0:03 welcome to Mom's true tea the podcast
0:05 where moms can spill the true tea on
0:08 various stop provoking topics and
0:10 challenge beliefs about motherhood and
0:13 life authentically unapologetically and
0:16 without judgment I'm your host Kendall leay
0:17 leay [Music]
0:22 [Music]
0:27 Williams today's episode um of Mony is
0:30 about processing the loss of of an
0:35 already a strange parent like how do you
0:39 process the loss of an already a
0:43 stranged parent I was driving to my
0:46 office the other day it was actually the
0:49 day after Father's Day and listening to
0:51 the radio as I always do and I'm
0:54 listening to the host and he's sharing
0:56 how he had an amazing Father's Day and
0:59 how his children had surprised him and
1:02 his nieces and nephews and how they just
1:05 all gathered around and had food and fun
1:08 and just really had a great time and it
1:10 triggered my
1:15 emotions and made me think of my dad my
1:19 emotions were based on the fact that I
1:22 don't remember ever really getting the
1:25 chance to celebrate him on Father's Day
1:28 you know my dad was a strange for
1:31 majority of my life like life due to my
1:34 parents being divorced and he battled
1:37 with drug addiction for a long long time
1:40 and he was incarcerated also for the
1:43 majority of my teen years up into my
1:46 adulthood he actually passed in prison in
1:48 in
1:51 2014 and then I realized that I would
1:55 never be able to celebrate him because
1:56 he's passed away
2:00 now it made me feel sad
2:04 that there would be no Father's Day
2:08 cards or buying ugly ties that he
2:10 probably would never wear there would be
2:13 no dinners there would be no
2:16 celebrations or even me just being able
2:18 to pick up the phone to give him a call
2:22 and say Happy Father's Day and I didn't
2:27 realize until that very moment how much
2:31 I missed having a dad in my life
2:34 since the anniversary date of my dad
2:38 back in April he has for some reason
2:43 been heavily on my mind and on my heart
2:46 maybe he's trying to communicate with me
2:49 and even more after doing the episode on
2:51 finding Grace for our parents if you
2:53 haven't listened to the episode I
2:56 encourage you to do
3:00 so sometimes it's hard to understand and
3:04 why or how you could mourn someone who
3:07 wasn't really present for you in your
3:10 life that person that missed important
3:12 Milestones or important moments in your
3:14 life like
3:17 graduation like getting married like
3:20 having your first child and it's difficult
3:21 difficult
3:26 to express the emptiness or pain you
3:30 feel when that already a strange parent
3:32 is no longer present in your life
3:35 already from the abandonment perspective
3:39 but now that parent is gone for good
3:41 because they've passed away it's
3:46 actually like being abandoned twice and
3:50 when I talk to others who have lost a
3:54 parent I sometimes feel guilty like I
3:57 can't share my
4:02 emotions or the void or s that I feel
4:04 because their dads were present in their
4:07 lives and they had these amazing
4:10 relationships with their Dads but then I
4:13 had to think like it's still a loss of a
4:16 parent whether they are strange or
4:20 whether they have been present or not
4:23 this is still someone who you already
4:25 didn't have in your life and now they're
4:31 gone so there's no space to amend or
4:34 space for them to actually be a part of
4:36 your life because they're
4:41 gone and it doesn't negate how your
4:43 heart could still hurt because of the
4:46 loss of that parent like I know once a
4:49 parent has abandoned us we go through
4:53 our lives and we try to either push down
4:56 the emotions affiliated with that or we
5:00 try to navigate it in a way that we just
5:02 go through our lives like okay this
5:04 person isn't present I have to keep it
5:06 moving and people handle abandonment in
5:08 different ways it's either you're the
5:10 person that's going to keep it moving
5:13 like me or you're that person that it
5:16 really really affects you and it has
5:19 trickled into your adult life and I
5:22 think it has to some degree from the abandonment
5:24 abandonment
5:28 perspective however again a loss is a
5:32 loss my I drive that morning it came
5:37 with this overwhelming wave of emotions
5:41 I cried in on that entire Drive I cried
5:45 my makeup off actually but one thing
5:49 that did come from that drive was my
5:54 opportunity to talk to my dad trusting
5:58 that he heard me and that he saw my
6:01 tears that he felt my broken
6:05 heart I wished him a happy Father's Day
6:09 I told him again that I forgave him for
6:12 not being present and that I wish that I
6:15 understood more outside of the addiction
6:19 why he couldn't be present but that I
6:22 loved him and I trust that he was
6:27 finally free that he was happy and that
6:32 he had peace where ever he is I told him
6:35 that although he wasn't present much
6:38 when he was living that I trust that
6:41 he's with me now that he's watching over
6:44 me and protecting me like I always
6:47 wanted as a little girl and that he was
6:50 standing on business about his baby
6:55 girl you know to those of you who share
6:58 a similar story of being AR Strang from
7:02 a parent or feeling abandonment from a
7:05 parent and now that parent has passed
7:09 away I want you to know that it's okay
7:14 to feel that lingering emptiness to
7:17 allow yourself the space to grieve to
7:22 process those complex emotions but also
7:26 to work on your healing remember our
7:29 parents are still watching over us I
7:32 have to believe that they see us now
7:35 they see those milestones and those
7:39 moments that are amazing to us that we
7:42 think in our minds during the time that
7:46 we wish they were present they are so
7:49 take comfort in that thought and give
7:53 yourself the grace that you deserve
7:56 thank you so much for tuning in I'm so
7:58 blessed to have a community where I can
8:00 show up as my most authentic stuff
8:03 because I don't know what else to be
8:05 don't forget to favorite the show leave
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8:28 tuned for more thought provoking topics
8:31 and real talk on Mom's Che te with
8:35 Kendall leay until next time remember
8:38 you need you just as much as anyone else
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