Hang tight while we fetch the video data and transcripts. This only takes a moment.
Connecting to YouTube player…
Fetching transcript data…
We’ll display the transcript, summary, and all view options as soon as everything loads.
Next steps
Loading transcript tools…
عن الألم القديم والفقد والحرمان - سلسلة التحرر من الماضي (١) | Emad Rashad Othman | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: عن الألم القديم والفقد والحرمان - سلسلة التحرر من الماضي (١)
Skip watching entire videos - get the full transcript, search for keywords, and copy with one click.
Share:
Video Transcript
Video Summary
Summary
Core Theme
This series aims to explore how past experiences, particularly childhood deprivations and traumas, shape our present identity and behaviors, and to offer a framework for understanding and healing from these influences.
Mind Map
Click to expand
Click to explore the full interactive mind map • Zoom, pan, and navigate
In the name of God,
today is September 29, 2025,
and I'm actually waiting to start a new
series. I decided to create one. What motivated me to do this series?
Oh God, I ask God Almighty to
open doors for us and make it a source of inspiration for
those who need to hear it,
and to make it a vessel of His mercy for His creation, easing the
suffering of those who are suffering. The truth is, what
motivated me to do it is that I
found... I mean, while I was reflecting, honestly, I was
browsing Twitter and social media
in general and seeing fights and conflicts. I
saw the ghost of the past. Let me tell you a story so you can
understand what this series will be about,
which I'll start today,
right after this introduction, God willing.
The story was something I read
in one of my colleagues' reflections. I don't remember the reflection, I don't remember
the book, I don't remember the colleague, but I'm
absolutely certain it was a reflection from a colleague of
addicts. So it was In this story, one of the addicts
addicts
recounts that he was sitting with a friend.
I might have told this story before, but I'm telling it again so you
understand why we're discussing upbringing,
upbringing,
identity formation, and its relationship to childhood experiences
and our early experiences. We'll also explore how we can modify our
present identity by getting rid of the
ghosts of the past—exorcism, you know, like
trying to remove the ghost that's been haunting you.
I'll explain this part when you hear the story.
Simply put, the story is that an addict was sitting with his
friend, and this friend was
telling the addict (the narrator) about
his father's harshness. He said his father was extremely critical,
and that he had always longed to
see pride in his father's eyes, but his father
was always critical, always finding fault.
The friend then
describes his father's particular way of criticizing, saying it
hurt him deeply. He would always mock
him. What I love, he likes to
make fun of, and in the end, he makes me feel so
insignificant for loving what I love. It's
very beautiful. So, they were having lunch.
Now, the friend, let's call him S, is telling the story to
the addict, whom we'll call Sad. So, the narrator of
the story is Sad. Sad is telling the story, and he's
telling me about his father. As we're sitting there, a
person passes by. This person was Sad's music teacher, the
narrator's piano teacher. He came in,
greeted them, and said, "How are you? What's new? I'll see you
at the next session," and
left. So, the friend, who is the
one with the pain, the one with the suffering, the one with the story about his father, is telling the story to
the addict, or the recovering addict. So,
he asks him, "Who was that?" He says, "That's
my music teacher." "What? You're learning music? You
didn't tell me before?" He says, "Yes, I did.
I used to have a problem with the piano, and after I
started on the path to recovery, I decided to follow
my passion and learn the piano." So, the friend began
The one who was just telling his story has started saying, "
Who do you think you are?" Rachmaninoff, the man with the
golden fingers, is coming now at your age to
learn from you, my son. What are you saying, my
son? What kind of thinking is this? Anyway, he sat there joking
and making fun of the storyteller for five or ten minutes, making fun of the
storyteller, who is someone
on the road to recovery. He started saying, "I wasn't
seeing him at that moment. I was seeing his father, his
father, the critical, sarcastic one,
possessing him at that moment. He's not speaking with his own
voice, but with his father's." And at certain moments, we are
possessed by
what we suffered. We call it identification with the
aggressor. What does it mean to identify with the aggressor, with the
cause of the pain, with the person who is ours? It doesn't have to
be a father or mother or anyone else, but many
people who have experienced this in their lives have been possessed by
this person. And sometimes it's the opposite;
the person is constantly controlled, not to practice what is
practiced on them, but to constantly try to escape
what they have inherited, or to practice the opposite of what they have inherited,
or to try to find a cure. Compensating
for what he inherited, he spends all his time seeking
acceptance, all his time seeking people's approval,
all his time crushed and crushing his own desires against theirs,
hoping they will be pleased with him. Now, let's
go back to the driving force behind this
series. The driving force, simply put, is that I often see
see
behind a very ordinary post a very
deep feeling of desire for acceptance, and behind
another post, fear, and behind a third comment, the wound of loss. So, I
often discover that we all don't live
our lives as freely as we imagine, we don't live
our lives by choice as we
believe, but simply, sometimes our actions are controlled by
old debts, unmet needs, and unhealed pains. In
other words, this person who imagines himself to be the master of his own domain, this
human being who imagines, "I
chose my wife of my own free will,"
or "I loved so-and-so and became attached to him because
I'm foolish," or "
"
My relationship with my boss is like this because he's such-and-such a person," the
matter is at a deeper level, a deeper level than
what appears before us, in a space... The past, with
its mother, its ghosts, its expectations, its unmet needs, its
deprivations, its longing, its scenarios—we were raised
on them, and we kept carrying them, imagining
we were dealing with them freely. But the truth is,
we are still ruled and imprisoned by this past. We are still held
hostage there. We are deluded into thinking we have
moved on from the past, but the truth is that
many of us are still frozen there. In fact,
I'll say something quite frankly: there is no one among us who
isn't frozen in some area, or who isn't fixed in some
area. The degree of fixation varies according to the degree of recovery.
So, instead of being 100% frozen, your
recovery is now frozen at 60%. So-and-so is
frozen at 30%. But we have all taken a blow that has left
a part of us planted there, a part of us, a part
of our souls, still planted there, a part yearning for
approval. Or waiting for a glance, or a pat on the back,
or waiting for
something she missed, something that's gone. I know something's gone, something we've
lost, something that's sometimes been stolen, but I don't want to
speak in the language of the victim. I mean, we're on the path,
going through life, and we think we've already
moved on, that it's lost and that's it. We don't realize that
so much of our current behavior
and actions today
still stems from missing that thing, from
the state of loss that exists there. And then
I felt like saying something else. Honestly, a
lot when someone comes and asks me, for example, in a
podcast or something, in a meeting or
something, I really, really try to clarify the
current psychological state of playing
the victim, and everyone is, I mean, shocked,
and everyone is, I don't know what, to the point that even a
second pilot seems to make it completely easier to forget. Shocks
and he describes people as fragile and says to them, “
What’s wrong with you? Why have you become so soft?” So
we have a model where we are victims all the way,
and why did you do what you did, Dad? I mean, why
are you doing this to us? And why are
you a person? And another type, no, you have just become a fragile generation, a
corrupt generation, a lost generation. So these two models are
very painful models. Why? Because the first model is
frozen in the role of the victim, frozen in the
victim mentality, frozen in the abuse, frozen in the misery,
to the point that many who have been subjected to
real abuse and idolization become addicted to it
all the time, sitting there not knowing themselves except
through the victim model, the model of the suffering, the
model of the
oppressed, the model of the one who has been wronged. They don't know themselves outside of it. So
if you come and ask them, "So what's next? How do we recover?" they don't
know themselves without the wrong. They don't know themselves
except through what they've inherited. They're always like
this. Take this nice rule: pain that doesn't
turn into a narrative turns into an identity. I might have
said this before in the recovery series: pain
that you couldn't tell in a story, tell it so you know
your place in it. You're a hero in your story. Sorry,
you're not going to play a role, like an assistant actor
actor
or a supporting actor in your story. You're not going to
play a supporting role in your story. No, you're playing the
lead role. So if the hero of the story
doesn't know This pain, this shock, this
stumble, this confusion, this stumbling, this deprivation, this loss, this defeat—he
couldn't put it into a narrative, into a story, into a novel,
into a tale where he could understand why it happened, what
its consequences were, what its implications were, how he got through it, and what
its effects were. He couldn't put it into a story, so it will turn
into an identity. Either he is a person who went through pain and learned,
or he is a person in pain who knows himself through this
pain and builds his personality through being in pain. So he doesn't
know himself outside of the pen. If he goes outside of
the pen, he says, "Oh, my alienation!" He feels alienated outside of
the pain, so he enters relationships all the time,
unconsciously repeating and unintentionally creating the
same verse, the story of pain, so that in the end he turns
into the suffering, squashed one, the one whom the world is against,
the one whom others let down, the one who has been exposed to
a lot of disappointment. So, are we just going to sit and make
fun of it? No, it's not mockery because, unfortunately, he
can only know himself through the suffering person.
He can't know himself through the
loved or respected person in a relationship, or the one who is appreciated. He
only knows himself through the suffering person's consciousness,
imagining that he's accustomed to this feeling, even if it's
a painful one. He's accustomed to the feeling of being constantly
rejected and ignored. Is he abandoned? Is he placed on someone's
shoulders? Is he squeezed and dragged through this world, overwhelmed by
pressures? He doesn't know himself except through the model of the
oppressed. So if he takes a break, he says, "Oh, my loneliness!" If he feels
respected in a relationship, he senses that there's something fishy going on. There's something wrong,
something's amiss, because he doesn't know
himself outside of it, outside of the identity of the suffering person. So what
makes a person reach this state? It's that he
doesn't have a narrative for his story. He simply doesn't
know how to tell himself what happened
and its effects. He hasn't resolved the old, unresolved issues.
So now, in psychological discourse, we are faced with two
discourses, or rather, two more common models: a
model of the one who doesn't Those who
can't recognize themselves outside the identity of
pain are a group of victims, only the weak and
vulnerable. They are not weak or vulnerable, no, by God, they are in pain,
but they don't know how to heal, they don't know
how to get out. They don't need anyone to tell them
how to get out.
Another type is those who try to escape
confronting themselves, who don't want to face
what happened, so they decided to wear a mask of toughness and resilience.
resilience.
Consequently, talking about trauma, pain, and
psychological awareness became embarrassing for their psychological defense,
embarrassing for the model of toughness and resilience they
constantly promote. So they constantly need to
attack the
other model, creating a conflict. And, oh dear, the truth is
lost between the two, awareness is lost between the
two, honesty is lost between the two, what's right is lost
between the two. Between the two models, come on, you
weak and vulnerable ones, everyone has an AID,
everyone has a trauma, and there's a certain amount of pretense
in the talk. This is a model where you don't
know what we've been through. We're tired, we're
hurting, and there's a certain poise to it, but the problem is
that it's stuck on the pain. The problem is that it doesn't
know what to look at, what's behind the wailing
on the other side. So I used to take advantage of any
moment when someone talked to me on any podcast
to try to create this balance and these
rules and forget them. But all the time I feel a state
of panic, like I'm not enough. Give me
more space, give me a wider audience, give me a microphone that
amplifies the echo, or a louder voice, so I can speak more
about balance, or a
balanced perspective, or a balanced vision between the wailing of
wailing of
the victims and the cruelty
and deafness of people with fragility. Between the two, there's a
model that has unfortunately been lost, its voice has become faint. At the same
time, to speak honestly, if I want to
make a good TikTok video,
what do I need to do? Some sad music and say Oh, you poor
thing, you've been humiliated! And wow,
your husband did this to you, and your ex did that to you, and
your ex! I'm going to scream! This is something else entirely! There's
also an extraordinary surge in the popularity of the lamenting model,
playing the lamenting tune, playing the
victim card,
reinforcing and strengthening the victim mentality among people, or the
complete opposite: launching a terrible, off-
the-beaten-path attack on the victim mentality. And not only that, but I've also
incorporated all the psychological discourse, mixing
balanced psychological discourse
with self-help discourse, along with superficial and extremely
vulgar discourses on
psychological awareness. I've even thrown in some sciences, just throwing it all
together, and then I go and insult them all! And again, I'm going to get screaming
and applause! And wow, if this takes on a
religious character, or that one too! So,
simply put, what's happening is that we're facing
extremist discourses. It's extremely polarizing and full of arguments
between people. Then,
today, while I was sitting around for less than 10 minutes,
as usual, and I'm always reassured when my mom
comes up with a series idea spontaneously, I finished
work early today. I wasn't expecting
Nova, so it occurred to me: why are you always waiting for an
invitation from outside to sit down and talk
and get the right question? Why don't you decide to
go out and talk about the concept of the
identity of pain, transforming pain into a narrative,
rereading the past and freeing yourself from it, and how we can offer
ourselves a balanced perspective? You have a microphone, a
laptop, a channel, and everything is
fine, thank God. So
why am I
waiting for a famous podcast or so-and-
so to ask me the right question, or
whatever, so that I can...
Contributing to correcting some
prevalent cultural misconceptions
or misunderstandings, I decided,
and I entrust my affairs to God Almighty, that
that
we should start a series that will be as engaging
as we did before. We
will release it every Thursday at 9:00 PM, God willing.
Please remember the time: every
Thursday at 9:00 PM. The video will be released
earlier, but only for channel members.
Then, at 9:00 PM on Thursday, it will be available to
everyone. So, if you want to watch it early, go ahead and watch it.
If you want to watch it at the
usual time, you can watch it on
Thursday at 9:00 PM, God willing. But when you see the
video, it will be locked. Just wait
until 9:00 PM on Thursday, God willing.
May God Almighty keep us steadfast and grant us
continuity. And whenever something comes along
that motivates me, I feel like it's
probably something useful. So we'll chat together over the
coming periods
about the past, with all its aspects. This past
might include childhood abuse,
unresolved issues, and unclear feelings. It doesn't necessarily have to be abuse,
trauma, or
harm from parents. It doesn't
necessarily mean they were bad and I was good. Sometimes our
childhood confusion... Let me be honest and frank.
Perhaps this means these videos, even though I've
talked about some of these things a
lot before in many places, will be
more systematic and structured. It's a real foundation for the idea of
recovering from the past, from everything that's stuck in the past,
from the identity of pain, from the addiction to suffering,
from defining oneself through the
persona of the victim,
to get out of the victim mentality and break free from the stagnation
of the past. But these videos in particular...
I remember certain moments in my life, in the
early stages, when I was in a state of complete confusion.
Darkness, I can't see, I'm lost, I
can't find direction. I'm going through certain things
related to my thoughts and feelings,
and suffering that might be psychological, along with behavioral confusion.
confusion.
I'm trying to find an answer that's appropriate for me, that fits my context. I'm
trying to find a ready-made answer, not a superficial or pre-packaged
one, even if it's correct.
Ready-made answers that are detached from the person and don't
fit their needs have been a source of confusion for
very long periods, especially in the early stages,
like childhood and adolescence. I
often feel that, of course, none
of us can save our children, but I
often think that if I wanted to leave an inheritance to
my son or children, it wouldn't be
money as much as it would be a reflection
reflection
on some landmarks along the way. Perhaps they'll be useful on
his path, perhaps not, perhaps they'll help him, perhaps
not. So, I'd like to chat about this.
Perhaps the heart hears the end of this discussion between me
and my son. Perhaps one day he will
hear these words, or perhaps someone will hear
this conversation and it will benefit him in some confusion
or something he is stuck on. So
let's start from the very beginning, or the
main definition of what can be called abuse
or trauma in childhood. We ask the difficult question:
When do I consider what I went through a trauma?
When do I say that they wronged me? When do I say that they
hurt me, and my father did this and my mother did that? And
when is this strange justification
sometimes given to our parents somewhat understandable? And
when is a person confused because their definition of
Okay, let's start with the framework that I
really like, and I feel that not many people have heard it from me,
or not many people who heard it took it
seriously. And I hope that God will open
this framework to understanding because it will solve so many problems.
In life, we have a main rule
and And remember, this series will
contain many rules. Write them down, write them down,
write them down, and keep them with you so you always remember them, so they become
ingrained in your mind, so your mind doesn't
mess with existing rules like the one
we mentioned earlier. And I want to do this at the end of
the series, God willing, so we'll compile the rules together. So,
we said the first rule is: pain that doesn't become a
narrative becomes an identity. Pain that isn't
told, narrated, understood, or used to draw
lessons and morals, and from which the story isn't reframed,
becomes a character, becomes an identity,
becomes an impenetrable barrier preventing your growth, becomes
something that surrounds you and through which you come to know yourself. So, that's the
first rule. The second rule is: what is
abuse? What is deprivation? What can I
call a bad deed I do to my children or my
family does to me, and what are its effects? So, let's
start with the rule that some of you know from me or
have heard from me before—I mean, many
people have, but some haven't—which is that there are Within every
relationship, every relationship in the world, there is a gap of deprivation.
deprivation.
Every relationship in the world has a gap of deprivation—
between you and your friend, between you and your spouse, between you and your
child, between you and your father, between you and
God, between you and whoever
else. Every relationship in the world has a gap that
cannot be bridged, and the wider the gap, the greater the
alienation within the relationship. Relationships with a very
wide gap experience intense alienation, resulting in
distant, lukewarm relationships filled with exhausting, harmful,
destructive, and painful problems. The closer the gap gets and the smaller it becomes, the
more comfortable the relationship, the higher its future prospects,
the greater its stability, and the more comfortable and quality-enhancing the relationship becomes,
contributing to your growth. Therefore, we are not looking
for a relationship with perfect connection, perfect fusion, and absolute perfection. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.
Rather, we are always looking for a way to bridge the gap.
What are you saying? Why are you talking about this? Just wait.
What does it have to do with childhood? Just wait. First of all, there's a gap between me and my wife. What are you saying? Yes, there has to be a
gap, but the smaller it is, the stronger the marriage will be.
But there's no gap at all. That's nonsense. There's a gap in areas where she'll
never understand me, and in areas where I'll never
understand her. There are areas where she'll never feel
exactly what I feel, where she'll never fully understand me
because she hasn't lived my life. She lived in a
different environment, with a different background and different contexts.
And there are areas where I'll never be able to grasp them the way she feels
them. It's impossible. Accepting this impossibility, even if it's painful, greatly improves and develops relationships and increases their quality. So you know there's a gap? The devil won't play tricks on me,
my dear. Because so-and-so will understand you. Why? Because every
relationship in the world will always have a gap. So,
I accept this part; this part is nice and satisfying. There are
other things that are great, but there's a point where, you know, "
No one scratches your back like your own fingernail." There are moments when you'll die, and you'll go through it. Even the
people who understand you best won't truly
understand you. Even the people who feel you most
won't truly feel you. Even the people who are most
receptive won't be receptive. Even the people
who read your needs best won't read them. You
need to express them, you need to ask for them, you need to talk
about them openly. So, there's a gap that must be bridged. The
best friend is the one with whom there's little gap, not
the one with no gap at all. The one with no gap
is just a follower, like your shadow. Whatever the relationship, its
appearance is fake. The point is, there's
always a gap in every relationship. This
gap is fundamental
and important for you to accept. But there are
relationships where the gap is inherent to you. Without the gap, there will
be a problem. What does that mean?
The absence of this gap, or rather, the absence of it, would be disastrous.
A gap
in a particular relationship has a formative impact on the
psyche; it shapes your assumptions, your distinction,
your personality. Do you know who this gap is in? In
your relationship with your family, there's a degree of deprivation within every
parental relationship. "
My dad and mom," yes, indeed! And there's a degree of
deprivation, gap, deficiency, and a thousand shortcomings and imbalances
imbalances
in your relationship with your children. There will always be something missing. Well,
that's a problem, and I'm in a missing place. Perfectionists
suffer greatly from something like this.
Most of us perfectionists, or those who constantly criticize themselves,
or those who have idealistic expectations,
those who expect to be the best father, to tell them
everything, and for their son to tell them everything, and for the world
to be perfect, and for everything to be
exactly as they want, and for the son to be the
committed, well-mannered one, the one where everything is perfect,
and yet... if a gap starts to appear, they blame themselves or
blame others. He had a son, but he never thought about the size of
this gap. Are we still within the
natural, healthy, and even
necessary gap for human movement? You know why I've
said this many times before: a satiated person becomes stagnant. If a
child is completely satisfied, and there's no
gap between the father and child, or the mother and child,
between the child's needs and the parents' fulfillment,
between the child's demands and the parents' complete satisfaction
without any deficiency whatsoever, then the child will never move, will never
desire anything. This is because we always start
our desires from a lack, from a yearning for something. We yearn for
this, so we act upon it, then we yearn for that, as
Umar ibn Abd al-Aziz said, then we yearn for
Fatima, then for leadership, then for the
caliphate. It's exactly like that; we yearn for something we do
n't have. That's why contentment isn't about
not yearning for anything; contentment is about appreciating what you have.
Contentment isn't about not looking at what you lack, but rather about ensuring that what you
lack doesn't make you forget what you have. Here's
another rule: contentment isn't about focusing on what you lack,
nor is it about not seeing what you have. What you lack is not seeing what
you want, nor is what prevents you from
seeing what you actually possess. This is contentment, this is a
normal life, this is a
balanced life. It is when you see what you have and thank
God for it and are completely satisfied, but while you yearn
for what is beyond that, what is this? Is it possible for contentment to be
linked to yearning, linked to desire, to ambition?
Yes, both are possible. It is possible for us to be content,
meaning, thank God, I actually possess, thank God,
I have this and that and that and I see it well, but
I want what is beyond, and it is my right. It is not forbidden,
nor is it shameful, it is my right. So, if I go
to that place, will it threaten anything I have with me? There is no escape from
what you long for. So, does your pursuit of what
you want make you blind to what you have? It will
no longer be permissible for you. The problem of longing: What is the difference
between longing and greed? Greed blinds you to what
you have, makes you give up what you have and pay the
price when you lose it, makes you restless all the time and
you cannot see or enjoy the blessing that is present
now because all the time you are longing for what? To what
is not in your hands, your life is always postponed, your request is
always postponed, your desire is always for what is out there, and you cannot
let go. You realize what you have. This is
the point, this is the greedy one, this is the
problem. But longing, you see what you have,
you yearn for something, you desire something. Well, a
person cannot be put off without the first
relationship having something missing. Look,
forgive me, but I'll give you an example. Of course, I'm not interpreting the
Quran here, but you know, in all
Abrahamic religions, in Islam, in
Christianity, and in Judaism, there is always the
first paradise where there is abundance, but there is always a
part, a forbidden part. A person cannot,
in the beginning, taste that everything is
desired because if they taste that everything desired is available, their
senses of longing will not develop. They will be afflicted with very,
very intense boredom and a
painful asceticism leading to a state of stagnation and
unusual things. So, since this is the first moment, it is necessary to
yearn. Yes, it is possible to give and the abundance will be complete after that,
meaning to enter Paradise is next, and God will give you
everything, because you kill when it comes out, meaning it
will appear in the world, so that's it, meaning you are satisfied now.
But if this is the first thing you taste in the relationship,
there must be a deficiency that is based on longing, based on demand,
based on desire, based on looking outside the
boundaries of this relationship. Imagine a person who
finds everything he wants in the relationship, he will never
look outside, he knows simply, he will never go outside.
Why swallow the father and mother? Outside of this relationship, he will
never be weaned, the
umbilical cord will never be cut. So, in order for the umbilical cord to be cut, the child will be surrounded
until he takes his first breath. You know the first breath he
takes? The umbilical cord is no longer
needed, it has been cut now. I long for
air, so I will not sit and breathe through it. I
long for what is outside, for what you cannot
give me and what you cannot give me.
So, within every relationship there is a gap that cannot be
crossed, and there is an important gap that is fundamental to
human formation, and without it, this person will not grow up healthy.
And what is this gap? The gap of the first relationship is a
deprivation that was present in the first relationship. So
what does this first deprivation mean? So you're
confusing us now. You mean my parents have to
deprive me? Listen, we're talking about a
certain degree of deprivation. If that degree isn't reached,
you know what you'll become: a lazy, inactive
child, unable to do or do anything at all. To the point that an overindulged child
Why? Because you haven't given them the chance to develop their
sense of longing and desire. Desire is the antidepressant. A
depressed person doesn't desire anything, which is
why they contemplate suicide. So what's our problem with depression? It
makes our sense of longing rust. It makes us
unwilling. We no longer enjoy the things that used to
bring us joy. We no longer have a direction, a
purpose, or anything we desire. That's why the
greatest cure for depression, on a deep existential level, is to
return The depressed person starts
desiring again, starting to yearn, starting to
want. That's why when they say, "I want, I'm
not satisfied, I'm searching," they're starting to feel better. The
movement leading to the desire has begun. There's a degree of
deprivation in our relationship with our families that's very important.
Without it, you and I wouldn't be talking, you wouldn't have
opened this today. I swear to God, without this
degree of deprivation, you wouldn't have searched for yourself,
nor would you have felt all the time that something specific is missing,
something mysterious you can't understand. But at the
same time, it's what drives you, what makes
you take a breath in the morning, watch this video today,
write afterward, think, read, research, work,
try, and get to know others. There's something specific you don't understand,
but there's a missing piece inside you, a missing piece in your first
fulfillment, in your first relationship, in your first existence and entry into this
world. A piece of sadness, a small piece of lack, an
empty space. You know, this empty space can't
be filled. If it's filled, you die, my friend, you die. It has to
remain. So, I'll reach a point... And rest, you'll find another place
empty, and a third place empty. This is the anticipation.
My energy is for Fatima, her husband. My energy is
for the emirate, or the emirate first, then Fatima,
and then what? Then the high prices. Every time he yearns for a
place, he finds another place formed. Every time he reaches a
level, he finds another place formed. So I tell you, what is
this? This human being, nothing fills
his eye. If his eye were filled, he would die. Nothing
fills the eye of the son of Adam except dust. What does it mean that it won't
fill it? Nothing can fill it except dust.
No living human being has a full eye. But
how much does he lack? Is the circle of the ring, the empty,
moving place, in the system of the ring or in the system of the
greedy? Is it in the moving circle that makes him
look at what he lacks without isolating himself or being distracted or becoming accustomed to what he
has, so that
its value is lost? Or does it make him forgetful and running in
the world like a beast, and he no longer thinks about
Anything other than what he lacks makes him a
slave to what he lacks. There's a huge difference between being a slave to what you lack and being envious. It doesn't mean you're forgetful,
oblivious, or ungrateful for blessings.
There's a degree of deprivation that forms the foundation of a
person's being. There's a degree of deprivation in
any relationship, and this is very, very important. Do you know how this degree of
deprivation happens? It happens to a
child who wants his mother by his side all the time. Then he
discovers that she can't be his alone.
This woman needs to get up and cook,
she needs to get up for the man who wants to eat or doesn't
know how, she needs to manage her life and go to work. So the child discovers
that this mother isn't his all the time, that she
has her own life. So one day he can accept
love without being consumed. He begins to accept that
he is a human being, yes, and he has needs, but there is another person, and
that other person also has needs. You know, if
this mother were present all the time, literally all the time (
which is impossible to imagine), and
allowed the child to consume her, he would grow up to be
greedy. It will happen in
relationships that I can't please him, it's impossible for him to be satisfied, he's
not used to it at all, he gets frustrated. You know, sometimes a person is called a narcissist, and sometimes, well, sometimes, but he's not
always a narcissist, or a clingy person, someone
who is hungry in the relationship in a way that
satisfies him no matter how much you give, no matter how much you offer, no matter how much you exert.
This person is either very hungry and hasn't tasted anything at all, so
the gap is very large, or he is excessively hungry
and can no longer understand that the other person has a
life. Let me tell you something very strange.
My grandmother used to pray against my relatives when she was
very upset with them. My grandmother was a kind woman, may
God have mercy on her. I used to really love to
hear these things, they are very moving. She used to pray a prayer that confused me and it
confused me for years until I entered
psychiatry. She used to say to him, "May God put in your path
a child who is full from his mother's breast and makes your eyes water." What are
you saying? What are you saying?
What is this? How can a child who's had his fill
from his mother's breast be so demanding? Why would a child who's had his fill from his mother's breast
act like that? The woman who doesn't understand her says, "A child who's had his fill
from his mother's breast
only thinks about himself." This woman, I swear to God, never went to
school or studied, says, "Someone who's had his
fill only thinks about himself." Imagine that
everything in the world is provided for him, there's no end. You're
all tools, you're all things that
satisfy me, you're all breasts that feed me, but you're just something that gives to me, so
you have no right to a life outside of what I want. So
when he gets married, he makes his wife's life miserable, and when she gets married, she makes
her husband's life miserable. She can't bear the frustration, she
can't bear that the other person might not be available for a
moment, that he might have something else besides you. You're not
the center of the universe. So, the one who has excessive satisfaction
or a singular need—and we'll come back to talk about
singular needs—but for now, 100% satisfaction is supposed to be
... 105% is when someone is completely grateful,
or rather, takes it for granted, as they say, "on the
spot." This means they can't
handle frustration in a relationship, nor can they
tolerate the gap between them. They can't accept that I
have different desires,
different choices, or different ideas. Everything I
do outside of your sphere embarrasses you, scares you,
and makes you feel there's a huge problem
in the relationship. A degree of frustration is necessary to enable them to
cope with the world's frustrations, to accept that
others aren't working for them, that I have
needs, but others have needs too. Sometimes those needs
align, sometimes they don't.
Even with my wife, our thinking on this matter might be
different, our needs might be different.
Okay, so without a certain amount of natural deprivation that we
can't escape, we wouldn't have been able to grow. We would
n't have been able to have desire, nor would we
have been able to tolerate frustration. Consequently, we'd never be
able to build a relationship with another person. Let's establish a
rule. Once it's formed, if
there's deprivation, that's the third rule. If there's a
rule, the second rule is that within every relationship there's a
gap that can't be bridged. The third rule is
that the most important relationship to
have deprivation in is the parental relationship,
and this deprivation is within the permissible limit, or the limit.
We'll talk about the difference between
this limit and others. It's the foundation of a person's being and self
on two very important levels: the level of desire
and the level of what we call the object of desire, or their ability
to deal with others, with things. They
know there's a difference between their car and
their wife; they're both the same. They know there's a difference
between their makeup box and their husband. She
can move it, put it in, and take it out; she doesn't have
other needs, other desires,
another world, no part of her is independent
of it. But this one doesn't; he has a human being, an
entity, and perhaps we constantly need to
make comparisons. So, we negotiate with the other person,
and relationships always involve an implicit deal
between fulfilling mutual needs and
enduring some of the frustrations within
the relationship. If a person can't, or hasn't
experienced a certain degree of deprivation, they can't function
in the world, and they can't even
form a relationship. Of course, I didn't understand these things
at first, honestly. I imagined
that, no, it was definitely the missing piece that was bothering me.
This missing piece is like the law of the varicose veins. So, those
bad people, they gave me the
missing piece. What difference would it have made if they had given me
this piece? If they had given me and given me and given me and given
me and given me? And they did give me the five, but I was
missing these two. You know, these are what
bothered me. I didn't want those five;
I wanted these two. So, at one
point, I was really going through this lamenting phase, not
realizing that there's a limit to what's possible, a limit to what's necessary. You
know the deprivation of being told
by Dad, "Go to sleep," when you want to watch TV,
when you want to play. But you have school tomorrow
morning, finish your food, take your medicine, let's go, we'll get
the shot. There are things you were doing less of,
things you were forced to do, that your father was
representing the law, that you learned about
frustrations in the world. One of the biggest deprivations was, "
I don't have money, I want this, but I don't have money,
I want that, but I don't have money." So you
need to deal with this, you need to deal with the fact that not
everything you want in the world will be
fulfilled, it won't work. And you need to deal with the fact that
afterwards you will compare yourself to your friend and you will be frustrated and you
will feel that you are less and you will feel jealous and envious of him.
envious of him.
Then you will deal with all of this, so one day you will know how to
deal with your colleague at work who
has what you don't have and with the guy who cut
you off with his car, but his car is worth four or
five times the price of yours. These are the ones who have nothing
to do with the Atari game of fourth and fifth
grade, the one who doesn't know how to solve a problem. The Atari
of the fourth grade will not be able to solve the problem of the
BMW X6 that passed by him while he was
riding in the Lanz. It is not
exactly the same. The Atari of the fifth
grade and Dad does not have it is exactly the same. So
how will you deal with it? If we are unable to
taste and comprehend the initial frustration, then many, many
problems will remain. In the
advanced stage of experiencing frustrations, why are you setting
this rule? Because we'll talk later about
other, more severe forms of deprivation.
These deprivations are what's called abuse. But
this is a crucial point: Dad was strict. Yes, what does that mean? I
don't understand what's so difficult about Dad being strict. There's a
huge difference between strict and harsh. It's in a father's nature to
be strict. Because Dad deprived me of
many things. Yes, I mean, how many things? Because he
didn't have the money to buy this and that. When
you think about it, okay, all of this is
deprivation that's fundamentally based on the relationship itself. Deprivation that's
based on you, deprivation that's based on you because one day you
want to continue, you want your children to taste the
things you didn't taste.
You know where the trend is that's coming up, the one about taking a
taking a
step forward? If you take sandwiches to school every day,
take a step forward. If you don't know,
you have your own room, take a step forward. If
you have a PlayStation, take a step forward. And in the
end, you find the father is completely generous, and the children... yes, every father...
Each of us fathers tries to
do what his father did, adding a few steps
that his father couldn't. But at the same
time, as he adds, his son will still have things
missing. My son will still have things missing, even though
he's received things I didn't. He'll
remain like this, but this is what will motivate him to take on a
new role. My father won't be swallowed up by my fatherhood;
he'll be a father with his own unique identity. He'll be capable of
being a father and have the meaning to offer something to his
four or five children that I can't provide.
Then his son will come along and have another four or five missing.
So, as long as there's something missing, as long as there's
something missing, as long as there's room for movement
because I have to offer myself as my son,
otherwise I'll be swallowed up by his father. So, we've learned,
very harshly, that there's an inherent deprivation. So, when
someone comes along and rejects this inherent deprivation, no, you're
in an unjustified place. You're in an
unjustified place. What are you even doing here?
Here, you might be sitting in a state of exaggeration, in a state of
hyperbole, and then someone comes along and tells you, "No, by God, it
wasn't right at all for there to be any deprivation,"
and he demands that his relationship
with his children be perfect, without any mistakes, without any
problems, without any issues. The
father's role is to represent the law, and the
law's role is to make people accept a certain degree of
deprivation. The law tells you that you
can't have everything all the time, that everything has a
price, and that everything you take, you'll pay for.
That's the father's role. Part of my acceptance of this
role is
that I know I'll be more disliked than my
wife. Any normal father in the world
would have children who love their mother more because their mother represents luxury, she
represents paradise. He represents the forbidden tree. He
represents "Go down, you kids,
go to sleep, do this and that, and there's
no allowance, because it's not allowed." It's
okay if I get this, but I'll get the bonus at the
beginning of the month. But my mother is my love and my everything, and not all
the time. So, at least the one who plays the
father's role and the one who plays the mother's role might be different
because of their different personalities. But
one of them will be more disliked than the other, one will act
like a pampered child, and the other will act like a deprived child. Why? So that
the child is loved and frustrated.
Because he's entering this world, not paradise. He'll grow up troubled. So
if he isn't loved
enough, he'll grow up troubled, and if he isn't frustrated enough, he'll grow up troubled. They won't tell you this in parenting classes, and I don't know what else. Nobody says anything, and God knows best. I'm not very knowledgeable about this subject, but I'm saying this firmly: a child who isn't loved enough
will grow up troubled, and a child who isn't frustrated enough by the rules will
grow up troubled because he won't
be able to handle frustration if the
circle of frustration, the circle of deprivation, widens. Let's start getting into
the problems, but there's a deprivation that's inescapable. The
greatest father in the world
will deprive his children of it, and the greatest mother in the world will deprive her. So, there's something
inside. If your father doesn't have any
negative qualities at all in your mind, then you're a hypochondriac. Your
father has negative aspects, but that's perfectly normal. Just because your father has negative qualities doesn't mean you have to turn out deformed. On the
contrary, your
father's negatives, mistakes, and
potential deprivations are what shaped you into who you are. If you were
well-adjusted—and "well-adjusted" is a
rather ironic term—
then there's a degree of deprivation that no one can
escape. So, accept the deprivation you've imposed on yourself
and accept the deprivation you're about to
give your children. You can't provide them with everything; that's just
how it is. You can't take them to the beach or anywhere else. You
'll have to deal with this. We'll sit down and control the
situation. That's just how their father is. There's deprivation
you'll endure and swallow; take it bravely. And there's deprivation
you'll inflict, causing it. Because of your negativity, because
you—I mean, whatever—it doesn't mean you
gave a lot to your parents, whatever that means. There's something you'll give to
your children, but the abuse must exceed
this level of natural deprivation. If we have
natural deprivation that we can't escape, everyone will give it to
everyone in every relationship. There's no perfect manager,
no perfect spouse, no perfect Muslim,
no perfect Christian, no perfect doctor,
no perfect teacher, there's no... there's deprivation
within every relationship.
Welcome to the verse in the world. Now let's talk. I'll
talk about the next one. Now, there's
impactful deprivation, no, a little more deprivation, deprivation when it
could have been repaid in a way that was originally possible, but it
wasn't. So, this level of deprivation—let's
talk about it like this—how many volts of deprivation are there? These are natural deprivations. If it
increases a little, it starts to turn us into what's called
impactful deprivation,
which has effects on your personality: deprivation of a
look of pride, of a look of empathy, of sufficient acceptance,
deprivation of encouragement, deprivation of broadcasting Trust is a
deprivation of things that we also get hit with a few times, things that
could have been taken and that others
have taken, and they are not necessary in the relationship and cannot be
separated from, meaning they are not a basic thing within every
relationship, so these deprivations have an effect, but they are not
necessarily called abuses, meaning this is a form of
deprivation, yes, it is effective in that it makes you
hungry for certain things, sensitive to
certain problems, certain phrases, certain signals,
certain words, certain situations, why? Because you are
hungry in this area, sometimes a certain word,
if you have, for example, a little shaky confidence, then
the word affects you more than others. The joke affects you more than
others. Why? Because
your deprivation was a little more than that.
What did you take? How many extra volts of deprivation? I mean, you
needed to take 30, no, honestly, you took 60.
Those 30 extra volts were some of them a lack of confidence, some of them a lack of encouragement, some
of them I don’t know, a
lack of acceptance of your mistake, so the nice perfectionist personality came out
. Does this necessarily lead to a
psychological problem, meaning a mental disorder? No, not necessarily,
but it will lead to an effect. What does "effect" mean? Like I
told you, I'm more sensitive, with a greater desire, for example,
to prove myself, a greater desire to
seize the world's opportunities, and a greater sensitivity to the lack of
appreciation for my efforts. I don't know what those 30 volts
made me like, or what they gave me, a special kind of personality. You
know, you know our beautiful, moderate madness, you know
our acceptable disturbances, like your friend
at work, who's kind of a
bit sensitive in this area. He doesn't necessarily have to be in therapy
or have electroconvulsive therapy, but you're sensitive in
this area. And so-and-so has a fear of loss,
like a phobia, and so-and-so is, you know, a
bit jealous, and so-and-so... you know, everyone's
got their bump, you know the dents
in the doors, but the car keeps moving, you know,
life keeps going, it's not stopped. You know, the
right headlight is missing here, so-and-so has a scratch on the
fender, you know, everyone's got their
bump. Honestly, the first type isn't It exists in
the world, meaning natural deprivation. You just said that,
that's all you did to say. It's really beautiful, but
only for those who understand, because no one in the world has experienced
this. But if you see someone, tell me. I saw
one once, I think he was almost normal. I wanted to sit and
study him, but what does he mean by "escape" and "travel to
America"? By God, if he could hear me, he would have been sitting next to me in school.
school.
Shout out, and I'll go back and take over as a minister, I swear to
currently a professor at Harvard University. So, he
had a great deal of normality. I think
he was the only normal person I've ever seen
in life. I mean, he might have also
experienced some trauma, but I didn't encounter it when we were
sitting next to each other in high school. Anyway, the
first model of deprivation, but
the simple, beautiful one, doesn't usually exist. You usually experience something
a little higher. I mean, if we say that a person
experiences 30 volts of deprivation, this is, of course,
very slang, but if you experience 30 volts of
deprivation will lead to the development of a normal self, so
we have set this as a rule: the lowest-level person will have taken 40.
Why? So that there is a place that is hit like this, it
will be like this, you will have taken a few hits, meaning it may be
visible or not visible, moving or not moving, the important thing is that
this is the verse, these are our natural hits, not the
natural ones, the gentle nervous hits that
all of us have, each one of us has taken them in a place, the one who
thinks too much, the one who doesn’t know, the one who is too
anxious, the one who is too indifferent, the one who doesn’t know, whatever it is,
one of us may have taken a hit, so we will then enter the
second range, which is between deprivation,
natural deprivation, and effective deprivation,
but effective deprivation without stopping
functionality, without leading to a malfunction in
your function, in what you do? In your life, you mean you're
working, but you know this part: this manager is
a bit temperamental, this one doesn't know, this one is
a bit sensitive, this one is a bit meticulous and focused on details, this one is always
late, this one is always late, this one is always like
this, whatever, it's normal, but he's alive and coexisting and he's here,
bothering us in life, and he understands, and he gets married and has
children and everything is fine until you reach a
certain level of impactful deprivation and then the deprivation
becomes more than impactful, it becomes distressing, it becomes
harmful, it becomes abusive. What does harmful and abusive mean? It affects, it does
n't hit the scissors, we weren't
saying this is a scratch on the doors
and stuff for people who drive, no, you got out and got in the drain, the
scissor broke and the car stopped and it won't move
anymore, so there is a level of deprivation that makes him
move but you know, the tire burst but he still moves on
what? He's walking on wheels, so the car isn't moving
properly. It's swerving and shaking. You know when there's a
problem, he's had a major impact. The
car is overheating, so
he's starting to move erratically. He's moving, but he's stumbling. He's starting to experience
vital function is disrupted. He can't sleep well. He's starting to
have increased anxiety. He's starting to have thoughts that are keeping him awake. He's
become excessively irritable. He's harming
those around him. He's become very, very violent. He's
become suspicious and doubtful. What he's experiencing is
what we call symptoms. Now we're getting
into the problems. We're starting to see how the car is moving
in the early stages, but stumbling and causing
him trouble, and in the
later stages, in the same context, which is...
The deprivation, the harmful or abusive deprivation,
is when it
completely disables the car, ruins functionality, causes depression, keeps him
at home, prevents him from
going out, causes him to have, for example, agoraphobia, fear of
societies, prevents him from working, and
every time he enters a relationship, he leaves it. Thus,
functionality is ruined. So you have degrees of
symptoms until you reach what? Is there a public holiday in
the verse? In functionalism, the
first type is the beautiful, imaginary first deprivation
that we mentioned, which is present with
our friend who was always sitting next to the school.
If someone asks you if you saw someone normal in life, tell them
next to what? Emad's side at school isn't there,
okay? We said he's not there and we're not going to do
anything for him at all. This second type of deprivation is good,
and people work on it. They work on it
by purifying the soul, by reading a couple of books,
by this second, effective deprivation. It's when
you have a fear of loss, so you read
something on the subject. If you have a little bit of patching things up,
you read something about procrastination. If you have something to do, you
sit down and learn a few things, you watch some
videos, and things move on, thank God, everything is fine.
Now we've entered the harmful deprivation. Now we've entered the
distorting deprivation. Here we have the third type of
deprivation, the distorting one, which is many degrees. The
car is moving but it's tired. It's moving but with
difficulty. Here, what does it require? A recovery journey,
treatment, medicine, a recovery companion, a recovery journey that needs
adjustment, it needs adjustment. He must reread the verse, he
must reread the past, he must. This is
broken, so he must He'll go back and reread the past
to learn how to move forward. He'll need to see what's broken
to fix it. He'll need to change the scissors and get a tool.
This is the
recovery journey he'll take. Why?
Because there are craftsmen to fix him.
But in the end, with the recovery journey, he can
return to the second system, which is deprivation of the trigger.
He might still have some symptoms to use. So, someone with OCD can become a perfectionist,
a bit of a show-off, a bit sensitive.
But the truth is, he'll be doing well
without suffering, so he'll move from the higher level to the
lower one. But there's a degree
of deprivation, which is the result of abuse
and trauma, the result of real harm, the result of a terrible depth
of deprivation that we call destructive deprivation. A
degree of deprivation, like long periods
of exposure, for example, to rape by a
parent. So, here we're talking about a degree of
deprivation. Deprivation or deprivation is much, much harder
than can be
grasped, even with simple or easy recovery journeys
or with a couple of words of reading. Sometimes it is
very difficult to fix
all the problems, so what do you need then? It
requires very long steps and sometimes
very deep interventions and sometimes a message between
drug treatments and sometimes
hospital stays and working for long periods and a lot of
treatment models until you know how to lower it to
the previous level and then lower it to the
level below. Okay, let's read about the
abuses, the definition of abuses in relation to, I mean
based on the division that we said,
and we will conclude with this point today so that
people at least understand where we are and
what we will work on. We will work from the
beginning of the second level because we do
not see the first deprivation until he returns from America,
and we will work from the beginning of the second level until
what? So, what forms of
abuse are there? First, physical abuse.
Physical abuse, depending on its severity, can be like a
slipper from your mom's slippers. With all due
respect to those who advocate positive parenting, sometimes
it's manageable, you know, it's manageable. Sometimes it doesn't teach a
lesson, but there are instances where the hitting is insane, insane.
There's hitting that's extremely harmful, where
you feel resentment, you feel madness, and you feel
that it turns the child into a punching bag, into which they release
their frustrations, aggression, pain, and resentments from
other people. It's so bad that sometimes you
even see it in videos, it's
very sad. So, there are
physical abuses like hitting, slapping, punching, and so on. In the past, there
was tying and restraining, and there were other
things, but we don't want to mention them so as not to
make it a matter of triggering people. And then there's
psychological abuse. There
are many psychological abuses, some of which we've all
experienced to some extent. These are physical abuses that start from the
beginning and go beyond.
It's only necessary from Mama with her slipper and Dad
with two useless words and maybe a shoulder slap, what's that
normal, it passes, we all take something from it,
but psychological abuse is usually
from below, why? Because our parents didn't get an education,
unfortunately they didn't have the means to what? To receive the
education and awareness that
exists now in all methods of upbringing,
what were the easiest methods of upbringing for them? Guilt
and fear make you feel guilty and afraid.
Psychological abuse is
very common, and depending on its severity, it can be
either a positive influence, a distorting influence, or a destructive influence. Examples include
comparisons, expulsion, neglect, and
sometimes discrimination between males and females, between a child and their
siblings. These are also harmful things. Other examples include nicknames, bullying,
sometimes conflicts between the
parents themselves in front of the child, and
frequent arguments between the father and mother (
not necessarily directed at each other, but sometimes
very impactful). These can be detrimental, like deprivation or abuse, and
sometimes forcing children to take sides.
sides.
Constantly focusing on the negative aspects of
children and the absence of encouragement, appreciation, and affection can have an effect,
delivering a few blows
and making us sensitive. Sometimes it's even more intense,
leading to problems like stagnation, insults, denigration,
reprimands, and sometimes even
physical abuse. It's sometimes dirty, and it's used in
some homes, meaning excessive yelling, screaming,
tantrums, etc. It's
suppressing freedom, scaring people with stories
of ghosts and jinn, punishment, and intimidation. It's breaking
promises and repeating them. None of us haven't been
hit in this area, and we've
even done it to our own children. For example, you might say, "You
can do this, God willing, we'll do it
for you," and then you find yourself unable to because you don't have enough
money. So, every one of us has experienced
something, whether from our own children or from ourselves
when we were kids. So, there might be some
degree of influence, not necessarily
considered abuse. Let's put things in perspective.
Sometimes, excessive protection and
overindulgence are forms of psychological abuse,
spiritual abuse through imposing
religious rituals, threatening hellfire, using the concept of
disobedience, and linking anger to other things. Parents sometimes interpret
minor worldly matters as divine wrath, meaning that if God is
angry with a child, their life will be affected.
This can sometimes be a form of spiritual abuse
because it not only creates problems with the parents and
in the child's personality development, but also
in their relationship with God. We
will discuss this in detail when we talk
about the effects of these points. For example, telling stories about the grave
and the torment of the afterlife too early is inappropriate for a
child's age. Similarly, early exposure to
stories of
magical thinking, such as tales of jinn, envy,
magic, and spells, is confusing for a child.
Sexual abuse, such as direct harassment of the child,
physical exposure (sometimes including nudity), and neglecting the boundaries of
boundaries of intimacy between parents by displaying
intimacy between parents by displaying it in front of children, are also harmful. The practice of
it in front of children, are also harmful. The practice of female circumcision is another example.
female circumcision is another example.
Sexual abuse... so here we've mentioned forms of abuse that you might find. For example,
abuse that you might find. For example, explicit abuse directed at one of these women
explicit abuse directed at one of these women will never be just a passing comment; it will be much more intense. And then there are abuses that you find,
will never be just a passing comment; it will be much more intense. And then there are abuses that you find, depending on how
depending on how much she received, how much she received, how
much she received, how much she received, how she received it. You know when you get insulted? Everyone gets
she received it. You know when you get insulted? Everyone gets insulted, I mean, everyone I know gets
insulted, I mean, everyone I know gets insulted, maybe a couple of times, or one who's awful, or one who doesn't
insulted, maybe a couple of times, or one who's awful, or one who doesn't know, or one who's fed up with you, I'm leaving the... you know, the kind of thing
know, or one who's fed up with you, I'm leaving the... you know, the kind of thing mothers say. And sometimes you take it with laughter
mothers say. And sometimes you take it with laughter because it comes from someone who's saying, "Oh, poor thing, she's so
because it comes from someone who's saying, "Oh, poor thing, she's so tired of our father, he's
tired of our father, he's driving her crazy, oh, poor thing," so you feel like she's pleading for help. And you might get it from someone who's angry, who
driving her crazy, oh, poor thing," so you feel like she's pleading for help. And you might get it from someone who's angry, who hates, or from someone who feels like you're... no, she's
hates, or from someone who feels like you're... no, she's gloating. So sometimes some mothers
gloating. So sometimes some mothers become that disturbed, or some fathers
become that disturbed, or some fathers become disturbed, so it depends It's not necessarily
become disturbed, so it depends It's not necessarily about the situation itself, but rather the starting point
about the situation itself, but rather the starting point of that situation. What
of that situation. What we did in today's session was
we did in today's session was
discuss one or three very important points about deprivation. There's a certain kind of deprivation that we must have, and a kind of deprivation that
that we must have, and a kind of deprivation that shapes our personalities and can't be escaped. And then there's the kind of deprivation that just doesn't exist, that makes us lose our minds and
shapes our personalities and can't be escaped. And then there's the kind of deprivation that just doesn't exist, that makes us lose our minds and says, "I don't want to
says, "I don't want to play with you, that's just how life is." Or
play with you, that's just how life is." Or there's a kind of impactful deprivation, which doesn't necessarily lead
there's a kind of impactful deprivation, which doesn't necessarily lead to huge problems. This impactful deprivation is
to huge problems. This impactful deprivation is what creates creativity, writing,
what creates creativity, writing, art, and all that. It's what makes us
art, and all that. It's what makes us understand what it means to be a support system, where we lean on
understand what it means to be a support system, where we lean on each other, each of us having a blow somewhere,
each other, each of us having a blow somewhere, and we try to cover it up or throw it away. Or there's a
and we try to cover it up or throw it away. Or there's a debilitating deprivation, which keeps things running smoothly,
debilitating deprivation, which keeps things running smoothly, but there's real suffering. This requires
but there's real suffering. This requires therapeutic intervention or a recovery journey. Or there's
therapeutic intervention or a recovery journey. Or there's destructive deprivation, or abuse. The destructive kind, which is the
destructive deprivation, or abuse. The destructive kind, which is the very large amount of abuse, or perhaps a very
very large amount of abuse, or perhaps a very long and extensive abuse, that has led to
long and extensive abuse, that has led to real distortion and destruction of the personality's structure, will
real distortion and destruction of the personality's structure, will require a much, much greater effort from us in the
require a much, much greater effort from us in the process of correction,
process of correction, change, or recovery. The person
change, or recovery. The person needs a genuine desire to recover, and they need
needs a genuine desire to recover, and they need patience and perseverance because it will require a lot of things from them. That's what
patience and perseverance because it will require a lot of things from them. That's what we've been discussing today.
we've been discussing today. I know the video is quite long, almost
I know the video is quite long, almost an hour, but I couldn't make it
an hour, but I couldn't make it shorter. We have a week, so please
shorter. We have a week, so please listen at your leisure. From the
listen at your leisure. From the next time, we'll talk about the effects
next time, we'll talk about the effects of these deprivations, or the effects of abuse,
of these deprivations, or the effects of abuse, on our development, how they affect us, and how these
on our development, how they affect us, and how these sensitivities, as you mentioned, are
sensitivities, as you mentioned, are formed, and what the effects of each type of
formed, and what the effects of each type of deprivation are on us.
deprivation are on us. What are the effects of different types of abuse or
What are the effects of different types of abuse or deprivation within the same context
deprivation within the same context on personality development? And then we'll
on personality development? And then we'll talk about how to recover from that.
talk about how to recover from that. Thank you so much, and see you soon. Now, let's talk about comments,
Thank you so much, and see you soon. Now, let's talk about comments, questions, and your impressions of us discussing this
questions, and your impressions of us discussing this topic. I won't lie, I'm a
topic. I won't lie, I'm a little worried. So, please tell me
little worried. So, please tell me what you think about us discussing this topic. There are
what you think about us discussing this topic. There are so many questions about
so many questions about this. We want to finish this series,
this. We want to finish this series, God willing, and answer
God willing, and answer people's questions related to this topic. We
people's questions related to this topic. We want to have established a methodology for dealing with the
want to have established a methodology for dealing with the idea of abuse, parental relationships, and other related issues, instead of the
idea of abuse, parental relationships, and other related issues, instead of the strange amount of nonsense and pointless chatter
strange amount of nonsense and pointless chatter
currently circulating in cultural and social circles. Thank you so much, and see you soon.
Click on any text or timestamp to jump to that moment in the video
Share:
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
One-Click Copy125+ LanguagesSearch ContentJump to Timestamps
Paste YouTube URL
Enter any YouTube video link to get the full transcript
Transcript Extraction Form
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
Get Our Chrome Extension
Get transcripts instantly without leaving YouTube. Install our Chrome extension for one-click access to any video's transcript directly on the watch page.
