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5 Things You Think Are Kind — But They’re Making You Powerless. | pragmatic principles | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: 5 Things You Think Are Kind — But They’re Making You Powerless.
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Summary
Core Theme
True respect from others is not earned through excessive helpfulness or generosity, but is commanded by establishing and enforcing personal boundaries, as taught by ancient Stoic philosophers.
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You think being helpful makes people
respect you. You think being available
makes people value you. You think being
generous makes people appreciate you.
Here's the brutal truth that's going to
shatter your worldview. The more you do
for people, the less they think of you.
And every single day, you're training
people to treat you like their personal
servant without even realizing it.
There are five specific things you're
probably doing right now that are
destroying your self-respect, killing
your boundaries, and turning you into
everyone's favorite doormat.
These aren't just bad habits. These are
psychological patterns that signal to
everyone around you that your time,
energy, and dignity are worthless.
But here's what's going to blow your
mind. The ancient stoics figured this
out 2,000 years ago. Marcus Aurelius,
Senica, Epictitus.
These weren't just philosophers. They
were men who commanded respect without
begging for it. They understood
something that modern people have
completely forgotten. Respect isn't
earned through service. It's commanded
through boundaries. Today, I'm going to
show you the five things you need to
stop doing immediately if you want
people to start treating you like
someone who matters instead of someone
who exists to make their lives easier.
And I'm warning you, when you stop doing
these things, some people are going to
hate you for it. Good. That means you're
finally growing a backbone.
The first thing you need to stop doing
is explaining yourself to people who
didn't ask for an explanation. Every
time you justify your decisions, defend
your choices, or provide a dissertation
about why you can't do something, you're
basically announcing to the world that
you don't believe you have the right to
make your own decisions. Listen to
yourself next time someone asks you for
something you don't want to do. Instead
of just saying no, you probably launch
into a detailed explanation.
Well, I would love to help, but I have
this thing and then there's this other
situation and I'm really sorry, but
maybe next time.
Stop. Just stop. You sound like you're
asking permission to have your own life.
Here's what happens when you overexlain.
You give people ammunition to argue with
your decision. Every reason you provide
becomes a problem they can solve, an
obstacle they can remove, or a weakness
they can exploit.
Oh, you're busy with work. This will
only take five minutes. You're tired.
Come on, don't be lazy. You have plans.
Cancel them. This is important.
Marcus Aurelius wrote, "You have power
over your mind, not outside events. But
every time you explain yourself to
people who don't respect your autonomy,
you're giving them power over your decisions.
decisions.
You're teaching them that your no is
actually a maybe if they can just find
the right argument. Strong people don't
explain their boundaries, they enforce
them. When you stop justifying your
decisions, people stop questioning them.
Your no becomes final instead of the
opening statement in a negotiation you
never wanted to have. The second thing
you need to stop doing is being
everyone's free therapist.
You know what I'm talking about. You're
the person everyone calls when they need
to vent, complain, or dump their
emotional baggage, and you sit there
listening to the same problems over and
over again, offering advice that they
never take, becoming a human trash can
for other people's negativity.
Here's the brutal truth. Most people
don't want solutions to their problems.
They want an audience for their drama.
They don't call you because you give
great advice. They call you because
you're reliable, available, and you
won't tell them what they don't want to
hear. You've become their emotional
support animal, not their friend. But
here's what's really happening to your
mental health. Every time you absorb
someone else's negativity, you're
contaminating your own mindset. You
start your day feeling good. Then after
three phone calls from people
complaining about their lives, you feel
drained, frustrated, and pessimistic.
Their problems become your problems.
Their stress becomes your stress. Their
chaos becomes your chaos.
Senica understood this perfectly. He
wrote, "Every new beginning comes from
some other beginning's end." But you
can't begin to build your own mental
strength if you're constantly carrying
other people's emotional weight. You
can't focus on your own growth if you're
always managing other people's breakdowns.
breakdowns.
The solution is simple but brutal. Stop
being available for every emotional
crisis. When someone starts dumping
their problems on you, redirect them.
That sounds tough. What are you going to
do about it?
Don't offer solutions. Don't absorb
their emotions. Don't become their
unpaid therapist.
The third thing you need to stop doing
is lending money and doing favors for
people who never return the gesture.
You know these people. They're always
broke when the bill comes, always need
help moving, always have emergencies
that require your time or money. But
when you need something, they're
suddenly busy, broke, or have convenient
amnesia about all the times you help
them. Here's what you're actually doing
when you keep helping people who don't
help you back. You're training them to
see you as a resource, not a person.
You're teaching them that your time has
no value, your money has no worth, and
your generosity has no limits. You've
become their personal ATM and unpaid assistant.
assistant.
But here's the psychology behind why
this destroys your relationships. When
you give without receiving, you create
an imbalanced dynamic where they feel
entitled to your help and you feel
resentful about their selfishness.
They start expecting your generosity
instead of appreciating it. You start
feeling used instead of valued. The
relationship becomes transactional but
only in one direction.
Epictitus, who was literally a slave
before becoming a philosopher,
understood this better than anyone. He
taught that you can't control other
people's actions, but you can control
your responses. When you keep giving to
people who only take, you're choosing to
be enslaved by their selfishness.
The Stoic approach is reciprocity based
generosity. Help people who help others.
Lend money to people who pay it back. Do
favors for people who return them. Your
generosity should be a reward for good
character, not a subsidy for selfishness.
selfishness.
The fourth thing you need to stop doing
is apologizing for taking up space in
the world. You apologize for your
opinions, your needs, your presence,
your very existence.
Sorry to bother you. Sorry for asking.
Sorry I'm here. Stop apologizing for
being human. You have just as much right
to exist as anyone else. Every
unnecessary apology is a small act of
self- betrayal. You're telling the world
that your presence is an inconvenience.
Your needs are burdens and your thoughts
are probably wrong. You're training
people to see you as someone who doesn't
deserve respect because you clearly
don't respect yourself.
The fifth thing you need to stop doing
is seeking validation from people who
don't even like you. You're constantly
trying to prove your worth to people who
have already decided you're not worth
their time. You change your opinions
based on who's in the room. You laugh at
jokes that aren't funny. You agree with
things you don't believe. You're
performing a version of yourself that
you think others will approve of.
But here's what Marcus Aurelius knew
that you're still learning. External
validation is a drug that never
satisfies. The more you seek approval
from others, the less you approve of
yourself. The more you try to be liked
by everyone, the less you like who
you're becoming. You become addicted to
other people's opinions while losing
touch with your own values.
Stoics don't apologize for existing, and
they don't need permission to have
opinions. They know their worth isn't
determined by popular vote. When you
stop seeking external validation, you
start developing internal strength. When
you stop apologizing for being yourself,
people start respecting who you actually
are. Here's what's going to happen when
you stop doing these five things. At
first, people are going to be confused
and probably angry. They're used to you
explaining yourself, absorbing their
problems, giving without receiving, and
apologizing for existing.
When you suddenly start acting like
someone who values themselves, they're
going to push back hard. Some people
will call you selfish for having
boundaries. Others will say you've
changed, that you're not the same
person. They're right. You're not the
same person. You're no longer their
emotional support system, their free
bank, their unpaid therapist, or their
validation dispenser.
You're finally becoming someone who
respects themselves enough to demand
respect from others. But here's the
beautiful part. The people who truly
care about you will respect your
boundaries. They'll appreciate that
you're no longer a pushover. They'll
value your time more because it's no
longer unlimited. They'll treasure your
help because it's no longer guaranteed.
Um, your relationships will become
healthier because they'll finally be balanced.
balanced.
The Stoics understood that self-respect
isn't selfish. It's essential. You can't
give what you don't have. If you don't
respect yourself, you can't teach others
to respect you. If you don't value your
time, no one else will. If you don't
protect your energy, everyone will drain
it. Marcus Aurelius wrote, "How much
trouble he avoids who does not look to
see what his neighbor says or does."
Stop worrying about what others think of
your boundaries. Stop explaining your
decisions to people who don't respect
them anyway. Stop being everyone's
solution and start being your own
priority. If you're ready to stop being
everyone's doormat and start commanding
the respect you deserve, subscribe to
this channel.
Next week, I'm revealing the three
phrases that instantly shut down
boundary violations. And the week after
that, how to spot people who will never
respect your boundaries no matter what
you do. Drop a comment and tell me which
of these five things you struggle with
most. The most honest responses will
help me create content that actually
changes lives instead of just getting views.
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