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COMPATIBILITY CHECKLIST: Are They Right For You? | Oddly Specific Crystal | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: COMPATIBILITY CHECKLIST: Are They Right For You?
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Video Summary
Summary
Core Theme
This content presents a comprehensive, weighted checklist designed to help individuals assess the health and compatibility of their romantic relationships by scoring various aspects of a partnership.
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This video is sponsored by Squarespace.
I made a fully weighted checklist that
you can go through to find out if
someone is right for you. Holy [ __ ] I
cooked with this one. I know this video
is about to [ __ ] hit, right? Because
I've personally never seen someone do
one of these like a fully weighted
checklist of like literally everything.
Even though I know you mother want to
use it right now because I personally
want to use it. So, really simple. I'm
going to list out some items and if it
applies to your relationship, then just
add however many points or like subtract
how many points the item is valued. keep
track of your score and at the end I'll
tell you what it means. So I split this
checklist into like rough categories.
The first section is about core
compatibility between the two of you. So
this section is about like the basics,
right? So like attraction, respect,
whether or not you actually get along
day-to-day. These are like the
foundations of a relationship. Starting
with the first item, you're physically
attracted to this person. So if you're
physically attracted to this person,
then you get plus four points. The
second item is you respect them as a
person, plus six points. You'd be
embarrassed if your friends met them,
minus seven points. this person does
something that you're morally against.
So, it's something that you subjectively
are like you think is like immoral. So,
for example, you're against cheating or
like they you're against lying or this
person shoplift, stuff like that, that's
a minus 12. Next item is you've both
survived a minor inconvenience together.
So, for example, like a flight delay or
like an IKEA trip without fighting each
other, that's a plus five. If this
person has ever made you feel small on
purpose, and that's a minus 10. If you
admire how this person spends their
time, that's plus4. If you secretly
resent how they spend their time, then
that's a minus five. If you actually
enjoy doing nothing together with this
person, that's a plus five. If you feel
like this person gets your sense of
humor or like you like you think they're
funny, they think you're funny, that's a
plus4. If you'd be okay being stuck in
an airport with them for like 10 hours,
that's a plus six. Okay, so that wraps
up the core compatibility section. If
that section didn't go well, then you
should take it seriously because these
are the things that matter the most long
term. The next section is communication
and conflict. So this section is
basically do you two talk like adults or
like contestants oning Love Island? Like
can you communicate with each other
using clear words and like are you able
to express like like you know you you
know what I mean? Okay, so first item on
this list, they can admit when they're
wrong about something, that's a plus
five. If you can usually understand the
other person's side in an argument. So
like you two can each understand the
other person in an argument. That's a
plus four. If you fight and it feels
like competition, that's a minus 6. If
you fight and it feels like
collaboration, that's a plus five. If
this person talks over you, like when
you're saying something or like when
you're in an argument, that's a minus
five. If you feel like you can disagree
in a level-headed way, then that's a
plus4. If you walk away from arguments
feeling dismissed, that's a minus 6. If
you can laugh about your disagreements
afterwards, that's a plus three. If they
can take feedback or criticism without
turning it into an argument, that's a
plus six. If you leave conversations
feeling understood, that's a plus five.
If this person has shown that they can
apologize and that they can actually
change their behavior, so they don't
just say they're sorry and they'll
change that like they've shown you that
they actually can change, that's a plus
eight. So that wraps up the second
section about communication and
conflict. And if you score badly here,
then congratulations. You're probably in
a situationship. Okay, moving on to the
next section. This section is about
emotional security. So this is basically
like how safe and understood you feel in
the relationship. It's about So it's
about like trust, vulnerability, like
whether or not you feel like you can
rely on this person. So, the first item
is if you trust them even when they're
out of sight or like if you don't see
them for a while, that's a plus six. If
you check their online activity when
you're anxious or like you don't know
where they are, then that's a minus
five. If you've considered hiding your
true feelings so as not scare this
person off, that's a minus 7. If this
person can remember small details or
like small things that you said days
ago, then that's a plus five. If this
person shows interest in your world or
like your friends or like your passions,
your hobbies, that's a plus four. If
they avoid emotional topics or they shut
down when you discuss something serious,
that's a minus six. If you feel
emotionally seen by this person, that's
a plus eight. If you feel emotionally
analyzed by this person, that's a minus
three. If you feel like you can be
vulnerable with this person, that's a
plus five. If you've thought about
hiding parts of your life so that this
person won't judge you or like you're
scared that if you show them everything,
they will judge you, that's a minus 6.
If you feel like you don't need to prove
your worth to this person in order for
them to like you or respect you, that's
a plus six. If this person shows up when
it matters, not just when it's
convenient for them, then that's a plus
seven. If you feel like you're competing
for their attention in the relationship,
that's a minus eight. If you felt calmer
since dating or being with them, then
that's a plus six. If you've stopped
doing self-destructive things since
dating or being with them, that's a plus
9. If you've started doing
self-destructive things since dating
them, that's a minus 12. If this person
takes care of you when you're sick, then
that's a plus 6. If you actually
actually genuinely look forward to
seeing this person, that's a plus seven.
If you receive good news or like
something good happens to you and like
this person is the first person that you
want to tell this good news to, then
that's a plus five. Okay, so that wraps
up the third section of emotional
security. If this section lowered your
score, it usually means that your needs
probably aren't being met, and that's
important to pay attention to. Okay, so
the next section is about life
trajectory. So, this is basically
long-term compatibility between the two
of you. A lot of people skip this
conversation when they're in a
relationship because it's serious and
it's a [ __ ] downer, but so is
divorce. So here we are. Okay. Starting
with the first item. If you have
directly opposing views on health and
exercise. So what I mean by this is like
for example, if one person in the
relationship is very focused on their
health, they eat clean and the other
person this isn't like a priority for
them. This is a minus 9. The second item
is if you have directly opposing views
on where to live. So for example, if one
person wants to live abroad while the
other person wants to stay near their
family forever, and this is a minus 10.
If you have directly opposing views on
finances and career, for example, one
person likes to save aggressively but
the other person spends impulsively or
you have differing views on debt and
savings, this is a minus 9. If you have
directly opposing life goals and dreams,
so for example, if one person really
wants stability, but the other person
wants adventure and to travel, then this
is a minus 11. If your day-to-day
routines don't really match up, so for
example, it could be like one person is
really tidy and the other person is
messy or like one person wakes up really
early, the other person is nocturnal,
then this is a minus 8. If you have
directly opposing views on religion or
spirituality, this is a minus 10. If you
have directly opposing views on having
kids, so for example, one person really
wants kids, the other person doesn't,
this is a minus 12. If you've imagined
introducing this person to your parents
and you felt dread, then this is a minus
8. If their lifestyle constantly drains
your energy or it drains your money,
then this is a minus 7. If your friends
don't like this person, this is a minus
three. If you find yourself having to
defend this person to like people that
care about you, so for example, your
family or your friends, then this is a
minus 7. If you can picture yourself
growing old with this person or being
with this person long term, this is a
plus eight. If you feel like you can
accept this person's flaws and their
shortcomings and you're okay if they
never change, this is a plus eight. If
this person acts like your time is less
valuable than theirs, this is a minus
eight. Okay, so that wraps up the end of
the life trajectory section. If this
section came out negative, it usually
means that you probably want different
futures, and that honestly isn't really
something you can ignore. Okay, so the
next part is about the intangibles or
like the chemistry between the two of
you. So this is basically like the
unexplainable part of like falling in
love with someone. So like the chemistry
between the two of you, you know, like
the stuff that if people are like, "Oh,
you guys have chemistry." Or like the
spark between the two of you. It's
basically the [ __ ] that makes you ignore
all of the other red flags, all of the
other bad stuff in the other sections.
If this person makes you laugh in a way
that no one else does, this is a plus
five. If you think about this person
when something funny happens, this is a
plus three. If you fantasize about
changing this person, this is a minus 8.
If you feel like you're dating this
person because of their potential rather
than who they are right now, this is a
minus 10. If you feel lucky to be with
this person, this is a plus eight. If
you can imagine loving this person at
70, that's a plus4. If you can imagine
this person ghosting you or like this
person has ghosted you, this is a minus
five. If this person has made you laugh
when they were mad, this is a plus five.
If this person made you laugh when you
were sad, this is a plus five. If this
person has compared you to someone that
they used to date in a bad way, so for
example, you're like you're in an
argument and this person is like, "Oh my
god, you're just like my ex and that's a
minus 6." So that wraps at the end of
section five. If you did well here, then
congratulations or condolences. you are
probably in love, which is both the best
and worst thing that will probably
happen to you in your entire life. So,
while you're tallying up whether this
person is or isn't good for you, let's
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purchase of a website or domain. Okay,
so the next section is about you in the
relationship or like selfimpact. So,
what this means is like this measures
how the relationship is affecting you.
So like not the romance and like not the
dynamic with this person. I mean like
literally like after being in this
relationship does it affect your mood,
your habits, your confidence, your
day-to-day functioning like it shows
whether or not this person makes you
calmer and more yourself, makes you feel
better about yourself or if it makes you
feel more insecure and stressed and just
like a shell of what you used to be. So
the first item here is you like who you
are around them. This is a plus six. If
you feel like a worse version of
yourself around them, this is a minus
eight. If this person supports your
ambitions, this is a plus five. If you
feel guilty talking about your successes
in front of this person, this is a minus
6. If you feel like you'd still like
this person, even if this person wasn't
first attracted to you, this is a plus4.
If you feel like you're with this person
just because you're scared of being
alone, this is a minus 10. By the way,
I've made an Excel sheet of this
checklist. It's interactive. So,
basically, you just have to like check
the box next to each item and it'll like
tally your score for you. So, you don't
have to like do the math of like blah
blah blah blah blah. If that's something
you'd like, then you can check out my
coffee shop. and the link is up there
and it's also in the description. If you
feel like this person genuinely makes
your life better, this is a plus eight.
If you feel like you need to tone down
parts of your personality around them,
this is a minus 6. If you've stopped
doing things that you enjoy since dating
this person, this is a minus 7. And
finally, if you've already imagined how
you're going to explain this dynamic or
this relationship to a therapist, that's
a minus 8. So, that wraps up this
section. A high score in the section
probably means that the relationship is
actually like good for your life. A low
score probably means it's costing you
your energy or your identity or your
stability, even if everything else looks
kind of fine on the surface. Okay, this
next section is about trust and
resentment. So, this section is
basically only relevant if you've ever
felt jealous or insecure or insane about
this relationship. So, basically all of
you. Okay, probably a bad joke. This
part is a little bit more serious. It's
a little more sensitive because it
discusses like how you feel about your
partner's actions. So, it's like your
subjective experience here. So, the
first item in this section is if you've
never actually defined what exclusive
means between the two of you, this is a
minus 6. If you said that you were okay
with this person's past flings or
hookups, but like in reality,
subjectively to you, it still lingers in
your mind, that's a minus4. If you know
this person flirts or talks to other
people and you pretend it doesn't bother
you. So, the important part of this
again is like your subjective feelings
towards their actions. If they do
something that bothers you, this is a
minus 8. If you've caught yourself
stalking the social media of someone
they used to see, this is a minus 6. If
you think you're calm and you're relaxed
and you're chill about the dynamic and
like you've told this person that you're
fine with how it is, but you're
actuallying not. You're not chill at
all, this is a minus 9. If things have
gotten so bad that you found yourself
rereading old messages between the two
of you just to like reassure yourself
that they actually like you or like they
have interest and feelings in you, then
that's a minus 5. If this person makes
you feel replaceable, that's a minus 9.
If you feel like they're emotionally
checked out of the relationship, that's
a min - 10. If you feel emotionally
checked out of the relationship, that's
a minus 12. If you forgave this person
for something that they did, but like in
your heart you know that you didn't
really forgive them, that's a minus 10.
If you've avoided bringing something up
because you're scared it'll make you
sound jealous, that's a minus 5. If you
feel as if this person isn't fully over
their past relationship, that's a minus
7. If you don't fully trust this person,
that's a minus 5. If because of
something that's happened between the
two of you, you feel like you love this
person or you treat this person more
carefully than you did in the past, and
that's a minus 7. If you don't know what
this person's actual boundaries are with
other people, that's a minus 5. If
you've rationalized something this
person has done to yourself, even though
deep down you knew it crossed a line,
that's a minus 10. And if you've
considered testing this person's loyalty
in some way, then that's a minus 6. And
if your score just dropped like 50
points, that's not the test fault. Okay,
bad joke. But in all honesty, trust
issues usually come from real
experiences, probably not your
imagination. So whatever sections, items
you've checked off in this section, it's
worth paying attention to like what came
up. Okay. And the final category in this
checklist is about appearance and
physical comfort. So this section is
about how you feel in your own body or
like in your skin when you're around
this person. So whether or not you feel
accepted as who you are physically. So
the first item is if you feel
comfortable being seen at like your air
quotes your worst. So, your worst being
like when you are sick or like if you
don't have makeup on or if you acne,
messy hair, morning face, etc. Like
whatever makes you feel like you don't
look your best. If you feel comfortable
regardless of that, that's a plus seven.
If this person makes you feel attractive
even if you don't feel like it, that's a
plus six. If this person has made you
feel insecure about your looks, then
that's a minus 9. If you feel the need
to dress up so this person will stay
interested in you, that's a minus 7. If
you feel self-conscious around this
person, that's a minus 6. And if they
notice small changes in your appearance,
so for example, you got a new haircut or
you have a new outfit on and they
actually compliment you or they say
something, that's a plus4. Okay, so that
wraps up all of the sections in this
checklist. So you should now have a
final score or like tally up your final
score and I'm going to let you know what
your score means. Okay, so if you scored
between 180 to 234, then that means that
your relationship is extremely healthy.
You're probably with like honestly maybe
your [ __ ] soulmate, maybe like your
husband, your wife, like you're with
someone who is genuinely good for you.
You feel safe, you feel respected, you
feel understood. There's no major
unresolved issues. This is basically
what a functioning good relationship
looks like. If you scored between 120 to
179, then this is healthy. This is a
solid relationship. You communicate
well. You're aligned on the most
important things. You feel good around
this person. You feel happy with them.
You like who you are with them. If you
scored between 60 to 119, then your
relationship is pretty good. So, this
relationship is mostly positive, but
like maybe with some friction. It's not
perfect, but it's also not unstable. If
you both put in effort, then this can
probably be a long-term thing. Nothing
here is fatal. Okay. If you scored
between 1 to 59, then this is like
neutral or unclear. So, what this means
is basically this relationship, there's
connection between the two of you, but
there's also noticeable issues. So, this
could go either way, honestly, depending
on the amount of honesty and
communication and effort both of you put
into the relationship. You're not in
immediate danger yet, but I wouldn't
necessarily say the relationship is
thriving. Okay. If you score between 0
and -59, then I would say this is not
great. So, here in this relationship,
you're probably compromising more than
you realize. There's probably already
some things about the relationship that
bother you and if you don't resolve
them, it's likely that even more things
will continue to bother you. This isn't
a disaster yet, but it's not looking
good. I'm not going to lie. If you score
between -60 to
149, then I would say I'ming sorry, man.
You're problematic. So, here there's
like repeated patterns of maybe
resentment or like mismatch values,
emotional instability. You're probably
ignoring things that you really
shouldn't be ignoring. And all in all,
the relationship is probably draining
you more than it should or it's taking
from you more than it gives to you.
Okay, now we're really getting into the
[ __ ] trenches. If you scored between
150 to -249,
I'm sorry. This is bad. This is bad.
You're probably unhappy. You know
exactly why it's your relationship, but
you've normalized it. and you're
probably trying to make the relationship
work even though it doesn't meet your
needs. If you scored between -250 to
-349, then this is very bad. I really
didn't work on these score names. I'm
sorry. This is very bad. It's affecting
your self-esteem, probably your habits,
your day-to-day life, just your
emotional, your physical health. Maybe
it might be that you're staying in this
relationship out of fear or guilt or
just the amount of time you've been with
this person or like you're attached to
this person. But honestly, if you're
honest with yourself, you're not
compatible long term. And finally, if
you score between -350 to -420, then you
need you need to go. You need to go,
man. You're in a relationship that's
probably objectively harmful to you. And
your needs and your well-being are
clearly being ignored. And if I'm being
honest, it's very unlikely that this is
fixable at all or without a major
change. You know, you know, this
relationship is not right for you,
chief. Okay, it it is it is hard. I'm so
I'm sorry, but you you you know what you
need to do. Thank you for watching this
video. I hope you enjoyed it. If you
liked this content, then you should
check out some of these other
relationship advice videos I made. I
made a separate checklist video here
which you can check out or you can check
out this video that YouTube thinks you
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