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6 Traits of Toxic People // Red Flags // Dr. Dharius Daniels | Dharius Daniels TV | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: 6 Traits of Toxic People // Red Flags // Dr. Dharius Daniels
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Summary
Core Theme
This message introduces a sermon series on "Red Flags" and biblical discernment, focusing on identifying "toxic people" by distinguishing them from merely "imperfect" individuals. The core idea is that life's quality is determined by our decisions, and developing discernment is crucial for navigating relationships and opportunities wisely.
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what's up family Pastor Darius here and
you are about to watch a message man is
so important uh it's the first message
in a series I did called red flags and
I'm spending this series of sermons
helping people unpack and upgrade
actually their biblical discernment and
um this this message man is the first of
two parts in this message is called six
traits of toxic people there are some things
things
that are toxic that we're calling
imperfect and uh I want to show you the
difference in this message enjoy May the
blesses you send it to somebody we're
starting a series today called red
flags and uh I I want to I want to read
I want to read a verse of a few verses
of scripture found in the good the The
Book of John chapter number 13 beginning
at verse number 21 I'm reading from The
New International Version y'all flow
with me here it says after this he had
said after he said this excuse me Jesus
was troubled in spirit and testified
very truly I tell you one of you listen
to this is going to betray
me his disciples stared at one another
at a loss to know which one of them he
metant and one of them the disciple whom
Jesus loved was reclining next to him
Simon Peter motioned to this disciple
and said ask him which one he means
leaning back against Jesus he ask him
Lord who is
it Jesus answered it's the one to whom
I'll give this piece of bread when I've
dipped it in the
dish then dipping the bread he gave it to
to
Judas the son of Simon Iscariot and as
soon as Judas took the bread Satan entered
him so Jesus told him what you are about
to do do quickly
family it's going to take me several
weeks to finish this series of sermons
called red flags which is a series on biblical
biblical
discernment but it's going to take me
two weeks just to finish this first
sermon so don't get nervous when you
only get half the points today all right
I'm talking from this subject family six
traits I'm G see if I can get an amen
people I need you to clap your hands
location six traits of toxic people
family I want to ease into this
introduction with an axiom that I was
exposed to several years to go ago and
it resonates with me to this day for my
Note takers here it is you are born
looking like your parents but you die
decisions
we are born looking like our parents but
we die looking like our decisions I'm
simply suggesting family that the course
and the quality of our life is largely
impacted by the decisions that we make
one of the greatest gifts that God has
given the human species is the gift of
choice the Bible clearly claims in the
Book of Genesis when he creates Adam and
Eve in that creation he gives them the
freedom and the flexibility to exercise
something called Free Will yes sir
where's that pass it's right in the
scripture where he tells them out of all
the trees in the garden you may freely
eat out of all of them except one of
them but he do not infringe upon their
choose because the course and the
quality of our life is deter determined
by the decisions that we make they are
the way in which we cocreate the life
that God intended for us to live God
wants us to choose right leads us into
choosing right but won't Force us to
choose right Pastor how do you know this
I read I EAS dropped on a conversation
that Moses was having with Israel in the
book of Deuteronomy and he says in
Deuteronomy chapter number 30 verse
number 19 this day I call the heavens
and the Earth as Witnesses against you I
have set before for you life and death
come on Church blessing and cursing now
what does he tell them now
choose life why so that you and your
children will live because your
generation are you hearing what I'm
saying and all of our decisions are
important but all decisions are not
equally important you made a decision
today regarding what you were going to
wear to church but am I making sense
here that's important but it's not as
important as a decision such as who you
choose to say I do to all decisions are
important but all decisions are not
equally important and decisions in every
season are important but decisions in
every season are not equally
important sometimes you hit a season
that will shift some
Seasons y'all missed it I said
sometimes we hit a season that will
shift some seasons and I want to know am
I talking to anybody that senses you're
in a season shifting season right
now I just sense it Pastor I'm not
playing any games I'm more focused than
I've ever been my tolerance for
dysfunction is lower than it's ever been
my willingness to waste time has
decreased R drastically I just sense I'm
in a season where God's playing no games
with me and I'm playing no games with
him I'm in a season that's about to
shift some things for me it's about to
shift some things for my family it's
generations so in those kind of Seasons
those seasons have to be
stewarded with
choices because one of the greatest
gifts God's given us is the
choice and this is why when it comes to
something as important and imperative as
decisionmaking we cannot be Elementary
in our understanding of it if there's
anything we need to get right we need to
get this right it doesn't mean we'll do
it perfectly but we need to do it
progressively better why because the
course and quality of my life is greatly
determined by the course and quality of
my decisions this is why I need
something something that most people
underestimate when it comes to making
discernment did you hear what I just
said I said I need discernment Pastor
what do you mean when you say I need
discernment listen to me family I want
to be clear so let me give you this
definition here biblical discernment is
the god-given ability
to assess the true nature listen to this
of an
stop did you read what I just
read okay what notice it is the god-given
god-given
ability so watch this so B when I say
discernment now I'm not talking about common
common sense
sense
I'm not talking about Street
smarts watch this I am not talking about
cynicism and skepticism that many people call
call
discernment see when I did you hear what
I just said see cynicism and skepticism
scars it doesn't come from the
spirit it gives you it causes us to have
a predisposition toward [Music]
[Music]
suspicion waiting on somebody to do something
wrong are you here yeah so no no so so
this is why I said biblical discernment
is god-given
ability to so this means what I'm using
to assess
something is god-given give me my definition
definition
back it it is the god-given ability to
nature the true nature of an
individual Pastor that judgment no that's
assessment let me go over here let me
I'm about to run to New Jersey I need
somebody's going
to Pastor the true nature this is not a
judgment which is rendering a verdict on
the moral status of an individual you
don't have enough information to render a
a [Applause]
[Applause]
verdict that's but there's difference
assessment Jesus
said Beware of false prophets because
they come to
you in sheep's clothing am I in the book but
but
inwardly they are ravenous wolves that
people don't always actually aren't
always accurately representing
themselves by the way they present
themselves outwardly sheep inwardly ravenous
ravenous
wolves and then watch what the book says
by their [Applause]
[Applause]
fruit is that the book
by their fruit you will know
them fruit so I'm not judging a [Applause]
[Applause]
tree but I need to know you shall know I
need to know what kind of tree this is
you see if you have a allergy to apple
trees you not judging apple trees you're
not even saying apple trees are bad
you're saying it's for me and I need to
know what it look like so that when I
see it I can stay away from it let me [Applause]
[Applause]
go and many people are operating in
naivity and they are calling it
spirituality so they're not assessing
what they need to assess because they're
afraid that they're assessment is
Judgment silly rabbit tricks are for
wisdom and use
use
discernment watch this give me my
please it is the god-given
ability to assess the true nature of an
individual it's going to take me about
two to three weeks to do this but then
after two to three weeks we got to also
opportunity did you did you watch this
now I don't know I I want to I don't
want this to come out the wrong way but
see every good door is not a god
door come here some doors are trap
doors they're
distractions they are opportunities
intended to lure you away from the thing
God wants you to throw your whole self into
into
in this season so watch this especially
oh my let me just let me just
prophetically Proclaim this over
somebody especially for some of you cuz
you getting ready to step into a season
of unprecedented options somebody say I receive
it and the more options you have the
more discernment you
need you don't need discernment if you
don't have options
but I pray God gives you
whiplash spiritually in this next season
that everywhere you look doors swinging open
open
opportunities coming your [Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
way the more options you have the more
discernment you need and the more
ability you have the more discernment you
you [Applause]
[Applause]
need cuz it's easy to know what I'm
supposed to do if I can only do one
thing but some of you Lord I feel I feel
a little Bishop on me today somebody say
preach Bishop B some of you have the
many what can you do many things what
can you fix many things where can you go
many places what room are you
room and when you have the ability for [Music]
[Music]
many you need
discernment cuz now is not what can I do
with my gift it's what should I be doing
with me out of all the things I could be [Applause]
[Applause] doing
I I I need I need
discernment to assess the true
nature of an individual or an
opportunity watch this and the
wisdom to govern myself
accordingly somebody just say that so
your future self can hear govern
yourself accordingly when God shows it
to you govern yourself accordingly When
You See It govern govern yourself
accordingly don't try to explain it away
rationalize it just govern yourself [Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
accordingly I I need discernment for
decisions because everything and
everyone is not always what it seems PD
where'd you get that the Bible
Bible [Applause]
[Applause]
I was reading I was reading this this
this this narrative captured by John
here in in John chapter number 13 and it
exposes us to an exchange that I think
is a perfect personification of this
principle of discernment Jesus is
sitting at a table having a last supper
with his mentees his appren his
apprentices and his disciples and the
text says something that I want them to
put on the screen because y'all aren't
going to believe me if you don't see
this in John chapter 13 verse 21 it says
this and Jesus was
troubled in spirit that's it okay did it
mind it says he was troubled
where wait a [Music]
[Music]
minute he was troubled in
in
now and he says
something he says very truly I tell you
one of you is going to betray
me now do you see that yes his disciples
stared at one another at a loss of words
they cuz they didn't know which one of
the him which one of them he meant y'all
missed this
already he was troubled in
spirit and and then he said one of you
is going to betray
me and the disciples are wondering which
one is he talking about okay he was
troubled in
spirit he wasn't in trouble by what he saw
saw
visually he was troubled by what he sensed
sensed
spiritually because his Spirit had
access to
data that the Mind hadn't had access to
yet so the mind is probably wondering
what's going on but the spirit has
access to some information that the Mind
hadn't got exposed to yet and Jesus said
somebody's going to betray me and the
disciples are like who is it who is it
who is it meaning it wasn't obvious
wow did you hear what I just said if
they're wondering who is it it means
that there was nothing about judas's
behavior in previous Seasons that gave
them an indication that he might be the
one are y'all here I said are y'all here
here
cuz if cuz if cuz if listen right here
if if some of y'all y'all got a friend
group and you got a group chat and when
y'all link up and you give a time you
already know who's going to be [Applause]
[Applause]
late are y'all scared to clap cuz you're
sitting next to your
friend you you you everybody
know you can walk in you say uh such and
such they not here are they no
no
because there's something about their
behavior in the past that makes it makes
it easy to predict their behavior in the
present that wasn't the case with
Judas the disciples didn't I mean you
know so if he's just making a decision
if Jesus is just making decisions
he's exposing himself this is so
powerful this is so powerful y'all okay
are y'all ready for this this a master
class Jesus has given us a master class
cuz the way he handles people like this
is not the way we
handle okay uhuhuh it's in the text
Jesus they say they say who is it now
here's what here's what many Christians
would do we say somebody's gonna betray
me who is it I'm not gonna say they know
is they know who it is I'm just going to
let the
Lord put the scripture on the screen put
verse 26 they say who is it Jesus said
uh the one I'mma to give this piece of bread
bread
to I want you to know I
know come on here
says he gave it to
Judas the son of Simon es
scariot now I I told y'all I grew up in Sunday
Sunday
school and vacation bible school so I
knew the term Judas es
scariot I knew
that but I thought thought that was his last
name cuz I even used to think Christ was
Jesus last
name oh I see that laugh that's you
laughing at you too cuz you like me too
too but I was sitting in a Christian
ethics class at Princeton Theological
Seminary over 20 years ago and the
professor professor brought something to
our attention that revolutionized my
perspective on this you see this this
word this term here uh uh as scaria is
important because it refer it refers to
potentially um a a sect of Jewish
zealots who had Hil from a city in southern
southern
Palestine come on here that that that
were known this set was known for their violent
violent
opposition to Roman rule and they Ed
come on here that they use these uh uh
um um
daggers as a matter of fact sarius here
assassin so when people look at Judas Iscariot
Iscariot
and they see him as a part of Jesus's
tribe they're probably thinking I know
what don't you mess with me that's it
security they're thinking Jesus is smart
Judas because outwardly he looks like a
protector but inwardly he is a
betrayer because Judas doesn't look like
Judas and the reason Judas keeps burning
so many of us is we think
Judas doesn't look like Judas you think
the protector can't be a [Applause]
season y'all aren't talking to
me they can be a protector in one season
and a betrayer in another season they
can be loyal in one season and disloyal
in another season because times change
and people change and many Christians
make the uninformed assumption that all
better I don't have time if I had time I
will proof text it and I would go to the
Old Testament and I would and I will
walk you through the life of a Biblical
character not named Judas but in the old
Covenant joab and I would show you how
loyal he was to David and how faithful
he was to David that when David had
Uriah killed who was bba's husband joab
was the one that he sent the letter to
and said make this happen he trusted
joab that
much and when David gets a little older
and he's going to have a successor joab
now starts thinking about not his
allegiance to David but his
future see the question isn't just what
they are this why you need discernment
discernment shows you why they're that
way they loyal but why [Applause]
[Applause]
though when everybody else left they
stay but why [Applause]
[Applause]
though y'all not talking to me online
you not talking to me in the [Applause]
David was so hurt he was so bruised he
was so traumatized he said in Psalms 55
he says if it if it was my enemy I could
have understood
it God Almighty he said if it was my
enemy I could have took
it he said but it was you you were like my
my
brother we went to church together
discernment but watch The Master Class watch
Jesus the Bible says and this is
something I I went to Sunday
school vacation bible school but I
missed this part so I want them to put
it on the screens cuz I know y'all are
not gonna believe me the text says this
I want you to see this now uh um in in
in in verse number 27 it says after
Judas had taken the bread Satan entered
him now see this first part of the
statement makes Jesus statement make
sense to me
now now I see why Jesus said whatever
you going to do do it
quickly why cuz I'm not going to try to
use logic with someone that's under
influence of
Satan and other words he said I realize
that if I'm not prove if if if three
years hadn't been enough for me to prove
to you that I am worth being loyal to
there's nothing I can say there's
nothing I can do to convince you
otherwise Satan has you acting
illogically and you are about to bite
the hand that feeds [Applause]
[Applause]
you I'm trying not to run on this I said
I'm trying not to run on this but I love
what Jesus says here he says whatever
you're going to do do it quickly so the
text shows us two things number one
Jesus is not
surprised that's not my
shout what make me want to
scared he says I know you're going to do
it and I'm not going to try to talk you
out of it because I don't even want you
to think you have that much power to
determine what happens in my future if
you put me in the grave early Sunday
morning God will get me up out of it you
don't have that much power for me to beg
you to stop lying you don't have that
much power for me to beg you to be loyal
to me if you betray me God will give me
a resurrection I
[Applause]
tiio he says I'm not
surprised and I'm not [Applause]
[Applause] scared
scared
go ahead and do it do it then don't just
do it do it quick go ahead and get it
out the way cuz the sooner you put me in the
the [Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
grave the sooner you put me in the
grave the sooner he can raise me up
up [Applause]
[Applause]
I'm done toio here it
is Jesus listen to Pastor
braced see sometimes it's not the
Betrayal that get you it's the [Applause]
[Applause]
surprise you weren't braced see when I
was growing up we used to play dumb
iPhones yeah yeah when you got bored
there was no pick up a iPad there was no
watch Netflix I grew up in the country
when you got bored your mom said two
things go go
outside we play these games we call it
stealing on [Applause]
[Applause]
somebody just boom just punching people
right no reason po just
punch so
most when you didn't know it was coming
it hurt the most when you were not
braced for the
braced cuz if you're not brace for the
blow the blow that Jesus that Judas
gives you will cause bitterness to get in
in
you and that limits how God will use you
when you're on a cross between two
you if
Jesus was bitter from What Judas did on
the cross he wouldn't have been
open to help the thief I mean what Jud
What Judas did in the garden he wouldn't
be open to help the thief when he was on the
the
cross discernment I don't even have time
to unpack all this you walk up to you
could have just even when Judas betrayed
Jesus he kissed him don't be K Point
don't kiss
me you all he had to do was say this one
right here come up here and kiss me I'm
sorry you're not sorry if you were sorry
you wouldn't do [Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
it when need
discernment are you watch are you hear
me now here's what I want I want you to
see here I need discernment because
without this I won't know when a Judas
is at my table watch this all the other
disciples represent imperfection Judas represents
represents
toxicity and some of us are getting
burned because you're calling toxic
imperfect and the reason Ty we got to go
and the reason you're calling toxic
imperfect is because you've been
surrounded by toxic so long your
so because your toxic tolerance is high
it doesn't affect you the way it affects other
perfect but I promise you there is a
difference between denying your
affiliation with
Jesus than selling him off to death
death
that would you agree there's a
difference all Peter said was I KN him
that's different than betraying his life
silver you need discernment cuz if not
you will throw away a Peter and keep a
Judas I got to go y'all [Applause]
[Applause]
don't you need discernment to see is
that a bad day is that a bad
season or is that a bad
heart cuz two people can do the same
thing to you and one relationship be worth
salvaging and another not be worth [Applause]
[Applause]
salvaging because one had a bad heart
the other had a bad day one was
imperfect the other one was toxic inherently
inherently
destructive see imperfection is the
universal state of The Human Condition
and it ENC
compasses faults that are not
necessarily destructive and inherently
harmful so you betrayed me it hurt my
though see that yeah yeah okay but but
toxic is different because toxic
Behavior implies a level of
destructiveness that goes beyond simple
imperfection toxic traits are a pattern
of behavior that undermines the physical
emotional spiritual and relational
it it mean when when it's toxic it means
this is undermining it is adversely
impacting my my physical or my emotional
and my spiritual and relational Health
now watch this I'm not even I don't have
time to deal with this but there's some
stuff you start caring I promise you you
and some of you some of us don't don't
know the difference so we're not
governing ourselves
accordingly Peter is somebody Jesus went
back and got go tell the disciples and
Peter Judas is somebody he let walk
away cuz sometimes walking like Jesus
means knowing who to let walk away
away
Pastor why are you talking about this
I'm talking about this because I have
this prophetic
urgency like I think the profundity of
the Proclamation of God's word is not
just in what's taught but it's when it's
taught that's why prayer is important for
for
preaching because the holy spirit will
not only lead you what to teach from the
Bible but when to teach
it to take a Timeless truth from the
Bible and teach it in a timely manner
when people are in a season where they
got to get that part
right and here's what I hear for some of
you you're in a season that requires
unique unique attention to be given to your
purpose and the issue with the
relationships around
you is whether or not they are sucking
out of you the things that need to
remain in you to do what he's calling
you to do in this season your relational
life cannot be filled with drama and you
fulfill your destiny it can't
distracting I said it's too
distracting am I making it would be
really hard to try to build this house
and mine falling apart it'd be
heart and some of you are calling Judas
attention Pastor what does Judas look
like here are three
traits it's toxic here's a trait because
if I don't call these traits out you'll
call it imp imperfection and it's toxic
number one
greed it's an insatiable and
unrestrained appetite for more here's a
question and I'm just telling you I'm
just telling you not just what I read in
the Bible I'm telling you what I put to
practice in my own life you got to start
making decisions with how you handle
no because your unwillingness to handle
a no lets me know there's greed that you
only happy as my last
yes and greed precedes
betrayal they may not have betrayed you
what did Judas betray Jesus for 30
pieces of silver
silver
greed and he was already greedy because
Jesus you got to be careful cuz some
greet wow they spoil they
47 number two not not not grees not just
entitlement this is the belief that one
has owed something as a result of their
association with the person that earned
it they didn't earn it but just because
they around you and you did
it my dad said to me one time he said
house don't you come in my room he said
you don't have a room you have a I have
a room that I let you stay in y'all not
talking to
room Lord I don't have time the Bible
says in John 12:4 but one of his
disciples Judas scarat who was later to
betray him objected and said why wasn't
this perfume sold and the money given to
the poor it's worth a Year's wages he
did not say this because he cared about
the poor but because he was a thief and
The Keeper of the money bag and he used
to help himself to what was put in
it you
entitled wow people giving all this to
it how does that shake your theology
about Jesus's poverty though I'm going
alone he was poor but he wasn't destitute
destitute
yeah cuz poverty isn't just about your
about the what you um what you've
acquired it's about your
access it's like one time a group of
pastors years ago went on this like
poverty fast I was like bro I don't have
to go on that that was the first 20
with like you have to go you have to try
to know what it feel like to be hungry I [Applause]
[Applause]
know I've been there
bro greed entitlement number three we
out of here
deceitfulness it is deliberately
concealing or misrepresenting the truth
to mislead or manipulate others here's
here's here's a kicker it's a refusal to
expose true
motives Judas if you want some money say
it I'll give you the 30 pieces of
silver some people try to manipulate and
connive when both y'all grown come on if
you tell me what you want I might still
give it to you let me go to this side
want and the Holy Spirit is pulling
these traits to the
surface and taking scales off some of your
your
eyes so that you can see
things that are undermining your
physical spiritual emotional and
relational Health cuz it's
toxic and you're not governing yourself
accordingly now I think in week three
here I'mma tell you what to do I need
next week to give you three more traits
but but but but in the next week I'm
going tell you what to do with how to
govern yourself Accord Accord what the
how the Bible informs what we should do
with a Judas cuz notice Jesus didn't kill
himself you got to had this
this
here's why some of our soul can't get
whole you keep exposing it to unnecessary
unnecessary
wounds so you can't get fully healed from
from
yesterday cuz you keep letting people
today Lord open my
eyes that I can
location that you give me the ability to
see who's for
me what's for me and the wisdom to
govern myself
accordingly in Jesus name amen clap your
hands everybody every [Music]
[Music] location
location listen
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