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Girl With Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) Kills Her Abuser

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[Music]

bada bing badao there is a man laying

unconscious in his living room he's

knocked out face first onto the carpet

he's not dead at least not yet Alyssa

and Vanessa are standing over him Alyssa

believes this is what this man deserves

this is the only way they have to kill

him or else there really is no other

option here she reaches for the zip ties

she nudges his ankles together and

starts zip tying them three times across

three separate zip ties Vanessa on the

other hand she does not want to do this

she's screaming in her head non-stop

stop stop this just needs to stop this

is taking things way too far when Alyssa

has a moment where she is no longer in

control it's like a brief second Vanessa

goes grabs a pair of scissors and cuts

the man's zip ties off his ankles

essentially freeing him Alyssa is

screaming no she rushes to grab more zip

ties continues zip tiing his legs his

arms together all the while Vanessa all

she can do is just helplessly watch

what's happening she watches as Alyssa

grabs a knife and plunges it into the

man's neck stabbing him so deeply that

she nearly decapitates him it's over now

they're going to be safe Alyssa drops

the knife there's blood dripping down

her arms and her hands the police would

later report the victim the man dead on

the living room floor to be Harald sasco

and the killer to not be Vanessa to not

be Alysa but a single 19-year-old

teenage girl named Sarah mlin this is

the story of Sarah mlin and how she

violently murdered a man and was

diagnosed with did and a lot of people

believe that she should be free [Music]

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Advocates as always full show notes are

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now a couple of very important

disclaimers before we start into today's

case there are mentions of CSA essay

grooming RW and self- exits so please

take care of yourself and watch at your

own discretion one more clear disclaimer

I want to provide very clear is

disassociative identity disorder AKA did

is mentioned throughout this case

however this episode is in no way a

representation of the entire did

Community nor is it our objective to

speak over people with a similar or that

diagnosis we did our best to consult and

research only peer-reviewed research by

medical professionals and we pulled

research from the did Community for

their unique perspectives it's also just

like any other mental illness depression

anxiety to give you examples people with

did are not inherently violent or

dangerous in any way solely based off of

a diagnosis I would really hope that by

this point we all know that anybody has

the capacity to be a terrible human

being and from what I can tell just

anecdotally typically those who struggle

with their mental health whether that be

depression or did or anything else are

much more vulnerable to becoming victims

rather than perpetrators a few small

things to note statements and letters

have been condensed for time and this is

a case where a lot of interpersonal

relationships are very important but

because the interpersonal relationships

are not heavily documented or recorded

we really only have one version of

events for that Sarah's Sarah does have

an incentive to lie or alter the truth

considering she was on trial for murder

so use your best judgment on whether or

not you believe she's trustworthy I'm

not here to sway you one way or another

like with any case I have no skin in the

game I will say though that when I was

first researching this case I watched a

snapped episode on this case from oxygen

and I thought I knew the story then we

filed a Freedom of Information Act to

get court documents which were only

partially approved because of an appeal

and I have to say that they were so

revealing it's about 1,500 pages that we

combed through of transcripts documents

and I did not see most of the

information mentioned at all in the

snapped episode and I believe that

episode came out a little biased because

of that so hopefully this will feel a

little bit more like a comprehensive

Deep dive so with that being said let's

get started Dr Hutchinson was called by

a criminal defense attorney he told her

he's got a very puzzling case a

19-year-old girl in prison for a brutal

heinous Murder She nearly decapitated

her victim can you please evaluate her

for us Dr Hutchinson is a psychologist

she works with offenders pretty often

and she has experience with the trial

process and obviously her Intrigue is

peaked what do you mean this is a

puzzling case Dr Hinson agrees to a

meeting she goes to meet with the

patient the inmate the defendant

literally about to go on trial for

murder 19-year-old Sarah mlin the first

meeting lasted a little over an hour and

Dr Hutchinson walks back out the defense

attorney Sarah's attorney walks up to

her what do you what do you think I mean

the doctor's got it now Sarah is by far

one of the most unusual people that she

has ever interviewed she says initially

she appears to be this sort of sweet

typical 20-year-old Midwest kid who is

kind of lost in the world then we

started talking about the actual murder

and all of a sudden there was just a

lack of distance it's almost as if she

wasn't describing what she was

describing to the point where after that

first meeting Dr h on the drive home she

kept shaking her head and kept saying to

herself what in the world was that she

said I have never really witnessed

anything quite like that Dr H likely

could not put her finger on it the very

first interraction which I don't think

anybody expected her to things like this

take time but to Dr H it did not feel

like Sarah is just this cold-hearted

ruthless killer that can talk about a

violent murder in a blunt sort of way

that's not the feeling she's getting

it's not oh she's so detached from the

crime she doesn't care she has no

remorse it's not that regardless Dr H is

so intrigued she wants to be a part of

this case she starts going to build

rapport with Sarah meeting with her

getting to know her analy ing her the

first few things that really stuck out

to the doctor the first being sometimes

when Sarah describes certain situations

or memories that she herself was a part

of she uses language that typically

wouldn't be used for example if I'm

standing in the living room and then I

walk to the kitchen to grab water I

would say oh I felt really thirsty when

I was standing in the living room so I

walked over to the kitchen and I grabbed

a glass of water that's what happened

but Sarah and this is obviously an

example would say something along the

lines of we were in the the living room

then I watched myself go to the kitchen

to grab water H interesting it's almost

like she's narrating her

actions noted Dr H also noted that Sarah

has these unexplainable gaps in her

memory she does not remember random

chunks of her day her week most of her

childhood she has no memory of it not oh

I don't remember anything particularly

that stands out nothing spectacular

happened would just straight up no

memories random blank in the day that

are unexplainable she would be sitting

in her bedroom and then all of a sudden

she would be in the kitchen she doesn't

know what happened in between that time

span Dr H goes to pull records from 2012

this would be 2 years before she's

talking to Sarah oh this happened 2014

yes and she pulls records from 2012

Sarah's medical records before Sarah

committed any sort of crimes and she

finds that even 2 years ago Sarah had

attempted self- exit she was forced to

report to a psychologist on a daily

basis for a week and she keeps

mentioning even 2 years ago that she has

gaps in her memory there's time in her

day that she just can't fill the

psychologist from 2 years ago writes in

her notes patient reports gaps in memory

on almost daily basis losses of time

that she does not know what happened

during those

incidents interesting noted another

interesting observation Sarah would be

talking to Dr H about the events and

every now and then so naturally that

Sarah herself doesn't even see seem to

notice it almost just comes out of her

mouth so smoothly but Dr H would note it

down Sarah would use we and US pronouns

when referring to herself now she does

identify with she her pronouns which

side note this is not like matter of her

identifying with different pronouns it

it was just a little bit different from

that Dr H noted something is interesting

here mhm then another observation this

one is harder to ignore sometimes Dr H

would come in to talk to Sarah and would

just feel like a completely different

person each time most of the time Sarah

according to Dr H her detailed notes

appears quiet softspoken apologetic

often tearful and horrified at what's

happened what she's done and deeply

terrified and scared and every person

has a very specific tonality body

language even the way you use your face

muscles is very unique to your

personality so side note the way your

face looks is yes based on your face

structure the way that bones are set but

there's also face muscle usage that's

only part of it the other part is

actually your personality so if this is

your face this is your bone structure

but you have a completely different

personality than I do we might look

different right because when you're

anxious you hold tension in certain

areas that make maybe your jaw more

prominent maybe your lower lips come

down because you're pulling down at them

maybe there's a little bit more tension

in certain areas of your cheeks so the

way that your personality is can reflect

on your face face wow sometimes her face

would just look slightly different and

people have a baseline pitch they have a

baseline body posture they have Baseline

hand gestures that they use when they're

speaking obviously there's subtle

differences depending on environment or

stress levels but the minute that Dr H

believes she has a grasp on Sarah's

mannerisms she would come to see Sarah

and everything feels different it's like

a completely different person Sarah

would go from being quiet softspoken to

being incredibly assertive definitive

clear sharp spoken Unapologetic there's

not a single tear no crying whatsoever

and almost kind of

Snappy Dr H has been a psychologist for

a very long time probably longer than

we've been alive she knows this is not a

matter of a good day versus a bad day or

getting more comfortable or even like a

mood swing which is very typical things

that people go through or or like

someone pretending to yeah be someone

this is this is something else the

doctor said then I think it was one time

I arrived and there was again what felt

like a completely different person that

met me and I just asked who are you she

responded I'm Alysa thank you for coming

to talk to me is there a reason you're

here today yes there have been some

fights in the jail and I had to come out

because Vanessa can't handle that so I'm

here Dr Hutchinson remembers saying

there are really a few more important

things I would want to talk to Vanessa

about about today is it possible that I

talk to Vanessa no it's not safe I'm

staying later Dr Hutchinson would ask

about Sarah if she could please speak to

Sarah the name on her patient chart she

was informed that Sarah was dead Sarah

had died at 16 years

old did disassociative identity disorder

a quick disclaimer before we get into

this episode like I said we try to get

GA as much peer reviewed research as

possible from the medical community as

well as listen to the did community and

go on forums and try to pull from actual

personal experience rather than people

who think they know what they're talking

about right and I will say that what we

gathered is did might be the most poorly

represented psychological disorder in

mainstream media so we tried our best to

separate that from all of our research

we also know that did can present itself

very differently person to person so

this should not be taken as a

generalization of did as a whole so

please if there is anything you felt was

not exactly explained correctly or

honestly even more insight that you have

on this topic I would be very grateful

if you could leave that in the comments

did disassociative identity disorder can

Loosely be defined as a disruption in

one's identity by the existence of two

or more distinct identity States in an

individual which okay when I'm reading

that definition I'm like yes it makes

sense but I think this definition

explains a lot more to me in terms of

understanding someone without did

typically experiences a very stable

singular sense of identity the identity

evolves over time through experience

obviously and of course we all have mood

changes periods of sadness and

personality Evolution but overall there

is this underlying feeling of being the

same person that evolves and over time

adapts I mean don't get me wrong I would

think that I'm not the same Stephanie

from 10 years ago but it's because I've

evolved that Stephanie from 10 years ago

when from point to point B which is

where I'm today but it's still Stephanie

it's just changed it's not a fixed

identity that I have but it's moving and

developing and it's just one singular

identity going through motions whereas

people with did describe their

perception of self as a bit different

and there's not one way but some people

have described it as seeing their

identity as multiple identities not

limited to one and it's not just oh

today I'm happy so this is my identity

just compl completely different

identities it's like two souls in one

body is the feeling others have

described it as multiple identities

coexisting in a vessel like one body

that has to be shared so for someone

like me who does not have did think of

this analogy I'm driving a bus there is

nobody else on this bus I'm the only

driver of this bus the whole time I'm

driving I have a very clear memory of

everything that's happened while I was

driving this bus obviously the boring

bits where I space out on the highway

it's not going to be strong In My Memory

but there's very big moments where I'm

like oh yeah I saw that while I was

driving down the highway oh yes and I

was listening to this song while I was

driving down the highway but someone

with did has a very different bus

driving experience they might only

remember half of the drive they might

have this feeling that they don't

remember anything prior to suddenly I

was sitting in the bus driver's seat and

driving the bus but they don't know how

they got on the bus or sometimes they

experience driving the bus from the

outside almost like they can see

themselves driving ding the bus but they

don't actually feel what it's like to

drive the bus wow also another good way

to describe it is someone without did is

you look in the mirror that's how you

perceive yourself someone with did Might

perceive themsel almost like a CCTV

camera from the outside not staring into

the mirror but watching their body stare

into the mirror H okay that's because

someone with did there is more than one

identity on that bus did is categorized

in and characterized by the dsm5 by

having the presence of two or more

separate identities or altars there is

not one singular identity there's not

one singular driver of the bus there are

multiple different altars that drive

that bus now there might be one or two

altars that drive most of the time some

altars barely ever drive or other altars

are fighting to try to drive but they

never get the chance to but there's a

lot of people on that bus and they all

feel like completely different

identities like think of a full bus of

different people because they are so

what does that mean I'm driving a bus

alone I see my hands on the wheel I am

in control of the bus non-stop I have

the AC blowing in my hair I see the red

lights these are my personal experiences

I remember the whole bus drive someone

with did Might experience that for 25%

of the bus drive the other 75% they feel

like they've been sharing the seat

helping the driver drive the bus or

sometimes they feel like they're in the

back of the bus not paying attention to

who's driving the bus or they're

watching from the front seat trying to

give backseat driving instructions to

the driver and they're getting

frustrated because it's like why aren't

you listening to me or they can see

themselves driving the bus but almost

from the view of a CCTV camera and these

identities and altars make up a system

now side note they are referred to

altars that make up a system I think

prior maybe decades ago they were called

personalities that doesn't apply because

I think people without did was like I

also have different personalities when

I'm at work that's not what we're

talking about so instead of having One

Singular identity there's many separate

identities that make up a system each

identity has a distinct personal history

self-image and has completely separate

responses to certain situations they can

even have different handwriting

psychologists say it's actually pretty

common for different altars within a

system to have drastically different

likes of Music food preferences

political views even the way that they

use that body they say is different and

I think that maybe if you don't know

anyone with did some psychiatrists were

saying you might have a tendency to be

like wait that doesn't make sense right

but when you see someone switch between

altars you see their tone their body

language the way they use their face also

also

changes yeah I don't want to get it too

complicated but just know that there are

multiple altars that make up a system

and when we say fronting when we are

talking about me talking about the case

not as someone with did I don't want to

act like I'm representing that Community

but when it's referred to as fronting is

that alar is in control of the body and

sometimes the other altars have no idea

what's happened when that altar is in

control some sometimes they do sometimes

they do that's called co-consciousness

sometimes they can actually have like

inner monologue between the different

altars and they can fill each other in

or they have systems where a lot of

people with did have specific apps where

they write down hey this is what I did

as this Altar and then the next altar

that comes to front they can see what's

happened so far so they're they're not

completely out of the loop but that is

why recurrent Amnesia is typically a big

diagnostic point that psychologists tend

to focus on in terms of diagnosing

someone with did there may be random

Slots of missing time or at least that's

what it feels like giant gaps in memory

chunks of childhood times just missing

from your memory or you see pictures of

your wedding and you know you were there

you see it in the picture you're there

that's you obviously you're getting

married but you have zero memory of your

wedding or you might be watching a video

eating a bowl of cereal and then

suddenly in the blink of an eye you look

up and you're in bed reading a book and

you have no idea what just happened it

does seem like there are people out

there in this world that either don't

take did seriously or think that it

cannot be real which is obviously very

ignorant and yes there have been

instances of people faking did typically

for social media Fame but there's also

people faking terminal illness for

social media Fame that does not make

terminal endless fake if you take brain

scans of people with did you'll see that

often times they even have blood flow

patterns that are different from people

who do not have did one study showed

that people with did also tended to have

a smaller hippocampus which is the part

of your brain that helps you form

memories and it's not like oh the

smaller your hippocampus the more likely

you are to get did it seems more like

after the fact and you'll see why so we

kind of know what did is but how does

did develop it's generally agreed upon

in the scientific community that did is

typically formed during childhood as a

protective mechanism against trauma I

think Dr Mike Lloyd puts it a lot better

than I do but he says and this is a

paraphrase every single one of us has a

different tolerance for trauma or life

stress so visualize it think of it as a

glass cup your resilience to tra trauma

is an empty glass cup and all of us are

going to have differ sized cups some

people are naturally more resilient than

others typically when you're younger

your cup is going to be very small as

you get older your cup grows or at least

it should as an example so if you're an

adult with a great well-adjusted life

and support system you likely have a

great deal of resilience and you've got

a big empty glass cup now think of

trauma as a jug of water so every time

someone experiences trauma you splash

some water in there it goes into the

glass cup and if you have a fairly empty

cup one splash of water is going to do

nothing it's just going to be a sip of

water sitting at the bottom of your cup

it's not going to be good you want to

get it out but you have so much room in

that cup to learn how to cope manage

grow you have space in that cup to think

and process the trauma you can actually

pour the trauma water out because you've

put it in the cup experienced it

processed it and now you're done with it

it's no longer taking up all your brain

space that's for a healthy adult when

you're a child every amount of trauma

every Splash feels like it's going to

overwhelm the cup because you probably

just have a shot glass the cup is so

small children do not have strong coping

mechanisms to deal with trauma even if

there is room in that tiny little shot

glass likely the child does not know how

to manage that water that goes in but

that's why you have parents or adults in

your life they will take your shot glass

and actually pour it into their cup they

take your trauma out of them they see

trauma they take it out they try to

lighten constantly drain the child's

trauma cup but what if that child does

not have an adult or anyone in their

life that can take away their trauma or

the trauma it's not just a little splash

it's a giant Splash or sometimes it's a

constant trickling of water that never

ends like an open faucet just constantly

pouring more water it doesn't matter if

someone once in a while tries to dump

the glass there's just new water coming

in whether it's parental neglect

physical or sexual ual violence High

stressors that the child has it is

non-stop now nobody's taking any water

out eventually that cup is going to

overflow where does overflowing trauma

go it doesn't just disappear our brains

don't work like that where it's like oh

you know what I can't handle the trauma

so it's just not there anymore it's

still there it just does not evaporate

so what is that child's incredibly

powerful desperate but also very

resilient brain do they create new

glasses to hold the trauma additional

vessels to hold hold more trauma altars

think of the cup as new altars sometimes

those new glasses are clear and people

can see they themselves can see perhaps

therapists can even see how much water

and Trauma is in some of those glasses

other times the new glasses that they

have are paper you can't even see what's

in there they themselves can't even see

what's in there or how much is in there

and as the child grows or as more trauma

takes place they might have more glasses

that are required to contain the trauma

so that's why you'll see that with

people with did even later down the road

they might have new altars emerge and

it's usually because they need more

glasses wow and those glasses make up a

system multiple identities in one body

and side note with altars it does seem

common that there are specific altars

that are usually made out of paper the

ones that you cannot see through and

they hold most of the trauma

so that's why the did Community said

you'll actually see a lot of people with

did say that doesn't make sense because

I've never experienced childhood trauma

and then they start reflecting they

start going through therapy and they

realize oh actually this happened to me

and there are witnesses from my

childhood that are like yeah that's

crazy because that did happen to you wow

and they just didn't realize it so they

have trauma holding altars so it's all

like your brain just trying to protect

you yes and that's where the

disassociative also comes in it does

feel like it didn't happen to me it's

almost like you're protecting yourself

like I can't handle this emotion so it

didn't happen to me but I can't just get

rid of the trauma yeah so I'm just

looking for a different way to cope it

is called a disorder but a lot of

psychologists say it's more like a

protective mechanism that develops in

the brain another thing to note is that

did is not something that needs to be

healed a lot of people will say oh you

need to learn to reintegrate yourself as

an adult go back to one identity but

that's not really necessary that would

imply that someone with d is broken

which that's not the case I think every

person on the planet can use some

healing but you get it and this part is

important but when talking to someone

with did from what we've researched it

is preferred that we use the pronouns of

the fronting altar someone who is part

of a system of altars said if you're

talking about me as in me the person sat

in front of you talking to you then it's

me one person and I identify as and then

they would give their pronouns so we

will stay with how Sarah's doctors refer

to her which is Sarah and the pronouns

she uses are she her now side note most

of the time people with did will refer

to themselves as we instead of I which

is why I wanted to make sure that

there's no confusion about the pronouns

and one more thing to note just because

there are different identities working

in a system that has completely

different likes and dislikes it is

nothing like the movie Split which is

about a homicidal person who happens to

have did and that's like the whole punch

line right people would ID do not have

bad evil altars that are trying to front

and commit heinous crimes altars have

different personalities but the reason

that a new altar comes about is

generally for protection it's never like

oh I just have like a serial killer

altar that is crazy that's that is

unhinged that is movie that is crazy

usually altars are created again to

protect someone so sure there can be bad

people with did and there's also bad

people who don't have did just

statistically speaking people with did

are no more likely to commit crimes than

the general population and 70% of people

with did have attempted self- exit at

one point in their lives they're likely

to be victims of crime more than

anything yeah because they're

traumatized when they were young yeah

and even in today's case there is a lot

more Nuance so just follow me there

Sarah has a habit well she did she had a

habit of stealing her dad's Keys before

he went to work this is when she's a kid

Sarah's dad was almost always running

late because of Sarah which is kind of

cute at first but over time it's just

very inconvenient it's part of the daily

routine where are my keys hurry go find

Daddy's Keys Daddy's going to get fired

but now that Sarah's older both of

Sarah's parents they're divorced and she

no longer lives in the family home but

they just think of that moment when

they're asked what do you remember most

about Sarah's childhood they would both

respond oh she used to do this thing

where she would hide her dad's Keys

she's like daddy's little girl they

would smile and it's like this cute

little memory one of the happiest

memories they have as a kid and Sarah

must have loved her dad that is the

messaging she loved him so much she

never wanted him to leave the house so

both mom and dad is sharing this story

saying how much Sarah loved her dad to

Sarah's psychologist oh okay and Sarah

psychologist is like okay that's very

interesting because I feel like Sarah

has a lot of complex feelings about her

parents and Sarah clearly remembers

things very differently as a child Sarah

actually had a lot of interesting habits

she didn't like wearing shoes she likes

to play outside and most unique and

potentially alarming one is she had this

habit where she would run outside to

play with her friends and she would come

back home and everyone is like what are

you doing where did the rest of your

clothes go she would just come back home

and nothing but her

underwear what and nobody looked into it

they just thought Sarah's such a tomboy

she doesn't like wayar clothes she not

even Elementary School maybe like four

or five and she really really really

hated their nextdoor neighbor hated him

but that's not really news I think

everyone in the neighborhood hated this

guy despised this guy he's old he's

crabby he has dementia and he would do

this thing where he would just shoot

squirrels with BB guns sometimes the BB

gun pellets would Ricochet off and hit

other things sometimes he would hit

neighbors cars parked on the street

while he's attempting to hit a squirrel

with a BB gun which I imagine is

happening frequently considering his age

and deteriorating eyesight he's hitting

random things in people he is overall

probably the worst neighbor of the year

nobody even knows why He's torturing

squirrels in the neighborhood he's not

exactly the type of person you can ask

that question to you feel like you're

next he's going to shoot you next

they keep an eye out for him and he

keeps an eye out for little Sarah

allegedly he would make Sarah watch him

shoot a squirrel with a BB gun walk over

grab that squirrel still half alive and

skin the squirrel alive using a

knife then he would kill the squirrel in

front of her face just after literally

ripping and peeling its skin off in

front of this I don't know 5-year-old

girl he would would scream at her if you

try to run or if you look away this is

going to be you next if you tell anybody

anything this is going to be you and

when he's done killing a squirrel in

front of her he would hold Sarah down

shove the mutilated squirrel in her face

and molest her it's stated that he

essayed her orally and digitally and

then he fully essayed her by inserting

gardening tools into her the very first

time it happened Sarah runs all the way

home screaming yelling she slams open

the front door she doesn't even know how

to describe what happened to her I

believe she was young to the point where

she knows this is bad painful evil

terrifying but I don't think that she

can put it into words like I don't think

she understands her body like that even

or what this action is she has no idea

she just knows she hated it she runs

inside and her mom is on the phone and

she screams at her loud daughter you're

making too much fuss go to your room

maybe it was Sarah's Choice to take off

her clothes while playing outside maybe

it wasn't but had someone just looked

into it they would have realized that

the demented neighbor doc that's what

they called him is more than just

demented later Sarah's psychologist

would ask when did the neighbor assault

you at night in the mornings before

school after Sarah

responded anytime my dad wasn't home so

that's why she hid his keys gosh in

hopes that he would stay home

Sarah's psychologist firmly believes

this is the childhood trauma that

Sarah's brain could not handle and

protected her by creating new

altars wow police are called to do a

welfare check on a 19-year-old girl

named Sarah mlin they show up at the

house in question that she's apparently

staying at it's not her mom's house it's

not her dad's house it's not even a

relative's house it's just a small

little Suburban House in Kansas the

police initially tried knocking on the

front door nothing they try the back

door nothing it's a little unclear if

this was their second welfare check or

if this there was some reason that they

felt that they needed to break into the

house I'm sure they've got a list of

reasons but the police forc their way

into the home through the door through

the kitchen they kick it in and they

step right into the house and they're

like we were right the whole place is

rans sacked if you were to go into the

bedrooms you would see dressers or

rummage through bed sheets are ripped

off the bed pictures are ripped out of

the picture frames but two things would

stand out the most on the wall written

in Big Red Letters is a word like

imagine just spray painting inside the

house it's weird and right underneath

that is a dead man laying in a pool of

his own blood zip ties around his wrist

zip ties around his ankle curiously

there are cut zip ties next to him and a

pair of scissors next to his foot so it

seems like someone zip tied him and then

cut it and then rezip tied him for

whatever reason the police look at the

man then they look at the words on the

wall and they realize that the words on

the wall were written using this man's

blood and the words read and it's kind

of hard f r e e d o m Freedom the most

popular item at CC's pizzas it's a pizza

chain it's not actually a pizza it's

their cinnamon rolls it's also not the

most popular pizza chain in the world

but it is or at least it was one of the

only places in the entire town that

would hire 15-year-olds and give them a

part-time job after school and on top of

that the owner Harold sasco so he's the

owner of three cce's Pizza franchises

he's not like the owner of the C's Pizza

franchise company he just owns three

locations and he would hire 15-year-olds

and he's really cool Harold is

interesting people say he's a cool boss

he lets the high schoolers call him Hal

and instead of talking to them like they're

they're

irresponsible incapable incompetent

15-year-olds which is usually how these

kids feel like adults talk to them he

talks to them like they're his age like

they're also adults he'll even randomly

talk to them or teach them about

business and the struggles of running a

franchisee location he kind of feels

more like a like a business Mentor than

a boss and Harold could just see from a

mile away that Sarah mlin is hurting

she's got scars on her arms on her

wrists that are in various stages of

healing she just seems lonely she

doesn't have anyone she's also a little

awkward she was homeschooled as a kid

which side note her homeschooling

curriculum was just so questionable

apparently her daily routine was to read

classic literature novels and then watch

the movie but regardless Sarah was

homeschooled and it resulted in her not

really knowing how to make friends she

was awkward even when she does

eventually go back to public school it

was just a little too late usually Sarah

keeps to herself keeps away from people

and people keep away from her except for

Harold he just feels like she needs help

and he wants to help her does she work

for him or yeah oh so she's one of the

employees and he's her boss and he's

also 33 years older than her so

technically old enough to be her dad and

he tells her I can help you get on your

feet I can see that you're really

struggling and when you're ready I can

help you get your life together I can

help you learn how to run a business

kind of like a dad or a mentor like a

father figure you can even move in with

me Harold has been divorced four five

times right now he lives alone he's got

a spare room she could use it's

completely up to her how old is she at

this point

17 okay and he's 33 years older so he's 50

yes he was going to show me how to run

businesses so I can eventually run a

business of my own it I really looked at

him as a mentor like I looked up to him

like none of my family

had businesses or anything like that

like I just admired that and I wanted to

learn from that she does not know that

her new Mentor Harold has downloaded

hundreds of videos of violent explicit

content onto his phone and visits

x-rated websites that feature children

teens and beastiality at least 20 times

he visited a website that feature men

fondling or having intimate relations

with women that appear to be asleep

Sarah did not know this at the time

instead she had his name saved on her

phone pH under the contact Dad but dads

don't really do drugs with their

daughters do they according to Sarah

right after moving in Harold was

supplying her and giving her

unrestricted access to whatever drug she

wanted weed vodka cocaine ecstasy which

there seems to be other witnesses that

have stated Harold was buying drugs

mainly weed and black market

prescription painkillers allegedly they

said he talked about it they never saw

it happen but he talked about it but if

it's true that he is buying drugs and

giving it to Sarah it defeats the whole

purpose of her moving in to begin with

because he said it was to make sure that

she got clean and worked on her future

Sarah said after moving in with Harold

she might have actually started doing

more drugs this is according to Sarah

she said she was drinking almost on a

nightly basis she's having seven shots

of vodka at a time seven drinks at a

time she would smoke weed almost every

single day and a few times a week she

would take super strong prescription

painkillers which yeah from the outside

we're confused we're alarmed but Sarah

she's 17 she's having what she thinks at

the time is a really good good time 1

month into Sarah's move into Harold's

house Sarah shows up with a whole brand

new nose she got a nose job Sarah's

sister Ashley is kind of confused maybe

because a nose job is like $6,000 how on

Earth did you pay for it but she also

knows that Sarah has complained about

how she hates her nose how ugly it made

her feel and how ashamed she was of it

and Sarah tells her sister well Harold

told me that if I feel insecure he can

help me not feel insecure I'm going to

pay him back though he's he's just

fronting me the money that's crazy Sarah

feels really lucky I mean not only that

this sweet man is paying for her very

expensive nose job I mean obviously

she's going to pay him back it's more

like a loan but he really didn't even

have to do that for her Who loans

someone $6,000 so casually I don't think

many people would do that for Sarah even

just the fact that he thought out of it

and offered it to her she said it felt

like wow I finally have an adult that

sees what I really need and will help me

it's not a free ride but somebody is

really helping me and they care about me

it's that type of feeling 6,000 is a lot

of money for a 17-year-old it probably

feels like $6 million you know what I

mean like it's like

un you know you can't even fathom that

amount of money and that must mean like

the world for her to receive that but

also think about that later because

imagine someone tells you you need to

pay me $6,000 at 17 yeah yeah I would

not even I would be so overwhelmed she

probably feels like she owes him life

yeah exactly I think Sarah's so happy

with this new found parental figure that

she trusts she doesn't even see what

people see from the outside which is no

this is definitely a little bit strange

I don't even think most parents would

give their 17-year-old a nose job

Sarah's older sister Ashley allegedly

starts picking up on it just a little

bit Ashley knows that her sister Sarah

is moving in with her boss Harold she

thinks yeah it's weird it's strange but

maybe it's for the best the two of them

Sarah and Ashley they never really grew

up with strong parental figures maybe

this is what Sarah needs but there are

weird things like the fact that ever

since Sarah moved in with Harold she's

had her nose job but also butt

implants not that Ashley is judging or

anything but but it just doesn't sound

like her sister Ashley was under the

impression that both of them never

wanted to get body augmentation

surgeries and also she's so young and

Sarah can't stop talking about the end

of the world political Annihilation

through War like she's becoming a

doomsday prepper I mean there are some

really unstable nuclear power plants

right now and they're on the cusp of

exploding um okay it would be in

everyone's best interest to look for

Bunker locations places in places like

uh Utah Montana are good they're far

away enough from any of the blast sites

that it should feel safe enough oh yeah

I mean I have a friend in Utah they say

it's nice is the older older sister or

younger sister older sister okay Sarah

and Ashley would be out grabbing coffee

or food and Sarah would just keep going

on and on about how they need to make GO

bags filled with dry food that's going

to keep them safe and alive for a few

days they're buying survival knives her

and heral survival skills are going to

be more important now than ever because

think about it sure you can do things on

the computer but what if computers are

shut down how are you going to get food

if there's no grocery stores could I get

a name for the order Sarah would turn

Vanessa as thinking okay whoa this is a

little strange Sarah just called herself

Vanessa but maybe she doesn't like

giving her real name to strangers so

you're saying the sister this is the

sister's first time hearing Vanessa yes

and she thought it was a little odd and

then sometimes she stated that Harold

would even call Sarah

Vanessa but it was just weird she didn't

ask ask about it she didn't think too

much into it but it was just odd she

thought it was like just a fake name

yeah regardless before Ashley can ask

about it Sarah would go on another

tangent about volcanoes another new

found Obsession since she moved in with

Harold so yeah things are a little bit

strange but as long as Sarah has someone

and somewhere to make her feel safe

which she never had in her childhood

Maybe Ashley can support it Sarah grew

up in this really dysfunctional family I

mean obviously so did Ashley she's got

Ashley then it's Sarah and then they

have three younger brothers all of whom

were adopted which apparently according

to Sarah Sarah's mom would have these

phases in her life implying that her mom

went through an adoption phase where she

either thought that's what she wanted to

do or thought it was cool or something I

don't know it's just something that she

would tell her psychologist later their

mom adopts three boys and according to

Sarah when they were no longer cute her

mom just decides the phase is over

decides she doesn't really want to be a

mom anymore leaving both Ashley and

Sarah responsible for the care of the

boys and it's obviously not easy one of

the brothers has fetal alcohol syndrome

and two of the other brothers both have

add the girls are left to raise their

three brothers and all they remember

growing up about their mom is she was

always on the phone her phone is glued

to the side of her face talking to her

friends she just always seemed to be way

more concerned with the opinion of her

friends and what they think about their

children than her actual children she

wasn't really maternal either if the

kids had a problem or wanted Comfort or

support or something she was either a

not there to provide it or B usually her

method of support was along the lines of

hey suck it up stop whining life is hard

okay the world is Harsh so go to your

room which fine maybe dad is better

Sarah's dad is described by Sarah as uh

being quote very emotional she said he's

very depressed and has a very weak

personality that lets both of his wives

control him she also thinks that he has

an alcohol problem he would constantly

be out till 5:00 in the morning the

girls would be up all night wondering if

he's going to be okay if he's in trouble

if he's even alive if he's abandoning

them but they can't go talk to their mom

about it since she's on the phone and

sent them to their rooms they both

always felt like their parents only ever

did what was most convenient for them

they did not care about their kids then

they divorced Sarah's only 15 when it

happened it's rough there's non-stop

fighting in the house both parents get

new partners and the kids feel even more

abandoned at one point Sarah's mom would

put the boys to bed then leave to spend

the rest of the night at her new

partner's place just leaving the kids so

it's safe to say that there really were

no strong parental figures in their life

no sort of guidance they could sneak out

skip school get high it didn't seem like

anybody cared or anything which is maybe

why Ashley thought yeah Harold is weird

but maybe he could be good for Sarah

when Ashley meets Harold he seems nice

enough he talks about how he's Christian

and Sarah told her that he was going to

teach her how to start a business help

her through school which is super sweet

and everything seems super normal except

Harold mentions to Ashley that her

daughter Ashley has a daughter so this

is Sarah's niece Sarah's very young

niece is more than welcome to stay at

his house if Ashley ever needs to get

away and get some time

alone Ashley thinks the offer is quote

weird and a little creepy but she tries

to brush it off he's probably just

saying that nobody actually wants to

babysit right she's trying to be

supportive of her sister and her journey

but there's a few things that you really

cannot explain away one time Ashley's

hanging out with Sarah Harold is out of

town in Florida Sarah gets a text

message from Harold and it's something

about how sunburnt is getting on

vacation which is normally enough but

this is the picture that he sends it

looks like a bathroom mirror selfie he

is very sunburned he looks like a cooked

red Lobster and you can't see any

intimate areas he's shirtless but you

can also tell that he's not wearing

pants and he's not wearing underwear so

it's like a top be chest selfie yes but

he's showing enough of the waistband

area that it's implied he's not wearing

anything so he took that photo naked yes

which it's cropped like I said you can't

see his Parts but it's just a very odd

thing to send someone that you call your

stepdaughter if I receive this picture

from my father or a stepfather if I had

one I would genuinely be terrified I

would ask did you mean to send this to

somebody else because I need to throw my

phone away now this doesn't make any

this is not a normal fatherdaughter

relationship photo it just rubs Ashley

the wrong way enough so that the next

time Ashley visits Sarah at the house

she makes sure to be a little bit more

observant and she notices two things

from her perspective it seems that her

sister is high on cocaine and Harold is

looking at her sister in a very creepy

way Ashley is so tired that night but

she refuses to fall asleep because

something in her gut is telling her to

stay awake be alert and keep an eye out

on her sister which is exactly what she

ends up doing but what about all the

other nights that she's not there she

can't stay awake and sleep over every

night she's got kids she has obligation

she has a job after that incident Ashley

goes to their mom and tells her look we

got to do something about Sarah Sarah's

not in a good situation right now she

needs help but their mom would more or

less tell her sh we can pray for

her she didn't ask for any more

specifics on like hey what's happening

to Sarah is she okay who is she with

didn't really ask much it's unclear if

Sarah picked up on all these weird

little instances or not I would imagine

not and by the time she finally did pick

up on something it'd be too late one day

Sarah is sitting on the couch with

Harold and she's got him in her phone

contacts his dad and he tells her I have

feelings for you I want to go on a date

with you which is the last thing Sarah

would ever ever want she genuinely sees

him as a dad she tries to reject him as

nicely as she can but she's confused

that he would even ask such a thing or

even feel such a thing because he had

confessed to me something that he was in

love with me or something one time and I

just quickly shut it down and said I

really do you know see you as a father

and like a mentor and a friend and I

did uh and it

just I I was very just crushed the first

time that happened and I just felt

completely helpless at that point but

ever since that conversation things

start changing around this house the

energy is just different the dynamic is

Shifting when Sarah is sitting there

watching TV he would come up behind her

sit really close to her put his arms

around her and she could see or feel

that he's getting an erection and it's

starting to make her feel super

uncomfortable wait so she's still 17 or

so this happen when she's 18 now but she

moved in when she was 17 okay now one

time she woke up with him lying in bed

next to her without his shirt on they

sleep in separate rooms so what is going

on right now and just to emphasize once

more in the eyes of the law any unproven

interactions between Sarah and Harold

are from Sarah's conversations with her

psychologist it is at the end of the day

her version of events but there are some

witnesses we'll get into later within a

few weeks of asking Sarah on that date

though and being rejected Sarah sees

Harold as her dad and hopes maybe things

will go back to normal clearly that's

not the case according to Sarah Harold

does something no person should ever do

let alone a father no father should ever

do this to their daughter according to

Sarah he starts essaying her he

threatens to kick her out of the house

if she does not comply she said that she

felt she had no choice the thought the

action it disgusted her but what can she

do she tried to tell him they're like

father and daughter this isn't normal

and he allegedly responded this is just

what people do when they're drunk so she

quote I would get as drunk as I could

and I would just lay there she stated

she tried to tell him no but refusing

consent does not feel like an option he

would just quote act like he didn't hear

me she stated that one time he kept

assaying her while she was pleading no

the whole time or if Sarah starts

squirming to get away he would quote

like when I would move my arm he would

just hold my arms according to Sarah

this is just the start he would essay

her multiple times a week for months

after that and each time it happened

Sarah would be mad at herself for

thinking it was going to be any

different this time she said he was my

hope that the world wasn't just like the

people of my family and that maybe there

were good people in the world and now

that's gone why would he be different

from all the other people that essayed

Sarah what just because he's 33 years

older than her and said he was going to

be her father figure

it is alleged that pretty much every

male interaction Sarah had in her life

on a deeper level had negative

horrendous outcomes Sarah's very first

boyfriend she's thinking this is going

to be like the TV shows where they find

comfort and love in each other and then

one day he tries to get intimate and she

tells him she's not ready considering

all of the trauma that she likely had as

a kid she just doesn't want to do this

and he responds by beating her later at

16 Sarah starts doing drugs and drinking

alcohol and she's visiting this guy's

house and they're not really friends

he's 20 she's 16 he's drunk and he's

trying to get her to agree to have

intimate relations and again she says no

Then why would you come over he pushes

her onto the wood coffee table so

roughly that it breaks he does not care

he puts all of his body weight on top of

her lays on her grabs his cigarette that

he was smoking and starts pressing it

into her arm burning her skin then he

drags her by the hair into his room and

proceeds to essay her while he tells her

that if she tells anybody he's going to

find her and he's going to kill her do

we know who he is no and initially she

didn't tell anyone she didn't tell

anybody and nobody questioned why she

came home with bruises and scars on her

arm it's not until months later Sarah

finally tells her mom a little bit about

what happened with the 20-year-old and

her mom is quiet at first and she just

responds I don't want you to tell anyone

else but according to Sarah her mom went

ahead and just told everybody else for

her just about told every family friend

every family member that they have and

would allegedly her mom would half joke

that Sarah's a [ __ ] now Sarah seemingly

does not know how to digest all this

additional trauma including her alleged

childhood abuse and I say alleged

because I mean I I don't like to

question victim stories but we do have

to factor in that she does have

incentive to lie but you get it I I just

can't imagine someone making this up and

maybe I have a naive perspective on the

world it just and there are medical

records that do state things she's

having traumatic nightmares where she's

holding a knife and killing a faceless

man she attempts self- exit multiple

times around this time she's

hospitalized for over a week for that

and they just prescribe her

anti-depressants side note one of

Sarah's therapists at the time straight

up told Sarah's parents we cannot help

Sarah we are not qualified she is beyond

our scope of expertise you need to find

someone else this is like younger right

before she even meets

Harold wow and I don't think her parents

took it that way the way they were

supposed to I don't think they digested

that information and went home thinking

we really need to help our daughter they

were just like okay then we just won't

find her a therapist if they can't

help all she had are her meds and the

meds are okay but drinking is better she

starts skipping school drinking

apparently she would start her day with

multiple shots of vodka and her coffee

at 15 she's doing drugs just about

anything that can help her forget all of

the trauma and abuse and sometimes

forgetting includes doing so much

ecstasy or cocaine that you genuinely

feel nothing she said no matter how bad

my day was at least I could do a lot of

drugs and all the negative stuff would

just fade

away she said when I was drinking I

wasn't depressed but clearly it's not

working she's not coping with all of

this trauma well at 16 she even starts

watching very violent graphic explicit videos

videos

specifically videos involving women that

are being brutally humiliated as key

points and this is going to be a theme

throughout the rest of the episode this

is uh what a lot of psychologists

suspect is her behavior she feels so

powerless and she starts doing actions

she believes her perpetrators would do

because she believes they are the ones

with power yeah cuz later she's going to

start skinning

animals yeah I mean you can always

almost pinpoint how it happened at this

point you know she's like look look at

the conditions look at all these like

you know and again I know that there are

people out there that believe that not

did is fake but Sarah is faking did I

think it's very hard to do first of all

if we take that out of the equation it

just psychologically makes a lot of

sense a lot of experts are like this

just this it's not farfetched it doesn't

feel like someone made it up yeah even

without did just look at what happened

to someone imagine that type of trauma

to anybody like what you know how do you

respond at that age Sarah would later

state for 10 months the essays would

continue to escalate in Harold's house

she states she would be essayed by

Harold over a hundred times she said it

was just so gradual that I feel like it

wasn't until I was really far into

things that I started to question almost

like to a point where I didn't feel like

I could do a lot about it thinking back

she said he was always controlling right

when she moves in he tells her I just

want to let you know that this is still

my house I have the right to search for

all of your things Sarah thinks yeah I

mean no big deal of course it's his

house he has the right to not want

certain things in his house he would go

through her things then she's

immediately given access to as much weed

and alcohol as she wants the only

condition being she always has to do it

in the house and he would be there

controlling and taking advantage of the

situation little by little he starts

taking over her life he would tell her

she can't have her phone in her room at

night when she goes to sleep because

technology should not be in rooms well

not in her room and

immediately like I was given access to

Weed and Alcohol like as much as I

wanted but even that like had relations

like I had to use it in the

house um and he would be there a lot

he's getting full control and slowly

starts demanding more and more from

Sarah is how she puts it she claims he

essayed her multiple times a week for 10

months but sometimes it's not just the

essay that's messing with her ability to

cope it's the words Sarah doesn't really

know how to handle those she said it was

nonstop he would follow her around and

tell her men aren't going to find you

attractive because your breasts aren't

big enough and your butt's not big

enough Sarah starts feeling less

confident in herself which is saying a

lot because she said at that point her

self-esteem was practically non-existent

already and she was already embarrassed

by when she was younger you know how she

was burned with the cigarettes she was

so embarrassed by how round the scars

were it looked in her mind she thought

someone would see it from a mile away

and think she was raped and someone

burned cigarettes on her because it's

it's not a natural scar pattern it's so

round so she would actually take a sharp

instrument and alter the scar to make it

look natural like a normal scar it's

alleged that she would lie and tell

people that she fell off a horse and

that's how the scar came about and now

Harold is basically telling her trying

to convince her to get a boob job or

butt implants a BBL this is worse than a

BBL BBL is a fat transfer which is very

painful and it's dangerous but butt

implants I heard are miserable you're

literally sticking foreign objects into

your but Ox area and he's telling her

maybe if you have that people are going

to focus on that and not anything else

AKA like those cigarette scarves Sarah

does not want either of these she tries

to convince him I'm way too young for

breast augmentation surgery somehow

Harold agrees but he still wants her to

get the butt implants and Sarah feels

like she has no choice she's cut off

from her family she's got nowhere to go

no money he keeps telling her that she

can't leave or else something bad is

going to happen to her he won't stop

talking about the butt implants and she

feels like fine if I get it he's going

to stop talking about it and essentially

he's making her feel completely

undesirable a burden destined for

homelessness and all the scary things

that come with being a woman without a

home Sarah later said I think more than

anything he made me feel like he owned

me to him him I was just a toy like his

personal Barbie doll that's what he

tried to make me by this point that

Sarah had moved in she's isolated she

now has a nose job and butt implants

she's essayed by Harold on a weekly

basis allegedly and before she can try

and manage to cope he's degrading her

he's kicking down her self-esteem

telling her that she's ugly and that

she's going to die alone unless she does

everything he says she is completely

helpless and on top of that we add on

another layer this reminds me a little

bit about the Sarah Lauren College code

case Harold starts writing up list of

all the money that Sarah owes him money

for rent $6,000 for the nose job $10,000

for butt implants which side note we're

not even going into the psychology of

forced body

modification we tried looking into

peer-reviewed medical studies about the

psychology of what that could do to

someone's psyche and there's not a lot

of information the closest we could get

was branding on sex trafficking

survivors who get U brands or tattoos by the

the

traffickers it would be a little bit similar to that to force modifications

similar to that to force modifications on your body that you don't want and now

on your body that you don't want and now he's charging her $10,000 for it he's

he's charging her $10,000 for it he's charging her gas bills Netflix is on her

charging her gas bills Netflix is on her list of debt the streaming service she's

list of debt the streaming service she's almost $20,000 in debt to Harold she's

almost $20,000 in debt to Harold she's 19 $20,000 at 19 and he's holding it

19 $20,000 at 19 and he's holding it over her head threatening to sue her if

over her head threatening to sue her if she doesn't do as he says she's working

she doesn't do as he says she's working at Bed Bath and Beyond she has sporadic

at Bed Bath and Beyond she has sporadic hours does not really get the best pay

hours does not really get the best pay her last paycheck from Bed Bath and

her last paycheck from Bed Bath and Beyond was just

Beyond was just $265 which is deposited into an account

$265 which is deposited into an account that only Harold has access to and when

that only Harold has access to and when Harold gets drunk he would allegedly

Harold gets drunk he would allegedly throw Sarah down and Essay her Sarah

throw Sarah down and Essay her Sarah said it was always when he was drunk

said it was always when he was drunk after Sarah's butt implants she is in so

after Sarah's butt implants she is in so much pain physically and mentally she's

much pain physically and mentally she's laying on the couch she doesn't feel

laying on the couch she doesn't feel like this is her body she has a loss of

like this is her body she has a loss of body autonomy and I think visually it's

body autonomy and I think visually it's very scarring to see her body in a way

very scarring to see her body in a way that she does not like and does not want

that she does not like and does not want all she wants to do is lay on the couch

all she wants to do is lay on the couch get high off of prescription pain meds

get high off of prescription pain meds and she just Spends months laying there

and she just Spends months laying there depressed she said all she could do was

depressed she said all she could do was drink smoke marijuana and think about

drink smoke marijuana and think about how much she hates herself and how much

how much she hates herself and how much she hates everybody and how much she

she hates everybody and how much she hates Harold and how much honestly she

hates Harold and how much honestly she hates being essed which she claimed

hates being essed which she claimed happened even while she's depressed on

happened even while she's depressed on the couch while she's laying there she

the couch while she's laying there she said she started having these very

said she started having these very strange symptoms stomach distress daily

strange symptoms stomach distress daily headaches and this bizarre tingling

headaches and this bizarre tingling sensation in her fingertips and she

sensation in her fingertips and she thought it was so strange because her

thought it was so strange because her fingers wouldn't stop tingling and she

fingers wouldn't stop tingling and she starts feeling like wait am I being

starts feeling like wait am I being poisoned right now I feel like I'm being

poisoned right now I feel like I'm being poisoned either Harold is poisoning my

poisoned either Harold is poisoning my food or this house is poisoned otherwise

food or this house is poisoned otherwise there's no reason for me to feel this

there's no reason for me to feel this weird which means Harold must be trying

weird which means Harold must be trying to kill her right so she has to kill him

to kill her right so she has to kill him first before he kills her or at least

first before he kills her or at least that's what Sarah thought sometimes

that's what Sarah thought sometimes sometimes she wouldn't have this thought

sometimes she wouldn't have this thought Sarah starts feeling very confused at

Sarah starts feeling very confused at how much her state would just change and

how much her state would just change and go through the motions every day and it

go through the motions every day and it doesn't feel like depression she's had

doesn't feel like depression she's had depression clearly right she tried to

depression clearly right she tried to self- exit she's been in the hospital

self- exit she's been in the hospital for that but this is different she

for that but this is different she starts Googling rapid fire why am I

starts Googling rapid fire why am I different than anybody else why do I see

different than anybody else why do I see things like this why am I always

things like this why am I always different at night than when I am in the

different at night than when I am in the morning Sarah wouldn't know until later

morning Sarah wouldn't know until later that she is diagnosed with did at this

that she is diagnosed with did at this point of living with Harold she just

point of living with Harold she just knew that she had random gaps throughout

knew that she had random gaps throughout her day or she remembered doing things

her day or she remembered doing things but very vaguely sometimes she could see

but very vaguely sometimes she could see herself doing things like she's watching

herself doing things like she's watching from a bird's eye view it's registering

from a bird's eye view it's registering in her brain that that is me doing it

in her brain that that is me doing it but it doesn't feel like it that is how

but it doesn't feel like it that is how her psychologist explains her altars now

her psychologist explains her altars now her altars are she has four that we know

her altars are she has four that we know of that her psychologist knows of and

of that her psychologist knows of and this is her psychologist explaining

this is her psychologist explaining Vanessa is very depressed anxious and

Vanessa is very depressed anxious and described as very weak has a lot of dark

described as very weak has a lot of dark thoughts about wanting to to self- exit

thoughts about wanting to to self- exit very very suicidal she is described to

very very suicidal she is described to have the energy of a skinny miniature

have the energy of a skinny miniature Greyhound nervous anxious breakable

Greyhound nervous anxious breakable she's immature maybe 17 years old she's

she's immature maybe 17 years old she's the more compassionate altar but it does

the more compassionate altar but it does appear that the compassion comes out of

appear that the compassion comes out of fear more than anything she's the one

fear more than anything she's the one that is fronting most of the time this

that is fronting most of the time this is Sarah's State most of the time wow

is Sarah's State most of the time wow Alyssa is the protector Alyssa came

Alyssa is the protector Alyssa came about to protect Vanessa

about to protect Vanessa Alyssa drinks a lot she never panics

Alyssa drinks a lot she never panics she's very strong very witty people

she's very strong very witty people really like her she's confident but not

really like her she's confident but not reliable she is boiling with rage she

reliable she is boiling with rage she has so much anger but she doesn't want

has so much anger but she doesn't want to let that anger go because she deep

to let that anger go because she deep down believes that's where her strength

down believes that's where her strength comes from is this anger she mainly

comes from is this anger she mainly fronts when the body is numb so that

fronts when the body is numb so that might be why Sarah was Googling why am I

might be why Sarah was Googling why am I different at night it seems that Alyssa

different at night it seems that Alyssa fronts more at night because she's

fronts more at night because she's drinking

drinking she's getting more of that rage is

she's getting more of that rage is coming in MH she seems to have taken the

coming in MH she seems to have taken the protector role and put it upon herself

protector role and put it upon herself she feels like she has to be this way

she feels like she has to be this way she told the psychologist that she

she told the psychologist that she doesn't want to be the angry one she

doesn't want to be the angry one she doesn't want to be the aggressive one or

doesn't want to be the aggressive one or constantly Vigilant about protecting

constantly Vigilant about protecting them but she feels like she needs to

them but she feels like she needs to because if not her then who the others

because if not her then who the others are just going to let themselves get

are just going to let themselves get abused non-stop Alyssa would later say I

abused non-stop Alyssa would later say I didn't want this I didn't want this

didn't want this I didn't want this poultry life we had to be all I would

poultry life we had to be all I would ever have and then when the world was

ever have and then when the world was going to be ended and that would all be

going to be ended and that would all be there is side note it does appear that

there is side note it does appear that she genuinely does think that the world

she genuinely does think that the world is coming to an end and the idea that

is coming to an end and the idea that this is their life before the world ends

this is their life before the world ends is so painful and sad and depressing for

is so painful and sad and depressing for her and that's still that's an idea

her and that's still that's an idea that's forced upon them from the abuse

that's forced upon them from the abuse and heral the end of the world yeah I

and heral the end of the world yeah I mean I don't know if it was forced but

mean I don't know if it was forced but it does seem like she never had those

it does seem like she never had those conversations with anybody in her life

conversations with anybody in her life until she moved in with Harold she did

until she moved in with Harold she did not seem to care about the end of the

not seem to care about the end of the world until then Alyssa also has very

world until then Alyssa also has very very strong feelings about men she said

very strong feelings about men she said that she would never kill a dog horse or

that she would never kill a dog horse or a woman but men are a disease on this

a woman but men are a disease on this Earth they think with their bodies so

Earth they think with their bodies so they are not human they are animals

they are not human they are animals Alyssa hated everything about men and

Alyssa hated everything about men and felt Harold was worse than a pig more

felt Harold was worse than a pig more offensive than a pig and again I I'm not

offensive than a pig and again I I'm not trying to defend Alyssa I don't think

trying to defend Alyssa I don't think that Alyssa is sitting here just like

that Alyssa is sitting here just like waking up hating men it's clearly her

waking up hating men it's clearly her trauma and this is her protection it's

trauma and this is her protection it's stated that she needs to hate men

stated that she needs to hate men because it makes her feel in control of

because it makes her feel in control of not letting more men into her life

not letting more men into her life because if you hate something you're not

because if you hate something you're not going to try to let it into your life

going to try to let it into your life the other altars consist that we know of

the other altars consist that we know of of Mila and no name however as Sarah's

of Mila and no name however as Sarah's doctor she was not allowed to talk to

doctor she was not allowed to talk to them much we have very limited

them much we have very limited information about them we just know that

information about them we just know that Mila is a bit tiny bit more confident

Mila is a bit tiny bit more confident than Vanessa but she's very feminine and

than Vanessa but she's very feminine and quite young I'm not sure if she's

quite young I'm not sure if she's considered a little which is a type of

considered a little which is a type of altar I don't know if it's type but

altar I don't know if it's type but categorization of Altar and typically it

categorization of Altar and typically it embodies a childhood version of the

embodies a childhood version of the person very young her role is

person very young her role is interestingly though young but almost

interestingly though young but almost kind of like a mother figure to

kind of like a mother figure to Vanessa younger more feminine but that

Vanessa younger more feminine but that is how much Vanessa is weak in their

is how much Vanessa is weak in their system that everyone needs to protect

system that everyone needs to protect Vanessa Mila is the most like Sarah

Vanessa Mila is the most like Sarah before her reoccurring trauma she's very

before her reoccurring trauma she's very nice and content with the world not too

nice and content with the world not too angry she likes people she thinks all

angry she likes people she thinks all people are pretty good and she's very

people are pretty good and she's very feminine Dr Hutchinson described Mila as

feminine Dr Hutchinson described Mila as being very polite now no name is the

being very polite now no name is the trauma carrier the memories of the essay

trauma carrier the memories of the essay from the creepy old neighbor only come

from the creepy old neighbor only come about when no name is fronting no name

about when no name is fronting no name yes literally no name no name this is

yes literally no name no name this is the only altar in the system that

the only altar in the system that carries memories before Middle School

carries memories before Middle School the other altars will tell Dr H I don't

the other altars will tell Dr H I don't remember anything before Middle School

remember anything before Middle School wow no name is described by the others

wow no name is described by the others as just a body doesn't really have

as just a body doesn't really have inside emotion just kind of

inside emotion just kind of functions which is very enlightening

functions which is very enlightening considering no name is the trauma

considering no name is the trauma carrier and Sarah Sarah is dead she died

carrier and Sarah Sarah is dead she died at 16 years old when she was essayed by

at 16 years old when she was essayed by the 20-year-old so it seems that Sarah

the 20-year-old so it seems that Sarah was likely part of the system I don't

was likely part of the system I don't even think they knew it was a system at

even think they knew it was a system at the time I think I don't know if they

the time I think I don't know if they could categorically say that but when

could categorically say that but when she was burned by the cigarettes they

she was burned by the cigarettes they said that is when Sarah died Sarah's

said that is when Sarah died Sarah's doctor would later State Vanessa was

doctor would later State Vanessa was very afraid anytime I talked to Vanessa

very afraid anytime I talked to Vanessa she was always crying now Alyssa never

she was always crying now Alyssa never cried Milo was extremely softspoken and

cried Milo was extremely softspoken and like to quote Bible verses which Alyssa

like to quote Bible verses which Alyssa was very angry about Alyssa said Mila

was very angry about Alyssa said Mila has always been reading parts of the

has always been reading parts of the Bible like you should cut off the part

Bible like you should cut off the part of you that offends you and she thinks

of you that offends you and she thinks that she can just cut me out like how

that she can just cut me out like how does she think that she's going to cut

does she think that she's going to cut me out Alyssa is very protective she's

me out Alyssa is very protective she's the protector of the system now I will

the protector of the system now I will say this is the part of did that I think

say this is the part of did that I think the jury and a lot of people couldn't

the jury and a lot of people couldn't understand about this case right and

understand about this case right and please correct me if I'm wrong but did

please correct me if I'm wrong but did your alars it's very hard to control

your alars it's very hard to control who's fronting it's typically a

who's fronting it's typically a psychological response to triggers and

psychological response to triggers and triggers could be something big or

triggers could be something big or something so unnoticeable to other

something so unnoticeable to other people that are not part of the system

people that are not part of the system and anytime Sarah mlin talks about the

and anytime Sarah mlin talks about the crime that she commits she's very cold

crime that she commits she's very cold very blunt almost to the point of

very blunt almost to the point of sounding like Cassandra

sounding like Cassandra Borge yeah yeah yeah people believe that

Borge yeah yeah yeah people believe that that is Alyssa fronting and she presents

that is Alyssa fronting and she presents herself when she needs to be in a

herself when she needs to be in a situation where she needs to protect the

situation where she needs to protect the system and she's very a little bit more

system and she's very a little bit more emotionless right and it doesn't deliver

emotionless right and it doesn't deliver well at all no it does not Sarah's

well at all no it does not Sarah's doctor would later explain Sarah system

doctor would later explain Sarah system has a bunch of walls and sometimes those

has a bunch of walls and sometimes those walls are permeable like Alyssa and

walls are permeable like Alyssa and Vanessa can talk back and forth but some

Vanessa can talk back and forth but some of them are like concrete bricks and

of them are like concrete bricks and this part never talks to this part and

this part never talks to this part and when I work with clients or when I have

when I work with clients or when I have worked with Sarah is that when I talked

worked with Sarah is that when I talked to the waldof altars they had no idea

to the waldof altars they had no idea what the other altars have said and if I

what the other altars have said and if I asked them about hey they said this they

asked them about hey they said this they would have no recollection of that I

would have no recollection of that I didn't hear you talking to them and I

didn't hear you talking to them and I didn't know that would be their

didn't know that would be their response the way Sarah describes what is

response the way Sarah describes what is going on in her brain to her doctor is I

going on in her brain to her doctor is I feel like I'm a puppet with no master

feel like I'm a puppet with no master there was only one rule the entire

there was only one rule the entire system was forced to follow the rule was

system was forced to follow the rule was don't let anyone know nobody was allowed

don't let anyone know nobody was allowed to know that Sarah had a system which

to know that Sarah had a system which means nobody knows there is what is

means nobody knows there is what is described as inner conflict taking place

described as inner conflict taking place Vanessa and Alysa have a conflict at

Vanessa and Alysa have a conflict at hand Vanessa has decided the only way to

hand Vanessa has decided the only way to escape this life and this abuse is to

escape this life and this abuse is to either kill Herold or to self- exit

either kill Herold or to self- exit vanessa wants to self exit soon Alyssa

vanessa wants to self exit soon Alyssa realizes that is what Vanessa is

realizes that is what Vanessa is planning and she's not going to let that

planning and she's not going to let that happen this is how Sarah's doctor

happen this is how Sarah's doctor explains it Alyssa was angry she would

explains it Alyssa was angry she would later tell her doctor that had Vanessa

later tell her doctor that had Vanessa been smarter none of this would have

been smarter none of this would have happened Alyssa told the psychologist

happened Alyssa told the psychologist Vanessa's weak she would lay there like

Vanessa's weak she would lay there like a dead dog and she let him touch us and

a dead dog and she let him touch us and talk her into that stupid butt surgery

talk her into that stupid butt surgery Sarah's doctor believes Alyssa was

Sarah's doctor believes Alyssa was forced to protect them or let Vanessa

forced to protect them or let Vanessa self exit because she could not handle

self exit because she could not handle the abuse from Harold around this time

the abuse from Harold around this time time a cooworker from Cece's Pizza had

time a cooworker from Cece's Pizza had come over to SAR and Harold's house and

come over to SAR and Harold's house and he's friends with Harold I believe he's

he's friends with Harold I believe he's also young too so just giving you an

also young too so just giving you an idea some people say he was a mentor to

idea some people say he was a mentor to the youth other people say he's hanging

the youth other people say he's hanging out with a lot of young people and it's

out with a lot of young people and it's weird yeah no like yeah there's no P

weird yeah no like yeah there's no P anything to signal that he actually

anything to signal that he actually cares about youth future or anything

cares about youth future or anything like this is not his interest or motive

like this is not his interest or motive or reason at all and I would just say

or reason at all and I would just say that if I knew someone who was 50 years

that if I knew someone who was 50 years old and genuinely cared about helping

old and genuinely cared about helping the youth and they see a young

the youth and they see a young 17-year-old girl I think the smartest

17-year-old girl I think the smartest best decision most of these men would

best decision most of these men would make these good men in my opinion would

make these good men in my opinion would be to tell a woman of age or look for a

be to tell a woman of age or look for a shelter cuz I think it's just not a

shelter cuz I think it's just not a comfortable setup to have a 17-year-old

comfortable setup to have a 17-year-old girl living with a 50-year-old man that

girl living with a 50-year-old man that is not her relative or dad because even

is not her relative or dad because even even relatives and dads abuse their

even relatives and dads abuse their daughters yeah it's proven I mean just

daughters yeah it's proven I mean just like from the get-go the why the way he

like from the get-go the why the way he brought her in it was Zero ounce of

brought her in it was Zero ounce of actually wanting to help this yes

actually wanting to help this yes because there are lots of witnesses who

because there are lots of witnesses who do state they saw Sarah do drugs in

do state they saw Sarah do drugs in front of Harold and if Harold wanted to

front of Harold and if Harold wanted to get her clean which is the whole point

get her clean which is the whole point that he wanted her to move in it doesn't

that he wanted her to move in it doesn't make sense right now he knows that the

make sense right now he knows that the two of them are living together he's

two of them are living together he's also heard that they've been sexually

also heard that they've been sexually involved this guy that works at CC's

involved this guy that works at CC's pizzas but he's just over to hang out he

pizzas but he's just over to hang out he walks over to the dining room and

walks over to the dining room and there's this box sitting on the table

there's this box sitting on the table it's a c cardboard box is closed and

it's a c cardboard box is closed and every now and then the box would start

every now and then the box would start shaking the box would start moving

shaking the box would start moving shuffling he's like what is going on in

shuffling he's like what is going on in that box Sarah walks over opens up the

that box Sarah walks over opens up the box inside there's a little fluffy

box inside there's a little fluffy rabbit oh what are you guys going to

rabbit oh what are you guys going to clean it and cook it he watches Sarah

clean it and cook it he watches Sarah bring the box over to the kitchen sink

bring the box over to the kitchen sink he can see her taking the rabbit out

he can see her taking the rabbit out placing it into the deep sink but he's

placing it into the deep sink but he's behind her at this point so he can't

behind her at this point so he can't really see what she's doing to the

really see what she's doing to the rabbit but he hears high pitched Yelps

rabbit but he hears high pitched Yelps coming from the rabbit and Sarah's body

coming from the rabbit and Sarah's body is like an

is like an autopilot just nothing behind the eyes

autopilot just nothing behind the eyes she kills the rabbit proceeds to

she kills the rabbit proceeds to disembowel it skin it alive and him this

disembowel it skin it alive and him this is all so confusing why is she doing

is all so confusing why is she doing this can't she buy rabbit meat somewhere

this can't she buy rabbit meat somewhere else if she wants to eat rabbit not only

else if she wants to eat rabbit not only that you know how hunters will hunt down

that you know how hunters will hunt down wild rabbits and that's you know every

wild rabbits and that's you know every person finds it questionable to a degree

person finds it questionable to a degree whatever degree this rabbit was not that

whatever degree this rabbit was not that this rabbit was a cute little fluffy

this rabbit was a cute little fluffy white one that you would have as a pet

white one that you would have as a pet in fact Sarah bought this rabbit from a

in fact Sarah bought this rabbit from a pet store to slaughter and eat how

pet store to slaughter and eat how strange she did this with both a rabbit

strange she did this with both a rabbit and a Geral from the pet store later

and a Geral from the pet store later Sarah would State at the time she

Sarah would State at the time she believed it was a normal survival skill

believed it was a normal survival skill practice she was practicing for the end

practice she was practicing for the end of the world it's not like she was just

of the world it's not like she was just torturing animals she was eating them

torturing animals she was eating them for food what's the difference between

for food what's the difference between that and hunting she said it made her

that and hunting she said it made her feel really really in control at first

feel really really in control at first the rabbit was almost like a test she

the rabbit was almost like a test she tried to justify it oh I have to kill

tried to justify it oh I have to kill and eat the rabbit to test my survival

and eat the rabbit to test my survival skill skills but it started scratching

skill skills but it started scratching this itch inside of her I will say

this itch inside of her I will say there's a very strong correlation

there's a very strong correlation between her mental state and her killing

between her mental state and her killing animals she states that one day after a

animals she states that one day after a really stressful day at work she walks

really stressful day at work she walks into the pet store trying to buy a toy

into the pet store trying to buy a toy for her dog she's got a labrador named

for her dog she's got a labrador named Oliver but she's passing the guinea pig

Oliver but she's passing the guinea pig cages and she remembered someone talking

cages and she remembered someone talking about how in South America they eat

about how in South America they eat guinea pigs so she stops in front of the

guinea pigs so she stops in front of the cages watching them sleep in their

cages watching them sleep in their little Barn hay barns she just has this

little Barn hay barns she just has this urge I want to kill it and I want to eat

urge I want to kill it and I want to eat it she would go on YouTube and watch

it she would go on YouTube and watch videos on how to kill skin and Slaughter

videos on how to kill skin and Slaughter rabbits the video in particular she

rabbits the video in particular she watched over 14 times was of a man using

watched over 14 times was of a man using scissors to skin a rabbit and ultimately

scissors to skin a rabbit and ultimately package it for human consumption oddly

package it for human consumption oddly after watching this video she then

after watching this video she then watches a Tupac video within 2 to 3

watches a Tupac video within 2 to 3 minutes so I don't know those who knew

minutes so I don't know those who knew Sarah said none of this makes sense

Sarah said none of this makes sense Sarah has always been an animal girl she

Sarah has always been an animal girl she grew up with a rescue horse named Black

grew up with a rescue horse named Black Beauty who was so badly neglected Ed and

Beauty who was so badly neglected Ed and abused by his previous owners to the

abused by his previous owners to the point that Sarah could not even ride him

point that Sarah could not even ride him which is kind of the purpose that she

which is kind of the purpose that she got a horse to begin with and she would

got a horse to begin with and she would take these writing lessons and she did

take these writing lessons and she did not care she babied that horse until his

not care she babied that horse until his very last breath and when he was gone

very last breath and when he was gone everyone in Sarah's life remembered her

everyone in Sarah's life remembered her just being absolutely devastated she had

just being absolutely devastated she had this yellow lab growing up aptly named

this yellow lab growing up aptly named Shadow because it was literally Sarah's

Shadow because it was literally Sarah's Shadow technically Shadow was supposed

Shadow technically Shadow was supposed to be the family dog but ended up just

to be the family dog but ended up just following Sarah around everywhere when

following Sarah around everywhere when shadow passed away she was a wreck and

shadow passed away she was a wreck and she always told her family I don't even

she always told her family I don't even want a house when I grow up I just want

want a house when I grow up I just want to travel around and help animals

to travel around and help animals because there's animals everywhere that

because there's animals everywhere that need help but now she's skinning pet

need help but now she's skinning pet rabbits and eating them she's also

rabbits and eating them she's also punching walls and breaking glass she

punching walls and breaking glass she would later say somewhere down the line

would later say somewhere down the line her sadness turned into anger disgust

her sadness turned into anger disgust and pure hatred and she's not scared

and pure hatred and she's not scared anymore she just feels rage to this part

anymore she just feels rage to this part she does not tell anyone about but Sarah

she does not tell anyone about but Sarah said at this point she starts having

said at this point she starts having these crazy visual hallucinations of

these crazy visual hallucinations of killing herself her parents and Harold

killing herself her parents and Harold she's hearing all these voices in her

she's hearing all these voices in her head and every time she sees people

head and every time she sees people walking around they're walking around

walking around they're walking around faceless and bloody every single person

faceless and bloody every single person she runs into walking past saying hello

she runs into walking past saying hello to at work she would picture them dead

to at work she would picture them dead what they would look like and then her

what they would look like and then her Visions would come back years ago when

Visions would come back years ago when Sarah was essayed and burned with a

Sarah was essayed and burned with a cigarette for a while afterwards she

cigarette for a while afterwards she started having these Visions where she

started having these Visions where she would find unknown men and slash their

would find unknown men and slash their necks with a knife or Cho them up with

necks with a knife or Cho them up with an axe and those Visions were back but

an axe and those Visions were back but this time that unknown man was now

this time that unknown man was now Harold sasco January 11th 2014 Sarah

Harold sasco January 11th 2014 Sarah logs onto her computer and asks Google

logs onto her computer and asks Google why do I feel so differently from

why do I feel so differently from everyone else she then texts her sister

everyone else she then texts her sister I'm starting to realize I don't want the

I'm starting to realize I don't want the life everyone expects of me I don't want

life everyone expects of me I don't want the American dream the house or the car

the American dream the house or the car I don't want to be tied down to a job or

I don't want to be tied down to a job or debt I want real freedom and I know how

debt I want real freedom and I know how to get it but it means giving up a lot

to get it but it means giving up a lot it's like do I want what my friends and

it's like do I want what my friends and family think is right or do I take a

family think is right or do I take a risk of being happy and not trapped

risk of being happy and not trapped anymore I feel like a caged animal right

anymore I feel like a caged animal right now it's making me crazy and on edge

now it's making me crazy and on edge then a text comes in to Sarah's phone

then a text comes in to Sarah's phone not a response from Ashley but a text

not a response from Ashley but a text from Harold it reads hey good morning

from Harold it reads hey good morning thank you for last night it was good we

thank you for last night it was good we never got to talk about Sunday I

never got to talk about Sunday I apologize for trying to sleep with you

apologize for trying to sleep with you tonight before we get going can we talk

tonight before we get going can we talk please and thank you wait um um I

please and thank you wait um um I apologize for trying to sleep with you

apologize for trying to sleep with you like trying to essay her yes is what

like trying to essay her yes is what Sarah says now people who believe that

Sarah says now people who believe that Harold is is innocent he's innocent in

Harold is is innocent he's innocent in the eyes of the law of course he's a

the eyes of the law of course he's a victim in the eyes of the law people

victim in the eyes of the law people that believe that he did not essay her

that believe that he did not essay her believe that maybe he she's of age he

believe that maybe he she's of age he was drunk he tried but then

was drunk he tried but then stopped because she said

stopped because she said no so the text message is in is

no so the text message is in is interpreted in two vastly different ways

interpreted in two vastly different ways now initially the plan was to attack

now initially the plan was to attack Harold in his sleep but she starts

Harold in his sleep but she starts worrying what if he wakes up there's no

worrying what if he wakes up there's no way she can over EMP power him there's

way she can over EMP power him there's got to be a better way then ding she

got to be a better way then ding she gets another message Harold wants her to

gets another message Harold wants her to put some beers in the fridge for tonight

put some beers in the fridge for tonight when he gets home beers in the fridge

when he gets home beers in the fridge according to Sarah he would always essay

according to Sarah he would always essay her when he's drunk there's no more time

her when he's drunk there's no more time left either she does it now or she's

left either she does it now or she's going to get ESS is what she says right

going to get ESS is what she says right now have you heard of Ambien it's a

now have you heard of Ambien it's a prescription sleep medication and it is

prescription sleep medication and it is very strong it's considered a sedative

very strong it's considered a sedative hypnotic medication that should really

hypnotic medication that should really only be used in the short term because

only be used in the short term because serious side effects can lead to

serious side effects can lead to sleepwalking sleep driving memory loss

sleepwalking sleep driving memory loss hallucination severe allergic reactions

hallucination severe allergic reactions and sometimes even death Harold had

and sometimes even death Harold had ambient in his bathroom Sarah knows this

ambient in his bathroom Sarah knows this she sneaks into his room before he gets

she sneaks into his room before he gets home and goes into the bathroom pulls

home and goes into the bathroom pulls out a bottle of ambient and she starts

out a bottle of ambient and she starts grinding up a handful of pills using one

grinding up a handful of pills using one of those glass figurines on top of the

of those glass figurines on top of the dresser she puts the powder into a piece

dresser she puts the powder into a piece of paper folds It Up Like Cocaine I

of paper folds It Up Like Cocaine I guess hides it in the kitchen under a

guess hides it in the kitchen under a box of green tea on top of the microwave

box of green tea on top of the microwave then she just Waits waits for ad him to

then she just Waits waits for ad him to get home he starts drinking one beer she

get home he starts drinking one beer she waits until he's what 5 six beers in

waits until he's what 5 six beers in because she would assume that the

because she would assume that the crushed up ambient has a very specific

crushed up ambient has a very specific taste probably bitter she doesn't want

taste probably bitter she doesn't want him to taste it and feel suspicious or

him to taste it and feel suspicious or stop drinking the beer so the six beer

stop drinking the beer so the six beer he's like can you get me another one she

he's like can you get me another one she dumps it in to the beer can and watches

dumps it in to the beer can and watches him gulp it down and eventually he gets

him gulp it down and eventually he gets up from the couch to walk over to his

up from the couch to walk over to his speaker system to fix it halfway there

speaker system to fix it halfway there collapses Falls onto the ground face

collapses Falls onto the ground face down onto the floor Sarah's home she

down onto the floor Sarah's home she walks to her car grabs a stack of zip

walks to her car grabs a stack of zip ties brings them back in and then walks

ties brings them back in and then walks into her room to grab a hunting knife

into her room to grab a hunting knife she stands over his limp body for a

she stands over his limp body for a second then she starts tying his legs

second then she starts tying his legs together three around his ankles locking

together three around his ankles locking them together and as she's about to zip

them together and as she's about to zip tie his wrist he makes some sort of

tie his wrist he makes some sort of moaning sound some people say this is so

moaning sound some people say this is so important moaning could be that he's

important moaning could be that he's unconscious but also could trigger yeah

unconscious but also could trigger yeah yeah yeah it could be a trauma Sarah

yeah yeah it could be a trauma Sarah later tells her doctor that something in

later tells her doctor that something in that moaning sound all of this up until

that moaning sound all of this up until this point was Alyssa but when Harold

this point was Alyssa but when Harold moans Vanessa steps back into control

moans Vanessa steps back into control screams no grabs a pair of scissors and

screams no grabs a pair of scissors and cuts the ties off of Harold's ankles to

cuts the ties off of Harold's ankles to release him to let him go but Alyssa

release him to let him go but Alyssa does not want this Alyssa would later

does not want this Alyssa would later tell the doctor I was not going to let

tell the doctor I was not going to let her do that she gains control and re

her do that she gains control and re ties his hands and his ankles takes the

ties his hands and his ankles takes the knife before Vanessa can do anything

knife before Vanessa can do anything about it she reaches her hand down to

about it she reaches her hand down to feel for an artery she needs to find the

feel for an artery she needs to find the vulnerable spot on the neck and when she

vulnerable spot on the neck and when she finds what she's looking for she takes

finds what she's looking for she takes both of her hands and plunges the knife

both of her hands and plunges the knife straight into his throat pulling from

straight into his throat pulling from one side to another like truly slicing

one side to another like truly slicing she practically saws his head off she

she practically saws his head off she plunges the knife so deep into his neck

plunges the knife so deep into his neck the knife blade hits the carpet she just

the knife blade hits the carpet she just starts pulling through his neck muscles

starts pulling through his neck muscles like sideways out so instead of pulling

like sideways out so instead of pulling up to bring the knife out she pulls

up to bring the knife out she pulls sideways to go through his neck through

sideways to go through his neck through his neck muscles arteries veins his pipe

his neck muscles arteries veins his pipe even his esophagus she had to use both

even his esophagus she had to use both hands to get it out and she's standing

hands to get it out and she's standing there now with blood dripping down her

there now with blood dripping down her arms and the original plan that she had

arms and the original plan that she had was to dismember Harold she had an axe

was to dismember Harold she had an axe in her trunk but I don't know she said

in her trunk but I don't know she said when she's done it felt like being in a

when she's done it felt like being in a cage and having the door swing open she

cage and having the door swing open she said in that moment it felt like she was

said in that moment it felt like she was standing in the Sun for the first time

standing in the Sun for the first time she didn't need to do anything more so

she didn't need to do anything more so she grabs a towel drenched in his blood

she grabs a towel drenched in his blood and writes f r e e d o m

and writes f r e e d o m Freedom then she goes to wash off the

Freedom then she goes to wash off the blood from her hands and the first thing

blood from her hands and the first thing she does which is very questionable is

she does which is very questionable is she grabs her Samsung tablet brings it

she grabs her Samsung tablet brings it into the bathroom where she proceeds to

into the bathroom where she proceeds to put on some music and start showering

put on some music and start showering when she's done she gets out dries her

when she's done she gets out dries her hair straightens her hair and then

hair straightens her hair and then gathers up all the things she wants to

gathers up all the things she wants to take with her jewelry guns money

take with her jewelry guns money everything she's got to bring it all

everything she's got to bring it all truly everything she even prints a file

truly everything she even prints a file off of Harold's computer of a tattoo

off of Harold's computer of a tattoo idea that she had saved a rib cage

idea that she had saved a rib cage tattoo with the quote beware the pool at

tattoo with the quote beware the pool at the bottom of our hearts in its black

the bottom of our hearts in its black icy depths dwell strange and twisted

icy depths dwell strange and twisted creatures it's best not to

creatures it's best not to disturb wow so again a lot of people say

disturb wow so again a lot of people say everything even the quote that she

everything even the quote that she resonates a lot with is reminiscent of

resonates a lot with is reminiscent of what people with did that might not know

what people with did that might not know they have did might feel now I'm not

they have did might feel now I'm not saying people without did can't resonate

saying people without did can't resonate but knowing that it feels kind of like I

but knowing that it feels kind of like I feel like there's something or someone

feel like there's something or someone else inside of me is the feeling she's

else inside of me is the feeling she's taking the clothes out of her closet

taking the clothes out of her closet taking a picture of her and Ashley out

taking a picture of her and Ashley out of the picture frame then she loads up

of the picture frame then she loads up Harold's car and she brings her dog

Harold's car and she brings her dog Oliver and she just starts skipping town

Oliver and she just starts skipping town oh she does leave one thing though she

oh she does leave one thing though she leaves her phone on the kitchen counter

leaves her phone on the kitchen counter because she knew that she could be

because she knew that she could be traced through it she first goes to

traced through it she first goes to Texas almost all the way down to Mexico

Texas almost all the way down to Mexico then she decides you know what let's do

then she decides you know what let's do Florida now side note she's selling

Florida now side note she's selling jewelry along the way to get cash she's

jewelry along the way to get cash she's living out of the car never checking

living out of the car never checking into hotels and at one point she gives

into hotels and at one point she gives away her beloved Oliver to a local

away her beloved Oliver to a local vet yeah she does get that rib cage

vet yeah she does get that rib cage tattoo starts making it to Florida and

tattoo starts making it to Florida and she will be arrested 11 Days Later by

she will be arrested 11 Days Later by the National Park Service in the

the National Park Service in the Everglades National Park in Florida the

Everglades National Park in Florida the police had been called to do a welfare

police had been called to do a welfare check on Sarah broke into Harold's house

check on Sarah broke into Harold's house found him dead and at one point they

found him dead and at one point they thought that Sarah had been kidnapped

thought that Sarah had been kidnapped but they were like M nothing's adding up

but they were like M nothing's adding up all of our stuff is gone it seems like

all of our stuff is gone it seems like she's the perpetrator and finally 11

she's the perpetrator and finally 11 days later Sarah is arrested they were

days later Sarah is arrested they were still questioning if Sarah had been

still questioning if Sarah had been truly just a perpetrator or a victim or

truly just a perpetrator or a victim or kidnapped and then a perpet they didn't

kidnapped and then a perpet they didn't know in the car though they found knives

know in the car though they found knives an axe two handguns nine boxes of

an axe two handguns nine boxes of ammunition a taser multiple knives a

ammunition a taser multiple knives a stack of murder mystery books a machete

stack of murder mystery books a machete a large supply of bottled water military

a large supply of bottled water military food rations a fishing pole and other

food rations a fishing pole and other camping and survival supplies as well as

camping and survival supplies as well as over $2,000 in cash and weed Sarah was

over $2,000 in cash and weed Sarah was immediately placed into custody and is

immediately placed into custody and is brought into an interrogation room now

brought into an interrogation room now we only have 3 minutes of that footage

we only have 3 minutes of that footage that is publicly released we did file an

that is publicly released we did file an foia and I received no footage in that

foia and I received no footage in that just transcripts and court documents but

just transcripts and court documents but Sarah is sitting cross-legged at the

Sarah is sitting cross-legged at the table across two interrogators she

table across two interrogators she almost has the energy of Cassandra Borge

almost has the energy of Cassandra Borge that we recently talked about not in the

that we recently talked about not in the sense that she's oh she's so heartless

sense that she's oh she's so heartless but she's so blunt there's no emotion

but she's so blunt there's no emotion they ask her Sarah how long have you had

they ask her Sarah how long have you had planed to kill Hal

planed to kill Hal um it was sort of just in like the last

um it was sort of just in like the last week where um well not just in the last

week where um well not just in the last week it's like um last 5 days I really

week it's like um last 5 days I really thought about it you said the last 5

thought about it you said the last 5 days before you actually did kill him

days before you actually did kill him okay tell me what you about the thinking

okay tell me what you about the thinking and the planning that you did I just you

and the planning that you did I just you know like I said I just wanted something

know like I said I just wanted something different and I was stupid um I just

different and I was stupid um I just thought about it and how I would do it

thought about it and how I would do it and that's how I did it so did would you

and that's how I did it so did would you say that you started making preparations

say that you started making preparations about 5 days before well I had

about 5 days before well I had everything that I needed so I didn't

everything that I needed so I didn't have to like go out and I just sort of

have to like go out and I just sort of did it almost the exact same way I

did it almost the exact same way I killed the rabbit when I ate it I mean I

killed the rabbit when I ate it I mean I did I I cut his throat too so you

did I I cut his throat too so you decided to do it like you did the rabbit

decided to do it like you did the rabbit and the way you did it push push the

and the way you did it push push the knife through and push out yeah as

knife through and push out yeah as opposed to slicing right is there a

opposed to slicing right is there a reason that you chose that method is

reason that you chose that method is that a reason is that I mean I don't

that a reason is that I mean I don't know that's I just thought that he would

know that's I just thought that he would bleed out faster that way and I wouldn't

bleed out faster that way and I wouldn't have to be as strong to really um like

have to be as strong to really um like slice his neck and she motions a slicing

slice his neck and she motions a slicing motion one of the ter Gators actually

motion one of the ter Gators actually gets up and puts his head down on the

gets up and puts his head down on the table facing Sarah and forces her to

table facing Sarah and forces her to motion how she stabbed Harold in the

motion how she stabbed Harold in the neck it's visually a lot I will say then

neck it's visually a lot I will say then uh I went and I took a shower okay and

uh I went and I took a shower okay and uh got ready oh I uh brought my um

uh got ready oh I uh brought my um tablet in the bathroom too okay for

tablet in the bathroom too okay for music okay while you were showering and

music okay while you were showering and where was that tablet before you brought

where was that tablet before you brought it into the shower in my room okay uh

it into the shower in my room okay uh backing up there a little bit we talked

backing up there a little bit we talked about what you said when you wrote

about what you said when you wrote freedom on the wall when did the did

freedom on the wall when did the did that happen immediately after

that happen immediately after immediately after cutting his throat yes

immediately after cutting his throat yes I guess okay so after you cut the throat

I guess okay so after you cut the throat how did how did you uh how did you do

how did how did you uh how did you do that uh well I had a towel and that's

that uh well I had a towel and that's kind of what I used to put the the blood

kind of what I used to put the the blood up there on the wall and then I rode in

up there on the wall and then I rode in it with with my finger Sarah would later

it with with my finger Sarah would later say that she was asked why why did you

say that she was asked why why did you write freedom on the wall and she said I

write freedom on the wall and she said I guess because that's what it felt like

guess because that's what it felt like Sarah said she also didn't like her job

Sarah said she also didn't like her job she owed money she hated her life she

she owed money she hated her life she felt trapped and she was curious she

felt trapped and she was curious she said she was curious about killing

said she was curious about killing someone and in the interrogation she

someone and in the interrogation she does later compare herself to Jeffrey

does later compare herself to Jeffrey dmer which is not really something that

dmer which is not really something that you would ever want to do in a police

you would ever want to do in a police interrogation but later her psychologist

interrogation but later her psychologist asks her about it cuz she's like I read

asks her about it cuz she's like I read the transcripts why did you tell the

the transcripts why did you tell the police that you felt like Jeffrey dmer

police that you felt like Jeffrey dmer and she explained Jeffrey dmer responded

and she explained Jeffrey dmer responded to betrayal and don't like the

to betrayal and don't like the necrophilia and I didn't have any

necrophilia and I didn't have any interest in cannibalism but I felt his

interest in cannibalism but I felt his understanding of betrayal was similar to

understanding of betrayal was similar to me

me now there are three groups of people one

now there are three groups of people one group of people that believe that Harold

group of people that believe that Harold is purely a victim and what he did or

is purely a victim and what he did or didn't do does not matter and Sarah is

didn't do does not matter and Sarah is the ultimate perpetrator then you have

the ultimate perpetrator then you have another group of people that believe

another group of people that believe Sarah shouldn't have done what she did

Sarah shouldn't have done what she did but she essentially killed from a

but she essentially killed from a buildup of trauma and almost as a

buildup of trauma and almost as a mechanism of self-defense that she is a

mechanism of self-defense that she is a victim and a perpetrator and that haral

victim and a perpetrator and that haral is also a victim and a perpetrator then

is also a victim and a perpetrator then you have another group of people that

you have another group of people that just hates the both of them they think

just hates the both of them they think that both of them are just evil for

that both of them are just evil for whatever reason those who believe Harold

whatever reason those who believe Harold was completely innocent of any

was completely innocent of any wrongdoing and brutally and viciously

wrongdoing and brutally and viciously murdered by someone he was trying to

murdered by someone he was trying to help said some that knew Harold said

help said some that knew Harold said this right Harold's ex-girlfriend said

this right Harold's ex-girlfriend said he told her that he was just trying to

he told her that he was just trying to get Sarah away from drugs and away from

get Sarah away from drugs and away from friends who were in gangs he was always

friends who were in gangs he was always involved with his employees he wanted to

involved with his employees he wanted to have a mentoring program for the Youth

have a mentoring program for the Youth he has a good heart a good soul and he

he has a good heart a good soul and he cared about helping a lot of people

cared about helping a lot of people Harold's brother said from what I know

Harold's brother said from what I know of Harold there's no question that his

of Harold there's no question that his purpose with Sarah was to be a father

purpose with Sarah was to be a father figure to her my honest opinion was the

figure to her my honest opinion was the defense was just grasping at straws and

defense was just grasping at straws and making up stories it's also argued that

making up stories it's also argued that Sarah was diagnosed with did after she

Sarah was diagnosed with did after she was arrested and after she allegedly

was arrested and after she allegedly confessed to killing Harold out of

confessed to killing Harold out of curiosity the group that fully supports

curiosity the group that fully supports just Harold and believes Sarah should be

just Harold and believes Sarah should be locked up for the rest of her life they

locked up for the rest of her life they State her interrogation is a confession

State her interrogation is a confession police even noticed scars on her arm and

police even noticed scars on her arm and they asked her about it the cigarette

they asked her about it the cigarette Burns and she said she fell off a horse

Burns and she said she fell off a horse so the people who don't believe Sarah

so the people who don't believe Sarah they said see she's just making up lies

they said see she's just making up lies with her psychologist to get out of this

with her psychologist to get out of this after the fact but she straight up told

after the fact but she straight up told the police it was from a fall off of a

the police it was from a fall off of a horse in that moment when the police are

horse in that moment when the police are asking her and questioning her about

asking her and questioning her about murder wouldn't she try to build

murder wouldn't she try to build sympathy then unless she didn't have

sympathy then unless she didn't have time to think about a

time to think about a lie I don't know about that okay I will

lie I don't know about that okay I will say I don't know if this argument in

say I don't know if this argument in particular is a good argument because if

particular is a good argument because if truly infected is a scar from an essay

truly infected is a scar from an essay and she is that embarrassed of it and

and she is that embarrassed of it and that ashamed of it to the point that she

that ashamed of it to the point that she took a knife to alter it to look more

took a knife to alter it to look more normal I think this would be her default

normal I think this would be her default lie especially to two men sitting in

lie especially to two men sitting in front of her yeah exactly without

front of her yeah exactly without thinking like yeah she's not going to

thinking like yeah she's not going to open open up right now and tell you

open open up right now and tell you exactly how this happened in front of

exactly how this happened in front of again two men so a lot of female victims

again two men so a lot of female victims have a harder time opening up to male

have a harder time opening up to male interrogators or male psychologists for

interrogators or male psychologists for that very reason but there are

that very reason but there are statements from people around Sarah that

statements from people around Sarah that said she made a lot of comments about

said she made a lot of comments about zerial Killers she once told her sister

zerial Killers she once told her sister Ashley that she did think about killing

Ashley that she did think about killing someone and the thought had crossed her

someone and the thought had crossed her mind but other people argue that's

mind but other people argue that's nothing new she literally admits to

nothing new she literally admits to hallucinating and killing Faceless Men

hallucinating and killing Faceless Men she also told interrogators that she

she also told interrogators that she wanted to prolong the murder as long as

wanted to prolong the murder as long as possible for maximum enjoyment basically

possible for maximum enjoyment basically but I don't know how much of that is

but I don't know how much of that is accurate because she looked for the

accurate because she looked for the artery to kill him instantly almost yeah

artery to kill him instantly almost yeah there was no signs of torture Harold had

there was no signs of torture Harold had no defensive wounds so he wasn't

no defensive wounds so he wasn't fighting back there was no prolonged

fighting back there was no prolonged aggression Sarah also does seem to have

aggression Sarah also does seem to have an inclination towards violence a

an inclination towards violence a cooworker at Bed Bath and Beyond

cooworker at Bed Bath and Beyond reported that Sarah would talk about how

reported that Sarah would talk about how she and her friends would take drugs and

she and her friends would take drugs and have a fight club in the basement she

have a fight club in the basement she thought it was fascinating and it made

thought it was fascinating and it made her realized that watching people get

her realized that watching people get beaten up to a pulp was interesting and

beaten up to a pulp was interesting and maybe she wanted to watch people die she

maybe she wanted to watch people die she also went on tangents on how good she

also went on tangents on how good she was of a hunter and how she liked to

was of a hunter and how she liked to kill and clean animals there's also a

kill and clean animals there's also a lot of evidence that Sarah thoroughly

lot of evidence that Sarah thoroughly planned the murder I don't think that's

planned the murder I don't think that's ever really debated by both sides but

ever really debated by both sides but without a shadow of doubt it was very

without a shadow of doubt it was very thoroughly planned Sarah even told her

thoroughly planned Sarah even told her doctor later that for a couple of days

doctor later that for a couple of days before the actual Murder She had already

before the actual Murder She had already reached a conclusion that she was going

reached a conclusion that she was going to kill Harold and she stopped seeing

to kill Harold and she stopped seeing red the doctor describes Sarah's state

red the doctor describes Sarah's state in that point as an incredible sense of

in that point as an incredible sense of calm when the anxiety drops off because

calm when the anxiety drops off because she's got a plan she was looking up

she's got a plan she was looking up things buold tranquilizer Wilderness

things buold tranquilizer Wilderness areas rope bondage techniques how to get

areas rope bondage techniques how to get a passport in Lawrence Kansas and even

a passport in Lawrence Kansas and even vulnerable neck spots another argument

vulnerable neck spots another argument made against Sarah is why a knife when

made against Sarah is why a knife when Sarah was arrested she was found with

Sarah was arrested she was found with two guns on her shooting someone is

two guns on her shooting someone is remote easy and quick she would have

remote easy and quick she would have done that while he was asleep or she

done that while he was asleep or she could have she wouldn't have even had to

could have she wouldn't have even had to touch him or while she's crushing up

touch him or while she's crushing up ambian to slip in his beer she could

ambian to slip in his beer she could have just crushed up the entire bottle

have just crushed up the entire bottle and tried to kill him through a fatal

and tried to kill him through a fatal dose of the drugs but no that wouldn't

dose of the drugs but no that wouldn't accomplish what Sarah wanted they argued

accomplish what Sarah wanted they argued Sarah wanted blood and Vengeance she

Sarah wanted blood and Vengeance she wanted to slice into him touch Harold

wanted to slice into him touch Harold while she killed him which is why she

while she killed him which is why she chose the knife because it's intimate

chose the knife because it's intimate it's bloody it's violent it's painful

it's bloody it's violent it's painful additionally Sarah continues to do a lot

additionally Sarah continues to do a lot of strange things after the murder she

of strange things after the murder she takes bed sheets off of Harold's bed and

takes bed sheets off of Harold's bed and takes them with her right I don't know

takes them with her right I don't know if it was Harold's bed or her bed but

if it was Harold's bed or her bed but she would later tell the investigators

she would later tell the investigators why took the bed sheets because they

why took the bed sheets because they were

were expensive they argue that this is not a

expensive they argue that this is not a snap decision she called into work

snap decision she called into work stating that her dad died so nobody

stating that her dad died so nobody would be alarmed when she doesn't show

would be alarmed when she doesn't show up to work she crushed up ambient she

up to work she crushed up ambient she was clever enough to put them in his

was clever enough to put them in his beer like fifth beer so that he wouldn't

beer like fifth beer so that he wouldn't taste it she found zip ties she didn't

taste it she found zip ties she didn't have any difficulty locating her

have any difficulty locating her survival knife in her bedroom she went

survival knife in her bedroom she went through a rehearsal several months

through a rehearsal several months earlier with with a rabbit and a guinea

earlier with with a rabbit and a guinea pig wait wait wait so hold up Sarah used

pig wait wait wait so hold up Sarah used to work for him yes how come she stopped

to work for him yes how come she stopped working there and went to Bed Bath and

working there and went to Bed Bath and Beyond I think he didn't want to pay her

Beyond I think he didn't want to pay her so there was a whole thing in the court

so there was a whole thing in the court transcripts about how he was paying her

transcripts about how he was paying her less than everybody else cuz he was like

less than everybody else cuz he was like you owe me money

you owe me money wow so I mean it was heavily planned

wow so I mean it was heavily planned Harold's older brother would say that

Harold's older brother would say that Harold might have problems and issues he

Harold might have problems and issues he believed but he still believed Sarah

believed but he still believed Sarah should spend the rest of her life in

should spend the rest of her life in prison Harold's daughter who is just a

prison Harold's daughter who is just a few years younger than Sarah said Sarah

few years younger than Sarah said Sarah had taken away far more than just a

had taken away far more than just a father she wrote you took away

father she wrote you took away Irreplaceable happiness a normal life

Irreplaceable happiness a normal life and years of my life that were now

and years of my life that were now filled with anger and incredible sadness

filled with anger and incredible sadness now of course one of the biggest debates

now of course one of the biggest debates in this case is whether or not Sarah

in this case is whether or not Sarah actually does have did I will say I

actually does have did I will say I think it's very difficult to fake having

think it's very difficult to fake having did on a clinical scale sure maybe you

did on a clinical scale sure maybe you could do it on social media in an

could do it on social media in an attempt to go viral but I think the did

attempt to go viral but I think the did Community would immediately clock you

Community would immediately clock you regardless that you're faking it but to

regardless that you're faking it but to fake it during a murder trial where

fake it during a murder trial where there are psychologists from both sides

there are psychologists from both sides where some of them it might even be

where some of them it might even be beneficial for them to even to a degree

beneficial for them to even to a degree perhaps prove that you don't have did I

perhaps prove that you don't have did I mean it's very difficult to fake did is

mean it's very difficult to fake did is really hard to fake but there are claims

really hard to fake but there are claims and allegations that Sarah is Faking It

and allegations that Sarah is Faking It the prosecutor stated that psychological

the prosecutor stated that psychological evaluations at Larned State Hospital a

evaluations at Larned State Hospital a neutral Hospital between the two found

neutral Hospital between the two found that Sarah did not meet the criteria for

that Sarah did not meet the criteria for did

did now another argument against that though

now another argument against that though is did is heavily

is did is heavily misdiagnosed not saying that everybody

misdiagnosed not saying that everybody gets did every like you get a diagnosis

gets did every like you get a diagnosis you get the opposite people actually do

you get the opposite people actually do not get did diagnosis really easily they

not get did diagnosis really easily they get uh major depression disorder they

get uh major depression disorder they get bipolar disorder they get

get bipolar disorder they get schizophrenia yeah yeah so it I mean so

schizophrenia yeah yeah so it I mean so how does the diagnose affect the

how does the diagnose affect the sentencing because that was what the

sentencing because that was what the defense put their whole argument on

defense put their whole argument on during the trial see they plad not

during the trial see they plad not guilty by reason of insanity okay but

guilty by reason of insanity okay but did does not make you insane but they

did does not make you insane but they need to prove that she has did and then

need to prove that she has did and then they need to prove that she was in a

they need to prove that she was in a state of psychosis so they need to do

state of psychosis so they need to do one and two got it that was their game

one and two got it that was their game plan they don't technically need to

plan they don't technically need to prove that she has did as long as they

prove that she has did as long as they can prove that she was in a state of

can prove that she was in a state of psychosis but still yeah now Sarah did

psychosis but still yeah now Sarah did mention Vanessa in her police interview

mention Vanessa in her police interview stating that Vanessa was a name that

stating that Vanessa was a name that Harold had come up with because they

Harold had come up with because they were going to run away together Sarah

were going to run away together Sarah was going to be Vanessa and Harold would

was going to be Vanessa and Harold would be Scott so people are like see Vanessa

be Scott so people are like see Vanessa is in her altar Vanessa is an alias a

is in her altar Vanessa is an alias a doctor on the prosecutor's side so

doctor on the prosecutor's side so technically against Sarah went on to the

technically against Sarah went on to the stand and he said I think certainly it's

stand and he said I think certainly it's a possibility that she has did I don't

a possibility that she has did I don't know that I could confirm it but I

know that I could confirm it but I respect Dr Hutchinson and she spent a

respect Dr Hutchinson and she spent a great number of hours with Sarah I

great number of hours with Sarah I certainly think at this juncture Sarah

certainly think at this juncture Sarah believes she has the disorder he

believes she has the disorder he basically argued even if she had did it

basically argued even if she had did it was not to the level where she was

was not to the level where she was having psychosis

having psychosis but then you have a group of people

but then you have a group of people including a lot of advocates for

including a lot of advocates for domestic violence in essay they do not

domestic violence in essay they do not condone what she did they said murder is

condone what she did they said murder is bad nobody canones that however they

bad nobody canones that however they don't think that she's this crazed evil

don't think that she's this crazed evil killer that just wants to kill Harold

killer that just wants to kill Harold for curiosity some also argue that

for curiosity some also argue that Sarah's bizarre sudden interest in

Sarah's bizarre sudden interest in harming animals is linked to her essay

harming animals is linked to her essay as a child it it's her taking control

as a child it it's her taking control the rage and wanting to feel that sense

the rage and wanting to feel that sense of control go hand in hand her

of control go hand in hand her psychologist believes that the

psychologist believes that the foundation for her subsequent obsession

foundation for her subsequent obsession for dead animals knives and everything

for dead animals knives and everything is then those in support of Sarah argue

is then those in support of Sarah argue that everything she did even after the

that everything she did even after the fact seems like someone that's not

fact seems like someone that's not really planning to get away with it

really planning to get away with it writing freedom on the wall yeah that

writing freedom on the wall yeah that that's not someone who's let me make it

that's not someone who's let me make it look like a home invasion gone wrong

look like a home invasion gone wrong yeah yeah she also makes one last call

yeah yeah she also makes one last call to her sister and Grandma to say goodbye

to her sister and Grandma to say goodbye before leaving her phone but she doesn't

before leaving her phone but she doesn't actually say goodbye she just makes it

actually say goodbye she just makes it appear that she's doing all right she

appear that she's doing all right she just wanted to hear their voices it

just wanted to hear their voices it seems she gives her dog away to a vet

seems she gives her dog away to a vet knowing that she cannot take care of her

knowing that she cannot take care of her dog anymore and uh gets a tattoo with a

dog anymore and uh gets a tattoo with a very dark quote it does seem like

very dark quote it does seem like someone who is trying to start over yeah

someone who is trying to start over yeah yeah yeah and you know we cover so many

yeah yeah and you know we cover so many of these cases you you kind of always

of these cases you you kind of always see how how people react after math

see how how people react after math right some people they flee they they go

right some people they flee they they go off with their new boyfriend they live

off with their new boyfriend they live in the house with their dead

in the house with their dead grandparents and spend the money yeah

grandparents and spend the money yeah the the in the motive you can always

the the in the motive you can always kind of pinpoint but for her it truly

kind of pinpoint but for her it truly feel like she fell free and she would

feel like she fell free and she would because people later ask why Florida cuz

because people later ask why Florida cuz remember she was talking about Utah and

remember she was talking about Utah and Montana are the furthest away from

Montana are the furthest away from nuclear power plants or where she felt

nuclear power plants or where she felt was safe she said she just wanted to see

was safe she said she just wanted to see the ocean she didn't really have a plan

the ocean she didn't really have a plan she said she just wanted to see the

she said she just wanted to see the ocean now again that's not to justify or

ocean now again that's not to justify or excuse what she did and obviously we

excuse what she did and obviously we could all just be naive but that's the

could all just be naive but that's the argument that freedom on the wall that

argument that freedom on the wall that should hold a lot more weight that's

should hold a lot more weight that's that's a huge thing we've never seen

that's a huge thing we've never seen that before but the most important

that before but the most important evidence for the group is most

evidence for the group is most conversations about Herold allegedly

conversations about Herold allegedly grooming Sarah were not allowed in the

grooming Sarah were not allowed in the trial

trial why the judge is very questionable

why the judge is very questionable decision questioned by a lot of people

decision questioned by a lot of people but the judge stated any character flaws

but the judge stated any character flaws that Harold might have had will not be

that Harold might have had will not be discussed in front of the jury the judge

discussed in front of the jury the judge stated that Harold was not on trial

stated that Harold was not on trial Sarah was so his visiting of websites

Sarah was so his visiting of websites that may or may not contain videos of

that may or may not contain videos of children teens and beastiality was

children teens and beastiality was happened yes but they were not allowed

happened yes but they were not allowed in court they were not admissible as

evidence which side note this is less of an interesting observation but as I was

an interesting observation but as I was going through like the 1500 pages of

going through like the 1500 pages of court documents and transcripts there

court documents and transcripts there were multiple times where the prosecutor

were multiple times where the prosecutor and the judge so these are people who do

and the judge so these are people who do not like Sarah they want to put Sarah in

not like Sarah they want to put Sarah in jail for a very long time they would

jail for a very long time they would call Harold the

call Harold the defendant and then they would go I mean

defendant and then they would go I mean sorry the victim and then they would

sorry the victim and then they would call Sarah the victim and then say I

call Sarah the victim and then say I mean sorry the defendant Sarah M so even

mean sorry the defendant Sarah M so even them for a second they keep getting

them for a second they keep getting confused it seems I mean it could just

confused it seems I mean it could just be a slip of the tongue maybe they say

be a slip of the tongue maybe they say those words too often I don't think that

those words too often I don't think that insinuates guilt or innocence I just

insinuates guilt or innocence I just thought it was interesting now this is

thought it was interesting now this is where I think the evidence against

where I think the evidence against Harold starts ramping up acquaintances

Harold starts ramping up acquaintances of Herold allegedly reported that he

of Herold allegedly reported that he would tell them that it was quote

would tell them that it was quote amazing to have an

amazing to have an 18-year-old this is again someone he

18-year-old this is again someone he brought into his house at

brought into his house at 17 as a 50s something year old to help

17 as a 50s something year old to help her in the eyes of the law maybe it's

her in the eyes of the law maybe it's not illegal if she was 18 and it was

not illegal if she was 18 and it was consensual but still it's morally and

consensual but still it's morally and ethically incredibly questionable

ethically incredibly questionable especially if she moved in at 17 yeah

especially if she moved in at 17 yeah yeah yeah that changes the whole motive

yeah yeah that changes the whole motive and reason now another witness and this

and reason now another witness and this is absolutely personal opinion rather

is absolutely personal opinion rather than a testament to anyone's character

than a testament to anyone's character but just to give you a full picture a

but just to give you a full picture a former manager that had worked with

former manager that had worked with Harold said that when they found out

Harold said that when they found out Harold had been murdered he went home to

Harold had been murdered he went home to his wife and said I wonder which one of

his wife and said I wonder which one of those girls' dads went over and killed

those girls' dads went over and killed him

him because he believed Harold was

because he believed Harold was constantly having not inappropriate

constantly having not inappropriate relations but something weird was going

relations but something weird was going on insinuating that Harold was known to

on insinuating that Harold was known to either try to groom or groom girls that

either try to groom or groom girls that would infuriate their dads obviously

would infuriate their dads obviously that's not what happened but it is

that's not what happened but it is interesting that that's the first thing

interesting that that's the first thing he would think of a different

he would think of a different ex-girlfriend of Harold said he was a

ex-girlfriend of Harold said he was a very sick person the jury should have

very sick person the jury should have heard how messed up he was and that this

heard how messed up he was and that this was the environment Sarah was part of

was the environment Sarah was part of I'm an adult woman with five children

I'm an adult woman with five children high functioning and he weighed me down

high functioning and he weighed me down just just listening to him is exhausting

just just listening to him is exhausting but probably the most worrisome

but probably the most worrisome testimony that was not allowed in court

testimony that was not allowed in court was the day after Harold's body was

was the day after Harold's body was found a single mom of two twin girls

found a single mom of two twin girls underage 16 she goes to the police and

underage 16 she goes to the police and the mom does let the detectives know

the mom does let the detectives know that Harold the man they just found dead

that Harold the man they just found dead she believes he was in the process of

she believes he was in the process of grooming her twin girls that even just a

grooming her twin girls that even just a few days before he was killed she had

few days before he was killed she had been talking to the girl school guidance

been talking to the girl school guidance counselor about filing a no contact

counselor about filing a no contact order against him wow the detectives are

order against him wow the detectives are like okay what happened she stated that

like okay what happened she stated that they were all family friends but he just

they were all family friends but he just kept referring to the twins as his

kept referring to the twins as his daughters and kept saying call me dad

daughters and kept saying call me dad and it just made her so uncomfortable

and it just made her so uncomfortable like you're not their dad it's crossing

like you're not their dad it's crossing a line you're crossing a boundary and I

a line you're crossing a boundary and I don't like it but he wouldn't listen he

don't like it but he wouldn't listen he would also tell the twins if they ever

would also tell the twins if they ever wanted to run away from their mom they

wanted to run away from their mom they were more than welcome to come live with

were more than welcome to come live with him he would take care of them feed them

him he would take care of them feed them give them jobs so that they would have

give them jobs so that they would have spending money the Only Rule he had and

spending money the Only Rule he had and he told the twins allegedly was quote my

he told the twins allegedly was quote my drugs are our drugs and your drugs are

drugs are our drugs and your drugs are our drugs he was supplying them with

our drugs he was supplying them with drugs and recently gave them an envelope

drugs and recently gave them an envelope full of weed and he kept telling the

full of weed and he kept telling the twins that he was going to buy them a

twins that he was going to buy them a car for their 16th birthday so much so

car for their 16th birthday so much so that she ended up having to buy her

that she ended up having to buy her girls a car for their 16th birthday when

girls a car for their 16th birthday when she wasn't planning on it because she

she wasn't planning on it because she didn't want Harold to do it and it just

didn't want Harold to do it and it just it was putting her in a tricky situation

it was putting her in a tricky situation he would also buy them other expensive

he would also buy them other expensive gifts as long as they promis not to tell

gifts as long as they promis not to tell their mom about it and just a few days

their mom about it and just a few days before Harold's death the twins went out

before Harold's death the twins went out with him to Best Buy to buy $400

with him to Best Buy to buy $400 speakers for their new car that they

speakers for their new car that they weren't allowed to tell their mom about

weren't allowed to tell their mom about it until after he was dead yeah I mean

it until after he was dead yeah I mean what kind of father figure a good father

what kind of father figure a good father figure does this now a data dump was

figure does this now a data dump was processed on two of Harold's phones and

processed on two of Harold's phones and that's when they found out that he was

that's when they found out that he was visiting websites that had inappropriate

visiting websites that had inappropriate if not fully explicit illegal videos

if not fully explicit illegal videos featuring children teens and beastiality

featuring children teens and beastiality he had actually downloaded more than 300

he had actually downloaded more than 300 videos from that website I don't know if

videos from that website I don't know if those videos he downloaded in particular

those videos he downloaded in particular were illegal or not and on more than 20

were illegal or not and on more than 20 occasions he visited websites that

occasions he visited websites that featured men fondling or having intimate

featured men fondling or having intimate relations with women who appeared to be

relations with women who appeared to be sleeping none of that was allowed in

sleeping none of that was allowed in court none of that also Harold would go

court none of that also Harold would go around telling everybody that Sarah was

around telling everybody that Sarah was his stepdaughter and people thought that

his stepdaughter and people thought that was weird if he was someone that was

was weird if he was someone that was such a good figurehead in the community

such a good figurehead in the community that was a mentor to the youth why

that was a mentor to the youth why couldn't he just tell people the truth

couldn't he just tell people the truth of yeah she's not doing well I've taken

of yeah she's not doing well I've taken her in she doesn't have a support system

her in she doesn't have a support system why lie that it's your stepdaughter that

why lie that it's your stepdaughter that makes it seem like you're hiding

makes it seem like you're hiding something like you you know it's weird

something like you you know it's weird you know people are going to have

you know people are going to have questions right those in support of

questions right those in support of Sarah also say okay fine if Sarah truly

Sarah also say okay fine if Sarah truly is sick and twisted in the head and she

is sick and twisted in the head and she just wants to kill out of curiosity

just wants to kill out of curiosity because she likes herial killers and

because she likes herial killers and she's sick and nasty why kill Harold if

she's sick and nasty why kill Harold if he's so good to her why wouldn't she

he's so good to her why wouldn't she just have killed someone else and then

just have killed someone else and then come home to Harold to have free drugs

come home to Harold to have free drugs and a free place to stay why would she

and a free place to stay why would she bite the hand that feeds her and then

bite the hand that feeds her and then why write freedom on the wall it's

why write freedom on the wall it's obviously a very emotional crime so she

obviously a very emotional crime so she didn't she did this emotionally yeah I

didn't she did this emotionally yeah I will say that most people do believe

will say that most people do believe that Sarah has did it doesn't seem like

that Sarah has did it doesn't seem like the symptoms spawned out of no where

the symptoms spawned out of no where when Sarah was 14 years old one of

when Sarah was 14 years old one of Sarah's closest friends she came forward

Sarah's closest friends she came forward later she said she stopped hanging out

later she said she stopped hanging out with Sarah she told her mom that she was

with Sarah she told her mom that she was scared and she doesn't know how to

scared and she doesn't know how to describe it but it just felt like there

describe it but it just felt like there was a different person inside of Sarah's

was a different person inside of Sarah's body was like very unsettling she said

body was like very unsettling she said she said Sarah would just like randomly

she said Sarah would just like randomly start talking about violent things and

start talking about violent things and it didn't seem like Sarah was saying it

it didn't seem like Sarah was saying it at least the Sarah she knew so they

at least the Sarah she knew so they stopped hanging out at 14 that Sarah

stopped hanging out at 14 that Sarah that she saw at 14 the new Sarah the one

that she saw at 14 the new Sarah the one that was talking about violent things

that was talking about violent things that was the one she saw in the

that was the one she saw in the interrogation video later when she saw

interrogation video later when she saw it Sarah's doctor would tell the jury

it Sarah's doctor would tell the jury during the trial certainly nothing in

during the trial certainly nothing in this report should be taken as excusing

this report should be taken as excusing the conduct of Sarah Mr sasco did not

the conduct of Sarah Mr sasco did not deserve the death he received the

deserve the death he received the purpose of this report has been to lay

purpose of this report has been to lay out the puzzle pieces that can identify

out the puzzle pieces that can identify the controlling factors to the severe

the controlling factors to the severe mental illness that she suffers from

mental illness that she suffers from Sarah psychologist believes Alyssa's

Sarah psychologist believes Alyssa's actions of killing Harold are

actions of killing Harold are reminiscent of a mother that would want

reminiscent of a mother that would want to kill a person who essayed her

to kill a person who essayed her daughter AKA Vanessa it's very impulsive

daughter AKA Vanessa it's very impulsive crazy but usually mothers have emotional

crazy but usually mothers have emotional maturity and the ability to stop

maturity and the ability to stop themselves but Alyssa did not have that

themselves but Alyssa did not have that Sarah psychologist also noted that

Sarah psychologist also noted that Alyssa and Vanessa had very different

Alyssa and Vanessa had very different ways of describing the crime Vanessa

ways of describing the crime Vanessa said it's like a fog and I remember

said it's like a fog and I remember intense moments after the crime when I

intense moments after the crime when I sat down and looked at him I don't know

sat down and looked at him I don't know when I actually did it I kind of

when I actually did it I kind of remember myself from above it stated

remember myself from above it stated like she was watching herself do it from

like she was watching herself do it from above like a CCTV camera during the

above like a CCTV camera during the actual crime she felt nothing no

actual crime she felt nothing no emotions Alyssa on the other hand was

emotions Alyssa on the other hand was very blunt she told the doctor for once

very blunt she told the doctor for once in my pathetic life I found strength and

in my pathetic life I found strength and I took control now pain feels tolerable

I took control now pain feels tolerable Because deep inside this weak little

Because deep inside this weak little girl is a powerful woman who lets no one

girl is a powerful woman who lets no one use her now with all of this Sarah pled

use her now with all of this Sarah pled not guilty by reason of insanity her

not guilty by reason of insanity her psychologist diagnosed her with high

psychologist diagnosed her with high levels of depression anxiety and alcohol

levels of depression anxiety and alcohol substance abuse her psychological

substance abuse her psychological profile reads as follows likely to be

profile reads as follows likely to be generally pessimistic and dysphoric has

generally pessimistic and dysphoric has a potential to act out her anger in

a potential to act out her anger in impulsive ways self-destructive and

impulsive ways self-destructive and spending sex and substance abuse rapid

spending sex and substance abuse rapid mood swings she often feels her behavior

mood swings she often feels her behavior is out of her control is likely to

is out of her control is likely to self-mutilate and act out self- exit

self-mutilate and act out self- exit plans limited social skills has

plans limited social skills has difficulty interpreting the nuances of

difficulty interpreting the nuances of social relationships in relationships

social relationships in relationships she likely takes a very passive

she likely takes a very passive submissive role and very uncomfortable

submissive role and very uncomfortable around people sensitivity in these

around people sensitivity in these interactions leads to her holding

interactions leads to her holding grudges against others ironically

grudges against others ironically difficulties in relationships are major

difficulties in relationships are major source of stress for her she would also

source of stress for her she would also be diagnosed with disassociative

be diagnosed with disassociative identity disorder major depression

identity disorder major depression recurrent moderate PTSD alcohol and

recurrent moderate PTSD alcohol and marijuana dependence in remission

marijuana dependence in remission subsequent to incarceration her clinical

subsequent to incarceration her clinical symptoms include weekly episodes of

symptoms include weekly episodes of Amnesia daily episodes of losing time

Amnesia daily episodes of losing time unable to remember her home address deep

unable to remember her home address deep personalization not recognizing self in

personalization not recognizing self in Mirror feeling like an observer of self

Mirror feeling like an observer of self on a daily basis rather than feeling

on a daily basis rather than feeling oneself feeling detached from body

oneself feeling detached from body feeling more than one person at a time

feeling more than one person at a time perception that someone else is talking

perception that someone else is talking for themselves speech is not under

for themselves speech is not under personal control episodes of feeling

personal control episodes of feeling like someone else has taken over

like someone else has taken over different smoking and drinking habits

different smoking and drinking habits for different parts of self

for different parts of self derealization feeling like self or

derealization feeling like self or things are not real that friends and

things are not real that friends and relatives seem unknown not knowing what

relatives seem unknown not knowing what is real and unreal identity confusion an

is real and unreal identity confusion an internal struggle about who they are

internal struggle about who they are that is usually triggered by stress

that is usually triggered by stress identity alteration feeling or being

identity alteration feeling or being told that they were acting in different

told that they were acting in different ways that they do not recall Sarah was

ways that they do not recall Sarah was found guilty she was sentenced to a hard

found guilty she was sentenced to a hard 50 sentence meaning she would have to

50 sentence meaning she would have to serve at least 50 years before the

serve at least 50 years before the chance of perole so she could

chance of perole so she could technically be there for the rest of her

technically be there for the rest of her life she will be 70 years old by then

life she will be 70 years old by then Harold's brother stated I feel sorry for

Harold's brother stated I feel sorry for the family Harold's daughter will hurt

the family Harold's daughter will hurt the most she lost her dad through the

the most she lost her dad through the years it's going to get worse and worse

years it's going to get worse and worse and then it's going to fade away but I

and then it's going to fade away but I honestly think that it'll do nobody good

honestly think that it'll do nobody good if Sarah gets released before those 50

if Sarah gets released before those 50 years I want 50 years he also stated

years I want 50 years he also stated that he believed his brother Harold was

that he believed his brother Harold was just being overly generous and thought

just being overly generous and thought he could fix Sarah Sarah and her team

he could fix Sarah Sarah and her team have appealed the sentence and took a

have appealed the sentence and took a deal where she would get her parole

deal where she would get her parole reduced cut in half so meaning instead

reduced cut in half so meaning instead of doing 50 years mandatory she would

of doing 50 years mandatory she would just have to do 25 but here's the thing

just have to do 25 but here's the thing that's the chance of parole that doesn't

that's the chance of parole that doesn't mean she's going to get parole and

mean she's going to get parole and likely she's not because she committed a

likely she's not because she committed a pretty violent first-degree murder so

pretty violent first-degree murder so it's not like her sentence was cut in

it's not like her sentence was cut in half but now she's lost her chance to

half but now she's lost her chance to appeal ever again again the jury foran

appeal ever again again the jury foran who was on Sarah's trial said that it

who was on Sarah's trial said that it was frustrating that they weren't given

was frustrating that they weren't given options they either had to say she's

options they either had to say she's insane or she's guilty they didn't have

insane or she's guilty they didn't have a self-defense angle to consider H the

a self-defense angle to consider H the jury Foreman said if her attorney

jury Foreman said if her attorney presented a self-defense angle I could

presented a self-defense angle I could see a non-guilty verdict play out I

see a non-guilty verdict play out I couldn't tell you it would have changed

couldn't tell you it would have changed the verdict then but in today's age I'm

the verdict then but in today's age I'm sure it would really yeah so the jury I

sure it would really yeah so the jury I think they all sympathized with Sarah

think they all sympathized with Sarah but it's the fact that they could not

but it's the fact that they could not say that she didn't know what she was

say that she didn't know what she was doing because she was not in a mental

doing because she was not in a mental state she was mentally going through a

state she was mentally going through a lot but she knew she was doing it was

lot but she knew she was doing it was first degree it was premeditated it was

first degree it was premeditated it was planned wow the jury Foreman also stated

planned wow the jury Foreman also stated that they had no idea that them finding

that they had no idea that them finding her guilty would result in a hard 50

her guilty would result in a hard 50 sentence he said we wanted relaxed

sentence he said we wanted relaxed sentencing instead of straight

sentencing instead of straight incarceration Behind Bars we wanted some

incarceration Behind Bars we wanted some sort of mental treatment for her wow

sort of mental treatment for her wow in retrospect he hopes Sarah could have

in retrospect he hopes Sarah could have been given a new trial so a lot of

been given a new trial so a lot of Advocates have come together in support

Advocates have come together in support of Sarah and they believe what she did

of Sarah and they believe what she did is bad and nobody deserves murder but

is bad and nobody deserves murder but they're trying to get clemency for her

they're trying to get clemency for her which is like a pardon so you write to

which is like a pardon so you write to the state Governor she can't get an

the state Governor she can't get an appeal she can't get a new trial but

appeal she can't get a new trial but they can write to the governor and say

they can write to the governor and say hey can you commute her sentence can you

hey can you commute her sentence can you show Mercy can you release her can you

show Mercy can you release her can you pardon her can you do something which

pardon her can you do something which none of this is even in the snapped

none of this is even in the snapped episode but Megan stook the executive

episode but Megan stook the executive director for the Willow Domestic

director for the Willow Domestic Violence Center wrote long letters to

Violence Center wrote long letters to the state Governor asking that I mean

the state Governor asking that I mean how saw a vulnerable teen already

how saw a vulnerable teen already suffering so many forms of abuse and

suffering so many forms of abuse and violence as a young woman Hal recognized

violence as a young woman Hal recognized her vulnerability and prayed on it he

her vulnerability and prayed on it he moved her into his home telling her he'd

moved her into his home telling her he'd be a father and take care of her he paid

be a father and take care of her he paid for plastic surgeries in order to make

for plastic surgeries in order to make her into his perfect girl and bragged to

her into his perfect girl and bragged to his friends about how amazing it was to

his friends about how amazing it was to be with a young woman Hal created list

be with a young woman Hal created list of debts Sarah could never repay and

of debts Sarah could never repay and threatened her with homelessness and

threatened her with homelessness and financial Strife if she left he

financial Strife if she left he controlled her movements her medications

controlled her movements her medications her mind a former business associate of

her mind a former business associate of Herold wrote to the state Governor

Herold wrote to the state Governor shortly after Mr sas's death I realized

shortly after Mr sas's death I realized the media was portraying him as a kindly

the media was portraying him as a kindly businessman who opened his home to a

businessman who opened his home to a troubled teenager I called Sarah's

troubled teenager I called Sarah's attorney to provide a different

attorney to provide a different perspective on Mr sas's character

perspective on Mr sas's character stating that he is not a good person in

stating that he is not a good person in their opinion and they stated that they

their opinion and they stated that they do not condone what Sarah did but my

do not condone what Sarah did but my heart goes out to her each and every day

heart goes out to her each and every day a former inmate from prison who shared a

a former inmate from prison who shared a cell with Sarah wrote a letter to the

cell with Sarah wrote a letter to the state Governor and it reads I want

state Governor and it reads I want people to know that Sarah has the purest

people to know that Sarah has the purest heart of anyone I've ever known a lot of

heart of anyone I've ever known a lot of women in prison they regret their crime

women in prison they regret their crime but they also brag about it Sarah was

but they also brag about it Sarah was never like that she was very sorry for

never like that she was very sorry for what she did she was not proud at all

what she did she was not proud at all she didn't share much or go into much

she didn't share much or go into much depth about the crime but she did say

depth about the crime but she did say that a man made her do things that

that a man made her do things that sexually she did not want to do that he

sexually she did not want to do that he abused her physically mentally and

abused her physically mentally and sexually and she wanted out but she

sexually and she wanted out but she didn't think there was a way out I just

didn't think there was a way out I just wish people would stop and think about

wish people would stop and think about what he must have done for her her for

what he must have done for her her for her to have that much hatred that much

her to have that much hatred that much anger that much fear in her heart she

anger that much fear in her heart she was a young woman barely he was much

was a young woman barely he was much older I remember laying in my bunk at

older I remember laying in my bunk at night listening to her cry in her sleep

night listening to her cry in her sleep sobbing she'd be thrashing and screaming

sobbing she'd be thrashing and screaming no no no stop stop and she'd be moaning

no no no stop stop and she'd be moaning not like in the movies when someone is

not like in the movies when someone is dying more like a petrified shuttering

dying more like a petrified shuttering terrified animal she'd be kicking and

terrified animal she'd be kicking and jerking and at first I tried to wake her

jerking and at first I tried to wake her up but she wouldn't wake up that went on

up but she wouldn't wake up that went on night after night and I finally gave up

night after night and I finally gave up because there was nothing I could do I

because there was nothing I could do I will say Sarah is the one person in my

will say Sarah is the one person in my whole prison experience who had the most

whole prison experience who had the most positive impact on my life and for that

positive impact on my life and for that I will forever be indebted to her this

I will forever be indebted to her this inmate is now free Sharon Sullivan a

inmate is now free Sharon Sullivan a professor and expert on human

professor and expert on human trafficking said Sarah's brain wasn't

trafficking said Sarah's brain wasn't fully developed she was trapped she

fully developed she was trapped she didn't know there were options she said

didn't know there were options she said I can't even imagine having to deal with

I can't even imagine having to deal with that at 18 years old with so little

that at 18 years old with so little experience of the world and this is

experience of the world and this is someone who's supposed to love her

someone who's supposed to love her called her his daughter how creepy is

called her his daughter how creepy is that Dave Ranny a retired reporter wrote

that Dave Ranny a retired reporter wrote Mr sas's actions contributed to his

Mr sas's actions contributed to his death he was well aware of Miss mlin

death he was well aware of Miss mlin sexual traumas her battles with

sexual traumas her battles with depression her unexplained mysterious

depression her unexplained mysterious mood changes and her homicidal thoughts

mood changes and her homicidal thoughts yet he continued to provide her with

yet he continued to provide her with ready access to alcohol and drugs he

ready access to alcohol and drugs he continued to rape her it is reasonable

continued to rape her it is reasonable to ask whether Miss mlin would have

to ask whether Miss mlin would have killed Mr sasco if he had not been

killed Mr sasco if he had not been raping her two three four times a week

raping her two three four times a week for almost a year I believe the answer

for almost a year I believe the answer is no in Miss mclin's case the state was

is no in Miss mclin's case the state was allowed to portray her as a crazy killer

allowed to portray her as a crazy killer her attorney was not allowed to portray

her attorney was not allowed to portray Mr sasco as a sexual predator that is an

Mr sasco as a sexual predator that is an injustice Sarah's mom is rebuilding her

injustice Sarah's mom is rebuilding her relationship with Sarah in prison the

relationship with Sarah in prison the saddest part of all of this is Sarah had

saddest part of all of this is Sarah had told her mom the first feeling that she

told her mom the first feeling that she had when she went to prison was at least

had when she went to prison was at least it kind of feels safe she would write

it kind of feels safe she would write letters to God trying to process her

letters to God trying to process her shame Sarah is very remorseful for her

shame Sarah is very remorseful for her crime and she works with a program

crime and she works with a program called pooches and PS that helps train

called pooches and PS that helps train dogs for people with physical or visual

dogs for people with physical or visual impairments basically she helps train

impairments basically she helps train service dogs she said I will say that

service dogs she said I will say that these dogs healed me in a way that I

these dogs healed me in a way that I didn't even know I needed healing

didn't even know I needed healing they're just amazing Sarah said she

they're just amazing Sarah said she requested non-stop to get her butt

requested non-stop to get her butt implants removed she said when I first

implants removed she said when I first got incarcerated I asked them to remove

got incarcerated I asked them to remove them and that in itself was traumatic

them and that in itself was traumatic because I had to go to the doctor the

because I had to go to the doctor the prison doctor and just how it was

prison doctor and just how it was handled I felt like everyone was just

handled I felt like everyone was just curious I remember one nurse waiting and

curious I remember one nurse waiting and called another nurse into the room and

called another nurse into the room and they both touched me and they did all of

they both touched me and they did all of that just to tell me no they're not

that just to tell me no they're not going to remove it and then later

going to remove it and then later recently I just asked again and I don't

recently I just asked again and I don't know it stated in prison that Alyssa and

know it stated in prison that Alyssa and the other altars did have some internal

the other altars did have some internal arguments at first that were very

arguments at first that were very intense they were mad at Alyssa I just

intense they were mad at Alyssa I just really hope nobody compares this to the

really hope nobody compares this to the movie Split because I think even

movie Split because I think even internally Sarah felt like look what

internally Sarah felt like look what Alyssa got us into and it took a lot of

Alyssa got us into and it took a lot of therapy and a lot of mental help to

therapy and a lot of mental help to realize that even though in that moment

realize that even though in that moment it wasn't self-defense a lot of

it wasn't self-defense a lot of psychologists see what Sarah did as

psychologists see what Sarah did as self-defense because do you guys know

self-defense because do you guys know what battered woman syndrome is is when

what battered woman syndrome is is when a husband typically beats a wife so much

a husband typically beats a wife so much the wife will typically kill them in

the wife will typically kill them in their sleep and the self-defense is

their sleep and the self-defense is there but in the eyes of the law they're

there but in the eyes of the law they're like well he was asleep he wasn't trying

like well he was asleep he wasn't trying to kill you so you can't kill him

to kill you so you can't kill him they're saying this is a version of that

they're saying this is a version of that they're saying that this was

they're saying that this was self-defense

self-defense now I think the system has come to

now I think the system has come to realize that but remember the journalist

realize that but remember the journalist I was talking about earlier which one

I was talking about earlier which one the retired journalist that was

the retired journalist that was advocating for Sarah's clemency okay

advocating for Sarah's clemency okay they would have an interview with her

they would have an interview with her her first prison interview and he just

her first prison interview and he just wants to ask the public how is it that

wants to ask the public how is it that she can be tried and convicted without a

she can be tried and convicted without a jury being fully aware of what's going

jury being fully aware of what's going on in that house how is that not an

on in that house how is that not an injustice the question isn't whether she

injustice the question isn't whether she killed him it's why and if you don't

killed him it's why and if you don't know the answer to that just ask anyone

know the answer to that just ask anyone who counsels women who finds themselves

who counsels women who finds themselves caught up in abusive relationships they

caught up in abusive relationships they can tell you Sarah said if she could sit

can tell you Sarah said if she could sit down with the governor right now she

down with the governor right now she would say I'm not that young girl who

would say I'm not that young girl who found herself in a situation of

found herself in a situation of hopelessness and that she had no idea

hopelessness and that she had no idea how to deal

how to deal with um that I have dedicated every day

with um that I have dedicated every day since my incarceration to better

since my incarceration to better myself not only for myself but for my

myself not only for myself but for my family and the

family and the community and that I will continue to

community and that I will continue to make sure that everything that happen

make sure that everything that happen wasn't just for nothing and I want to

wasn't just for nothing and I want to continue to give back and help other

continue to give back and help other young girls who just feel so hopeless

young girls who just feel so hopeless like as for mental healthwise it is

like as for mental healthwise it is stated that Sarah is doing great the

stated that Sarah is doing great the altar of Sarah has returned there have

altar of Sarah has returned there have been conversations that she's been fully

been conversations that she's been fully integrated which I know some people

integrated which I know some people don't like that term because again you

don't like that term because again you need a singular identity but mental

need a singular identity but mental health professionals believe Sarah is

health professionals believe Sarah is she has other altars still Alyssa and

she has other altars still Alyssa and Vanessa are still there but she said

Vanessa are still there but she said it's more like I don't feel alone

it's more like I don't feel alone anymore less of there's a lot of

anymore less of there's a lot of turmoil mental health professionals

turmoil mental health professionals believe Sarah is very capable of living

believe Sarah is very capable of living and maintaining a crime-free and

and maintaining a crime-free and productive life but her potential

productive life but her potential release date as of right now is February

release date as of right now is February 1st

1st 2039 but that's if she makes parole

2039 but that's if she makes parole which she could very well be

which she could very well be denied wow when I watched the snapped

denied wow when I watched the snapped episode I definitely went into the court

episode I definitely went into the court documents feeling very strongly one way

documents feeling very strongly one way when I read some of the Court docu the

when I read some of the Court docu the transcripts until I got to the part

transcripts until I got to the part where the judge is declining all of

where the judge is declining all of these things to be ad admitted into

these things to be ad admitted into evidence I mean it's it feels like the

evidence I mean it's it feels like the story is much deeper than I ever thought

story is much deeper than I ever thought it would be what are your thoughts do

it would be what are your thoughts do you think that she's paid her time do

you think that she's paid her time do you think she needs more time do you

you think she needs more time do you think that she shouldn't have paid this

think that she shouldn't have paid this time in this way I mean I don't think

time in this way I mean I don't think she ever wanted to be free I think that

she ever wanted to be free I think that they just wanted her to get mental

they just wanted her to get mental treatment versus prison what are your

treatment versus prison what are your thoughts or do you think that this is

thoughts or do you think that this is just a big Injustice to Herald after the

just a big Injustice to Herald after the fact what are your thoughts please let

fact what are your thoughts please let me know in the comments and please stay

me know in the comments and please stay safe and I'll see you in the next one

safe and I'll see you in the next one bye

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YouTube Transcript:Girl With Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) Kills Her Abuser

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Girl With Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) Kills Her Abuser