0:02 One of the best college essays that I've
0:04 ever read had nothing to do with the
0:06 students's main passion. This math
0:08 genius with national awards didn't even
0:11 mention calculus once. Instead, he wrote
0:13 about being a dragon, a therapist, and a
0:16 crab accountant. Guess what? This story
0:18 got him into Princeton, Upen, Cornell,
0:20 Duke, and more. Honestly, it's kind of
0:22 strange, but out of all the essay
0:24 structures that we recommend, this one
0:27 tends to be the most unpopular, and yet
0:29 it has the best results. Literally every
0:31 single student that I worked with who
0:33 used this montage essay structure got
0:36 into an Ivy League school. No cap. I'm
0:38 Kevin, yo grad, amateur break dancer,
0:40 and pro college counselor who's helped
0:42 seniors from every background imaginable
0:45 get into every single top 20 American
0:48 school 5 years in a row. Without further
0:50 ado, let's jump into this funny yet
0:52 humble example common app essay. First,
0:54 I'll read it, then I'll analyze and
0:56 discuss what's working. That way you
0:58 guys can leverage the same techniques to
1:00 get into your dream school. Candace, I'm
1:02 the fastest sprinter in the world when
1:04 dinner is steamed crab. But to my
1:07 dismay, when I dashed into the kitchen,
1:09 my siblings had already arrived in front
1:11 of the steaming plate, arguing and
1:13 fighting. My older sister Candace and I
1:16 discussed the dilemma in whispers,
1:18 debating how much crab we each should
1:20 get. Should we take the largest leg for
1:22 ourselves? Should we give our siblings
1:24 the middle section with more meat, but
1:27 also the weird yellow paste? So, I
1:30 devised the system to divide the crab.
1:31 As Candace took care of the youngest
1:34 siblings, I took out my sticky notes,
1:36 giving each sibling points based on
1:39 their age. Then, after some discussions
1:41 and arguments with my siblings, I
1:44 assigned point values to the crab. Five
1:46 points for the head, three points for
1:47 the legs, and two points for the claws.
1:49 Diving up the meat and attempting to
1:51 teach our little brothers subtraction,
1:53 we finally dug our chopsticks into the
1:56 crab, scraping out the flesh from
1:57 within. "Wait, what about mom and dad?"
1:59 Candace chuckled. "Sarah, crumpled
2:01 napkins on the desks and books on the
2:04 ground. I'd walked into a crime scene."
2:05 "My little sister Sarah sees me and
2:08 frantically wipes her eyes." "I heard
2:10 Dad yelling at you," I exclaimed, taking
2:12 a seat opposite her. She throws another
2:14 napkin, staring into the ground,
2:15 muttering, "he said I would never go
2:18 anywhere in life. You know, you said the
2:20 same words to me and Candace at least a
2:22 hundred times, I murmur, crossing my
2:25 arms and gazing at the ripped pages. But
2:27 after a moment, an idea emerges. What if
2:29 I told you I've got a strategy for
2:31 dealing with tiger parents. Her eyes
2:33 light up, interested in my proposal, and
2:35 I dive into the details, adding some
2:38 acting when necessary. One, act normal.
2:41 Two, do something you love. In her case,
2:43 drawing. Three, and then the next time
2:45 mom or dad gets angry, surprise them.
2:48 She looks up. Her frown melts away into
2:50 laughter, nodding emphatically to the
2:52 plan. Finishing my skit, I propose.
2:54 Let's go grab some dinner first. I heard
2:56 today is crab day. Louis and Jimmy
2:57 trapped in the back seat with my little
2:59 brothers as they fight over whether to
3:02 watch Peppa Pig or Paw Patrol. I try to
3:04 stop them from crying and screaming. But
3:06 finally, when Jimmy punches me in the
3:09 forehead, I transform into a dragon,
3:11 growling and breathing hot air into
3:13 their faces, praying they would quiet
3:15 down again. They yell in unison.
3:18 Surprise! I glare at them, asking, "So,
3:20 if I make even more silly sounds, do you
3:22 promise to behave?" Their enthusiastic
3:25 nods spur me on as I stretch my vocal
3:27 cords to mimic the sounds at a zoo.
3:30 Monkey cries, mouse squeaks, and dolphin
3:32 shrieks. Clearing my throat and taking a
3:34 sip of water, I prepare my showstopper.
3:36 The lions roar. While they attempt to
3:40 copy my other noises, I roar. Cowering,
3:42 they hide behind their seat belts as
3:44 they glare at me. The car becomes
3:47 silent, but then giggling erupts. Haha.
3:49 Again, the yell in unison. From serving
3:52 as crab divider to tiger parent
3:55 therapist to cackling comedian, my role
3:57 as the second oldest of six siblings has
4:00 always been that of a mediator, keeping
4:02 everyone happy and entertained, even on
4:04 the most boring car trips. And I'd have
4:06 it no other way. Each sibling and
4:08 problem has taught me invaluable skills
4:10 from learning how to navigate difficult
4:12 and often bizarre situations and
4:15 conversations to finding humor in
4:17 unexpected moments. Truth be told, I
4:19 never imagined I'd become a cornerstone
4:21 for my family. But after living with my
4:23 siblings for years, I now aspire to be a
4:26 brother for entire communities,
4:28 fostering loving environments where I
4:30 can encourage people to embrace
4:32 challenges and find their sense of
4:35 belonging. M what a phenomenal feelgood
4:37 story, guys. Again, I mentioned this
4:39 before, but notice how there was
4:40 literally nothing to do with the
4:42 students's extracurriculars. For
4:44 context, this story was written by an
4:46 Asian dude who loves math, but notice
4:48 how he didn't load any of his AMC
4:51 achievements. All he included about the
4:53 subject was a funny little tidbit in the
4:54 beginning about assigning point values
4:57 to crap parts. This is such a smart
4:59 tactic. I always tell our students, try
5:02 to write about something that can't be
5:04 found anywhere else in your application.
5:06 Instead, write about who you are as a
5:08 friend or sibling. Who you are as a
5:11 human being. If you didn't know, now you
5:14 know. But family,
5:16 family is one of the most goatated essay
5:18 topics. A lot of times students,
5:21 especially Asian ones, we talk way too
5:23 much about intellectual curiosity.
5:25 Remember, your academics get plenty of
5:26 room to shine in your letters of
5:30 recommendation, in your transcript, in
5:32 your SAT and standardized test scores.
5:34 Also, quick aside, but after this video,
5:36 be sure to check out this playlist where
5:39 I discuss the other winning essay
5:40 structures, formulas, templates,
5:41 whatever you want to call them, which
5:43 have helped our students get into every
5:46 single Ivy League school and top 20
5:48 university. Back to the montage essay.
5:51 Kevin, how exactly does it work? Similar
5:53 to how a motif essay has one key object,
5:55 phrase, or experience present throughout
5:58 the entire story, a montage essay has a
5:59 series of distinct moments, usually
6:03 three, connected by a few key themes. At
6:05 the very end, we want to connect these
6:07 different scenes together, articulating
6:11 a secret message that no one scene could
6:13 have done alone. Now, here's the thing.
6:14 Each of these three moments can be
6:16 further broken up into problem and
6:18 solution. A good rule of thumb is that
6:20 your solution, usually we define this as
6:23 you doing good things, concrete evidence
6:25 of you growing, should always be longer
6:27 than your problem, which at Elevates
6:29 Head, we define as things happening to
6:31 you, your background information.
6:33 Basically, anything that doesn't feature
6:36 you doing amazing things for other
6:38 people, we call that problem. No need to
6:40 articulate the reflection or insight
6:42 yet. Trust me, save that at the very end
6:44 for your final paragraph. What's really
6:45 important here is that throughout each
6:48 scene, we should see how you operate in
6:51 these different environments. How do you
6:53 showcase leadership, proactivity,
6:56 generosity? Also, this is paramount.
6:59 When we zoom out and see the three
7:01 scenes al together, you should become
7:03 more active, more involved, more superheroesque.
7:04 superheroesque.
7:07 In the first scene of the essay we read,
7:08 the main character is a bit more
7:11 passive. His contribution isn't all that
7:13 impressive yet. The second scene though
7:15 is where he starts to be making a real
7:17 difference. No, he hasn't built a rocket
7:20 ship to Mars, but there's proof that he
7:22 genuinely cares for his younger sister,
7:24 even going so far as to provide a
7:27 three-step action plan. By the third
7:29 scene, we see concrete evidence of
7:32 someone who's kind, spontaneous, funny,
7:35 someone we would be excited to admit and
7:38 accept to our future college community.
7:39 That's not all, folks. Through these
7:42 three anecdotes, our author articulates
7:45 his incredible ability to adapt, how he
7:48 faces challenges head-on and binds
7:50 communities together through brotherly
7:51 love. Another tip, just because I love
7:54 you guys so much, but kids are always
7:55 asking me, "Hey, what about
7:57 transitions?" And the truth of the
7:58 matter is that you don't really need
8:01 them. Whether that's in a montage essay
8:03 or a regular essay, you can just use a
8:05 header. That's what this authored
8:07 applicant did. and his headers also
8:09 doubled as a clever way to introduce
8:11 each character of the scene. Another way
8:13 to accomplish the same thing is you can
8:15 use a punctuation mark like this little
8:17 squiggly thing or an M dash. That's what
8:20 I did in my own Common App essay. So
8:22 yeah, it works. By the way, my dear
8:24 virtual little sibling, if you're
8:25 finding this helpful, don't forget to
8:27 like and subscribe. Not only does this
8:29 help us share more of these amazing
8:32 educational resources for free with
8:33 terrific students like yourself, yours
8:36 truly will be editing your essays later
8:39 this fall for free on YouTube. So stay
8:41 tuned for that. Last year quite a few of
8:42 our students who had their essays edited
8:45 on the channel anonymously of course got
8:46 into their dream school and said it
8:49 really helped. So that could be you.
8:50 Let's return to the opening of this
8:53 essay. The hook are the first scene
8:55 instantly reveals the topic of this
8:57 essay. Family when it comes to common
9:00 app personal statements, clarity is key.
9:02 We don't want to be wondering what your
9:03 essay is about after reaching the
9:05 halfway point. Make it obvious. Make it
9:07 clear. Seriously, vagueness and
9:10 confusion. These are huge red flags and
9:12 admission killers. All right, the
9:14 student here opens with a tale about
9:16 dividing crab. At first glance, you
9:18 might think that this scene is kind of
9:20 mundane. But that, my friends, is
9:24 precisely why it works. It's simple but
9:28 effective. Why? Because it's relatable,
9:30 allowing the reader to connect on a
9:33 human level with the story and therefore
9:35 the applicant. This first anecdote isn't
9:38 just about eating crab. It's about how
9:40 the student shows ingenuity and creates
9:44 a system that contributes to his family
9:46 minus the parents. While we're here, you
9:48 should also know that every essay needs
9:51 needs needs needs a good hook. If your
9:53 first one or two essays are boring or
9:56 bad, turn off the admissions reader.
9:57 Then they have been known to skim the
10:00 rest of your essay or just stop reading.
10:02 It's sad but true. The three main types
10:03 of hooks that we recommend here at
10:06 Elevate TED are the problem hook, the
10:07 dialogue hook, and the question hook.
10:09 For more on that, by the way, check out
10:11 this video. But for now, all you need to
10:12 know is that these three hooks really
10:14 just serve one purpose to grab the
10:18 reader's interest by evoking emotion. In
10:20 this case, the emotions are curiosity
10:22 and maybe a little bit of joy, humor.
10:23 Our example essay started with this
10:26 banger of an opening line. I'm the
10:27 fastest sprinter in the world when
10:30 dinner is steamed crab. This is a
10:31 classic example of the problem hook
10:33 since well, you know, kind of
10:35 establishes a problem. Crab is limited
10:37 and likely to run out. That's why I'm
10:39 running for the crab. Another technique
10:41 this author employs incredibly well is
10:44 variation. These three scenes
10:46 demonstrate how he solved an array of
10:49 different problems, math, pun intended,
10:51 engaging different emotions and
10:53 developing different values along the
10:55 way. Dividing up the crab using a point
10:57 system in scene one demonstrates his
10:59 ability to think critically. Cheering up
11:02 Sarah in the second scene shows his
11:03 empathy and the realness of dealing with
11:05 tiger parents. And in the third scene,
11:08 he reviews his ingenuity, leadership,
11:10 humorous side as he convinces his little
11:12 brothers to stop fighting and settle
11:14 down by making them laugh. At the same
11:17 time, all three scenes are grounded by
11:20 the overarching theme of service and the
11:22 art of being a brother. the montage
11:24 essay, guys. It's ultimately about your
11:26 character, who you are in these
11:28 authentic moments of human connectivity.
11:31 Again, things that can't be found in any
11:33 activities list or resume. Furthermore,
11:35 all three scenes feature dialogue, which
11:38 is honestly one of my favorite ways to
11:40 make any story more engaging and
11:41 memorable, and it's also one of the most
11:44 concise ways to do so. Instead of just
11:45 stating the emotions of the other
11:48 characters, dialogue is used to show
11:50 what they're feeling. This allows us as
11:52 readers to envision the scenario from
11:54 their point of view. For example, in the
11:56 final scene, the writer says that after
11:58 they imitated a dragon for their little
12:00 brothers, Louis and Jimmy, the pair
12:03 yelled again. He makes it so easy for us
12:05 to picture that image of a pair of kids
12:08 hollering in unison. And instantly, that
12:10 moment, it's embedded in our memory.
12:12 Now, we've already established the
12:14 importance of your hook, your opening,
12:17 but the next most important section is
12:19 actually your conclusion, your takeaway.
12:22 This, my friends, is particularly true
12:24 for montage essays since you really have
12:27 to articulate how and why your scenes
12:29 gel together. That said, just because
12:30 it's important doesn't mean it has to be long.
12:32 long.
12:34 Many students fit an amazing conclusion
12:37 into one paragraph, or at most two. When
12:38 you're writing a montage essay, your
12:40 very first instinct might be to
12:42 summarize your story, but please,
12:43 please, please, please, please resist
12:46 that temptation. This is true for any
12:47 essay, but you want to make sure that
12:50 your conclusion gives the reader unique
12:52 insight into who you are. This is the
12:54 part, my dear virtual little siblings,
12:55 where you answer the following
12:57 questions. What do these scenes have to
13:00 do with each other? And what can I offer
13:02 to my future college community? My
13:04 advice here is to not overthink the
13:07 conclusion and just save it for last.
13:09 After all, your lived experiences, those
13:11 are set in stone, but your
13:13 interpretation of them can always change
13:15 and evolve. The conclusion, guys, it's
13:16 so missionritical that I just want to
13:18 spend a little bit more time on it. Stay
13:19 with me. We've talked a ton about the
13:21 content, but now I want to break apart
13:24 the flow and analyze this last paragraph
13:26 sentence by sentence. Right away, we see
13:28 the author only spends one sentence on
13:31 the summary, restating for the reader
13:32 that his role in the family is that of a
13:36 mediator. Nice. After that long summary
13:38 sentence, he switches to a short one for
13:40 a change in pace. The brevity and the
13:42 use of monosyllic words makes the
13:44 message even more real, like he's
13:46 talking to you face to face. The third
13:49 sentence articulates the key insights
13:51 learned. How to navigate difficult and
13:54 bizarre situations and conversations and
13:55 find humor in the most unexpected
13:57 moments. These aren't particularly
14:00 groundbreaking or unique lessons, but
14:03 they are very genuine and humble ones.
14:05 And finally, instead of just reflecting
14:08 on the past, he adds that he now aspires
14:10 to be a brother to entire communities,
14:12 fostering loving environments where he
14:14 can encourage people to embrace
14:15 challenges and find their sense of
14:18 belonging, thereby stating exactly how
14:20 he plans to continue making awesome
14:23 contributions to his future college
14:26 community. Terrific. In the spirit of
14:28 the three scene essay, I have three
14:29 presents for you all. One, if you're
14:31 looking for professional help editing
14:33 your montage essay to perfection, check
14:36 out our site elevated.school/editmy
14:39 essay. You can use the code montage 15
14:41 to get 15% off your first edit. My
14:43 second present, our essay brainstorming
14:45 tool. Check it out. It's completely free
14:47 this year and uh I'll add the link in
14:49 the comment section below. Third
14:51 present, you already know, a video of me
14:52 break dancing. Thanks for sticking until
14:55 the end, guys. Until next time, papa. Peace.
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