0:00 Have you ever felt like you're doing too
0:01 much for a man who is giving you less
0:04 than even the bare minimum? Isn't it
0:06 frustrating when you're investing when
0:08 you're giving your time, energy, and
0:11 attention to someone who the feeling is
0:13 never ever mutual with? Well, what if I
0:16 told you that stems from the idea that
0:19 there are certain things you should
0:21 never be doing with a man? Which is
0:23 exactly why on today's show, we're going
0:25 to be discussing everything you should
0:28 never do for a man. That way, you no
0:32 longer end up being the one who is left
0:35 disappointed and emotionally drained,
0:38 and you can finally have the
0:40 relationship and love that you've always
0:42 been searching for. Point number one, I
0:45 never want you to do this with any man
0:47 that you're dating, any man that you
0:48 start dating, or any man that you've
0:49 been dating for a while. Let me explain
0:51 why this can turn out horribly for you.
0:54 See, let's say you're with a guy and
0:56 when you start talking to him, you get
0:57 accustomed to the frequency at which
1:00 he'll be talking to you. So, he messages
1:02 you uh every hour or maybe in some cases
1:05 he's a textaholic and he messages you
1:06 every 5 minutes. This obviously feels
1:09 good in the moment. But let's be real,
1:11 not everything lasts forever and
1:13 especially the frequency at which a man
1:14 will talk to you is not necessarily
1:16 going to last forever. So then you come
1:18 to a crossroads where now his timing in
1:22 which the amount of time he'll take to
1:23 message you has gone from being 1 hour
1:25 which you know that works for you to
1:27 being maybe 3 hours and now you're like
1:31 you know 3 hours uh I'm not that happy
1:35 in fact I'm a little bit neutral. I
1:36 would love for it to go back to 1 hour.
1:38 And then all of a sudden as time goes on
1:40 now he's taking one day to respond to
1:44 you and you're very unhappy. Okay. And
1:46 it only gets worse from there. Now,
1:48 here's the problem that a lot of you
1:50 will make a mistake of, right? See, as
1:52 this process is going along, right, and
1:55 he's taking more time, he's being less
1:57 frequent with the enthusiasm he's
2:00 showing overall to this relationship.
2:02 He's asking you out on dates less
2:04 overall. Now, this is obviously making
2:07 you feel worse and worse and worse.
2:09 Nothing wrong with that. You are an
2:10 emotional being. Nothing wrong with
2:11 feeling things. However, what you then
2:14 start doing as this more time and the
2:16 less frequent hangouts and the less
2:17 frequent asking you out goes on, you
2:20 start saying, "Well, if I want to get
2:22 back to this place, I need to beg for
2:25 more time." And this is the mistake that
2:28 ever a lot of you, I should say, fall
2:31 into the trap of, maybe not all of you,
2:32 but a lot of you fall into the trap of.
2:34 And I never ever ever want you to be
2:37 begging a man for his time. Let me
2:39 explain to you why. In the scenario in
2:42 which you say, "Okay, I don't like that
2:44 you're going from one hour to message me
2:46 back to taking like one day now and 1.5
2:48 days. I want to let you know that I
2:51 don't like how you haven't been
2:52 messaging me. And I'm just wondering
2:54 what's taking you so long to message me
2:56 back. I'm just wondering what you're
2:58 doing. Uh, we haven't gone on a date in
3:00 the last 3 weeks. We haven't talked in
3:03 the last 2 days. We haven't had a real
3:05 conversation in so long. I wish you
3:07 would talk to me more. I wish you would
3:09 text me more. I wish you would ask me
3:10 out on dates more. I wish we would go
3:12 out more. Right? You're essentially
3:14 begging for more of his time, begging
3:17 for more of his attention. Let me tell
3:19 you the two most important reasons why I
3:20 never want you to do that. One, you will
3:23 never get the response that you're
3:24 looking for. Whenever you're begging for
3:26 more of his time and attention because
3:29 as soon as you beg for more of his time
3:30 and attention, let me tell like
3:32 clockwork. Okay? I help hundreds and
3:33 hundreds of women. This is their always
3:35 their response. Oh, I'm busy work. Oh, I
3:39 got school. Oh, class books, study feet.
3:42 I got nine toes. I don't know what to
3:43 do. I can't see. I don't have 2020
3:46 vision. Whatever excuse they pull out of
3:48 the hat, they're going to pull out that
3:50 excuse. Someone said, "I'm I was sick."
3:51 Okay. I wasn't feeling well. My mother
3:53 this, my brother that, my sister, my
3:55 cousin, my nephew. Everything they could
3:58 pull out as an excuse. They're going to
3:59 pull out as an excuse. Now, the reason
4:01 that that doesn't matter and the reason
4:03 that it's a pointless activity is
4:05 because when he gives you that excuse,
4:07 99% of the time, he's going to go back
4:09 to doing what he was already doing in
4:11 the first place. So, you complaining and
4:13 begging him for more of his time, more
4:15 of his attention. He's going to give you
4:16 the excuse why he wasn't doing that, and
4:18 then he's going to return back to his
4:20 state of homeostasis, which is what he
4:22 was already doing. So, if he was taking
4:23 one day to respond to your messages,
4:25 he's going to continue taking one day.
4:26 Maybe he'll apologize for the fact that
4:28 he was taking so long. the excuse comes
4:30 and then that the action continues. So,
4:32 you're still unhappy. Or what will
4:35 happen is as you're begging for more of
4:37 his time, right? Maybe he makes an
4:39 adjustment for a day or so. Maybe he
4:42 makes an adjustment for a couple of
4:43 hours. But rest assured, after you have
4:45 a little bit of a conversation, he goes
4:47 right back to doing what he's been
4:50 doing. Now, the second reason why I
4:52 don't want you to do this and why this
4:54 actually hurts you is because this
4:56 creates a sense of, "Oh, you are so
4:59 important to me that the moment you're
5:02 no longer in my life as frequently as
5:04 you once were, all my happiness escaped
5:07 out the window because you were my
5:09 happiness and I do need you in my life.
5:11 And if you're not in my life, I'm very,
5:13 very sad, very, very bored. My life is
5:16 very, very uninteresting." Okay? doesn't
5:18 send the right message to him, doesn't
5:20 give the right perception of you, and
5:22 you definitely won't get the right
5:24 response from him in the end. Cuz even
5:27 when you beg for more time, like I said
5:28 before, his actions are most likely not
5:31 going to change. The also very important
5:33 part of this, and I'll give this like a
5:35 little bit of a third point, is that you
5:37 have to be able to recognize how
5:40 frequently does that man want to
5:41 actually talk to you? How frequently
5:44 does that man actually want to approach
5:45 you? See, one of the mistakes and why I
5:47 really want you to never do this is
5:49 because as you beg for more time, even
5:51 in a scenario in which hypothetically he
5:54 listens to you, hears you out, and wants
5:56 to spend more time with you, or let's
5:57 say not wants to, he spends more time
5:59 with you because he feels bad for the
6:01 fact that you're begging for more time.
6:02 You won't get the chance to realize what
6:04 he would rather do. The problem with
6:06 this is you're not able to properly
6:08 accurately calculate and analyze what is
6:11 his true level of interest in you. I
6:13 talk about this a lot on the players
6:15 club. One of your superpowers and one of
6:17 the things you have to be going into all
6:18 of your dates, first dates, second
6:20 dates, third dates, anytime you're
6:22 dating a man, you have to be gauging
6:24 what is his level of interest in me? How
6:27 much do I have to force him to do things
6:29 in order for him to show up for me and
6:31 be intentional versus how much does he
6:33 have an already existing desire within
6:35 him to show up and be intentional. The
6:38 more you have to beg for time, the more
6:40 you have to twist his hands and pull
6:42 teeth in order to get him to give you
6:44 some time and attention, the less I want
6:47 you in that type of relationship.
6:49 Because as time goes on, you're only
6:50 going to have to beg for more time, beg
6:52 for more attention, beg for more
6:54 frequency. And I just like I said
6:56 before, it's not really going to change.
6:58 In fact, over time, it's just going to
7:00 get worse and worse, and he's going to
7:01 pull more and more away from you. Point
7:03 number two is about investment. Now, let
7:05 me explain why I think this can become
7:08 very dangerous and I never want you to
7:10 do this. See, as time goes on and you
7:13 spend time with a man, you spend time
7:15 building with a man, there's a lot of
7:17 things happening simultaneously within
7:19 you. As you continue to invest your time
7:23 and energy into this man, okay, so let's
7:26 imagine this is your pool here of money
7:28 and you take some of this money here and
7:30 you minus it, okay? And you're putting
7:32 some of this into his pool. Cool.
7:34 Nothing particularly wrong with that.
7:36 But then as the one day turns into one
7:40 month, you're taking a little bit more
7:43 of this money over here invested into
7:45 this guy's pool here. And then we could
7:47 say after one month, we jump all the way
7:49 to one year and you've now invested what
7:52 we can consider the entire million. You
7:55 took $100,000 of your money and you put
7:57 it in his bucket here. So he has a h
8:00 100,000 of your money. Okay? You've
8:02 minused that from your eventual 1
8:05 million that you started with, okay?
8:06 When you were all all hot, amazing, and
8:09 young, and everyone wanted you. Then you
8:11 went all the way and you invested all of
8:14 your $1 million into his bucket, into
8:17 his pool here. In this sense, the money
8:19 actually is time. Because when you're on
8:21 the first day of talking to a guy, yeah,
8:24 sure, maybe you like him, maybe you want
8:27 you guys to end up in a relationship
8:28 together, but you're not really pressed
8:30 or phased about whether or not you guys
8:32 end up together. It's not that important
8:34 to you. But then when you get into the
8:36 one month mark, it's a little bit more
8:38 important to you that the time you've
8:40 been investing here, i.e. the money in
8:42 this example, is actually received back
8:45 to you with the outcome that you guys
8:47 get into a relationship, right? want
8:49 something out for your investment of
8:52 time. Then when you invest one year of
8:55 your life into this man, you really
8:57 really want something out of this for
9:00 the time that you've been investing in
9:03 this man. Similar to putting this pool
9:05 of money into his pool. Okay? Now, the
9:08 reason that I say this is because this
9:10 can become very dangerous. You could
9:12 start putting yourself in a place
9:14 mentally where you say, "Well, I've
9:16 already spent one year with this guy."
9:20 And this one year of my life, I've went
9:22 through so much with him. I've had to
9:25 endure so much. He's put me through so
9:27 much. I've had to beg for this and beg
9:29 for that and fight for this and fight
9:31 for that. And so now that I've invested
9:33 one year, even though my relationship is
9:35 really bad and it's really horrible if I
9:38 walk away now, all of this will have
9:41 been a gigantic waste because I spent so
9:44 much time already on and with this guy.
9:47 So, despite the fact that this isn't the
9:49 relationship I want, I don't want to
9:51 walk away because I don't want to lose
9:53 out on my one-year investment, my
9:56 one-year time and energy and attention
9:59 investment that I've put into this man.
10:02 I never want you to do this with a man
10:05 or in any relationship that you're
10:07 having with a man. be very self-aware
10:09 and very lucid in your thinking that
10:12 hey, as this relationship is going on,
10:14 I'm continuing to re-evaluate are these
10:17 is this man and is this relationship
10:19 what I want and is this man giving me
10:21 the things that I need? Is this are is
10:24 he meeting my standards? Um is he doing
10:26 the things that I like? Are we getting
10:28 along? uh does he still, you know, have
10:31 the same way of treating me with respect
10:33 and dignity and love and care and
10:35 attention like he once did or is he not?
10:38 Right? You don't want to get into a
10:40 position where you're allowing men who
10:42 aren't showing up for you to stay in
10:43 your life because you feel like you've
10:45 invested a lot of time and energy
10:47 already in this man. Cuz trust me, see
10:49 this is why I hate it when when you all
10:52 sleep with a man too early because it
10:54 makes you feel like you've invested more
10:56 energy and attention and time than you
10:59 actually have. Right? These are part of
11:01 the tricks, right? And I know mentally
11:03 it'll be very hard to pull yourself out
11:05 of it when you feel like you're losing
11:07 out on your investment when you feel
11:09 like you've already put so much into
11:11 this man. You've put so much into this
11:13 relationship. So what are you gonna do
11:15 now when you walk away? Oh, I'm gonna
11:16 lose ear. So what? Right? Oh, I'm going
11:19 to lose 1 month. So what? Oh, I'm going
11:20 to lose 3 months. So what? You have to
11:22 you have to feel like so what? Because
11:25 the only way for you to keep your
11:27 self-respect, for you to keep your
11:29 dignity, for you to keep the type of
11:31 partner and relationship that you've
11:33 been looking for is for you to
11:34 acknowledge and be honest with yourself
11:36 very quickly and very efficiently that
11:38 this isn't what I've been looking for. I
11:40 recognize that. Yes, I made a mistake
11:42 for a period of time. And yes, it's
11:44 painful to recognize that I wasted so
11:46 much time making that mistake. But it's
11:48 okay because if I walk away now, I won't
11:51 have to spend another year or another 3
11:54 years or another 5 years in the same
11:56 situation or an even worse situation
11:58 having spent even more of my time and
12:00 energy on this man. Okay, point number
12:03 three is uh about committing. Now, what
12:05 am I specifically referring to? See,
12:07 here's the thing that I don't want you
12:09 to make the mistake of doing whenever
12:11 you're with a guy. See, as you're
12:14 building your idea and your narrative of
12:16 this man in your mind, this narrative
12:18 that you build of him should be
12:20 consisting of the experiences that you
12:23 have with this man. Meaning, as you go
12:25 along and you experience what he's like,
12:28 the things that he'll say, whether he's
12:29 a man of his word or not, whether he'll
12:32 keep his promises or not, and the way
12:34 that he interacts with you and the
12:36 dynamic that you guys have in your
12:37 relationship, you're building your
12:38 understanding of this man. you're
12:40 learning him, so to speak. As you're
12:41 learning him, you're then basing what
12:43 you've learned about him on whether or
12:46 not you'll continue to want to be in a
12:48 relationship with him based on your
12:50 experience that you had with him. Now,
12:52 this is where the mistake comes in. And
12:54 what I never want you to do, I never
12:56 want you to look into a crystal ball and
13:00 say to yourself, "Crystal ball. Oh,
13:02 crystal ball. I know what I'm seeing
13:05 from him currently is not what I want. I
13:09 know that he is pretty inconsistent. I
13:13 know he doesn't really ask me out on
13:16 dates much, mostly asking me to his
13:19 place to watch Netflix. I know he's kind
13:22 of too busy all the time. He kind of
13:26 doesn't seem very interested. He kind of
13:29 is emotionally unavailable because he
13:30 seems to be slightly still in love with
13:32 his ex. But oh, crystal ball. Oh,
13:36 crystal ball. I know. I just know cuz I
13:39 can feel it. I can see it in my dreams.
13:42 I know that he's got so much potential
13:48 and I know deep down in my heart that me
13:51 and him could be together forever
13:54 because even though he's really super
13:56 busy and he doesn't show me any interest
13:58 and he's not really very consistent. I
14:00 know that somewhere deep down in his
14:03 soul and his spirit somewhere in there
14:05 is a good man that could take care of
14:07 me. that would be the man that I need,
14:10 that is everything that I want, and I
14:11 know that just with a little tweaking
14:14 and over the course of time and a couple
14:16 of changes, he'll eventually be the
14:18 person and the man that I'm looking for.
14:21 Even though in my actual experience with
14:23 him, I have never actually seen the
14:26 things that I'm looking into my crystal
14:28 ball and hoping to see if I'm going to
14:31 be in a happy, healthy relationship with
14:33 him. Okay? I never want you to do this
14:36 because you're basing your desire to
14:39 continue a relationship with this man
14:42 off of not who he actually is in terms
14:44 of your real life experience with him.
14:46 You're basing it off your crystal ball
14:49 and what you think the future could be
14:51 like, even though none of what the
14:54 future could be like you've ever seen in
14:56 this relationship you've had with him
14:58 currently. Okay? And trust me, listen,
15:01 I'm a human being. Okay? I know I joke
15:02 about being an AI sometimes. Someone
15:04 asked me, "Are you actually an A guy?"
15:05 No, really and truthfully, I'm actually
15:07 a real human being with a real life and
15:08 real experiences. So, the reason I say
15:10 this is I get it. When you meet a guy,
15:13 it's easy to fantasize a lot about what
15:16 could be. It's easy to live in a dream
15:19 world where you're actually in the music
15:22 video that you're imagining and then you
15:23 just implant this man into your music
15:26 video in your mind and he's whisking you
15:28 off to a land far far away and
15:30 everything is so amazing. But you always
15:32 have to keep yourself grounded in
15:34 reality even though you want to live in
15:36 that fantasy and even though it's very
15:38 fun to live in that fantasy because if
15:40 you don't keep yourself grounded in
15:42 reality and keep yourself very aware of
15:45 what's actually happening in your real
15:48 relationship with him, you will find
15:50 yourself very confused on the difference
15:53 between the real man you're dating and
15:55 the man who exists in your crystal ball.
15:58 Cuz those are two different people. And
16:00 sometimes, even if you have to write
16:02 things down to remember them, even if
16:04 you have to have like an accountability
16:06 friend that will remind you of those
16:08 things or you can trust that if you tell
16:10 her everything that she'll tell you,
16:12 hey, that's not what he is. He's not the
16:14 guy for you. Right? You need something
16:16 to keep you grounded that you don't
16:19 allow your crystal ball to become your
16:21 reality. Okay? and especially so that
16:24 you don't start making decisions on
16:26 being with him or being in a
16:27 relationship with him based on this
16:30 crystal ball. Point number four is
16:31 disrespect. If a man disrespects you,
16:35 and here's the thing, it's going to
16:37 sound weird. Even nice men sometimes
16:39 will try you. People will try you. It's
16:41 okay. It's okay. People will try you.
16:44 And it doesn't even mean they're bad
16:46 people. You just have to recognize
16:48 people go and try you. They go and test
16:49 you. They going to see how far they can
16:50 get with you. Now, here's the thing.
16:52 Never, ever, ever allow disrespect by
16:57 your man or a man that you're dating to
16:59 go unpunished. Now, what you're not
17:02 going to do, cuz if you know me, you
17:03 know how I go about this when it comes
17:05 to punishment. For you as a woman, your
17:07 version of punishment is never to yell
17:09 or scream. Okay? It's never to text him
17:11 25 times. It's never to spam, call him,
17:13 none of that. You're not doing none of
17:14 that. Okay? What you're going to do if
17:16 you want to properly punish a man, you
17:18 act like he does not exist. You give him
17:20 no time. You give him no attention. You
17:23 act like he's unimportant because why?
17:26 That is what men actually feel is
17:28 punishment. That is what actually pains
17:31 them. That is what actually makes them
17:33 think. That is what actually makes them
17:34 a sad little puppy. Okay? They
17:36 understand this as punishment when you
17:39 ignore them. Right? Essentially, when
17:40 you make them feel like they don't
17:42 exist, right? They understand that as
17:44 punishment. You will never ever
17:47 ever allow disrespect to go unpunished.
17:51 Sometimes when you're with a man and you
17:53 like this guy and you really want this
17:55 relationship to work with this guy, you
17:57 don't want to ruffle feathers just
17:59 because maybe he disrespected you one
18:01 time or it was something small or you
18:03 don't want to make a big fuss about it,
18:05 right? Sometimes you can get in that
18:06 mindset. I don't want to make a big deal
18:07 out of stuff. I don't want to be a drama
18:09 queen. You don't have to be a drama
18:11 queen by when you punish him. It doesn't
18:12 have to be dramatic. Okay, here's the
18:14 thing though. If you make the choice of
18:17 allowing the disrespect to go
18:19 unpunished, what will happen is that
18:22 will become your established dynamic.
18:24 Understand?
18:26 Please, I love you so much. If you allow
18:30 disrespect at the beginning and you make
18:33 the mistake of allowing it to go
18:36 unpunished, your relationship, don't
18:38 forget this this idea, this concept.
18:40 It's one of the most important concepts
18:41 of the players club. A relationship is a
18:44 lot like cement. Very much like cement.
18:47 As time goes on, in the beginning, it's
18:50 very easy to pour that cement down, to
18:52 shape it, to mold it how you want. You
18:55 can put your handprint in it. You can
18:56 put your footprint in it. You can make
18:58 it change shape however you want it to
19:00 be. As time goes on though, as the sun
19:03 is shining on that cement, as the days
19:05 go by, it becomes harder and harder and
19:08 harder to change the shape of that
19:11 cement. At some point, the handprint you
19:13 put down, the footprint you put down,
19:16 the name you wrote in that cement will
19:18 be etched in stone quite literally. And
19:20 at that point, it'll be very difficult
19:23 to change the shape. It'll be very
19:25 difficult to add anything. It'll even be
19:27 difficult to remove anything. The reason
19:30 I want that analogy to stick to your
19:32 brain like glue is because I want you to
19:34 understand the importance of
19:36 establishing a dynamic. Because once you
19:40 establish that dynamic, it'll be very
19:42 difficult to change it back to something
19:45 from before or to make adjustments or
19:48 additions that were never existing at
19:51 the beginning. It's exactly why when it
19:53 comes to disrespect, you punish it. And
19:55 you punish it well so that the men that
19:58 you're dating, the man that you're
19:59 dating, maybe hopefully you're not
20:00 dating multiple men, but the man that
20:02 you're dating, right, will understand
20:04 this important loop here. disrespect
20:07 when he gives it to you will be received
20:09 punishment in which case you're going to
20:11 be ignoring him. He's going to feel very
20:13 unimportant. That dynamic, that um
20:16 understanding will eventually harden in
20:18 cement where he'll understand if I
20:20 approach her wrong, if I disrespect her,
20:23 if I, you know, do the wrong thing or
20:25 say the wrong thing, right? I'm going to
20:27 get ignored. I don't like that. I'm
20:30 going to get no attention. I don't like
20:31 that. I'm going to feel very unimportant
20:33 to her. I don't like that. Cuz remember,
20:35 men actually receive real punishment as
20:37 being ignored. They don't receive real
20:38 punishment as you crashing out. Okay?
20:40 Don't text him a million times. He's not
20:42 going to think that's punishment. Don't
20:44 call him a million times. He's not going
20:45 to think that's punishment. When you act
20:47 as if he's unimportant, you go out and
20:49 you do your own thing. That's when he
20:51 thinks it's actual punishment. So, never
20:53 allow this disrespect to go unpunished.
20:55 Because if you do, you will allow that
20:57 relationship to harden in stone in that
20:59 dynamic. And then that will become the
21:02 expectation that he has of you. Right?
21:04 As you don't uh punish him for the
21:06 disrespect, right? He will begin to
21:07 think, okay, I can continue
21:09 disrespecting her and nothing will
21:11 happen, right? And if nothing happens
21:12 when I disrespect her because she
21:14 doesn't choose to punish me or ignores
21:16 punishing me or feels too overly
21:18 dramatic if she punishes me, well then
21:20 I'll just continue to disrespect her
21:22 because clearly there are no
21:23 consequences. Okay. Point number five is
21:26 about going first.
21:28 What am I talking about when I say go
21:30 first? One of the easy mistakes to make,
21:32 okay? And I never want you to make this
21:34 mistake. When you start dating a guy,
21:36 you might think to yourself, "Oh,
21:37 everything's chill. Cool. Vibes.
21:38 Everything is vibes." You know, the kids
21:40 love vibes. As we're vibing, you know, I
21:42 have this thing. My girls, okay, one of
21:45 my uh really close girlfriends, she's
21:47 like my BFF FF FF. Okay, so many Fs you
21:52 can't even see straight. I love her so
21:55 so so so much. She's having a bday
21:58 party. And you know, me and you, we've
22:01 been talking for like a month. I would
22:03 love for you to come with me to this
22:07 bday party and meet my BFF FFF forever,
22:12 forever, forever. She's like my sister.
22:14 We basically share blood. We share
22:16 saliva. We share everything, even
22:18 tampons. Okay? And this is the problem
22:20 though. Okay? Very, very big problem.
22:22 And it sounds very innocent in the
22:24 beginning. In this scenario, let's say
22:25 you just started dating a man for 1
22:27 month. Now that you've introduced this
22:30 man that you just started talking to,
22:31 right? You're like, "Hey guys, this is
22:33 the guy I've been talking to. He's so
22:34 cool. His name's uh Ty." Okay. Yeah.
22:38 Tylo, whatever. Okay. You like black
22:40 men. His name's Till. He's tall. He's
22:42 handsome. He's amazing. I love him.
22:44 Guys, meet Tylo. He's my favorite.
22:46 Right. Oh, hey, Tylo. How you doing?
22:48 Right. They all meet your guy. Then you
22:50 guys are talking about it afterwards.
22:51 You're like, "Yeah, that's the guy I've
22:52 been dating. Haha. You're so bubbly,
22:54 you're so giggly, all that good stuff.
22:56 But now something's happened to your
22:57 mind. See, as you've introduced him to
23:00 your circle of people, to your inner
23:01 circle, your close friends. Now, you
23:03 feel like this is a little bit more
23:05 serious. you feel a little bit more
23:08 invested than you even did before
23:10 because you liked the guy before and you
23:12 thought he was cool before, but now that
23:14 you've told your best friend forever and
23:16 all of your other close girlfriends have
23:18 gotten a chance to meet him, you feel
23:19 like, "Oh, well, my girlfriends know
23:21 about this as well. So, they're going to
23:23 be asking me how this is going. They're
23:25 going to be checking in on me. They're
23:26 going to be saying, "Hey, did you go out
23:28 with Tyler again? Did you spend some
23:29 more time with him?" Now, what's going
23:31 to happen to you? You're going to feel a
23:33 lot of subconscious pressure to make
23:35 this relationship with him work out,
23:37 right? You want this to work because you
23:40 feel in the back of your mind, this will
23:42 be kind of embarrassing if I introduce
23:45 him to my best friends forever and I
23:47 tell him how this is the guy I'm talking
23:49 to and then one week later or two weeks
23:51 later or one month later we're no longer
23:54 talking or things just fizzled out.
23:56 Really embarrassing for me. I don't want
23:58 to be embarrassed like that. So what I
24:00 need to do now is I have to make this
24:04 work. So even if he pulls away from me,
24:07 I have to make this work. Even if he
24:11 texts me less, I have to make this work.
24:15 Even if he stops calling me, even if he
24:17 takes me out on no dates, even if all
24:19 he's doing is asking me to come over to
24:21 slurp him off, I have to make this work.
24:25 Why? Because I've already introduced him
24:27 to my friends. or in some cases, I've
24:29 already introduced him to my family. All
24:31 my inner circle already knows him. I
24:34 feel the pressure that I need to make
24:37 this work or else I'm going to be
24:38 embarrassed because I introduced him to
24:40 everyone I already know and love. And
24:42 the problem with that is in this
24:44 scenario, you went first. You should
24:48 never go first. When you go first,
24:52 you're the one that feels that pressure
24:54 to make these things work. you're the
24:56 one uh that feels that pressure that the
24:58 relationship has to get going and has to
25:00 stay going and has to be sustained. When
25:03 you're the one that feels that pressure,
25:04 it puts you in action mode. It puts you
25:07 in hunting mode. It puts you in
25:09 masculine energy mode. Right? And now
25:12 when you notice he he's not doing the
25:14 same things that he was once doing, you
25:16 continue trying to push instead of
25:18 letting go because you don't want to
25:20 feel the embarrassment of having to go
25:22 back to your friends and say, "This
25:23 didn't work out." You want that man to
25:26 go first. If he's not at the place where
25:28 he's ready to introduce you to his
25:30 friends and his family and his inner
25:32 circle, cool. You're not going to do
25:33 that either, okay? You're not going to
25:36 be the first one going. If he doesn't
25:38 want to have a discussion about it, if
25:39 he's not interested in in introducing
25:41 you to anyone in his life, okay, outside
25:43 of just, you know, him, then you're not
25:46 interested in doing that either. The
25:48 reason I say this, even though it sounds
25:49 like a very weird thing to do and very
25:51 standoffish, is for the reason I just
25:53 stated before, but also you need to be
25:55 able to recognize, is that where he's at
25:57 mentally? You're introducing him to your
26:00 best friend forever, but is that what he
26:02 wants to introduce you to his best
26:04 friend forever? Okay. Right. His BFF
26:06 over here. Is he eager to introduce you
26:09 to that guy? If the answer is no, why
26:12 so? Because if you're imagining you guys
26:14 are so close that you would love to
26:16 introduce him to your best friend
26:18 forever, why is he not on the same page
26:21 with you of the excitement uh that you
26:24 have uh to introduce you to his best
26:27 friend forever? See, this is a very
26:29 important thing to recognize and observe
26:31 within men. I tell you, you're
26:33 observing, you're analyzing, you're
26:34 listening because you need to see what
26:37 is he what is his level of interest,
26:39 where is he at, right? How much does he
26:42 want this? How intentional is he being
26:44 here? Right? Does he have no desire to
26:47 introduce me to any of his friends and
26:48 family? He's never talking about it.
26:49 It's only me and him. Okay, that's
26:51 interesting because when he's not
26:53 introducing me to any friends and
26:54 family, when he's not introducing me to
26:56 anyone in his inner circle, he's
26:58 actually making the opportunity very
27:01 easy to walk away because let's just say
27:04 hypothetically he sleeps with me and
27:06 then he ghosts me, right? He's not going
27:08 to have to answer to anyone. He's not
27:10 going to have any of his best friends
27:11 saying, "Hey, what about Stephanie? Hey,
27:14 what about Ashley? Hey, what about uh
27:16 Lane that you met the other day or that
27:18 you introduced us to, right? What
27:19 happened to her?" Right? He's not going
27:21 to have to answer to no one. And so,
27:23 this is why you have to gauge this.
27:25 Allow the man to go first. Let him
27:28 introduce you to his inner circle. Let
27:29 him be the one with the pressure on him.
27:31 Let him be the one with the
27:33 subconscious, "Oh, they know her now, so
27:36 I have to make sure I make this work."
27:38 Point number six is about chasing. Okay.
27:41 Now, uh I'm going to describe this
27:44 visual to you that I drew. Very bad
27:46 visual uh in a way that should make
27:48 sense to you of why I don't want you
27:50 doing this. When you first start dating
27:52 a guy, right? Sometimes your desire to
27:56 want to be with this guy make this
27:58 situation work or maybe just because
28:00 you're lonely and you haven't had a guy
28:02 like you or show you any attention in so
28:04 long that you can begin saying, "Okay,
28:07 uh, I need this to work." Similar to
28:09 like how I was talking about earlier.
28:11 And then you start thinking to yourself,
28:13 okay, I can't wait for you to ask for my
28:17 number. I can't risk that, okay? Cuz you
28:18 might not. And then this might not work
28:20 out. I can't wait for you to come and
28:22 approach me because you might not
28:23 approach me and if you don't approach
28:24 me, my life's going to end because
28:26 you're the only man on this earth. Or I
28:28 can't wait for you to ask me out on a
28:30 date. So, I'm going to do it because
28:31 you're acting like a little pansy and I
28:33 can't sit around and wait for you to ask
28:35 me out on a date because I need to be on
28:36 a date yesterday. And so, what do you
28:38 end up doing? You end up doing a lot of
28:40 the reaching out via text. You end up
28:42 doing a lot of the phone calling. You
28:44 end up doing a lot of the initiating for
28:46 the date, right? You end up doing a lot
28:48 of the approaching. you end up doing
28:50 most of the work that he's supposed to
28:52 be doing. As you're chasing him, even
28:55 though I put him in the front here,
28:56 right? Let's imagine you I know my
28:58 drawing is very bad, right? You are the
29:01 driver here. Okay? And we imagine him as
29:05 the passenger. Okay? So, you're the
29:08 driver of this. It's so so weird. You're
29:10 in the back, but you're the driver. It's
29:11 the new school car. It's one of these
29:13 new Teslas. Okay? The drive the seats in
29:15 the back. Okay? Something like that,
29:16 right? Let's just imagine you're the
29:18 driver here of this car and you're the
29:20 one leading it up to its destination and
29:23 you're the one or the reason I should
29:25 say that this car gets to this
29:28 destination. Remember how I talked about
29:30 your relationship being like cement and
29:33 that as time goes on your dynamic is
29:36 hardening in stone. So as you establish
29:39 this dynamic in which to in order to get
29:41 to your destination and your destination
29:43 in this case, right? Your destination
29:46 being things like dates,
29:49 right? Your destination being things
29:52 like
29:53 texts, your destination being things
29:56 like calls that you guys will see each
29:58 other and spend time with each other,
30:00 right? In order for you guys to get to
30:01 this destination, you have to be the
30:04 driver in this scenario. You have to be
30:07 the one pushing this relationship
30:09 forward in order for you guys to spend
30:12 time together in order for a a
30:14 relationship to even exist. As this goes
30:17 on, from the beginning, it seems very
30:19 innocent and unassuming and you're like,
30:21 "Hey, Thompson, I got the guy I wanted.
30:24 I wanted to get him and I needed to get
30:25 him, so I went and got the guy." Cool.
30:28 But then as time goes on, in order for
30:30 you to keep the guy, you have to
30:32 continue driving. And as time goes on
30:35 and the relationship is ongoing, he
30:37 continues to be the passenger because
30:40 you've established a dynamic in which in
30:42 order to reach this destination, you're
30:44 always driving. You're always chasing.
30:46 So the reason I say this now this
30:48 dynamic hardens in stone. But the
30:51 problem is you went and chased that guy,
30:54 did all the texting and calling and
30:56 setting up the dates because you wanted
30:58 a relationship. But what you didn't want
31:00 is for in order for you to sustain a
31:03 relationship that you always have to do
31:05 the chasing. That you always have to do
31:08 the texting, the calling, and the
31:09 initiating. Right? You didn't want that
31:11 initially when you first started
31:13 chasing. But as that dynamic got set in
31:16 stone, that's what you established. And
31:18 that's the dynamic in which now you must
31:20 function within in order to even keep
31:23 this relationship afloat. And so this is
31:25 the problem with the chasing and the
31:27 initiating. Even though you might feel
31:29 like, "Well, Thomas sent Thomas." That
31:32 guy wouldn't text me if I didn't text
31:35 him. That guy wouldn't call me if I
31:39 didn't call him. That guy would not have
31:43 approached me at the bar or the club or
31:45 the event or the whatever. If I didn't
31:47 go up to him and approach him, he
31:50 wouldn't have asked for my number. He
31:52 would have just walked out the door if I
31:54 didn't ask for him. Perfect. That's
31:55 awesome. I want you to recognize that. I
31:57 want you to bask in that. I want you to
31:59 live in that. I want you to tan in that.
32:00 I want you to rub your whole body in
32:03 that. Soak it in. Because recognizing
32:05 that a man was willing to allow time
32:08 with you to go and not ask for your
32:10 number, to walk out that door, right,
32:12 and not get your contact information, to
32:15 not ask you out on a date, to not text
32:17 you, to not call you. Recognizing that
32:20 that is what he would have chosen to do
32:22 is the most important realization you'll
32:25 ever make because then you'll be able to
32:28 sit back and relax and say, "You know
32:31 what? He's cool. Sure, I would love to
32:34 go on a date with him, but he is not
32:37 where he needs to be interest in order
32:39 for us to be dating. I'm not going to
32:42 press. I'm not going to scream. Not
32:44 going to yell. I'm definitely not going
32:46 to beg. And I'm not going to chase. I
32:48 will allow the men who are attracted to
32:50 me to come to me. And if a man chooses
32:53 not to come to me or approach me for any
32:55 reason whatsoever, I will accept that as
32:57 the truth. And I'm not going to push.
33:00 You're in a different mental space as a
33:02 woman than men are. Point number seven,
33:04 ultimatums. When you want something from
33:07 a man or you're at your wits end with a
33:09 man, let's just say some of the things
33:11 you've seen from him you don't like.
33:13 Let's use an example as, hey, uh, you
33:16 know, I don't like this thing where you
33:18 do where you're flirting with girls. I
33:20 see that you're messaging girls very
33:22 inappropriate stuff. You're asking them
33:24 to hang out via DM. You're messaging
33:26 them hard eyes. You're liking their
33:28 pictures. All this weird stuff that I
33:30 don't appreciate or accept in a
33:33 relationship, okay? It's very strange to
33:34 me. I'm telling you now that if I ever
33:37 see you send another inappropriate DM to
33:40 a girl ever again, I'm breaking up with
33:42 you. Right? This is essentially your
33:44 ultimatum. This is your big we'll even
33:47 put here your big red button. Meaning if
33:51 he presses that button, okay, if he
33:54 dares to press that button once again,
33:57 all hell will break loose if you choose
34:00 to push that big red button. Don't you
34:03 dare. See, when you make this ultimatum,
34:05 you now have a very important decision
34:07 to make. When you said this, hey, I
34:10 don't like this behavior. This doesn't
34:12 work for me. If you do this behavior
34:14 again, I will end this relationship.
34:16 Understand? If he actually does that
34:18 behavior again, you need to end the
34:21 relationship. You can't have a
34:22 conversation about it. You can't uh let
34:24 him explain himself about it. You can't
34:26 give him an opportunity.5 after the
34:28 opportunity you just gave him. You
34:30 can't. Oh, but uh maybe I didn't say it
34:32 the right way or we didn't have a long
34:33 enough conversation. Oh, it was over
34:35 phone call, so he didn't Nothing. You
34:38 cannot accept any apologies. You cannot
34:40 accept any um you know uh acts of
34:43 kindness. You nothing. Boom. Ba.
34:45 Nothing. You have to follow through
34:47 exactly how you said you were going to
34:50 take action. Some of you might be like,
34:51 "Well, Thompson, you're so overdramatic.
34:53 Why are you saying this? This is so
34:55 like, come on. I was just upset. You
34:56 know, I wasn't actually going to break
34:57 up with that guy just because of a DM."
34:59 Well, then if you actually weren't going
35:00 to break up with that guy because of a
35:01 DM, don't say that. I'm going to say it
35:04 again. If you know you're not actually
35:06 going to follow through with that action
35:08 that you're threatening, I'm going to
35:10 break up with you. I'm ending this
35:11 relationship. Do not say that. Why? I
35:14 actually want to do something for you
35:16 when I'm telling you this. Because I
35:18 want your word to be like bond. I want
35:20 your words to strike fear in men. I want
35:23 them to feel like when you say you're
35:24 going to do something, good or bad, that
35:26 you actually mean that. Why? Because in
35:29 your relationship, I want you to not
35:32 have to scream or yell to get what you
35:34 want. I don't want you to have to say
35:36 things 85 times for a guy to take you
35:38 seriously. I don't want to have you you
35:40 to have to beg for things. I don't want
35:41 to have you to have to get on your knees
35:43 in order for him to take you serious.
35:45 That sounded dirty, but you get my
35:47 point, right? I want you to be able to
35:49 say something one time and he's like,
35:50 "Oh, she's serious about it." Like like
35:52 I I'll actually put it to memory the
35:54 first time she said it. But that only
35:56 happens when you show him time and time
35:57 again that you're one, you're not going
35:59 to be repeating yourself 80 million
36:01 times. And if you say something like,
36:03 "Hey, I'm going to break up with you if
36:05 you do this and this action." Then you
36:07 actually break up with this man or
36:10 follow through in whatever way you said
36:12 you were going to follow through. Okay?
36:14 I'm not saying you can't give
36:15 ultimatums. I'm not saying you can't uh
36:18 have boundaries, have standards, have
36:20 lines that you don't want to have
36:21 crossed. But if those lines get crossed,
36:23 then you really have to make sure that
36:25 you follow through with what you said
36:26 you were going to do. Cuz if you don't,
36:28 then what's going to happen is he's not
36:30 going to take you seriously in the
36:31 future, right? He's going to understand
36:33 that when you're saying things, when
36:35 you're talking about things, when you're
36:37 making these ultimatums about things, it
36:40 doesn't really mean anything when you
36:41 say it. It doesn't really matter what
36:44 you think. It doesn't matter what you
36:46 want. It doesn't matter even what you
36:48 don't like or don't approve of. Because
36:49 even if you don't approve of it, what
36:51 will happen afterwards? Yeah, he'll
36:53 apologize a little bit. He'll tell you
36:55 he's sorry, even though, you know, he's
36:56 really not that sorry. And then he'll
36:58 continue doing what he's been doing,
37:00 knowing that you won't respond in any
37:03 way that you said you actually would.
37:04 Point number eight,
37:07 explaining.
37:08 Specifically,
37:10 overexplaining. I drew this visual out
37:12 here because this can happen very easily
37:14 in a relationship. You're a woman. You
37:16 have emotions and feelings. I want you
37:18 to have emotions and feelings. I want
37:19 you to express them until you're blew in
37:21 the face. Great. However, there's a time
37:23 and place for everything. When you're
37:25 dating a man, okay, you need to
37:29 recognize whether or not he even cares
37:32 about your problems because sometimes,
37:34 oh, goodbye. Sometimes you can make the
37:37 mistake of overexplaining yourself,
37:41 overcommunicating with a man who really
37:44 doesn't care. Really doesn't care. Okay.
37:47 Why? Because the way you're thinking
37:50 this relationship is serious might not
37:53 necessarily be the way he's thinking
37:54 this relationship is serious. The way
37:56 that you care and you're invested in the
37:58 success of this relationship might not
38:00 necessarily be the way he cares and is
38:01 invested in the success in this
38:03 relationship. But it's very important to
38:06 recognize that. See, let me give you an
38:09 example of what overexlaining can look
38:12 like. Let's say a guy flops on you on a
38:15 date. You guys were supposed to go to a
38:16 sushi spot on Tuesday at 7:00 p.m.
38:19 Tuesday at 7:00 p.m. came and went. He
38:22 didn't send you a message all day. He
38:23 didn't call you all day. He didn't let
38:25 you know timing all day. He didn't even
38:26 send you an excuse of why he's not
38:29 showing up on the sushi date all day.
38:31 Then you get to Wednesday and Wednesday
38:33 comes and you are like fuming. You're so
38:36 upset that he flopped on you on the
38:38 sushi date that you guys were supposed
38:40 to go on. You've been sitting there all
38:42 night the previous night from Tuesday
38:44 night crafting out your message in your
38:46 notes. Oh yeah. So I'm going to lay out
38:48 this to him and I'm going to tell him
38:49 how I didn't appreciate because we were
38:51 supposed to meet at the Japanese spot
38:54 and this is the address of the Japanese
38:55 spot. Oh yeah, this is He's going to
38:57 love this cuz when I explain the address
38:58 of the Japanese spot, let me use the zip
39:00 code, too. Okay. What's the zip code?
39:01 Yeah, the the area code is Okay. Yeah,
39:03 we'll put that one there as well. So
39:04 when you didn't meet me, this is how it
39:06 made me feel. Yeah, the emotion is
39:08 really more like disappointment. Yeah,
39:09 I'm going to write that one. And you
39:11 write out your thousandpage thesis on
39:14 how it upset you that he didn't show up,
39:18 what it made you feel, how you put on
39:20 your best Fenty makeup and your amazing
39:23 foundation and you got a Brazilian wax
39:25 that day to make sure he you were
39:28 looking good for him. You wore his
39:29 favorite pair of jeans. You wore his
39:31 favorite dress. You put on this lipstick
39:33 and how disappointed you were when you
39:35 showed up and he wasn't there or when he
39:36 didn't even message you all day. and you
39:38 explain and explain and explain yourself
39:41 and his response is, "Oh, my bad." Or,
39:45 "Okay," or "I apologize. I'm sorry." And
39:49 you know deep down in your heart after
39:51 you went through explaining yourself
39:52 paragraph after paragraph after
39:54 paragraph, you know, even his apology
39:56 isn't a real apology because you feel
39:58 deep down in your heart, "This man don't
40:00 give a damn." So, why do I want you to
40:02 never do this? Because it doesn't serve
40:04 you. Really and truthfully, if a man
40:07 does you wrong and he actually has the
40:10 emotional intelligence to like kind of
40:12 figure out why you might not be reacting
40:14 or responding to him in the same way
40:16 that you were, majority of the time a
40:18 guy can figure it out, especially when
40:20 it's very egregious. And if he's not
40:23 able to figure it out or put two and two
40:24 together, most of the time it means he's
40:26 not even using his critical thinking
40:28 skills one or he just doesn't care. He
40:31 really just doesn't care. And the reason
40:32 I'm saying this is not that I want you
40:34 to stop communicating your feelings, but
40:36 I want you to stop overexplaining to
40:38 guys who don't even show uh lack of care
40:41 or uh enough care to ask you what's
40:44 going on with you. Are you upset? Did I
40:46 do something? Am am I, you know, are you
40:49 mad at me? What happened? What changed?
40:51 Or ask
40:52 themselves, was that wrong of me? Should
40:55 I have approached that differently? Do I
40:57 owe her an apology? Right? Because the
41:00 reality of it is, if a guy flops on you
41:02 on a date, he just doesn't. He's a
41:04 no-show to the date, right? He should be
41:05 the one to think to himself, "That's
41:08 wrong of me. I shouldn't, you know, just
41:10 not show up on this date and not say a
41:13 word to her, right? That's
41:14 inappropriate. She deserves my apology.
41:17 She deserves at least to feel like I
41:20 care about the fact that I didn't show
41:21 up to this date, right? Not like I just
41:24 won't say anything and expect her to be
41:26 the one who messages me or reaches out
41:27 to me, right? These are the type of
41:29 things that you have to gauge, right?
41:32 You can't do these things for men. You
41:34 have to allow them to answer these
41:36 questions for themselves, use their
41:38 critical thinking skills, and say, "You
41:40 know what? I I owe you an apology. That
41:42 was wrong of me to do A, B, and C. I
41:45 should have showed up or I should have
41:48 whatever the case may be." Okay? so that
41:50 you can be the one to say, "Okay." As
41:53 opposed to he upsets you or he wrongs
41:56 you and it's clearly that he wronged you
41:58 and then you're overexplaining yourself
41:59 when he hasn't even asked or he hasn't
42:02 even inquired about how you're feeling
42:05 or seem to care about how you're
42:06 feeling. Point number nine is about
42:08 bills. Never. Never in your wildest
42:10 dream. Don't even dream. If you dream
42:12 about it, I'm going to reach myself
42:14 inside your dream. I'm going to come on
42:16 top of your bed. I'm going to slap you
42:18 in the face multiple times until you
42:21 wake up and I'm going to tell you never
42:23 dream about that ever again. If you dare
42:25 to ever dream of paying a man's bills,
42:28 that's exactly what I will do to you.
42:30 Don't even dream about it. Some of you
42:32 might be thinking, Thomasson, I would
42:33 never be so stupid. I would never be so
42:37 foolish to pay a man's bills. Trust me.
42:40 Trust me. I've helped a lot of women a
42:42 lot. Life comes at you very fast. Very
42:45 fast. The reason I say this, it's very
42:48 gradual. You'll start off and this guy
42:50 will tell you a nice little soba story
42:52 about where his life is at at this
42:54 current moment, about how things are
42:56 really a struggle for him. And it'll
42:58 it'll be so small, so small, so itty
43:00 bitty you can't even see it happening.
43:01 You'll just start paying for some of his
43:03 food, some of the dates, right? Some of
43:06 his groceries and things like that
43:08 because you just want to take care of
43:09 him. You know, he's going through a
43:10 tough time. You don't want him to be
43:11 going through a tough time. And then
43:13 after a while, right, it'll come. it'll
43:16 creep up on you so slowly, so slowly, so
43:18 slowly. And now all of a sudden, you're
43:19 pitching in on things like his car, you
43:22 know, helping it run, helping him fix
43:24 some repairs, helping him, you know, get
43:26 to work and stuff because, you know, if
43:27 he can't get to work, he's going to get
43:28 fired. And then all of a sudden, slowly
43:30 but surely, right, you're paying for his
43:32 rent rather directly or indirectly
43:34 because now he's moving in with you
43:36 because he's convinced you that you guys
43:38 can save money if he moves into your
43:40 place. But when he moves to your place,
43:42 your name is on the lease and you're
43:45 paying most of the rent and now he's
43:47 eating your food that you're now having
43:49 to pay the grocery bill for. And now
43:52 you're sending him money to fix the
43:54 repairs on his car. Trust me, it happens
43:58 so slowly that you can't even notice it.
44:00 Then one day you look back on your life
44:03 and you realize you're supporting a man.
44:05 This is the problem. When you're doing
44:07 it, you feel like you're justified in
44:10 doing it because as you're doing this
44:12 for that man, you're thinking, "Oh, I'm
44:14 helping him get off of his feet. I'm
44:17 helping him get to the next level. I'm
44:19 doing something, you know, nice and kind
44:21 for him because he's kind of like a guy
44:22 in need right now and he needs me." But
44:25 the problem is, I have to be real with
44:27 you. Men get very complacent very fast.
44:29 And if you give him an opportunity to be
44:31 able to to be able to access you mind,
44:34 body, and soul, but then also you're the
44:37 one taking care of him, he will say,
44:38 "Why would I ever leave this situation?
44:41 And why would I ever start doing work
44:42 where I'm now taking on more
44:44 responsibility?" Because trust me, in
44:46 the process of you basically managing
44:48 everything, he's still going to expect
44:50 to be able to access you, for you to be
44:52 available to him, for you to be wet for
44:55 him, all that good stuff that benefits
44:57 him because he gets very, very
44:59 complacent. Okay? And as he gets more
45:01 and more complacent, he starts asking
45:03 himself, why would I ever go back to
45:05 doing work? Why would I ever go back to
45:07 giving to her? Why would I ever go back
45:09 to doing for her when she is clearly
45:11 comfortable or okay at the very least
45:14 with doing for me? I know some of you
45:16 think it would never happen to you in a
45:17 million years. I've seen even the
45:19 mightiest fall. Even the mightiest. And
45:23 slowly but surely, you'll be in a place
45:27 where you're doing everything for that
45:30 man and he's literally doing nothing for
45:32 you. And even when you describe to your
45:35 friends your relationship with that man,
45:37 you're scratching your own head and
45:39 saying, "I don't know why I'm with that
45:42 guy." Point number 10 is about
45:43 standards. very dangerous for you to get
45:45 into a relationship and ever make the
45:49 mistake of allowing your standards to
45:52 diminish. When you think of a
45:54 relationship and you think of your
45:56 needs, you shouldn't be self-aware
45:58 enough to understand what your needs are
46:00 in a relationship. You have a threshold,
46:03 right, of the things that you need,
46:05 right? This is where your needs lie, so
46:08 to speak, right? These are the things
46:10 you need to be present in order for a
46:13 relationship to work. There's a
46:15 threshold for that. You might need a man
46:17 who is attractive, who cares, who's
46:20 intentional, who's consistent. These are
46:23 your standards that you would love to
46:25 have in any romantic relationship. What
46:28 happens though, you meet a guy and see
46:30 your needs were up here for most men
46:33 that you would be in a relationship
46:35 with. This guy though, you really like
46:37 him. When I say you really like him, I
46:39 mean like you're maybe extra attracted
46:42 to him than you are the average guy or
46:44 the vibes you feel around him are extra
46:46 vibe or maybe he's got an extremely big
46:50 large deep penetrating DA and you're
46:53 thinking to yourself,
46:55 well, there are some things I really
46:57 like about him. And you know, despite
47:00 the fact that he doesn't meet all of my
47:02 needs, there are some needs that he
47:05 really, really meets. and he like goes
47:08 above and beyond for those needs. Here's
47:10 the problem, though. When you allow this
47:13 process to happen, and you allow this
47:16 man to fall below your already existing
47:19 needs because you're like, "Well, I
47:21 really, really like this guy, so he
47:23 doesn't need to meet all of my standards
47:24 because I really, really like him and
47:26 I'm really, really attracted to him."
47:28 This is the problem now. Now you get
47:30 into a place where you've just allowed
47:32 standards that were once standards for
47:35 any man you would date to no longer be
47:37 standards because now all of a sudden
47:39 you really like this guy. So you're
47:41 doing what I call giving out special
47:43 treatment. You will never do that. You
47:46 will never give out special treatment to
47:48 a man no matter who he is. Before you
47:50 begin dating, you will come up with your
47:53 list and criteria of what your
47:55 expectations and needs are in a
47:56 relationship. what you expect out of a
47:58 man and what you expect out of a
48:00 partner. Okay? I want you to be very
48:01 clear on what those things are and what
48:04 your needs are. Then when you get into a
48:07 relationship, you're think of yourself
48:09 like a scientist, a very logical, stern,
48:13 focused scientist because you come to
48:17 your dates with your notebook in your
48:20 mind and your your pen ready to write.
48:24 observe, listen, and analyze all of this
48:28 beautiful information you're soaking in
48:29 from him. All you're doing is coming in
48:33 with your already existing checklist.
48:35 And as you're getting to know him, as
48:37 you're talking to him, as you're
48:39 experiencing him through the months and
48:40 months of you guys dating, you're
48:42 checking off on your checklist and
48:44 asking yourself, I came in to this
48:46 dating talking stage, whatever stage
48:49 with this criteria. Is this criteria
48:51 met? If the answer is yes, we check the
48:54 box off as a check mark and we go on. If
48:57 the answer becomes no, and I find myself
49:00 going down the list and crossing X's on
49:02 all of these different boxes of
49:04 expectations of needs that I had for the
49:06 standards that I came into this
49:08 relationship with, I will no longer be
49:10 with this man. I don't care if some
49:13 boxes like Dame have three check marks
49:15 on them. That's not a compensation that
49:18 will allow me to be with a man who just
49:21 because I really like him, he doesn't
49:22 meet any of my other needs. So,
49:24 whatever, forget it. Forget my
49:26 standards. Let's just be with this guy.
49:27 Okay? We're not doing that. Your
49:30 criteria is your criteria for any man.
49:33 So, if one guy that you really like
49:36 disrespects you and goes crazy on you or
49:38 does something that you know doesn't
49:39 meet your standards and he falls below
49:42 that threshold, you throw him out.
49:44 You're not in the business of allowing
49:46 guys to exist in your life down here.
49:48 And you just say, "Well, I really like
49:50 you, so whatever." Okay? You're no
49:53 longer when you join the players club,
49:55 you're done being a whatever type of
49:56 girl. Okay? You have your standards.
49:59 Everyone gets treated the same. You
50:01 don't like how strict I am. You don't
50:04 like my rules and regulations. Go find
50:06 another girl with no rules and no
50:08 regulations.
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