threatened, devalued, or
1:38 demeaned. This video is about the
1:41 deliberate cycle of abuse that is common
1:43 in combative personalities. Combative
1:47 and abusive personalities rely on very
1:49 predictable cycles of abuse. One of
1:51 these cycles, which we're going to
1:54 highlight in this video, is belittling,
1:57 intimidating, threatening, and self
1:59 victimizing. When someone tries to
2:01 belittle you, they are trying to lower
2:04 your confidence with constant put downs.
2:06 They might say things like, "Wow, that's
2:09 the best you can do." Or, "God, you're
2:12 so sensitive." Over time, these messages
2:16 stockpile and erode self-worth. Next, we
2:18 have intimidation. Intimidation makes
2:21 you afraid through power displays or
2:24 implied menace. It can be a glare across
2:27 the room, a slammed fist, even hostile
2:29 silence. You know what could happen even
2:31 if it's not said. But intimidation goes
2:34 far beyond physical displays. A common
2:36 intimidation tactic in abusive
2:38 personalities in clinical settings, for
2:40 example, is when a combative or abusive
2:42 personality perceives that they have
2:44 been slighted by their mental health
2:46 professional and they make little
2:48 comments like, "I wonder what your board
2:50 would have to say about this." There's
2:52 an implied menace in a comment like
2:54 that. Obviously, the person is using an
2:57 intimidation tactic to try to make the
2:59 clinician feel as if they're going to be
3:02 reported. And the reality is people who
3:04 have a justified reason for reporting a
3:06 mental health professional don't stoop
3:08 to that tactic. It's a clear indicator
3:10 that the person is combative and
3:12 abusive. This type of intimidation can
3:15 also be seen in romantic relationships
3:17 when somebody's trying to intimidate
3:20 their partner, alluding to the idea that
3:21 they're going to spend time with
3:23 somebody that they may or may not be
3:25 attracted to. This is a way of
3:27 destabilizing a partner into thinking
3:30 that they might be cheated on or that
3:32 they pushed the person away and so now
3:34 there might be some retaliation. And
3:36 then we have threatening. Threatening
3:39 makes consequences explicit.
3:42 Essentially, do this or else. This might
3:44 mean threats to your safety, your
3:46 children, or your reputation. Self
3:49 victimization completes the cycle by
3:50 flipping the script. After the
3:52 belittling, intimidation, and explicit
3:54 threats, now all of a sudden the
3:57 combative or abusive personality becomes
3:59 the victim. Sometimes these are
4:01 blatantly obvious, immature comments
4:04 like, "Look what you made me do." Or, "I
4:05 wouldn't have had to do that if you
4:07 didn't push me so hard. What are you
4:08 trying to do to me?" Suddenly, they are
4:10 the victim and you're the one
4:12 apologizing. Now, at this point in the
4:13 video, I want to make something else
4:15 clear. I'm not limiting this cycle to
4:18 cluster B personality pathology. While
4:20 narcissistic, antisocial, borderline,
4:23 and histrionic personalities are often
4:25 the most visible in conversations about
4:28 abuse, severe cluster A and cluster C
4:30 personalities can also be highly
4:32 combative, resistant, and abusive. They
4:34 can be equally as destructive. I'll be
4:36 posting a separate video on cluster A
4:38 and cluster C disorders to break that
4:40 down in more detail. For now, just know
4:42 that the cycle of belittling,
4:44 intimidating, threatening, and self-
4:46 victimizing is not unique to one
4:49 cluster. It's a broader abusive pattern.
4:50 One of the most common excuses you'll
4:52 hear from these individuals is related
4:56 to dissociation or amnesia. I don't even
4:58 remember what I did or said. I blacked
5:01 out. Here's what clinicians know. In
5:03 actual treatment settings, many of these
5:05 individuals actually admit to pretending
5:08 to forget. Why? Because claiming a
5:10 blackout or dissociation isn't usually
5:13 contested even by professionals. and it
5:16 provides a shield and an excuse for the
5:19 abusive behavior. I want to be clear,
5:22 while some people do in fact dissociate,
5:24 what I am saying that's related to this
5:28 video is that some people also pretend
5:31 to dissociate for manipulative purposes.
5:33 During my years of clinical practice, I
5:36 had patients admit to me, saying things
5:38 like, "If I say I forgot, they drop it."
5:40 Or, "Blacking out is easier than
5:42 apologizing for me." So, while
5:45 dissociation is very real in psychology,
5:48 in these cases, it's often exploited as
5:50 an excuse. And when you immerse yourself
5:52 in the clinical world of personality
5:54 disorders, you see so many exceptions to
5:56 the cultural myths. Not everyone has a
5:58 trauma history. Not everyone is lashing
6:01 out unconsciously. In fact, many will
6:03 openly acknowledge in moments of rare
6:05 clarity how calculated their
6:07 manipulation tactics are. It's important
6:09 to emphasize this. Not all abusive
6:12 personalities have trauma histories,
6:13 despite what the most popular narratives
6:16 suggest. Some do, but trauma is neither
6:18 necessary nor sufficient to explain
6:20 these cycles. And when you listen
6:22 closely to patients in clinical settings
6:25 for years and years, they sometimes
6:27 describe in blunt detail how purposeful
6:29 their tactics are. I belittle her
6:31 because it shuts her up. If I stay quiet
6:33 and stare, he gets scared and backs off.
6:35 I threaten because it works. People
6:37 listen when they're afraid. These are
6:39 not slips of the unconscious. They are
6:42 strategies, conscious, repeated, and
6:44 reinforced over time because they work
6:46 for these people. So, what's the
6:48 takeaway? Combative and abusive
6:51 personalities across all clusters rely
6:54 on cycles of belittling, intimidating,
6:56 threatening, and self- victimizing
6:58 because these tactics achieve the
7:00 results they want and they maintain
7:03 control. The danger comes when we excuse
7:06 these behaviors as unconscious or reduce
7:08 them to trauma reenactments. Research,
7:10 clinical experience, and even the
7:13 admission from these individuals
7:16 themselves show otherwise. They know
7:17 very well what they are doing. They
7:20 repeat these patterns because they work,
7:23 not because they lack choice. Abuse in
7:25 these cases is not unconscious. It's
7:27 deliberate. And if you've been caught in
7:30 this cycle, the responsibility lies
7:32 entirely with the person who chose it,
7:34 not with you. The more clearly we see
7:36 these patterns, the less power they have
7:39 to confuse us. And that clarity is the
7:41 beginning of freedom. Thank you for
7:43 watching. Please be respectful to me and
7:46 to everyone else in the comments. And if
7:47 you found this video helpful, please
7:48 take a look at some of my other videos
7:51 on this channel. I'm Dr. Peter Serno,
7:53 and until next time, thank you for watching.
Chrome Extension