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This Secret College Essay Formula WILL Get You In | The Montage Essay
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One of the best college essays that I've
ever read had nothing to do with the
students's main passion. This math
genius with national awards didn't even
mention calculus once. Instead, he wrote
about being a dragon, a therapist, and a
crab accountant. Guess what? This story
got him into Princeton, Upen, Cornell,
Duke, and more. Honestly, it's kind of
strange, but out of all the essay
structures that we recommend, this one
tends to be the most unpopular, and yet
it has the best results. Literally every
single student that I worked with who
used this montage essay structure got
into an Ivy League school. No cap. I'm
Kevin, yo grad, amateur break dancer,
and pro college counselor who's helped
seniors from every background imaginable
get into every single top 20 American
school 5 years in a row. Without further
ado, let's jump into this funny yet
humble example common app essay. First,
I'll read it, then I'll analyze and
discuss what's working. That way you
guys can leverage the same techniques to
get into your dream school. Candace, I'm
the fastest sprinter in the world when
dinner is steamed crab. But to my
dismay, when I dashed into the kitchen,
my siblings had already arrived in front
of the steaming plate, arguing and
fighting. My older sister Candace and I
discussed the dilemma in whispers,
debating how much crab we each should
get. Should we take the largest leg for
ourselves? Should we give our siblings
the middle section with more meat, but
also the weird yellow paste? So, I
devised the system to divide the crab.
As Candace took care of the youngest
siblings, I took out my sticky notes,
giving each sibling points based on
their age. Then, after some discussions
and arguments with my siblings, I
assigned point values to the crab. Five
points for the head, three points for
the legs, and two points for the claws.
Diving up the meat and attempting to
teach our little brothers subtraction,
we finally dug our chopsticks into the
crab, scraping out the flesh from
within. "Wait, what about mom and dad?"
Candace chuckled. "Sarah, crumpled
napkins on the desks and books on the
ground. I'd walked into a crime scene."
"My little sister Sarah sees me and
frantically wipes her eyes." "I heard
Dad yelling at you," I exclaimed, taking
a seat opposite her. She throws another
napkin, staring into the ground,
muttering, "he said I would never go
anywhere in life. You know, you said the
same words to me and Candace at least a
hundred times, I murmur, crossing my
arms and gazing at the ripped pages. But
after a moment, an idea emerges. What if
I told you I've got a strategy for
dealing with tiger parents. Her eyes
light up, interested in my proposal, and
I dive into the details, adding some
acting when necessary. One, act normal.
Two, do something you love. In her case,
drawing. Three, and then the next time
mom or dad gets angry, surprise them.
She looks up. Her frown melts away into
laughter, nodding emphatically to the
plan. Finishing my skit, I propose.
Let's go grab some dinner first. I heard
today is crab day. Louis and Jimmy
trapped in the back seat with my little
brothers as they fight over whether to
watch Peppa Pig or Paw Patrol. I try to
stop them from crying and screaming. But
finally, when Jimmy punches me in the
forehead, I transform into a dragon,
growling and breathing hot air into
their faces, praying they would quiet
down again. They yell in unison.
Surprise! I glare at them, asking, "So,
if I make even more silly sounds, do you
promise to behave?" Their enthusiastic
nods spur me on as I stretch my vocal
cords to mimic the sounds at a zoo.
Monkey cries, mouse squeaks, and dolphin
shrieks. Clearing my throat and taking a
sip of water, I prepare my showstopper.
The lions roar. While they attempt to
copy my other noises, I roar. Cowering,
they hide behind their seat belts as
they glare at me. The car becomes
silent, but then giggling erupts. Haha.
Again, the yell in unison. From serving
as crab divider to tiger parent
therapist to cackling comedian, my role
as the second oldest of six siblings has
always been that of a mediator, keeping
everyone happy and entertained, even on
the most boring car trips. And I'd have
it no other way. Each sibling and
problem has taught me invaluable skills
from learning how to navigate difficult
and often bizarre situations and
conversations to finding humor in
unexpected moments. Truth be told, I
never imagined I'd become a cornerstone
for my family. But after living with my
siblings for years, I now aspire to be a
brother for entire communities,
fostering loving environments where I
can encourage people to embrace
challenges and find their sense of
belonging. M what a phenomenal feelgood
story, guys. Again, I mentioned this
before, but notice how there was
literally nothing to do with the
students's extracurriculars. For
context, this story was written by an
Asian dude who loves math, but notice
how he didn't load any of his AMC
achievements. All he included about the
subject was a funny little tidbit in the
beginning about assigning point values
to crap parts. This is such a smart
tactic. I always tell our students, try
to write about something that can't be
found anywhere else in your application.
Instead, write about who you are as a
friend or sibling. Who you are as a
human being. If you didn't know, now you
know. But family,
family is one of the most goatated essay
topics. A lot of times students,
especially Asian ones, we talk way too
much about intellectual curiosity.
Remember, your academics get plenty of
room to shine in your letters of
recommendation, in your transcript, in
your SAT and standardized test scores.
Also, quick aside, but after this video,
be sure to check out this playlist where
I discuss the other winning essay
structures, formulas, templates,
whatever you want to call them, which
have helped our students get into every
single Ivy League school and top 20
university. Back to the montage essay.
Kevin, how exactly does it work? Similar
to how a motif essay has one key object,
phrase, or experience present throughout
the entire story, a montage essay has a
series of distinct moments, usually
three, connected by a few key themes. At
the very end, we want to connect these
different scenes together, articulating
a secret message that no one scene could
have done alone. Now, here's the thing.
Each of these three moments can be
further broken up into problem and
solution. A good rule of thumb is that
your solution, usually we define this as
you doing good things, concrete evidence
of you growing, should always be longer
than your problem, which at Elevates
Head, we define as things happening to
you, your background information.
Basically, anything that doesn't feature
you doing amazing things for other
people, we call that problem. No need to
articulate the reflection or insight
yet. Trust me, save that at the very end
for your final paragraph. What's really
important here is that throughout each
scene, we should see how you operate in
these different environments. How do you
showcase leadership, proactivity,
generosity? Also, this is paramount.
When we zoom out and see the three
scenes al together, you should become
more active, more involved, more superheroesque.
superheroesque.
In the first scene of the essay we read,
the main character is a bit more
passive. His contribution isn't all that
impressive yet. The second scene though
is where he starts to be making a real
difference. No, he hasn't built a rocket
ship to Mars, but there's proof that he
genuinely cares for his younger sister,
even going so far as to provide a
three-step action plan. By the third
scene, we see concrete evidence of
someone who's kind, spontaneous, funny,
someone we would be excited to admit and
accept to our future college community.
That's not all, folks. Through these
three anecdotes, our author articulates
his incredible ability to adapt, how he
faces challenges head-on and binds
communities together through brotherly
love. Another tip, just because I love
you guys so much, but kids are always
asking me, "Hey, what about
transitions?" And the truth of the
matter is that you don't really need
them. Whether that's in a montage essay
or a regular essay, you can just use a
header. That's what this authored
applicant did. and his headers also
doubled as a clever way to introduce
each character of the scene. Another way
to accomplish the same thing is you can
use a punctuation mark like this little
squiggly thing or an M dash. That's what
I did in my own Common App essay. So
yeah, it works. By the way, my dear
virtual little sibling, if you're
finding this helpful, don't forget to
like and subscribe. Not only does this
help us share more of these amazing
educational resources for free with
terrific students like yourself, yours
truly will be editing your essays later
this fall for free on YouTube. So stay
tuned for that. Last year quite a few of
our students who had their essays edited
on the channel anonymously of course got
into their dream school and said it
really helped. So that could be you.
Let's return to the opening of this
essay. The hook are the first scene
instantly reveals the topic of this
essay. Family when it comes to common
app personal statements, clarity is key.
We don't want to be wondering what your
essay is about after reaching the
halfway point. Make it obvious. Make it
clear. Seriously, vagueness and
confusion. These are huge red flags and
admission killers. All right, the
student here opens with a tale about
dividing crab. At first glance, you
might think that this scene is kind of
mundane. But that, my friends, is
precisely why it works. It's simple but
effective. Why? Because it's relatable,
allowing the reader to connect on a
human level with the story and therefore
the applicant. This first anecdote isn't
just about eating crab. It's about how
the student shows ingenuity and creates
a system that contributes to his family
minus the parents. While we're here, you
should also know that every essay needs
needs needs needs a good hook. If your
first one or two essays are boring or
bad, turn off the admissions reader.
Then they have been known to skim the
rest of your essay or just stop reading.
It's sad but true. The three main types
of hooks that we recommend here at
Elevate TED are the problem hook, the
dialogue hook, and the question hook.
For more on that, by the way, check out
this video. But for now, all you need to
know is that these three hooks really
just serve one purpose to grab the
reader's interest by evoking emotion. In
this case, the emotions are curiosity
and maybe a little bit of joy, humor.
Our example essay started with this
banger of an opening line. I'm the
fastest sprinter in the world when
dinner is steamed crab. This is a
classic example of the problem hook
since well, you know, kind of
establishes a problem. Crab is limited
and likely to run out. That's why I'm
running for the crab. Another technique
this author employs incredibly well is
variation. These three scenes
demonstrate how he solved an array of
different problems, math, pun intended,
engaging different emotions and
developing different values along the
way. Dividing up the crab using a point
system in scene one demonstrates his
ability to think critically. Cheering up
Sarah in the second scene shows his
empathy and the realness of dealing with
tiger parents. And in the third scene,
he reviews his ingenuity, leadership,
humorous side as he convinces his little
brothers to stop fighting and settle
down by making them laugh. At the same
time, all three scenes are grounded by
the overarching theme of service and the
art of being a brother. the montage
essay, guys. It's ultimately about your
character, who you are in these
authentic moments of human connectivity.
Again, things that can't be found in any
activities list or resume. Furthermore,
all three scenes feature dialogue, which
is honestly one of my favorite ways to
make any story more engaging and
memorable, and it's also one of the most
concise ways to do so. Instead of just
stating the emotions of the other
characters, dialogue is used to show
what they're feeling. This allows us as
readers to envision the scenario from
their point of view. For example, in the
final scene, the writer says that after
they imitated a dragon for their little
brothers, Louis and Jimmy, the pair
yelled again. He makes it so easy for us
to picture that image of a pair of kids
hollering in unison. And instantly, that
moment, it's embedded in our memory.
Now, we've already established the
importance of your hook, your opening,
but the next most important section is
actually your conclusion, your takeaway.
This, my friends, is particularly true
for montage essays since you really have
to articulate how and why your scenes
gel together. That said, just because
it's important doesn't mean it has to be long.
long.
Many students fit an amazing conclusion
into one paragraph, or at most two. When
you're writing a montage essay, your
very first instinct might be to
summarize your story, but please,
please, please, please, please resist
that temptation. This is true for any
essay, but you want to make sure that
your conclusion gives the reader unique
insight into who you are. This is the
part, my dear virtual little siblings,
where you answer the following
questions. What do these scenes have to
do with each other? And what can I offer
to my future college community? My
advice here is to not overthink the
conclusion and just save it for last.
After all, your lived experiences, those
are set in stone, but your
interpretation of them can always change
and evolve. The conclusion, guys, it's
so missionritical that I just want to
spend a little bit more time on it. Stay
with me. We've talked a ton about the
content, but now I want to break apart
the flow and analyze this last paragraph
sentence by sentence. Right away, we see
the author only spends one sentence on
the summary, restating for the reader
that his role in the family is that of a
mediator. Nice. After that long summary
sentence, he switches to a short one for
a change in pace. The brevity and the
use of monosyllic words makes the
message even more real, like he's
talking to you face to face. The third
sentence articulates the key insights
learned. How to navigate difficult and
bizarre situations and conversations and
find humor in the most unexpected
moments. These aren't particularly
groundbreaking or unique lessons, but
they are very genuine and humble ones.
And finally, instead of just reflecting
on the past, he adds that he now aspires
to be a brother to entire communities,
fostering loving environments where he
can encourage people to embrace
challenges and find their sense of
belonging, thereby stating exactly how
he plans to continue making awesome
contributions to his future college
community. Terrific. In the spirit of
the three scene essay, I have three
presents for you all. One, if you're
looking for professional help editing
your montage essay to perfection, check
out our site elevated.school/editmy
essay. You can use the code montage 15
to get 15% off your first edit. My
second present, our essay brainstorming
tool. Check it out. It's completely free
this year and uh I'll add the link in
the comment section below. Third
present, you already know, a video of me
break dancing. Thanks for sticking until
the end, guys. Until next time, papa. Peace.
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