Childhood emotional neglect, often unintentional, occurs when a child's emotional needs are unmet, but surprisingly, individuals who experienced it can develop significant strengths in adulthood, such as independence, compassion, and resilience.
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Sometimes without realizing it, sometimes with good intentions, parents can cause
their children to experience emotional neglect, sometimes out of carelessness.
In fact, even some of the people who say that my family was very good, they took care of me, they loved me,
may have been exposed to emotional neglect in their childhood. In this video
, I'm going to talk about what emotional neglect is and the five strengths in adulthood of people who
suffered from childhood emotional neglect . [Music]
Emotional neglect is the situation in which a child's
emotional needs such as love, trust, compassion, feeling valuable and important, feeling adequate
and strong are not adequately
met by their parents.
Being a parent is not only meeting the material needs of the child, but
also feeding, drinking, keeping the child clean, taking care of them, sending them to school, etc., but
also meeting their emotional needs.
Most of us know this.
What about this information?
So yes, how much do we put this knowledge, which we say we already know, into practice
? As parents,
maybe we ask how many of our children have passed the exam or if they have done their homework or if they are preparing for the exam.
So how was your day?
What does he think?
What does she feel? Do we have enough conversations with them about such matters
? When we talk to them, do we listen to them carefully and with compassion, without judging them
? For example, do we knock on the door and ask permission before entering his room?
Do we ask him for his opinion before making any decisions?
Or do we just impose certain rules,
do we spend enough and quality time on them? For example, do we play games with them?
Unfortunately,
most families, from the most educated to the most uneducated, cannot establish sufficient and quality communication with their children, from the top to the bottom of their socio-cultural status
. And what happens as a result?
As a result of this, we come across an army of adults who judge themselves too often in their adulthood, beat themselves to the ground
, do not value themselves, have low self-confidence, experience a great sense of emptiness that they
cannot understand and find the reason for, and are extremely perfectionist, depressed and
anxious. I prepared a video about
the negative effects of emotional neglect in childhood on us in adulthood
.
In this video, I will look at the good side of the business.
So I'll try to see the glass half full.
And we will try to see in what ways these wounds we received in childhood make us stronger in adulthood
After all, pain and difficulties actually bring progress.
In an article in Psychology Today
, psychologist Doctor Jonice Webb, author of the book The traces of childhood neglect, the feeling of emptiness,
tells us about these five strengths of people who suffered from childhood emotional neglect.
Let's see what these strengths are?
Yes, our first strength is to be able to do it alone.
Independence, being able to stand on one's own feet.
Emotionally neglected children learn a lesson for themselves.
Well obviously I'm on my own in this life and I should be able to get on with my life when I'm alone.
I have to learn to take care of myself.
Trouble at school?
He handles it himself. Does he have a problem with his teacher?
He solves it. They learn to be self-sufficient from childhood.
Therefore, in their adulthood, they are accustomed to doing most of the work independently
. I don't need anyone's help, I don't need anyone, I can do it
. While emotionally neglected children
tend to be deaf to their own emotions, they are overly sensitive to the emotions of others.
They are very kind and compassionate people.
They are insensitive to their own feelings because unfortunately these feelings
were either ignored, rejected or ignored since childhood.
However, this still did not prevent them from being sensitive to the feelings of others
. Some of the people who experienced emotional neglect in their childhood
are extremely sensitive, compassionate and compassionate towards other people in their adulthood
. And the feelings of compassion and compassion are one of the noblest and
strongest emotions a person can have.
When they wanted something in their childhood, these children were either told no or
even if they said yes, these promises were not kept.
Therefore, these children, accustomed to their requests and demands being met in an inconsistent or unfulfilled manner
, have learned that the main factor for approval is not to demand things
In other words, they have learned that in order to be approved and accepted, one must not want something.
In their adulthood, these people do not become very demanding and selfish people.
Again, they have been extremely full-eyed, self-sacrificing and
very sensitive to the demands and needs of other people
. They are often the first person in their circle of friends to call when any support or advice is
needed.
Another strength in adulthood of people who experienced emotional neglect as a child is that they are
more resilient and resilient to adversity.
As children, these people were not asked what they needed or wanted.
Therefore, these children had to adapt to the existing situation,
whatever the situation was in order to survive.
Because they have no other options to continue their lives.
Therefore, when they grow up, these people can stretch to adapt to whatever the
current situation is, the current flow, the current difficulties, instead of being
demanding, aggressive or constantly complaining .
And the fifth powerful feature.
To be loved and respected.
These people are
generally loved and respected because they are often self-sacrificing, caring, understanding, helpful people in
order to be approved and accepted . If a person needs help, he runs first
, does not whine in the face of difficulties, does not say, is reliable, gives support.
Therefore, it is often liked by people as well.
Of course, I wish they could show themselves the same love and understanding they
show others. These five aspects we have mentioned are really powerful, very special, very beautiful
features. But the best thing is to be in balance.
If, on the one hand, you are extremely loving and helpful to others, but
also cruel and judgmental towards yourself, then you are hurting yourself
. However, we can have a much more balanced and much happier life
, by preserving these beautiful features on the one hand, and improving ourselves on the other hand,
being more understanding towards yourself, showing yourself the compassion you need
, and asking others for help when necessary .
What if you suspect you suffered from emotional neglect as a child?
I suggest you watch the videos in the playlist, which you can access from here.
You can get help from my playlist about schemas and a clinical psychologist or a
psychotherapist who is an expert in this field.
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