that Sarah's a [ __ ] now Sarah seemingly
does not know how to digest all this
additional trauma including her alleged
childhood abuse and I say alleged
because I mean I I don't like to
question victim stories but we do have
to factor in that she does have
incentive to lie but you get it I I just
can't imagine someone making this up and
maybe I have a naive perspective on the
world it just and there are medical
records that do state things she's
having traumatic nightmares where she's
holding a knife and killing a faceless
man she attempts self- exit multiple
times around this time she's
hospitalized for over a week for that
and they just prescribe her
anti-depressants side note one of
Sarah's therapists at the time straight
up told Sarah's parents we cannot help
Sarah we are not qualified she is beyond
our scope of expertise you need to find
someone else this is like younger right
before she even meets
Harold wow and I don't think her parents
took it that way the way they were
supposed to I don't think they digested
that information and went home thinking
we really need to help our daughter they
were just like okay then we just won't
find her a therapist if they can't
help all she had are her meds and the
meds are okay but drinking is better she
starts skipping school drinking
apparently she would start her day with
multiple shots of vodka and her coffee
at 15 she's doing drugs just about
anything that can help her forget all of
the trauma and abuse and sometimes
forgetting includes doing so much
ecstasy or cocaine that you genuinely
feel nothing she said no matter how bad
my day was at least I could do a lot of
drugs and all the negative stuff would
just fade
away she said when I was drinking I
wasn't depressed but clearly it's not
working she's not coping with all of
this trauma well at 16 she even starts
watching very violent graphic explicit videos
videos
specifically videos involving women that
are being brutally humiliated as key
points and this is going to be a theme
throughout the rest of the episode this
is uh what a lot of psychologists
suspect is her behavior she feels so
powerless and she starts doing actions
she believes her perpetrators would do
because she believes they are the ones
with power yeah cuz later she's going to
start skinning
animals yeah I mean you can always
almost pinpoint how it happened at this
point you know she's like look look at
the conditions look at all these like
you know and again I know that there are
people out there that believe that not
did is fake but Sarah is faking did I
think it's very hard to do first of all
if we take that out of the equation it
just psychologically makes a lot of
sense a lot of experts are like this
just this it's not farfetched it doesn't
feel like someone made it up yeah even
without did just look at what happened
to someone imagine that type of trauma
to anybody like what you know how do you
respond at that age Sarah would later
state for 10 months the essays would
continue to escalate in Harold's house
she states she would be essayed by
Harold over a hundred times she said it
was just so gradual that I feel like it
wasn't until I was really far into
things that I started to question almost
like to a point where I didn't feel like
I could do a lot about it thinking back
she said he was always controlling right
when she moves in he tells her I just
want to let you know that this is still
my house I have the right to search for
all of your things Sarah thinks yeah I
mean no big deal of course it's his
house he has the right to not want
certain things in his house he would go
through her things then she's
immediately given access to as much weed
and alcohol as she wants the only
condition being she always has to do it
in the house and he would be there
controlling and taking advantage of the
situation little by little he starts
taking over her life he would tell her
she can't have her phone in her room at
night when she goes to sleep because
technology should not be in rooms well
not in her room and
immediately like I was given access to
Weed and Alcohol like as much as I
wanted but even that like had relations
like I had to use it in the
house um and he would be there a lot
he's getting full control and slowly
starts demanding more and more from
Sarah is how she puts it she claims he
essayed her multiple times a week for 10
months but sometimes it's not just the
essay that's messing with her ability to
cope it's the words Sarah doesn't really
know how to handle those she said it was
nonstop he would follow her around and
tell her men aren't going to find you
attractive because your breasts aren't
big enough and your butt's not big
enough Sarah starts feeling less
confident in herself which is saying a
lot because she said at that point her
self-esteem was practically non-existent
already and she was already embarrassed
by when she was younger you know how she
was burned with the cigarettes she was
so embarrassed by how round the scars
were it looked in her mind she thought
someone would see it from a mile away
and think she was raped and someone
burned cigarettes on her because it's
it's not a natural scar pattern it's so
round so she would actually take a sharp
instrument and alter the scar to make it
look natural like a normal scar it's
alleged that she would lie and tell
people that she fell off a horse and
that's how the scar came about and now
Harold is basically telling her trying
to convince her to get a boob job or
butt implants a BBL this is worse than a
BBL BBL is a fat transfer which is very
painful and it's dangerous but butt
implants I heard are miserable you're
literally sticking foreign objects into
your but Ox area and he's telling her
maybe if you have that people are going
to focus on that and not anything else
AKA like those cigarette scarves Sarah
does not want either of these she tries
to convince him I'm way too young for
breast augmentation surgery somehow
Harold agrees but he still wants her to
get the butt implants and Sarah feels
like she has no choice she's cut off
from her family she's got nowhere to go
no money he keeps telling her that she
can't leave or else something bad is
going to happen to her he won't stop
talking about the butt implants and she
feels like fine if I get it he's going
to stop talking about it and essentially
he's making her feel completely
undesirable a burden destined for
homelessness and all the scary things
that come with being a woman without a
home Sarah later said I think more than
anything he made me feel like he owned
me to him him I was just a toy like his
personal Barbie doll that's what he
tried to make me by this point that
Sarah had moved in she's isolated she
now has a nose job and butt implants
she's essayed by Harold on a weekly
basis allegedly and before she can try
and manage to cope he's degrading her
he's kicking down her self-esteem
telling her that she's ugly and that
she's going to die alone unless she does
everything he says she is completely
helpless and on top of that we add on
another layer this reminds me a little
bit about the Sarah Lauren College code
case Harold starts writing up list of
all the money that Sarah owes him money
for rent $6,000 for the nose job $10,000
for butt implants which side note we're
not even going into the psychology of
forced body
modification we tried looking into
peer-reviewed medical studies about the
psychology of what that could do to
someone's psyche and there's not a lot
of information the closest we could get
was branding on sex trafficking
survivors who get U brands or tattoos by the
the
traffickers it would be a little bit similar to that to force modifications
similar to that to force modifications on your body that you don't want and now
on your body that you don't want and now he's charging her $10,000 for it he's
he's charging her $10,000 for it he's charging her gas bills Netflix is on her
charging her gas bills Netflix is on her list of debt the streaming service she's
list of debt the streaming service she's almost $20,000 in debt to Harold she's
almost $20,000 in debt to Harold she's 19 $20,000 at 19 and he's holding it
19 $20,000 at 19 and he's holding it over her head threatening to sue her if
over her head threatening to sue her if she doesn't do as he says she's working
she doesn't do as he says she's working at Bed Bath and Beyond she has sporadic
at Bed Bath and Beyond she has sporadic hours does not really get the best pay
hours does not really get the best pay her last paycheck from Bed Bath and
her last paycheck from Bed Bath and Beyond was just
Beyond was just $265 which is deposited into an account
$265 which is deposited into an account that only Harold has access to and when
that only Harold has access to and when Harold gets drunk he would allegedly
Harold gets drunk he would allegedly throw Sarah down and Essay her Sarah
throw Sarah down and Essay her Sarah said it was always when he was drunk
said it was always when he was drunk after Sarah's butt implants she is in so
after Sarah's butt implants she is in so much pain physically and mentally she's
much pain physically and mentally she's laying on the couch she doesn't feel
laying on the couch she doesn't feel like this is her body she has a loss of
like this is her body she has a loss of body autonomy and I think visually it's
body autonomy and I think visually it's very scarring to see her body in a way
very scarring to see her body in a way that she does not like and does not want
that she does not like and does not want all she wants to do is lay on the couch
all she wants to do is lay on the couch get high off of prescription pain meds
get high off of prescription pain meds and she just Spends months laying there
and she just Spends months laying there depressed she said all she could do was
depressed she said all she could do was drink smoke marijuana and think about
drink smoke marijuana and think about how much she hates herself and how much
how much she hates herself and how much she hates everybody and how much she
she hates everybody and how much she hates Harold and how much honestly she
hates Harold and how much honestly she hates being essed which she claimed
hates being essed which she claimed happened even while she's depressed on
happened even while she's depressed on the couch while she's laying there she
the couch while she's laying there she said she started having these very
said she started having these very strange symptoms stomach distress daily
strange symptoms stomach distress daily headaches and this bizarre tingling
headaches and this bizarre tingling sensation in her fingertips and she
sensation in her fingertips and she thought it was so strange because her
thought it was so strange because her fingers wouldn't stop tingling and she
fingers wouldn't stop tingling and she starts feeling like wait am I being
starts feeling like wait am I being poisoned right now I feel like I'm being
poisoned right now I feel like I'm being poisoned either Harold is poisoning my
poisoned either Harold is poisoning my food or this house is poisoned otherwise
food or this house is poisoned otherwise there's no reason for me to feel this
there's no reason for me to feel this weird which means Harold must be trying
weird which means Harold must be trying to kill her right so she has to kill him
to kill her right so she has to kill him first before he kills her or at least
first before he kills her or at least that's what Sarah thought sometimes
that's what Sarah thought sometimes sometimes she wouldn't have this thought
sometimes she wouldn't have this thought Sarah starts feeling very confused at
Sarah starts feeling very confused at how much her state would just change and
how much her state would just change and go through the motions every day and it
go through the motions every day and it doesn't feel like depression she's had
doesn't feel like depression she's had depression clearly right she tried to
depression clearly right she tried to self- exit she's been in the hospital
self- exit she's been in the hospital for that but this is different she
for that but this is different she starts Googling rapid fire why am I
starts Googling rapid fire why am I different than anybody else why do I see
different than anybody else why do I see things like this why am I always
things like this why am I always different at night than when I am in the
different at night than when I am in the morning Sarah wouldn't know until later
morning Sarah wouldn't know until later that she is diagnosed with did at this
that she is diagnosed with did at this point of living with Harold she just
point of living with Harold she just knew that she had random gaps throughout
knew that she had random gaps throughout her day or she remembered doing things
her day or she remembered doing things but very vaguely sometimes she could see
but very vaguely sometimes she could see herself doing things like she's watching
herself doing things like she's watching from a bird's eye view it's registering
from a bird's eye view it's registering in her brain that that is me doing it
in her brain that that is me doing it but it doesn't feel like it that is how
but it doesn't feel like it that is how her psychologist explains her altars now
her psychologist explains her altars now her altars are she has four that we know
her altars are she has four that we know of that her psychologist knows of and
of that her psychologist knows of and this is her psychologist explaining
this is her psychologist explaining Vanessa is very depressed anxious and
Vanessa is very depressed anxious and described as very weak has a lot of dark
described as very weak has a lot of dark thoughts about wanting to to self- exit
thoughts about wanting to to self- exit very very suicidal she is described to
very very suicidal she is described to have the energy of a skinny miniature
have the energy of a skinny miniature Greyhound nervous anxious breakable
Greyhound nervous anxious breakable she's immature maybe 17 years old she's
she's immature maybe 17 years old she's the more compassionate altar but it does
the more compassionate altar but it does appear that the compassion comes out of
appear that the compassion comes out of fear more than anything she's the one
fear more than anything she's the one that is fronting most of the time this
that is fronting most of the time this is Sarah's State most of the time wow
is Sarah's State most of the time wow Alyssa is the protector Alyssa came
Alyssa is the protector Alyssa came about to protect Vanessa
about to protect Vanessa Alyssa drinks a lot she never panics
Alyssa drinks a lot she never panics she's very strong very witty people
she's very strong very witty people really like her she's confident but not
really like her she's confident but not reliable she is boiling with rage she
reliable she is boiling with rage she has so much anger but she doesn't want
has so much anger but she doesn't want to let that anger go because she deep
to let that anger go because she deep down believes that's where her strength
down believes that's where her strength comes from is this anger she mainly
comes from is this anger she mainly fronts when the body is numb so that
fronts when the body is numb so that might be why Sarah was Googling why am I
might be why Sarah was Googling why am I different at night it seems that Alyssa
different at night it seems that Alyssa fronts more at night because she's
fronts more at night because she's drinking
drinking she's getting more of that rage is
she's getting more of that rage is coming in MH she seems to have taken the
coming in MH she seems to have taken the protector role and put it upon herself
protector role and put it upon herself she feels like she has to be this way
she feels like she has to be this way she told the psychologist that she
she told the psychologist that she doesn't want to be the angry one she
doesn't want to be the angry one she doesn't want to be the aggressive one or
doesn't want to be the aggressive one or constantly Vigilant about protecting
constantly Vigilant about protecting them but she feels like she needs to
them but she feels like she needs to because if not her then who the others
because if not her then who the others are just going to let themselves get
are just going to let themselves get abused non-stop Alyssa would later say I
abused non-stop Alyssa would later say I didn't want this I didn't want this
didn't want this I didn't want this poultry life we had to be all I would
poultry life we had to be all I would ever have and then when the world was
ever have and then when the world was going to be ended and that would all be
going to be ended and that would all be there is side note it does appear that
there is side note it does appear that she genuinely does think that the world
she genuinely does think that the world is coming to an end and the idea that
is coming to an end and the idea that this is their life before the world ends
this is their life before the world ends is so painful and sad and depressing for
is so painful and sad and depressing for her and that's still that's an idea
her and that's still that's an idea that's forced upon them from the abuse
that's forced upon them from the abuse and heral the end of the world yeah I
and heral the end of the world yeah I mean I don't know if it was forced but
mean I don't know if it was forced but it does seem like she never had those
it does seem like she never had those conversations with anybody in her life
conversations with anybody in her life until she moved in with Harold she did
until she moved in with Harold she did not seem to care about the end of the
not seem to care about the end of the world until then Alyssa also has very
world until then Alyssa also has very very strong feelings about men she said
very strong feelings about men she said that she would never kill a dog horse or
that she would never kill a dog horse or a woman but men are a disease on this
a woman but men are a disease on this Earth they think with their bodies so
Earth they think with their bodies so they are not human they are animals
they are not human they are animals Alyssa hated everything about men and
Alyssa hated everything about men and felt Harold was worse than a pig more
felt Harold was worse than a pig more offensive than a pig and again I I'm not
offensive than a pig and again I I'm not trying to defend Alyssa I don't think
trying to defend Alyssa I don't think that Alyssa is sitting here just like
that Alyssa is sitting here just like waking up hating men it's clearly her
waking up hating men it's clearly her trauma and this is her protection it's
trauma and this is her protection it's stated that she needs to hate men
stated that she needs to hate men because it makes her feel in control of
because it makes her feel in control of not letting more men into her life
not letting more men into her life because if you hate something you're not
because if you hate something you're not going to try to let it into your life
going to try to let it into your life the other altars consist that we know of
the other altars consist that we know of of Mila and no name however as Sarah's
of Mila and no name however as Sarah's doctor she was not allowed to talk to
doctor she was not allowed to talk to them much we have very limited
them much we have very limited information about them we just know that
information about them we just know that Mila is a bit tiny bit more confident
Mila is a bit tiny bit more confident than Vanessa but she's very feminine and
than Vanessa but she's very feminine and quite young I'm not sure if she's
quite young I'm not sure if she's considered a little which is a type of
considered a little which is a type of altar I don't know if it's type but
altar I don't know if it's type but categorization of Altar and typically it
categorization of Altar and typically it embodies a childhood version of the
embodies a childhood version of the person very young her role is
person very young her role is interestingly though young but almost
interestingly though young but almost kind of like a mother figure to
kind of like a mother figure to Vanessa younger more feminine but that
Vanessa younger more feminine but that is how much Vanessa is weak in their
is how much Vanessa is weak in their system that everyone needs to protect
system that everyone needs to protect Vanessa Mila is the most like Sarah
Vanessa Mila is the most like Sarah before her reoccurring trauma she's very
before her reoccurring trauma she's very nice and content with the world not too
nice and content with the world not too angry she likes people she thinks all
angry she likes people she thinks all people are pretty good and she's very
people are pretty good and she's very feminine Dr Hutchinson described Mila as
feminine Dr Hutchinson described Mila as being very polite now no name is the
being very polite now no name is the trauma carrier the memories of the essay
trauma carrier the memories of the essay from the creepy old neighbor only come
from the creepy old neighbor only come about when no name is fronting no name
about when no name is fronting no name yes literally no name no name this is
yes literally no name no name this is the only altar in the system that
the only altar in the system that carries memories before Middle School
carries memories before Middle School the other altars will tell Dr H I don't
the other altars will tell Dr H I don't remember anything before Middle School
remember anything before Middle School wow no name is described by the others
wow no name is described by the others as just a body doesn't really have
as just a body doesn't really have inside emotion just kind of
inside emotion just kind of functions which is very enlightening
functions which is very enlightening considering no name is the trauma
considering no name is the trauma carrier and Sarah Sarah is dead she died
carrier and Sarah Sarah is dead she died at 16 years old when she was essayed by
at 16 years old when she was essayed by the 20-year-old so it seems that Sarah
the 20-year-old so it seems that Sarah was likely part of the system I don't
was likely part of the system I don't even think they knew it was a system at
even think they knew it was a system at the time I think I don't know if they
the time I think I don't know if they could categorically say that but when
could categorically say that but when she was burned by the cigarettes they
she was burned by the cigarettes they said that is when Sarah died Sarah's
said that is when Sarah died Sarah's doctor would later State Vanessa was
doctor would later State Vanessa was very afraid anytime I talked to Vanessa
very afraid anytime I talked to Vanessa she was always crying now Alyssa never
she was always crying now Alyssa never cried Milo was extremely softspoken and
cried Milo was extremely softspoken and like to quote Bible verses which Alyssa
like to quote Bible verses which Alyssa was very angry about Alyssa said Mila
was very angry about Alyssa said Mila has always been reading parts of the
has always been reading parts of the Bible like you should cut off the part
Bible like you should cut off the part of you that offends you and she thinks
of you that offends you and she thinks that she can just cut me out like how
that she can just cut me out like how does she think that she's going to cut
does she think that she's going to cut me out Alyssa is very protective she's
me out Alyssa is very protective she's the protector of the system now I will
the protector of the system now I will say this is the part of did that I think
say this is the part of did that I think the jury and a lot of people couldn't
the jury and a lot of people couldn't understand about this case right and
understand about this case right and please correct me if I'm wrong but did
please correct me if I'm wrong but did your alars it's very hard to control
your alars it's very hard to control who's fronting it's typically a
who's fronting it's typically a psychological response to triggers and
psychological response to triggers and triggers could be something big or
triggers could be something big or something so unnoticeable to other
something so unnoticeable to other people that are not part of the system
people that are not part of the system and anytime Sarah mlin talks about the
and anytime Sarah mlin talks about the crime that she commits she's very cold
crime that she commits she's very cold very blunt almost to the point of
very blunt almost to the point of sounding like Cassandra
sounding like Cassandra Borge yeah yeah yeah people believe that
Borge yeah yeah yeah people believe that that is Alyssa fronting and she presents
that is Alyssa fronting and she presents herself when she needs to be in a
herself when she needs to be in a situation where she needs to protect the
situation where she needs to protect the system and she's very a little bit more
system and she's very a little bit more emotionless right and it doesn't deliver
emotionless right and it doesn't deliver well at all no it does not Sarah's
well at all no it does not Sarah's doctor would later explain Sarah system
doctor would later explain Sarah system has a bunch of walls and sometimes those
has a bunch of walls and sometimes those walls are permeable like Alyssa and
walls are permeable like Alyssa and Vanessa can talk back and forth but some
Vanessa can talk back and forth but some of them are like concrete bricks and
of them are like concrete bricks and this part never talks to this part and
this part never talks to this part and when I work with clients or when I have
when I work with clients or when I have worked with Sarah is that when I talked
worked with Sarah is that when I talked to the waldof altars they had no idea
to the waldof altars they had no idea what the other altars have said and if I
what the other altars have said and if I asked them about hey they said this they
asked them about hey they said this they would have no recollection of that I
would have no recollection of that I didn't hear you talking to them and I
didn't hear you talking to them and I didn't know that would be their
didn't know that would be their response the way Sarah describes what is
response the way Sarah describes what is going on in her brain to her doctor is I
going on in her brain to her doctor is I feel like I'm a puppet with no master
feel like I'm a puppet with no master there was only one rule the entire
there was only one rule the entire system was forced to follow the rule was
system was forced to follow the rule was don't let anyone know nobody was allowed
don't let anyone know nobody was allowed to know that Sarah had a system which
to know that Sarah had a system which means nobody knows there is what is
means nobody knows there is what is described as inner conflict taking place
described as inner conflict taking place Vanessa and Alysa have a conflict at
Vanessa and Alysa have a conflict at hand Vanessa has decided the only way to
hand Vanessa has decided the only way to escape this life and this abuse is to
escape this life and this abuse is to either kill Herold or to self- exit
either kill Herold or to self- exit vanessa wants to self exit soon Alyssa
vanessa wants to self exit soon Alyssa realizes that is what Vanessa is
realizes that is what Vanessa is planning and she's not going to let that
planning and she's not going to let that happen this is how Sarah's doctor
happen this is how Sarah's doctor explains it Alyssa was angry she would
explains it Alyssa was angry she would later tell her doctor that had Vanessa
later tell her doctor that had Vanessa been smarter none of this would have
been smarter none of this would have happened Alyssa told the psychologist
happened Alyssa told the psychologist Vanessa's weak she would lay there like
Vanessa's weak she would lay there like a dead dog and she let him touch us and
a dead dog and she let him touch us and talk her into that stupid butt surgery
talk her into that stupid butt surgery Sarah's doctor believes Alyssa was
Sarah's doctor believes Alyssa was forced to protect them or let Vanessa
forced to protect them or let Vanessa self exit because she could not handle
self exit because she could not handle the abuse from Harold around this time
the abuse from Harold around this time time a cooworker from Cece's Pizza had
time a cooworker from Cece's Pizza had come over to SAR and Harold's house and
come over to SAR and Harold's house and he's friends with Harold I believe he's
he's friends with Harold I believe he's also young too so just giving you an
also young too so just giving you an idea some people say he was a mentor to
idea some people say he was a mentor to the youth other people say he's hanging
the youth other people say he's hanging out with a lot of young people and it's
out with a lot of young people and it's weird yeah no like yeah there's no P
weird yeah no like yeah there's no P anything to signal that he actually
anything to signal that he actually cares about youth future or anything
cares about youth future or anything like this is not his interest or motive
like this is not his interest or motive or reason at all and I would just say
or reason at all and I would just say that if I knew someone who was 50 years
that if I knew someone who was 50 years old and genuinely cared about helping
old and genuinely cared about helping the youth and they see a young
the youth and they see a young 17-year-old girl I think the smartest
17-year-old girl I think the smartest best decision most of these men would
best decision most of these men would make these good men in my opinion would
make these good men in my opinion would be to tell a woman of age or look for a
be to tell a woman of age or look for a shelter cuz I think it's just not a
shelter cuz I think it's just not a comfortable setup to have a 17-year-old
comfortable setup to have a 17-year-old girl living with a 50-year-old man that
girl living with a 50-year-old man that is not her relative or dad because even
is not her relative or dad because even even relatives and dads abuse their
even relatives and dads abuse their daughters yeah it's proven I mean just
daughters yeah it's proven I mean just like from the get-go the why the way he
like from the get-go the why the way he brought her in it was Zero ounce of
brought her in it was Zero ounce of actually wanting to help this yes
actually wanting to help this yes because there are lots of witnesses who
because there are lots of witnesses who do state they saw Sarah do drugs in
do state they saw Sarah do drugs in front of Harold and if Harold wanted to
front of Harold and if Harold wanted to get her clean which is the whole point
get her clean which is the whole point that he wanted her to move in it doesn't
that he wanted her to move in it doesn't make sense right now he knows that the
make sense right now he knows that the two of them are living together he's
two of them are living together he's also heard that they've been sexually
also heard that they've been sexually involved this guy that works at CC's
involved this guy that works at CC's pizzas but he's just over to hang out he
pizzas but he's just over to hang out he walks over to the dining room and
walks over to the dining room and there's this box sitting on the table
there's this box sitting on the table it's a c cardboard box is closed and
it's a c cardboard box is closed and every now and then the box would start
every now and then the box would start shaking the box would start moving
shaking the box would start moving shuffling he's like what is going on in
shuffling he's like what is going on in that box Sarah walks over opens up the
that box Sarah walks over opens up the box inside there's a little fluffy
box inside there's a little fluffy rabbit oh what are you guys going to
rabbit oh what are you guys going to clean it and cook it he watches Sarah
clean it and cook it he watches Sarah bring the box over to the kitchen sink
bring the box over to the kitchen sink he can see her taking the rabbit out
he can see her taking the rabbit out placing it into the deep sink but he's
placing it into the deep sink but he's behind her at this point so he can't
behind her at this point so he can't really see what she's doing to the
really see what she's doing to the rabbit but he hears high pitched Yelps
rabbit but he hears high pitched Yelps coming from the rabbit and Sarah's body
coming from the rabbit and Sarah's body is like an
is like an autopilot just nothing behind the eyes
autopilot just nothing behind the eyes she kills the rabbit proceeds to
she kills the rabbit proceeds to disembowel it skin it alive and him this
disembowel it skin it alive and him this is all so confusing why is she doing
is all so confusing why is she doing this can't she buy rabbit meat somewhere
this can't she buy rabbit meat somewhere else if she wants to eat rabbit not only
else if she wants to eat rabbit not only that you know how hunters will hunt down
that you know how hunters will hunt down wild rabbits and that's you know every
wild rabbits and that's you know every person finds it questionable to a degree
person finds it questionable to a degree whatever degree this rabbit was not that
whatever degree this rabbit was not that this rabbit was a cute little fluffy
this rabbit was a cute little fluffy white one that you would have as a pet
white one that you would have as a pet in fact Sarah bought this rabbit from a
in fact Sarah bought this rabbit from a pet store to slaughter and eat how
pet store to slaughter and eat how strange she did this with both a rabbit
strange she did this with both a rabbit and a Geral from the pet store later
and a Geral from the pet store later Sarah would State at the time she
Sarah would State at the time she believed it was a normal survival skill
believed it was a normal survival skill practice she was practicing for the end
practice she was practicing for the end of the world it's not like she was just
of the world it's not like she was just torturing animals she was eating them
torturing animals she was eating them for food what's the difference between
for food what's the difference between that and hunting she said it made her
that and hunting she said it made her feel really really in control at first
feel really really in control at first the rabbit was almost like a test she
the rabbit was almost like a test she tried to justify it oh I have to kill
tried to justify it oh I have to kill and eat the rabbit to test my survival
and eat the rabbit to test my survival skill skills but it started scratching
skill skills but it started scratching this itch inside of her I will say
this itch inside of her I will say there's a very strong correlation
there's a very strong correlation between her mental state and her killing
between her mental state and her killing animals she states that one day after a
animals she states that one day after a really stressful day at work she walks
really stressful day at work she walks into the pet store trying to buy a toy
into the pet store trying to buy a toy for her dog she's got a labrador named
for her dog she's got a labrador named Oliver but she's passing the guinea pig
Oliver but she's passing the guinea pig cages and she remembered someone talking
cages and she remembered someone talking about how in South America they eat
about how in South America they eat guinea pigs so she stops in front of the
guinea pigs so she stops in front of the cages watching them sleep in their
cages watching them sleep in their little Barn hay barns she just has this
little Barn hay barns she just has this urge I want to kill it and I want to eat
urge I want to kill it and I want to eat it she would go on YouTube and watch
it she would go on YouTube and watch videos on how to kill skin and Slaughter
videos on how to kill skin and Slaughter rabbits the video in particular she
rabbits the video in particular she watched over 14 times was of a man using
watched over 14 times was of a man using scissors to skin a rabbit and ultimately
scissors to skin a rabbit and ultimately package it for human consumption oddly
package it for human consumption oddly after watching this video she then
after watching this video she then watches a Tupac video within 2 to 3
watches a Tupac video within 2 to 3 minutes so I don't know those who knew
minutes so I don't know those who knew Sarah said none of this makes sense
Sarah said none of this makes sense Sarah has always been an animal girl she
Sarah has always been an animal girl she grew up with a rescue horse named Black
grew up with a rescue horse named Black Beauty who was so badly neglected Ed and
Beauty who was so badly neglected Ed and abused by his previous owners to the
abused by his previous owners to the point that Sarah could not even ride him
point that Sarah could not even ride him which is kind of the purpose that she
which is kind of the purpose that she got a horse to begin with and she would
got a horse to begin with and she would take these writing lessons and she did
take these writing lessons and she did not care she babied that horse until his
not care she babied that horse until his very last breath and when he was gone
very last breath and when he was gone everyone in Sarah's life remembered her
everyone in Sarah's life remembered her just being absolutely devastated she had
just being absolutely devastated she had this yellow lab growing up aptly named
this yellow lab growing up aptly named Shadow because it was literally Sarah's
Shadow because it was literally Sarah's Shadow technically Shadow was supposed
Shadow technically Shadow was supposed to be the family dog but ended up just
to be the family dog but ended up just following Sarah around everywhere when
following Sarah around everywhere when shadow passed away she was a wreck and
shadow passed away she was a wreck and she always told her family I don't even
she always told her family I don't even want a house when I grow up I just want
want a house when I grow up I just want to travel around and help animals
to travel around and help animals because there's animals everywhere that
because there's animals everywhere that need help but now she's skinning pet
need help but now she's skinning pet rabbits and eating them she's also
rabbits and eating them she's also punching walls and breaking glass she
punching walls and breaking glass she would later say somewhere down the line
would later say somewhere down the line her sadness turned into anger disgust
her sadness turned into anger disgust and pure hatred and she's not scared
and pure hatred and she's not scared anymore she just feels rage to this part
anymore she just feels rage to this part she does not tell anyone about but Sarah
she does not tell anyone about but Sarah said at this point she starts having
said at this point she starts having these crazy visual hallucinations of
these crazy visual hallucinations of killing herself her parents and Harold
killing herself her parents and Harold she's hearing all these voices in her
she's hearing all these voices in her head and every time she sees people
head and every time she sees people walking around they're walking around
walking around they're walking around faceless and bloody every single person
faceless and bloody every single person she runs into walking past saying hello
she runs into walking past saying hello to at work she would picture them dead
to at work she would picture them dead what they would look like and then her
what they would look like and then her Visions would come back years ago when
Visions would come back years ago when Sarah was essayed and burned with a
Sarah was essayed and burned with a cigarette for a while afterwards she
cigarette for a while afterwards she started having these Visions where she
started having these Visions where she would find unknown men and slash their
would find unknown men and slash their necks with a knife or Cho them up with
necks with a knife or Cho them up with an axe and those Visions were back but
an axe and those Visions were back but this time that unknown man was now
this time that unknown man was now Harold sasco January 11th 2014 Sarah
Harold sasco January 11th 2014 Sarah logs onto her computer and asks Google
logs onto her computer and asks Google why do I feel so differently from
why do I feel so differently from everyone else she then texts her sister
everyone else she then texts her sister I'm starting to realize I don't want the
I'm starting to realize I don't want the life everyone expects of me I don't want
life everyone expects of me I don't want the American dream the house or the car
the American dream the house or the car I don't want to be tied down to a job or
I don't want to be tied down to a job or debt I want real freedom and I know how
debt I want real freedom and I know how to get it but it means giving up a lot
to get it but it means giving up a lot it's like do I want what my friends and
it's like do I want what my friends and family think is right or do I take a
family think is right or do I take a risk of being happy and not trapped
risk of being happy and not trapped anymore I feel like a caged animal right
anymore I feel like a caged animal right now it's making me crazy and on edge
now it's making me crazy and on edge then a text comes in to Sarah's phone
then a text comes in to Sarah's phone not a response from Ashley but a text
not a response from Ashley but a text from Harold it reads hey good morning
from Harold it reads hey good morning thank you for last night it was good we
thank you for last night it was good we never got to talk about Sunday I
never got to talk about Sunday I apologize for trying to sleep with you
apologize for trying to sleep with you tonight before we get going can we talk
tonight before we get going can we talk please and thank you wait um um I
please and thank you wait um um I apologize for trying to sleep with you
apologize for trying to sleep with you like trying to essay her yes is what
like trying to essay her yes is what Sarah says now people who believe that
Sarah says now people who believe that Harold is is innocent he's innocent in
Harold is is innocent he's innocent in the eyes of the law of course he's a
the eyes of the law of course he's a victim in the eyes of the law people
victim in the eyes of the law people that believe that he did not essay her
that believe that he did not essay her believe that maybe he she's of age he
believe that maybe he she's of age he was drunk he tried but then
was drunk he tried but then stopped because she said
stopped because she said no so the text message is in is
no so the text message is in is interpreted in two vastly different ways
interpreted in two vastly different ways now initially the plan was to attack
now initially the plan was to attack Harold in his sleep but she starts
Harold in his sleep but she starts worrying what if he wakes up there's no
worrying what if he wakes up there's no way she can over EMP power him there's
way she can over EMP power him there's got to be a better way then ding she
got to be a better way then ding she gets another message Harold wants her to
gets another message Harold wants her to put some beers in the fridge for tonight
put some beers in the fridge for tonight when he gets home beers in the fridge
when he gets home beers in the fridge according to Sarah he would always essay
according to Sarah he would always essay her when he's drunk there's no more time
her when he's drunk there's no more time left either she does it now or she's
left either she does it now or she's going to get ESS is what she says right
going to get ESS is what she says right now have you heard of Ambien it's a
now have you heard of Ambien it's a prescription sleep medication and it is
prescription sleep medication and it is very strong it's considered a sedative
very strong it's considered a sedative hypnotic medication that should really
hypnotic medication that should really only be used in the short term because
only be used in the short term because serious side effects can lead to
serious side effects can lead to sleepwalking sleep driving memory loss
sleepwalking sleep driving memory loss hallucination severe allergic reactions
hallucination severe allergic reactions and sometimes even death Harold had
and sometimes even death Harold had ambient in his bathroom Sarah knows this
ambient in his bathroom Sarah knows this she sneaks into his room before he gets
she sneaks into his room before he gets home and goes into the bathroom pulls
home and goes into the bathroom pulls out a bottle of ambient and she starts
out a bottle of ambient and she starts grinding up a handful of pills using one
grinding up a handful of pills using one of those glass figurines on top of the
of those glass figurines on top of the dresser she puts the powder into a piece
dresser she puts the powder into a piece of paper folds It Up Like Cocaine I
of paper folds It Up Like Cocaine I guess hides it in the kitchen under a
guess hides it in the kitchen under a box of green tea on top of the microwave
box of green tea on top of the microwave then she just Waits waits for ad him to
then she just Waits waits for ad him to get home he starts drinking one beer she
get home he starts drinking one beer she waits until he's what 5 six beers in
waits until he's what 5 six beers in because she would assume that the
because she would assume that the crushed up ambient has a very specific
crushed up ambient has a very specific taste probably bitter she doesn't want
taste probably bitter she doesn't want him to taste it and feel suspicious or
him to taste it and feel suspicious or stop drinking the beer so the six beer
stop drinking the beer so the six beer he's like can you get me another one she
he's like can you get me another one she dumps it in to the beer can and watches
dumps it in to the beer can and watches him gulp it down and eventually he gets
him gulp it down and eventually he gets up from the couch to walk over to his
up from the couch to walk over to his speaker system to fix it halfway there
speaker system to fix it halfway there collapses Falls onto the ground face
collapses Falls onto the ground face down onto the floor Sarah's home she
down onto the floor Sarah's home she walks to her car grabs a stack of zip
walks to her car grabs a stack of zip ties brings them back in and then walks
ties brings them back in and then walks into her room to grab a hunting knife
into her room to grab a hunting knife she stands over his limp body for a
she stands over his limp body for a second then she starts tying his legs
second then she starts tying his legs together three around his ankles locking
together three around his ankles locking them together and as she's about to zip
them together and as she's about to zip tie his wrist he makes some sort of
tie his wrist he makes some sort of moaning sound some people say this is so
moaning sound some people say this is so important moaning could be that he's
important moaning could be that he's unconscious but also could trigger yeah
unconscious but also could trigger yeah yeah yeah it could be a trauma Sarah
yeah yeah it could be a trauma Sarah later tells her doctor that something in
later tells her doctor that something in that moaning sound all of this up until
that moaning sound all of this up until this point was Alyssa but when Harold
this point was Alyssa but when Harold moans Vanessa steps back into control
moans Vanessa steps back into control screams no grabs a pair of scissors and
screams no grabs a pair of scissors and cuts the ties off of Harold's ankles to
cuts the ties off of Harold's ankles to release him to let him go but Alyssa
release him to let him go but Alyssa does not want this Alyssa would later
does not want this Alyssa would later tell the doctor I was not going to let
tell the doctor I was not going to let her do that she gains control and re
her do that she gains control and re ties his hands and his ankles takes the
ties his hands and his ankles takes the knife before Vanessa can do anything
knife before Vanessa can do anything about it she reaches her hand down to
about it she reaches her hand down to feel for an artery she needs to find the
feel for an artery she needs to find the vulnerable spot on the neck and when she
vulnerable spot on the neck and when she finds what she's looking for she takes
finds what she's looking for she takes both of her hands and plunges the knife
both of her hands and plunges the knife straight into his throat pulling from
straight into his throat pulling from one side to another like truly slicing
one side to another like truly slicing she practically saws his head off she
she practically saws his head off she plunges the knife so deep into his neck
plunges the knife so deep into his neck the knife blade hits the carpet she just
the knife blade hits the carpet she just starts pulling through his neck muscles
starts pulling through his neck muscles like sideways out so instead of pulling
like sideways out so instead of pulling up to bring the knife out she pulls
up to bring the knife out she pulls sideways to go through his neck through
sideways to go through his neck through his neck muscles arteries veins his pipe
his neck muscles arteries veins his pipe even his esophagus she had to use both
even his esophagus she had to use both hands to get it out and she's standing
hands to get it out and she's standing there now with blood dripping down her
there now with blood dripping down her arms and the original plan that she had
arms and the original plan that she had was to dismember Harold she had an axe
was to dismember Harold she had an axe in her trunk but I don't know she said
in her trunk but I don't know she said when she's done it felt like being in a
when she's done it felt like being in a cage and having the door swing open she
cage and having the door swing open she said in that moment it felt like she was
said in that moment it felt like she was standing in the Sun for the first time
standing in the Sun for the first time she didn't need to do anything more so
she didn't need to do anything more so she grabs a towel drenched in his blood
she grabs a towel drenched in his blood and writes f r e e d o m
and writes f r e e d o m Freedom then she goes to wash off the
Freedom then she goes to wash off the blood from her hands and the first thing
blood from her hands and the first thing she does which is very questionable is
she does which is very questionable is she grabs her Samsung tablet brings it
she grabs her Samsung tablet brings it into the bathroom where she proceeds to
into the bathroom where she proceeds to put on some music and start showering
put on some music and start showering when she's done she gets out dries her
when she's done she gets out dries her hair straightens her hair and then
hair straightens her hair and then gathers up all the things she wants to
gathers up all the things she wants to take with her jewelry guns money
take with her jewelry guns money everything she's got to bring it all
everything she's got to bring it all truly everything she even prints a file
truly everything she even prints a file off of Harold's computer of a tattoo
off of Harold's computer of a tattoo idea that she had saved a rib cage
idea that she had saved a rib cage tattoo with the quote beware the pool at
tattoo with the quote beware the pool at the bottom of our hearts in its black
the bottom of our hearts in its black icy depths dwell strange and twisted
icy depths dwell strange and twisted creatures it's best not to
creatures it's best not to disturb wow so again a lot of people say
disturb wow so again a lot of people say everything even the quote that she
everything even the quote that she resonates a lot with is reminiscent of
resonates a lot with is reminiscent of what people with did that might not know
what people with did that might not know they have did might feel now I'm not
they have did might feel now I'm not saying people without did can't resonate
saying people without did can't resonate but knowing that it feels kind of like I
but knowing that it feels kind of like I feel like there's something or someone
feel like there's something or someone else inside of me is the feeling she's
else inside of me is the feeling she's taking the clothes out of her closet
taking the clothes out of her closet taking a picture of her and Ashley out
taking a picture of her and Ashley out of the picture frame then she loads up
of the picture frame then she loads up Harold's car and she brings her dog
Harold's car and she brings her dog Oliver and she just starts skipping town
Oliver and she just starts skipping town oh she does leave one thing though she
oh she does leave one thing though she leaves her phone on the kitchen counter
leaves her phone on the kitchen counter because she knew that she could be
because she knew that she could be traced through it she first goes to
traced through it she first goes to Texas almost all the way down to Mexico
Texas almost all the way down to Mexico then she decides you know what let's do
then she decides you know what let's do Florida now side note she's selling
Florida now side note she's selling jewelry along the way to get cash she's
jewelry along the way to get cash she's living out of the car never checking
living out of the car never checking into hotels and at one point she gives
into hotels and at one point she gives away her beloved Oliver to a local
away her beloved Oliver to a local vet yeah she does get that rib cage
vet yeah she does get that rib cage tattoo starts making it to Florida and
tattoo starts making it to Florida and she will be arrested 11 Days Later by
she will be arrested 11 Days Later by the National Park Service in the
the National Park Service in the Everglades National Park in Florida the
Everglades National Park in Florida the police had been called to do a welfare
police had been called to do a welfare check on Sarah broke into Harold's house
check on Sarah broke into Harold's house found him dead and at one point they
found him dead and at one point they thought that Sarah had been kidnapped
thought that Sarah had been kidnapped but they were like M nothing's adding up
but they were like M nothing's adding up all of our stuff is gone it seems like
all of our stuff is gone it seems like she's the perpetrator and finally 11
she's the perpetrator and finally 11 days later Sarah is arrested they were
days later Sarah is arrested they were still questioning if Sarah had been
still questioning if Sarah had been truly just a perpetrator or a victim or
truly just a perpetrator or a victim or kidnapped and then a perpet they didn't
kidnapped and then a perpet they didn't know in the car though they found knives
know in the car though they found knives an axe two handguns nine boxes of
an axe two handguns nine boxes of ammunition a taser multiple knives a
ammunition a taser multiple knives a stack of murder mystery books a machete
stack of murder mystery books a machete a large supply of bottled water military
a large supply of bottled water military food rations a fishing pole and other
food rations a fishing pole and other camping and survival supplies as well as
camping and survival supplies as well as over $2,000 in cash and weed Sarah was
over $2,000 in cash and weed Sarah was immediately placed into custody and is
immediately placed into custody and is brought into an interrogation room now
brought into an interrogation room now we only have 3 minutes of that footage
we only have 3 minutes of that footage that is publicly released we did file an
that is publicly released we did file an foia and I received no footage in that
foia and I received no footage in that just transcripts and court documents but
just transcripts and court documents but Sarah is sitting cross-legged at the
Sarah is sitting cross-legged at the table across two interrogators she
table across two interrogators she almost has the energy of Cassandra Borge
almost has the energy of Cassandra Borge that we recently talked about not in the
that we recently talked about not in the sense that she's oh she's so heartless
sense that she's oh she's so heartless but she's so blunt there's no emotion
but she's so blunt there's no emotion they ask her Sarah how long have you had
they ask her Sarah how long have you had planed to kill Hal
planed to kill Hal um it was sort of just in like the last
um it was sort of just in like the last week where um well not just in the last
week where um well not just in the last week it's like um last 5 days I really
week it's like um last 5 days I really thought about it you said the last 5
thought about it you said the last 5 days before you actually did kill him
days before you actually did kill him okay tell me what you about the thinking
okay tell me what you about the thinking and the planning that you did I just you
and the planning that you did I just you know like I said I just wanted something
know like I said I just wanted something different and I was stupid um I just
different and I was stupid um I just thought about it and how I would do it
thought about it and how I would do it and that's how I did it so did would you
and that's how I did it so did would you say that you started making preparations
say that you started making preparations about 5 days before well I had
about 5 days before well I had everything that I needed so I didn't
everything that I needed so I didn't have to like go out and I just sort of
have to like go out and I just sort of did it almost the exact same way I
did it almost the exact same way I killed the rabbit when I ate it I mean I
killed the rabbit when I ate it I mean I did I I cut his throat too so you
did I I cut his throat too so you decided to do it like you did the rabbit
decided to do it like you did the rabbit and the way you did it push push the
and the way you did it push push the knife through and push out yeah as
knife through and push out yeah as opposed to slicing right is there a
opposed to slicing right is there a reason that you chose that method is
reason that you chose that method is that a reason is that I mean I don't
that a reason is that I mean I don't know that's I just thought that he would
know that's I just thought that he would bleed out faster that way and I wouldn't
bleed out faster that way and I wouldn't have to be as strong to really um like
have to be as strong to really um like slice his neck and she motions a slicing
slice his neck and she motions a slicing motion one of the ter Gators actually
motion one of the ter Gators actually gets up and puts his head down on the
gets up and puts his head down on the table facing Sarah and forces her to
table facing Sarah and forces her to motion how she stabbed Harold in the
motion how she stabbed Harold in the neck it's visually a lot I will say then
neck it's visually a lot I will say then uh I went and I took a shower okay and
uh I went and I took a shower okay and uh got ready oh I uh brought my um
uh got ready oh I uh brought my um tablet in the bathroom too okay for
tablet in the bathroom too okay for music okay while you were showering and
music okay while you were showering and where was that tablet before you brought
where was that tablet before you brought it into the shower in my room okay uh
it into the shower in my room okay uh backing up there a little bit we talked
backing up there a little bit we talked about what you said when you wrote
about what you said when you wrote freedom on the wall when did the did
freedom on the wall when did the did that happen immediately after
that happen immediately after immediately after cutting his throat yes
immediately after cutting his throat yes I guess okay so after you cut the throat
I guess okay so after you cut the throat how did how did you uh how did you do
how did how did you uh how did you do that uh well I had a towel and that's
that uh well I had a towel and that's kind of what I used to put the the blood
kind of what I used to put the the blood up there on the wall and then I rode in
up there on the wall and then I rode in it with with my finger Sarah would later
it with with my finger Sarah would later say that she was asked why why did you
say that she was asked why why did you write freedom on the wall and she said I
write freedom on the wall and she said I guess because that's what it felt like
guess because that's what it felt like Sarah said she also didn't like her job
Sarah said she also didn't like her job she owed money she hated her life she
she owed money she hated her life she felt trapped and she was curious she
felt trapped and she was curious she said she was curious about killing
said she was curious about killing someone and in the interrogation she
someone and in the interrogation she does later compare herself to Jeffrey
does later compare herself to Jeffrey dmer which is not really something that
dmer which is not really something that you would ever want to do in a police
you would ever want to do in a police interrogation but later her psychologist
interrogation but later her psychologist asks her about it cuz she's like I read
asks her about it cuz she's like I read the transcripts why did you tell the
the transcripts why did you tell the police that you felt like Jeffrey dmer
police that you felt like Jeffrey dmer and she explained Jeffrey dmer responded
and she explained Jeffrey dmer responded to betrayal and don't like the
to betrayal and don't like the necrophilia and I didn't have any
necrophilia and I didn't have any interest in cannibalism but I felt his
interest in cannibalism but I felt his understanding of betrayal was similar to
understanding of betrayal was similar to me
me now there are three groups of people one
now there are three groups of people one group of people that believe that Harold
group of people that believe that Harold is purely a victim and what he did or
is purely a victim and what he did or didn't do does not matter and Sarah is
didn't do does not matter and Sarah is the ultimate perpetrator then you have
the ultimate perpetrator then you have another group of people that believe
another group of people that believe Sarah shouldn't have done what she did
Sarah shouldn't have done what she did but she essentially killed from a
but she essentially killed from a buildup of trauma and almost as a
buildup of trauma and almost as a mechanism of self-defense that she is a
mechanism of self-defense that she is a victim and a perpetrator and that haral
victim and a perpetrator and that haral is also a victim and a perpetrator then
is also a victim and a perpetrator then you have another group of people that
you have another group of people that just hates the both of them they think
just hates the both of them they think that both of them are just evil for
that both of them are just evil for whatever reason those who believe Harold
whatever reason those who believe Harold was completely innocent of any
was completely innocent of any wrongdoing and brutally and viciously
wrongdoing and brutally and viciously murdered by someone he was trying to
murdered by someone he was trying to help said some that knew Harold said
help said some that knew Harold said this right Harold's ex-girlfriend said
this right Harold's ex-girlfriend said he told her that he was just trying to
he told her that he was just trying to get Sarah away from drugs and away from
get Sarah away from drugs and away from friends who were in gangs he was always
friends who were in gangs he was always involved with his employees he wanted to
involved with his employees he wanted to have a mentoring program for the Youth
have a mentoring program for the Youth he has a good heart a good soul and he
he has a good heart a good soul and he cared about helping a lot of people
cared about helping a lot of people Harold's brother said from what I know
Harold's brother said from what I know of Harold there's no question that his
of Harold there's no question that his purpose with Sarah was to be a father
purpose with Sarah was to be a father figure to her my honest opinion was the
figure to her my honest opinion was the defense was just grasping at straws and
defense was just grasping at straws and making up stories it's also argued that
making up stories it's also argued that Sarah was diagnosed with did after she
Sarah was diagnosed with did after she was arrested and after she allegedly
was arrested and after she allegedly confessed to killing Harold out of
confessed to killing Harold out of curiosity the group that fully supports
curiosity the group that fully supports just Harold and believes Sarah should be
just Harold and believes Sarah should be locked up for the rest of her life they
locked up for the rest of her life they State her interrogation is a confession
State her interrogation is a confession police even noticed scars on her arm and
police even noticed scars on her arm and they asked her about it the cigarette
they asked her about it the cigarette Burns and she said she fell off a horse
Burns and she said she fell off a horse so the people who don't believe Sarah
so the people who don't believe Sarah they said see she's just making up lies
they said see she's just making up lies with her psychologist to get out of this
with her psychologist to get out of this after the fact but she straight up told
after the fact but she straight up told the police it was from a fall off of a
the police it was from a fall off of a horse in that moment when the police are
horse in that moment when the police are asking her and questioning her about
asking her and questioning her about murder wouldn't she try to build
murder wouldn't she try to build sympathy then unless she didn't have
sympathy then unless she didn't have time to think about a
time to think about a lie I don't know about that okay I will
lie I don't know about that okay I will say I don't know if this argument in
say I don't know if this argument in particular is a good argument because if
particular is a good argument because if truly infected is a scar from an essay
truly infected is a scar from an essay and she is that embarrassed of it and
and she is that embarrassed of it and that ashamed of it to the point that she
that ashamed of it to the point that she took a knife to alter it to look more
took a knife to alter it to look more normal I think this would be her default
normal I think this would be her default lie especially to two men sitting in
lie especially to two men sitting in front of her yeah exactly without
front of her yeah exactly without thinking like yeah she's not going to
thinking like yeah she's not going to open open up right now and tell you
open open up right now and tell you exactly how this happened in front of
exactly how this happened in front of again two men so a lot of female victims
again two men so a lot of female victims have a harder time opening up to male
have a harder time opening up to male interrogators or male psychologists for
interrogators or male psychologists for that very reason but there are
that very reason but there are statements from people around Sarah that
statements from people around Sarah that said she made a lot of comments about
said she made a lot of comments about zerial Killers she once told her sister
zerial Killers she once told her sister Ashley that she did think about killing
Ashley that she did think about killing someone and the thought had crossed her
someone and the thought had crossed her mind but other people argue that's
mind but other people argue that's nothing new she literally admits to
nothing new she literally admits to hallucinating and killing Faceless Men
hallucinating and killing Faceless Men she also told interrogators that she
she also told interrogators that she wanted to prolong the murder as long as
wanted to prolong the murder as long as possible for maximum enjoyment basically
possible for maximum enjoyment basically but I don't know how much of that is
but I don't know how much of that is accurate because she looked for the
accurate because she looked for the artery to kill him instantly almost yeah
artery to kill him instantly almost yeah there was no signs of torture Harold had
there was no signs of torture Harold had no defensive wounds so he wasn't
no defensive wounds so he wasn't fighting back there was no prolonged
fighting back there was no prolonged aggression Sarah also does seem to have
aggression Sarah also does seem to have an inclination towards violence a
an inclination towards violence a cooworker at Bed Bath and Beyond
cooworker at Bed Bath and Beyond reported that Sarah would talk about how
reported that Sarah would talk about how she and her friends would take drugs and
she and her friends would take drugs and have a fight club in the basement she
have a fight club in the basement she thought it was fascinating and it made
thought it was fascinating and it made her realized that watching people get
her realized that watching people get beaten up to a pulp was interesting and
beaten up to a pulp was interesting and maybe she wanted to watch people die she
maybe she wanted to watch people die she also went on tangents on how good she
also went on tangents on how good she was of a hunter and how she liked to
was of a hunter and how she liked to kill and clean animals there's also a
kill and clean animals there's also a lot of evidence that Sarah thoroughly
lot of evidence that Sarah thoroughly planned the murder I don't think that's
planned the murder I don't think that's ever really debated by both sides but
ever really debated by both sides but without a shadow of doubt it was very
without a shadow of doubt it was very thoroughly planned Sarah even told her
thoroughly planned Sarah even told her doctor later that for a couple of days
doctor later that for a couple of days before the actual Murder She had already
before the actual Murder She had already reached a conclusion that she was going
reached a conclusion that she was going to kill Harold and she stopped seeing
to kill Harold and she stopped seeing red the doctor describes Sarah's state
red the doctor describes Sarah's state in that point as an incredible sense of
in that point as an incredible sense of calm when the anxiety drops off because
calm when the anxiety drops off because she's got a plan she was looking up
she's got a plan she was looking up things buold tranquilizer Wilderness
things buold tranquilizer Wilderness areas rope bondage techniques how to get
areas rope bondage techniques how to get a passport in Lawrence Kansas and even
a passport in Lawrence Kansas and even vulnerable neck spots another argument
vulnerable neck spots another argument made against Sarah is why a knife when
made against Sarah is why a knife when Sarah was arrested she was found with
Sarah was arrested she was found with two guns on her shooting someone is
two guns on her shooting someone is remote easy and quick she would have
remote easy and quick she would have done that while he was asleep or she
done that while he was asleep or she could have she wouldn't have even had to
could have she wouldn't have even had to touch him or while she's crushing up
touch him or while she's crushing up ambian to slip in his beer she could
ambian to slip in his beer she could have just crushed up the entire bottle
have just crushed up the entire bottle and tried to kill him through a fatal
and tried to kill him through a fatal dose of the drugs but no that wouldn't
dose of the drugs but no that wouldn't accomplish what Sarah wanted they argued
accomplish what Sarah wanted they argued Sarah wanted blood and Vengeance she
Sarah wanted blood and Vengeance she wanted to slice into him touch Harold
wanted to slice into him touch Harold while she killed him which is why she
while she killed him which is why she chose the knife because it's intimate
chose the knife because it's intimate it's bloody it's violent it's painful
it's bloody it's violent it's painful additionally Sarah continues to do a lot
additionally Sarah continues to do a lot of strange things after the murder she
of strange things after the murder she takes bed sheets off of Harold's bed and
takes bed sheets off of Harold's bed and takes them with her right I don't know
takes them with her right I don't know if it was Harold's bed or her bed but
if it was Harold's bed or her bed but she would later tell the investigators
she would later tell the investigators why took the bed sheets because they
why took the bed sheets because they were
were expensive they argue that this is not a
expensive they argue that this is not a snap decision she called into work
snap decision she called into work stating that her dad died so nobody
stating that her dad died so nobody would be alarmed when she doesn't show
would be alarmed when she doesn't show up to work she crushed up ambient she
up to work she crushed up ambient she was clever enough to put them in his
was clever enough to put them in his beer like fifth beer so that he wouldn't
beer like fifth beer so that he wouldn't taste it she found zip ties she didn't
taste it she found zip ties she didn't have any difficulty locating her
have any difficulty locating her survival knife in her bedroom she went
survival knife in her bedroom she went through a rehearsal several months
through a rehearsal several months earlier with with a rabbit and a guinea
earlier with with a rabbit and a guinea pig wait wait wait so hold up Sarah used
pig wait wait wait so hold up Sarah used to work for him yes how come she stopped
to work for him yes how come she stopped working there and went to Bed Bath and
working there and went to Bed Bath and Beyond I think he didn't want to pay her
Beyond I think he didn't want to pay her so there was a whole thing in the court
so there was a whole thing in the court transcripts about how he was paying her
transcripts about how he was paying her less than everybody else cuz he was like
less than everybody else cuz he was like you owe me money
you owe me money wow so I mean it was heavily planned
wow so I mean it was heavily planned Harold's older brother would say that
Harold's older brother would say that Harold might have problems and issues he
Harold might have problems and issues he believed but he still believed Sarah
believed but he still believed Sarah should spend the rest of her life in
should spend the rest of her life in prison Harold's daughter who is just a
prison Harold's daughter who is just a few years younger than Sarah said Sarah
few years younger than Sarah said Sarah had taken away far more than just a
had taken away far more than just a father she wrote you took away
father she wrote you took away Irreplaceable happiness a normal life
Irreplaceable happiness a normal life and years of my life that were now
and years of my life that were now filled with anger and incredible sadness
filled with anger and incredible sadness now of course one of the biggest debates
now of course one of the biggest debates in this case is whether or not Sarah
in this case is whether or not Sarah actually does have did I will say I
actually does have did I will say I think it's very difficult to fake having
think it's very difficult to fake having did on a clinical scale sure maybe you
did on a clinical scale sure maybe you could do it on social media in an
could do it on social media in an attempt to go viral but I think the did
attempt to go viral but I think the did Community would immediately clock you
Community would immediately clock you regardless that you're faking it but to
regardless that you're faking it but to fake it during a murder trial where
fake it during a murder trial where there are psychologists from both sides
there are psychologists from both sides where some of them it might even be
where some of them it might even be beneficial for them to even to a degree
beneficial for them to even to a degree perhaps prove that you don't have did I
perhaps prove that you don't have did I mean it's very difficult to fake did is
mean it's very difficult to fake did is really hard to fake but there are claims
really hard to fake but there are claims and allegations that Sarah is Faking It
and allegations that Sarah is Faking It the prosecutor stated that psychological
the prosecutor stated that psychological evaluations at Larned State Hospital a
evaluations at Larned State Hospital a neutral Hospital between the two found
neutral Hospital between the two found that Sarah did not meet the criteria for
that Sarah did not meet the criteria for did
did now another argument against that though
now another argument against that though is did is heavily
is did is heavily misdiagnosed not saying that everybody
misdiagnosed not saying that everybody gets did every like you get a diagnosis
gets did every like you get a diagnosis you get the opposite people actually do
you get the opposite people actually do not get did diagnosis really easily they
not get did diagnosis really easily they get uh major depression disorder they
get uh major depression disorder they get bipolar disorder they get
get bipolar disorder they get schizophrenia yeah yeah so it I mean so
schizophrenia yeah yeah so it I mean so how does the diagnose affect the
how does the diagnose affect the sentencing because that was what the
sentencing because that was what the defense put their whole argument on
defense put their whole argument on during the trial see they plad not
during the trial see they plad not guilty by reason of insanity okay but
guilty by reason of insanity okay but did does not make you insane but they
did does not make you insane but they need to prove that she has did and then
need to prove that she has did and then they need to prove that she was in a
they need to prove that she was in a state of psychosis so they need to do
state of psychosis so they need to do one and two got it that was their game
one and two got it that was their game plan they don't technically need to
plan they don't technically need to prove that she has did as long as they
prove that she has did as long as they can prove that she was in a state of
can prove that she was in a state of psychosis but still yeah now Sarah did
psychosis but still yeah now Sarah did mention Vanessa in her police interview
mention Vanessa in her police interview stating that Vanessa was a name that
stating that Vanessa was a name that Harold had come up with because they
Harold had come up with because they were going to run away together Sarah
were going to run away together Sarah was going to be Vanessa and Harold would
was going to be Vanessa and Harold would be Scott so people are like see Vanessa
be Scott so people are like see Vanessa is in her altar Vanessa is an alias a
is in her altar Vanessa is an alias a doctor on the prosecutor's side so
doctor on the prosecutor's side so technically against Sarah went on to the
technically against Sarah went on to the stand and he said I think certainly it's
stand and he said I think certainly it's a possibility that she has did I don't
a possibility that she has did I don't know that I could confirm it but I
know that I could confirm it but I respect Dr Hutchinson and she spent a
respect Dr Hutchinson and she spent a great number of hours with Sarah I
great number of hours with Sarah I certainly think at this juncture Sarah
certainly think at this juncture Sarah believes she has the disorder he
believes she has the disorder he basically argued even if she had did it
basically argued even if she had did it was not to the level where she was
was not to the level where she was having psychosis
having psychosis but then you have a group of people
but then you have a group of people including a lot of advocates for
including a lot of advocates for domestic violence in essay they do not
domestic violence in essay they do not condone what she did they said murder is
condone what she did they said murder is bad nobody canones that however they
bad nobody canones that however they don't think that she's this crazed evil
don't think that she's this crazed evil killer that just wants to kill Harold
killer that just wants to kill Harold for curiosity some also argue that
for curiosity some also argue that Sarah's bizarre sudden interest in
Sarah's bizarre sudden interest in harming animals is linked to her essay
harming animals is linked to her essay as a child it it's her taking control
as a child it it's her taking control the rage and wanting to feel that sense
the rage and wanting to feel that sense of control go hand in hand her
of control go hand in hand her psychologist believes that the
psychologist believes that the foundation for her subsequent obsession
foundation for her subsequent obsession for dead animals knives and everything
for dead animals knives and everything is then those in support of Sarah argue
is then those in support of Sarah argue that everything she did even after the
that everything she did even after the fact seems like someone that's not
fact seems like someone that's not really planning to get away with it
really planning to get away with it writing freedom on the wall yeah that
writing freedom on the wall yeah that that's not someone who's let me make it
that's not someone who's let me make it look like a home invasion gone wrong
look like a home invasion gone wrong yeah yeah she also makes one last call
yeah yeah she also makes one last call to her sister and Grandma to say goodbye
to her sister and Grandma to say goodbye before leaving her phone but she doesn't
before leaving her phone but she doesn't actually say goodbye she just makes it
actually say goodbye she just makes it appear that she's doing all right she
appear that she's doing all right she just wanted to hear their voices it
just wanted to hear their voices it seems she gives her dog away to a vet
seems she gives her dog away to a vet knowing that she cannot take care of her
knowing that she cannot take care of her dog anymore and uh gets a tattoo with a
dog anymore and uh gets a tattoo with a very dark quote it does seem like
very dark quote it does seem like someone who is trying to start over yeah
someone who is trying to start over yeah yeah yeah and you know we cover so many
yeah yeah and you know we cover so many of these cases you you kind of always
of these cases you you kind of always see how how people react after math
see how how people react after math right some people they flee they they go
right some people they flee they they go off with their new boyfriend they live
off with their new boyfriend they live in the house with their dead
in the house with their dead grandparents and spend the money yeah
grandparents and spend the money yeah the the in the motive you can always
the the in the motive you can always kind of pinpoint but for her it truly
kind of pinpoint but for her it truly feel like she fell free and she would
feel like she fell free and she would because people later ask why Florida cuz
because people later ask why Florida cuz remember she was talking about Utah and
remember she was talking about Utah and Montana are the furthest away from
Montana are the furthest away from nuclear power plants or where she felt
nuclear power plants or where she felt was safe she said she just wanted to see
was safe she said she just wanted to see the ocean she didn't really have a plan
the ocean she didn't really have a plan she said she just wanted to see the
she said she just wanted to see the ocean now again that's not to justify or
ocean now again that's not to justify or excuse what she did and obviously we
excuse what she did and obviously we could all just be naive but that's the
could all just be naive but that's the argument that freedom on the wall that
argument that freedom on the wall that should hold a lot more weight that's
should hold a lot more weight that's that's a huge thing we've never seen
that's a huge thing we've never seen that before but the most important
that before but the most important evidence for the group is most
evidence for the group is most conversations about Herold allegedly
conversations about Herold allegedly grooming Sarah were not allowed in the
grooming Sarah were not allowed in the trial
trial why the judge is very questionable
why the judge is very questionable decision questioned by a lot of people
decision questioned by a lot of people but the judge stated any character flaws
but the judge stated any character flaws that Harold might have had will not be
that Harold might have had will not be discussed in front of the jury the judge
discussed in front of the jury the judge stated that Harold was not on trial
stated that Harold was not on trial Sarah was so his visiting of websites
Sarah was so his visiting of websites that may or may not contain videos of
that may or may not contain videos of children teens and beastiality was
children teens and beastiality was happened yes but they were not allowed
happened yes but they were not allowed in court they were not admissible as
evidence which side note this is less of an interesting observation but as I was
an interesting observation but as I was going through like the 1500 pages of
going through like the 1500 pages of court documents and transcripts there
court documents and transcripts there were multiple times where the prosecutor
were multiple times where the prosecutor and the judge so these are people who do
and the judge so these are people who do not like Sarah they want to put Sarah in
not like Sarah they want to put Sarah in jail for a very long time they would
jail for a very long time they would call Harold the
call Harold the defendant and then they would go I mean
defendant and then they would go I mean sorry the victim and then they would
sorry the victim and then they would call Sarah the victim and then say I
call Sarah the victim and then say I mean sorry the defendant Sarah M so even
mean sorry the defendant Sarah M so even them for a second they keep getting
them for a second they keep getting confused it seems I mean it could just
confused it seems I mean it could just be a slip of the tongue maybe they say
be a slip of the tongue maybe they say those words too often I don't think that
those words too often I don't think that insinuates guilt or innocence I just
insinuates guilt or innocence I just thought it was interesting now this is
thought it was interesting now this is where I think the evidence against
where I think the evidence against Harold starts ramping up acquaintances
Harold starts ramping up acquaintances of Herold allegedly reported that he
of Herold allegedly reported that he would tell them that it was quote
would tell them that it was quote amazing to have an
amazing to have an 18-year-old this is again someone he
18-year-old this is again someone he brought into his house at
brought into his house at 17 as a 50s something year old to help
17 as a 50s something year old to help her in the eyes of the law maybe it's
her in the eyes of the law maybe it's not illegal if she was 18 and it was
not illegal if she was 18 and it was consensual but still it's morally and
consensual but still it's morally and ethically incredibly questionable
ethically incredibly questionable especially if she moved in at 17 yeah
especially if she moved in at 17 yeah yeah yeah that changes the whole motive
yeah yeah that changes the whole motive and reason now another witness and this
and reason now another witness and this is absolutely personal opinion rather
is absolutely personal opinion rather than a testament to anyone's character
than a testament to anyone's character but just to give you a full picture a
but just to give you a full picture a former manager that had worked with
former manager that had worked with Harold said that when they found out
Harold said that when they found out Harold had been murdered he went home to
Harold had been murdered he went home to his wife and said I wonder which one of
his wife and said I wonder which one of those girls' dads went over and killed
those girls' dads went over and killed him
him because he believed Harold was
because he believed Harold was constantly having not inappropriate
constantly having not inappropriate relations but something weird was going
relations but something weird was going on insinuating that Harold was known to
on insinuating that Harold was known to either try to groom or groom girls that
either try to groom or groom girls that would infuriate their dads obviously
would infuriate their dads obviously that's not what happened but it is
that's not what happened but it is interesting that that's the first thing
interesting that that's the first thing he would think of a different
he would think of a different ex-girlfriend of Harold said he was a
ex-girlfriend of Harold said he was a very sick person the jury should have
very sick person the jury should have heard how messed up he was and that this
heard how messed up he was and that this was the environment Sarah was part of
was the environment Sarah was part of I'm an adult woman with five children
I'm an adult woman with five children high functioning and he weighed me down
high functioning and he weighed me down just just listening to him is exhausting
just just listening to him is exhausting but probably the most worrisome
but probably the most worrisome testimony that was not allowed in court
testimony that was not allowed in court was the day after Harold's body was
was the day after Harold's body was found a single mom of two twin girls
found a single mom of two twin girls underage 16 she goes to the police and
underage 16 she goes to the police and the mom does let the detectives know
the mom does let the detectives know that Harold the man they just found dead
that Harold the man they just found dead she believes he was in the process of
she believes he was in the process of grooming her twin girls that even just a
grooming her twin girls that even just a few days before he was killed she had
few days before he was killed she had been talking to the girl school guidance
been talking to the girl school guidance counselor about filing a no contact
counselor about filing a no contact order against him wow the detectives are
order against him wow the detectives are like okay what happened she stated that
like okay what happened she stated that they were all family friends but he just
they were all family friends but he just kept referring to the twins as his
kept referring to the twins as his daughters and kept saying call me dad
daughters and kept saying call me dad and it just made her so uncomfortable
and it just made her so uncomfortable like you're not their dad it's crossing
like you're not their dad it's crossing a line you're crossing a boundary and I
a line you're crossing a boundary and I don't like it but he wouldn't listen he
don't like it but he wouldn't listen he would also tell the twins if they ever
would also tell the twins if they ever wanted to run away from their mom they
wanted to run away from their mom they were more than welcome to come live with
were more than welcome to come live with him he would take care of them feed them
him he would take care of them feed them give them jobs so that they would have
give them jobs so that they would have spending money the Only Rule he had and
spending money the Only Rule he had and he told the twins allegedly was quote my
he told the twins allegedly was quote my drugs are our drugs and your drugs are
drugs are our drugs and your drugs are our drugs he was supplying them with
our drugs he was supplying them with drugs and recently gave them an envelope
drugs and recently gave them an envelope full of weed and he kept telling the
full of weed and he kept telling the twins that he was going to buy them a
twins that he was going to buy them a car for their 16th birthday so much so
car for their 16th birthday so much so that she ended up having to buy her
that she ended up having to buy her girls a car for their 16th birthday when
girls a car for their 16th birthday when she wasn't planning on it because she
she wasn't planning on it because she didn't want Harold to do it and it just
didn't want Harold to do it and it just it was putting her in a tricky situation
it was putting her in a tricky situation he would also buy them other expensive
he would also buy them other expensive gifts as long as they promis not to tell
gifts as long as they promis not to tell their mom about it and just a few days
their mom about it and just a few days before Harold's death the twins went out
before Harold's death the twins went out with him to Best Buy to buy $400
with him to Best Buy to buy $400 speakers for their new car that they
speakers for their new car that they weren't allowed to tell their mom about
weren't allowed to tell their mom about it until after he was dead yeah I mean
it until after he was dead yeah I mean what kind of father figure a good father
what kind of father figure a good father figure does this now a data dump was
figure does this now a data dump was processed on two of Harold's phones and
processed on two of Harold's phones and that's when they found out that he was
that's when they found out that he was visiting websites that had inappropriate
visiting websites that had inappropriate if not fully explicit illegal videos
if not fully explicit illegal videos featuring children teens and beastiality
featuring children teens and beastiality he had actually downloaded more than 300
he had actually downloaded more than 300 videos from that website I don't know if
videos from that website I don't know if those videos he downloaded in particular
those videos he downloaded in particular were illegal or not and on more than 20
were illegal or not and on more than 20 occasions he visited websites that
occasions he visited websites that featured men fondling or having intimate
featured men fondling or having intimate relations with women who appeared to be
relations with women who appeared to be sleeping none of that was allowed in
sleeping none of that was allowed in court none of that also Harold would go
court none of that also Harold would go around telling everybody that Sarah was
around telling everybody that Sarah was his stepdaughter and people thought that
his stepdaughter and people thought that was weird if he was someone that was
was weird if he was someone that was such a good figurehead in the community
such a good figurehead in the community that was a mentor to the youth why
that was a mentor to the youth why couldn't he just tell people the truth
couldn't he just tell people the truth of yeah she's not doing well I've taken
of yeah she's not doing well I've taken her in she doesn't have a support system
her in she doesn't have a support system why lie that it's your stepdaughter that
why lie that it's your stepdaughter that makes it seem like you're hiding
makes it seem like you're hiding something like you you know it's weird
something like you you know it's weird you know people are going to have
you know people are going to have questions right those in support of
questions right those in support of Sarah also say okay fine if Sarah truly
Sarah also say okay fine if Sarah truly is sick and twisted in the head and she
is sick and twisted in the head and she just wants to kill out of curiosity
just wants to kill out of curiosity because she likes herial killers and
because she likes herial killers and she's sick and nasty why kill Harold if
she's sick and nasty why kill Harold if he's so good to her why wouldn't she
he's so good to her why wouldn't she just have killed someone else and then
just have killed someone else and then come home to Harold to have free drugs
come home to Harold to have free drugs and a free place to stay why would she
and a free place to stay why would she bite the hand that feeds her and then
bite the hand that feeds her and then why write freedom on the wall it's
why write freedom on the wall it's obviously a very emotional crime so she
obviously a very emotional crime so she didn't she did this emotionally yeah I
didn't she did this emotionally yeah I will say that most people do believe
will say that most people do believe that Sarah has did it doesn't seem like
that Sarah has did it doesn't seem like the symptoms spawned out of no where
the symptoms spawned out of no where when Sarah was 14 years old one of
when Sarah was 14 years old one of Sarah's closest friends she came forward
Sarah's closest friends she came forward later she said she stopped hanging out
later she said she stopped hanging out with Sarah she told her mom that she was
with Sarah she told her mom that she was scared and she doesn't know how to
scared and she doesn't know how to describe it but it just felt like there
describe it but it just felt like there was a different person inside of Sarah's
was a different person inside of Sarah's body was like very unsettling she said
body was like very unsettling she said she said Sarah would just like randomly
she said Sarah would just like randomly start talking about violent things and
start talking about violent things and it didn't seem like Sarah was saying it
it didn't seem like Sarah was saying it at least the Sarah she knew so they
at least the Sarah she knew so they stopped hanging out at 14 that Sarah
stopped hanging out at 14 that Sarah that she saw at 14 the new Sarah the one
that she saw at 14 the new Sarah the one that was talking about violent things
that was talking about violent things that was the one she saw in the
that was the one she saw in the interrogation video later when she saw
interrogation video later when she saw it Sarah's doctor would tell the jury
it Sarah's doctor would tell the jury during the trial certainly nothing in
during the trial certainly nothing in this report should be taken as excusing
this report should be taken as excusing the conduct of Sarah Mr sasco did not
the conduct of Sarah Mr sasco did not deserve the death he received the
deserve the death he received the purpose of this report has been to lay
purpose of this report has been to lay out the puzzle pieces that can identify
out the puzzle pieces that can identify the controlling factors to the severe
the controlling factors to the severe mental illness that she suffers from
mental illness that she suffers from Sarah psychologist believes Alyssa's
Sarah psychologist believes Alyssa's actions of killing Harold are
actions of killing Harold are reminiscent of a mother that would want
reminiscent of a mother that would want to kill a person who essayed her
to kill a person who essayed her daughter AKA Vanessa it's very impulsive
daughter AKA Vanessa it's very impulsive crazy but usually mothers have emotional
crazy but usually mothers have emotional maturity and the ability to stop
maturity and the ability to stop themselves but Alyssa did not have that
themselves but Alyssa did not have that Sarah psychologist also noted that
Sarah psychologist also noted that Alyssa and Vanessa had very different
Alyssa and Vanessa had very different ways of describing the crime Vanessa
ways of describing the crime Vanessa said it's like a fog and I remember
said it's like a fog and I remember intense moments after the crime when I
intense moments after the crime when I sat down and looked at him I don't know
sat down and looked at him I don't know when I actually did it I kind of
when I actually did it I kind of remember myself from above it stated
remember myself from above it stated like she was watching herself do it from
like she was watching herself do it from above like a CCTV camera during the
above like a CCTV camera during the actual crime she felt nothing no
actual crime she felt nothing no emotions Alyssa on the other hand was
emotions Alyssa on the other hand was very blunt she told the doctor for once
very blunt she told the doctor for once in my pathetic life I found strength and
in my pathetic life I found strength and I took control now pain feels tolerable
I took control now pain feels tolerable Because deep inside this weak little
Because deep inside this weak little girl is a powerful woman who lets no one
girl is a powerful woman who lets no one use her now with all of this Sarah pled
use her now with all of this Sarah pled not guilty by reason of insanity her
not guilty by reason of insanity her psychologist diagnosed her with high
psychologist diagnosed her with high levels of depression anxiety and alcohol
levels of depression anxiety and alcohol substance abuse her psychological
substance abuse her psychological profile reads as follows likely to be
profile reads as follows likely to be generally pessimistic and dysphoric has
generally pessimistic and dysphoric has a potential to act out her anger in
a potential to act out her anger in impulsive ways self-destructive and
impulsive ways self-destructive and spending sex and substance abuse rapid
spending sex and substance abuse rapid mood swings she often feels her behavior
mood swings she often feels her behavior is out of her control is likely to
is out of her control is likely to self-mutilate and act out self- exit
self-mutilate and act out self- exit plans limited social skills has
plans limited social skills has difficulty interpreting the nuances of
difficulty interpreting the nuances of social relationships in relationships
social relationships in relationships she likely takes a very passive
she likely takes a very passive submissive role and very uncomfortable
submissive role and very uncomfortable around people sensitivity in these
around people sensitivity in these interactions leads to her holding
interactions leads to her holding grudges against others ironically
grudges against others ironically difficulties in relationships are major
difficulties in relationships are major source of stress for her she would also
source of stress for her she would also be diagnosed with disassociative
be diagnosed with disassociative identity disorder major depression
identity disorder major depression recurrent moderate PTSD alcohol and
recurrent moderate PTSD alcohol and marijuana dependence in remission
marijuana dependence in remission subsequent to incarceration her clinical
subsequent to incarceration her clinical symptoms include weekly episodes of
symptoms include weekly episodes of Amnesia daily episodes of losing time
Amnesia daily episodes of losing time unable to remember her home address deep
unable to remember her home address deep personalization not recognizing self in
personalization not recognizing self in Mirror feeling like an observer of self
Mirror feeling like an observer of self on a daily basis rather than feeling
on a daily basis rather than feeling oneself feeling detached from body
oneself feeling detached from body feeling more than one person at a time
feeling more than one person at a time perception that someone else is talking
perception that someone else is talking for themselves speech is not under
for themselves speech is not under personal control episodes of feeling
personal control episodes of feeling like someone else has taken over
like someone else has taken over different smoking and drinking habits
different smoking and drinking habits for different parts of self
for different parts of self derealization feeling like self or
derealization feeling like self or things are not real that friends and
things are not real that friends and relatives seem unknown not knowing what
relatives seem unknown not knowing what is real and unreal identity confusion an
is real and unreal identity confusion an internal struggle about who they are
internal struggle about who they are that is usually triggered by stress
that is usually triggered by stress identity alteration feeling or being
identity alteration feeling or being told that they were acting in different
told that they were acting in different ways that they do not recall Sarah was
ways that they do not recall Sarah was found guilty she was sentenced to a hard
found guilty she was sentenced to a hard 50 sentence meaning she would have to
50 sentence meaning she would have to serve at least 50 years before the
serve at least 50 years before the chance of perole so she could
chance of perole so she could technically be there for the rest of her
technically be there for the rest of her life she will be 70 years old by then
life she will be 70 years old by then Harold's brother stated I feel sorry for
Harold's brother stated I feel sorry for the family Harold's daughter will hurt
the family Harold's daughter will hurt the most she lost her dad through the
the most she lost her dad through the years it's going to get worse and worse
years it's going to get worse and worse and then it's going to fade away but I
and then it's going to fade away but I honestly think that it'll do nobody good
honestly think that it'll do nobody good if Sarah gets released before those 50
if Sarah gets released before those 50 years I want 50 years he also stated
years I want 50 years he also stated that he believed his brother Harold was
that he believed his brother Harold was just being overly generous and thought
just being overly generous and thought he could fix Sarah Sarah and her team
he could fix Sarah Sarah and her team have appealed the sentence and took a
have appealed the sentence and took a deal where she would get her parole
deal where she would get her parole reduced cut in half so meaning instead
reduced cut in half so meaning instead of doing 50 years mandatory she would
of doing 50 years mandatory she would just have to do 25 but here's the thing
just have to do 25 but here's the thing that's the chance of parole that doesn't
that's the chance of parole that doesn't mean she's going to get parole and
mean she's going to get parole and likely she's not because she committed a
likely she's not because she committed a pretty violent first-degree murder so
pretty violent first-degree murder so it's not like her sentence was cut in
it's not like her sentence was cut in half but now she's lost her chance to
half but now she's lost her chance to appeal ever again again the jury foran
appeal ever again again the jury foran who was on Sarah's trial said that it
who was on Sarah's trial said that it was frustrating that they weren't given
was frustrating that they weren't given options they either had to say she's
options they either had to say she's insane or she's guilty they didn't have
insane or she's guilty they didn't have a self-defense angle to consider H the
a self-defense angle to consider H the jury Foreman said if her attorney
jury Foreman said if her attorney presented a self-defense angle I could
presented a self-defense angle I could see a non-guilty verdict play out I
see a non-guilty verdict play out I couldn't tell you it would have changed
couldn't tell you it would have changed the verdict then but in today's age I'm
the verdict then but in today's age I'm sure it would really yeah so the jury I
sure it would really yeah so the jury I think they all sympathized with Sarah
think they all sympathized with Sarah but it's the fact that they could not
but it's the fact that they could not say that she didn't know what she was
say that she didn't know what she was doing because she was not in a mental
doing because she was not in a mental state she was mentally going through a
state she was mentally going through a lot but she knew she was doing it was
lot but she knew she was doing it was first degree it was premeditated it was
first degree it was premeditated it was planned wow the jury Foreman also stated
planned wow the jury Foreman also stated that they had no idea that them finding
that they had no idea that them finding her guilty would result in a hard 50
her guilty would result in a hard 50 sentence he said we wanted relaxed
sentence he said we wanted relaxed sentencing instead of straight
sentencing instead of straight incarceration Behind Bars we wanted some
incarceration Behind Bars we wanted some sort of mental treatment for her wow
sort of mental treatment for her wow in retrospect he hopes Sarah could have
in retrospect he hopes Sarah could have been given a new trial so a lot of
been given a new trial so a lot of Advocates have come together in support
Advocates have come together in support of Sarah and they believe what she did
of Sarah and they believe what she did is bad and nobody deserves murder but
is bad and nobody deserves murder but they're trying to get clemency for her
they're trying to get clemency for her which is like a pardon so you write to
which is like a pardon so you write to the state Governor she can't get an
the state Governor she can't get an appeal she can't get a new trial but
appeal she can't get a new trial but they can write to the governor and say
they can write to the governor and say hey can you commute her sentence can you
hey can you commute her sentence can you show Mercy can you release her can you
show Mercy can you release her can you pardon her can you do something which
pardon her can you do something which none of this is even in the snapped
none of this is even in the snapped episode but Megan stook the executive
episode but Megan stook the executive director for the Willow Domestic
director for the Willow Domestic Violence Center wrote long letters to
Violence Center wrote long letters to the state Governor asking that I mean
the state Governor asking that I mean how saw a vulnerable teen already
how saw a vulnerable teen already suffering so many forms of abuse and
suffering so many forms of abuse and violence as a young woman Hal recognized
violence as a young woman Hal recognized her vulnerability and prayed on it he
her vulnerability and prayed on it he moved her into his home telling her he'd
moved her into his home telling her he'd be a father and take care of her he paid
be a father and take care of her he paid for plastic surgeries in order to make
for plastic surgeries in order to make her into his perfect girl and bragged to
her into his perfect girl and bragged to his friends about how amazing it was to
his friends about how amazing it was to be with a young woman Hal created list
be with a young woman Hal created list of debts Sarah could never repay and
of debts Sarah could never repay and threatened her with homelessness and
threatened her with homelessness and financial Strife if she left he
financial Strife if she left he controlled her movements her medications
controlled her movements her medications her mind a former business associate of
her mind a former business associate of Herold wrote to the state Governor
Herold wrote to the state Governor shortly after Mr sas's death I realized
shortly after Mr sas's death I realized the media was portraying him as a kindly
the media was portraying him as a kindly businessman who opened his home to a
businessman who opened his home to a troubled teenager I called Sarah's
troubled teenager I called Sarah's attorney to provide a different
attorney to provide a different perspective on Mr sas's character
perspective on Mr sas's character stating that he is not a good person in
stating that he is not a good person in their opinion and they stated that they
their opinion and they stated that they do not condone what Sarah did but my
do not condone what Sarah did but my heart goes out to her each and every day
heart goes out to her each and every day a former inmate from prison who shared a
a former inmate from prison who shared a cell with Sarah wrote a letter to the
cell with Sarah wrote a letter to the state Governor and it reads I want
state Governor and it reads I want people to know that Sarah has the purest
people to know that Sarah has the purest heart of anyone I've ever known a lot of
heart of anyone I've ever known a lot of women in prison they regret their crime
women in prison they regret their crime but they also brag about it Sarah was
but they also brag about it Sarah was never like that she was very sorry for
never like that she was very sorry for what she did she was not proud at all
what she did she was not proud at all she didn't share much or go into much
she didn't share much or go into much depth about the crime but she did say
depth about the crime but she did say that a man made her do things that
that a man made her do things that sexually she did not want to do that he
sexually she did not want to do that he abused her physically mentally and
abused her physically mentally and sexually and she wanted out but she
sexually and she wanted out but she didn't think there was a way out I just
didn't think there was a way out I just wish people would stop and think about
wish people would stop and think about what he must have done for her her for
what he must have done for her her for her to have that much hatred that much
her to have that much hatred that much anger that much fear in her heart she
anger that much fear in her heart she was a young woman barely he was much
was a young woman barely he was much older I remember laying in my bunk at
older I remember laying in my bunk at night listening to her cry in her sleep
night listening to her cry in her sleep sobbing she'd be thrashing and screaming
sobbing she'd be thrashing and screaming no no no stop stop and she'd be moaning
no no no stop stop and she'd be moaning not like in the movies when someone is
not like in the movies when someone is dying more like a petrified shuttering
dying more like a petrified shuttering terrified animal she'd be kicking and
terrified animal she'd be kicking and jerking and at first I tried to wake her
jerking and at first I tried to wake her up but she wouldn't wake up that went on
up but she wouldn't wake up that went on night after night and I finally gave up
night after night and I finally gave up because there was nothing I could do I
because there was nothing I could do I will say Sarah is the one person in my
will say Sarah is the one person in my whole prison experience who had the most
whole prison experience who had the most positive impact on my life and for that
positive impact on my life and for that I will forever be indebted to her this
I will forever be indebted to her this inmate is now free Sharon Sullivan a
inmate is now free Sharon Sullivan a professor and expert on human
professor and expert on human trafficking said Sarah's brain wasn't
trafficking said Sarah's brain wasn't fully developed she was trapped she
fully developed she was trapped she didn't know there were options she said
didn't know there were options she said I can't even imagine having to deal with
I can't even imagine having to deal with that at 18 years old with so little
that at 18 years old with so little experience of the world and this is
experience of the world and this is someone who's supposed to love her
someone who's supposed to love her called her his daughter how creepy is
called her his daughter how creepy is that Dave Ranny a retired reporter wrote
that Dave Ranny a retired reporter wrote Mr sas's actions contributed to his
Mr sas's actions contributed to his death he was well aware of Miss mlin
death he was well aware of Miss mlin sexual traumas her battles with
sexual traumas her battles with depression her unexplained mysterious
depression her unexplained mysterious mood changes and her homicidal thoughts
mood changes and her homicidal thoughts yet he continued to provide her with
yet he continued to provide her with ready access to alcohol and drugs he
ready access to alcohol and drugs he continued to rape her it is reasonable
continued to rape her it is reasonable to ask whether Miss mlin would have
to ask whether Miss mlin would have killed Mr sasco if he had not been
killed Mr sasco if he had not been raping her two three four times a week
raping her two three four times a week for almost a year I believe the answer
for almost a year I believe the answer is no in Miss mclin's case the state was
is no in Miss mclin's case the state was allowed to portray her as a crazy killer
allowed to portray her as a crazy killer her attorney was not allowed to portray
her attorney was not allowed to portray Mr sasco as a sexual predator that is an
Mr sasco as a sexual predator that is an injustice Sarah's mom is rebuilding her
injustice Sarah's mom is rebuilding her relationship with Sarah in prison the
relationship with Sarah in prison the saddest part of all of this is Sarah had
saddest part of all of this is Sarah had told her mom the first feeling that she
told her mom the first feeling that she had when she went to prison was at least
had when she went to prison was at least it kind of feels safe she would write
it kind of feels safe she would write letters to God trying to process her
letters to God trying to process her shame Sarah is very remorseful for her
shame Sarah is very remorseful for her crime and she works with a program
crime and she works with a program called pooches and PS that helps train
called pooches and PS that helps train dogs for people with physical or visual
dogs for people with physical or visual impairments basically she helps train
impairments basically she helps train service dogs she said I will say that
service dogs she said I will say that these dogs healed me in a way that I
these dogs healed me in a way that I didn't even know I needed healing
didn't even know I needed healing they're just amazing Sarah said she
they're just amazing Sarah said she requested non-stop to get her butt
requested non-stop to get her butt implants removed she said when I first
implants removed she said when I first got incarcerated I asked them to remove
got incarcerated I asked them to remove them and that in itself was traumatic
them and that in itself was traumatic because I had to go to the doctor the
because I had to go to the doctor the prison doctor and just how it was
prison doctor and just how it was handled I felt like everyone was just
handled I felt like everyone was just curious I remember one nurse waiting and
curious I remember one nurse waiting and called another nurse into the room and
called another nurse into the room and they both touched me and they did all of
they both touched me and they did all of that just to tell me no they're not
that just to tell me no they're not going to remove it and then later
going to remove it and then later recently I just asked again and I don't
recently I just asked again and I don't know it stated in prison that Alyssa and
know it stated in prison that Alyssa and the other altars did have some internal
the other altars did have some internal arguments at first that were very
arguments at first that were very intense they were mad at Alyssa I just
intense they were mad at Alyssa I just really hope nobody compares this to the
really hope nobody compares this to the movie Split because I think even
movie Split because I think even internally Sarah felt like look what
internally Sarah felt like look what Alyssa got us into and it took a lot of
Alyssa got us into and it took a lot of therapy and a lot of mental help to
therapy and a lot of mental help to realize that even though in that moment
realize that even though in that moment it wasn't self-defense a lot of
it wasn't self-defense a lot of psychologists see what Sarah did as
psychologists see what Sarah did as self-defense because do you guys know
self-defense because do you guys know what battered woman syndrome is is when
what battered woman syndrome is is when a husband typically beats a wife so much
a husband typically beats a wife so much the wife will typically kill them in
the wife will typically kill them in their sleep and the self-defense is
their sleep and the self-defense is there but in the eyes of the law they're
there but in the eyes of the law they're like well he was asleep he wasn't trying
like well he was asleep he wasn't trying to kill you so you can't kill him
to kill you so you can't kill him they're saying this is a version of that
they're saying this is a version of that they're saying that this was
they're saying that this was self-defense
self-defense now I think the system has come to
now I think the system has come to realize that but remember the journalist
realize that but remember the journalist I was talking about earlier which one
I was talking about earlier which one the retired journalist that was
the retired journalist that was advocating for Sarah's clemency okay
advocating for Sarah's clemency okay they would have an interview with her
they would have an interview with her her first prison interview and he just
her first prison interview and he just wants to ask the public how is it that
wants to ask the public how is it that she can be tried and convicted without a
she can be tried and convicted without a jury being fully aware of what's going
jury being fully aware of what's going on in that house how is that not an
on in that house how is that not an injustice the question isn't whether she
injustice the question isn't whether she killed him it's why and if you don't
killed him it's why and if you don't know the answer to that just ask anyone
know the answer to that just ask anyone who counsels women who finds themselves
who counsels women who finds themselves caught up in abusive relationships they
caught up in abusive relationships they can tell you Sarah said if she could sit
can tell you Sarah said if she could sit down with the governor right now she
down with the governor right now she would say I'm not that young girl who
would say I'm not that young girl who found herself in a situation of
found herself in a situation of hopelessness and that she had no idea
hopelessness and that she had no idea how to deal
how to deal with um that I have dedicated every day
with um that I have dedicated every day since my incarceration to better
since my incarceration to better myself not only for myself but for my
myself not only for myself but for my family and the
family and the community and that I will continue to
community and that I will continue to make sure that everything that happen
make sure that everything that happen wasn't just for nothing and I want to
wasn't just for nothing and I want to continue to give back and help other
continue to give back and help other young girls who just feel so hopeless
young girls who just feel so hopeless like as for mental healthwise it is
like as for mental healthwise it is stated that Sarah is doing great the
stated that Sarah is doing great the altar of Sarah has returned there have
altar of Sarah has returned there have been conversations that she's been fully
been conversations that she's been fully integrated which I know some people
integrated which I know some people don't like that term because again you
don't like that term because again you need a singular identity but mental
need a singular identity but mental health professionals believe Sarah is
health professionals believe Sarah is she has other altars still Alyssa and
she has other altars still Alyssa and Vanessa are still there but she said
Vanessa are still there but she said it's more like I don't feel alone
it's more like I don't feel alone anymore less of there's a lot of
anymore less of there's a lot of turmoil mental health professionals
turmoil mental health professionals believe Sarah is very capable of living
believe Sarah is very capable of living and maintaining a crime-free and
and maintaining a crime-free and productive life but her potential
productive life but her potential release date as of right now is February
release date as of right now is February 1st
1st 2039 but that's if she makes parole
2039 but that's if she makes parole which she could very well be
which she could very well be denied wow when I watched the snapped
denied wow when I watched the snapped episode I definitely went into the court
episode I definitely went into the court documents feeling very strongly one way
documents feeling very strongly one way when I read some of the Court docu the
when I read some of the Court docu the transcripts until I got to the part
transcripts until I got to the part where the judge is declining all of
where the judge is declining all of these things to be ad admitted into
these things to be ad admitted into evidence I mean it's it feels like the
evidence I mean it's it feels like the story is much deeper than I ever thought
story is much deeper than I ever thought it would be what are your thoughts do
it would be what are your thoughts do you think that she's paid her time do
you think that she's paid her time do you think she needs more time do you
you think she needs more time do you think that she shouldn't have paid this
think that she shouldn't have paid this time in this way I mean I don't think
time in this way I mean I don't think she ever wanted to be free I think that
she ever wanted to be free I think that they just wanted her to get mental
they just wanted her to get mental treatment versus prison what are your
treatment versus prison what are your thoughts or do you think that this is
thoughts or do you think that this is just a big Injustice to Herald after the
just a big Injustice to Herald after the fact what are your thoughts please let
fact what are your thoughts please let me know in the comments and please stay
me know in the comments and please stay safe and I'll see you in the next one
safe and I'll see you in the next one bye
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